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Girls Will Be Girls: Dressing Up, Playing Parts and Daring to Act Differently
Change the way you think about gender and feminism forever.
With all the revolutionary zeal, laugh-out-loud humour and intelligence of Laura Bates, Caitlin Moran and Bell Hooks, Emer O'Toole explores what it really means to 'act like a girl'.
Being a woman is, largely, about performance - how we dress and modify our bodies, what we say, the roles we play, and how we conform to expectations. Gender stereotypes are still deeply embedded in our society, but Emer O'Toole is on a mission to re-write the old script and bend the rules of gender - and she shows how and why we should all be joining in.
With game-changing ideas and laugh-out-loud humour, this book will open your mind and revolutionise the way that you think about gender.
With all the revolutionary zeal, laugh-out-loud humour and intelligence of Laura Bates, Caitlin Moran and Bell Hooks, Emer O'Toole explores what it really means to 'act like a girl'.
Being a woman is, largely, about performance - how we dress and modify our bodies, what we say, the roles we play, and how we conform to expectations. Gender stereotypes are still deeply embedded in our society, but Emer O'Toole is on a mission to re-write the old script and bend the rules of gender - and she shows how and why we should all be joining in.
With game-changing ideas and laugh-out-loud humour, this book will open your mind and revolutionise the way that you think about gender.
277 pages, Paperback
First published February 5, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 292 reviews
July 31, 2022
" It means that girls can change the world with the ways they choose to be girls."
Emer O' Toole, is the kind of individual I'd buy a coffee for. Actually, let's scrap that, I'd buy her dinner. But, in return, I'd expect to have a interesting and in depth conversation related to the amazing book that I've just read. O' Toole, is such an inspiring individual, and I loved how she has gone about writing this book. Some of it caused me to laugh long and loud, but parts, really irritated the hell out of me, and I felt my angry feminist side coming into play.
According to Emer O'Toole, being a woman is like an act, or a performance. I mean, let's be honest here, many people act in relation to their gender, and don't bat an eyelid as to why we do it. O'Toole asks the question of what would it be like, if we didn't let our gender define us?
O'Toole, throughout her life, has experimented and had significant experiences with different gender roles, and we get a taste of some of these experiences in the book. First off, on Halloween, instead of dressing as a woman, or how a woman is expected to in today's society, she did one better, and dressed like a man. She then went further, and stopped shaving her body hair completely. There is this terrible stigma with female body hair. Apparently, if a female has hair growing under her armpits, on her legs, or woe betide, on her genital area, she is automatically deemed disgusting, dirty, and even unattractive. I won't even go into the health benefits of having pubic hair. But yet, a male can waltz around that damn hairy, that you can't see the skin for hair, and he's deemed a sex God. Where's the logic? Personally, I think that it is all bollocks. Why must we rid of our natural hair, just because society expects it, or, worse, because a man expects it?
There were so many interesting sections in this, but one that I enjoyed a lot, was one nearing the end. It was where Emer O'Toole ended up having a personal family bust up, due to her brother, or basically the males in her family, refusing to acknowledge that kitchen duties, like washing dishes, is not woman's work. I've experienced this sexist bullshit in the workplace, and various other places more times than I care to remember. Placing a gender label on to a certain job, is wrong, as well as being downright crazy. Just because you are male, does not give you an automatic entitlement to sit on one's behind, and not get in that kitchen, just because you think women are "better" at it. You know, it rattles me even typing this!
I honestly feel, that this book is for everyone, regardless of gender. It is incredibly thought provoking, and I think some women may feel more confident in their bodies after reading this book.
Emer O' Toole, is the kind of individual I'd buy a coffee for. Actually, let's scrap that, I'd buy her dinner. But, in return, I'd expect to have a interesting and in depth conversation related to the amazing book that I've just read. O' Toole, is such an inspiring individual, and I loved how she has gone about writing this book. Some of it caused me to laugh long and loud, but parts, really irritated the hell out of me, and I felt my angry feminist side coming into play.
According to Emer O'Toole, being a woman is like an act, or a performance. I mean, let's be honest here, many people act in relation to their gender, and don't bat an eyelid as to why we do it. O'Toole asks the question of what would it be like, if we didn't let our gender define us?
O'Toole, throughout her life, has experimented and had significant experiences with different gender roles, and we get a taste of some of these experiences in the book. First off, on Halloween, instead of dressing as a woman, or how a woman is expected to in today's society, she did one better, and dressed like a man. She then went further, and stopped shaving her body hair completely. There is this terrible stigma with female body hair. Apparently, if a female has hair growing under her armpits, on her legs, or woe betide, on her genital area, she is automatically deemed disgusting, dirty, and even unattractive. I won't even go into the health benefits of having pubic hair. But yet, a male can waltz around that damn hairy, that you can't see the skin for hair, and he's deemed a sex God. Where's the logic? Personally, I think that it is all bollocks. Why must we rid of our natural hair, just because society expects it, or, worse, because a man expects it?
There were so many interesting sections in this, but one that I enjoyed a lot, was one nearing the end. It was where Emer O'Toole ended up having a personal family bust up, due to her brother, or basically the males in her family, refusing to acknowledge that kitchen duties, like washing dishes, is not woman's work. I've experienced this sexist bullshit in the workplace, and various other places more times than I care to remember. Placing a gender label on to a certain job, is wrong, as well as being downright crazy. Just because you are male, does not give you an automatic entitlement to sit on one's behind, and not get in that kitchen, just because you think women are "better" at it. You know, it rattles me even typing this!
I honestly feel, that this book is for everyone, regardless of gender. It is incredibly thought provoking, and I think some women may feel more confident in their bodies after reading this book.
August 16, 2015
This was such an interesting book for me because it helped me understand a lot of the issues I always fail to comprehend when it comes to feminism. Grooming and clothes.
This book talks all about her experience growing up a girl and being a women, especially how she was perceived by others and what was expected of her.
The most interesting thing for me was that her experiences where completely opposite to mine. From an early age on she felt she had to be beautiful and dress nice and clean up well. For her there just was no other option and it wasn't until she dressed up as a boy one Halloween that she started really questioning this. After that she started experimenting with outfits and behaviors that were out of her comfort zone and also non-feminine.
Now my experience growing up does not reflect any of hers growing up. When she started describing her experiments I felt that that represented my way/style of dressing and living a lot more than anything else she said. It was interesting to hear her describe the struggles she had letting go of all the 'girlie' things and finding herself in different roles.
Unfortunately I was a little disappointed by how she still was very self-conscious and worried about her looks at the end. She always describes getting dressed as putting on costumes and what they say or communicate to the world. But I didn't feel that she actually knew who she wanted to be for herself and reached a point where she could abandon the importance she put on appearance. She described feeling uncomfortable for most of the time when she wasn't shaving or when she put on a thick layer of make up. I didn't hear her find a way to dress and live that actually makes her feel comfortable. And shouldn't that be the result of all her experiments?
This was not the only thing she talked about but that struck me as a very interesting part as I have a hard time understanding the pressure she (and other women) feel to always be well groomed. I can't comprehend when people say they wouldn't leave the house without make up or that they are scared for their boyfriends to see them without make up or unshaved. I don't wear make up and never have and I have not been stared at or shunned or whatever. So reading this opened my eyes to a completely different perspective I could never make for myself.
She also touches upon gender roles and different expectations and options we have and also how we are 'programmed' to view the world in a patriarchal way, with which I agree and think it is important to become more aware of.
Overall this book is very well written, and narrated as I listened to the audiobook, giving a deep insight into her life and experiences and her way to becoming a feminist. I can only recommend this to anyone who is interested in the topic and does not fully identify with all the feminist issues, like I do.
This book talks all about her experience growing up a girl and being a women, especially how she was perceived by others and what was expected of her.
The most interesting thing for me was that her experiences where completely opposite to mine. From an early age on she felt she had to be beautiful and dress nice and clean up well. For her there just was no other option and it wasn't until she dressed up as a boy one Halloween that she started really questioning this. After that she started experimenting with outfits and behaviors that were out of her comfort zone and also non-feminine.
Now my experience growing up does not reflect any of hers growing up. When she started describing her experiments I felt that that represented my way/style of dressing and living a lot more than anything else she said. It was interesting to hear her describe the struggles she had letting go of all the 'girlie' things and finding herself in different roles.
Unfortunately I was a little disappointed by how she still was very self-conscious and worried about her looks at the end. She always describes getting dressed as putting on costumes and what they say or communicate to the world. But I didn't feel that she actually knew who she wanted to be for herself and reached a point where she could abandon the importance she put on appearance. She described feeling uncomfortable for most of the time when she wasn't shaving or when she put on a thick layer of make up. I didn't hear her find a way to dress and live that actually makes her feel comfortable. And shouldn't that be the result of all her experiments?
This was not the only thing she talked about but that struck me as a very interesting part as I have a hard time understanding the pressure she (and other women) feel to always be well groomed. I can't comprehend when people say they wouldn't leave the house without make up or that they are scared for their boyfriends to see them without make up or unshaved. I don't wear make up and never have and I have not been stared at or shunned or whatever. So reading this opened my eyes to a completely different perspective I could never make for myself.
She also touches upon gender roles and different expectations and options we have and also how we are 'programmed' to view the world in a patriarchal way, with which I agree and think it is important to become more aware of.
Overall this book is very well written, and narrated as I listened to the audiobook, giving a deep insight into her life and experiences and her way to becoming a feminist. I can only recommend this to anyone who is interested in the topic and does not fully identify with all the feminist issues, like I do.
January 31, 2018
Emer O’Toole wurde beileibe nicht als Feministin geboren. Unter anderem in der Theatergruppe ihrer Schule lernte sie wie alle anderen Mädchen, wie ein Mädchen zu sein hat, dass es weiblich ist, hübsch und artig zu sein, und wie man es anstellt, dass man den Jungs gefällt. Im Pub, in dem sie jobbt, macht sie sich allgemein bei der männlichen Stammkundschaft beliebt, in dem sie herausflötet, wie sie sich darauf freut, zu heiraten und Mann und Kinder zu versorgen. Eine überstandene Anorexie später hat Emer jedoch ein Schlüsselerlebnis: Sie geht nicht verkleidet zu einer Halloweenparty, sondern als Mann. Wird von einigen anfangs nicht erkannt, dann doch. Sorgt dadurch für Aufsehen. Und beim Tanzen wird ihr klar: Was tut sie da eigentlich? Sie spielt die Rolle eines Mannes, der sich als Frau ausgibt. Sie braucht nur die Schminke wegzulassen, die Haare kurz zu tragen, sich „männlich“ zu kleiden und sich auf eine bestimmte Art und Weise zu benehmen und schwups – ist sie ein Mann. Schon damals deutet sich die Schlussfolgerung an, die Emer aus ihren Erfahrungen und später aus ihren Studien zieht: Das soziale Geschlecht, das „Gender“, ist eine Rolle, die wir spielen, die uns aufgedrückt wurde. Eine Performance.
Es ist das reine Vergnügen, Emer O’Tooles Worten zu lauschen. Denn sie ist nicht nur eine Akademikerin mit Doktortitel sondern hat auch den nötigen Humor, um ein solches Buch für alle (auch Männer!) äußerst unterhaltsam zu machen. Durchsetzt mit zahlreichen Anekdoten öffnet sie uns die Augen, zeigt uns, wie sexistisch unsere Gesellschaft tatsächlich immer noch ist, wie wir dazu gebracht werden uns so zu verhalten, wie das für Frauen und Männer als angemessen betrachtet wird. Man denke nur an gegenderte Überraschungseier. So müssen Frauen vor allem attraktiv sein. Wir ahnen ja nicht, wie stark der schnöde Mammon, die Schönheitsindustrie, daran beteiligt ist. Körperhaare müssen ab, weil „igitt“! Aber wieso? Vor, sagen wir mal 120, Jahren gab es noch keine Körperrasur für Frauen. Dann brachte eine bestimmte Firma plötzlich einen Damenrasierer auf den Markt. Und hat es über die Jahre hinweg geschafft, die gesamte Gesellschaft nach und nach davon zu überzeugen, dass Körperbehaarung bei Frauen nicht akzeptabel ist. Im Gegensatz zum Pelz der Männer, obwohl es die mittlerweile auch immer mehr erwischt, jedenfalls was Achselhaare angeht. (Mir wäre es lieber, die die Scheißbärte würden wieder unmodern und kämen ab!) Emer O’Toole hatte ihren bekanntesten Auftritt in der Öffentlichkeit eben zu diesem Thema. Sucht man per Bildersuche nach ihrem Namen, bekommt man gleich die Fotos serviert, die bei ihrem Besuch in einer Morgensendung des britischen Fernsehens entstanden sind. Als sie als Beweis, dass sie sich nicht mehr rasiert (was infrage gestellt wurde, offenbar unvorstellbar), ihre Achseln in die Kamera hielt und ausrief „get your pits out for the lads!“ Dies sei nur ein Beispiel für den Humor, der das Buch durchzieht, der richtig Spaß macht.
Emer O’Toole nennt uns zahlreiche Beispiele und Belege dafür, wie künstlich unsere Gendernormen sind. Wie die kategorische Zuordnung zu einem der beiden Pole Menschen, die eben nicht eindeutig männlich oder weiblich sind, verzweifeln lassen kann. Dass das Gender nämlich nicht bipolar ist, man ist nicht 100 % Frau und 100 % Mann, sondern jeder birgt mehr oder weniger gegengeschlechtliche Merkmale. Gender ist ein Verlauf.
Ebenso ist es laut Emer O’Toole mit der Sexualität. Sie musste ihre eigene Bisexualität selbst erst entdecken. Auch hier gibt es ihrer Meinung nach keine hundertprozentige Zuordnung zu hetero- der homosexuell, auch hier unterliegen wir den Normen der Gesellschaft, in der wir leben. Als Beispiel führt sie die klassische altgriechische Gesellschaft an, in der eine (durchaus sexuelle) Beziehung eines reiferen zu einem jüngeren Mann als normal angesehen wurde. Was die Griechen jedoch keineswegs davon abhielt, Frauen zu heiraten und Kinder zu bekommen.
Emer O’Toole konnte mich mit fast allen ihren Aussagen und Theorien überzeugen. Lediglich bei der Aussage, die Bevorzugung des jeweils anderen Geschlechts sei auch ausschließlich gesellschaftlich bestimmt, bin ich mir nicht so sicher, da spielen meiner Meinung nach schon noch Veranlagung und Instinkte mit. Im Tierreich überwiegt ja schließlich auch die Hinwendung zum anderen Geschlecht (obwohl es im Tierreich selbstverständlich Homosexualität gibt!). Was aber selbstverständlich in keiner Weise heißen soll, dass an Homosexualität irgendetwas falsch ist.
Ein Augen öffnendes, großartiges Buch, das ich euch unbedingt empfehlen möchte, auch möchte ich euch besonders das Hörbuch ans Herz legen, Emer O’Toole liest es zwar nicht selbst, aber die Sprecherin Olivia Caffrey macht das vorzüglich.
Es ist das reine Vergnügen, Emer O’Tooles Worten zu lauschen. Denn sie ist nicht nur eine Akademikerin mit Doktortitel sondern hat auch den nötigen Humor, um ein solches Buch für alle (auch Männer!) äußerst unterhaltsam zu machen. Durchsetzt mit zahlreichen Anekdoten öffnet sie uns die Augen, zeigt uns, wie sexistisch unsere Gesellschaft tatsächlich immer noch ist, wie wir dazu gebracht werden uns so zu verhalten, wie das für Frauen und Männer als angemessen betrachtet wird. Man denke nur an gegenderte Überraschungseier. So müssen Frauen vor allem attraktiv sein. Wir ahnen ja nicht, wie stark der schnöde Mammon, die Schönheitsindustrie, daran beteiligt ist. Körperhaare müssen ab, weil „igitt“! Aber wieso? Vor, sagen wir mal 120, Jahren gab es noch keine Körperrasur für Frauen. Dann brachte eine bestimmte Firma plötzlich einen Damenrasierer auf den Markt. Und hat es über die Jahre hinweg geschafft, die gesamte Gesellschaft nach und nach davon zu überzeugen, dass Körperbehaarung bei Frauen nicht akzeptabel ist. Im Gegensatz zum Pelz der Männer, obwohl es die mittlerweile auch immer mehr erwischt, jedenfalls was Achselhaare angeht. (Mir wäre es lieber, die die Scheißbärte würden wieder unmodern und kämen ab!) Emer O’Toole hatte ihren bekanntesten Auftritt in der Öffentlichkeit eben zu diesem Thema. Sucht man per Bildersuche nach ihrem Namen, bekommt man gleich die Fotos serviert, die bei ihrem Besuch in einer Morgensendung des britischen Fernsehens entstanden sind. Als sie als Beweis, dass sie sich nicht mehr rasiert (was infrage gestellt wurde, offenbar unvorstellbar), ihre Achseln in die Kamera hielt und ausrief „get your pits out for the lads!“ Dies sei nur ein Beispiel für den Humor, der das Buch durchzieht, der richtig Spaß macht.
Emer O’Toole nennt uns zahlreiche Beispiele und Belege dafür, wie künstlich unsere Gendernormen sind. Wie die kategorische Zuordnung zu einem der beiden Pole Menschen, die eben nicht eindeutig männlich oder weiblich sind, verzweifeln lassen kann. Dass das Gender nämlich nicht bipolar ist, man ist nicht 100 % Frau und 100 % Mann, sondern jeder birgt mehr oder weniger gegengeschlechtliche Merkmale. Gender ist ein Verlauf.
Ebenso ist es laut Emer O’Toole mit der Sexualität. Sie musste ihre eigene Bisexualität selbst erst entdecken. Auch hier gibt es ihrer Meinung nach keine hundertprozentige Zuordnung zu hetero- der homosexuell, auch hier unterliegen wir den Normen der Gesellschaft, in der wir leben. Als Beispiel führt sie die klassische altgriechische Gesellschaft an, in der eine (durchaus sexuelle) Beziehung eines reiferen zu einem jüngeren Mann als normal angesehen wurde. Was die Griechen jedoch keineswegs davon abhielt, Frauen zu heiraten und Kinder zu bekommen.
Emer O’Toole konnte mich mit fast allen ihren Aussagen und Theorien überzeugen. Lediglich bei der Aussage, die Bevorzugung des jeweils anderen Geschlechts sei auch ausschließlich gesellschaftlich bestimmt, bin ich mir nicht so sicher, da spielen meiner Meinung nach schon noch Veranlagung und Instinkte mit. Im Tierreich überwiegt ja schließlich auch die Hinwendung zum anderen Geschlecht (obwohl es im Tierreich selbstverständlich Homosexualität gibt!). Was aber selbstverständlich in keiner Weise heißen soll, dass an Homosexualität irgendetwas falsch ist.
Ein Augen öffnendes, großartiges Buch, das ich euch unbedingt empfehlen möchte, auch möchte ich euch besonders das Hörbuch ans Herz legen, Emer O’Toole liest es zwar nicht selbst, aber die Sprecherin Olivia Caffrey macht das vorzüglich.
July 6, 2015
As a feminist and theatre studies major Emer O’Toole is perfectly placed to write this exploration of what it means to be and to perform as a woman in today’s society. Largely autobiographical, this book looks at the things that we do in order to be the ‘right sort of woman’ and what happens when we deviate from this. A lot of this book has to do with hair: short hair, long hair, hidden hair, body hair. Most of these were arguments that I had heard before (really it all comes down to nature vs. nurture and asking why certain things, including hair, are gendered) but O’Toole takes them beyond hypotheticals and into a real-world context with her own experiences and experiments. Early on in the book she tells of how one Halloween she decided not to dress in one of the outfits prescribed for women (sexy witch, sexy superhero, sexy - and I’m not even kidding - Chewbacca) and instead dresses as a boy. In assuming a different identity for that night she learns a great deal about how the sexes interact, her male friends even ‘squaring up’ when she approached, before realising who she was. For this episode she has her long hair hidden beneath a hat, but at other times in the book she has short or even a shaved head. The most interesting part though, is when she experiments with not shaving any part of herself for a year and the reactions that she gets from people around her. This book has certainly changed the way I look at myself and made me question why I do certain ‘gendered’ things, like wear make-up, shave my legs and very occasionally wear high heels. This thinking has also caused a minor existential crisis, but in a good way, (I think). I tweeted this to the author and she said she was glad to have “reduced [me] to existential confusion!”
July 3, 2017
A fantastic read on gender and performance from a personal and critical perspective. O'Toole is very adept at navigating academic ideas and memoir in a way that's accessible, engaging and, when appropriate, very funny.
September 23, 2015
This is a fantastic exploration of gender as performance, and the ability we have as people to play with and our gender identity in order to discover things about ourselves, those around us, and society at large. O'Toole compels her readers to examine who they are and why they preform the ways they do, from makeup to body hair removal, to cross dressing and pronoun usage. There were a lot of compelling things that really got me thinking about myself and society. This is everything that I want out of feminist criticism. She doesn't have to sacrifice her feminist values in order to be funny, and she is also aware that ableism, racism, and homophobia are all connected to gender expectations in society and also stand to be altered as well.
O'Toole is definitely writing toward a female audience, but I hope, and I think O'Toole would agree, that men also read this book, because it is a way to play with gender expectations and learn something about how men also perform their gender identities according to societal values, albeit from a female lens.
O'Toole is definitely writing toward a female audience, but I hope, and I think O'Toole would agree, that men also read this book, because it is a way to play with gender expectations and learn something about how men also perform their gender identities according to societal values, albeit from a female lens.
May 15, 2020
This was a great read - it ended up being light-hearted, funny, but also dealt with serious topics and really made me consider things that I do on a day-to-day basis with a fresh set of eyes. Despite feeling a little unfocused in the earlier chapters, Emer's passion for her subject and frank commentary on her own family life and past experiences really made this a valuable read and one I would recommend to anyone interested in gender and the way we perform it.
January 2, 2017
Girls Will Be Girls is a nonfiction essay collection that tackles the rules of conformity within the accepted forms of gender (male and female). As the title clues you in, the book primarily concentrates on female identity more so then male, however certain points of discussion can be applied to either party. O’Toole tackles topics from sexuality to acceptable amounts of hair to sexual fetishes and even things like racism (though that still has a minor appearance in the book overall).
Having come from a background where feminism has a different meaning (and most certainly a different purpose), I’ll admit that I’m not the kind of person to give attention or really care about the ways in which the Western population displays it’s support to the feminist cause—body hair in public, #freethenipple memes, #wheresgamora, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shaming anyone here, I simply have other things which take priority.
But this is the first time I decided to take a closer look at these approaches and O’Toole’s book is where I began. Astonishingly, this is indeed a fantastic place to start educating yourself on why things like body hair are an important element in the discussion of gender equality. She discusses how words like ‘retard’ and ‘gay’ are normalized in our society and how much they hurt people—how it promotes a homophobic and ableist perspective. She also talks about how media and corporations capitalize on anything that makes women question their bodies, how despite the fact that women are able to enjoy sex more today then before, we still have a fight ahead of us, and even how we who suffer sometimes hurt ourselves more then the ‘other’ does. And in the wide spectrum of feminist issues, she also acknowledges her own limitations to understanding how racism affects women of color and their idea of equality and identity.
This book isn’t just an examination of our society but ourselves. What are the limitations of modern feminism? What does feminism truly mean for each of us? Are we part of the problem sometimes? And so on the book goes…
Girls Will Be Girls is a well-written, thoroughly organized, and often times a very private book of feminist reflections. It is clear that it comes from a person with knowledge and the ability to openly share their experiences. We need more open dialogue such as the one this book shares with us. In the end I’m not sure how this book really changes my life per se, but it certainly changes my perception of a few things and I think that’s a fantastic way to start the new year.
Having come from a background where feminism has a different meaning (and most certainly a different purpose), I’ll admit that I’m not the kind of person to give attention or really care about the ways in which the Western population displays it’s support to the feminist cause—body hair in public, #freethenipple memes, #wheresgamora, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shaming anyone here, I simply have other things which take priority.
But this is the first time I decided to take a closer look at these approaches and O’Toole’s book is where I began. Astonishingly, this is indeed a fantastic place to start educating yourself on why things like body hair are an important element in the discussion of gender equality. She discusses how words like ‘retard’ and ‘gay’ are normalized in our society and how much they hurt people—how it promotes a homophobic and ableist perspective. She also talks about how media and corporations capitalize on anything that makes women question their bodies, how despite the fact that women are able to enjoy sex more today then before, we still have a fight ahead of us, and even how we who suffer sometimes hurt ourselves more then the ‘other’ does. And in the wide spectrum of feminist issues, she also acknowledges her own limitations to understanding how racism affects women of color and their idea of equality and identity.
This book isn’t just an examination of our society but ourselves. What are the limitations of modern feminism? What does feminism truly mean for each of us? Are we part of the problem sometimes? And so on the book goes…
Girls Will Be Girls is a well-written, thoroughly organized, and often times a very private book of feminist reflections. It is clear that it comes from a person with knowledge and the ability to openly share their experiences. We need more open dialogue such as the one this book shares with us. In the end I’m not sure how this book really changes my life per se, but it certainly changes my perception of a few things and I think that’s a fantastic way to start the new year.
July 25, 2015
~ would prefer not to pick a rating for this ~
Parts of this were spot on and were great unpackings of various different aspects of gender roles and structures/society/psychology etc, but others made me feel uncomfortable with their lack of discussions of trans identities, and discussions of "gender performativity" etc. from a cis perspective definitely rang some warning bells.
I would be very interested to see what others think after reading this, because I can't see any other reviews that flag this issue. It felt a bit like each of these analyses was missing a final 20% of the chapter that addressed trans implications or perspectives, given that some of these analyses could be used to undermine trans identities or choices.
Parts of this were spot on and were great unpackings of various different aspects of gender roles and structures/society/psychology etc, but others made me feel uncomfortable with their lack of discussions of trans identities, and discussions of "gender performativity" etc. from a cis perspective definitely rang some warning bells.
I would be very interested to see what others think after reading this, because I can't see any other reviews that flag this issue. It felt a bit like each of these analyses was missing a final 20% of the chapter that addressed trans implications or perspectives, given that some of these analyses could be used to undermine trans identities or choices.
May 19, 2017
This was such an inspiring read. There is not so much new information or theories, but Emer O'Toole writes about it in a way that is both funny and awakes irritating feelings. Being a woman is an act of performance, according to her. Most people act according to their gender, without really questioning it. What if you would be more happy acting in another way? To not be defined by your sex? The author has experimented with gender roles and writes about her experiences.
She began with dressing like a man on Halloween and then stopped shaving. When discussing feminism, many people seem to distance themselves from the ”radical”, unshaved kind. Somehow, hair is very political if you are being a woman and it is not on your head. Of course, there are more important questions than hair in feminism, but it shows how a seemingly trifling detail can be so loaded. The author explains that women have learned to please everyone. Many women claim that it is ”liberating” to be what men have decided is sexy and they have ”the right” to be good women. They claim they choose to not leave the house without make-up, to spend much money on grooming, to always do the housework and to take care of the children. They like to please men, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it is not creating equality. They sure are getting rewarded for it, but only when they follow the rules. However, the author emphasizes that "parts of the reason that we’re locked into disempowering systems of behaviour is that we experience out thoughts, feelings and behaviours as choices (agency), even when they are largely the products of a subtly coercive system (structure)."
The author also writes about the rules of the woman body. ”So, through the completely nuts but politically loaded taboo on women’s breasts, women’s bodies become commodities out of which businessmen make money. And, through this process of commercialisation, the taboo is reaffirmed, making it even more difficult for women to have the same bodily freedom as men.” She also claims that men's choices around their bodies are for their pleasure and women’s choices around their bodies are for everyone else’s pleasure.
Dividing people into two categories is wrong when one of the categories is limited and treated worse than the other. If gender roles was something you were born with, then nothing could change that. If it is so important to teach people to behave according to their gender, that proves it is not linked to a person's sex. The problem is that people uphold inequality when not protesting against sexist comments, not defending women’s rights or shaming women in different ways. I think it is very important that men talk to their sons, because it can't be only women that try to make the change.
She began with dressing like a man on Halloween and then stopped shaving. When discussing feminism, many people seem to distance themselves from the ”radical”, unshaved kind. Somehow, hair is very political if you are being a woman and it is not on your head. Of course, there are more important questions than hair in feminism, but it shows how a seemingly trifling detail can be so loaded. The author explains that women have learned to please everyone. Many women claim that it is ”liberating” to be what men have decided is sexy and they have ”the right” to be good women. They claim they choose to not leave the house without make-up, to spend much money on grooming, to always do the housework and to take care of the children. They like to please men, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it is not creating equality. They sure are getting rewarded for it, but only when they follow the rules. However, the author emphasizes that "parts of the reason that we’re locked into disempowering systems of behaviour is that we experience out thoughts, feelings and behaviours as choices (agency), even when they are largely the products of a subtly coercive system (structure)."
The author also writes about the rules of the woman body. ”So, through the completely nuts but politically loaded taboo on women’s breasts, women’s bodies become commodities out of which businessmen make money. And, through this process of commercialisation, the taboo is reaffirmed, making it even more difficult for women to have the same bodily freedom as men.” She also claims that men's choices around their bodies are for their pleasure and women’s choices around their bodies are for everyone else’s pleasure.
Dividing people into two categories is wrong when one of the categories is limited and treated worse than the other. If gender roles was something you were born with, then nothing could change that. If it is so important to teach people to behave according to their gender, that proves it is not linked to a person's sex. The problem is that people uphold inequality when not protesting against sexist comments, not defending women’s rights or shaming women in different ways. I think it is very important that men talk to their sons, because it can't be only women that try to make the change.
May 18, 2017
I love this book so much. Emer O'Toole writes a book that's incredibly funny, and easy to read, whilst at the same time making a case for her arguments in such an articulate way you can't but help to nod along enthousiastically the entire time(which is what I did). It taught me a lot about gender and gender roles related to society. 10/10 would recommend.
May 5, 2016
Magnificent!
March 24, 2015
This is free on Goodreads so please pick it up! It's a great work about feminism. Also, very powerful.
November 12, 2017
Such a witty, interesting and fascinating look at performances of gender. Highly recommend!
For a full length review check: https://varsharavi.wordpress.com/2017...
For a full length review check: https://varsharavi.wordpress.com/2017...
April 28, 2016
'Girls can change the world with the ways they choose to be girls.'
I'm very on the fence when it comes to feminism, I love the values and have voiced them amongst my friends and family but there is a sense of shame that clouds my thoughts when speaking up about how women are treated so over time it has been something I have secretly tucked away. I think this shame stems from being told I am making a big deal out of something that doesn't really matter but I think equality is important as at the end of the day until we are all treated the same women are going to feel and be treated inadequately.
Emer O'toole in Girls will be Girls has questioned gender roles and discussed her own personal experiences in regards to sexism, gender bending and her own romantic experiences with both men and women.
'Women's increased participation in the labour force hasn't meant a proportionate decrease in their domestic labour. Simply put: working women have two jobs.'
I can speak by personal experience that this above quote is quite accurate. My parents both worked full time but my mother was expected to have food on the table and to clean the house before he was home. This is something that has baffled me since I was young, why does housework have to be women's work when women work just as hard as men? O'Toole explains that men have been socially conditioned to think cleaning the house is 'a woman's job' and that women are taught to be accepting and loving so keeping the house in order is seen to show this.
'There are, of course, still people out there who think that the reproductive function of women's bodies should exclude them from the public sphere. The technical term for these people is gobshites.'
Emer explains that there is very little that one sex can do that the other can't. In today's society we should be open to breaking boundaries however society has taught us that certain acts are to be associated with a specific gender. For example, a woman who can do DIY or a man who likes to pole dance. Women are told that they cannot do specific tasks as they are delicate or uneducated but this is not the case.
'Graffiti their gender lenses.'
W are taught to associate traits to be either masculine or feminine. For example, crying is seen as unmasculine and men are ridiculed when showing any emotion. Skirts are for women but having hair on those feminine legs? Oh that's a no go! O'Toole encourages the reader to break the rules, go out with hairy arm pits and a shaved head, why not! She explains that going outside societies box has freed her from gender norms and she doesn't have to go through a cruelling beauty regime to look more like a girl everyday like millions of others.
Non fiction isn't always my cup of tea as I need to be immersed with the topic to really get into it but Emer has this ability to weave personal experiences and educational facts into her writing beautifully. I loved reading about her Irish upbringing, her weird yet wonderful sexual experiences and how these have effected her as an individual. Feminism is a key overhead to the book yet I didn't find it overbearing, I think that Emer has given us an engaging account of how she became a feminist, how she is trying to spread her message to others and how we can switch up our socially engineered lives.
I'm very on the fence when it comes to feminism, I love the values and have voiced them amongst my friends and family but there is a sense of shame that clouds my thoughts when speaking up about how women are treated so over time it has been something I have secretly tucked away. I think this shame stems from being told I am making a big deal out of something that doesn't really matter but I think equality is important as at the end of the day until we are all treated the same women are going to feel and be treated inadequately.
Emer O'toole in Girls will be Girls has questioned gender roles and discussed her own personal experiences in regards to sexism, gender bending and her own romantic experiences with both men and women.
'Women's increased participation in the labour force hasn't meant a proportionate decrease in their domestic labour. Simply put: working women have two jobs.'
I can speak by personal experience that this above quote is quite accurate. My parents both worked full time but my mother was expected to have food on the table and to clean the house before he was home. This is something that has baffled me since I was young, why does housework have to be women's work when women work just as hard as men? O'Toole explains that men have been socially conditioned to think cleaning the house is 'a woman's job' and that women are taught to be accepting and loving so keeping the house in order is seen to show this.
'There are, of course, still people out there who think that the reproductive function of women's bodies should exclude them from the public sphere. The technical term for these people is gobshites.'
Emer explains that there is very little that one sex can do that the other can't. In today's society we should be open to breaking boundaries however society has taught us that certain acts are to be associated with a specific gender. For example, a woman who can do DIY or a man who likes to pole dance. Women are told that they cannot do specific tasks as they are delicate or uneducated but this is not the case.
'Graffiti their gender lenses.'
W are taught to associate traits to be either masculine or feminine. For example, crying is seen as unmasculine and men are ridiculed when showing any emotion. Skirts are for women but having hair on those feminine legs? Oh that's a no go! O'Toole encourages the reader to break the rules, go out with hairy arm pits and a shaved head, why not! She explains that going outside societies box has freed her from gender norms and she doesn't have to go through a cruelling beauty regime to look more like a girl everyday like millions of others.
Non fiction isn't always my cup of tea as I need to be immersed with the topic to really get into it but Emer has this ability to weave personal experiences and educational facts into her writing beautifully. I loved reading about her Irish upbringing, her weird yet wonderful sexual experiences and how these have effected her as an individual. Feminism is a key overhead to the book yet I didn't find it overbearing, I think that Emer has given us an engaging account of how she became a feminist, how she is trying to spread her message to others and how we can switch up our socially engineered lives.
May 28, 2015
I seem to have some weird disease where I can't give memoirs 5 stars?! When I first saw this book I thought it might be an exception, as the cover art, title and topic are totally up my street. Upon starting, however, the narrative voice took me some getting used to.
This book most definitely pushes you to think about and analyse pretty much everything you do. I had a little think about why Emer O'Toole's voice took me some time to connect with, coming to the conclusion that it was just such a strong and vibrant Emer O'Toole voice and I was still trying to apply myself to the goings on, which just wasn't working at first...we are different people with different experiences.
I also wasn't expecting the first chapter to be about eating disorders, with a specific calorie mention. I'm in a fragile ED recovery place myself and this took me by surprise. The writer talks about their experience of anorexia with a humerous twist, and this wasn't exactly comfortable for me, as my experiences are still a bit raw. The reasons Emer gave for their experience of anorexia were different than the ones I give for my own. The writer sees their illness differently to how I see mine, and I found their explanation for it a little reductionist. Obviously this isn't a memoir about ED's and there is only so much you can say about such a complex illness in one chapter.
Having taken a university module in Gender Studies, I was already somewhat familiar with Judith Butler and the idea of gender as performative. Revisiting these concepts through Emer O'Toole's own experiences was really enjoyable, and I so wish this book had been around a couple of years ago when I was first trying to get my head around Butler and Queer Theory.
As the book progressed, I really did find myself cementing my knowledge and gaining a deeper understanding of concepts about gender and feminism. I had seen Emer on 'This Morning' a few years ago, and didn't know this book was by the same person until I began reading it. I remember my reaction to Emer's hairy-pits; a 'well that's their choice' reaction, but one that didn't result in an analysis of my own reasons for 'excessive' grooming. Mainly because I really didn't see my grooming rituals as excessive. It was expressed that the average female grooming routine is time consuming, and I remember sarcastically thinking 'it takes me all of about 2 seconds to shave under each arm, what would I possibly do with all that free time if I didn't shave', and blissfully settling back into my usual routine. Having read Girls will be Girls, however, I am seriously questioning my 'choices' and actions. It has given me a lot of food for thought!
This book most definitely pushes you to think about and analyse pretty much everything you do. I had a little think about why Emer O'Toole's voice took me some time to connect with, coming to the conclusion that it was just such a strong and vibrant Emer O'Toole voice and I was still trying to apply myself to the goings on, which just wasn't working at first...we are different people with different experiences.
I also wasn't expecting the first chapter to be about eating disorders, with a specific calorie mention. I'm in a fragile ED recovery place myself and this took me by surprise. The writer talks about their experience of anorexia with a humerous twist, and this wasn't exactly comfortable for me, as my experiences are still a bit raw. The reasons Emer gave for their experience of anorexia were different than the ones I give for my own. The writer sees their illness differently to how I see mine, and I found their explanation for it a little reductionist. Obviously this isn't a memoir about ED's and there is only so much you can say about such a complex illness in one chapter.
Having taken a university module in Gender Studies, I was already somewhat familiar with Judith Butler and the idea of gender as performative. Revisiting these concepts through Emer O'Toole's own experiences was really enjoyable, and I so wish this book had been around a couple of years ago when I was first trying to get my head around Butler and Queer Theory.
As the book progressed, I really did find myself cementing my knowledge and gaining a deeper understanding of concepts about gender and feminism. I had seen Emer on 'This Morning' a few years ago, and didn't know this book was by the same person until I began reading it. I remember my reaction to Emer's hairy-pits; a 'well that's their choice' reaction, but one that didn't result in an analysis of my own reasons for 'excessive' grooming. Mainly because I really didn't see my grooming rituals as excessive. It was expressed that the average female grooming routine is time consuming, and I remember sarcastically thinking 'it takes me all of about 2 seconds to shave under each arm, what would I possibly do with all that free time if I didn't shave', and blissfully settling back into my usual routine. Having read Girls will be Girls, however, I am seriously questioning my 'choices' and actions. It has given me a lot of food for thought!
February 5, 2018
05.02.2018: I enjoyed taking my time with this book, actually annotating my copy with a red pen and a very pink highlighter (the irony is not lost on me), thoughts and doodles all over the margins. It didn’t feel like work, it was my “non-academic” response in processing what I was reading and now I want more! It really motivated me to finally pick up Women, Autobiography, Theory: A Reader, an intimidating essay collection, much needed for my research.
I was familiar with some of the texts and contexts referenced in here, the “classics of feminism,” so to speak, but I also needed to take a break and read more about the other authors, studies, and essays mentioned, which I hadn’t heard of before this, and which I felt I should go over before moving on to the next chapter. A sort of self-assigned homework.
I absolutely loved Girls Will Be Girls and I think everyone should read it or at least parts of it… It actually made me aware of my own biases and sexism, and one of the things that we have to understand and take from all this is the idea that women cannot band together to fight inequality before having first confronted their own sexist thinking, as well as the ways in which some women oppress others.
There are chapters on identity and gender, performance and perception, sex and sexuality, interspersed with autobiographical vignettes filled with humour and self-irony. The boob pun game and the dramatization of the taboo on breasts were really strong which proved - one - how sparse one’s vocabulary when talking about the “funbags” can be, - and two - how much we don’t talk about the said bags. Oh, and the fictional exchange of letters with Pierre Bourdieu was spot on!
I especially loved the bits on fashion and feminism, on the ideal femininity and the enduring beauty myth, plus the talk on the feminist potential in fashion and how feminism isn’t and shouldn’t be anti-fashion! And so soooo many other great thought-provoking things…
***
02.02.2018: A must-read!
I was familiar with some of the texts and contexts referenced in here, the “classics of feminism,” so to speak, but I also needed to take a break and read more about the other authors, studies, and essays mentioned, which I hadn’t heard of before this, and which I felt I should go over before moving on to the next chapter. A sort of self-assigned homework.
I absolutely loved Girls Will Be Girls and I think everyone should read it or at least parts of it… It actually made me aware of my own biases and sexism, and one of the things that we have to understand and take from all this is the idea that women cannot band together to fight inequality before having first confronted their own sexist thinking, as well as the ways in which some women oppress others.
There are chapters on identity and gender, performance and perception, sex and sexuality, interspersed with autobiographical vignettes filled with humour and self-irony. The boob pun game and the dramatization of the taboo on breasts were really strong which proved - one - how sparse one’s vocabulary when talking about the “funbags” can be, - and two - how much we don’t talk about the said bags. Oh, and the fictional exchange of letters with Pierre Bourdieu was spot on!
I especially loved the bits on fashion and feminism, on the ideal femininity and the enduring beauty myth, plus the talk on the feminist potential in fashion and how feminism isn’t and shouldn’t be anti-fashion! And so soooo many other great thought-provoking things…
***
02.02.2018: A must-read!
May 12, 2017
Originally posted here.
This is a really hard book to review. I was expecting Girls Will Be Girls to be more of a scientific non-fiction when actually it is more of a memoir. I do like a good memoir, but this one didn't really 'open my mind' like the blurb claimed.
It is essentially about Emer O'Toole's experience growing up in Ireland and how gender expectations affected her and how she became a feminist. None of the ideas in here were that unique to me. It was funny in places but ultimately I found myself rolling my eyes. There is nothing new or revolutionary about dressing like a boy on occasion or not shaving your armpits, it's all been done before. I think this book is geared more towards feminist newbies who aren't really familiar with a lot of the basic feminist rhetoric.
As a memoir, it was fascinating to read about some of Emer's experiences with sexism and gender stereotypes in Irish culture. She does have a a few good points about the fluidity of gender and sexuality. I think Emer's hope for a genderless society where everyone is treated completely equally is a nice idea but I'm not sure all women would want that. I'm more geared towards liberation myself rather than strict equality.
Regardless of my personal opinions, I can't deny this is a fascinating look at an individual's experiences with feminism and gender politics. It's not exactly the same to my own experiences and that is great as it showed me a new perspective.
This is a really hard book to review. I was expecting Girls Will Be Girls to be more of a scientific non-fiction when actually it is more of a memoir. I do like a good memoir, but this one didn't really 'open my mind' like the blurb claimed.
It is essentially about Emer O'Toole's experience growing up in Ireland and how gender expectations affected her and how she became a feminist. None of the ideas in here were that unique to me. It was funny in places but ultimately I found myself rolling my eyes. There is nothing new or revolutionary about dressing like a boy on occasion or not shaving your armpits, it's all been done before. I think this book is geared more towards feminist newbies who aren't really familiar with a lot of the basic feminist rhetoric.
As a memoir, it was fascinating to read about some of Emer's experiences with sexism and gender stereotypes in Irish culture. She does have a a few good points about the fluidity of gender and sexuality. I think Emer's hope for a genderless society where everyone is treated completely equally is a nice idea but I'm not sure all women would want that. I'm more geared towards liberation myself rather than strict equality.
Regardless of my personal opinions, I can't deny this is a fascinating look at an individual's experiences with feminism and gender politics. It's not exactly the same to my own experiences and that is great as it showed me a new perspective.
November 6, 2017
It's very new for me to be thinking about feminism. For a long time I thought much of the progress had been made by our forbearers and that we women weren't having it that bad, so why complain? Plus, the feminist movement doesn't have the best image or I had been shown a wrong image of what it is all about...
But some things started nagging at me and thanks to youtube (in particular Jean Menzies' channel) I started to add feminists books on my TBR.
It's is actually Jean who pushed me to read Girls will be Girls in a excellent video giving 3 book recommendations about the impact of gender and I'm absolutely grateful to her for it!
Girls will be Girls is a highly informative and funny book that shows in an entertaining, but thought-provoking and non-aggressive way what's wrong with how gender identity is created and enforced by society today (and has always been). She doesn't try to turn you into the perfect little feminist who doesn't shave (although she doesn't) and hates men (she doesn't either), but states facts and researches (all compiled in a great bibliography at the end), illustrates them with episodes of her own life (often in a hilarious way) and makes you think about how we contribute every day to these societal norms that ultimately bother most women if we think a little bit about them.
It is a book I recommend to all women, even (and especially) the sceptics. Men are also welcome to read it, I'm sure they would learn a lot about things involved in being a woman today they probably never thought about.
But some things started nagging at me and thanks to youtube (in particular Jean Menzies' channel) I started to add feminists books on my TBR.
It's is actually Jean who pushed me to read Girls will be Girls in a excellent video giving 3 book recommendations about the impact of gender and I'm absolutely grateful to her for it!
Girls will be Girls is a highly informative and funny book that shows in an entertaining, but thought-provoking and non-aggressive way what's wrong with how gender identity is created and enforced by society today (and has always been). She doesn't try to turn you into the perfect little feminist who doesn't shave (although she doesn't) and hates men (she doesn't either), but states facts and researches (all compiled in a great bibliography at the end), illustrates them with episodes of her own life (often in a hilarious way) and makes you think about how we contribute every day to these societal norms that ultimately bother most women if we think a little bit about them.
It is a book I recommend to all women, even (and especially) the sceptics. Men are also welcome to read it, I'm sure they would learn a lot about things involved in being a woman today they probably never thought about.
July 12, 2016
This is a humorous and enlightening read that addresses one of the biggest debating points in feminism, that of appearance and grooming. Do you quit all the girly stuff to show your disillustionment of the patriachrial system where women are meant to look pretty or do you still embrace the lippy because you love it so? While I'm not the most girly of female I do like getting my hair dyed with bright sections of ever changing colour and I do get my nails done (I have a nail biting habit...) and there is always that little voice chanting 'hypocrite' as I do. But O'Toole provides the arguements and reasons why you still can do these things and still be a feminist, you just do what is comfortable for you and think about why its comfortable (make sure it really is for you). On top of that she has given me the confidence to shop in the 'men's' sections where I tend to see things I like but never bought before (which in itself is odd since I already wear some men's clothes for sports and site work, never occurred to me before).
Each section is clearly written and easy to follow without being patronising or condescending and O'Toole uses her own experiences to support the arguements she presents as well other opinions and research. A very interesting read, a copy of which my niece will be receiving if she begins to fall into the trap of 'I must be girly' just so she knows there are alternatives, lots and lots of alternatives.
Each section is clearly written and easy to follow without being patronising or condescending and O'Toole uses her own experiences to support the arguements she presents as well other opinions and research. A very interesting read, a copy of which my niece will be receiving if she begins to fall into the trap of 'I must be girly' just so she knows there are alternatives, lots and lots of alternatives.
February 16, 2023
* Re-read February 2023- having read many superior quality feminist titles out there, this re-read has highlighted to me a naivety and immaturity in Emer's writing. The attempts at making everything humorous detracts from the message that she is trying to get across. There are some references to scientific studies but it's mostly "pop psychology" quotes that pepper the text. This is probably okay if you're into a diluted, watered down version of feminism, but for me, it's not one I'm returning to and in the spirit of my bookshelf culling, this is going to my community book exchange.
Original review :
A fabulous book about gender, roles and modern day feminism.
Emer O'Toole sets the right tone between humour, fact and honest discussion; making her book a most enjoyable, interesting and engaging read.
Original review :
A fabulous book about gender, roles and modern day feminism.
Emer O'Toole sets the right tone between humour, fact and honest discussion; making her book a most enjoyable, interesting and engaging read.
October 15, 2015
One of my friends took a class with Emer O'Toole last year and subsequently bought and read this book. She lent me her copy and I'm so happy I read it!
This book is the perfect mix of conversational and serious. The tone of the whole book made the book very easy to read, but the subject was well thought-out. I liked the balance between stories from O'Toole's personal life, and the insights from various philosophers and feminist theorists.
I highly recommend this to anyone interested in gender structures and feminist theory!
This book is the perfect mix of conversational and serious. The tone of the whole book made the book very easy to read, but the subject was well thought-out. I liked the balance between stories from O'Toole's personal life, and the insights from various philosophers and feminist theorists.
I highly recommend this to anyone interested in gender structures and feminist theory!
March 23, 2015
I love this book passionately, both the humour and the politics. Who wouldn't warm to a book with an open love-letter to a dead French sociologist!
I never got into performing 'girl', largely for reasons to do with Asperger Syndrome and mild physical disability. It all seemed like a lot of hard work, and a lot of hard work I didn't take to. I let it happen to other people, although I was disappointed not to have childhood friends until I was about sixteen, a lot of which was probably down to not knowing how to get on with people except on my own terms.
Some other Aspies went *exactly the opposite way* to me and went uber-feminine because they couldn't figure out how to switch codes/contexts on the fly. Not that I was masculine. I just assumed I was more to do with my brain, and words, and had 0 interest in most of the coded-masculine or coded-feminine social-glue things like sport, cars, fashion, baby-dolls, cooking etc
Somebody's written an "Unpopular Opinion" entry on xojane (women's magazine blog) about hating spas with waxes/manicures/pedicures and things, the assumption being that in the culture at large these are considered luxurious and wonderful things for women, and 'pampering' is just about the most Fun Thing for any given woman. I've always known that my feelings about feminine narcissism (which is what I call this obsession with one's own body and what to put in or on it) are usually negative, and I get irritated when there appears to be so much consensus on it. Intrigued by the book title "Bad Feminist" I was annoyed it was just another account of us all liking make up and were we allowed by the feminist police? I suspect that this is why I take to Emer's book so passionately: it's offering different ways to be 'woman', and its clarity of argument makes it clear both how much slipped past my odd self in my upbringing and how startling/fun it can be to choose one's own way. Although I feel strange about how much of a big deal shaving is: because I have fairly dry skin I don't seem to get much body-hair, so I've neither shaved nor got particularly aggressive glances (although I wouldn't necessarily have noticed).
I love the descriptions of how to quietly change things, although I'm surprised at quite how much vitriol Emer attracted simply by being visibly and publicly unshaven.
The details (noted quite accurately in this book) of quite how big a deal gender is have always mystified me. Why should it be the first thing we find out about a baby (and then immediately start dressing and treating them differently)? Why is it so important to make sure a little girl knows she's 'beautiful' when she's two or three (or make a fuss about a little boy crying at the same age)? Why do mothers sometimes look with absolute horror on a boy picking up a pink toy? Why not just let kids grow into who they are more slowly and less prescriptively. I'd have hated a standard 'boy's' or 'girl's' present throughout my childhood, and have only shown much interest in books (before that in toy animals which I could play with and do the voices).
I also love the descriptions of subversive sexual identity. I saw the other side of this also on xojane, where people daring to say they identified as demisexual (influenced primarily by emotional bonds rather than immediate attraction) or sapiosexual (largely attracted to intelligence, which is something I understand quite well) were subjected to hatred, contempt and ridicule in the comments section because of course gay and straight were real, but anything else was just 'putting it on for attention'. In fact, 'gay' being considered real (and an identity) had to be fought for. 'Trans' had to be fought for (and 'bi' and 'trans' aren't accepted even by some of the people who accept the gay/straight divide. The beginning of gay identity politics was probably the medical model on sexual inversion in the late nineteenth century, which was sort-of about homosexuality except that a lot of the descriptions (mollyhouses in the nineteenth century, Radcliffe Hall living like a man) sound a bit more trans nowadays. It was also considered an illness, until the people who fought bravely for it managed to claw it out of the DSM and into the non-pathologised world. I find it comfortable to think in terms of a spectrum where people can define their own desires rather than have them stuck into the gay-vs-straight 'box', so when I read those articles I found them perfectly unexceptionable, and I love the descriptions of Emer's queer identity as not primarily driven by masculinity in men or femininity in women--more to do with the person as a whole.
I had some degree of fellow-feeling when the author was pulled-up on the early-naughties use of 'gay' as a pejorative--not because I ever got caught by that, but because I want people to be able to describe themselves with blunt words among themselves (which now I think about it is very Aspie). I always used to describe myself plainly as 'gimp' or 'spastic' simply because 'person with cerebral palsy' is a mouthful, and the history of 'spastic' being demonised in the UK is largely down to people using the word non-pejoratively until the people who wanted to use it as a playground slur changed the meaning. I don't want descriptives to get ever longer while trolls chase every simple description down. I don't want the bullies to have the power by chasing us 'out of' our simple descriptive words with their hate, leaving us with the long periphrastic phrases to be 'politically-correct' which possibly only remain because the trolls can't spell them to make a slur out of them. I grew up with 'spastic' as a plain if inaccurate descriptive word. _Blue Peter_ (very long-lasting UK kids' programme) with the best of intentions had a boy with cerebral palsy on, called 'spastic' because that was the plain word for somebody with cerebral palsy at the time, and playground bullies made a thing of it. I hate it that I now get told I can't describe myself as 'spastic' (a plain, blunt word) because the bullies have won. It's not that I want to use the word all over the place, but I like people who have or are something to be able to reclaim it among themselves rather than have their usage driven by the haters.
Anyway, hugs to Emer and delight that she's managed to domesticise her own brothers somewhat. This is one of those times when I want to meet the author because she sounds such fun, and it's sad we're no longer on the same continent.
I never got into performing 'girl', largely for reasons to do with Asperger Syndrome and mild physical disability. It all seemed like a lot of hard work, and a lot of hard work I didn't take to. I let it happen to other people, although I was disappointed not to have childhood friends until I was about sixteen, a lot of which was probably down to not knowing how to get on with people except on my own terms.
Some other Aspies went *exactly the opposite way* to me and went uber-feminine because they couldn't figure out how to switch codes/contexts on the fly. Not that I was masculine. I just assumed I was more to do with my brain, and words, and had 0 interest in most of the coded-masculine or coded-feminine social-glue things like sport, cars, fashion, baby-dolls, cooking etc
Somebody's written an "Unpopular Opinion" entry on xojane (women's magazine blog) about hating spas with waxes/manicures/pedicures and things, the assumption being that in the culture at large these are considered luxurious and wonderful things for women, and 'pampering' is just about the most Fun Thing for any given woman. I've always known that my feelings about feminine narcissism (which is what I call this obsession with one's own body and what to put in or on it) are usually negative, and I get irritated when there appears to be so much consensus on it. Intrigued by the book title "Bad Feminist" I was annoyed it was just another account of us all liking make up and were we allowed by the feminist police? I suspect that this is why I take to Emer's book so passionately: it's offering different ways to be 'woman', and its clarity of argument makes it clear both how much slipped past my odd self in my upbringing and how startling/fun it can be to choose one's own way. Although I feel strange about how much of a big deal shaving is: because I have fairly dry skin I don't seem to get much body-hair, so I've neither shaved nor got particularly aggressive glances (although I wouldn't necessarily have noticed).
I love the descriptions of how to quietly change things, although I'm surprised at quite how much vitriol Emer attracted simply by being visibly and publicly unshaven.
The details (noted quite accurately in this book) of quite how big a deal gender is have always mystified me. Why should it be the first thing we find out about a baby (and then immediately start dressing and treating them differently)? Why is it so important to make sure a little girl knows she's 'beautiful' when she's two or three (or make a fuss about a little boy crying at the same age)? Why do mothers sometimes look with absolute horror on a boy picking up a pink toy? Why not just let kids grow into who they are more slowly and less prescriptively. I'd have hated a standard 'boy's' or 'girl's' present throughout my childhood, and have only shown much interest in books (before that in toy animals which I could play with and do the voices).
I also love the descriptions of subversive sexual identity. I saw the other side of this also on xojane, where people daring to say they identified as demisexual (influenced primarily by emotional bonds rather than immediate attraction) or sapiosexual (largely attracted to intelligence, which is something I understand quite well) were subjected to hatred, contempt and ridicule in the comments section because of course gay and straight were real, but anything else was just 'putting it on for attention'. In fact, 'gay' being considered real (and an identity) had to be fought for. 'Trans' had to be fought for (and 'bi' and 'trans' aren't accepted even by some of the people who accept the gay/straight divide. The beginning of gay identity politics was probably the medical model on sexual inversion in the late nineteenth century, which was sort-of about homosexuality except that a lot of the descriptions (mollyhouses in the nineteenth century, Radcliffe Hall living like a man) sound a bit more trans nowadays. It was also considered an illness, until the people who fought bravely for it managed to claw it out of the DSM and into the non-pathologised world. I find it comfortable to think in terms of a spectrum where people can define their own desires rather than have them stuck into the gay-vs-straight 'box', so when I read those articles I found them perfectly unexceptionable, and I love the descriptions of Emer's queer identity as not primarily driven by masculinity in men or femininity in women--more to do with the person as a whole.
I had some degree of fellow-feeling when the author was pulled-up on the early-naughties use of 'gay' as a pejorative--not because I ever got caught by that, but because I want people to be able to describe themselves with blunt words among themselves (which now I think about it is very Aspie). I always used to describe myself plainly as 'gimp' or 'spastic' simply because 'person with cerebral palsy' is a mouthful, and the history of 'spastic' being demonised in the UK is largely down to people using the word non-pejoratively until the people who wanted to use it as a playground slur changed the meaning. I don't want descriptives to get ever longer while trolls chase every simple description down. I don't want the bullies to have the power by chasing us 'out of' our simple descriptive words with their hate, leaving us with the long periphrastic phrases to be 'politically-correct' which possibly only remain because the trolls can't spell them to make a slur out of them. I grew up with 'spastic' as a plain if inaccurate descriptive word. _Blue Peter_ (very long-lasting UK kids' programme) with the best of intentions had a boy with cerebral palsy on, called 'spastic' because that was the plain word for somebody with cerebral palsy at the time, and playground bullies made a thing of it. I hate it that I now get told I can't describe myself as 'spastic' (a plain, blunt word) because the bullies have won. It's not that I want to use the word all over the place, but I like people who have or are something to be able to reclaim it among themselves rather than have their usage driven by the haters.
Anyway, hugs to Emer and delight that she's managed to domesticise her own brothers somewhat. This is one of those times when I want to meet the author because she sounds such fun, and it's sad we're no longer on the same continent.
June 22, 2015
Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.
For a while I've been thinking a lot about feminist issues and what my opinions are. I have also had a lot of feminist articles on my Twitter feed recently, but some of the issues that came up were things I'd never thought of, never considered. I realised I should probably educate myself, and tweeted asking for recommendations of feminist books to help me become a better feminist. Girls Will Be Girls by Emer O'Toole was recommended to me by YA author of Only Ever Yours, Louise O'Neill, and blogger Charlie Morris. And what a brilliant book!
O'Toole looks at gender as performance, albeit an unconscious one; how we dress and how we act within our gender roles, and how thinking consciously about the way we live in a patriarchal world and playing with our gender roles, we would not only make a statement and confront society's biases, but become happier in our selves. O'Toole walks us through her path from an anorexic teenager wanting to be thin as society tells us thin and pretty is best, to a gender-bending woman who has grown out her body hair and will wear heels one day, and have a shaved the next, discussing psychology and theories on gender along the way.
Unfortunately, I don't have quite the academic brain I would like. Complex concepts I find difficult to get my head around. So it took me a while to get through Girls Will Be Girls as I tried to understand what I was reading, and then form an opinion It's frustrating to me that I'm not the kind of person who can understand these things first time round, and a few times I would morosely think about putting the book down and giving it up as a lost cause, but this is a topic that is important to me, and I want to have my mind broadened, so I stuck at it. Fortunately, O'Toole breaks down these concepts and theories pretty well, so rather than reading the book and thinking, "I don't have a clue what's being said here at all," I would read certain paragraphs a few times over, and it would click. Yes, I would have to do this more times than I can count, but I have found that people at large tend to understand such things better than I do, generally, so the point is I finished Girls Will Be Girls understanding what the book was saying about gender performativity, schema, and so on, which is a great feat for O'Toole! And if I can understand, then Girls Will Be Girls is pretty accessible.
And I've found that reading Girls Will Be Girls slowly, reading certain sections over, and educating myself has already been so worth it! O'Toole has got me thinking about the way I, and the women and men around me, act. I have had discussions about certain aspects with my family and friends, I've thought about how I view my body and how I dress it, about how I present myself to the world as a woman through my behaviour, even about how I work as a bookseller. Changes were being made before I even finished the book, both in mentally and in how I act. My perspective was shifted and I asked myself "Why?" about so many things I think about myself and my body, and women in general, getting to the root of those thoughts, and then attempting to change them. I've started not asking customers whether the child they want book recommendations for is male or female, no longer selecting books based on their gender. I've also thought about the heavily gendered books that are on many bookshops' shelves and what they can lead too; we want to encourage children to read, but girls are automatically going to the pink and sparkly fairy books, and boys to the superheroes, astronauts and car books.
These are the things that have been on my mind for several days now, and I love how I'm thinking and questioning everything so much! I genuinely think that so many women would start to feel much more confident in themselves and about their bodies if they read this book, if they see why they view their bodies as they do, and how they can change that. It's so obvious, and yet something that simply didn't occur to me. This book is so powerful! My review has come nowhere near close enough to doing Girls Will Be Girls justice, seriously. It's so interesting! I was nodding my head along to so much of it, and even the parts that I didn't agree with or didn't think would work for me were so fascinating to read about. I'm learning to be a better feminist, but O'Toole has kick-started my education brilliantly. I can't recommend Girls Will Be Girls enough!
For a while I've been thinking a lot about feminist issues and what my opinions are. I have also had a lot of feminist articles on my Twitter feed recently, but some of the issues that came up were things I'd never thought of, never considered. I realised I should probably educate myself, and tweeted asking for recommendations of feminist books to help me become a better feminist. Girls Will Be Girls by Emer O'Toole was recommended to me by YA author of Only Ever Yours, Louise O'Neill, and blogger Charlie Morris. And what a brilliant book!
O'Toole looks at gender as performance, albeit an unconscious one; how we dress and how we act within our gender roles, and how thinking consciously about the way we live in a patriarchal world and playing with our gender roles, we would not only make a statement and confront society's biases, but become happier in our selves. O'Toole walks us through her path from an anorexic teenager wanting to be thin as society tells us thin and pretty is best, to a gender-bending woman who has grown out her body hair and will wear heels one day, and have a shaved the next, discussing psychology and theories on gender along the way.
Unfortunately, I don't have quite the academic brain I would like. Complex concepts I find difficult to get my head around. So it took me a while to get through Girls Will Be Girls as I tried to understand what I was reading, and then form an opinion It's frustrating to me that I'm not the kind of person who can understand these things first time round, and a few times I would morosely think about putting the book down and giving it up as a lost cause, but this is a topic that is important to me, and I want to have my mind broadened, so I stuck at it. Fortunately, O'Toole breaks down these concepts and theories pretty well, so rather than reading the book and thinking, "I don't have a clue what's being said here at all," I would read certain paragraphs a few times over, and it would click. Yes, I would have to do this more times than I can count, but I have found that people at large tend to understand such things better than I do, generally, so the point is I finished Girls Will Be Girls understanding what the book was saying about gender performativity, schema, and so on, which is a great feat for O'Toole! And if I can understand, then Girls Will Be Girls is pretty accessible.
And I've found that reading Girls Will Be Girls slowly, reading certain sections over, and educating myself has already been so worth it! O'Toole has got me thinking about the way I, and the women and men around me, act. I have had discussions about certain aspects with my family and friends, I've thought about how I view my body and how I dress it, about how I present myself to the world as a woman through my behaviour, even about how I work as a bookseller. Changes were being made before I even finished the book, both in mentally and in how I act. My perspective was shifted and I asked myself "Why?" about so many things I think about myself and my body, and women in general, getting to the root of those thoughts, and then attempting to change them. I've started not asking customers whether the child they want book recommendations for is male or female, no longer selecting books based on their gender. I've also thought about the heavily gendered books that are on many bookshops' shelves and what they can lead too; we want to encourage children to read, but girls are automatically going to the pink and sparkly fairy books, and boys to the superheroes, astronauts and car books.
These are the things that have been on my mind for several days now, and I love how I'm thinking and questioning everything so much! I genuinely think that so many women would start to feel much more confident in themselves and about their bodies if they read this book, if they see why they view their bodies as they do, and how they can change that. It's so obvious, and yet something that simply didn't occur to me. This book is so powerful! My review has come nowhere near close enough to doing Girls Will Be Girls justice, seriously. It's so interesting! I was nodding my head along to so much of it, and even the parts that I didn't agree with or didn't think would work for me were so fascinating to read about. I'm learning to be a better feminist, but O'Toole has kick-started my education brilliantly. I can't recommend Girls Will Be Girls enough!
March 14, 2022
AMAZING
February 20, 2016
Girls Will Be Girls, by Emer O’Toole, is an exploration of identity, gender and social conditioning. It starts with the premise that “all the world is a stage” and that “gender is an act which has been rehearsed”. The reasoning behind these assertions are well articulated in the opening chapters making this a thought provoking, challenging but never difficult read.
By drawing from her own life experiences, and sharing many amusing if sometimes poignant anecdotes along the way, the author looks at how people are conditioned to act out the part prescribed for their gender from birth. This is more than just dressing girls in pink and boys in blue. It looks at the way adults treat little girls (isn’t she pretty?) and how women are admired for attaining an acceptable aesthetic (thin, tanned, long hair on head, no hair on body).
The author talks of how she would feel social love and acceptance when she conformed, and how difficult it was to be seen in public with a more natural look.
“Why does so much embarrassment and shame surround women’s bodies?”
“it made me see how deeply engrained body policing really is”
I remembered the furor in the media when Emer appeared on breakfast television with visible underarm hair. Women grow hair on their bodies at around the same stage in their development that they grow breasts. How differently these natural protuberances are treated. Visible body hair, other than on the head, is viewed with disgust. Female breasts are so desirable that they must be covered, particularly in a professional setting, for fear that men will lose control, poor dears.
“The taboo on breasts successfully convinces us that women’s breasts are provocative, that men cannot possibly come into visual contact with them without losing all reason to a degree that we actually blame women who are attacked for failing to sufficiently hide their bodies.”
The chapters on sexuality were explicit but written to inform rather than titillate, a refreshing change. Women perform their socially influenced, learned behaviours in public and in the home, but even more so it would seem in bed. And that is what is expected, especially by men. The influence of porn is discussed, as is the lack of knowledge of the functions of the female anatomy. This is not an anti male text in any sense but rather an eye opening account of the roles society expects the genders to play, roles which are often painful as well as degrading for women.
The author writes of experiments she has carried out with her looks and how these have been received. She has shaved her head, grown her body hair, dressed as a boy and a girly girl. She reports on how each of these incarnations have been treated by friends and strangers, of the confusion and anger that can be induced when a women strays from what is considered the norm.
“My experiment […] was a visceral reminder of just how socially unacceptable the unmodified female body has become”
“we regularly punish those who fail to do their gender right”
The sociology and psychology are fascinating. I would love to put this book into the hands of so many people, yet I suspect that those who could learn most from it would dismiss the reasoning as feminist ranting, political correctness gone mad. Why should the beneficiaries of a system try to change it?
And this is why books such as these matter and must be put into the hands of young adults. If the patriarchy see no reason to change then the catalyst must come from elsewhere. Society is not just made up of boys and girls but also of those whose gender cannot be so neatly defined. Difference is natural and normal. Accepting this will require a radical shift in learned behaviour.
My copy of this book was provided gratis by the publisher, Orion.
By drawing from her own life experiences, and sharing many amusing if sometimes poignant anecdotes along the way, the author looks at how people are conditioned to act out the part prescribed for their gender from birth. This is more than just dressing girls in pink and boys in blue. It looks at the way adults treat little girls (isn’t she pretty?) and how women are admired for attaining an acceptable aesthetic (thin, tanned, long hair on head, no hair on body).
The author talks of how she would feel social love and acceptance when she conformed, and how difficult it was to be seen in public with a more natural look.
“Why does so much embarrassment and shame surround women’s bodies?”
“it made me see how deeply engrained body policing really is”
I remembered the furor in the media when Emer appeared on breakfast television with visible underarm hair. Women grow hair on their bodies at around the same stage in their development that they grow breasts. How differently these natural protuberances are treated. Visible body hair, other than on the head, is viewed with disgust. Female breasts are so desirable that they must be covered, particularly in a professional setting, for fear that men will lose control, poor dears.
“The taboo on breasts successfully convinces us that women’s breasts are provocative, that men cannot possibly come into visual contact with them without losing all reason to a degree that we actually blame women who are attacked for failing to sufficiently hide their bodies.”
The chapters on sexuality were explicit but written to inform rather than titillate, a refreshing change. Women perform their socially influenced, learned behaviours in public and in the home, but even more so it would seem in bed. And that is what is expected, especially by men. The influence of porn is discussed, as is the lack of knowledge of the functions of the female anatomy. This is not an anti male text in any sense but rather an eye opening account of the roles society expects the genders to play, roles which are often painful as well as degrading for women.
The author writes of experiments she has carried out with her looks and how these have been received. She has shaved her head, grown her body hair, dressed as a boy and a girly girl. She reports on how each of these incarnations have been treated by friends and strangers, of the confusion and anger that can be induced when a women strays from what is considered the norm.
“My experiment […] was a visceral reminder of just how socially unacceptable the unmodified female body has become”
“we regularly punish those who fail to do their gender right”
The sociology and psychology are fascinating. I would love to put this book into the hands of so many people, yet I suspect that those who could learn most from it would dismiss the reasoning as feminist ranting, political correctness gone mad. Why should the beneficiaries of a system try to change it?
And this is why books such as these matter and must be put into the hands of young adults. If the patriarchy see no reason to change then the catalyst must come from elsewhere. Society is not just made up of boys and girls but also of those whose gender cannot be so neatly defined. Difference is natural and normal. Accepting this will require a radical shift in learned behaviour.
My copy of this book was provided gratis by the publisher, Orion.
July 2, 2015
This book was so, so good. Exceptionally good. Probably the best feminist non-fiction text I have ever stumbled upon. Fabulous. Please, just put down Moran's How to Be a Woman - with all its nonsensical rambling about being a strident feminist - and, instead, pick up Emer O'Toole's smart and thought-through work. Every statement and opinion, as opposed to Moran's book, is constantly backed up through the use of references to research, studies and various seminal texts. It is convincing and oh so clever, it wonderfully explores the construction of gender and sexuality and the role they play within our society; it makes full use of the author's own experiences and draws directly from them when it comes to supporting certain theories and ideas, contributing to the general sense of verisimilitude of the text. It is enlightening and ready to make us readers question our own habits and choices, without sounding preachy or redundant (as in Moran's case). Please, please, if you are looking for a superbly interesting and intelligent take on the feminist debate and, in particular, on the ongoing discussion around gender and what it actually means to be man/woman, then do buy this book.
November 18, 2021
I’m not the target demographic for this book - the author addresses her readers several times as female - but I found it very readable, clearly argued, and highly accessible even as a bloke. All the right names are here - Bourdieu, Butler, hooks, Lorde, Foucault, Fine - without overwhelming the reader with academic jargon or heavy theory. More men need to read it. Plenty of food for thought.
March 6, 2018
Read October 2015
4,5
This was really good! I've read a few other 'feminist books' before, but this one definitely gave me some new perspectives and ideas.
I do think it's very focussed on looks though, and while at first I could relate (especially the whole feeling the need to be skinny thing hit pretty close to home for me), but after a while not so much. (never been that much of a girly girl..) It was interesting to read from someone’s perspective who's had different experiences, but in the end I'd say my favourite parts were the ones that didn't focus on looks as much (or at least not in the overly feminine / very masculine ways).
One small negative though is that there's a whole chapter on gender neutral terms, but Emer often refers to the readers as female..
4,5
This was really good! I've read a few other 'feminist books' before, but this one definitely gave me some new perspectives and ideas.
I do think it's very focussed on looks though, and while at first I could relate (especially the whole feeling the need to be skinny thing hit pretty close to home for me), but after a while not so much. (never been that much of a girly girl..) It was interesting to read from someone’s perspective who's had different experiences, but in the end I'd say my favourite parts were the ones that didn't focus on looks as much (or at least not in the overly feminine / very masculine ways).
One small negative though is that there's a whole chapter on gender neutral terms, but Emer often refers to the readers as female..
July 16, 2018
3.5 stars. Overall I enjoyed this look at gender roles by Emer O'Toole and I learnt a few things. I mean it turns out I am pretty ignorant to the inner construction of the clitoris and Freud's opinion on an 'immature orgasm.' He was clearly just jealous. But Girls Will Be Girls wasn't quite as insightful as I'd hoped for, and been led to believe, by all the glowing reviews. What I will say is that Emer O'Toole is so incredibly articulate that even though the ideas and theories she put forward weren't that new to me, I kept thinking 'I wish I could put my thoughts together like this'.
Full review on my blog! I've managed to talk about Love Island and Naked Attraction - http://www.notestothemoon.co.uk
Full review on my blog! I've managed to talk about Love Island and Naked Attraction - http://www.notestothemoon.co.uk
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