I would consider myself a fan of the stream of consciousness narrative and books without plots, but this was too stream of consciousness-y and had tooI would consider myself a fan of the stream of consciousness narrative and books without plots, but this was too stream of consciousness-y and had too little plot for even me to enjoy. It felt like I was just reading every random thought of this person, and all of them felt so watered down and shallow. It’s not even that this book was bad per se, it’s just that I found literally zero value in it and the only thought I was left with when I finished this one was, “What was the point?”
Thank you NetGalley for the advanced reader copy. Book is out as of August 13, 2024. ...more
What happens when a family secret is revealed and you discover your entire life is a lie? How do you still feel joy for people who loved you? Should yWhat happens when a family secret is revealed and you discover your entire life is a lie? How do you still feel joy for people who loved you? Should you even still love them, or is what they did too great to forgive? How do you even know who you are when your past has been covered up so thoroughly for so long? How do you go on living? And who do you blame and question when the people who were behind this secret are dead? Wilkerson explores these questions in her novella from the Good Intentions Collection as the narrator discovers a jarring secret while she is rummaging through her late mother’s boxes. Deluge focuses on this morally grey area of motherhood in a really interesting way and raises some valid critiques while still portraying that nothing is ever black and white.
“The truth was rarely told in its entirety. The full story of your origins did not spring up clean and cool out of the ground, but gurgled and spat and had to be picked clear of the mud like a stranded crayfish, it’s legs flailing in slow, spindly motion.”
Shoutout to S and their brilliant review for encouraging me to pick up this one as my next read in this collection. With the utilization of second person point-of-view and her incredible prose, Wilkerson makes the reader feel the grief and confusion that the narrator feels in such a vivid way. We are pulled through this confusion and unraveling of the narrator’s life as though we are her, making the emotional effect extra strong. While there is anger, there is mainly sadness and confusion and this sense of lostness as the narrator’s life is upended. Who is she really? Should she love her mother?
“This was how a story could seep into the bones of your identity and into the foundation of your home.”
This topic reminds me a bit of the main subplot in Little Fires Everywhere as it raises hard questions with incredible grey areas about who has the right to do something that they think is helping when it requires hurting an existing family. This book really feels like a gut punch as you feel unmeasurable amounts of betrayal and hurt and have nowhere to put them. Someone else made a decision that impacted you and your family without your consent and now you have to live with the consequences. Now you have to ask questions you’ll never have an answer to and all you can really do is learn to be okay with that.
“Because a person can fail another person and still do right by them.”
Both short stories I’ve read in this collection (this and Mother Country) have been incredibly impactful in different ways and I am eagerly looking forward to continuing with the collection. This was the first Charmaine Wilkerson I’ve read and I really loved her writing style as well and am excited to get to her full length novel soon.
“I wish I had understood what you endured back then, how much you sacrificed. I wish I had learned to reserve judgement. Dear Mama, I begin. Maybe th “I wish I had understood what you endured back then, how much you sacrificed. I wish I had learned to reserve judgement. Dear Mama, I begin. Maybe this way I can reach you at last.”
This short story is a heartbreaking letter to our second-generation Palestinian-American immigrant main character’s estranged mother. Rum does an excellent job showing this war that our main character faces between the expectations that come with growing up in as a second-generation immigrant in a religious, conservative household and her dreams that don’t necessarily align with the lifestyle everyone wants for her.
“What do you mean, all that had been done? I can hear you say now, your voice trembling. You make it sound like you were tortured, like I was some sort of monster. I gave you everything I had, sacrificed my life for you.”
A lot of this letter is about the trauma that came from her upbringing, specifically from her mother, but a lot of it also shows this understanding and forgiveness she feels towards her mother. While she is critical of her mother, she also understands her and recognizes that her mother was killing herself to give her children the best life she thought she could have. Tears were shed as I listened to our main character reminisce on her relationship with her mother and finally find it in her to forgive and understand her while still understanding the trauma that came from her.
“I had ideas about motherhood. Mostly based on my relationship with you. I was afraid I would hurt my little girl, that I wouldn’t be good enough for her. I was afraid she would see all the ugliness you saw in me. But what if I was better? What if I did things differently?”
A major focus of this book is generational trauma, specifically in immigrant families. Rum does a fantastic job portraying the cycle of generational trauma and how hard it is to break that cycle, no matter how hard you try. The glimpses we get of the main character with her daughter are not always pretty. They’re raw and highlight the fears that have been hammered into our main character’s heart. What if she turns out like her mother? What if her mother was right and her daughter hates her? While the end is hopeful, it is not complete, showing the amount of work you have to keep putting in to break that cycle.
“I want to continue, want to shed my guilt and let go of old grievances, want to bridge the miles and years between us. But my flight is boarding now and I have to go.”
I’ve been looking to pick up some of Etaf Rum’s works for a while now, so when I saw this 50 page novella from Amazon’s “Good Intentions” collection I had to grab it. This sad yet hopeful look at motherhood made me increasingly excited to check out Etaf Rum’s full length works and to continue this collection of short stories....more
“I have lived a long time, and the longer I live, the more it surprises me, and saddens me, how wise the young must become to live in this world.” I “I have lived a long time, and the longer I live, the more it surprises me, and saddens me, how wise the young must become to live in this world.” In a theatre between worlds, you are shown the tale of the destruction of the Moon Throne - a powerful family dynasty who caused extreme pain to pretty much everyone. You follow Jun, beloved son of the First Terror, the heir to the Moon Throne, and Keema, a one armed man who has spent many days working at a gate outside of the city as they work to fulfill the Moon Goddesses last request - that they help her destroy her sons (The Three Terrors) and then lay her to rest in the East so that a new Moon may rise. We see this journey unfold in 3 points of view. First person - during the play, actors stop and tell the thoughts of the civilians, many of whom are suffering the most during this brutal rule. Second person - You are the one who has come to the theatre with the family spear, and you are here to watch the performance with the other shades. During this time you also have flashbacks with your family in your present day, allowing readers to gain knowledge on who you are and how this myth has survived for thousands of years. Third person - this is how we see the story of Keema and Jun unfold. I was pleasantly surprised to see sections with second person pov as it is by far my favorite perspective, even though I very rarely come across it. The way this story weaves in the povs is so unique and wonderfully done, the writing is really such a big part of the plot in this way. “This is a love story to its blade-dented bone.” The relationship between Jun and Keema is such a beautiful and human thing to witness. We see as this mistrustful pair eventually ends up having a true love story, even if it is in the background of the myth. “Why is this my story?” This book is an experience more than anything else as we’re dropped into a story stumbled upon in a theatre in a dream of a man who was told stories by his lola years ago. It’s magical in an all consuming way, reminiscent of a story that belongs to a ghibli movie. It feels like you are reading a myth. I won't say more than that because this is a book you truly have to experience (which is why I’m being so vague with everything in general). It is one of the most immersive books I have ever read and was by far the most beautiful fantasy book I have ever read. This book is truly a masterpiece of this generation and I am so glad I took my sweet time reading it. 4.5/5...more
Might mess around and actually start my June bookclub book in the month of June. (it's a reread) (we are meeting in July) (I literally chose new rtc!
Might mess around and actually start my June bookclub book in the month of June. (it's a reread) (we are meeting in July) (I literally chose this book)
June 2023: I'll reread this at some point and then I'll have a better thought out review that will justify the beauty and importance of this book, but, for now, take this little paragraph and read this book before summer's end.
"We give and take love for one night, maybe a couple of weeks. But not longer than that. There is too much resentment. Too much hatred. You live for pleasure if you’re like this, and hope the police won’t stop you." ...more
A Dowry of Blood is a letter to Dracula from one of his brides, Constanta, explaining why she and his other brides decided to kill him. We follow Co A Dowry of Blood is a letter to Dracula from one of his brides, Constanta, explaining why she and his other brides decided to kill him. We follow Constanta from when she was turned by Dracula in Romania; to traveling through Europe during plague years, being completely isolated; to meeting Magdalena, a sharp politically minded woman soon to be their new bride; to meeting Alexi, a young actor who loves art and poetry and entertaining his friends above all. She writes as if she is writing a confession, which I suppose she is. While this is (obviously) a vampire book, the real story is pretty clearly about abusive relationships between the narcissistic Dracula and his three brides.
"I will render you as you really were, neither cast in pristine stained glass or unholy fire. I will make you into nothing more than a man, tender and brutal in equal measure, and perhaps in doing so I will justify myself to you. To my own haunted conscience." While this is in part a confession, it is also an attempt for Constanta to reclaim her power and voice. In one line Constanta says, "You did not let me keep my name, so I will strip you of yours." True to her word, the name Dracula is not mentioned a single time in this book, reclaiming her story and life for herself. We watch for hundreds of years as Constanta is left completely isolated from anyone except Dracula and the rage he does feel when she even thinks about getting close to anyone else. Through short interactions, we see how he has been manipulating her and how he ensures she is completely subservient to him before he thinks of bringing a new member into the fold. It isn't until their two new lovers are abused in a similar way that Constanta even dreams of leaving.
"But I wondered if the Creator of the day also dwelled in night, guiding us all in the darkness. Perhaps I had not been forsaken when I made the night my eternal home." While a lot of the stigmas that existed back when vampire novels were gaining popularity are not as prevalent now, vampire novels really do shine when the "unholy" vampires are used to represent something "other" (queerness, promiscuity, faithlessness, ...). In this book and An Education in Malice vampirism is tied into queerness and polyamory in pretty obvious ways; however, neither these acts nor the actual vampirism is ever called out as "unholy" by Gibson. In fact, the opposite is true. The main characters in these two books keep their religion strong throughout their journey with vampirism and have distinct moments where they talk about how they have NOT been turned away from God, despite their "unholiness". I found this to be a particularly moving small touch and a nice deviance from the classic vampire novels, while still keeping with the themes of what vampirism tends to represent.
"Love makes monsters of us, Constanta, and not everyone is cut out for monstrosity." As we follow Constanta's life, we see a different kind of love bloom between her and Dracula's other brides, Magdalena and Alexi. This softer, yet still romantic, love is really what allows her and the others to break free of the grips of an abusive relationship and save each other. While it wasn't at the forefront, I really loved seeing their relationships unfold, contrasting each of their relationships with Dracula, and finally giving them the strength to break free.
"There was no huge argument that predicated my decision to betray you, no ultimate act of tyranny. I simply broke under the weight of a thousand tense nights, a thousand thoughtless, soul-stripping words." This book touches on such an important topic and, while I'm not in a place to say if it was well done or not, it was incredibly moving and beautifully written. I have always loved vampires, but I have a feeling that S.T. Gibson's will always be my favorite.
Had to reread this one to finally give it a proper review.
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