Hot Millions (1968)
Peter Ustinov: Marcus Pendleton, Caesar Smith
Photos
Quotes
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Marcus Pendleton : After all, no greatness is possible without a little intelligent madness, is it?
Carlton J. Klemper : Ah, you put that beautifully. Let me write that down.
Marcus Pendleton : Well now, give credit where credit is due, sir. I believe it was Hitler who said that, sir.
Carlton J. Klemper : It just goes to show you - there's nothing new under the sun. Nothing changes but man's capability for change.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, that's lovely too. Who said that?
Carlton J. Klemper : Napoleon.
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Marcus Pendleton : [Discussing his dream of a musical career] You can't afford an orchestra and, I mean, even the baton's become prohibitive with the new tax slapped on it.
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Marcus Pendleton : You are straining my credulity, my dear.
Mrs. Lubbock : Your what?
Marcus Pendleton : Nevermind.
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Prison Governor : Remember that science is catching up with the embezzler, hmmm? You were caught by a computer, not by the police. It's going to put embezzlers irrevocably out of business.
Marcus Pendleton : The way I see it, sir, science is closing in on all of us, isn't it?
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Patty : What's he want?
Marcus Pendleton : Assets.
Patty : What are they?
Marcus Pendleton : Young female donkeys.
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Prison Governor : Marcus... you still here? It's 12:30.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm just finishing your income tax returns.
Prison Governor : [as he shuts the cell door so they are alone] Oh, that's very kind. But you know we like our prisoners to leave at mid-day on the day of departure. I do, um, think about putting a notice up in every cell.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, that's a very good idea. It'd liven up the old walls. There you are, sir, if I may.
[He hands the tax papers to the governor]
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Prison Governor : 400 pounds rebate? On my salary? I could end up in jail.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, no. These things are open to interpretation. All I'm doing is to interpret the rules in a manner favorable to you.
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Prison Governor : You should be in politics, not in prison.
Marcus Pendleton : Well, in a way, I was, wasn't I? When they caught me embezzling at the Conservative Central Office.
Prison Governor : Yes, I could never understand why you chose that of all places.
Marcus Pendleton : [after a pause, says sternly] I'm a Liberal.
Prison Governor : Oh.
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Marcus Pendleton : [Handing the tax forms to the governor] I've taken the liberty of signing for you, sir, if you'll just check the signature.
Prison Governor : [Looks over the tax return] Good grief!
Marcus Pendleton : Anything like it? It's not the only trade I learned here, sir.
Prison Governor : No... well, we do our best...
Marcus Pendleton : I'll always be grateful for it, sir.
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Gentlemans Club Member : Is this your first time at the club?
Marcus Pendleton : This club, yes! I'm just down from the North.
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Carlton J. Klemper : You have a very impressive background, Mr. Smith. Marvelous references.
Marcus Pendleton : [as Caesar Smith] I like to think so, Sir. It took quite a lot of time and ingenuity to lay my hands on them.
Carlton J. Klemper : Humor. One of the three great H's in my book. Humor, humility and honesty.
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Carlton J. Klemper : Yes sir! When the time comes, I may even put in a bid for all of England.
Marcus Pendleton : Hadn't you better wait till it's solvent?
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Patty : What do you want me to do?
Marcus Pendleton : [as Caesar Smith] Well, I want you to look as though you're doing something.
Patty : Oh.
Marcus Pendleton : That's half the battle, isn't it?
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Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I couldn't fire you. Patty. You'd starve to death.
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Carlton J. Klemper : ...it's the president of the corporation in New York. He's at that age - a senior citizen. A little more "senior" than "citizen." In fact, he's been seen playing golf without a ball lately.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, dear. How do you score that?
Carlton J. Klemper : He's the president of the firm. You score it so he wins!
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Patty : [after she's told Marcus that she's going to have a baby] Look, love. Are you all right?
Marcus Pendleton : I don't know. I don't know. I just know that in a few month's time, someone is going to be looking up to me for the rest of my life, and that's terrifying.
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Marcus Pendleton : 'Ere! You watch your tongue! Any idiot can steal. *I* been em-*bezz*-lin'!
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Marcus Pendleton : I suppose you can see my window from yours?
Patty : Uh, well, no... only from the kitchen.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'd better be careful to keep my curtains drawn.
Patty : I'm sure you've got nothing to hide.
Marcus Pendleton : Myself.
Patty : Oh, heh, heh.
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Patty : It's just I'm sorry about the curry.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, no mind about that. I was dreading that. You know, I hate curry.
Patty : Do you?
Marcus Pendleton : Yeah.
Patty : Yeah, I hate it too. It's vile idn't it?
Marcus Pendleton : Vile. It is vile. Yes, it is.
Patty : I've got a couple of bangers if you'd like them.
Marcus Pendleton : Well, now, look here, I don't want to impose.
Patty : Oh, well, shut up. Light the candles. They're on the mantlepiece.
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Patty : Why don't you marry me?
Marcus Pendleton : You poppin' the question?
Patty : Well, it's gotta be popped, idn't it?
Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, you put it that way, yes.
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Marcus Pendleton : Have a deck of cards?
Patty : Yeah, in that dr... hey, you're not gonna start playin' cards. I just asked you to marry me.
Marcus Pendleton : I know, but if you shuffle them and then cut with the queen of hearts I'll marry you
Patty : Oh, you will. Yeah, let's get the cards.
[after many cuts, she exposes the queen of hearts]
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Marcus Pendleton : [after Patty tells him she is pregnant] I'll be expected to tell him the facts of life when I'm just beginning to discover them myself.
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Patty : It's money, idn't it.
Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, they told me it was. Yes. I wouldn't believe them at first.
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Marcus Pendleton : You know, Mr. Klemper, sir, a criminal is lost without information. And it matters little to his twisted mind whence that information comes.
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Patty : Mr. Smith, are you afraid of women?
Marcus Pendleton : No. Why should I be? Women? No. Oh, mark you, I haven't known very many in my life, apart from mother.
Patty : You were fond of your mother, is that it?
Marcus Pendleton : No, no. I hated her. Very hateful. She couldn't cook, you see, and all through my youth, I remember having to eat the muck she dished up and pretend to like it. She was very sensitive, quite apart from being a bad cook.
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Patty : [He's brought home a large zippered satchel filled with cash] What you got in here? It weighs a ton.
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, open it up. I've got no secrets from you.
Patty : What you brought back? Dear, this is money, idn't it?
Marcus Pendleton : Yeah. They told me it was, yes. I wouldn't believe them at first.
Patty : There's about 1 million pounds here.
Marcus Pendleton : You've got the exact right figure, you have. I got a slight raise.
Patty : Where did you get... You would never. You've been stealing!
Marcus Pendleton : Well, you want to be careful what you say, you know. Any fool can steal. Everybody does a bit. I've been embezzling.
Patty : Is that what you've been doing on all them trips? Yeah, I thought it was the "other" you were doing.
Marcus Pendleton : I would never do anything dishonest like that. Patty!
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Caesar Smith : Are you offering me a job?
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, yes.
Caesar Smith : Oh, I was afraid of that. Please don't.
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Marcus Pendleton : I happen to be a bachelor, but, I've got my passion too. Not moths. I'm not a moth man. I think, I don't want to be a moth man. But, I appreciate moth men.
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Marcus Pendleton : I'm just on the lookout for a good computer man.
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Marcus Pendleton : Why'd you take your dress off?
Patty : Well, look at this filthy, rotten ribbon, I don't want to get it dirty, do I?
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Marcus Pendleton : Any particular time?
Patty : What for? Oh, no! No. I'm easy.
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Marcus Pendleton : Hand in a confidential report, to me, of your management concepts. I don't care what's in there, so long as its confidential. Make it look good. Whether its true or not, I leave that to you.
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Marcus Pendleton : [pretending to be Caesar Smith] We have got a one million pound computer next door, why don't we ask it?
Carlton J. Klemper : You're right Caesar. We're still in bad habit of using our own minds, aren't we.
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Patty : We both got our pride, didn't we, that's the trouble. I'm not the only one, eh?
Marcus Pendleton : No, you're not. No.
Patty : Be more economical, wouldn't it, if we could share our pride. You know, kind of wend pride between two.
Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, well how can you do that?
Patty : Well, there must be a way.
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Marcus Pendleton : That's what comes out of loneliness, see?
Patty : Are you pleased?
Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'm delighted you're going to be a mum. And I'm going to be a dad. Yeah, I'll be expected to tell it the facts of life, won't I, when I've only just discovered a few of them now myself.
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[last lines]
Marcus Pendleton : How are you? All right?
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Patty : You can go to jail for embezzling, can't you?
Marcus Pendleton : Yes, that's why I'll have dinner on the plane, see.
Patty : I see. You gonna keep it, are you?
Marcus Pendleton : That was my intention, yes.
Patty : Well, I better get used to it, hadn't I?
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Marcus Pendleton : Patty! You're a bloody marvel, you are.
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Marcus Pendleton : A midwife needs a baby, right? An undertaker needs a corpse, right? An insurance company needs an accounts embezzler! They ought to be grateful for me. I'm reminding them what they're in business for.
Carlton J. Klemper : There's a sort of lunatic poetry in what you say.
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Patty : I know why men go to Paris. I'm not daft.
Marcus Pendleton : It so happens that nowadays even the French come over to London for *that*.
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Marcus Pendleton : This is a getaway, isn't it. It's not a paper chase.
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Marcus Pendleton : A criminal is lost without information, and it matters little to his twisted mind whence that information comes.
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Patty : 'Ere, what's that funny smell? It's like burning rubber.
Marcus Pendleton : Ah, that smell you get when you've got the air conditioning turned on to "Fresh air".