Volume V, Issue 2

Spring 2011

COMPANIONS ON A JOURNEY CONCLUDES 2010-2011 TEENS IN GRIEF PROGRAM TEENS SPEAK OUT
Companions on a Journey has completed its 2010-2011 Teens in Grief Program. This season, we served approximately 250-300 teens per month with 12 groups in nine schools plus our Mending Hearts Childrens Program. Following are a few of the things weve learned from our teens this year: How They Feel Cheated, Afraid, Guilty, Angry, Worried, Stuck, Fearful, Exhausted, Confused, Stigmatized, Ashamed, Frustrated, Happy, Mad at the person who died ... They want to get on with life, but dont know how. What Helps Group, Working, School, Sleep, Family, Friends, Electronics, Sports, Just Hanging OutSelf Time, Spiritual What They Like About the Teens In Grief Program Activities; other teens are experiencing the same things I am; you can say anything in this group, were like family; the food; learning how others are dealing with it; knowing I am not alone; the ability to listen to other ways of grieving; being able to talk about our emotions. Their Advice for Other Teens Experiencing Grief If possible, go to a grief groupit really helps; dont bottle up your feelings; stay positive; put your trust in God; things will get better; be open because if you close yourself off, you will never be able to deal with your grief; stay strong;

love yourself; dont give up hope-you are not alone.

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

In This Issue
Teens Speak Out .. COJ Activities .. Not All Grief is the Same (Or Is It) by Tom Kanoza.. Book Club .. Teens in Grief Lunch Donors .. The First . Walking With Angels . COJ Wish List . 1 2 3 3 4 5 6 6 Group Meetings

COJ ACTIVITIES

All groups except the Open group at Partners in Prime are from 7:009:00 p.m. at the specified location. If you have not attended a support group, please call the facilitator so that they will know to expect you. All groups meet through June. July and August schedules are varied, please call for further information. SUPPORT GROUPS Understanding Your Grief Orientation, 1st Tuesday, Lower level of Edward Jones
Building, 8859 Cincinnati-Dayton Road, West Chester, OH 45069. Contact Tom Kanoza, 870-9108. Open Grief Parent, Sibling, Friend, 2nd & 4th Tuesday, St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish Hospitality Room, 5720 Hamilton-Mason Road, Liberty Township, OH 45011. Contact Celeste Teaford, 777-4485 or Linda Sullivan, 755-9433 Perinatal/Neonatal Support Group, 1st Monday, St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish Hospitality Room, 5720 Hamilton-Mason Road, Liberty Township, OH 45011. Contact Linda Sullivan, 755-9433

Mission
To reach out to those who grieve and educate those who do not understand and offer faith based grief support to individuals, schools, businesses and organizations.

Surviving After the Death of a Suicide, 1st Tuesday, St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish Hospitality Room, 5720 Hamilton-Mason Road, Liberty Township, OH 45011. Contact Sheila Munafo-Kanoza, 870-9108. Bereaved Parents, 1st & 3rd Wednesday, Indiana Wesleyan University, 9286
Schulze Drive, West Chester, OH 45069. Contact Linda Sullivan, 755-9433. Young Adult, 3rd Monday, lower level of the Edward Jones building, 8859 Cincinnati-Dayton Road, West Chester, OH 45069. Contact Sheila Munafo-Kanoza, 8709108. Widowed Groups Young Widowed, New Beginning, and Living Again, meeting in various locations. Contact Sheila Munafo-Kanoza or Tom Kanoza, 870-9108. Men in Grief, 4th Tuesday, lower level of the Edward Jones Building, 8859 Cincinnati -Dayton Road, West Chester, OH 45069. Contact Tom Kanoza, 870-9108. Partners in Prime Day Group, 2nd & 4th Wednesday, 12:30 p.m., Designed for people who are 55 years of age and older who grieve the death of a loved one. Partners in Prime location, 9090 Cox Road West Chester, Ohio 45011 Contact Linda Sullivan, 755-9433 or 515-3944 Mending Hearts, Provides peer support for children ages 5-18 years of age experiencing a loss due to the death of a loved one. Meet on the 2nd & 4th Tuesday of the month, 6:30 pm pizza; group at 7:00 pm. at the First United Methodist Church in Hamilton, OH. For more information or to register please call Becky DeLong M.S.W 513907-0209.

Vision
To be the most compassionate and effective faith based grief support organization in the Tri-State area. To this end, we seek to establish a Bereavement Center where individuals, families and groups any stage of their grief, can come and find companionship, healing, comfort, education and strength.

OUTINGS Lunch Bunch: Lunch Bunch for widowed groups meets at 11:30 a.m. once a month
at a local restaurant. RSVP to Cheri Cross at 513-942-6041. Dinner Group: The Widowed/Widower Dinner Group meets for dinner once a month at a local restaurant. Contact Russ Pennavaria at [email protected] or 513779-0342. Biking Group: Bikes the Loveland Bike trail each Tuesday, weather permitting. Contact Ed Bernath, 683-0451 or cell 405-6705. Travel Group: Coordinator needed! Coordinate and plan trips for widowed groups, long or short, far or abroad! If interested, please contact Linda, 755-9433 or Sheila, 870-9108.

COJ is a faith based social service organization which provides bereavement support and educational services for teens and adults. COJ does not provide any counseling or related services which require a license under Chapter 4757 of the Ohio Revised Code. COJ is a section 501 (c)(3) organization.

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

NOT ALL GRIEF IS THE SAME (Or is It?)

By Tom Kanoza Several of my previous articles spoke of my grief as a widower. I shared that my wife, Sue, died after a 17-day battle with leukemia. I mentioned the numbness, loneliness, and the ugliness, as I had to make changes in my life. learning, wanting to find the truth. I wanted to find the truth too. I want to feel better. I miss him.

During his memorial service my brothers, mom, and I paid tribute to his life. When my brothers gave their tributes, I saw my dad in their mannerisms, inflections, and I now know that I needed to live with my grief, not go laughter. I realized in an instant that I was my dad and my around it, not go through it, not avoid it, but embrace it in dad was in me. a way that I can live the remainder of my life knowing that Sue is with me and that my life is forever changed as I had to work very hard to change the relationship I had a result. What I had to do was take a physical relationship with Sue; she is with me now. The challenge for me in and turn it into a spiritual one. A relationship that was dealing with my dads loss will be the physical touch, the conversations and understanding our individual searches special only to me. for the truth. I feel comfortable knowing that I carry his My father, Daniel, recently passed from a year long battle spirit; he is with me now. with cancer. I was 5 minutes late to Hospice to be there when he died. I felt cheated, angry, and numb. If I only would have hung up the phone earlier, or drove the car faster. I was there for Sue, why could I not be there for my dad? My dad was an avid reader, extrovert, and liberal thinker. On the day that he died I entered his house only to find on his living room table a Bible, a Koran, a book on Jewish faith, many philosophy and history books, and several books about various religions. My dad was searching,

COMPANIONS ON A JOURNEY NEEDS YOUR HELP!

This past year COJ has expanded our services for individuals, families and children, and teens by offering various types of support groups. We have expanded our Teens in Grief Support program in the area schools and have been immediately available for crisis response in the local area. As well, we have added several adult groups. All of our services are offered free of charge to the bereaved. Unfortunately, at the moment, this is proving to be something of a financial challenge. We are in a really difficult position, and respectfully ask that you consider investing in Companions on a Journey today through a financial gift of at least $25. We are doing our best to seek new ways to increase our revenue through different sources, but we need a way to survive in the short term. In this regard, we would like to call on your generosity. Companions on a Journey is committed to reaching out to the bereaved of our community, to every teen who needs our services and to one day fulfill our vision of opening a Bereavement Center for children, teens and adults to come during all stages of their grief. Your generous donation of only $25 would make it possible to continue to provide these services free of charge and will help us to continue to expand our service to help you and your family with your bereavement needs as well as help the bereaved of our community. Together we are making a difference in the lives of the bereaved! Donations may be mailed to: Companions on a Journey, 5475 Creek Bend Drive., West Chester, OH 45069 Thank you for your support in these difficult times!

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

TEENS IN GRIEF LUNCH DONORS

The following restaurants have donated lunches for Companions on a Journey Teens in Grief Program! We could not provide this program without the assistance/support of the community. Please patronize these restaurants so they may continue to support our program!

7179 Dixie Hwy. , Fairfield, OH 45014 (513) 874-7393 4900 Fields Ertel Rd., Cincinnati, OH (513) 677-5922 6710 Roosevelt Avenue Middletown, OH 45044 (513) 424-5344

7132 Cincinnati-Dayton Road Liberty Township, OH 45011 777-0666

7132 Cincinnati-Dayton Road West Chester, OH 45069 777-7555

7328 Yankee Road Liberty Township, OH 45044 779-6300

7717 Voice of American Park Dr. West Chester, OH 45069 777-3615

9246 Schultz Drive West Chester, OH 45069 942-6646

Corporate Donation Gift Cards Redeemed at 7687 Doc Drive, West Chester, OH 755-3849 9749 Kenwood Road, Cincinnati, OH 984-4105

6084 Mulhauser Road West Chester, OH 45069 942-4074

Donated by Franchise Owners

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

Grief Hurts!
By Linda Sullivan

The First
To My Mom, Nancy Parente
Its been a year now Since you left I didnt want to believe it And even now, I still dont some days. But then when I go to call you Or see something you would have liked I am forced to face it. When I see you in my dreams I awake with a start and a sob Especially at first I woke up crying But now I pray for you to visit me in my dreams Mostly you dont Maybe so I can rest You would do that for me Because you love me. All my love couldnt keep you here Now I have to relinquish the notion That I have magic powers And can control the universe Or at least my small corner. But, how I wish I could. For I would bring you back But of course, I would neer have let you go For I am selfish And miss your unconditional love Of a very imperfect daughter One who learns things so very slowly Who cries out to others dont follow me For I am lost without you, Dear Mother.

Well, hopefully, grief does not hurt as bad as Sheila Munafo-Kanoza did after a recent fall, but the effects are real and they are painful! Grief Symptoms Include: Abandoned, Angry, Anxious, Betrayed, Cheated, Confused, Devastated, Disbelief, Empty, Exhausted, Fearful, Frantic, Frustrated, Heartbroken, Helpless, Hopeless, Lonely, Lost, Miserable, Overwhelmed, Sad Uncertain, Vulnerable, Withdrawn

Grief is as unique and individual as we are. The symptoms are not only emotional, but often physical. We may actually feel the hole in our heart, the pit in our stomach. You may have loss/increased appetite. Concentration may be difficult. We often say that if you did not have attention deficit before grief, you most surely will have it afterwards. If you have difficulty with any of these emotions, know that we are here for you. If you do not Spring is coming now bounce back up after a time, you may need professional Last spring came and went help. Without my notice So I will look at the flowers this year And hope somehow That you are standing beside me When one door closes, another door Enjoying them too.

opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us. Alexander Graham Bell

By Pam Rockwell

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

BOOK CLUB!!!
Do you like to read? Are you interested in joining a group of great ladies in reading a variety of spiritually based books? If so, please contact Fran Siegel, 520-1444 or Linda Sullivan, 755-9433 or 515-3944. We meet at a local restaurant every 4-6 weeks to discuss the latest book. A few of our favorites include: Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo

Jessica Ann Siegel is the daughter of Fran & Dan Siegel, COJ facilitators and members of our Bereaved Parents group. Jessica passed away in August 2006,

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Seasons of Grief Newsletter , Spring 2011

The Choice By Heather Alessandro

Every day I get up. Every day I make breakfast. I see If my grief experience had a satellite view, it would cer- my girls off to school, and I anxiously await their return. I keep myself busy with projects to survive. I distract my tainly seem like I was grieving the loss of my beautiful mind with the minutia of life and the dirt on the bathsix year old daughter with a grace and poise difficult to match. Since she passed away a year ago, I have gotten room floor. Because nothing is going to bring back my out of bed every day. I have played and laughed with my baby, but Comet works great on the bathroom floor. And in the end, you can only do what you can do. Hope other children, driven them to their activities and engaged in any number of social activities. I even went to seems a really long way away. Then I think, maybe if I go back to the satellite view, hope is lot closer than it my 20 year high school class reunion. seems. Upon zooming in closer, there are lines on my face, a slowness in my reaction, a raw feeling to my speech. About Hope There is a profound despair that I wear around for those By Mattie J. T. Stepanek who are very closely looking. I simply chose by sheer force of determination to not allow a greater tragedy, one where my surviving daughters are defined forever by loss Hope is a garden and sadness. Of seeds sown with tears, Planted with love My stubborn refusal to get sucked in by the pain is nothAmidst present fears. ing more than a choice to control what there is left to control. I cannot get angry with God because the fact that I believe in God means that heaven exists and is a better place. How can I be so selfish that I allow myself to be angry that my daughter gets eternal peace away from her struggles on earth? I feel the emptiness and the loneliness, the absolute need in my soul to be with her; but, that is not the road I choose to follow, no matter how tempting. I choose to envision her looking down at me and the rest of the family with hope and love; to inspire me to be a better person and to help inspire others as she did with her all to short time with us. I feel the misery of the condolences and sympathy. The sad looks and the quick head turns to avoid me. The loss of meaning, bumping around trying to fill the void of time. It is nothing short of complete devastation, but then something else will happen. Then, I feel the tiny eyes looking at me, hoping that they will be enough to fill up my heart. It is then that I will make the choice to go forwardto be a mother to my other children is the only real choice that I have. I have been blessed with the strength to make it. To avoid joy or skip Christmas would mean that my children would grow up with the albatross of griev. They will remember their parents crying and thinking to themselves, what about me, why am I not enough. Hope is a rainbow Of butterfly wings. Gently it beckons Lightly it sings. Hope is a present Of future each day. A voice from our heart To show us the way. Hope is not passive. Its real and alive. Hope is a strength To guide choices made wise. Yes, hope is a garden Grown from love and from tears, And hope which is nurtured Survives throughout the years.

May 21, 2003

Companions on a Journey Grief Support St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish 5720 Hamilton-Mason Road Liberty Township, OH 45011 OPEN TO ALL WHO GRIEVE COMPLIMENTS OF: St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish

NONPROFIT ORG. U.S. POSTAGE PAID HAMILTON, OH 45011 Permit No. 241