A GOOD WIFE WANTED

On Saturday evening, 3rd July, 1875, The Herald, Melbourne, printed the following
[emphasis added by J.T.] in its Books, Publications column which, in those days, was on page 1:

TWENTY POUNDS REWARD

POSITIVELY BONA FIDE.

I, EDWARD WILLIAM COLE of the BOOK ARCADE, Bourke Street, wish to obtain a person for a wife
with the following characteristics:

SHE MUST BE A SPINSTER of thirty-five or six years of age, good tempered, intelligent, honest,
truthful, sober, chaste, cleanly, neat, but not extravagantly or absurdly dressy; industrious, frugal,
moderately educated, and a lover of home. Any respectable, well-intentioned person who from the range
of their observation can conscientiously recommend to me an unengaged woman answering the above
description will, in the event of a marriage taking place between us in consequence of such information,
receive my sincere thanks, and the above reward directly such marriage takes place. This may be thought
by many an absurd, because unusual, way of looking for a wife; and I am quite sensible that I may he
laughed at, but. the thoughtful will not laugh, the most. that they will do in that direction will be to smile
good-humoredly, for they know that whilst. the best thing a man can have is a good wife, and the worst.
thing a bad wife, yet, in most cases, a very irrational principle of selection is followed, for that nineteen
out of every twenty of the unions that take place originate from the merest accidents of life, from a chance
meeting at a ball, at a relation's, at a friend's, at a neighbour's etc. I take what I believe to be the more
reasonable course of looking wide around to find., and when found, of ascertaining by inquiry the exact
character a woman bears in her neighbourhood, and amongst those who know her before I enter into
indissoluble intimacy with her: and I have no more hesitation in advertising for and critically examining
into the character of one who is to be my partner for life, than I should have were I merely advertising for
a business partner: and if by advertising I get a good a sensible and a suitable wife instead of an unsuitable
one, which I very likely should get in the usual way, my temporary exposure is well indemnified and my
twenty pounds is well spent.

Please address any communication to E.W. COLE, Book Arcade, Bourke Street. N.B. The strictest
confidence is, of course, guaranteed to correspondents.
(Thcn he continued:)

As I have some more space at liberty, I shall, in further explanation, enlarge somewhat on the important
points enumerated in the above notice. I state that I require a woman chaste, sober, honest., truthful,
intelligent, industrious, frugal, cleanly, neat, not dressy, good-tempered, moderately educated and a lover
of home. It may be said that my requirements as society exists arc rather fastidious; perhaps they arc, but.,
if possible, I want for a few years to get a happy home and each and every one of these qualifications in a
woman is absolutely necessary to constitute such a home. Thatt many such women exist in this country I
feel certain, and I must. try and find one of them.
SHE MUST BE SOBER, for drink, insinuating drink, is a fearfdl curse. As a destroyer of domestic
happiness it. is indeed the worst of all, the curse of curses.
SHE MUST BE CHASTE, for let even but a colourable supposition of unfaithfulness once arise, and
frequently all domestic happiness is at an end. In the marriage state both parties owe it to each other to so
conduct themselves as to be, like Caesar's ideal wife, above suspicion.
SHE MUST BE HONEST. The almost. inspired line of the poet. asscxts that. "an honest. man is the
noblest work of God" and in morals a woman is a man. SHE also, if honest, is the noblest work of God
and who would not prefer to have the noblest work of God for a wife?
SHE MUST BE INTELLIGENT. Modesty doubtless forbids me to say it, but I have some intelligence
myself, and therefore require an intelligent wife and should be miserable with an unintelligent one. It is
possible that two doltish persons may be happy in each other's company - may be mutually happy in their
common sphere of ignorance; but no intelligent. person can be happy if married to one who is unintel-
ligent. Besides, what an endless round of small intellectual pleasures two intelligent persons enjoy from
the frequent. conversations, and interchange of ideas during life-time passed in the same house, and, as it
were, in each others arms.
SHE MUST BE CLEANLY, for cleanliness is necessary to comfort, is necessary to health, is necessary to
gain the respect of all decent people, and, in fact, as the wise man says, is next to godliness, or goodness
itself, and is absolutely necessary to make a home happy.
SHE MUST BE INDUSTRIOUS, for industry occupies the mind, makes the time lighter, makes the food
sweeter, makes the sleep sounder, makes the person healthier, makes the person wealthier, makes the
person wiser, makes the person worthier, and makes the home happier.
SHE MUST BE NEAT IN DRESS, and not extravagant or absurd; and on this point. I shall speak very
plainly. One of the greatest causes of unhappy homes, and one of the greatest curses to the well-being of
the civilised world, is the inordinate, the almost insane love of unnecessary dress in women. It has made,
and does make millions of homes unhappy that might. otherwise be happy; it has indirectly sent. and is
sending thousands and tens of thousands of striving honest men through the Insolvency Court, and to
prison for debt.. The commercial crisis that passed over the United States a few years ago, ruining
thousands, was admittedly caused by the thoughtless extravagance of the women; and the same cause is
heavily felt at all times in millions of households throughout Christendom. It indirectly, more than any
other thing, causes and fosters the social evil throughout the land, for it prevents myriads of men with
limited incomes from marrying when they know that, mainly through the extravagance of women in dress
and et ceteras, entering the marriage state, much as they would otherwise wish it, is but simply stepping
voluntarily into a life of perpetual slavery. Hence the large proportion of unmarried men and women in
society and the deplorable but. inevitable evils resulting therefrom. And in what, does all this extravagant
costliness culminate? In foolish fashions, in downright absurdities, and which seem to be increasingly
increasing, for lately every fashion book, and in fact, almost every illustrated book we see, teems with
representations of these wasteful monstrosities. How many hundreds of women who have become slaves
to this infatuation do we see daily trailing their dresses along the ground through the dust and mt,id and
general filth of the street, making their persons unclean, wasting maybe their husbands' hard earnings, and
making themselves ridiculous to some of the women and all the men who pass by, for there is not one man
in a thousand but more or less sneers at., despises and hates the absurd chignons, ridiculously-placed head-
dresses, silly-looking panniers or back saddles and draggling trains that disfigure and disgrace the lovely
form of woman in our streets. Of all things men most like to see women neatly and sensibly dressed from
head to foot, and their natural charms shown to the best. advantage, and I, as one of them, like to see the
same.

SHE MUST BE GOOD TEMPERED, for a sulky, a hasty, a scolding, a nagging or a fretting person is a
curse in a house, while a good-tempered one is always a joy. Certainly, of all the qualities that go to make
home happy, the most effective one is good temper, for as the poet sings:

There's not a cheaper thing on earth, Nor yet a thing more dear;
'Tis worth more than distinguished birth, Or thousands gained a year.
It maketh poverty content To sorrow whispers peace;
It is a gift from Heaven sent For mortals to increase.
It meets you with a smile at morn; It lulls you to repose;
A flower for peer and peasant born; An everlasting rose.
A charm to banish grief away, To free the brow from care;
Turns tears to smiles, makes dullness gay, Spreads gladness everywhere.
Good temper 'tis the choicest gift That woman homeward brings;
And can the poorest peasant lift To bliss unknown to kings.
Good temper 'tis the sweetest charm To man or woman given;
The ills of life its powers disarm, And makes this earth a heaven!

...............................
OF COURSE it would turn out to be another of his stunts people said. This seems to have been the almost
unanimous view of Melbourne's men. Women were more inclined to read it through carefully a second
time. Whether it was going to turn out that Cole's real intention was to advertise Cole's Book Arcade or
whether the resultant boost in business was incidental, a boost there certainly was. That Saturday evening
was the busiest the staff could remember. Furthermore, there was an "atmosphere" about it which was
memorably distinct from the excitement which always pervades a shop that is busy...
Cole seems to have kept his own council, and let acquaintances, staff, and customers shake their heads or
nod or snigger as they would.

A GOOD HUSBAND
SHe received only one really worthwhile response: IR, I have very carefully read your letter in the Herald
and I think it is a very sensible one. For my part I think it a very serious thing to get
married, and if there were more thought as I do, I think there would be fewer unhappy unions.
I have been a little over twelve months in Victoria. I am a Tasmanian, and if ever you have visited that
island you could not but remark the difference between the people there and here, so sociable and friendly.
People here tell me I should not say I come from Tasmania because of unfortunate aspects of its history,
but I will stick up for my island home as long as I have breath, for my family are highly respectable, and
there has never been a stain on one of our names.
I thought I would tell you I was a Tasmanian in the first place, for you might be one of the narrow-minded
ones, though I hardly think so by your sensible remarks. I have made the acquaintance of a few gentlemen
in Victoria, and what I have met do not come up to my ideas of a good husband. I do not care so much
about. a pretty face (though I like to see one as well as most people). I would sooner have good sense and
good temper any day. I am not pretty myself, for I am a little dark thing with dark eyes and hair, and
nearly thirty years old.
I want someone to love and take care of me, someone I can look up to and respect, one who is good-
tempered, sober, good-principled, industrious, honest, and kind, and I am sure it will not be my fault if I
do not make him a good wife.
I have received a very good education, and have been brought up to do everything from making a pudding
to playing the piano. I am rather hard to please, for I intend to look before I leap. You could not blame me
for that. So if you think you would like to make my acquaintance you can do so by addressing a letter to
Tasman, Post Office, Melbourne, and I will see you if you wish it.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Above excerpts arc from Cole of the Book Arcade, A
Biography of E.W. Cole, by Cole Turnlcy, 1974.
He was 43 and she 30 and their marriage worked out wonderfully well. Note that their marriage preceded
their romantic love Sadly, religion is omitted from their requirements. They had four children in six years
and made a very happy home together.
Incidentally, it led Cole to realize that there was aa dearth of books that children would be likely to enjoy -
and this led him to his Cole's Funny Picture Book, The Funniest Picture Book in the Word, 1879, and its
sequel, n. 2, for which he is justly famous.
More Thoughts for Job Seekers
• The assemblage of an impressive portfolio.
• The dozen most commonly asked questions put by selection committees, whereby parents can get
their sons and daughters to practice their responses.

1. DRESS so as to honour the interviewer.

This makes a good impression, but do not show off by over-dressing. In the ugly and ungraceful age in
which we live, too few men and women, and fewer boys and girls, know how to dress appropriately for an
occasion. Many priests do not know either. Too easily we are swayed by peers and feelings, not by
something more noble. Dressing includes grooming.
2. LOOK the interviewer in the eye.
It shows self-confidence, sincerity, and eagerness to please, and it helps conquer shyness. This matter may
need remedial drill at home.
3. SMILE when you are smiled at.
Smiling shows good will. Looking stolid or dour conceals it. If you do not feel like smiling, make yourself
smile. Practise it in a mirror (like doing you're hair or making sure you're washed and shaved). This is not
hypocrisy, rather it helps you become what you would like to be - just as kneeling with the body helps the
soul to be humble before God.
Now, being the eccentric sort of thinker that I am, I thought we might bring the number of points of
behaviour up to seven:
4. STAND to honour someone's arrival.
5. SIT only when invited to do so.
And don't slouch (and never hover when asked to sit).
6. SPEAK correctly:
Avoid `yep' and `nope', and say `please' and `thank you'.
7. OPEN & SHUT doors quietly.

FINALLY, the social drills give security to the shy and nervous - that's in Bush Boys on the Move, p, 184:
"For his part, Kev know that, shyness would have crippled him and for the first time, he understood the
security of social drills."

Hilaire Belloc's poem Courtesy says:

Of Courtesy it is much less
Than courage of Heart or Holiness,
Yet in my walks it seems to me
That the Grace of God is in Courtesy.

29th June, 2004 Cardinal Newman Catechist Consultants Catechetical News

Father James Tierney Phone/Fax/Recorder 02 4829 0297
Ph/fx 02 4829 0297 Laureleigh, 1585 Taralga Road, Tarl.o NSW 2580