Emotional

Intelligence

for teens
ages 13-18
Revised as of 28 January 03
 Note to Parents

Emotional Intelligence is a wide range of skills that children of all ages can
develop and improve. These skills are critical for emotional well-being and life
success.

This section of the Youth Deployment Activity Guide is designed to give you
additional age appropriate resources that are helpful in teaching your child
about emotions. The emotional and social skills that are presented were
written in order to help you grow your child.

The sections include Intrapersonal Skills, Interpersonal Skills, Adaptability,

Stress Management and General Mood. Each section is further divided into
sub-skills that address such things as Problem Solving, Happiness, Flexibility
and other critical emotional and social competencies.

We encourage you to use these activities throughout the deployment process

and beyond.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Emotional Intelligence Activities
Ages 13-18

InTRApersonal Scale
Self Regard.............................................. Lay It On The Line
Name Game
Emotional Self-Awareness ......................Today I Feel
I Am
Assertiveness ..........................................Am I Assertive?
Get A Grip On Anger
Independence ..........................................Setting Goals
To Do List
Self-Actualization ...................................Teen Spotlight
Confidence Exam

InTERpersonal Scale
Empathy................................................... Dear Responsible Friend
High Five
Social Responsibility ................................Focus Group
Overcoming Problems
Interpersonal Relationship ......................Fishing For Compliments
If I Had A Million Dollars

Adaptability Scale
Reality Testing .........................................Things Are Not Always as They Seem
Understanding Emotions
Flexibility..................................................Responsibility Journal
But We Always Do It This Way
Problem Solving .......................................Möbius Strip
How I See It!

Stress Management
Stress Tolerance .....................................Take A Look At This
Stress Journal
Impulse Control....................................... Don’t Lose Your Cool
Emotional Squares

General Mood Scale

Optimism.................................................. It’s All In Your Head
Extra, Extra, Read All About It
Happiness ................................................HaHa
The Best Day Of My Life

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Lay it on the line
Self-regard is the ability to respect and accept oneself as you are. Place an X on the chart
below to indicate on each line where you rate yourself. In which areas are you satisfied or
dissatisfied? What could you do to improve the areas that need improvement?
Note: Balance is the key.

Total Slob Neat Freak

Room should be condemned. Room is spotless…you could eat off the floor.

Hot Head Cool Operator

Get angry about every little thing. Takes a great deal to get me angry.

Class Clown Quiet and Reserved

I say things that usually make others laugh. I rarely tell jokes.

Total Jock Non-Athletic

I love playing sports. I am not the least bit interested in sports.

Pessimist Optimist
I see the glass half empty. I see the glass half full.

Leader Follower
I have to be the boss. I never want to be in charge.

Chatterbox All Ears

I love to talk. I’d rather listen.

My Lips are Sealed Gossiper

I would never spread rumors. I love to tell “juicy” stories.

Couch Potato Health Fanatic

TV and some junk food for me. Exercise and healthy foods are a must.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Name Game
In the one of the blank shapes below, vertically, write your first and last name.
Using the letters of your name, create words that express your positive
traits. (Refer to the example given.)

Use the remaining shape to write the first and last name of someone J joyful
who has influenced your life. Using the letters of their name, create A assertive
words that express why they have influenced you. N nice
Example: E energetic

D delightful
O optimistic
E even tempered

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Learn to deal with your feelings in a positive way.

Today I Feel…
Use the picture below to identify how you feel today. Once you determine your emotional
feelings, you can respond by making smart choices as you interact with others throughout
the day. Recognizing your feelings and making a conscious decision to react positively to
your feelings is the difference between a good day and a bad day. You have the capability
to make this the best day of your life.

How do you feel today?

Revised as of 28 January 03
 I Am…
Emotional self-awareness is the ability to
recognize one’s feelings. In the spaces below
complete each statement based on how you
feel. Use the blanks to add your own feeling
words.

Example:
I am most happy when _______________________________________________________ .
I feel embarrassed when ____________________________________________________ .
I think negative thoughts about myself when ________________________________ .

I am ______________when ____________________________________________________ .
I feel _____________when ____________________________________________________ .
I think ________________about _________________when ________________________ .

I am ______________when ____________________________________________________ .
I feel _____________when ____________________________________________________ .
I think ________________about _________________when ________________________ .

I am ______________when ____________________________________________________ .
I feel _____________when ____________________________________________________ .
I think ________________about _________________when ________________________ .

I am ______________when ____________________________________________________ .
I feel _____________when ____________________________________________________ .
I think ________________about _________________when ________________________ .

Finish this statement: I think the world needs…

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Am I Assertive?

Assertiveness is the ability to express your wishes and beliefs in a positive way.
Too little assertiveness can make you a doormat. Too much, and we can be
bossy and aggressive.

Think of a time when you were a doormat.

What happened? _____________________________________________________________

What did you do? ____________________________________________________________

How did you feel? ____________________________________________________________

Now, think of a better way to handle that situation in the future. Write a
better response and practice it.

Think of a time when you were too bossy.

What happened? _____________________________________________________________

What did you do? ____________________________________________________________

How did you feel? ____________________________________________________________

Now, think of a better way to handle that situation in the future. Write a
better response and practice it.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Get a Grip on Anger
Sometimes people use anger to get their way.
Being assertive doesn’t mean getting your way;
it means that you can express your wishes and
beliefs in a positive non-destructive way. Some
examples of how people deal with anger are
listed below. Brainstorm some ways that are
used to deal with anger. Include both good and
bad methods. When you have finished with a
list, go back and place an asterisk (*) in the
boxes of the methods that are healthy ways to
deal with anger. It really isn’t
“My Way or Else!”

Throw things_______________ _________________________

Scream___________________ _________________________

Count to 10________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________
Revised as of 28 January 03
Setting Goals
Listed below are guidelines for setting goals that will help you achieve independence.
Answer the questions and try setting some reasonable goals for yourself. Goals are easier to
accomplish when they are clear, specific, and broken down into steps you can manage and
measure.

How to Set Goals

1. Understand Yourself
What do you do well?
What do you enjoy doing?
What are the most important things in your life?
2. Make Clear, Specific Goals
A goal should tell you exactly what you want and should be measurable. For example, “I want to
score ten goals in soccer this season” is both clear and specific.
3. Goals Should Be Positive
Say “I want to lose 5 pounds before the prom” rather than “I will never fit into my dress.”
4. Set Time Limits
Give yourself a reasonable deadline in which to accomplish your goal.
5. Break Your Long Term Goals Down Into Smaller Parts
If your ultimate goal is to be a professional basketball player, a realistic, specific short-term
goal would be to make the varsity basketball team this year.
6. Write Your Goals Down
Keeping your written goals where you can see them will help keep you focused on achieving
them.
7. Check Your Progress
Evaluate your progress towards your goals. Are you doing what needs to be done to meet
your goals? If not, what can you do to get back on target?

Now, It’s Your Turn

Write three clear, specific, manageable goals for this

coming week:

1.

2.

3.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 To Do List
On the form below list all of your assignments, after school activities, practices,
community events, appointments, etc. Use the “to do list” as a guide to assist you
in managing your time wisely. Include as much information as possible for each
event. Draw a line through each item as you finish it.

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Teen Spotlight

Self-actualization is the ability to set goals and feel that you are accomplishing
those goals. Using the newspaper layout below, design a newspaper highlighting
YOURSELF. Include your greatest accomplishment, a self-portrait of you doing
something that you enjoy, headlines, etc. In the box at the top, give your
newspaper a unique name.

Headline

Feature story about Favorite foods

Your greatest Self-portrait
accomplishment

Funniest thing that

happened to you
Favorite songs or Story about your
groups friends

Personal ad
listing your
strengths
Your future plans

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Confidence Exam
Setting and achieving goals builds self-
actualization. This helps develop good self-
confidence. Prepare for this self-confidence exam
by taking a close look at yourself. Read each
statement then circle the number that indicates
where you think you best fit. Total the circled
numbers and check your results in the key below.

NEVER OCCASIONALLY USUALLY

1. Basically, I am satisfied with myself. 1 2 3 4 5

2. I am happy with the way I look. 1 2 3 4 5

3. I am pleased with my relationships. 1 2 3 4 5

4. I can accept criticism without getting upset. 1 2 3 4 5

5. I keep trying when things don’t go my way. 1 2 3 4 5

6. I am glad for others when good things happen. 1 2 3 4 5

7. I am willing to seek help if I need it. 1 2 3 4 5

8. I enjoy the challenge of trying new things. 1 2 3 4 5

9. I feel comfortable meeting new people. 1 2 3 4 5

10. I set goals and expectations for myself. 1 2 3 4 5

total score __________

Key
Total Score
41- 50 Your self-confidence is GREAT!
31- 40 You are mostly satisfied with yourself.
21- 30 Your self-confidence is lacking.
10- 20 You need to work on your self-confidence.

Do you have the confidence that you desire? If so, good for you! If not,
make some changes and keep trying!

Revised as of 28 January 03
Dear Responsible Friend…
Write a brief letter to someone you really trust. The letter should
consist of a request for advice concerning a real problem, present
or past. It’s ok to describe someone else’s problem, as long as you
know enough about it to be specific. Please include enough facts and clues as to the emotions of
the people involved to allow someone reading the letter to empathize with their feelings and point
of view. Sign your letter with a fictitious name. Wait until instructed to pass your letter to
another person. Once you receive a letter and read the request you must follow-up with a
response in writing.

When finished read aloud your letter and response to the group.
How much empathy did you feel for your correspondent in the situation described?

Revised as of 28 January 03
High Five
(Group Activity)

Building self-esteem in yourself and

others is an easy task when giving and
receiving compliments.

You will need a large sheet of colored

construction paper taped to the back of
each person and a colored marker or
crayon.

Each person will move around the room and write at least one positive comment on
every other person’s paper. Comments should draw attention to that person’s
strengths.

When finished, ask each person to remove the paper and read what others have said
about him or her.

Open discussion should follow based on the comments shared.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Focus Group

Form a focus group to debate an issue to find a solution. Share your feelings,
beliefs and thoughts on one of the following statements.

As a group, come to an agreement about the best way to address the topic.

1. Volunteering is a good way to learn responsibility.

Why and why not?

2. The only person that I should really compete with is myself.

Why and why not?

3. If I am a team member, I should put the good of the team before my own desires.
Why and why not?

Revised as of 28 January 03
Overcoming Problems
“Breakthrough not Breakdown”

Problems often seem hard to solve. For some it’s like facing a brick wall. Knocking down the
barriers and pushing through the brick wall is a remarkable feat. Without taking the problem on
yourself, whom would you help and what problems would you help them solve? On each brick
below write the name of the person you would like to help, and the problem you would like to
help them remove.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Name

Fishing for Compliments

We all need compliments once in a while. Write your name in the space provided,
and then pass this paper around to someone in your group. When you receive a paper, in
the spaces provided, write a compliment to the person whose name is at the top. Continue
to pass the paper around until it is filled with compliments then return it to the owner.

How does it feel to receive so many compliments?

Revised as of 28 January 03
If I Had a Million Dollars!
WAIT A MINUTE! MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING!
On each gift tag below, write the name of a person you would
like to give a gift. Around each gift box, write the gift that
you would like to give that person. The gift should be
something that will help develop a real friendship, like a
smile or an encouraging word. Now, think of other gifts you
can give to anyone at anytime.

Revised as of 28 January 03
Things Are Not Always As They Seem …
Think of a time that you jumped to a conclusion and said or did something you regretted.
Knowing the truth helps us make better choices. In the space below describe the…

T rigger Event (what happened): ____________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

R eference (how you incorrectly evaluated the situation): ______________________

______________________________________________________________________________

U nhealthy Response (what you did or said that you now regret): _______________

______________________________________________________________________________

T ruth (what was really going on): ___________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

H ealthy Response (what you can do or say better the next time): _______________

______________________________________________________________________________

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Understanding Emotions
Understanding emotional competence will help you know yourself and learn ways to fine-tune
your relationship skills.
Using the definitions listed on the right side of the page, place the letter of the correct
definition on the space for each Emotional Intelligence Competency term listed. There is only
one correct choice for each term.

a. I am a responsible, cooperative and contributing

1. _______ Stress Tolerance
member of society. I am socially conscious and
concerned about others.
2. _______ Independence
b. I am able to resist or delay an impulse, drive or
temptation when I choose.
3. _______ Empathy
c. I am able to achieve my potential and get involved in
4. _______ Self-Regard things that lead to an interesting, exciting and
meaningful life.

5. _______ Optimism d. I understand, accept and respect myself.

e. I am sensitive to what, how and why people feel and

6. _______ Impulse Control think the way they do. I care about others and show
interest and concern for them.
7. _______ Problem Solving f. I am self-reliant and autonomous in my thoughts and
actions.
8. _______ Social Responsibility
g. I am able to look at the brighter side of life and
maintain a positive attitude even when times are tough.
9. _______ Assertiveness
h. I am able to identify problems as well as generate and
implement solutions.
10. _______ Flexibility
i. I know what I feel and why I feel the way I do.
11. _______ Interpersonal Relationship j. I am able to establish and maintain mutually satisfying
relationships. I am comfortable giving and receiving
12. _______ Emotional Self-Awareness affection.

k. I am able to withstand stressful situations without

13. _______ Happiness falling apart by actively and positively coping with stress.

l. I feel good and at ease in school, work and leisure

14. _______ Reality Testing
situations. I am able to relax and enjoy my life.

15. _______ Self-Actualization m. I able to adjust my feelings, thoughts and behaviors

to changing situations and conditions. I am open to
different ideas and ways of doing things.

n. I am able to tune into the immediate situation and can

see things objectively; the way they are, rather than how
I wish or fear them to be.

o. I am able to express my thoughts and feelings and can

ask for what I need. I can defend my rights in a
constructive manner.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Understanding Emotions
Answer Key

1. k Stress Tolerance

2. f Independence

3. e Empathy

4. d Self-Regard

5. g Optimism

6. b Impulse Control

7. h Problem Solving

8. aSocial Responsibility

9. oAssertiveness

10. m Flexibility

11. j Interpersonal Relationship

12. iEmotional Self-Awareness

13. lHappiness

14. n Reality Testing

15. c Self-Actualization

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Responsibility Journal
What does personal responsibility mean to you?

Being flexible means we can change in order to become more responsible.

Think about some responsible things that you did during the last week.
Write down things you said or did that were responsible. Also, write
down things you said or did that you realize were not responsible. Based on your honest answers now, examine
your not responsible list. Complete the “what I have learned” section.

Responsible:
ACTION CONSEQUENCE

Not Responsible:
ACTION CONSEQUENCE

What I have learned…

Thought Questions:
1. Which do I have more of, actions which are responsible or actions which are not responsible?
2. What surprised me?
3. How do I feel about my not responsible actions?
4. What steps will I take to improve?

Revised as of 28 January 03
 "But We Always Do It This Way"
Flexibility means that you are able to adapt to change and
sometimes do things differently. Flexibility skills can be learned and
improved. If we refuse to try new ideas or accept change, we may
miss great opportunities to mature.

Use this situation: You are a teacher and the Vice-Principal, Counselor
and Custodian all have the flu and called in sick.

Think of ways that being flexible will be very helpful for you as you
make sure your students have a good day. Think of some examples of
problems that will occur if you refuse to be flexible.

Write a short story to describe your day.

Revised as of 28 January 03
Möbius Strip

Problem solving can be fun! Here is one of the strangest loops you will ever see. It’s called
a Möbius strip in honor of the German mathematician who first investigated its properties.
To build a Möbius strip, you need a strip of paper about one inch wide and ten inches
long. Coil the paper into a simple loop. Then put a single twist in the loop before securing
the ends together with a piece of tape. Use a marker to color one side of the strip red and
the other side blue. You will soon discover that this loop has only one side!

Now, for some problem solving fun!

If we place two ants side by side on a Möbius strip and start them off in opposite directions,
will they pass each other? If so, at what point? (Answer: Below)

Answer:

No, they will never pass each other. One ant will be walking on the top side of the strip, while
the other will be on the bottom side.

Revised as of 28 January 03
 How I See It!
Are the beliefs that you have about yourself TRUE or
FALSE? Do you see yourself as being a loser? Really
stupid? Not fitting in with your group of friends? Even
though your friends say you are NOT a loser—and tell
you how smart you are—and what a wonderful friend you are? It is still hard for you to
think that they are being honest and real with you. Our perception is our reality; therefore
we must work at changing how we see ourselves.

Write three words that describe how you SEE yourself.

Write three words that describe how you FEEL about yourself.

Write three reasons why those beliefs about yourself are RIGHT or WRONG in your eyes.

Now it is time to note your good qualities. Name three of your good qualities.

Revised as of 28 January 03
Take A Look At This
Take a look at the warning signs of stress listed below. Check EACH of
the warning signs that apply to you. When you are finished checking
your warning signs, discuss your list with someone you c an trust. Are
there any similarities? How much stress do you think you are currently
under? Discuss ways that you can eliminate some of the stress that could
start to cause you physical or emotional or behavioral difficulties.

Physical Emotional Behavioral

____ headaches ____ mood changes ____ smoking

____ stomach aches ____ lack of concentration ____ nail biting
____ dizziness ____ nightmares ____ tapping
____ back pain ____ panic attacks ____ pulling hair
____ neck stiffness ____ anxiety ____ grinding teeth
____ ulcer sores on mouth ____ anger ____ use of alcohol
____ jaw pains ____ irritability ____ use of medication
____ weight loss ____ crying ____ compulsive dieting
____ weight gain ____ thoughts of suicide ____ hair chewing
____ twitches (eyelids, face) ____ depression ____ nervous laughter
____ weakness ____ confusion ____ pacing
____ nausea ____ feelings of helplessness ____ lateness
____ indigestion ____ restlessness ____ putting things off
____ excessive sleeping ____ racing thoughts ____ not caring about
____ overeating ____ aggressiveness physical appearance
____ loss of appetite ____ compulsive
____ inability to sleep overeating
____ skin problems
____ constant fatigue
____ cold hands or feet
____ excessive sweating
____ chest pains
____ high blood pressure
____ rapid or difficult breathing

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Stress Journal
Before you can deal with stress, you must learn to recognize
what causes it. Think about last week and list as many events
as you can remember that caused you stress. Use the chart
below to record the stressful events. Include all the
information that will help you determine if there is a pattern to
your stress. This journal will help you recognize what causes
the most stress in your life. Be sure to rate each event as
"high", "medium", or "low." Think of your reaction to the stress.
For example, Did your heart start to pound? or Did you feel
your temperature rise? Write your reaction in the space
provided. Now, think of some ways to relieve the stress so you
can keep your cool!
Stress
Level
Event (high,
Date Time My Reaction
(who, what, where) medium,
low)

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Don’t Lose Your Cool
We all have certain things, situations, or people that
cause us to lose our composure from time to time.
Determine what causes YOU to “lose your cool” by
completing this activity. When you begin to identify
your stressors, you can become skilled at preventing
negative consequences. Place an X next to each factor
that causes you stress. There are blank spaces
provided so you can add your own.

Don’t Push the Panic Button!

What causes you to “lose your cool”?

______ being late ______ being cut from a sports team

______ too much homework ______ losing something valuable
______ speaking in public ______ parents fighting
______ babysitting ______ getting detention
______ going to the dentist ______ your job
______ arguments with friends ______ taking tests
______ restrictions at home ______ video games
______ chores ______ using a computer
______ lack of sleep ______ closed-in spaces
______ no date for a dance ______ commercials
______ zits ______ interruptions while busy
______ physical education class ______ getting an injection
______ math class ______ arguments with parents
______ English class ______ fight with boyfriend/girlfriend
______ other class __________ ______ losing
______ cafeteria food ______ careless drivers
______ boredom ______ slow drivers
______ rude people ______ loud people
______ no money ______ baby crying
______ no transportation ______ disrespectful children
______ playing on a sports team ______ a friend betrays you
______ ______
______ ______
______ ______
______ ______

Revised as of 28 January 03
 Emotional Squares
In each square write what you do when you experience the emotion
listed. Include both productive and destructive behavior.

Aggravated?

Angry?

Depressed?

Content?

Scared?

Worried?

Happy?

Energized?

Do you have more positives or negatives listed? Having someone you trust to talk to when
you are feeling out of sorts helps you avoid negative behaviors and consequences.

Revised as of 28 January 03
It’s All in Your Head
What does your brain contain? The picture of the head is divided into sections. In
each section write or draw what you spend the most time thinking about.

Optimism is the
ability to look at
the brighter side of
life and to maintain a
positive attitude, even in
the face of adversity.
Next, using a
different color
pen or pencil,
write positive
thoughts to
fill your
brain.

Revised as of 28 January 03
Extra, Extra, Read All About It!

On the newspaper below, write a story that highlights the #1 goal that you want to achieve in
your life. Be sure to describe the steps you need to take to meet your goal. Now, be honest,
every goal is achievable if you take the right steps.

Revised as of 28 January 03
Laughter helps us feel good. So, spending time with people who make you laugh is
a good way to relax. Answer the questions below and have a laugh or two!

Who is one of the funniest people you know?

What is something this person said or did that made you laugh?

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you? Describe.

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to your best friend? Describe.

Describe something your favorite comedian did that made you laugh.

Did anything make you laugh today? If so, what?

Draw a cartoon character of yourself as a baby, teenager, and distinguished elder.

Have fun!

Revised as of 28 January 03
 a
is

Happiness
choice!

The Best Day of My Life

Spend a few minutes thinking about what the best day of your life would be like. Then write a story
describing in detail everything about that day. What makes this one day the best day of your life?

Revised as of 28 January 03