Depression

beyond the
blues
a workbook to help teens
overcome depression
LISA M. SCHAB, LCSW
Instant Help Books

A Division of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is
sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional
services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright 2008 by Lisa M. Schab

Instant Help Books
A Division of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup

Illustrations by Julie Olson
All Rights Reserved
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Schab, Lisa M.
Beyond the blues : a workbook to help teens overcome depression / Lisa M. Schab.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-611-9 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-57224-611-1 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Depression in adolescence--Popular works. 2. Teenagers--Mental
health--Popular works. I. Title.
RJ506.D4S33 2008
618.9285270078--dc22
2008003636
10 09 08
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
contents
Introduction 1
Activity 1: Defining Depression 3
Activity 2: Symptoms of Depression 6
Activity 3: Causes of Depression 9
Activity 4: Winter Blues 13
Activity 5: The Negative Effects of Alcohol and Street Drugs 17
Activity 6: Choosing Positive Thoughts 21
Activity 7: The Power of Perspective 27
Activity 8: Learning to Let Go 31
Activity 9: The Gift of the Moment 36
Activity 10: Higher-Power Help 40
Activity 11: Healthy Self-Esteem 43
Activity 12: Feeling Loved 47
Activity 13: Believing in Yourself 51
Activity 14: Asserting Yourself 54
Activity 15: Using Social Skills 58
Activity 16: Talking Tips from AL 63
Activity 17: Good Communication Skills 69
Activity 18: Managing Conflict and Disagreements 75
Activity 19: Problem-Solving Skills 80
Activity 20: Act on the As to Manage Stress 86
Activity 21: Looking Beyond the Battle 92
Activity 22: Coping with Change 95
Activity 23: Rejection, Dejection, and Trying Again 99
Activity 24: Coping with Loss 103
Activity 25: Getting Outside Yourself 108
Activity 26: Staying Active 113
Activity 27: Food to Help Your Mood 117
Activity 28: Exercise and Depression 122
Activity 29: Breathwork 127
Activity 30: Creative Expression 131
Activity 31: Support People 135
Activity 32: Professional Counseling 138
Activity 33: Group Support 142
Activity 34: Working as a Family 145
Activity 35: Weighing the Consequences 149
Activity 36: Sharing Your Feelings 154
Activity 37: An Emergency Plan 158
Activity 38: Signing a Contract 162
Activity 39: Hotlines to Help 166
Activity 40: The Power of Hope 170
iv
introduction
Dear Reader,
Many people experience depression at one time or another in their lives, but during
the adolescent years, the vast number of physical, emotional, and mental changes that
occur make teens even more susceptible to feelings of confusion or sadness. However
your depression originates, you will need to learn to handle it so that you can go about
your daily life and be happy.
Whether your feelings of depression are mild or intense, long term or temporary,
inherited or situational, you can be helped by working through the exercises in this
book. They are not meant to replace other treatments, but to supplement them, so
you may also talk to a counselor or take medication for depression. Remember that
working on managing depression is similar to taking a class or learning anything new:
the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. If you skim through this book,
you can learn a little; if you really explore and work through the exercises, you can
make your life better.
Since everyone is different and heals in slightly different ways, a wide variety of
exercises have been presented. It is your job to investigate them all and find the ones
that are right for you. Each time you try an exercise, think of it as an experiment. Your
goal is to learn something about yourself. If one exercise doesnt work well for you,
it doesnt mean you have failed. It means you have learned that the exercise isnt the
right one for you at this moment. Keep going until you find something that does work.
You may have to give some activities a second or third try until you feel comfortable,
and thats normal.
It is important to remember that if your feelings of depression do not go away, if they

get worse, or if they begin to frighten you, you must tell someone who can help to keep
you safe. Several of the exercises at the end of the book talk about this. Be sure to share
them with an adult who can help you.
Know that as you work through this book, you are doing something good for yourself.
You are learning to cope with your feelings and take care of yourself in a healthy way.
Q introduction
You can learn to manage depression just like you learned to tie your shoes or read and
write. Just give it a chance and be patient with yourself. You deserve to feel good, and
you will if you keep working at it!
Lisa M. Schab, LCSW
2
defining depression 1
you need to know
Depression is a disturbance in someones mood. It usually involves a feeling of
sadness, a lack of physical and emotional energy, and a loss of interest in things
that used to bring pleasure. Depression is one of the most common emotional
problems and also one of the most treatable.
Everyone has days when they feel more happy or more sad. You may feel great when
your team wins the championship, when you get a good grade on a test, or when you
are having fun at a party. You may feel really down when you have an argument with
your best friend, when your parents wont let you go to a concert, or when you dont
get a part in the school play. Normal sadness passes in a reasonable amount of time,
and soon you are feeling better again.
Depression lasts longer and feels deeper than normal sadness. It may cause you to feel
very bad about yourself or hopeless about your future. It may affect your thoughts,
your behavior, your appetite, or your ability to sleep. Depression may cause you to see
reality in a distorted way, as if everything is negative and difficult, and problems may
appear to be bigger than you can bear.
People who feel depressed often feel very tired physically and emotionally. They may
stop spending time with friends or doing other things that used to give them pleasure,
because they just dont feel up to it. They may also start to complain of physical
problems, such as headaches and stomachaches. At its worst, depression can make
people feel as if they dont want to be alive.
The more you understand about depression and the more you learn about how to
combat it, the easier it will be to either manage these feelings or eliminate them
altogether. The exercises in this book can help you to do this.
3
activity 1 Q defining depression
directions
In the space below, use line, color, texture, or form to show what your feelings of
depression would look like if you could see them.
4
activity 1 Q defining depression
more to do
Look back at your picture and describe what you have drawn. Tell why you used the
lines, colors, textures, and forms that you did.
Describe how you feel when you look at your picture.
Describe what you have already tried to do to relieve feelings of depression. Tell how
well each of these things worked for you.
Think about the fact that you can learn new ways to cope with and combat depression.
Tell what you believe or how you feel about this fact.
Write a statement that describes your commitment to learning how to deal with
depression. Make a conscious decision to keep that commitment.
5
2 symptoms of depression
you need to know

There are many symptoms of depression. Some of them are very clear, and some
may seem confusing. Each persons symptoms and experience of depression
may be a little different from everyone elses. Learning to recognize your own
symptoms can help you to both prevent and manage depression.
Blake has been getting into trouble lately. He cant seem to control his temper at school
or at home, and he is snapping at everyone, including his teachers. He has been cutting
classes because it just seems easier than having to face people. Instead of going to class,
he walks to the convenience store and smokes cigarettes in the parking lot. He thinks
about running away and wonders where he could go.
Sabrinas friends are worried about her. She hasnt been returning their calls and
seems distracted and spacey at school. When she comes out of the bathroom her eyes
sometimes look red, as if shes been crying. She often goes home right after school
instead of hanging out to shoot baskets like she used to. When her friends ask what is
wrong, Sabrina just shrugs and says, I dont know.
Maddie has been having trouble sleeping. She lies in bed and stares at the ceiling for
hours, thinking about all the things she did wrong that day. Her grades have been
slipping because she keeps forgetting her homework. She always seems tired and has
no interest in eating. She feels bad about herself and wishes she could be normal and
cool like her friends.
All three of these teens are feeling depressed, but they are experiencing different
symptoms.
6
activity 2 Q symptoms of depression
directions
All of the symptoms below may be expressions of depression. Circle any that you have
experienced.
trouble sleeping unhappiness significant weight change
reckless behavior drug abuse withdrawal from friends
feeling helpless constant boredom skipping classes often
fear of death increased irritability no interest in activities
alcohol abuse feeling worthless increase in sex drive
trouble focusing achy body parts constant desire to be alone
increased anger difficulty making decisions overly negative attitude
frequent crying strong feelings of guilt feeling like a failure
self-injury suicidal thoughts disappointment in self
physical aggression forgetfulness missing appointments
decrease in sex drive increased family conflicts withdrawal into self
no interest in hygiene constant restlessness thoughts of running away
Describe anything else you have experienced that you think may be a symptom of
depression.
7
activity 2 Q symptoms of depression
more to do
It is normal for anyone to experience symptoms of depression at one time or another.
Symptoms may come and go over the course of days, weeks, or months. Symptoms
become a problem if they cause a long-term or severe disturbance in your life. Examples
would be a feeling of sadness that causes you to quit the swim team, angry outbursts
that drive away your friends, or feelings of such discomfort that you make cuts on your
skin to try to relieve the emotional pain.
Look back over the symptoms that you circled. List the ones that come and go but dont
cause much disruption in your life.
Now list the symptoms that cause a long-term or severe disturbance in your life. Next to
each one, tell how long it lasts and how it disrupts your life.
Share the information about your severe symptoms with an adult, such as a parent,
teacher, doctor, nurse, or counselor.
8
causes of depression 3
you need to know
Just as depression has different symptoms in different people, it also has a
number of different causes. The most common causes of depression include
experiencing difficult life events, living in a negative family or social environment,
personality type, physical illness, medications, biochemical factors, genetics,
and alcohol or drug abuse. Usually more than one factor contributes to a
persons depression.
An environment is a persons surroundings. Negative family or social environments

might include those in which there is poverty, hunger, emotional abuse, physical
abuse, crime, high degrees of conflict, poor communication, violence, instability,
unsanitary conditions, or neglect of children.
Personality type affects peoples perspective on life, other people, and themselves.
Personalities that are more vulnerable to depression are those with an unrealistic or
negative focus, such as perfectionistic, highly self-critical, overly passive or dependent,
or highly anxious.
Physical illness that is very severe or long-term can drain people of their physical
and emotional energy. Some illnesses may handicap people either temporarily or
permanently, limiting them or changing their ability to function as they once used to.
Other illnesses can affect certain glands in the body and create a depressed mood.
While the purpose of medication is to help people feel better, some types can affect
their brain chemistry in a way that causes them to feel depressed.
Although we are not generally aware of it, we each have a certain number, type, and
balance of chemicals flowing through our brains at all times. If there is a shortage of
these chemicals, or if they get out of balance, depression can occur. Chemicals may
shift in balance because of hormonal changes (such as those during puberty and
adolescence), nutrition, exercise, and seasonal changes.
9
activity 3 Q causes of depression
We inherit both physical and emotional characteristics from our parents, grandparents,
great-grandparents, and beyond. The traits we get from our ancestors are said to be
genetic. Vulnerability to depression tends to run in families.
Alcohol and street drugs can cause chemical changes in the brain that affect peoples
moods. While people often use alcohol and drugs to try to make themselves feel good,
the opposite occurs physiologically, and they become more depressed instead.
10
directions
Draw or paste a picture of yourself in the center box below. In each of the labeled boxes,
list or describe any factors in that category that are present or have been present in your
life. If you have not been affected by a category, leave it blank. Then draw a line from
each box you have written in to your picture in the middle.
Life Events Social Environment
Personality Type Physical Illness
Medications Biochemical Factors
Genetics Family Environment Alcohol or Drug Abuse
11
more to do
Look at your completed picture and labeled boxes. What do they tell you about yourself?
List the categories that have affected you in order of their importance. For example,
if you think that genetics has affected you the most, list it first. If you think that
personality type has affected you the least, list it last.
1. 6.
2. 7.
3. 8.
4. 9.
5.
Which categories do you feel you have some control over? Which do you feel you have
no control over?
Your completed picture can tell you some of the causes of your depression. Realizing
what might have contributed to your feeling depressed, describe any ideas you have for
overcoming your depression.
12
winter blues 4
you need to know
Many people enjoy light, sunny days more than dark, cloudy days. But some
people are so sensitive to the amount of light they receive that it can affect
their moods to a stronger degree. People who become very depressed during
the darker winter months may suffer from a condition called seasonal affective
disorder (SAD). A milder form of this condition is called the winter blues.
Exposure to light and dark has an effect on our bodies. Melatonin, a chemical related
to sleep, is produced more when it is dark. Serotonin, a chemical related to feeling
good, is produced more when it is light. During the winter months when there is less
sunlight, some peoples bodies produce such a great amount of melatonin and such a
small amount of serotonin that they can start to feel depressed. Symptoms of seasonal
disorders can include depression, irritability, lack of energy, increased need for sleep,
craving for sweets, overeating, weight gain, difficulty concentrating, and decrease of
interest in social activities. These symptoms may begin as early as autumn, reach their
peak in January and February, and decrease again in spring.
13
activity 4 Q winter blues
If you experience symptoms of SAD or winter blues, you can help yourself in these ways:
Educate yourself, your friends, and your family about these conditions.
Try phototherapy, or light therapy. Exposure to special bright-light boxes can

reduce depressive symptoms in some people.
Use higher-wattage bulbs or full-spectrum bulbs.
Increase your exposure to outdoor light by spending more time outdoors,

clearing windows and doors of heavy draperies, rearranging work spaces so
that you spend more time near a window, or sitting next to windows in public
places.
Exercise on a regular basis, outdoors if possible, or indoors near a window.
Ask for help with schoolwork if you have a hard time concentrating.
Try to eat nutritiously to keep your energy level up and your health stable.
Try to keep a stable sleep routine and remain awake during as many daylight
hours as possible.
Make it easier for yourself to awaken by putting your bedroom lights on a timer
that turns on thirty minutes before you get up.
Take a vacation to a warmer, sunnier climate, if possible.
Talk to a counselor about your feelings and learn healthy ways to cope.
14
directions
Think about whether you are strongly affected by the change in sunlight throughout the
year. For each category below, color the appropriate number of suns to show how much
you are affected during the winter months.
My energy level
The amount I sleep
My depression level
My irritability level
How productive I am
How hungry I am
How much I eat
How much I weigh
How well I can concentrate
How much I like to socialize
How happy I am in general
How well I can handle stress
After you have rated yourself, ask someone who knows you well and spends a lot of
time with you (maybe someone who lives in your house) to rate you.
15
more to do
Look back at your ratings and list the categories you have rated 50 percent or lower.
List the categories you have rated more than 50 percent.
Describe how your two lists compare.
Describe how your ratings compare to the ratings of the other person who rated you.
Based on all of these ratings, make an overall observation about how closely your
characteristics resemble those of someone with seasonal depression.
Tell which of the coping ideas you think would best help you manage your seasonal
feelings of depression.
16
the negative effects of
alcohol and street drugs 5
you need to know
Some people want so much to escape from their feelings of depression that
they use mood-altering substances, such as alcohol or street drugs, to try to
feel better quickly. Unfortunately, because of the way they affect the brain, these
substances only end up making the depression worse. Instead of helping the
problem, alcohol and street drugs only make the problem bigger.
When people try to self-medicate by using alcohol or street drugs to make them feel
better, they may feel good at first, but eventually they end up feeling worse than when
they started. This is because with repeated use these substances damage brain receptors
and brain messengers, called neurotransmitters.
Neurotransmitters are chemicals that help in transmitting messages between nerve

cells in the brain. Certain neurotransmitters regulate peoples moods. Alcohol and street
drugs can damage these neurotransmitters, making users feel depressed even if they
werent to begin with.
Alcohol and drug use can also contribute to depressing situations and behaviors, such
as decreased school performance, problems with family and social relationships, poor
concentration, and low energy levels. Being arrested for illegal use of alcohol or drugs
creates a life event that also contributes to depression. Alcohol and street drugs are
quick fixes that end up not being able to fix anything at all.
17
activity 5 Q the negative effects of alcohol and street drugs
directions
Most quick fixes in life do not provide effective solutions to problems. Next to each set of
pictures below, tell why the quick answer may work temporarily but will not actually fix
the problem in the long run.

18
19
more to do
Describe a situation where you tried to use a quick fix to solve a problem. Tell if the
quick fix solved the problem permanently.
What would actually have been required to solve the problem permanently?
Describe a situation where a family member or friend tried to use a quick fix to solve a
problem. Tell if the quick fix solved the problem permanently.
What would actually have been required to solve the problem permanently?
Why do you think people try to use quick fixes if they know that these wont really
solve problems permanently?
How can using alcohol or street drugs make you end up feeling even more depressed?
20
choosing positive thoughts 6
you need to know
The way people think directly affects their moods. One way to combat feelings
of depression is by practicing positive thinking instead of negative thinking.
Cameron had just gotten home from the jazz band competition, and he was feeling
depressed. His mom noticed that he looked sad and asked him how the competition
had gone. Cameron said that something upsetting had happened: he had received an
award for his performance on the saxophone.
His mom asked why that made him feel upset. Cameron said that he didnt think he
deserved the award, and now he would feel pressured to live up to it. Then he said
that the band director was giving a party for him. Camerons mom said that sounded
like fun, but Cameron told her that the party would be at a restaurant that held bad
memories for him. It was the last place he had been with his girlfriend before she
broke up with him.
When Camerons mom suggested he try to go anyway, Cameron told her there was
more. The band director was presenting him with a gift certificate to a music store at a
nearby mall. Camerons mom thought that was an appropriate and generous gift, but
Cameron reminded her that he hated going to the mall because it was so noisy and
crowded.
Camerons mom finally told him, Situations are not negative or positive within
themselves. It is the thoughts we choose to think about them that make us feel happy
or depressed. You are feeling depressed because you are choosing to think negative
21
activity 6 Q choosing positive thoughts
thoughts about everything. If you choose to think positive thoughts, you will feel
much better. They talked about it together, and Cameron decided on these changes:
Negative Thoughts Positive Thoughts
I dont deserve the award; now Ill feel I trust the band directors judgment. If he
pressured to live up to it. chose me for the award, I must deserve it.
I will feel terrible going to that restaurant I cant avoid that restaurant forever. This
because of the bad memories. is a good chance to create new, positive
memories there.
Ill have to go to the mall, which I dont Now I can get the CD Ive been wanting. I
like, to redeem that gift certificate. dont have to hang out in the mall. Ill just
go into the music store and then leave.
When Cameron changed his thoughts from negative to positive, his mood changed, too.
22
directions
Think of a situation in your life that you feel depressed about. Below the picture on the
left, write the negative thoughts you are thinking that make you feel depressed. Draw
your face to show how you feel. Below the picture on the right, write positive thoughts
you could think to feel good instead of depressed. Draw your face to show how these
positive thoughts would make you feel.
23
more to do
Changing our thoughts to change our feelings is a simple idea, but it is not always
easy to do. Some life situations are very difficult, and it is hard to think about them in
a positive way. Tell how hard or easy it would be to change your thoughts about the
situation you described above.
For each situation below, write a positive statement that could make someone feel
happy about it, and then write a negative statement that could make someone feel
depressed about it.
Being youngest in the family
Being very tall
Going to a party
Getting a new puppy
Being elected class president
24
School closing because of bad weather
Being the first one to give your oral report
Taking a test
Being an only child
Being last in line for the roller coaster
Summer ending
Moving to a new town
25
Think of something that happened to you in the last week that you felt happy about.
Write the positive thoughts you told yourself that made you feel happy about this.
Now write two or more negative thoughts that could have made you feel depressed
about this.
Think of something that happened to you in the last week that you felt depressed
about. Write the negative thoughts you told yourself that made you feel depressed
about this.
Now write two or more positive thoughts that could have made you feel happy about
this.
Remember that you are the only one that can choose your thoughts!
26
the power of perspective 7
you need to know
Some people act as if every occurrence in their life is crucial to their happiness.
With that perspective, they may easily feel depressed when something turns out
different from the way they had hoped. Putting life circumstances into a broader
perspective can help you to withstand disappointments and maintain a positive
mood.
Desiree started out the day feeling happy, but when she got on the school bus, there
were no seats left next to her friends. She had to sit in the back with someone she didnt
know. For the entire twenty-minute ride, she kept looking at her friends, who were
laughing at the front of the bus, and thinking about how disappointed she was that
she couldnt be with them. She thought about the unfairness of it all and wondered
why she couldnt have had better luck. She thought about how much fun she could be
having, rather than wasting the whole bus ride doing nothing and being bored. When
the bus finally arrived at school, Desirees mood was low, and she avoided her friends
when they tried to talk to her. She was focused on her thoughts of how everything bad
always seemed to happen to her.
Desirees mood got lower and lower because she viewed one occurrencewhere she
sat on the busas crucial to her happiness. In her mind, she saw this minor incident
as a very big setback. It was as if she put this one small occurrence under a microscope
and magnified it a hundred times.
If Desirees perspective were different, she could have told herself: I wish there were
seats left next to my friends. Oh well, its only a twenty-minute ride; Ill talk with them
when we get to school. She could have daydreamed or looked out the window during
the bus ride and then caught up with her friends when they got off the bus. If she had
taken the perspective that the bus ride was a minor incident, her mood could have
been happy instead of depressed.
27
activity 7 Q the power of perspective
directions
The people in the pictures that follow are each experiencing situations that are not
turning out the way they had hoped. Put each situation under a microscope and
describe it as if it were a very big setback. Tell how each of these people would feel if
they chose this perspective. On the second group of lines, describe the situation from
the perspective of its being a minor occurrence. Tell how the people would feel if they
chose this perspective.
28
29
more to do
Describe three things that happened to you over the past week that didnt turn out the
way you had hoped, and the perspective you took on each. Tell how this perspective
made you feel.
1.
2.
3.
If any of your perspectives made you feel depressed, write a different perspective you
could have taken that would have made you feel happier.
1.
2.
3.
Tell which you think is easier to choose: a perspective that makes you feel depressed
or one that makes you feel happy.
Tell why you think it might be hard for some people to change their perspective.
Tell why you think it could be worthwhile to change your perspective, even if it takes
work.
Tell how you think your own choice of perspective does or does not contribute to your
30
learning to let go 8
you need to know
When people mentally hold on to problems, they think about them over and over,
worrying about what will happen and picturing the worst possible outcome. This
process can cause someone to feel depressed. Learning to mentally let go of
problems can help you let go of depression as well.
Marc and Kevin were twins. They were alike in many ways; their hair color and
the turn of their smiles were identical. They both liked the same kind of music and
downhill skiing. One way they were very different, however, was in how they handled
difficulties. When Marc was upset, he would sit in his room stewing for hours. He
often felt depressed. When something was bothering Kevin, he would share his
feelings with someone, do what he could to fix it, and then try to let it go, knowing that
dwelling on it would only make him feel worse. As a result, Kevin felt depressed far
less often than Marc.
When the boys found out their family was moving, they were both upset. They didnt
want to leave their familiar surroundings. They talked about it, agreeing that they
wished they could stay in their current home. Then, Marc went up to his room and
started thinking about how his life would be changing. He thought about the good
friends he would have to leave. He thought about going to a completely new place
where he wouldnt know anybody, and he wondered what kids would think about
him. He thought about how awful it would be if he couldnt make any new friends.
He thought about leaving the baseball team and the ballpark where he played every
Saturday. Marc continued to dwell on all the hard parts of the upcoming move, and he
finally fell asleep feeling depressed. The next morning he didnt feel like getting up,
much less going to school.
31
activity 8 Q learning to let go
Kevin was also upset about the move. He thought about what a big change it would
make in his life, and how he would miss his friends. He even went to his best friends
house and told him about it. They decided they would e-mail each other every day
and try to spend the next school vacation together. After talking about it a while,
Kevin said, Well, theres nothing I can do to change it, and we still have plans for the
movies. Lets go. The boys went to see a great movie, and Kevin came home feeling
good. Whenever he found himself feeling sad or concerned about the move, he would
talk with his family or friends about it and then turn his mind to something else.
Facing the same situation, Marc felt depressed because he held on to the negative
thoughts. Kevin felt happier because he talked about these thoughts and then he let
them go.
32
directions
Kevin was able to let go of his negative thoughts by talking with someone about them
and then turning his mind to something else. There are other ways to help yourself let
go as well.
Exercise 1
On a separate sheet of paper, describe a problem that has been making you feel
depressed lately. Write about it in as much detail as you can. Choose one of the
methods below to physically let go of what you have written, and then do it. As you
destroy your problem, tell yourself, I am letting go of this. I will not let it depress me
anymore.
Rip up your paper into tiny pieces and throw it into the garbage.
Put your paper through a shredder.
Read what you have written to someone else and then give that person the
paper and ask him or her to rip it up in front of you.
With permission and in the presence of an adult, burn your paper in a fireplace.
With permission and in the presence of an adult, poke a long stick through your
paper and burn it over a grill.
Write your problem on bathroom tissue instead of regular paper and flush it
down the toilet.
33
Exercise 2
Sit quietly and comfortably where you will not be disturbed. Close your eyes and
picture yourself in vivid detail doing one of the following:
You wrap your problem in a box and seal it very securely with strong tape and
rope. Then you attach the box to a very powerful rocket. You take the rocket
to an outdoor area where there are no houses, trees, or other obstructions.
You light the rocket and stand back. You watch as the rocket blasts off into the
sky with great speed and force. You watch it carry your problem quickly and
powerfully away from you. You watch until it is completely out of sight, far off
beyond the pull of Earths gravity, continuing to travel farther into space. As you
watch it go, you say to yourself, I am letting go of this. I will not let it depress
me anymore.
You wrap your problem in a box and seal it very securely with strong tape and
rope. Then you travel to a place far from where you live. You come to the edge
of an ocean. If the climate is warm, you set the box onto a very fragile raft. If
the climate is cold, you set the box onto a very fragile ice floe. You push the raft
or the ice floe out into the sea, where the current catches it and carries it farther
and farther away from you. You watch it until it is completely out of sight. As
you watch it go, you say to yourself, I am letting go of this. I will not let it
depress me anymore.
You may repeat either of these exercises as many times as you like, experimenting
with different methods.
34
more to do
Describe what it was like to complete Exercise 1. Tell how it felt to watch the paper that
described your problem be destroyed.
Describe what it was like to complete Exercise 2. Tell how it felt to watch the box
holding your problem disappear in the distance.
Which, if either, exercise helped you feel that you had let go of your problem? Tell why.
If neither of these exercises was helpful to you the first time, try doing them using
a different method from the list. Then, think up your own safe way to destroy your
paper or another visualization that is effective for you. Describe your idea here.
35
9 the gift of the moment
you need to know

Some people have a habit of frequently looking into the future with a negative
focus. They spend a lot of time predicting negative outcomes, missing the
positive things that are happening to them in the present moment. This causes
them to feel depressed. Keeping your mental focus on the positive qualities of
the present can help you to combat depressive feelings.
Elana worked hard in school and got good grades. She had friends and a family that
loved her, and she was healthy. But Elana felt more and more depressed every day. She
didnt seem to get much pleasure from anything she did, and she was spending more
time at home alone with her computer than out with her friends. Elanas mother was
worried and took her to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor could find nothing physically wrong with Elana, so she asked how her
life was going. Elana said that she felt like everything she did was useless. She spent
most of her time working hard in school to get good grades so she could get into a
good college someday. She tried to get into clubs that would look good on a college
application. She figured she would have to work hard in college and be involved in the
right organizations there, too, so she could get a good job when she graduated. Then she
figured she would have to work hard at her future job in order to pay all of her bills and
save enough money to retire on. And then she figured that after all that hard work, she
would probably have a heart attack and die. What was the point of doing anything at all?
The doctor said that Elanas thinking was so negatively focused on the future that it was
probably contributing to her feelings of depression. She suggested that Elana try some of
the following ideas to help shift her focus to the gifts of the present moment:
36
activity 9 Q the gift of the moment
1. Keep a gratitude list.

Every day, Elana should write down at least five things that she could be grateful
for. She could choose anything, from liking the color of her bedroom to laughing
with a friend to getting a good grade. She should hang the list where she would
see it all the time.
2. Plan activities she likes to do.

Elana should make a list of daily and weekly activities that she would like to
do: listening to music, playing with her dog, watching movies, swimming, or
anything else that makes her happy. She should be sure to plan them into her
schedule, so that she has something positive to do every day. She needs to balance
all the work she does for the future with some fun in the present.
3. Practice focusing on what she is doing in the present moment.

If Elana is eating ice cream, she should really pay attention to its taste, texture,
and color, and to how much she is enjoying it. If she is doing homework, she
should think about the subject and what interests her about it, not just about the
grade she wants to get. If she is riding her bike, she should pay full attention to
the experiencethe feel of the path, the freedom of the wind in her hair, and the
fun of the ride.
4. Stop her negative focus on the future.

If Elana notices herself thinking these thoughts, she should tell herself, Stop!
and turn her mind to something positive in the present instead.
As Elana put these ideas into practice, she began to enjoy her life more. Nothing had
changed outwardly, but inwardly she had let go of her negative future focus.
37
directions
For the next week, practice the above suggestions in your own life. After seven days,
your gratitude list should have thirty-five items on it. Staple or tape your list to this
page.
Write a list of the pleasurable activities you can realistically do daily and weekly.
As you go through the coming week, try focusing on the positive gifts of the moment.
Describe what this is like for you.
When you find yourself thinking negatively about the future, tell yourself Stop!
and replace these thoughts with positive thoughts of the present. Write some of those
negative thoughts and the positive thoughts that replaced them.
38
more to do
Describe what it was like trying to shift your focus this week.
Tell which seems more natural to youfocusing on the present moment or thinking
about the futureand why.
Tell which is easier for youfocusing on possible negative outcomes or focusing on

current positive realitiesand why.
Describe a time when one of the above activities helped you feel less depressed.
Tell which activities you plan to use in the future to combat feelings of depression.
Explain why you chose those.
39
10 higher-power help
you need to know
Many people believe that there is a power in the universe that is bigger than
themselves. Holding this belief can help them let go of problems and tolerate
difficult life situations. It can help them find peace and strength within themselves.
If you have a belief in a higher power, it can help you to combat feelings of
depression.
The idea of a higher power means different things to different people. People may
think of a higher power as spirit, nature, love, or something else. They may call this
higher power by different names, although the most common is God.
People who believe in a higher power may belong to an organized religion, such as
Christianity, Islam, or Judaism, but you do not have to have any particular religious
ideas to believe in a higher power.
If you believe that there is a force in the universe that is more powerful than yourself,
you can use your belief to help you combat depression by:
Tapping in to this power for strength when you feel your human strength is not
enough
Mentally turning over difficult problems to this power, trusting that a positive
outcome will occur
Communicating your concerns to this power through prayer or meditation and

asking for help in the problems resolution
Believing that this power is responsible for creating an ordered universe and
that there is a reason for everything that happens to you, even if you dont
understand it at the moment
Focusing on the peaceful and positive spirit of this power to help you feel
peaceful and positive within yourself
40
activity 10 Q higher-power help
directions
In the box below, write or draw or paste anything that helps you describe your
personal ideas about a higher power. Give your expression a title.
Title:
Describe a situation that you have been feeling depressed about lately. Tell how you
could use your belief in a higher power to help you to cope or to feel better.
41
activity 10 Q higher-power help
more to do
Tell how your ideas about a higher power originated. Did you learn them from your
family, the media, school, within yourself, or another source?
Tell how you see others using their belief in a higher power to help them cope with life.
Describe a situation you have experienced that confirms your belief in a higher power.
Describe any conflicting feelings you may have about your beliefs.
Make a list of people you know whom you could comfortably discuss your beliefs
with. Which of these people might help you use your beliefs to combat depression?
Make a plan or schedule an appointment to talk with one or more of these people
within the next week. Tell what you learned from your talk.
42
healthy self-esteem 11
you need to know
Peoples self-esteem reflects the manner and degree to which they value
themselves. People who have healthy self-esteem see themselves in a positive
yet realistic way. People whose self-esteem is not healthy often have an overly
negative view of themselves. When you have healthy self-esteem, you are less
likely to feel depressed.
Justins healthy self-esteem allows him to make mistakes and not hate himself or think
he is a failure. He knows that he has many strengths, like solving math problems,
skateboarding, and fixing cars. He also knows that there are things he needs a lot of help
with, like remembering to do his chores, keeping his temper under control, and anything
having to do with English class. When Justin got in trouble with his boss at the fast-food
restaurant for not cleaning the fry machine two days in a row, he reminded himself
that he was doing well in the other areas of his job, but he definitely needed to work on
remembering all of his responsibilities. He decided to make a checklist of everything that
had to be done before he left each night. By looking at his list, he stopped forgetting the
fry machine. He feels good that he solved the problem.
Chase struggles with keeping his self-esteem at a healthy level. Whenever he falls short
of his own expectations, he tells himself he is an idiot and has messed up again. Chase
is a good student, a good friend, and a hard worker. But he never pays attention to his
strengths because he is too busy focusing on his weaknesses. When Chase was accepted
into the National Honor Society, his family was proud of him. But Chase felt bad about
himself because he was thinking of how he had messed up in a class presentation the day
before. When Chase made the baseball team, his friends were happy for him, but he felt
bad about himself because he had only made second string, not first. When he feels bad
about himself, he also loses the energy to make improvements.
These two boys view themselves in different ways. Justin is more often happy, even when
something goes wrong, because he focuses on his strengths and accepts and corrects his
weaknesses. Chase is more often depressed, even when something goes right, because his
excessive focus on his weaknesses makes him forget all about his strengths. Then he feels too
discouraged to try to correct his weaknesses.
43
activity 11 Q healthy self-esteem
directions
Rate your self-esteem on the scale below.
Very Unhealthy Self-Esteem Very Healthy Self-Esteem
In the left column below, list your inner qualities that you feel are positive; in the
right column, list your inner qualities that you feel are negative. These could include
anything from the kind of friend you are to being honest or deceptive to having a good
sense of humor or being a sore loser.
Positive Inner Qualities Negative Inner Qualities
44
List things that you are good at doing in the left column below and list things that
you need to improve at doing in the right column. These could include anything from
playing soccer to being punctual to cleaning your room or caring for your pet.
Things I Am Good Things I Need to Improve

at Doing at Doing
If you dont have as many items listed in your left (positive) columns as you do in your
right (negative) columns, add more. If you cant think of enough by yourself, ask a
friend or family member to help you. Dont stop until you have as many items listed in
the left columns as in the right.
After looking at your lists, rate your self-esteem again.
Very Unhealthy Self-Esteem Very Healthy Self-Esteem
45
more to do
Explain why you gave yourself the rating you did on the first scale.
Explain any difference between your first and second ratings.
Tell how you think you developed the self-esteem that you have now. From where or
from whom did you learn to feel positive or negative about yourself?
Tell how your self-esteem affects whether you feel happy or depressed.
Describe what changes you could make in your view of yourself that would help you
have healthier self-esteem.
Describe what it felt like for you to ask other people about your strengths and
weaknesses.
Some people think that focusing on their strengths makes them conceited. Being
conceited means that you often brag about your strengths to others and you rarely
admit to having faults. Healthy self-esteem involves being realistic, which means that
you recognize, accept, and admit to both your strengths and your weaknesses.
46
feeling loved 12
you need to know
All of us are loved and valued by another person or persons, but we dont always
recognize it. When people are aware that they are loved and valued, they tend
to feel better about themselves and their life in general. Realizing and confirming
that you are loved can help you to combat feelings of depression.
When Kelsey was depressed, she often felt very alone in the world. Even though she
had a family and friends, she never felt like her life made a difference to anyone. Her
parents were both busy with their jobs and caring for her younger siblings. They didnt
spend much time alone with her, and she felt like she just wasnt that important to
them. Kelsey had friends to do things with, but she often felt empty after being with
them. She felt like she was just another person to hang out with but not of any real
value to them for who she was.
When Kelsey told her counselor about this, the counselor said that she understood
Kelseys feelings but she also thought that Kelseys perception was mistaken. Often
people forget to tell or show others that they are loved, but that doesnt mean the love
isnt there. The counselor invited Kelseys parents and two of her friends to the next
counseling session. Each person was asked to describe how they felt about Kelsey,
and why.
Kelseys parents said that they loved Kelsey with all their hearts. She was their first-
born and would always be special to them. They loved her simply because she was
their child, but they also loved things about her, like her gentleness, her sensitivity, her
caring for animals, and her sense of humor. They said that no matter what happened,
they would love her for as long as they lived.
Kelseys friends said that they loved Kelsey because she was a good listener and a loyal
friend. They knew they could tell Kelsey a secret and she would keep it. They knew
that she would be there for them if they ever needed a shoulder to cry on. They said
they loved her sweet spirit and her willingness to forgive.
47
activity 12 Q feeling loved
Kelsey was amazed at what she heard. She hadnt realized that her family and friends
really valued her in these ways. The counselor said that things arent always the way
we perceive them to be. It is important to check things out with other people rather
than assuming we know how they feel. When Kelsey realized that she was loved, she
didnt feel as depressed. If she did start to feel sad or lonely, reminding herself that she
was loved helped to lift her spirits.
48
directions
Next to the words below, write the specific names of people in your life who love or
value you.
mother aunt boyfriend
grandfather cousin stepfather
friend at school sister teacher
counselor grandmother worship leader
girlfriend uncle neighborhood friend
brother father coach
neighbor stepmother friends parent
Name any other people who love and value you.
Choose two or more of these people to talk to about why they love and value you.
Write their reasons here.
49
more to do
Describe how you felt as you did this exercise, and why.
Tell if you feel that you are loved, and why or why not.
Why do you think that Kelsey didnt realize she was loved?
Describe how feeling loved or not feeling loved is related to any feelings of depression
that you have.
It is important to understand that some people have a hard time showing love. Even
though they say they love you, it might not seem that way to you. But they may still be
loving you in the best way they can.
If you do not feel loved, it is important for you to find someone that you trust to talk to
about this. Think of who this would be and schedule a time to talk with that person. If
you cant think of anyone, you can ask a school counselor or social worker to help you
find someone.
50
believing in yourself 13
you need to know
People who think that they are victims in a world where they have little or no control
are more likely to feel unhappy. Believing in your ability to affect your environment
and improve negative situations can eliminate feelings of helplessness. When
you know that you can tolerate discomfort and create positive change in your
life, you are less likely to become depressed.
Nicole had a hard time handling challenges. When she went to cheerleading tryouts, so
many other girls were there that she figured she wouldnt have a chance of making the
squad. She immediately gave up the idea of trying out. When she got a low grade on her
first art project, she told herself she must not be good in art. She dropped the class even
though she had really enjoyed it.
Nicole became discouraged so easily that she never stayed with things long enough to
learn that she could get past her initial discomfort. As a result, she never accomplished
much and thought of herself as incompetent. She was depressed a lot of the time because
she felt like life was very hard and she was a weak victim who could do nothing about it.
Nicoles counselor told her that this was a very strong but false belief. In reality, Nicole
was just as able as anyone else to face challenges, accomplish goals, and handle the ups
and downs everyone encounters in life. She just didnt believe she could do it, so she gave
up before she could prove herself wrong. The counselor told Nicole that it was time to
change her thoughts. Believing in herself would give her strength and she would feel less
depressed. The counselor suggested that Nicole follow these steps from belief to action:
H ave a belief in yourself. Tell yourself that you are just as capable as anyone else. Know
that you are stronger than you once thought.
E xamine the possibilities. Instead of seeing one closed door, see many other open doors.
Think of all the things you can do to change your situation.
L ook closely at your choices and pick one to try.
P ut your plan into action. Act on your belief in yourself. If your first plan doesnt work, try a
second one.
51
activity 13 Q believing in yourself
directions
Briefly describe something in your life that is making you feel depressed because you
dont believe in your ability to change it.
H: Right now, make a conscious decision to change your thoughts about yourself.
Decide to believe that you can make a difference. Copy these words on the line below
and sign your name: I am not helpless. I believe in my ability to handle this.
E: Make a list of all the possible ways you can change this situation.
L: Evaluate all your alternatives and write a plan for when, where, and how you will
try making a change.
P: Help yourself by acting on your plan and then describe your results.
52
activity 13 Q believing in yourself
more to do
Think about where you might have gotten the idea that you should not believe in
yourself or your ability to help yourself. Write about it here.
Describe how your beliefs about yourself contribute to feelings of depression.
Tell whether you wish to continue thinking that you are helpless or unable to
accomplish what you want, and why.
Make a list of situations in your life that you could make better by believing in
yourself.
Tell why you have just as much ability as anyone else to believe in yourself and to
make positive changes in your life.
Remember, the first plan doesnt always work, for anyone. Continue to believe in
yourself and try your plans, and eventually you will make a difference. Continue
following the plan of H-E-L-P.
53
14 asserting yourself
you need to know
People who never stand up for their own rights or voice their own opinions often
feel hurt, used, or depressed. Standing up for yourself in an appropriate manner
is called being assertive. When you are able to act assertively, you are less likely
to feel depressed.
Using assertive behavior means that you recognize when you have a need, and you try
your best to get it filled through appropriate channels. Appropriate channels are those
in which you take action for yourself but do not hurt others in the process. Your inner
voice says, I count, and so do you.
Never standing up for yourself, but then feeling sad or complaining when you dont
get what you need, is called passive behavior. If you act passively, you most often let
other people tell you what to do. Even if you dont like it, you dont take any direct or
healthy steps to change it. You might whine or complain behind other peoples backs,
but you never assert yourself. As a result, you rarely get your needs met and often feel
depressed. Your inner voice says, I dont count.
Sometimes people think that in order to get their needs met they have to use force.
If you recognize your needs and try to fill them but dont care whom you hurt in the
process, you are using aggressive behavior. When you act aggressively, you may blame,
insult, intimidate, or put down other people to get what you want. You may alienate
people or lose friends. While you might look powerful on the outside, on the inside
you may actually feel depressed. Your inner voice says, I count, but you dont.
Learning and using assertive behavior can help you to get your needs met, feel good
about yourself, have good relationships with other people, and combat depression.
54
activity 14 Q asserting yourself
directions
Read the situations below and the statements to the right of them. Write passive,
assertive, or aggressive below each statement, according to the behavior it illustrates.
You say, Hey, this place is a rip-off! and smash

your cone on the counter.
You say, Excuse me, but there was a mistake. I

paid for two scoops, but youve only given me
one.
You say nothing and walk out the door feeling

disappointed and angry.
You pay for a two-scoop ice cream

cone but only get one scoop.
You approach the teacher and curse. You tell him

that your parents are on the school board and he
could lose his job for giving you an unfair grade.
You think that you must be dumber than you

thought and probably deserve the poor grade.
You approach the teacher and ask if he can meet

with you later to discuss your paper. At the
meeting you explain how much work you put
You get a poor grade on a paper into it and how surprised you were at receiving
you worked very hard on and were the poor grade.
proud of.
55
You say, Lets talk about our

strengths and how we can work
together to do a good project. Im
good at doing research.
You let someone else tell you

what you should do and dont
say anything when its something
you are not good at and really
dont like to do.
You are working on a group science project. The
group is deciding what each member will contribute
to the project. Without asking for input, you tell
the group what each will do.
You walk up to someone who

looks friendly and say, Hi, I
was wondering if youd like to
dance.
You stand by the wall, feeling

angry that no one is asking you
to dance.
You would like to ask someone to dance but are You walk over to a group of kids,
afraid of rejection. pull one forcefully by the arm, and
say, Come on, dance with me.
56
more to do
Tell whether you are most often passive, assertive, or aggressive.
Describe anything you may have missed out on by being overly passive.
Tell what you could have done to be assertive instead.
Describe anyone you may have hurt by being overly aggressive.
Tell what you could have done to be assertive instead.
Explain why being assertive might be difficult.
Describe how learning to be assertive could help you to combat depression.
As you go through the next few days, look for chances to practice being assertive. If
you are unsure what assertive behavior might be in some situation, ask a counselor or
another adult for an opinion.
57
15 using social skills
you need to know
Being involved in fulfilling relationships is one of the greatest factors contributing
to happiness in life. People who have supportive and caring relationships are
less likely to feel depressed. Starting and maintaining relationships involves
talking to other people, which may feel uncomfortable at first. When you learn
a few simple tips for talking to people, it becomes much easier to form, keep,
and enjoy relationships.
Using good manners means speaking and acting in ways that are polite, friendly, and
respectful of others. For example, if you are at your first student council meeting, you
smile, say hello to people, and listen to others without interrupting. If you are asking
someone if you can borrow some notebook paper, you say please and thank you and
return some paper to them as soon as you can. If you accidentally bump into someone
in the hallway, you say, Excuse me. You treat others the way you would like to be
treated yourself.
Having integrity means choosing actions that are sincere, honest, and honorable. For
example, if you see someone drop a $5 bill while buying lunch in the cafeteria, you
pick it up and give it back. You do your own work in class without looking at others
papers, and you dont talk about people behind their backs. Again, you treat others the
way you would like to be treated yourself.
When you use good manners and have integrity, other people will feel that you
respect them. This helps them to develop a feeling of trust for you and makes them
enjoy being around you. It makes them want to treat you with respect as well.
58
activity 15 Q using social skills
directions
In the pictures below, all of the kids are using poor social skills. Write what they should
be doing differently to use good manners and integrity.
1.
2.
59
3.
4.
60
more to do
Look back at the pictures once more. For each situation, explain why you would or
would not enjoy the main characters company.
Picture 1:
Picture 2:
Picture 3:
Picture 4:
Think about your own behavior in social situations. If it is difficult to determine your
own good or poor social skills, ask someone who knows you well to give you input.
Then make a list of the social skills you use that would make people enjoy being
around you.
61
Make a list of your behaviors that might make people not enjoy being around you.
Think even more closely about your behavior. Describe how your social skills
might affect the quality of your relationships with your friends, family members, or
acquaintances.
How does the quality of your relationships affect your feelings of depression?
Describe specifically what you could do to speak or act in a way that could improve
the quality of your relationships and make people enjoy being around you more.
Over the next few days, try out some of the behaviors you just described. Tell what
happens.
62
talking tips from AL 16
you need to know
Being involved in fulfilling relationships is one of the greatest factors contributing
to happiness in life. People who have supportive and caring relationships are
less likely to feel depressed. Starting and maintaining relationships involves
talking to other people, which may feel uncomfortable at first. When you learn
a few simple tips for talking to people, it becomes much easier to form, keep,
and enjoy relationships.
School was starting in two weeks, and Rob noticed himself feeling depressed again.
He felt that way every year because he started thinking about meeting new kids. He
never knew what to say to people, which made him feel bad about himself. Usually he
ended up saying nothing. He knew this was one of the reasons he didnt have many
friends, and that made him feel depressed, too.
Robs older brother, Al, noticed him looking sad and asked what was wrong. Rob
didnt want to tell him at first because he thought Al would make fun of him. Al was
in college, and he was so confident about everything that Rob figured he would just
laugh at him.
But Al didnt laugh. In fact, he said he knew exactly how Rob felt because he used to
feel the same way. Al said he had learned to be comfortable talking with people by
remembering two words that started with the letters in his name. The first word was
ASK, and the second word was LISTEN. He described what he called the AL method.
When you cant think of anything to say, just ask people a question about
themselves, Al explained. It makes them feel good that you are interested in them,
and it gives you something to talk about. After you ask, listen carefully to their
answers. Look into their eyes when they talk to you, and make a thoughtful comment
about what they said. It is a real compliment to people when you listen to them
carefully. It shows kindness and respect, and people appreciate that.
63
activity 16 Q talking tips from AL
Rob noticed that the AL method didnt really involve much talking on his part, so he
thought he might be able to do it. When he tried, he discovered that his brother was
right. Asking people a question about themselves created a conversation right away.
He could keep the conversation going by asking more questions about what they had
answered. He noticed that when he listened carefully, it made people happy. It also
gave him information to ask more questions about. As Rob got better and better at
the AL method, he found himself feeling less depressed. In fact, he actually started
looking forward to talking to people.
64
directions
Try the AL method yourself. In each of the pictures on the next page, label one speaker
with your name and the other with the name of someone you would like to talk to.
Underneath the picture, write where you might be when you talk to this person. Then
write a question that you could ask this person, an answer that they might give, and a
thoughtful comment that you could make after listening carefully to what theyve said.
You can use the picture below as an example.
Where you might be: at a swim meet
65
Where you might be:
Where you might be:
66
more to do
Describe how you usually feel when you have to make conversation with others, and why.
Practice thinking of questions you could ask people about themselves. Write two
questions you could ask each person below to start a conversation.
Someone who is standing at your school bus stop
1.
2.
Someone who has been assigned to do a history project with you
1.
2.
Someone whose locker is next to yours
1.
2.
Someone who is standing next to you in the cafeteria line
1.
2.
Someone who is sitting next to you in the bleachers at a basketball game
1.
2.
67
Tell how your ability to talk to other people affects your level of depression.
Over the next twenty-four hours, practice the AL method. Whenever you talk to
someone, ask an appropriate question about that person and then listen carefully to the
answer. In the chart below, write the name of the person you talked to, the question
you asked, and the answer.
Name Question Answer
68
good communication skills 17
you need to know
Good communication skills involve not only what people say, but also their
attitude when they speak and how they look and sound. People with good
communication skills are more likely to maintain fulfilling relationships, so they
are less likely to feel depressed. If these skills dont come naturally to you, you
can learn them.
Many of us think of communication as something we do only through our speech.

What we say does express our ideas, but we also communicate by the way we look, the
way we sound, and our attitude.
Looks
The way we hold our body and the look on our face express a great deal about our
thoughts and feelings. If someone says the words, I love you, in a fighting stance
with fists up, eyebrows furrowed, and teeth bared, we will probably not believe the
persons words. If you want to have a positive relationship with someone, it is best to
present yourself using open and relaxed, rather than aggressive, body language.
Sound
The way we use our voice when we speak can tell other people about the feelings
behind our words. A loud or intense voice usually expresses more aggression than a
quiet or calm one. Speaking very quickly can express urgency, while speaking slowly
can express peacefulness. If you want to have a positive relationship with someone, it
is best to present yourself using an open and relaxed, rather than aggressive, voice.
69
activity 17 Q good communication skills
Attitude
A positive relationship is best created by using a positive and accepting attitude rather
than a negative or critical attitude. Here are some ways to achieve this:
Use I feel statements. For example, instead of saying, You have such a big
mouth! say, I feel hurt when I learn that you have shared information I trusted
you to keep to yourself. Or instead of saying, You can forget about ever going
to the movies with me again! say, I feel angry when we make plans to go to
the movies and then you cancel at the last minute.
Differentiate between people and their actions. For example, instead of saying,
I hate you! say, I hate what you did. Instead of saying, Youre such a pig,
say, Some of your eating habits are really rude.
B
e open to accepting other points of view. For example, instead of saying, You
cant seriously believe that! say, That is really different from the way I think
about things. Or instead of saying, You are totally wrong, say, I dont think I
agree with you, but tell me how you see it.
70
directions
Draw a line from the criticisms and attacks on the left to the corresponding I feel
statements and descriptions of behavior on the right.
You are so nosy. Its taking you a long time to understand

this; let me think of another way to
explain it.
You STILL dont get it? Man, are you Could you please take your soda cans out
dumb! of my car?
I cant stand people like you. When you stand that close to me, I feel
like youre in my personal space.
Get out of my face, would you? When you go through my backpack

without asking me, I feel like my privacy
has been invaded.
You are such a slob. When you act that way, I feel really
angry.
71
In the box below, draw pictures or tape magazine pictures or photographs of people
who are expressing their feelings in their faces and their bodies. Underneath each
picture, write how their appearance communicates their thoughts and feelings.
72
more to do
The next time you are in front of a mirror in private, practice arranging your face and
your body in different ways. Try to see the difference between a look that is open and
calm and a look that is aggressive. Decide which look would help you communicate in
the most positive way with other people. Describe it here.
Next, practice using your voice with different degrees of loudness, different tones and
pitches, and speaking at different rates. If possible, use a tape recorder to help you.
Listen closely to the way your voice sounds, and think about whether it gives off a
negative or positive feeling. Decide which intonations and patterns would help you to
communicate in the most positive way with other people. Describe them here.
Think about specific problems you have had in relationships. Describe how your
attitude may have contributed to the problem.
73
Tell how you can adjust your attitude to be more accepting of others.
Describe how your communication skills might contribute to your feelings of

depression.
Tell how improving your communication skills might help relieve your feelings of
depression.
74
managing conflict and
disagreements 18
you need to know
People who have trouble managing conflict are more likely to feel depressed.
Their relationships are usually more difficult and less fulfilling and tend not to
last. It is normal for people to disagree with each other, but when you know
healthy ways to manage those disagreements, your relationships can be more
peaceful and bring you more happiness.
Derrick and Haley had a lot in common. They were both in the yearbook club, both
liked science fiction movies and cheese-only pizza, and both had nearly the same class
schedule at school. They spent a lot of time together, but they had frequent arguments.
They seemed to fight about little things, and their arguments became big very quickly.
Sometimes they would have a disagreement and not talk for days. This would make
each of them feel lonely and depressed.
When the new semester started, both Derrick and Haley were in a class called
Interpersonal Communications. One of the first subjects the teacher introduced was
conflict management. She gave the class a list of guidelines that would help people
resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive way. Derrick and Haley looked at the list.
These were some of the guidelines:
1. When you find yourself in an emotionally heated argument, stop. People cannot
think clearly or solve problems when they are not calm. Schedule a time to
discuss your situation objectively, when you will be relaxed, cooled down, and
not hurried or tired.
2. Agree on a clear, specific definition of the problem. See it as something outside

of yourselves, rather than as a flaw in either one of you. See yourselves as a
team whose goal is to solve the problem. Think of ways to attack the problem
instead of attacking each other.
75
activity 18 Q managing conflict and disagreements
3. Agree to treat each other with respect, not using negative or insulting terms
(idiot, jerk, etc.). Agree not to blame or criticize.
4. Focus on only one topic at a time, only on the present situation, and not on
past problems. (Say, Today I felt irritated when you were twenty minutes late
rather than, You can never get anywhere on time. Remember last week?)
5. Agree to listen to each other, even if you dont agree with what is being said.
Respect each others right to have different opinions.
6. Focus on the different perspectives in the way you see things, not the impact
of the problem. (I think foreign films are challenging; you think they are
confusing rather than, I hate going to the movies with you.)
7. Think in terms of negotiation and compromise rather than winning and losing.
Derrick and Haley realized that they currently did many of the things these guidelines
said not to do. They kept arguing as they got more and more upset, they called each
other names and blamed the problem on the other person, they nearly always brought
up past arguments, and each of them had a strong desire to win the argument. As
they began to practice the new conflict management guidelines, their disagreements
began ending much more quickly. They started trying to find solutions together rather
than each of them trying to be the only winner. They also noticed their relationships
with other friends were improving as well. After a few months, both Derrick and
Haley felt much happier about their friendship, themselves, and life in general.
76
directions
Over the next few days, listen to your friends and family members or to people on
television as they have disagreements. Use the forms below to keep track of the actions
they take that either increase the conflict or help manage the conflict.
Names:
Topic of disagreement:
Discussing while emotionally heated or calm?
Working as a team or attacking?
Treating with respect or disrespect?
Sticking to one topic in the present?
Listening carefully to each other?
Identifying different perspectives?
Negotiating or trying to win?
Names:
77
Names:
Names:
78
more to do
Look back over the notes you took as you watched people disagree. For each
disagreement you observed, describe the specific words and actions you noticed that
increased the conflict and those that helped to manage it:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Think about yourself and your own actions during disagreements. Tell which actions
you take most often that help to increase conflict.
Tell which actions you take most often that help to manage conflict.
Tell how the amount of conflict in your relationships affects your level of happiness or
depression.
Tell what you can practice doing to better manage conflict in your relationships.
79
19 problem-solving skills
you need to know
No one has a life without problems. People who feel capable of facing the
challenges that life presents are less likely to feel depressed. They know that
they can solve problems, and they put their skills to work when challenges arise.
You can increase your problem-solving skills by learning and practicing a five-
step plan.
Joshua felt depressed a lot. There always seemed to be something going wrong in
his life. Class assignments were too hard; friends didnt return his calls; his boss at
the convenience store said he daydreamed too much. When those things cleared up,
other things went wrong. Joshua shared his frustration with his counselor at school.
The counselor said all of the things that bothered Joshua were problems that could be
solved. But Joshua said he didnt have any idea of how to solve them.
The counselor told Joshua that there were five steps he could follow to help him find
solutions to his current problems or any others that might come along. She wrote these
steps on her notepad and then explained each one, using Joshuas first challenge as an
example.
Step 1: Clearly define the problem.

The counselor said that people have a better chance of changing something when
they know exactly what it is that needs to change. Instead of just saying that class
assignments are too hard, Joshua could think more carefully about what made them
difficult. Joshua said he never felt he understood the assignments clearly. After
he turned them in, the teacher often said that he hadnt followed the directions.
The counselor then defined the problem more clearly by writing, Have trouble
understanding exactly what the teacher wants from me.
Step 2: Brainstorm solutions.

Next the counselor asked Joshua to tell her all the possible solutions that he could
think of to that problem, no matter how crazy or far-fetched they sounded. Joshua
came up with these ideas:
80
activity 19 Q problem-solving skills
Listen more carefully when the assignment is explained.
Ask a friend to reexplain it to me after class.
Use a tape-recorder to tape the teachers explanation of the assignment.
Ask if I can have a different teacher.
Talk with the teacher and see if I understand the assignment correctly before I start.
Drop out of school so I dont have to do homework at all.
Sit closer to the front of the classroom.
Step 3: Choose one solution and try it.

Joshua and his counselor went over every item on the list, and Joshua decided to try
Ask a friend to reexplain it to me after class.
Step 4: Evaluate how well it worked.

Joshua tried his plan the next time he got an assignment, but he still didnt do very well.
He realized that he wasnt confident his friend had understood what the teacher wanted.
Step 5: If it worked well, keep doing it. If not, try another solution from the list.
Joshua decided to try another idea: Talk with the teacher and see if I understand the
assignment correctly before I start. He did this the next day, and he ended up getting a
much better grade on his homework.
As Joshua used this method with other challenges in his life, he found himself feeling
more confident in his ability to solve problems. Life didnt feel as depressing anymore.
81
directions
Name a problem that you have been facing lately.
Write a clear and concise definition of the problem so that you know exactly what you
need to work on.
Brainstorm possible solutions to your problem. For brainstorming to be most effective,

it is important that you write down all the ideas that come into your head, without
judging them. It doesnt matter how unusual or impossible they may be; write them
down anyway. Make your list as long as possible. If you need more space than is
provided here, use additional paper.
82
Look back over your list. Now think about which ideas are possible or realistic and
which are not. Choose one of your ideas to try as a solution to your problem and write
it here. Tell when you plan to try this solution.
After you have tried this idea, describe how well it worked. Has this solution solved
the problem?
If this idea didnt work, choose another solution from your list and try that. Describe
your results here. Continue trying solutions until you find one that works.
83
more to do
For each of the categories below, draw an arrow to the number on the scale that best
describes how confident you feel solving problems in that area.
Look back at the numbers you have chosen and tell why you think some areas may be
harder for you to deal with than others.
Describe how your personal ability to solve problems in your life affects your feelings
of depression.
84
Make a list of other problems that are currently challenging you.
Choose one item on your list and follow the five problem-solving steps to deal with it.
Record your data and experiences below.
Be aware that you will never stop having challenges in your life. But if you continue
to practice your problem-solving skills, the challenges will become easier to handle
and you will become more confident in your ability to manage them. This can greatly
reduce your feelings of depression.
85
20 act on the As to manage
stress
you need to know
Most people feel stress almost on a daily basis. When you do not know how
to manage stress, it is easy to feel depressed, because you often feel anxious,
tired, or overwhelmed. Learning stress-management techniques can help you
ward off feelings of depression.
Anna was a straight-A student. She was good at art, acting, accounting, and archery.
But Anna was awful at managing stress. Her brain and body always felt overloaded, as
if she were running a race that she could never win. This made her feel depressed as
well.
One day her Uncle Alex taught Anna the reminder Act on the As. Uncle Alex
explained that there are three ways to act on stress that all begin with A:
1. Avoid it. Remove yourself from stressful situations when you can; do not
purposely put yourself into situations that you know are highly stressful for
you; do not dwell on thoughts that raise your stress level.
2. Make Adjustments. Do what you can to change the stressful situation.
3. Alter your thinking. If you cant change something, change your thoughts about it so
you dont perceive it as so stressful. Or change the way you cope with it so you can
handle it better.
For example, Anna loved art, but it also caused her stress. Her private lessons took up
a lot of time in her already busy schedule; she compared herself to others in the class
and felt she was not a very good artist; and she worried both about getting into art
school and the chances of finding a well-paying job in this very competitive field.
Anna tried to act on the As. She thought about avoiding art altogether, but she knew
she didnt want to do that because she enjoyed it so much She thought about making
86
activity 20 Q act on the A's to manage stress
adjustments and realized she could cut back on her painting lessons or drop archery
to give her more time. She decided that art was more important to her, so she dropped
archery.
Then she thought about how she could alter her thinking. She decided to stop
comparing herself to others in her class; it didnt help her and only made her feel
stressed. She also decided to stop worrying about the future. If she didnt make it as a
professional artist, she could still paint as a hobby and enjoy it just as much.
Annas changes gave her a lot more time. She didnt feel as pressured and she found
herself enjoying her painting time more than before. Her stress level went down, and
her feelings of depression subsided.
87
directions
Pretend that two of your best friends have come to you with the problems described
below. Read about their situations and then write a suggestion about how they can better
manage their stress by acting on the As.
Charyse has so much to do and so little time to do it. Charyse likes to be in charge of
things and takes on a lot of responsibilities. She always tries to get good grades, she is
the president of two clubs at school, she is the group leader of her science project, she is
in charge of the school recycling project, and she babysits for two neighbors whenever
they ask her. Sometimes Charyse gets so tired of having everyone count on her that she
becomes depressed and feels like running away. She cant see any other way to get away
from the stress.
Suggest what Charyse can do to:
Avoid stress
Make Adjustments
Alter her thinking
88
Jack is stressed because he feels pressured about smoking. Jacks grandfather, whom
he was very close to, died painfully from lung cancer, and Jack has vowed he would
never smoke cigarettes. But now some of the guys he hangs around with are smoking,
and they are giving him a hard time for not joining them. Jack doesnt want to lose his
friends but he really doesnt want to smoke. He has started having trouble sleeping at
night because he dreads going to school to be confronted by the situation.
Suggest what Jack can do to:
Avoid stress
Make Adjustments
Alter his thinking
89
more to do
Make a list of the things in your own life that feel stressful to you. Put them in order
from most to least stressful.
Fill in the blanks below with the first three items on your list. Then write how you can
act on the As in each situation to help yourself manage the stress.
Situation 1:
I can Avoid:
I can Adjust:
I can Alter:
90
Situation 2:
I can Avoid:
I can Adjust:
I can Alter:
Situation 3:
I can Avoid:
I can Adjust:
I can Alter:
Describe how your stress level affects your feelings of depression.
Try putting the ideas you listed above into action. Describe your results.
91
21 looking beyond the battle
you need to know
When people feel they are in a depressing situation, they are often so focused
on their discomfort that they forget that the situation is only temporary. When
you can look beyond the battle and remember that whatever you are dealing
with will get better with time, you can focus on brighter times ahead and feel
less depressed.
When Ty missed his lay-up shot and the basketball team ended up losing the game,
he felt terrible. He was embarrassed, disappointed, and depressed. He kept picturing
himself missing the shot over and over again.
When Mareesa sprained her ankle and couldnt perform in the dance recital, she felt
as if her life was over. She kept thinking about how unlucky she was and how bad the
pain was, and she found herself feeling more and more depressed.
When Jonathan asked a girl to the homecoming dance and she said she was already
going with someone else, he felt so depressed. It had taken a lot of courage to
ask her, and now it was all for nothing. He felt like he would never get over his
disappointment.
These kids are feeling depressed because they are focusing on the negative experience
in the present. If they looked beyond the present battle, they would realize that their
situations are only temporary. For example, Ty will have many more basketball games
this season, and his team has a good chance of winning many times. Mareesas ankle
will heal, and she will be able to perform in the next semesters recital. Jonathan
will start to think about something else, and he can ask the girl out again after
homecoming or find another girl that he likes.
92
activity 21 Q looking beyond the battle
directions
Read the list of situations below that could bring up feelings of depression. Put a check
mark next to any that you have experienced. Underneath each situation, write what you
could tell yourself that would help you look beyond the battle and feel less depressed.
You find out you have a huge research paper due in only two weeks.
You see that the only seat left on the bus is in the very back, and sitting that far
back makes you feel nauseated.
When you arrive at work, you learn that someone has called in sick and you
will have to do their work as well as your own that day.
Youve practiced really hard all week, but the coach only puts you in the game
for five minutes.
You planned to spend your birthday money on video games, but you lose your
history book and have to use your money to pay for that instead.
Youre listening to your parents have an argumentagain.
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activity 21 Q looking beyond the battle
more to do
Describe a situation that happened to you recently where you could have let go of
depressive feelings by looking beyond the battle.
Tell why it might be hard to look beyond the battle in some situations.
Describe a challenging situation that is coming up for you in the near future, where
looking beyond the battle could help you to avoid becoming depressed.
Write the words you could tell yourself about this situation to help you to look beyond
the battle.
Close your eyes for a minute and picture yourself in this upcoming situation. Notice
everything as you imagine it will happen. Then picture yourself saying what you
need to in order to look beyond the battle and not feel depressed. Affirm that this is
something you will be able to do to help yourself when the time comes.
94
coping with change 22
you need to know
It is normal for people to experience some feelings of discomfort when faced with
life events that bring about change. Even when change is positive, adjusting to it
takes time and energy. When you can learn healthy ways to cope with change,
discomfort will pass more quickly instead of turning into depression.
As long as you are alive, you will experience change. It is a normal part of being human.
The world is designed to change; seasons change, weather changes, all living things grow
and develop and change over the course of their lives.
While adjusting to change is possible, it involves thinking and acting in new ways, which
requires time and energy. When you are aware that you need this extra time and energy,
you can understand that adjusting to change doesnt happen immediately. Although this
may make you uncomfortable for a while, this feeling is normal and will pass. In the
meantime, you can focus on helping yourself through the transition.
Practicing any of the healthy coping actions below can help you through a time of change.
Some preserve and create energy; some release depressive feelings, which require energy
to hold inside.
Healthy Coping Actions

Getting enough sleep (creates energy)
Eating healthy foods (creates energy)
Getting fresh air (creates energy)
Getting physical exercise (creates energy and releases depression)
Expressing your feelings by talking or writing (releases depression)
Focusing on the positive in yourself and the situation (releases depression)
Reminding yourself things will eventually get better (releases depression)
Participating in fun activities (releases depression)
Laughing (creates energy and releases depression)
95
activity 22 Q coping with change
directions
Record your current age at the right end of the timeline below. Then record all of the
major events you have experienced in your life by marking them along the timeline at
the appropriate place. These events might include starting a new school, the birth of a
sibling, moving to a new home, a parents divorce, a long illness, a special birthday, a
graduation, or anything that has felt like a major life event to you.
Birth Your Current Age
Tell which of these events created the most change in your life and which created the
least change.
Created Most Change Created Least Change
Tell which of these events was the easiest for you to cope with and which was the
hardest.
Easiest to Cope With Hardest to Cope With
Tell which of these events brought up the most feelings of depression for you and which
brought up the least.
Brought Up the Most Depression Brought Up the Least Depression
96
more to do
Choose the most recent life event from your timeline. Describe how you used, or could
have used, each of the coping actions to help yourself through it.
Event:
Sleep:
Healthy foods:
Fresh air:
Exercise:
Expression of feelings:
Focusing on the positives:
Thinking of what will it be like when things get better:
Fun activities:
Laughter:
Think of a life event that is coming up for you in the near future. Describe how you can
use each of the coping actions to help yourself through this.
Event:
Sleep:
Healthy foods:
Fresh air:
Exercise:
97
Expression of feelings:
Focusing on the positives:
Thinking of what will it be like when things get better:
Fun activities:
Laughter:
Record your current age at the far left of the timeline below. Along the timeline, record
any major events that you may encounter during the next ten years of your life. Tell
what coping actions you think you might use to help yourself through them.
Your Current Age Ten Years from Now
98
rejection, dejection, and
trying again 23
you need to know
Everyone experiences loss in many ways throughout the course of life. Both big
and small losses occur every day. People who have a hard time handling loss
may have more depressive feelings than those who handle it better. You can
learn ways to cope with loss to help you manage feelings of depression.
Rejection comes to us in many ways. We are rejected when someone we want to be

friends with doesnt want to be friends with us. We are rejected when we try out for
a team or a role in a play and dont make it. We are rejected when we ask someone
out on a date and that person says no. We are rejected when we apply for a job or to a
school and are turned down.
Rejection, which is something that happens to us, doesnt have to mean dejection, which
is a way we feel. Being rejected is an act. Feeling dejected, or depressed, is the feeling we
choose to respond with. While we may not have control over being rejected, we do have
control over our reaction. When we react with less dejection, we have the energy to try
again.
Feeling dejected following rejection is based on the mistaken belief that we have to feel
unhappy when we dont get what we want. However, there is more than one road to
happiness, and often there is something even better out there waiting for us. When we
understand this, we can view rejection more objectively, and we dont have to feel so
depressed. Instead of thinking, I didnt get what I wanted, and if I cant have that, I cant
be happy, we can think, I didnt get what I wanted, but maybe there is something else
that can make me happy, tooand maybe even happier than the first thing! This gives
us the encouragement and the energy to try again. When we keep trying, we are usually
successful eventually.
99
activity 23 Q rejection, dejection, and trying again
directions
The kids in the pictures below have been rejected and are feeling dejected. Write
thoughts that could help them see things more objectively. Then write what might
happen if they try again.
1.

1. This girl didnt make the

cheerleading squad.

2.
2. This boy didnt get crowned

homecoming king.

100
3.

3. This girl didnt get accepted
to National Honor Society.
4.
4. This boy didnt get

asked to a party.

101
more to do
Why do you think rejection hurts so much?
Make a list of rejections you have had in your life.
Tell whether your thoughts about each of these rejections made you feel dejected
or not.
Tell if any of these rejections ever resulted in your getting something better than you
originally wanted.
Some now-famous authors whose work was originally rejected by publishing houses
include Stephen King (Carrie, The Dark Tower), F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby), Anne
Frank (The Diary of Anne Frank), William Golding (Lord of the Flies), Ernest Hemingway
(The Old Man and the Sea), Joseph Heller (Catch-22), Beatrix Potter (The Tale of Peter Rabbit),
Herman Melville (Moby Dick), Edgar Allan Poe (The Raven), Dr. Seuss (The Cat in the Hat),
and H. G. Wells (The Time Machine, War of the Worlds).
If you have been rejected, you are in good company. Think of what the world would
have missed if these authors had been too depressed to try again.
102
coping with loss 24
you need to know
Everyone experiences rejection at some time in life. Being rejected can cause
many people to feel dejected or depressed. Learning to view rejection objectively
helps you to realize you dont have to feel depressed. You can have the courage
to try again.
As long as we are alive and growing, we will experience loss. For example, when
you graduate from grade school, you lose your place in that school and must move
on to another one. When you learn how to drive, you lose some dependency on your
parents. When you go steady with one person, you lose the freedom to date other
people.
During adolescence, there are a number of normal losses that can occur. These include
the loss of grandparents and pets to death from old age, or the loss of peers to death
from accidents. There is the loss of your childhood and your childs body. There is
the loss of relationships when childhood friends move away or go to other schools or
join different groups of friends. There may also be the loss of family stability due to
parents illness or divorce.
It is normal for people to go through a grieving process when they experience loss.
Grief may be brief or extended, depending on the importance of what is lost. Grief can
involve periods of sadness or depression mixed with periods of confusion, anger, or
even happiness. It is important to understand that grief is normal, and each person
going through it experiences its progression a little differently.
103
activity 24 Q coping with loss
Keep in mind the following guidelines to help you cope with grief and loss:
Know that your feelings are normal. It is typical to have many different feelings
when you experience a loss. For example, you may feel happy to graduate from
one school, sad to say good-bye to this time in your life, scared of what the
future will hold, excited at the possibilities, and confused about what choices
you will make. If your grandfather dies, you may be sad because you miss him,
angry because you didnt want him to leave you, and relieved that he is no
longer sick.
Find a place to express your feelings. Holding all these emotions inside can
create body aches and tension or depression. Find a friend, relative, or counselor
to share your feelings with, or write them out in a journal or through poetry.
Some people express feelings by playing music or even playing sports.
Continue daily living. Try to stay on a regular schedule of eating, exercise, and
sleep. Grieving can be emotionally and physically draining, and you need to
maintain your health and energy level to continue with your life and manage
your feelings, too.
Keep linking objects. Look for tangible things that you can keep close at hand
to link you to what you have lost. If someone has moved away or died, you
might keep photographs, letters, articles of clothing, a special book, gift, key
chain, or something else that belonged to that person. If you have graduated
from high school, you can keep your diploma, yearbooks, pictures, pennants,
and other souvenirs from your school experience.
Plan a ritual or create a memorial. Doing something special to recognize

the change can help people move through the grieving process. A party or
ceremony ritualizes birthdays, religious accomplishments, graduations, and
other growth markers. Planting a tree, engraving a park bench, or creating a
memory book are ways to memorialize someone who has died.
104
directions
In the frame below, draw a picture, make a collage, create a poem, or write about a loss
you have experienced recently. Give your creation a title. If you havent written about it
within the frame, describe what happened on the lines underneath.
105
List any other losses you experienced during adolescence or before.
more to do
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the most minor loss you have ever experienced
and 10 being the most major, assign a number to the loss you described above. Tell
what number you chose, and why.
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the least depressed you have ever felt and 10
being the most depressed, assign a number to your level of depression in relation to
this loss. Tell what number you chose, and why.
Make a list of any other feelings you experienced as a result of this loss.
Tell how and where you expressed these feelings. If you havent yet expressed them,
describe them here.
106
Describe how your daily eating, sleeping, or exercise habits were affected by this loss.
Describe any linking objects you have that did or could help you through this loss.
Describe any rituals you did or could perform to help you cope with this loss.
Describe anything you could have done or could still do to help you through the
grieving process over this loss. Tell when you plan to do these things for yourself.
107
25 getting outside yourself
you need to know
Feelings of depression tend to grow when people dwell on their own problems.
Focusing away from yourself, or getting outside yourself, can help you feel
better. One effective way to do this is to focus on helping someone else who is
in need.
Chantelle felt depressed because she was lonely. Even in a crowd of people, she often
felt as if she had no friends. She just didnt feel connected to anyone. When she joined
the Service Over Self Club at school, Chantelle was asked to help at different places
in the community that needed volunteers. One week she read stories to children who
were in the cancer unit of the hospital. The next week she and the other club members
sang holiday songs at the senior citizens home. The week after that Chantelle
collected canned goods and clothing for people whose homes had been destroyed by a
hurricane.
Each time Chantelle came home from a club project, she found herself feeling less
lonely inside. She realized that during the time she had been helping other people, she
had stopped thinking about her own feelings of depression. She realized that many
people were in worse situations than she was, and she felt good because she could
do something to help. She also found that she liked interacting with the people she
helped. They were always so glad to see her.
As Chantelle continued to do volunteer work, her spirits lifted and she wasnt as
depressed. She also began reaching out to other kids at school. She found herself
genuinely caring about other people, talking and laughing with them more, and
feeling more connected to both her old and new friends.
108
activity 25 Q getting outside yourself
directions
Think of someone you know who is hurting in some way, needs help with something,
or needs cheering up. It might be a friend, family member, neighbor, school staff
person, or anyone you know. Think of an act of kindness you could do for that person
in the week ahead. Could you help with a chore? Send a card or an encouraging note?
Buy that person a soda or cup of coffee? Listen to him or her? Write your ideas here.
Plan to carry out your idea. Tell when and how you will do this.
After you have carried out your plan, describe what happened.
How often did you think about your own feelings of depression while you were
planning and carrying out this act of kindness?
How did you feel after you gave this gift of yourself?
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more to do
The activities listed below provide a number of opportunities for getting outside yourself
and helping other people. Circle any that sound interesting to you.
tutoring children giving blood delivering meals to homebound people
reading to the blind babysitting writing to people in prison
collecting recyclables visiting seniors teaching English to foreigners
doing office work making phone calls visiting people in hospitals
delivering library books cleaning houses making lunches for the homeless
raising money having a bake sale mowing lawns
painting houses assisting teachers writing to soldiers
planning events doing walk-a-thons working with the disabled
building houses coaching sports serving food
caring for animals translating answering a crisis hotline
being a tour guide stuffing envelopes cooking meals
being a camp counselor playing in a band preparing first-aid kits
List any other volunteer activities that you would like to try.
110
Circle any of the skills or talents in the list below that you could teach to others.
sewing reading drawing
cooking making jewelry singing
painting playing chess taking photographs
playing cards writing using a computer
riding a bike swimming skateboarding
gardening crafts playing tennis
keyboarding woodworking scrapbooking
knitting doing math playing an instrument
baking interior decorating writing poetry
dancing playing basketball caring for pets
whistling working on cars boating
List other skills or talents you have that arent listed here.
Sometimes people think that if they feel depressed, they dont have any energy to help
anyone else. What do you think about this?
111
Sometimes people think that since no one is helping them, they dont want to help
anyone else. What is your opinion about this?
Choose one of the ideas from either of the lists above and describe what you think it
would be like for you to try helping someone with this activity.
Tell whether or not you think that helping others might also help you, and why.
You can find people who need help in your life every day if you just look around. If
you would like to try more organized volunteer work but dont know where to find it,
start by calling your local hospital, place of worship, or village hall. You can also look
on the Internet at www.networkforgood.org and www.volunteermatch.org.
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staying active 26
you need to know
When people feel depressed, they may not have much energy. They may not have
the desire to make plans because they dont have much interest in doing anything.
Stopping activity, however, only increases depression. You can help yourself move
past feelings of depression by staying actively involved in your life.
Eduardos dad could tell that Eduardo was feeling depressed. He had parked himself
in front of the television for four days in a row and channel-surfed for hours. When his
friends called, Eduardo said he would call them back later, but he never did. When the
family went out for pizza, Eduardo said he wasnt hungry. When his girlfriend came
over to talk with him about going to a concert, Eduardo said he didnt feel like it.
Finally Eduardos dad sat down to talk with him. He said he knew Eduardo didnt
feel like doing anything, and he asked if not doing anything was helping Eduardo
feel better. Eduardo said no; in fact, the less he did, the less he wanted to do. His dad
explained that energy creates energyyou need to use energy to produce more of it.
When Eduardo said he didnt even have any energy to start with, his dad challenged
him to at least try. He suggested that Eduardo push himself to go to the concert and
see how he felt when he got back.
It was all Eduardo could do to get up off the couch and change his clothes, but he did
it. He thought it would be one of the hardest nights of his life and wondered how he
would ever make it through. As he left home, he felt as if his body were made of lead,
but his friends were excited and they put the bands CD on in the car. He liked the
music a lot, and it seemed to pick him up a little. He guessed the concert might be fun,
if he could stay awake.
When Eduardo got home that night, his dad was waiting up to see how it went.
Eduardo said he never would have thought it possible, but he had left the house almost
asleep and had come home full of energy. During the course of the night, he had
forgotten his feelings of depression and found himself having a great time. He was
amazed that his dad had been right.
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activity 26 Q staying active
directions
Under each of these five burners, write an activity you love to do that really energizes
you. Above each burner, draw a flame that indicates how much energy you have when
you are participating in this activity. If you have very little energy, draw a very low
flame; if you have a great deal of energy, draw a very high flame.
__________ __________ __________ __________ __________
Draw a flame above this burner that indicates how much energy you have when you
are depressed.
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more to do
Look back at the flames you drew and describe the difference between the amount of
energy you have when you feel depressed and the amount of energy you have when
you are doing something you love to do.
Tell what you usually do when you are feeling depressed and dont have the desire or
energy to do anything.
Tell why you think that doing something you love could raise your energy level.
Tell why you think it might be hard to push yourself to become active when you are
feeling depressed.
115
When you have little energy, it is sometimes easier to take a first step by doing small,
simple activities. For example, it might seem more possible to e-mail or call a friend than
to go to a party. In the list of activities below, put a number 1 next to those that seem
like first steps for you and a number 2 next to those that seem like second steps.
play basketball go to a movie
go to a concert play cards
e-mail a friend go to a party
go out to eat call a friend
go for a walk watch a basketball game
go to the pool or beach play laser tag
play a video game go to the mall
go to the library go skateboarding
have a party talk to a close relative
go to an amusement park have one friend over
Make a list of any other first steps that could work for you.
Make a list of any other activities that raise your energy level.
Make a commitment to yourself to try to stay active the next time you feel depressed,
even if you dont feel like it at first.
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food to help your mood 27
you need to know
Some research studies show that what people eat can affect their moods.
Deficiencies in certain vitamins and nutrients have been linked to higher levels
of depression. Paying attention to your diet and practicing healthy nutrition may
help you prevent and relieve feelings of depression.
When the chemicals in our brains that regulate mood become imbalanced, depression
can be triggered or escalate. Because the food that we put into our bodies affects the
chemicals in our brains, eating particular foods can alter our moods.
While each persons chemical make-up is a little different, there are some vitamins and
nutrients that have been shown to have an effect on brain chemicals in many people.
These include the B-complex vitamins and folic acid in particular, omega-3 fatty acids,
sugar, caffeine, and alcohol.
Vitamin B-12 is found in meat, dairy products, and eggs. All of the other B vitamins
are found mainly in whole-grain products and fortified cereals, meats, leafy green
vegetables, nuts, and seeds. Folic acid (vitamin B-9) is also found in citrus fruits,
strawberries and cantaloupe, asparagus, liver, beans, and legumes (dried beans and
peas). When your body is low in folic acid and other B vitamins, you may have more
Omega-3 fatty acids are found in cold-water fish, such as tuna and salmon. These fatty
acids have been found to play a crucial role in the function of brain chemicals. If your
body is low in these acids, you may have stronger feelings of depression.
White sugar is found in candy, cookies, cakes, ice cream, soda, and many cereals.
Caffeine is found in cola drinks, other sodas, tea, and coffee. Both of these substances
have been linked to higher levels of depression. While sugar and caffeine may give an
initial energy boost, the bodys blood sugar then drops very quickly, and slowness and
tiredness set in.
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activity 27 Q food to help your mood
Alcohol is often used as an escape from depression, but since it affects the body by
depressing the central nervous system, it actually makes depression worse. Alcohol
also leads to vitamin deficiencies that can contribute to higher levels of depression.
Along with the information about particular foods that affect our brain chemicals, it is
also important to know that a healthy diet is, in general, better for avoiding depression
than one that is unhealthy. A healthy diet has a balance of fruits and vegetables, grains,
proteins, and dairy products. It also includes a variety of foods from each of those
categories. A healthy diet includes more fresh, natural foods and fewer processed or
packaged foods. When you are eating a healthy diet, your body and mind function
better and you are better able to handle the ups and downs of daily life. When you
are eating an unhealthy diet, you have less physical and emotional energy to ward off
118
directions
On the chart below, keep track of your food and beverage intake and your level of
depressive feelings for one week. Record everything you eat or drink, and record your
depression level three times each day. Rate your depression from 1 to 5, with 1 being
very low and 5 being very high.
Day of the Food and Depression Level (15)

Week Beverage One Hour After Midday Evening
Intake Waking
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
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more to do
Look back at the information you have recorded about yourself. Do you see any
patterns in your depression level? For example, do you seem to feel more depressed in
the morning, afternoon, or evening?
Compare the amount you eat of foods that may increase depression (sugar, caffeine,
alcohol) to the amount you eat of foods that may decrease depression (those with B
vitamins or omega-3 fatty acids). Describe what you notice.
As you review your food consumption, determine if your diet is more healthy or
unhealthy. Describe how you do or do not eat a balance of foods from different groups.
Describe how you do or do not eat a variety of foods.
120
Describe how you do or do not eat fresh and unprocessed foods.
Describe any connection you notice between what you put into your body and your level
of depression.
Tell how you could realistically improve your diet to improve your mood.
121
28 exercise and depression
you need to know
Physical exercise has the ability to improve mood and reduce feelings of
depression. When people exercise, there is an increase in the production of the
brain chemicals that lift their moods. Incorporating mild-to-moderate exercise
into your daily life can help you feel less depressed.
When certain chemicals are released in our bodies, our moods rise and we gain
a sense of well-being and happiness. When we exert our bodies through exercise,
we both burn off stress chemicals and stimulate the production of the happiness
chemicals, helping to relieve symptoms of depression.
Exercise helps us feel better in other ways as well. When you exercise regularly, you
can improve the condition of your muscles, become more coordinated, and improve
your balance. These physical improvements transfer to emotional improvements; you
gain emotional strength and mental coordination, and you have fewer mood swings.
When you exercise, you also increase your mastery over your body and mind. This
empowerment helps give you the motivation and strength to let go of sadness and
move ahead and to realize that you are not a victim and can make positive changes
and improvements in your life.
Physically, exercise releases built-up emotion, helps you sleep better, improves your
circulation, strengthens your heart, lowers your blood pressure, and improves your
overall health. When you are physically healthy, you have more brainpower and
energy to take on the challenges in your life. You feel less defeated and are less easily
overwhelmed. The oxygen flow to your brain is increased, which helps you think
clearly and rationally, increasing your ability to focus on the positive.
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activity 28 Q exercise and depression
directions
Create an exercise plan for yourself for the next week. Start by deciding what type of
exercise you enjoy. Circle any of the following that sound like fun to you:
biking swimming football basketball
running walking yoga tennis
dancing skateboarding surfing Pilates
weight training kick boxing skiing belly dancing
karate baseball hiking volleyball
Add any other exercise you enjoy that isnt listed here.
Now choose the activities you would like to do and set a realistic goal for yourself for
this week. Over the next seven days, can you realistically do this activity once? Twice?
Three times?
Which days and which time of day can you fit this activity in?
How much time will you have? Fifteen minutes? Twenty minutes? A half-hour?
Realistic goals are those that you can easily accomplish. Do not plan to go skiing if you
dont have the equipment, transportation, or money. Do not plan to play volleyball if
there is no one who will play with you. Do not plan to start a running program if you
really dont like running. Set a goal that you know you can achieve.
123
Record your realistic plan in the calendar below.
Day and Time Planned Exercise
124
Pay attention to your levels of depression before and after exercising and record them as
you go through the week.
Day Depression Level Before Exercise Depression Level After Exercise
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
Low H ig h Low H ig h
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5
Very Very Very Very
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more to do
Explain why you were or were not able to accomplish your exercise goals for the week.
If you didnt accomplish your goals, rewrite them here, making them more realistic.
Think about what you need to change: the activity you chose, the amount of time you
planned to spend, the days or times you had planned to exercise, and so on. Be as
specific as possible. Then in the coming week, try again with your revised goals.
Look back at your rating scales and describe how your depression level was or was not
affected by exercise.
Sometimes people find it hard to get motivated to exercise. You may find it helpful to
do one of the following:
1. Get exercise-friendly clothingshoes, shorts, leotard, or whatever you need for

your activity. Having comfortable, appropriate clothes that you like can help
you get psyched and enjoy your exercise more.
2. Try exercising to your favorite music. Upbeat music can lift your mood and
energize you.
3. If you are more motivated in a social setting, try exercising with a friend or
taking a class. Sometimes other peoples energy helps boost yours, and the time
can be social as well as physical.
4. If youre happier by yourself, dont force yourself into a group. Choose an

activity you can do easily by yourself, such as running or walking. Always take
safety precautions when you exercise alone.
126
breathwork 29
you need to know
Bringing an adequate supply of oxygen into the body helps people function
better physically, emotionally, and mentally. When we are feeling depressed,
we tend to take shallow breaths and sometimes even hold our breath for short
periods without realizing it. Practicing healthy breathing techniques can help you
release the physical and emotional feelings of depression and choose thoughts
that will help you reduce depression.
When Lauren felt depressed, she noticed it all over. Her stomach felt queasy, and
sometimes she experienced pressure on her chest. Her eyelids seemed to weigh a ton,
and she had to drag herself from class to class at school. Her mood was low, she had a
negative attitude, and her body didnt seem to want to move at all. One day when she
was feeling especially depressed, Lauren went to see the school nurse. She just wanted
to lie down on her couch for a while and take a nap. But after questioning Lauren
about what was wrong, the nurse had another idea.
She explained that Lauren could help energize her body and release her feelings and
thoughts of depression by taking more oxygen into her body. She taught Lauren a
simple breathing exercise:
1. Sit quietly and comfortably.
2. Take as deep a breath as you can through your nose.
3. Hold the breath for a second or two.
4. Let the breath out as slowly as you can through your mouth.
5. Repeat the first four steps three times.
6. If you dont feel better, wait a few minutes and then do it again.
7. Repeat until you feel better.
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activity 29 Q breathwork
At first, Lauren didnt think that breathing could help her at all. After all, she breathed
every day, all day long, and she still got depressed. But after trying the exercise a few
times with the nurse, she found that she did feel better. The discomfort in her stomach
went away, and she didnt feel as tired. She was able to finish the day at school feeling
fine and even made the decision to go out and have fun that night with her friends.
Lauren continued to use the exercise whenever she noticed depressive symptoms
coming on. She found she could both keep them from coming on so strongly and get
them to go away faster.
directions
Find a place where you can try the breathing exercise that the nurse taught Lauren.
Follow the directions above. Describe what it was like for you to do this exercise.
The next time you feel depressed, pay attention to your breathing. Notice how far you
take your breath into your body. Does it move all the way down into your lungs or
your diaphragm? Or does it move in only as far as your nostrils or your throat? Record
your observations here.
Stop what you are doing and try the breathing exercise. Describe how it did or did not
help you feel better.
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more to do
Most people are not used to paying attention to their breath, so it may seem unusual
or feel uncomfortable to do an exercise like this at first. With practice, however, it will
become easier, more familiar, and more comfortable.
Try another breathing exercise:
1. Sit quietly and comfortably.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Find your breath. Notice where it goes as it moves in and out of your body.
4. For the next few minutes, just pay attention to your breath. Notice where it goes
within you. Notice how it feels or sounds as it moves in and out of your body.
Dont consciously try to change your breathing in any way; just pay attention to it.
5. Continue to follow your breath until you feel peaceful.
Describe what it was like for you to do this breathing exercise. Was it more or less
comfortable than the first one?
Describe any change you noticed in your breath from the time you started the exercise
to the time that you finished.
129
Describe any change you felt in your body or your mood as you did this exercise.
Tell why you do or do not think that a breathing exercise might help you relieve feelings
of depression.
130
creative expression 30
you need to know
Feelings that are not expressed can build up and damage peoples physical and
emotional health. One way to release feelings is through creative expression.
Writing, art, movement, and music are all healthy ways to release feelings of
depression.
Brett had been talking to a counselor outside of school for several months, trying to
learn how to handle his feelings of depression. The counselor noticed that Brett had
a hard time talking about his feelings, and other than her, there was no one he felt
comfortable sharing them with. She also knew that Brett played drums in the school
band. One day she suggested that Brett visit the Barn, an old house on the outskirts
of town that had been converted into a coffee house. It was a place where local teens
could hang out and also where they could experiment with different artistic mediums.
When Brett went to the Barn, he found lots of kids his own age participating in all
kinds of artistic activities. A band was playing at one end of the large room, two girls
were practicing ballet at a bar against the wall, several boys were working on a video
production at the computer station, and there were tables and easels set up for art
projects that were in the works. He also noticed a few kids sitting on couches and
chairs in the corner, some drinking soda or juice, and some writing in notebooks.
On his first day there, Brett just wandered around exploring. The next time he visited,
he hung around near the band. When they learned that he played drums, they asked if
he wanted to jam with them for a while. Brett found it was more relaxing and creative
than the structured music program at school. He found himself playing better than he
ever had before, and he noticed that it made him feel good inside.
Brett started coming back regularly after that, usually playing drums with the band
and sometimes bringing his notebook to share some of the science fiction stories he
was working on. He met other kids who liked to write, and they shared ideas. At his
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activity 30 Q creative expression
counselors suggestion, Brett tried expressing his feelings more, both in his music and
his writing. At first he wasnt sure how to do that, but as he became more comfortable,
he noticed he was working more from his heart than his head. He ended up both feeling
better and discovering more creativity within himself. After a few weeks, Brett noticed
that his feelings of depression had greatly diminished. He had found a safe and effective
way to let them out.
directions
The nice thing about creative expression is that there is no wrong way to do it. You
do not have to be able to play a particular song, write with certain words, create a
particular type of picture, or move in one specific way. Creativity involves thinking
in new ways or putting new variations on an old theme. It involves listening to your
intuition and expressing feelings and thoughts that are uniquely you.
In the frame on the next page, practice creative expression by writing poetry or prose,
drawing with color or without, or creating a collage that represents something you
feel strongly about. Give your creation a title. Remember, there is no wrong way to
complete this task.
132
133
more to do
On the scale below, mark how comfortable you feel about expressing yourself
creatively.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Very Uncomfortable Very Comfortable
Circle the method with which you feel most comfortable expressing yourself.
writing poetry playing an instrument dance
singing writing stories painting
drawing photography drama
sculpture videography recording arts
other
Describe the places or situations where you feel most comfortable expressing yourself
creatively.
Tell why you would or would not like to visit a place like the Barn.
Plan a time in the next few days when you can express yourself creatively. Afterward,
describe what this was like for you. Tell how your feelings of depression were or were
not affected by this activity.
134
support people 31
you need to know
People who isolate themselves from others usually have a harder time dealing
with depression than people who stay connected to supportive friends and
family. Supportive people can act as a safety net to help hold us up emotionally
during the harder times of life. Staying connected to people who encourage and
support you will help you to manage feelings of depression.
When Amelia felt depressed, all she wanted to do was be alone. When her friends
approached her at school, she didnt feel like talking, so she would try to avoid them.
When her family ate dinner together, she ate quickly so that she wouldnt have to join
in the conversation. Amelia felt like she would have to pretend to be happy if she was
with other people, and it seemed so much easier just to keep to herself.
Amelias older sister, Kate, noticed that Amelia was spending a lot of time in her room
alone. When Kate asked what was wrong, Amelia said she didnt want to talk about it.
But Kate told Amelia that she cared about her and didnt like to see her so sad. Finally
Amelia told Kate how depressed she felt. Kate gave Amelia a big hug. She said shed
get them each a soda and then sit with Kate while they listened to their favorite CD
together. It felt nice to Amelia that Kate was being understanding and trying to help.
As they listened to the music, singing along with parts, she realized she felt a little
better. After checking with their mom, Kate invited one of Amelias best friends and
one of her best friends to spend the night. The four girls sat up talking and watching
movies, and Amelia found that everyone was kind and helpful when she shared her
feelings with them. It made her feel good to be cared about and also to stop dwelling
on her depressed feelings all by herself. She realized that staying connected to the
supportive people in her life helped relieve her depression better than isolating herself.
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activity 31 Q support people
directions
Draw a picture of yourself in the single frame below. In each of the frames that make
up the safety net, draw a picture or write the name of someone in your life who could
support or encourage you when you feel depressed. Think about all of your friends,
family members, neighbors, teachers, coaches, and so on.
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activity 31 Q support people
more to do
Tell why you may not want to talk to or be with anyone when you feel depressed.
List each person you included in your safety net. Then describe how they encourage or
support you. Do they listen, make you laugh, hug you, get you out of the house, give
advice, or something else?
Write the phone numbers and e-mail addresses of all of your support people below.
Copy this information onto another piece of paper and keep it in your wallet, locker, or
bedroom, or enter it into your cell phone so you can always get in touch with someone
if you need to.
Do you ever support or encourage anyone else when they need it? Describe what you
do and whom you do it for.
Someone once said, Friendship divides our sorrows and multiplies our joys. When
we share our sorrows with supportive people, it makes our problems feel smaller.
When we share our good times, it makes our joy feel even bigger.
137
32 professional counseling
you need to know
One of the greatest helping tools for people with depression is talking to a
counselor. Professional counselors are trained to help people understand
why they feel depressed and find healthy ways to help themselves feel better.
Professional counselors can provide emotional support and also teach coping
skills so that you can learn to handle feelings of depression on your own.
When Zacks mom suggested he talk to a counselor about his depression, he told
her, No way. He said he didnt need any shrink to analyze his brain and tell
him he was psycho. Zacks mom asked if he thought his Uncle Brad was psycho.
Once again Zack said, No way. Uncle Brad was a successful lawyer, had been the
quarterback on his college football team, had a great sense of humor, and was an
awesome chess player. Uncle Brad was one of Zacks favorite people.
Zacks mom told him to ask Uncle Brad what he thought about counseling, and the
next time Zack saw him, he did. It turned out that Uncle Brad had a professional
counselor that he had talked to when his mother died, when he and his wife were
separated for a while, and when he was having trouble getting along with his son,
Cody. Uncle Brad said that the counselor helped him to sort out things he was
confused about and to identify the strengths within himself that would help him get
through the hard times. The counselor also helped Uncle Brad and Cody learn how to
get along better.
Zack was pretty amazed. He had thought counseling was only for people who were
crazy. But Uncle Brad was one of the coolest, most normal people Zack had ever met.
When Zack told his mom he might reconsider talking to a counselor, she made him an
appointment for the next week. John was a social worker who told Zack that he used to
suffer from depression himself. He was easy to talk to and he helped Zack learn ways
to manage and get over his feelings of depression. Zack felt a lot more positive and
confident in himself after talking with John a few times. He decided counseling wasnt
such a crazy thing after all.
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activity 32 Q professional counseling
directions
People can go to counselors for all different reasons, many of which are listed below.
Feeling nervous Facing an illness
Having a hard time getting along with Feeling overwhelmed

your parents
Having a hard time concentrating
Feeling bad about yourself
Feeling like running away
Feeling very sad because someone has died
Getting into trouble
Not getting along with people
Wanting to hurt yourself
Feeling afraid
Not eating enough or eating too much
Wanting to break a bad habit
Abusing alcohol or drugs
Feeling sad
Feeling lonely
Having a hard time keeping up in school
Getting arrested
Getting into fights
Other problems you have had
Parents getting divorced

Circle any of these problems that you may have had.
If you were to have an appointment with a counselor today, tell what you might want
to talk about.
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more to do
Describe what it feels like for you to think about talking to a counselor.
Some people have the mistaken idea that it is a sign of weakness to go to a counselor.
Actually, it takes strength to be able to face problems, and thats what you do in
counseling. Tell your opinion about this.
Some people prefer a male counselor, and some prefer a female. Tell which you would
prefer, and why.
Some people prefer to go to a counselor in their school, and some prefer to go to a

counselor outside of their school. Tell which you would prefer, and why.
Most schools have a social worker, psychologist, or other counseling professional

on their staff to help students with many types of problems, including dealing with
feelings of depression. Make an appointment to meet with the professional counselor
in your schoolor any other professional counselor you may knowand ask them the
following questions. Record their answers here.
What is your specific title?
140
What exactly do you do to help people?
What kind of education did you have to get in order to do this job?
Why did you want to be a counselor?
Did you ever go to a counselor yourself?
What kinds of problems do you help people with?
How can counseling help someone with depression?
Think of anything else you might want to ask a counselor before you share personal
information with them. Write those questions here.
Tell why you think a professional counselor could be helpful to you in managing
If you would like to talk to a counselor, tell your parent or another adult who can help
you make an appointment.
141
33 group support
you need to know
People who feel depressed are often helped by sharing their feelings and
experiences with others who are going through the same thing. Support groups
bring people together to help each other by offering support and education
about a problem. Sometimes support groups are run by professional leaders,
and sometimes they are run by the members themselves. Getting involved in a
support group can help you to better manage feelings of depression.
One day Kristen left the school cafeteria feeling very upset. She had just spent another
lunch period pretending she was feeling great, when she was actually battling feelings
of depression. She liked her friends and knew that they cared about her, but she
couldnt talk to them about depression; none of them would understand. When she got
to her locker, her friend Amy caught up with her and asked what was wrong. Kristen
finally admitted that she felt very alone with her feelings and didnt have anyone to
talk to. Amy shared with Kristen that she had been going to a weekly support group
for girls with eating problems. The school nurse had started the group, which met after
school on Mondays in her office. Amy said it really helped her to be with other girls
who understood what she was going through, and also to get ideas for how to make
things better. She suggested that a support group for kids who feel depressed might
help Kristen.
Kristen thought about the idea and went to talk to the school nurse. The nurse said
there was a group for teens with depression that met at the local Y. She gave Kristen
the information, and Kristen went to her first meeting that week. At first she was
nervous and almost changed her mind about going, but Amy encouraged her to give
it at least one try. Once the group meeting started and Kristen began listening to the
other kids talk about their feelings, her nervousness left. She felt so relieved to be with
other people who felt like she did. The other kids were friendly and caring and fun
to be with, and Kristen felt like she had found a second family. She continued going
to the weekly meetings and found that she struggled with depression less and less as
time went on.
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activity 33 Q group support
directions
Quotes such as Two heads are better than one and One hand washes the other
remind us that as humans we are all connected and function much better when we work
together. Look at the business pages of a phone directory. In the space below, record as
many services as you can that illustrate how people work together to help one another.
For example, mechanics use their skills to help us with our cars, grocers provide us
access to food, and so on.
By sharing information, goods, and services, we help each other meet our needs for daily
living. Describe what needs you think a support group might help people meet.
143
activity 33 Q group support
more to do
Sometimes people are hesitant to join a group because they think they might not be
comfortable with people they dont know. Describe any feelings like this that you may
have now or have had in the past.
If you are not comfortable talking with people you dont know well, read Activity 16:
Talking Tips from AL. Describe how you could apply the information in that activity
to the idea of joining a support group.
Talking about your personal feelings with other people might not feel comfortable at
first. Tell what you think the difference might be between talking with people who
dont know anything about depression and talking with people who have feelings of
depression themselves.
Tell what you hope would happen to help you if you joined a support group.
144
working as a family 34
you need to know
Events that happen in families and relationships between family members can
contribute to feelings of depression. When people work as families to solve
problems, depression can be relieved. Working together with your family
members can help you understand the source of your depression and take
steps to change it. Sometimes families can work things out on their own, and
sometimes they need help from a counselor.
Every day, Sam felt more depressed. Ever since his grandpa died last summer, it
seemed like his mom was yelling at his younger brother and him all the time. She was
also working a lot of overtime, leaving his dad responsible for dinner, which meant
they went out for fast food. The house seemed empty and sad.
Thomass parents were getting divorced. When Thomas found out, he was angry and
scared, but he didnt know what to do with his feelings. He didnt like going home
from school anymore, and he was too embarrassed to tell his friends, so he started
hanging out with a different group of kids. He knew they smoked pot, but he felt too
depressed to care, so he went along with them.
Claires dad traveled a lot for his job and was home only on weekends. Her mom was
lonely and spent most of her evenings drinking martinis in front of the TV. Claires
brother completely ignored her; he tried to stay out of the house as much as possible
so he wouldnt have to talk to their parents. When her boyfriend broke up with her, it
seemed like the only person Claire could count on had left her. She felt so depressed
that she wanted to run away.
All of these families needed to work together to solve their problems. Heres what
happened:
One night, Sam approached his mom and told her that he missed her. He wanted
her to stop working so late. He wanted things to be the way they used to be.
145
activity 34 Q working as a family
Sams mom called his dad and brother into the room and asked if they felt the
same way. They all did. They talked about how different things had been since
Grandpa died. Sams mom said she was very sad about losing Grandpa, and she
realized now that she was working more so she didnt have to think about her
sadness. But she didnt want to hurt her family. Sams dad suggested that they
make a scrapbook with all of their pictures of Grandpa, his favorite jokes and
sayings, and the ribbons he had won at the state fair. They worked on the book
together, and Sams mom started coming home from work on time again and
cooking dinner for them. Sam started feeling happy again instead of depressed.
Thomas was hanging out with his new friends in the field behind the school
when a police car came by. Thomas was arrested for possession of marijuana,
and the judge told his parents they must go to family counseling. During the
counseling sessions, Thomas was able to tell his parents how angry he was about
their divorce. He also told them about his fears of never seeing his dad again once
he moved out. With the counselors help, his mom and dad listened to his feelings
and reassured Thomas that they understood his anger. Then they worked out
a plan for Thomas to see his father every weekend and on all school holidays.
Thomass feelings of depression lifted, and he started caring about himself again.
One night when Claire and her brother came home, they found their mother
passed out on the couch and they couldnt wake her up. They called 911, and
an ambulance took her to the hospital. They called their father, who flew home
that night. The social worker at the hospital told Claire and her brother that her
mother needed treatment for alcohol addiction. As part of that treatment, the
family would be asked to come to counseling sessions at the hospital. During
those sessions, the four of them talked about the good things in their family and
also the things that were not so good. They talked about what they would like
to be different in their family. Claires father talked to his boss about changing
his job responsibilities so he could travel less. Claires mother agreed to stop
drinking. These changes made Claires brother enjoy his parents more, and he
began spending more time with the family. Claire was able to get more support
and caring from her parents, and she didnt feel as depressed anymore.
146
directions
Draw a picture of your family members in a circle in the center box below. Space them
evenly. Draw smooth lines between the members who get along well and jagged lines
between the members who do not get along well. Draw partially smooth and partially
jagged lines between the members who get along well at some times and poorly at others.
In the frame around the center box, write or draw events and circumstances that affect
your family. These may be positive or negative and could include divorce, job issues, legal
issues, financial issues, health issues, or relationships with others outside of your family.
When you are done, circle the family members, relationships, or outside issues that
have an effect on your level of depression. Then put a star by those that affect you the
most.
147
more to do
Tell what your first impression is when you look at what you have drawn. How does it
make you feel?
Describe how and why the items you starred affect your feelings of depression.
Describe what you would like to see change in your family to help you feel less
depressed.
Tell which of these things are possible and which may not be possible.
Tell whether or not you think your family could work these things out by talking
together.
Tell how you think a counselor might help your family make positive changes.
Share this activity with your parents or another member of your family. Talk about
how you can work together to make positive changes in your family.
148
weighing the consequences 35
you need to know
People who feel so depressed that they think they want to hurt themselves can
help to stay safe by thinking about the consequences of their actions. While they
may feel so down that they wish they werent alive, if they werent, there would
be many negative repercussions. Stopping to think about the consequences of
hurting yourself can help you realize that it is not a good idea.
Maria was sitting alone outside the school behind the field house, thinking about how
worthless her life was. She wondered if anyone would even notice if she werent here
anymore. Maybe if she were gone, people would wonder about her. Maybe then she
would finally be noticed. Tears ran down her face as she thought about how depressed
she felt.
A noise behind her startled her. It was her friend, Jeremy, who had lived next door
to her since second grade. Jeremy was at her house so often that he was more like a
brother than a friend. Jeremy saw Maria crying and asked what was wrong. Maria told
him how useless she felt, how empty and insignificant she felt her life was.
Jeremy was surprised. Didnt she realize what would happen if she werent here? What
would he do without her? He counted on seeing her every day, even if just for a few
minutes. He said there was no one else who knew him like she did, and accepted him.
There was no one else he trusted as much as Maria. He would be lonely without her.
What about her family? If she were gone, her parents would be sad all the time. Her little
sister would have to be alone after school instead of having Maria to watch her. What if
she got hurt? How would it affect her if Maria hurt herself? And Marias grandmother,
who called Maria her little flower, might lose her will to live if Maria were gone.
Even Ruby, Marias cat, would miss sleeping on her feet at night. What if Ruby went
looking for Maria and got lost or got hit by a car? And what about Mrs. Menzer? Maria
149
activity 35 Q weighing the consequences
watered her prize flowers every week all summer long because Mrs. Menzer was
confined to the house. What would she do without Maria?
And what about all the future children Maria was going to help when she became a
pediatrician? Maria might find a cure for some childhood disease and might save a lot
of lives, but that would never happen if she didnt stay alive.
Jeremy was about to keep going, but Maria told him to stop. She said she hadnt
thought about these consequences; she had only thought about how bad she felt. She
said that she wouldnt want to hurt all those other people just to take away her own
hurt. She said she guessed that maybe her life wasnt completely useless after all.
150
directions
Write your name in the blank spaces in the sentences below, and then ask two people
who know you well to answer the following questions about you. You may ask the
questions and record the answers or make a copy of this page and give it to them to
write their own answers.
What is one of the best times youve ever had with ?
What qualities do you value most about ?
Why is important in your life?
How would you feel if were gone from your life?
How is the world a better place by having in it?
Who else do you know who values s presence in their life?
151
more to do
People who think their lives are insignificant may not realize that each person in the
world, including themselves, plays an important role in the universe. Pretend that
someone you care about doesnt see any reason to live anymore. Write that person a
letter telling what the consequences would be if he or she were no longer alive.
If you have ever felt that no one would care if you lived or died, describe what you
were thinking and feeling here.
152
Write yourself a letter describing what the consequences would be if you were no
longer alive. Write it as if you cared about yourself deeply.
If you have feelings of not wanting to live, it is important that you share your
feelings with a parent, teacher, counselor, or other responsible adult. Put this book
away now, and find someone whom you can tell.
153
36 sharing your feelings
you need to know
Sometimes peoples feelings of depression become very extreme and may
appear to be unbearable. When depression feels this overwhelming, people
may feel so tired and so sad that they wish they were not alive. Sometimes they
dont stop to think clearly, and they try to hurt themselves or take their own life.
If you ever have feelings that are this strong, it is very important to keep yourself
safe by telling someone else how you feel.
Sadness almost always feels bigger when you keep it to yourself. If you are ever
feeling so depressed that you think you want to hurt yourself, it is important that you
share your feelings with someone else. This will help to diminish your feelings of
depression, and it will also alert other people so that they can either help you or get
help for you.
Sometimes when people are depressed, they feel very alone and they may think that
no one cares about them. This is rarely true. The depressive feelings may just be so big
that it is hard to see past them to the people who are there waiting to help.
All around you are people who can help you, but they cannot help you if they
dont know how you feel. Sometimes people give clues to how they feel by acting
destructively or aggressively. But clues arent always enough. If you feel so depressed
that you might hurt yourself, it is very important to tell someone directly.
154
activity 36 Q sharing your feelings
directions
Next to the titles below, write the names of people in your life whom you could tell if
you ever felt so depressed that you might try to hurt yourself.
Parent
Friend
Neighbor
Teacher
Coach
Relative
Doctor
Counselor
Worship leader
Other
Write the words you would use when you talk to this person. Tell what you are feeling
and tell what you are afraid of. Tell if you are thinking of hurting yourself. There are
no right or wrong ways to say it. Just be clear and speak from your heart.
155
more to do
Describe your worst feelings of depression. Tell when they occurred and how long
they lasted.
Rate your current feelings of depression on the scale below according to whether or
not you feel you might hurt yourself.
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I can confidently I am very afraid I
say that I do not might do something
feel at all like to hurt myself.
hurting myself.
If your rating was above zero (0), plan to share these feelings with someone as soon as
you can. Tell whom you will share them with and when you will do it.
If you are not sure how to put your feelings into words, you can share this workbook
and show what you have written in this activity.
156
Sit quietly and close your eyes for a moment. Picture yourself sharing your feelings
with the person you have chosen. Picture yourself asking that person to help keep you
safe. Picture the feeling of relief and reassurance you feel when you tell.
After you have shared your feelings, describe what happened.
Fill your name in the first blank space. Then ask the person you have told to complete
and sign the statement below.
You, , have told me that you are very depressed
and feel you might hurt yourself. I care about you and will not let
this happen. I will keep you safe by
Signed
If you have ever felt that you might hurt yourself, or if you do now, be sure to read and
complete Activities 35 through 40 in this book. It will be best if you share what you
write or do the activities with an adult.
157
37 an emergency plan
you need to know
When people feel very depressed, they cannot always think clearly. If you are
not thinking clearly, you may not be able to take care of yourself the way that
you need to. Creating an emergency plan while you are feeling good gives you
an effective tool to keep yourself safe if you are ever not thinking clearly.
The social worker at Jennas school was giving a talk on how to handle emergencies.
She went over information about how to handle physical emergencies at home,
at school, and in a car. She taught some basic first aid and she also talked about
emotional emergencies. She explained that when people are very upset emotionally,
they may not be able to think clearly enough to act in safe ways. She said that people
who are very depressed may do something to hurt themselves that they wouldnt
have done if they were feeling better or thinking clearly. She explained that having an
emergency plan for these situations could help keep people safe.
Jenna talked to the social worker the next day and said shed like to create an
emotional emergency plan for herself because she felt very depressed at times. The
social worker told her to make a list of all the things that she knew helped her come
out of depression and all the people who could help her if she felt very down. Then
they looked over her lists together and made up the following plan:
Jennas Emotional Emergency Plan
Step 1:Stop thinking about whatever is making me feel depressedright now. Put
my mind on something that makes me feel good.
Step 2: Take a few deep breaths so I can help myself think clearly.
158
activity 37 Q an emergency plan
Step 3:Make a list of all the good things in my life, including everything I can
think of.
Step 4:Remind myself of all the times I have gotten through hard situations in
the past.
Step 5: Remind myself that this feeling is only temporary, and it will pass.
Step 6:Talk to my mom, my best friend Lindsay, my aunt Sarah, or my counselor, and
tell them how I feel.
Jenna made four copies of her plan. She put one in her locker, one in her purse, and
one in her night-table drawer, and she gave one to her mom. Once her plan was in
place, Jenna felt confident that she could get through a hard time with depression
without doing anything that might hurt her.
159
directions
Following Jennas example, make a list of all the things that you know would help you
to come out of depression and all the people who could help you if you feel extremely
depressed. Write your own emotional emergency plan below. Make as many copies as
you need and put them in places where they will be handy if you need them.
160
more to do
Have you ever felt so depressed that you werent able to think clearly? Describe what
this was like and what happened.
Think about what you know about yourself and how events in your life affect you.
Write down any situations where you think an emotional emergency plan could be
helpful for you.
Share your answers to the previous question with someone you trust. Talk about how
you will act if any of these situations ever arise. Then choose at least two other people
to share your emergency plan with. Write their names here and tell why you chose
them.
Sit quietly for a moment and close your eyes. Picture yourself at a time when you feel
very depressed. Picture yourself taking out your emergency plan at that moment and
one by one, putting the steps you have chosen into action. Picture yourself finding help
and relief by using your plan. Picture yourself feeling better.
161
38 signing a contract
you need to know
A contract is an official agreement or commitment between two parties or with
yourself. When you sign a contract, you agree to honor that commitment under
all circumstances. Signing a contract that states you will not hurt yourself is a
commitment to keeping yourself safe even if you feel very depressed.
Matt was talking to his counselor, Elizabeth, about how depressed he felt. He said he
was so down and hurting so badly that he had thought about ending his life. He just
didnt have the energy to face his problems anymore.
Elizabeth asked him if he really would hurt himself or if it was just a fantasy but not
something he would really do. Matt wasnt sure. He just knew that he felt very bad and
he really didnt want to be here anymore.
Elizabeth said that Matt needed to make a commitment to staying safe and staying alive.
She knew that things in his life would get better, that the depressive feelings would
subside, and that Matt could withstand this difficult time, even if he didnt believe it
right now. She asked if Matt could promise her that he would keep himself safe for the
next twenty-four hours. Matt thought about it and said yes. He could make it through
the next day. Elizabeth said she wanted his promise in writing. She asked Matt to write
and sign a contract stating that he would not do anything to hurt himself in the next
twenty-four hours. This is what he wrote:
I, Matt Harris, hereby promise that I will not do anything to harm myself in any way for
twenty-four hours from when I write this contract.
If I do feel like hurting myself, I will call my dad, my mother, or my counselor and I will
tell them how I feel and ask for help.
162
activity 38 Q signing a contract
I give my word that I will keep this promise and not break this contract.
I am committed to keeping myself safe.
Matt signed and dated the contract, and Elizabeth signed it also. She made one copy for
herself, one for Matt, and one for Matts parents. She told Matt to choose activities during
the next twenty-four hours that would be safe for him. She told him to be with other
people rather than being alone. She told him that when twenty-four hours was up, they
would write another contract. Matt agreed. He realized that having written and signed
the contract made him feel better, and he was more confident that he could keep himself
safe.
163
directions
If you feel that you are currently in danger of harming yourself in any way, it is
important that you tell someone right away. Take the time right now to put this
workbook down, find a responsible adult, and tell that person how you feel. Then
share this activity and write a contract for yourself, making a commitment to keep
yourself safe for twenty-four hours or longer.
IMPORTANT NOTE
If you cannot agree to make this commitment, you need to
tell a responsible adult. If you are alone, you need to find or
call a responsible adult and tell them how you feel. If you
cannot reach anyone, call 911 or go to your nearest hospital
emergency room.
If you are not currently in danger of hurting yourself, write a contract that states that if
you ever do feel that way, you will take all necessary steps to keep yourself safe.
164
more to do
In your own words, tell what making a commitment means.
Has anyone ever made a promise or a commitment to you and then broken it? Describe
what this was like and how you felt.
People make a number of important commitments in their life. They might commit to
helping a friend, being on a team, keeping a confidence, taking a job, getting married,
and so on. Explain why it is important to honor the commitments you make.
Explain why you will honor any commitment you make to keeping yourself safe.
It is important to make a commitment to keep yourself safe every day of your life. Even
if you feel very depressed and at the moment cannot remember that things will get
better, you need to commit to not harming yourself in any way. Then you will make it
through the most difficult time and you will be able to enjoy your life again when the
feelings of depression are gone.
165
39 hotlines to help
you need to know
There are many places you can go and people who are ready to help you twenty-
four hours a day, seven days a week, if you ever feel so deeply depressed that
you are thinking of harming yourself in any way. No matter where you live, every
community provides some kind of free services for people in this situation. Help
is available to you at all times, whatever your age, race, religion, gender, or
circumstances. Knowing about these specific resources in your community can
help keep you safe.
The following are services designed to help you if you are afraid you may hurt yourself:
911: In most areas of the United States, dialing 911 on your telephone will connect
you with an instant emergency service. The people who answer the phone are
ready to get help to you within minutes of receiving your call.
Phone lines: When you call a telephone crisis line, you will have the chance to
express your thoughts and feelings to someone who is trained to listen to you
and help you. Phone counselors are trained to hear your story and your pain with
an objective ear. They are also taught to get you the help that you need to stay
safe. Often they can recommend a place that you can go for additional help or
resources. Some people feel more comfortable sharing information with a phone
counselor because this is not someone in their personal life. They have anonymity
and they do not have to feel embarrassed by their situation.
Hospital emergency rooms: All hospitals are required by law to help people who
have hurt themselves or are in danger of hurting themselves, no matter who they
are and whether or not they have money to pay for services. If you are ever in
need of help or feel that you might do harm to yourself, you can go to the nearest
hospital emergency room, and people there will take care of you. If you do not
know where the nearest hospital is, call information (411) on your phone. If you
are traveling or are in a community far from your home, you still have the right to
receive services.
166
activity 39 Q hotlines to help
directions
Use your local phone directory, ask an adult to help you, or call directory assistance
(411) on your phone, and find all the information necessary to fill out the Hotlines to
Help card below.
Make a copy of this card and place it near the phone in your house, or program the
numbers into your cell phone. Keep a copy of it in your wallet or somewhere else so it
will be available if you need it.
167
more to do
The fact that our society provides emergency services for its residents reflects the fact
that we value each individual life, including yours. Sometimes you may not feel like
anyone cares, but in reality, very many people do. Have you ever smiled at a stranger
or opened a door for someone you dont know? Describe caring actions you have
shown to other people.
Every time you give to someone else, you contribute to the good that is in the world.
And you deserve just as much to be cared about and given help yourself. People
you dont even know are working to help keep you safe. They have taken these jobs
because they want to help others. Tell which of the emergency services you would use
first if you needed them.
For some people, it is hard to reach out for help. But once they do, they usually feel
relieved. Tell why you think this is.
168
Your life is valuable, and there are people who want to help you. Find another person
to show this exercise to. Make a promise to yourself and that person that if you ever
need help from emergency services, you will reach out and ask for it. Write your
promise here. Sign your name and date it.
169
40 the power of hope
you need to know
Even the worst feelings of depression get better, but sometimes people are
so focused on the pain of the moment that they forget this fact. When this
happens, it can make any situation appear hopeless, even if it is not. You can
keep depressive feelings from becoming overwhelming by using the power of
hope.
Carl had been struggling with feelings of depression for almost a year. Usually he
could manage his feelings pretty well, but in the last week he felt like he was losing
ground. His dad had been injured in a car accident and was in the hospital intensive
care unit. Carl was very frightened that his dad might die. He had gone to visit his dad
every day, but it made him so upset that he wasnt able to eat or sleep much. He had
missed three days of school, including two big tests that he needed good grades on in
order to pass the classes. Carl felt very tired, and his sadness felt so big that he didnt
know how he could survive.
The day Carl was feeling the worst, he went to the hospital again. This time his
grandmother was there. She was sitting next to his dads bed, patting her sons hand.
She had a loving smile on her face. Carl dropped into the other chair, exhausted and
overwhelmed. His grandmother saw the deep sadness on his face and asked if he was
okay. Carl said no, he was very depressed. His dad would die, and he would flunk out
of school and be depressed forever. His grandma came over and put her arm around
him. She felt surprisingly strong.
Carl, she said, you dont have to let your feelings of depression get the best of you.
You are so focused on your pain that youve lost sight of hope. There is great hope that
your dad will pull through this. He was in good physical health before the accident.
His heart is strong and so is his will to live. He has shown a little improvement every
170
activity 40 Q the power of hope
day. There is also hope that your teachers will understand this extreme situation when
you explain it to them. They may let you take your tests over again or do extra work
to pick up your grades. There is hope that your feelings of depression are temporary,
too. You have the strength to get through this, just as you have gotten through other
challenges, and soon you will feel better.
Carl listened to his grandmother. What she said made sense. He just hadnt seen the
hope because he had been too focused on the depression. He realized that he didnt have
to feel as bad as he didthere was great hope that everything would turn out all right.
171
directions
Each of the kids in the situations below is feeling overwhelmed with depression.
Write a statement of hope about their situation that could help them out of their deep
sadness.
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
172
more to do
Tell why you think that people sometimes focus on depression instead of hope.
Explain what you think is meant by this statement of hope: Its always darkest before
the dawn.
Describe a situation in the past when you had lost sight of hope. Tell what eventually
happened. Did the worst thing happen? Did you survive? Did things eventually get
better?
Describe any situations in your life right now that are causing you to feel depressed.
Write a realistic statement of hope about each one.
173
Lisa M. Schab, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling
practice in the Chicago suburbs. She writes a monthly parenting column for Chicago
Parent magazine and is the author of eight self-help books and workbooks for children
and adults. Schab teaches self-help and relaxation therapy workshops for the general
public and professional training courses for therapists. She received her bachelors
degree from Northwestern University and her masters degree in clinical social work
from Loyola University.
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beyond the

LISA M. SCHAB, LCSW

Instant Help Books

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2008 by Lisa M. Schab

Cover design by Amy Shoup

All Rights Reserved

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

It is important to remember that if your feelings of depression do not go away, if they

Lisa M. Schab, LCSW

Describe how you feel when you look at your picture.

you need to know

trouble sleeping unhappiness significant weight change

reckless behavior drug abuse withdrawal from friends

feeling helpless constant boredom skipping classes often

fear of death increased irritability no interest in activities

alcohol abuse feeling worthless increase in sex drive

trouble focusing achy body parts constant desire to be alone

increased anger difficulty making decisions overly negative attitude

frequent crying strong feelings of guilt feeling like a failure

self-injury suicidal thoughts disappointment in self

physical aggression forgetfulness missing appointments

decrease in sex drive increased family conflicts withdrawal into self

no interest in hygiene constant restlessness thoughts of running away

An environment is a persons surroundings. Negative family or social environments

Life Events Social Environment

Personality Type Physical Illness

Medications Biochemical Factors

Genetics Family Environment Alcohol or Drug Abuse

Try phototherapy, or light therapy. Exposure to special bright-light boxes can

Use higher-wattage bulbs or full-spectrum bulbs.

Increase your exposure to outdoor light by spending more time outdoors,

Exercise on a regular basis, outdoors if possible, or indoors near a window.

Take a vacation to a warmer, sunnier climate, if possible.

The amount I sleep

How much I eat

How much I weigh

How well I can concentrate

How much I like to socialize

How happy I am in general

How well I can handle stress

List the categories you have rated more than 50 percent.

Describe how your two lists compare.

Neurotransmitters are chemicals that help in transmitting messages between nerve

Being youngest in the family

Being very tall

Getting a new puppy

Being elected class president

School closing because of bad weather

Being the first one to give your oral report

Being an only child

Being last in line for the roller coaster

Moving to a new town

Put your paper through a shredder.

you need to know

1. Keep a gratitude list.

2. Plan activities she likes to do.

3. Practice focusing on what she is doing in the present moment.

4. Stop her negative focus on the future.

Copyright 2008 by Lisa M. Schab