F K Up This Book Sample PDF
F K Up This Book Sample PDF
F K Up This Book Sample PDF
F**K
UP
THIS
*
BOOK
Destruc
tive
therapy
to make
you
feel good
!
FRED CALHOUN
F**K UP
THIS BOOK
(...not your life)*
A surprisingly pointless Book
for Grown-ups
Fred Calhoun
14 15 16 17
Typeset by www.RichardBuddDesign.co.uk
Printed and bound by Scandbook, Sweden
Contents
Introduction
17
1 Work
2 Love & Relationships
39
3 Home Life
69
4 Cars, Driving and Transport 89
5 The Modern World
113
6 Its All About You 141
176
Dedication
To Philip they fuck you up, your mum and dad
Larkin, who opened many eyes to the dark
forces at work in life.
FC
Introduction
ENJOY!
10
BEEN A WHILE... ?
F**K
UP
THIS
BOOK
INSTRUCTIONS
1. READ THE QUESTIONS OR INSTRUCTIONS
2. CAREFULLY COMPLETE EACH SECTION
3. ASSESS THE MATERIAL YOU HAVE WRITTEN
4. AH, F**K IT, JUST DO ANYTHING YOU LIKE RULES ARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE...
5. BUT PLEASE NOTE THAT ANYTHING
YOU DO IS AT YOUR OWN RISK AND ANY
INJURY OR UNPLEASANT OR UNFORESEEN
CONSEQUENCE AS A RESULT OF YOUR
ACTIONS IS ENTIRELY YOUR OWN
RESPONSIBILITY. ALWAYS DESTROY
RESPONSIBLY. AND CAREFULLY.
DONT FORGET!
THIS IS YOUR BOOK TO DO WITH AS YOU
PLEASE. ANYTIME YOU FEEL THE NEED TO
HIT, PUNCH, KICK, RIP, TEAR OR VANDALISE
THIS BOOK IN ANY WAY WHATEVER, WHENEVER
ANYTHING HERE IRRITATES YOU, THEN PLEASE
GO FOR IT. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
16
Work
ME
HIT E!
HER
E
M
T
HI E!
RE
ER
H
E HE
M
HIT
E
M
HIT E!
HER
HIT ME
HERE!
HIT ME
HERE!
ME
HIT E!
HER
Note: try not to
fuck up this book completely
or youll need to buy another one to continue.
On second thoughts do your worst
Work 19
2.
3.
You can leave this page blank if its not going so well
20
Work
2.
3.
If theres any blank space left on this page then you can move on to
Section 2 if you want to.
Work 21
2.
Reason
3.
Reason
Work
2. Dear _______________
3. Dear _______________
Work 23
DOT-TO-DOT FUN?
. . .. ..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
..
.
.
.
.
. . . ..
. . ..
.
.
..
..
..
6
13
14
A
T
15
16
18
19
20
21
22
35 33
32
31
23
24
25
26
30
29
28
27
.. . .
17
56 7 8 16
18
9
19
10
..
.
.. .
.
.
.. . .
.. .
.. ..
.
.
.
........ . ..
56
51
34
1 2
55
11
54
15
14
52 53
12
34
36
17
37
11 12
38
7 8
10
.
.. . . .
20
21
22
13
50
49
45
24
29 28
26
27
O
N
... ...
35
. . .
36
.. . .
. ..
.
.
..
Work
37
25
..
24
. ..
40 39
38
34
3130
3332
44
43
42
41
23
. .
46
48
47
2.
3.
y do
Note: don t actuall
worth it.
en thank your
t of this blank th
If youve left mos
own or youre
you work on your
lucky stars. Either
p to work
such a decent grou
really lucky to have
n.
you ca
with . Enjoy it while
Work 25
COLOUR ME IN
Fill in this box in the colour that best
demonstrates your normal mood at work. Feel free
to use hatching or shading as appropriate, or solid
colour if you feel strongly about it.
ME
HIT E!
HER
HIT
ME
ME
HIT RE!
HE
HER
ME
HIT RE!
HE
HIT ME
HERE!
HIT ME
HERE!
ME
HIT E!
HER
26
Work
ME
HER
HIT
2.
3.
Work 27
ASTRONAUT, PRINCESS,
FIREFIGHTER?
Write down the three things youre least likely to
do in your work/career.
1.
2.
3.
NB If this list matches the last one then its time to come
up with some new goals. Ditto if youre of a certain age and
rock star, Formula 1 driver or supermodel still feature on
your list. Its time to re-evaluate.
28
Work
PICTURE ME HAPPY
Draw a picture of you doing the kind of work you
think would be perfect for you. Please note that
this page is optional if you have:
a) retired
b) work even though you dont have to
c) have recently come into a substantial legacy
d) are a lottery winner (with a minimum winning
ticket of 1m within the last three years)
Work 29
ME
HIT E!
HER
HIT
ME
ME
HIT RE!
HE
HER
ME
HIT RE!
HE
HIT ME
HERE!
HIT ME
HERE!
ME
HIT E!
HER
If your circle is perfect, consider giving up your day job and becoming an
artist. You may be a genius. But try and do a really nice painting too and sell
it for proper money before you take this step. If your circle looks
shaky, oval or the ends dont meet, then best stick to
something you can do. If this angers you,
punch this page hard (at your own risk).
30
Work
If its the same as last time, cheer yourself up by drawing a smiley face in
your circle. Or a grumpy one if you prefer or it will make you happier.
Work 31
Youre sure thats definitely the best thing ever? If, after due
consideration, this maybe isnt all that amazing, describe how this makes
you look. And feel.
32
Work
HE SHADOW...
...IT WAS iN t
Work 33
But dont be too hard on yourself. Everyone thinks they can write but
very little of it is worth reading. And even fewer writers make enough
money to actually live on. They may have artistic satisfaction and the
knowledge that they have, in some small way, left the world a legacy
that may or may not be forgotten in years to come, but hey, so what?
34
Work
MY INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC
NEW BUSINESS IDEA
Youve always wanted to start your own
business? OK, this ones for you. Sell it here
like no-one wants to know... Make it convincing.
Or pretend this page is your bank manager,
whos tighter than a gnats ass, and find a way
to get their attention. Sell the crap out of it.
So, in no more than 100 words, whats your big
idea for a new business?
Work 35
ME
HIT RE!
HE
ME
HIT RE!
HE
ERE
HIT
H
ME
ME
HIT RE!
HE
HIT ME
HERE!
HIT ME
HERE!
4
4
ME
HIT RE!
HE
5a
5a
5b
5b
yone,
ink of an
h
t
t
n
a
If you c
page up.
beat this
36
Work
Summary
WORK AND YOU
If youve completed this section and your copy of
F**K UP THIS BOOK is still mostly in one piece then
you should now know:
If you like your job
If you like any of the people you work with
What sort of other work you might be good at
If you can either draw or write
If you should really be thinking about starting your
own business
ULTIMATE GOAL: if you can make enough money to pay
for everything by doing something you love, then
you may be working but youll never have a job.
38
Work