The Science Of Why We Talk Too Much (And How to Shut Up)

You know that girl at the office who won’t shut up about her cat? Or one of
your guy friends who keep talking about his recent promotion and how he
bagged a huge client?

It’s annoying when people talk too much. It’s even more annoying when all
they talk about is themselves. However, you can’t really blame them
because talking is part of human nature.

People talk to other people to convey information, share thoughts and ideas,
ask questions, release frustrations, and build rapport among other reasons.
People are social creatures that are programmed to communicate with one
another in order to thrive and survive.

Then again, too much talking is unnatural and can cause problems. Likewise,
improper communication can lead to confusion and chaos. This is why you
have to learn about effective communication.

Before we get to the science of why people talk too much and why they tend
to talk non-stop when they are tense or anxious, let us first discuss the
perils of ineffective or inappropriate communication. This way, you can
better understand this process and determine how you should behave.

Communicating In the Modern World

Most people today prefer to interact with one another via electronic devices.
In this day and age, nearly everyone has mobile phones and access to the
Internet. Rather than communicate in person, people would rather chat or
send e-mails and text messages. Although this form of communication is fast
and convenient, face-to-face interaction is still much better than digital
conversations.

Developmental psychologists who study the effects of texting are particularly

concerned about the interpersonal skills of the younger generations. If
millennials, the generation Z, and children do not develop these skills soon
enough, they may experience problems with communication.
What exactly are the disadvantages of improper communication and
impersonal conversations? How does modern technology negatively affect
your life?

1. It’s very hard, if not impossible, to form real relationships.

Okay, this may seem kind of a stretch. It is still possible to form genuine
relationships with others. However, this requires time, effort, and
commitment.

If you watch the news or read news reports, you will surely find stories
about individuals, particularly teenagers and young adults, who suffered
severe repercussions from online affairs.

These young people met on online dating sites or social media and began
communicating using emojis and Internet slang. They start relationships
without trying to get to know the other person better. Hence, they often get
catfished, taken advantage of, robbed, raped, or worse…

So, you see, genuine relationships can’t simply stem from e-mails and SMS.
You really have to see and spend time with the person you are
communicating with. Even if you first started out as Facebook friends, you
should at least make an effort to meet every week and have genuine
conversations.

Being physically present lets you hear their voice as well as watch their facial
expressions and body movements. It gives you an opportunity to watch for
red flags and make informed decisions.

2. Impersonal conversations can lead to misunderstandings.

Have you ever been misunderstood for a text or e-mail that you sent? The
recipient has taken your message out of context and blew things out of
proportion. Conversely, have you ever thought that someone was angry at
you based solely on their messages?

If your answer is ‘yes’ to these questions, you are not alone. Just like you, a
lot of people have read messages with different subtexts. It is pretty
common for recipients to misinterpret messages because they add a tone in
their heads.

After all, you can only see the words. You can neither hear the sender’s tone
of voice nor see his face as he speaks out his message. So, unless you really
know the person well, you may end up misinterpreting his messages.

In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it

was found that a lot of people experience difficulty when interpreting the
tone of e-mails.

3. You do not get the full experience and may even be left hanging.

Before smartphones and laptops were invented, friends meet up to eat

dinner together and share updates about their lives. They also hold parties
and gatherings to interact and have fun.

That’s what’s great about the old times. People really do get to talk about
anything under the sun, complete with facial expressions and hand
movements as they get carried away into their stories.

Today, people hardly say anything to each other. They send one-liners via
text or chat, and that’s it. They don’t even bother clarifying all the details.
Oftentimes, they just log out without saying goodbye. This kind of behavior
may seem rude or impolite, but sadly, it is the norm these days.

What Do Scientists Say About Excessive Blabbering?

So, now you know what communication is like these days. Technological
innovations may have made our lives more convenient, but they have also
taken away the essence of communication, which is connecting with other
people.

What does this have to do about too much talking? Well, isolating oneself
and solely communicating via electronic devices can make a person anxious.
Anxiety can lead to excessive and non-sensical talking. In other words, if
you do not learn how to communicate properly, you can end up blabbering.
Moreover, depending on social media to connect with others can unhealthily
inflate your ego and cause you to be overly appreciative of yourself. Two of
the main reasons why people talk too much are because they want others to
admire or think highly of them, and simply because talking gives them
pleasure.

Intriguing, isn’t it? Let’s delve into it.

a. It’s human nature to be self-obsessed.

Yup, you were born to be that way. The talkativeness and self-obsession is
in your DNA.

According to research, humans are naturally wired to focus on themselves.

In fact, they spend 60% of conversations tackling what they do, like, etc.
They also spend as much as 80% of their time on social media posting about
themselves. This is why you see tons of selfies on Facebook and Instagram.

b. Talking makes you feel good.

Whenever people have relationship, work, or financial problems, they talk

about it. They go to a therapist, talk to a priest, confide in a friend, or post
about it on social media. Talking takes the burden off their chest and makes
them feel better.

Likewise, people feel great when they talk about themselves. In a study
done by psychologists at Harvard University, it was found that people are
willing to go as far as spending money if it means getting an opportunity to
talk about themselves.

Surprised?

Now you know why people voluntarily subject themselves to 24-hour

surveillance in reality shows such as Big Brother. Now you understand why
the Kardashians act the way they do. People love the attention. They’d do
anything to talk about their activities, lifestyle, and personal history. Self-
disclosure is truly rewarding.
If this already sounds horrible, wait until you learn the science behind it.
According to scientists, those who talk too much about themselves tend to
have poor attention span. The noise and excessive chatter can actually make
you less intelligence.

Silence, on the other hand, can enhance your ability to absorb and process
information. It allows you to respond more efficiently. This is why intelligent
people are often quiet while airheads are often noisy.

c. People generally want to impress others.

Don’t you hate it when somebody acts as if he knows everything? Well, this
know-it-all is not alone. As you have read previously, people generally want
others to admire or look up to them. This makes them feel valued, special,
and important.

In fact, a lot of people talk too much to show others how much they know.
They want to let their friends and colleagues know how intelligent, well-read,
well-traveled, or cultured they are. They may have even prepared something
to say, even though it is unnecessary or irrelevant.

Ironically, this tends to undermine them instead of building their credibility.

Also, it tends to have a negative effect on likability, which is a key factor in
evaluating people.

d. Anxiety can prompt you to talk more than you have to.

Actually, anxiety and nervousness can make you do other weird stuff,
including things that you would normally not do. The stress and pressure can
even make you go ballistic and lash out on others.

More often than not, people talk in excess in an attempt to alleviate their
anxiety or tension. They give too much information or even make up stories
just to continue talking.

e. Most people feel the need to speak out or fill in dead air.
During conversations, people usually take turns in sharing information or
opinions. They think of their turn as a mandate or directive to say something
instead of an opportunity that they defer or pass.

People also talk when they feel uncomfortable in silence. Researchers at

Duke Medical School have discovered that silence is associated with new cell
formation in the hippocampus, which is the area of the brain that is
responsible for memory and learning. Nonetheless, most people still dislike
silence, especially during conversations.

Knowing When Too Much Is Too Much

Gaad, when will the talking ever stop???!!!

This is perhaps the thought on the mind of every person who can no longer
stand those who talk incessantly.

Don’t wait for your friends and co-workers to avoid you. Have the initiative
to know when you should stop talking.

Oftentimes, people do not realize when they talk too much. They do not
even notice when their conversation partner is already getting bored or
losing interest in the conversation.

Mark Goulston, author and business psychiatrist, recommends paying

attention to the following stages of speaking in order to ensure that you give
your conversation partner enough time to talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOoyRLbSQs0

Stage 1: On task, concise, and relevant

This is the feel-good stage. According to studies, people’s brains release

dopamine when they talk about themselves. They feel so good that they
become oblivious to the reactions of their conversation partners. They do not
notice when the other person is no longer listening or wants to utter a word.
Stage 2: Off-track attempt at recovery

During this stage, the speaker starts to notice that his conversation partner
is losing interest in the conversation. However, instead of giving him a
chance to respond, he talks even more to try to regain the other person’s
interest.

Stage 3: Lost track of conversation

This stage occurs after the speaker has lost track of what he was saying and
starts to notice that he may have to reel his conversation partner back in.
The speaker is basically just reciting a monologue at this point. Hence, his
conversation partner may excuse himself and leave.

Why do people talk more instead of giving the floor to the other person?
Well, researchers have found that humans have a need to be listened to.
They also get addicted to the pleasure that they feel when their brains
release dopamine as they talk about themselves.

Sooo… HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO SHUT UP???

Now that you’ve reached this part of the article, you should already know
better. You should know why you need to engage in proper conversations as
well as know the stages of speaking to avoid hogging speaking
opportunities.

If you’re still confused, here are the things that you need to do:

1. Recall past conversations.

As you sit in the train on your way to work or wait in a queue, think back to
old conversations that you have had with family, friends, co-workers, and
acquaintances. During those times, did you dominate the conversation by
interrupting the other person every chance you get or doing most of the
talking? If your answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, then you have to
learn how to back off a bit.
2. Be sensitive towards other people’s reactions.

If you can master this technique, you will no longer have problems with
communication. Observe other people’s facial reactions and body language.
Do they roll their eyes, phase out, or look distracted when you speak?

Do they look bored or agree with you impulsively, just so you will stop
talking? Do they attempt to shut you up by saying “ssshhh” or moving their
hands to your mouth?

Even worse, do they merely ignore you and leave the room or move on to
chat with someone else?

Once again, if your answer to any of these questions is a ‘yes’, then you
should definitely know when to bite your tongue and shut your mouth.

3. Observe your breathing.

Do you usually run out of breath after engaging in a conversation? If you do,
then you must be talking non-stop. You need to slow down and take deep
breaths. Take a pause whenever necessary.

What Can Go Wrong If You Talk Too Much?

Talking is generally a good thing. It lets you connect with other people,
express what you think or how you feel; and more importantly, it activates
the pleasure centers of your brain. This is why you tend to feel great after
having a deep conversation with someone.

Then again, talking too much is never a good idea. It has lots of downsides,
such as missing out on amazing opportunities and endangering your health.

Talking prevents you from listening actively.

A conversation is a two-way street – one person speaks and another person
listens. If you are always talking, you won’t be able to give other people a
chance to have their turn.

Although wittiness is an attractive trait, too much of it is not. Telling fun

stories and being the life of the party can earn you a lot of friends and
admirers. However, talking non-stop to hog the attention would only make
others avoid you. Nobody wants to be around someone who talks too much.

Also, non-stop talking prevents you from listening. It makes you focus solely
on yourself, consequently neglecting family and friends. It also prevents you
from learning anything new. You only get to learn when you ask questions
and listen to the answers.

Talking too much prevents you from acting.

Ask any successful person how they got to where they are. Surely, they
would tell you stories of sacrifices and hard work. These people became
successful because they had a goal and they went for it. They took action
rather than merely talk about what they wanted.

You want to develop an app? Go for it. Stop posting about it on Facebook,
telling your friends how much you admire tech geniuses and how cool it
would be to build your own app. Start researching, programming, and
collaborating with people who can help you turn your dreams into reality.

You want to write a book? You want to buy a new car? You want to become
a lawyer? Stop talking about your goals and start doing something to
achieve them. Start writing one chapter every morning. Head to a car
dealership and find out how you can get a Ferrari. Take the LSAT and enroll
in law school.

You cannot achieve anything by sitting down and waiting for good things to
happen. You need to take risks and inspired actions. Get out of your comfort
zone and start doing what you have to do to produce results.

Talking too much causes health problems.

According to a study, normal people breathe twice as much air when they
talk. This reduces the oxygen and carbon dioxide supply in their brains.

Excessive or continuous talking, however, can cause lightheadedness,

dizziness, emotional instability, abnormal posture, loss of concentration, and
muscular tension. Even ten to twenty minutes of non-stop talking can lead
to tissue hypoxia, hyperventilation, and chronic illnesses such as cancer,
diabetes, and heart disease.

In a study done by the National Center for Neurogenic Communication

Disorders and Department of Speech and Hearing Sciences in Tucson,
Arizona, it was found that talking for ten minutes straight significantly
reduced bran oxygenation and that resting for many minutes is not enough
to fully restore the lost carbon dioxide levels in the lungs as well as the
oxygen levels in the cells.

Talk Less, Do More

There is truth to the saying that actions speak louder than words. There is
no need for you to convince other people or make your point known by
excessive talking.

For example, if you want your spouse to know that you love him or her, you
should do things that would make him or her happy. You can give flowers,
help do household chores, go out to dinner, etc.

If you want to help save the environment, you can segregate waste,
volunteer in organizations, refrain from using plastic bags and containers,
and keep your surroundings clean. Lecturing others about the topic over and
over is no match to actually doing something about it.

Silence is powerful, and the greatest individuals throughout history have

spoken about it. The Dalai Lama recommends spending time by yourself
every day. Leonardo Da Vinci once said that authority is strengthened
through silence.

Similarly, Lao Tzu said that you can gain strength through silence. Francis
Bacon said that silence nourishes wisdom. Confucius also said that silence is
a friend that would never ever betray you.
Practical Ways on How to Stop Talking Too Much

It is never too late to change your ways. Now that you have realized your
problem and decided to take action, you have to stay committed to getting
favorable results.

Find out the real reason why you talk too much.

Get to the root of the problem. This way, you can take the necessary steps
to fix it. For example, if you talk too much because you are insecure, you
may go to a therapist and read self-help books to address the issue.

Say what you have to say, and then stop.

If you want to convey a message, state an opinion, give advice, or share

information, you should do it and then stop. Be clear and concise. Do not
say anything else after you have gotten the point across.

However, you may ask questions or encourage others to provide feedback to

balance the conversation as well as to get more desirable results. Take note
that the current average attention span is eight seconds. Those who are not
able to get to the point and attract the attention of others are at a high risk
of being overlooked and ignored.

Think before you speak.

Slow down. Calm down. Do not rush communication. Think of what you want
to say ahead of time so that you can be prepared for the conversation. This
can lessen your anxiety and prevent you from talking too much. It can also
boost your confidence, encouraging you to deliver witty punch lines and
sensible comments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoDqK-rq6NU

Consider the cause and effect of talking too much.

Learn about the possible causes of excessive talking as well as the ideal
ways to deal with them. What do you think will happen when you talk too
much and interrupt others during conversations? Will they get mad at you?
Will they try to avoid talking to you in the future? Will they tell others about
their unpleasant experiences with you? Consider these possible scenarios so
that you can act accordingly.

Talk at appropriate times.

As much as possible, you should refrain from talking to people when they
are busy, not in the mood, or not feeling well, unless it is absolutely
necessary. Do not disturb them with unnecessary chatter when they are
trying to learn or concentrate.

Conclusion

Excessive talking costs you time, energy, and productivity. It also costs you
your professional and personal relationships as well as your credibility.
Hence, you should learn how to shut up. Do not do more divulging, telling,
convincing, advising, explaining, and directing that you should.