Life Traps Basic Needs

Life Traps and Basic Psychological Needs
"A life trap is a pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life.
It began with something that was DONE to us by our families or other children. We were
abandoned, criticized, overprotected, abused, excluded or deprived - we were damaged in some
way. Eventually the life trap becomes part of us. Long after we leave the home we grew up in,
we continue to create situations in which we are mistreated, ignored, put down, or controlled
and in which we fail to reach our most desired goals."
Jeffery Young Pd.D.
The following list suggests what conditions are necessary for us to thrive as children and
develop into independent, responsible adults. After each basic necessity (in bold) is a list of
possible results if that basic need is not met. When those needs are not met, we experience a
shortfall or Missing Developmental Experience (MDE). The impact on our thinking and
behavior is predictable and impedes happiness, growth and effective interaction. The resulting
problems are called "Life traps" and are specific ways of coping with the problem in the basic
need area. The coping/defense mechanism doesn't resolve the problem, but instead continues to
perpetuate the pain and confusion from childhood.
(For those of you who have worked with me on basic psychological needs before, I have
included the wording that Harper and Hoopes (BYU) have used to describe the six categories in
their similar research.) Course content comes from Jeffery Young, Jim Harper, Meg Hoopes,
David Burns, Albert Ellis, Nathaniel Brandon and others.
Basic Psychological Needs/Resulting Traps Harper and Hoopes
A. Need for Basic Safety (appropriate dependency)

Traps: 1) Abandonment
2) Mistrust & Abuse
B. Need for Connection to Others (intimacy)
Traps: 3) Emotional Deprivation
4) Social Exclusion
C. Need for Autonomy (choices)
Traps: 5) Dependence
6) Vulnerability
D. Need for Self Esteem (uniqueness)
Traps: 7) Defectiveness
8) Failure
E. Need for Self - Expression (production)
Traps: 9) Subjugation
10) Unrelenting Standards
F. Need for Realistic Limits (sense and order)
Trap: 11) Entitlement
There are three central features to life traps that allow us to recognize them.
1. They are lifelong patterns or themes

2. They are self destructive
3. They struggle for survival
"The end result is that, as an adult, we manage to recreate the conditions of our
childhood that were most harmful to us."
Jeffery E. Young
Overview of the 11 Life traps

Traps related to SAFETY needs
Abandonment
This life trap is the feeling that those that are closest to you will leave and that you will end up
alone forever. When you feel this belief, you may cling too much and push people away. You
may get agitated about normal separations and view them as threatening to you.
Mistrust and Abuse
This occurs when you EXPECT people to hurt you in some way. You believe that they will lie,
manipulate, physically hurt you, cheat, betray, etc. . . You are typically suspicious of others
intentions, especially when they treat you well. Most likely you will avoid relationships entirely
or you may form very superficial relationships. One of the most painful and toxic responses is to
form relationships with people who will hurt you and treat you poorly. You may then feel angry
and vengeful toward them, but also retain of sense of evidence for your belief.
Traps related to AUTONOMY needs
Dependence
You may feel unable to handle daily life competently without considerable help from others.
When you were a child you were made to feel incompetent and that your independence was not
important. You most probably seek out strong figures to become dependent on and then have
them rule your life. You typically hold back and don't assert yourself. Your true possibilities are
not realized when you are in this trap.
Vulnerability
You live in constant fear that disaster will strike. It may be Y2K, medical, criminal, financial or
natural problems. You don't feel safe in the world. If you experience this life trap you were
made to feel that the world is not a safe place, and that dangerous things happen all the time.
You were most likely overprotected by parents who worried too much about your safety. You are
governed by excessive and unrealistic fears.
Traps related to EMOTIONAL CONNECTION needs
Emotional Deprivation
This is the belief that your need for love will never be met adequately by other people. You feel
that no one truly cares for you or understands how you feel. You are probably attracted to cold
and unforgiving people, or you may be cold and unforgiving yourself. Your relationships are
typically unsatisfying and you probably feel cheated. Typically you alternate between feeling
angry about it or feeling hurt and alone. Ironically your anger drives people away, even further,
so it insures your continues deprivation. These people usually don't know what love is.
Social Exclusion
This has to do with feeling isolated from the rest of the world. You may feel different from
others, specifically you most likely felt socially undesirable, and as an adult you may feel that
you are ugly, sexually undesirable, boring, fat, etc. . . You reenact your childhood rejection - you
both feel and act inferior in social situations. You avoid socializing in groups and tend to
immerse yourself in work, family or solitary hobbies/activities.
Traps related to Self - Esteem needs
Defectiveness
You feel inwardly flawed and defective. You feel that no one can really love you because of how
flawed you are. As a child you were not respected for who you were in your family, instead you
were criticized for your flaws. You blamed yourself that you were so flawed. You find it
difficult to believe that people close to you value you, so you expect rejection.
Failure
This is the belief that you are inadequate in areas of achievement. This category is related to ego
or performance. There is usually consistent comparison to others and the result is that you will
find ways to feel inferior. You may have been called stupid, lazy, or compared to a successful
sibling. As an adult you exaggerate the degree of your failure in order to stay in the failure
mode.
Traps related to Self - Expression needs
Subjugation
You sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing others. You allow others to
control you. . . you do this out of guilt or fear. As a child you were subjugated by someone close
to you, usually a parent. As an adult, you repeatedly enter relationships with dominant,
controlling people and then subjugate yourself to them. Or you may enter relationships with
needy people who are too damaged to give back to you in return.
Unrelenting Standards
In this life trap you strive relentlessly to meet extremely high standards for yourself. You place
excessive emphasis on money, status, order, power, recognition AT THE EXPENSE OF
HAPPINESS, HEALTH, PLEASURE and SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS. You probably
apply your rigid standards to others and are very judgmental. This may occur all within your
head without telling others, but they usually feel it in some ways. . . they may feel that they can't
help you, that they aren't good enough, that you don't need them, etc. . . As a child you were
taught that anything other than the best was failure and you learned that nothing you did was
quite good enough.
Trap related to Realistic Limits needs
Entitlement
People with this life trap feel special and they insist that they be able to do, or say, or have
whatever they want immediately. They disregard what others consider reasonable, what is
actually feasible, the time or patience usually required and the cost to others. They have
difficulty with self discipline. Most of these people were spoiled as children. They were not
required to show self control or accept restrictions. They get very angry when they don't get
what they want.

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Life Traps and Basic Psychological Needs

Basic Psychological Needs/Resulting Traps Harper and Hoopes

A. Need for Basic Safety (appropriate dependency)

1. They are lifelong patterns or themes

Overview of the 11 Life traps

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