Making Small Talk PDF

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Making Small Talk

Many people, particularly those who are shy, feel that making small talk is either
too difficult, or unnecessary because it is seen as too superficial. However, small
talk is an essential part of conversations, particularly when meeting new people, and
will allow us to move on to the more intimate conversations and connections we are
looking for.

Try the following strategies to improve your small talk skills.

1. Begin With Setting Talk

Setting talk includes any statements that point out or question someone
about common elements of the setting you are in. Such comments as “Nice
day, isn’t it?” or “It’s stuffy in here.”, will establish contact with another
person and orient you to the other person. Keep setting talk to a minimum
however, since it is only meant to stimulate our initial connection with
someone.

2. Initiate Name Exchange

There is a window of opportunity at the beginning of a conversation when


exchanging names is natural and polite. It shows the other person you are
interested in getting to know them. Name exchange becomes more difficult
as time goes on.

3. Develop A Topic of Conversation

Fish around for something to talk about, by asking questions like “What
kind of work do you do?” or “How do you know the host of the party?”. If
one topic doesn’t lead to a more extensive conversation, offer another.
Remember, if a person isn’t interested in a topic, it doesn’t mean they aren’t
interested in you. Read the newspaper or watch the news to generate
potential topics of conversation.

4. Focus On The Response You Get

Be sensitive to how the other person is responding, both in terms of what


they say and their non-verbal response (i.e., eye contact, signs of interest,
blushing, smiles or nodding). Don’t focus on your irrational fears of
embarrassment, disapproval, or rejection.
5. Take Turns In The Conversation

Fulfilling conversations involve a back and forth exchange, where each


statement feeds on the next. Pick up on the other person’s ideas and expand
on these, or express your feelings related to them.

6. Include Self-Disclosure

Confident people work at matching the other persons level of self-disclosure.


This moves the conversation beyond the common elements of the immediate
situation you are in. Shy people tend to disclose personal information either
far too quickly, or more often too slowly. Increasing self-disclosure is
necessary to develop a connection and ultimately a friendship.

7. Manage Silences

Realize that some silence in conversations are normal and natural. Extensive
silences however become awkward and can be dealt with easily by asking an
open-ended question, making a comment or by offering a new topic. This
shows the other person you are taking equal ownership for the conversation.

8. Elaborate On Your Answers

Simple “yes” and “no” answers, leave little room for the conversation to
develop, or to create a sense of connection.

9. Avoid Your Favorite Topics

Talking about your favorite topic may be fine if the other person you are
talking to also enjoys it and shows signs of interest. But if not, it can do more
harm than good, particularly if you go on at length and you aren’t sensitive
to the other persons response.

10. Expand Your Topic Options

Don’t be afraid to talk about topics you don’t know about, as long as you are
interested. This is a chance to learn something new, by asking lots of
questions. Admit that you don’t know much about the topic, your honesty
will be appreciated.

Written by Dr. Kim Maertz, R. Psych.


Counselling & Clinical Services
University of Alberta

www.mentalhealth.ualberta.ca

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