Crucial Conversations

Discussion Questions
Whether it’s with a gathering of family members, friends, co workers, or colleagues, a weekly discussion of Crucial Conversations: Tools for
Talking When Stakes are High (McGraw-Hill 2011) can go a long way to deepening your understanding of ways to step up to and handle
the crucial conversations you face. Here are some suggested discussion questions:

Chapters 1 & 2 3. How can you tell when a conversation turns from routine
to crucial?
1. What are the three elements that make a conversation crucial?

4. When this happens, what reactions do you typically notice

2. What are some examples of typical crucial conversations? in yourself?

3. How do we typically handle crucial conversations? 5. Why should you be watching for safety?

4. Why are we often on our worst behavior? 6. What is your own Style Under Stress? Does it vary at work
and at home?
5. What is dialogue? What is the Pool of Shared Meaning? How
does the Pool of Shared Meaning both motivate and enable Chapter 5
people to make better choices?
1. What is Mutual Purpose?
Chapter 3
2. Why is Mutual Purpose the entry condition of dialogue? Why is
1. What does the expression “work on me first” mean? Why is Mutual Respect the continuance condition of dialogue?
it important?

3. What do Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect have to do

2. What’s the meaning of the expression “Start with Heart”? with safety?

3. Why is it important to stay focused on what we want? 4. What role does an apology play in restoring safety?

4. Why is it important to ask what we want for ourselves, others, 5. What is Contrasting? When people misunderstand your
and the relationship? What do our wants often change to? purpose or respect, how can Contrasting help?

5. When we stop, take a breath, and ask ourselves what we Chapter 6

really want, how does it affect our immediate physical and
emotional response? 1. Who makes us angry?

Chapter 4 2. What role do stories play in the creation of our feelings and
actions?
1. Why do we typically get caught up in the content of a crucial
conversation and miss the conditions?
3. What are Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories?

2. What two aspects of conversations are masters of dialogue

constantly monitoring? What conditions do they pay attention to? 4. When we’re feeling upset, why is it important to get back to
the facts?
5. Why should we ask what role we may be playing in the problem? Chapters 10-11

6. Why should we start by assuming that others are reasonable 1. Discuss which of the cases in the “Yeah, but” chapter most
and rational? applies to you. How can you use the advice for that case to
improve a particular result or relationship?
Chapter 7
2. What two principles are most helpful to keep in mind when
1. When we care the most about something, how are we likely to you’re just beginning to apply the crucial conversations skills to
express ourselves? your every-day conversations?

2. In order to make it safe for others to hear our views, why start 3. How can you use the “Coaching for Crucial Conversations”
with the facts? Why not start with our story? Why share our table to help you prepare to hold a specific crucial
story at all? How should we share our story? conversation?

3. Why ask others to share their views?

Chapter 8

1. When others start to attack us verbally, what part of their Path

to Action do they typically share?

2. How do we help them share what they’re really thinking?

3. What does it mean to ‘explore others’ paths”?

4. What is it we’re trying to do when we use our AMPP skills?

Chapter 9

1. When a crucial conversation comes to an end, what mistakes

do we often make?

2. What are the four different methods of decision making? Why

is it often important to decide up front which method you’re
going to use?

Note: These discussion questions are not intended for use in corporate training and are only meant for informal reading groups or book clubs. For
inquiries regarding training courses, please call us at 1.800.449.5989 or visit us at www.vitalsmarts.com.

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