WEEKLY LEARNING ACTIVITY SHEET

PERDEV11, Quarter 2, Week 5

FAMILY STRUCTURES AND LEGACIES

Name: Section:

Learning Objective:
- Appraise one’s family structure and the type of care he/she gives and receives,
which may help in understanding himself/herself EsPPD11/12FSL-lld-11.1
- prepare a plan on how to make the family members firmer and gentler with each other

- Time Allotment: 3 hours

Key Concepts
 Reading: FAMILY LEGACIES
No matter who we are, where we live, or what our goals may be, we all have one
thing in common: a heritage. That is, a social, emotional and spiritual legacy passed on
from parent to child. Every one of us is passed a heritage, lives out a heritage, and gives
a heritage to our family. It's not an option. Parents always pass to their children a legacy
… good, bad or some of both.
A spiritual, emotional and social legacy is like a three-stranded cord. Individually,
each strand cannot hold much weight. But wrapped together, they are strong. That's
why passing on a positive, affirming legacy is so important and why a negative legacy
can be so destructive. The good news is that you can decide to pass a positive legacy on
to your children whether you received one or not.
Today, if we don't intentionally pass a legacy consistent with our beliefs to our
children, our culture will pass along its own, often leading to a negative end. It is
important to remember that passing on a spiritual, emotional and social legacy is a
process, not an event. As parents, we are responsible for the process. God is responsible
for the product.
The Emotional Legacy In order to prosper, our children need an enduring sense of
security and stability nurtured in an environment of safety and love.
The Emotional Legacy Sadly, many of us struggle to overcome a negative emotional
legacy that hinders our ability to cope with the inevitable struggles of life. But imagine
yourself giving warm family memories to your child. You can create an atmosphere that
provides a child's fragile spirit with the nourishment and support needed for healthy
emotional growth. It will require time and consistency to develop a sense of emotional
wholeness, but the rewards are great. A strong emotional legacy:
• Provides a safe environment in which deep emotional roots can grow.
• Fosters confidence through stability.
• Conveys a tone of trusting support.
• Nurtures a strong sense of positive identity.
• Creates a “resting place” for the soul.
• Demonstrates unconditional love. Which characteristics would you like to build
into the legacy you pass along to your children? Even if you don't hit the exact
mark, setting up the right target is an important first step.

The Social Legacy To really succeed in life, our children need to learn more than
management techniques, accounting, reading, writing and geometry. They need to learn
the fine art of relating to people. If they learn how to relate well to others, they'll have an
edge in the game of life.
The Social Legacy In order to prosper, our children need to gain the insights and
social skills necessary to cultivate healthy, stable relationships. As children mature,
they must learn to relate to family members, teachers, peers and friends. Eventually
they must learn to relate to coworkers and many other types of people such as
salespeople, bankers, mechanics and bosses. Nowhere can appropriate social interaction
 and relationships be demonstrated more effectively than in the home. At home you
learned — and your children will learn — lessons about respect, courtesy, love and
involvement. Our modeling as parents plays a key role in passing on a strong social
legacy. Key building blocks of children's social legacy include:
• Respect, beginning with themselves and working out to other people.
• Responsibility, fostered by respect for themselves, that is cultivated by assigning
children duties within the family, making them accountable for their actions, and
giving them room to make wrong choices once in a while.
• Unconditional love and acceptance by their parents, combined with conditional
acceptance when the parents discipline for bad behavior or actions.
• The setting of social boundaries concerning how to relate to God, authority, peers,
the environment and siblings.
• Rules that are given within a loving relationship
The Spiritual Legacy is overlooked by many, but that's a mistake. As spiritual
beings, we adopt attitudes and beliefs about spiritual matters from one source or
another. As parents, we need to take the initiative and present our faith to our
children. Parents who successfully pass along a spiritual legacy to their children
model and reinforce the unseen realities of the godly life. We must recognize that
passing a spiritual legacy means more than encouraging our children to attend
church, as important as that is. The church is there to support parents in raising
their children but it cannot do the raising; only parents can. The same principle
applies to spiritual matters. Parents are primary in spiritual upbringing, not
secondary. This is especially true when considering that children, particularly
young children, perceive God the way they perceive their parents. If their parents
are loving, affirming, forgiving and yet strong in what they believe, children will
think of God that way. He is someone who cares, who is principled and who loves
them above all else.
 The Legacy You Want to Give
-We all have good and bad parts to the legacy we have inherited. The key is to move
forward from here. For some, taking a closer look at the legacy they've been given
helps them assess the legacy they want to pass on. After considering your past,
here are some practical tips for the future:
 Decide what you'll keep:
-You probably have things you received that are wonderful and need to be kept and
passed on. Other things may need to be thrown out. Or, perhaps you have a weak
legacy that needs strengthening. Whatever you received, you can now intentionally
pass along the good. This isn't always easy. If you saw hypocrisy in your parents'
lives, you may be tempted to throw everything out even though much of what your
parents modeled was good. Don't. That would be like burning down the house to
get rid of some bugs.
-Realize that there is a being who can redeem even the "bad stuff" in your
legacy. Unfortunately, many of us have parts of our legacy that are weak or even
awful. Maybe one of your parents was an alcoholic or abusive or didn't provide the
nurturing you needed. In today's society, the stories of such families are common.
You may be asking, "How do I give something I didn't receive? Nobody modeled this
stuff for me." Hope is not lost. Consider the story of Josiah from the Old Testament
in the Bible. His father and grandfather were involved in many wicked things,
including idol worship that threatened the entire nation. But after 8-year-old
Josiah became king of Judah, he reversed that trend. He sought God and purged
Judah of idols, repaired the temple and saved a nation. Like Josiah, you can
choose which things in your legacy are no good and throw them away. It's
important to break the cycle of hurt by leaving bad things behind and creating a
new legacy. Legacies are not easily broken and always benefit from His guidance.
Chart a new course as you begin a positive legacy for yourself and those you love.
Research suggests that most fathers will parent the way they were parented. That
means only a minority of fathers will change their parenting style — even if their
parenting is wrong! Today, you can take positive steps to design a new heritage for
yourself and your family.
Activities
Activity No. 1

Activity: EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL AND SPIRITUAL LEGACY

Emotional Legacy Evaluation

Direction: Answer each question by encircling the number that best reflects the legacy you have
received from your parents. Then add up your score.
1. When you walked into your house, what was your
feeling? 1 Dread 4 Stability
2 Tension 5 Calm
3 Chaos 6 Warmth
2. Which word best describes the tone of your
home? 1 Hateful 4 Serious
2 Angry 5 Relaxed
3 Sad 6 Fun
3. What was the message of your family life?
1 You are worthless 4 You are respected.
2 You are a burden 5 You are
important.
3 You are okay. 6 You are the greatest.
4. Which word best describes the "fragrance" of your home
life? 1 Repulsive 4 Sterile
2 Rotten 5 Fresh
3 Unpleasant 6 Sweet
5. Which was most frequent in your home?
1 An intense fight 4 A strong
disagreement 2 The silent treatment 5 A kind
word
3 Detached apathy 6 An affectionate hug

Results: Above 24 = Strong emotional legacy 19 - 24 = Healthy legacy 14 - 18 = Mixed

legacy - good and bad elements 10 - 13 = Weak emotional legacy Below 10 = Damaged
emotional legacy

Social Legacy Evaluation

Direction: Answer each question by encircling the number that best reflects the legacy you have
received from your parents. Then add up your score.

1. Which words most closely resemble the social tone of your family?
1 Cruel and abusive 4 Non-communicative but stable
2 Cutting sarcasm 5 Secure with open communication
3 Chaotic and distant 6 Loving and fun
2. What was the message of your home life with regard to relationships?
1 "Step on others to get your way." 4 “Mind your own business.”
2 "Hurt them if they hurt you." 5 “Treat others with respect.”
3 "Demand your rights." 6 “Put others before
yourself.”
3. How were rules set and enforced in your home?
1 Independent of relationship 4 Inconsistently
2 In reaction to parental stress 5 Out of concern for my well-being
3 Dictatorially 6 In the context of a loving relationship
4. Which word best characterizes the tone of communication in your
home? 1 Shouting 4 Clear
2 Manipulation 5 Constructive
3 Confusing 6 Courteous
 5. How did your family deal with wrong behavior?
1 Subtle reinforcement 4 Severe
punishment 2 Accepted in the name of love 5 Discussion
3 Guilt trip 6 Loving, firm discipline

Results: Above 24 = Strong social legacy 19 - 24 = Healthy legacy 14 - 18 = Mixed

legacy — good and bad elements 10 - 13 = Weak social legacy Below 10 = Damaged
social legacy

Spiritual Legacy Evaluation

Direction: Answer each question by encircling the number that best reflects the legacy you have
received from your parents. Then add up your score.

1. To what degree were spiritual principles incorporated into daily family

life? 1 Never 4 Frequently
2 Rarely 5 Almost always
3 Sometimes 6 Consistently
2. Which word captures the tone of how you learned to view/relate to
God? 1 Absent 4 Casual
2 Adversarial 5 Solemn
3 Fearful 6 Intimate
3. How would you summarize your family's level of participation in spiritual
activities? 1 Nonexistent 4 Regimental
2 Rare 5 Active
3 Occasional 6 Enthusiastic
4. How were spiritual discussions applied in your
home? 1 They weren't 4 To teach
2 To control 5 To influence
3 To manipulate 6 To reinforce
5. What was the perspective in your home regarding moral
absolutes? 1 If it feels good, do it! 4 Dogmatic legalism
2 There are no absolutes. 5 Moderate conservatism
3 Let your heart guide you. 6 Clear boundaries

Results: Above 24 = Strong spiritual legacy 19 - 24 = Healthy legacy 14 - 18 = Mixed legacy

— good and bad elements 10 - 13 = Weak spiritual legacy Below 10 = Damaged spiritual
legacy

Activity 1.1

Reactions to the Emotional, Social and Spiritual Legacy Evaluation

Direction: Answer the following questions in an intermediate paper.
1. What were your scores in the emotional, social and spiritual legacy evaluation?

2. How do these scores reflect you home atmosphere?

3. What is the legacy you have received from your parents and siblings?
 4. How do you plan to give a legacy when you start your own family in the future?

Activity 2

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? How do you feel about your
relationships? Where do you see your relationships going? Are you happy with your
relationships? . Put a ✔ if your answer is YES and write Χ if your answer is NO.

Criteria/relationship FAMILY FRIENDS PARTNER ORGANIZATION

I. Overall feelings about the relationship:
Are you getting your needs met?
Are you speaking up and asking for what
you want?
Are you feeling heard?
Are you feeling encouraged and
supported to grow?
II. The decision-making process:
Are decisions made to your satisfaction?
Is there sufficient time to discuss, assess,
and process?
Do you feel as though your thoughts and
feelings are taken seriously?
Is there a collaborative spirit about
decisions?
III. Communication:
Do you feel safe to say whatever you feel?
Do you feel listened to when you
communicate?
Do you feel supported in all your dreams
and goals?
IV. Roles and responsibilities:
Do you feel the division of tasks is
working?
Do you feel that both of you are doing
your parts?
Do you feel that task allocation is fair?
Is there anything that you want to
change?
V. Activities:
Do you feel like you spend enough time
together?
Do you feel like you need more alone
time?
Do you want to try something new?
VI. Planning, schedules, and logistics:
Are you experiencing any schedule
conflicts you want to address?
Are there financial agreements that are
fair?
Do each of you have enough time to
accomplish everything you want?
 1. In which relationship do you have more checks? More Xs? What can you do
to improve your relationships?

2. What have you learned in this unit about your personal relationships with
family, friends, partner, and organizations?

3. How do you assess the present state of your relationships?

4. What do you pal to do in order to improve and strengthen your relationships?

Reflection
How can I apply the knowledge I gained from this activity in real life settings?

References
Source: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/building-relationships/familylegacies/family-legacies-
passing-on-a-legacy
Source: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/building-relationships/familylegacies/the-legacy-you-
want-to-give
Source: Carter-Scott, Cherie. (1999). If Love is a Game, These are the Rules. Broadway Books, a division of
Random House, Inc. pp. 151-152.