Submission, Pain and Pleasure: Considering An Evolutionary Hypothesis Concerning Sexual Masochism
Submission, Pain and Pleasure: Considering An Evolutionary Hypothesis Concerning Sexual Masochism
Submission, Pain and Pleasure: Considering An Evolutionary Hypothesis Concerning Sexual Masochism
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Orli Dahan
Abstract
Keywords:
© 2019, American Psychological Association. This paper is not the copy of record and
may not exactly replicate the final, authoritative version of the article. Please do not
copy or cite without authors' permission. The final article will be available, upon
publication, via its DOI: 10.1037/cns0000202
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fcns0000202
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 2
1
BDSM practitioners may also identify as switches, individuals who enjoy taking on both roles.
2
Edge play refers to an extreme form of BDSM – for example, breath-play, knife-play,
blood/cutting play – that can include minor/major permanent injuries, or death if not practiced
correctly.
3
DSM-5 distinguishes between consensual and nonconsensual behavior when categorizing human
sexual behavior from pathological to normal (APA, 2013).
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 3
Williams (2006) notes that not only is there a lack of evidence supporting
BDSM as being objectively and necessarily pathological, but the available evidence
actually suggests that BDSM participants generally are healthy, educated, well-
adjusted, and successful (see also Rogak & Connor, 2018; Wismeijer's & van
Assen's, 2013). Ambler et al. (2017) refer to recent studies reporting that BDSM
practitioners exhibited lower levels of depression than non-BDSM practitioners and
conclude that the motivation for BDSM may be rooted in normal psychological
functioning.
4
There are rules associated with this game (or a way of living). For example, pre-session precautions
include a discussion of agreed upon personal limitations and a safe word or gesture signaling a
participant’s wish to terminate the activity. This is called "pre-play negotiation" (Hébert & Weaver,
2014).
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 4
Cogent answers to this enigma may include the idea that engaging in BDSM
play as a submissive is a safe way to creatively escape the high stress and demands
of everyday life in today's fast-paced society: Letting go of control and experiencing
pain or extreme sensation for the benefit of a natural endorphin rush (Williams,
2006). BDSM play also enables people to explore different dimensions of
themselves and, in doing so, enact more authentic selves (Hébert & Weaver, 2014).
Turley, King, and Butt (2011) argue, based on their phenomenological research,
that BDSM practitioners can experience other, non-sexual positive outcomes of their
play, which include self-exploration and a sense of well-being, strengthened
relationships, and the opportunity to experience their bodies in different and exciting
ways. Hébert and Weaver (2014) reported that the general benefits of BDSM
mentioned by both dominants and submissives were receiving pleasure from
pleasing others, physical pleasure and arousal, fun, variety, and going beyond
'vanilla’ (i.e., conventional, non- BDSM sex), personal growth, improved romantic
relationships, community, psychological release, freedom from day-to-day roles, and
“being yourself.” Indeed, many submissives reported a therapeutic effect of BDSM
play, for example, the reduction of physical and psychological stress (Pitagora,
2017), whereas many dominants repeatedly characterized themselves as “therapists,”
speaking about their “work” as dominants as a form of psychological treatment for
their “clients” (Lindemann, 2011).
submissives desire to experience submission and pain during sex, and why it gives
them pleasure. My conclusions are primarily theoretical, a synthesis of many
disciplines reviewed here and are characterized by an analytical approach to
understanding the nature and characteristics of this unique phenomenon.
In the next section, I discuss the term 'subspace,' which is a unique and
pleasant altered state of consciousness that is sometimes experienced by the
submissive during a BDSM scene and seems to be one of the motivations for a
submissive to engage in BDSM activity. I then discuss the alterations in
consciousness of women during natural and undisturbed childbirth and present the
parallels between these two psycho-physical phenomena. Next, I present my
hypothesis: The similarity between the BDSM and child birthing experiences is not
a mere coincidence; rather, many women are hard-wired to experience this
submission-pain-pleasure tendency, because the ability to reach this psycho-physical
state contributed to a safer and healthier birth for our foremothers and their progeny.
I note that altered states of consciousness (ASCs) are difficult to define, due,
in part, to the widespread disagreement over how to define ‘normal’ consciousness
(see Dietrich & Al-Shawaf, 2018), as the objects and experience of consciousness
are constantly shifting throughout the day and night. Accordingly, no definition of
consciousness will necessarily prove satisfactory for all readers. Nevertheless, for
this article, following S. Lynn (personal communication, May 3, 2019), I define
ASCs as temporary, significant, and perceptible alterations in ordinary or baseline
waking consciousness that typically encompass one or more of the following
elements: deviations in (a) awareness, perception, and sensations; (b) cognition and
contents of consciousness; and (c) emotions and behavioral tendencies in relation to
the self, others, and the environment. This definition, albeit expansive, nevertheless
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 6
5
Non-verbal in the sense that it is not easy (or even very hard) to talk during the experience (see
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 7
2017; Baker, 2016) that has been described as awareness of the partner but of
nothing else (Ambler et al., 2017), difficulty remembering the exact sequence of
events, difficulty assessing the passage of time, disorientation, shifted awareness,
and a high level of passivity (Baker, 2016). After the session, feelings of joining,
love, affection, fellowship, and vulnerability are often described (Carlström, 2018),
as well as heightened partner intimacy (Pitagora, 2017).
Defining a Psycho-physical state (that does not have a name) that Can Occur
During Natural Undisturbed Childbirth
Labor pain shares many features with other forms of acute traumatic pain
(Lowe, Walker, & MacCallum, 1991). However, features unique to labor pain also
arise from pregnancy-induced changes at different stages of nociception (Lothian,
2004; Odent, 2008). Moreover, some of these changes appear to act synergistically
to promote anti-nociception that peaks at the time of birth (Rowlands & Permezel,
1998). Relatedly, Odent (2001) argued that during most of the history of the human
species, until the recent development of Western medicine, women could not give
birth without releasing a complex cocktail of hormones (mainly oxytocin,
endorphins, and prolactin). Lothian (2004) refers to the releasing of these hormones
as the 'hormone orchestration' of normal labor. However, if the birth is disturbed, for
example, by the use of epidural analgesia, this process does not occur.
a woman’s labor and birth experience (Lowe, 2002), and although the majority of
women consistently rate labor pain as severe, the pain is not always reported as a
negative event (Caton et al., 2002; Rowlands & Permezel, 1998). Laboring women
across several descriptive studies (see Lowe, 2002) most commonly chose the
sensory words of cramping, sharp, aching, stabbing, heavy, pulling, throbbing, hot,
and shooting to describe their pain; while tiring, exhausting, intense, and
troublesome were the affective and evaluative words most often chosen. Even
women who rated their pain at 4 or 5 on the Present Pain Intensity Scale (PPI) of the
McGill Pain Questionnaire (MPQ) – where pain is rated as 1, mild; 2,
discomforting; 3, distressing; 4, horrible; or 5, excruciating – were unwilling to use
the accompanying, highly negative descriptors of “horrible” or “excruciating”
because the positive experience of giving birth invalidated such negative
connotations (Lowe, 2002).
1992; Odent, 2003), and changes in focused attention (McCutcheon & Brown, 2012;
Stenglin & Foureur, 2013). Additionally, women experiencing natural and
undisturbed birth have reported increased feelings of floating, calm, and
peacefulness (Ketterhagen, VandeVusse, & Berner, 2002; McCutcheon & Brown,
2012; Stenglin & Foureur, 2013). The expression 'in the zone' appears in several
phenomenological studies of women’s natural birth experiences, meaning inward
focusing, being fully focused on doing the job, shutting out the rest of the world,
letting go of fear, and a state absent anxiety (Dixon, 2011).
Simkin (1991), for example, analyzed the long-term impact of the birth
experience on 20 women from the natural childbirth culture of the late 1960s and
early 1970s. Interviewed 15 to 20 years later, the women reported that their
memories from their birthing experiences were still vivid and deeply felt. However,
the literature regarding the state of mind of women during natural and undisturbed
childbirth is unsatisfying, to say the least. As these particular psycho-physical
alterations in experience do not have a proper name in the literature, I will refer to
them from this point forward as "birthing consciousness."
fraught with objective threat, pain, and danger (Brymer & Schweitzer, 2017).
Similarly, when a woman in birth understands the origin of her pain (cervical
dilatation and descent of the fetus); views the forthcoming birth as highly positive
and pain as a sign of progress toward a desired goal; and perceives labor and its pain
as a non-threatening life experience to be mastered, she may experience great pain
but not suffer (Crowther, Smythe, & Spence, 2014; Leap, Sandall, Buckland, &
Huber, 2010). For these women, intense pain, a tremendous sense of
accomplishment, feelings of empowerment, and real enjoyment may be
contemporaneous and independent themes of the labor experience. Childbirth thus
becomes a life experience to be mastered with the potential to enhance self-esteem
(Lowe, 2002; McCutcheon & Brown, 2012).
Thus, submission to pain in both cases feels positive and emanates from
inner strength – a willed, active act to achieve a certain purpose – not weakness. In
this sense, submission is an act of power, borne out of knowledge and self-
awareness. This point is crucial: If the submission of the masochist during a BDSM
session is due to his or her weakness, then it is possible that this is not a BDSM
session but sexual abuse. The acronym SSC in the BDSM community refers to: safe,
sane, consensual. According to Hébert and Weaver (2014), a dominant player who
does not obey the rules will be considered by the BDSM community as not a real
dominant, and the relevant BDSM scene will be considered abuse and not BDSM.
If a woman at birth believes she is weak and unable to cope with the pain and
difficulty of labor, she is probably frightened and stressed, which can harm the
6
It should be emphasized that the term 'pleasure' does not refer to orgasm , in both subspace and
childbirth. The subspace is nowhere described as an orgasm, nor is the psycho-physical state at
birthing. Of course, orgasm can occur in both cases (see, for example, Buckley, 2010, about
orgasmic birth), but it is not necessary in order to reach subspace / birthing consciousness, and it is
not the stated goal in either case.
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 12
process of natural birth (Boucher, Bennett, McFarlin, & Freeze, 2009). For example,
according to Janssen, Henderson, and Vedam (2009), women who planned a home
birth with a registered midwife in British Columbia described internal control as
striving to accept pain and be in charge of their physical and mental health. Pain was
viewed as a steppingstone toward a natural birth, to be mastered instead of relieved,
and with mastery came a sense of achievement. Pain was described in terms of its
function. The feeling of empowerment, produced by submission to pain, also occurs
in subspace in BDSM, described as being surrendered and empowered at the same
time, and feeling capable of anything (Baker, 2016).
Hébert and Weaver (2014) found evidence disputing the stereotype that
dominance in BDSM reflects an abnormal desire for control, whereas submissive
preferences indicate an abnormal desire to relinquish control. Although dominants
reported higher desire for control than did submissives, both were still within the
normal range for this variable, as indexed by the Desire for Control subscale of the
Shapiro Control Inventory (Shapiro, 1994). Also, the majority of participants
reported that they believed dominants and submissives possess equal power in the
actual scene. BDSM appears to be one possible outlet that people choose when they
wish to express or suppress control, rather than an activity people with abnormal
levels of desire for control feel compelled to do.
Relinquishing control while still feeling in full control also occurs during
natural birth. For example, according to Boucher et al. (2009), women who planned
home births knowingly submitted to the acute pain of labor in order to retain control
over the birthing process, free from the restrictions imposed by hospital protocols.
These women were aware that a relaxed state contributes to a normal, shorter
progression of labor (for empirical support for this hypothesis see Buckley, 2015;
Stark, Remynse, & Zwelling, 2016; Stenglin & Foureur, 2013), and this knowledge
was cited as a primary reason to seek increased control over their birthing
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 13
Feeling secure and safe can promote a natural and healthy birth and is a
necessary condition of BDSM, which should be safe, positive, and enjoyable, not
harmful or abusive (Williams, 2006). All players are expected to express care and
empathy for each other and to engage in good communication in negotiating
personal limits within scenes (Williams, Thomas, Prior, & Christensen, 2014). In
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 14
fact, contrary to the common assumption that the dominant retains all the control –
submissives are often perceived as possessing more control (Barker, Iantaffi, &
Gupta, 2014).
7
However, some studies show the frontal lobes are more active during meditation (see
Boccia, Piccardi, & Guariglia, 2015).
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 16
According to Odent (2001), hormones released during the birth process, such
as oxytocin, endorphins, and prolactin, originate in primitive brain structures such as
the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland. Odent (2003) maintains that the reduction
of neocortical control during labor is essential for hormone release and that women
giving birth must be protected against neocortical stimulation. The main stimuli of
neocortical activity are language, bright lights, the feeling of being observed, and
situations associated with a release of catecholamines. During birth or any sexual
activity, potential inhibitions originate in the neocortex (Neerland, 2013; Newton,
1992; Odent, 2008). These facts are essential to interpret the particular state of
consciousness that characterizes women in labor.
8
See Moloney's (2010) qualitative study reporting how a woman's attitude toward her menstruation
(such as shame) might impact her birthing experience.
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 17
Williams, 2006) and replace them with self-created, transgressive sexual rules.
Assumptions about sex, pain, gender roles, dominance, and submission can be
reconstructed, transformed, and celebrated with sexual openness (Turley, King, &
Butt, 2011). Even sexual fantasies, free from guilt and social constraints, are used as
a vehicle to achieve subspace (Pitagora, 2017). Furthermore, in modern society there
are few arenas where strong emotions are permitted, such as theatres, carnivals,
exotic environments, and, of course, BDSM scenes (Carlström, 2018). I contend that
the similarity between BDSM and natural undisturbed birth is significantly greater
than what occurs in other venues such as theatres and carnivals and "vanilla” or
typical sex environments.
safe and secure relationship is prerequisite. Furthermore, to reach both subspace and
birthing consciousness, the participant has to relinquish behaviors and attitudes
prescribed by some social norms to enable release of the hormones needed for these
psycho-physical states to occur.
As I have shown above, there are interesting parallels between the psycho-
physical altered state during natural and undisturbed childbirth, what I have termed
'birthing consciousness' and the subspace. Moreover, I argue that the pathway to
these altered states involves the same basic processes and factors. The question one
should ask is – What is the relevance of this comparison? From similarity alone, we
cannot deduce causal relations, or any other explanation with confidence. I contend,
however, that there is more here than mere similarities. From an evolutionary point
of view, these parallels may not be coincidental; rather, I hypothesize that 'birthing
consciousness' can serve as (at least) a partial lower level explanation of the
enigmatic appeal of being a submissive in a BDSM scene.
My argument is as follows:
III. The ability to attain the experiences commonly associated with birthing
consciousness once had a crucial evolutionary benefit for the survival of the
woman and her progeny during childbirth.
VI. This hypothesis proposes an explanation for the enigmatic appeal of sexual
masochism: We are hard-wired to desire reaching a state linked with
submission in the context of pain because it conferred a crucial evolutionary
benefit for women in childbirth. This hypothesized 'masochistic instinct' may
explain the tendency to only fantasize about sexual masochism, without prior
knowledge of the pleasant psycho-physical altered state that can be reached
by a submissive in a BDSM scene.
(such as role play, or the use of sex toys to enhance sexual stimulation) that could be
classified as on the BDSM spectrum (Williams, 2006).
In fact, since the late 1890s, sexologists have considered sexual masochism
as a product of natural evolution, with documented evidence in lower mammals:
Over 40 mammalian species have been identified that bite while mating (see Gross,
2006). These findings of SM-related behaviors may correlate with the hypothesis
that the appeal of pain during sex can best be explained in terms of a lower level
explanation rooted in our biology, not only in our culture and psychological makeup.
I contend that women who plan home births are confident in their ability to
cope with the acute pain of childbirth, or even "submit" to the pain and accept it as
"positive pain." Thus, women who plan home births tend to experience birthing
consciousness. Indeed, planned home births are marked by a decreased frequency of
induction, augmentation, episiotomy, operative vaginal birth, and cesarean delivery
(Boucher et al., 2009). Interestingly, prior experience with non-gynecological pain
may be associated with decreased labor pain. Previous pain experience provides the
opportunity to develop pain-coping skills and more experientially grounded attitudes
about pain that may influence the woman’s unique interpretation of nociceptive
stimuli during labor (Lowe, 2002). I contend that before the era of modern medical
assistance during labor, women who could not reach 'birthing consciousness' (or
something close) decreased the probability they would survive childbirth.
SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 23
Conclusion
activities can be categorized as BDSM and which cannot. Hence, I have focused on
the specific psycho-physical state related to the activity of a submissive during a
BDSM scene.
This article is theoretical but, of course, the nature of the problems posed by
a science of consciousness requires a combination of research and theory. As Tononi
(2008) notes: "…one could say that theories without experiments are lame, but
experiments without theories are blind." (p.232). In the case herein, I questioned
what makes being a submissive and receiving pain during sex so appealing? I
considered the motivation for this phenomenon (reaching subspace) from several
points of view and found it to be marked by strong parallels with another
phenomenon – 'birthing consciousness', a special psycho-physical altered state of
natural undisturbed birth. I hypothesized that the ability, or even the desire to reach
this state, at one time conferred a crucial evolutionary advantage during natural
birth.9 If my low-level explanation is sound, then not only are submissives, as a
group, psychologically healthy (not characterized by high levels of
psychopathology), as research has determined, but they are arguably also, at least
from an evolutionary point of view, more fit for survival.
Acknowledgments
I thank the anonymous reviewers of this journal for their insightful comments. Special
thanks to Steven Jay Lynn in particular, for extremely helpful and fruitful suggestions
on this paper. I also thank Nisim Avishar, Avshalom C. Elitzur, and Michel Odent,
who provided feedback on an earlier draft.
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9
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SUBMISSION, PAIN AND PLEASURE 27
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