Prepared by:

PATRICIA PULI, LPT

A. LEARNING COMPETENCIES
The learners will be able to:
Discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and
unacceptable expressions of attractions;
Express his/her ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment;
Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship.

B. INTRODUCTION
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
Even before language was invented, pre-historic humans were already interacting through
many other form of behaviour. They may have learned how to smile or greet each other;
show love, affection, and even loyalty to certain group; and hunt together for food (Santos,
2016). Through this interaction of individuals, they have formed intimate relationships.

During the stage of adolescence, it is observed that the romantic relationships are usually
formed. This is caused may be from being attracted to someone, that can develop to loving
him/her and end up with committing to spend a lifetime with that person.

On the other hand, teen-age relationships are mostly not the serious ones and often called
as “puppy love” or that so-called infatuation.

C. DISCUSSION

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP DEFINTIONS

Relationship, as defined by Merriam-Webster, as the “way in which two or more people,
groups, countries etc. talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.” This means that
it is the way that two or more people or things are connected.

Personal relationship is the type of relationship which is closely associated with a person
and which can only have meaning to this person (Santos, 2016). It is characterized by
privacy and intimacy that also involve a degree of commitment to another person or
persons.
In discussing personal relationship, the elements that go with it that will also be
discussed are attachment, attraction, love and intimacy, and commitment.

Attachments
The very first meaningful relationship that humans encounter is the mother-and-child
attachment. This is established even before the child is being born and the intimacy was
being formed during the nine-month pregnancy and this will be enhanced and developed
further after the birth of the child.
 The following are types of attachments defined by Ainsworth, Blekar, Waters, and Wall
as cited in Santos (2016).

1. Secure attachment
It is formed when a primary caregiver is most of the time present and available when
all the emotional needs of an infant are met. Research says that when a child is exposed
to this type of attachment he/she will grow up having the highest possible possibility to
have secure and stable relationships.

2. Avoidant attachment
It is formed when the primary caregiver is cold and detached, and unresponsive to
the child’s needs. The child senses rejection and this often leads to premature
detachment and self-reliance. A person who experiences this type of attachment can
often lead to unstable relationships in the future.

3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment
It is formed when the primary caregiver is inconsistent in terms of presence and in
meeting the child’s emotional needs. Oftentimes, a person who experienced this type
of attachment may develop separation anxieties with a loved one.

Attraction
Attraction can be considered as a precursor to love. When one is attracted to
another person, there is a physical or sexual feeling or desire being felt. This is
responsible for the desire to feel affection (De Guzman, 2016).
According to Helen Fisher, being attracted to another person may also mean liking
their genes that are perceived through their physical looks. This leads to the three stages
of falling in love:

1. Lust
This is driven by the sex hormones, testosterones, and estrogen. These hormones affect
both sexes.

2. Attraction
This is also named as lovestruck phase, which involves neurotransmitters in the brain such
as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. This is the stage when a person loses appetite
because of someone, and swoons while daydreaming of this special person.

3. Attachment
When the couple in love decide to continue with the relationship, they enter the attachment
stage where long-lasting commitments are exchanged that may lead to establishing family.
 Theories on Attraction
*cited in Santos (2016).
According to the Rozenberg Quarterly, there are several theories on attraction and liking
which are the following:

1. Transference Effect
There are times that we meet people who we immediately like or dislike. Usually, these
people remind us of someone in the past who has affected our sense of self. This theory
states that our past relationships can affect our current interactions with other people.

2. Propinquity Effect
A research conducted by Festinger, Schachter, and Back in 1950 pointed to proximity as
another possible factor we like a person. We often develop a sense of familiarity with
people who live close to us, work with us, or go to school with us, which leads to liking
them more. People we are familiar with make us feel safe and secure. This is because we
can predict their behavior in given situations.

3. Similarity
Mostly, we like those people who have similarities with us. These similarities may include
similar social class background, religious and political beliefs, similar beliefs and values as
ours and many more. This is because accordingly, similarity is a validation of our innermost
belief system and who we are as an individual.

4. Reciprocity
We oftentimes like people who like us back. According to research, reciprocity is a stronger
basis for liking another person than similarity. The more we are liked by someone we
equally like, the more we behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.

5. Physical Attractiveness
It is confirmed that the major factor in liking someone is because of physical attractiveness
which is because there is a saying that “first impressions last”. Physical attractiveness may
also include positive health and reproductive fitness which are described as essential to
human survival.

6. Personality Characteristics and Traits

People get attracted to to characteristics that lead to liking the other person, these are:
empathic person, and socially competent person. Other personality traits found desirable
in almost all cultures are having a happy and cheerful disposition, poised and can present
themselves well.
 What are the traits and personality characteristics that you are most attracted with? Give
examples.

Love and Intimacy

As adolescents, it is important to understand and explore the concepts of love, and how
these influences the development as a person. However, this chapter only focuses on the concept
of romantic love or interpersonal love.
Before discussing the concepts of romantic love, write your own definitions of love based
on your prior knowledge and understanding.

Love, as defined by many, has broad definitions depending on how it is felt and expressed.
The definition of love is a feeling of deep affection, passion, or strong liking for a person
or thing (dictionary.com/love).

The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as:

▪ A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising
from kinship or close friendship;
▪ A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person accompanied by sexual
attraction;
▪ A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god;
▪ Sexual desire or activity the pleasures of love.
Love is a very multifaceted and complex concept which could be experiences in
every stage of human life – childhood, adolescence, and adulthood (De Guzman,
2016).

THE TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

The psychologist Robert Sternberg is one of the experts who theorized about love.
According to him, there are three components of love such as intimacy, commitment and
passion and these result to the eight types of love.

1. Intimacy
This is defined as that “lovely moment when someone understands and validates us”
by Reis, Clark, and Holmes (2004) as cited in Santos (2016).
Being intimate with another person is about being open and vulnerable to that person
who we deeply trust, who we feel connected with, and who values us with unconditional
positive regard (Santos, 2016).

2. Commitment
This is an act of deciding consistently fulfil and live by agreements made with another
person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide
to one’s behavior or thinking (Santos, 2016). This is also defined as a promise, pledge,
or decision to stick to one another through ups and downs of the relationship (De
Guzman, 2016).

3. Passion
This is the intense state of being that drives and consumes a person to pursue an
interest, a vision, or a person. This connotes sexual attraction and intimacy (Santos,
2016).
 Sterenberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Image source:
https://www.google.com/search?q=Sternberg%E2%80%99s%20Triangular%20Theory%20of%20Love&
tbm=isch&tbs=sur%3Afc&hl=en&ved=0CAIQpwVqFwoTCOj8hsLzy-
oCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAC&biw=1519&bih=674#imgrc=dOLJ0AwLcUnBcM&imgdii=uJELD04NCE303M

The 8 Types of Love According to the Triangular Theory of Love

*as cited in De Guzman, 2016

1. Nonlove
This is where the three components are absent.
Examples:
Human informal interactions & acquaintances

2. Liking/friendship
This is characterized by feelings of closeness without passion and commitment

3. Infatuated love
This is the experience of passionate excitement but intimacy and decision/commitment
are missing. When the feelings do not continue to grow with intimacy and commitment,
this type of love may suddenly fade.

4. Empty love
There is no love or passion but only commitment.
5. Romantic love
The components intimacy and passion are present. There is physical and emotional bond
but commitment is missing.

6. Companionate love
This can be considered as stronger than friendship because of the presence of intimacy.
There is no passion but long-term commitment exists.

7. Fatuous love
These are whirlwind romances and marriages. Passion is present which is resulted to
commitment, but since there is no rush decision to commit, there was no opportunity for
intimacy.

8. Consummate love
The perfect and ideal for of love that everybody desires to achieve. According to
Sterneberg, couples in this kind of love cannot find happiness from other persons aside
from their respective partner. The romantic relationship of partners may go beyond
years.

Commitment
This is an act of deciding consistently fulfil and live by agreements made with another
person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide
to one’s behavior or thinking (Santos, 2016). This is also defined as a promise, pledge,
or decision to stick to one another through ups and downs of the relationship (De
Guzman, 2016).

The following are the three dimensions of commitment in intimate relationships according
to Goddard (2013) and cited in De Guzman (2016).

1. Commitment as an attraction or the “want to” aspect

A person becomes committed to someone because of what the relationship gives him
or her. The relationship may be a source of satisfaction and happiness.

2. Commitment as a moral obligation or the “ought to” aspect

The decision to stay in a relationship, even it is no longer satisfying is because of its
being an oath or a duty.

3. Commitment as a constraint or the “have to” aspect

Many people decide to stay in a relationship or a marriage because getting out of it
will involve risks and consequences. Considerations may include finances, children’s
welfare and reputations.
As there are variables involved in strengthening and maintaining a commitment, there
are also spoilers to it. According to research, as cited in Santos (2016), the following
are the identified as the behaviors of couples that may lead to divorce and separation.

Unacceptable and acceptable Expressions of Attraction

*cited in De Guzman, 2016
As observed, adolescents are mostly very impulsive when it comes to romantic
relationships especially when they just started to build personal relationships. Mostly,
they tend to spend every minute with their respective source of love or attraction.
Unaware, some may be displaying unacceptable behaviors as means of expressions of
their attraction to their partners.

Though expressions of love and attraction may differ from one culture to another: here
are some acceptable and unacceptable expressions from a general point of view:

Acceptable:
▪ Glancing at each other
▪ Verbal communication (saying “I love you” or “I like you”
▪ Smiling
▪ Writing letters
▪ Phone calls/chatting
▪ Giving presents
▪ Showing attraction through social media but with limitations
▪ Holding hands
▪ Walking arm in arm
 ▪ Kiss on the cheeks or “beso-beso” in some occasions

Unacceptable:
▪ Kissing/cuddling/holding in public
▪ Flirting
▪ Invading personal space
▪ Intimate activities
▪ Back rubbing/massaging/stroking

Helpful Guidelines in Understanding the Concepts of Love

The following guidelines were given by the blogger Jensen DG. Mañebog from his book,
Essential Life Lessons. These adages will be helpful in understanding the concepts of love
and commitment in becoming responsible in a romantic relationship.

1. Invest in a good relationship

2. Be clear on whom you really love to be with
3. Don’t make “to love” or “not to love” question
4. Remember that love involves a leap of faith
5. Be confident in love
6. Find security in love
7. Root your relationship in friendship
8. Keep in mind: “Life is also about loving”
9. Remember that love, too, can be hurtful
10. Relationship requires calculated risk-taking
11. Be wise in love
12. Don’t believe that love is blind
13. Remember that you can fall in love with the person you hate
14. Make love the reason for you marriage
15. Don’t promise eternity
16. Never say you have mastered love
17. Build a bridge of chance for the one you love
18. Consider love as a destiny
19. Consider love as a project
20. Consider love as the completion of the law

Other ways on how to appropriately express love to the people one cares about according
to Ramos (2017).
a. Be thankful
b. Accept the differences between yourself and others
c. Learn to communicate to the other persons
d. Through communication, you can check out assumptions about your loved ones
rather than decide for them as to how they should think and feel
e. Be true to yourself and give up living to other’s expectations
D. ACTIVITY
I. Choosing Healthy Relationships
*adapted from Ramos (2017).

This activity is designed to help facilitate your insights into ways of being with other
people to help you develop more meaningful and harmonious interpersonal
relationships. Make your own small placard and write healthy in front and unhealthy at
the back. In each box from the figure below, tell whether this can lead to healthy or
unhealthy romantic relationship.

Freedom Self Pleasure Commitment

Openness Touching Trust Sharing

Boss Independence Communication Threats

Compromise Responsibility Violence Friendship

Hard Work Fear Truth Respect

Dependency Being selfish Strong feelings Possessiveness

Sex Proving yourself Scoring Control

Cruelty Closeness Promise Honesty

Recognizing
Jealousy Obsession Manipulation
differences

Expecting all of
your needs to be Pain Intimidation Caring
met

II. Crossing the Lines

*adapted from
http://www.poehealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Healthy-Relationships-Session-
Outline.pdf

From your own placard, tell whether the following situations are acceptable or
unacceptable behaviors when you are in a romantic relationship. Justify your
answer.
E. REFERENCES
Bernabe, G.A (2016). Personal Development for Senior High School. Manila, Philippines:
Mindshapers Co.,Inc.

De Guzman, J. M., et. Al (2016). Personal Development A Textbook and a Workbook for
Senior High School Students.:Mutya Publishing House. Inc.: Malabon City

Magalona, E.M (2016). Personal Development: Theory & Practice. Manila, Philippines:
Mindshapers Co., Inc

Ramos, M.L (2017). Personal Development, A Journey to Self-Awekening for Senior High
School. Quezon City, Philippines: C&E Publishing Inc.

Santos, R.R (2016).Personal Development.(1st ed.). Manila, Phillipines: Rex Publishing.