TRAPPED

By

Lot
aDi
buaandKi
zi
toMar
ti
ns
 Tabl
eofCont
ent
s

 Pr
eface

 Dedi
cat
ion

 Chapt
erone:
Somet
hingaboutl
ove

 Chapt
ert
wo:
Theyal
way
slef
t

 Chapt
ert
hree:
Needl
e’
sey
e

 Chapt
erf
our
:Bl
i
nd

 Chapt
erf
ive:
Broken

 Chapt
ersi
x:Fear

 Chapt
ersev
en:
Nol
i
fel
i
ne

 Aboutaut
hor
 Pr
eface

“
Trapped”i
sanant
hol
ogyof7f
lashst
ori
eswi
tht
rappi
ngsi
tuat
ions,
dil
emmasandbr
oken
f
eeli
ngs.

“
Trapped”i
sco-
wri
tt
enbyLot
aDi
buaandKi
zi
toMar
ti
ns,
aut
horof“
Stor
iesNotTol
d”

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right

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onoft
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onoft heauthorand
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ghtowner.Nopartofi
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eredorplagiarizedbyanysecond
orthir
dparty.

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horat
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ter
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zi
to

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Lot
aDi
bua

Ar
tbyJust
inMai
n
Dedi
cat
ion

Thi
sworkisdedicat
edt
oal
lthel
essf
ort
unat
eonesl
i
vingwi
tht
rappi
ngsi
tuat
ions,
dil
emmas
andbr
okenfeel
ings.
Chapt
erOne:

Somet
hingaboutl
ove.

Ther
e’ssomet
hingaboutl
ove,
Ijustcannotexpl
ain.Iwi
shIunder
stoodi
tenough.

Mamausedt otell
usst or
iesofpapa,
v erylovel
yst ori
es.Sheusedt otel
lusofthegentleman
shefel
linlovewithandmar ri
ed.Shetoldusl ot
sofsweetst ori
es,asideofpapawehav enev
er
seennorwi t
nessed…apar tofpapawehav enev erhadtheoppor tuni
tytot
aste.Asfaraswe
cantel
l,papa’ssweetnessandangeli
cat ti
tudeexistedonlyinmama’ sstori
es,andthepapawe
knewmadet hosestori
esmamat oldusseem l ikefair
ytal
es,fair
ytal
esshewishedcouldcome
toreal
it
y.Thepapaweknewwasamonst er,aselfi
sh,heart
less,abusi
vedrunk.Papawasa
deadbeat.

Papahadbecomenot ori
ousforhisl
oveforogogoro,not
hingcouldangerpapainasmuchashe
hadabot tl
eofogogorotowashhi smouthandquencht hefi
reignit
ingi
nhim.MamaOv ie’
s
j
ointwashi sonl
ypointofcal
l.Papawasoneofhermanycust omerswhower eloyalt
ojusther
j
oint.Rumourshaditthatsheusesjuj
utomakehercust omerssticktoherj
oint
.Oneneeded
j
ustal i
tt
letast
eofherogogor o,
andthatwasallittookt
obecomeaconst antcall
erathershop.
Li
ttl
ewondershehadnamedi t“Ogogoroti
ll
eternit
y”

Papapassedmostofhi snightsint hest reetgut tersthanhedi dathome.Ther ewasat i

mehe
hadcausedaheav ytraf
ficonther oadoneMonday ,hehadobv iouslypassedt heni ghton
middleoft her oadandwasst i
ll
hav inghi ssoundsl eepwhenmot oristhadhi tther oadr eadyfor
work.Ther oadsaf etyoffi
cershadar restedpapaf orcausi ngasensel essr ushhourt r
affi
c,and
aft
erhisr elease,papahadcal l
edat“ ogogor ot i
lleternit
y”beforehest aggeredhomei nthedead
ofthenight .Mamahadgot tentir
edoft hrowi ngt antrumsatpapabecausesheknewi twasa
tot
alwast eoft i
me, andwhenshehadr esor t
edi nt akingherfightstoMamaOv i
e,founderand
generalov erseeroft he“ogogorot i
llet ernit
y ”jointaf ewt imes,shegotbadl ybeat enbypapa.
Thelasttimemamahadconf rontedMamaOv ieathershop, theresultwasbr okenl egsf or
mama.Papahadusedt hemor t
armamausedf orpoundi ngyam topoundbot hherl egs.
“.
..
makeIseehowy ougot akedeygocauset roubl eformyogogor oj ointafterIdunbr eakyour
l
egs!”Papay elledashepoundedonmamal egswhi l
eshel ai
dhelplessl yonherbackscr eaming
andcryingf orhel pthatcameal i
ttl
et ool at e.Mamawi l
lgoont oleapf ortherestofherl i
fewith
herwalkingst ickforsuppor t.

Besi
desOgogor
o,Papapr
efer
redt
osat
isf
yhi
ssexual
urgeswi
tht
hewi
dowsi
nthecommuni
ty.
Howhewooedt hem andev ent uall
ygottopenet r
atebet weent heirl
egsremainsamy ster
y.
Papawasl i
vi
ngt helif
e,eventhoughhewasn’ twealthy,hehadogogor oandal otofwidowsto
callonwhenheneededt osatisfyhisdesi r
es.Papawasl ivi
ngli
kewedi dn’
tmat t
ertohim.
We'vel earnedtogr owupf ather l
essevenwhenourf atherwasaliveandgoingaround
disgracingthefami lydail
y.Wegotr i
diculedconstant l
yatschool andathomewhenpl ay i
ngwi
th
ourpl aymates,wel earnedtolivewi ththeendlessridicules,i
thadbecomeourwayofl i
fe.

Wel ear nedtol

ivewi t
hsomanyt hi
ngs,ri
diculewast heleast.Wewer er ej
ectedwhenitcomes
tomi xingupwi t
hot herfamili
es.Wesoonst oppedgoingtochur chafterthepastorwon’tst
op
usingpapaandsomeofhi scohort
sbutespeci al
l
ypapaasnegat i
veexampl esandscapegoats
forhisser mons.NoSundayser monwascompl etewit
houtpapa’ snamebei ngment i
oned.Thi
s
hadanger edmeoneSundayandIhadchar gedatt hepastor
, dealthim af ewblowstohisface
beforesomey outhsinthechur chi
nter
vened.Mamat r
iedtof orcemet ogoaskf orhis
forgi
v enessthenextday ,butwhenshegotwi ndofmypl antocauseanot hertroubl
eathis
house, shebeggedmet ost ayhomeandj ustl ett
heissuesli
de.

Wel ear nedt ofendf orour selves,butmamaf ishbusi nesswasn’ tboomi nglikebef ore,shehad
l
ostal otofcust omer s.Myki dsisterandIhadt oswi ngintoact ion; shehawkedmama’ s
smokedf ishroundt hecommuni tywhi l
eIdidanyoddj obIsawar ound.Wewor kedv eryhar dto
sur vi
veonourown.Thi siswhyIhadgr ownupt odespi sepapa.Hewasabur dent ous, a
l
iabi l
ity,hewasourcur se.Papabr oughtnot hingbutshame, somet imesIwi shmamahadbor e
usf oradecentman.I twasv erydiff
icul
ttobel i
evepapawasoncedecent .Whathad
transf ormedpapat ot hismi screanthehadbecomewasanot herquest i
onmamacannotanswer ,
j
ustl ikeFej i
ro,myki dsi st
erhadonceaskedherwhyshedi dn’ tr
epor tpapat ot hepol i
ceaf t
erhe
hadbr okenbot hherl egs.Amongstt hetri
oofus, mamawast heonl yonewhost illhadhopei n
papa.Shest i
llbeli
evedt hathecoul dchange, andwhenev ersher aisedt hei ntentionf orusto
prayf orpapat ochangedur i
ngourusual dai
lymor ningdev otion, wewoul dkeepqui etandal low
herpr ayal one.Howpossi bleisitthatawol fcouldbecomeal amb?Myki dsi sterandIwasno
fanofpapa, especiall
yaf tertheincidentthathadl ef
tmamawi thbr okenl egs, andtheot her
whi chhandl eftmamahospi tali
sedf orweeksaf terhehadhi therheadwi thhi sogogor obot tl
e
becauseshehadempt i
edhi sbot t
leofogogor oandf i
ll
edi twi thwat er.Personal l
y,Ihadswor n
nev ert ol etpapamal t
reatmamaormyki dsisteranymor e, thiswaswhywhenpapawas
stampi ngheav il
yonmamaaf t
ershehadaccusedhi m ofr api ngFej irothepr ev i
ousni ght,Ididn’
t
thinkt wi cebef oreIthrustoneoft heki t
chenkni vesdeept hr ought hebackofhi sneck.

Onet hrusttoendmanyy earsofdomest i

cabuseandt yr
annywaswor t
henought ogambl efora
l
ifet i
mer unni
ngawayf r
om thepoli
ce.Iwashal fwaythroughthedoorwhenIhel dmysi st
er’
s
scream; Iranbackt oseemamal yingonpapaandbot htheirbodi
essoakedi ntheirbl
ood.“My
l
ov e..
.myl oooove”wasmama’ sl
astwor dsast heli
fei
nherf adedaway.Icouldnotbelievethat
mamahadgi venupherownl i
fej
usttoaccompanypapa, didsheli
kehimt hatmuch, whatabout
us?Shedi dnotthinkwewer eworthmor ethanhim?Igav eupmyconsci encefortheloveofmy
si
st erandmot her.Imurderedmyownf atherbecauseIl
ov edmysister
,andmamahad
commi t
tedsuici
debecauseshel ovedpapa.
Ther
e’ssomet
hingaboutl
ove,
Ijustcannotexpl
ain.Iwi
shIunder
stoodi
tenough.

Chapt
erTwo:

Theyal
way
slef
t.

Theyal
way
slef
t.

Theywi
llst
ayforawhil
e,justt
omakeaf oolofmeandmyfeel
i
ngs,butevent
ual
l
ytheyt
akethei
r
l
eavewit
houtremorse.Theynevert
urnedback,
toseemyhear
tshatt
eri
nginamill
i
onpi
eces.
Theyal
waysleft
,lkeanOgbanj
i e.MaybeI’
m cur
sed.

Fi
rsti
twasSandr a;shet
ookmebyst orm.Ithoughtwhatwehadwasr eal
,veryst
rongli
kea
di
amond,nothingcanbreakit.
..t
hatwaswhywhenshel ef
t,i
ttookmef i
veyearsbefor
eI
deci
dedtogiveloveanotherchance.ImetSoni a,andt
henSof i
a,bothweren’
tdif
fer
entfr
om
Sandr
a.Theywer everymuchal i
ke,v
erylovi
ng,v er
ybeauti
fult
oo,yetsocunni
ng.Theyleft
.

Mamawasn’
tmaki
ngmy“
wif
ehunt
”easi
erf
ormeei
ther
,“i
fyounoseebet
terwomanmar
ryf
or
thatAbuja,comehome.Comest ayforWarr
iandgivemej ustoneweek,onl
yoneweek,Igof i
nd
betterandfineUrhobogi
rlmakeyoumarry”
.Sheoftenboastedinourphoneconver
sat
ions.As
i
ft hatwasn’tenough,
befor
esheendedhercall
s,shewil
lsay“ifshenosabicookmyfavouri
te
owohandst arch,
nocarr
yam comehouseo" .

ImetEv aatachurchsemi nar

.Idi
dn’ttakeitseri
ousatfi
rst
,butitev
ent ual
lylookedl
ikeitwould
work.Shewasi nt
ell
i
gentandamusi ng,somuchofat al
kerforherquietlooks.Shehadaki l
l
er
smil
et hatoft
enremindedmeofhowl uckyIwast ohaveher.Wegotengaged, shewast hefi
rst
.
Iwasst ar
ti
ngtobeli
evethiswasn’
tanot hernight
mare.Igotacallaweekt oourweddi ng;Eva
wasinv ol
vedinanautocrash.

Shel
eft
.

Sandr
a,Soni
a,Sof
iaandEv
a.

Theyal
way
slef
t.
Chapt
erThr
ee:

Needl
e’sey
e.

Ididnotcareabouttheri
verl
ookingredlikeJesushadturneditt
owine,nordi
dIbotherabout
theweightoftheheavybagIwascar ryi
ngonmyhead, norstoptothi
nkandponderaboutthe
consequencesofmyact i
ons.AllIcar
edaboutwas; r
unningfaraway,ver
yfar,
asfarasIcan
from myshadow.What everi
ttakestokeepmef ewmetersawayfrom mypastandclosert
o
theli
feIhadalwaysdreamedof ,Iwil
ldo.I’
m st
uckbetweenmypastandmydr eams.

Everydawn, Ist
ruggl
et ostayali
v eti
lldusk,
andev erydusk, Ist
r uggl
etosur
vivetheevi
lslur
king
i
nt hedarktil
ldawn.Lifeintheslumsi snevereasyf oranyone, andespeci
all
ynotwheny ou’
re
anor phan.Techni
cal
ly,Idon’tknowi fIcoul
dbet aggedanor phanwhenInev erhadthe
pr
ivil
egeofev erknowingmyf amily
.Ijustwokeuponedayi nthest r
eet
sandIhav ebeentryi
ng
everydaysincethatday,toseet henextdayhowev erpossible.

Theli
tt
leIknewaboutmy selfwaswhat everIwast oldbyMonst er.Monsteristhegeneralin
commandoft heMakokosl um.Hal fdrunkandsobert hatday,hetoldmehowhehadseent he
gi
rlwhohaddr oppedmebyt heri
versi
de.Hewast aki
ngapoopononesi dealongtheri
v eras
hewatchedherkeenl ydel
iberati
ngami dstherselfwhet hert
ot hr
owmei ntheriverorl
eav eme
bythesidet
il
lIpr obabl
ydieofst ar
v at
ion.Accordingt ohim,sheleftmebyt hebankoft heriver
aft
ershehadsi ghtedhim stari
ngather .Hechasedatherwi ththei nt
ent
iontomakehert ake
mebackandcar eforme, butshehaddi sappearedi ntotheslum.

“…youknow, af ewot herti

mest ooIsavedyourl i
fet
oo”Monst ercont inuedhisnar r
ation;he
wassmi l
i
ngal ittl
eashespokewhi l
elookingabovemyhead.Hecoul dn’tholdmyst are.This
Monster,
whoweal lknewasahar denedman, hadmy steri
ouslytransf ormedi nt
oasof t
yin
fr
ontofme.Tear shadgat heredinhiseyes.Hewasst ruggli
ngt ohol dt hem backwhi le
occasi
onall
ywi pinghisrunnynosewi t
hthebackofhisr ighthand, andt akingalengthypause
betweeneachofhi sstat
ement stoconceal t
hecroaki
nessi nhisv oice.Yourmum di dnotev en
wrapyouinacl oth.Shej ustdroppedyouthere,hesai
d, point
ingatt heexactspot .Youwer e
nakedandcryingl oudasi fyouknewwhatshewasdoi ng.Monst ernar ratedinhisthickpidgi
n
whichhadstrongl ybeeninfluencedbyhisUrhobodial
ect .

Monst erhadasi mil

arstory.Hismum hadabandonedhi m withhi
sdadandel opedwi thanother
guy .Hisf
athertr
iedcateringforhi
m butsoonnegl ect
edhimtocaterf orhi
sthirstf
orbeerand
alcohol.Monstertoo,abandonedhisfatherandt ookt ot
hestreet
safterhewon’ tstop
mal tr
eati
ngandext or
tinghim ofhi
slit
tl
eear ningsf r
om t
hemeagr ejobshedi dsohecoul d
affordameal ortwodai l
y.Therewererumour st hatMonsterhadmur deredhisownf ather
becausenooneev ersaworhear dfrom him afteronedaywhent heybot hhadaheav yfi
ght.His
fatherhadcomesear chf orMonsterinthestreetandwant edtoextorthim asusual,butli
tt
le
Monst
erwoul
dn’
tlethi
m hav
ehi
sway
.

Monst
ercont
inuedhi
snar
rat
ion;
IKungocar
ryyouaf
terInof
itcat
cham.Napl
ant
ainl
eafIKun
taywrapyou.AsIdaywakagodomynor malduties,
Iseeonegi rlf
orr
oad.Icarryyougiveam,
Kunwarnhersaymakeshet akecareofyouwellorIgodr ivesheandherf
ami l
ycomotourl and.
Theyeyegirlnohearwor d.OnedayIseeyouf orwhereshedunabandonyouf orunderone
tabl
eformar ket
.Thattimeyoudunr eachli
ketwoyear s.Youwearoneteartearpant ,
IKunpull
am wearyouoneofmysmal lboxer
s.Everyt
imeIseeyoudeyr unpasswiththatboxers,Igo
deyremembert hefi
rstdaywhenIpi ckyouforthatri
ver.Ithi
nksayyounogof itsurvi
vebutyou
dunbigfi
nishandyoust il
ldeyali
ve.Onedaysefyouf itsti
l
lbecomegeneralofthisourlandli
ke
mebecauseourt wost oryjustr
esemble.

Ironi
cal
ly,amanIhatedsomuchf orhi
scruelt
yanddemeani ngnat ure,hadbeenmysav iour
andf ai
rygodf
atheracoupleofti
met hatIdi
dn’tev
enknowof .Butunl i
kethedreamsMonst er
hadofmebecomi ngthegeneral
ofMakoko, Iwantedmor e.Iwasabi gdreamer,li
tt
lewonder
noneofmymat escouldfi
tinwit
hme.Iwasaonemansquad.Mybi ggestdr
eam wast oleave
theslum andfi
ndabet t
erli
fesomewher eanywhereinasmuchi twasnotanot herslum.This
waswhyIdi dn’
thesit
atetotakethechancewhent heoppor t
unitypresentedit
selfinagold
platt
er.

Monst erhaddev elopedasof tspotforme.Hehadbegunseei ngmeashi spr odi

gy ;
hebr ought
meont heinsi
det olear nhowt heslum wasbei ngrun.Hehadagangwhi chtookcar eofhi s
brothel management ,anothermanagedt hecoll
ecti
onofl evi
esf ormarketspacef rom the
traders,anothercamei nhandywhent henati
onalelecti
onscamear ound.Whi cheverpartybid
thehi ghestforthatelect i
on,theymadesur eever
yinhabitantoftheslum r egi
ster
edandv oted
whet herlawfull
yornot .Now, Iwasbegi nni
ngtounder standallt
hatwasgoi ngoni nthesl um,
nowonderMonst erwithal l
themoneyhehadear nedfrom theslum sti
llwoul dn’
tleave.The
slum wasani ndust r
yofi tsown.Thepat t
ernatwhichMonst err
anthesl um, hecouldbeoneof
thegr eatestpresidentsNi geri
anev erhad.

Monst erhadst artedanewbusi ness, andheneededpeopl ewhom hecoul dtrust.I

nhi swor ds,
heneededpeopl ewhower el
ikef amilytohi m.Iwasenl i
stedwi ththenot ori
ousinv i
ncibl
etr i
o,
Thunder ,ScorpionandDr agon.TheI nvincibl
et ri
ohadv eryr i
chcur r
iculum v i
taeincommi tti
ng
crimes.Thei rnamespar kedterrori nthenei ghbour i
ngtowns.Monst erhadgot t
enacont ractt o
packageandpushi l
li
citdrugsfrom t hesl umst oot herpartsofthecount ry.Hehadsol dthei dea
toonechi efwhowasat opgov er nmentpol i
ti
cianandhadbeengi venal lthatweneededt ost ar
t
busi ness.Ev eryt
hingwasi nplace, thefunds, t
hedr ugs,t
hecar ri
ers,themanager s,andthe
fact ory,
allofit.Thi slookedlucrat i
vetome, butt herewoul dbenogoi ngbackonceIgeti n
compl etel
y,nogoi ngback, nodream ofl eavingthesl um behind.Theoneandonl ydream Ihad
nur sedf oraboutsi xteeny ear
sofmyent i
reexi st
ence.Iwasnotr eadyt ot rademydr eam, my
freedom norf uture.Ididn’twantt obel ikeMonst erandot herhighranki ngof fi
cersinthesl um,
raiseandnur seaf ami l
yinthesl um.Idi dn’twantmyki dst oseet hi
sdar ksideoft hewor l
d.I
want edabet terli
fef orthem, abet terdream f orthem.Idi dn’
twantt hem t osleepwi t
haney e
open,orhav
etohideatacornerandlookattheroadaheadi
fanyoft
hepeopl
etheyhad
off
endedwaslur
kingaround.Iwant
edt hem t
ofeelsaf
e.

AfterMonst erhadgat heredusbyt heri

ver
sidetopayusf orasuccessf ulf
irstdayofbusi ness,I
askedt ohav ealit
tlechitchatwi t
hhim.Itoldhim ofmypl ans.Hedidnotbuymyi dea, hesaw
mel ikeanasset, aweapont hatcouldcomei nhandy.Hewasn’ twill
ingtoletmeof fhi shook.
Hehadmeexact lywher eheneededandIt oo,hadhim exactl
ywher eIwant ed.Ifreedmyr ight
arm al i
ttl
etoall
owt hedaggersl i
ddownmysl eevetomypal m.AsMonst erwentoni ssuing
threatupont hr
eats,Iswi f
tl
ymadeaqui ckslashfrom uptodownacr osshisf ace,andt henhi t
hisheadwi t
har ockbyt her i
ver.Therewasnogoi ngbacknow; myj ourneyawayf rom t hesl um
hadj ustbegun.Itookal astlookatMonst er’
sbodydr owningwi t
hbloodbyt heriverasIassur e
my selfthatIhaddonet akenar i
ghtdecisi
on.Thedeedhasbeendone.Iscr ambl edt hrought he
shrubsandbushf ormybagwher eIhadpackagedal i
tt
lebelongings,moneyandi ll
icitdrugsI
couldsel lt
ogener atecapitali
nmyquestt ost ar
tanew.

Istar
tedonmywayl eav
ingi
tallbehind,
theslum,mypast.Ther
ewasnofr
iendorf
ami
l
ytosay
goodby et
o.Ihadalwaysbeenalonesol di
er.Theonl
yfamil
yIhadcomet
oknowwastheman
drowninginhi
sbloodbutIcaredless.

Ididnotcareabouttheri
verl
ookingredlikeJesushadturneditt
owine,nordi
dIbotherabout
theweightoftheheavybagIwascar ryi
ngonmyhead, norstoptothi
nkandponderaboutthe
consequencesofmyact i
ons.AllIcar
edaboutwas; r
unningfaraway,ver
yfar,
asfarasIcan
from myshadow.What everi
ttakestokeepmef ewmetersawayfrom mypastandclosert
o
theli
feIhadalwaysdreamedof ,Iwil
ldo.I’
m st
uckbetweenmypastandmydr eams.
Chapt
erFour
:

Bl
ind.

Iam deadbutmyhear
tisst
il
lbeat
ing.

Ihavebeenstandingher
e…standingverysti
ff
,mot
ionl
ess,li
keastat
ueinthemiddleofmy
bedr
oom, di
rect
lyundert
heceil
i
ngf anwhoseseasonalsqueaksi
stheonlysoundthatcanbe
hear
dinmysmal l
onebedroom f
lat.Iwasli
keonewhohadseenaghost …actual
ly
, Iwas
l
ookingatone.

Thi
ckbal
lsofsweatr ai
seddownmybodyast houghIwasawat erfountain.Myheadwas
spi
nni
ng,mynosewasr unny,
andmyl egswerebeggingmetositforawhi l
e,butIj
ustcoul
dn’
t
movebecausetheghostIwasl ooki
ngat,wasboldl
ystari
ngback…asi fthatwasnotenough,i
t
wasmakingmocker yofme,mockeryofmyl ast5years…5yearsthatgavemyl i
feasudden
twi
st,
averymiserableone.

Iremember edmydad’slastwordstome;“…justgoaway,
you’
vecausemeenoughpain.Iwil
l
forgetIeverhadasononcey oucloset
hatdoorbehi
ndyou”hesai
dangri
l
ywi t
hhisheadbowed,
eyesclosed,andtear
sroll
ingdownhisbul
gycheekswhil
ehisri
ghti
ndexfi
ngerwaspoint
ingat
thedoorashespoke.

Ihadj ustr ushedi nt othehospi t

al afterIgotat extmessaget hatmymum hadbeenhospi tal
i
zed.
Iwaspant ingf rom t hel i
tt
leraceI’dr anf rom mycarpassedt hehospi tal’
smai nent rance, down
thehal l,
takingswi ftdoubleleftturnsbef or
ear r
ivi
ngat“ Room 22” .Mydeci si
ont oqui tschool
andt akecar eofmypr egnantgi rl
fri
endhadnotgonedownwel lwithbot hmypar ent s.Mum
beggedami dstt ear sthatIshouldn’tqui tschool;“…continueschool ing, youcanst i
lltakecar eof
them whi leschool ing”shesai d.Butdad, dad’sthoughtwasdi ff
erent .Hewant edt ojustpay
Shade’ sfami lysomeamountofmoneyf orwhateverinconv eni
encesmybusyweaponofmass
destructionmusthav ecaused, andpr omi setosendmor emoneymont hl
yfort hebaby ’supkeep.
Hedi dn’twantany t
hingt odowi thhi sil
legit
imategr andson.Papai sacat holi
ckni ghtanda
polit
ician;hei sonewhowi ll
goanyl engt hsof arhisgoodr eputationwhi chhei ssopr oudt o
tal
kaboutwher ev erandwhenev er,isintact.ButIfeltther i
ghtthingt odowast oownupt omy
responsi bil
it
ies.Iwant edShadet of ull
ymov einwi t
hme, Iwantedt omar r
yher …af t
eral l;Iwas
goingt obecomeaf ather…thef atherofherson, ababywebot hmade.Iwant edtobeagood
father,butIcoul dbar elybeagoodchi ld.Nowseewher emygoodf at herwannabeat ti
tudehas
gotme.I mmedi at elyIgotin,myey escaughtoneoft henur sescov eringmymum’ slifelessbody
withawhi tesheetwhi lstmydadanduncl eElower eholdingdownmyt winsistersast hey
wai l
edt hrowi ngt heirhandsandl egsi npr otest
.

Thatwasfi
vey ear
sago,aft
ermymum hadpassedawaysuffer
ingf r
om asuddenri
sei
nher
bloodpr
essur
e, f
oll
owedbyasev er
ehear
tfai
lur
e.Dadwasnotmi nci
ngwordswhenhesaid
“…goaway…”thereweresecur
it
yguardsi
nplacewit
hstr
icti
nst
ructi
onstorest
rai
nmefrom
attendi ngmum’ sfuneral.Unli
ket hepr odigal son,evenwhent hingswentr ough, r
uggedandsour ,
Inev erwentbackhomet omyf ather.Itwasnotev enanopt ion,dadwasnotonet ogobackon
hiswor dsandIwasnotonet oswal lowmypr i
de.Dadwi l
lnotmi ssmemuch, Iwasagoodf or
nothi ng…agoodr i
ddance, besides, hest i
ll hadt hetwins,butIhav enobody .Myl i
ttl
er ebel
l
ion
hadmademel osetheonl yfri
endIev erhad, mysweetmum.Myt winsister
shadal waysbeen
myf ather’
sbeloved.Theyar eev eryt
hingIam not ;i
nnocent ,good,rel
igi
ous, obedientandsaint
ly.
Theydi deveryt
hingpapat ol
dt hem t odoandexact l
yashet oldthem to,andIhat edthem fori
t.
ThiswaswhyIdi dn’tevent r
ustt het earst heyshedwhendadaskedmet ol
eav ehishouseand
nev err et
urn,
andwhent heypl eadedwi t
hmet ogoaskf orpapa’smer cy,Iwasbentondoi ng
exact lytheoppositebecauseIhat edtof eel l
ikeIwasact ingaccor di
ngt opapa’sscr i
pt.

Now, i
t’sall
becomi ngcl earer.Icandeci pherthewr iti
ngsont hewal l
…whydi dittaket hislong
beforeIreali
zedI’dbeenacomf am maga?Chi kewasmyonl yf r
iendf r
om campust hatkepti n
closetouchwi t
hmesi nceaf terIdroppedout .Henev erstoppedt or emi ndmeofhowmuchhe
owesmef orthet hreey earsIal l
owedhi m squatwi t
hme, t
aki ngcar eofhi sfeedingandal l
…and
whenev erItr
ytowav eof fhisoverlygratefulatti
tude,hewi l
l putupapr otestpleadingt hatI
all
owhi m showasmuchgr ati
tudeashecan.Chi kewasmyconf idantandwi seki ngSol omon.
Hehadawayofcomi ngupwi t
hanopt imal soluti
ont oproblemst hatseemedl ikeanEv erestto
cli
mb.Thi swaswhyIt rustedChi ke’sj
udgmentwhenhesai dt odr opoutofschool i
nor dert o
takecareofmynewsmal l
fami l
ywast hebestdeci sion.All
t hesey earsI’vebeenassur i
ng
my sel
fthatIdidt herightt hing…now, If eelmiserableandhopel essl ikeausedsani tarypad.
ThisghostI’m staringati sabr ownenv elopecont ai
ninganot efrom Shadewi that ypical
doctor’
shandwr i
t i
ngbeggi ngf ormyf orgivenessasshenar rat eshowChi kehadgother
pregnantbeforeheshov edheri nmyway ,apaternityandpr egnancyt estr esul
tsconf irmingher
clai
m andaweddi ngcar dofherandChi ke.

If
orgi
vet
hem t
hough,
butnextSat
urdayIwi
l
lcommi
tmur
der
.Fornow…

Iam deadbutmyhear
tisst
il
lbeat
ing.
Chapt
erFi
ve:

Br
oken

Br
oken!

I
'
llt
ell
youmyst
ory
,ofhowIwasbr
oken.

May
,2013

"Dusttodust
,ashto.
..
"ther
ev er
endfather
'svoi
cecoul
dbeheard.Mot
herear
th
graci
ouslyr
ecei
vedtheremainsofFatherencl
osedinacasket
.

Mum,hear
twr
enchedint
omanyfragment
s,t
ear
sendlessl
yfl
owi
ng,
aspadei
nhand
wi
thsandoni
t,per
for
medherl
astduti
est
oherhusband.

No!I'
m notheretot
ell
y ouofhowfather'
sburi
al went
.Orhowf ol
kswer eladenedwi
th
emotions,sy
mpathyorfalseempathy,
asthecasemi ghtbe.Iwon'tt
ellyouofhow
devastat
edmum was.Howshewant edtojourneywit
hfathert
ot hegreatbeyondas
sheapparentl
yhadnothinglef
ttol
i
v efor(
hey!whataboutme? ).

August
,2016.

I'
l
ltel
lyouofhowIwasbr
oken.Br
okenbyamancal
l
edst
epdad,
dad.I
'
llt
ell
youofhow
Il
ostittohi
m.

Iwasbarel
y13. Hewoul
dcomei nt
omyr oom, comeclosetomeandwoul dtouchmeat
bi
zarr
eplaces,mychest,
myt high,mybuttocks.He'
dmakemesuckonhi sscrot
um.
He'
dbitemyni ppl
es.Hewouldf i
nal
lyi
nserthispeni
sintomybut t
ocks.Ididn'
tcommi t
si
n,di
dI?No.Sundayschool t
eachersaiditwasasintof or
nicat
ewiththeoppositesex.
Hewasn'toftheopposi
tesex.

Itwoul
dbecomear out
ine.Him sucki
ngonmyni pples,meonhisscrot
um,andthent he
penetr
ati
on.I
treal
lyhurt.I
twouldmakemecr y.Mum neededt oknowabouti
t,If
elt.I
wantedtotel
lheraboutitbuti
twasobv iousshewoul dn'
tbeli
eveme.Shewouldsimpl y
debunkitasdel
usionofamour ningchi
ld.Ist
il
l hav
en'tgott
enoverthel
ossofmyf ather,
shewouldsay.

June,
2016.
Iwon'ttel
lyouofhow, threeyearsl
ater,
UncleSammycamei ntothepictur
e.Uncl
e
Sammy ,r
ememberhi m?Mum' scli
ent,
theonethatpresentedthefatenvel
opeat
father
'sburi
al.Iwon'ttellyouthestor
yofhowuncl eSammyr ender
edmum somuch
help.Ofhowheof f
eredt opaymyschool f
eeswhenbusi nesswasbadf ormum andt
he
fundswer esi
mpl ynott here.DoIneedtotell
youofhowUncl eSammy 'sst
atus
changed?Ofhowhebecamemyst epdadordad, asmum f orcedmet ocallhi
m?

Sept
ember
,2016.

Hewoul dcomeint
omyr oom t
oo.Butthi
sti
me,akni
fel
aidbesi
deme.If
ear
ful
l
y
t
hreatenedtocutmysel
fifhet
ouchedme.Ascuff
lewoul
densuebet
weenusandi
t
wouldresul
tinmeteari
ngmyarm, usual
l
ymylef
t.

Atmum'snot
ice,
heli
ed.Hewouldt
ellherofIwasinv
olv
edinastr
eetf
ight.Hewoul
d
cookupst
ori
esaboutmyrecentmi
sdemeanours.Iwoul
dn'
tbeabl
etodefendmysel
f.

Iwasbr
oken.

Dayslat
er,
Iwoul
dfindmy
sel
fleav
inghome,
onaj
our
neyt
oSt
.Thomascol
l
egewher
e
I
'dbecomeaboarder.

Nov
ember
,2016.

Wit
hmyheadsbowed,
eyesf
aci
ngmypaper
,handcl
utchi
ngmypen,
I’
ll
tel
lyoumy
st
ory.

Thest
oryofabr
okensoul
,asoul
thatl
i
vedandst
il
ll
iv
esi
nsi
deofme,
ayoungboar
der
.
Chapt
erSi
x:

Fear

Thel
astt
imet
hemoonst
oodi
nfr
ontoft
hesun,
theki
ngofOzudi
ed.

Thescr eamsoft hegongi nt

err
upt
edthesleepofthewholeOzuv ill
agersast hetowncr i
er
madesur eever
yonegott hemessageashecov er
edt henooksandcr anniesofOzu.Ev eryone
wast ostayindoors;ther
ewoul dbenoact i
vi
tyi
nthemar kets,
streamsandf arms.Onlythe
fat
hersandt hefirstsonswhom hadgr ownbeardsandhai r
sintheirpubicregionswere
expectedt ogat
heratt hev il
l
agesquar
e,ther
ewoul dbeameet i
ng. .
.thechiefpri
est,t
hechi efs
andtheki ngwil
lbei nattendance,
allt
hewomenandchi l
drenwer ewarnedt ostayindoorsf or
securi
tyreasons.

Abi
gtr
oubl
eiscomi
ng.

Thechi
efpri
esthadconsult
edwi
ththegodsandtheyhadmadei
tknownt
ohi
mthati
ntwo
dayst
ime,t
hemoonwi llst
andi
nfrontoft
hesun.

Thel
astt
imet
hemoonst
oodi
nfr
ontoft
hesun,
theki
ngofOzudi
ed.
Chapt
erSev
en:

Nol
if
eli
ne.

Mamadon’
twor
ry,
I’
llbebacknextyear
.

Isai
d,t
ryi
ngt
ofi
ghtbackmyt
ear
s..
.

Mamacr i
edandwai ledli
keonewhowaspossessed.Theonl ytimeI’dseenmamacr ythisway,
wasf i
veyearsagowhenf ourablebodiedmenhadbr oughtpapa’ sl
if
elessbodyhome.Papa
wasstungbyasnakewhi l
ehewasatt hefarm.Wedi dnotj ustcrybecausewe’dlovedpapa
dearl
y,wecr i
edev enmor ebecausepapa’sdeathspeltdoom f orus.Papawasoursol ebread
winner,
withhim gone;mamahadt oswingintoacti
on,justsowecanhav eourdailybread.Sti
ll
,
povert
yhadr efusedtoacknowl edgemama’ seffor
ts,hencemydr ast
icdecisi
ontogosear chf
or
alandflowingwithmi l
k,honey,money,foodandany thi
ngt hatcouldtakeusfewmet ersand
evenmi l
esawayf rom povert
y.

Thatwasexact lytwelv
emont hsagobef oreIcamet oAbuj a, t
helandwher eev erystr
angeron
theroadisaki ng.I’dnoonei nAbuj a,nor elati
veandnotev enaf r
iend.Didn’ttheysaypovert
y
hasnof ri
endsbecausei tstenchessobadl y?Twomont hsIlivedinstr
eet,sleptinabandoned
busesatnightandwor kformydai lymeal bycarr
yingwar esf orbothtradersandt hei
r
customerst owher evertheywant edar oundt hemar ket.ThiswashowImetUche.Uchewasa
dri
verandhadcomepi ckupt hewar eshisogamadam hadpai df
orearli
erint heday.Aft
er
l
oadingthet runkoft hecarwi tht
hewar es, Uchehadi nvit
edmet opayav i
sittothehouse
wherehewor ked."worknodeynowoo, butyoubef ineboy...myogagol i
keyou”Uchehadsai d
smil
ing,whi l
eIst oodal i
ttl
econfusedwat chingther earofthecarasi tcrawl edfrom t
he
congestedmar ketint
ot hemai nroadwhi l
emyheadwasst i
llbatt
li
ngtodeci pherwhatever
Uche’sstatementmeant .

Asifthedev i
lhadopenedmyf il
eandhasswor nt omakel i
fehellforme, t
hebusst opwhereI ’
d
mor ethanenoughabandonedbusesf ormyshel t
er,wasdemol i
shed..
.andthemar ketwhereI
workedaswar es’carr
ier,
wasrelocat
edast heybot hdidn’
tfittheAbuj aci
tymasterplanno
thankstothepol i
ciesofthenewFCTmi ni
ster.I’
dnomor ecardst oplayanditseemedmyt ype
ofhustleandtheki ndofbigdreamsIhad, wheremi lesapart.TherewasnowayIwasgoi ngto
“makei t
”ifIconti
nuedt hepathIwast r
eading,eit
herIchangemydr eamsorgosear chfor
Uche..
.afteral
l,"I
’
m af ineboyandhisogawi lll
ikeme" .

"
Ihopeyou’
rer
eadyf
ort
his,
becauseonceIt
akeyout
omyogat
her
e’snot
urni
ngback"
.Those
wereUche’swords,t
hatmoment,Iknewwhat everi
twasIwasgetti
ngintowasgoi
ngtobe
ser
ious,butwhatdoIcar
e..
.wasn’
tthehardshipI’
dsuffer
edser
iousenoughtodr
iveonecr
azy
?
Mymi ndwasmade; Iwascompletel
yinf
orwhat everi
twas.

Uche’
sogat
urnedoutt
obeanol
dAl
haj
i
,av
eryweal
thyone.Ihear
dhei
sanexmi
nist
er,
hehad
tobebecauseI ’
dnobet terexpl anat i
onst ofitt
hekindofmansi onheli
vedi
nandt hef l
eetof
l
uxur ycarsthathisgaragecoul dn’taccommodat e,Icanbetthatnotevenj
ujucanmakeone
thiswealthy
, onl
yaNi gerianpol it
icianwhohadembezzl edpubli
cfundshal
fofhistimein
servicecanaf f
ordthi
ssor tofluxur y.Alhajii
sagay !Heprefer
redyoungboysforhissexual
pleasure.Al
thoughhehadt hreewi v es,theywerejustamaskt oshiel
dhist
ruecravings.Well
,I
want edmoney ..
.alotofmoney ,andy es,Iwasreadytosellmysoul f
oragoodaskingpr i
ce.I
t
turnedoutIwasgoi ngt osel lmor et hanmysoul .

Justaftertwoweeksofgr acingAl haji

’sbed,I’
dear nedenoughmoneyt osendbackhomet o
mama.Mamahadsentbackmessagest hankingmef ormygest urewhi leiterati
ngthatIkeep
awayf rom whateverisevi
l.Mysi bli
ngswer ebacki nschool andnowdoi ngf i
ne,seemedl i
ke
everyt
hingwasgoi ngaspl anned. ..Iguessselli
ngmysoul t
othedev ilwasawi sedecisi
onaf ter
al
l.Mont hsintowor ki
ngwi t
hAl hajiashispleasureboy ,I
’dbecomeani nst antmi l
l
ionair
e,
especiall
yafterhi
sy oungerwi f
e, Funke,hadempl oyedmyser vices.Igr acedherbedt oo.She
paidhandsomel ysteadil
ysoIcoul dkeepoursweetl i
ttl
esecrettomy self.I’
dstartedsending
moneyt omamaandmyi mmedi atey oungerbrother,theywerebui l
dingmeahouse, andI’
d
boughtmet wocarst ooandcoul daf f
ordmor eonl ythatIneededabi ggergar age.Iwasdoi ng
mor ethanfine;IwishedIhadknownl ongbef orenowt hatbei
ngapl easur eboywast hi
s
l
ucrati
v e.

Itwasjustthef i
rstmonthofmysecondy earwor ki
ngforAlhaj
iwhenMadam Rukkyhadcal led
meoneev ening,shesaidAlhajihadinst
ructedhert opaymeof fbecausehewaspl anningon
trav
elli
ngoutoft hecountry.
..thi
stime,withoutme, andhewi l
lbegoneforlong.Iknewhe
hadn’tfoundoutaboutFunkeandI ..
.whyt hesuddenbr eakup?Toobad, Iwaslookingforward
tohiscontinuouspatronage.Wel l
,mypay offwasahandsomedeal .I
’dtousemyl efthandt o
covermyl efteyesoIcouldcar eful
lycounttheeightzerosbehindtheone,si
x,nineont he
cheque.Iwasn’ ttoosurpr
ise,Alhaj
ineverhadr espectformoneynomat terwhatcurrencyitwas.

*
** *
***
**

Idon’
tknowwhatdemonmademebuyt
hedai
l
iest
hatmor
ning,
Iwi
shIdi
dn’
t.

"
Topex-
mini
stercont
ract
sHI
V/AI
DS.Tr
avel
sabr
oadf
ort
reat
ment
s-Fami
l
ydi
scl
oses"
.The
headli
neread.Iwaseagertor
eadthest
ory
,topassmyusual judgmentsatt
hosepol
iti
cians
that
'dembezzlenati
onalf
undsandwouldl
aterassaul
tsexual
l
y ,gi
rl
syoungenought
obet hei
r
daughter
s.

"
Ex-
mini
ster
,Al
haj
iBakodi
agnosedwi
thHI
V..
..
..
..
..
".
Coul
dIhav
econt
ract
edt
hedi
sease?Wer
e
thesymptomsf orsupposedf ever,act
uall
yforHIV/AIDS?Amedicaltestr
ant henextday ,
confi
rmedmyf ear
s,Ihadnotj ustcontr
actedthevir
us,andIhadcancertoo...analcancer.My
worldcrumbled!Mylif
eruined.IwishIhadnott akenanytest;
Ishould’
vejustfall
ensi ckanddi
e
slowlyobl
iv
iousofthecauseofmydeat h.ButnowIknow, ofwhatuseisthisknowl edgetome?
Whent her
e’sli
ttl
eIcandot osav emy self
.
Mamawor dscamebackatme, li
kedagger s.AllIhadwer eregretsandwi shesforasecond
chance,butsi
ncetheywer en'thorses, Icouldn'
tridet hem.Ihadt ocommencewi ththe
antir
etr
ovir
alandchemot herapy .Slowl yIwasl osingitall
;fr
iends,money ,pr
opert
ies..
.Iwasn’ t
readytolookint
hemi rr
orandseemy selfinragsagai n;Iwasn’treadytolosemyf amilytoo.I
plannedatri
pbackhomet haty ear’
sChr i
stmas.I twasagr andhomecomi ng,mycomi ngal ways
camewi thgoodti
dings,l
ikeSant a,Ihadmoney ,muchmoney ,ver
yplentymoneyf oreveryone,
most l
yformymum andsi bl
ingst hough, thenwhat ev
erIcanspar eforthosewickedshamel ess
unclewhowi l
ldoanythi
ngj usttohav eaf ewmor enai r
anotes.

I
’dl
eftstri
ctinst
ruct
ionsonhowmyhousewast olookli
keuponcompl eti
on,
andmademy
i
mmedi ateyoungerbrot
hersignat
orytoallmybankaccount s.Everyt
hingwasset;Iwasready
t
odienow. .
.Iknewmyf ami
lywon’tgohungryanysoonerift heymanagedproperl
yallofthe
moneyI’dhoardforthem st
ashedindiff
erentbankaccount
s, bot
htheonesIstol
eandear ned.
Mamahadhadl it
tl
esuspici
on,shebotheredmewi t
hquestions; “
..
.thi
sonethatyou’r
edropping
i
nstr
uctionsl
ikecowdunkso,areyougoingsomewhere.
..Howlongwil
lyoust
ay?Myson, hope
ever
ythi
ngisokaywithwork?Youknowyoucant al
ktomei ft
here’
saprobl
em abi
.
..youknow
whattheysayaboutprobl
emsshared.
..
”Ijustbr
ushedmama’squesti
onsasi
detel
li
ngherof
howbusyIwouldbei
nrecentweekshandli
ngtoomanyproj
ect
satwork,
mamawasnotonet
o
fl
ogadeadhorse,
she’
dlef
ttheissueonceIhadassur
ehert
hatther
ewasnot
hingt
obr
eaka
sweatov
er.

28thDecember2016; Ilef
thomef orAbuja.Iwasseat edatthebackseatofmyLi ncolnnav i
gat
or
Lwav ingatmysi blingsandmama.I t’
salway semot i
onalwhenI’ml eavi
nghome.Ast hecar
enginekickedtol i
fe,memor i
esstartedfloodingin,memor i
esoft hefir
stti
meIlefthomef or
Abujanotknowi ngwhatt hef
utureheldf orme, notknowingwhatmyf atewasorwhatwoul d
t
h
becomeofme, butthisti
mewasdi f
ferent,Iknew.Iknewt hat7 Januar y2017,
Iwillarr
ive
homeagai natt hebackseatoft hissameSUV, butnotseatednorsmi l
ingnorwit
hlotofmoney
foreveryone,Iknewt hatIwouldbehomeagai n,thi
st i
me,lyi
nglif
elessinawoodenbox, Ihope
i
twi l
lbecomf ortableenough.

Mamadon’
twor
ry,
I’
llbebacknextyear
.

Iwavedamidstt
ear
s,myfi
nal
goodby
etomyf
ami
l
y.Theywer
esmi
l
ingast
heywav
ed,
whi
l
e
thosewor
dskeptfl
oat
ingi
nmyhead.
..

Mamadon’
twor
ry,
I’
llbebacknextyear
.
 AboutAut
hor
.

Lot
aDibuaisaci
vil
engineer
ingst
udentofuni
ver
sit
yofNi
ger
ia,
Nsukka
andshelov
esthepenexperi
ence.

Ki
zi
toMar
ti
nsi
sawr
it
er,
recor
dingar
ti
standi
stheaut
horof“
Stor
iesNot
Tol
d”