Copyright © The AA Grapevine, Inc.

March 1962

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE?
warped to justify nearly every brand sober is literally founded upon the
of weakness, nonsense and folly. For proposition that "Of ourselves, we
instance, we can "accept" failure as are nothing, the Father doeth the
a chronic condition, forever without works." In Steps One and Two of
profit or remedy. We can "accept" our recovery program, these ideas
worldly success pridefully, as some- are specifically spelled out: "We ad-
thing wholly of our own making. We mitted that we were powerless over
can also "accept" illness and death alcohol... that our lives had become
as certain evidence of a hostile and unmanageable"—"Came to believe
O NE way to get at the meaning of
the principle of acceptance is
to meditate upon it in the context of
tomorrow, and yet again we shall
have to accept a condition that may
never change. Then, too, there fre-
godless universe. With these twist- that a Power greater than ourselves
ings of acceptance, we AAs have had could restore us to sanity." We
AA's much used prayer, "God grant quently has to be a right and realistic vast experience. Hence we constantly couldn't lick alcohol with our own
me the serenity to accept the things acceptance of grievous flaws within try to remind ourselves that these remaining resources and so we ac-
I cannot change, courage to change ourselves and serious faults within perversions of acceptance are just cepted the further fact that depend-
the things I can, and the wisdom to those about us—defects that may not gimmicks for excuse-making: a los- ence upon a Higher Power (if only
know the difference." be fully remedied for years, if ever. ing game at which we are, or at least our AA group) could do this hither-
Essentially this is to ask for the All of us will encounter failures, have been, the world's champions. to impossible job. The moment we
resources of Grace by which we may some retrievable and some not. We This is why we treasure our "Se- were able to fully accept these facts,
make spiritual progress under all shall often meet with defeat—some- renity Prayer" so much. It brings a our release from the alcohol compul-
conditions. Greatly emphasized in times by accident, sometimes self- new light to us that can dissipate our sion had begun. For most of us this
this wonderful prayer is a need for inflicted, and at still other times dealt old-time and nearly fatal habit of pair of acceptances had required a
the kind of wisdom that discrimi- to us by the injustice and violence fooling ourselves. In the radiance of lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole
nates between the possible and the of other people. Most of us will meet this prayer we see that defeat, rightly treasured philosophy of self-suffi-
impossible. We shall also see that up with some degree of worldly suc- accepted, need be no disaster. We ciency had to be cast aside. This had
life's formidable array of pains and cess, and here the problem of the now know that we do not have to not been done with old-fashioned
problems will require many differ- right kind of acceptance will be really run away, nor ought we again try to will power; it was instead a matter of
ent degrees of acceptance as we try difficult. Then there will be illness and overcome adversity by still another developing the willingness to accept
to apply this valued principle. death. How indeed shall we be able bull-dozing power drive that can only these new facts of living. We neither
Sometimes we have to find the to accept all these? push up obstacles before us faster ran nor fought. But accept we did.
right kind of acceptance for each day. It is always worth while to con- than they can be taken down. And then we were free. There had
Sometimes we need to develop ac- sider how grossly that good word On entering AA, we become the been no irretrievable disaster.
ceptance for what may come to pass acceptance can be misused. It can be beneficiaries of a very different ex- This kind of acceptance and faith
perience. Our new way of staying is capable of producing 100 per cent

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sobriety. In fact it usually does; and try to achieve a state of joyful grati- serenity—as those more advanced in will pass" . . . "This experience can
it must, else we could have no life tude. When such a brand of grati- the spiritual life seem able to do—I be turned to benefit"....
at all. But the moment we carry these tude is repeatedly affirmed and pon- can, if I try hard, give thanks for These fragments of prayer bring
attitudes into our emotional prob- dered, it can finally displace the nat- present pain nevertheless. I find the far more than mere comfort. They
lems, we find that only relative re- ural tendency to congratulate myself willingness to do this by contemplat- keep me on the track of right ac-
sults are possible. Nobody can, for on whatever progress I may have ing the lessons learned from past suf- ceptance; they break up my compul-
example, become completely free been enabled to make in some areas fering—lessons which have led to the sive themes of guilt, depression, re-
from fear, anger and pride. Hence in of living. I try hard to hold fast to blessings I now enjoy. I can remem- bellion and pride; and sometimes
this life we shall attain nothing like the truth that a full and thankful heart ber, if I insist, how the agonies of they endow me with the courage to
perfect humility and love. So we shall cannot entertain great conceits. When alcoholism, the pain of rebellion and change the things I can, and the wis-
have to settle, respecting most of our brimming with gratitude, one's heart- thwarted pride, have often led me to dom to know the difference.
problems, for a very gradual prog- beat must surely result in outgoing God's Grace, and so to a new free- To those who never have given
ress, punctuated sometimes by heavy love, the finest emotion that we can dom. So, as I walk along, I repeat these potent exercises in acceptance
setbacks. Our old-time attitudes of ever know. still other phrases such as these, a real workout, I recommend them
"all or nothing" will have to be In times of very rough going, the "Pain is the touchstone of progress" highly the next time the heat is on.
abandoned. grateful acceptance of my blessings, . . . "Fear no evil" . . . "This, too, Or, for that matter, at any time!
Therefore our very first problem oft repeated, can also bring me some
is to accept our present circum- of the serenity of which our AA
stances as they are, ourselves as we
are, and the people about us as they
are. This is to adopt a realistic hu-
mility without which no genuine ad- prayer speaks. Whenever I fall un-
vance can even begin. Again and der acute pressures I lengthen my
again, we shall need to return to that daily walks and slowly repeat our
unflattering point of departure. This Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps
is an exercise in acceptance that we and breathing. If I feel that my pain
can profitably practice every day of has in part been occasioned by oth-
our lives. Provided we strenuously ers, I try to repeat, "God grant me
avoid turning these realistic surveys the serenity to love their best, and
of the facts of life into unrealistic never fear their worst." This benign
alibis for apathy or defeatism, they healing process of repetition, some-
can be the sure foundation upon times necessary to persist with for
which increased emotional health days, has seldom failed to restore me
and therefore spiritual progress can to at least a workable emotional bal-
be built. At least this seems to be ance and perspective.
my own experience. Another helpful step is to stead-
Another exercise that I practice is fastly affirm the understanding that
to try for a full inventory of my bless- pain can bring. Indeed pain is one of
ings and then for a right acceptance our greatest teachers. Though I still
of the many gifts that are mine— find it difficult to accept today's pain
both temporal and spiritual. Here I and anxiety with any great degree of

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