ASSESSING THE VIETNAMESE TRANSLATION QUALITY OF AN EXTRACT

FROM “ĐẮC NHÂN TÂM” BASED ON PETER NEWMARK’S MODEL

Nguyễn Thị Hồng Hà

The training institution: Ph.D. student at Hanoi Open University- HOU;
Workplace: The English Faculty, Hanoi University of Business and Technology -
HUBT
Email: [email protected]; Tel. 0982469182.
__________________

Abstract: This paper presents the assessment of the Vietnamese translation of an extract from
the work “How to win friends and influence people” based on Peter Newmark’s model in terms
of personal pronouns, words and expressions, and sentence structures. Besides the strong points,
it reveals that the translators seem to translate personal pronouns inconsistently, some words and
expressions are transferred incorrectly, and some changes of sentence structures are actually
unnecessary. All of these shortcomings more or less weakens the translation quality.

Keywords: translation, quality, evaluation, Peter Newmark, model.

1. Introduction

Along with the birth of the Internet and the development of 4.0 industrial revolution, the
whole world has actually become a small globe where culture and commercial transaction
among countries is being exchanged more easily than ever before. In literature, a large
number of well-known works in foreign languages have been translated into Vietnamese, so
Vietnamese readers can update with the world literature situation. Translation process, as
Phạm Xuân Nguyên, a literary critic and the president of Hanoi Writers’ Association (in Mi
Ly, 2012) states, “is the three steps including transalting, editing and evaluating”. He also
stresses that one of the necessary steps to improve the transaltion quality is evaluation.

Some recent MA and PhD theses on translation quality assessment have been done at the
University of Languages and International Studies, VNU: Luong To Lan (2007) and Nguyen

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Thuy Yen (2007) assess the translation quality of law and a travel guidebook; Le My Hanh
(2010) and Hoang Thi Diem Hang (2012) assess the translation quality of only one chapter of
a novel; Pham Thi Thuy (2015) assesses the translation quality of short stories; Nguyễn Thu
Hằng (2016) assesses the quality of four translations of an article; Trần Thị Minh (2016)
assesses the translation of movies titles; Trieu Thu Hang (2019) assesses the translation
quality of cultural specific references in a literary text. These theses not only mention the
errors and drwabacks of the transaltion, but also indicate the strong points of the transaltion.
However, according to Hoang Van Van (2006), Vu Van Dai (2012) and Le Hung Tien
(2018), translation assessment, especially in English-Vietnamese translation has still been
under-researched and needs further researching.

Thus, this paper attemps to assess translation quality of an extract from a well-known
literary work “How to win Friends and Influence People” for several resaons. First, it is a
classic work written by Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) and first published in 1936. Second, the
book has been the most influential and the best-selling book for many years, according to The
New York Times. Third, it is translated into most of the languages in the world. In Vietnam,
the work has been translated by many different translators in different times. Fourth, the
extract is selected to put in the appendix of the book “Dịch thuật: những tri thức cần thiết” by
Nguyễn Thượng Hùng who was a senior translator-interpreter for foreign representative
offices in Vietnam and used to work at Linguistic Institute in Vietnam (Nguyễn Thượng
Hùng, 2014). In the book, after referring to the knowledge of linguistics, pragmatics and
translation, linguistic comparison, cultural differences really necessary for translators, the
author Nguyen Thuong Hung selects several typical texts of different genres in bilingual (the
origin in English and the translation in Vietnamese and vice versa; the origin in French and
the translation in Vietnamese and vice versa) as illustration for his previous presentation. And
this extract is among the appendix of the book, from page 836 to 843, in which the pages on
the right are the origin in English (86 sentences, 4 pages) and the left are the transaltion in
Vietnamese (84 sentences, 4 pages). The whole translation book was conducted by Nguyen
Hien Le and P.Hieu and published by Long An Publishing House in 1989.

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 The aim of this paper is to assess the English-Vietnamese translation in the scope of
personal pronouns, words and expressions, and sentence structures which appear as a
considerable phenomenon in the translation. The same personal pronouns, or words and
expressions in the origin are translated differently, and there are many changes in sentence
structures in the translation. In order to achieve the aim of assessing this extract, Newmark’s
model is applied as it shows several practical advantages. First, this is a comprehensive
transaltion criticism which follows the linguistically-oriented approach based on the origin.
Second, it is built on the base of rerefencing the previous translation quality assessment of
Savory, Nida, Wilss, Koller, Reiss and House (Le Hung Tien, 2018). Third, the five-step
model is clear, favourable for comparing the origin to the translation to assess to what extent
the translation is accurate, adequate and faithful to the origin. The last but not least, the
extract chosen is not too long, so this model is the most suitable.

2. Translation equivalence and translation assessment

2.1. Translation equivalence

Translation equivalence is a fundamental concept in translation theory and also the

main criterion in assessing translation quality. Although the concept equivalence remains
controversial, Baker (1992), who is favor of form-based equivalence, points out three
levels of translation equivalence basing on the linguistic forms: equivalence at word
level, sentence level and the text level. Regarding to this issues, Newmark (1991: 48)
states: “equivalent effect is to produce the same effect (or one as close as possible) on the
readership of translation as was obtained on the readership of the original”. He also sees
the equivalence effect as the desirable result of any translation. Thus, equivalence can be
considered to be a term describing the nature and the extent of the relationships between
SL and TL texts.

According to Kade (1968), four common ways of classifying translation

equivalence can be identified, as follows:

- Form-based equivalence: equivalence at word, sentence, or text level.

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 - Meaning-based equivalence: denotative, connotative, pragmatic, formal
equivalence.
- Function-based equivalence: dynamic equivalence, formal equivalence.
- Quantitative equivalence: one-to-one equivalence, one-to-many equivalence,
one-to-part-of-one equivalence, nil equivalence.

In this paper, meaning-based equivalence is used to assess translation quality of personal

pronouns, words and expressions, and sentences when their structure is changed in the
extract to see to what extent the translation is equivalent to the origin.

2.2. Translation assessment

This term has many other alternative names such as “Translation evaluation” by Julian
House (2001) or “Translation criticism” in the book “A textbook of translation” by Peter
Newmark (1995). All of them see the necessity of paying more attention to assess the
translation text seriously and more critically and the importance of this activity
“translation criticism is an essential link between translation theory and its practice”
(Newmark, 1998: 184).

Among the famous researchers, Malcolm Williams defines the term “Translation quality
assessment” (TQA) the most clearly in several aspects: (i) TQA can be quantitative or
qualitative: it can be based on mathematical/ statistical measurement or on readers’
responses, interviews and questionnaires; (ii) TQA can be diagnostic (determining areas
for improvement at the beginning of a study course), formative (measuring progress and
giving feedback during a study course), or summative (measuring the learning results). In
his view, TQA cannot and should not be value-free: to be useful, it must be based on
criteria of goodness. He says that critics try to determine degrees of goodness when
performing TQA. In other words, identifying the extent to which the TT is equivalent to
the ST.

2.3. Peter Newmark’s Models of Translation Quality Assessment

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 In “A textbook of translation” (1998), Peter Newmark gives his own model of TQA
called “comprehensive criticism of a translation”, including five obvious steps:

 Step 1: A brief analysis of the SL text stressing its intention and its functional aspects.
 Step 2: The translator’s interpretation of the SL text’s purpose, his translation method and the
translation likely readership.
 Step 3: A selective but representative detailed comparison of the translation with the original.
 Step 4: An evaluation of the translation: (a) in the translator’s terms; (b) in the critic’s terms; (c)
assess the translation as a piece of writing, independent of its original.
 Steps 5: Where appropriate, an assessment of the likely place of the translation in the target
language culture or discipline.
In order to achieve the abovementioned aim, each sentence of the origin is put side by
side with their translation to indicate which sentences are transaltion of each other. These
sentences are numbered 1- 86 in the origin. The analysis of the extract follows the steps
of Newmark’s model, compares the origin to the translation in three aspects: personal
pronouns, words and expressions, sentence structures on meaning-based equivalence.

3. The translation quality assessment of the extract

3.1. Step 1: The intention and functional aspects of ST

The source language text “How to win Friends and Influence People” (1936) by
Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) has been the best-known, most influential and best-selling
book for many years according to The New York Times. The author’s intention is to
give readers practical advice and useful communicative techniques in persuading others
to do what the readers want. It is the golden principles of art in communicating, treating,
persuading, respecting others of human beings from the authentic personal experiences of
Dale Carnegie’s life. Thus, the book has inspired very strong messages of the personality
perfection to the whole world in order to achieve success in work and life. The book has
been translated into most of the languages all over the world. In Vietnam, the transaltion
has been performed by many translators over different periods.

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 3.2. Step 2: The translator’s interpretation of the ST’s purpose, translation method
and likely readership

In general, the translator has interpreted the purpose of the SL text, that is to inspire
readers and show them how to persuade others to do what they desire. In terms of
translating methods, the translator uses different techniques such as semantic translation,
free translation and communicative translation in order to convey the author’s intention in
the origin. Sometimes, the translation seems to be longer than the original when one
sentence in the origin is broken into several ones in the translation. Moreover, some
sentence structures are changed to well express the translator’s intention.

The likely readership is quite large extent, including those who want to learn practical
techniques to persuade others, so the readers are likely to be from all walks of life, but
perhaps, businessmen are among the main readers of the works as they regularly have to
make transactions, negotiate and communicate with others. In general, the translation
appleal to adults of all age groups in the society.

3.3. Step 3: Detailed comparison of the translation with the original

As the extract is quite short, only four pages long, the assessor, instead of choosing
the representative details for comparison, goes through the extract thoroughly sentence by
sentence to evaluate the translation at the best on three references: personal pronouns,
words and expressions, and sentence structures.

3.3.1. Comparison in terms of personal pronouns

Personal prounouns are flexibly conveyed in the translation. For personal pronouns I, the
translator seems to treat faithfully with the original: tôi (sentence 2, 3, 4, 46, 49, 50…) in
translation. It can be easlily understood that in the origin, the author gives his own
examples to illustrate and persuade readers to believe in the truth of the story. However,
for the rest of personal pronouns (you, he, we, she, they), the translator makes some

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changes, even no translation at all in some cases. Let us have a look at the table below for
more details.

Personal Origin Sentence Translation

pronoun

You “Wouldn’t you like to have that?” (6) “Cá có thèm không?”
If, for example, you don’t want your son to (19) Nếu bạn muốn cấm con bạn hút thuốc
smoke…, and don’t talk about what you chẳng hạn, …“Đừng bảo nó ba muốn thế
want;… này”
…regardless of whether you’re dealing with (20) …dù là (x) áp dụng với con nít
children
How about the time you gave a hundred (28) Ta cho một hội thiện 100 quan ư?
dollars to the Red Cross?
You made the contribution because you (34) Ta đã cho vì ta muốn thỏa mãn một thị
wanted something. dục.
If you don’t do that, you will be fired, and (58) Nếu ông không làm như vậy thì người ta
you ought to be fired. sẽ mời ông ra và như vậy là đúng lắm.
Mind you, … (70) Xin các bạn để ý rằng…
He …how he managed to stay in power … (8) Tại sao ông nắm được quyền hành lâu…
…he replied… (9) …ông đáp…
…to talk about what he wants … (17) nói sao lời yêu cầu của mình hạp với sở
thích của họ
…he thought only of what he wanted (23) …chỉ nghĩ tới cái nó muốn thôi
He who can do this has the whole world with (36) (X) Làm được như vậy thì cả thế giới giúp
him. ta thành công và suốt đời chẳng bao giờ ta
He who cannot walk a lonely way. (37) bị thất bại vì cô độc.
She She couldn’t write essays and books; … She (25) Chị không biết nghệ thuật viết sách và viết
had more horse sense, or calf sense, than tùy bút; …Chị cũng có nhiều lương tri hơn
Emerson had. nhà triết học Emerson
She thought of what the calf wanted; so she (26) Chị nhử con bê, (X) đưa ngón tay vào
put her maternal finger in the calf’s mounth, mõm con vật như mẹ cho con bú và (X)
and let the calf suck her finger as she gently con vật ngoan ngoãn đi theo ngón tay chị
led him into the barn. mà vào chuồng.
We Why talk about what we want? (10) Tại sao cứ luôn luôn nói tới cái mà chúng
ta muốn?
The rest of us are just like you: we’re (16) Vì những người khác họ cũng chỉ nghĩ tới

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 interested in what we want. cái họ thích thôi
“Action springs out of what we (35) Hành động do những thị dục căn bản của
fundamentally desire…” ta mà phát sinh
They I think about what they want. (4) …chỉ nghĩ đến cái mà cá thích thôi.
But they made some common mistake of (22) Nhưng họ mắc phải cái lỗi thông thường là
thinking only of what they wanted chỉ nghĩ nghĩ tới cái họ muốn.
They were at Yale, and they were so busy (41) …vì (X) đi học xa nhà mà (X) không bao
with their own affairs that they neglected to giờ viết thư về nhà.
write home…
They were interested only in what they (53) Người đó cũng như tôi, chỉ quan tâm tới
wanted. điều họ muốn thôi.
Table 3.1.Comparison of personal pronouns in the origin with the translation (X: no translation)

And below is the summary of personal pronouns in the translation:

Personal prounous in the origin Translation

I tôi
you cá, bạn, ta, ông, các bạn, (X)
he ông, của họ, nó, ta (X)
she chị, (X)
we chúng ta, họ, của ta
they cá, họ, người đó, (X)

Table 3.2. Summary of personal prounouns in the translation

As can be seen from the tables above, in some cases, personal prounouns are
translated very differently from their original meaning in dictionary. This results from the
context of the orgin, the translators try to provide readers with the communicative
meaning.

In singular personal prounous, for example, ‘you’ in sentence 6, 19 (means ‘bạn’,

or ‘các bạn’ in dictionary) is translated into nouns ‘cá’, ‘ba’ respectively and the
narrative sentences are transformed into the direct speech in which the insiders address to
each other. Readers have no difficulty understanding the content in these cases: the
former case is a question of fisher to fish, the latter is a father’s utterance with his son. In

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Vietnamese, ‘ta’ sometimes means ‘I’ (toi), sometimes means ‘we’ (chung ta). However,
‘you’ in sentence 28, 34 the translators use ‘ta’ (means ‘we’) as they want to include both
readers and themselves in general. Also, this context- contribution to charity and desire to
serve community seems to be common for all people, not for anyone alone. ‘You’ is
translated into ‘ông’ in sentence 58 refering to the hotel manager in the origin. ‘Ông’ is
usually used with respect to those who are senior, superior, more powerful than ordinary
people. Obviously, the translators achieve pragmatic equivalence in translating this
personal prounce when using word ‘ông’ with power of the hotel manager in the role of
owner who rents to others. In third singular, ‘he’ is also translated into ‘ông’ mentioning
politician Lloyd George for the same reason. Sentence 36 “He who can do this has the
whole world with him” contains the summary of the author’s advice and philosophy, the
translators omit the subject to avoid repetition and this sentence is transferred into a
conditional clause without subject: “(X) Làm được như vậy thì cả thế giới giúp ta thành

công”. Next, in sentence 37 “He who cannot walk a lonely way only” (“và suốt đời
chẳng bao giờ ta bị thất bại vì cô độc”), ‘he’ is translated into ‘ta’ and combined with the
perious. The summary addresses to all people, so ‘ta’ means all of us with no exception.
‘She’ is consistently translated into ‘chị’ in all cases showing that the translators put the
Irish housemaid in a close and respectful relationship with the owner Emerson. More or
less, the word ‘chị’ brings closer and more itimate feeling as it is usually used to address
among family members than the word ‘chị ấy’ (the meaning of ‘she’ in dictionary).

In plural personal pronouns, ‘we’ besides its root meanings, is translated into
another personal pronoun ‘họ’ (they) in sentence 16 and possessive adjective ‘của ta’
(my, ours) in sentence 35. By using this word, the transaltors exclude those who are able
to follow the philosohpy, and the rest are called ‘ho’ to separate them from the first
group. In sentence transformation, personal pronoun and possessive adjective are
exchanged, so it is not unusual when ‘we’ is turned into ‘cua ta’ in the translation.
Similarly, ‘they’ in sentence 4 is translated into ‘ca’ as in nature, nouns can be replaced
with personal pronouns, and ‘they’ in this case refers to ‘ca’ (fish). The cases of no

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 translation (X), both in singular and plural in the Table 3.1 are attributed to the
translators’ intention of avoiding repetition without affecting the content. Readers are still
able to fully understand meaning of the sentences.

In short, it can be said that the translation of PP achieves a success in conveying

word meaning, not only on denotative but also on both connotative and pragmatic
meaning. It shows that the translators deeply understand context of the origin and
effectively express in the translation.

3.3.2. Comparison in terms of words and expressions

As stated above, the likely readership of the book is diverse, so words and expressions
of the translation must be easily understood for the whole public. This part can be
summerized into strengths and limitations as below.

 Strong points:

In the origin, verb ‘want’ appears at very high frequency, with 21 times, of which
nearly a half (10 times) it keeps the root meaning ‘muốn’ (sentence 10, 19, 22, 23, 34, 46,
47, 52, 53, 85). The rest are differently transferred based on specific context: ‘thích’
(three times in sentence 3, 13, 16), ‘sở thích’ (sentence 17), ‘lợi’ (sentence 27). Clearly,
the transators use the synomyms alternatively; do not repeat the same word many times.
Also, the negative form of this verb in sentence 19 is changed into ‘cấm’ showing a
higher level of the action than in the origin ‘don’t want’, stressing the obligation of non-
smoking as the father’s want.

Besides, the table below presents more words and expressions which are
considered to be successfully translated.

Classification Sentence Origin Transaltion

Adj./ Adj. phrase (2) very fond of ưa
(14) interested in it để ý tới nó
(16) interested in what nghĩ tới cái

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 (85) That is so good. Chưa có lời khuyên nào chí lý bằng lời đó
N./ N. phrase (7) the same common sense chiến thuật đó
(8) Lloyd George Thủ tướng Lloya George
(21) Ralph Waldo Emerson Triết gia R. W. Emerson
(36) the whole world with him cả thế giới giúp ta thành công
(69 ) another advantage to you also còn mấy cái lợi này nữa
V./ V. phrase (6) wouldn’t like…? thèm không?
(9) had learned it was necessary ráng
(37) cannot walk a lonely way! chẳng bao giờ bị thất bại vì cô độc
(47) pause thong thả suy nghĩ
(86) ought to see the truth of it at a glance phải biết ngay chứ
Table 3.3. Strengths in translating words and expressions

It is no doubt that the translators flexibly deal with adjective and adjective phrases,
turn them into verbs suitable with the context: ‘ưa’ (S2) is used to refer to interest, hobby
with a different sense of meaning. The word ‘ưa’ which means ‘thích’ is preferrably used
by people in the south of Vietnam and expresses a lovely and gentle interest. It also
shows that the translators come from the souuth or have a southern style of word
expression. In other cases, verbs expressing interests (ưa, thích, mê…) can be easily
understood and replaced with ‘để ý tới’ (S14), ‘nghĩ tới’ (S16) though they seem to
mention action of senses or thoughts. ‘So good’ (S85) is translated into a superlative form
of this adjective and an addition of noun ‘chưa có lời khuyên nào chí lý bằng lời đó’.
With this expression, the transaltors emphasize on the importance of the secret and push
it up to the highest level to persuade readers to follow.

Regard to nouns and noun phrases, the translators provide readers with additional
information ‘Thủ tướng’ (S8), and ‘triết gia’ (S21) before proper names Lloyd George,

Ralph Waldo Emerson respectively to make the character’s position clear, so that readers
can understand who they are, how well-known they are. By that way, examples given by
the author are more convincing. Also, the noun phrase ‘common sense’ (S7) translated
into ‘chiến thuật’ enhances meaning of this word to the level of generalization.
Interestingly, the nown phrase ‘the whole world with him’ (S36) turned into a sentence ‘cả

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 thế giới giúp ta thành công’ shows that the translators achieve communication aim and
transfer intention of the author. The expression ‘còn mấy cái lợi này’ (S69) refers to plural
form while it is only a singular in the origin. This shows the translators’ aim in
reinforcing meaning of the noun phrase to gain the result because the situation in the
origin is that the author persuades the hotel manager not to raise the rent.

Likewise, translation of verbs and verb phrases brings out special connotative
meaning. Based on the context, ‘thèm’ (S6) is used when a fisher addresses to fish in
relation to food, ‘ráng’ (S9) is when the poverty-stricken Scotch strunggles for life,
‘chẳng bao giờ bị thất bại’ (S37) is generalized as a lesson for all, ‘thong thả suy nghĩ’
(S47) is applied to second thought before persuading somebody to do something. The
tactful and excellent expressions have strong effects on readers’ feeling and inspire them
in action because the transaltion . The phrase ‘Phải biết ngay chứ’ (S86) indicates not
only obligation, but also a sincere advice for readers as the truth is so obvious for all.

 Limitations:

However, the translation reveals several drawbacks in using words and

expressions. Table 3.4 below shows that in details with suggestions.

Classification Sentence/ Origin Translation Suggestion

(2) strawberries and cream,… Tôi thì tôi ưa trái cây lắm.… Tôi rất thích dâu và kem.…vì
N./ N. phrase for some strange reason fish vì một lẽ bí mật nào đó, loại một lẽ lạ kì nào đó, loại cá lại
prefer worms. cá không ưa trái cây như tôi, thích giun hơn.
mà lại ưa trùn.
(24) The Irish housemaid saw Người ở gái thấy tính cách Chị giúp việc người Ai-len
their predicament. đó. nhìn thấy tình cảnh đó.

(25)…she has more horse sense, Chị cũng có lương tri hơn Chị hơn ông Emerson ở chỗ
or calf sense, than Emerson nhà triết học Emerson. biết được cảm nhận của con
had. ngựa, hay của con bê.
V./ V. phrase (9)…had been ousted and …bị lật đổ và bị bỏ rơi… …bị lật đổ và bị quên lãng …
forgotten,…
(17) So the only way on earth to Cho nên chỉ có mỗi một cách Cho nên chỉ có mỗi một cách

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 influence the other fellows… dẫn dụ người khác … để thuyết phục người khác…
(34)…because you wanted …vì ta muốn thỏa mãn một …vì ta mong muốn điều gì đó.
something. thị dục.
(35) Action springs out of what Hành động do những thị dục Hành động là do những khát
we fundamentally desire… căn bản của ta mà phát vọng cơ bản của ta mà phát
sinh… sinh…
(38)…started to work… …bắt đầu kiếm ăn… …bắt đầu đi làm…
(41)…they neglected to write …không bao giờ viết thư về …chúng ít viết thư về nhà…
home… nhà…
(47) “How can I make him want Làm sao dẫn dụ cho ông ấy Làm sao để ông ấy muốn làm
to do it?” muốn làm việc mình cần ông việc mình cần?
ấy được?
Table 3.4. Limitations in translating words and expressions and suggestions

As can be seen in the table 3.4 above, the use of ‘trái cây’ instead of ‘dâu và kem’,
‘bí mật’ instead of ‘kỳ lạ’ (S2) makes readers misunderstand as they are not accurate with
the origin. Also in this sentence, dialect of the south ‘trùn’ (S2) may cause difficulty for
readers to recognize what the insect is as this word is only familiar with peole in the
south and in the middle. Similarly, ‘người ở gái’ (S24) more or less shows discrimination
about social classes while she does better than her owner in the context of persuading the
calf into the barn. Besides, the expression ‘có lương tri hơn’ (S25) also leads to
misunderstanding the author’s intention.

Refer to verbs and verb phrases, ‘bị bỏ rơi’ (S9) is not an accurate translation of
‘forgotten’ as in the origin, the author mentions several well-known people, some of
whom are not as successful as others and thus, not remembered and not referred to as
much as others. Similarly, ‘không bao giờ’ (S41) is also not exact for translating the verb
‘necglected’. Moreover, ‘dẫn dụ’ (S17, S47) brings target readers a negative meaning, the
same as ‘cheating’ someone. Meanwhile, the author expresses this word with its full
positive meaning ‘influence the other fellows’, so that they are willing to do what we
want. Likewise, expressions ‘thị dục’ (S34, S35) also creates negative impression with
readers while ‘want something’ (S34), and ‘desire’ (S35) do not mean that. What is more,

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 ‘kiếm ăn’ (S38) is preferred to use for animals rather than human beings, so it seems to be
unsuitable in the context.

In summary, strengths can be clearly seen in the translation of some words and
expressions really impress with readers by good expressions when translators transfer
communicative meaning sussessfully, relying on the context of the origin. Through words
and expressions (not appear in the origin) added to the translation, readers can have a
clearer understanding about characters and the author’s intention. However, some words
and expressions in the translation are still inaccurate, making readers misunderstand the
content and some cases bring negative feelings to readers.

3.3.3. Comparison in terms of sentence structures

The translation reveals a great deal of changes in sentence structures. The Table 3.5
below shows the changes categorized into groups.
 Strengths:

In the end, some clauses and sentences The translators give some additional details
‘suot doi chang bao gio’, ‘vi’ (S), ‘may cai’ (S), ‘su xuc dong’ (S, ‘chua co loi khuyen
nao’ (S) not available in the origin in order to help readers understand the author’s
message deeply. More specifically, narrative, positive sentences S37 and S45 are
changed into sentence

There are some disadvanateage

Obviously, the above sentences can be well translated as there are their equivalents in
Vietnamese . So, the target readers will lack this information from the original in these cases.

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 Some sentences in the original are changed in the translation in term of their structures:
from reported speech into the direct speech and vice versa, from one sentence into many sentences and
vice versa; from question into statement and vice versa, from question into statement...

Sentenc Original Category of Translation

e no. change
(5) …he replied that if his staying on top might Reported - direct …ông đáp: “Tôi luôn ráng kiếm
be attributed to any one thing, it was mồi hợp với sở thích của cá”.
probably to the fact that he had learned it
was necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.
(7) That is childish. Absurd. Two sentences- Thực sự là vô ích, ngây thơ và vô
one lý.
(11) …don’t talk about what you want; Reported - direct …đừng bảo nó “Ba muốn thế
này, ba muốn thế khác”.
(15) Yes, that is no exception to the rule. Positive- Có chắc hoàn toàn không vị lợi
question không? – Không.
(19) …first, arouse in the other person an eager Reported- direct “Trước hết, phải gợi trong long
want. người một ý muốn nhiệt liệt
nghe theo ta”.
(21) Andrew Carnegie, the poverty –stricken Two sentence- Andrew Carnegie, hồi nhỏ chỉ
Scotch lad who started to work at 2 cents an one được học 4 năm, nhưng vì sớm
hour and finally gave away $ 365 dollars- he hiểu bí quyết đó, nên hồi bắt đầu
learned early in life that the only way to kiếm ăn, mỗi giờ công được có 2
influence people is to talk in terms of what the xu mà tới sau này tính ra ông đã
other person wants. He attended school only 4 quyên vào những việc từ thiện tới
years, yet he learned how to handle people. 365 triệu đồng.
(22) To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried Two sentences- Ông có 2 đứa cháu làm mẹ lo lắng
sick over her 2 boys. They were at Yale, and one nhiều lắm vì đi học xa nhà mà
they were so busy with their own affairs không bao giờ viết thư về nhà.
that they neglected to write home and paid
no attention whatever to their mother
frantic letters.
(24) Someone called his bet; so he wrote his Reported- direct Ông viết một bức thư ngọt ngào
nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually lắm rồi tái bút: “Gửi cho mỗi

15
 in a postscript that he was sending each one cháu 5 đô la”.
$5-bill.
(26) Tomorrow you will want to persuade Two sentences- Vậy ngày mai, nếu ta muốn cho ai
somebody to do something. Before you speak, one/ Direct – làm một việc gì, ta hãy thong thả
pause and ask: “How can I make him want reported suy nghĩ và tự hỏi: Làm sao dẫn
to do it?” dụ cho ông ấy muốn làm việc
mình cần ông ấy được.
(29) Naturally, I didn’t want to pay the increase but One sentence- Tất nhiên là tôi không muốn trả
what was the use of talking to the hotel about five ones giá đó. Làm sao bây giờ? Đi kêu
what I want? ca với người quản lý khách sạn
đó ư? Đem cái thắc mắc của
mình tỏ với ông ta ư? Ích lợi gì
đâu?
(35) That is good advertising for you, isn’t it? Tag question- Thực sự là một sự quảng cáo
positive cực tốt cho ông.
(39) Ridiculous! Exclamative- Kỳ cục không?
question
(44) That is so simple, so obvious that anyone One sentence- Chân lý đó giản dị minh bạch
ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 three ones/ làm sao! Đáng lẽ ai cũng phải
per cent of the people on this earth ignore it positive- biết ngay chứ. Thế mà trong một
90 per cent of the time. exclamative trăm người, thì có tới chín mươi
người không biết đến, trong chín
mươi chín trường hợp.
Table 3.4. Transformation of sentence structure

 Limitations:

From the table 3.4 above, it is clearly that the translators tend to break a complex
sentence into simple sentences (sentence no. 29, 44) for better explanation to readers. On the
other side, they apply merging two or more than two short sentences into one longer sentence
(sentence no.7, 21, 22, 26). In our opinion, the change more or less reduces the emotional
expression of the author in the original. In term of changing the type of sentences: reported-
direct (sentence no.5, 11, 19, 24); direct-reported (sentence no.26); positive- question (sentence
no.15); tag question-positive (sentence no.35); positive-exclamative (sentence no.44);

16
exclamative- question (sentence no.39), it is actually unnecessary because this partly changes
the author’s intention. Also, some information has been cut in the translation: the underlined
parts in sentence 5, 15, 21, 22, 24.

3.4. Step 4: The translation evaluation

In general, the translators have made great efforts to provide the target readers a
translation conveying the author’s final intention in the original. That is practical and effective
advice on dealing with the interpersonal relationship in work and life to help human beings
achieve what they desire. In terms of the critic based on Peter Newmark’s model of TQA, apart
from the success, the translation reveals several shortcomings in words and expression, in non-
translated parts, in changing the type of sentences thoroughly analyzed above. If the translation
stands as a piece of writing, independent of its original, the target readers are able to realize the
author’s aims: inspiring valuable messages of human behaviours to solve problems in work and
life though there are still errors somewhere.

3.5. Steps 5: The translation assessment in the TL culture

As can be seen, “How to win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is a classic
works translated into many languages in the world and one of the world best selling books of all
times . Thus, its translation has been having a certain place in Vietnamese culture, warmly
welcomed by Vietnamese readers. It is considered to be the know-how book for many readers,
especially for businessmen, politicians and salesmen.

4. Conclusion

Translation quality assessment needs conducting regularly after each publication, even before
publication in order to provide readers the best product. Through three references: personal
pronouns, words and expression and sentence structures, the assessor of the extract from “Đắc
nhân tâm” points out the strengths of the translation as well as its shortcomings that need to be
improved for the next publication. What is more, hopefully, this study partly contributes to the

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work of translation editors in publishing houses with the message: always respect target readers
as they are those who will enjoy the translation without touching the original.

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References
In English
Baker, M. (1992). In other words: A course book on translation. New York, USA: Routledge.
Carnegie, D. (1936). How to win Friends and Influence People. CreateSpace Independent Publishing
Platform. Catford, J.C. (1965). A linguistic theory of translation. Oxford University Press.
House, J. (1977). A model for translation quality assessment. Tubingen, Germany: Gunter Narr Verlag.
House, J. (1997). Translation quality assessment: A model revisited. Tubingen, Germany: Gunter Narr
Verlag.
House, J. ( 2001: 139). How do we know when a translation is good?. Tubingen, Germany: Gunter Narr
Verlag.
Munday, J. (2001). Introducing translation studies. London: Routledge.
Newmark, P. (1988a). Approaches to translation. UK: Prentice Hall International.
Newmark, P. (1988b). A textbook of translation. Singapore: Prentice Hall International.
Newmark, P. (1991: 48). About translation. Toronto, Sydney: Multilinguial Matters Ltd.
Stainer, G. (1998). After Babel: Aspects of language and translation. Oxford University Press.
Williams, M. (2004). Translation quality assessment: An argumentation-centred approach. Ottawa:
University of Ottawa Press.

Nguyễn Thu Hằng (2016). “Evaluating the translation quality of Ankit Panda’s article “Why did China
set up an oil rig within Vietnamese waters? Why now and why Vietnam?” by four various translators”.
MA Thesis. Hanoi National University, Vietnam.
Trần Thị Minh (2016) “Assessing the translations of English movie titles released in CGV Cineplex from
2011-2014”. MA Thesis. Hanoi National University, Vietnam.
Trịnh Minh Xuân (2016). “A study of the influence of linguistic and socio-cultural factors on Martha
Collins’ translation of ‘Black Stars’ by Ngô Tự Lập”. MA Thesis. Hanoi National University, Vietnam.

In Vietnamese
Lê HùngTiến, Đỗ Minh Hoàng, Nguyễn Phương Trà (2006). Lý thuyết và thực tiến dịch thuật Anh- Việt:
một số vấn đề về lý luận và phương pháp cơ bản. Đề tài nghiên cứu cấp Quốc gia: ĐHNN-ĐHQG Hà nội.
Lê Hùng Tiến (2018). Phê bình đánh giá dịch thuật: Một số vấn đề về lý luận cơ bản và thực tiễn dịch
thuật. NXB Đại học Quốc gia hà nội.
Nguyễn Hiến Lê, P. Hiếu (1989). Đắc nhân tâm- Bí quyết của thành công. NXB Long An.
Nguyễn Thượng Hùng (2005). Dịch thuật: Từ lý thuyết đến thực hành. NXB Văn hóa Sài gòn.
Nguyễn Thượng Hùng (2014). Dịch thuật: Những tri thức cần thiết. NXB Tri thức.

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