Move When the Spirit

Says Move:
Contemplative Dance, Witness,
and Embodied Testimony

by Christopher-Rasheem McMillan

In 1983, Daphne Lowell, professor of dance and

movement studies at Hampshire College, and Alton
Wasson, MDiv at Yale Divinity School, began their
collaboration in developing Contemplative Dance,
influenced by the work of Mary Starks Whitehouse
and studies with Janet Adler in Authentic Move-
ment and Edith Sullwold in Active Imagination.
In 1989, they—along with colleague (and former
CQ editor) Mary Ramsay—began teaching annual
summer programs at Hampshire in Contemplative
Dance, and in 1994, they began offering a yearlong
program. Basic practice involves a mover following
inner impulses with eyes closed, while a witness
watches nonjudgmentally. Seven years after grad-
uating from Hampshire, I attended a week-long
workshop in summer 2014, from which the follow-
ing writing emerged. —C.-R.M.

Christopher-Rasheem McMillan in Rapture Dance for the Camera Series, University of Iowa, I am not a fan of hippy-dippy dance (i.e.,
Iowa City, Iowa, March 20, 2017. photo © Tony Orrico
Authentic Movement). I don’t want to feel my body,
scapula, or pelvis on the floor, but as I sit here on
the dance floor in a studio, I am aware of how still
my body is and how busy my mind is. I am also
painfully mindful of the fact that I am the only
black man at this workshop on Authentic Move-
ment. How my Christian upbringing and scholar-
ship colors this experience. How I keep saying the
Lord’s Prayer to try and silence my mind, which
wants to do everything, be anywhere but here. I am
reminded of how terrified I am of my own body and
what I may bear witness to.
—Excerpt of writing from my
movement journal, 6/10/2014

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 Which bodies get to frame what somatic knowledge is? What this
means for me is that my bodily location (histories, oppressions, and
privileges) affects my Authentic Movement practice. [C.-R.M.]

W hat has interested me about religious studies is the

way that religion functions as a system that has
organized (disciplined, controlled, and marked) the body;
Authentic Movement
The practice of Authentic Movement (AM) in its most
basic form is an opportunity to witness another moving
dance (modern) has also interested me as yet another body and then, in the same way, to be witnessed while
system of controlling, punishing, and marking the body. I moving. The watching practice is called “witnessing.”
have to be honest (if possible) and position my own think- There are two related forms of witnessing—inner witness-
ing in a context as a choreographer who shies away from ing (while moving) and outer witnessing (while watching).
more somatic forms of dance (Alexander Technique, Skin- Inner witnessing is paying attention to the way in which
ner Releasing Technique, Authentic Movement) in favor my body is moved, and outer witnessing is in some ways
of more performative forms of dance (Cunningham or reflecting what I saw and felt from another moving body.
ballet)—though these categories are not mutually exclusive. It is important to note that I am by no means adept at the
I have never really been interested in Authentic Move- practice, but I would like to articulate how the practice
ment, or what the branch of practitioners that I am informs my thinking about my body as a site for divine and
studying with calls Contemplative Dance. personal revelation. AM scholar and practitioner Daphne
I have found that whenever I announce my religious Lowell summarized the practice in this way:
affiliation or scholarship in dance spaces, I am already
suspect. It seems to me that the reason dance practi- Two or more people gather together somewhere
tioners shy away from the spiritual (particularly West- they can move without outside interruption.
ern based) is that Judeo-Christian traditions have been They greet each other, clear space, and prepare
thought to be in opposition to the body. I am also alluding to move. They clarify details about the session
to a sense that New Age (often Eastern derived) religious before they begin the session: who will move,
practices are somehow easier to accept or make space for who will witness, how long the session will last,
than are Judeo-Christian religious practices. to what extent they will allow sound, how they
In dance spaces, this is not a shock to me consider- will share after moving. (2007, p. 53)
ing the ways in which Christianity is used as a tool for
political, personal, and, of course, religious terrorism. The sharing is usually the part of the process that
Christianity seems neutral until it becomes a pretext for contains the variation, depending on the group and the
controlling moving bodies, and for me, bodies moving need. Lowell suggested that it might range from the thera-
through space and time are already always a dance stud- peutic to the generation of artistic ideas or artist imagery
ies concern. Christianity and dance practice are both (2007, p. 55). What you look for in the practice determines
“techniques of the body.” I would like to suggest that they what you will find.
both be looked at as systems of organizing the body and
making sense of it—not only of the individual body but of The queer black body in somatic practices
the body in relation to other bodies. I want to draw attention to the fact that I was the
As I merged my research interests in dance and only man of colour in the workshop. I bring this up not to
religious studies (particularly the Christian tradition), I create boundaries between me and the other practitioners
began to see that avoiding Authentic Movement was no but to say that as I have gone about practicing AM from
longer an option for me. How could I avoid it when the my social location, phenomenologically speaking, my
practice is asking me to both “bear witness” and “be wit- location produces a different way of “being” and working
nessed”? I was asked by the facilitators to bring my whole through and with my body because my body is different. I
self to the practice; this includes my busy mind, my slight assert that in somatic practices such as Authentic Move-
skepticism, and my religiosity. In essence, I was asked to ment, the black body offers—and is sourced from—this
train my intention and what I have learnt about my spirit “difference.” I see difference not as being hierarchal but as
and my body to form another way of looking at the body in offering constellations of diverse experiences and applica-
movement—to be more specific and direct—to look deeply tions of Authentic Movement.
at the body.

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 We have to call the sources (where we draw informa- emerge. As we make more space for the “other” in our
tion from) and the authority (who gets to decide the value practicing and witnessing, applications of the practice
of such sources) into question. Which bodies get to frame diversify. Thus for me, Authentic Movement becomes a
what somatic knowledge is? What this means for me is way of interrogating my Judeo-Christian tradition—also
that my bodily location (histories, oppressions, and privi- an embodied practice, as Christianity (and most faith
leges) affects my AM practice. Even as I am witnessing and practices) consists of embodied, ritualized, and lived
being witnessed, it’s in my racialized and gendered body. experiences. I see this application most clearly through
As cultural theorist Tara Yosso argues, communities of the use of the term “witness.”
colour have other kinds of cultural wealth, which may go
unnoticed as possible sources of information from which Witness and Testimony
to draw (2005). The phrase “to bear witness to” or “to witness” conjures
The majority of the practitioners in the AM work- up my own history of growing up in the South as a child
shops I have attended have been women. They are experi- of a minister. The word “witness” for me represents a spe-
encing and giving an account of their lives in the practice cial time in the Sunday service, a time at which a member
based on their social location and bodily becoming, would stand up and tell the whole congregation the good
something that I, as a male-bodied person, cannot fully that God had done in their life. This telling served two
sense or know. According to feminist standpoint theory, purposes: the first was to encourage people who may also
women’s narratives hold a different knowledge and view- have been struggling by saying if God made a way for me,
point than do men’s, especially concerning gender subor- even me, She will also make a way for you; and the second
dination. As a result, it is important to include first-person was to provide “proof” of God’s involvement in one’s life.
female-based narratives in theoretical analyses and in This witnessing moves through a cycle of observation,
accounts of movement practice. reflection, and dissemination. The practice of seeing God
So, how do we as practitioners go about making clearly comes from the practice of looking for God. One
more room for other voices to be heard in our AM and observes how God interacts in one’s life and often on
other somatic practices? Let’s not just assume that one’s behalf, reflects on that experience in the context of
white, heterosexual, normative bodies are the bodies previous evidence, and then communicates that account.
from which knowledge concerning these practice should

Christopher-Rasheem McMillan in Rapture Dance for the Camera Series,

University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa, March 20, 2017.
photo © Tony Orrico

36    CONTACT QUARTERLY SUMMER/FALL 2017

 photo © Tony Orrico
What Authentic Movement does
as a spiritual practice allows me to
consider my body as a site for
biblical discourse. [C.-R.M.]

In essence, by prioritizing the testimony through reflec-

tion and giving the testimony through the body (speaking
or moving), one can give an account of one’s own lived
experience. The living of the experience, the telling of the
experience, is the proof.
The use of the word “witness” in Authentic Movement
allows me to approach my own bodily experience with
language. When I am witnessing, I am invited to focus my Christopher-Rasheem McMillan in Rapture Dance for the Camera Series,
attention on my own bodily responses while also focusing University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa, March 20, 2017.
my attention on the moving body at hand. Given my own
histories and position, I also understand the meaning of
other uses of the word “witness.” I know that the way in
which I approach the word may seem different given my
own location as a biblical studies scholar, so the question
that arises is, How does the witness of AM coincide with Struggling with God and self through inner witness
the varied Christian concepts of witness? The Contemplative Dance workshop mentioned earli-
er was my first introduction to the movement/spiritual
Testimony and doing things with words practice of Authentic Movement. Throughout this week,
In both Christian and performance arts contexts, the participants and I had multiple opportunities to
“testimony” is used to claim agency by those who are witness ourselves witnessing others play with what Jung
marginalised and to provide an epistemological account called Active Imagination. Towards the end of the week,
of one’s own participation in history. Testimony allows the facilitators asked us to be a witness to ourselves. They
the speaker to add a counternarrative to the present or set the parameters of the session: to sit silently and with
frequently understood version of events. In this way, I am eyes closed for 30 minutes. I sat with my eyes closed in my
asked to bring my whole self to my movement practice. own company, somewhere between boredom and think-
I am asked to bring my black self, my queer self, and my ing this is not dance. I found myself irritated that earlier I
Christian self in the silence of my mind while being mostly had not been moving authentically, irritated that I could
still. I find that the structures that govern the way my not “perform contemplatively.” Halfway through, I real-
body moves in space and place (oppression) are easier to ized that it was not my movements that irritated me but
see and (more importantly) feel. my own company. It occurred to me in this silence that
It is because of my connection to the Christian tradi- I did not want to sit with myself for 30 minutes, that my
tion that I am able to juxtapose my experience of being thoughts had become something I was afraid of, and that
in an AM session with my interpretation of the narrative the struggle was having to be in my space, in my body, for
of Jacob recorded in Genesis that follows. It is also through 30 minutes. I recalled what my grandmother used to say,
this connection that I am better able to articulate and “Chile, if you cannot sit in your own company, what makes
bear witness to how not only being alone but also being you think someone else wants to?” I spent this gift of 30
surrounded by people in AM practice made me struggle. minutes, if you can call it that, with tears rolling down
This personal struggle was not just about wrestling with my face, weeping and wrestling and waiting in stillness.
a physical entity but also about being able to see myself During this time I was hit with a wave of emotion. I sat
better through the tears and the boredom. I become with the parts of myself I try to hide, and more impor-
myself through the process, I hold myself, and most tantly, I was slightly disgusted and ashamed. It was as if
important, I “limp” away (Genesis 32). I am marked the practice urged me, forced me, to look deeper.
through practice. The limping may have shown that I It was at the end of the silent and self-witnessing
was damaged, but what it was also gesturing towards moment that I realized I had just wrestled with God. Now
was the possibility of just how physical the practice— this might seem like an odd thing to say, but as I dried my
the struggle in practice—is. tears, I could not help but see the intersections between

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 this 30-minute torture and an account of Jacob wrestling “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The
with an angel. This account is recorded in Genesis 32:22– man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,”
32 and excerpted here: he answered. Then the man said, “Your name
will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, have struggled with God and with humans
his two female servants, and his eleven sons and and have overcome.” Jacob said, “Please tell me
crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask
them across the stream, he sent over all his pos- my name?” Then he blessed him there. So Jacob
sessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wres- called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I
tled with him till daybreak. When the man saw saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.
that he could not overpower him, he touched the The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and
socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched he was limping because of his hip. (Holy Bible,
as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, New International Version)
“Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied,
While reflecting on the AM session, I saw various
parallels with the Jacob narrative. This story has been
interpreted in many ways. Some say that Jacob was
Christopher-Rasheem McMillan in Rapture Dance for the Camera Series,
wrestling with God, with himself, or with an angel.
University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa, March 20, 2017.
However, my experience of AM seemed to have several
parallels with this piece of scripture. In the first instance,
like Jacob, I was alone with my own voice and my own
thoughts, and after my aloneness, my struggle began. It
is not enough to say that through the tears I wanted and
needed other stimuli to save me from myself. This struggle
yielded its own discomfort. During his struggle, Jacob was
renamed, and in fact, this blessing came from the struggle
and Jacob’s refusal to let go, or give up, during this process.
What AM does as a spiritual practice allows me to
consider my body as a site for biblical discourse. It was
James Nelson in Body Theology (1992) who articulated that
bodies are sites of revelation. He makes the argument that
body theology is not a theological description of the body,
nor is it a theology that is primarily concerned with the
proper uses of the body, but that this theology comes from
the concrete experience of the body, while recognising
that those experiences are tied to the meanings we attach
to our bodily life.
Jacob’s renaming is not simply “a divine speech act,”
but this change of name, this becoming, was instituted
through his psychical struggle; he “became” through
embodied action. It is here that “speech acts” and “bodily
becoming” merge. If acts have the power to name, then
through the process of experience, reflection, and testi-
mony we might begin to see how describing our embodied
experience, or testifying, is a form of proof. For me, this
proof is the deep spiritual possibility/utility of the somatic
photo © Tony Orrico

form for embodied research, as well as a method for

reflecting and thinking in the moment while revalorizing
my life experiences through movement.

38    CONTACT QUARTERLY SUMMER/FALL 2017

 You cannot encounter God, wrestle with
Her, and not be changed. [C.-R.M.]

Limping away marked and touched…

a moving testimony
I cannot end this article—I will not end this article—
claiming that through the practice of Authentic Move-
ment I am better able to love myself or my own company.
Through this practice, I can testify that it feels less bur-
densome, that I am able in some way to actually deal with
it and see the struggle as somewhat joyful. It is a process
of tuning into my body and seeing it as both marked and
in process. You cannot encounter God, wrestle with Her,
and not be changed.
Having to live in a body that struggles to be recon-
ciled, to be complete and queer, a body that engages in
spiritual practices and movement practices, or a body that
is a participant in sexual practices that mark this body as
queer, I wrestle with my own thorn, with my own flesh.
This essay uses a phenomenology of testimony as a perfor-
mative mode of providing location, context, and proof for
the experiences that are documented through Authentic
Movement practice. To testify implies the first-person
narrative that uses social location and lived experience
to first make an account of that experience and then
present that experience as an event. To this point,
theologian Rebecca Chopp writes:

Testimonies describe the real in ways that

require people to see the events that reason and
photo © Tony Orrico

theory do not count, do not authorize, do not

signify. Testimonies challenge us to (re)imagine
theory as the language that serves the fragments,
the uneasy nature, the words against word in
order to describe the real. (1998, p. 64)
Christopher-Rasheem McMillan in Rapture Dance for the Camera Series,
University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa, March 20, 2017.
The black body is a somatic one, and AM might be the
best possible method to explore this connection. My body
in movement names, sees, and feels that which reason
and theory can’t see and refuse to name. My body bears
witness, stands in the gap between what I know kineti- References
cally and what I know theoretically. My “account” of it is
enough because the “real” is in the wrestling, in the wait- Chopp, Rebecca. 1998. “Theology and the Poetics of Testimony.” In
ing. Like the hymn, I want to move when the Spirit says Converging on Culture: Theologians in Dialogue with Cultural Analysis
and Criticism, edited by Delwin Brown, Sheila Greeve Davaney, and
move and let go when the Spirit says let go! Kathryn Tanner, 56–70. New York: Oxford University Press.

u Lowell, Daphne. 2007. In Authentic Movement (vol. 2), Moving the Body,
Moving the Self, Being Moved: A Collection of Essays, edited by Patrizia
To contact the author: Pallaro, 50–55. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley.
Christopher-Rasheem McMillan,
[email protected]; Yosso, Tara. 2005. “Whose Culture Has Capital? A Critical Race Theory
strategicrebellions.com Discussion of Community Cultural Wealth.” Race Ethnicity and Educa-
tion 8 (March): 69–91.

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