How to Be Less Annoying Towards

Friends
Co-authored by Sheila A. Anderson
Last Updated: March 17, 2024

It's natural for everyone to feel that they are outcasted by peers and/or friends. Sometimes,
people may act this way because they feel annoyed by the way someone treats them,
especially inside a friend group. There are many factors, small and large, that causes
others to label your actions as irritating. If you feel like you may be annoying to your
friends, you can improve on certain areas to be more comfortable with your peers, and with
yourself too.

Method
1 Respecting Boundaries

Respect the word "stop." If someone is uncomfortable with something

1 you're doing, pay attention. If they say they want you to stop, or you notice
nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and body language) that show something
makes them uncomfortable, then you should stop.

Keep your hands to yourself unless it's clearly okay to touch someone.
2 Don't touch someone by surprise, such as poking them or coming up from
behind and touching them. Instead, let them see it coming so that they have the
opportunity to say no or lean away if they don't want to be touched.
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Don't talk about people behind their backs; especially if you have not
3 stated your issue with the person in the first place. This is especially true
of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.

Give people space if they'd like space. Avoid showing up uninvited or

4 pestering someone with calls or texts if they aren't responding. Give them
time to come to you.
 Ask how to help an upset friend. If you notice that your friend is in a bad
5 mood, don't assume you know how to fix it. Sometimes people want company
and sometimes they want to be alone. Sometimes they want a distraction and
sometimes they want to talk about it.
Try saying "You seem down. What would help you feel better right now?"
Listen when they tell you what they want. For example, if they say "I want to
be alone," then leave them alone for a while.

Do not go through people's stuff. Even if their things are not private, they
6 may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If
you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to
give the item to you.

Mind your own business. Avoid butting into a conversation by (for example)
7 saying, "What are you talking about?" If you hear someone talking about
something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it
alone.

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Method
2 Keeping a Healthy Attitude

Be humble. Just because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like
1 you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you
appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success. There are
some people who need to prove that they, and only they, had the ultimate
experience. This is known as “One-upping” your friends. This is so universally
hated that people actually will laugh at you if they see you doing this consistently.
Bragging does not make your friends think you are any greater, it makes you look
pathetic, it makes friends sick of you and it is human nature to avoid braggarts.

Share the spotlight. Being the center of attention can be fun. Remember that
2 other people deserve to take turns too. Make time for them to talk about their
lives and their issues.
If it's someone else's turn, avoid trying to turn things back to you. You'd feel
upset if someone did that to you, so don't do that to your friend. Let things
focus on them. You can take your turn once their turn is over.
 Try to have a list of interesting questions on hand that you can ask to get to
know other people on a deeper level.

Read the room when it comes to your emotions. Notice the general mood
3 that everyone else has. If you try to interrupt that feeling (e.g. telling jokes
when someone just told a sad story), people may feel like you aren't paying
attention to what's important to them right now.
Of course, you can still bring up things about your life. Just wait a bit if it
seems like a bad time.

Avoid judging people for harmless differences or mistakes. Sometimes

4 people are imperfect or different from you, and that's okay. Avoid badmouthing
them or treating them like they're inferior. People notice this type of thing and they
feel less comfortable around you because they'll worry that you judge them too.

Don’t pretend you are perfect. Apologize when you upset someone. You
5 messed up, just accept it and be humble enough to apologize. This helps
people trust you more.
Remember—being perfect isn't relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up
once in awhile. Handling yourself maturely makes you look more human and
relatable, thus increasing your charisma.

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Method
3 Skipping Bad Habits

Stay aware of other people in public spaces. Don't block walkways, blast
1 your music, or create strong smells (e.g. cigarette smoke or intense perfume)
in an area where people are "trapped" (such as a bus stop or crosswalk). Your
actions shouldn't interfere with other people's ability to move through public
unbothered.

Be polite and hygienic. Don't peek down people's shirts for instance, don’t
2 talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your
elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so
as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean
clothes every day.
 Avoid making distracting noises or motions that affect others. Issues like
3 pencil tapping, chewing with your mouth open, or shaking your leg such that it
shakes someone else's desk can bother people.
It's okay to be fidgety if that's the way you are. Find a way to fidget quietly
without distracting others.
Redirect your fidgeting if someone says it's bothering them.

Don't copy people. People may find it irritating if you are always trying to
4 copy their actions. Not only will it make them uncomfortable, it will create the
impression that you're not happy with yourself and can't value your individuality.

Practice good email and text etiquette. Send things because you think it'll
5 improve your relationship or be helpful to someone. Stay polite and kind in all
your messages.
Don't forward chain mail, even if it's warning about something scary or
suggesting you could get paid. This type of stuff is always fake and it can
annoy people.
Avoid sending more than 2 messages in a row if someone isn't responding.
Give them time to answer you. It may be that they're busy right now and will
be able to get to you later.

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Method
4 Speaking Politely

Speak clearly. Try to speak at a moderate pace and volume. If you've been
1 told you talk too quietly or too quickly, work on changing that so people can
understand you better.

Avoid interrupting people when they're talking. Interruptions can make

2 people feel like you don't care what they have to say. Give them time to finish
their thoughts. Wait for a short pause before you speak.
Accidents happen. If you interrupt someone, say "I'm sorry. What were you
saying?" Then listen closely.

Remember to listen to the other person. When you're talking, give pauses
3 to let them comment or ask questions. When they're talking, listen actively
and show that you care what they have to say.
 When in doubt, focus on being interested, not interesting. People love it when
you listen to them.

Avoid correcting people over things that don't matter. Correcting people
4 on issues like spelling, grammar, or minor facts will usually annoy them
instead of helping them. Let it slide unless they have asked for your help or if they
are wrong about something important.
If you do need to correct someone, do it gently and try to help them save face.

Avoid needless arguments. Arguing can stress people out and make them
5 uncomfortable around you. Don't push people into a debate if they aren't
interested, and if they seem uncomfortable, let it drop.
Avoid telling people that their life experiences are wrong.

Tip: Of course, if someone says something truly awful (such as a bullying or

discriminatory comment), you might choose to disagree out loud to let them
know that it's out of line.

Don't complain all the time. Remember the world does not revolve around
6 you. If you complain too much, others will avoid you. This also goes for
constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-
absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent.
But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to
be optimistic.

Making an inside joke or reference with a friend while a second friend is

7 present can make the second friend feel left out, if you do this then you
should tell the other friend what you are talking about or try to explain what
you mean. Most times this isn’t something that gets on peoples nerves, but if it
happens multiple times in a single conversation, it’ll irritate the second friend to
the point of him wanting never to talk to you.

If you’re doing something no one else around you is doing and you
8 know they don't think what you’re doing is a good thing then you need
to stop.

Recognize signs that someone isn't interested in the current topic. As

9 you talk, keep an eye on your conversation partner's mood. If they seem
disengaged, then let the subject change.
 If someone isn't interested, it usually doesn't mean anything bad about you. It
just means that this isn't the right topic right now. Try asking about something
that they're interested in.

Don’t patronize your friends; don’t ever act condescending or

10 disrespectful to people.

Don’t act like the friend’s parent when driving, warning them about
11 obstacles and dangers. If they have their license they know how to drive, if
not, why are you in the car with them driving?

Dodge sensitive topics if you can tell someone doesn't want to talk
12 about it. If someone mentions a fact that they seem to be sad or
embarrassed about, avoid bringing it up.
If you aren't sure what would make them happy, try saying "we can talk about
it or not talk about it if you'd like."

Between friends there is harmless teasing and such, this is very

13 common and acceptable. However, this is taken too far by some people.
Relentless insulting and name calling isn’t a way to bond with a person.

A person with absolutely no moral boundaries will repel those around

14 them. It is very unattractive and annoying to hang out with someone who
ignores principles and ethical standards. Be conscientious of the beliefs others
have.

The two worst ways to get on someone’s nerves are to: (a) Act
15 insensitive and therefore hurt their feelings. (b) Act overly sensitive and
constantly annoy your friends by making a huge deal out of something that didn’t
really matter and getting hurt by things that are very minuscule. The solutions to
both of these problems are: (a) Stop acting like a jerk. (b) Stop reading into things
so much, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Be mindful of how the things you say are perceived by others. Even if
16 your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate
frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or
any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to
hate your guts. Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention
to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to
immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do I become someone people want to be around?

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
Expert Answer

Focus on improving your charisma! Add mirroring techniques to your day-to-day

interactions, where you "mirror" someone else's body language and reactions.
Also, try to talk to others in a positive, genuine, and uplifting way—this helps you
build rapport.

Question

I have a habit of texting my friend often just to say 'Hi', she finds it annoying.
What should I do?

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

If you're not saying anything else to your friend than "Hi," then it's going to be
annoying because she has to check the phone, see the same uninformative
message every time and learn nothing about what you really want to say. In
future, try to stop yourself from texting this simple message. Instead, only text her
when you actually have something of interest or importance to say, so she'll know
it's worth checking your messages. She'll be grateful and she'll stop suggesting
that you're being annoying.
 Question

How can I talk less?

Community Answer

Genuinely listen to others. Count to three slowly before you reply so they have
enough time to finish their train of thought before you cut them off. Practice this
skill. It is extremely unpleasant to be on the receiving end of someone who is
holding you hostage in a conversation because they won't be quiet.

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Tips

Don't point out your friend's flaws, like bad eyesight, hearing, or memory.

Don't copy the things your friend does. This is beyond annoying.

Try not to pay attention to your friends a lot-if you don't then they will get more
curious and stick with you.

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