Introduction to Communications 1704984763

Introduction to Communications
Introduction to
Communications
NO AUTHOR LISTED
SUSANNE ERICKSON AND SARAH JAMES

NORQUEST COLLEGE
EDMONTON, AB
Introduction to Communications Copyright © 2023 by NorQuest College is licensed
under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International
License, except where otherwise noted.
Contents
Introduction 1
Chapter I. Interpersonal Communication
1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication 5

1.2 Communication Basics 7
1.3 Models and Forms of Communication 18
1.4 The Importance of Communication 38
1.5 Competent Communication 64
1.6 Review 76
Chapter II. The Role of Perception
2.1 Introduction to the Role of Perception 81

2.2 Perception 83
2.3 Self-Perception 98
2.4 Perceiving Others 118
2.5 Improving Perception 139
2.6 Review 156
Chapter III. Verbal Communication and

Listening
3.1 Introduction to Verbal Communication and 161

Listening
3.2 Language Basics 163
3.3 Improving Word Use 183
3.4 The Listening Process 202
3.5 Becoming a More Competent Listener 226
3.6 Language, Listening, and Culture 244
3.7 Review 258
Chapter IV. Nonverbal Communication
4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal Communication 263

4.2 Basics of Nonverbal Communication 266
4.3 Types of Nonverbal Communication 281
4.4 Improving Nonverbal Communication 304
Competence
4.5 Nonverbal Communication in Context 325
4.6 Review 339
Chapter V. Communication and Emotions within

Relationships
5.1 Introduction to Communication and Emotions 343

within Relationships
5.2 Communication in Relationships 345
5.3 Self-Disclosure 360
5.4 Emotions and Relationships 375
5.5 Emotional Intelligence 397
5.6 Review 412
Chapter VI. Conflict within Relationships
6.1 Introduction to Conflict within Relationships 417

6.2 Communication Climate 419
6.3 Conflict and Interpersonal Communication 447
6.4 Handling Conflict Better 472
6.5 Conflict Management Strategies 489
6.6 Review 514
Chapter VII. Communication in Action
7.1 Introduction to Communication in Action 519

7.2 Critical Thinking 522
7.3 Relaying Information 536
7.4 Public Speaking 553
7.5 Electronic Communication 568
7.6 Problem Solving in Groups 584
Key Terms 597

Introduction
Welcome to Introduction to Communications
Introduction to Communications has been adapted from various

published resources, but mostly from a work produced and
distributed under a Creative Commons licence (CC BY-NC-SA) by
a publisher who has requested that they and the original author
not receive attribution. This open educational resource, and the
adaption of other content, is published by NorQuest College in
Edmonton, Alberta, and was created by Susanne Erickson and Sarah
James.
Some chapters have remained similar to the original text, while
others have been altered greatly in order to work with the
Introduction to Communication Course at NorQuest College.
This adaptation has reformatted the original text as needed,
added content from other resources, included original writing,
replaced images and figures and added review activities to make the
resulting whole more shareable. This work is made available under
the terms of a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-
ShareAlike (CC BY-NC-SA) licence.
Cover image: Cubism 2023 Expressions by David S. Soriano, CC

BY-SA 4.0
This resource was produced by NorQuest College in partnership

with the University of Alberta Library’s Open Education
Alberta publishing project.
Introduction | 1
2 | Introduction
CHAPTER I
INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
Interpersonal Communication | 3
4 | Interpersonal Communication
1.1 Introduction to
Interpersonal
Communication
Learning Objectives
By the end of this chapter, you should be able to
1. Articulate communication principles and how they

make you a more effective communicator
2. Explain how communication models help address
communication challenges
3. Explain how the influence of others, past
experiences, and cultural background shape a
person’s communication skills
4. Explain what an effective communicator looks like
in various settings, including workplace and
intercultural contexts
5. Describe the importance of cultural diversity in
communication
1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication | 5

Chapter Overview
Communication is an integral and ongoing part of everyday life. As

such, knowledge of communication and an understanding of how
it develops and evolves throughout the lifespan is necessary, both
for those studying communication and for all other professionals
as well. This chapter endeavors to provide you with the basic
knowledge and theoretical foundations needed to continue your
learning about the subject throughout this book. The discussion
will focus on communication principles, theories, models, types of
communication, and what makes a competent communicator. This
chapter, and book, will provide opportunities for you to gain
knowledge, practice using that knowledge, and develop the ability
to adapt your communication across a wide range of interpersonal
interactions.
Attribution
Unless otherwise indicated, material on this page has

been reproduced or adapted from the following
resource:
University of Minnesota. (2016). Communication in the

real world: An introduction to communication studies.
University of Minnesota Libraries Publishing.
https://open.lib.umn.edu/communication, licensed
under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0, except where otherwise noted.
6 | 1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

1.2 Communication Basics
Communication is an ever-present phenomenon. It is such a

dynamic and enduring process that often we are not even aware of
when it starts or ends. We continue to develop our communication
ability and knowledge throughout our lives. This book strives to
assist in this development by providing the knowledge, theory, and
practical application needed to create a solid foundation of
knowledge of the complex concept we call communication.
There are countless definitions for the term “communication,”
and they vary widely (ISU, 2016). However, before we discuss
communication, it is important to define the term. Communication,
for the purpose of this book, is the process of generating meaning
by exchanging verbal and nonverbal symbols in various contexts.
Although this is the definition used for this book, it is also important
for you to develop your own definition of communication and what
it means to you (ISU, 2016). This personalized definition will likely
evolve and change as you go through this book, and then further
develop through your future experiences.
Communication Is a Process
Communication is a process that involves an exchange of both

verbal and nonverbal messages between individuals. When we refer
to communication as a process, we imply that it doesn’t have a
distinct beginning and end or follow a predetermined sequence
of events. It can be very difficult to trace the origin of any
communication encounter because communication doesn’t always
follow a neat or discernible format, which makes studying
communication interactions or phenomena difficult. There are,
1.2 Communication Basics | 7

however, certain principles that apply to the concept of
communication.
Communication Principles
The cognitive process that allows people to send, receive, and

understand messages is the encoding and decoding process.
Encoding is the process of turning thoughts into communication
by the sender of the information. The level of conscious thought
that goes into encoding messages varies. Decoding is the process
of turning communication into thoughts by those that receive the
information from others. For example, you may realize you’re
hungry and encode the following message to send to a family
member: “I’m hungry. Do you want to get pizza tonight?” As your
family member receives the message, they decode your
communication and turn it back into thoughts to make meaning
out of it. Image 1.1 provides a basic illustration of communication
between a sender and receiver.
Of course, we don’t just communicate verbally—we have various
options, or channels, for communication. Encoded messages are
sent through a channel—a sensory route on which a message
travels—to the receiver for decoding. Although communication can
be sent and received using any sensory route (sight, smell, touch,
taste, or sound), most communication occurs through visual and
auditory channels.
8 | 1.2 Communication Basics

Image 1.1
The amount of conscious thought that goes into communication

varies. In general, we can say that intentional communication
usually includes more conscious thought, and unintentional
communication usually includes less. For example, some
communication is reactionary and almost completely involuntary.
We often scream when we are frightened, say “Ouch!” when we
stub a toe, and stare blankly when we are bored. This isn’t the
richest type of communication, but it is communication. Some of
our interactions are more substantial and include more conscious
thought but are still very routine. For example, we say “Excuse me”
when we need to get past someone, “Thank you” when someone
holds the door for us, or “What’s up?” to a co-worker we pass every
day in the hall. The reactionary and routine types of communication
just discussed are common, but the messages that are most studied
by communication scholars are considered constructed
communication. These messages include more conscious thought
and intention than reactionary or routine messages and often go
beyond information exchange to also meet relational and identity
needs, which will be discussed on the next page.
The dynamic nature of the communication process also means
that communication is irreversible. After an initial interaction has
gone wrong, characters in sitcoms and romantic comedies often
use the line “Can we just start over?” As handy as it would be to

be able to turn the clock back and “redo” a failed or embarrassing
communication encounter, it is impossible. Miscommunication can
occur regardless of the degree of conscious thought and intention
put into a message. For example, if someone tells a joke that offends
a co-worker, that person can’t just say, “Oh, forget I said that” or
“I didn’t intend for it to be offensive.” The message has been sent,
and it can’t be taken back. I’m sure we have all wished we could
retract something we have said. Conversely, when communication
goes well, we often wish we could recreate it. However, in addition
to communication being irreversible, it is also unrepeatable.
If you try to recreate a good job interview experience by asking
the same questions and telling the same stories about yourself,
you can’t expect the same results. Even trying to repeat a
communication encounter with the same person won’t feel identical
or lead to the same results. The context of communication
inevitably impacts the outcome, and context is ever-changing. Even
if the words and actions stay the same, the physical, psychological,
social, relational, and cultural contexts will vary and ultimately
change the communication encounter. Have you ever tried to
recount a funny or interesting experience to a friend who doesn’t
really seem that impressed? These “You had to be there” moments
illustrate the fact that communication is unrepeatable.
Content and relational dimensions are also important aspects of
communication and are present in all communication exchanges.
Content dimension refers to the content within a message. For
example, the request “Turn up the heat,” contains the content that
the house is cold, so the heat needs to be turned up. Relational
dimension includes the existing interpersonal history and type of
relationship we have with a person. We communicate differently
with someone we just met versus someone we have known for a
long time. For example, your tone or body language may be different
when saying “Turn up the heat,” depending on how well you know
the person and how well they know you. In Image 1.2 below, the
couple appears to have a close, long-term relationship, and their
verbal and nonverbal communication shows that. Initial interactions

with people tend to be more highly scripted and governed by
established norms and rules, but when we have an established
relational context, we may be able to bend or break social norms and
rules more easily. For example, you would likely follow social norms
of politeness and attentiveness and might spend the whole day
cleaning the house the first time you invite your new neighbours
to visit. Once the neighbours are in your house, you may also make
them the centre of your attention during their visit. If you end up
becoming friends with your neighbours and establishing a relational
context, you might not think as much about having everything
cleaned and prepared or even giving them all your attention during
later visits. Since communication norms and rules also vary based
on the type of relationship people have, the relationship type is also
part of the relational context.
Image 1.2
Communication is a complex process, and it is often difficult to

determine where or with whom a communication encounter starts

and ends because there may not be a specific start and end point.
Communication may seem like a continuous process at times, and
really, it is impossible not to communicate with others. Verbal
and nonverbal communication occurs all the time. Models of
communication simplify the process by providing a visual
representation of the various aspects of a communication
encounter. Some models explain communication in more detail than
others, but even the most complex model can’t recreate what we
experience in a single moment of a communication encounter.
Models still serve a valuable purpose because they allow us to see
specific concepts and steps within the process of communication,
define communication, and apply communication concepts. When
you become aware of how communication functions, you can think
more deliberately through your communication encounters, which
can help you better prepare for future communication and learn
from your previous communication.
Communication Meets Needs
Communication is far more than the transmission of information.

We exchange messages and information for many important
reasons and while the content of our communication may help us
achieve certain physical and instrumental needs, it also feeds into
our identities and relationships in ways that far exceed the content
of the message we say verbally. Communication is needed to help
meet various needs such as physical, instrumental, relational, and
identity needs.
Physical Needs
Physical needs include needs that keep our bodies and minds
functioning. Often when someone thinks about communication, it

is associated with our brain, mouth, eyes, and ears; however, it
has many more connections to our physical body and well-being.
Even at the most basic level, communication can let others know
that our physical needs are not being met. For example, babies
communicate to let their caregivers know that they are hungry or
cold, as shown in Image. 1.3. Human beings are social creatures,
which makes communication important for our survival. Aside from
surviving, communication skills can also help us thrive.
Communication can also be therapeutic, which may lessen or
prevent physical problems. Satisfying physical needs is essential
for our physical functioning and survival, but in order to socially
function and thrive, we must also meet instrumental, relational, and
identity needs.
Image 1.3
Instrumental Needs
Instrumental needs include needs that help us get things done

in our day-to-day lives and achieve short- and long-term goals.
We all have short- and long-term goals that we work on every

day. Fulfilling these goals is an ongoing communication task, which
means we spend much of our time communicating for instrumental
needs. To meet these needs, we often use communication
strategically. Politicians, parents, bosses, and friends use
communication to influence others in order to accomplish goals
and meet needs. In short, communication that meets our
instrumental needs helps us “get things done.”
Relational Needs
Relational needs include needs that help us maintain social bonds

and interpersonal relationships. Communicating to fill our
instrumental needs helps us function on many levels, but
communicating for relational needs helps us achieve the social
relating that is an essential part of being human. Communication
meets our relational needs by giving us a tool through which to
develop, maintain, and end relationships. To develop a relationship,
we may use nonverbal communication to assess whether or not
someone is interested in talking to us, then use verbal
communication to strike up a conversation. Then, through the
mutual process of self-disclosure, a relationship forms over time.
Once formed, we need to maintain the relationship, so we use
communication to express our continued liking of someone. We can
verbally say things like “You’re such a great friend” or engage in
behaviours that communicate our investment in the relationship,
like organizing a birthday party. Although our relationships vary
in terms of closeness and intimacy, all individuals have relational
needs, and all relationships require maintenance. Finally,
communication, or the lack of it, helps us end relationships. We
may communicate our deteriorating commitment to a relationship
by avoiding communication with someone, verbally criticizing the
other person, or explicitly ending the relationship.

Identity Needs
Identity needs include our need to present ourselves to others and

be thought of in particular and desired ways. What adjectives would
you use to describe yourself? Are you funny, smart, loyal, or quirky?
Your answer isn’t just based on who you think you are because
much of how we think of ourselves is based on our communication
with other people. Our identity changes as we progress through
life, but communication is the primary means of establishing our
identity and fulfilling our identity needs. Communication allows us
to present ourselves to others in particular ways. Just as many
companies, celebrities, and politicians create a public image, we
present different faces in different contexts.
Relating Theory to Real Life
1. Consider your own definition of communication.
◦ What is it?
◦ Now compare your definition to the
definition of a classmate or friend.
◦ How is the other person’s definition
different? How is it the same?
◦ After hearing their definition, does that
change yours at all?
2. Identify some physical, instrumental, relational, and

identity needs that communication helps you meet in
a given day.
3. In this section, we learned that communication is

irreversible and unrepeatable. Identify a situation in
which you wished you could reverse communication.
Then identify a situation in which you wished you
could repeat communication. Even though it’s
impossible to reverse or repeat communication, what
lessons can be learned from the two situations you
identified? How can you can apply this to future
communication?
Attribution

resource:

References
Department of Communication, Indiana State University (ISU).
(2016). Introduction to public communication. Indiana State
University. http://kell.indstate.edu/public-comm-intro/, licensed
under CC BY-SA 4.0
Image Credits (images are listed in order of appearance)

Communication sender-message-reciever by Einar Faanes, CC BY-
SA 3.0
The way you hold me by William Stitt willpower, Unsplash licence
A newborn child crying by KAI Productions™, CC BY 2.0

1.3 Models and Forms of
Communication
Models of Communication
The two models we will discuss, the linear model and the
transactional model, include the following parts: participants,
messages, encoding, decoding, and channels (ISU, 2016). In the
models, the participants are the senders and/or receivers of
messages in a communication encounter. The message is the verbal
or nonverbal content being conveyed from sender to receiver (ISU,
2016). For example, when you say “hello” to your friend, you are
sending a message of greeting that will be received by your friend.
The basic components listed below apply to both models:
• A sender is someone who encodes and sends a message to a

receiver through a particular channel. The sender is the
initiator of the communication. For example, when you text a
friend, ask a teacher a question, or wave to someone, you are
the sender of a message (ISU, 2016).
• A receiver is the recipient of a message. Receivers must
decode (interpret) messages in ways that are meaningful for
them (ISU, 2016). For example, if you see your friend make eye
contact, smile, wave, and say “hello” as you pass, you are
receiving a message intended for you. When this happens, you
must decode the verbal and nonverbal communication in ways
that make sense to you.
• A message is the particular meaning or content the sender
wishes the receiver to understand (ISU, 2016). The message can
18 | 1.3 Models and Forms of Communication

be intentional or unintentional, written or spoken, verbal or
nonverbal, or any combination of these. For example, as you
walk across campus you may see a friend walking towards you.
When you make eye contact, wave, smile, and say “hello,” you
are offering a message that is intentional, spoken, verbal, and
nonverbal.
• A channel is a method a sender uses to send a message to a
receiver (ISU, 2016). The most common channels that humans
use are verbal and nonverbal communication. Verbal
communication relies on language and includes speaking,
writing, and sign language. Nonverbal communication includes
gestures, facial expressions, paralanguage, and touch. We also
use communication channels that are mediated, such as
television or the computer, which may use both verbal and
nonverbal communication. Using the greeting example above,
the channels include both verbal and nonverbal
communication.
• Noise is anything that interferes with the sending or receiving
of a message (ISU, 2016). Noise can be external, such as a
jackhammer outside your apartment window or loud music in
a nightclub. Noise can also be internal, such as psychological
factors like stress or nervousness, or physical factors, such as
pain. External and internal noise make encoding and decoding
messages more difficult. Using our ongoing example, if you are
on your way to lunch and listening to music on your phone
when your friend greets you, you may not hear your friend say
“hello,” and you may not wish to chat because you are hungry.
In this case, both internal and external noise influence the
communication exchange. Noise occurs in every
communication context, so no message is received exactly as it
is transmitted by a sender because noise distorts it in one way
or another (ISU, 2016).
1.3 Models and Forms of Communication | 19

Linear Model
The linear model (originally called the mathematical model of

communication) serves as a basic model of communication and was
developed by Claude Shannon and Warren Weaver in 1949. This
model suggests that communication moves only in one direction
from one source to another (ISU, 2016). The sender encodes a
message, then uses a certain channel (verbal or nonverbal
communication) to send it to a receiver who decodes (interprets)
the message. You also act as the receiver when you watch a video
or receive a message from another source. Noise is anything that
interferes with, or changes, the original encoded message (ISU,
2016). Image 1.4 is a basic illustration of the linear model, and the
video below provides an overview of this model of communication.
Image 1.4

One or more interactive elements has been excluded
from this version of the text. You can view them online
here: https://openeducationalberta.ca/
communications/?p=50#oembed-1
(Communication Studies, 2020)

A major criticism of the linear model of communication is that it
suggests communication only occurs in one direction (ISU, 2016).
This model also does not show how context, or our personal
experiences, impact communication. Television serves as a good
example of the linear model. Have you ever talked back to your
television while you were watching it? Maybe you were watching a
sporting event or a dramatic show and you talked at the people on
the television. Did they respond to you? We’re sure they did not.
Television works in one direction. No matter how much you talk
to the television it will not respond to you. Now apply this idea
to the communication in your relationships. It seems ridiculous to
think that this is how we would communicate with each other on
a regular basis. This example shows the limits of the linear model
for understanding communication, particularly human-to-human
communication (ISU, 2016).
Transactional Model
The transactional model, which was adapted by Dean Barnlund in

1970, demonstrates that communication participants act as senders
and receivers simultaneously, creating reality through their
interactions (ISU, 2016). Communication is not a simple one-way
transmission of a message—the personal filters and experiences
of the participants impact each communication exchange. The

transactional model demonstrates that we are simultaneously
senders and receivers and that noise and personal filters always
influence the outcomes of every communication exchange (ISU,
2016). This more complex model of commination is shown in Image
1.5.
Image 1.5
This model also suggests that meaning is co-constructed between

all parties involved in any given communication interaction. This
notion of co-constructed meaning is drawn from the relational,
social, and cultural contexts that make up our communication
environments. Personal and professional relationships, for example,
have a history of prior interaction that informs present and future
interactions (ISU, 2016). Social norms, or rules for behaviour and
interaction, greatly influence how we relate to one another. For
example, if your instructor taught the class while sitting down
rather than standing up, you and your colleagues would feel
awkward because that is not an expected norm for behaviour in
a classroom setting. How we negotiate cultural values, beliefs,
attitudes, and traditions also impacts our communication
interactions. Theses concepts are elaborated more below.

(Instructional Design Team – Seattle Central College, 2018)
Communication Contexts
The contexts below are all factors that affect communication and
must be considered in any communication exchange:
Physical Context
The physical context includes the environmental factors in a

communication encounter. The size, layout, temperature, and
lighting of a space influence our communication. Imagine the
different physical contexts in which job interviews take place and
how that might affect your communication. I have had job
interviews on a sofa in a comfortable office, sitting around a large
conference table, and even once in an auditorium where I was
positioned on the stage facing about 20 potential colleagues seated
in the audience. I’ve also been walked around campus in freezing
temperatures to interview with various people. Although I was a
little chilly when I got to each separate interview, it wasn’t too
difficult to warm up and go on with the interview. During a job
interview in Puerto Rico, however, walking around outside wearing
a suit in very hot temperatures created a sweating situation that
wasn’t pleasant to try to communicate through. Whether it’s the
size of the room, the temperature, or other environmental factors,

it’s important to consider the role that physical context plays in our
communication.
Psychological Context
The psychological context includes the mental and emotional

factors in a communication encounter. Stress, anxiety, and
emotions are just some examples of psychological influences that
can affect our communication. I recently found out some troubling
news a few hours before a big public presentation. It was
challenging to try to communicate because the psychological noise
triggered by the stressful news kept intruding into my other
thoughts. Seemingly positive psychological states, like experiencing
the emotion of love, can also affect communication. During the
initial stages of a romantic relationship, individuals may be so
“lovestruck” that they don’t see incompatible personality traits or
don’t negatively evaluate behaviours they might otherwise find off-
putting.
Social Context
Social context refers to the stated rules or unstated norms that

guide communication. As we are socialized into our various
communities, we learn rules and implicitly pick up on norms for
communicating. Some common rules that influence social contexts
include not lying to people, not interrupting people, greeting people
when they greet you, thanking people when they pay you a
compliment, and so on. Parents and teachers often explicitly convey
these rules to their children or students.
Norms are social conventions that we pick up on through
observation, practice, and trial and error. We may not even know
we are breaking a social norm until we notice people looking at us
strangely or someone corrects or teases us. For example, as a new

employee you may over- or underdress for the company’s holiday
party because you don’t know the norm for formality. Although
there probably isn’t a stated rule about how to dress at the holiday
party, you will notice your error without someone having to point
it out, and you will likely not deviate from the norm again in order
to save yourself from any potential embarrassment. Even though
breaking a social norm doesn’t result in the formal punishment that
might be a consequence of breaking a social rule, the awkwardness
we feel when we violate social norms is usually enough to teach us
that these norms are powerful even though they aren’t as explicit
as rules. Norms even have the power to override social rules in
some situations. To go back to the examples of common social rules
mentioned before, we may break the rule about not lying if the lie is
meant to save someone from feeling hurt. We often interrupt close
friends when we’re having an exciting conversation, but we wouldn’t
be as likely to interrupt a professor while they are lecturing. Since
norms and rules vary among people and cultures, relational and
cultural contexts are also included in the transactional model to
help us understand the multiple contexts that influence our
communication.
Relational Context
The relational context includes the previous interpersonal history

and type of relationship we have with a person. We will
communicate differently with someone we just met versus someone
we’ve known for a very long time. Communication will also vary
depending on the type of relationship we have with someone. For
example, there are certain communication rules and norms that
apply to a supervisor–supervisee relationship that don’t apply to a
brother–sister relationship and vice versa. Just as social norms and
relational history influence how we communicate, so does culture.

Cultural Context
Cultural context includes various aspects of identities such as race,

gender, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, class, and ability.
It is important for us to understand that whether we are aware of
it or not, we all have multiple cultural identities that influence our
communication. Some people, especially those with identities that
have been historically marginalized, are regularly aware of how their
cultural identities influence their communication and influence
how others communicate with them. Conversely, people with
identities that are dominant or in the majority may rarely, if ever,
think about the role their cultural identities play in their
communication.
Although some of these models are overly simplistic

representations of communication, they illustrate some of the
complexities of defining and studying communication. Hopefully,
you recognize that studying communication is simultaneously detail
oriented (looking at small parts of human communication) and far
reaching (examining a broad range of communication exchanges).
Knowledge of these models, their components, and how they apply
in various contexts can show us how complex communication is.
Because of this, it is also not surprising that often there may be
communication challenges, but knowing why they occur—possibly
owing to some of the factors discussed above—can help to avoid, or
at least overcome, these challenges.
Forms of Communication
Forms of communication vary in terms of participants, channels

used, and contexts. The five main forms of communication are
intrapersonal, interpersonal, group, public, and mass
communication.

Intrapersonal Communication
Intrapersonal communication is communication with oneself using

internal vocalization or reflective thinking, as shown in Image 1.6.
Like other forms of communication, intrapersonal communication
is triggered by an internal or external stimulus. For example, the
internal stimulus of hunger may prompt us to communicate with
ourself about what we want to eat, or we may react intrapersonally
to an event we witness. Unlike other forms of communication,
intrapersonal communication takes place only inside our head. The
other forms of communication must be perceived by someone else
to count as communication. So what is the point of intrapersonal
communication if no one else is aware of it?
Image 1.6
Intrapersonal communication serves several social functions. For

example, a person may use self-talk to calm down in a stressful
situation, or a shy person may remind themself to smile during

a social event. Intrapersonal communication also helps build and
maintain our self-concept. We form an understanding of who we
are based on how other people communicate with us and how
we process that communication intrapersonally. The shy person in
the earlier example probably internalized shyness as part of their
self-concept because other people associated that individual’s
communication behaviours with shyness and may have even
labelled that person “shy” before they had a firm grasp on what
that meant. We also use intrapersonal communication, or “self-talk,”
to let off steam, process emotions, think through something, or
rehearse what we plan to say or do in the future. As with the other
forms of communication, competent intrapersonal communication
helps facilitate social interaction and can enhance our well-being.
Sometimes we communicate intrapersonally for the fun of it. I’m
sure we have all had the experience of laughing aloud because we
thought of something funny. We also communicate intrapersonally
to pass time. There is likely a lot of intrapersonal communication
going on in waiting rooms all over the world right now. We can,
however, engage in more intentional intrapersonal communication.
In fact, deliberate self-reflection can help us become more
competent communicators as we become more mindful of our own
behaviours. For example, your internal voice may praise or scold you
based on a thought or action.
Of all the forms of communication, intrapersonal communication
has received the least amount of formal study. It is rare to find
courses devoted to the topic, and it is generally separated from the
remaining four types of communication. The main distinction is that
intrapersonal communication is not created with the intention that
another person will perceive it. In all the other forms, the fact that
the communicator anticipates consumption of their message is very
important.

Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal communication is communication between people

whose lives mutually influence one another. This type of
communication builds, maintains, and ends our relationships, and
we spend more time engaged in interpersonal communication than
the other forms of communication. Interpersonal communication
occurs in various contexts and is addressed in subfields of study
within communication studies, such as intercultural
communication, organizational communication, health
communication, and computer-mediated communication. After all,
interpersonal relationships exist in all those contexts.
Interpersonal communication can be planned or unplanned, but
because it is interactive, it is usually more structured and influenced
by social expectations than intrapersonal communication.
Interpersonal communication is also more goal-oriented than
intrapersonal communication and fulfills instrumental and
relational needs. In terms of instrumental needs, the goal may be
as minor as greeting someone to fulfill a morning ritual or as major
as conveying your desire to be in a committed relationship with
someone. Interpersonal communication meets relational needs by
communicating the uniqueness of a specific relationship. Couples,
bosses and employees, and family members all have to engage in
complex interpersonal communication, and it doesn’t always go
well. In order to be a competent interpersonal communicator, you
need conflict management skills and listening skills, among others,
to maintain positive relationships.
Group Communication
Group communication is communication among three or more

people interacting to achieve a shared goal. You have likely worked
in groups in high school and college, and if you’re like most students,

you didn’t enjoy it. Even though it can be frustrating, group work
in an academic setting provides useful experience and preparation
for group work in professional settings. Organizations have been
moving towards more team-based work models, and whether we
like it or not, groups are an integral part of people’s lives. Therefore,
the study of group communication is valuable in many contexts.

Group communication is more intentional and formal than
interpersonal communication. Unlike interpersonal relationships,
which are voluntary, individuals in a group are often assigned to
their position within the group. Additionally, group communication
is often task focused, meaning that members of the group work
together for an explicit purpose or goal that affects all the
members of the group. Goal-oriented communication in
interpersonal interactions usually relates to one person; for
example, I might ask a friend to help me move this weekend. At the
group level, goal-oriented communication usually focuses on a task
assigned to the whole group; for example, a group of people may be
tasked to figure out a plan for moving a business from one office to
another.
You know from previous experience working in groups that having

more communicators usually leads to more complicated
interactions. Some of the challenges of group communication relate
to task-oriented interactions, such as deciding who will complete
each part of a larger project. But many challenges stem from
interpersonal conflict or misunderstandings among group
members. Because group members also communicate with and
relate to each other interpersonally and may have preexisting
relationships or develop them during the course of group
interaction, elements of interpersonal communication occur within
group communication, too.
Public Communication
Public communication is a sender-focused form of communication

in which one person is typically responsible for conveying
information to an audience. Public speaking, as shown in Image
1.7, is something that many people fear, or at least don’t enjoy. But
just like group communication, public speaking is an important part
of our academic, professional, and civic lives. When compared to

interpersonal and group communication, public communication is
the most consistently intentional, formal, and goal-oriented form of
communication we have discussed so far.
Public communication, at least in Western societies, is also more
sender focused than interpersonal or group communication. It is
precisely this formality and focus on the sender that makes both
new and experienced public speakers anxious at the thought of
facing an audience. One way to begin to manage anxiety about
public speaking is to try to see connections between public
speaking and other forms of communication with which we are
more familiar and comfortable. Despite being formal, public
speaking is very similar to the conversations that we have in our
daily interactions. For example, although public speakers don’t
necessarily develop individual relationships with audience
members, they still have the benefit of being face-to-face with them
so they can receive verbal and nonverbal feedback.
Image 1.7

Mass Communication
Public communication becomes mass communication when it is

transmitted to many people through print or electronic media. Print
media such as newspapers and magazines continue to be an
important channel for mass communication, though they have
suffered much in the past decade due in part to the rise of
electronic media. Television, as shown in Image 1.8, websites, blogs,
and social media are mass communication channels that you
probably engage with regularly. Radio, podcasts, and books are
other examples of mass media. The technology required to send
mass communication messages distinguishes it from the other
forms of communication. A certain amount of intentionality goes
into transmitting a mass communication message because it usually
requires one or more extra steps to convey the message. This may
require pressing “Enter” to send a Facebook message or involve
an entire crew of camera people, sound engineers, and production
assistants to produce a television show. Even though the messages
must be intentionally transmitted through technology, the
intentionality and goals of the person actually creating the message,
such as the writer, television host, or talk show guest, vary greatly.

Image 1.8
Mass communication differs from other forms of communication

in terms of the personal connection between participants. Even
though creating the illusion of a personal connection is often a goal
of those who create mass communication messages, the relational
aspect of interpersonal and group communication isn’t inherent
in this form of communication. Unlike interpersonal, group, and
public communication, there is no immediate verbal and nonverbal
feedback loop in mass communication. Of course, you could write a
letter to the editor of a newspaper or send an email to a television
or radio broadcaster in response to a story, but the immediate
feedback available in face-to-face interactions is not present. With
new media technologies such as Twitter, blogs, and Facebook,
feedback is becoming more immediate. Individuals can now tweet
directly “at” (@) someone and use hashtags (#) to direct feedback
to mass communication sources. Many radio and television hosts
and news organizations specifically invite feedback from viewers/
listeners via social media and may even share the feedback with the
audience.

The technology to mass produce and distribute communication
messages brings with it the power for one voice or a series of
voices to reach and affect many people. This power makes mass
communication different from other levels of communication.
Although there is potential for unethical communication at all the
other levels, the potential consequences of unethical mass
communication are important to consider. Communication scholars
who focus on mass communication and media often take a critical
approach in order to examine how media shapes our culture and
who is included and excluded in various mediated messages.
1. Use the transactional model of communication to

analyze a recent communication encounter you had.
2. Sketch out the communication encounter and
make sure to label each part of the model:
◦ Communicators
◦ Co-created meaning
◦ Channels involved
◦ Physical, psychological, social, relational, and
cultural contexts
3. Imagine an interaction with a client or co-worker

in your future workplace. Describe how each element
of context might influence the interaction.

Attribution

resource:

References
Barnlund, D. (1970). A transactional model of communication.
Harper & Row.
Communication Studies. (2020, 14 November. Linear model of
communication [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=27V1bg0jqXc
(2016). Introduction to public communication. Indiana State
University. http://kell.indstate.edu/public-comm-intro/, licensed
under CC BY-SA 4.0
Instructional Design Team – Seattle Central College. (2018, 15
November). Transactional model [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHDfF395BRk
Shannon, C., and Weaver, W. (1949). The mathematical theory of
communication. University of Illinois Press.
https://raley.english.ucsb.edu/wp-content/Engl800/Shannon-
Weaver.pdf

Linear transmission model by Andy Schmitz, CC BY-SA 3.0

Transactionalmodel by Andy Schmitz, CC BY-SA 3.0
Thinking woman by Xuan Zheng, CC BY-SA 2.0
LECIAD Guest Seminar – 4 by U.S. Embassy Ghana, Public domain
Chris Nalls WTVA Reporter by Velvetgrey, CC BY-SA 4.0

1.4 The Importance of
Communication
Communication Skills Are Essential in All Areas

of Life
Communication is used in virtually all aspects of everyday life. In

order to explore how communication is integrated into all parts
of our lives, let us divide up our lives into four spheres: academic,
professional, personal, and civic. These spheres overlap and
influence one another. After all, our personal experience is brought
into the classroom, much of what goes on in a classroom is present
in our professional and personal environments, and the classroom
has long been seen as a place to foster personal growth and prepare
students to become active and responsible members of society.
Academic Success
You will bring your current communication-related knowledge,

skills, and abilities to the classroom. Aside from wanting to earn
a good grade, you may also be genuinely interested in becoming
a better communicator. Research shows that even people who are
poor communicators can improve their verbal, nonverbal, and
interpersonal communication skills by taking communication
courses (Zabava & Wolvin, 1993). Communication skills are also tied
to academic success. Poor listening skills have been shown to
contribute significantly to failure in a person’s first year of college.
Also, students who take communication courses report having more
38 | 1.4 The Importance of Communication

confidence in their communication abilities, and these students
have higher grade point averages and are less likely to drop out
of school. Much of what we do in a classroom, whether it is the
interpersonal interactions with our classmates and instructor,
individual or group presentations, writing assignments, asking
questions, or listening, can be used to build or add to a foundation
of good communication skills and knowledge that can carry through
to professional, personal, and civic contexts.
Image 1.9
Professional Skills
The Corporate Recruiters Survey Report (Graduate Management

Admission Council, 2017, p. 50) found that employers in health care
and pharmacy, technology, nonprofit and government, and
products and services industries list oral, written, listening, and
presentation communication skills in their top five skills sought for
midlevel positions. Adaptability was also ranked in the top five in
1.4 The Importance of Communication | 39

three out of the four industries—the ability to be adaptable can
be the result of a person’s ability to perceive, interpret, and share
information. The survey also found that the need for teamwork skills
is growing in demand. The ability to follow a leader, delegation
skills, valuing the opinions of others, cross-cultural sensitivity, and
adaptability were listed as teamwork skills, and these skills can also
be the result of one’s communication skills.
Table 1.1. Top Five Skills Employers Seek, in Order of Required

Proficiency, by Industry

Health Care and Nonprofit and Products and
Rank Technology
Pharmacy Government Services
Oral Oral Oral Oral
1
communication communication communication communication
2 Listening skills Listening skills Listening skills Integrity
Written Written Written
3 Written skills
communication communication communication
Presentation
4 Presentation skills Adaptability Drive
skills
5 Integrity Presentation skills Adaptability Adaptability
Note: Adapted from Corporate Recruiters Survey Report 2017, by the
Graduate Management Admission Council, p. 50.
https://www.mba.com/-/media/files/gmac/research/
employment-outlook/2017-gmac-corporate-recruiters-web-
release.pdf?la=en
Desired communication skills vary from career to career, but

again, the academic sphere provides a foundation onto which you
can build communication skills specific to your professional role
or field of study. Poor listening skills, lack of conciseness, and the
inability to give constructive feedback have been identified as
potential communication challenges in professional contexts.
Despite the well-documented need for communication skills in the
professional world, many students still resist engaging in
communication classes. Perhaps people think they already have
good communication skills or can improve their skills on their own.
Although either of these may be true for some, studying
communication can only help.
Personal Communication Skills
Many students know from personal experience and from the

prevalence of communication counselling on television talk shows
and in self-help books that communication forms, maintains, and
ends our interpersonal relationships, but they do not know the
extent to which that occurs. Although we learn from experience,
until we learn specific vocabulary and develop a foundational
knowledge of communication concepts and theories, we do not
have the necessary tools to make sense of these experiences. Just
having a vocabulary to name the communication phenomena in our
lives increases our ability to consciously alter our communication to
achieve our goals, avoid miscommunication, and analyze and learn
from our inevitable mistakes.

As mentioned earlier in the chapter, communication is required
for us to meet our personal physical, instrumental, relational, and
identity needs.
• Physical needs are needs that keep our bodies and minds
functioning.
• Instrumental needs are needs that help us get things done in
our day-to-day lives and achieve short- and long-term goals.
• Relational needs are needs that help us maintain social bonds
and interpersonal relationships.
• Identity needs include our need to present ourselves to others
and be thought of in particular and desired ways.
Civic Engagement
Civic engagement refers to working to make a difference in our

communities by improving the quality of life of community
members; raising awareness about social, cultural, or political issues
(Image 1.10); or participating in a wide variety of political and
nonpolitical processes (Ehrlich, 2000). The civic part of our lives
is developed through engagement with the decision making that
goes on in our society at small-group, local, state, regional, national,
and international levels. Such involvement ranges from serving on
a neighbourhood advisory board to sending an email to a political
representative. Discussions and decisions that affect our
communities happen around us all the time, but it takes time and
effort to become part of that process. Communication scholars have
been aware of the connections between communication and a
person’s civic engagement or citizenship for thousands of years.
Aristotle, who wrote the first and most influential comprehensive
book on communication 2,400 years ago, taught that it is through
our voice, our ability to communicate, that we engage with the
world around us and participate in our society.

Image 1.10
Diversity in Communication
Communication is the sharing of understanding and meaning

(Pearson & Nelson, 2000), but what is intercultural
communication? If you answered “the sharing of understanding and
meaning across cultures,” you’d be close, but what is a culture?
Culture is defined by more than ethnicity, race, or geography. A
culture can exist wherever there is a group of people with shared
beliefs, attitudes, values, and traditions. Multiple factors can shape
a culture, including but not limited to age, gender, ethnicity, race,
geography, workplace settings, family, abilities, and interests.
According to Rogers and Steinfatt (1999), intercultural
communication is the exchange of information among individuals
who are “unalike culturally.” Let’s explore what intercultural
communication can look like.
A culture’s beliefs, attitudes, values, and traditions are
represented and expressed by the behaviours of its members. The

language we use, the holidays we celebrate, the clothes we wear,
the movies we watch, or the video games we play are just some of
the ways we express our culture. Environment also shapes a culture,
and a culture can shape the environment. For example, a person can
grow up in a mountainous region and value the environment. If the
person moves to a beach town, they may display pictures of their
favourite mountains and participate in an outdoor club to continue
to express and engage in their culture. Culture also involves the
psychological aspects of our expectations of the communication
context. For example, if we are raised in a culture where males
speak while females are expected to remain silent, the context of
the communication interaction governs behaviour, itself a
representation of culture. From the choice of words (message), to
how we communicate (in person or by email), to how we
acknowledge understanding with a nod or a glance (nonverbal
feedback), to the internal and external interference, all aspects of
communication are influenced by culture.
Can there be intercultural communication within a culture? If all

communication is intercultural, then the answer would be yes, but
we still have to prove our case. Imagine a three-generation family
living in one household. This family is a culture, but let’s look a bit
closer. The grandparents may represent another time and different
values from the grandchildren. The parents may have a different
level of education and pursue different careers from the
grandparents. The schooling the children receive may prepare them
for yet other careers. From music to food preferences to how work
is done may vary across time—singer Elvis Presley may seem like
ancient history to the children. The communication across
generations represents intercultural communication, even if only to
a limited degree.
Another example is student culture. Let’s consider what other

cultures likely impact the student culture at a school, university,
or college. A group of students are likely all similar in age and
educational level (Image 1.11). Do gender and the societal

expectations of roles influence their interactions? Of course. And
so we see that, among these students, the boys and girls not only
communicate in distinct ways, but not all boys and girls are the
same. A group of siblings may have common characteristics, but
they will still have differences, and these differences contribute
to intercultural communication. We are each shaped by our
upbringing, and it influences our worldview, what we value, and
how we interact with each other. We create culture, and it creates
us.
Image 1.11
If intercultural communication is the exchange of information

among individuals who are “unalike culturally,” after reflecting on
our discussion and its implications, you may arrive at the idea that
ultimately we are each “a culture of one”—we are simultaneously
a part of community and its culture(s) and separate from it in the
unique combination that represents us as an individual. All of us
are separated by a matter of degrees from each other even if we
were raised on the same street, have parents of similar educational

background and profession, and have many other things in
common.
Communication with yourself is called intrapersonal

communication, and it may also be intracultural, as you may only
represent one culture, but most people belong to many groups,
each with their own culture. Within our imaginary intergenerational
home, how many cultures do you think we might find? If we only
consider the parents, and consider work one culture and family
another, we now have two. If we were to look more closely, we
would find many more groups, and the complexity would grow
exponentially. Does a conversation with yourself ever involve
competing goals, objectives, needs, wants, or values? How did you
learn of those goals or values? Through communication within and
among individuals, they themselves are representative of many
cultures. We struggle with the demands of each group and their
expectations, and could consider this internal struggle intercultural
conflict, or simply intercultural communication.
Culture is part of the very fabric of our thought, and we cannot

separate ourselves from it, even when we leave home, defining
ourselves anew in work and achievement. Every business or
organization has a culture, and within what may be considered
a global culture, there are many subcultures or co-cultures. For
example, consider the difference between the sales and accounting
departments in a corporation—we can quickly see two distinct
groups, each with their own symbols, vocabulary, and values. Within
each group there may also be smaller groups, and each member of
every department comes from a distinct background that in itself
influences behaviour and interaction.
Intercultural communication is a part of our everyday lives and

occurs interpersonally (with others) and intrapersonally (within
ourselves). Intercultural communication competency is rooted in
understanding the cultures around us and adapting our

communication to establish, maintain, and grow positive
intercultural relationships.
Consider the definition of culture:
1. What cultures do you feel you are a part of? What

beliefs, attitudes, values, traditions, and behaviours
represent your cultures?
2. What cultures do you see within your own family?
3. What cultural groups will you encounter in your
future professional role?
4. What will you need to learn to be a competent
intercultural communicator in the workplace?
Ethical Communication in the Workplace
As demonstrated by the communication models presented earlier in

this chapter, when we communicate, there is an immediate impact
on others. This means communication has broad ethical
implications. Not only do we need to learn how to communicate, but
we also need to become ethical communicators by learning how to
communicate the “right” way. But what does that look like?

Communication ethics deals with the process of negotiating and
reflecting on our actions and communication regarding what we
believe to be right and wrong. For example, we may make the choice
to communicate our opinions about education to others. We would
undergo a process of negotiating the ethics of this decision, such
as to whom is it okay to communicate our opinions? When is it
appropriate to tell others about our personal opinions? What details
about our opinions is it okay to share? What is the right method
for sharing our opinion? In communication ethics, we are more
concerned with the decisions people make about communicating
what is right and wrong than the systems, philosophies, or religions
that inform those decisions. Much of ethics is a grey area. Although
we talk about making decisions in terms of what is right and what is
wrong, the choice is rarely that simple. Aristotle said that we should
act “to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive,
and in the right way.” This quote connects to communication
competence, which focuses on communicating effectively and
appropriately.
We all make choices daily that are more ethical or less ethical,
and we may confidently make a decision only to learn later that
it wasn’t the most ethical option. In any given situation, multiple
options may seem appropriate, but we can only choose one. If, in
a situation, we make a decision and reflect on it, and then realize
we could have made a more ethical choice, does that make us a
bad person? Although many behaviours can be easily labelled as
ethical or unethical, communication isn’t always as clear. Physically
assaulting someone is generally thought of as unethical and illegal,
but many instances of hurtful speech, or even what some would
consider hate speech, have been protected as free speech. This
shows the complicated relationship between protected speech,
ethical speech, and the law. In some cases, people see it as their
ethical duty to communicate information that they feel is in the
public’s best interest. The people behind WikiLeaks, for example,
have released thousands of classified documents related to wars,

intelligence gathering, and diplomatic communication. WikiLeaks
claims that exposing this information forces politicians and leaders
to be accountable and keeps the public informed, but government
officials claim that the release of the information should be
considered a criminal act. Both parties consider their own
communication ethical and the other’s communication unethical, so
who is right?
Image 1.12
Since many of the choices we make when it comes to ethics are

situational, contextual, and personal, various professional fields
have developed codes of ethics to help guide members through
areas that might otherwise be grey or uncertain. A profession’s
code of ethics describes what ethical behaviours, including
communication, are expected of any member of the profession.
Table 1.2 below lists a few examples of professions and which
communication behaviours are considered ethical and expected as
described in that profession’s code of ethics. Looking across
different professions, we can see that ethical communication is

expected in all service areas and that communication skills are key
to meeting professional standards.
Table 1.2. Professional Organizations and Ethical

Communication Expectation

Professional Organization Expected Ethical Behaviour Related to Communication
Child and Youth Care

Association of Alberta (CYCCA) • Will maintain professionalism in consultation, communication, and collaboration with other professionals in
possible care for the client. In situations where the member believes that the involvement of another profess
interests of a client, it is the member’s responsibility to advocate for the client.
• Treats colleagues with respect, courtesy, fairness, and good faith.
• Relates to the clients of colleagues with professional consideration.
Alberta Public Service

• Employees are required to disclose to their Deputy Head or designate any situation involving them which is
conflict of interest.
• Employees who speak or write publicly shall ensure that they do not release information in contravention of
in section 20 of the Public Service Act.
Alberta Therapeutic Recreation

Association (ATRA) • Will be consistent in their interactions and ensure that communication and treatment is the same for all clie
• Requires high-level communication among disciplines and a clear understanding of the competencies of oth
ensure safety to the patient and trust among the treatment team.
Therapy Assistant Association
of Alberta (ThAAA) • Members will work under the guidance and instruction of a supervising Occupational Therapist, Physical Th
Therapist, and/or Speech Language Pathologist.
College of Alberta Dental

Assistants (CADA) • Services are provided without bias or discrimination and communications are respectful and truthful.
• Inform colleagues and other professionals about the dental assistant’s role and capabilities. Share accurate, e
information with colleagues to promote best practices in patient oral health care.
Canadian Veterinary Medical

Association (CVMA) • Must provide independent and impartial advice and inform a client of any conflict of interest. Communicatio
no false, deceptive, or misleading statements or claims.
Alberta Health Services (AHS)

• Communicating in a timely and appropriate manner.
• Coming forward if you think you have been treated unfairly, and supporting others to do the same.
• Considering how what we say or do may impact our own reputation or that of AHS.
1. What situations might arise in your future

professional role that will require you to
communicate ethically?
2. Why is it important for you, others, your
workplace, and your community to be confident in
communicating ethically?
Dynamic Communication Skills Are Needed in

Current Workplaces
Communication Is Key to Your Success in Your Current

Workplace
Your current ability to communicate comes from past experience,

which can be an effective teacher. Now is the time to examine
your current skillset and compare it to current workplace needs
and skills that have been proven necessary when working on teams.
“Great teams are distinguished from good teams by how effectively
they communicate. Great team communication is more than the
words that are said or written. Power is leveraged by the team’s
ability to actively listen, clarify, understand, and live by the principle
that ‘everything communicates.’ The actions, the tone, the gestures,
the infrastructure, the environment, and the things that are not

done or said speak and inform just as loudly as words” (O’Rourke &
Yarbrough, 2008).
Workplace environments have evolved. An article in the Harvard
Business Review states that current workplace teams are more
“diverse, dispersed, digital, and dynamic (with frequent changes
in membership). But while teams face new hurdles, their success
still hinges on a core set of fundamentals for group collaboration”
(Haas & Mortensen, 2016). Haas and Mortensen further describe
four conditions that need to be established for effective
collaboration: compelling direction (when a team establishes
explicit goals), strong structure (the team has the right mix of
members, and the right processes and norms in place to guide
behaviour), supportive context (the team has a reward system, an
information system, and an educational system in place to enable
progress), and a shared mindset (when a team develops a common
identity and understanding). Communication is central to
establishing all four conditions. Effective teams and groups in
current workplace environments need effective communication.
Now is the time to consider what communication skills you have
and which ones you need to grow to effectively contribute to your
future team.
Communication Merges You and Them
When we join a workplace team, communication is a non-negotiable

skill in a complex environment. Being able to communicate allows
us to share a part of ourselves, connect with others, and meet our
needs on a team. Being unable to communicate might mean losing,
hiding, or minimizing a part of yourself. Sharing with others feels
vulnerable. For some, this may be a positive challenge, whereas
for others it may be discouraging, but in all cases, your ability to
communicate is central to your expression of self.

Image 1.13
On the other side of the coin, your communication skills help you
understand others on a team—not just their words, but also their
tone of voice, their nonverbal gestures, and the format of their
written documents provide you with clues about who they are and
what their values and priorities may be. Expressing yourself and
understanding others are key functions of an effective team
member and part of the process of becoming an effective team
(Image 1.13).
Communication Influences How You Learn
You need to begin the process of improving your communication

skills with the frame of mind that it will require effort, persistence,
and self-correction. You learn to speak in public by first having
conversations, then by answering questions and expressing your
opinions in class, and finally by preparing and delivering a “stand-

up” speech. Similarly, you learn to write by first learning to read,
then by writing and learning to think critically. Your speaking and
writing are reflections of your thoughts, experience, and education,
and part of that combination is your level of experience listening
to other speakers, reading documents and various styles of writing,
and studying formats similar to what you aim to produce. Speaking
and writing are both key communication skills that you will use in
teams and groups.
As you study group communication, you may receive suggestions

for improvement and clarification from professionals more
experienced than yourself. Take their suggestions as challenges to
improve—don’t give up when your first speech or first draft does
not communicate the message you intended. Stick with it until you
get it right. Your success in communicating is a skill that applies
to almost every field of work, and it makes a difference in your
relationships with others. Remember that luck is simply a
combination of preparation and timing. You want to be prepared to
communicate well when given the opportunity. Each time you do a
good job, your success will bring more success.
Communication Represents You and Your Employer
You want to make a good first impression on your friends and

family, on your instructors, and on your employer. They all want
you to convey a positive image because it reflects on them. In your
career, you will represent your business or company in teams and
groups, and your professionalism and attention to detail will reflect
positively on you and set you up for success.
As an effective member of the team, you will benefit from having the
ability to communicate clearly and with clarity. You will use these
skills for the rest of your life. Positive improvements in these skills

will have a positive impact on your relationships, your prospects for
employment, and your ability to make a difference in the world.
Communication Skills Are Desired by Business and Industry
Oral and written communication proficiencies are consistently

ranked in the top 10 desirable skills by employer surveys year after
year. In fact, high-powered business executives sometimes hire
consultants to coach them in sharpening their communication
skills. According to the National Association of Colleges Job Outlook
2023 survey (Gray, 2022), the top five attributes that employers seek
on a candidate’s resumé are the following:
1. Problem-solving skills
2. Ability to work on a team
3. Strong work ethic
4. Analytical and quantitative skills
5. Written communication skills
6. Technical skills
Knowing this, you can see that one way for you to be successful
and increase your promotion potential is to improve your ability to
speak and write effectively.
Teams and groups are almost universal across all fields because no
one person has all the skills, knowledge, or ability to do everything
with an equal degree of excellence. Employees work with each other
in manufacturing and service industries on a daily basis. An
individual with excellent communication skills is an asset to every
organization. No matter what career you plan to pursue, learning to
interact, contribute, and excel in groups and teams will help you get
there.

Digital and Electronic Communication Are Here to Stay
Computers and the internet entered the world in the 1940s and
have been on the rise ever since. According to Jotform (2021), a
global pandemic necessitated the use of digital and electronic
communication because people were required to work from home
as much as possible. Digital and electronic communication tools
such as video-conferencing platforms, cloud storage, messaging
platforms, and digital forms are now widely used and easily
accessible. It’s not clear yet what digital and electronic
communication methods will remain in use; however, because of
their prevalence, we need to consider our communication skills in
these digital and electronic environments.
Netiquette refers to etiquette, or protocols and norms for

communication, when communicating using digital and electronic
methods. Whatever digital device you use, written communication
in the form of brief messages, or texting, has become a practical
way to connect when talking on the phone or when meeting in
person would be cumbersome. Texting is not useful for long or
complicated messages, and careful consideration should be given
to the audience. Email is frequently used to communicate among
co-workers and has largely replaced print hard-copy letters for
external (outside the company) correspondence, as well as taking
the place of memos for internal (within the company)
communication (Guffey, 2008). Email can be very useful for
messages that have slightly more content than a text message, but it
is still best used for fairly brief messages. Emails may be informal in
personal contexts, but business communication requires attention
to detail, an awareness that your email reflects you and your
company, and a professional tone so that the email may be
forwarded to a third party, if needed. Remember that when these
tools are used for business, they need to convey professionalism and
respect.

1. Knowing what communication skills employers and

current workplace environments require, what skills
are you strong in right now? What skills do you need
to develop?
2. How do you see face-to-face and digital and
electronic communication skills being similar and/or
different? Where do you see face-to-face and digital
and electronic communication in your future
professional role?
Attribution

resource:

References

Alberta Health Services (AHS). (2023). Ethics & compliance.
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/about/Page645.aspx
Alberta Health Services (AHS). (2016). Code of conduct.
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/assets/about/policies/ahs-
pub-code-of-conduct.pdf
Alberta Therapeutic Recreation Association (ATRA). (2021). Code of
ethics: A guide for ethical and moral decision-making for recreational
therapists. https://www.alberta-tr.ca/media/91513/
codeofethics11may2021.pdf
Bourque, T., & Horney, B. (2016). Principles of veterinary medical
ethics of the CVMA. Canadian Veterinary Medical Association.
https://www.canadianveterinarians.net/about-cvma/principles-
of-veterinary-medical-ethics-of-the-cvma/
Canadian Veterinary Medical Association (CVMA). (2016).
Principles of veterinary medical ethics of the CVMA.
https://www.canadianveterinarians.net/media/o5qjghc0/
principles-of-veterinary-medical-ethics-of-the-cvma.pdf
Child and Youth Care Association of Alberta (CYCAA). (2008). Code
of ethics. https://www.cycaa.com/about-us/code-of-ethics
College of Alberta Dental Assistants (CADA). (2019). Code of ethics.
http://abrda.ca/protecting-the-public/regulations-and-
standards/code-of-ethics/
Cyr, C., Helgason, E., Appleton, K., & Yunick, A. (2021). Code of
ethics: A guide for ethical and moral decision-making for recreation
therapists. Alberta Therapeutic Recreation Association.
https://www.alberta-tr.ca/media/91513/
codeofethics11may2021.pdf
Ehrlich, T. (Ed.). (2000). Civic responsibility and higher education.
Oryx Press.
Government of Alberta. (2023). Code of conduct and ethics for the
Alberta Public Service. https://www.alberta.ca/code-of-conduct-
and-ethics-for-the-alberta-public-service.aspx
Graduate Management Admission Council. (2017). Corporate
recruiters survey report 2017. https://www.mba.com/-/media/

files/gmac/research/employment-outlook/2017-gmac-
corporate-recruiters-web-release.pdf?la=en
Gray, K. (2022, November 15). As their focus on GPA fades,
employers seek key skills on college grads’ resumes. National
Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE).
https://www.naceweb.org/talent-acquisition/candidate-
selection/as-their-focus-on-gpa-fades-employers-seek-key-
skills-on-college-grads-resumes/
Guffey, M. (2008). Essentials of business communication (7th ed.).
Thomson/Wadsworth.
Haas, M., & Mortensen, M. (2016, June). The secrets of great
teamwork. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2016/06/the-
secrets-of-great-teamwork
Jotform. (2021, December 8). How technology has changed
workplace communication. https://www.jotform.com/blog/
technology-and-workplace-communication/
O’Rourke, J., & Yarbrough, B. (2008). Leading groups and teams.
South-Western Cengage Learning.
Pearson, J., & Nelson, P. (2000). An introduction to human
communication: Understanding and sharing. McGraw-Hill.
Rogers, E., & Steinfatt, T. (1999). Intercultural communication.
Waveland Press.
Therapy Assistant Association of Alberta (ThAAA). (2012). Code
of ethics. http://thaaa.ca/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/
ThAAA_Code-of-Ethics.pdf
Zabava Ford, W. S., & Wolvin, A. D. (1993). The differential impact
of a basic communication course on perceived communication
competencies in class, work, and social contexts. Communication
Education, 42(3), 215–223. https://doi.org/10.1080/
0363452930937892

Figure 6. Graduation by Hippo px by U3167879, CC BY-SA 4.0
Protest-sofia-incinerator by 008all, CC BY-SA 4.0

Group of students in front of the DARM by Violetova, CC BY-SA 4.0
Meaning of ETHICS101 by Pokemon1244, CC BY-SA 4.0
Teamwork Skills Training Workplace Illustration by Digits.co.uk
Images, CC BY 2.0

1.5 Competent
Communication
We have already defined communication, and you probably know

that to be competent at something means you know what you’re
doing. When we combine these terms, we get the following
definition, which has remained reasonably consistent over time:
competent communication refers to the knowledge of effective
and appropriate communication and the ability to use and adapt
that knowledge in various contexts (Cooley & Roach, 1984; Adler et
al., 2021).
64 | 1.5 Competent Communication

Knowledge: The
cognitive
elements of
competence
include
knowing how to
do something
and
understanding
why things are
done the way
they are
(Hargie, 2011).
People can
develop
cognitive
Image 1.14 competence by
observing and
evaluating the
actions of
others.
Cognitive
competence
can also be
developed
through
instruction.
1.5 Competent Communication | 65

Ability to use:
Individual
factors affect
our ability to do
anything. Not
everyone has
the same
athletic,
musical, or
intellectual
ability. At the
individual level,
a person’s
physiological
and
psychological
characteristics
affect
competence. In
terms of
physiology, age,
maturity, and
ability to
communicate
affect
competence. In
terms of
psychology, a
person’s mood,
Image 1.15 stress level,
personality, and
level of
communication
apprehension
(level of anxiety
regarding
communication)
affect
competence
(Cooley &
Roach, 1984). All
these factors
will either help
or hinder you
when you try to
apply the
knowledge you
have learned to
actual
communication
behaviours.

Adapting to
various
contexts: Social
and cultural
contexts impact
what is
considered
competent
communication
in one situation
and
incompetent
communication
in another.
Competent
communicators
are able to
Image 1.16 adapt and apply
their
communication
knowledge and
skills across a
variety of
contexts.
Communication competence is also said to be about a balance

between two approaches: task effectiveness and relational
appropriateness (Study Hall, 2022). We have previously discussed
that communication is used to accomplish goals, so we want our
communication approach to be such that it allows us to reach those
goals effectively, in terms of the use of time and resources to
accomplish the task. Thus, our communication approach would be
task-effective. In contrast, a communication approach that focuses
on relational appropriateness will consider relationships. This
approach might consider the word choice, tone, and body language
used in the context of the social environment and the individuals
being spoken with. The purpose of using relational appropriateness
as a communication approach is to protect or create a positive
relationship. Our communication impacts people and outcomes, so
it is important to consider which approach to take and when. Both
approaches are valuable in their own right, and a balanced use of
both is ideal, as described in the following video (Study Hall, 2022).

(Study Hall, 2022)

Despite the fact that no guidelines for or definitions of
competence will be applicable in all situations, the National
Communication Association (NCA) has identified many aspects of
competence related to communication.
To help colleges and universities develop curriculum and
instruction strategies to prepare students, the NCA has defined
what students should be able to do in terms of speaking and
listening competencies by the time they graduate from college. The
NCA’s suggested speaking and listening competencies seem to focus
on the task-effectiveness approach to communication (Morreale et
al., 1998):
1. State ideas clearly.

2. Communicate ethically.
3. Recognize when it is appropriate to communicate.
4. Identify the communication goals.
5. Select the most appropriate and effective medium for
communicating.
6. Demonstrate credibility.
7. Identify and manage misunderstandings.
8. Manage conflict.
9. Be open-minded about another’s point of view.
10. Listen attentively.
Communication competence is a dynamic and evolving process no

matter how much knowledge, ability, and adaptability we possess at

any one point in time because our environment is always changing,
which leads to the need for us to change. We will continuously have
competencies we are skilled in and areas where we can improve.
The development of communication competence occurs over
time and through a series of four stages. Different communication
competencies can be at different developmental stages, and the
developmental stages can change as the situations requiring
communication competencies evolve.
• Stage 1: Unconscious incompetence: Before you have built up

a rich cognitive knowledge base of communication concepts
and practised and reflected on skills in a particular area, you
may exhibit unconscious incompetence, which means you are
not even aware that you are communicating in an incompetent
manner.
• Stage 2: Conscious incompetence: Once you learn more about
communication and have a vocabulary for identifying
concepts, you may find yourself exhibiting conscious
incompetence. This is when you know what you should be
doing, and you realize that you’re not doing it as well as you
could.
• Stage 3: Conscious competence: As your skills increase, you
may advance to conscious competence, meaning that you
know you are communicating well in the moment, which will
add to your bank of experiences to draw from in future
interactions.
• Stage 4: Unconscious competence: When you reach the stage
of unconscious competence, you communicate successfully
without straining to be competent.
Again, just because you reach the stage of unconscious competence

in one skill or with one person does not mean you will always stay
there. We are faced with new communication encounters regularly,
and though we may be able to draw on the communication skills we
have learned about and developed, it may take a few instances of

being in the conscious incompetence stage before you can advance
to later stages.
One way to progress towards communication competence is to
become a more mindful communicator. Mindful communication
means the communicator actively and fluidly processes
information, is sensitive to communication contexts and multiple
perspectives, and is able to adapt to novel communication situations
(Burgoon et al., 2002). Mindful communication can help us
accomplish tasks and leans towards the relational appropriateness
approach by helping us speak and listen in order to learn. Mindful
communication involves processing information about the other
person and about how we are feeling during the interaction. It
allows us to form the truest meaning of the message as we form a
deeper understanding of the other person and ourselves.
Image 1.17

Various communication behaviours can signal that we are
communicating mindfully. For example, asking a person to
paraphrase their understanding of the instructions you just gave
them shows that you are aware that verbal messages are not always
clear, that people do not always listen actively, and that people
often do not speak up when they are unsure of instructions for
fear of appearing incompetent or embarrassing themselves. Some
communication behaviours indicate that we are not communicating
mindfully, such as withdrawing from a romantic partner or engaging
in passive-aggressive behaviour during a period of interpersonal
conflict. Most of us know that such behaviours lead to predictable
and avoidable conflict cycles, yet we are all guilty of them.
The following video by Sanvello (2021) briefly discusses mindful
communication, how to avoid communication autopilot, and how to
speak and listen supportively.

(Sanvello, 2021)
Mindful communication can also help us develop competency in
decoding important messages that would otherwise be missed. For
example, our tendency to assume that people are telling us the
truth can allow us to miss communication cues that might be more
obvious if we were being mindful. Therefore, a certain amount of
tentativeness and mindful monitoring of a person’s nonverbal and
verbal communication can help us detect deception. However, this
is not the same thing as chronic suspicion, which would not indicate
communication competence.

Becoming a more mindful communicator has many benefits,
including achieving communication goals, detecting deception,
avoiding stereotypes, and reducing conflict. Whether or not we
achieve our day-to-day communication goals depends on our
On a daily basis, all of this will take place in the simplest
communication scenario—a conversation. We all have conversations
in both personal and professional settings. Communication
competence during conversations can help build and maintain
positive relationships, be key to accomplishing goals in our personal
and professional lives, or serve to simply learn something that we
can apply in many ways. In the following Tedx Talks (2015)
presentation, Celeste Headlee, an award-winning interviewer,
demonstrates how mindful communication works in an everyday
conversation. Headlee proposes that there are 10 rules to having
a good conversation—one where our speaking and listening skills
allow the best task and relational outcomes.

(TEDx Talks, 2015)

Headlee shares the following 10 rules and gives further examples
and context:
1. Stop multitasking.
2. Assume you have something to learn.
3. Use open-ended questions.
4. Go with the flow. Allow your own thoughts to enter, then

let them go. Remain focused on the speaker’s messages.
5. If you don’t know, say you don’t know.
6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. Let the moment
be about them.
7. Try not to repeat yourself. It’s boring and condescending.
8. Don’t get bogged down in the details. Focus on learning
about the person, and them learning about you.
9. Listen. When we are speaking, we are not learning.
10. Be brief—short enough to retain interest, long enough to
cover the subject.
Headlee suggests that the key to conversational communication

competence is remaining interested in others.
The following chapters will provide opportunities to gain
knowledge, practise using that knowledge, and develop the ability
to adapt our communication across a wide range of interpersonal
interactions.
1. Consider a former teacher, guardian, coach, or boss

that you considered good at communication.
a. What made them a good communicator?
b. If you could adopt just one of their

communication skills, what would it be and why?
2. Right now, are you a competent communicator? Do

you see examples of the four stages in your life? Explain
your answer using examples.
3. Right now, do you feel you are a balanced

communicator in terms of your use of task-effective or
relationally appropriate approaches?
4. Right now, do you communicate mindfully? Explain

your answer using examples.
5. What motivates you to become a competent

communicator?
6. Create one to three personal goals that would move

you towards communication competence.
Attribution

resource:

References
Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor II, R. F. (2021). LOOK: Looking out,
looking in (4th ed.). Cengage Learning.
Bergoon, J. K., Berger, C. R., & Waldron, V. R. (2002). Mindfulness

and interpersonal communication. Journal of Social Issues, 56(1),
105–127. https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00154
Cooley, R. E., & Roach, D. (1984). A conceptual framework. In R.
Bostrom (Ed.), Competence in communication: A multidisciplinary
approach (p. 25). Sage.
Hargie, O. (2011). Communicating effectively: The skills approach.
In Skilled interpersonal communication: Research, theory and
practice (pp. 1-12). Routledge.
Morreale, S., Rubin, R. B., & Jones, E. (Eds.). (1998). Speaking and
listening competencies for college students. National Communication
Association (NCA). https://www.natcom.org/sites/default/files/
pages/
Assessment_Resources_Speaking_and_Listening_Competencies
_for_College_Students.pdf
Sanvello. (2021, April 30). Mindful communication [Video].
YouTube. https://youtu.be/wCRgiYN-bgQ
Study Hall. (2022, August 17). Working toward competent
communication | Human communication | Study Hall [Video].
YouTube. https://youtu.be/KprF-zw2Qqw
TEDx Talks. (2015, May 7). How to have a good conversation |
Celeste Headlee | TEDxCreativeCoast [Video]. YouTube.
https://youtu.be/H6n3iNh4XLI

Brain-Mind-Presence by johnhain, Pixabay licence
Carga mental femenina by Daney0909, CC BY-SA 4.0
Decision making in a social context by Glascher Lab, CC BY-SA 4.0
Recycle-Practice-Circulate by johnhain, Pixabay licence

1.6 Review
Use the following review activities to assess your knowledge of the

material in this chapter. These activities, along with the questions in
each section, should allow you to assess your understanding of the
communication concepts presented in the chapter.
Matching Review
An interactive H5P element has been excluded from

this version of the text. You can view it online here:
https://openeducationalberta.ca/
communications/?p=56#h5p-1
Review Quiz
An interactive H5P element has been excluded

from this version of the text. You can view it
online here:
76 | 1.6 Review
Attribution

resource:

1.6 Review | 77
78 | 1.6 Review
CHAPTER II
THE ROLE OF PERCEPTION
The Role of Perception | 79

80 | The Role of Perception
2.1 Introduction to the Role
of Perception
Learning Objectives
1. Understand self-concept, self-esteem, and identity

management as they influence communication in
different settings
2. Describe the perception process and its impact on
communication
3. Describe how perception can influence conflict
and how perception checking can decrease conflict
4. Describe the difference between empathy and
sympathy, and their role in communication
5. Explain the “pillow method” to understand another
person’s perspective
6. Explain “cultural considerations” as they relate to
perception
7. Understand how aspects of personality affect
perception and communication
2.1 Introduction to the Role of Perception | 81

Chapter Overview
As we go through our daily lives, we perceive all sorts of people

and objects, and we often make sense of these perceptions by using
previous experiences to help filter and organize the information we
take in. Sometimes we encounter new or contradictory information
that changes the way we think about a person, group, or object.
The perceptions that we make of others and that others make of us
affect how we communicate and act. In this chapter, we will learn
about the perception process, how we perceive others, and how
we perceive and present ourselves. We will then discuss ways that
we can improve our perceptions. The chapter activities will help to
bring theory to practice.
Attribution

resource:

82 | 2.1 Introduction to the Role of Perception

2.2 Perception
Perception is the process of selecting, organizing, and

interpreting information. This process includes the perception of
select stimuli that pass through our perceptual filters, are organized
into our existing structures and patterns, and are then interpreted
based on previous experiences. Although perception is largely a
cognitive and psychological process, how we perceive the people
and objects around us is also affected by our communication with
others. This part of the perception process is referred to as
negotiation of meaning (Interpersonal communication, 2012). We
respond differently to an object or person that we perceive
favourably than we do to something we find unfavourable
(Interpersonal communication, 2012). Also, our perceptions can
change after interacting with another person or group of people.
But how do we filter the mass amounts of incoming information,
then organize and create meaning from what makes it through our
perceptual filters and into our social realities? The following video,
which summarizes some of the main content from this chapter,
provides some answers to that question. We will then continue to
elaborate on this concept throughout the chapter.

(Study Hall, 2022)
2.2 Perception | 83
Perception Process
1. Selecting Information
We take in information through all five of our senses, but the world
around us includes so many stimuli that it is impossible for our
brains to process and make sense of it all. So, as information comes
in through our senses, various factors influence what actually
continues on through the perception process (Fiske & Taylor, 1991).
Selecting is the first part of this process; we focus our attention
on certain incoming sensory information. Think about how, out of
many other possible stimuli to pay attention to, you may hear a
familiar voice in the hallway, see a pair of shoes you want to buy
from across the mall, or smell something cooking for dinner when
you get home from work. We quickly cut through and push to the
background all kinds of sights, smells, sounds, and other stimuli. But
how do we decide what to select and what to leave out?
We tend to pay attention to information that is salient. Salience is
the degree to which something attracts our attention in a particular
context. The thing that attracts our attention can be abstract, like a
concept, or concrete, like an object. The degree of salience depends
on three features: things that are visually or aurally stimulating,
things that meet our needs or interests, and expectations that affect
what we find salient (Fiske & Tayor, 1991).
Visual and Auditory Stimulation
It is probably not surprising to learn that anything that creates

visual or auditory stimulation becomes salient in our perceptual
field and captures our attention. Creatures ranging from fish to
hummingbirds are attracted to things like silver spinners on fishing
poles or red birdfeeders, as shown in Image 2.1. Having our senses
stimulated isn’t always a positive thing, though. Think about the
84 | 2.2 Perception
couple who won’t stop talking during the movie or the upstairs
neighbour whose subwoofer shakes your ceiling at night. In short,
stimuli can be attention-getting in a productive or in a distracting
way. As communicators, we can use this knowledge to our benefit
by minimizing distractions when we have something important to
say. It’s probably better to have a serious conversation with a
significant other in a quiet place rather than a crowded one. Altering
the rate, volume, and pitch of your voice, known as vocal variety,
can help keep your audience engaged, as can gestures and
movement. Conversely, nonverbal adaptors, or the nervous
movements we make to relieve anxiety, like pacing or twirling our
hair, can be distracting. Aside from minimizing distractions and
delivering our messages enthusiastically, the content of our
communication also affects salience.
Image 2.1
Needs and Interests
We tend to pay attention to information that we perceive meets our

needs or interests in some way. This type of selective attention can
help us meet instrumental needs and get things done. When you
2.2 Perception | 85
need to speak with a financial aid officer about your scholarships
and loans, you sit in the waiting room and listen for your name to
be called. Paying close attention to whose name is called means you
can be ready to start your meeting and hopefully get your business
handled.
When we don’t think certain messages meet our needs, stimuli
that would normally get our attention may be completely ignored.
Imagine that you are in the grocery store, and you hear someone say
your name. You turn around, only to hear that person say, “Finally!
I said your name three times. I thought you had forgotten who I
was!” A few seconds before, when you were focused on figuring out
which kind of orange juice to buy, you tuned other stimuli out, even
something as familiar as the sound of someone calling your name.
We also find information that interests us salient. Of course,
stimuli that meet our needs can also be interesting, but it’s worth
discussing these two items separately because sometimes we find
things interesting that don’t necessarily meet our needs. I’m sure
we’ve all gotten sucked into a television show, video game (Image
2.2), or random project and paid attention to that at the expense of
something that actually meets our needs like preparing dinner or
spending time with a significant other. Paying attention to things
that interest us but don’t meet specific needs seems like the basic
formula for procrastination, something we are all familiar with.
86 | 2.2 Perception
Image 2.2
In many cases, we know what interests us, and we automatically

gravitate toward stimuli that match up with that. For example, as
you flip through radio stations, you likely already have an idea of
what kind of music interests you, so you will stop on a station
playing something in that genre while skipping right past stations
playing something you aren’t interested in. Because of this
tendency, we often end up being forced into or accidentally
experiencing something new in order to create or discover new
interests. For example, you may accidentally stumble on a new area
of interest when you register for a class you wouldn’t otherwise take
because it fits into your schedule. As a communicator, you can take
advantage of this perceptual tendency by adapting your topic and
content to the interests of your audience.
Expectations
Another feature that affects the degree of salience is expectations.
2.2 Perception | 87
However, the relationship between salience and expectations is
somewhat complex. Basically, we can find expected things salient
and also find things that are unexpectedly salient. Although this
may sound confusing, a couple of examples should illustrate this
point. If you are expecting a package to be delivered, you might pick
up on the slightest noise of a truck engine or someone’s footsteps
approaching your front door. Since we expect something to happen,
we may be extra tuned in to clues that it is coming. In terms of
the unexpected, if you have a shy and soft-spoken friend whom you
overhear raising the volume and pitch of their voice while talking to
another friend, you may pick up on that and assume that something
out of the ordinary is going on. For something unexpected to
become salient, it has to reach a certain threshold of difference.
If you walk into your regular class and there are one or two more
students there than normal, you may not even notice. If you walk
into your class and there is someone dressed up as a wizard, you
would probably notice. So, if we expect to experience something out
of the routine, like a package delivery, we will find stimuli related
to that expectation salient. If we experience something that we
weren’t expecting and that is significantly different from our routine
experiences, then we will likely find it salient.
There is a middle area where slight deviations from routine
experiences may go unnoticed because we aren’t expecting them.
To go back to the earlier example, if you aren’t expecting a package,
and you regularly hear vehicle engines and sidewalk foot traffic
outside your house, those routine sounds wouldn’t be as likely to
catch your attention, even if the traffic was slightly more or less
than expected. This is because our expectations are often based
on previous experience and patterns we have observed and
internalized, which allows our brains to go on “autopilot” and fill in
things that are missing or overlook extra things.
88 | 2.2 Perception
Look at the following sentence and read it aloud:
Percpetoin is bsaed on pateetrns, maening we otfen
raech a cocnlsuion witouht cosnidreing ecah indviidaul
elmenet.
The example above illustrates a test of our expectations and an

annoyance to every college or university student. We may have
had the experience of getting a paper back with typos and spelling
errors circled, which can be frustrating, especially if we took the
time to proofread. When we first learn to read and write, we
typically learn letter by letter. Perhaps a teacher or parent showed
us a card with A-P-P-L-E written on it, and we sounded it out. Over
time, we learned the patterns of letters and sounds and could see
combinations of letters and pronounce the word quickly. Since we
know what to expect when we see a certain pattern of letters, and
we know what comes next in a sentence if we wrote the paper, we
don’t take the time to look at each letter as we proofread. This can
lead us to overlook common typos and spelling errors, even if we
reread something multiple times. How can you avoid proofreading
errors? First, ask a friend to proofread your paper. Since they didn’t
write it, they have fewer expectations regarding the content.
Second, read your paper backwards. Since patterns of speech aren’t
the same in reverse, you have to stop and focus on each word. Now
that we know how we select stimuli, let’s turn our attention to how
we organize the information we receive.
2. Organizing Information
Organizing is the second part of the perception process and

involves sorting and categorizing the information that we perceive
based on innate and learned cognitive patterns. Three ways we
2.2 Perception | 89
sort things into patterns are by using proximity, similarity, and
difference (Coren, 1980). For proximity, we tend to think that things
that are close together, go together. For example, have you ever
been waiting to be helped in a business and the clerk assumes that
you and the person standing beside you are together? The slightly
awkward moment usually ends when you and the other person in
line look at each other, then back at the clerk, and one of you
explains that you are not together. Even though you may have never
met that other person in your life, the clerk used a basic perceptual
organizing cue to group you together because you were standing in
proximity to one another.
We also group things together based on similarity. We tend to
think similar-looking or similar-acting things belong together. For
example, let’s say that you have two friends who you occasionally
go out with, and you are all three males, around the same age, of
the same race, and with short hair and glasses. Aside from that,
you don’t really look alike, but a server at a restaurant may assume
that you’re brothers. Despite the fact that many other features are
different, the salient features are organized based on similarity, and
the three of you are suddenly related in the server’s eyes.
We also organize information based on difference. In this case,
we assume that an item that looks or acts differently from the rest
doesn’t belong with the group. Perceptual errors involving people
and assumptions of difference can be especially awkward, if not
offensive, in some cases.
These strategies for organizing information are so common that
they are built into how we teach our children basic skills and how we
function in our daily lives. We probably all had to look at pictures in
elementary school and determine which things went together and
which thing didn’t belong. If you think of the literal act of organizing
something, like your desk at home or work, we follow these same
strategies. If you have a bunch of papers and mail on top of your
desk, you will likely sort the papers into separate piles for separate
categories or put bills in a different place than your personal mail.
You may have one drawer for pens, pencils, and other supplies
90 | 2.2 Perception
and another drawer for files. In this case, you are grouping items
based on similarities and differences. You may also group things
based on proximity, for example, by putting financial items like a
calculator, your pay stubs, and business receipts in one area so you
can update your finances efficiently. We simplify information and
look for patterns to help us more efficiently communicate and get
through life.
Simplifying and categorizing based on patterns isn’t necessarily
a bad thing. In fact, without this capability, we would likely not
be able to speak, read, or engage in other complex cognitive and
behavioural functions. Our brain innately categorizes and files
information and experiences away for later retrieval, and different
parts of the brain are responsible for different sensory experiences.
In short, it is natural for things to group together in certain ways.
There are differences among people, and looking for patterns helps
us in many practical ways. However, the judgements we place on
various patterns and categories are not natural; they are learned
and are culturally and contextually relative. Our perceptual patterns
can become unproductive and even unethical when the judgements
we associate with certain patterns are based on stereotypical or
prejudicial thinking.
3. Interpreting Information
Although selecting and organizing incoming stimuli happens very

quickly, and sometimes without much conscious thought,
interpretation can be a much more deliberate and conscious step
in the perception process. Interpretation is the third part of the
perception process and is the point at which we assign meaning
to our experiences using mental structures known as schemata.
Schemata are like databases of stored, related information that we
use to interpret new experiences. We all have fairly complicated
schemata that have developed over time as small units of
2.2 Perception | 91
information combine to make more meaningful complexes of
information.
Image 2.3
For example, we have an overall schema (singular form of

“schemata”) about education and how to interpret experiences with
teachers and classmates, as shown in Image 2.3. This schema started
developing before we even went to preschool based on information
about school that we got from parents, peers, and the media. You
may have learned that certain objects like a pencil, a ruler, and a
notebook were associated with being a student or teacher. You also
learned new concepts like grades and recess, and you engaged in
new practices like doing homework, studying, and taking tests. In
school, you formed new relationships with teachers, administrators,
and classmates, and as you progressed through your education,
your schema adapted to the changing environment. How smooth
or troubling the process of re-evaluating and revising a particular
schema is varies from situation to situation and person to person.
92 | 2.2 Perception
For example, some students adapt their schema relatively easily as
they move from elementary to middle to high school and on to
post-secondary education and are faced with new expectations for
behaviour and academic engagement. Other students don’t adapt
as easily, and holding onto their old schema creates problems as
they try to interpret new information through an old, incompatible
schema. We’ve all been in a similar situation at some point in our
lives, so we know that revising our schemata can be stressful and
that such revision takes effort and usually involves some mistakes,
disappointments, and frustrations. But being able to adapt our
schemata is a sign of cognitive complexity, which is an important
part of communication competence. So, even though the process
may be challenging, it can also be a time for learning and growth.
It’s important to be aware of schemata because our
interpretations affect our behaviour. For example, if you are doing
a group project for a class, and you perceive a group member to
be shy based on your schema of how shy people communicate,
you may avoid giving them presentation responsibilities in your
group project because you do not think shy people make good
public speakers. Schemata also guide our interactions and provide
a script for our behaviours. We know, in general, how to act and
communicate in a waiting room, in a classroom, on a first date, and
even on a game show, as shown in Image 2.4.
2.2 Perception | 93
Image 2.4
As we have seen, schemata are used to interpret others’ behaviour

and form impressions about who they are as a person. To help
this process along, we often solicit information from people to help
us place them into a preexisting schema. In Canada, the United
States, and many other Western cultures, people’s identities are
often closely tied to what they do for a living. When we introduce
others, or ourselves, occupation is usually one of the first things
we mention. Think about how your communication with someone
might differ if they were introduced to you as an artist versus a
doctor. We make similar interpretations based on where people are
from, their age, their race or ethnicity, and other social and cultural
factors.
In summary, we have schemata about individuals, groups, places,
and things, and these schemata filter our perceptions before,
during, and after interactions. As schemata are retrieved from
memory, they are executed like computer programs or apps on
your smartphone to help us interpret the world around us. Just as
computer programs and apps must be regularly updated to improve
94 | 2.2 Perception
their functioning, competent communicators update and adapt
their schemata as they have new experiences.
1. Take a moment to look around wherever you are

right now. Take in the perceptual field around you.
What is salient for you in this moment and why?
Explain the degree of salience using the three reasons
for salience discussed in this section.
2. Think about some of the schemata you have that
help you make sense of the world around you. For
each of the following contexts—academic,
professional, personal, and civic—identify a schema
that you commonly rely on or think you will rely on.
For each schema you identified, note a few ways that
it has already been challenged or may be challenged
in the future.
Attribution

resource:
2.2 Perception | 95
References
Coren, S., & Girgus, J. S. (1980). Principles of perceptual
organization and spatial distortion: The gestalt illusions. Journal of
Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 6(3),
404–412. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1981-20351-001?doi=1
Fiske, S. T., and Taylor, S. E. (1991). Social cognition (2nd ed).
McGraw-Hill.
Interpersonal communication. (2012). Whatcom Community College.

https://textbooks.whatcom.edu/dutton210, licensed under a CC
BY-NC-SA 4.0, except where otherwise noted.
Sillars, A. L. (1980). Attributions and communication in roommate
conflicts. Communication Monographs, 47(3), 180–200.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/
03637758009376031
Study Hall. (2022, September 9). Perception | Human
communication | Study Hall [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIghWoz-nc
Watzlawick, P., Beavin Bavelas, J., & Jackson, D. D. (1967).
Pragmatics of human communication: A study of interactional
patterns, pathologies, and paradoxes. W. W. Norton & Company.

Hill City Hummingbird by GeneMJ530, CC BY-SA 4.0
PAX South 2015 – Playing video games (16334943886) by Daniel
Benavides, CC BY 2.0
96 | 2.2 Perception
Elementary School in Boquete Panama 02 by FranHogan, CC BY-SA
4.0
Wheel of Fortune Navy by Journalist Seaman Ryan Clement, U.S.
Navy, Public domain
2.2 Perception | 97
2.3 Self-Perception
Just as our perception of others affects how we communicate, so

does our perception of ourselves. But what influences our self-
perception? How much of our “self” is a product of our own making
and how much of it is constructed based on how others react to
us? How do we present ourselves to others in ways that maintain
our sense of self or challenge how others see us? We will begin to
answer these questions in this section as we explore self-concept,
self-esteem, and self-presentation.
Self-Concept
Self-concept refers to the overall idea of who a person thinks they

are. If I said, “Tell me who you are,” your answers would be clues
to how you see yourself—your self-concept. Each person has an
overall self-concept that might be a short list of the overarching
characteristics they find important. But each person’s self-concept
is also influenced by context, meaning that we think differently
about ourselves depending on the situation we are in. In some
situations, personal characteristics, such as our abilities,
personality, and other distinguishing features, will best describe
who we are. You might think of yourself as laid back, traditional,
funny, open-minded, or driven, or you might label yourself a leader
or a thrill-seeker. In other situations, our self-concept may be tied
to group or cultural membership. For example, you might consider
yourself a member of a book club, a gamer, or a sports geek.
Our self-concept is also formed through our interactions with
others and their reactions to us. The concept of the looking-glass
self, also known as reflected appraisal, explains that we see
98 | 2.3 Self-Perception
ourselves reflected in other people’s reactions to us and then form
our self-concept based on how we believe other people see us
(Wallace & Tice, 2012). This reflective process of building our self-
concept is based on what other people have actually said, such as
“You’re a good listener,” and other people’s actions, such as coming
to you for advice. These thoughts evoke emotional responses that
feed into our self-concept. For example, you may think, “I’m glad
that people can count on me to listen to their problems.”
We also develop our self-concept through comparisons to other
people. Social comparison theory states that we describe and
evaluate ourselves in terms of how we compare to other people.
Social comparisons are based on two dimensions: superiority/
inferiority and similarity/difference (Hargie, 2021). In terms of
superiority and inferiority, we evaluate characteristics such as
attractiveness, intelligence, athletic ability, and so on. For example,
you may judge yourself to be more intelligent than your brother
or less athletic than your best friend, and these judgements are
incorporated into your self-concept. This process of comparison
and evaluation isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can have negative
consequences if your reference group isn’t appropriate.
Reference groups are the groups we use for social comparison,
and they typically change based on what we are evaluating. In terms
of athletic ability, many people choose unreasonable reference
groups with which to engage in social comparison. If a someone
wants to get into better shape and starts an exercise routine, they
may be discouraged by difficulty keeping up with the aerobics
instructor or their running partner and judge themselves as inferior,
which could negatively affect their self-concept. Using as a
reference group people who have only recently started a fitness
program but have shown progress could help maintain a more
accurate and hopefully positive self-concept.
We also engage in social comparison based on similarity and
difference. Since self-concept is context specific, similarity may
be desirable in some situations and difference more desirable in
others. Factors like age and personality may influence whether or
2.3 Self-Perception | 99
not we want to fit in or stand out. Although we compare ourselves
to others throughout our lives, adolescence usually brings new
pressure to be similar to or different from particular reference
groups. Think of all the cliques in high school and how people
voluntarily or involuntarily broke off into groups based on
popularity, interest, culture, or grade level. Some kids in your high
school may have wanted to fit in with and be similar to students
in the marching band, as shown in Image 2.5, but be different from
the football players. Conversely, athletes were probably more apt
to compare themselves, in terms of similar athletic ability, to other
athletes rather than to the kids in the band. But social comparison
can be complicated by perceptual influences. As we learned earlier,
we organize information based on similarity and difference, but
these patterns don’t always hold true. Even though students
involved in athletics and students involved in arts may seem very
different, a dancer or singer may also be very athletic, perhaps
even more so than a member of the football team. As with other
aspects of perception, there are positive and negative consequences
of social comparison.
We generally want to know
where we fall in terms of ability
and performance as compared
to others, but what people do
with this information and how
it affects self-concept varies.
Not all people feel they need to
Image 2.5 be at the top of the list, but
some won’t stop until they get
the high score on the video game or set a new record in a track-
and-field event. Some people strive to be first chair in the clarinet
section of the band, while another person may be content to be
second chair. We place evaluations on our self-concept based on
many factors, and some of these bring in the concepts of self-
esteem and self-efficacy, which are components of our self-
concept, as can be seen in Image 2.6.

Image 2.6
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem refers to the judgements and evaluations we make

about our self-concept. Although self-concept is a broad
description of the self, self-esteem is more specifically an evaluation
of the self (Byrne, 1996). If you were again prompted to “Tell me who
you are” and then were asked to evaluate (that is, label as good/
bad, positive/negative, desirable/undesirable) each of the things
you listed about yourself, you would reveal clues about your self-
esteem. Like self-concept, self-esteem has both general and specific
elements. Generally, some people are more likely to evaluate

themselves positively, whereas others are more likely to evaluate
themselves negatively (Brockner, 1988). More specifically, our self-
esteem varies across our lifespan and across contexts.
How we judge ourselves affects our communication and our
behaviours, but not every negative or positive judgement carries
the same weight. The negative evaluation of a trait that isn’t very
important for our self-concept will likely not result in a loss of
self-esteem. For example, you may not be very good at drawing.
Although you may appreciate drawing as an art form, you might
not consider drawing ability to be a very big part of your self-
concept, and if someone criticized your drawing ability, your self-
esteem wouldn’t really be affected. On the other hand, you may
consider yourself to be good at your job, and you may have spent
considerable time and effort developing and improving the skills
you need in your work. If your job skills are important to your self-
concept and someone critiqued your ability, your self-esteem might
definitely be hurt. This doesn’t mean that we can’t be evaluated on
something we find important. Even though your job may be very
important to your self-concept, you are likely regularly evaluated
on it by your superiors and your co-workers. Most of that feedback
is likely in the form of constructive criticism, which can still be
difficult to receive, but when taken in the spirit of self-
improvement, it is valuable and may even enhance your self-
concept and self-esteem. In fact, in professional contexts, people
with higher self-esteem are more likely to work harder based on
negative feedback, are less negatively affected by work stress, are
able to handle workplace conflict better, and are better able to work
independently and solve problems (Brockner, 1988). Self-esteem
isn’t the only factor that contributes to our self-concept;
perceptions about our competence also play a role in developing
our sense of self.

Self-Efficacy
Self-efficacy refers to the judgements people make about their

ability to perform a task in a specific context (Bandura, 1997).
Judgements about our self-efficacy influence our self-esteem,
which in turn influences our self-concept. The following example
also illustrates these interconnections:
Pedro did a good job on his first college speech.

During a meeting with his instructor, Pedro indicates
that he is confident going into the next speech and
thinks he will do well. This skill-based assessment is an
indication that Pedro has a high level of self-efficacy
related to public speaking. If he does well on the speech,
the praise from his classmates and instructor will
reinforce his self-efficacy and lead him to positively
evaluate his speaking skills, which will contribute to his
self-esteem. By the end of the course, Pedro likely
thinks of himself as a good public speaker, which may
then become an important part of his self-concept.
Throughout these points of connection, it’s important

to remember that self-perception affects how we
communicate, behave, and perceive other things.
Pedro’s increased feeling of self-efficacy may give him
more confidence in his delivery, which will likely result
in positive feedback that reinforces his self-perception.
He may start to perceive his instructor more positively
since they share an interest in public speaking, and he
may begin to notice other people’s speaking skills more
during class presentations and public lectures. Over

time, he may even start to think about changing his
major to communication or pursuing career options that
incorporate public speaking, which would further
integrate being “a good public speaker” into his self-
concept. You can hopefully see that these
interconnections can create powerful positive or
negative cycles. Although some of this process is under
our control, much of it is also shaped by the people in
our lives.
The verbal and nonverbal feedback we get from people affects our
feelings of self-efficacy and our self-esteem. As we saw in the
example above, being given positive feedback can increase our self-
efficacy, which may make us more likely to engage in a similar task
in the future (Hargie, 2021). Obviously, negative feedback can lead
to decreased self-efficacy and a declining interest in engaging with
the activity again. In general, people adjust their expectations about
their abilities based on feedback they get from others. Positive
feedback tends to make people raise their expectations for
themselves, and negative feedback does the opposite, which
ultimately affects behaviours and creates the cycle. When feedback
from others is different from how we view ourselves, additional
cycles may develop that impact self-esteem and self-concept.
Self-Discrepancy Theory
Self-discrepancy theory states that people have beliefs about and

expectations for their actual and potential selves that do not always
match up with what they experience (Higgins, 1987). To understand
this theory, we have to understand the different “selves” that make

up our self-concept—the actual, ideal, and ought selves. The actual
self consists of the attributes that you or someone else believes
you actually possess. The ideal self is made up of the attributes that
you or someone else would like you to possess. The ought
self consists of the attributes you or someone else believes
you should possess.
These different selves can conflict with each other in various
combinations. Discrepancies between the actual, ideal, and ought
selves can be motivating in some ways and prompt people to act
for self-improvement. For example, if your ought self should spend
time volunteering for the local animal shelter, then your actual self
may be more inclined to do so. Discrepancies between the ideal
and ought selves can be especially stressful. For example, many
professional women who are also mothers have an ideal view of self
that includes professional success and advancement. They may also
have an ought self that includes a sense of duty and obligation to be
a full-time mother. The actual self may be someone who does fairly
well at both but doesn’t quite live up to the expectations of either.
These discrepancies do not just create cognitive unease—they also
lead to emotional, behavioural, and communicative changes.
The following is a summary of the four potential discrepancies
among the selves:
• Actual vs. own ideals: We have an overall feeling that we are

not achieving our desires and hopes, which leads to feelings of
disappointment, dissatisfaction, and frustration.
• Actual vs. others’ ideals: We have an overall feeling that we are
not achieving significant others’ desires and hopes for
ourselves, which leads to feelings of shame and
embarrassment.
• Actual vs. own ought: We have an overall feeling that we are
not meeting our duties and obligations, which can lead to
feeling that we have fallen short of our own moral standards.
• Actual vs. others’ ought: We have an overall feeling that we are
not meeting what others see as our duties and obligations,

which leads to feelings of agitation, including fear of potential
punishment.
Influences on Self-Perception
We have already learned that other people influence our self-

concept and self-esteem. Although the interactions we have with
individuals and groups are definitely important to consider, we must
also note the influence that larger, more systemic forces have on
our self-perception. Another term often used is our perceived self,
which is our subjective appraisal of personal qualities that we
ascribe to ourselves (American Psychological Association, 2023).
Social and family influences, culture, and the media all play a role
in shaping who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves.
Although these are powerful socializing forces, there are ways to
maintain some control over our self-perception.
Social and Family Influences
Various forces help socialize us into our respective social and

cultural groups and play a powerful role in presenting us with
options about who we can be. Although we may like to think that
our self-perception starts with a blank canvas, our perceptions are
limited by our experiences and various social and cultural contexts.

Image 2.7
Parents, as shown in Image 2.7, and peers shape our self-perception

in both positive and negative ways. Feedback that we get from
significant others, which includes close family, can lead to positive
or negative views of our self (Hargie, 2021). In the past few years,
however, there has been a public discussion and debate about how
much positive reinforcement people should give others, especially
children. The following questions have been raised: Has our current
generation been overpraised? Is the praise given warranted? What
are the positive and negative effects of praise? What is the end goal
of the praise? Let’s briefly look at this discussion and its connection
to self-perception.
Whether or not praise is warranted is very subjective and is
specific to each person and context, but in general, questions have
been raised about the potential negative effects of too much praise.
Motivation is the underlying force that drives us to do things.
Sometimes we are intrinsically motivated, meaning that we want
to do something for the love of doing it or for the resulting internal
satisfaction. At other times, we are extrinsically motivated,

meaning that we do something to receive a reward or avoid
punishment. If you put effort into completing a short documentary
film for a class because you love filmmaking and editing, you have
been largely motivated by intrinsic forces. If you complete the
documentary because you want an “A” and know that if you fail,
your parents will not give you money for your spring break trip,
then you are motivated by extrinsic factors. Both can, of course,
effectively motivate us. Praise is a form of extrinsic reward, and if
there is an actual reward associated with the praise, like money or
special recognition, some people speculate that intrinsic motivation
will suffer. But what’s so good about intrinsic motivation? Intrinsic
motivation is more substantial and long-lasting than extrinsic
motivation and can lead to the development of a work ethic and
a sense of pride in one’s abilities. Intrinsic motivation can move
people to accomplish great things over long periods of time and be
happy despite the effort and sacrifices made; extrinsic motivation
dies when the reward stops. Additionally, too much praise can lead
people to have a misguided sense of their abilities. Instructors who
are reluctant to fail students who produce poor-quality work may
be setting those students up to be shocked when their supervisor
at work criticizes their abilities or output when they are in a
professional situation (Hargie, 2021).
Communication patterns develop between parents and children
that are common to many verbally and physically abusive
relationships. Many children may also receive comparison based
motivation from parents that may be discouraging but is not
necessary abusive, however, this communication style can result in
similar consequences. Such patterns can have negative effects on a
child’s self-efficacy and self-esteem. Attributions are links we make
to identify the cause of a behaviour. In the case of aggressive, or
abusive, parents, they are not able to distinguish between mistakes
and intentional behaviours, often seeing honest mistakes as
intentional misbehaviours and reacting negatively to the child. Such
parents also communicate generally negative evaluations to their
child by saying, for example, “You can’t do anything right!” or “You’re

a bad child.” When children exhibit positive behaviours, these
parents are more likely to use external attributions that diminish
the achievement of the child by saying something like, “You only
won because the other team was off their game.” In general, this
form of parents have unpredictable reactions to their children’s
positive and negative behaviour, which creates an uncertain and
often scary climate for a child that can lead to lower self-esteem
and erratic or aggressive behaviour. The cycles of praise and blame
are just two examples of how the family as a socializing force can
influence our self-perceptions.
Culture
How people perceive themselves varies across cultures. For

example, many cultures exhibit a phenomenon known as the self-
enhancement bias, meaning that they tend to emphasize an
individual’s desirable qualities relative to other people (Loughnan
et al., 2011). But the degree to which people engage in self-
enhancement varies. A review of many studies in this area found
that people in Western countries such as Canada and the United
States were significantly more likely to self-enhance than people
in countries such as Japan. Many scholars explain this variation
using a common measure of cultural variation that claims people
in individualistic cultures are more likely to engage in competition
and openly praise accomplishments than people in collectivistic
cultures. The difference in self-enhancement has also been tied
to economics, with scholars arguing that people in countries with
greater income inequality are more likely to view themselves as
superior to others or want to be perceived as superior to others
(even if they don’t have economic wealth) in order to conform to
the country’s values and norms. This holds true because countries
with high levels of economic inequality, such as the United States,
typically value competition and the right to boast about winning or
succeeding, whereas countries with more economic equality, like

Japan, have a cultural norm of modesty (Loughnan et al., 2011). The
video below discusses individualistic and collectivistic cultures and
how complex communication between these different cultures can
be.

(Rockson, 2016)
There are some general differences in terms of gender and self-
perception that relate to self-concept, self-efficacy, and envisioning
ideal selves. As with any cultural differences, these are
generalizations that have been supported by research, but they do
not represent all individuals within a group. Regarding self-concept,
men are more likely to describe themselves in terms of their group
membership, and women are more likely to include references to
relationships in their self-descriptions. For example, a man may
note that he is a fan of the Edmonton Oilers hockey team, an
enthusiastic skier, or a member of a philanthropic organization,
and a woman may note that she is a mother of two, a marathon
runner, or a loyal friend. Socialization and the internalization of
societal norms for gender differences accounts for much more of
our perceived differences than do innate or natural differences
between genders.
Media
The representations we see in the media also affect our self-

perception. The vast majority of media images include idealized
representations of attractiveness. Despite the fact that the images
of people we see in glossy magazines and on movie screens are not
typically what we see when we look at the people around us in a
classroom, at work, or at the grocery store, many of us continue to
hold ourselves to unrealistic standards of beauty and attractiveness.
Movies, magazines, and television shows are filled with beautiful
people, and less-attractive actors, when they are present in the
media, are typically portrayed as the butt of jokes, villains, or only as
background extras (Patzer, 2008). Aside from overall attractiveness,
the media also offers narrow representations of acceptable body
weight or shape.
In terms of self-concept, media representations offer us guidance
on what is acceptable or unacceptable and valued or not valued
in our society. Media messages, in general, reinforce cultural
stereotypes related to race, gender, age, sexual orientation, ability,
and class. People from historically marginalized groups must look
much harder than those in dominant groups to find positive
representations of their identities in media. As a critical thinker, it is
important for you to question media messages and to examine who
is included and who is excluded.
Advertising, in particular, encourages people to engage in social
comparison, regularly communicating to us that we are inferior
because we lack a certain product or that we need to change some
aspect of our life to keep up with and be similar to others. For
example, for many years, advertising targeted at women instilled
in them a fear of having a dirty house, selling them products that
promised to keep their house clean, make their family happy, and
impress their friends and neighbours. Now messages tell us to fear
becoming old or unattractive, selling products to keep our skin
smooth and clear, which will in turn make us happy and popular.

Self-Presentation
How we perceive ourselves manifests in how we present ourselves

to others and how we communicate with others on a daily basis.
Self-presentation, also referred to as presenting self, is the process
of strategically concealing or revealing personal information to
influence others’ perceptions (Human et al., 2012). We engage in
this process daily and for different reasons. Although people
occasionally intentionally deceive others in the process of self-
presentation, in general, we try to make a good impression while
still remaining authentic. Since self-presentation helps us meet our
instrumental, relational, and identity needs, we stand to lose quite
a bit if we are caught intentionally misrepresenting ourselves. As
communicators, we sometimes engage in more subtle forms of
inauthentic self-presentation. For example, a person may state or
imply that they know more about a subject or situation than they
actually do in order to seem intelligent or “in the loop.” During a
speech, a speaker may rely on a polished and competent delivery to
distract from a lack of substantive content. These cases of strategic
self-presentation may not ever be found out, but communicators
should still avoid them because they do not live up to the standards
of ethical communication.
Consciously and competently engaging in self-presentation can
have benefits because we can provide others with a more positive
and accurate picture of who we are. People who are skilled at
impression management are typically more engaging and confident,
which allows others to pick up on more cues from which to form
impressions (Human et al., 2012). Being a skilled self-presenter
draws on many of the practices used by competent communicators,
including becoming a higher self-monitor. When self-presentation
skills and self-monitoring skills combine, communicators can
simultaneously monitor their own expressions, the reactions of
others, and the situational and social context (Sosik et al., 2002).
There are two main types of self-presentation: prosocial and self-

serving (Sosik et al., 2002). Prosocial self-presentation entails
behaviours that present a person as a role model and make the
person more likeable and attractive. For example, a supervisor may
call on her employees to uphold high standards for business ethics,
model that behaviour in her own actions, and compliment others
when they exemplify those standards. Self-serving self-
presentation entails behaviours that present a person as highly
skilled, willing to challenge others, and someone not to be messed
with. For example, a supervisor may publicly take credit for the
accomplishments of others or publicly critique an employee who
failed to meet a particular standard. In summary, prosocial
strategies are aimed at benefiting others, whereas self-serving
strategies benefit oneself at the expense of others.
In general, we strive to present a public image that matches our
self-concept, but we can also use self-presentation strategies to
enhance our self-concept (Hargie, 2021). When we present
ourselves in order to evoke a positive evaluative response, we are
engaging in self-enhancement. In the pursuit of self-enhancement,
a person might try to be as appealing as possible in a particular
area or with a particular person to gain feedback that will enhance
their self-esteem. For example, a singer might train and practise for
weeks before singing in front of a well-respected vocal coach but
not invest as much effort in preparing to sing in front of friends.
Although positive feedback from friends is beneficial, positive
feedback from an experienced singer could enhance a person’s self-
concept. Self-enhancement can be productive and achieved
competently, or it can be used inappropriately. Using self-
enhancement behaviours just to gain the approval of others or out
of self-centredness may lead people to communicate in ways that
are perceived as phony or overbearing and end up making an
unfavourable impression (Sosik et al., 2002).

Impression Management
Impression management is a communication strategy that we use

to influence how others view us. Basically, it’s the idea that we
all have multiple ways that we could show up, and we show up
differently depending on the situation.
For example, a doctor who coaches their child’s basketball team,
volunteers at a small clinic, and also goes to a weekly book club is
not likely to use the same communication strategies in all of these
situations. Factors such as language, non-verbal communication,
and self-disclosure that we bring to certain situations is all part
of our impression management and will vary depending on the
situation we find ourselves in.
Characteristics of Impression Management
• We construct different identities: These identities can vary

depending on those around us, the situation, and our role at
the time.
• Impression management can be deliberate or unconscious:
We are not always aware of changes in communication
strategies.
• Impression management varies by situation: This variation
can be subtle or extreme, depending on the situation.
Watch the video below that discusses impression management and

self-monitoring:


(Study Hall, 2023)
1. Discuss at least one time when you had a

discrepancy or tension between two of the three
selves described by self-discrepancy theory (the
actual, ideal, and ought selves). What effect did this
discrepancy have on your self-concept and/or self-
esteem?
2. Take one of the socializing forces discussed above
(family, culture, or media) and identify at least one
positive and one negative influence that it has had on
your self-concept and/or self-esteem.
3. Discuss some ways that you might strategically
engage in self-presentation to influence the
impressions of others in an academic, professional,
personal, and civic context.

Attribution

resource:

References
Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor II, R. F. (2021). LOOK: Looking out,
looking in (4th ed.). Cengage Learning.
American Psychological Association. (2023). APA dictionary of
psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/perceived-self
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H.
Freeman.
Brockner, J. (1988). Self-esteem at work: Research, theory, and
practice. D. C. Heath and Co.
Byrne, B. M. (1996). Measuring self-concept across the life span:
Issues and instrumentation. American Psychological Association.
Hargie, O. (2021). Skilled interpersonal communication: Research,
theory and practice (7th ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/
9781003182269
Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and
affect. Psychological Review, 94(3), 319–340.
https://psycnet.apa.org/
doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0033-295X.94.3.319
Human, L. J., Biesanz, J. C., Parisotto, K. L., & Dunn, E. W. (2012).
Your best self helps reveal your true self: Positive self-presentation

leads to more accurate personality impressions. Social Psychological
and Personality Science, 3(1), 23–30. https://doi.org/10.1177/
1948550611407689
Loughnan, S., Kuppens, P., Allik, J., Balazs, K., de Lemus, S.,
Dumont, K., Gargurevich, R., Hidegkuti, I., Leidner, B., Matos, L.,
Park, J., Realo, A., Shi, J., Sojo, V. E., Tong, Y.-Y., Vaes, J., Verduyn,
P., Yeung, V., & Haslam, N. (2011). Economic inequality is linked to
biased self-perception. Psychological Science, 22(10), 1254–1258.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611417003
Patzer, G. L. (2008). Looks: Why they matter more than you ever
imagined. AMACOM.
Rockson, T. (2016, November 22). Understanding collectivism and
individualism [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=RT-bZ33yB3c
Sosik, J. J., Avolio, B. J., & Jung, D. I. (2002). Beneath the mask:
Examining the relationship of self-presentation attributes and
impression management to charismatic leadership. Leadership
Quarterly, 13(3), 217–242. https://doi.org/10.1016/
S1048-9843(02)00102-9
Study Hall. (2023, January 18). Impression management and self-
monitoring | Intro to human communication | Study Hall [Video].
YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDsLm3O-4GI
Wallace, H. M., & Tice, D. M. (2012). Reflected appraisal through
a 21st-century looking glass. In M. R. Leary & J. P. Tangney (Eds.),
Handbook of self and identity (2nd ed., pp. 124–140). Guilford Press.

San Jose State University Marching Band Pit Percussionist by
Pmlydon, CC BY-SA 4.0
Figure 1.3 self-concept, self-efficacy, self-esteem by
Stevy.Scarbrough, CC BY-SA 4.0
Parents and their baby by sheldonl, CC0 1.0

2.4 Perceiving Others
Are you a good judge of character? How quickly can you “size
someone up”? Interestingly, research shows that many people are
surprisingly accurate at predicting how an interaction with
someone will unfold based on initial impressions. Fascinating
research has also been done on the ability of people to make a
judgement about a person’s competence after as little as 100
milliseconds of exposure to politicians’ faces. Even more surprising
is that people’s judgements of competence, after exposure to two
candidates for political elections, accurately predicted election
outcomes (Ballew & Todoroy, 2007). In short, after only minimal
exposure to a candidate’s facial expressions, people made
judgements about the person’s competence, and those candidates
judged more competent were people who actually won elections. As
you read this section, keep in mind that these principles apply to
how you perceive others and to how others perceive you. Just as
others make impressions on us, we make impressions on others. We
have already learned how the perception process works in terms
of selecting, organizing, and interpreting. In this section, we will
focus on how we perceive others, with specific attention to how we
interpret our perceptions of others. These concepts are important
because how we perceive others, and factors such as attribution,
bias, and personality, can greatly effect how we communicate with
others.
Attribution and Interpretation
I’m sure you have a family member, friend, or co-worker with whom
you have ideological or political differences. When conversations
118 | 2.4 Perceiving Others

and inevitable disagreements occur, you may view this person as
“pushing your buttons” if you are invested in the issue being
debated, or you may view the person as “on their soapbox” if you
aren’t invested. In either case, your existing perceptions of the other
person are probably reinforced after your conversation, and you
may leave the conversation thinking, “They are never going to wake
up and see how ignorant they are! I don’t know why I even bother
trying to talk to them!” Similar situations occur regularly, and there
are some key psychological processes that play into how we
perceive the behaviour of others. By examining these processes,
attribution in particular, we can see how our communication with
others is affected by the explanations we create for others’
behaviour. In addition, we will learn some common errors that we
make in the attribution process that regularly lead to conflict and
misunderstanding.
Attribution
In most interactions, we are constantly running an attribution

script in our minds, which essentially tries to come up with an
explanation for what is happening. Why did my neighbour slam
the door when they saw me walking down the hall? Why is my
partner being extra nice to me today? Why did my officemate miss
our project team meeting this morning? In general, we seek to
attribute the cause of others’ behaviours to internal or external
factors. Internal attributions connect the cause of behaviours to
personal aspects such as personality traits. External attributions
connect the cause of behaviours to situational factors. This process
of attribution is ongoing, and, as with many aspects of perception,
we are sometimes aware of the attributions we make, and
sometimes they are automatic and unconscious. Attribution has
received much scholarly attention because it is in this part of the
perception process that some of the most common perceptual
errors or biases occur. Biases are types of prejudice in favor, or
2.4 Perceiving Others | 119

against, a person, thing or group. Attributions are also important to
consider because our reactions to others’ behaviours are strongly
influenced by the explanations we reach and ultimately our
communication with others.
Perceptional Errors and Bias
One of the most common perceptual errors is the fundamental

attribution error, which refers to our tendency to explain others’
behaviours using internal rather than external attributions (Sillars,
1980). For example, if you google some clips from the reality
television show Parking Wars, which focuses on parking
enforcement, you will see the fact that people often direct anger at
parking enforcement officers. In this case, people who have parked
illegally attribute the cause of their situation to the malevolence of
the enforcement officer, essentially saying they got a ticket (Image
2.8), because the officer was a bad person, which is an internal
attribution. They were much less likely to acknowledge that the
officer was just doing their job (an external attribution) and the
ticket was the result of the person’s decision to park illegally.

Image 2.8
Perceptual errors can also be biased, and in the case of self-serving

bias, the error works out in our favour. Just as we tend to attribute
others’ behaviours to internal rather than external causes, we do
the same for ourselves, especially when our behaviour leads to
something successful or positive. When our behaviour results in
failure or something negative, we tend to attribute the cause to
external factors. Thus the self-serving bias is a perceptual error
through which we attribute the cause of our successes to internal
personal factors while attributing our failures to external factors
beyond our control. When we look at the fundamental attribution
error and the self-serving bias together, we can see that we are

likely to judge ourselves more favourably, or at least less personally,
than another person.
Another form of bias to be aware of is confirmation bias, which
results from finding evidence and support for already-held beliefs,
even if that evidence doesn’t actually exist. This can result in
misunderstandings and an increase in stereotyping as more false
evidence is found to support already incorrect assumptions.
Impressions and Interpretation
As we perceive others, we make impressions about their personality,

likeability, attractiveness, and other characteristics. Although many
of our impressions are personal, what forms them is sometimes
based more on circumstances than on personal characteristics. Not
all the information we take in is treated equally. How important are
first impressions? Does the last thing you notice about a person
stick with you longer because it’s more recent? Do we remember
the positive or the negative things we notice about a person? This
section will help answer these questions as we explore how the
timing of information and the content of the messages we receive
can influence our perception.
First and Last Impressions
The old saying “You never get a second chance to make a first
impression” points to the fact that first impressions matter. The
brain is a predictive organ in that it wants to know, based on
previous experiences and patterns, what to expect next, and first
impressions function to fill this need. This allows us to determine
how we will proceed with an interaction after only a quick
assessment of the person with whom we are interacting (Hargie,
2021). Research shows that people are surprisingly good at making

accurate first impressions about how an interaction will unfold and
at identifying personality characteristics of people they do not
know. Studies show that people are generally able to predict how
another person will behave towards them based on an initial
interaction. People’s accuracy and ability to predict interactions
based on first impressions varies, but people with high accuracy are
typically, but not always, socially skilled and popular and have less
loneliness, anxiety, and depression, more satisfying relationships,
and more senior work positions and higher salaries (Hargie, 2021).
So not only do first impressions matter, but having the ability to
form accurate first impressions seems to correlate to many other
positive characteristics.
First impressions are enduring because of the primacy effect,
which leads us to place more value on the first information we
receive about a person. So, if we interpret the first information we
receive from or about a person as positive, then a positive first
impression will form and influence how we respond to that person
as the interaction continues. Likewise, negative interpretations of
information can lead us to form negative first impressions. If you
sit down at a restaurant and servers walk by for several minutes
without greeting you, then you will likely interpret that negatively
and not have a good impression of your server when they finally
show up. This may lead you to be short with the server, which may
result in them not being as attentive as they normally would. At this
point, a series of negative interactions has set into motion a cycle
that will be very difficult to reverse and make positive.
The recency effect leads us to put more weight on the most
recent impression we have of a person’s communication over earlier
impressions. Even a positive first impression can be tarnished by a
negative final impression. Imagine that an instructor has maintained
a relatively high level of credibility with you over the course of the
semester. The instructor made a good first impression by being
organized, approachable, and interesting during the first days of
class, and the rest of the semester went fairly well with no major
conflicts. However, during the last week of the term, the instructor

didn’t have final papers graded and ready to return by the time they
said they would, which left you with some uncertainty about how
well you needed to do on the final exam to earn a good grade in
the class. When you finally got your paper back on the last day of
class, you saw that your grade was much lower than you expected.
If this happened to you, what would you write on the instructor
evaluation? Because of the recency effect, many students would
likely give a disproportionate amount of value to the Instructor’s
actions in the final week of the semester, negatively skewing the
evaluation, which is supposed to reflect the instructor’s
performance over the entire semester. Even though the instructor
only returned one assignment late, that fact is very recent in
students’ minds and can overshadow the positive impression
formed many weeks earlier.
Physical and Environmental Influences on Perception
We make first impressions based on a variety of factors, including

physical and environmental characteristics. In terms of physical
characteristics, style of dress and grooming are important,
especially in professional contexts. We have general schemata
regarding how to dress and groom for various situations ranging
from formal to business casual to casual to lounging around the
house.
You would likely be able to offer some descriptors of how a person
would look and act from the following categories: a goth person, a
prep, a jock, a fashionista, and a hipster. The schemata associated
with these various groups or styles are formed through personal
experience and through exposure to media representations of these
groups. Different professions also have schemata for appearance
and dress. Imagine a doctor, mechanic, politician, exotic dancer, or
mail carrier. Each group has clothing and personal styles that create
and fit into general patterns. Of course, the mental picture we have
of any of the examples above is not going to be representative of

the whole group, meaning that stereotypical thinking often exists
within our own schemata.
Think about the harm that
has been done when people
pose as police officers or
doctors to commit crimes or
other acts of malice. Seeing
someone in a white lab coat, as
shown in Image 2.9,
automatically leads us to see
that person as an authority
figure, and we fall into a
scripted pattern of deferring to
the “doctor” and not asking too
many questions. The Milgram
experiment offers a startling
example of how powerful these
influences are. In the
experiment, participants Image 2.9
followed instructions from a
man in a white lab coat (who was actually an actor), who prompted
them to deliver electric shocks to a person in another room every
time the other person answered a memory question incorrectly. The
experiment was actually about how people defer to authority
figures instead of acting independently. Although no one was
actually being shocked in the other room, many participants
continued to shock the person being questioned at very high
voltages, even after that person supposedly being shocked
complained of chest pains and became unresponsive (Encina, 2014).
Just as clothing and personal style help us form impressions of
others, so do physical body features. The degree to which we
perceive people to be attractive influences our attitudes about and
communication with them. Facial attractiveness and body weight
tend to be common features used in the perception of physical
attractiveness. In general, people find symmetrical faces and non-

overweight bodies attractive. People perceived as attractive are
generally evaluated more positively and seen as more kind and
competent than people evaluated as less attractive. Additionally,
people rated as attractive receive more eye contact and more
smiles, and people stand closer to them. Unlike clothing and
personal style, these physical features are more difficult, if not
impossible, to change.
Finally, the material objects and people that surround a person
influence our perception. In the MTV show Room Raiders,
contestants go into the bedrooms of three potential dates and
choose the one they want to go on a date with based on the
impressions made while examining each potential date’s cleanliness,
decorations, clothes, trophies and awards, books, music, and so on.
Research supports the reliability of such impressions, as people
have been shown to make reasonably accurate judgements about a
person’s personality after viewing their office or bedroom (Hargie,
2021). Although the artificial scenario set up in Room Raiders doesn’t
exactly match up with typical encounters, the link between
environmental cues and perception is important enough for many
companies to create policies about what can and can’t be displayed
in personal office spaces.
Although some physical and environmental features are easier
to change than others, it is useful to become aware of how these
factors, which aren’t necessarily related to personality or verbal
and nonverbal communication, shape our perceptions. These early
impressions also affect how we interpret and perceive later
encounters, which can be further explained through the halo and
horn effects.
The Halo and Horn Effects
We have a tendency to adapt information that conflicts with our

earlier impressions to make it fit within the framework we have
established. This is known as selective distortion, and it manifests

in the halo and horn effects. The angelic halo and the devilish horn
are useful metaphors for the lasting effects of positive and negative
impressions.
The halo effect occurs when initial positive perceptions lead us
to view later interactions as positive. The horn effect occurs when
initial negative perceptions lead us to view later interactions as
negative (Hargie, 2021). Since impressions are especially important
when a person is navigating the job market, let’s imagine how the
horn and halo effects could play out for a recent college graduate
looking to land their first real job. Kelly has recently graduated with
a degree in communication studies and is looking to start their
career as a corporate trainer. If one of Kelly’s instructors has a
relationship with an executive at an area business, the instructor’s
positive verbal recommendation will likely result in a halo effect for
Kelly. Since the executive thinks highly of their friend the instructor,
and the instructor thinks highly of Kelly, then the executive will start
their interaction with Kelly with a positive impression and interpret
their behaviours more positively than they would otherwise. The
halo effect initiated by the instructor’s recommendation may even
lead the executive to dismiss or overlook some negative behaviours.
Let’s say Kelly doesn’t have a third party to help make a connection
and arrives late for their interview. That negative impression may
create a horn effect that carries through the interview. Even if Kelly
presents as competent and friendly, the negative first impression
could lead the executive to minimize or ignore those positive
characteristics, and the company may not hire them.
Personality and Perception
Personality refers to a person’s general way of thinking, feeling,

and behaving based on underlying motivations and impulses
(McCornack, 2007). These underlying motivations and impulses
form our personality traits. Personality traits are “underlying,” but

they are fairly enduring once a person reaches adulthood. That
is not to say that people’s personalities do not change, but major
changes in personality are not common unless they result from
some form of trauma. Although personality scholars believe there
are thousands of personalities, they all comprise some combination
of the same few traits. Much research has been done on personality
traits, and the “Big Five” that are most commonly discussed are
extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and
openness; these traits are shown in Image 2.10 (McCrae, 2002).
These five traits appear to be representative of personalities across
cultures, and you can read more about what each of these traits
entails below.
Image 2.10

The Big Five Personality Traits:
• Extraversion: This refers to a person’s interest in interacting

with others. People with high extraversion are sociable and are
often called “extroverts.” People with low extraversion are less
sociable and are often called “introverts.”
• Agreeableness: This refers to a person’s level of
trustworthiness and friendliness. People with high
agreeableness are cooperative and likeable. People with low
agreeableness are suspicious of others and sometimes
aggressive, which makes it more difficult for people to find
them pleasant to be around.
• Conscientiousness: This refers to a person’s level of self-
organization and motivation. People with a high level of
conscientiousness are methodical, motivated, and dependable.
People with a low level of conscientiousness are less focused,
less careful, and less dependable.
• Neuroticism: This refers to a person’s level of negative
thoughts about themself. People high in neuroticism are
insecure, experience emotional distress, and may be perceived
as unstable. People low in neuroticism are more relaxed, have
fewer emotional swings, and are perceived as more stable.
• Openness: This refers to a person’s willingness to consider
new ideas and perspectives. People high in openness are
creative and are perceived as open-minded. People low in
openness are more rigid and less flexible in their thinking and
are perceived as “set in their ways.”
A simple search on Google will provide a long list of online

personality tests that can be taken to reveal more about your
personality. One very common test is the Myers-Briggs Type
Indicator (MBTI) personality inventory. This test was developed in
the 1940s by Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers and
is based on the early theories of Carl Jung (Myers and Briggs
Foundation, 2023). This test has continued to evolve over the years,

and millions of people worldwide have taken it each year since
it was first published in 1962 (Myers & Briggs Foundation, 2023).
Once the test is completed, you are designated as being one of the
16 possible distinctive personality types listed in Image 2.11 below.
More information about this test can be found here.
Image 2.11
Ongoing study related to personality serves many purposes, and

some of them tie directly to perception. Corporations spend
millions of dollars developing personality profiles and personality
testing. They make hiring and promotion decisions based on
personality test results, which can save them money and time if
they can weed out those who don’t “fit” the position before they get
through the door and drain resources. Potential employers may ask
a few questions about intellectual ability or academic performance,
but increasingly, they ask questions to try to create a personality
profile of the applicant. They basically want to know what kind of
leader, co-worker, and person the applicant is. This is a smart move
on their part because our personalities greatly influence how we

see ourselves in the world and how we perceive and interact with
others.
The concept of assumed similarity refers to our tendency to
perceive others as being similar to us. When we don’t have enough
information about a person to know their key personality traits, we
fill in the gaps—usually assuming that they possess traits similar
to those we see in ourselves. We also tend to assume that people
have similar attitudes, or likes and dislikes, as we do. If you set
your friend up with a person you think they’ll really like only to find
out there was no chemistry when they met, you may be surprised
to realize your friend doesn’t have the same taste as you. Even
though we may assume more trait and taste similarities between
our significant others and ourselves than there actually is, research
generally finds that although people do group interpersonally based
on many characteristics including race, class, and intelligence, the
findings don’t show that people with similar personalities group
together (Beer & Watson, 2008).
In summary, personality affects our perception, and we all tend to
be amateur personality scholars given the amount of effort we put
into assuming and evaluating others’ personality traits. The bank
of knowledge we accumulate based on previous interactions with
people is used to help us predict how interactions will unfold and
help us manage our interpersonal relationships. When we size up a
person based on their personality, we are, in a way, auditioning or
interviewing them to see if we think there is compatibility. We use
these implicit personality theories to generalize a person’s overall
personality from the traits we can perceive. The theories are
“implicit” because they are not of academic but of experience-based
origin, and the information we use to theorize about people’s
personalities isn’t explicitly known or observed but is instead
implied. In other words, we use previous experience to guess other
people’s personality traits, then we make assumptions about a
person based on the personality traits we assign to them.

Culture and Perception
Our cultural identities affect our perceptions. Sometimes we are

conscious of the effects, and sometimes we are not. In either case,
we have a tendency to favour those who exhibit cultural traits that
match up with our own. This tendency is so strong that it often
leads us to assume that people we like are more similar to us than
they actually are. Knowing more about how these forces influence
our perceptions can help us become more aware of and competent
in regard to the impressions we form of others. The following video
provides an overview of how culture and identity can affect
communication and our perception of others.

(Study Hall, 2022)

Race or ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, class, ability,
nationality, and age all affect the perceptions that we make. The
schemata through which we interpret what we perceive are
influenced by our cultural identities. As we are socialized into
various cultural identities, we internalize the beliefs, attitudes, and
values shared by others in our cultural group. Schemata held by
members of a cultural-identity group have similarities, but
schemata held by different cultural groups may vary greatly. Unless
we are exposed to various cultural groups and learn how others
perceive us and the world around them, we will likely have a narrow
or naïve view of the world and assume that others see things the
way we do. Exposing yourself to and experiencing cultural

differences in perspective doesn’t mean that you have to change
your schemata to match those of another cultural group. Instead,
it may offer you a chance to better understand why and how your
schemata were constructed the way they were.
As we have learned, perception starts with information that
comes in through our senses. How we perceive even basic sensory
information is influenced by our culture, as is illustrated in the
following list of examples:
• Sight: People in different cultures “read” art in different ways,

differing in terms of where they start to look at an image and
the types of information they perceive and process.
• Sound: The tonalities of music in some cultures may be
unpleasing to people who aren’t taught that these
combinations of sounds are pleasing.
• Touch: In some cultures, it would be very offensive for a man
to touch—even tap on the shoulder—a woman who isn’t a
relative.
• Taste: Tastes for foods vary greatly around the world. A type of
strong-smelling fermented tofu, which is a favourite snack in
Taipei, Taiwan, would likely be very offputting in terms of taste
and smell to many foreign tourists.
• Smell: While North Americans spend considerable effort to
mask natural body odour with soaps, sprays, and lotions, some
other cultures would not find such odours unpleasant or even
notice them. Those same cultures may find a North American’s
soapy, perfumed, and deodorized smell unpleasant.
Aside from differences in reactions to the basic information we take

in through our senses, there is also cultural variation in how we
perceive more complicated constructs such as marriage, politics,
and privacy. In May 2012, French citizens elected a new president.
François Hollande moved into the presidential palace with his
partner of five years, Valérie Trierweiler. They were the first
unmarried couple in the country’s history to occupy the presidential

palace (de la Baume, 2012). Even though new census statistics show
that more unmarried couples are living together than ever before
in the United States, many still disapprove of the practice, and it is
hard to imagine a Canadian or American national leader in a similar
circumstance as France’s Hollande.
As we’ve already learned, our brain processes information by
putting it into categories and looking for predictability and patterns.
The previous examples have covered how we do this with sensory
information and with more abstract concepts like marriage and
politics, but we also do this with people. When we categorize
people, we generally view them as “like us” or “not like us.” This
simple us/them split affects subsequent interactions, including
impressions and attributions. For example, we tend to view people
who we perceive to be like us as being more trustworthy, friendly,
and honest than people we perceive to be not like us (Brewer,
1999). We are also more likely to use internal attribution to explain
the negative behaviour of people who we perceive to be different
from us. Having such inflexible categories can have negative
consequences, and later, we will discuss how forcing people into
rigid categories leads to stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination.
Of course, race isn’t the only marker of difference that influences
our perceptions, and the problem with our rough categorization
of people into “like us” and “not like us” categories is that these
differences aren’t as easy to perceive as we think. We cannot always
tell whether or not someone is culturally like us through visual cues.
You no doubt frequently hear people talking and writing about the
differences between men and women. Whether it’s communication,
athletic ability, expressing emotions, or perception, people will line
up to say that women are one way and men are another way.
Although it is true that gender affects our perception, the reason
for this difference stems more from social norms than genetic,
physical, or psychological differences between men and women. We
are socialized to perceive differences between men and women,
which leads us to exaggerate and amplify what those differences
actually are (McCornack, 2007). We basically see the stereotypes

and differences we are told to see, which helps to create a reality
in which gender differences are “obvious.” However, numerous
research studies have found that, especially in relation to multiple
aspects of communication, men and women communicate much
more similarly than differently. In summary, various cultural
identities shape how we perceive others because the beliefs,
attitudes, and values of the cultural groups to which we belong are
incorporated into our schema.
How we perceive others is an integral part of communication. The
concepts discussed in this section are important to be aware of and
considered when communicating with others and are necessary if
we are to become competent communicators ourselves. In the next
section of this chapter, we will examine what we can do to improve
our perception of ourselves and others.
Take the Myers-Briggs personality inventory found here.
1. Explore what the results say about your personality

and how you communicate with others in different
situations.
2. From the personality test you’ve completed, reflect
on the following:
◦ Considering your type, what are your

communication strengths?
◦ Considering your type, what are your
communication weaknesses?
◦ What is one thing your type should stop,
start, and continue doing to promote effective

communication with others?
Attribution

resource:

References
Ballew II, C. C., & Todorov, A. (2007). Predicting political elections
from rapid and unreflective face judgments. Proceedings of the
National Academy of Sciences of the United States of
America, 104(46), 17948–17953. https://doi.org/10.1073/
pnas.0705435104
Beer, A., & Watson, D. (2008). Personality judgment at zero

acquaintance: Agreement, assumed similarity, and implicit
simplicity. Journal of Personality Assessment 90(3), 250–260.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00223890701884970
Brewer, M. B. (1999). The psychology of prejudice: Ingroup love

or outgroup hate? Journal of Social Issues, 55(3), 429–444.
https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00126
de la Baume, M. (2012, May 15). First Lady without a portfolio
(or a ring) seeks her own path. The New York
Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/16/world/europe/
frances-first-lady-valerie-trierweiler-seeks-her-own-
path.html?pagewanted=all
Encina, G. B. (2014). Milgram’s experiment on obedience to
authority. Regents of the University of California.
http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/
article35.htm.
9781003182269
McCornack, S. (2007). Reflect & relate: An introduction to
interpersonal communication. Bedford/St Martin’s.
McCrae, R. R. (2002). Trait psychology and culture. Journal of
Personality, 69(6), 819–846. https://doi.org/10.1111/
1467-6494.696166
Myers & Briggs Foundation. (2023). MBTI basics.
https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-
basics/
NERIS Analytics. (2023). 16Personalities: Free personality test.
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
https://doi.org/10.1080/03637758009376031
Study Hall. (2022, August 24). Identity and culture in
communication | Human communication| Study Hall [Video].
YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSlJjtorRig&t=35s
Parking ticket – Washington DC – 2011-08-25 by Tim1965, CC BY-SA

3.0

Doctor-esquivel by Clínicas Esquivel, CC BY-SA 4.0
Wiki-grafik peats-de big five ENG by Anna Tunikova, CC BY-SA 4.0
MyersBriggsTypes by Jake Beech, CC BY-SA 3.0

2.5 Improving Perception
So far, we have learned about the perception process and how we

perceive others and ourselves. Now we will turn to a discussion of
how to improve our perception. We can develop our self-perception
by becoming aware of how schemata, socializing forces, self-
fulfilling prophecies, and negative patterns of thinking can distort
our ability to describe and evaluate ourselves. How we perceive
others can be improved by developing better listening and
empathetic skills, becoming aware of stereotypes and prejudice,
developing self-awareness through self-reflection, and engaging in
perception checking.
Improving Self-Perception
Our self-perceptions can and do change. Recall that we have an

overall self-concept and self-esteem that are relatively stable, and
we also have context-specific self-perceptions. Context-specific
self-perceptions vary depending on the person with whom we are
interacting, our emotional state, and the subject matter being
discussed. Becoming aware of the process of self-perception and
the various components of our self-concept will help you
understand and improve your self-perceptions.
Since self-concept and self-esteem are so subjective and
personal, it would be inaccurate to say that someone’s self-concept
is “right” or “wrong.” Instead, we can identify negative and positive
aspects of self-perceptions as well as discuss common barriers to
forming accurate and positive self-perceptions. We can also identify
common patterns that people experience that interfere with their
ability to monitor, understand, and change their self-perceptions.
2.5 Improving Perception | 139

Changing your overall self-concept or self-esteem is not an easy
task given that these are overall reflections on who we are and how
we judge ourselves that are constructed over many interactions.
A variety of life-changing events can alter our self-perceptions
relatively quickly. Think of how your view of yourself changed when
you moved from high school to college. Similarly, other people’s
self-perceptions likely change when they enter into a committed
relationship, have a child, move to a new city, or start a new job.
Aside from experiencing life-changing events, we can make
slower changes to our self-perceptions with concerted efforts
aimed at becoming more competent communicators through self-
monitoring and reflection. As you actively try to change your self-
perceptions, do not be surprised if you encounter some resistance
from significant others. When you alter or improve your self-
concept, your communication will also change, which may prompt
other people to respond to you differently. Although you may have
good reasons for changing certain aspects of your self-perception,
others may become unsettled or confused by the alterations in your
behaviours and communication. Remember, people try to increase
predictability and decrease uncertainty within personal
relationships. For example, many students begin to take their post-
secondary education more seriously as they progress through their
diploma or degree programs. As these students begin to change
their self-concept to include the role of “serious student preparing
to graduate and enter the professional world,” they likely have
friends who want to maintain the “semi-serious student who doesn’t
exert a consistent effort and prefers partying to studying” role that
used to be a shared characteristic of both students’ self-concepts.
As the first student’s behaviour changes to accommodate this new
aspect of their self-concept, it may upset the friend who was used
to weeknights spent hanging out rather than studying. Let’s now
discuss some suggestions to help avoid common barriers to
accurate and positive self-perceptions and patterns of behaviour
that perpetuate negative self-perception cycles.
140 | 2.5 Improving Perception

Avoid Reliance on Rigid Schemata
As we learned earlier, schemata are sets of information based on

cognitive and experiential knowledge that guide our interactions.
We rely on schemata almost constantly to help us make sense of
the world around us. Sometimes schemata become so familiar that
we use them as scripts, which prompts mindless communication
and can lead us to overlook new information that may need to be
incorporated into a particular schema. So it’s important to remain
mindful of new, or contradictory, information that may warrant
revision of a schema. Being mindful is difficult, however, especially
since we often unconsciously rely on schemata. Think about how
when you’re driving a familiar route, you sometimes fall into
“highway hypnosis” (Image 2.12) and travel to your destination
without really thinking about where you’re going. Despite all the
advanced psychomotor skills we need to drive, such as braking,
turning, and adjusting to other drivers, we can pull into a familiar
driveway or parking lot having driven the whole way on autopilot.
Image 2.12

Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but have you ever slipped
into autopilot on a familiar route only to remember that you are
actually going somewhere else and you’ve already missed your turn?
This example illustrates the importance of keeping our schemata
flexible and avoiding mindless communication.
Be Critical of Socializing Forces
We learned earlier that family, friends, sociocultural norms, and

the media are just some of the socializing forces that influence
our thinking and therefore influence our self-perception. These
powerful forces serve positive functions, but they can also set
negative patterns of self-perception into motion. Two examples can
illustrate the possibility for people to critique and resist socializing
forces in order to improve their self-perception. The first example
deals with physical appearance and notions of health, and the
second deals with cultural identities and discrimination.
Media presents us with narrow and often unrealistic standards for
attractiveness. Even though most of us know that these standards
don’t represent what is normal or natural for the human body, we
internalize these ideals, which results in various problems ranging
from eating disorders to depression to poor self-esteem. A relatively
overlooked but controversial and interesting movement that has
emerged partially in response to these narrow representations of
the body is “Health at Every Size” and the National Association to
Advance Fat Acceptance. They have challenged the narrative put out
by the $30-billion-a-year weight-loss industry that fat equals lazy,
unattractive, and unhealthy. Conflicting scientific studies make it
difficult to say conclusively how strong the correlation is between
weight and health, but it seems clear that a view promoting healthy
living and positive self-esteem over unconditional dieting and a cult
of thinness is worth exploring further given the potential public
health implications of distorted body image and obesity.
Cultural influences related to identities and difference can also

lead to distorted self-perceptions, especially for people who occupy
marginalized or oppressed identities. Although perception research
has often been used to support the notion that individuals who
are subjected to discrimination, such as those belonging to racial
and ethnic minorities, are likely to have low self-esteem because
they internalize negative societal views, this is not always the case
(Armenta & Hunt, 2009). In fact, even some early perception
research showed that minorities do not just passively accept the
negative views that society places on them. Instead, they actively try
to maintain favourable self-perceptions in the face of discriminatory
attitudes. Numerous studies have shown that people in groups that
are the targets of discrimination may identify with their in-group
more because of this threat, which may actually help them maintain
psychological well-being. In short, they reject the negative
evaluations of the out-group and find refuge and support in their
identification with others who share their marginalized status.
Beware of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Self-fulfilling prophecies are thoughts and action patterns in

which a person’s false belief triggers a behaviour that makes the
initial false belief actually or seemingly come true (Schaedig, 2020).
For example, let’s say a student’s biology lab instructor speaks
English as a second language. The student falsely believes that the
instructor will not be a good teacher because they speak English
with an accent. Because of this belief, the student doesn’t attend
class regularly and doesn’t listen actively when they do attend.
Because of these behaviours, the student fails the biology lab, which
then reinforces their original false belief that the instructor isn’t a
good teacher.

Image 2.13
There are two subtypes of self-fulfilling prophecies. Self-imposed

prophecies, which occur when your own expectations influence
your actions, and other-imposed prophecies, which occur when
others’ expectations influence your behaviour (Schaedig, 2020).
Being aware of self-fulfilling prophecies can also help increase self-
perception.
Create and Maintain Supporting Interpersonal Relationships
Giving yourself affirming messages can help with self-perception,

but it is also important to find interpersonal support. Although most
people have at least some supportive relationships, many people
also have individuals in their lives who are negative or even toxic.
When people find themselves in negative relational cycles, whether
it is with friends, family, or romantic partners, it is difficult to break
out of those cycles. But we can all make choices to be around
people who will help us be who we want to be and not spend

time with people who hinder our self-progress. This notion can
also be taken to the extreme, however. It would not be wise to
surround yourself with people who only validate you and do not
constructively challenge you because this, too, could lead to
distorted self-perception.
Beware of Distorted Patterns of Thinking and Acting
You already know from our discussion of attribution errors that we

all have perceptual biases that distort our thinking. Many of these
are common, and we often engage in distorted thinking without
being conscious of it. Learning about some of the typical negative
patterns of thinking and acting may help us acknowledge them
and intervene. One such pattern involves self-esteem and
overcompensation.
People with low self-esteem may act in ways that
overcompensate for their feelings of low self-worth and other
insecurities. Whether it’s the businessman buying his midlife crisis
Corvette, the “country boy” adding monster tires to his truck, or
the community leader who wears several carats of diamonds
everywhere she goes, people often turn to material possessions
to try to boost self-esteem. Although these purchases may make
people feel better in the short term, they may have negative
financial effects that can exacerbate negative self-perception and
lead to interpersonal conflict. People also compensate for self-
esteem with their relational choices. People who are anxious about
their career success may surround themselves with individuals who
they deem less successful than themselves. In this case, being a big
fish in a small pond helps some people feel better about themselves
when they engage in social comparison.
People can also get into a negative thought-and-action cycle by
setting unrealistic goals and consistently not meeting them. Similar
to a self-fulfilling prophecy, people who set unrealistic goals can end
up with negative feelings of self-efficacy, which we learned earlier

can negatively affect self-esteem and self-concept. The goals we
set should be challenging but progressive, meaning that we should
work to meet a realistic goal, then increase our expectations and set
another goal, and so on.
Some people develop low self-esteem because they lack accurate
information about themselves, which can be either intentional or
unintentional. A person may intentionally try to maintain high self-
esteem by ignoring or downplaying negative comments and beliefs
and focusing on positive evaluations. Although this can be a good
thing, it can also lead to a distorted self-concept. There is a middle
ground between beating yourself up or dwelling on the negative
and ignoring potentially constructive feedback about weaknesses
and missing opportunities to grow as a person. Conversely, people
who have low self-esteem or negative self-concepts may discount
or ignore positive feedback.
Overcoming Barriers to Perceiving Others
There are many barriers that prevent us from competently

perceiving others. Although some are more difficult to overcome
than others, they can all be addressed by raising our awareness of
the influences around us and committing to monitoring, reflecting
on, and changing some of our communication habits. Whether it is
our lazy listening skills, our lack of empathy, or our stereotypes and
prejudice, various filters and blinders influence how we perceive
and respond to others.
Develop Empathetic Listening Skills
Effective listening is not easy, and most of us do not make a

concerted effort to overcome common barriers to listening. This
is a skill we will discuss more in a later chapter of this book. Our

fast-paced lives and cultural values that emphasize speaking over
listening sometimes make listening feel like a chore. But we
shouldn’t underestimate the power of listening to make someone
else feel better and to open our perceptual field to new sources of
information.
Empathetic listening can help us expand our self- and social
awareness by helping us learn from other people’s experiences and
taking on different perspectives. Empathetic listening is challenging
because it requires a cognitive and emotional investment that goes
beyond the learning of a skillset.
For example, to be a good teacher, a person must become a better
listener. As a result, the individual will also gain more empathy
skills and become a lot more patient. A valuable lesson you might
learn during the process might be best stated as “Everyone’s biggest
problem is their biggest problem.” If one person’s biggest problem
is getting enough money together to buy a new smartphone, and
another person’s biggest problem is saving enough money to
purchase much needed medication, each of these people is likely
experiencing a similar amount of stress. As an outsider, we might
look at this example and think about how a smartphone isn’t
necessary to live, but the medication is. But everyone’s reality is
their own, and when you can concede that someone’s reality isn’t
like yours and you are okay with that, then you have overcome
a significant barrier to becoming more aware of the perception
process.
Empathy versus Sympathy
Empathy and sympathy are concepts that are often confused, but
the difference between the two is very important. Empathy is the
ability to share someone else’s feelings, experiences, or emotions
(Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team, 2023). Empathy is
not easy and involves a high level of vulnerability to listen without

judging others (Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team,
2023).
Sympathy is different in that it separates you from the other
person. Sympathy involves the feeling that you are sorry and care
about the trouble and misfortune of another person, but it places
the person struggling in a place of judgement more than
understanding (Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team,
2023). The video below by Brené Brown helps to explains the
difference between these two important concepts.

(Brown, 2013)
Beware of Stereotypes and Prejudice
Stereotypes are sets of beliefs that we develop about groups, which

we then apply to individuals from that group. They are schemata
that are taken too far because they reduce and ignore a person’s
individuality and the diversity present within a larger group of
people. Stereotypes can be based on cultural identities, physical
appearance, behaviour, speech, beliefs, and values, among other
things, and are often caused by a lack of information about the
target person or group (Schaedig, 2020). Stereotypes can be
positive, negative, or neutral, but they all run the risk of lowering
the quality of our communication.
While the negative effects of stereotypes are pretty

straightforward in that they devalue people and prevent us from
adapting and revising our schemata, positive stereotypes can also
have negative consequences. For example, the “model minority”
stereotype has been applied to some Asian cultures in the United
States. Seemingly positive stereotypes of Asian Americans as
hardworking, intelligent, and willing to adapt to “mainstream”
culture are not always received as positive and can lead some people
within these communities to feel objectified, ignored, or overlooked.
Stereotypes can also lead to double standards that point to larger
cultural and social inequalities. There are many more words to
describe a sexually active female than a male, and the words used
for females are disproportionately negative, while those used for
males are more positive. Since stereotypes are generally based on a
lack of information, we must take it upon ourselves to gain exposure
to new kinds of information and people, which will likely require
us to move out of our comfort zones. When we do meet people,
we should base the impressions we make on describable behaviour
rather than inferred or second-hand information. When
stereotypes negatively influence our overall feelings and attitudes
about a person or group, prejudiced thinking results.
Prejudice is negative feelings or attitudes toward people based
on their identity or identities. Prejudice can have individual or
widespread negative effects. At the individual level, a hiring
manager may not hire a young person with a physical disability
(even though that would be illegal if it were the only reason), which
negatively affects that one individual. However, if pervasive cultural
thinking that people with physical disabilities are unsuitable to be
employees leads hiring managers all over the country to make
similar decisions, then the prejudice has become a social injustice.
Engage in Self-Reflection
A good way to improve your perceptions and increase your

communication competence in general is to engage in self-

reflection. If a communication encounter doesn’t go well and you
want to know why, your self-reflection will be much more useful if
you are aware of and can recount your thoughts and actions.
Self-reflection can also help us increase our cultural awareness.
Our thought process regarding culture is often “other focused,”
meaning that the culture of the other person or group is what
stands out in our perception. However, the old adage “Know thyself”
is appropriate, as we become more aware of our own culture by
better understanding other cultures and perspectives. Developing
cultural self-awareness can take us out of our comfort zones, and
listening to people who are different from us is a key component in
developing self-knowledge. This may be uncomfortable because our
taken-for-granted or deeply held beliefs and values may become
less certain when we see the multiple perspectives that exist.
We can also become more aware of how our self-concepts
influence how we perceive others. We often hold other people to
the same standards we hold ourselves to, or we assume that their
self-concept should be consistent with our own. For example, if
you consider yourself a neat, well-groomed person and think that
sloppiness in your personal appearance would show that you are
unmotivated, rude, and lazy, then you are likely to judge a person
who doesn’t have a tidy appearance the same way. So asking
questions like “Is my impression based on how this person wants
to be, or how I think this person should want to be?” can lead to
enlightening moments of self-reflection.
Being able to see situations from a variety of perspectives
increases your cognitive complexity. Cognitive complexity involves
being able to construct different frameworks and perspectives for
seeing an issue (Medvene et al., 2006). This will also help improve
our empathy for others because it increases our understanding
of others’ actions (Medvene et al., 2006). Asking questions about
the perceptions you are making is an integral part of perception
checking, which we will discuss next.

Checking Perception
Perception checking is a strategy to help us monitor our reactions
to and perceptions about people and communication. There are
some internal and external strategies we can use to engage in
perception checking. In terms of internal strategies, review the
various influences on perception that we have learned about in this
chapter and always be willing to ask yourself “What is influencing
the perceptions I am making right now?” Even being aware of what
influences are acting on our perceptions makes us more aware of
what is happening in the perception process. In terms of external
strategies, we can use other people to help verify our perceptions.
Perception checking helps us slow down the perception and
communication processes and allows us to have more control over
both (Interpersonal communication, 2012). Perception checking
involves being able to describe what is happening in a given
situation, providing multiple interpretations of events or
behaviours, and asking yourself and others questions for
clarification (Interpersonal communication, 2012). Some of this
process happens inside our heads, and some happens through
interaction. The video below summarizes the process of perception
checking and provides real-world examples of its use.

(Barton Blueprint for Emotional Intelligence, 2021)

The steps of perception checking:
• Step 1: Describe the behaviour or situation

without evaluating or judging it.
• Step 2: Think of two possible interpretations of
the behaviour, being aware of attributions and
other influences on the perception process.
• Step 3: Verify what happened and ask for
clarification from the other person’s perspective.
Be aware of punctuation, since the other person
likely experienced the event differently than you.
(Interpersonal communication, 2012)
Pillow Method
The pillow method was initially developed by a group of Japanese

school children and was discussed by Alders et al. (2021) in their
book Look: Looking Out, Looking In. This method is beneficial when
the situation is too complex for perception checking and also works
to increase cognitive complexity. This tool is used to help build
empathy and understanding of others and their point of view. It
involves viewing a situation from five positions (four sides and a
middle), similar to a pillow, and enables you to gain understanding
of an issue from various perspectives:
Position 1: “I’m right, you’re wrong” – This involves seeing the
benefits of your position and the faults in the other position.
Position 2: “You’re right, I’m wrong” – You find the best possible
arguments for the other side’s point of view and the faults in your
own position.

Position 3: “Both right, both wrong” – From this position, you
find the merits and issues with both sides of the argument.
Position 4: “The issue isn’t as important as it seems” – Many
issues are not as important as we feel they are. Although it may be
difficult, consider how time will change how you feel about the issue
and that you have possibly made the issue larger than it is.
Position 5: “There is truth in all four perspectives” – Consider
the situation and the other four positions we have discussed above.
At this point, it is common for people to realize that each position
has some merit.
After viewing the issue or situation from all positions and
perspectives, you will likely gain some insight and empathy into the
situation.
(Adler et al., 2021)
As we have learned in this chapter, the perceptions that we make
of others and ourselves and that others make of us affects how we
communicate and act. We have had a chance to learn about the
perception process, how we perceive others, and how we perceive
and present ourselves. The strategies discussed above are ways we
can improve our perceptions and ultimately make ourselves more
competent communicators.
1. Which barrier(s) to self-perception do you think

present the most challenge to you and why? What
can you do to overcome these barriers?
2. Which barrier(s) to perceiving others do you think
present the most challenge to you and why? What

can you do to overcome these barriers?
3. Recount a recent communication encounter in
which perception checking or the pillow method
could have led to a more positive result.
◦ As you consider the encounter, go through

the steps of either perception checking or the
pillow method.
◦ What could you have done differently? What
could have been done the same?
◦ Would the results have been the same?
Attribution

resource:

References
Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor II, R. F., (2021). LOOK: Looking out,
looking in. (4th ed.). Cengage Learning.
Armenta, B. E., & Hunt, J. S. (2009). Responding to societal

devaluation: Effects of perceived personal and group discrimination
on the ethnic group identification and personal self-esteem of
Latino/Latina adolescents. Group Processes and Intergroup
Relations, 12(1), 11–12.
Barton Blueprint for Emotional Intelligence. (2021, July 3). How
to perception cCheck. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=WiPreTRuWDw
Brown, B. (2013, December 10). Brene Brown on empathy [Video].
YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Interpersonal communication. (2012). Whatcom Community
College. https://textbooks.whatcom.edu/dutton210/, licensed
Medvene, L., Grosch, K., & Swink, N. (2006). Interpersonal
complexity: A cognitive component of person-centered care. The
Gerontologist, 46(2), 220–226, https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/
46.2.220
Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team. (2023). The
difference between empathy and sympathy.
https://www.psychmc.com/blogs/empathy-vs-
sympathy#:~:text=The%20Differences%20Between%20Empathy%
20and%20Sympathy,-
Now%20that%20we&text=Empathy%20is%20shown%20in%20how
,not%20having%20the%20same%20problems
Schaedig, D. (2020). Self-fulfilling prophecy and the Pygmalion
effect. https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-fulfilling-
prophecy.html#:~:text=There%20are%20two%20types%20of,value
%20can%20cause%20this%20prophecy

Driving on the road moscow russia by Vyacheslav Argenberg, CC
BY 4.0
Science Lab LIS by TCchengdu, CC BY-SA 4.0

2.6 Review

material in this chapter. These activities, along with the questions
found throughout the chapter, should provide a thorough
assessment of your understanding of the role of perception in
communication.
Matching Review

Review Quiz

156 | 2.6 Review

Attribution

resource:

2.6 Review | 157

158 | 2.6 Review
CHAPTER III
VERBAL COMMUNICATION
AND LISTENING
Verbal Communication and Listening | 159

160 | Verbal Communication and Listening
3.1 Introduction to Verbal
Communication and
Listening
Learning Objectives
1. Articulate how language develops and affects

meaning
2. Discuss strategies for improving verbal
communication and word choice
3. Describe the listening process and barriers to
effective listening
4. Identifying effective listening strategies
5. Describe active listening and its benefits
6. Discuss how language, listening, and culture affect
one another
3.1 Introduction to Verbal Communication and Listening | 161

Chapter Overview
In this chapter, we will learn about the relationship between

language and meaning, how we come to know the content and
rules of verbal communication, the functions of language, how to
use words well, and the relationship between language and culture.
Along with language, we will also discuss listening, which is the
primary means through which we learn new information. The act of
listening is important to our relationships with others, and listening
to what others say about us helps us develop an accurate self-
concept. This can help us more strategically communicate our
identity needs in order to project to others our desired self. Overall,
improving our language and listening skills can help us be better
students, better relational partners, and more successful
professionals.
Attribution

resource:

162 | 3.1 Introduction to Verbal Communication and Listening

3.2 Language Basics
The relationship between language and meaning is not a

straightforward one. One reason for this complicated relationship is
the limitlessness of modern language systems like English (Crystal,
2006). Language is productive in the sense that there are an infinite
number of utterances we can make by connecting existing words in
new ways. In addition, there is no limit to a language’s vocabulary
because new words are coined daily. Of course, words aren’t the
only things we need to communicate, and although verbal and
nonverbal communication are closely related in terms of how we
make meaning, nonverbal communication is not productive and
limitless. Although we can only make a few hundred physical signs,
we have about a million words in the English language. So with all
this possibility, how does communication generate meaning?
Generating meaning is a central part of the definition of
communication. We arrive at meaning through the interaction
between our nervous and sensory systems and some stimulus
outside them. It is here, between what the communication models
we discussed earlier labelled as encoding and decoding, that
meaning is generated as sensory information is interpreted. The
indirect and sometimes complicated relationship between language
and meaning can lead to confusion, frustration, or even humour.
We may even experience a little of all three, when we stop to think
about how there are some 25 definitions available to tell us the
meaning of the word “meaning”! (Crystal, 2006). Because language
and symbols are the primary vehicle for our communication, it
is important that we not take the components of our verbal
communication for granted.
The following video will provide an overview of the topic of
language and will introduce many of the concepts discussed in this
chapter.
3.2 Language Basics | 163

(Study Hall, 2022)
Language Is Symbolic
Our language system is primarily made up of symbols. A symbol is

something that stands in for or represents something else. Symbols
can be communicated verbally (speaking the word hello), in writing
(putting the letters H-E-L-L-O together), or nonverbally (waving
your hand back and forth). In any case, the symbols we use stand
in for something else, like a physical object or an idea—they do
not actually correspond to the thing being referenced in any direct
way. Unlike hieroglyphics in ancient Egypt, where there was often a
literal relationship between the written symbol and the object being
referenced, the symbols used in modern languages look nothing like
the object or idea to which they refer.
164 | 3.2 Language Basics

Image 3.1
The symbols we use combine to form language systems or

codes. Codes are culturally agreed on and ever-changing systems of
symbols that help us organize, understand, and generate meaning
(Leeds-Hurwitz, 1993). There are about 6,000 language codes used
in the world, and about 40% of those (approximately 2,400) are only
spoken and do not have a written version (Crystal, 2006). Remember
that for most of human history, the spoken word and nonverbal
communication were the primary means of communication. Even
languages with a written component didn’t see widespread literacy,
or the ability to read and write, until a little over 100 years ago.
The symbolic nature of our communication is a quality unique to
humans. Since the words we use do not have to correspond directly
to anything in our “reality,” we can communicate in abstractions.
This property of language is called displacement and specifically
refers to being able to talk about events that are removed in space
or time from a speaker and a situation (Crystal, 2006). Animals
communicate but do so in a much simpler way that is only a reaction

to stimulus. Further, animal communication is very limited and lacks
the productive quality of language that we discussed earlier.
The Triangle of Meaning
The triangle of meaning is a model of communication that indicates

the relationship among a thought, a symbol, and a referent, and
highlights the indirect relationship between the symbol and the
referent (Richards & Ogden, 1923). The thought is the concept or
idea a person references. The symbol is the word that represents
the thought, and the referent is the object or idea to which the
symbol refers. This model is useful for us as communicators because
when we are aware of the indirect relationship between symbols
and referents, we are aware of how common misunderstandings
occur. Consider this example: Jasper and Priya have been thinking
about getting a dog, so each of them is having a similar thought.
They are each using the same symbol, the word dog, to
communicate about their thought. Their referents, however, are
different. Jasper is thinking about a small dog like a dachshund, and
Priya is thinking about a larger dog such as a Labrador retriever.
Since the word dog doesn’t refer to one specific object in our reality,
it is possible for them to have the same thought and use the same
symbol but end up in an awkward moment when they get to the
animal shelter and fall in love with their respective referents only to
find out that the other person didn’t have the same thing (the kind
of dog) in mind.
Being aware of this indirect relationship between symbol and
referent, we can try to compensate for it by getting clarification.
Priya might ask Jasper, “What kind of dog do you have in mind?” This
question would allow Jasper to describe his referent, which would
allow for more shared understanding. If Jasper responds, “Well, I
like short-haired dogs, and we need a dog that will work well in an
apartment,” then there’s still quite a range of referents. Priya could
ask questions for clarification, like “Sounds like you’re saying that

a smaller dog might be better. Is that right?” Getting to a place of
shared understanding can be difficult, even when we define our
symbols and describe our referents.
Definitions
Definitions help us narrow the meaning of particular symbols,

which also narrows a symbol’s possible referents. They also provide
more words (symbols) for which we must determine a referent. If a
concept is abstract and the words used to define it are also abstract,
then a definition may be useless. Have you ever been caught in a
verbal maze as you look up an unfamiliar word, only to find that
the definition contains more unfamiliar words? Although this can be
frustrating, definitions do serve a purpose.
Words have denotative and connotative meanings. A denotative
meaning refers to definitions that are accepted by the language
group as a whole; that is, the dictionary definition of a word. For
example, the denotative meaning, or denotation, of the word hot
is “to give off or possess heat.” Another denotation of hot is in
reference to someone’s attractiveness. A more abstract word like
change might be more difficult to understand because of the
multiple denotations. Since both hot and change have multiple
meanings, they are considered polysemic words. Equivocal
language is similar to polysemic words in that they are words,
expressions, or phrases that can have more than one accepted
definition (Merriam-Webster, 2023)
Monosemic words have only one use in a language, which makes
their denotation straightforward. Specialized academic or scientific
words, like monosemic, are often monosemic, but there are fewer
commonly used monosemic words, for example, handkerchief. As
you might guess based on our discussion of the complexity of
language so far, monosemic words are far outnumbered by
polysemic words.
Connotation refers to definitions that are based on emotion- or

experience-based associations people have with a word. To go back
to our previous words, change can have positive or negative
connotations depending on a person’s experiences. A person who
just ended a long-term relationship may think of change as good or
bad depending on what they thought about their former partner.
Even monosemic words like handkerchief that only have one
denotation can have multiple connotations. A handkerchief can
conjure up thoughts of dainty British women or disgusting snot
rags.
The Rules of Language
Grammar refers to the rules that govern how words are used to
make phrases and sentences. Someone would likely know what you
mean by the question “Where’s the remote control?” but “The
control remote where’s?” is likely to be unintelligible or at least
confusing (Crystal, 2006). Knowing the rules of grammar is
important to be able to write and speak to be understood, but
knowing these rules isn’t enough to make you an effective
communicator. Even though teachers have long enforced the idea
that there are right and wrong ways to write and say words, there
really isn’t anything inherently right or wrong about the individual
choices we make in our language use. Rather, it is our collective
agreement that gives power to the rules that govern language.
There are also certain specific rules that fall within the realm of
grammar (Ramoo, 2021). These rules were discussed in the video at
the top of the page and include the following:
• Phonetic rules: Rules governing the way words or phrases are

said; for example, how to pronounce words and where to place
the emphasis (Ramoo, 2021).
• Syntactic rules: Rules that govern the way symbols can be
arranged as opposed to the meanings of those symbols; for

example, how words are organized in a sentence (Ramoo,
2021).
• Semantic rules: Rules that govern the meaning of language as
opposed to its structure (Ramoo, 2021); for example, what a
given word means within a society rather than where it is
placed in a sentence.
• Pragmatic rules: Rules that help communicators understand
how messages can be used and interpreted in a given context
(Ramoo, 2021); for example, what a promise is and when to use
it.
Looking back to our discussion of connotation, we can see how

individuals play a role in how meaning and language are related,
since when we communicate, we each bring our own emotional
and experiential associations with a word; these associations are
often more meaningful than a dictionary definition. In addition, we
have quite a bit of room for creativity, play, and resistance with the
symbols we use. Have you ever had a secret code with a friend that
only the two of you knew? This can allow you to use a code word
in a public place to get meaning across to the other person who
is “in the know” without anyone else understanding the message.
The fact that you can take a word, give it another meaning, have
someone else agree on that meaning, and then use the word in your
own fashion clearly shows that meaning is in people rather than in
words.
The Functions of Language
What utterances make up our daily verbal communication? Some

of our words convey meaning, some convey emotions, and some
actually produce actions. Language also provides endless
opportunities for fun because of its limitless, sometimes

nonsensical, and always changing nature. In this section, we will
learn about the different functions of language.
Language Is Expressive
Verbal communication helps us meet various needs through our

ability to express ourselves. In terms of instrumental needs, we use
verbal communication to ask questions that provide us with specific
information. We also use verbal communication to describe things,
people, and ideas. Verbal communication helps us inform, persuade,
and entertain others. It is also through our verbal expressions that
our personal relationships are formed. Verbal expressions help us
communicate our observations, thoughts, feelings, and needs
(McKay et al., 1995).
• Expressing observations: When we express observations, we

report on the sensory information we are taking or have taken
in. Eyewitness testimony is a good example of communicating
observations. Witnesses are not supposed to make judgements
or offer conclusions; they should only communicate factual
knowledge as they experienced it. For example, a witness
could say, “I saw a white Ford Explorer leaving my neighbour’s
house at 10:30 p.m.” When you are trying to make sense of an
experience, expressing observations in a descriptive rather
than an evaluative way can lessen defensiveness, which
facilitates competent communication.
• Expressing thoughts: When we express thoughts, we draw
conclusions based on what we have experienced. In the
perception process, this is similar to the interpretation step.
We take various observations and evaluate and interpret them
to assign them meaning (a conclusion). Whereas our
observations are based on sensory information (what we saw,
what we read, what we heard), thoughts are connected to our
beliefs (what we think is true or false), our attitudes (what we

like and dislike), and our values (what we think is right or
wrong or good or bad). Jury members (Image 3.2) are expected
to express thoughts based on reported observations to help
reach a conclusion about someone’s guilt or innocence. A juror
might express the following thought: “The neighbour who saw
the car leaving the night of the crime seemed credible. And the
defendant seemed to have a shady past—I think he’s trying to
hide something.” Sometimes people intentionally or
unintentionally express thoughts as if they were feelings.
Image 3.2
• Expressing feelings: When we express feelings, we

communicate our emotions. Expressing feelings is a difficult
part of verbal communication because there are many social
norms about how, why, when, where, and to whom we express
our emotions. Norms for emotional expression also vary based
on nationality and other cultural identities and even
characteristics such as age and gender. In terms of age, young
children are typically freer to express positive and negative

emotions in public.
• Expressing needs: When we express needs, we are
communicating in an instrumental way to help us get things
done or to acquire something. Since we almost always know
our needs better than others do, it’s important for us to be able
to convey those needs to others. Expressing needs can help us
get a project done at work or help us navigate the changes of a
long-term romantic partnership. Not expressing needs can
lead to feelings of abandonment, frustration, or resentment.
For example, if one romantic partner expresses the thought “I
think we’re moving too quickly in our relationship” but doesn’t
also express a need, the other person in the relationship
doesn’t have a guide for what to do in response to the
expressed thought. Stating “I need to spend some time with
my friends this weekend. Would you mind if I went out with
them?” would likely make the expression more effective. Be
cautious of letting evaluations or judgements sneak into your
expressions of need. Saying “I need you to stop suffocating
me!” really expresses a thought-feeling mixture more than a
need.
Language Expresses Our Identities
Words and phrases express who we are and contribute to the

impressions that others make of us. We’ve already learned about
identity needs and identity management and how we all use verbal
communication strategically to create a desired impression. For
example, consider the label nerd. A person might identify as a nerd
and be happy to apply the label to themselves, but would that
person be affected differently if someone else called them a nerd?
The power of language to express our identities varies depending
on the origin of the label (self-chosen or imposed by others) and
the context. People are usually comfortable with the language they
use to describe their own identities, but they may have issues with

the labels others place on them. In terms of context, many people
express their Irish identity on St. Patrick’s Day (Image 3.3), but they
may not think much about it over the rest of the year. There are
many examples of people who have taken a label that was imposed
on them, one that may have negative connotations, and
intentionally used it in ways that counter previous meanings.
Image 3.3
Language Affects Our Credibility
One of the goals of this chapter is to help you be more competent

with your verbal communication. People make assumptions about
your credibility based on how you speak and what you say. We’ve
learned that meaning is in people rather than words and that the
rules that govern verbal communication, like the rules of grammar,

are arbitrary, but these norms still mean something. You don’t have
to be a perfect grammarian to be perceived as credible. In fact, if you
followed the grammar rules for written communication to the letter,
you would actually sound pretty strange, since our typical way of
speaking isn’t as formal and structured as writing. But you still
have to support your ideas and explain the conclusions you make
in order to be seen as competent, and you have to use language
clearly and be accountable for what you say in order to be seen
as trustworthy. Using informal language and breaking social norms
wouldn’t enhance your credibility during a professional job
interview, but it might with your friends at a party. Politicians know
that the way they speak affects their credibility, but they also know
that using words that are too scientific or academic can lead people
to perceive them as overly intellectual, which would hurt their
credibility. People in leadership positions need to be able to use
language to put people at ease, relate to others, and still appear
confident and competent.
Language Is Performative
Some language is actually more like an action than a packet of

information. Saying, “I promise,” “I guarantee,” or “I pledge” does
more than convey meaning—it communicates intent. Such
utterances are called commissives because they mean a speaker is
committed to a certain course of action (Crystal, 2006). Of course,
promises can be broken, and there can be consequences, but other
verbal communication is granted official power that can guarantee
action. The two simple words “I do” can mean that a person has
agreed to an oath before taking the witness stand in court or
assuming a political position. In a wedding ceremony, it can also
mean that two people are now bound in a relationship recognized
by the government and/or a religious community (Image 3.4). These
two words, if said in the right context and in front of the right
person, such as a judge or a religious official, bring with them

obligations that cannot be undone without additional steps and
potential negative repercussions. In that sense, language is much
more than mere words.
Image 3.4
Performative language can also be a means of control, especially

in legal contexts. In some cases, the language that makes our laws
is intentionally vague. In courts all over the nation, the written
language intersects with spoken language as lawyers advocate for
particular interpretations of written laws. The utterances of judges
and juries set precedents for reasonable interpretations that will
then help decide future cases. Imagine how powerful, to a defendant
awaiting their verdict, the words “We the jury find the defendant …”
seem. The sentences handed down by judges following a verdict are
also performative because those words impose fines and penalties
such as jail time. Some language is deemed so powerful that it
is regulated. Hate speech, slander, libel, and defamation are

considered powerful enough to actually do damage to a person and
have therefore been criminalized.
Language Is Dynamic
As we have already learned, language is essentially limitless. We may

create a one-of-a-kind sentence combining words in new ways and
never know it. Aside from the endless structural possibilities, the
meaning of words changes over time, and new words are created
daily.
• Neologisms are newly coined or newly used words. Newly

coined words are those that were just brought into linguistic
existence. Newly used words make their way into languages in
several ways, including borrowing and changing structure.
Taking is actually a more fitting descriptor than borrowing,
since we take words but don’t really give them back. In any
case, borrowing words is the primary means through which
languages expand. English is a good case in point because most
of its vocabulary is borrowed from other languages and doesn’t
reflect the language’s Germanic origins—English has been
called the “vacuum cleaner of languages” (Crystal, 2006). Its
borrowed words include chic from French, karaoke from
Japanese, and caravan from Arabic, among many others. Other
languages also borrow from English—weekend is a popular
English word now used in a number of other languages.
• Slang is a great example of the dynamic nature of language.
Slang refers to new or adapted words that are specific to a
group, context, and/or time period. It is regarded as less
formal and more representative of people’s creative play with
language. Research has shown that only about 10% of the slang
terms that emerge over a 15-year period survive. Many more
take their place, though, as new slang words are created using
inversion, reduction, or old-fashioned creativity (Allan &

Burridge, 2006). Inversion is a form of word play that produces
slang words like sick, wicked, and bad that actually refer to the
opposite of their typical, more formal meaning. Reduction
creates slang words such as pic, sec,
and later from picture, second, and see you later. New slang
words often represent what is edgy, current, or simply relevant
to the daily lives of a group of people.
Language Is Relational
We use verbal communication to initiate, maintain, and terminate

our interpersonal relationships. The first few exchanges with a
potential romantic partner or friend help us size the other person
up and decide whether or not we want to pursue a relationship or
not. We then use verbal communication to remind others how we
feel about them and to check in with them, engaging in relationship
maintenance through language use. When negative feelings arrive
and persist, or for many other reasons, we often use verbal
communication to end a relationship.
Interpersonally, verbal communication is key to bringing people
together and maintaining relationships. Whether intentionally or
unintentionally, our use of words like I, you, we, our, and us affects
our relationships. “We” language includes the words we, our, and us
and can be used to promote a feeling of inclusiveness. “I” language
can be useful when expressing thoughts, needs, and feelings
because it leads us to “own” our expressions and avoid the tendency
to mistakenly attribute the cause of our thoughts, needs, and
feelings to others. Communicating emotions using “I” language may
also facilitate emotion sharing by not making our conversational
partner feel at fault or defensive. For example, instead of saying,
“You’re making me mad!” you could say, “I’m starting to feel really
angry because we can’t agree on this.” Conversely, “you” language
can lead people to become defensive and feel attacked, which can
be divisive and result in feelings of interpersonal separation. “But”

statements are also to be avoided because they negate everything
that was said before, even if it was positive or intentional (Schafler,
2018). For example, “I’m sorry but …” ends up saying that you
possibly are not really sorry, and this may result in others becoming
defensive. Replacing “but” with “and” helps a person to clearly
communicate that two ideas exist, which invites further
communication as opposed to negating, which draws a line in the
sand for defensiveness; for example, saying, “I’m sorry, and I don’t
see things the same way, can we talk about this?'”
Moving from the interpersonal to the sociocultural level, we can
see that speaking the same language can bring people together.
When a person is surrounded by people who do not speak the same
language, it can be very comforting to run into another person who
does. Even if the two people are strangers, the ease of linguistic
compatibility is comforting and can quickly facilitate a social bond.
Language helps shape our social reality, so a common language
leads to some similar perspectives. Of course, there are individual
differences within a language community, but there is power in
shared language to unite people.
Language Can Separate Us
Whether it’s criticism, teasing, or language differences, verbal

communication can also lead to feelings of separation. Language
differences alone do not present insurmountable barriers. We can
learn other languages with time and effort, there are other people
who can translate and serve as bridges across languages, and we
can also communicate nonverbally in the absence of linguistic
compatibility. People who speak the same language can
intentionally use language to separate. The words us and them can
be a powerful start to separation.
At the interpersonal level, unsupportive messages can make
others respond defensively, which can lead to feelings of separation
and the actual separation or dissolution of a relationship. It is

impossible to be supportive in our communication all the time, but
consistently unsupportive messages can hurt others’ self-esteem,
escalate conflict, and lead to defensiveness. People who regularly
use unsupportive messages may create a toxic win-lose dynamic in
a relationship.
Common Types of Unsupportive Messages
• Global labels: “You’re a liar.” Labelling someone irresponsible,

untrustworthy, selfish, or lazy calls their whole identity as a
person into question. Such sweeping judgements and
generalizations are sure to only escalate a negative situation.
• Sarcasm: “No, you didn’t miss anything in class on Wednesday.
We just sat here and looked at each other.” Even though sarcasm
is often disguised as humour, it usually represents passive-
aggressive behaviour and indirectly communicates negative
feelings.
• Dragging up the past: “I should have known not to trust you
when you never paid me back that $100 I let you borrow.”
Bringing up negative past experiences is a tactic used by
people when they don’t want to discuss a current situation.
Sometimes people have built up negative feelings that are
suddenly released by a seemingly small thing in the moment.
• Negative comparisons: “Jade graduated from college without
any credit card debt. I guess you’re just not as responsible as she
is.” Holding a person up to the supposed standards or
characteristics of another person can lead to feelings of
inferiority and resentment. Parents and teachers may unfairly
compare children to their siblings.
• Judgmental “you” messages: “You’re never going to be able to
hold down a job.” Accusatory messages are usually generalized
overstatements about a person that go beyond labelling but
still do not describe specific behaviour in a productive way.
• Threats: “If you don’t stop texting back and forth, both of you are
going to regret it.” Threatening someone with violence or some
other negative consequence usually signals the end of

productive communication. Aside from the potential legal
consequences, threats usually overcompensate for a person’s
insecurity.
Now that we have had a chance to look at some of the concepts,

rules, meaning, and functions of language, in the next section, we
will look at ways we can competently use language to communicate
with others.
1. Trace the history of a word (its etymology) like we

did with calculate earlier in the chapter. Discuss how
the meaning of the word (the symbol) has changed as
it has gotten further from its original meaning. Two
interesting words to trace are hazard and phony.
2. Think of some words that have strong connotations
for you. How does your connotation differ from the
denotation? How might your connotation differ from
another person’s?
3. A key function of verbal communication is to
express our identities. Identify labels or other words
that are important for your identity in each of the
following contexts: academic, professional, personal,
and civic. For example, you might choose honours
student for the academic context, trainee for the
professional context, girlfriend for the personal
context, and independent for the civic context.
4. Review the types of unsupportive messages

discussed earlier. Which of them do you think has the
potential to separate people the most? Why? Which
one do you have the most difficulty avoiding
(directing towards others)? Why?
Attribution

resource:

References
Allan, K., & Burridge, K. (2006). Forbidden words: Taboo and the
censoring of language. Cambridge University Press.
Crystal, D. (2006). How language works: How babies babble, words
change meaning, and languages live or die. The Overlook Press.
Hayakawa, S. I., & Hayakawa, A. R. (1990). Language in thought and
action (5th ed.). Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.
Leeds-Hurwitz, W. (1993). Semiotics and communication: Signs,
codes, cultures. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates/Taylor & Francis.

McCornack, S. (2007). Reflect and relate: An introduction to
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (1995). Messages:
Communication skills book (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.
Merriam-Webster. (2023). Equivocal. In Merriam-Webster.com
dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/
equivocal#:~:text=Equivocal%E2%80%94which%20can%20be%20t
raced,precepts%20with%20equivocal%20phrasing%22)
Ogden, C. K., & Richards, I. A. (1923). The meaning of meaning.
Routledge/Kegan Paul.
Ramoo, D. (2021). Psychology of language. BCcampus.
https://opentextbc.ca/psyclanguage/, licensed under CC BY 4.0
Schafler, K. (2018, March 23). Using an all-too-common word in
conversation can be destructive to your relationships — here’s what
to say instead. Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/worst-
word-you-can-use-during-an-argument-with-someone-you-love-
but-2018-3
Study Hall. (2022, October 12). How is language built? | Intro to
human communication | Study Hall [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmwgmt7wcv8

Hello image by Awstreub, CC BY-SA 4.0
Boone County Courthouse jury box by Brandonrush, CC0 1.0
St Patricks Day Parade (26896181378) by Maryland GovPics, CC BY
2.0
Villa-del-Balbianello-wedding 01 by Damionmower, CC BY-SA 4.0

3.3 Improving Word Use
Have you ever gotten lost because someone gave you directions
that didn’t make sense to you? Have you ever puzzled over the
instructions for how to put something like a bookshelf or a barbecue
together? When people don’t use words well, there are
consequences that range from mild annoyance to legal action.
When people do use words well, they can be inspiring and make us
better people. In this section, we will learn how to use words well by
using them clearly, affectively, and ethically.
Using Words Clearly
The level of clarity with which we speak varies depending on whom

we are talking to, the situation we’re in, and our own intentions and
motives. We sometimes make a deliberate effort to speak as clearly
as possible. We can indicate this concern for clarity nonverbally by
slowing our rate of speech and increasing our volume, or verbally
by saying, “Frankly, …” or “Let me be clear, … .” Sometimes it can be
difficult to speak clearly; for example, when we are speaking about
something with which we are unfamiliar. Emotions and distractions
can also interfere with clarity. Being aware of the varying levels of
abstraction within language can help us create clearer and more
complete messages.
3.3 Improving Word Use | 183

Ladder of Abstraction
The Ladder of Abstraction refers to the

continuum of language from concrete to
abstract. Another way to view this is that
concrete words are more specific and clear
and abstract words are more vague. As we
follow a concept up the Ladder of
Abstraction, more and more of the “essence”
of the original object is lost or left out, which
leaves more room for interpretation, which
can then lead to misunderstanding. This
process of abstracting—of leaving things
out—allows us to communicate more
effectively because it serves as a shorthand
that keeps us from having a completely
unmanageable language filled with millions
of words, each referring to one specific thing
(Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1990). However,
Image 3.5
abstracting requires us to use context and
often other words to generate shared meaning. Some words are
more directly related to a concept or idea than others. If I asked you
to take a photo of a book, you could do that. If I asked you to take a
photo of “work,” you couldn’t because work is an abstract word that
was developed to refer to any number of possibilities from the act
of writing a book, to repairing an air conditioner, to fertilizing an
organic garden. You could take a photo of any of those things—that
is, of people doing work—but you can’t take a picture of “work.”
At the lowest level of the Ladder of Abstraction, we have
something that is very concrete (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1990). At
this level we are actually in the moment of experiencing the stimuli
that is coming in through our senses. We perceive the actual thing,
for example, the concept of a “cow” in front of us, either the actual
animal or as an image. It is concrete because it is unmediated,
meaning that it is actually the moment of experience. As we move
184 | 3.3 Improving Word Use

up a level on the ladder, we give the experience a name—we are
looking at “Bessie.” So now, instead of the direct experience with
the “thing” in front of us, we have given the thing a name, which
takes us one step away from the direct experience to the use of
a more abstract symbol. Now we can talk and think about Bessie
even when we aren’t directly experiencing her. At the next level,
the word “cow” now lumps Bessie in with other bovine creatures
that share similar characteristics. As we go on up the ladder, “cow”
becomes “livestock,” the “livestock” becomes an “asset,” and then an
“asset” becomes “wealth.” Note that it becomes increasingly difficult
to define the meaning of the symbol as we go up the ladder, and
with each step we lose more of the characteristics of the original
concrete experience. Table 3.1 below provides an illustration of the
example provided above of the Ladder of Abstraction.
Table 3.1. Example of the Ladder of Abstraction

More Abstract (vague) Wealth
| Asset
| Livestock
| Bessie
Cow (direct sensory

More Concrete (specific)
experience)
When shared referents are important, we should try to use
language that is lower on the ladder of abstraction, which means the
language is more concrete and specific. Being intentionally concrete
is useful when giving directions, for example, and can help prevent
misunderstandings. But we sometimes intentionally use abstract
language. Because abstract language is often unclear or vague, we
can use it as a means of testing out a potential topic (like asking
a favour), offering negative feedback indirectly (to avoid hurting
someone’s feelings or to hint), or avoiding the specifics of a topic.
Definitions and Clarity
Knowing more about the role that abstraction plays in the

generation of meaning can help us better describe and define the
words we use. As we learned earlier, denotative definitions are
those found in the dictionary—the official or agreed-on definitions.
Since definitions are composed of other words, people who compile
dictionaries take for granted that there is a certain amount of
familiarity with the words they use to define another word,
otherwise we would just be going in circles. One challenge we face
when defining words is our tendency to go up the ladder of
abstraction rather than down (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1990). For
example, if you are asked to define the word blue, you’d likely say
it’s a colour. If you were then asked what a colour is, you’d say it’s
a tint or characteristic of the appearance of a particular thing. To
define it more clearly by going down the Ladder of Abstraction, you
could say, “It’s the colour of Frank Sinatra’s eyes,” or “It’s the colour
of the sky on a clear day.” People often come to understanding
more quickly when a definition is descriptive and/or ties into their
personal experiences. Definitions aren’t useless, but they are usually
best when paired with examples.
Jargon refers to specialized words used by a certain group or
profession. Since jargon is specialized, it is often difficult to relate to

a diverse audience and should therefore be limited when speaking
to people from outside the group, or at least be clearly defined when
it is used.
Creating Whole Messages
There are four types of expressions—observations, thoughts,

feelings, and needs. Whole messages include all the relevant types
of expressions needed to most effectively communicate in a given
situation, including what you see, what you think, what you feel, and
what you need (McKay et al., 1995). Partial messages are missing a
relevant type of expression and can lead to misunderstandings and
conflict. Whole messages help keep lines of communication open,
which can help build solid relationships. People can often figure out
a partial message even if they can’t readily identify what has been
left out. For example, if Omar says to Ivana, “I don’t trust Ranjeet any
more,” Ivana may be turned off or angered by Omar’s conclusion (an
expression of thought) about their mutual friend. However, if Omar
recounts his observation of Ranjeet’s behaviour, how that behaviour
made him feel, and what he needs from Ivana in this situation, she
will be better able to respond.
While partial messages lack the relevant expressions needed to
clearly communicate, contaminated messages include mixed or
misleading expressions (McKay et al., 1995). For example, if Alyssa
says to her college-aged daughter, “It looks like you wasted another
semester,” she has contaminated observations, feelings, and
thoughts. Although her statement appears to be an observation,
there are underlying messages that would be better brought to the
surface. To decontaminate her message and make it more whole
and less alienating, Alyssa could more clearly express herself by
saying, “Your dad and I talked, and he said you told him you failed
your sociology class and are thinking about changing your major”
(observation). “I think you’re hurting your chances of graduating on
time and getting started on your career” (thought). “I feel anxious

because you and I are both taking out loans to pay for your
education” (feeling).
Messages in which needs are contaminated with observations or
feelings can be confusing. For example, if Sanjay says to Cheng,
“You’re so lucky—you don’t have to worry about losing your
scholarship over this stupid biology final,” it seems like he’s
expressing an observation, but it’s really a thought with an
underlying feeling and need. To make the message more whole,
Sanjay could bring the need and feeling to the surface by saying “I
noticed you did really well on the last exam in our biology class”
(observation). “I’m really stressed about the exam next week and
the possibility of losing my scholarship if I fail it” (feeling). “Would
you be willing to put together a study group with me?” (need).
More clarity in language is important, but as we already know,
communication isn’t just about exchanging information—the words
we use also influence our emotions and relationships.
Using Words Affectively
Affective language refers to language used to express a person’s

feelings and create similar feelings in another person (Hayakawa
& Hayakawa, 1990). Affective language can be used intentionally
in relational contexts to create or enhance interpersonal bonds
and can also be effectively employed in public speaking to engage
an audience and motivate them in particular ways. We also use
affective language spontaneously and less intentionally. People who
“speak from the heart” connect well with others because of the
affective nature of their words. Sometimes people become so filled
with emotion that they have to express it, and these exclamations
usually arouse emotions in others. Hearing someone exclaim, “I’m
so happy!” can evoke similar feelings of joy, while hearing someone
exclaim, “Why me?!” while sobbing conjures up similar feelings of

sadness and frustration. There are also specific linguistic devices
that facilitate affective communication.
Image 3.6
Figurative Language
When people say something is a “figure of speech,” they are

referring to a word or phrase that deviates from expectations in
some way in either meaning or usage (Yaguello, 1998). Figurative
language is the result of breaking semantic rules, but in a way
that typically enhances meaning or understanding rather than
diminishes it. To understand figurative language, a person has to be
familiar with the semantic rules of a language and also with social
norms and patterns within a cultural or language group, which
makes it difficult for non-native speakers to grasp. Figurative
language has the ability to convey much meaning in just a few words

because some of the meaning lies in the context of usage (what a
listener can imply by the deviation from semantic norms) and in
the listener (how the listener makes meaning by connecting the
figurative language to their personal experience). Some examples of
figurative speech include simile, metaphor, and personification.
A simile is a direct comparison of two things using the
words like or as. Similes can be very explicit for the purpose of
conveying a specific meaning and can help increase clarity and
lead people to personally connect to a meaning because they have
to visualize the comparison in their mind. For example, Forrest
Gump’s famous simile, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never
know what you’re gonna get,” conjures up feelings of uncertainty
and excitement. More direct similes such as “I slept like a baby”
and “That bread was as hard as a rock” do not necessarily stir
the imagination but still offer an alternative way of expressing
something.
A metaphor is an implicit comparison of two things that are not
alike or are not typically associated—the speaker says something is
something else. For example, “She has a heart of gold” means that
the person is generous and kind, not that that she literally has a
heart made of gold. Or “He is a night owl,” meaning that the person
likes to stay up late at night. Metaphors become meaningful because
people realize the speaker’s purpose for relating two seemingly
disparate ideas. They are figurative devices that can make our
writing and speaking richer, but they require a person to balance
creative associations among ideas with the common rules of the
language if people are expected to figure out the meaning behind
the association. A speaker must have the linguistic knowledge and
insight to realize when a non-literal use of words or ideas will be
more meaningful than a literal and conventional use of those words.
Metaphors challenge the imagination, which can cause each person
to make sense of the metaphor in their own way (Olbricht, 1968).
Many metaphors come from our everyday experiences. For
example, many objects are implicitly compared to human body
parts; for example, we say a clock has hands and a face.

Personification means attributing human qualities or the
characteristics of other living things to non-human objects or
abstract concepts; for example, “The smiled down on the world.”
This can be useful when trying to make something abstract more
concrete and can create a sense of urgency or “realness” out of a
concept that is hard for people to understand. Personification has
been used successfully in public awareness campaigns because it
allows people to identify with something they think might not be
relevant to them, as you can see in the following example: “Human
papillomavirus (HPV) is a sleeping enemy that lives in many people
and will one day wake up and demand your attention if you do not
address it now.”
Powerless Language
Powerless language is marked by hesitancy and distracts from the

certainty of a statement (Johnson, 1987). All the types of powerless
language shown below suggest a level of uncertainty and should
be avoided because this type of language is not seen as strong
communication (Johnson, 1987). There will be situations where it
might be appropriate, but over all, phrases like those in the
examples below should be avoided if possible.
Examples of types of powerless language (Johnson, 1987):
• Hedges: “kinda”, “I think”, “I’m kinda angry”

• Hesitations: “uh,” “ah,” “um,” “Uh, can I talk to you about this?”
• Tag questions: “It sure is hot today, isn’t it?” “You’re coming
with me, aren’t you?”
• Polite forms: “please,” “sir,” “ma’am,” “Excuse me, sir”
• Intensifiers: “so,” “very,” “I’m not very tired”
• Disclaimers: “I know this sounds ridiculous, but …”

Evocative Language
Vivid language captures people’s attention and their imagination

by conveying emotions and action. Think of the array of mental
images that a poem or a well-told story from a friend can conjure
up. Evocative language can also lead us to have physical reactions.
Words like shiver and heartbroken can bring up previous physical
sensations related to the words. As a speaker, there may be times
when creating a positive or negative reaction could be beneficial.
Evoking a sense of calm could help you talk a friend through
troubling health news. Evoking a sense of agitation and anger could
help you motivate an audience to action. When we are conversing
with a friend or speaking to an audience, we are primarily engaging
others’ visual and auditory senses. Evocative language can help your
conversational partner or audience members feel, smell, or taste
something as well as hear it and see it. Good writers know how to
use words effectively and affectively. A well-written story, whether
it is a book or screenplay, will contain all the previous elements.
Using Words Ethically
We have learned that communication is irreversible. We have also

learned that, among other things, the National Communication
Association’s “Credo for Ethical Communication” states that we
should be accountable for the long- and short-term effects of our
communication (NCA, 1999). The way we talk, the words we choose
to use, and the actions we take after we are finished speaking are all
important aspects of communication ethics. Knowing that language
can have real effects for people increases our need to be aware of
the ethical implications of what we say. In this section, we will focus
on civility and accountability.

Civility
Civility means being polite and courteous in our behaviour and

speech. However, strong emotions regarding our own beliefs,
attitudes, and values can sometimes lead to incivility in our verbal
communication. Incivility occurs when a person deviates from
established social norms and can take many forms, including insults,
bragging, bullying, gossiping, swearing, deception, and
defensiveness, among others (Miller, 2001). Some people lament that
we live in a time when civility is diminishing, but because standards
and expectations for what is considered civil communication have
changed over time, this isn’t the only time such claims have been
made (Miller, 2001). As individualism and affluence have increased
in many societies, so have the number of idiosyncratic identities
that people feel they have the right to express. These increases
may contribute to the impression that society is becoming less civil,
when in fact it is just becoming different. We tend to assume other
people are like us, and we may be disappointed or offended when
we realize they are not. Cultural changes have probably contributed
to making people less willing to engage in self-restraint, which again
would be seen as uncivil by people who prefer more restrained and
self-controlled expression (Miller, 2001).
Some journalists, media

commentators, and scholars
have argued that the “flaming”
that happens on comment
sections of websites and blogs
is a type of verbal incivility that
presents a threat to our
democracy (Brooks & Geer,
Image 3.7 2007). Researchers have
identified several aspects of
online language use that are typically viewed as negative: name
calling, character assassination, and the use of obscene language

(Sobieraj & Berry, 2011). So what contributes to such uncivil
behaviour both online and offline? The following are some common
individual and situational influences that may lead to breaches of
civility (Miller, 2001).
• Individual differences: Some people differ in their

interpretations of civility in various settings, and some people
have personality traits that may lead to actions deemed uncivil
on a more regular basis.
• Ignorance: In some cases, especially in novel situations
involving uncertainty, people may not know what the social
norms and expectations are.
• Lack of skill: Even when we know how to behave, we may not
be able to do it. Frustration may lead a person to revert to
undesirable behaviour such as engaging in personal attacks
during a conflict because they don’t know what else to do.
• Lapse of control: Self-control is not an unlimited resource.
Even when people know how to behave and have the skill to
respond to a situation appropriately, they may not do so.
People who are careful to monitor their behaviour can have
occasional slip-ups.
• Negative intent: Some people, in an attempt to break with
conformity or challenge societal norms, or for self-benefit
(publicly embarrassing someone in order to look cool or edgy),
are openly uncivil. Such behaviour can also result from mental
or psychological stress or illness.
One feature of communicative incivility is polarizing

language—language that presents people, ideas, or situations as
polar opposites. Such language exaggerates differences and
overgeneralizes. Situations are rarely black or white, right or wrong,
or good or bad. Only seeing two values and clearly accepting one
and rejecting another indicates a lack of sophisticated or critical
thinking. We don’t have to accept every viewpoint as right and
valid, and we can hold strongly to our own beliefs and defend them

without ignoring other possibilities or rejecting or alienating others.
A person who says, “All police are corrupt,” is just as wrong as
the police officer who says, “All drug users are scum.” By avoiding
polarizing language, we keep a more open mind, which may lead us
to learn something new. A citizen may have a personal story about
a negative encounter with a police officer that could enlighten us
on their perspective, but the statement that all police are corrupt
falsely overgeneralizes that experience. Avoiding polarizing
language can help us avoid polarized thinking, and the new
information we learn may help us to better understand and
advocate for our position. Avoiding sweeping generalizations allows
us to speak more clearly and hopefully avoid defensive reactions
from others that result from such blanket statements.
Image 3.8
Accountability
The complexity of our verbal language system allows us to present

inferences as facts and mask judgements within seemingly objective
or oblique language. As an ethical speaker and a critical listener,
you must be able to distinguish between facts, inferences, and
judgements (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1990). Inferences are
conclusions based on thoughts or speculation but not direct
observation. Facts are conclusions based on direct observation or
group consensus. Judgements are expressions of approval or
disapproval that are subjective and not verifiable.
Linguists have noted that a frequent source of miscommunication
is inference-observation confusion, or the misperception of an
inference (a conclusion based on limited information) as an
observation (an observed or agreed-on fact) (Haney, 1992). We can
see the possibility for such confusion in the following example:
If a student posts on a instructor-rating site the statement “This
instructor grades unfairly and plays favourites,” then they are
presenting an inference and a judgement that could easily be
interpreted as a fact. By using some of the strategies discussed
earlier for speaking clearly, the information can be presented in a
more ethical way, for example, by using concrete and descriptive
language and owning emotions and thoughts through the use of
“I” language. To help clarify the message and be more accountable,
the student could say, “I worked for three days straight on my final
paper and only got a C,” which we will assume is a statement of
fact. This could then be followed up with “But my friend told me
she only worked on hers the day before it was due, and she got an
A. I think that’s unfair and I feel like my efforts weren’t recognized
by the instructor.” Of the last two statements, the first states what
may be a fact (note, however, that the information is secondhand
rather than directly observed), and the second states an inferred
conclusion and expresses an owned thought and feeling. Sometimes
people don’t want to mark their statements as inferences because
they want to believe them as facts. In this case, the student may
have attributed their grade to the instructor’s “unfairness” to cover
up or avoid thoughts that the friend may be a better student in
this subject area, a better writer, or a better student in general.

Distinguishing between facts, inferences, and judgements, however,
allows your listeners to better understand your message and judge
the merits of it, which makes you more accountable and therefore a
more ethical speaker.
The video below provides a overview of “I” and “you” statements
and how to use them to communicate with others effectively.

(Drexel University Counseling Center, 2020)

In this section, we have provided some methods that can be used
to improve language use and verbal communication. Because an
integral component of verbal communication is also listening, we
will now discuss the act of listening and how to become better
listeners.
1. Following the example in the Ladder of Abstraction,

take a common word that refers to an object (for
example, bicycle or smartphone) and write its
meaning, in your own words, at each step from most
concrete to most abstract. Discuss how the meaning

changes as the word or idea becomes more abstract
and how the word becomes more difficult to define.
2. Identify a situation in which language could be
used unethically in each of the following contexts:
academic, professional, personal, and civic.
Specifically tie your example to civility, polarizing
language, swearing, or accountability.
3. Think about a discussion or disagreement that you
have had in the past that would have benefited from
the use of “I” statements. Consider ways that “I”
statements could have been used then and how they
could be used in similar future conversations.
Attribution

resource:

References

Allan, K., & Burridge, K. (2006). Forbidden words: Taboo and the
censoring of language. Cambridge University Press.
Brooks, D. J., & Geer, J. G. (2007). Beyond negativity: The effects
of incivility on the electorate. American Journal of Political
Science,51(1), 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-5907.2007.00233.x
Cammaerts, B. (2009). Radical pluralism and free speech in online
public spaces: The case of North Belgian extreme right
discourses. International Journal of Cultural Studies, 12(6), 555–575.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1367877909342479
Dahlberg, L. (2007). Rethinking the fragmentation of the
cyberpublic: from consensus to contestation. New Media & Society,
9(5), 827–847. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444807081228
Drexel University Counseling Center. (2020, July 27). I-statements

[Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLtyFIvc46Y
Haney, W. V. (1992). Communication and interpersonal
relations (6th ed). Irwin.
Johnson, C. E. (1987). An introduction to powerful and powerless
talk in the classroom. Communication Education, 36, 167–172.
Kingwell, M. (1995). A civil tongue: Justice, dialogue, and the politics
of pluralism. Pennsylvania State University Press.
Communication skills book (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.
Miller, R. S. (2001). Breaches of propriety. In R. M. Kowalski (Ed.),
Behaving badly: Aversive behaviors in interpersonal relationships (pp.
29–58). American Psychological Association.
National Communication Association (NCA). (1999). NCA credo for
ethical communication.https://www.natcom.org/sites/default/
files/pages/
1999_Public_Statements_NCA_Credo_for_Ethical_Communicati
on_November.pdf
Olbricht, T. H. (1968). Informative speaking. Scott, Foresman and
Co.

Sobieraj, S., & Berry, J. (2011). From incivility to outrage: Political
discourse in blogs, talk radio, and cable news. Political
Communication, 28(1), 19–41. https://doi.org/10.1080/
10584609.2010.542360
Yaguello, M. (1998). Language through the looking glass: Exploring
language and linguistics. Oxford University Press.

Leiter ladder by Hedwig von Ebbel, Public domain
Rain of Happiness 2 by ISELAAJN, CC BY 2.0
Blog (1) by Cortega9, CC BY-SA 3.0
Police-IMG 4105 by Rama, CC BY-SA 2.0 FR

3.4 The Listening Process
Listening is the learned process of receiving, interpreting, recalling,

evaluating, and responding to verbal and nonverbal messages. We
begin to engage with the listening process long before we engage
in any recognizable verbal or nonverbal communication. It is only
after listening for months as infants that we begin to consciously
practise our own forms of expression. In this section, we will learn
more about each stage of the listening process, the main types of
listening, and the main listening styles.
The Listening Process
Listening is a process, and as such, doesn’t

have a defined start and finish. Like the
communication process, listening has
cognitive, behavioural, and relational elements
and doesn’t unfold in a linear, step-by-step
fashion. The stages of the listening process are
receiving, interpreting, recalling, evaluating,
and responding.
The video below is an introduction to the
Image 3.9 topic of listening and to much of the content
that will be discussed in this section.
202 | 3.4 The Listening Process

(Study Hall, 2022)
Receiving
Before we can engage other steps in the listening process, we must

take in stimuli through our senses. In any given communication
encounter, it is likely that we will return to the receiving stage,
sometimes referred to as attending, many times as we process
incoming feedback and new messages. This part of the listening
process is more physiological than other parts, which include
cognitive and relational elements. We primarily take in information
needed for listening through auditory and visual channels. Although
we don’t often think about visual cues as a part of listening, they
influence how we interpret messages. For example, seeing a
person’s face when we hear their voice allows us to take in
nonverbal cues from facial expressions and eye contact. The fact
that these visual cues are missing in email, text, and phone
interactions presents some difficulties for reading contextual clues
into meaning received only through auditory channels.
The chapter on perception discusses some of the ways in which
incoming stimuli are filtered. These perceptual filters also play a
role in listening. Some stimuli never make it in, some are filtered
into our subconscious, and others are filtered into various levels of
consciousness based on their salience. Recall that salience is the
degree to which something attracts our attention in a particular
context and that we tend to find salience in things that are visually
or audibly stimulating and that meet our needs or interests. Think
3.4 The Listening Process | 203

about how it’s much easier to listen to a lecture on a subject that you
find interesting.
It is important to consider noise as a factor that influences how
we receive messages. Some noise interferes primarily with hearing,
which is the physical process of receiving stimuli through internal
and external components of the ears and eyes, and some interferes
with listening, which is the cognitive process of processing the
stimuli taken in during hearing. While hearing leads to listening,
hearing and listening are not the same thing. Environmental noise,
such as other people talking, the sounds of traffic, and music,
interferes with the physiological aspects of hearing. Psychological
noise, like stress and anger, interferes primarily with the cognitive
processes of listening. We can enhance our ability to receive, and in
turn listen, by trying to minimize noise.
Interpreting
During the interpreting stage, sometime referred to as

understanding, we combine the visual and auditory information
we receive and try to make meaning out of that information using
schemata. The interpreting stage engages cognitive and relational
processing as we take in informational, contextual, and relational
cues and try to connect them to previous experiences in meaningful
ways. It is through the interpreting stage that we begin to
understand the stimuli we have received. When we understand
something, we are able to attach meaning by connecting
information to previous experiences. Through the process of
comparing new information with old information, we may also
update or revise particular schemata if we find the new information
relevant and credible.
If we have difficulty interpreting information, meaning we don’t
have previous experience or information in our existing schemata
to make sense of it, then it is difficult to transfer the information
into our long-term memory for later recall. In situations where

understanding the information we receive isn’t important or isn’t a
goal, this stage may be fairly short or even skipped. After all, we can
move something to our long-term memory by repetition, and then
later recall it without ever having understood it. It is possible to earn
perfect scores on an exam in an anatomy class in college because
you can memorize and recall, for example, all the organs in the
digestive system. In fact, you might still be able to do that a decade
after the exam. But you might not be able to tell the significance or
function of most of those organs, meaning you didn’t really get to
a level of understanding but simply stored the information for later
recall.
Recalling
Our ability to recall information, or remember, is dependent on

some of the physiological limits of how memory works. Overall, our
memories are known to be fallible. We forget about half of what
we hear immediately after hearing it, recall 35% after eight hours,
and recall 20% after a day (Hargie, 2016). Our memory consists
of multiple “storage units,” including sensory storage, short-term
memory, working memory, and long-term memory (Hargie, 2016).
Our sensory storage is very large in terms of capacity but limited
in terms of length of storage. We can hold large amounts of
unsorted visual information but only for about a tenth of a second.
By comparison, we can hold large amounts of unsorted auditory
information for longer—up to four seconds. This initial memory
storage unit doesn’t provide much use for our study of
communication because these large but quickly expiring chunks of
sensory data are primarily used in reactionary and instinctual ways.
As stimuli are organized and interpreted, they make their way
to short-term memory, where they either expire and are forgotten
or are transferred to long-term memory. Short-term memory is
a mental storage capability that can retain stimuli for 20 seconds
to one minute. Long-term memory is a mental storage capability

to which stimuli in short-term memory can be transferred if they
are connected to existing schema and in which information can be
stored indefinitely (Hargie, 2016). Working memory is a temporarily
accessed memory storage space that is activated during times of
high cognitive demand. When using working memory, we can
temporarily store information and process and use it at the same
time. This is different from our typical memory function in that
information usually has to make it to long-term memory before we
can call it back to apply to a current situation. People with good
working memories are able to keep recent information in mind,
process it, and apply it to other incoming information. This can be
very useful during high-stress situations.
Evaluating
When we evaluate something, we make judgements about its

credibility, completeness, and worth. In terms of credibility, we try
to determine the degree to which we believe a speaker’s statements
are correct and/or true. In terms of completeness, we try to “read
between the lines” and evaluate the message in relation to what we
know about the topic or situation being discussed. We evaluate the
worth of a message by making a value judgement about whether
we think the message or idea is good or bad, right or wrong, or
desirable or undesirable. All these aspects of evaluating require
critical-thinking skills, which we aren’t born with but must develop
over time through our own personal and intellectual development.
Studying communication is a great way to build your critical-
thinking skills because you learn much more about the taken-for-
granted aspects of how communication works, which gives you
tools to analyze and critique messages, senders, and contexts.
Critical-thinking and listening skills also help you take a more
proactive role in the communication process rather than being a
passive receiver of messages that may not be credible, complete,
or worthwhile. One danger in the evaluation stage of listening is to

focus your evaluative lenses more on the speaker than the message.
This can quickly become a barrier to effective listening if we begin
to prejudge a speaker based on their identity or characteristics
rather than on the content of their message.
Responding
Responding entails sending verbal and nonverbal messages that

indicate attentiveness and understanding or a lack thereof. From
our earlier discussion of the communication model, you may be able
to connect this part of the listening process to feedback.
Image 3.10
We send verbal and nonverbal feedback while another person is

talking and after they are finished. Back-channel cues are the verbal
and nonverbal signals we send while someone is talking and can
consist of verbal cues like “uh-huh,” “oh,” and “right,” or nonverbal

cues like direct eye contact, head nods, and leaning forward. Back-
channel cues are generally a form of positive feedback that indicates
others are actively listening. People also send cues intentionally and
unintentionally that indicate they aren’t listening. If another person
is looking away, fidgeting, texting, or turned away, we will likely
interpret those responses negatively.
The Importance of Listening
Understanding how listening works provides the foundation we

need to explore why we listen, including the various types and
styles of listening. In general, listening helps us achieve all the
communication goals (physical, instrumental, relational, and
identity) that we learned about in Chapter 1 and is also important in
academic, professional, and personal contexts.
Image 3.11

In terms of academics, poor listening skills were shown to
contribute significantly to failure in a person’s first year of college
(Zabava & Wolvin, 1993). In general, students with high scores for
listening ability have greater academic achievement. Poor listening
skills, lack of conciseness, and inability to give constructive
feedback have been identified as potential communication
challenges in professional contexts. Even though listening
education is lacking in our society, research has shown that
introductory communication courses provide important skills
necessary for functioning in entry-level jobs, including listening,
writing, motivating and persuading, interpersonal skills,
informational interviewing, and small-group problem solving (Di
Salvo, 1980). Listening also has implications for our personal lives
and relationships. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of
listening to make someone else feel better and to open our
perceptual field to new sources of information.
The main purposes of listening are the following (Hargie, 2016):
• To focus on messages sent by other people or noises coming

from our surroundings
• To better understand other people’s communication
• To critically evaluate other people’s messages
• To monitor nonverbal signals
• To indicate that we are interested or paying attention
• To empathize with others and show we care for them
(relational maintenance)
• To engage in negotiation, dialogue, or other exchanges that
result in shared understanding of or agreement on an issue
Listening Types
Listening serves many purposes, and different situations require

different types of listening. The type of listening we engage in

affects our communication and how others respond to us. For
example, when we listen to empathize with others, our
communication will likely be supportive and open, which will then
allow the other person to feel “heard” and supported and hopefully
view the interaction positively (Bodie & Villaume, 2003). The main
types of listening we will discuss are discriminative, informational,
critical, and empathetic (Watson et al., 1995).
Discriminative listening is a focused type of listening that is
primarily physiological and occurs mostly at the receiving stage
of the listening process. Here we engage in listening to scan and
monitor our surroundings in order to isolate particular auditory
or visual stimuli. For example, we may focus our listening on a
dark part of the yard while walking the dog at night to determine
whether the noise we just heard presents any danger. Or we may
look for a particular nonverbal cue to let us know our conversational
partner received our message (Hargie, 2016).
Informational listening entails listening with the goal of
comprehending and retaining information. This type of listening is
not evaluative and is common in teaching and learning contexts
ranging from a student listening to an informative speech to an
out-of-towner listening to directions to the nearest gas station. We
also use informational listening when we listen to news reports,
voicemail, and briefings at work.
Critical listening entails listening with the goal of analyzing or
evaluating a message based on information presented verbally and
information that can be inferred from context. A critical listener
evaluates a message and accepts it, rejects it, or decides to withhold
judgement and seek more information. As constant consumers of
messages, we need to be able to assess the credibility of speakers
and their messages and identify various persuasive appeals and
faulty logic (known as fallacies).

Image 3.12
Empathetic listening is the most challenging form of listening and

occurs when we try to understand or experience what a speaker
is thinking or feeling. Empathetic listening is distinct from
sympathetic listening. Sympathy is generally more self-oriented
and distant than empathy (Bruneau, 1993). Empathetic listening is
oriented on others and should be genuine. Because of our own
centrality in our perceptual world, empathetic listening can be
difficult. It’s often much easier to tell our own story or to give advice
than it is to really listen to and empathize with someone else. We
should keep in mind that sometimes others just need to be heard
and our feedback isn’t actually desired.
Listening Styles
Just as there are different types of listening, there are also different

styles of listening. People may be categorized as one or more of
the following types listeners: people-oriented, action-oriented,
content-oriented, and time-oriented listeners. Research finds that
40% of people have more than one preferred listening style, and
that they choose a style based on the listening situation (Bodie &
Villaume, 2003). Other research finds that people often still revert
back to a single preferred style in times of emotional or cognitive
stress, even if they know a different style of listening would be
better (Worthington, 2003).
• People-oriented listeners are concerned about the needs and

feelings of others and may get distracted from a specific task
or the content of a message in order to address feelings.
• Action-oriented listeners prefer well-organized, precise, and
accurate information. They can become frustrated if they
perceive communication to be unorganized or inconsistent, or
a speaker to be “long-winded.”
• Content-oriented listeners are analytic and enjoy processing
complex messages. They like in-depth information and like to
learn about multiple sides of a topic or hear multiple
perspectives on an issue. Their thoroughness can be difficult
to manage if there are time constraints.
• Time-oriented listeners are concerned with completing tasks
and achieving goals. They do not like information they perceive
as irrelevant and like to stick to a timeline. They may cut
people off and make quick decisions (taking shortcuts or
cutting corners) when they think they have enough
information.
Types of Listening Responses
Silent listening occurs when a person says nothing. It is ideal in

certain situations and awful in others. However, when used

correctly, silent listening can be very powerful. If misused, the
listener could give the wrong impression to someone. It is
appropriate to use this type of listening to discourage more talking.
It also shows that the listener is open to the speaker’s ideas (Wrench
et al., 2020).
Sometimes people get angry when
someone doesn’t respond. They might think
that this person is not listening or is trying
to avoid the situation (Wrench et al., 2020).
But the lack of response might be because
the listener is just trying to gather their
thoughts or perhaps feels that it would be
inappropriate to respond. There are certain
situations, such as in counselling, where
silent listening can be beneficial because it
Image 3.13
can help the speaker figure out their
feelings and emotions. Minor prompting
might also be done in combination with silence (Wrench et al.,
2020).
In situations where you want to get answers, it might be beneficial
to use questioning. You can do this in a variety of ways (Wrench et
al., 2020). You can pose open-ended or close-ended questions as a
means of eliciting answers. Close-ended questions are very specific
and do not allow elaboration. They are direct and often result in
a “yes” or “no” response or a list of possible responses that are
provided. Open-ended questions allow for more elaboration by the
person responding, and specific response options are not provided.
These forms of questions generally result in more discussion.
There are also different types of questions. Sincere questions are
posed to find a genuine answer (Wrench et al., 2020). Counterfeit
questions are disguised attempts to send a message, not to receive
one. Sometimes, counterfeit questions can cause the listener to be
defensive. For instance, if someone asks you, “Tell me how often you
have cheated on an exam,” the speaker is implying that you have
cheated on an exam, even though that has not been established

(Wrench et al., 2020). A speaker can use questions that make
statements by emphasizing specific words or phrases, stating an
opinion or feeling on the subject. They can ask questions that carry
hidden agendas, such as “Do you have five dollars?” because the
person would like to borrow that money (Wrench et al., 2020). Some
questions seek “correct” answers. For instance, when a friend asks,
“Do I look fat?” you probably have a correct or ideal answer. There
are also questions that are based on unchecked assumptions. An
example would be “Why aren’t you listening?” This question implies
that the person wasn’t listening, when in fact they are listening
(Wrench et al., 2020).
Paraphrasing is defined as restating in your own words the
message you think the speaker just sent (Wrench et al., 2020). It
represents mindful listening in that you are trying to analyze and
understand the speaker’s information. Paraphrasing can be used
to summarize facts and to gain consensus in essential discussions.
It could be used in a business meeting to make sure all details
were discussed and agreed upon. Paraphrasing can also be used
to understand personal information more accurately. Think about
being in a counsellor’s office. Counsellors often paraphrase
information to better understand exactly how you are feeling and to
be able to analyze the information better (Wrench et al., 2020).
Empathizing is used to show that the listener identifies with
the speaker’s information (Wrench et al., 2020). However, you are
not empathizing when you deny others the rights to their feelings.
Examples of this are statements such as “It’s really not a big deal” or
“Who cares?” These response indicates that the listener is trying to
make the speaker feel a different way. In minimizing the significance
of the situation, the listener is interpreting the situation according
to their perspective and passing judgement (Wrench et al., 2020).

Image 3.14
Take the time to watch William Ury’s Ted Talk on the power of
listening. He talks about how important listening is and what a
difference it can make to others and to society as a whole.

(TEDx Talks, 2012)

Barriers to Effective Listening
Barriers to effective listening are present at every stage of the

listening process (Hargie, 2016). At the receiving stage, noise can
block or distort incoming stimuli. At the interpreting stage, complex
or abstract information may be difficult to relate to previous
experiences, making it difficult to reach understanding. At the
recalling stage, natural limits to our memory and challenges to
concentration can interfere with remembering. At the evaluating
stage, personal biases and prejudices can lead us to block people out
or assume we know what they are going to say. At the responding
stage, a lack of paraphrasing and questioning skills can lead to
misunderstanding.
Environmental and Physical Barriers to Listening
Environmental factors such as lighting, temperature, and furniture

affect our ability to listen. A room that is too dark can make us
sleepy, just as a room that is too warm or too cool can raise
awareness of our physical discomfort to a point that it is distracting.
Some seating arrangements facilitate listening, whereas others
separate people. In general, listening is easier when listeners can
make direct eye contact with and are in close physical proximity to
the speaker. When group members are allowed to choose a leader,
they often choose the person who is sitting at the centre or head
of the table (Andersen, 1999). Even though the person may not
have demonstrated any leadership abilities, people subconsciously
gravitate towards speakers who are nonverbally accessible. The
ability to effectively see and hear a person increases people’s
confidence in their abilities to receive and process information.
Eye contact and physical proximity can still be affected by noise.
Environmental noises such as a whirring air conditioner, a barking

dog, or a ringing fire alarm can obviously interfere with listening
despite direct lines of sight and well-placed furniture.
Physiological noise, like environmental noise, can interfere with
our ability to process incoming information. It is noise stemming
from a physical illness, injury, or bodily stress. Physiological noise
is considered a physical barrier to effective listening because it
emanates from our physical body. Ailments such as a cold, a broken
leg, a headache, or an itchy rash can range from annoying to
unbearably painful and impact our listening relative to their
intensity. Another type of noise, psychological noise, bridges
physical and cognitive barriers to effective listening.
Psychological noise, or noise stemming from our psychological
state, including moods and level of arousal, can facilitate or impede
listening. Any mood or state of arousal, positive or negative, that
is too far above or below our regular baseline creates a barrier to
message reception and processing. The generally positive emotional
state of being in love can be just as much of a barrier as feeling
hatred. Excited arousal can also distract as much as anxious arousal.
Stress about an upcoming event ranging from losing a job, to having
surgery, to wondering about what to eat for lunch can overshadow
incoming messages. Although we will explore cognitive barriers to
effective listening more in the next section, psychological noise is
relevant here given that the body and mind are not completely
separate. In fact, they can interact in ways that further interfere
with listening. Fatigue, for example, is usually a combination of
psychological and physiological stresses that manifests as stress
(psychological noise) and weakness, sleepiness, and tiredness
(physiological noise). Additionally, mental anxiety (psychological
noise) can also manifest itself in our bodies through trembling,
sweating, blushing, or even breaking out in a rash (physiological
noise).

Cognitive and Personal Barriers to Listening
Aside from the barriers to effective listening that may be present

in the environment or from our bodies, cognitive limits, a lack of
listening preparation, difficult or disorganized messages, and
prejudices can interfere with listening. Whether you call it
multitasking, daydreaming, glazing over, or drifting off, we all
cognitively process other things while receiving messages. If you
think of your listening mind as a wall of televisions, you may notice
that in some situations some of the televisions are tuned to one
channel. If that one channel is a lecture being given by your
professor, then you are exerting about half of your cognitive-
processing abilities on one message. In another situation, all the
televisions may be on different channels. The fact that we have the
capability to process more than one thing at a time offers both
advantages and disadvantages, but unless we can better understand
how our cognitive capacities and personal preferences affect our
listening, we are likely to experience more barriers than benefits.
Lack of Listening Preparation
Another barrier to effective listening is a general lack of listening

preparation. Unfortunately, most people have never received any
formal training or instruction related to listening. Although some
people think listening skills just develop over time, competent
listening is difficult, and improving listening skills takes concerted
effort. Even when listening education is available, people do not
embrace it as readily as they do opportunities to enhance their
speaking skills. Listening is often viewed as an annoyance or a chore,
or else it is just ignored or minimized as part of the communication
process. In addition, our individualistic society values speaking
more than listening because it’s the speakers who are sometimes
literally in the spotlight. Although listening competence is a crucial

part of social interaction, and many of us value people we perceive
to be “good listeners,” listening just doesn’t get the same kind of
praise, attention, instruction, or credibility as speaking does.
Bad Messages and/or Speakers
Bad messages and/or speakers also present a barrier to effective

listening. Sometimes our trouble listening originates in the sender.
In terms of message construction, poorly structured messages or
messages that are too vague, too jargon filled, or too simple can
present listening difficulties. In terms of a speaker’s delivery, verbal
fillers, a monotone voice, distracting movements, or a dishevelled
appearance can inhibit our ability to cognitively process a message
(Hargie, 2016). Speakers can employ particular strategies to create
listenable messages that take some of the burden off the listener
by tailoring a message to be easily heard and processed. Strategies
for creating messages tailored for oral delivery include elements
such as preview and review statements, transitions, and parallel
wording. Listening also becomes difficult when a speaker tries to
present too much information. Information overload is a common
barrier to effective listening that good speakers can mitigate by
building redundancy into their speeches and providing concrete
examples of new information to help audience members interpret
and understand the key ideas.
Prejudiced Listening
Unfortunately, some of our default ways of processing information

and perceiving others lead us to rigid ways of thinking. When we
engage in prejudiced listening, we are usually trying to preserve
our way of thinking and avoid being convinced of something
different. This type of prejudice is a barrier to effective listening

because when we prejudge a person based on their identity or ideas,
we usually stop listening in an active and/or ethical way.
We exhibit prejudice in our listening in several ways, some of
which are more obvious than others. For example, we may claim to
be in a hurry and only selectively address the parts of a message
that we agree with or that aren’t controversial. We can also operate
from a state of denial where we avoid a subject or person altogether
so that our views are not challenged. Prejudices that are based on
a person’s identity, such as race or ethnicity, age, occupation, or
appearance, may lead us to assume that we know what the person
will say, essentially closing down the listening process. Keeping an
open mind and engaging in perception checking can help us identify
prejudiced listening and hopefully shift into more competent
listening practices.
Ineffective Listening Behaviours
At times, the barriers to effective listening cause us to engage in

ineffective listening behaviours. When our goal is to create shared
meaning with others, these behaviours interrupt this process.
• Pseudo-listening is pretending to listen and appear attentive

but not listening to understand or interpret the information.
Listeners may respond with a smile, head nod, or even a
minimal verbal acknowledgment, but they are ignoring or not
attending (Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Selective listening involves the listener selecting only the
information they identify as relevant to their own needs or
interests. Listeners may have their own agenda and disregard
topics if they do not align with their current attitudes or
beliefs (Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Insulated listening involves ignoring or avoiding information
and certain topics of conversation. It can be seen as the

opposite of selective listening.
• Defensive listening can be seen as interpreting innocent
comments as personal attacks. Listeners misinterpret or
project feelings of insecurity, jealousy, guilt, or lack of
confidence in the other person (Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Insensitive listening involves focusing on information for its
literal meaning and disregarding the other person’s feeling and
emotions. Listeners rarely pick up on hidden meanings or
subtle nonverbal cues and have difficulty expressing sympathy
and empathy (Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Stage hogging involves listening to express one’s own ideas or
interests and being the centre of attention. Listeners often
plan what they are going to say or interrupt while the other
person is talking (Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Ambushing is careful and attentive listening to collect
information that can be used against the other person as an
attack. Listeners question, contradict, or oppose the other
person to trap them or use their own words against them
(Indiana State University, n.d.).
• Multitasking involves listening without full attention while
attempting to complete more than one task at a time. Listeners
are actually “switch tasking”—their brain is rapidly switching
from one task to another—and the information is lost (Indiana
State University, n.d.).
In this section, we had a chance to discuss the many aspects of

the listening process, and since this such a valuable skill, the next
section will focus on the skills needed to becoming more competent
listeners.

1. Identify how critical listening might be useful for
you in each of the following contexts: academic,
professional, personal, and civic.
2. Listening scholars have noted that empathetic
listening is the most difficult type of listening. Do you
agree? Why or why not?
3. Which style of listening best describes you and
why? Which style do you have the most difficulty
with or like the least and why?
4. Bad speakers and messages are a common barrier
to effective listening. Describe a time recently when
your ability to listen was impaired by the poor
delivery and/or content of another person.
5. Of the bad listening practices listed, which do you
use the most? Why do you think you use this one
more than the others? What can you do to help
prevent or lessen this barrier?
Attribution

been copied and adapted from the following resource:


References
Andersen, P. A. (1999). Nonverbal communication: Forms and
functions. Mayfield.
Bodie, G. D., & Villaume, W. A. (2003). Aspects of receiving

information: The relationships between listening preferences,
communication apprehension, receiver apprehension, and
communicator style. International Journal of Listening, 17(1), 47–61.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2003.10499055
Brownell, J. (1993). Listening environment: A perspective. In A.
D. Wolvin & C. G. Coakley (Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex
Publishing.
Bruneau, T. (1993). Empathy and listening. In A. D. Wolvin & C. G.
Coakley (Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex Publishing.
Di Salvo, V. S. (1980). A summary of current research identifying
communication skills in various organizational contexts.
Communication Education,29(3), 283–290. https://doi.org/10.1080/
03634528009378426
9781315741901
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Comm 101 (Dutton). Whatcom Community College (WCC) Open
Textbook Collection. https://textbooks.whatcom.edu/
duttoncmst101/, licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Milardo, R. M., & Helms-Erikson, H. (2000). Network overlap and

third-party influence in close relationships. In C. Hendrick & S. S.
Hendrick (Eds.), Close relationships: A sourcebook. Sage.
Study Hall. (2022, October 26). Listening | Intro to human
communication | Study Hall [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=_ue41DmLZx4&list=PLID58IQe16nFcsed5sqo0VfQUZ7EF8r
qY&index=12
TEDx Talks. (2015, January 7). The power of listening | William
Ury | TEDxSanDiego [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=saXfavo1OQo
Watson, K. W., Barker, L. L., & Weaver III, J. B. (1995). The listening
styles profile (LS-16): Development and validation of an instrument
to assess four listening styles. International Journal of Listening,9(1),
1–13. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.1995.10499138
Wolvin, A. D., & Coakley, C. G. (1993). A listening taxonomy. In
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Publishing.
Worthington, D. L. (2003). Exploring the relationship between
listening style preference and personality. International Journal of
Listening,17(1), 68–87. https://doi.org/10.1080/
10904018.2003.10499056
Wrench, J. S., Punyanunt-Carter, N. M., & Thweatt, K. S. (2020).
Interpersonal communication—A mindful approach to relationships.
LibreText. https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/
Communication/Interpersonal_Communication/
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_A_Mindful_Approach_to_Relationships_(Wrench_et_al.)/00%3
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Closeup of a human ear by ‫ויק‬-‫אנדר‬:‫משתמש‬, Public domain
Wikimania 2016 – Listening to Community Voices 04 by Niccolò
Caranti, CC BY-SA 4.0
Viquimarató d’Informació i Comunicació 2022 (4) by Kowalskyn,
CC BY-SA 4.0
Mother with Daughter at Roadside – En Route from Qazvin to
Rudbar – Northwestern Iran (7419752832) by Adam Jones, CC BY-SA
2.0
Wikimania 2016 – Listening to Community Voices 01 by Niccolò
Caranti, CC BY-SA 4.0
‫ צילום קארין בר‬.‫ בין השמשות‬by Karin Bar, CC BY-SA 3.0

3.5 Becoming a More
Competent Listener
Many people admit that they could stand to improve their listening
skills. This section will help us do that. In this section, we will learn
strategies for developing and improving competence at each stage
of the listening process. We will also define active listening and the
behaviours that go along with it.
Listening Competence at Each Stage of the

Listening Process
We can develop competence in each stage of the listening process,

as the following list indicates (Ridge, 1993):
1. To improve listening at the receiving stage:
◦ Prepare yourself to listen.

◦ Discern between intentional messages and noise.
◦ Concentrate on stimuli most relevant to your listening
purpose(s) or goal(s).
◦ Be mindful of the selection and attention process as much
as possible.
◦ Pay attention to turn-taking signals so you can follow the
conversational flow.
◦ Avoid interrupting someone while they are speaking in
order to maintain your ability to receive stimuli and listen.
2. To improve listening at the interpreting stage:
226 | 3.5 Becoming a More Competent Listener

◦ Identify main points and supporting points.
◦ Use contextual clues from the person or environment to
discern additional meaning.
◦ Be aware of how the relational, cultural, and situational
context can influence meaning.
◦ Be aware of the different meanings of silence.
◦ Note differences in tone of voice and other paralinguistic
cues that influence meaning.
3. To improve listening at the recalling stage:
◦ Use multiple sensory channels to decode messages and

make more complete memories.
◦ Repeat, rephrase, and reorganize information to fit your
cognitive preferences.
◦ Use mnemonic devices as a tool to help with recall.
4. To improve listening at the evaluating stage:
◦ Separate facts, inferences, and judgements.

◦ Be familiar with and able to identify persuasive strategies
and fallacies of reasoning.
◦ Assess the credibility of the speaker and the message.
◦ Be aware of your own biases and how your perceptual
filters can create barriers to effective listening.
5. To improve listening at the responding stage:
◦ Ask appropriate clarifying and follow-up questions and

paraphrase information to check understanding.
◦ Give feedback that is relevant to the speaker’s purpose or
motivation for speaking.
◦ Adapt your response to the speaker and the context.
◦ Do not let the preparation and rehearsal of your response
diminish earlier stages of listening.
3.5 Becoming a More Competent Listener | 227

Active Listening
Active listening refers to the process of pairing outwardly visible

positive listening behaviours with positive cognitive listening
practices. Active listening can help address many of the
environmental, physical, cognitive, and personal barriers to
effective listening that we discussed earlier. The behaviours
associated with active listening can also enhance informational,
critical, and empathetic listening.
Image 3.15
Being an active listener starts before you actually start receiving

a message. Active listeners make strategic choices and take action
in order to set up ideal listening conditions. Physical and
environmental noises can often be managed by moving locations
or by manipulating the lighting, temperature, or furniture. When

possible, avoid important listening activities during times of
distracting psychological or physiological noise. For example, we
often know when we’re going to be hungry or full, more or less
awake, or more or less anxious, and advance planning can alleviate
the presence of these barriers. For college students, who often have
some flexibility in their class schedules, knowing when you best
listen can help you make strategic choices regarding what class to
take and when.
In terms of cognitive barriers to effective listening, we can prime
ourselves to listen by analyzing a listening situation before it begins.
For example, you could ask yourself the following questions:
1. “What are my goals for listening to this message?”

2. “How does this message relate to me or affect my life?”
3. “What listening type and style are most appropriate for this
message?”
Effective listeners must work to maintain focus as much as possible

and refocus when attention shifts or fades (Wolvin & Coakley, 1993).
One way to do this is to find the motivation to listen. If you can
identify intrinsic and or extrinsic motivations for listening to a
particular message, then you will be more likely to remember the
information presented. Ask yourself how a message could impact
your life, your career, your intellect, or your relationships. This can
help overcome our tendency toward selective attention. As senders
of messages, we can help listeners by making the relevance of what
we’re saying clear and offering well-organized messages that are
tailored for our listeners.
Given that we can process more words per minute than people
can speak, we can engage in internal dialogue, making good use
of our intrapersonal communication, to become a better listener.
Three possibilities for internal dialogue include covert coaching,
self-reinforcement, and covert questioning (Hargie, 2016).
• Covert coaching involves sending yourself messages

containing advice about better listening, such as “You’re
getting distracted by things you have to do after work. Just
focus on what your supervisor is saying now.”
• Self-reinforcement involves sending yourself affirmative and
positive messages, such as “You’re being a good active listener.
This will help you do well on the next exam.”
• Covert questioning involves asking yourself questions about
the content in ways that focus your attention and reinforce the
material, such as “What is the main idea on that PowerPoint
slide?” “Why is he talking about his brother in front of our
neighbours?”
Internal dialogue is a more structured way to engage in active

listening, but we can use more general approaches as well. It may
be best to occupy the “extra” channels in your mind with thoughts
that are related to the primary message being received instead of
thoughts that are unrelated. We can use those channels to resort,
rephrase, and repeat what a speaker says. When we resort, we can
help mentally repair disorganized messages. When we rephrase,
we can put messages into our own words in ways that better fit
our cognitive preferences. When we repeat, we can help messages
transfer from short-term to long-term memory.
Another tool that can be used is mental bracketing, which refers
to the process of intentionally separating out intrusive or irrelevant
thoughts that may distract you from listening (McCornack, 2007).
This requires us to monitor our concentration and attention and be
prepared to let thoughts that aren’t related to a speaker’s message
pass through our minds without giving them much attention.
The video below provides some information and resources related
to how we can actively listen to others.

(TEDx Talks, 2019)
Active Listening Behaviours
From the suggestions discussed previously, you can see that we

can prepare for active listening in advance and engage in certain
cognitive strategies to help us listen better. We also engage in active
listening behaviours as we receive and process messages.
Eye contact is a key sign of active listening. Speakers usually
interpret a listener’s eye contact as a signal of attentiveness.
Although a lack of eye contact may indicate inattentiveness, it can
also signal cognitive processing. When we look away to process new
information, we usually do it unconsciously. Be aware, however, that
your conversational partner may interpret this as not listening. If
you really do need to take a moment to think about something,
you could indicate that to the other person by saying, “That’s new
information to me. Give me just a second to think through it.” We
have already learned the role that back-channel cues play in
listening—an occasional head nod and “uh-huh” signal that you are
paying attention. However, when we give these cues as a form of
“autopilot” listening, others can usually tell that we are pseudo-
listening, and whether they call us on it or not, that impression
could lead to negative judgements.
A more direct way to indicate active listening is to reference
previous statements made by the speaker. Norms of politeness
usually call on us to reference a past statement or connect to the

speaker’s current thought before starting a conversational turn.
Being able to summarize what someone said to ensure that the topic
has been satisfactorily covered and understood or being able to
segue in a way that validates what the previous speaker said helps
regulate conversational flow. Asking probing questions is another
way to directly indicate listening and to keep a conversation going,
since they encourage and invite a person to speak more. You can
also ask questions that seek clarification and not just elaboration.
Speakers should present complex information at a slower speaking
rate than familiar information, but many will not. Remember that
your nonverbal feedback can be useful for a speaker because it
signals that you are listening but also indicates whether or not you
understand. If a speaker fails to read your nonverbal feedback, you
may need to follow up with verbal communication in the form of
paraphrased messages and clarifying questions.
As active listeners, we want to be excited and engaged but not
let our excitement manifest itself in interruptions. Being an active
listener means knowing when to maintain our role as listener and
resist the urge to take a conversational turn.
Image 3.16

Note-taking (Image 3.16) can also indicate active listening.
Translating information through writing into our own cognitive
structures and schemata allows us to better interpret and assimilate
information. Of course, note-taking isn’t always a viable option. It
would be fairly awkward to take notes during a first date or a casual
exchange between new co-workers. But in some situations where
we wouldn’t normally consider taking notes, a little awkwardness
might be worth it for the sake of understanding and recalling the
information. For example, many people don’t think about taking
notes when getting information from their doctor or banker, but
many people would rather someone jot down notes instead of
having to respond to follow-up questions on information that had
already been clearly conveyed. To help facilitate your note-taking,
you might say something like “Do you mind if I jot down some notes?
This seems important.”
In summary, active listening is exhibited through verbal and
nonverbal cues, including steady eye contact with the speaker,
smiling, slightly raised eyebrows, upright posture, leaning in toward
the speaker, nonverbal back-channel cues such as head nods, verbal
back-channel cues such as “okay,” “mm-hmm,” or “oh,” and a lack of
distracting mannerisms like doodling or fidgeting (Hargie, 2016).
Becoming a Better Critical Listener
Critical listening involves evaluating the credibility, completeness,

and worth of a speaker’s message. Some listening scholars note that
critical listening represents the deepest level of listening (Floyd,
1985). Since people can say just about anything they want, we are
surrounded by countless messages that vary tremendously in terms
of their value, degree of ethics, accuracy, and quality. Therefore,
it falls on us to responsibly and critically evaluate the messages
we receive. Some messages are produced by people who are
intentionally misleading, ill informed, or motivated by the potential

for personal gain, but such messages can be received as honest,
credible, or altruistic even though they aren’t. Being able to critically
evaluate messages helps us have more control over and awareness
of the influence such people may have on us. In order to critically
evaluate messages, we must enhance our critical-listening skills.
Some critical-listening skills include distinguishing between facts
and inferences, evaluating supporting evidence, discovering your
own biases, and listening beyond the message. Part of being an
ethical communicator is being accountable for what we say by
distinguishing between facts and inferences (Hayakawa &
Hayakawa, 1990). This ideal is not always met in practice, so a critical
listener should also make these distinctions since the speaker may
not. Because facts are widely agreed-on conclusions, they can be
verified as such with some extra research. Take care in your
research to note the context from which the fact emerged, as
speakers may take a statistic or quote out of context, distorting
its meaning. Inferences are not as easy to evaluate, because they
are based on unverifiable thoughts of a speaker or on speculation.
Inferences are usually based at least partially on something that is
known, so it is possible to evaluate whether an inference was made
carefully or not. In this sense, you may evaluate an inference based
on several known facts as more credible than an inference based on
one fact and more speculation. Asking a question like “What led you
to think this?” is a good way to get information needed to evaluate
the strength of an inference.
Distinguishing among facts and inferences and evaluating the
credibility of supporting material are critical-listening skills that
also require good informational-listening skills. In more formal
speaking situations, speakers may cite published or publicly
available sources to support their messages. When speakers verbally
cite their sources, you can use the credibility of the source to
help evaluate the credibility of the speaker’s message. For example,
information from a national newspaper would likely be more
credible than that from a tabloid magazine or an anonymous blog. In
regular interactions, people also have sources for their information

but are not as likely to note them in their message. Asking questions
like “Where did you hear that?” or “How do you know that?” can help
get the information needed to make a critical evaluation.
Discovering your own biases can help you recognize when they
interfere with your ability to fully process a message. Biases are also
difficult to discover because we don’t see them as biases—we see
them as normal or “the way things are.” Asking yourself “What led
you to think this?” and “How do you know that?” can be a good start
towards acknowledging your biases.
Lastly, to be a better critical listener, think beyond the message.
A good critical listener asks the following questions: What is being
said and what is not being said? In whose interests are these claims
being made? Whose voices and ideas are included and excluded?
These questions take into account that speakers intentionally and
unintentionally slant, edit, or twist messages to make them fit a
particular perspective or for personal gain. Also ask yourself
questions like “What are the speaker’s goals?” You can also rephrase
that question and direct it toward the speaker, asking them, “What
is your goal in this interaction?” When you feel yourself nearing an
evaluation or conclusion, pause and ask yourself what influenced
you. Although we like to think that we are most often persuaded
through logical evidence and reasoning, we are susceptible to
persuasive shortcuts that rely on the credibility or likability of a
speaker or on our emotions rather than the strength of their
evidence (Petty & Cacioppo, 1984). So, to be critical listener, keep a
check on your emotional involvement and be aware of how it may
be influencing your evaluation.
Becoming a Better Empathetic Listener
Empathetic listening involves caring and respecting the dignity of

others (Bruneau, 1993). It is more philosophical than the other types

of listening because it requires that we be open to subjectivity and
that we engage in it because we genuinely see it as worthwhile.
Combining active and empathetic listening leads to active-
empathetic listening. During active-empathetic listening, the
listener becomes actively and emotionally involved in the
interaction; the listening is conscious on the part of the listener and
is perceived by the speaker (Bodie, 2016). To be a better empathetic
listener, we need to suspend or at least attempt to suppress our
judgement of the other person and their message so we can fully
attend to both. Paraphrasing is an important part of empathetic
listening because it helps us put the other person’s words into
our frame of experience without making it about us. In addition,
speaking the words of someone else in our own way can help evoke
within us the feelings that the other person felt while saying them
(Bodie, 2016). Active-empathetic listening is more than echoing
verbal messages. We can also engage in mirroring, which refers to a
listener’s replication of the nonverbal signals of a speaker (Bruneau,
1993). Therapists, for example, are often taught to adopt a posture
and tone similar to their patients in order to build rapport and
project empathy.
Image 3.17

Paraphrasing and questioning are useful techniques for empathetic
listening because they allow us to respond to a speaker without
“taking the floor” or the attention away for long. Specifically,
questions that ask for elaboration act as “verbal door openers,”
inviting someone to speak more, and then validating their speech
through active listening cues. This can help a person feel “listened
to” (Hargie, 2016). Paraphrasing and asking questions are also useful
when we feel tempted to share our own stories and experiences
rather than maintaining our listening role. The questions aren’t
intended to solicit more information, so we can guide or direct the
speaker toward a specific course of action. Although it is easier for
us to slip into an advisory mode—saying things like “Well if I were
you, I would …”—we have to resist the temptation to give unsolicited
advice.
Empathetic listening can be worthwhile, but it also brings
challenges. In terms of costs, empathetic listening can use up time
and effort. Since this type of listening can’t be contained within
a prescribed timeframe, it may be especially difficult for time-
oriented listeners (Bruneau, 1993). Empathetic listening can also be
a test of our endurance, as its orientation towards and focus on
supporting the other person requires processing and integrating a
lot of verbal and nonverbal information. Because of this potential
strain, it is important to know your limits as an empathetic listener.
While listening can be therapeutic, it is not appropriate for people
without training and preparation to try to serve as a therapist. Some
people have chronic issues that necessitate professional listening
for the purposes of evaluation, diagnosis, and therapy. Lending an
ear is different from diagnosing and treating. If you have a friend
who is exhibiting signs of a more serious issue that needs attention,
listen to the extent that you feel comfortable, then be prepared to
provide referrals to other resources that have the training to help.
To face these challenges, good empathetic listeners typically have
a generally positive self-concept and self-esteem, are nonverbally
sensitive and expressive, and are comfortable with embracing

another person’s subjectivity and refraining from too much
analytical thought.
Listening in Professional Contexts
Listening is one of the most neglected aspects of organizational-

communication research (Flynn et al., 2008). This lack of a focus
on listening persists, even though we know that more effective
listening skills have been shown to enhance work performance in
areas such as sales and that managers who exhibit good listening
skills help create open communication climates that can lead to
increased feelings of supportiveness, motivation, and productivity
in the workplace (Flynn et al., 2008). Specifically, empathetic
listening and active listening can play key roles in organizational
communication. Managers are wise to enhance their empathetic
listening skills because being able to empathize with employees
contributes to a positive communication climate. Active listening
among organizational members also promotes involvement and
increases motivation, which leads to more cohesion and enhances
the communication climate.
The listening environment refers to the characteristics and
norms of an organization and its members that contribute to
expectations for and perceptions about listening (Brownell, 1993).
Positive listening environments are perceived to be more employee
centred, which can improve job satisfaction and cohesion. As such,
it is important to know how to create a positive listening
environment in the workplace.
Positive listening environments are facilitated by the breaking
down of barriers to concentration, the reduction of noise, the
creation of a shared reality (through shared language, such as
similar jargon or a shared vision statement), intentional spaces that
promote listening, official opportunities that promote listening,
training in listening for all employees, and leaders who model good

listening practices and praise others who are successful listeners
(Brownell, 1993). Policies and practices that support listening must
go hand in hand. After all, what does an “open-door” policy mean if
it is not coupled with actions that demonstrate the sincerity of the
policy?
Listening in Relational Contexts
Listening plays a central role in establishing and maintaining our

relationships (Nelson-Jones, 2006). Without some listening
competence, we wouldn’t be able to engage in the self-disclosure
process, which is essential for establishing relationships. Newly
acquainted people get to know each other through increasingly
personal and reciprocal disclosures of personal information. In
order to reciprocate a conversational partner’s disclosure, we must
process it through listening. Once relationships are formed,
listening to others provides a psychological reward through the
simple act of recognition, which helps maintain our relationships.
Listening to our relational partners and being listened to in return
is part of the give-and-take of any interpersonal relationship. Our
thoughts and experiences “back up” inside us, and getting them
out helps us maintain a positive balance (Nelson-Jones, 2006). So
something as routine and seemingly pointless as listening to our
romantic partner debrief the events of their day or our roommate
recount their weekend back home shows that we are taking an
interest in their lives and are willing to put our own needs and
concerns aside for a moment to attend to their needs. Listening also
closely ties to conflict because a lack of listening often plays a large
role in creating conflict, whereas effective listening helps us resolve
it.
Listening has relational implications throughout our lives, too.
Parents who engage in competent listening behaviours with their
children from a very young age make their children feel worthwhile

and appreciated, which affects their development in terms of
personality and character (Nichols, 1995). A lack of listening leads to
feelings of loneliness, which results in lower self-esteem and higher
degrees of anxiety. In fact, by the age of four or five years old, the
empathy and recognition shown by the presence or lack of listening
has moulded children’s personalities in noticeable ways (Nichols,
1995). Children who have been listened to grow up expecting that
others will be available and receptive to them. These children are
therefore more likely to interact confidently with teachers, parents,
and peers in ways that help develop communication competence
that will be built on throughout their lives. Children who have not
been listened to may come to expect that others will not want to
listen to them, which leads to a lack of opportunities to practise,
develop, and hone foundational communication skills. Fortunately
for the more-listened-to children and unfortunately for the less-
listened-to children, these early experiences become
predispositions that don’t change much as the children get older
and may actually reinforce themselves and become stronger.
1. Keep a “listening log” for part of your day. Note

times when you feel like you exhibited competent
listening behaviours and note times when listening
became challenging. Analyze the log based on what
you have learned in this section. Which positive
listening skills helped you listen? What strategies
could you apply to your listening challenges to
improve your listening competence?

2. Apply the strategies for effective critical listening
to a political message (a search for “political speech”
or “partisan speech” on YouTube should provide you
with many options). As you analyze the speech, make
sure to distinguish between facts and inferences,
evaluate a speaker’s supporting evidence, discuss how
your own biases may influence your evaluation, and
think beyond the message.
3. Discuss and analyze the listening environment of a
place you have worked or an organization with which
you were involved. Overall, was it positive or
negative? What were the norms and expectations for
effective listening that contributed to the listening
environment? Who helped set the tone for the
listening environment?
Attribution

resource:


References
Bodie, G. D. (2011). The Active-Empathetic Listening Scale (AELS):

Conceptualization and evidence of validity within the interpersonal
domain. Communication Quarterly, 59(3), 277-295. https://doi.org/
10.1080/01463373.2011.583495
Brownell, J. (1993). Listening environment: A perspective. In A.
D. Wolvin & C. G. Coakley (Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex
Publishing.
Bruneau, T. (1993). Empathy and listening. In A. D. Wolvin & C. G.
Coakley (Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex Publishing.
9781315741901
Floyd, J. J. (1985). Listening: A practical approach. Scott Foresman.
Flynn, J., Valikoski, T.-R., & Grau, J. (2008). Listening in the business
context: Reviewing the state of research. The International Journal
of Listening, 22(2), 141–151. https://doi.org/10.1080/
10904010802174800
Nelson-Jones, R. (2006). Human relationship skills: Coaching and
self-coaching (4th ed.). Routledge.
Nichols, M. P. (1995). The lost art of listening: How learning to listen
can improve relationships. Guilford Press.
Petty, R. E., & Cacioppo, J. T. (1984). The effects of involvement on
responses to argument quantity and quality: Central and peripheral
routes to persuasion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
46(1), 69–81. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/
0022-3514.46.1.69
Ridge, A. (1993). A perspective of listening skills. In A. D. Wolvin &
C. G. Coakley(Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex Publishing.

TEDx Talks. (2019, September 30). How to actively listen to others
| Scott Pierce | TEDxBirmingham [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq5pJ0q3xuc
Wolvin, A. D., & Coakley, C. G. (1993). A listening taxonomy. In
A. D. Wolvin & C. G. Coakley(Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex
Publishing.

Shimer College Susan Henking listening 2013 cropped by Shimer
College, CC BY 2.0
Wikimania 2020 Planning Meetup in Bangkok – 29 July 2019
(Saturday) – Ivonne note taking by Vanjpadilla, CC BY-SA 4.0
Kriegsenkel e.V. Herbsttagung 2014 by Andreas Bohnenstengel, CC
BY-SA 3.0 DE

3.6 Language, Listening, and
Culture
Society and culture influence the words we speak, and the words we
speak influence society and culture. One of the best ways to learn
about society, culture, and language is to seek out opportunities to
go beyond our typical comfort zones. Studying abroad or travelling,
for example, brings many challenges that can turn into valuable
lessons.
The video below provides an interesting discussion and examples
of how language shapes the way we think.

(TED, 2018)
Language and Social Context
We arrive at meaning through conversational interaction, which

follows many social norms and rules. Rules are explicitly stated
conventions, such as “Look at me when I’m talking to you,” and
norms are implicit, such as saying that you have to leave before you
244 | 3.6 Language, Listening, and Culture

actually do to politely end a conversation. To help conversations
function meaningfully, we learn social norms and internalize them
to such an extent that we do not often consciously enact them.
Instead, we rely on routines and roles, as determined by social
forces, to help us proceed with verbal interaction, which also helps
determine how a conversation will unfold. Our various social roles
influence meaning and how we speak. For example, a person may
say, “As a longtime member of this community …” or “As a first-
generation college student …” Such statements cue others into the
personal and social context from which we are speaking, which
helps them better interpret our meaning.
One social norm that structures our communication is turn-
taking. People need to feel like they are contributing something to
an interaction, so turn-taking is a central part of how conversations
play out (Crystal, 2005). Although we sometimes talk at the same
time as others or interrupt them, there are numerous verbal and
nonverbal cues, almost like a dance, that are exchanged among
speakers that let people know when their turn will begin or end.
Conversations do not always neatly progress from beginning to end
with shared understanding along the way. There is a back and forth
that is often verbally managed through rephrasing, such as “Let
me try that again,” and clarification like “Does that make sense?”
(Crystal, 2005).
Some conversational elements are highly scripted or ritualized,
especially the beginning and end of an exchange and topic changes
(Crystal, 2005). Conversations often begin with a standard greeting
and then proceed to “safe” exchanges about things in the immediate
field of experience of the communicators such as a comment on
the weather or noting something going on in the immediate
environment. At this point, once the ice is broken, people can move
on to other more content-specific exchanges. While conversing,
before we can initiate a topic change, it is a social norm that we
let the current topic being discussed play itself out or continue
until the person who introduced the topic seems satisfied. We then
usually try to find a relevant tie-in or segue that acknowledges the
3.6 Language, Listening, and Culture | 245

previous topic, in turn acknowledging the speaker, before moving
on to a new topic. Changing the topic without following such social
conventions might indicate to the other person that you were not
listening or are simply rude.
Ending a conversation is similarly complex. I’m sure we’ve all been
in a situation where we are “trapped” in a conversation that we need
or want to get out of. Just walking away or ending a conversation
without engaging in socially acceptable “leave-taking” behaviours
would be considered a breach of social norms. Topic changes are
often places where people can leave a conversation, but it is still
routine for us to give a special reason for leaving, often in an
apologetic tone, whether we mean it or not. Generally, though,
conversations come to an end through the cooperation of the
participants, as they offer and recognize typical signals that a topic
area has been satisfactorily covered or that one or all the people
need to leave. It is customary in North America for people to say
they have to leave before they actually do, and for that statement
to be dismissed or ignored by the others until additional leave-
taking behaviours are enacted. When such cooperation is lacking, an
awkward silence or abrupt ending can result, and as we’ve already
learned, North Americans are not big fans of silence. Silence is
not viewed the same way in other cultures, which leads us to our
discussion of cultural context.
Language and Cultural Context
Culture isn’t solely determined by a person’s native language or

nationality. It’s true that languages vary by country and region and
that the language we speak influences our reality, but even people
who speak the same language experience cultural differences
because of their various intersecting cultural identities and personal
experiences. We have a tendency to view our own language more
favourably than other languages. Although people may make

persuasive arguments regarding which languages are more pleasing
to the ear or difficult or easy to learn than others, no one language
enables speakers to communicate more effectively than another
(McCornack, 2007).
From birth, we are socialized into our various cultural identities.
As with social context, this acculturation process is a combination
of explicit and implicit lessons. A child in Colombia, which is
considered a more collectivist country in which people value group
membership and cohesion over individualism, may not be explicitly
told, “You are a member of a collectivistic culture, so you should
care more about the family and community than yourself.” This
cultural value would be transmitted through daily actions and
through language use. Just as babies acquire knowledge of language
practices at an astonishing rate in their first two years of life, so
do they acquire cultural knowledge and values that are embedded
in those language practices. At nine months old, it is possible to
distinguish babies based on their language. Even at this early stage
of development, when most babies are babbling and just learning to
recognize but not wholly reproduce verbal interaction patterns, a
Colombian baby would sound different from a Brazilian baby, even
though neither would actually be using words from their native
languages of Spanish and Portuguese (Crystal, 2005).

Image 3.18
In general, collectivistic cultures tend to value listening more than

individualistic cultures, which are more speaker oriented. The
value placed on verbal and nonverbal meaning also varies by culture
and influences how we communicate and listen. A low-context
communication style is one in which much of the meaning
generated within an interaction comes from the verbal
communication used rather than nonverbal or contextual cues.
Conversely, much of the meaning generated by a high-context
communication style comes from nonverbal and contextual cues.
For example, Americans of European descent generally use a low-
context communication style, whereas people in East Asian and
Latin American cultures use a high-context communication style.
Contextual communication styles affect listening in many ways.
Cultures with a high-context orientation generally use less verbal
communication and value silence as a form of communication,
which requires listeners to pay close attention to nonverbal signals
and consider contextual influences on a message. Cultures with a
low-context orientation must use more verbal communication and
provide explicit details because listeners aren’t expected to derive

meaning from the context. Note that people from low-context
cultures may feel frustrated by the ambiguity of speakers from high-
context cultures, while speakers from high-context cultures may
feel overwhelmed or even insulted by the level of detail used by
low-context communicators. Cultures with a low-context
communication style also tend to have a monochronic orientation
towards time, whereas high-context cultures have a polychronic
time orientation, which also affects listening.
Cultures that favour a structured and commodified orientation
towards time are said to be monochronic, while cultures that favour
a more flexible orientation towards time are polychronic.
Monochronic cultures like Canada and the United States value time
and action-oriented listening styles, especially in professional
contexts, because time is seen as a commodity that is scarce and
must be managed. This is evidenced by leaders in businesses and
organizations who often request “executive summaries” that only
focus on the most relevant information and who use statements like
“Get to the point!” Polychronic cultures value people and content-
oriented listening styles, which makes sense when we consider that
polychronic cultures also tend to be more collectivistic and use
a high-context communication style. In collectivistic cultures,
indirect communication is preferred in cases where direct
communication would be considered a threat to the other person’s
“face” (desired public image). For example, flatly turning down a
business offer would be too direct, so a person might reply with a
“maybe” instead of a “no.” The person making the proposal, however,
would be able to draw on contextual clues that they implicitly
learned through socialization to interpret the “maybe” as a “no.”
The actual language we speak plays an important role in shaping
our reality. Comparing languages, we can see differences in how
we are able to talk about the world. In English, we have the
words grandfather and grandmother, but no single word that
distinguishes between a maternal grandfather and a paternal
grandfather. But in Swedish, there’s a specific word for each
grandparent: morfar is mother’s father, farfar is father’s

father, farmor is father’s mother, and mormor is mother’s mother
(Crystal, 2005). In this example, we can see that the words available
to us, based on the language we speak, influence how we talk about
the world because of differences in and limitations of vocabulary.
The notion that language shapes our view of reality and our cultural
patterns is best represented by the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
Although some scholars argue that our reality is determined by
our language, we will take a more qualified view and presume that
language plays a central role in influencing our realities but doesn’t
determine them (Martin & Nakayama, 2010).
Customs and Norms
Social norms are culturally relative. The words used in politeness

rituals in one culture can mean something completely different
in another. For example, thank you in North American English
acknowledges receiving something (a gift, a favour, a compliment),
but in British English, it can mean “yes” similar to North American
English’s yes, please, and in French, merci can mean “no” as in “no,
thank you” (Crystal, 2005). Additionally, what is considered a
powerful language style varies from culture to culture.
Confrontational language, such as swearing, can be seen as
powerful in Western cultures, even though it violates some language
taboos, but would be seen as immature and weak in Japan (Wetzel,
1988).
Gender also affects how we use language, but not to the extent
that most people think. Although there is a widespread belief that
men are more likely to communicate in a clear and straightforward
way and women are more likely to communicate in an emotional
and indirect way, a meta-analysis of research findings from more
than two hundred studies found only small differences in the
personal disclosures of men and women (Dindia & Allen, 1992). Men
and women’s levels of disclosure are even more similar when
engaging in cross-gender communication, meaning that men and

woman are more similar when speaking to each other than when
men speak to men or women speak to women. This could be
because of the internalized pressure to speak about the other
gender in socially sanctioned ways, in essence reinforcing the
stereotypes when speaking to the same gender but challenging
them in cross-gender encounters. Researchers also dispelled the
belief that men interrupt more than women do, finding that men
and women interrupt each other with similar frequency in cross-
gender encounters (Dindia, 1987). These findings, which state that
men and women communicate more similarly during cross-gender
encounters and then communicate in more stereotypical ways in
same-gender encounters, can be explained with communication
accommodation theory.
Communication Accommodation and Code-Switching
Communication accommodation theory explores why and how

people modify their communication to fit situational, social,
cultural, and relational contexts (Giles et al., 1973). In
communication accommodation, conversational partners may use
convergence, meaning that a person makes their communication
more like another person’s. People who are accommodating in their
communication style are seen as more competent, which illustrates
the benefits of communicative flexibility. In order to be flexible,
of course, people have to be aware of and monitor their own and
others’ communication patterns. Conversely, conversational
partners may use divergence, meaning that a person uses
communication to emphasize the differences between them and
their conversational partner.
Convergence and divergence can take place within the same
conversation and may be used by one or both conversational
partners. Convergence makes others feel at ease, increases
understanding, and enhances social bonds. Divergence may be used
to intentionally make another person feel unwelcome or perhaps

to highlight a personal, group, or cultural identity. While
communication accommodation might involve anything from
adjusting how fast or slow you talk to how long you speak during
each turn, code-switching refers to changes in accent, dialect, or
language (Martin & Nakayama, 2010). There are many reasons that
people might code-switch. Regarding accents, some people hire
vocal coaches or speech-language pathologists to help them alter
their accent. If a person thinks their accent leads others to form
unfavourable impressions, they can consciously change their accent
with much practise and effort. Once their ability to speak without
their accent is honed, they may be able to switch very quickly
between their native accent when speaking with friends and family
and their modified accent when speaking in professional settings.
Additionally, people who work or live in multilingual settings may
code-switch many times throughout the day, or even within a single
conversation. Increasing outsourcing and globalization have
produced heightened pressures for code-switching.
Language and Cultural Bias
Cultural bias is a skewed way of viewing or talking about a group

that is typically negative. Bias has a way of creeping into our daily
language use, often without our awareness. Culturally biased
language can make reference to one or more cultural identities,
including race or ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, and
ability. There are other sociocultural identities that can be the
subject of biased language. Much biased language is based on
stereotypes and myths that influence the words we use. Bias is both
intentional and unintentional, but as we’ve already discussed, we
have to be accountable for what we say even if we didn’t “intend”
a particular meaning. Remember that meaning is generated—it
doesn’t exist inside our thoughts or words. We will discuss specific
ways in which cultural bias manifests in our language and ways to
become more aware of bias. The following few examples focus on

bias rather than preferred terminology or outright discriminatory
language.
Race
People sometimes use euphemisms for race that illustrate bias

because the terms are usually implicitly compared to the dominant
group (APA, 2020). For example, referring to a person as “urban” or
a neighbourhood as “inner city” can be an accurate descriptor, but
when such words are used as a substitute for racial identity, they
illustrate cultural biases that equate certain races or groups with
cities and poverty.
Gender
Language has a tendency to exaggerate perceived and stereotypical

differences between men and women. The use of the term opposite
sex presumes that men and women are opposites, like the positive
and negative poles of a magnet, which is obviously not true or
men and women wouldn’t be able to have successful interactions
or relationships. One key to avoiding gender bias in language is
to avoid the generic use of he or her when referring to something
relevant to everyone. Instead, you can use a gender-neutral
pronoun like they or their, or you can use his or her if appropriate
(APA, 2020). We have lasting gendered associations with certain
occupations that have tended to be male or female dominated. For
example, certain words reflect the general masculine bias present
in English. The following word pairs show the gender-biased term
followed by an unbiased term: waitress/server, chairman/chair or
chairperson, mankind/people, cameraman/camera operator,
mailman/postal worker, sportsmanship/fair play.

Age
Language that includes age bias can be directed toward older or

younger people. Descriptions of younger people often presume
recklessness or inexperience, whereas those of older people
presume frailty or disconnection. The term elderly generally refers
to people over 65 years of age, but it has connotations of weakness,
which isn’t accurate because there are plenty of older people who
are stronger and more athletic than people in their twenties and
thirties. Even though it’s generic, older people doesn’t really have
negative implications. More specific words that describe groups of
older people include grandmothers/grandfathers (even though they
can be fairly young, too), retirees, or people over 65 (APA, 2020).
Image 3.19
We have discussed a number of ways that culture and society can

affect language and listening. Some examples are provided, but
there are also many other groups and cultures that are important
as well. This page, and the overall chapter, are meant to provide a

foundational knowledge of these complex concepts, and from there,
growth can continue. Listening itself is a complex and integral skill
that will continue to develop over time, and our listening skills can
vary from day to day. Intentional and continual focus on these skills
is necessary for becoming competent communicators.
1. Recall a conversation that became awkward when

you or the other person deviated from the social
norms that manage conversation flow. Was the
awkwardness at the beginning, end, or during a topic
change?
2. After reviewing some of the common norms
discussed in the chapter, what do you think was the
source of the awkwardness?
Attribution

resource:


References
American Psychological Association (APA). (2020). Publication
manual of the American Psychological Association (7th ed.).
Crystal, D. (2005). How language works: How babies babble, words
change meaning, and languages live or die. Overlook Press.
Dindia, K. (1987). The effect of sex of subject and sex of partner
on interruptions. Human Communication Research, 13(3), 345–371.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1987.tb00109.x
Dindia, K., & Allen, M. (1992). Sex differences in self-disclosure:
a meta analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 112(1), 106–124.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0033-2909.112.1.106
Giles, H., Taylor, D. M., & Bourhis, R. (1973). Toward a theory of
interpersonal accommodation through language: Some Canadian
data. Language and Society, 2(2), 177–192. https://psycnet.apa.org/
doi/10.1017/S0047404500000701
Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, N. K. (2010). Intercultural
communication in contexts (5th ed.). McGraw-Hill.
TED. (2018, May 2). How language shapes the way we think | Lera
Boroditsky [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=RKK7wGAYP6k
Wetzel, P. J. (1988). Are “powerless” communication strategies the
Japanese norm? Language in Society, 17(4), 555–564.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1017/S0047404500013099
Wierzbicka, A. (2004). The English expressions good boy and good

girl and cultural models of child rearing. Culture and Psychology,
10(3), 251–278. https://doi.org/10.1177/1354067X04042888

Las Burriquitas de Sanare, los niños con la tradicion by Rodolfo
pimentel, CC BY-SA 4.0
Grandparents-1969824 by sylviebliss, CC0 1.0

3.7 Review
Matching Review

Review Quiz

258 | 3.7 Review

Attribution

resource:

3.7 Review | 259

260 | 3.7 Review
CHAPTER IV
NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
Nonverbal Communication | 261

262 | Nonverbal Communication
4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal
Communication
Learning Objectives
1. Describe the function, types, and methods of

nonverbal communication
2. Identify nonverbal communication methods
3. Describe how nonverbal communication methods
interact to create meaning
4. Outline ways to increase nonverbal communication
competence
5. Describe nonverbal communication methods in a
variety of contexts
6. Discuss cultural variations in nonverbal
communication
4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal Communication | 263

Chapter Overview
When we think about communication, we most often focus on how

we exchange information using words. Although verbal
communication is important, humans relied on nonverbal
communication for thousands of years before we developed the
ability to communicate with words. Nonverbal communication is a
process of generating meaning using behaviour other than words.
Rather than thinking of nonverbal communication as the opposite
of or as separate from verbal communication, it is more accurate
to view them as operating side by side, as part of the same system.
However, they still have important differences. For example, the
content and composition of verbal and nonverbal communication
differs. In terms of content, nonverbal communication tends to do
more of the work of communicating emotions than verbal
communication. In terms of composition, although there are rules
of grammar that structure our verbal communication, no such
official guides govern our use of nonverbal signals. These are just
some of the characteristics that differentiate verbal communication
from nonverbal, and in this chapter, we will discuss in more detail
the principles, functions, and types of nonverbal communication
and conclude with some guidance on how to improve our nonverbal
Attribution

resource:
264 | 4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal Communication

4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal Communication | 265

4.2 Basics of Nonverbal
Communication
As you may recall, a channel is the sensory route on which a

message travels. Oral communication only relies on one channel
because spoken language is transmitted through sound and picked
up by our ears. Nonverbal communication, on the other hand, can
be taken in by all five of our senses. Since most of our
communication relies on visual and auditory channels, those will
be the focus of this chapter. But we can also receive messages
and generate meaning through touch, taste, and smell. Touch is an
especially powerful form of nonverbal communication that we will
discuss in this chapter.
To further define nonverbal communication, we need to
distinguish between vocal and verbal aspects of communication.
Verbal and nonverbal communication include both vocal and
nonvocal elements. A vocal element of verbal communication is
spoken words; for example, “Come back here.” A vocal element of
nonverbal communication is paralanguage, which is the vocalized
but not verbal part of a spoken message, such as speaking rate,
volume, and pitch. Nonvocal elements of verbal communication
include the use of unspoken symbols to convey meaning. Writing
and American Sign Language (ASL) are nonvocal examples of verbal
communication and are not considered nonverbal communication.
Nonvocal elements of nonverbal communication include body
language such as gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact.
Gestures are nonvocal and nonverbal since most of them do not
refer to a specific word like a written or signed symbol does.
The video below provides a great overview of nonverbal
communication and lays the foundation for this chapter.
266 | 4.2 Basics of Nonverbal Communication

(Study Hall, 2022)
Principles of Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication has a distinct history and serves separate

evolutionary functions from verbal communication. For example,
nonverbal communication is primarily biologically based, whereas
verbal communication is primarily culturally based. This is
evidenced by the fact that some nonverbal communication has the
same meaning across cultures, while no verbal communication
systems share that same universal recognizability (Andersen, 1999).
Nonverbal communication also evolved earlier than verbal
communication and served an early and important survival function
that helped humans later develop verbal communication. Although
some of our nonverbal communication abilities, like our sense of
smell, lost strength as our verbal capacities increased, other abilities
such as paralanguage and movement have grown alongside verbal
complexity. The fact that nonverbal communication is processed
by an older part of our brain also makes it more instinctual and
involuntary than verbal communication.
Interpersonal and Emotional Messages
You’ve probably heard that more meaning is generated from
4.2 Basics of Nonverbal Communication | 267

nonverbal communication than from verbal. Some studies have
claimed that 90% of our meaning is derived from nonverbal signals,
but more recent and reliable findings claim that it is closer to 65%
(Guerrero & Floyd, 2006). We may rely more on nonverbal signals
in situations where verbal and nonverbal messages conflict, and in
situations where emotional or relational communication is taking
place (Hargie, 2011). For example, when someone asks a question
and we’re not sure about the “angle” they are taking, we may hone in
on nonverbal cues to fill in the meaning. For example, the question
“What are you doing tonight?” could mean any number of things,
but we can rely on posture, tone of voice, and eye contact to see
if the person is just curious, suspicious, or hinting that they would
like company for the evening. We also put more weight on nonverbal
communication when determining a person’s credibility. For
example, if a classmate delivers a speech in class and their verbal
content seems well-researched and unbiased, but their nonverbal
communication is poor (their voice is monotone and they avoid
eye contact and fidget, they will likely not be viewed as credible.
Conversely, in some situations, verbal communication might carry
more meaning than nonverbal. In interactions where information
exchange is the focus, at a meeting at work, for example, verbal
communication likely accounts for much more of the meaning
generated. Despite this exception, a key principle of nonverbal
communication is that it often takes on more meaning in
interpersonal and emotional exchanges.
More Involuntary than Verbal
In some instances, we communicate verbally involuntarily.

Exclamations are often verbal responses to a surprising stimulus;
for example, we say “Ow!” when we stub a toe or shout “Stop!” when
we see someone heading towards danger. Involuntary nonverbal
signals are much more common, and though most nonverbal
communication isn’t completely involuntary, it is more below our

consciousness than verbal communication and therefore more
difficult to control.
The involuntary nature of much nonverbal communication makes
it more difficult to control or “fake.” For example, although you
can consciously smile a little and shake hands with someone when
you first see them, it’s difficult to fake that you’re “happy” to meet
someone. Nonverbal communication leaks out in ways that expose
our underlying thoughts or feelings. Spokespeople, lawyers, and
other public representatives who are the “face” of a politician,
celebrity, corporation, or organization must learn to control their
facial expressions and other nonverbal communication so they can
effectively convey the message of their employer or client without
revealing their own personal thoughts and feelings. Poker players,
therapists, police officers, doctors, teachers, and actors are also in
professions that often require them to have more awareness of and
control over their nonverbal communication.
Have you ever tried to conceal your surprise, suppress your anger,
or act joyful when you weren’t? Most people whose careers don’t
involve conscious manipulation of nonverbal signals find it difficult
to control or suppress them. Although we can consciously decide to
stop sending verbal messages, our nonverbal communication always
has the potential to generate meaning for another person. The
teenager who decides to shut out their father and not communicate
with him still sends a message with his “blank” stare (a facial
expression) and lack of movement (a gesture). In this sense,
nonverbal communication is “irrepressible” (Andersen, 1999).
More Ambiguous
The symbolic and abstract nature of language can lead to

misunderstandings, but nonverbal communication is even more
ambiguous. As with verbal communication, most of our nonverbal
signals can be linked to multiple meanings, but unlike words, many
nonverbal signals do not have one specific meaning. If you’ve ever

had someone wink at you and didn’t know why, you’ve probably
experienced this uncertainty. Did they wink to express their
affection for you, their pleasure with something you just did, or
because the two of you share some inside knowledge or a joke?
Just as we look at context clues in a sentence or paragraph to
derive meaning from a particular word, we can look for context
clues in various sources of information like the physical
environment, other nonverbal signals, or verbal communication to
make sense of a particular nonverbal cue. Unlike verbal
communication, however, nonverbal communication doesn’t have
explicit rules of grammar that provide structure, order, and agreed-
on patterns of usage. Instead, we implicitly learn norms of
nonverbal communication, which leads to greater differences. In
general, we exhibit more individual changes in our use of nonverbal
communication than we do with verbal communication, which also
increases the ambiguity of nonverbal communication.
More Credible
Although we can rely on verbal communication to fill in the blanks

sometimes left by nonverbal expressions, we often put more trust in
what people do over what they say. This is especially true in times of
stress or danger, when our behaviours become more instinctual and
we rely on older systems of thinking and acting that evolved before
our ability to speak and write (Andersen, 1999). This innateness
creates intuitive feelings about the genuineness of nonverbal
communication, and this genuineness relates back to our earlier
discussion about the sometimes involuntary and often
subconscious nature of nonverbal communication. An example of
the innateness of nonverbal signals can be found in children who
have been blind since birth but still exhibit the same facial
expressions as other children. In short, the involuntary or
subconscious nature of nonverbal communication makes it less easy
to fake, which makes it seem more honest and credible.

Functions of Nonverbal Communication
A primary function of nonverbal communication is to convey

meaning by reinforcing, substituting for, or contradicting verbal
communication. It is also used to influence others and regulate
conversational flow. Perhaps even more important are the ways
in which nonverbal communication functions as a central part of
relational communication and identity expression.
Conveys Meaning
Nonverbal communication conveys meaning in a variety of ways. As

we’ve already learned, verbal and nonverbal communication are two
parts of the same system that often work side by side, helping us
generate meaning. In terms of reinforcing verbal communication,
gestures can help describe a space or shape that another person
is unfamiliar with in ways that words alone cannot. Gestures also
reinforce basic meaning—for example, pointing to the door when
you tell someone to leave. Facial expressions reinforce the
emotional states we convey through verbal communication; for
example, smiling while telling a funny story better conveys your
emotions (Hargie, 2011). Vocal variation can help us emphasize a
particular part of a message, which helps reinforce a word or a
sentence’s meaning. For example, saying “How was your weekend?”
conveys a different meaning than “How was your weekend?”

Image 4.1
Nonverbal communication can also substitute for verbal

communication. It can convey much meaning when verbal
communication isn’t effective because of a language barrier. A
language barrier is present when a person hasn’t yet learned to
speak or loses the ability to speak. For example, babies who have
not yet developed language skills make facial expressions at a few
months old that are similar to those of adults and therefore can
generate meaning (Oster et al., 1992). People who have developed
language skills but can’t use them because they have temporarily
or permanently lost them or because they are using incompatible
language codes, as in some cross-cultural encounters, can still
communicate nonverbally. Although it’s always a good idea to learn
some of the local language when you travel, gestures such as
pointing or demonstrating the size or shape of something may
suffice in basic interactions.
Last, nonverbal communication can convey meaning by
contradicting verbal communication. As we learned earlier, we often
perceive nonverbal communication to be more credible than verbal

communication. This is especially true when we receive mixed
messages, or messages in which verbal and nonverbal signals
contradict each other. For example, a person may say, “You can’t do
anything right!” in a mean tone but follow that up with a wink, which
could indicate the person is teasing or joking. Mixed messages lead
to uncertainty and confusion on the part of receiver, which leads
us to look for more information to try to determine which message
is more credible. If we are unable to resolve the discrepancy, we
are likely to react negatively and potentially withdraw from the
interaction (Hargie, 2011). Persistent mixed messages can also lead
to relational distress and hurt a person’s credibility in professional
settings.
Influences Others
Nonverbal communication can be used to influence people in a

variety of ways, but the most common way is through deception.
Deception is typically thought of as the intentional act of altering
information to influence another person, which means that it
extends beyond lying to include concealing, omitting, or
exaggerating information. Although verbal communication is to
blame for the content of the deception, nonverbal communication
partnered with language makes the deceptive act more convincing.
Since most of us intuitively believe that nonverbal communication
is more credible than verbal communication, we often intentionally
try to control our nonverbal communication when we are engaging
in deception. Likewise, we try to evaluate other people’s nonverbal
communication to determine the truthfulness of their messages.
Deception is very common, but not all deception is malevolent,
mean, or hurtful. Deception obviously has negative connotations,
but people engage in deception for many reasons, including to
excuse our own mistakes, to be polite to others, or to influence
others’ behaviours or perceptions.

Regulates Conversational Flow
Conversational interaction has been likened to a dance, where each

person has to make moves and take turns without stepping on
the other’s toes. Nonverbal communication helps us regulate our
conversations so we don’t end up constantly interrupting each other
or waiting in awkward silence between speaker turns. Pitch, which
is a part of vocalics, helps us cue others into our conversational
intentions. A rising pitch typically indicates a question, and a falling
pitch indicates the end of a thought or the end of a conversational
turn. We can also use a falling pitch to indicate closure, which can
be very useful at the end of a speech to signal to the audience that
you are finished, which cues the applause and prevents an awkward
silence that the speaker ends up filling with “That’s it” or “Thank
you.” We also signal that our turn is coming to an end by stopping
hand gestures and shifting our eye contact to the person who we
think will speak next (Hargie, 2011). Conversely, we can “hold the
floor” with nonverbal signals even when we’re not exactly sure what
we’re going to say next. Repeating a hand gesture or using one or
more verbal fillers can extend our turn even though we are not
verbally communicating at the moment.

Image 4.2
Affects Relationships
To successfully relate to other people, we must possess some skill

at encoding and decoding nonverbal communication. The nonverbal
messages we send and receive influence our relationships in
positive and negative ways and can work to bring people together or
push them apart. Nonverbal communication in the form of tie signs,
immediacy behaviours, and expressions of emotion are just three
of many examples that illustrate how nonverbal communication
affects our relationships.
Tie signs are nonverbal cues that communicate intimacy and
signal the connection between two people. These relational
indicators can be objects such as wedding rings or tattoos that
are symbolic of another person or the relationship, actions such as
sharing the same drinking glass, or touch behaviours such as hand-
holding (Afifi & Johnson, 2005). Touch behaviours are the most
frequently studied tie signs and can communicate much about a

relationship based on the area being touched, the length of time
the touch lasts, and the intensity of the touch. Kisses and hugs, for
example, are considered tie signs, but a kiss on the cheek is different
from a kiss on the mouth, and a full embrace is different from a half
embrace. If you consider yourself a “people watcher,” take note of
the various tie signs you see people use and what they might say
about the relationship.
Immediacy behaviours play a central role in bringing people
together and have been identified by some scholars as the most
important function of nonverbal communication (Andersen &
Andersen, 2005). They are verbal and nonverbal behaviours that
lessen the real or perceived physical and psychological distance
between communicators and include things like smiling, nodding,
making eye contact, and occasionally engaging in social, polite, or
professional touch (Comadena et al., 2007). Immediacy behaviours
are a good way of creating rapport—a friendly and positive
connection between people. Skilled nonverbal communicators are
more likely to be able to create rapport with others by using
attention-getting expressiveness, warm initial greetings, and an
ability to get “in tune” with others, which conveys empathy (Riggio,
1992). These skills are important to help initiate and maintain
relationships.
Although verbal communication is our primary tool for solving
problems and providing detailed instructions, nonverbal
communication is our primary tool for communicating emotions.
This makes sense when we remember that nonverbal
communication emerged before verbal communication and was the
channel through which we expressed anger, fear, and love for
thousands of years of human history (Andersen, 1999). Touch and
facial expressions are two primary ways we express emotions
nonverbally. Love is a primary emotion that we express nonverbally
and that forms the basis of our close relationships. Although no
single facial expression for love has been identified, it is expressed
through prolonged eye contact, close interpersonal distances,
increased touch, and increased time spent together, among other

things. Given many people’s limited emotional vocabulary,
nonverbal expressions of emotion are central to our relationships.
Expresses Our Identities
Nonverbal communication expresses who we are. Our identities

(the groups to which we belong, our cultures, our hobbies and
interests) are conveyed nonverbally through the way we set up our
living and working spaces, the clothes we wear, the way we carry
ourselves, and the accents and tones of our voices. Our physical
bodies give others clues about who we are, and some of these
features are more under our control than others. Height, for
example, has been shown to influence how people are treated and
perceived in various contexts. Our level of attractiveness also
influences our identities and how people perceive us. Although we
can temporarily alter our height or looks—for example, with
different shoes or different colour contact lenses—we can only
permanently alter these features using more invasive and costly
measures such as cosmetic surgery. We have more control over
some other aspects of nonverbal communication in terms of how
we communicate our identities. For example, the way we carry and
present ourselves through posture, eye contact, and tone of voice
can be altered to present ourselves as warm or distant depending
on the context.
Aside from our physical body, artifacts—the objects and
possessions that surround us—also communicate our identities.
Examples of artifacts include our clothes, jewellery, and living space
decorations. We can also use nonverbal communication to express
identity characteristics that do not match up with who we actually
think we are. Through changes to nonverbal signals, a capable
person can try to appear helpless, a guilty person can try to appear
innocent, or an uninformed person can try to appear credible.

1. To better understand nonverbal communication,

try to think of an example to illustrate each of the
four principles discussed in the chapter. Be
integrative in your approach by including at least one
example from an academic, professional, civic, and
personal context.
2. When someone sends you a mixed message in
which the verbal and nonverbal messages contradict
each other, which one do you place more meaning
on? Why?
3. Our personal presentation, style of dress, and
surroundings such as a dorm room, apartment, car, or
office send nonverbal messages about our identities.
Analyze some of the nonverbal signals that your
personal presentation or environment send. What do
they say about who you are? Do they create the
impression that you desire?
Attribution

resource:

References
Afifi, W. A., & Johnson, M. L. (2005). The nature and function of tie-
signs. In V. L. Manusov (Ed.), The sourcebook of nonverbal measures:
Going beyond words (pp. 189–196). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Andersen, P. A., & Andersen, J. F. (2005). Measurements of
perceived nonverbal immediacy. In V. L. Manusov (Ed.), The
sourcebook of nonverbal measures: Going beyond words (pp. 113–126).
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Comadena, M. E., Hunt, S. K., & Simonds, C. J. (2007). The effects
of teacher clarity, nonverbal immediacy, and caring on student
motivation, affective and cognitive learning. Communication
Research Reports, 24(3), 241–248. https://doi.org/10.1080/
08824090701446617
Guerrero, L. K., & Floyd, K. (2006). Nonverbal communication in
close relationships. Routledge.
Hargie, O. (2011). Skilled interpersonal interaction: Research,
theory, and practice (5th ed.). Routledge.
Oster, H., Hegley, D., & Nagel, L. (1992). Adult judgments and fine-
grained analysis of infant facial expressions: Testing the validity of
a priori coding formulas. Developmental Psychology, 28(6), 1115–1131.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0012-1649.28.6.1115
Riggio, R. E. (1992). Social interaction skills and nonverbal
behavior. In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications of nonverbal behavior
theories and research (pp. 3–30). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Study Hall. (2022, November 2). Nonverbal communication | Intro
to human communication | Study Hall [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhhkhpK-3L4&t=9s

A child in India by Harsha K R, CC BY-SA 2.0
Understanding in Xian 0546 by S. Krupp, CC BY-SA 3.0

4.3 Types of Nonverbal
Communication
Just as verbal language is broken up into various categories, there

are also different types of nonverbal communication. As we learn
about each type of nonverbal signal, keep in mind that these signals
often work in concert with each other, combining to repeat, modify,
or contradict the verbal message being sent.
Kinesics
The word kinesics comes from the root word kinesis, which means
“movement” and refers to the study of hand, arm, body, and face
movements. Specifically, this section will outline the use of gestures,
head movements and posture, eye contact, and facial expressions as
nonverbal communication.
Gestures
There are three main types of gestures: adaptors, emblems, and

illustrators (Andersen, 1999). Adaptors are touching behaviours and
movements that indicate internal states typically related to arousal
or anxiety. They can be targeted towards the self, objects, or others.
In regular social situations, adaptors result from uneasiness,
anxiety, or a general sense that we are not in control of our
surroundings. Many of us subconsciously click pens, shake our legs,
or engage in other adaptors during classes or meetings, or while
waiting as a way to do something with our excess energy. Public
4.3 Types of Nonverbal Communication | 281

speaking students who watch video recordings of their speeches
often notice nonverbal adaptors that they weren’t aware they used.
In public speaking situations, people most commonly use self- or
object-focused adaptors. Common self-touching behaviours such
as scratching, twirling hair, or fidgeting with fingers or hands are
considered self-adaptors. Some self-adaptors manifest internally as
coughs or throat-clearing sounds. Object adaptors include metallic
objects like paper clips or the staples holding notes together, and
speakers often fidget with them while speaking. Other people play
with dry-erase markers, their note cards, the change in their
pockets, or the lectern while speaking. The use of object adaptors
can also signal boredom, and people may play with the straw in
their drink or peel the label off a bottle of beer. Smartphones have
become common object adaptors, as people can fiddle with their
phones to help ease anxiety. Finally, as noted, other adaptors are
more common in social situations than during public speaking given
the speaker’s distance from audience members. Other adaptors
involve adjusting or grooming others, similar to how primates such
as chimpanzees pick things off each other. However, it would
definitely be strange for a speaker to approach an audience member
and pick lint off a sweater, fix a crooked tie, tuck a tag in, or pat
down flyaway hair in the middle of a speech.
282 | 4.3 Types of Nonverbal Communication

Image 4.3
Emblems are gestures that have a specific, agreed-on meaning.

They are different from the signs used by hearing-impaired people
or others who communicate using American Sign Language (ASL).
Even though they have a generally agreed-on meaning, they are not
part of a formal sign system like ASL, which is explicitly taught to a
group of people. A hitchhiker’s raised thumb and the “OK” sign with
thumb and index finger connected in a circle with the other three
fingers sticking up are all examples of emblems that have an agreed-
on meaning or a meaning within a culture. Emblems can be still or
in motion; for example, rolling your hands over and over in front of
you says, “Move on.”
Illustrators are the most common type of gesture and are used
to illustrate the verbal message they accompany. For example, you
might use hand gestures to indicate the size or shape of an object.
Unlike emblems, illustrators do not typically have meaning on their
own and are used more subconsciously than emblems. These largely
involuntary and seemingly natural gestures flow from us as we
speak but vary in terms of intensity and frequency based on context.

Although we are never explicitly taught how to use illustrative
gestures, we do it automatically. Think about how you still gesture
when having an animated conversation on the phone even though
the other person can’t see you.
Head Movements and Posture
Head movements and posture can be grouped together because

they are often both used to acknowledge others and communicate
interest or attentiveness. In terms of head movements, a head nod
is a universal sign of acknowledgement in cultures where the formal
bow is no longer used as a greeting. In these cases, the head nod
essentially serves as an abbreviated bow. An innate and universal
head movement is the head shake back and forth to signal “no.”
This nonverbal signal begins at birth, even before a baby has the
ability to know that it has a corresponding meaning. Babies shake
their head from side to side to reject their mother’s breast and
later shake their head to reject attempts to spoon-feed (Pease &
Pease, 2004). This biologically based movement then sticks with
us as a recognizable signal for “no.” We also move our head to
indicate interest. For example, when a person holds their head up,
it typically indicates an engaged or neutral attitude, a head tilt
indicates interest and is an innate submission gesture that exposes
the neck and subconsciously makes people feel more trusting of us,
and a head down signals a negative or aggressive attitude (Pease &
Pease, 2004).
There are four general human postures: standing, sitting,
squatting, and lying down (Hargie, 2011). Each of these postures
has many variations, and when combined with particular gestures
or other nonverbal cues, they can express a variety of different
meanings. Most of our communication occurs while we are standing
or sitting. One interesting standing posture involves putting our
hands on our hips and is a nonverbal cue that we use subconsciously
to make ourselves look bigger and show assertiveness. The elbows

pointed out to the side prevents others from getting past us as easily
and is a sign of attempted dominance or a gesture that says we’re
ready for action. In terms of sitting, leaning back shows informality
and indifference, straddling a chair is a sign of dominance, but also
some insecurity because the person is protecting the vulnerable
front part of their body, and leaning forward shows interest and
attentiveness (Pease & Pease, 2004).
Body language has a huge role in communication and is often
misunderstood because it can be challenging to accurately read
other people’s body language. The video below is a TED Talk by Amy
Cuddy focused on how your body language may shape who you are.
As you are watching it, think about how your body language impacts
you and the key role body language plays in communication.

(Cuddy, 2012)
Eye Contact
We also communicate through eye behaviours, primarily eye

contact. Although eye behaviours are often studied under the
category of kinesics, they have their own branch of nonverbal
studies called oculesics, which comes from the Latin word oculus,
meaning “eye.” The face and eyes are the main point of focus during
communication, and along with our ears, our eyes take in most of
the communicative information around us. The saying “The eyes

are the windows to the soul” is actually accurate in terms of where
people typically think others are “located,” which is right behind the
eyes (Andersen, 1999). Certain eye behaviours have become tied to
personality traits or emotional states, as illustrated in phrases like
“hungry eyes,” “evil eyes,” and “bedroom eyes.”
Eye contact serves several

communicative functions
ranging from regulating
interaction to monitoring
interaction, to conveying
information, to establishing
interpersonal connections. In
terms of regulating
communication, we use eye
contact to signal to others that
we are ready to speak, or we
use it to cue others to speak.
There is a good chance we’ve all
been in that awkward situation
where an teacher asks a
Image 4.4 question, no one else offers a
response, and the teacher looks
directly at us as if to say, “What do you think?” In that case, the
teacher’s eye contact is used to cue us to respond. During an
interaction, eye contact also changes as we shift from speaker to
listener. North Americans typically shift eye contact while
speaking—looking away from the listener and then looking back at
the listener’s face every few seconds. Towards the end of our
speaking turn, we make more direct eye contact with our listener to
indicate that we are finishing up. While listening, we tend to make
more sustained eye contact, not glancing away as regularly as we do
while speaking (Martin & Nakayama, 2010).
Aside from regulating conversations, eye contact is also used to
monitor interaction by taking in feedback and other nonverbal cues

as well as to send information. Our eyes bring in the visual
information we need to interpret people’s movements, gestures,
and eye contact. A speaker can use their eye contact to determine
whether an audience is engaged, confused, or bored, and then adapt
their message accordingly. Our eyes also send information to
others. People know not to interrupt when we are in deep thought
because we naturally look away from others when we are processing
information. Making eye contact with others also communicates
that we are paying attention and are interested in what another
person is saying.
Eye contact can also be used to intimidate others. We have social
norms about how much eye contact we should make with people,
and those norms vary depending on the setting and the person.
Staring at another person in some contexts could communicate
intimidation, whereas in other contexts, it could communicate
flirtation. As we have learned, eye contact is a key immediacy
behaviour, and it signals to others that we are available for
communication. Once communication begins, if it does, eye contact
helps establish rapport or connection. We can also use our eye
contact to signal that we do not want to make a connection with
others. For example, in a public setting like an airport or a gym
where people often make small talk, we can avoid making eye
contact with others to indicate that we do not want to engage
with strangers. Another person could use eye contact to try to
coax you into speaking, though. For example, when one person
continues to stare at another person who is not reciprocating eye
contact, the person avoiding eye contact might eventually give in,
become curious, or become irritated and say, “Can I help you with
something?” As you can see, eye contact sends and receives
important communicative messages that help us interpret others’
behaviours, convey information about our thoughts and feelings,
and facilitate or impede rapport or connection.

Facial Expressions
Our faces are the most expressive part of our bodies. Think of
how photos are often intended to capture a particular expression
“in a flash” to preserve for later viewing. Even though a photo is
a snapshot in time, we can still interpret much meaning from a
human face caught in a moment of expression, and basic facial
expressions are recognizable by humans all over the world. Much
research has supported the universality of a core group of facial
expressions: happiness, sadness, fear, anger, and disgust. The first
four are especially identifiable across cultures (Andersen, 1999).
However, the triggers for these expressions and the cultural and
social norms that influence their displays are still culturally diverse.
If you’ve spent much time with babies you know that they’re capable
of expressing all these emotions. Getting to see the pure and innate
expressions of joy and surprise on a baby’s face is what makes
playing peek-a-boo so entertaining for adults. As we get older, we
learn and begin to follow display rules for facial expressions and
other signals of emotion and also learn to better control our
emotional expression based on the norms of our culture.
Smiles are powerful communicative signals. Although facial
expressions are typically viewed as innate and several are
universally recognizable, they are not always connected to an
emotional or internal biological stimulus; they can actually serve a
more social purpose. For example, most of the smiles we produce
are primarily for others and are not just an involuntary reflection
of an internal emotional state (Andersen, 1999). These social smiles,
however, are slightly but perceptibly different from more genuine
smiles. People generally perceive smiles as more sincere when the
other person smiles “with their eyes.” This particular type of smile
is difficult if not impossible to fake because the muscles around
the eye that are activated when we spontaneously or genuinely
smile are not under our voluntary control. It is the involuntary
and spontaneous contraction of these muscles that moves the skin
around our cheeks, eyes, and nose to create a smile that’s distinct

from a fake or polite smile (Evans, 2001). People are able to
distinguish the difference between these smiles, which is why
photographers often engage in cheesy joking with adults or use
props with children to induce a genuine smile before they snap a
picture.
For example, when giving a speech, facial expressions can help set
the emotional tone. In order to set a positive tone before you start
speaking, briefly look at the audience and smile to communicate
friendliness, openness, and confidence. Beyond your opening and
welcoming facial expressions, facial expressions communicate a
range of emotions and can be used to infer personality traits and
make judgements about a speaker’s credibility and competence.
Facial expressions can communicate that a speaker is tired, excited,
angry, confused, frustrated, sad, confident, smug, shy, or bored. For
example, even if you aren’t bored, a slack face with little animation
may lead an audience to think that you are uninterested in your own
speech, which isn’t likely to motivate them to engage with what you
are saying. So make sure your facial expressions are communicating
an emotion, mood, or personality trait that you think your audience
will view favourably and that will help you achieve your speech
goals. Also make sure your facial expressions match the content of
your speech. When delivering something lighthearted or humorous,
a smile, bright eyes, and slightly raised eyebrows will nonverbally
enhance your verbal message. When delivering something serious
or sombre, a furrowed brow, a tighter mouth, and even a slight
head nod can enhance that message. If your facial expressions and
speech content are not consistent, your audience could become
confused by the mixed messages, which could lead them to question
your honesty and credibility.
Haptics
Think about how touch has the power to comfort someone in

moment of sorrow when words alone cannot. The positive power
of touch is countered by the potential for touch to be threatening
because of its connection to sex and violence. To learn about the
power of touch, we turn to haptics, which refers to the study of
communication by touch. We probably get more explicit advice and
instruction on how to use touch than any other form of nonverbal
communication. A lack of nonverbal communication competence
related to touch could have negative interpersonal consequences;
for example, if we don’t follow the advice we’ve been given about
the importance of a firm handshake, a person might make negative
judgements about our confidence or credibility. A lack of
competence could have more dire negative consequences, including
legal punishment, if we touch someone inappropriately
(intentionally or unintentionally). Touch is necessary for human
social development, and it can be welcoming, threatening, or
persuasive. Research projects have found that students evaluated a
library and its staff more favourably if the librarian briefly touched
the patron while returning their library card, that female restaurant
servers received larger tips when they touched patrons, and that
people were more likely to sign a petition when the petitioner
touched them during their interaction (Andersen, 1999).
There are several types of touch, including functional-
professional, social-polite, friendship-warmth, love-intimacy, and
sexual-arousal touch (Heslin & Apler, 1983). At the functional-
professional level, touch is related to a goal or part of a routine
professional interaction, which makes it less threatening and more
expected. For example, we let hair stylists, doctors, nurses, tattoo
artists, and security screeners touch us in ways that would
otherwise be seen as intimate or inappropriate if not in a
professional context. At the social-polite level, socially sanctioned
touching behaviours help initiate interactions and show that others
are included and respected. A handshake, a pat on the arm, and a pat
on the shoulder are examples of social-polite touching. A handshake
is actually an abbreviated hand-holding gesture, but we know that
prolonged hand-holding would be considered too intimate and

therefore inappropriate at the functional-professional or social-
polite level. At the functional-professional and social-polite levels,
touch still has interpersonal implications. Touch, although
professional and not intimate, between hair stylist and client or
between nurse and patient, has the potential to be therapeutic and
comforting. In addition, a social-polite touch exchange plays into
initial impression formation, which can have important implications
for how an interaction and a relationship unfold.
Of course, touch is also important at more intimate levels. At
the friendship-warmth level, touch is more important and more
ambiguous than at the social-polite level. At this level, touch
interactions are important because they serve a relational
maintenance purpose and communicate closeness, liking, care, and
concern. The types of touching at this level also vary greatly from
more formal and ritualized to more intimate, which means friends
must sometimes negotiate their own comfort level with various
types of touch and may encounter some ambiguity if their
preferences don’t match up with their relational partner’s. In a
friendship, for example, too much touch can signal sexual or
romantic interest, and too little touch can signal distance or
unfriendliness. At the love-intimacy level, touch is more personal
and is typically only exchanged between significant others, such
as best friends, close family members, and romantic partners.
Touching a person’s face, holding hands, and full embraces are
examples of touch at this level. Although this level of touch is not
sexual, it does enhance feelings of closeness and intimacy and can
lead to sexual-arousal touch, which is the most intimate form of
touch.
Vocalics
We learned earlier that paralanguage refers to the vocalized but

nonverbal parts of a message. Vocalics is the study of paralanguage,

which includes the vocal qualities that go along with verbal
messages, such as pitch, volume, rate, vocal quality, and verbal
fillers (Andersen, 1999).
Pitch helps convey meaning, regulate conversational flow, and
communicate the intensity of a message. Even babies recognize a
sentence with a higher-pitched ending as a question. We also learn
that greetings have a rising emphasis and farewells have a falling
emphasis. Of course, no one ever tells us these things explicitly—we
learn them through observation and practice. We do not pick up on
some of the more subtle and/or complex patterns of paralanguage
involving pitch until we are older. Children, for example, have a
difficult time perceiving sarcasm, which is usually conveyed
through paralinguistic characteristics like pitch and tone rather
than the actual words being spoken (Andersen, 1999).
Paralanguage provides important context for the verbal content
of speech. For example, volume helps communicate intensity. A
louder voice is usually thought of as more intense, though a soft
voice combined with a certain tone and facial expression can be
just as intense. We typically adjust our volume based on our setting,
the distance between people, and the relationship. In our age of
computer-mediated communication, TYPING IN ALL CAPS is
usually seen as offensive, as it is equated with shouting. A voice at
a low volume or a whisper can be very appropriate when sending a
covert message or flirting with a romantic partner, but it wouldn’t
enhance a person’s credibility if used during a professional
presentation.
Speaking rate refers to how fast or slow a person speaks and can
lead others to form impressions about the speaker’s emotional state,
credibility, and intelligence. As with volume, variations in speaking
rate can interfere with the ability of others to receive and
understand verbal messages. A slow speaker could bore others and
lead their audience’s attention to wander. A fast speaker may be
difficult to follow, and the rapid delivery can actually distract from
the message. Speaking a little faster than the normal 120 to 150
words per minute, however, can be beneficial, as people tend to find

speakers whose rate is above average more credible and intelligent
(Buller & Burgoon, 1986). When speaking at a faster-than-normal
rate, it is important that a speaker also clearly articulate and
pronounce their words. A faster rate of speech combined with a
pleasant tone of voice can also be beneficial for gaining compliance
and can aid in persuasion.
Our tone of voice can be controlled somewhat with pitch, volume,
and emphasis, but each voice has a distinct quality known as a vocal
signature. Voices vary in terms of resonance, pitch, and tone, and
some voices are more pleasing than others. People typically find
that pleasing voices employ vocal variety and are not monotone, are
lower pitched (particularly for males), and do not exhibit particular
regional accents. Many people perceive nasal voices negatively and
assign negative personality characteristics to them (Andersen,
1999).
Verbal fillers are sounds that fill gaps in our speech as we think
about what to say next. They are considered a part of nonverbal
communication because they are not like typical words that stand
in for a specific meaning or meanings. Verbal fillers such as “um,”
“uh,” “like,” and “ah” are common in regular conversation and are not
typically disruptive. The use of verbal fillers can help a person “keep
the floor” during a conversation if they need to pause for a moment
to think before continuing to communicate verbally. However, using
verbal fillers in more formal settings, like in a public speech, can
hurt a speaker’s credibility.
The following is a review of the various communicative functions
of vocalics:
• Repetition: Vocalic cues reinforce other verbal and nonverbal

cues (e.g., saying “I’m not sure” with an uncertain tone)
• Complementing: Vocalic cues elaborate on or modify verbal
and nonverbal meaning (e.g., the pitch and volume used to say
“I love sweet potatoes” would add context to the meaning of
the sentence, such as the degree to which the person loves
sweet potatoes or the use of sarcasm)

• Accenting: Vocalic cues allow us to emphasize particular parts
of a message, which helps determine meaning (e.g., “She is my
friend,” or “She is my friend,” or “She is my friend”)
• Substituting: Vocalic cues can take the place of other verbal or
nonverbal cues (e.g., saying “uh-huh” instead of “I am listening
and understand what you’re saying”)
• Regulating: Vocalic cues help regulate the flow of
conversations (e.g., falling pitch and slowing rate of speaking
usually indicate the end of a speaking turn)
• Contradicting: Vocalic cues may contradict other verbal or
nonverbal signals (e.g., a person could say “I’m fine” in a quick,
short tone that indicates otherwise)
Proxemics
Proxemics refers to the study of how space and distance influence

communication. We only need look at the ways in which space
shows up in common metaphors to see that space, communication,
and relationships are closely related. For example, when we are
content with and attracted to someone, we say we are “close” to
that person. When we lose connection with someone, we may say
that they are “distant.” In general, space influences how people
communicate and behave. Smaller spaces with a higher density
of people often lead to breaches of our personal space bubbles.
If this is a setting in which a high density of people is expected
beforehand, such as at a crowded concert or on a bus during rush
hour, then we make various communicative adjustments to manage
the space issue. Unexpected breaches of personal space can lead to
negative reactions, especially if we feel someone has violated our
space voluntarily, meaning that a crowding situation didn’t force
them into our space. Additionally, research has shown that
crowding can lead to criminal or delinquent behaviour, known as
a “mob mentality” (Andersen, 1999). To better understand how

proxemics functions in nonverbal communication, we will more
closely examine the proxemic distances associated with personal
space and the concept of territoriality.
Proxemic Distances
We all have varying definitions of what our “personal space” is,

and these definitions are contextual and depend on the situation
and the relationship. Although our bubbles are invisible, people are
socialized into the norms of personal space within their cultural
group. Scholars have identified four zones—public, social, personal,
and intimate distance—and these are shown in Images 4.5 and 4.6
(Hall, 1968). The zones are more elliptical than circular, taking up
more space in front, where our line of sight is, than at our sides or
back where we can’t monitor what people are doing. Even within
a particular zone, interactions may differ depending on whether
someone is in the outer or inner part of the zone.
Image 4.5
• The public zone starts about 12 feet (3.6 m) from a person and
extends outward from there. This is the least personal of the
four zones and would typically be used when a person is
engaging in a formal speech and is removed from the audience

to allow the audience to see or when a high-profile or
powerful person like a celebrity or executive maintains such a
distance as a sign of power or for safety and security reasons.
In terms of regular interactions, we are often not obligated or
expected to acknowledge or interact with people who enter
our public zone. It would be difficult to have a deep
conversation with someone at this level because you have to
speak louder and don’t have the physical closeness that is often
needed to promote emotional closeness and/or establish
rapport.
• Communication that occurs in the social zone, which is 4 to 12
feet (1.2 to 3.6 m) away from our body, is typically in the
context of a professional or casual interaction, but not intimate
or public. This distance is preferred in many professional
settings because it reduces the suspicion of any impropriety.
The expression “keep someone at an arm’s length” means that
someone is kept out of the personal space and kept in the
social or professional space. If two people held up their arms
and stood so that just the tips of their fingers were touching,
they would be about 4 feet (1.2 m) away from each other, which
is perceived as a safe distance because the possibility for
intentional or unintentional touching doesn’t exist. It is also
possible to have people in the outer portion of our social zone
but not feel obligated to interact with them, but when people
come much closer than 6 feet (1.8 m) to us, then we often feel
obligated to at least acknowledge their presence.
• Much of our communication occurs in the personal zone,
which is what we typically think of as our “personal space
bubble,” and extends from 1.5 to 4 feet (0.45 to 1.2 m) away from
our body. Much of this zone, as well as the intimate zone, is
reserved for friends, close acquaintances, and significant
others. In this zone, even though we are closer to the physical
body of another person, we may use verbal communication to
signal that our presence in this zone is friendly and not
intimate. Even people who know each other could be

uncomfortable spending too much time in this zone
unnecessarily. The personal zone is broken up into two
subzones, which helps us negotiate close interactions with
people who we may not be close to interpersonally (McKay et
al., 1995). The outer-personal zone extends from 2.5 to 4 feet
(0.6 to 1.2 m) and is useful for conversations that need to be
private but that occur between people who are not
interpersonally close. This zone allows for relatively intimate
communication but doesn’t convey the intimacy that a closer
distance would, which can be beneficial in professional
settings. The inner-personal zone extends from 1.5 to 2.5 feet
(0.45 to 0.6 m) and is a space reserved for communication with
people we are interpersonally close to or trying to get to know.
In this subzone, we can easily touch the other person as we
talk to them, briefly placing a hand on their arm or engaging in
other light social touching that facilitates conversation, self-
disclosure, and feelings of closeness.
• As we breach the invisible line that is 1.5 feet (0.45 m) from our
body, we enter the intimate zone, which is reserved for only
the closest friends, family, and romantic or intimate partners.
It is impossible to completely ignore people when they are in
this space, even if we are trying to pretend that we’re ignoring
them. A breach of this space can be comforting in some
contexts and annoying or frightening in others.

Image 4.6
Territoriality
Territoriality is an innate drive to take up and defend spaces. This

drive is shared by many creatures and entities, ranging from packs
of animals to individual humans to nations. Whether it’s a gang
territory, a neighbourhood claimed by a particular salesperson, your
preferred place to sit in a restaurant, your usual desk in the
classroom, or the seat you’ve marked to save while getting
concessions at a sporting event, we claim certain spaces as our own.
There are three main divisions for territory: primary, secondary,
and public (Hargie, 2011). Sometimes our claim to a space is official.
These spaces are known as our primary territories because they
are marked or understood to be exclusively ours and under our

control. A person’s house, yard, room, desk, side of the bed, or shelf
in the medicine cabinet could be considered primary territories.
Secondary territories don’t belong to us and aren’t exclusively
under our control, but they are associated with us, which may lead
us to assume that the space will be open and available to us when
we need it without us taking any further steps to reserve it. This
regularly happens in classrooms. Students often sit at the same desk
or at least in the same general area as they did on the first day of
class. There may be some small adjustments during the first couple
of weeks, but a month into the semester, students are not moving
much voluntarily. When someone else takes a student’s regular
desk, that student typically becomes annoyed.
Public territories are open to everyone. People are allowed to
mark public territory and use it for a limited period of time, but
space is often up for grabs, which makes public space difficult to
manage for some people and can lead to conflict. To avoid this
type of situation, people use a variety of objects that are typically
recognized by others as nonverbal cues that mark a place as
temporarily reserved—for example, jackets, bags, papers, or a drink.
There is some ambiguity in the use of markers, though. A half-empty
cup of coffee may be seen as trash and thrown away, which would
be an annoying surprise to a person who left it to mark their table
while visiting the restroom. For example, a full drink sitting on a
table could reserve a space in a college coffeeshop for more than
an hour, but a cup only half full usually only works as a marker of
territory for less than 10 minutes. People have to decide how much
value they want their marker to have. Obviously, leaving a laptop on
a table indicates that the table is occupied, but it could also lead to
the laptop being stolen. A pencil, on the other hand, could just be
moved out of the way and the space taken.

Chronemics
Chronemics refers to the study of how time affects communication.

Time can be classified into several different categories, including
biological, personal, physical, and cultural time (Andersen, 1999).
Biological time refers to the rhythms of living things. Humans
follow a circadian rhythm, meaning that we are on a daily cycle
that influences when we eat, sleep, and wake. When our natural
rhythms are disturbed by all-nighters, jet lag, or other scheduling
abnormalities, our physical and mental health and our
communication competence and personal relationships can suffer.
Keep biological time in mind as you communicate with others.
Remember that early morning conversations and speeches may
require more preparation to get yourself awake enough to
communicate well and a more patient or energetic delivery to
accommodate others who may still be getting warmed up for their
day.
Personal time refers to the ways in which individuals experience
time. The way we experience time varies based on our mood, our
interest level, and other factors. Think about how quickly time
passes when you are interested in and therefore engaged in
something. A 50-minute college class may seem to drag on forever,
whereas a three-hour class might zip by. Individuals also vary based
on whether or not they are future or past oriented. People with a
past orientation may want to reminisce about the past, reunite with
old friends, and put considerable time into preserving memories
and keepsakes in scrapbooks and photo albums. People who are
future oriented may spend the same amount of time making career
and personal plans, writing out to-do lists, or researching future
vacations, potential retirement spots, or what book they’re going to
read next.
Physical time refers to the fixed cycles of days, years, and
seasons. Physical time, especially seasons, can affect our mood and
psychological state. Some people experience seasonal affective

disorder, which leads them to experience emotional distress and
anxiety during the changes of seasons, primarily from warm and
bright to dark and cold (from summer to fall and winter).
Cultural time refers to how a large group of people view time.
Polychronic people do not view time as a linear progression that
needs to be divided into small units and scheduled in advance. They
keep more flexible schedules and may engage in several activities at
once. Monochronic people tend to schedule their time more rigidly
and do only one thing at a time. A polychronic or monochronic
orientation to time influences our social realities and how we
interact with others.
Additionally, the way we use time depends in some ways on our
status. For example, doctors can make their patients wait for
extended periods of time, and executives and celebrities may run
consistently behind schedule, making others wait for them.
Promptness and the amount of time that is socially acceptable for
lateness and waiting varies among individuals and contexts.
Chronemics also covers the amount of time we spend talking. We’ve
already learned that conversational turns and turn-taking patterns
are influenced by social norms and help our conversations progress.
We all know how annoying it can be when a person dominates a
conversation or when we can’t get a person to contribute anything.
Now that we have had a chance to discuss many aspects of
nonverbal communications, we will turn the discussion in the next
section to ways we can improve our nonverbal competence.
1. Provide some examples of how eye contact plays a

role in your communication throughout the day.
2. One of the key functions of vocalics is to add
emphasis to our verbal messages to influence the
meaning. Provide a meaning for each of the following
statements based on which word is emphasized: “She
is my friend,” “She is my friend,” and “She is my friend.”
3. Many people do not think of time as an important
part of our nonverbal communication. Provide an
example of how chronemics sends nonverbal
messages in academic settings, professional settings,
and personal settings.
Attribution

resource:

References
Buller, D. B., & Burgoon, J. K. (1986). The effects of vocalics and

nonverbal sensitivity on compliance. Human Communication
Research, 13(1), 126–144. https://doi.org/10.1111/
j.1468-2958.1986.tb00098.x
Cuddy, A. (2012, June). TED: Your body language may shape who
you are [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-
_Mh1QhMc
Evans, D. (2001). Emotion: The science of sentiment. Oxford
University Press.
Floyd, K. (2008). Communicating affection: Interpersonal behavior
and social context. Cambridge University Press.
Guerrero, L. K., & Floyd, K. (2006). Nonverbal communication in
close relationships. Routledge.
Hall, E. T. (1968). Proxemics. Current Anthropology, 9(2), 83–108.
Heslin, R., & Apler, T. (1983). Touch: A bonding gesture. In J. M.
Wiemann & R. Harrison (Eds.), Nonverbal interaction (pp. 47–76).
Sage.
Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2010). Intercultural
communication in contexts (5th ed.). McGraw-Hill.
Communication skills book (2nd ed.). New Harbinger.
Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2004). The definitive book of body language.
Bantam.

India – Kolkata traffic cop – 3661 by Jorge Royan, CC BY-SA 3.0
Chandigarh (North India) (399407625) by Steve Evans, CC BY 2.0
Proxemic Zones by Richard L. West and Lynn H. Turner, CC BY-SA
4.0
Personal Space by WebHamster, CC BY-SA 3.0

4.4 Improving Nonverbal
Communication Competence
As we age, we internalize social and cultural norms related to

sending (encoding) and interpreting (decoding) nonverbal
communication. In terms of sending, the tendency of children to
send unmonitored nonverbal signals lessens as we get older and
begin to monitor and perhaps censor or mask them (Andersen,
1999). Likewise, as we become more experienced communicators,
we tend to think that we become better at interpreting nonverbal
messages. In this section, we will discuss some strategies for
effectively encoding and decoding nonverbal messages. We receive
little, if any, official instruction in nonverbal communication, but
you can think of this chapter as a training manual to help improve
your own nonverbal communication competence. As with all
aspects of communication, improving your nonverbal
communication takes commitment and continued effort. However,
research shows that education and training in nonverbal
communication can lead to quick gains in knowledge and skill
(Riggio, 1992). Additionally, once someone puts an initial effort into
improving their nonverbal encoding and decoding skills, and those
new skills are put into practice, they are typically encouraged by
the positive reactions from others. Remember that people enjoy
interacting with others who are skilled at nonverbal encoding and
decoding, which will be evident in their reactions, providing further
motivation and encouragement to hone one’s skills.
304 | 4.4 Improving Nonverbal Communication Competence

Guidelines for Sending Nonverbal Messages
First impressions matter. Nonverbal cues account for much of the

content from which we form initial impressions, so it’s important
to know that people make judgements about our identities and
skills after only a brief exposure. Our competence regarding and
awareness of nonverbal communication can help determine how
an interaction will proceed and, in fact, whether it will take place
at all. People who are skilled at encoding nonverbal messages are
more favourably evaluated after initial encounters. This is likely
because people who are more nonverbally expressive are also more
attention getting and engaging and make people feel more welcome
and warm owing to their increased immediacy behaviours, all of
which enhance perceptions of charisma.
Understand That Nonverbal Communication Is Multichannel
Be aware of the multichannel nature of nonverbal communication.

We rarely send a nonverbal message in isolation. For example, a
posture may be combined with a touch or eye behaviour to create
what is called a nonverbal cluster (Pease & Pease, 2004). Nonverbal
congruence refers to consistency among different nonverbal
expressions within a cluster. Congruent nonverbal communication
is more credible and effective than ambiguous or conflicting
nonverbal cues. Even though you may intend for your nonverbal
messages to be congruent, they may still be decoded in a way that
doesn’t match up with your intent, especially since nonverbal
expressions vary in terms of their degree of conscious encoding.
In this sense, the multichannel nature of nonverbal communication
creates the potential for both increased credibility and increased
ambiguity.
When we become more aware of the messages we are sending,
we can monitor for nonverbal signals that are incongruent with
4.4 Improving Nonverbal Communication Competence | 305

other messages or may be perceived as such. If a student is talking
to their instructor about their performance in the class and their
concerns about their grade, the instructor may lean forward and
nod, encoding a combination of a body orientation and a head
movement that conveys attention. However, if the instructor
regularly breaks off eye contact and looks anxiously at the office
door, then they are sending a message that could be perceived
as disinterest, which is incongruent with the overall message of
care and concern they probably want to encode. Increasing our
awareness of the multiple channels through which we send
nonverbal cues can help us make our signals more congruent in the
moment.
Understand That Nonverbal Communication Affects Our

Interactions
Nonverbal communication affects our own and others’ behaviours

and communication. Changing our nonverbal signals can affect our
thoughts and emotions. Knowing this allows us to have more
control over the trajectory of our communication, possibly allowing
us to intervene in a negative cycle. For example, if you are waiting
in line to get your driver’s licence renewed and the agents in front
of you are moving more slowly than you’d like, and the person in
front of you doesn’t have their materials organized and is asking
unnecessary questions, you might start to exhibit nonverbal
clusters that signal frustration. You might cross your arms—a
closing-off gesture—and combine that with wrapping your fingers
tightly around one bicep and occasionally squeezing, which is a self-
touch adaptor that results from anxiety and stress. The longer you
stand like that, the more frustrated and defensive you will become
because that nonverbal cluster reinforces and heightens your
feelings. Increased awareness about these cycles can help you make
conscious moves to change your nonverbal communication and,

subsequently, your cognitive and emotional states (McKay et al.,
1995).
Image 4.7
As your nonverbal encoding competence increases, you can

strategically manipulate your behaviours. Restaurant servers,
bartenders, car salespeople, realtors, and many others who work in
a service or sales capacity know that part of “sealing the deal” is
making people feel liked, valued, and important. The strategic use
of nonverbal communication to convey these messages is largely
accepted and expected in our society, and as customers or patrons,
we often play along because it feels good in the moment to think
that the other person actually cares about us.
As you get better at monitoring and controlling your nonverbal
behaviours and understanding how nonverbal cues affect our
interaction, you may show more competence in multiple types of
communication. For example, people who are more skilled at
monitoring and controlling nonverbal displays of emotion report
that they are more comfortable public speakers (Riggio, 1992). Since

speakers become more nervous when they think that audience
members are able to detect their nervousness based on outwardly
visible, mostly nonverbal cues, it is logical that confidence in one’s
ability to control those outwardly visible cues would result in a
lessening of that common fear.
Understand How Nonverbal Communication Creates Rapport
Humans have evolved an innate urge to mirror each other’s

nonverbal behaviour, and though we aren’t often aware of it, this
urge influences our behaviour daily (Pease & Pease, 2004). Think,
for example, about how people “fall into formation” when waiting in
a line. Our nonverbal communication works to create an unspoken
and subconscious cooperation, as people move and behave in
similar ways. When one person leans to the left the next person in
line may also lean to the left, and this shift in posture may continue
all the way down the line to the end until someone else makes
another movement and the whole line shifts again. This
phenomenon is known as mirroring, which refers to the often
subconscious practice of using nonverbal cues in a way that match
those of the people around us. Mirroring sends implicit messages to
others that say, “Look! I’m just like you.” It evolved as an important
social function in that it allowed early humans to more easily fit
in with larger groups. Logically, early humans who were more
successful at mirroring were more likely to secure food, shelter, and
security, and therefore passed that genetic disposition down to us.
Understand How Nonverbal Communication Regulates

Conversations
The ability to encode appropriate turn-taking signals can help

ensure that we can hold the floor when needed in a conversation or

work our way into a conversation smoothly without inappropriately
interrupting someone or otherwise being seen as rude. People with
nonverbal encoding competence are typically more “in control” of
conversations. This regulating function can be useful in initial
encounters when we are trying to learn more about another person
and in situations where status differentials are present or
compliance gaining or dominance are goals. Although close friends,
family, and relational partners can sometimes be an exception,
interrupting is generally considered rude and should be avoided.
Even though verbal communication is most often used to interrupt
another person, interruptions are still studied as a part of
chronemics because they interfere with another person’s “talk time.”
Instead of interrupting, you can use nonverbal signals like leaning
in, increasing your eye contact, or using a brief gesture like subtly
raising one hand or the index finger to signal to another person that
you’d like to soon take the floor.
Understand How Nonverbal Communication Relates to

Listening
Part of being a good listener involves nonverbal-encoding

competence because nonverbal feedback in the form of head nods,
eye contact, and posture can signal that a listener is paying
attention and the speaker’s message is being received and
understood. Active listening, for example, combines good cognitive
listening practices with outwardly visible cues that signal to others
that we are listening. We all know from experience which nonverbal
signals convey attentiveness and which convey a lack of
attentiveness. Listeners are expected to make more eye contact
with the speaker than the speaker makes with them, so it’s
important to “listen with your eyes” by maintaining eye contact,
which signals attentiveness. Listeners should also avoid distracting
movements in the form of self, other, and object adaptors. Being a
higher self-monitor can help you catch nonverbal signals that might

signal you aren’t listening, at which point you could consciously
switch to more active listening signals.
Understand How Nonverbal Communication Relates to

Impression Management
The nonverbal messages we encode also help us express our

identities and play into impression management, which is a key part
of communicating to achieve identity goals. Being able to control
nonverbal expressions and competently encode them allows us to
better manage our persona and project a desired self to others; for
example, a self that is perceived as competent, socially attractive,
and engaging. Being nonverbally expressive during an initial
interaction usually leads to a more favourable impression. So
smiling, keeping an attentive posture, and offering a solid
handshake help communicate confidence and enthusiasm that can
be useful on a first date, during a job interview, when visiting family
for the holidays, or when running into an acquaintance at the
grocery store. Nonverbal communication can also impact the
impressions you make as a student. Research has found that
students who are more nonverbally expressive are liked more by
their teachers and are more likely to have their requests met by
their teachers (Mottet et al., 2004).
Increase Competence in Specific Channels of

Nonverbal Communication
Although it is important to recognize that we send nonverbal signals

through multiple channels simultaneously, we can also increase our
nonverbal communication competence by becoming more aware of
how it operates in specific channels.

Kinesics
The following guidelines may help you more effectively encode

nonverbal messages sent using your hands, arms, body, and face.
Gestures
• Illustrators make our verbal communication more engaging. It

is recommended that people doing phone interviews or
speaking on the radio make an effort to gesture as they speak,
even though people can’t see the gestures, because it will make
their words sound more engaging.
• Remember that adaptors can hurt your credibility in more
formal or serious interactions. Figure out what your common
adaptors are and monitor them so you can avoid creating
unfavourable impressions.
• Gestures send messages about your emotional state. Since
many gestures are spontaneous or subconscious, it is
important to raise your awareness of them and monitor them.
Be aware that clenched hands may signal aggression or anger,
nail biting or fidgeting may signal nervousness, and finger
tapping may signal boredom.
Eye Contact
• Eye contact is useful for initiating and regulating

conversations. To make sure someone is available for
interaction and to avoid being perceived as rude, it is usually a
good idea to “catch their eye” before you start talking to them.

Image 4.8
• Avoiding eye contact or shifting your eye contact from place to

place can lead others to think you are being deceptive or
inattentive. Minimize distractions by moving a clock, closing a
door, or closing window blinds to help minimize distractions
that may lure your eye contact away.
• Although avoiding eye contact can be perceived as a sign of
disinterest, low confidence, or negative emotionality, eye
contact avoidance can be used positively as a face-saving
strategy. The notion of civil inattention refers to a social norm
that leads us to avoid making eye contact with people in
situations that deviate from expected social norms, such as
witnessing someone fall or being in close proximity to a
stranger expressing negative emotions, such as crying. We also
use civil inattention when we avoid making eye contact with
others in crowded spaces (Goffman, 2010).
Facial Expressions

• You can use facial expressions to manage your expression of
emotions to intensify what you’re feeling, to diminish what
you’re feeling, to cover up what you’re feeling, to express a
different emotion than you’re feeling, or to simulate an
emotion that you’re not feeling (Metts & Planalp, 2002).
• Be aware of the power of emotional contagion—the spread of
emotion from one person to another. Since facial expressions
are key for emotional communication, you may be able to
strategically use your facial expressions to cheer someone up,
lighten a mood, or create a more serious and sombre tone.
• Smiles are especially powerful as an immediacy behaviour and
a rapport-building tool. Smiles can also help to disarm a
potentially hostile person or de-escalate conflict. When you
have a problem or complain in a customer service situation,
always be sure to smile at the clerk, manager, or other person
before you begin talking to help set a more positive tone for
the interaction.
Vocalics

nonverbal signals using paralanguage.
• Verbal fillers are often used subconsciously and can negatively

affect your credibility and reduce the clarity of your message
when you are speaking in more formal situations. In fact,
verbal fluency is one of the strongest predictors of
persuasiveness (Hargie, 2011). Becoming a higher self-monitor
can help you notice your use of verbal fillers and begin to
eliminate them. Beginner speakers can often reduce their use
of verbal fillers noticeably over just a short period of time.
• Vocal variety increases listener and speaker engagement,
understanding, information recall, and motivation. So having a
more expressive voice that varies appropriately in terms of

rate, pitch, and volume can help you achieve communication
goals related to maintaining attention, effectively conveying
information, and getting others to act in a particular way.
Proxemics

nonverbal signals related to interpersonal distances.
• When breaches of personal space occur, it is a social norm to

make nonverbal adjustments such as lowering our level of
immediacy, changing our body orientation, and using objects
to separate ourselves from others. To reduce immediacy, we
engage in civil inattention and reduce the amount of eye
contact we make with others. We also shift the front of our
body away from others because it has most of our sensory
inputs and also allows access to body parts that are considered
vulnerable, such as the stomach, face, and genitals (Andersen,
1999). When we can’t shift our bodies, we often use coats, bags,
books, or our hands to physically separate or block off the
front of our bodies from others.

Image 4.9
• Although pets and children are often granted more leeway to

breach other people’s space since they are still learning social
norms and rules, as a pet owner, parent, or temporary
caretaker, be aware of this possibility and try to prevent such
breaches or correct them when they occur.
Chronemics

nonverbal signals related to time.
• In terms of talk time and turn-taking, research shows that

people who take a little longer with their turn, holding the
floor slightly longer than normal, are actually seen as more
credible than people who talk too much or too little (Andersen,
1999).
• Our lateness or promptness can send messages about our
professionalism, dependability, or other personality traits.
Formal time usually applies to professional situations in which
we are expected to be on time or even a few minutes early. You
generally wouldn’t want to be late for work, a job interview, a
medical appointment, and so on. Informal time applies to
casual and interpersonal situations in which there is much
more variation in terms of expectations for promptness. For
most social meetings with one other person or a small group,
you can be five minutes late without having to offer much of an
apology or explanation. For larger social gatherings, you can
usually be up to 15 minutes late as long as your late arrival
doesn’t interfere with the host’s plans or preparations.
• Quality time is an important part of interpersonal
relationships, and sometimes time has to be budgeted so that
it can be saved and spent with certain people or on certain
occasions, such as date nights for couples or family time for
parents and children or other relatives.
Guidelines for Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
We learn to decode or interpret nonverbal messages through

practice and by internalizing social norms. Following the
suggestions to become a better encoder of nonverbal
communication will lead to better decoding competence through
increased awareness. Since nonverbal communication is more
ambiguous than verbal communication, we have to learn to
interpret these cues as clusters within contexts. People watching is
a great way to increase knowledge about nonverbal communication.

Just by consciously taking in the variety of nonverbal signals around
us, we can build our awareness and occasionally be entertained.
Skilled decoders of nonverbal messages are said to have nonverbal
sensitivity, which, very similarly to skilled encoders, leads them to
have larger social networks, be more popular, and exhibit less social
anxiety (Riggio, 1992).
There Is No Nonverbal Dictionary
The first guideline for decoding nonverbal communication is to

realize that there is no nonverbal dictionary. Some nonverbal
scholars and many nonverbal skill trainers have tried to catalogue
nonverbal communication like we do verbal communication to
create dictionary-like guides that people can use to interpret
nonverbal signals. Although those guides may contain many valid
“rules” of nonverbal communication, those rules are always relative
to the individual, social, and cultural contexts in which an
interaction takes place. In short, you can’t read people’s nonverbal
communication like a book, and there are no A-to-Z guides that
capture the complexity of nonverbal communication (DePaulo,
1992). Rather than using a list of specific rules, it may be better
for people to develop more general tools that will be useful in and
adaptable to a variety of contexts.
Recognize That Certain Nonverbal Signals Are Related
The second guideline for decoding nonverbal signals is to recognize

that certain nonverbal signals are related. Nonverbal rulebooks
aren’t effective because they typically view a nonverbal signal in
isolation, similar to how dictionaries separately list denotative
definitions of words. To get a better understanding of the meaning
behind nonverbal cues, we can look at them as progressive or

layered. For example, people engaging in negative critical evaluation
of a speaker may cross their legs, cross one arm over their stomach,
and put the other arm up so the index finger is resting close to
the eye while the chin rests on the thumb (Pease & Pease, 2004).
A person wouldn’t likely perform all those signals simultaneously.
Instead, they would likely start with one and then layer more cues
on as the feelings intensified. If we notice that a person is starting
to build related signals like the ones above onto one another, we
might be able to intervene in the negative reaction that is building.
Of course, as nonverbal cues are layered on, they may contradict
other signals, in which case we can turn to context clues to aid our
interpretation.
Read Nonverbal Cues in Context
We can also gain insight into how to interpret nonverbal cues

through personal contexts. People have distinctive nonverbal
behaviours that create an individual context that varies with each
person. Even though we generally fit into certain social and cultural
patterns, some people deviate from those norms. For example, some
cultures tend towards less touching and greater interpersonal
distances during interactions. Those from North America fall into
this general category, but there are people who were socialized into
these norms and who as individuals deviate from them and touch
more and stand closer to others while conversing. As a different
communicator inches towards their conversational partner, the
partner may move back to re-establish the interpersonal distance
norm. Such deviations may lead people to misinterpret sexual or
romantic interest or feel uncomfortable. Although these actions
could indicate such interest, they could also be idiosyncratic. As
this example shows, these individual differences can increase the
ambiguity of nonverbal communication, but when observed over a
period of time, they can actually help us generate meaning.

Image 4.10
Try to compare observed nonverbal cues to a person’s typical or

baseline nonverbal behaviour to help avoid misinterpretation. In
some instances it is impossible to know what sorts of individual
nonverbal behaviours or differences people have because there isn’t
a relational history. In such cases, we have to turn to our knowledge
about specific types of nonverbal communication or draw from
more general contextual knowledge.
Detecting Deception
Although people rely on nonverbal more than verbal communication

to determine whether or not a person is being deceptive, there is
no set profile of deceptive behaviours that you can use to create
your own nonverbally based lie detector. Research finds that people

generally perceive themselves as good detectors of deception, but
when tested, people only accurately detect deception at levels a
little higher than what we would by random chance. Given that
deception is so widespread and common, it is estimated that we
actually only detect about half the lies we are told, meaning that
we all operate on false information without even being aware of
it. Although this may be disappointing to those of you who like to
think of yourselves as human lie detectors, there are some forces
working against our deception-detecting abilities. One such force is
the truth bias, which leads us to believe that a person is telling the
truth, especially if we know and like that person. Conversely, people
who have interpersonal trust issues and people in occupations such
as law enforcement may also have a lie bias, meaning they assume
people are lying to them more often than not (Andersen, 1999).
It is believed that deceptive nonverbal behaviours result from
nonverbal leakage, which refers to nonverbal behaviours that occur
as we try to control the cognitive and physical changes that happen
during states of cognitive and physical arousal (Hargie, 2011).
Anxiety is a form of arousal that leads to bodily reactions like those
we experience when we perceive danger or become excited for
some other reason. Some of these reactions are visible, such as
increased movement, and some are audible, such as changes in
voice pitch, volume, or rate. Other reactions, such as changes in
the electrical conductivity of the skin, increased breathing, and
increased heart rate, are not always detectable. Polygraph
machines, or “lie detectors,” work on the principle that the presence
of signs of arousal is a reliable indicator of deception in situations
where other factors that would also evoke such signals are absent.
So the nonverbal behaviours that we associate with deception
don’t actually stem from the deception but from the attempts to
control the leakage that results from cognitive and physiological
changes. These signals appear and increase because we are
conflicted about the act of deception, and because we are
conditioned to believe that being honest is better than lying, we are
afraid of getting caught and punished, even when we are motivated

to succeed with the act of deception—in essence, to get away with
it. Leakage also occurs because of the increased cognitive demands
associated with deception. Our cognitive activity increases when we
have to decide whether to engage in deception or not, which often
involves some internal debate. If we decide to engage in deception,
we then have to compose a fabrication or execute some other
manipulation strategy that we think is believable. To make things
more complicated, we usually tailor our manipulation strategy to
the person to whom we are speaking. In short, lying isn’t easy
because it requires us to go against social norms and deviate from
the comfortable and familiar communication scripts that we rely on
for so much of our interaction. Of course, skilled and experienced
deceivers develop new scripts that can also become familiar and
comfortable and allow them to engage in deception without
arousing as much anxiety or triggering physical reactions to it
(Andersen, 1999).
There are certain nonverbal cues that have been associated with
deception, but the problem is that these cues are also associated
with other behaviours, which could lead to the assumption that
someone is being deceptive when they are actually nervous, guilty,
or excited. In general, people who are more expressive are better
deceivers, and people who are typically anxious are not good liars.
Also, people who are better self-monitors are better deceivers
because they are aware of verbal and nonverbal signals that may
“give them away” and may be better able to control or account
for them. Research also shows that people get better at lying as
they get older because they learn more about the intricacies of
communication signals and they also get more time to practise
(Andersen, 1999). Studies have found that actors, politicians,
lawyers, and salespeople are also better liars because they are
generally higher self-monitors and have learned how to suppress
internal feelings and monitor their external behaviours.

1. As was indicated earlier, research shows that

instruction in nonverbal communication can lead
people to make gains in their nonverbal
communication competence. List some nonverbal
skills that you think are important in each of the
following contexts: academic, professional, personal,
and civic.
2. Using concepts from this section, analyze your own
nonverbal communication competence. What are
your strengths and weaknesses?
3. To understand how chronemics relates to
nonverbal communication norms, answer the
following questions:
◦ In what situations is it important to be early?

◦ In what situations can you arrive late?
◦ How long would you wait for someone you
were meeting for a group project for a class? A
date? A job interview?
Attribution

resource:

References
DePaulo, P. J. (1992). Applications of nonverbal behavior research
in marketing and management. In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications
of nonverbal behavioral theories and research (pp. 63–87). Lawrence
Erlbaum Associates.
Goffman, E. (2010). Relations in public: Microstudies of the public
order. Transaction.
Communication skills book (2nd ed.). New Harbinger.
Metts, S., & Planalp, S. (2002). Emotional communication. In M. L.
Knapp & K. J. Daly (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal communication
(3rd ed., pp. 339–373). Sage.
Mottet, T. P., Beebe, S. A., Raffeld, P. C., & Paulsel, M. L. (2004). The
effects of student verbal and nonverbal responsiveness on teachers’
liking of students and willingness to comply with student requests.
Communication Quarterly, 52(1), 27–38.
Bantam.
Riggio, R. E. (1992). Social interaction skills and nonverbal

behavior. In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications of nonverbal behavior
theories and research (pp. 3–30). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Frustration (18454943) by Evgeny Tchebotarev, CC BY 3.0
Eye contact encouraged or tolerated – 001 by Igor Gorshkov, CC BY
2.0
To All the Boys – P.S. I Still Love You interview in Brazil 03 by Cris
e Panda on YouTube, CC BY 3.0
Kamala Harris, example of a woman who overcame systemic
challenges, now in a high position in government by United States
Senate – The Office of Kamala Harris, Public domain

4.5 Nonverbal
Communication in Context
Nonverbal communication receives less attention than verbal

communication as part of our everyday lives. Learning more about
nonverbal communication and becoming more aware of our own
and others’ use of nonverbal cues can help us be better relational
partners and professionals. In addition, learning about cultural
differences in nonverbal communication is important for people
travelling abroad but also because of our increasingly multinational
business world and the expanding diversity and increased
frequency of intercultural communication within our own borders.
Nonverbal Communication in Relational

Contexts
A central, if not primary, function of nonverbal communication is

the establishment and maintenance of interpersonal relationships.
Further, people who are skilled at encoding nonverbal messages
have various interpersonal advantages, including being more
popular, having larger social networks consisting of both
acquaintances and close friends, and being less likely to be lonely or
socially anxious (Riggio, 1992).
4.5 Nonverbal Communication in Context | 325

Image 4.11
Nonverbal communication increases our expressivity, and people

generally find attractive and want to pay more attention to things
that are expressive. This increases our chances of initiating
interpersonal relationships. Relationships then form as a result of
some initial exchanges of verbal and nonverbal information through
mutual self-disclosure. As the depth of self-disclosure increases,
messages become more meaningful if they are accompanied by
matching nonverbal cues. Impressions formed at this stage of
interaction help determine whether or not a relationship will
progress. As relationships progress from basic information
exchange and the establishment of early interpersonal bonds to
more substantial emotional connections, nonverbal communication
plays a more central role. As we’ve learned, nonverbal
communication conveys much emotional meaning, so the ability to
effectively encode and decode appropriate nonverbal messages sent
326 | 4.5 Nonverbal Communication in Context

through facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, and touch leads to
high-quality interactions that are rewarding for the communicators
involved.
Nonverbal communication helps maintain relationships once they
have moved beyond the initial stages by helping us communicate
emotions and seek and provide social and emotional support. In
terms of communicating emotions, competent communicators
know when it is appropriate to express emotions and whether more
self-regulation is needed. They also know how to adjust their
emotional expressions to fit various contexts and individuals, which
is useful in preventing emotional imbalances within a relationship.
Emotional imbalances occur when one relational partner expresses
too much emotion in a way that becomes a burden for the other
person. Ideally, each person in a relationship is able to express
their emotions in a way that isn’t too taxing for the other person.
Occasionally, one relational partner may be going through an
extended period of emotional distress, which can become very
difficult for other people in their life. Since people with nonverbal
communication competence are already more likely to have larger
social support networks, it is likely that they will be able to spread
around their emotional communication, specifically related to
negative emotions, in ways that do not burden others.
Unfortunately, since people with less nonverbal skill are likely to
have smaller social networks, they may end up targeting one or two
people for their emotional communication, which could lead the
other individuals to withdraw from the relationship.
Expressing the need for support is also an important part of
relational maintenance. People who lack nonverbal encoding skills
may send unclear or subtle cues requesting support that are not
picked up on by others, which can lead to increased feelings of
loneliness. Skilled encoders of nonverbal messages, on the other
hand, are able to appropriately communicate the need for support
in recognizable ways. As relationships progress in terms of
closeness and intimacy, nonverbal signals become a shorthand form
of communicating because information can be conveyed with a

particular look, gesture, tone of voice, or posture. Family members,
romantic couples, close friends, and close colleagues can bond over
their familiarity with each other’s nonverbal behaviours, which
creates a shared relational reality that is unique to the relationship.
Nonverbal Communication in Professional

Contexts
In surveys of current professionals and managers, most report that

nonverbal skills are important to their jobs (DePaulo, 1992). Although
important, there is rarely any training or instruction related to
nonverbal communication, and a consistent issue that has been
reported by employees has been difficulty with mixed messages
coming from managers. Interpreting contradictory verbal and
nonverbal messages is challenging in any context and can have
negative effects on job satisfaction and productivity. A supervisor
who gives positive and negative feedback regularly and in periodic
performance evaluations, it is important to be able to match
nonverbal signals with the content of the message. For example,
appropriate nonverbal cues can convey the seriousness of a
customer or coworker complaint, help ease the delivery of
constructive criticism, or reinforce positive feedback. Professionals
also need to be aware of how context, status, and power intersect
with specific channels of nonverbal communication. For example,
even casual touching of supervisees, mentees, or employees may
be considered condescending or inappropriate in certain situations.
A well-deserved pat on the back is different from an unnecessary
hand on the shoulder to say hello at the start of a business meeting.

Image 4.12
In professional contexts, managers and mentors with nonverbal

decoding skills can exhibit sensitivity to others’ nonverbal behaviour
and better relate to employees and mentees. In general, interpreting
emotions from nonverbal cues can have interpersonal and
professional benefits. One study found that salespeople who were
skilled at recognizing emotions through nonverbal cues sold more
products and earned higher salaries (Byron et al., 2007). Aside from
bringing financial rewards, nonverbal communication also helps
create supportive climates. Bosses, supervisors, and service
providers such as therapists can help create rapport and a positive
climate by consciously mirroring the nonverbal communication of
their employees or clients. In addition, mirroring the nonverbal
communication of others during a job interview, sales pitch, or
performance evaluation can help put the other person at ease and
establish rapport. Much of the mirroring we do is natural, so trying
to overcompensate may actually be detrimental, but engaging in
self-monitoring and making small adjustments could be beneficial
(DePaulo, 1992).

You can also use nonverbal communication to bring positive
attention to yourself. Being able to nonverbally encode turn-taking
cues can allow people to contribute to conversations at relevant
times, and getting an idea or a piece of information or feedback
in at the right time can help bring attention to your professional
competence. Being able to encode an appropriate amount of
professionalism and enthusiasm during a job interview can also aid
in desired impression formation because people make judgements
about others’ personalities based on their nonverbal cues. A person
who comes across as too enthusiastic may be seen as pushy or
fake, and a person who comes across as too relaxed may be seen as
unprofessional and unmotivated.
Nonverbal Communication and Culture
As with other aspects of communication, norms for nonverbal

communication vary from country to country and also among
cultures within a particular country. We have already learned that
some nonverbal communication behaviours appear to be somewhat
innate because they are universally recognized. Two such universal
signals are the “eyebrow flash” of recognition when we see someone
we know and the open hand and the palm up gesture that signals
a person would like something or needs help (Martin & Nakayama,
2010). Smiling is also a universal nonverbal behaviour, but the
triggers that lead a person to smile vary from culture to culture. The
expansion of media, particularly from Canada, the United States,
and other Western countries around the world, is leading to more
nonverbal similarities among cultures, but the biggest cultural
differences in nonverbal communication occur within the
categories of eye contact, touch, and personal space (Pease & Pease,
2004). Take the time to watch the video below as it reviews some of
the nonverbal communication concepts we covered in this chapter
and relates them to differences within cultures.

(Study Hall, 2022)
Next, we will give an overview of some interesting and instructive

differences within several channels of nonverbal communication
that we have discussed so far. As you read, remember that these
are not absolute in that nonverbal communication, like other forms
of communication, is influenced by context and varies among
individuals within a particular cultural group as well.
Kinesics
Cultural variations in the way we gesture, use head movements, and

use eye contact fall under the nonverbal category of kinesics.
Gestures
Remember that emblems are gestures that correspond to a word
and an agreed-on meaning. When we use our fingers to count, we
are using emblematic gestures, but even our way of counting varies
among cultures (Pease & Pease, 2004). You could fairly accurately
separate British people and North Americans from French, Greek,
and German people based on a simple and common gesture. Try
this exercise—first, display with your hand the number five. Second,
keeping the five displayed, change it to a two. If you are from North
America or Britain, you are probably holding up your index finder
and your middle finger. If you are from a continental European

country, you are probably holding up your thumb and index finger.
While North Americans and Brits start counting on their index
finger and end with five on their thumb, Europeans start counting
on their thumb and end with five on their pinky finger.
Image 4.13
How you use your hands can also get you into trouble if you’re
unaware of cultural differences (Pease & Pease, 2004). For example,
the “thumbs up” gesture, as we just learned, can mean “one” in
mainland Europe, but it is also a signal for hitchhiking or means
“good,” “good job,” “way to go,” or “OK” in many other cultures. Two
hands up with the palms facing outward can signal “ten” in many
Western countries and is recognized as a signal for “I’m telling the
truth” or “I surrender” in many cultures.
Head Movements
Bowing is a nonverbal greeting ritual that is more common in
Asian cultures than Western cultures, but the head nod, which is a

common form of acknowledgement in many cultures, is actually an
abbreviated bow. Japan is considered a noncontact culture, which
refers to cultural groups in which people stand farther apart while
talking, make less eye contact, and touch less during regular
interactions. Because of this, bowing is the preferred nonverbal
greeting over handshaking. Bows vary based on status, with higher
status people bowing the least. For example, in order to indicate
the status of another person, a Japanese businessperson may bow
deeply. An interesting ritual associated with the bow is the exchange
of business cards when greeting someone in Japan. This exchange
allows each person to view the other’s occupation and title, which
provides useful information about the other person’s status and
determines who should bow more. Since bowing gives each person
a good view of the other person’s shoes, it is very important to have
clean shoes that are in good condition since they play an important
part of initial impression formation.
Eye Contact
In some cultures, avoiding eye contact is considered a sign of
respect. However, such eye contact aversion could also be seen as
a sign that the other person is being deceptive, is bored, or is being
rude. Some Indigenous groups teach that people should avoid eye
contact with elders, teachers, and other people with status. This
can create issues in classrooms when teachers are unaware of this
norm and may consider a student’s lack of eye contact as a sign of
insubordination or lack of engagement, which could lead to false
impressions that the student is a troublemaker or less intelligent.
Haptics
As we’ve learned, touch behaviours are important during initial

interactions, and cultural differences in these nonverbal practices
can lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding. For example,
shaking hands as a typical touch greeting but varies among cultures
(Pease & Pease, 2004). It is customary for British, Australian,

German, Canadian, and American colleagues to shake hands when
meeting each other for the first time and then to shake again when
departing company. In Canada or the United States, colleagues do
not normally shake hands again if they see each other once more
later in the day, but European colleagues may shake hands with each
other several times a day. Once a certain level of familiarity and
closeness is reached, North American colleagues will likely not even
shake hands daily unless engaging in some more formal interaction,
but many European colleagues will continue to shake each time they
see one another. Some French businesspeople have been known
to spend up to 30 minutes a day shaking hands. The squeezes
and up-and-down shakes used during handshakes are often called
“pumps,” and the number of pumps used in a handshake also varies
among cultures. Although the Germans and French shake hands
more often throughout the day, they typically only give one or two
pumps and then hold the shake for a couple seconds before letting
go. The British tend to give three to five pumps, and Canadians
tend to give five to seven pumps. This can be humorous to watch
at a multinational business event, but it also affects the initial
impressions people make of each other. A Canadian may think that
a German is being unfriendly or distant because of their single hand
pump, whereas a German may think that a Canadian is overdoing it
with seven.
Contact cultures are cultural groups in which people stand closer
together, engage in more eye contact, touch more frequently, and
speak more loudly. Italians are especially known for their vibrant
nonverbal communication in terms of gestures, volume, eye
contact, and touching, which not surprisingly places them in the
contact culture category. Italians use hand motions and touching
to regulate the flow of conversations, and when non-Italians don’t
know how to mirror an Italian’s nonverbal communication, they
may not get to contribute much to the conversation, which likely
feeds into the stereotype of Italians as domineering in conversations
or overly expressive. For example, Italians speak with their hands
raised as a way to signal that they are holding the floor for their

conversational turn. If their conversational partner starts to raise
their hands, the Italian might gently touch the other person and
keep on talking. Conversational partners often interpret this as a
sign of affection or of the Italian’s passion for what they are saying.
In fact, it is a touch intended to keep the partner from raising their
hands, which would signal that the Italian’s conversational turn is
over and the other person now has the floor. It has been suggested
that in order to get a conversational turn, you must physically grab
the other person’s hands in midair and pull them down. While this
would seem very invasive and rude to northern Europeans and
North Americans, it is a nonverbal norm in Italian culture and may
be the only way to get to contribute to a conversation (Pease &
Pease, 2004).
Vocalics
The volume at which we speak is influenced by specific contexts

and is more generally influenced by our culture. In European
countries like France, England, Sweden, and Germany, it is not
uncommon to find restaurants that have small tables very close
together. In many cases, two people dining together may be sitting
at a table that is actually touching the table of another pair of diners.
Most North Americans would consider this a violation of personal
space, and Europeans often perceive North Americans to be rude
in such contexts because they do not control the volume of their
conversations more. Since personal space is usually more plentiful
in places such as Canada and the United States, people are used to
speaking at a level that is considered loud to many cultures where
less personal space is the norm .

Proxemics
Cultural norms for personal space vary much more than some other
nonverbal communication channels such as facial expressions,
which have more universal similarity and recognizability. We have
already learned that contact and noncontact cultures differ in their
preferences for touch and interpersonal distance. Countries in
South America and southern Europe exhibit characteristics of
contact cultures, whereas countries in northern Europe and
Southeast Asia exhibit noncontact cultural characteristics. Because
of the different comfort levels with personal space, a Guatemalan
and a Canadian might come away with differing impressions of each
other because of proxemic differences. The Guatemalan may feel
that the Canadian is standoffish, and the Canadian may feel that the
Guatemalan is pushy or aggressive.
Chronemics
The United States, Canada and many European countries have a

monochronic orientation to time, meaning that time is seen as a
commodity that can be budgeted, saved, spent, and wasted. Events
are to be scheduled in advance and have set beginning and ending
times. Countries such as Spain and Mexico have a polychronic
orientation to time. Appointments may be scheduled at overlapping
times, making an “orderly” schedule impossible. People may also
miss appointments or deadlines without offering an apology, which
would be considered very rude by a person with a monochronic
orientation to time. People from cultures with a monochronic
orientation to time are frustrated when people from polychromic
cultures cancel appointments or close businesses for family
obligations. Conversely, people from polychromic cultures feel that
Canadians, for example, follow their schedules at the expense of
personal relationships (Martin & Nakayama, 2010).

1. Identify some nonverbal behaviours that would

signal a positive interaction on a first date and on a
job interview. Then identify some nonverbal
behaviours that would signal a negative interaction in
each of those contexts.
2. Discuss an experience where you had some kind of
miscommunication or misunderstanding because of
cultural differences in encoding and decoding
nonverbal messages. What did you learn in this
chapter that could help you in similar future
interactions?
Attribution

resource:


References
Byron, K., Terranova, S., & Nowicki Jr., S. (2007). Nonverbal
emotion recognition and salespersons: Linking ability to perceived
and actual success. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 37(11),
2600–2619.
DePaulo, P. J. (1992). Applications of nonverbal behavior research
in marketing and management. In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications
of nonverbal behavioral theories and research (pp. 63–87). Lawrence
Erlbaum Associates.
Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2010). Intercultural
communication in contexts (5th ed). McGraw-Hill.
Bantam.
Riggio, R. E. (1992). Social interaction skills and nonverbal behavior.
In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications of nonverbal behavior theories
and research (pp. 3–30). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Study Hall. (2022, November 9). Nonverbal cues and the use of space,
touch, and Time | Intro to Human Communication | Study Hall
[Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=yGcnqqrj3Os

Two people paired up on a speed date, each earing a name tag by al
fernandez, CC BY 2.0
Employee Training – Communication Skills Illustration by
Digits.co.uk Images, CC BY 2.0
Man in white suit, thumbs up, looking at viewer by Katusali, CC BY-
SA 4.0

4.6 Review
Matching Review

Review Quiz

Attribution
4.6 Review | 339

resource:

340 | 4.6 Review

CHAPTER V
COMMUNICATION AND
EMOTIONS WITHIN
RELATIONSHIPS
Communication and Emotions within Relationships | 341

342 | Communication and Emotions within Relationships
5.1 Introduction to
Communication and
Emotions within
Relationships
Learning Objectives
1. Describe the different stages of relationships and

the benefits of effective communication within them
2. Describe the role and effects of self-disclosure in
interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships
3. Describe strategies for expressing and managing
emotions
4. Identify different forms of fallacies
5. Explain emotional intelligence and its impact on
interpersonal communication
6. Describe cultural variations in the expression of
emotions
5.1 Introduction to Communication and Emotions within

Relationships | 343
Chapter Overview
We all have various forms of relationships with others in our lives.

These may include personal, professional, romantic, or friendship-
based relationships. All of these are important parts of our everyday
lives and, as such, the communication we use in these relationships
is important as well. How do we come to form relationships with
friends, family, romantic partners, and co-workers? Why are some
of these relationships more exciting, stressful, enduring, or short-
lived than others? Are we guided by fate, astrology, luck, personality,
or other forces to the people we like and love? Emotions, emotional
intelligence, self-disclosure, and key stages of relationship building
are important considerations when answering these questions. This
chapter will investigate these concepts and try to answer some of
the questions listed above.
Attribution

resource:

344 | 5.1 Introduction to Communication and Emotions within

Relationships
5.2 Communication in
Relationships
We will begin this section by discussing different forms and stages

of relationships and providing the foundation for discussing the
various forms of communication and emotions that are involved
in these relationships. Communication and the accompanying
emotions play an integral role in all relationships, whether they are
personal, social or professional.
We can classify our key relationships by distinguishing between
our personal and social relationships (VanLear et al., 2006).
Personal relationships meet emotional, relational, and instrumental
needs because they are intimate, close, and interdependent
relationships and include those we have with best friends, partners,
or immediate family. Social relationships occasionally meet our
needs but lack the closeness and interdependence of personal
relationships. Examples of social relationships include co-workers,
distant relatives, and acquaintances. Another distinction useful for
categorizing relationships is whether or not they are voluntary. For
example, some personal relationships are voluntary, such as those
with romantic partners, and others are involuntary, like those with
close siblings. Likewise, some social relationships are voluntary,
such as those with acquaintances, and others are involuntary, like
those with neighbours or distant relatives. You can see how various
relationships fall into each of these dimensions. Now that we have
a better understanding of how we define relationships, we will
examine the stages that most of our relationships go through as
they move from formation to termination.
5.2 Communication in Relationships | 345

The 10 Stages of Relational Interaction
Communication is at the heart of forming our interpersonal

relationships. We reach the achievement of relating through the
everyday conversations and otherwise trivial interactions that form
the fabric of our relationships. It is through our communication that
we adapt to the dynamic nature of our relational worlds, given that
relational partners do not enter each encounter or relationship with
compatible expectations. Communication allows us to test and be
tested by our potential and current relational partners. It is also
through communication that we respond when someone violates or
fails to meet those expectations (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2009).
Knapp’s relational model has 10 established stages of interaction
that can help us understand how relationships come together and
come apart (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2009). We should keep the
following things in mind about this model of relationship
development: relational partners do not always go through the
stages in order, some relationships do not experience all the stages,
we do not always consciously move between stages, and coming
together and coming apart are not inherently good or bad.
Relationships are always changing—they are dynamic. Although this
model has often been applied to romantic relationships, most
relationships follow a similar pattern that may be adapted to a
particular context.
The following video provides an overview of much of the content
in this section and provides a foundational understanding of the
development of relationships and the communication in them.

346 | 5.2 Communication in Relationships

(Study Hall, 2022)
Stage 1: Initiating
In the initiating stage, people size each other up and try to present
themselves favourably. Whether you run into someone in the
hallway at school or in the produce section at the grocery store,
you scan the person and consider any previous knowledge you
have of them, expectations for the situation, and so on. Initiating is
influenced by several factors.
If you encounter a stranger, you may say, “Hi, my name’s Crystal.”
If you encounter a person you already know, you’ve already gone
through this before, so you may just say, “Hey, what’s up?” Time
constraints also affect initiation. A quick encounter calls for a quick
hello, whereas a scheduled meeting may entail a more formal start.
If you already know the person, the length of time that has passed
since your last encounter will affect your initiation. For example, if
you see a friend from high school while home for a winter break,
you may set aside a long block of time to catch up; however, if you
see someone at work that you just spoke to 10 minutes earlier, you
may skip the initiating communication. The setting also affects how
we initiate conversations because we communicate differently in a
crowded bar than we do on an airplane. Even with all this variation,
people typically follow standard social scripts for interaction at this
stage.

Stage 2: Experimenting
A basic exchange of information is typical as the experimenting

stage begins. For example, on the first day of class, you might
chat with the person sitting beside you and take turns sharing
information about where you’re from and your program of study.
Then you may branch out and see if there are any common interests
that emerge. Finding out that you are both fans of the same hockey
team or like the same kind of music could then lead to more
conversation about hockey and other hobbies or interests; however,
sometimes the experiment may fail. If your attempts at information
exchange with another person during the experimenting stage are
met with silence or hesitation, you may interpret their lack of
communication as a sign that you shouldn’t pursue future
interaction.
Experimenting continues in established relationships. Small talk,
a hallmark of the experimenting stage, is common among young
adults catching up with their parents when they return home for
a visit or committed couples when they recount their day while
preparing dinner. Small talk can be annoying sometimes, especially
if you feel like you have to do it out of politeness. However, it
serves important functions, such as creating a communicative entry
point that can lead people to uncover topics of conversation that
go beyond the surface level, helping us audition someone to see if
we’d like to talk to them further, and generally creating a sense of
ease and community with others. And even though small talk isn’t
viewed as very substantial, Knapp’s model indicates that most of
our relationships do not progress far beyond this point (Knapp &
Vangelisti, 2009).
Stage 3: Intensifying
As we enter the intensifying stage, we indicate that we would like

or are open to more intimacy, then we wait for a signal of
acceptance before we attempt to pursue the relationship further.
This incremental intensification of intimacy can occur over a period
of weeks, months, or years, and may involve inviting a new friend
to join you at a party, then to your place for dinner, then to go
on vacation together. It would be seen as odd, even if the
experimenting stage went well, to invite a person who you’re still
getting to know on vacation with you without engaging in some
less intimate interaction beforehand. To save face and avoid making
ourselves overly vulnerable, steady progression is key in this stage.
Aside from sharing more intense personal time, requests for and
granting favours may also play into the intensification of a
relationship. For example, one friend helping the other prepare for
a big party on their birthday can increase closeness. However, if
one person asks for too many favours or fails to reciprocate favours
granted, then the relationship can become unbalanced, which could
result in a transition to another stage, such as differentiating.
Other signs of the intensifying stage include the creation of
nicknames, inside jokes, increased use of we and our, and a
loosening of typical restrictions on possessions and personal space.
For example, you may have a key to your best friend’s apartment
and can hang out there if your roommate is getting on your nerves.
Navigating the changing boundaries between individuals in this
stage can be tricky, which can lead to conflict or uncertainty about
the relationship’s future as new expectations develop. Successfully
managing this increasing closeness can lead to relational
integration.
Stage 4: Integrating
In the integrating stage, two people’s identities and personalities

merge, and a sense of interdependence develops. Even though this
stage is most evident in romantic relationships, elements of this
stage can appear in other relationship forms. Some verbal and

nonverbal signals of the integrating stage occur when the social
networks of two people merge, when those outside the relationship
begin to refer to or treat the relational partners as if they were one
person (e.g., always referring to them together—“Let’s invite Olaf
and Bettina”), or when the relational partners present themselves
as one unit (e.g., both signing and sending one holiday card or
opening a joint bank account). Even as two people integrate, they
likely maintain some sense of self by spending time with friends and
family separately, which helps balance their needs for independence
and connection.
Stage 5: Bonding
The bonding stage includes a public ritual that announces formal

commitment. These types of rituals include weddings, commitment
ceremonies, and civil unions (Image 5.1). Obviously, this stage is
almost exclusively applicable to romantic couples. In some ways,
the bonding ritual is arbitrary in that it can occur at any stage in
a relationship. In fact, bonding rituals are often later annulled or
reversed because a relationship doesn’t work out, perhaps because
there wasn’t sufficient time spent in the experimenting or
integrating phases. However, bonding warrants its own stage
because the symbolic act of bonding can have very real effects on
how two people communicate about and perceive their relationship.
For example, the formality of the bond may lead the couple and
those in their social network to more diligently maintain the
relationship if conflict or stress threatens it.

Image 5.1
Stage 6: Differentiating
Individual differences can present a challenge at any given stage

in the relational interaction model; however, in the differentiating
stage, communicating these differences becomes a primary focus.
Differentiating is the reverse of integrating, as we and our reverts
back to I and my. People may try to re-boundary some of their life
prior to the integrating of the current relationship, including
reclaiming other relationships or possessions. For example, Carrie
may reclaim friends who became “shared” as she got closer to her
roommate Julie and their social networks merged by saying, “I’m
having my friends over to the apartment and would like to have
privacy for the evening.” Differentiating may occur in a relationship
that bonded before the individuals knew each other in enough
depth and breadth. Even in relationships where the bonding stage

is less likely to be experienced, such as a friendship, unpleasant
discoveries about the other person’s past, personality, or values
during the integrating or experimenting stage could lead a person
to begin differentiating.
Stage 7: Circumscribing
To circumscribe means to draw a line around something or put

a boundary around it (Merriam-Webster, 2023), so in
the circumscribing stage, communication decreases and certain
areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close
themselves off from each other. They may say things like “I don’t
want to talk about that any more” or “You mind your business, and
I’ll mind mine.” If one person was more interested in differentiating
in the previous stage or the desire to end the relationship is one-
sided, verbal expressions of commitment may not be reciprocated;
for example, when one person’s statement, “I know we’ve had some
problems lately, but I still like being with you,” is met with silence.
Once the increase in boundaries and decrease in communication
becomes a pattern, the relationship further deteriorates toward
stagnation.
Stage 8: Stagnating
During the stagnating stage, the relationship may come to a

standstill as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end.
Outward communication may be avoided, but internal
communication may be frequent. The relational conflict flaw of
mind reading takes place as a person’s internal thoughts lead them
to avoid communication. For example, a person may think, “There’s
no need to bring this up again because I know exactly how he’ll
react!” This stage can be prolonged in some relationships. Parents

and children who are estranged, couples who are separated and
awaiting a divorce, or friends who want to end a relationship but
don’t know how to do it may have extended periods of stagnation.
Short periods of stagnation may occur right after a failed exchange
in the experimental stage, where you may be in a situation that’s not
easy to get out of, but the other person is still there. Although most
people don’t like to linger in this unpleasant stage, some may do so
to avoid the potential pain of termination, some may still hope to
rekindle the spark that started the relationship, or some may enjoy
leading their relational partner on.
Stage 9: Avoiding
Moving to the avoiding stage may be a way to end the awkwardness

that comes with stagnation as people signal that they want to close
down the lines of communication. Communication in the avoiding
stage can be very direct—“I don’t want to talk to you any more”—or
more indirect—“I have to meet someone in a little while, so I can’t
talk long.” Although physical avoidance such as leaving a room or
requesting a schedule change at work may help clearly
communicate the desire to terminate a relationship, we don’t always
have that option. In a parent-child relationship where the child is
still dependent on the parent or in a roommate situation where a
lease agreement prevents leaving, people may engage in cognitive
dissociation, which means they mentally shut down and ignore the
other person even though they are still physically co-present.
Stage 10: Terminating
The terminating stage of a relationship can occur shortly after

initiation or after a 10- or 20-year relational history has been
established. Termination can result from outside circumstances

such as geographic separation or from internal factors such as
changing values or personalities that lead to a weakening of the
relationship bond. Termination exchanges involve some typical
communicative elements and may begin with a summary message
that recaps the relationship and provides a reason for the
termination. For example, a statement such as “We’ve had some
ups and downs over our three years together, but I’m getting ready
to go to college, and I either want to be with someone who is
willing to support me, or I want to be free to explore who I am.”
The summary message may be followed by a distance message that
further communicates the relational drift that has occurred, such as
“We’ve really grown apart over the past year,” which may be followed
by a disassociation message that prepares people to be apart by
projecting what happens after the relationship ends—“I know you’ll
do fine without me. You can use this time to explore your options
and figure out whether or not you want to go to college, too.”
Finally, there is often a message regarding the possibility for future
communication in the relationship, such as “I think it would be best
if we don’t see each other for the first few months, but text me if
you want to” (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2009).
These 10 stages of relational development provide insight into
the complicated processes that affect relational formation and
deterioration. We also make decisions about our relationships by
weighing costs and rewards.
Social Exchange Theory
Social exchange theory essentially entails weighing f the costs and

rewards in a given relationship (Harvey & Wenzel, 2006). Rewards
are outcomes that we get from a relationship that benefit us in
some way, whereas costs range from granting favours to providing
emotional support. When we do not receive the outcomes or
rewards that we think we deserve, then we may negatively evaluate

the relationship, or at least a given exchange or moment in the
relationship, and view ourselves as being “under benefited.” In an
equitable relationship, costs and rewards are balanced, which
usually leads to a positive evaluation of the relationship and
satisfaction.
Commitment and interdependence are important interpersonal
and psychological dimensions of a relationship that relate to social
exchange theory. Interdependence refers to the relationship
between a person’s well-being and involvement in a particular
relationship.
A person will feel interdependence in a relationship when
• Satisfaction is high or the relationship meets important needs;

• The alternatives are not good, meaning that the person’s needs
couldn’t be met without the relationship; or
• Investment in the relationship is high, meaning that resources
might decrease or be lost without the relationship (Harvey &
Wenzel, 2006).
We should be careful, though, to not view social exchange theory

as a this-for-that accounting of costs and rewards (Noller, 2006).
We wouldn’t be very good relational partners if we carried around
a little notepad, notating each favour or good deed we completed
so we can expect its repayment. As noted earlier, we all become
aware of the balance of costs and rewards at some point in our
relationships, but that awareness isn’t persistent. We also have
communal relationships in which members engage in a relationship
for mutual benefit and do not expect returns on investments such
as favours or good deeds (Harvey & Wenzel, 2006). As the dynamics
in a relationship change, we may engage communally without even
being aware of it, just by simply enjoying the relationship. It has been
suggested that we become more aware of the costs and rewards
balance when a relationship is going through conflict (Noller, 2006).
Overall, relationships are more likely to succeed when there is

satisfaction and commitment, meaning that we are pleased in a
relationship intrinsically or by the rewards we receive.
Intercultural Relationships and Communication
Intercultural relationships are formed between people who have

different cultural identities and include friends, romantic partners,
family, and co-workers. This type of relationship has certain
benefits, including increasing cultural knowledge, challenging
previously held stereotypes, and learning new skills (Martin &
Nakayama, 2010). Although differences between people’s cultural
identities may be obvious, it takes some effort to uncover
commonalities that can form the basis of a relationship. Perceived
differences in general also create anxiety and uncertainty that is not
as present in intracultural relationships. Once some similarities are
found, the tension, if present, begins to balance out and uncertainty
and anxiety lessen. Negative stereotypes may also hinder progress
towards relational development, especially if the individuals are not
open to adjusting their preexisting beliefs. Intercultural
relationships may also take more work to nurture and maintain. The
benefit of increased cultural awareness is often achieved because
the relational partners explain their cultures to each other. This
type of explaining requires time, effort, and patience and may be an
extra burden that some are not willing to carry.
Intercultural communication competence (ICC) is the ability to
communicate effectively and appropriately in various cultural
contexts. ICC has numerous components, including motivation,
self- and other knowledge, and tolerance for uncertainty. Two main
ways to build ICC are through experiential learning and reflective
practices (Bednarz, 2010). We must first realize that competence
isn’t any one thing. Part of being competent means that you can
assess new situations and adapt your existing knowledge to new
contexts. What it means to be competent will vary depending on

your physical location, your role (personal, professional, etc.), and
your life stage, among other things. Sometimes we will know or be
able to figure out what is expected of us in a given situation, but
sometimes we may need to act in unexpected ways to meet the
needs of a situation. Competence enables us to better cope with the
unexpected, adapt to the non-routine, and connect to uncommon
frameworks. Reflective practices can also help us process the
rewards and challenges associated with developing ICC. As we open
ourselves to new experiences, we are likely to have both positive
and negative reactions. It can be very useful to take note of any
negative or defensive reactions you have. This can help you identify
certain triggers that may create barriers to effective intercultural
interaction. Noting positive experiences can also help you identify
triggers for learning that you could seek out or recreate to enhance
the positive (Bednarz, 2010).
Now that we have discussed the stages and important aspects of
relationships and the communication in them, we will now discuss
disclosure in relationships. This is an important component of how
we communication in any given relationship.
1. Pick a relationship that is important to you and

determine what stage of relational interaction you are
currently in with that person. What communicative
signals support your determination? What other
stages from the 10 listed have you experienced with
this person?
2. How do you weigh the costs and rewards in your

relationships? What are some rewards you are
currently receiving from your closest relationships?
What are some costs?
Attribution

resource:

References
Bednarz, F. (2010). Building up intercultural competences:
Challenges and learning processes. In M. G. Onorati & F. Bednarz
(Eds.), Building intercultural competencies: A handbook for
professionals in education, social work and health care (pp. 29–52).
Acco.
Harvey, J. H., & Wenzel, A. (2006). Theoretical perspectives in
the study of close relationships. In A. L. Vangelisti & D. Perlman
(Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp. 35–50).
Cambridge University Press.

Knapp, M. L., & Vangelisti, A. L. (2009). Interpersonal
communication and human relationships (6th ed.). Pearson.
Merriam-Webster. (2023). Circumscribe. In Merriam-Webster.com
circumscribe
Noller, P. (2006). Bringing it all together: A theoretical approach.
In A. L. Vangelisti & D. Perlman (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of
personal relationships (pp. 769–789). Cambridge University Press.
Study Hall. (2022, December 8). Coming together and coming apart
| Intro to Human Communication | Study Hall [Video]. YouTube.
watch?v=cMw57_aCEss&list=PLID58IQe16nFcsed5sqo0VfQUZ7EF8
rqY&index=17
VanLear, C. A., Koerner, A., & Allen, D. M. (2006). Relationship
typologies. In A. L. Vangelisti & D. Perlman (Eds.), The Cambridge
handbook of personal relationships (pp. 91–110). Cambridge
University Press.
Image Credit
13 Feb, wedding ceremony at church (1) by Armineaghayan, CC BY-
SA 4.0

5.3 Self-Disclosure
Self-Disclosure
Have you ever said too much on a first date? At a job interview?
To an instructor? Have you ever posted something on social media
only to return later and remove it? When self-disclosure works
out well, it can have positive effects for interpersonal relationships.
Conversely, self-disclosure that does not work out well can lead to
embarrassment, lower self-esteem, and relationship deterioration
or even termination. As with all other types of communication,
increasing your competence regarding self-disclosure can have
many positive effects.
So what is self-disclosure? It could be argued that any verbal
or nonverbal communication reveals something about the self. The
clothes we wear, what we laugh at, or even what we order at the
drive-through may offer glimpses into our personality or past, but
they are not necessarily self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is
purposeful disclosure of personal information to another person.
If I purposefully wear the baseball cap of my favourite team to
reveal my team loyalty to a new friend, then this clothing choice
constitutes self-disclosure. Self-disclosure doesn’t always have to
be deep to be useful or meaningful. Superficial self-disclosure, often
in the form of small talk, is key in initiating relationships that then
move onto more personal levels of self-disclosure. Telling a
classmate your major or your hometown during the first week of
school carries relatively little risk but can build into a friendship that
lasts beyond the class.
360 | 5.3 Self-Disclosure

Theories of Self-Disclosure
Social Penetration Theory
Social penetration theory states that as we get to know someone,

we engage in a reciprocal process of self-disclosure that changes
in breadth and depth and affects how a relationship
develops. Depth refers to how personal or sensitive the information
is, and breadth refers to the range of topics discussed (Greene et al.,
2006). Although certain circumstances can lead to a rapid increase
in the depth and/or breadth of self-disclosure, the theory states
that in most relationships, people gradually penetrate through the
layers of each other’s personality like peeling the layers from an
onion.
The theory also argues that people in a relationship balance needs
that are sometimes in tension, which is a dialectic. Balancing a
dialectic is like walking a tightrope—you have to lean from one side
to the other to keep yourself balanced and not fall. The constant
back and forth allows you to stay balanced, even though you may
not always be even or standing straight up. One of the key dialectics
that must be negotiated in relationships is the tension between
openness and closedness (Greene et al., 2006). We want to make
ourselves open to others through self-disclosure, but we also want
to maintain a sense of privacy.
Social Comparison Theory
We may also engage in self-disclosure for the purposes of social

comparison. Social comparison theory states that we evaluate
ourselves based on how we compare with others (Hargie, 2011). We
may disclose information about our intellectual aptitude or athletic
abilities to see how we relate to others. This type of comparison
5.3 Self-Disclosure | 361

helps us decide whether we are superior or inferior to others in a
particular area. Disclosures about abilities or talents can also lead to
self-validation if the person to whom we disclose reacts positively.
By disclosing information about our beliefs and values, we can
determine whether they are the same as or different from others.
Last, we may disclose fantasies or thoughts to another person to
determine if they are acceptable or unacceptable. We can engage
in social comparison as the discloser or the receiver of disclosures,
which may allow us to determine whether or not we are interested
in pursuing a relationship with another person.
The Johari Window
The final theory of self-disclosure that we will discuss is the Johari

window, which is named after its creators Joseph Luft and
Harrington Ingham (Luft, 1969). The Johari window, which is shown
in Image 5.2, can be applied to a variety of interpersonal interactions
in order to help us understand what parts of ourselves are open,
hidden, blind, and unknown. To help understand the concept, think
of a window with four panes. One axis of the window represents
things that are known to us, and the other axis represents things
that are known to others. The upper left pane contains open
information that is known to us and to others. The amount of
information that is openly known to others varies based on
relational context. When you are with close friends, there is
probably a lot of information already in the open pane, and when
you are with close family, there is also probably a lot of information
in the open pane. The information could differ, though, as your
family might know much more about your past, and your friends
may know more about your present. Conversely, there isn’t much
information in the open pane when we meet someone for the first
time, aside from what the other person can guess based on our
nonverbal communication and appearance.

Image 5.2
The bottom left pane contains hidden information that is known to

us but not to others. As we are getting to know someone, we engage
in self-disclosure and move information from the “hidden” to the
“open” pane. By doing this, we decrease the size of our hidden area
and increase the size of our open area, which increases our shared
reality. The reactions that we get from people as we open up to
them help us form our self-concepts and also help determine the
trajectory of the relationship. If the person reacts favourably to our
disclosures and reciprocates disclosure, then the cycle of disclosure
continues and a deeper relationship may be forged.
The upper right pane contains information that is known to
others but not to us. For example, we may be unaware of the fact
that others see us as pushy or as a leader. We can see that people

who have a disconnect between how they see themselves and how
others see them may have more information in their blind pane.
Engaging in perception checking and soliciting feedback from
others can help us learn more about our blind area.
The bottom right pane represents our unknown area because
it contains information not known to ourselves or to others. To
become more self-aware, we must solicit feedback from others to
learn more about our blind pane, but we must also explore the
unknown pane. To discover the unknown, we have to leave our
comfort zones and try new things. We have to pay attention to the
things that excite or scare us and investigate them more to see if we
can learn something new about ourselves. By being more aware of
what is contained in each of these panes and how we can learn more
about each one, we can more competently engage in self-disclosure
and use this process to enhance our interpersonal relationships.
The Process of Self-Disclosure
There are many decisions that go into the process of self-disclosure.

We have many types of information we can disclose, but we have
to determine whether or not we will proceed with disclosure by
considering the situation and the potential risks. Then we must
decide when, where, and how to disclose. Since all these decisions
will affect our relationships, we will examine each one in turn.
The four main categories for disclosure are observations,
thoughts, feelings, and needs (Hargie, 2011). Observations include
what we have done and experienced. For example, you could tell
someone that you live in Edmonton, Alberta. If you disclosed that
you thought moving from Vancouver to Edmonton was a good
decision, you would be sharing your thoughts, because this would
include a judgement about your experiences. Sharing feelings
includes expressing emotions; for example, “I’m happy to wake up
every morning and look out at the sunrise. I feel lucky.” Lastly, we

may communicate needs or wants by saying something like “My
best friend is looking for a job, and I really want them to move here,
too.” We usually begin disclosure with observations and thoughts,
then move onto feelings and needs as the relationship progresses.
There are some exceptions to this. For example, we are more likely
to disclose deeply in crisis situations, and we may also disclose more
than usual with a stranger if we do not think we’ll meet the person
again or do not share social networks. Although we don’t often find
ourselves in crisis situations, you may recall scenes from movies
or television shows where people who are trapped in an elevator
or stranded after a plane crash reveal their deepest feelings and
desires. It is possible that we have all been in a situation where we
said more about ourselves to a stranger than we normally would.
Deciding when to disclose something in a conversation may not
seem as important as deciding whether or not to disclose at all.
But deciding to disclose and then doing it at an awkward time in a
conversation could lead to negative results. As far as timing goes,
you should consider whether to disclose the information early, in
the middle, or late in a conversation (Greene et al., 2006). If you
get something off your chest early in a conversation, you might
ensure that there’s plenty of time to discuss the issue and that you
don’t end up losing your nerve. If you wait until the middle of the
conversation, you have some time to feel out the other person’s
mood and set up the tone for your disclosure. For example, if you
meet up with your roommate to tell her that you’re planning to
move out and she starts by saying, “I’ve had the most terrible day!”
the tone of the conversation has now shifted, and you may not
end up making your disclosure. If you start by asking her how
she’s doing, and things seem to be going well, you may be more
likely to follow through with the disclosure. You may choose to
disclose late in a conversation if you’re worried about the person’s
reaction. If you know they have an appointment or you have to go
to class at a certain time, disclosing just before that time could limit
your immediate exposure to any negative reaction. However, if the
person doesn’t have a negative reaction, they could still become

upset because they don’t have time to discuss the disclosure with
you.
Sometimes self-disclosure is unplanned. Someone may ask you a
direct question or disclose personal information, which leads you
to reciprocate disclosure. In these instances, you may not manage
your privacy well because you haven’t had time to think through
any potential risks. In the case of a direct question, you may feel
comfortable answering, you may give an indirect or general answer,
or you may feel enough pressure or uncertainty to give a dishonest
answer. If someone unexpectedly discloses personal information,
you may feel the need to reciprocate by also disclosing something
personal. If you’re uncomfortable doing this, you can still provide
support for the other person by listening and giving advice or
feedback.
Once you’ve decided when and where to disclose information to
another person, you need to figure out the best channel to use.
Face-to-face disclosures may feel more genuine or intimate given
the shared physical presence and ability to receive verbal and
nonverbal communication. There is also an opportunity for
immediate verbal and nonverbal feedback, such as asking follow-
up questions or demonstrating support or encouragement through
a hug. The immediacy of a face-to-face encounter also means you
have to deal with the uncertainty of the reaction you will receive. If
the person reacts negatively, you may feel uncomfortable, pressured
to stay, or even fearful. If you choose a mediated channel such as an
email, letter, text, note, or phone call, you may seem less genuine
or personal, but you have more control over the situation in that
you can take time to carefully choose your words, and you do not
have to immediately face the reaction of the other person. This can
be beneficial if you fear a negative or potentially violent reaction.
Another disadvantage of choosing a mediated channel, however, is
the loss of nonverbal communication, which can add much context
to a conversation. Although our discussion of the choices involved in
self-disclosure so far have focused primarily on the discloser, self-

disclosure is an interpersonal process that has much to do with the
receiver of the disclosure.
Reasons for Self-Disclosure
Generally speaking, some people are naturally more transparent

and willing to self-disclose, whereas others are more opaque and
hesitant to reveal personal information (Jourard, 1964).
Interestingly, research suggests that the pervasiveness of reality
television, much of which includes participants who are very willing
to disclose personal information, has led to a general trend among
reality television viewers to engage in self-disclosure through other
mediated means such as blogging and video sharing (Stefanone
& Lackaff, 2009). Whether online or face-to-face, there are other
reasons for disclosing or not, including self-focused, other-focused,
interpersonal, and situational reasons (Green et al., 2006).
Self-focused reasons for disclosure include having a sense of
relief or catharsis, clarifying or correcting information, or seeking
support. Self-focused reasons for not disclosing include fear of
rejection and loss of privacy. In other words, we may disclose to get
something off our chest in hopes of finding relief, or we may not
disclose out of fear that the other person may react negatively to
our revelation.
Other-focused reasons for disclosure include a sense of
responsibility to inform or educate. Other-focused reasons for not
disclosing include feeling like the other person will not protect the
information. If someone mentions that their car wouldn’t start this
morning and you disclose that you are good at working on cars,
you’ve disclosed to help out the other person. On the other side, you
may hold back disclosure about your new relationship from your co-
worker because that person is known to be loose-lipped with other
people’s information.
Interpersonal reasons for disclosure involve the desire to

maintain a trusting and intimate relationship. Interpersonal reasons
for not disclosing include fear of losing the relationship or deeming
the information irrelevant to the particular relationship. Your
decision to disclose an affair in order to be open with your partner
and hopefully work through the aftermath together or withhold that
information out of fear they will leave you is based on interpersonal
reasons.
Finally, situational reasons for disclosure may be the other
person being available, directly asking a question, or being directly
involved in or affected by the information being disclosed.
Situational reasons for not disclosing include the person being
unavailable, a lack of time to fully discuss the information, or the
lack of a suitable (that is, a quiet or private) place to talk. For
example, finding yourself in a quiet environment where neither
person is busy might be ideal for disclosure, whereas a house full of
company may not be.
To summarize some of the content discussed in this section, the
benefits of or reasons for self-disclosing are listed below, followed
by some of the risks or reasons for not disclosing.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure
• Catharsis: A sense of relief, to reveal regrets, mental and

emotional relief
• Reciprocity: One act of self-disclosure leads to another and
honesty creates a safe climate
• Self clarification: To clarify beliefs, opinions, thoughts,
attitudes, or feelings by talking about them
• Self-validation: Seeking validation of our behaviour
• Identity management: To make ourselves more attractive, to
market ourselves, to be perceived as more attractive, likable, or
sensitive
• Relationship maintenance and enhancement: Relational
success

• Social influence: Revealing can increase control over the other
person and/or situation
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016)
Risks of Self-Disclosure
• Rejection: Fear of disapproval, danger of being too revealing;

note that this may be exaggerated and/or illogical
• Negative impression: Not wanting others to have a bad
impression of you; for example, not wanting to tell a new
friend about the time you broke the law and got into trouble
• Decrease in relational satisfaction: Not wanting to negatively
affect a relationships; for example, saying something like, “I
think you are too clingy, but I like being close to you”
• Loss of influence: Confessing a weakness to another person
can lead to them viewing you differently; for example, a
manager confesses they have no real control about wages,
resulting in employees viewing the manager as weak
• Hurting the other person: Not wanting to disclose something
that can harm another person
Effects of Self-Disclosure
The process of self-disclosure is circular. An individual self-

discloses, the recipient of the disclosure reacts, and the original
discloser processes the reaction. How the receiver interprets and
responds to the disclosure are key elements of the process. Part
of the response results from the receiver’s attribution of the cause

of the disclosure, which may include dispositional, situational, and
interpersonal attributions (Jiang et al., 2010). Let’s say a co-worker
discloses that they think the new boss got their promotion because
of favouritism instead of merit. You may make a dispositional
attribution that connects the cause of the disclosure to the co-
worker’s personality by thinking, for example, that the individual
is outgoing, inappropriate for the workplace, or fishing for
information. If the personality trait to which you attribute the
disclosure is positive, then your reaction to the disclosure is more
likely to be positive. Situational attributions identify the cause of
a disclosure with the context or surroundings in which it takes
place. For example, you may attribute your co-worker’s disclosure
to the fact that you agreed to go to lunch with them. Interpersonal
attributions identify the relationship between sender and receiver
as the cause of the disclosure. So, if you attribute your co-worker’s
comments to the fact that you are best friends at work, you may
think your unique relationship caused the disclosure. If the
receiver’s primary attribution is interpersonal, then relational
intimacy and closeness will likely be reinforced more than if the
attribution is dispositional or situational because the receiver feels
like they were specially chosen to receive the information.
The receiver’s role doesn’t end with attribution and response.
There may be added burdens if the information shared with you is
a secret. As was noted earlier, there are clear risks involved in the
self-disclosure of intimate or potentially stigmatizing information if
the receiver of the disclosure fails to keep that information secure.
As the receiver of a secret, you may feel the need to unburden
yourself from the co-ownership of the information by sharing it
with someone else (Derlega et al., 1993). This is not always a bad
thing. You may strategically tell someone who is removed from
the social network of the person who told you the secret to keep
the information secure. Although unburdening yourself can be a
relief, sometimes people tell secrets they were entrusted to keep for
less productive reasons. A research study of office workers found
that 77% of workers that received a disclosure and were told not

to tell anyone else told at least two other people by the end of
the day (Hargie, 2011). They reported doing so to receive attention
for having inside information or to demonstrate their power or
connection. Needless to say, spreading someone’s private disclosure
without permission and for personal gain does not demonstrate
When the cycle of disclosure goes well for the discloser, there is
likely to be a greater sense of relational intimacy and self-worth,
and there are also positive psychological effects such as reduced
stress and increased feelings of social support. Self-disclosure can
also have effects on physical health (Greene et al., 2006).
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure
So, what are some techniques you can use if you don’t want to
self-disclose to others? Below, we discuss some alternatives to self-
disclosure that can be used.
• Deception: Sometimes people lie simply to avoid conflict. This

is true in cases where the person may become extremely
upset—they may lie to gain power or to save face. They may
also lie to guide the interaction.
• Equivocate: This means not answering a question or providing
comments. Rather, you simply restate what the other person in
a different way. For instance, if a friend asks, “How do you like
the new clothes I bought?” you can reply by saying “Wow!
That’s a new outfit!” In this case, you don’t say how you feel,
and you don’t disclose your opinion. You only offer the
information that has been provided to you.
• Hint: Perhaps, you don’t want to lie or equivocate to someone
you care about. You might use indirect or face-saving
comments. For example, if your roommate has not helped you
clean your shared apartment, you might say things like, “It sure

is messy in here” or “This place could really use some cleaning.”
• Silence: Another option is to simply remain silent and not
disclose anything.
This section of the chapter provided a thorough description of

self-disclose, which is an integral part of communication in
relationships. Next, we will discuss another important aspect of
communication with others—emotions.
1. Answer these questions from the beginning of the

section: Have you ever said too much on a first date?
At a job interview? To an instructor? Have you ever
posted something on social media only to return later
and remove it?
If you answered yes to any of the questions, what
have you learned in this chapter that may lead you to
do something differently?
2. Have you ever experienced negative results
because of self-disclosure as either a sender or
receiver? If so, what could have been altered in the
decisions of what, where, when, or how to disclose
that may have improved the situation?
3. Under what circumstances is it okay to share
information that someone has disclosed to you?
Under what circumstances is it not okay to share the

information?
Attribution

resource:

References
Derlega, V. J., Metts, S., Petronio, S., & Margulis, S. T. (1993). Self-
disclosure. Sage.
Greene, K., Derlega, V. J., & Mathews, A. (2006). Self-disclosure
in personal relationships. In A. L. Vangelisti and D. Perlman (Eds.),
The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp.
409–428). Cambridge University Press.
Jiang, L. C., Bazarova, N. N., & Hancock, J. T. (2010). The disclosure-
intimacy link in computer-mediated communication: An
attributional extension of the hyperpersonal model. Human

Communication Research, 37(1), 58–77. https://doi.org/10.1111/
j.1468-2958.2010.01393.x
Jourard, S. M. (1964). The transparent self. Van Nostrand Reinhold.
Luft, J. (1969). Of human interaction. National Press Books.
Maricopa Community College District. (2016). Exploring
relationship dynamics. Maricopa Open Digital Press.
https://open.maricopa.edu/com110/, licensed under CC BY-NC-SA
4.0
Stefanone, M. A., & Lackaff, D. (2009). Reality television as a model
for online behavior: Blogging, photo, and video sharing. Journal of
Computer-Mediated Communication, 14(4), 964–987.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2009.01477.x
Image Credit
Johari window by Spaynton, CC BY-SA 4.0

5.4 Emotions and
Relationships
Have you ever been at a movie and let out a bellowing laugh and
snort only to realize no one else is laughing? Have you ever become
uncomfortable when someone cries in class or in a public place?
Emotions are clearly personal because they often project what we’re
feeling on the inside to those around us whether we want it to
show or not (University of Minnesota, 2016). Emotions are also
interpersonal in that another person’s show of emotion usually
triggers a reaction from us—perhaps support if the person is a close
friend or awkwardness if the person is a stranger. Emotions are
central to any interpersonal relationship, and it’s important to know
what causes and influences emotions so we can better understand
our own emotions and better respond to others when they display
emotions (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Emotions are physiological, behavioural, and communicative
reactions to stimuli that are cognitively processed and experienced
as emotional (Planalp et al., 2006). This definition includes several
important dimensions of emotions. First, emotions are often
internally experienced through physiological changes such as
increased heart rate, a tense stomach, or a cold chill (University
of Minnesota, 2016). These physiological reactions may not be
noticeable to others and are therefore intrapersonal unless we
exhibit some change in behaviour that clues others into our internal
state or we verbally or nonverbally communicate our internal state
(University of Minnesota, 2016). Sometimes our behaviour is
voluntary—we ignore someone, which may indicate we are angry
with them—or involuntary—we fidget or avoid eye contact while
talking because we are nervous. When we communicate our
emotions, we call attention to ourselves and express information
5.4 Emotions and Relationships | 375

to others that may inform how they should react. For example,
when someone we care about displays behaviours associated with
sadness, we are likely to know that they need support (Planalp et
al., 2006). We learn, through socialization, how to read and display
emotions, though some people are undoubtedly better at reading
emotions than others. However, as with most aspects of
communication, we can all learn to become more competent with
increased knowledge and effort (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Image 5.3
Primary emotions are innate emotions that are experienced for

short periods of time and appear rapidly, usually as a reaction to
an outside stimulus, and are experienced similarly across cultures
(University of Minnesota, 2016). The primary emotions are joy,
distress, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust. Members of a remote
tribe in New Guinea, who had never been exposed to Westerners,
376 | 5.4 Emotions and Relationships

were able to identify these basic emotions when shown
photographs of Americans making corresponding facial expressions
(Evans, 2001).
Secondary emotions are not as innate as primary emotions, and
they do not have a corresponding facial expression that makes them
universally recognizable (University of Minnesota, 2016). These
emotions are processed by a different part of the brain that requires
higher-order thinking, so they are not reflexive. Secondary
emotions are love, guilt, shame, embarrassment, pride, envy, and
jealousy (Evans, 2001). These emotions develop over time, take
longer to fade away, and are interpersonal because they are most
often experienced in relation to real or imagined others. You can be
fearful of a the dark but feel guilty about an unkind comment made
to your mother or embarrassed at the thought of doing poorly on a
presentation in front of an audience (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Because these emotions require more processing, they are more
easily influenced by thoughts and can be managed, which means
we can become more competent communicators by becoming more
aware of how we experience and express secondary emotions
(University of Minnesota, 2016). Although there is more cultural
variation in the meaning and expression of secondary emotions,
they are still universal in that they are experienced by all cultures.
It’s hard to imagine what our lives would be like without emotions,
and, in fact, many scientists believe we wouldn’t be here without
them. These emotions are not always felt in isolation, meaning that
they often present together and can be conflicting. For example,
you can be both joyful and sad at the same time, something that
is often referred to as having mixed emotions (University of
Minnesota, 2016).
Understanding Emotions
To start our examination of the idea of emotions and feelings and

how they relate to harmony and discord in a relationship, it is
important to differentiate between emotions and feelings.
Emotions are our physical reactions to stimuli in the outside
environment. They can be objectively measured by blood flow, brain
activity, and nonverbal reactions to things because they are
activated through neurotransmitters and hormones released by the
brain. Feelings are the conscious experience of emotional reactions.
They are our responses to thoughts and interpretations given to
emotions based on experiences, memory, expectations, and
personality. So, there is a relationship between emotions and
feelings, but the two things are different.
Being emotional is an inherent part of being human. However,
the way we communicate about emotion can make emotion seem
negative. Have you ever said, “Don’t feel that way” or “I shouldn’t feel
this way”? When we negate our own or someone else’s emotions,
we are negating ourselves or that person and dismissing the right
to have emotional responses (University of Minnesota, 2016). At
the same time, though, no one else can make you “feel” a specific
way—our emotions are our emotions. They are how we interpret
and cope with life. A person may set up a context where you
experience an emotion, but you are the one who is still experiencing
that emotion and allowing yourself to experience that emotion. If
you don’t like “feeling” a specific way, then you can change it. We
all have the ability to alter our emotions. Altering our emotional
states (in a proactive way) is how we get through life (University of
Minnesota, 2016). Maybe you just broke up with a romantic partner
and listening to music helps you work through the grief you are
experiencing. Someone else may need to openly communicate
about how they are feeling in an effort to work through their
emotions. Everyone has a different way of processing their
emotions (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Attempting to deny that an emotion exists is not an effective way
to process emotions (University of Minnesota, 2016). Think of this
like a balloon. With each breath of air, you blow into the balloon.
Eventually, the balloon will get to a point where it cannot handle

any more air, and it explodes. Humans can be the same way with
emotions when we bottle them up inside. The final breath of air
in our emotional balloon doesn’t have to be big or intense, but
it can still cause tremendous emotional outpouring that is often
very damaging to the person and their interpersonal relationships
(University of Minnesota, 2016). Research has demonstrated that
handling negative emotions during conflicts within a marriage can
lead to faster de-escalations of conflicts and faster conflict
mediation between spouses (Levenson et al., 2014).
Functions of Emotions
Intrapersonal Functions of Emotions
Emotions are rapid information-processing systems that help us

act with minimal thinking (Tooby & Cosmides, 2008). Problems
associated with birth, battle, and death have occurred throughout
history, and emotions evolved to aid humans in adapting to those
situations rapidly and with minimal conscious cognitive effort. If we
did not have emotions, we could not make rapid decisions about
whether to attack, defend, flee, care for others, reject food, or
approach something useful, all of which have been functionally
adaptive in human history and helped us to survive. For instance,
drinking spoiled milk or eating rotten eggs has negative
consequences for our welfare. The emotion of disgust, however,
helps us immediately take action by not ingesting bad food in the
first place or by vomiting it out. This response is adaptive because
it ultimately aids in our survival and allows us to act immediately
without much thinking. In some instances, taking the time to sit and
rationally think about what to do—calculating cost-benefit ratios in
one’s mind—is a luxury that might cost one’s life. Emotions evolved
so that we can act without that depth of thought.

Emotions Prepare the Body for Immediate Action
Emotions prepare us for behaviour. When triggered, emotions

orchestrate systems such as perception, attention, inference,
learning, memory, goal choice, motivational priorities, physiological
reactions, motor behaviours, and behavioural decision making
(Tooby & Cosmides, 2008). Emotions simultaneously activate
certain systems and deactivate others in order to prevent the chaos
of competing systems operating at the same time, allowing for
coordinated responses to environmental stimuli (Levenson, 1999).
For instance, when we are afraid, our bodies shut down temporarily
unneeded digestive processes, resulting in saliva reduction (a dry
mouth), blood flows disproportionately to the lower half of the
body, the visual field expands, and air is breathed in, all preparing
the body to flee. Emotions initiate a system of components that
includes subjective experience, expressive behaviours, physiological
reactions, action tendencies, and cognition, all for the purpose of
specific actions—the term “emotion” is, in reality, a metaphor for
these reactions.
One common misunderstanding when thinking about emotions
is the belief that emotions must always directly produce action.
This is not true. Emotion certainly prepares the body for action,
but whether someone actually engages in action is dependent on
many factors, such as the context within which the emotion has
occurred, the target of the emotion, the perceived consequences
of one’s actions, previous experiences, and so on (Baumeister et al.,
2007; Matsumoto & Wilson, 2008). Thus, emotions are just one of
many determinants of behaviour, although an important one.
Emotions Influence Thoughts
Emotions are also connected to thoughts and memories. Memories

are not just facts that are encoded in our brains; they are coloured

with the emotions felt at the times the memories occurred (Wang &
Ross, 2007). Thus, emotions serve as the neural glue that connects
those disparate facts in our minds. That is why it is easier to
remember happy thoughts when happy, and angry times when
angry. Emotions serve as the basis of many attitudes, values, and
beliefs that we have about the world and the people around us.
Without emotions, those attitudes, values, and beliefs would just
be statements without meaning—emotions give those statements
meaning. Emotions influence our thinking processes, sometimes
in constructive ways, but sometimes not. It is difficult to think
critically and clearly when we feel intense emotions and easier
when we are not overwhelmed with emotions (Matsumoto et al.,
2006).
Image 5.4
Emotions Motivate Future Behaviours
Because emotions prepare our bodies for immediate action,

influence thoughts, and can be felt, they are important motivators
of future behaviour. Many of us strive to experience feelings of
satisfaction, joy, pride, or triumph in our accomplishments and
achievements. At the same time, we also work very hard to avoid
strong “negative” feelings; for example, once we have felt the
emotion of disgust when drinking spoiled milk, we generally work
very hard to avoid having those feelings again. For example, we
might check the expiration date on the label before buying the
milk, smell the milk before drinking it, or watch to see if the milk
curdles in a cup of coffee before drinking it. Emotions, therefore,
not only influence immediate actions, but also serve as an important
motivational basis for future behaviours.
Interpersonal Functions of Emotions
Emotions are expressed both verbally through words and

nonverbally through facial expressions, voices, gestures, body
postures, and movements. We constantly express emotions when
interacting with others, and others can reliably judge those
emotional expressions (Elfenbein & Ambady, 2002; Matsumoto,
2001). Thus, emotions have signal value to others and influence
others and our social interactions. Emotional expressions
communicate information to others about our feelings, intentions,
relationship with the target of the emotions, and the environment.
Emotional Expressions Facilitate Specific Behaviours in

Perceivers
Because facial expressions of emotion are universal social signals,

they contain meaning not only about the psychological state but
also about that person’s intent and subsequent behaviour. This
information affects what the perceiver is likely to do. People

observing fearful faces, for instance, are more likely to produce
approach-related behaviours, whereas people who observe angry
faces are more likely to produce avoidance-related behaviours
(Marsh et al., 2005). Even the subliminal presentation of smiles
produces increases in how much beverage people pour and
consume and how much they are willing to pay for it; the
presentation of angry faces decreases these behaviours
(Winkielman et al., 2005). Also, emotional displays evoke specific,
complementary emotional responses from observers; for example,
anger evokes fear in others (Dimberg & Ohman, 1996; Esteves et al.,
1994), whereas distress evokes sympathy and aid (Eisenberg et al.,
1989).
Expressing Emotions
Emotion sharing involves communicating the circumstances,

thoughts, and feelings surrounding an emotional event; it usually
starts immediately following an emotional episode (University of
Minnesota, 2016). The intensity of the emotional event corresponds
with the frequency and length of the sharing, with high-intensity
events being told more often and over a longer period of time
(University of Minnesota, 2016). Research shows that people
communicate with others after almost any emotional event, positive
or negative, and that emotion sharing offers intrapersonal and
interpersonal benefits because individuals feel inner satisfaction
and relief after sharing, and social bonds are strengthened through
the interaction (Rimé, 2007).
Our social bonds are enhanced through emotion sharing because
the support we receive from our relational partners increases our
sense of closeness and interdependence (University of Minnesota,
2016). We should also be aware that our expressions of emotion
are infectious owing to emotional contagion, or the spreading of
emotion from one person to another (Hargie, 2011). Think about a

time when someone around you got the giggles and you couldn’t
help but laugh along with them, even if you didn’t know what was
funny. While those experiences can be uplifting, the other side of
emotional contagion can be unpleasant. We’ve probably all worked
with someone or had a family member who couldn’t seem to say
anything positive, and others react by becoming increasingly
frustrated with them (University of Minnesota, 2016).
To verbally express our emotions, it is important that we develop
an emotional vocabulary (University of Minnesota, 2016). The more
specific we can be when verbally communicating our emotions, the
less ambiguous they will be for the person decoding our message.
As we expand our emotional vocabulary, we are able to convey the
intensity of the emotion we’re feeling, whether it is mild, moderate,
or intense. For example, happy is mild, delighted is moderate, and
ecstatic is intense; ignored is mild, rejected is moderate, and
abandoned is intense (Hargie, 2011). Aside from conveying the
intensity of your emotions, you can also verbally frame your
emotions in a way that allows you to have more control over them
(University of Minnesota, 2016).
It’s important to distinguish among our emotional states and how
we interpret an emotional state. For example, you can feel sad or
depressed because those are feelings. However, you cannot feel
alienated because this is not a feeling. Your sadness and depression
may lead you to perceive yourself as alienated, but alienation is
a perception (that is, a thought rather than an emotion) of one’s
self and not an actual emotional state. There are several evaluative
terms that people ascribe to themselves, usually in the process of
blaming others for their feelings, that they label as emotions, but
which are in actuality evaluations and not emotions. Examples of
these include words such as abandoned, pressured, unappreciated,
unwanted, intimidated, and unwanted. Instead, using actual
emotional words will communicate your feelings effectively. Most of
us have a very limited emotional vocabulary. Think about it—how
many emotion words can you even list? And more importantly, how
many emotional experiences can you appropriately label? One of

the best ways to improve your ability to be assertive is to improve
your emotional vocabulary. A great tool for this is a Feelings Wheel
as shown in Image 5.5 below.
Image 5.5
As you can see, there are a lot of words that can be used to describe
our emotions. One of the world’s leading experts in emotions is
Susan David, and her research shows that we need to have an
emotional vocabulary of at least 30 words in order to accurately
experience, express, and ultimately work through our emotions.
The video below is a TedTalk by Susan David in which she discusses
the importance of expressing, and not denying, our emotions.

(TED, 2018)
The points below give examples of effective ways in which to
share your emotions, including describing the emotions, the
behaviour that triggered the emotions, and the “why” behind them.
• The emotion(s): Explicitly state the emotion(s) you are

experiencing. The more specific you can be, the more likely the
other person will be to understand what you are feeling. Here,
it is important to have a rich and nuanced emotional
vocabulary to better understand and express these emotions
to others because emotions can be mild, moderate, or intense.
For example, consider the difference between the terms sad,
melancholy, and despondent. Use the Feelings Wheel above
(Image 5.5) to identify feelings.
• The behaviour: Just as it is important to be able to describe a
specific emotion, it is likewise important to describe the
specific behaviour(s) that triggered the emotion. For example,
if your roommate leaves dirty dishes on the kitchen counter,
you may feel annoyed. When describing the behaviour, you
should state only what you have observed, objectively and
specifically, and not in an evaluative or accusatory manner.
“Leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen” is an appropriate way to
describe behaviour, whereas “acting like a jerk” is an evaluation
of that behaviour and is not very conducive to a productive
interaction. Instead, you could say, “I feel annoyed when dirty

dishes are left in the kitchen,” versus “I feel annoyed when you
act like a jerk.” The latter statement also contains a “you”
statement rather than an “I” statement.
• The “why”: Finally, it’s useful to include a “why” in your “I”
statement. Consider expressing a reason for why the behaviour
bothers you and leads to your particular emotional reaction.
The why offers an explanation, interpretation, effect, or
consequence of the behaviour. One example might be “I feel
annoyed when dirty dishes are left around the kitchen because
it attracts cockroaches.” When describing the why, avoid “you”
language. For example, saying “I feel sad when our plans are
broken because you are neglecting me” still inserts that
problematic “you,” which suggests blame and could lead to the
other person becoming defensive. Instead, consider something
like “I feel sad when our plans are broken because I want to
spend more time together.”
“You” can easily creep into all three parts of an “I” message and can
be tricky to avoid at first, so you may want to mentally rehearse
or even write down what you plan to say. Also, it is a good idea
to repeat the statement back to yourself and think about how you
might respond if someone said the exact same thing to you in
a similar situation. If it would cause you to react negatively or
defensively, revise your statement.
You might find that, in some situations, avoiding “you” may not
be productive. At times, it might be useful to share the thoughts
you attach to another person’s behaviour. You can share your
perspective by using a phrase such as “I took it to mean ….” In
this case, “you” might show up in your interpretation. However,
you can reduce the potential for defensiveness by using language
that reflects tentativeness and ownership. An example of this is
“I’m confused about the dishes being left because it seems out of
the norm for you, and I’m wondering if something is going on.”
Another example might be “I get frustrated when the dishes are
left on the counter because I remember talking about this before,

and I think I’m not being heard.” We will learn more about language
and actions that contribute to and reduce defensiveness in future
chapters. Understanding and asserting our emotions is important
and challenging work.
In a time when so much of our communication is electronically
mediated, it is likely that we will communicate emotions through
the written word in an email, text, or instant message (University of
Minnesota, 2016). We may also still resort to pen and paper when
sending someone a thank-you note, a birthday card, or a sympathy
card. Communicating emotions through the written (or typed) word
can have advantages such as time to compose your thoughts and
convey the details of what you’re feeling (University of Minnesota,
2016). There are also disadvantages in that important context and
nonverbal communication can’t be included. Elements such as facial
expressions and tone of voice offer much insight into emotions
that may not be expressed verbally (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Immediate feedback is also lacking from written communication.
Sometimes people respond immediately to a text or email, but think
about how frustrating it is when you text someone and they don’t
get back to you right away. If you’re in need of emotional support or
want validation for an emotional message you just sent, waiting for
a response could end up negatively affecting your emotional state
and your relationship (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Debilitative Emotions
Debilitative emotions are harmful and difficult emotions that

detract from effective functioning. This is the opposite of
facilitative emotions, which are emotions that would contribute to
our effective functioning. The level, or intensity, of the emotion
we are feeling, determines our response to the emotion. There is a
difference between “a little upset” and “irate.” Debilitative emotions
can affect our ability to interpret emotions, and most involve

communication that has led to conflict. Some intensity in emotion
can be constructive, but too much intensity makes the situation
worse. The other part of debilitative emotions is their duration.
Again, there is a difference between “momentarily” feeling a certain
way and “forever” feeling a certain way. When something happens,
sometimes you feel like your whole life has crashed down on you
and that there’s no way to pick up the pieces. One unexpected,
disappointing situation does not have to completely change the core
of your being. This can result in rumination, which is repeatedly
thinking about or dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions. If
something bad does happen, a strategy for working through these
emotions is to give yourself a few days to think it over. It’s still
important to recognize your feelings, as well as understand them,
instead of completely brushing them off. After those few days are
over, you may realize that there’s much more out there and remind
yourself about what makes you happy and the goals you want to
accomplish. Some debilitative emotions take a long time to recover
from, but allowing yourself to let go of grudges so that they don’t
affect your future communication and interpersonal relationships is
important for emotional health.
Most emotions are the result of our way of thinking. Debilitative
emotions arise from accepting a number of irrational thoughts that
are called fallacies. These fallacies lead to illogical and false
conclusions that in turn become debilitative emotions. We may not
be aware of these thoughts, which makes them very powerful.
Here are some fallacies that lead to the arousal of debilitative
emotions:
• Fallacy of Perfection: This fallacy is thinking we should be able

to handle every situation perfectly with no room for error. We
constantly strive for an unrealistic goal of perfection. We may
think that others will not appreciate us if we are not “perfect,”
which makes it difficult for us to admit our mistakes. Although
it’s tempting to try to appear perfect, the costs of such
deception are very high. If others ever find you out, they’ll see

you as being phony. This illusion of perfection will lower your
self-confidence because nothing and no one is perfect and
may hinder others from liking you. Like everyone else, you
make mistakes from time to time, and there is no reason to
hide this.
• Fallacy of Helplessness: This fallacy is being convinced that
powers beyond a person’s control can determine their
satisfaction or happiness. For example, when people say “I
don’t know how” or “I can’t do anything about it,” they are
expressing helplessness or an unwillingness to change—the
“can’ts” are really justifications for not wanting to change. For
instance, lonely people tend to attribute their poor
interpersonal relationships to uncontrollable causes. This
irrational thinking increases debilitative emotions and
empowers them.
• Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations: The fallacy is people
working on the assumption that if something bad can possibly
happen, it will; that is, they imagine the worst possible
catastrophic consequences. For example, someone may think
“If I speak about this issue, everyone will laugh at me.” This in
turn creates harmful debilitative emotions and a self-fulfilling
prophecy will begin to build. For instance, a study revealed
that people who believed that their romantic partners would
not change for the better were likely to behave in ways that
contributed to the breakup of the relationship.
• Fallacy of Overgeneralization: This fallacy comprises two
types. The first type of overgeneralization occurs when a belief
is based on a limited amount of evidence. For instance, saying,
“I’m so stupid, I can’t even figure out how to download music
onto my smartphone.” The second type overgeneralization
takes place when we exaggerate shortcomings. For example,
when we say, “You never listen to me” or “You are always late.”
These statements are inevitably false (events seldom “always”
or “never” occur), and saying things like this lead to nothing
other than anger and debilitative emotions.

Culture and Emotions
Although our shared past dictates some universal similarities in

emotions, triggers for emotions and the norms for displaying
emotions vary widely. Certain emotional scripts that we follow are
socially, culturally, and historically situated (University of
Minnesota, 2016). Take the example of falling in love. Westerners
may be tempted to critique the practice of arranged marriages in
other cultures and question a relationship that isn’t based on falling
in love. However, arranged marriages have historically been a part
of Western culture, and the emotional narrative of falling in love
has only recently become a part of that culture. Even though we
know that compatible values and shared social networks rather
than passion are more likely to predict the success of a long-term
romantic relationship, Western norms privilege the emotional role
of falling in love in our courtship narratives and practices (Crozier,
2006). While this example shows how emotions tie into larger social
and cultural narratives, rules and norms for displaying emotions
affect our day-to-day interactions (University of Minnesota, 2016).
Display rules are sociocultural norms that influence emotional
expression (University of Minnesota, 2016). These rules influence
who can express emotions, which emotions can be expressed, and
how intense the expressions can be. In individualistic cultures,
where personal experience and self-determination are values built
into cultural practices and communication, expressing emotions is
viewed as a personal right. In fact, the outward expression of our
inner states may be exaggerated because getting attention from
those around us is accepted and even expected in individualistic
cultures such as those in Canada and the United States (Safdar et
al., 2009). In collectivistic cultures, emotions are viewed as more
interactional and less individual, which ties them into social context
rather than into an individual right to free expression. An expression
of emotion reflects on the family and cultural group rather than
only on the individual (University of Minnesota, 2016), so emotional

displays are more controlled. Maintaining group harmony and
relationships is a primary cultural value, which is very different from
the more individualistic notion of having the right to get something
off your chest (University of Minnesota, 2016).
There are also cultural norms regarding which types of emotions
can be expressed (University of Minnesota, 2016). In individualistic
cultures, especially in the Canada and United States, there is a
cultural expectation that people will exhibit positive emotions
(University of Minnesota, 2016). People seek out happy situations
and communicate positive emotions even when they do not
necessarily feel them. Being positive implicitly communicates that
you have achieved your personal goals, have a comfortable life,
and have a healthy inner self (Mesquita & Albert, 2007). In these
individualistic cultures, failure to express positive emotions could
lead others to view you as a failure or to recommend psychological
help or therapy. The cultural predisposition to express positive
emotions is not universal. The people who live on the island of Ifalik
in the Pacific do not encourage the expression of happiness because
they believe it will lead people to neglect their duties (Mesquita &
Albert, 2007). Similarly, collectivistic cultures may view expressions
of positive emotions negatively because someone is bringing undue
attention to themselves, which could upset group harmony and
potentially elicit jealous reactions from others (University of
Minnesota, 2016).
Emotional expressions of grief also vary among cultures and are
often tied to religious or social expectations (Lobar et al., 2006).
Thai and Filipino funeral services often include wailing, a more
intense and loud form of crying, which shows respect for the
deceased (University of Minnesota, 2016). The intensity of the
wailing varies based on the importance of the individual who died
and the closeness of the relationship between the mourner and
the deceased. Therefore, close relatives like spouses, children, or
parents would be expected to wail louder than distant relatives or
friends (University of Minnesota, 2016).
This section has provided an overview of many aspects of

emotions and how they tie into our relationships. Another related
and important concept in reference to emotions is our emotional
intelligence (EQ), which will be discussed on the next page.
1. In what situations would you be more likely to

communicate emotions through electronic means
rather than in person? Why?
2. Can you think of a display rule for emotions that is
not mentioned in the chapter? What is it and why do
you think this norm developed?
3. When you are trying to determine someone’s
emotional state, what nonverbal communication do
you look for and why?
4. Which of the fallacies that often lead to debilitative
emotions do you more commonly experience?
Provide an example of when that happened.
Attribution

Maricopa Community College District. (2016).

Exploring relationship dynamics. Maricopa Open Digital
Press. https://open.maricopa.edu/com110/, licensed
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(Ed.), Handbook of emotion regulation (pp. 466–485). The Guilford
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Emotion collage by Jtneill, CC BY-SA 4.0
Young Woman Thinking by Petr Kratochvil, Public domain
The Feeling Wheel by Feeling Wheel, CC BY-SA 4.0

5.5 Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI), which is also known as emotional

quotient (EQ), is a topic that has been researched since the early
1990s and has been found to be an important indicator of life and
career success (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Emotional intelligence refers to a form of social intelligence that
involves the ability to monitor your own as well as others’ feelings
and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this
information to guide your thinking and actions (Maricopa
Community College District, 2016).
Image 5.6
Goleman’s Theory on Emotional Intelligence
Although the term “emotional intelligence” was created by

researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer in their article
“Emotional Intelligence” in 1990, true popularity of the term and the
5.5 Emotional Intelligence | 397

concept didn’t take place until 1995, when Dan Goleman (Image 5.7)
published his first article on the topic (Karafyllis & Ulshöfer, 2008).
Goleman claimed that emotional quotient (EQ) is a more important
factor than intelligence quotient (IQ) in enjoying a successful life and
maintaining fruitful and secure relationships with others (Karafyllis
& Ulshöfer, 2008). Goleman proposed a new definition of
intelligence that included qualities such as optimism, self-control,
and moral character, and suggested that unlike general intelligence,
which is viewed as stable over time, emotional intelligence can be
learned and increased at any time during one’s life (Karafyllis &
Ulshöfer, 2008).
Goleman defined emotional intelligence as “the ability to identify,
assess, and control one’s own emotions, the emotions of others, and
that of groups” (Karafyllis & Ulshöfer, 2008, p.135). Goleman’s four
emotional intelligence competencies include self-awareness, self-
management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Image 5.7
398 | 5.5 Emotional Intelligence

Goleman’s Four Main Aspects to Emotional Intelligence
• Self-awareness: This refers to a person’s ability to understand

their feelings from moment to moment (Maricopa Community
College District, 2016). It might seem as if this is something we
know, but we often go about our day without thinking or being
aware of our emotions and how they impact our behaviour in
work or personal situations. Understanding our emotions can
help us reduce stress and make better decisions, especially
when we are under pressure (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016). In addition, knowing and recognizing our own
strengths and weaknesses is part of self-awareness. People
with strong self-awareness are realistic; they are not overly
self-critical nor naively hopeful. They are honest with
themselves and about themselves, as well as honest about
themselves with others (Goleman et al., 2002). Self-aware
people make time to reflect and think over things rather than
reacting impulsively, thus bringing to their work life the
thoughtful mode of self-reflection (Goleman et al., 2002). All
these traits of self-awareness enable us to act with the
conviction and authenticity (Goleman et al., 2002). Part of self-
awareness is the idea of positive psychological capital, which
can include emotions such as hope, optimism, which results in
higher confidence, and resilience, or the ability to bounce back
quickly from challenges. Psychological capital can be gained
through self-awareness and self-management, which is our
next area of emotional intelligence (Maricopa Community
College District, 2016).
Self-Awareness Example

Assume that Prasad is upset about a new process being
implemented in the organization. Lack of self-awareness
may result in him feeling angry and anxious without really
knowing why. High self-awareness EQ might cause Prasad
to recognize that his anger and anxiety stem from the last
time the organization changed processes and 15 people got
laid off (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
• Self-management: This refers to our ability to manage our

emotions and is dependent on our self-awareness ability
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016). How do we
handle frustration, anger, and sadness? Are we able to control
our behaviours and emotions? Self-management is also the
ability to follow through with commitments and take initiative
at work. Someone who lacks self-awareness may project stress
on others (Maricopa Community College District, 2016). Self-
management, in other words, refers to being able to manage
your internal states, impulses, and resourcse (Goleman, 2015).
According to Goleman, there are six competencies related

to self-management, including the following:
▪ Emotional self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions

and impulses in check
▪ Transparency: Maintaining integrity
▪ Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change
▪ Achievement: Striving to improve or meet a standard
of excellence
▪ Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities
▪ Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite
obstacles and setbacks

(Goleman, 2015)
Self-Management Example
Project manager Mae is very stressed about an upcoming

Monday deadline. Lack of self-management may cause Mae
to lash out at people in the office because of the deadline.
Higher EQ in this area might result in Mae being calm, cool,
and collected so she is better able to motivate her team to
focus and finish the project on time (Maricopa Community
• Social awareness: This is our ability to understand social cues

that may affect others around us (Maricopa Community
College District, 2016). In other words, understanding how
another person is feeling, even if we do not feel the same way.
Social awareness also includes having empathy for another and
recognizing power structures and unwritten workplace
dynamics. Most people with high social awareness have
charisma and make people feel good with every interaction.
Daniel Goleman contends that the main component of social
awareness is empathy, having the ability to perceive the
feelings of others and how they see the world (Goleman, 2016).
Empathy is our social radar. It requires being able to read
another’s emotions; at a higher level, it entails sensing and
responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings. At the
highest levels, “empathy is understanding the issues or
concerns that lie behind another’s feelings” (Goleman, 1998, p.
4).

Social Awareness Example
Erik continually talks and does not pick up subtleties,

such as body language, in meetings at the office. Because of
this, he can’t understand or even fathom that his
monologues can be frustrating to others. If Erik had a
higher EQ in social awareness, he might still talk in
meetings, but he would also spend a lot of time listening
and observing to get a sense of how others feel. He might
also directly ask people how they feel. This would
demonstrate high social awareness (Maricopa Community
• Relationship management: This refers to our ability to

communicate clearly, maintain good relationships with others,
work well in teams, and manage conflict (Maricopa Community
College District, 2016). Relationship management relies on your
ability to use the other three areas of EQ to manage
relationships effectively. Relationship management is especially
important when it comes to fostering diversity and inclusion in
the workplace. People who are skilled in managing
relationships are better equipped to handle conflict by drawing
out all parties, helping others understand differing
perspectives, and fostering common ideals that everyone can
endorse (Goleman et al., 2002). Individuals skilled in
relationship management value teamwork and encourage an
atmosphere that is friendly and safe, modelling respect,
helpfulness, and cooperation (Goleman et al., 2002).
Relationship management has been identified as facilitating
cooperation and team work, and those skilled in managing

relationships take the time to identify true, authentic close
relationships (Goleman et al., 2002).
Relationship Management Example
Keiko is good at reading people’s emotions and showing

empathy for them, even if she doesn’t agree. As a manager,
her door is always open, and she makes it clear to
colleagues and staff that they are welcome to speak with
her anytime (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
If Keiko has a low EQ in the area of relationship
management, she might belittle people and have a difficult
time being positive. She may not be what is considered a
good team player, which would show her lack of ability to
manage relationships (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016).
Watch the video below of Dan Goleman introducing his theory of

emotional intelligence. Although this is an older video, it provides a
good overview of his theory and view of emotional intelligence.


(Big Think, 2012)
Improving Emotional Intelligence
To increase our self-awareness skills, we should spend time

thinking about our emotions to understand why we experience a
specific emotion (Maricopa Community College District, 2016). We
examine those things that cause a strong reaction, such as anger,
to help us understand the underlying reasons for that reaction.
By doing this, we can begin to see patterns within ourselves that
help explain how we behave and how we feel in certain situations.
This allows us to better handle those situations when they arise
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Image 5.8
To increase our self-management skills, we can focus on the

positive instead of the negative (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016). Taking deep breaths increases blood flow, which

helps us handle difficult situations. Although seemingly childish,
counting to 10 before reacting can help us manage emotions such
as anger (Maricopa Community College District, 2016). This gives us
time to calm down and think about how we will handle the situation.
Practising positive self-talk can help increase our self-management.
Self-talk refers to the thoughts we have about ourselves and
situations throughout the day. Since we have over 50,000 thoughts
per day (Willax, 1999), getting into the habit of managing those
thoughts is important. By recognizing the negative thoughts, we can
change them to be positive (Maricopa Community College District,
2016).
Table 5.1. Positive versus Negative Thoughts

Positive Negative
I made a mistake. I am (or, that was) dumb.
I need to work on xx skills. I am an idiot.
It may take a bit more effort to show them what I have to offer. They will never accept me.
I need to reprioritize my to-do list. I will never be able to get all of this done.
Let me see what seminars and training are available. I just don’t have the knowledge required to do this job.
Increasing social awareness means observing others’ actions and

watching people to get a good sense of how they are reacting
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016). We can gain social
awareness skills by learning people’s names and watching their body
language. Living in the moment can help our interactions with
others as well. Practising listening skills and asking follow-up
questions can also help improve our social awareness skills
As stated above, empathy is a key component of social awareness.
Frieda Edgette, a certified executive coach and organizational
strategist, suggests five ways to increase your empathy and, by
doing so, also increase social awareness (El-Attrash, 2020).
Five ways to increase empathy:
1. Be authentic: Seek a better understanding of who you are.

Develop self-awareness by exploring your identity,
background, principles, and life experiences.
2. Self-manage: What is your natural response when presented
with difference or conflict? Do you fight, flee, or freeze up?
Take note of your default response. Develop an “in the
moment” strategy to practise self-control like taking a deep
breath, going for a run, or just assuming a power pose.
3. Practice active listening: When interacting with others, watch
verbal and nonverbal cues. Make sure you turn your inner
voice off for a moment and focus entirely on the other person.
4. Get curious: Ask open-ended questions that start with “what”
or “how.” What experiences shaped the other person’s life?
Where do they get their information? What’s most important
to them? Your only mission is to understand.
5. Respect, connect: By being more open and more respectful of
one another, we can improve communications and better
connect, resulting in enhanced communication and
productivity.

(El-Attrash, 2020)
Strategies for relationship management might include being

open, acknowledging another’s feelings, and showing that you care
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016). Being willing to listen
to others and understanding them on a personal level can help
enhance relationship management skills. Being willing to accept
feedback and grow by using that feedback can help people be more
comfortable talking with you (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016). All relationships take work, time, effort, and know-
how.
Approaches to relationship management that promote diverse,
healthy relationships include the following:
• Continuously build trust
◦ Be consistent in your words and actions

• Tackle tough conversations
◦ Look for agreement or common ground

◦ Make sure people feel “heard”
◦ Remain open and non-defensive
• Be open and curious
◦ Share information about yourself

◦ Show genuine interest and curiosity in others
• Always work on your communication style
◦ Pay attention to times where your style has created

confusion or troubled reactions
• Don’t avoid the inevitable
◦ Face reality
◦ Use empathy and common purpose
• Align your intention with your impact
◦ Think before you speak or act

◦ Make careful observations

(University of Florida, Human Resources, n.d.)
In this chapter, we have looked at different stages of relationships,

aspects of culture that affect our relationships, self-disclosure,
emotions, and emotional intelligence. These are all integral aspects
of communication and are aspects of all types of relationships. In
the next chapter, we will have a chance to look more closely into our
relationships and how these important concepts we just discussed
need to be considered when conflict occurs.
1. Consider Goleman’s theory of emotional

intelligence (EQ) and reflect on an experience where
either yourself or another individual was lacking the
EQ needed to effective handle the situation.
▪ What area of emotional intelligence

needed to be developed?
▪ What can be done to increase
emotional intelligence in this area?
▪ What is another way the situation could
have been handled?
2. If you could pick one of the four aspects of EQ

according to Goleman to work on, which one would it
be? Why? How would you work to develop this area of
your EQ?
3. What area of EQ do you think is the most
important? Why?

Attribution

Granite State College. (n.d.). Cultivating your

leadership capabilities. Graduate Studies, Granite State
College. https://granite.pressbooks.pub/ld820, licensed
References
Big Think. (2012, April 23). Daniel Goleman introduces emotional
intelligence | Big Think [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
El-Attrash, F. (2020, June 3). How to embrace diversity with
empathy. https://www.govloop.com/embrace-diversity-empathy/
Goleman, D. (2018). Diversity + emotional intelligence = More
success. https://www.kornferry.com/insights/this-week-in-
leadership/diversity-emotional-intelligence-
leadership#:~:text=Studies%20show%20teams%20innovate%20bet
ter,best%2Dselling%20author%20Daniel%20Goleman.
Goleman, D. (2016, November 21). Can you read the room? Social
awareness at work. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-you-
read-room-social-awareness-work-daniel-goleman
Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). How emotionally intelligent are you?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-emotionally-intelligent-
you-daniel-goleman/
Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. Bantam.
Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2002). Primal leadership:

Learning to lead with emotional intelligence. Harvard Business
School Press.
Karafyllis, N. C., & Ulshöfer, G. (Eds.). (2008). Sexualized brains:
Scientific modeling of emotional intelligence from a cultural
perspective. MIT Press.
4.0
Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2000). Models of
emotional intelligence. In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.), Handbook of
intelligence (pp. 396–420). Cambridge University Press.
https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511807947.019
Salovey, J., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination,

Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185–211. https://doi.org/10.2190/
DUGG-P24E-52WK-6CDG
University of Florida, Human Resources. (n.d.). Social competency
and relationship management. http://training.hr.ufl.edu/
resources/LeadershipToolkit/job_aids/
SocialCompetencyandRelationshipManagement.pdf
An introduction to communications studies. University of Minnesota
Willax, P. (1999, December 13). Treat customers as if they are right,
even when they aren’t. Louisville Business First.
http://www.bizjournals.com/louisvill….html?page=all

Emotional intelligence by Inspiredinstruction, CC BY-SA 4.0
Daniel Goleman by anonimoa, CC BY-SA 2.0
Emotional Intelligence by Amitc008, CC BY-SA 4.0

5.6 Review
Matching Review

Review Quiz

Attribution
412 | 5.6 Review

resource:

5.6 Review | 413

414 | 5.6 Review
CHAPTER VI
CONFLICT WITHIN
RELATIONSHIPS
Conflict within Relationships | 415

416 | Conflict within Relationships
6.1 Introduction to Conflict
within Relationships
Learning Objectives
1. Discuss the concept of communication climate and

factors that influence it
2. Describe conflict patterns and conflict
management strategies
3. Discuss effective strategies in handling
communication challenges and conflict
4. Identify “crazymaking” and other conflict
behaviours that can detrimentally affect
communication
5. Discuss the stages and importance of negotiation
6. Explain the concept of forgiveness and the factors
that contribute to it
7. Discuss strategies for negotiating cultural
differences in conflict resolution
6.1 Introduction to Conflict within Relationships | 417

Chapter Overview
In the previous chapter, we discussed emotions and the role they

play in our relationships. When we think of emotions, conflict often
comes to mind. Conflict is not necessarily a dramatic fight, though
it could be. It occurs for many reasons and can result from us
perceiving another person in any type of relationship to have
different goals than our own. This can lead to different levels of
conflict, from ignoring the issue to “having it out.” In this chapter,
we will dive into different forms of relationship conflicts and, more
importantly, discuss how to handle conflict effectively. When dealt
with appropriately, conflict can strengthen relationships by building
trust and increasing relational satisfaction.
Attribution

resource:

418 | 6.1 Introduction to Conflict within Relationships

6.2 Communication Climate
Do you feel organized or confined in a clean workspace? Are you

more productive when the sun is shining than when it is grey and
cloudy outside? Just as factors such as weather and physical space
impact the way we feel, communication climate influences our
interpersonal interactions. Communication climate is the overall
feeling or emotional mood that exists between different people. If
you dread going to visit your family during the holidays because
of tension between you and your sister, or if you look forward to
dinner with a particular set of friends because they make you laugh,
you are responding to the communication climate—the overall
mood that is created because of the people involved and the type of
communication they bring to the interaction.
Principles of Communication Climates
Messages Contain Relational Subtexts that Can Be Felt
In addition to generating and perceiving meaning in communicative

interactions, we also subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) convey
and perceive the way we feel about each other. Almost all messages
operate on two levels: content and relational. The content is the
substance of what’s being communicated—the “what” of the
message. The relational dimension isn’t the actual thing being
discussed and instead can reveal something about the relational
dynamic that exist between the individuals—the “who” of the
message. We can think of it as a kind of subtext, an underlying
or hidden message that says something about how the parties feel
6.2 Communication Climate | 419

towards one another. For example, when deciding what TV program
to watch, your partner might politely suggest, “I’d like to watch this
show, how about you?” The content of the message is about what
they want to watch. The relational subtext is subtle but suggests
your partner values your input and wants to share decision-making
control. The climate of this interaction is likely to be neutral or
warm. However, consider how the relational subtext changes if your
partner insists (with a raised voice and a glare), “We are watching
this show tonight!” The content is still about what they want to
watch. But what is the subtext now? In addition to what your
partner wants to watch, they seem to be sending a relational
message of dominance, control, and potential disrespect for your
needs and wants. You might also hear an additional message of “I
don’t care about you,” which is likely to feel cold and elicit a negative
emotional reaction such as defensiveness or sadness.
Climate Is Vonveyed Through Words, Action, and Non-action
Relational subtexts can be conveyed through direct words and

actions. A student making a complaint to an instructor can word
their remarks with respect, as in “Would you have a few minutes
after class to discuss my grade?” or without, as in “I can’t believe
you gave me such a bad grade, and we need to talk about it right
after class!” We can often find more of the relational meaning in the
accompanying and more indirect nonverbals—the way something
is said or done. For example, two of your co-workers might use
the exact same words to make a request of you, but the tone,
emphasis, and facial expression will change the relational meaning,
which influences the way you feel. The words “Can you get this
done by Friday?” will convey different levels of respect and control
depending upon the nonverbal emphasis, tone, and facial
expressions paired with the verbal message. For example, the
request can be made in a questioning tone versus a frustrated or
condescending one. Additionally, a relational subtext might also be
420 | 6.2 Communication Climate

perceived by what is not said or done. For example, one co-worker
adds a “thanks” or a “please” and the other doesn’t. Or, one co-
worker shows up to your birthday coffee meetup and the other
doesn’t. What do these non-actions suggest to you about the other
person’s feelings or attitude towards you? Consider for a moment
some past messages (and non-messages) that felt warm or cold to
you.
Climate Is Perceived
Relational meanings are not inherent in the messages

themselves—they are not literal, and they are not facts. The subtext
of any communicative message is in the eye of the beholder. The
relational meaning can be received in ways that were unintentional.
Additionally, like content messages, relational messages can be
influenced by what we attend to and by our expectations. They also
stand out more if they contrast with what you normally expect or
prefer.
You might interpret your partner’s insistence on watching a
certain TV show to mean they are bossy. However, your partner
might have perceived you to be the bossy one and is attempting
to regain the loss of decision control. Control could be exerted
because doing so is the accepted relational dynamic between you,
or it could be a frustrated reaction to a frequent loss of decision
control, which they want to regain. Here, it needs to be noted
that the relational message someone hears at any given time is a
perception and doesn’t necessarily mean the message received was
the message intended. Meaning depends on who is delivering the
message and in what context. Cultural and co-cultural context will
also impact the way a message is interpreted, which we will discuss
later.

Climate Is Determined by Social and Relational Needs
Although relational messages can potentially show up in dozens of

different communicative forms, they generally fall into categories
that align with specific types of human social needs, which vary
from person to person and situation to situation. In addition to
physical needs, such as food and water, human beings have social
and relational needs that can have negative consequences if
ignored. Negative consequences can range from frustrating work
days to actual death (in cases of infants not getting human touch
and attention and the elderly, who suffer in isolation). Social needs
can be categorized in many different ways. For example, one theory
states that we are more likely to develop relationships with people
who meet one or more of three basic interpersonal needs: affection,
control, and belonging. We want to be liked or loved. We want to
be able to influence others and our own environments (at least
somewhat). We want to feel included. Each need exists on a
continuum from low to high, with some people needing only a
little of one and more of another. The level of need also varies
by context, with some situations calling for more affection (e.g.,
romantic relationships) and others calling for less (e.g., the
workplace).
During interactions, we detect on some level whether the person
with whom we are communicating is meeting a particular need,
such as the need for respect. We may not really be aware, on a
conscious level, of why we feel cold towards a co-worker, but it is
likely that the co-worker’s jokes, eye rolls, and criticisms towards
you feel like a relational message of inferiority or disrespect. In
this case, your unmet need for dignity, competence, respect, or
belonging may be contributing to your cold reaction towards this
person. When other people’s messages don’t meet our needs in
whole or in part, we tend to have an emotionally cold reaction.
When messages do meet our needs, we tend to feel warm.
Consider how needs may be met (or not met) when you are in
a disagreement of opinion with someone else. For example, needs

may be met if we feel heard by the other person and not met if
we feel disrespected when we present our opinion. In a different
example, consider all the different ways you could request that
someone turn the volume of their music down. You could do both
of these things with undertones (relational subtexts) of superiority,
anger, dominance, ridicule, coldness, or distance. Or you could do
them with warmth, equality, playfulness, shared control, respect, or
trust.
Image 6.1
Because both our own needs and the needs of others play an
important role in the communication climate, we will use the
following three general categories when we refer to social needs
that can be addressed through communication:
• Need for connection: Belonging, inclusion, acceptance,

warmth, kindness
• Need for freedom: Autonomy, control, freedom from
imposition by others, space, privacy

• Need for meaning: Competence, capability, dignity,
worthiness, respect, to matter, to be understood
Relational Messages Are Multi-levelled
On one level, we want to feel that our social needs are being met,
and we hope that others in our lives will meet them through their
communication, at least in part. On another level, though, we are
concerned with how we are perceived; the self-image we convey
to others is important to us. We want it to be apparent to others
that we belong, matter, are respected, understood, competent, and
in control of ourselves. Some messages carry relational subtexts
that harm or threaten our self-image, whereas others confirm and
validate it.
To help better understand this second level of relational subtexts,
let’s discuss the concept of face needs. Face refers to our self-image
when communicating with others (Ting-Toomey, 2005; Brown &
Levinson, 1987; Lim & Bowers, 1991). Most of us are probably
unaware of the fact that we are frequently negotiating this face as
we interact with others. However, on some level, whether we are
aware of it or not, many of our social needs relate to the way we
want to be perceived by others. Specifically, we not only want to
feel included in particular groups, but we also want to be seen as
someone who belongs. We want to feel capable and competent, but
we also want others to think we are capable and competent. We
want to experience a certain level of autonomy, but we also want
to be seen as free from the imposition of others. Communication
subtexts such as disrespect tend to threaten our face needs,
whereas other behaviours such as the right amount of recognition
support them. Effective communication sometimes requires a
delicate dance that involves addressing, maintaining, and restoring
our own face and that of others simultaneously.

Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
Positive and negative communication climates can be understood

by looking at confirming and disconfirming messages. We
experience positive climates when we receive confirming
messages that demonstrate our value and worth. Conversely, we
experience negative climates when we receive disconfirming
messages that suggest we are devalued and unimportant. Obviously,
most of us like to be in positive climates because they foster
emotional safety as well as personal and relational growth. However,
it is likely that most of our relationships fall somewhere between the
two extremes.
Confirming Messages
Confirming messages demonstrate value and worth and generally

fall within three categories:
• Recognition messages: This type of message can confirm or

deny another person’s existence. For example, if a friend enters
your home and you smile, hug them, and say, “I’m so glad to
see you,” you are confirming their existence. On the other
hand, if you say, “Good morning,” to a colleague and they
ignore you by walking out of the room without saying
anything, they may create a disconfirming climate by not
recognizing your greeting.
• Acknowledgment messages: These messages go beyond
recognizing another’s existence by confirming what they say or
how they feel. Nodding our head while listening or laughing
appropriately at a funny story are nonverbal acknowledgment
messages. When a friend tells you they had a really bad day at
work and you respond with, “Yeah, that does sound hard. Do
you want to talk about it?” you are acknowledging and

responding to their feelings. In contrast, if you were to
respond to your friend’s frustrations with a comment like,
“That’s nothing. Listen to what happened to me today,” you
would be ignoring their experience and presenting yours as
more important.
• Endorsement messages: This type of message goes one step
further by recognizing a person’s feelings as valid. Suppose a
friend comes to you upset after a fight with their partner. If
you respond with, “Yeah, I can see why you would be upset,”
you are endorsing their right to feel upset. However, if you say,
“Get over it. At least you have a partner,” you would be sending
a message that denies your friend their right to feel frustrated
at that moment. While it is difficult to see people we care
about in emotional pain, people are responsible for their own
emotions. When we let people own their emotions and do not
tell them how to feel, we are creating a supportive climate that
provides a safe environment for them to work through their
problems.
Disconfirming Messages
Disconfirming messages imply, “You don’t exist. You are not valued,”
which contributes to negative climates. As such, they are important
to be aware of in order to be a more competent communicator.
There are seven specific types of disconfirming messages:
1. Impervious response fails to acknowledge another person’s

communication attempt through either verbal or nonverbal
channels. Failure to return phone calls, emails, and letters are
examples.
2. In an interrupting response, one person starts to speak before
the other person is finished.
3. Irrelevant responses are comments that are completely
unrelated to what the other person was just talking about.

They indicate that the listener wasn’t really listening at all and
therefore doesn’t value what the speaker had to say. In each of
these first three types of responses, the speaker is not
acknowledged.
4. In a tangential response, the speaker is acknowledged but
with a comment that is used to steer the conversation in a
different direction.
5. In an impersonal response, the speaker offers a monologue of
impersonal, intellectualized, and generalized statements that
trivialize the other person’s comments (e.g., “What doesn’t kill
you makes you stronger”).
6. Ambiguous responses are messages with multiple meanings,
and these meanings are highly abstract or may be a private
joke to the speaker alone.
7. Incongruous responses communicate two messages that seem
to conflict along verbal and nonverbal channels. The verbal
channel demonstrates support, while the nonverbal channel is
disconfirming. An example might be complimenting someone’s
cooking while nonverbally indicating you are choking.
Supportive vs. Defensive Messages
Another useful framework for understanding communication

climate can be found in the six defensive and supportive behaviour
pairs proposed by psychologist Jack Gibb in 1965. These six
behaviours are, on one side of the spectrum, likely to generate an
emotional climate of defensiveness (cold), and, on the other side of
the spectrum, are likely to generate a supportive climate (warm).
Our natural instinct when we feel threatened is to become
defensive.
As a defensive communicator, we focus on protecting ourselves
and our interests, which is not necessarily a bad thing because
we must learn to stand up for ourselves (ASCCC OERI, 2023).

Unfortunately, defensiveness is usually a negative cycle that creates
defensiveness in others and causes conflicts to escalate (ASCCC
OERI, 2023). For example, defensive behaviours such as rolling the
eyes, not listening, making excuses, or blaming others can cause
your communication partner to argue back louder, walk away, or
blame you back. We have all been in the position before where the
more defensive we become, the less we are able to communicate
effectively (ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Image 6.2
Conversely, supportive climates create more calm and productive

communication outcomes (ASCCC OERI, 2023). This allows
communicators to better focus on the intent and meanings of

messages. The six pairs of supportive and defensive behaviours that
Jack Gibb came up with to help provide a better context for learning
about and understanding communication climate are the following:
1. Description vs. evaluation

2. Collaboration vs. control
3. Straightforwardness vs. manipulation
4. Empathy vs. indifference
5. Flexibility vs. certainty
6. Equality vs. superiority
In the table below, we examine each pair of behaviours and consider

their potential outcomes (ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Table 6.1. Supportive vs. Defensive Behaviours

Behaviour Pair Supportive Behaviour Defensive Behaviour
Description
Evaluation
• Description:
Neutral facts that • Description:
avoid any “loaded” Statements
words or containing a tone
judgements. of accusation,
• Example: “I feel blame, and/or
left out when you judgement.
guys go to the • Example: “You guys
mall without me.” always abandon me
Description vs. • Possible and leave me out
interpretation: when you go to the
Evaluation The recipient mall.”
knows exactly • Possible
how you feel interpretation:
about what is Recipient feels
bothering you. attacked and
Using the “I” judged for
message doesn’t something that
place blame and may have been
communicates an unintended and
openness for calm misinterpreted.
discussion.

Control
Collaboration
• Description: The
• Description: The
speaker conveys a
parties involved
know-it-all
are working with
attitude that shows
each other
little or no interest
towards a win-win
in the receiver’s
situation.
needs and ideas.
Everyone’s voice
• Example: “I’m right.
and ideas are just
You’re wrong. We
as important as
Collaboration vs. do it my way, or we
the next person’s.
don’t do it at all!”
Control • Example: “Let’s all
• Possible
share what has
interpretation: The
worked for you
recipient may feel
and what has not
hostile,
worked for you.”
competitive, and
• Possible
disrespected
interpretation:
towards the
Everyone involved
speaker, which may
feels included,
result in reluctance
respected, and
and
productive.
uncooperativeness.

Manipulation
Straightforwardness
• Description: To
• Description:
exploit,
Direct, candid,
manoeuvre, or
unambiguous,
mastermind with
open, and honest
hidden intentions.
• Example: “You
• Example: “If you
didn’t get a raise
had put in more
this quarter,
hours and effort
because although
like John, you
you made more
Straightforwardness might have seen a
sales, the volume
raise this quarter.”
vs. Manipulation of those sales has
• Possible
been down.”
interpretation: The
• Possible
receiver may feel
interpretation:
judged that John
The recipient may
did a better job and
still be
that their own
disappointed but
efforts were not
knows exactly
appreciated. The
how and why their
receiver may also
raise did not come
feel defeated and
through.
unmotivated.

Empathy
• Description: Indifference
Walking a mile in
the other person’s • Description:
shoes and trying Apathetic,
to relate to and detached, and
support the other aloof, with a
person. general lack of
• Example: “I concern for the
understand you’re other person.
going through a • Example:
Empathy vs. rough time. I hope “Everyone’s got
Indifference that extending the problems! If you
deadline for you can’t meet the
will help relieve deadline, you’ll just
some of the stress have to pay the
and pressure you penalty.”
must be feeling.” • Possible
• Possible interpretation: The
interpretation: receiver feels
The receiver feels unimportant and
compassion, insignificant.
understanding,
and even relief.
Flexibility
Certainty
• Description:
• Description:
Open-minded and
Overconfidence
showing a
that “I’m right and
willingness to
you’re wrong.” No
adapt to
other input is
something better.
needed.
• Example: “I’d love
• Example: “I’ve done
to learn how we
Flexibility vs. this a million times.
can use this new
This is the only way
Certainty technology to
to fix it!”
work smarter, not
• Possible
harder.”
interpretation: The
• Possible
receiver feels
interpretation:
unwelcome,
The receiver may
unvalued, and
feel encouraged
unwilling to put
to investigate,
themselves out
share, and try new
there.
things.

Equality
Superiority
• Description: A
sense of fairness, • Description:
justness, and Communicating a
impartiality; sense of
everyone has the dominance and
same chance. having the upper
• Example: “I hand.
remember • Example: “I’ve
Equality vs. struggling when I shown you how to
Superiority first started, too. do this a million
It’s going to take times! Move over!
some time, but let Let me finish it!”
me help you.” • Possible
• Possible interpretation: The
interpretation: receiver may feel
The receiver may inept, inadequate,
feel validated, defensive, and
respected, and angry.
capable.
(ASCCC OERI, 2023)
The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse
During the 1980s and 1990s, John Gottman conducted extensive

observational studies to understand what made relationships fail
and what made them successful (Beel et al., 2023). Although the
focus of his research was on couples and resulted in the Gottman
method couples therapy (GMCT), his theory can be applied to many
other relationships.
Gottman focused on conducting longitudinal observational
studies to identify what couple dynamics and interaction patterns
either destroyed relationships or strengthened them (Beel et al.,
2023). He established what became known as the “Love Lab,” firstly
at the University of Washington and more recently at the Gottman
Institute in Seattle, Washington. His research eventually resulted in

many new approaches to couples therapy and in his theory called
the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This metaphor describes the
counterproductive communication and behaviours that can predict
relationship failure if left unchanged—criticism, defensiveness,
contempt, and stonewalling. Each “horseman” corrodes the level of
trust and commitment in any relationship (Beel et al., 2023).
• Criticism: The first horsemen of the Apocalypse, criticism is an

attack on another person’s character, focusing on their defects
rather than the actual issue or complaint.
• Defensiveness: The second horsemen of the Apocalypse,
defensiveness is an automatic batting away of someone else’s
issue or complaint. It is often a response to criticism.
Defensiveness is a lack of taking responsibility and
accountability for one’s own actions, including an inability to
listen and validate someone else’s perspective.
• Contempt: The third horseman of the Apocalypse, contempt
communicates to someone else an attitude of superiority, that
you look down at them, implying that someone else is inferior,
less than, or worthless. Contempt is used to create a position
of moral superiority.
• Stonewalling: The fourth horseman of the Apocalypse,
stonewalling is a form of defensiveness. Stonewalling means to
shut down interaction and stop responding to someone else.
Internally, the person stonewalling is experiencing heightened
levels of stress and physiological arousal.
(Beel et al., 2023)

The video below discusses both Gottman’s theory and the
principles of health relationships.

(Study Hall, 2022)
Creating a Positive Climate
As mentioned earlier, it is important in our relationships to build

a positive communication climate. There are a number of ways to
create a more positive climate, and some of the most integral ones
are discussed below. Some of these strategies have been discussed
earlier in the book, but in this case, they are specifically tailored to
creating a positive communication climate for our relationships.
Empathy
We have discussed empathy in other chapters of this book, and

this theory of empathy is specifically applied to creating a positive
communication climate. The concept of empathy has been defined
in many ways, and one way to define it is as the ability to
(metaphorically) “put yourself in someone else’s shoes”; that is, to
feel what another person may be feeling. On one level, this
description is technically accurate, but empathy is actually more
complex. Our human capacity for empathy has three levels:
cognitive, affective, and compassionate.
The cognitive level of empathy involves more thinking than
feeling. A more appropriate metaphor for this level is “putting on

someone else’s perception glasses”; that is, to attempt to view a
situation in the way someone else might view it. It requires thinking
about someone else’s thinking, considering factors that make up
someone’s unique perceptual schema, and trying to view a situation
through that lens. For example, employees don’t always see things
the way managers do. A good manager can “see” through employee
glasses and anticipate how workplace actions, decisions, and
messages may be interpreted.
The affective, or emotional, level of empathy involves attempting
to feel the emotions of others. The “shoes” metaphor fits best for
this level. Attempting to truly feel what another human feels
requires envisioning exactly what they might be going through in
their lives. Doing so effectively might even require “taking off your
own shoes.” For example, to empathize with a complaining
customer, you must temporarily put your own needs aside and
really picture what it would feel like to be the customer
experiencing the problem situation. Your own need might be to take
care of the complaint quickly so you can go to lunch. Yet, if it were
you in the problem situation, you would likely want someone to be
warm, attentive, and supportive, and to take the time needed to
solve the problem.

Image 6.3
The third level of empathy is compassionate concern for the well-

being of our fellow humans (Goleman, 2006). Feeling empathy at this
level motivates us to act compassionately in the interest of others.
Examples may include dropping off a casserole for a grieving friend,
taking on some of your co-worker’s tasks when they are especially
busy or stressed, or organizing a neighbourhood clean-up. At this
level of empathy, we sense what people need and feel compelled
to help. Most of us are usually able to empathize at this level with
people who are important to us.
Strategies for Building Empathy
Although empathy comes more naturally to some people than

others, it is a skill that can be developed (Goleman, 2006) with
a greater awareness of and attention to the perception process.
Remember that perception is unique to each person. We all
interpret and judge the world through our own set of “perception

glasses” that are framed by factors such as upbringing, family
background, ethnicity, age, attitude, knowledge of person and
situation, past experiences, amount of exposure to others, and
social roles.
Specific ways to build our empathy skills are addressed below. The
strategies fall into two categories: adding information to the rims
of our perception glasses and bringing attention to the perception
process itself.
1. Add more information to our perception glasses
In order to add more information to our perception glasses, we
need to find out as much as we can about a situation or the person
whom we are seeking to understand and empathize with. Ways to
do this include the following:
• Taking in information: When we observe, listen, question,

perception check, paraphrase, and pay attention to nonverbals
and feelings, we take information in rather than putting
information out (e.g., listening more and talking less).
• Broadening or narrowing our perspective: Sometimes we feel
stuck, allowing one interaction with one person to become all-
consuming. If we remember how big the world is and how
many people are dealing with similar situations right now, we
gain perspective that helps us see the situation in a different
way. On the other hand, sometimes we generalize too broadly,
seeing an entire group of people in one way or assuming all
things are bad at our workplace. Focusing on one person or
one situation at a time is another way to helpfully shift
perspectives.
• Imagining or seeking stories and information through books,
films, articles, and technology: We can learn and imagine
what people’s lives are really like by reading, watching, or
listening to the stories of others.
• Seeking out actual experiences to help us understand what
it’s like to be in others’ shoes: We can do something
experiential like riding along with a police officer or spending a

day on the streets to really try to feel what it’s like to be in a
situation with which we are not familiar.
2. Bring attention to the perception process

Try taking off your own perception glasses and putting on a pair
of someone else’s. Thinking about our thinking is a process called
metacognition. We do this by turning our attention towards the way
we perceive information and how that perception makes us feel.
What factors make up the “rims” of our glasses, and how do these
factors shape our perspectives, thoughts, feelings, and actions?
Consider what makes another person unique, and what rim factors
may influence the person’s perspectives and feelings. We should try
to see the situation through those glasses, inferring how unique
perceptual schemata might shape the others person’s emotions and
actions. Remember, though, that we can never be certain how or
why people do what they do—only they know for sure. But
communication can be more effective if we at least attempt some
speculative forethought before we act or react. And when in doubt,
we can always ask.
Metacommunication
Metacommunication requires mindfully elevating awareness

beyond the content level of communication, but also requires us
to actually discuss needs and relational messages out loud.
Metacommunication literally means communicating about
communication and occurs when we talk to each other about any
part of the communication process, including what is said or done,
how it is interpreted, how we feel, and what we wish had been
said or done. For example, metacommunication occurs any time
you say, “I feel frustrated when you interrupt me” or “I wish you’d
have asked me before you made that decision.” Other forms of
metacommunication bring relational messages and social needs
right to the surface for discussion; for example, if you say, “When

you brought that up in front of my friends, I felt embarrassed and
undignified” or “When I don’t hear from you, it makes me think we
are not connected.”
Metacommunication can involve any of the skills we’ve learned so
far (“I” messages, perception checking, and so on) and can be used
deliberately to address our own wants and needs or to clarify our
intentions when something we’ve expressed may have been poorly
received. It can help us in the middle of an interaction to clarify and
prevent misunderstandings as we both send and receive messages.
For example, if you notice someone reacting in a way you didn’t
intend, you can ask about it (“How are you feeling right now? What
are you hearing me say?”), or you can clarify your intent and adjust
(“My intent was not for you to feel disrespected. How can I say
this differently so that you hear my respect for you?”). We can also
respond to the cold relational messages of others with “When you
say it that way, I hear not only what you’re saying but an extra
message that you don’t think I’m capable” or “Not giving me options
leaves me feeling boxed in, and I really want to feel more freedom in
this relationship.”
Reflective Communication: Mindfulness
The word mindfulness refers to “paying attention on purpose” and

has many uses in personal and work life. For interpersonal
communication purposes, mindfulness relates to becoming more
conscious of how we encode and decode messages. We can better
meet our communication goals with increased awareness of how
communication carries relational subtexts, how those subtexts may
be perceived to meet (or not meet) social needs, and how those
perceptions might result in a warm or cold emotional temperature.
As with all communication competence skills, awareness helps us
shift from a habitual or automatic state of being and thinking to a
mindful and thoughtful state where we put more effort, attention,
and forethought into what we hope to accomplish and why.

Becoming mindful of climate means increasing our awareness of
the needs of self and others before, during, and after interactions.
It requires reflecting on our own desires, thought processes ,and
emotional reactions, and with applied forethought, thinking about
and speculating about those of others. Learning about relational
messages and social needs gives us access to a greater variety of
perceptual frameworks through which to view communication; for
example, how a message might be received by others. It also
requires that during interactions, we observe, reflect on, and attend
to others’ emotional reactions and shift gears midstream, if
necessary. For example, if mid-interaction we observe that a
person’s outward response seems to indicate embarrassment,
shame, agitation or defensiveness, we can adjust our behaviour or
discuss and clarify our intent. We may even take notice of an
interaction after it occurred, reviewing it and considering how well
it went or how we might do better next time. Through awareness,
reflection, mindfulness, we can build a cognitively complex
repertoire of skills, knowledge, and motivation that helps us engage
in a skillful dance of communication that attempts to honour social
needs.
Climate-Centred Message Planning
Climate-centred message planning (CCMP) is a term coined by

Gerber and Murphy (2019). It refers to the conscious encoding
(planning and forethought) involved in meeting communication
goals. CCMP requires two steps and takes the basics of empathy
a bit further into message construction. The steps include the
following:
1. Thinking about what we want to say or do: What is our goal?

What outcome(s) do we hope to achieve? What message or
behaviours are we considering? What needs do we hope to
fulfill? What emotional temperature do we hope to create?

Which behaviours or message strategies will help us achieve
it?
2. Thinking about how the other person (or persons) might hear
(or perceive) what we say: Here, we should try putting on the
other person’s perception glasses and considering as many
factors as possible that affect how the person might hear and
feel our message. We should think about whether the message
is likely to be perceived and received as intended. If not, we
should rethink what we want to say and rephrase it in a way
that the other person will be more likely to hear what we want
them to hear. That is, we want to convey our message such in a
way that the other person is more likely to interpret the
message as it was intended.
Remember once again that we can never completely ensure that

someone hears what we want them to hear—that is, interprets a
message in the way we intended. However, with some awareness
and forethought, we can ensure that there’s a better chance of it.
The strategies presented here will also give us a better awareness
of how what we say and how we say it may impact another person’s
relational or face needs. Our consideration of what human beings
need will help us infer how they might react to messages
emotionally, intellectually, or relationally. Doing so helps us become
more competent communicators and build a positive
communication climate.
1. Recall a situation where either you or someone else

used disconfirming messages. What was the result?
How did it feel? How could the message have been
changed to a confirming message? What would that
have changed?
2. Apply Gibb’s theory of defensive and supportive
messages to different situations, either real world or
imaginary. How does using supportive messages
change things?
3. Creating a positive environment is important.
Which one of the approaches above appeals to you
the most? Which one can you see yourself using and
why?
Attribution

resource:
Maricopa Community College District. (2016).

Exploring relationship dynamics. Maricopa Open Digital
Press. https://open.maricopa.edu/com110/, licensed
References
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Interpersonal_Communication/
Interpersonal_Communication%3A_Context_and_Connection_(O
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Beel, N., Chinchen, C., Machin, T., & du Plessis, C. (2023). Common
client issues in counselling: An Australian perspective. University of
Southern Queensland. https://usq.pressbooks.pub/counselling/,
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Brown, P., & Levinson, S. C. (1987). Politeness: Some universals in
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I.C.A.T_Interpersonal_Communication_Abridged_Textbook_(Ger
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Autism Double Empathy 1 by MissLunaRose12, CC BY-SA 4.0

6.3 Conflict and Interpersonal
Communication
Who do you have the most conflict with right now? Your answer
to this question probably depends on the various contexts in your
life. If you still live at home with a parent or parents, you may
have daily conflicts with your family as you try to balance your
autonomy, or desire for independence, with the practicalities of
living under your family’s roof. If you’ve recently moved away to
go to college, you may be negotiating roommate conflicts as you
adjust to living with someone you may not know at all. You probably
also have experiences managing conflict in romantic relationships
and in the workplace. So think back and ask yourself, “How well
do I handle conflict?” As with all areas of communication, we can
improve if we have the background knowledge to identify relevant
communication phenomena and the motivation to reflect on and
enhance our communication skills.
Interpersonal conflict often occurs in interactions where there
are real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or
opposing viewpoints. Interpersonal conflict may be expressed
verbally or nonverbally along a continuum ranging from a nearly
imperceptible cold shoulder to a very obvious blowout.
Conflict is an inevitable part of close relationships and can take a
negative emotional toll. It takes effort to ignore someone or to be
passive-aggressive, and the anger or guilt we may feel after blowing
up at someone is a valid negative feeling. However, conflict isn’t
always negative or unproductive. In fact, numerous research studies
have shown that the quantity of conflict in a relationship is not as
important as how the conflict is handled (Markman et al., 1993).
Additionally, when conflict is well managed, it has the potential to
6.3 Conflict and Interpersonal Communication | 447

lead to more rewarding and satisfactory relationships (Canary &
Messman, 2000).
Image 6.4
Improving your competence in dealing with conflict can yield

positive effects in the real world. Since conflict is present in our
personal and professional lives, the ability to manage conflict and
negotiate desirable outcomes can help us be more successful at
both. Whether you and your partner are trying to decide what brand
of flat-screen television to buy or you are discussing the upcoming
political election with your mother, the potential for conflict is
present. In professional settings, the ability to engage in conflict
management, sometimes called conflict resolution, is a necessary
and valued skill. However, many professionals do not receive
448 | 6.3 Conflict and Interpersonal Communication

training in conflict management even though they are expected to
do it as part of their job (Gates, 2006).
Lack of training and lack of competence could be a recipe for
disaster. Many colleges and universities now offer undergraduate
degrees, graduate degrees, or certificates in conflict resolution.
Being able to manage conflict situations can make life more pleasant
rather than letting a situation stagnate or escalate. The negative
effects of poorly handled conflict could range from an awkward last
few weeks of the semester with a college roommate to violence or
divorce in a romantic relationship. However, there is no absolute
right or wrong way to handle a conflict. Remember that being a
competent communicator doesn’t mean that you follow a set of
absolute rules. Rather, a competent communicator assesses
multiple contexts and applies or adapts communication tools and
skills to fit the dynamic situation.
Causes of Conflict
There are many potential causes of conflict, and many theories

concerning them. A few potential causes of conflict were mentioned
above and include real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce
resources, or opposing viewpoints. Relational transgressions are
another common cause, and they occur when people violate implicit
or explicit relational rules. These rule violations can be events,
actions, or behaviours that violate relationship norms or rules.
Explicit rules tend to be relationship specific, such as those
prompted by the bad habits of a partner (e.g., excessive drinking
or drug abuse) or those that emerge from attempts to manage
conflict (e.g., rules that prohibit spending excess time with a friends
or talking about a former girlfriend or boyfriend). Implicit rules
tend to be those that are accepted as cultural standards for proper
relationship conduct (e.g., secrets should be kept private).

Conflict Management Styles
Would you describe yourself as someone who prefers to avoid

conflict? Do you like to get your way? Are you good at working
with someone to reach a solution that is mutually beneficial? Odds
are that you have been in situations where you could answer yes
to each of these questions, which underscores the important role
that context plays in conflict and in conflict management styles
in particular. The way we view and deal with conflict is learned
and contextual. Is the way you handle conflict similar to the way
your parents handle conflict? As children, we test out the different
conflict resolution styles we observe in our families with our
parents and siblings. Later, as we enter adolescence and begin
developing platonic and romantic relationships outside the family,
we begin testing what we’ve learned from our parents in other
settings. If a child has observed and used negative conflict
management styles with siblings or parents, they are likely to
exhibit those behaviours with non–family members (Reese-Weber &
Bartle-Haring, 1998).
Much research has been done on different conflict management
styles, which are communication strategies that attempt to avoid,
address, or resolve a conflict. Keep in mind that we don’t always
consciously choose a style. We may instead be caught up in emotion
and become reactionary. The strategies for more effectively
managing conflict that will be discussed later may allow you to slow
down the reaction process, become more aware of it, and intervene
in the process to improve your communication.
A powerful tool for mitigating conflict is information exchange.
Asking for more information before you react to a conflict-
triggering event is a good way to add a buffer between the trigger
and your reaction. Another key element is whether or not a
communicator is oriented toward self-centred or other-centred
goals. For example, if your goal is to “win” or make the other person
“lose,” you show a high concern for self and a low concern for

others. If your goal is to facilitate a “win-win” resolution or
outcome, you show a high concern for both self and others. In
general, strategies that facilitate information exchange and include
concern for mutual goals will be more successful for managing
conflict (Sillars, 1980). The five strategies for managing conflict that
we will discuss are competing, avoiding, accommodating,
compromising, and collaborating. Each of these conflict styles
accounts for the concern we place on self versus others.
Watch this video as an introduction to conflict management
styles that will be discussed in the next section.

(Study Hall, 2022)
To better understand the elements of the five styles of

conflict management, we will apply each to the
following scenario:
Rosa and D’Shaun have been partners for 17 years.

Rosa is growing frustrated because D’Shaun continues
to give money to their teenage daughter, Casey, even
though they decided to keep the teen on a fixed
allowance to try to teach her more financial
responsibility. Although conflicts regarding money and

child-rearing are very common, we will examine the
numerous ways that Rosa and D’Shaun could address
this problem.
Competing Style
The competing style of conflict management indicates a high

concern for self and a low concern for others. When we compete,
we are striving to “win” the conflict, potentially at the expense or
“loss” of the other person. One way we may gauge our win is by
being granted or taking concessions from the other person. For
example, if D’Shaun gives Casey extra money behind Rosa’s back,
he is taking an indirect competitive route, resulting in a “win” for
him because he got his way. The competing style also involves the
use of power, which can be either noncoercive or coercive (Sillars,
1980). Noncoercive strategies include requesting and persuading.
When requesting, we suggest that the conflict partner change a
behaviour. Requesting doesn’t require a high level of information
exchange. When we persuade, however, we give our conflict
partner reasons to support our request or suggestion, meaning that
there is more information exchange, which may make persuading
more effective than requesting. Rosa could try to persuade D’Shaun
to stop giving Casey extra allowance money by bringing up their
fixed budget or reminding him that they are saving for a summer
vacation. Coercive strategies violate standard guidelines for ethical
communication and may include aggressive communication
directed at rousing your partner’s emotions through insults,
profanity, and shouting, or through threats of punishment if you do
not get your way. If Rosa is the primary income earner in the family,
she could use that power to threaten to take D’Shaun’s ATM card

away if he continues giving Casey money. In all these scenarios, the
“win” that could result would only be short-term and could lead to
conflict escalation. Interpersonal conflict is rarely isolated—there
can be ripple effects that connect the current conflict to previous
and future conflicts. D’Shaun’s behind-the-scenes money giving or
Rosa’s confiscation of the ATM card could lead to built-up negative
emotions that could further test their relationship.
Competing has been linked to aggression, though the two are
not always paired. If assertiveness does not work, there is a chance
the conflict could escalate to hostility. There is a pattern to verbal
escalation: requests, demands, complaints, angry statements,
threats, harassment, and verbal abuse (Johnson & Roloff, 2000).
Aggressive communication can become patterned, which can create
a volatile and hostile environment.
Image 6.5
The competing style of conflict management is not the same thing

as having a competitive personality. Competition in relationships

isn’t always negative, and people who enjoy engaging in competition
may not always do so at the expense of another person’s goals. In
fact, research has shown that some couples engage in competitive
shared activities like sports or games to maintain and enrich their
relationship (Dindia & Baxter, 1987).
Avoiding Style
The avoiding style of conflict management often indicates a low

concern for self and a low concern for others, and no direct
communication about the conflict takes place. However, in cultures
that emphasize group harmony over individual interests, and even
in some situations in Canada, avoiding a conflict can indicate a high
level of concern for others. In general, avoiding doesn’t mean that
there is no communication about the conflict. Remember that you
cannot not communicate. Even when we try to avoid conflict, we
may intentionally or unintentionally give our feelings away through
our verbal and nonverbal communication. Rosa’s sarcastic tone as
she tells D’Shaun that he’s “Soooo good with money!” and his
subsequent eyeroll both bring the conflict to the surface without
specifically addressing it. The avoiding style is either passive or
indirect, meaning that there is little information exchange, which
may make this strategy less effective than others. We may decide to
avoid conflict for many different reasons, some of which are better
than others. If you view the conflict as having little importance to
you, it may be better to ignore it. If the person you’re having conflict
with will only be working in your office for a week, you may perceive
a conflict to be temporary and choose to avoid it and hope that it
will solve itself. If you are not emotionally invested in the conflict,
you may be able to reframe your perspective and see the situation
in a different way, therefore resolving the issue. In all these cases,
avoiding doesn’t really require an investment of time, emotion, or
communication skill, so there is not much at stake to lose.
Avoidance is not always an easy conflict management choice

because sometimes the person we have a conflict with isn’t a
temporary employee in our office or a weekend houseguest.
Although it may be easy to tolerate a problem when you’re not
personally invested in it or view it as temporary when faced with
a situation like Rosa and D’Shaun’s, avoidance would just make the
problem worse. For example, avoidance could first manifest as
changing the subject, then progress from avoiding the issue to
avoiding the person altogether, to even ending the relationship.
Indirect strategies of hinting and joking also fall under the
avoiding style. While these indirect avoidance strategies may lead
to a buildup of frustration or even anger, they allow us to vent a
little of our built-up steam and may make a conflict situation more
bearable. When we hint, we drop clues that we hope our partner
will find and piece together to see the problem and hopefully
change, thereby solving the problem without any direct
communication. In almost all the cases of hinting, the person
dropping the hints overestimates their partner’s detective abilities.
For example, when Rosa leaves the bank statement on the kitchen
table in the hope that D’Shaun will realize how much extra money
he is giving Casey, D’Shaun may simply ignore it or even get irritated
with Rosa for not putting the statement with all the other mail. We
also tend to overestimate our partner’s ability to decode the jokes
we make about a conflict situation. It is more likely that the receiver
of the jokes will think you’re genuinely trying to be funny or feel
provoked or insulted rather than realizing that you are referencing
the conflict situation. So, more frustration may develop when the
hints and jokes are not decoded, which often leads to a more
extreme form of hinting or joking—passive-aggressive behaviour.
Passive-aggressive behaviour is a way of dealing with conflict in
which one person indirectly communicates their negative thoughts
or feelings through nonverbal behaviours, such as not completing
a task. For example, Rosa may wait a few days to deposit money
into the bank so D’Shaun can’t withdraw it to give to Casey, or
D’Shaun may cancel plans for a romantic dinner because he feels
like Rosa is questioning his responsibility with money. Although

passive-aggressive behaviour can feel rewarding in the moment, it
is one of the most unproductive ways to deal with conflict. These
behaviours may create additional conflicts and may lead to a cycle
of passive-aggressiveness in which the other partner begins to
exhibit these behaviours as well, while never actually addressing the
conflict that originated the behaviour. In most avoidance situations,
both parties lose. However, as noted above, avoidance can be the
most appropriate strategy in some situations—for example, when
the conflict is temporary, when the stakes are low, when there
is little personal investment, or when there is the potential for
violence or retaliation.
Accommodating Style
The accommodating style of conflict management indicates a low

concern for self and a high concern for others and is often viewed
as passive or submissive in that someone complies with or obliges
another without providing personal input. The context for and
motivation behind accommodating play an important role in
whether or not it is an appropriate strategy. Generally, we
accommodate because we are being generous, we are obeying, or
we are yielding (Bobot, 2010). If we are being generous, we
accommodate because we genuinely want to; if we are obeying, we
don’t have a choice except to accommodate, perhaps because of
the potential for negative consequences or punishment; and if we
yield, we may have our own views or goals but give up on them
owing to fatigue, time constraints, or because a better solution has
been offered. Accommodating can be appropriate when there is
little chance that our own goals can be achieved, when we don’t
have much to lose by accommodating, when we feel we are wrong,
or when advocating for our own needs could negatively affect the
relationship (Isenhart & Spangle, 2000). The occasional
accommodation can be useful in maintaining a
relationship—remember that earlier we discussed putting another’s

needs before your own as a way of achieving relational goals. For
example, Rosa may say, “It’s okay that you gave Casey some extra
money. She had to spend more on gas this week because the prices
went up.” However, being a team player can slip into being a
pushover, which people generally do not appreciate. If Rosa keeps
telling D’Shaun, “It’s okay this time,” they may find themselves short
on spending money at the end of the month. At that point, Rosa
and D’Shaun’s conflict may escalate as they question each other’s
motives, or the conflict may spread if they direct their frustration at
Casey and blame it on her irresponsibility.
Image 6.6
Research has shown that the accommodating style is more likely

to occur when there are time constraints and less likely to occur
when someone does not want to appear weak (Cai & Fink, 2002).
If you’re standing outside the movie theatre and two movies are
starting, you may say, “Let’s just have it your way,” so you don’t miss
the beginning of the film. If you’re a new manager at an electronics

store and an employee wants to take Sunday off to watch a football
game, you may say no to set an example for the other employees. As
with avoiding, there are certain cultural influences we will discuss
later that make accommodating an effective strategy.
Compromising Style
The compromising style of conflict management shows a moderate

concern for self and others and may indicate that there is a low
investment in the conflict and/or the relationship. Even though we
often hear that the best way to handle a conflict is to compromise,
the compromising style isn’t a win-win solution—it is a partial win-
lose. In essence, when we compromise, we give up some or most
of what we want. It’s true that the conflict is resolved temporarily,
but lingering thoughts of what you gave up could lead to a future
conflict. Compromising may be a good strategy when there are time
limitations or when prolonging a conflict may lead to relationship
deterioration. Compromise may also be good when both parties
have equal power or when other resolution strategies have not
worked (Macintosh & Stevens, 2008).
A negative aspect of compromising is that it may be used as an
easy way out of a conflict. The compromising style is most effective
when both parties find the solution agreeable. Rosa and D’Shaun
could decide that Casey’s allowance needs to be increased, and they
could each give her $10 more a week by committing to taking their
lunch to work twice a week instead of eating out. In this situation,
they are both giving up something, and if neither of them has a
problem with taking their lunch to work, then the compromise was
equitable. If the couple agrees that the extra $20 a week should
come out of D’Shaun’s golf budget, the compromise isn’t as
equitable, and D’Shaun, though he agreed to the compromise, may
end up with feelings of resentment. Wouldn’t it be better to both
win?

Collaborating Style
The collaborating style of conflict management involves a high

degree of concern for self and others and usually indicates
investment in both the conflict situation and the relationship.
Although the collaborating style takes the most work in terms of
communication competence, it ultimately leads to a win-win
situation in which neither party has to make concessions because
a mutually beneficial solution is discovered or created. The obvious
advantage is that both parties are satisfied, which could lead to
positive problem solving in the future and strengthen the overall
relationship. For example, Rosa and D’Shaun may agree that Casey’s
allowance needs to be increased and may decide to give her $20
more a week in exchange for her babysitting her little brother one
night a week. In this case, they didn’t make the conflict personal
but focused on the situation and came up with a solution that may
end up saving them money. The disadvantage is that this style is
often time consuming, and only one person may be willing to use
this approach while the other person is eager to compete to meet
their goals or is willing to accommodate.
Here are some tips for collaborating to achieve a win-win
outcome:
• Do not view the conflict as a contest you are trying to win.

• Remain flexible and realize that there are solutions yet to be
discovered.
• Distinguish the people from the problem—don’t make it
personal.
• Determine what the underlying needs are that are driving the
other person’s demands; needs can still be met through
different demands.
• Identify areas of common ground or shared interests that you
can work from to develop solutions.
• Ask questions to allow the other person to clarify their point of
view and to help you understand their perspective.

• Listen carefully, and provide verbal and nonverbal feedback.
(Hargie, 2011)
Common Conflict Behaviours
It is important to be aware common conflict behaviours. Some help

to resolve conflict, whereas others increase the chance of both
causing and perpetuating conflict. Increasing your awareness of
these behaviours can help to reduce negative conflict spirals,
identify these behaviours in your interactions with others, and
promote awareness of alternative and more collaborative and
peaceful responses.
One form of behaviour is a type of passive aggression referred
to as crazymaking (Bach & Goldberg, 1974). Often crazymaking
behaviours are unconsciously done and are indirect attacks.
However, they result in upsetting others or “driving others crazy,”
hence the name. This is a subtle conflict style in which a person
expresses hostility or resistance to others through stubbornness,
resentment, procrastination, jokes with ambiguous meanings, petty
annoyances, or persistent failure to fully meet expectations or
responsibilities. Someone who displays this style of conflict may
disavow any negative intent if confronted or questioned about their
behaviour. Examples of crazymaking and some other forms of
unproductive conflict behaviours are discussed below.
Crazymaking Behaviours
The Contract Tyrannizer: This person refuses to allow the

relationship to change from the way it was. Roles, expectations, and
beliefs about the relationship are set in stone and cannot ever be
allowed to change (Schinstock, 2013).

The Withholder: This person is unwilling to be open and honest
about something that is upsetting them (Schinstock, 2013). They
instead punish the other person by withholding something. This
could be in the form of withholding affection, humour, or courtesy
or respect, which eventually results in increasing resentment within
the relationship (Schinstock, 2013).
The Goat-Getter: This individual does not share underlying
resentments, but instead does little things to irritate others. This
can take the form of behaviours such as not putting things away or
playing music loudly, and when they are asked about the behaviour,
they deny it (Schinstock, 2013).
The Joker: Instead of talking about conflict, this person will make
jokes and avoid the topic when someone wants to discuss it. As a
result, it is not possible to have a serious conversation, and when
pushed, the behaviour becomes worse and the joker act similarly to
the goat-getter (Schinstock, 2013).
The Benedict Arnold: This form of crazymaking involves using
sabotage to get back at someone else. It can even take the form of
encouraging ridicule from others outside the situation and failing to
defend someone from attack (Schinstock, 2013).
Beltlining: This refers to a boxing move that means to hit below
the belt (ASCCC OERI, 2023). In terms of conflict, this metaphor
refers to using intimate information against another person to cause
hurt and anger. For example, Annabelle and Ariana are having a
conflict over their friendship, and Ariana beltlines Annabelle with
this comment: “You have often wondered why you don’t have more
friends. Based on how you are acting right now, I don’t need to
wonder any more” (ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Gunnysacking: This is an imaginary bag (a gunnysack) that we all
carry into which we place unresolved conflicts or grievances over
time. Holding onto the way things used to be can be like a stone
in your gunnysack and influence how you interpret your current
context. Gunnysacking may be expressed by bringing up previous
behaviours the other person has engaged in or previous arguments
you felt were unresolved.

Silencers: This type of behaviour, which includes crying, yelling,
or heavy breathing, can stifle and silence the conflict (ASCCC OERI,
2023). When conflict escalates quickly, parties may use silencers
to deflect attention away from the conflict issue and instead make
the conflict about the silencers. For example, let’s say that friends
Jasmine and Sam are having a conflict over money. Jasmine
assertively tells Sam that she expects to be repaid for the money
she lent him. Rather than responding to Jasmine’s request, Sam
begins crying and suggests that Jasmine is a bully for bringing up
the topic. The conflict now becomes about Jasmine’s approach and
Sam’s crying, and the money problem not addressed addressed
(ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Kitchen Sinking: With gunnysacking, people store up their
grievances to unload at a later date, whereas kitchen sinking refers
to bringing up past conflicts, even those that have been resolved,
to gain leverage in the conflict. The challenge created by kitchen
sinking is that it can distract from the conflict at hand by bringing
up the past (ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Counterpunch: This is a defensive response to conflict in which
rather than responding to the initial topic of conflict, the other
person reacts by sharing their own, often unrelated criticism
(ASCCC OERI, 2023). For example, Sunita asks Ethan to make a
better effort cleaning up after himself in the kitchen. Rather than
responding to Sunita’s request, Ethan responds with, “If you were a
better cook, it might motivate me to clean up my dishes.”
Other Conflict Behaviours
Blame: Some conflicts have a clearly identifiable source, but often

there are multiple causes for the conflicts we experience (ASCCC
OERI, 2023). Blame, or trying to place responsibility for the conflict
on another person, is primarily only effective in making the other
party feel defensive.
Manipulation: This unproductive conflict strategy includes one

party being extremely charming and even generous to help sway
the conflict outcome in their direction (ASCCC OERI, 2023). For
example, Ian wants to buy a new surf board. To soften up his wife,
Lily, for the big purchase, he makes her favourite dinner and brings
home a bouquet of roses, thinking that she won’t say no after he
was so “considerate.” However, if Lily finds out that Ian was merely
being nice to gain an advantage, this may harm the trust in their
relationship over the long run (ASCCC OERI, 2023).
Labelling: This occurs when you assign negative terms to the
other person’s behaviour (ASCCC OERI, 2023). We can do this
internally by just thinking about it in our heads, externally by
sharing our labels with others, or by labelling the other person
during our interaction. Not only can labels be extremely hurtful, but
when we use labels to assign meaning to the behaviour of other
people, we begin to view those people through the labels. For
example, Marwan works up the courage to tell his father that he
do not want to go into the family business, but instead would like
to go to college (ASCCC OERI, 2023). His father, who is extremely
disappointed, responds by telling Marwan that he are “ungrateful,”
“selfish,” and a “bad son.”
Apologies and concessions: The most common of the remedial
strategies, an apology is the most straightforward means by which
to admit responsibility, express regret, and seek forgiveness.
Apologies are most effective if provided in a timely manner and
involve a self-disclosure. Those that occur after the discovery of
a transgression by another party are much less effective. Though
apologies can range from a simple, “I’m sorry,” to more elaborate
forms, offenders are most successful when they offering a more
complex apology to match the seriousness of the transgression.
Excuses and justifications: Rather than accepting responsibility
for a transgression through an apology, a transgressor who explains
why they engaged in the behaviour is engaging in excuses or
justifications. Although excuses and justifications aim to minimize
the blame on the transgressor, both address blame minimization
from completely opposite perspectives. Excuses attempt to

minimize blame by focusing on a transgressor’s inability to control
their actions (e.g., “How would I have known my ex-girlfriend was
going to be at the party”) or displace blame on a third party (e.g.,
“I went to lunch with my ex-girlfriend because I didn’t want to
hurt her feelings.”). Conversely, a justification minimizes blame by
suggesting that actions surrounding the transgression were justified
or that the transgression was not severe. For example, a
transgressor may justify having lunch with a past romantic interest
by suggesting to their current partner that the lunch meeting was
of no major consequence (e.g., “We are just friends”).
Refusals: When making a refusal, a transgressor claims no blame
for the perceived transgression. This is a departure from apologies
and excuses or justifications, which involve varying degrees of
blame acceptance. In the case of a refusal, the transgressor believes
that they have not done anything wrong. Such a situation points
out the complexity of relational transgressions. The perceptions
of both partners must be taken into account when recognizing
and addressing transgressions. For example, Li and Sally have just
started to date but have not addressed whether they are mutually
exclusive. When Li finds out that Sally has been on a date with
someone else, he confronts Sally. Sally may engage in refusal of
blame because Li and Sally had not explicitly decided whether they
were mutually exclusive. The problem with these situations is that
the transgressor shows no sensitivity to the offended party. As such,
the offended person is less likely to exhibit empathy, which is key
for forgiveness. As such, refusals tend to aggravate situations rather
than serve as a meaningful repair strategy.
Appeasement and positivity: Appeasement is used to offset
hurtful behaviour through the transgressor ingratiating themselves
in ways such as promising never to commit the hurtful act or being
overly kind to their partner. Appeasement may elicit greater
empathy from the offended party through soothing strategies
exhibited by the transgressor (e.g., complimenting, being more
attentive, spending more time together). However, the danger of
appeasement is the risk that the actions of the transgressor will be

viewed as being artificial. For example, sending your partner flowers
every day to make up for an infidelity you have committed may
be viewed as downplaying the severity of the transgression if the
sending of flowers is not coupled with other soothing strategies
that have greater immediacy.
Avoidance and evasion: Avoidance involves the transgressor
making conscious efforts to ignore the transgression and similar in
nature to silencing. Avoidance can be effective after an apology is
sought and forgiveness is granted by minimizing discussion around
unpleasant subjects once closure has been obtained. However, total
avoidance of a transgression where the hurt of the offended person
is not recognized and forgiveness is not granted can result in
further problems in the future.
Culture and Conflict
Culture is an important context to consider when studying conflict,

and recent research has called into question some of the
assumptions of the five conflict management styles discussed so far,
which were formulated with a Western bias (Oetzel et al., 2008).
For example, although the avoiding style of conflict has been cast
as negative, with a low concern for self and others or as a lose-
lose outcome, research has found that participants in Canada, the
United States, Germany, China, and Japan all viewed avoiding
strategies as demonstrating a concern for others. While there are
some generalizations we can make about culture and conflict, it
is better to look at more specific patterns of how interpersonal
communication and conflict management are related. We can
better understand some of the cultural differences in conflict
management by further examining the concept of face.
What does it mean to “save face”? This saying generally refers to
preventing embarrassment or preserving our reputation or image,
which is similar to the concept of face in interpersonal and

intercultural communication. You may remember that our face is
a reflection of the self that we desire to put out into the world,
and facework refers to the communicative strategies we employ
to project, maintain, or repair our face or to maintain, repair, or
challenge another’s face. Face negotiation theory argues that
people in all cultures negotiate face through communication
encounters and that cultural factors influence how we engage in
facework, especially in conflict situations (Oetzel et al., 2003). These
cultural factors influence whether we are more concerned with
self-face or other-face and what conflict management strategies
we might use. One key cultural influence on face negotiation is the
distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures.
The distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures
is an important dimension across which all cultures
vary. Individualistic cultures such as Canada, the United States,
and most of Europe emphasize individual identity over group
identity and encourage competition and self-reliance. Collectivistic
cultures like Taiwan, Colombia, China, Japan, Vietnam, and Peru
value in-group identity over individual identity and conformity to
social norms of the in-group (Dsilva & Whyte, 1998). However,
within the larger cultures, individuals will vary in the degree to
which they view themselves as part of a group or as a separate
individual, which is called self-construal. Independent self-
construal indicates a perception of the self as an individual with
unique feelings, thoughts, and motivations. Interdependent self-
construal indicates a perception of the self as interrelated with
others (Oetzel et al., 2003). Not surprisingly, people from
individualistic cultures are more likely to have higher levels of
independent self-construal, and people from collectivistic cultures
are more likely to have higher levels of interdependent self-
construal. Self-construal and individualistic or collectivistic cultural
orientations affect how people engage in facework and the conflict
management styles they employ.
Self-construal alone does not have a direct effect on conflict style,
but it does affect face concerns, with independent self-construal

favouring self-face concerns and interdependent self-construal
favouring other-face concerns. There are specific facework
strategies for different conflict management styles, and these
strategies correspond to self-face concerns or other-face concerns:
• Accommodating: Giving in (self-face concern)

• Avoiding: Pretending that conflict does not exist (other-face
concern)
• Competing: Defending your position, persuading (self-face
concern)
• Collaborating: Apologizing, having a private discussion, and
remaining calm (other-face concern)
(Oetzel et al., 2008)
Research done on college students in Germany, Japan, China,

Canada, and the United States found that those with independent
self-construal were more likely to engage in competing, and those
with interdependent self-construal were more likely to engage in
avoiding or collaborating (Oetzel et al., 2003). In general, this
research found that members of collectivistic cultures were more
likely to use the avoiding style of conflict management and less
likely to use the integrating or competing styles of conflict
management than were members of individualistic cultures.
The following examples bring together facework strategies,
cultural orientations, and conflict management styles:
• A person from an individualistic culture may be more likely to

engage in competing as a conflict management strategy if they
are directly confronted, which may be an attempt to defend
their reputation (self-face concern).
• A person in a collectivistic culture may be more likely to
engage in avoiding or accommodating in order not to
embarrass or anger the person confronting them (other-face
concern) or out of concern that their reaction could reflect

negatively on their family or cultural group (other-face
concern).
Although these distinctions are useful for categorizing large-scale

cultural patterns, it is important not to essentialize or arbitrarily
group countries together because there are measurable differences
within cultures. For example, expressing one’s emotions was seen
as demonstrating a low concern for other-face in Japan, but this
was not so in China, which shows there is variety between similarly
collectivistic cultures. Culture always adds layers of complexity to
any communication phenomenon, but experiencing and learning
from other cultures also enriches our lives.
1. Of the five conflict management strategies, is there

one that you use more often than others? Why or
why not? Do you think people are predisposed to one
style over the others based on their personality or
other characteristics? If so, what personality traits do
you think would lead a person to each style?
2. Review the example of D’Shaun and Rosa. If you
were in their situation, what do you think the best
style to use would be and why?

Attribution

resource:

References
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BY-SA 4.0

6.4 Handling Conflict Better
Identifying Conflict Patterns
As mentioned, much of the research on conflict patterns has been

done on couples in romantic relationships, but the concepts and
findings are applicable to other types of relationships. So far in this
chapter, we have already looked at some common causes of conflict
and conflict management styles and behaviours. Next, we will look
at four common triggers for conflict viewed from the perspective
of oneself as the communicator and what can be done to avoid
them in your own communication with others. The four common
triggers for conflict are criticism, demand, cumulative annoyance,
and rejection (Jacobson et al., 2000). We will discuss each of these
and then strategies you can use to avoid them. These strategies can
also be used to decrease, or resolve conflict, in other situations as
well.
We all know from experience that criticism, or comments that
evaluate another person’s personality, behaviour, appearance, or life
choices, can lead to conflict. Comments do not have to be meant
as criticism to be perceived as such. If Gary comes home from
college for the weekend and his mom says, “Looks like you put on
a few pounds,” she may view this as a statement of fact based on
observation. Gary, however, may take the comment personally and
respond negatively back to his mom, starting a conflict that will
last for the rest of his visit. A simple but useful strategy to manage
the trigger of criticism is to follow the old adage, “Think before
you speak.” In many cases, there are alternative ways to phrase
things so they are taken less personally, or we may determine that
our comment doesn’t need to be spoken at all. The majority of the
472 | 6.4 Handling Conflict Better

thoughts that we have about another person’s physical appearance,
whether positive or negative, do not need to be verbalized. Ask
yourself, “What is my motivation for making this comment?” and
“Do I have anything to lose by not making this comment?” If your
underlying reasons for asking are valid, perhaps there is another
way to phrase your observation. If Gary’s mom is worried about his
eating habits and health, she could wait until they’re eating dinner
and ask him how he likes the food choices at school and what he
usually eats.
Demands also frequently trigger conflict, especially if the demand
is viewed as unfair or irrelevant. It’s important to note that demands
rephrased as questions may still be perceived as demands. Tone
of voice and context are important factors here. When you were
younger, you may have asked a parent, teacher, or elder for
something and heard back, “Ask nicely.” As with criticism, thinking
before you speak and before you respond can help manage demands
and minimize conflict. Demands are sometimes met with
withdrawal rather than a verbal response. If you are doing the
demanding, remember that a higher level of information exchange
may make your demand clearer or more reasonable to the other
person. If you are being demanded of, responding calmly and
expressing your thoughts and feelings are likely more effective than
withdrawing, which may escalate the conflict.
Cumulative annoyance is a building of frustration or anger that
occurs over time, eventually resulting in a conflict interaction. For
example, your friend shows up late to drive you to class three times
in a row. You didn’t say anything the previous times, but on the third
time you say, “You’re late again! If you can’t get here on time, I’ll find
another way to get to class.” Cumulative annoyance can build up like
a pressure cooker, and as it builds up, the intensity of the conflict
also builds. Criticism and demands can also play into cumulative
annoyance. We have all probably let critical or demanding
comments slide, but if they continue, it becomes difficult to hold
back, and most of us have a breaking point. The problem here is
that all the other incidents come back to your mind as you confront
6.4 Handling Conflict Better | 473

the other person, which usually intensifies the conflict. You’ve likely
been surprised when someone has blown up at you because of
cumulative annoyance or when someone you have blown up at
didn’t know there was a problem building. A good strategy for
managing cumulative annoyance is to monitor your level of
annoyance and occasionally let some steam out of the pressure
cooker by processing through your frustration with a third party or
directly addressing what is bothering you with the source.
No one likes the feeling of rejection. Rejection can lead to conflict
when one person’s comments or behaviours are perceived as
ignoring or invalidating the other person. Vulnerability is a
component of any close relationship. When we care about someone,
we verbally or nonverbally communicate. We may tell our best
friend that we miss them or plan a home-cooked meal for our
partner who is working late. The vulnerability that underlies these
actions comes from the possibility that our relational partner will
not notice or appreciate them. When someone feels exposed or
rejected, they often respond with anger to mask their hurt, which
ignites a conflict. Managing feelings of rejection is difficult because
it is so personal, but controlling the impulse to assume that your
relational partner is rejecting you and engaging in communication
rather than reflexive reaction can help put things in perspective.
If your partner doesn’t get excited about the meal you planned
and cooked, it could be because they are physically or mentally
tired after a long day. The concepts discussed in Chapter 2 can be
useful here; for example, perception checking, taking inventory of
your attributions, and engaging in information exchange to help
determine how each person is punctuating the conflict are useful
ways of managing all four of the triggers we’ve discussed.
Serial Arguing
Interpersonal conflict may take the form of serial arguing, which is

a repeated pattern of disagreement over an issue. Serial arguments

do not necessarily indicate negative or troubled relationships, but
any kind of patterned conflict is worth paying attention to. There
are three patterns that occur with serial arguing: repeating, mutual
hostility, and arguing with assurances (Johnson & Roloff, 2000).
The first pattern of serial arguing is repeating, which means
reminding the other person of your complaint—that is, what you
want them to start or stop doing. The pattern may continue if the
other person repeats their response to your reminder. For example,
if Marita reminds Kate that she doesn’t appreciate her sarcastic
tone, and Kate responds, “I’m soooo sorry, I forgot how perfect you
are,” then the reminder has failed to effect the desired change. A
predictable pattern of complaint like this leads participants to view
the conflict as irresolvable.
The second pattern of serial arguing is mutual hostility, which
occurs when the frustration of repeated conflict leads to negative
emotions and increases the likelihood of verbal aggression. Again, a
predictable pattern of hostility makes the conflict seem irresolvable
and may lead to relationship deterioration.
Whereas the first two patterns of serial arguing entail an increase
in pressure on the participants in the conflict, the third pattern
offers some relief. If people in an interpersonal conflict offer verbal
assurances of their commitment to the relationship, then the
problems associated with the other two patterns may be improved.
Even though the conflict may not be solved in the interaction, the
verbal assurances of commitment imply that there is a willingness
to work on solving the conflict in the future, which provides a sense
of stability that can benefit the relationship. Although serial arguing
is not necessarily bad within a relationship, if the pattern becomes
more of a vicious cycle, it can lead to alienation, polarization, and
an overall toxic climate, and the problem may seem so irresolvable
that people feel trapped and terminate the relationship (Jacobson et
al., 2000). There are some negative but common conflict reactions
we can monitor and try to avoid, which may also help prevent serial
arguing.

Conflict Pitfalls
Two common conflict pitfalls are one-upping and mindreading

(Gottman, 1994). One-upping is a quick reaction to communication
from another person that escalates the conflict. If Samar comes
home late from work and Nicki says, “I wish you would call when
you’re going to be late,” and Sam responds, “I wish you would get
off my back,” the reaction has escalated the conflict. Mindreading is
communication in which one person attributes something to the
other using generalizations. If Samar says, “You don’t care whether I
come home at all or not!” she is presuming to know Nicki’s thoughts
and feelings. Nicki is likely to respond defensively, perhaps saying,
“You don’t know how I’m feeling!” One-upping and mindreading
are often reactions that are more reflexive than deliberate. Nicki
may have received bad news and was eager to get support from
Samar when she arrived home. Although Samar perceives Nicki’s
comment as criticism and justifies her comments as a reaction to
Nicki’s behaviour, Nicki’s comment could actually be a sign of their
closeness, in that Nicki appreciates Samar’s emotional support.
Samar could have said, “I know, I’m sorry, I was on my cellphone for
the past hour with a client who had a lot of problems to work out.”
Taking a moment to respond mindfully rather than reacting with
a knee-jerk reflex can lead to information exchange, which could
deescalate the conflict.
De-escalating Conflict
Validating the person with whom you are in conflict can be an

effective way to de-escalate conflict. Although avoiding or
retreating may seem like the best option at the moment, one of
the key negative traits found in married couples’ conflicts was
withdrawal. Often validation can be as simple as demonstrating
good listening skills discussed earlier in this book by making eye

contact and giving verbal and nonverbal back-channel cues like
saying “Mmm-hmm” or nodding your head (Gottman, 1994). This
doesn’t mean that you have to give up your own side in a conflict
or that you agree with what the other person is saying; rather, you
are hearing the other person out, which validates them and may
also give you some more information about the conflict that could
minimize the likelihood of a reaction rather than a response.
As with all the aspects of communication competence we have
discussed so far, you cannot expect that everyone you interact with
will have the same knowledge of communication. But it often only
takes one person with conflict management skills to make an
interaction more effective. Remember that it’s not the quantity of
conflict that determines a relationship’s success, it’s how the
conflict is managed, and one person’s competent response can de-
escalate a conflict. Now we will turn to a discussion of negotiation
steps and skills as a more structured way to manage conflict.
Negotiating
We negotiate daily. We may negotiate with an instructor to make

up a missed assignment or with our friends to plan activities for
the weekend. Negotiation in interpersonal conflict refers to the
process of attempting to change or influence conditions within a
relationship. The negotiation skills discussed here can be adapted
to all types of relational contexts, from romantic partners to co-
workers. The stages of negotiating are pre-negotiation, opening,
exploration, bargaining, and settlement (Hargie, 2011).
In the pre-negotiation stage, you want to prepare for the
encounter. If possible, let the other person know you would like
to talk to them and preview the topic, so they will also have the
opportunity to prepare. Although it may seem awkward to “set a
date” to talk about a conflict, if the other person feels like they were
blindsided, their reaction could be negative. Make your preview

simple and non-threatening by saying something like, “I’ve noticed
that we’ve been arguing a lot about who does what chores around
the house. Can we sit down and talk tomorrow when we both get
home from class?” Obviously, it won’t always be feasible to set a
date if the conflict needs to be handled immediately because the
consequences are immediate or if you or the other person has
limited availability. In that case, you can still prepare, but make sure
you allow time for the other person to digest and respond. During
this stage, you also want to figure out your goals for the interaction
by reviewing your instrumental, relational, and self-presentation
goals. Is getting something done, preserving the relationship, or
presenting yourself in a certain way the most important? For
example, you may highly rank the instrumental goal of having a
clean house, the relational goal of having pleasant interactions with
your roommate, or the self-presentation goal of appearing nice
and cooperative. Whether your roommate is your best friend from
high school or a stranger the school matched you up with could
determine the importance of your relational and self-presentation
goals. At this point, your goal analysis may lead you away from
negotiation—avoiding can be an appropriate and effective conflict
management strategy. If you decide to proceed with the
negotiation, you will want to determine your ideal outcome and
your bottom line or the point at which you decide to break off the
negotiation. It’s very important that you realize there is a range
between your ideal and your bottom line, and that remaining
flexible is key to a successful negotiation—remember that by using
collaboration, a new solution could be found that you didn’t think of.
In the opening stage of the negotiation, you want to set the
tone for the interaction because the other person will be likely to
reciprocate. Generally, it is good to be cooperative and pleasant,
which can help open the door for collaboration. You also want to
establish common ground by bringing up overlapping interests and
using “we” language. It would not be useful to open the negotiation
with “You’re such a slob! Didn’t your mom ever teach you how
to take care of yourself?” Instead, you might open the negotiation

by making small talk about classes that day, then move into the
issue at hand. You could set a good tone and establish common
ground by saying, “We both put a lot of work into setting up and
decorating our space, but now that classes have started, I’ve noticed
that we’re really busy and some chores are not getting done.” With
some planning and a simple opening like that, you can move into the
next stage of negotiation.
There should be a high level of information exchange in the
exploration stage. The overarching goal in this stage is to get a
panoramic view of the conflict by sharing your perspective and
listening to the other person. In this stage, you will likely learn how
the other person is punctuating the conflict. Although you may have
been mulling over the mess for a few days, your roommate may just
now become aware of the conflict. They may also inform you that
they usually clean on Sundays but didn’t get to last week because
they unexpectedly had to visit their parents. The information that
you gather here may clarify the situation enough to end the conflict
and cease negotiation. If negotiation continues, the information will
be key as you move into the bargaining stage.
The bargaining stage is where you make proposals and
concessions. The proposal you make should be informed by what
you learned in the exploration stage. Flexibility is important here
because you may have to revise your ideal outcome and bottom line
based on new information. If your plan was to have a big cleaning
day every Thursday, you may now want to propose that your
roommate clean on Sunday while you clean on Wednesday. You
want to make sure your opening proposal is reasonable and not
presented as an ultimatum. “I don’t ever want to see a dish left in
the sink” is different from “When dishes are left in the sink too long,
they stink and get gross. Can we agree to not leave any dishes in
the sink overnight?” Through the proposals you make, you could
end up with a win-win situation. If there are areas of disagreement,
however, you may have to make concessions or compromise, which
can be a partial win or a partial loss. If you hate doing dishes but
don’t mind emptying the trash and recycling, you could propose

assigning those chores based on preference. If you both hate doing
dishes, you could propose that each person be responsible for
washing their own dishes right after they use them. If you really
hate dishes and have some extra money, you could propose using
disposable (and hopefully recyclable) dishes, cups, and utensils.
In the settlement stage, you want to decide on one of the
proposals, then summarize the chosen proposal and any related
concessions. It is possible that each party can have a different view
of the agreed-upon solution. If your roommate thinks you are
cleaning the bathroom every other day, and you plan to clean it
on Wednesdays, then there could be future conflict. You could
summarize and ask for confirmation by saying, “So, it looks like I’ll
be in charge of the trash and recycling, and you’ll load and unload
the dishwasher. Then I’ll do a general cleaning on Wednesdays, and
you’ll do the same on Sundays. Is that right?” Lastly, you’ll need to
follow up on the solution to make sure it’s working for both parties.
If your roommate goes home again next Sunday and doesn’t get
around to cleaning, you may need to go back to the exploration or
bargaining stage.
Forgiveness
Individuals tend to experience a wide array of complex emotions

following a relational transgression. These emotions are shown to
have utility as an initial coping mechanism. For example, fear can
result in a protective orientation following a serious transgression,
sadness results in contemplation and reflection, and disgust causes
us to repel from the source. However, beyond the initial situation,
these emotions can be detrimental to one’s mental and physical
state. As a result, forgiveness is viewed as a more productive means
of dealing with a transgression, along with engaging the one who
committed the transgression.
Forgiving is not the act of excusing or condoning. Rather, it is the

process whereby negative emotions are transformed into positive
emotions for the purpose of bringing emotional normalcy to a
relationship. In order to achieve this transformation, the offended
party must forgo retribution and claims for retribution.
Dimensions of Forgiveness
The link between reconciliation and forgiveness involves exploring

two dimensions of forgiveness: intrapsychic and interpersonal.
The intrapsychic dimension relates to the cognitive processes and
interpretations associated with a transgression (that is, a person’s
internal state), whereas interpersonal forgiveness is the
interaction between relational partners. Total forgiveness is defined
as including both the intrapsychic and interpersonal components to
bring about a return to the conditions prior to the transgression.
To only change one’s internal state is silent forgiveness, and only
having interpersonal interaction is considered hollow forgiveness.
However, some scholars contend that these two dimensions
(intrapsychic and interpersonal) are independent because the
complex nature associated with forgiveness involves variations of
both dimensions. For example, a partner may not relinquish
negative emotions yet choose to remain in the relationship because
of other factors (e.g., children or financial concerns). Conversely, a
person may grant forgiveness and release all the negative emotions
directed towards their partner but exit the relationship because
trust cannot be restored. Given this complexity, research has
explored whether the transformation of negative emotions to
positive emotions eliminates the negative effect associated with a
given offence. The conclusions drawn from this research suggest
that no correlation exists between forgiveness and unforgiveness.
Put simply, although forgiveness may be granted for a given
transgression, the negative effect may not be reduced by a
corresponding amount.

Predictors of Forgiveness
McCullough et al. (1998) outlined the predictors of forgiveness into

four broad categories:
• Personality traits of both partners

• Relationship quality
• Nature of the transgression
• Social-cognitive variables
We will discuss these predictors of forgiveness below; they are

illustrated in Image 6.7.
Image 6.7

Personality Traits of Both Partners
Forgivingness is defined as one’s general tendency to forgive

transgressions. However, this tendency differs from forgiveness,
which is a response associated with a specific transgression. The
characteristics of the forgiving personality as described by Emmons
(2000) are as the following:
• Does not seek revenge; effectively regulates the negative effect

• Strong desire for a relationship free of conflict
• Shows empathy towards the offender
• Does not personalize the hurt associated with the
transgression
In terms of personality traits, agreeableness and neuroticism (that

is, instability, anxiousness, and aggression) show consistency in
predicting forgivingness and forgiveness. Because forgiveness
requires one to discard any desire for revenge, a vengeful
personality tends to not offer forgiveness and may continue to
harbour feelings of vengeance long after the transgression
occurred.
It has also been shown that agreeableness is inversely correlated
with motivations for revenge and avoidance, and positively
correlated with benevolence. A person who demonstrates the
personality trait of agreeableness is prone to forgiveness and has
a general disposition of forgivingness. Conversely, neuroticism was
positively correlated with avoidance and vengefulness but
negatively correlated with benevolence. Consequently, a neurotic
personality is less likely to forgive or to have a disposition of
forgivingness.
Although the personality traits of the offended person have a
predictive value of forgiveness, the personality of the offender also
has an effect on whether forgiveness is offered. Offenders who
show sincerity when seeking forgiveness and are persuasive in
downplaying the impact of the transgression will have a positive

effect on whether the offended party will offer forgiveness.
Narcissistic personalities, for example, may be categorized as
persuasive transgressors. The narcissist will downplay their
transgressions, seeing themselves as perfect and seeking to save
face at all costs. Such a dynamic suggests that personality
determinants of forgiveness may involve not only the personality of
the offended person, but also that of the offender.
Relationship Quality
The quality of a relationship between offended and offending

partners can affect whether forgiveness is both sought and given.
In essence, the more invested someone is in a relationship, the
more prone that person is to minimize the hurt associated with
transgressions and seek reconciliation.
McCullough et al. (1998) provides seven reasons for why someone
in a relationship will seek to forgive:
1. Has a high level investment in the relationship (e.g.,

children, joint finances)
2. Views the relationship as a long-term commitment
3. Has many common interests with their partner
4. Is selfless in regard to their partner
5. Is willing to take the viewpoint of their partner (has
empathy)
6. Assumes that the motives of their partner are in the best
interests of the relationship (e.g., criticism is taken as
constructive feedback)
7. Is willing to apologize for transgressions
Relationship maintenance activities are a critical component to

maintaining high-quality relationships. While being heavily invested
tends to lead to forgiveness, a person may be in a skewed
relationship where the partner who is heavily invested is actually

under-benefitted. This leads to one partner being over-benefitted,
meaning they are likely to take the relationship for granted and
will not be as prone to exhibit relationship repair behaviours. As
such, being mindful of the quality of a relationship will best position
partners to address transgressions through a stronger willingness
to forgive and seek to normalize the relationship.
Another relationship factor that affects forgiveness is the history
of past conflict. If past conflicts ended badly (i.e., reconciliation
or forgiveness was either not achieved or was only achieved after
much conflict), partners will be less willing to seek out or offer
forgiveness. Maintaining a balanced relationship in which neither
partner is over- or under-benefitted has a positive effect on
relationship quality and the tendency to forgive. In that same vein,
a partner is are more likely to offer forgiveness if their partner
had recently forgiven them for a transgression. However, if a
transgression is repeated, resentment begins to build, which has an
adverse effect on the offended partner’s desire to offer forgiveness.
Nature of the Transgression
The most notable feature of a transgression to have an effect on

forgiveness is the seriousness of the offence. Some transgressions
are perceived as being so serious that they are considered
unforgivable. To counter the negative effect associated with a
severe transgression, the offender may engage in repair strategies
to lessen the perceived hurt. The offender’s communication
immediately following a transgression has the greatest predictive
value on whether forgiveness will be granted.
Consequently, offenders who immediately apologize, take
responsibility, and show remorse have the greatest chance of
obtaining forgiveness from their partner. Further, self-disclosure
of a transgression yields much greater results than if a partner
is informed of the transgression through a third party. By taking
responsibility for one’s actions and being forthright through self-

disclosure of an offence, partners may actually form closer bonds
from the reconciliation associated with a serious transgression.
Social-Cognitive Variables
Attributions of responsibility for a given transgression may have

an adverse effect on forgiveness. Specifically, if a transgression is
viewed as intentional or malicious, the offended partner is less likely
to feel empathy and forgive. Based on the notion that forgiveness
is driven primarily by empathy, the offender must accept
responsibility and seek forgiveness immediately following the
transgression because apologies have been shown to elicit empathy
from the offended partner. The resulting feelings of empathy in the
offended partner may allow them to better relate to the guilt and
loneliness their partner may feel as a result of the transgression.
In this state of mind, the offended partner is more likely to seek
to normalize the relationship through granting forgiveness and
restoring closeness with their partner.
1. Of the conflict triggers discussed (criticism,

demands, cumulative annoyance, and rejection),
which one do you find most often triggers a negative
reaction from you? What strategies could you use to
better manage the trigger and more effectively
manage conflict?
2. Apply the stages of negotiation to a situation that

currently requires negotiation in your life, one from
the past, or any imaginary situation.
3. Forgiveness can be a complicated process.
Consider a situation where either you were forgiven
or you forgave someone else. Relate that situation to
the theory above with reference to predictors of
forgiveness. Were the predictors true?
Attribution

resource:

References
Emmons, R. A. (2000). Spirituality and intelligence: Problems and
prospects. International Journal for the Psychology of Religion, 10(1),
57–64. http://dx.doi.org/10.1207/S15327582IJPR1001_6
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship
between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum
Associates.

Jacobson, N. S., Christensen, A., Prince, S. E., Cordova, J., &
Eldridge, K. (2000). Integrative behavioral couple therapy: An
acceptance-based, promising new treatment for couple
discord. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(2),
351–355. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.68.2.351
Johnson, K. L., & Roloff, M. E. (2000). Correlates of the perceived
resolvability and relational consequences of serial arguing in dating
relationships: Argumentative features and the use of coping
strategies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 17(4–5),
676–686. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407500174011
4.0
McCullough, M. E., Rachal, K. C., Sandage, S. J., Worthington, E. L.,
Jr., Brown, S. W., & Hight, T. L. (1998). Interpersonal forgiving in close
relationships: II. Theoretical elaboration and measurement. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(6),
1586–1603. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.6.1586

Determinants of Forgiveness Graphic by Interpersonalcomm09,
Public domain

6.5 Conflict Management
Strategies
As already discussed, conflict is inevitable and is not inherently

negative. A key part of developing interpersonal communication
competence involves being able to effectively manage the conflict
you will encounter in all your relationships. One key part of handling
conflict better is to notice patterns of conflict in specific
relationships and to generally have an idea of what causes you to
react negatively and what your reactions usually are.
Conflict Management Strategies
Many of the strategies discussed below have been previously

mentioned in this book, but they warrant another mention because
they can help you manage conflict in a positive manner. As an
introduction, watch the video, which explores the concept of
confidence in conflict.

(TEDx Talks, 2017)
6.5 Conflict Management Strategies | 489

Defensiveness versus Supportiveness
Jack Gibb discussed defensive and supportive communication

interactions as part of his analysis of conflict management.
Defensive communication is characterized by control, evaluation,
and judgements, whereas supportive communication focuses on the
points and not personalities. When we feel judged or criticized,
our ability to listen can be diminished, and we may only hear the
negative message. By choosing to focus on the message instead
of the messenger, we can keep the discussion supportive and
professional.
Face-Detracting and Face-Saving
Communication is not competition. Communication is the sharing

of understanding and meaning, but does everyone always share
equally? People struggle for control, limit access to resources and
information as part of territorial displays, and otherwise use the
process of communication to engage in competition. People also
use communication for collaboration. Both competition and
collaboration can be observed in communication interactions, but
there are two concepts central to both: face-detracting and face-
saving strategies.
Face-detracting strategies involve messages or statements that
take away from the respect, integrity, or credibility of a person,
whereas face-saving strategies protect credibility and separate the
message from the messenger. For example, you might say that
“Sales were down this quarter” without specifically noting who was
responsible—sales were simply down. If, however, you ask, “How
does the sales manager explain the decline in sales?” you have
specifically connected an individual to the negative news. Although
we may want to specifically connect tasks and job responsibilities
490 | 6.5 Conflict Management Strategies

to individuals and departments, in terms of language, each strategy
has distinct results.
Face-detracting strategies often produce a defensive
communication climate, inhibit listening, and allow for little room
for collaboration. To save face is to raise the issue while preserving
a supportive climate, allowing room in the conversation for
constructive discussions and problem-solving. By using a face-
saving strategy to shift the emphasis from the individual to the
issue, we avoid power struggles and personalities, providing each
other with space to save face (Donohue & Kolt, 1992).
Empathy
Communication involves not only the words we write or speak, but

how and when we write or say them. The way we communicate also
carries meaning, and empathy for the individual involves attending
to this aspect of interaction. Empathetic listening, as discussed in
previous chapters, involves listening to both the literal and implied
meanings within a message. For example, the implied meaning
might involve understanding what has led a person to feel this way.
By paying attention to the feelings and emotions associated with
content and information, we can build relationships and address
conflict more constructively. In management, negotiating conflict
is a common task, and empathy is one strategy to consider when
attempting to resolve issues.
Managing Your Emotions
Have you ever “seen red” or perceived a situation through rage,

anger, or frustration? Then you know that you cannot see or think
clearly when you are experiencing strong emotions. There will be
times in the work environment when emotions run high. Your

awareness of them can help you clear your mind and choose to wait
until the moment has passed to tackle the challenge.
“Never speak or make a decision in anger” is one common saying
that holds true, but not all emotions involve fear, anger, or
frustration. A job loss can be a sort of professional death for many,
and the sense of loss can be profound. The loss of a colleague to
a layoff while you retain your position can bring both pain and
relief, as well as survivor’s guilt. Emotions can be contagious in the
workplace, and fear of the unknown can influence people to act
in irrational ways. The wise business communicator can recognize
when emotions are on edge in themselves or others and choose
to wait to communicate, problem solve, or negotiate until after the
moment has passed.
Listen Without Interrupting
If you are the receiver in a communication exchange, start by

listening without interruption. Interruptions can be both internal
and external, and warrant further discussion. If the sender of the
message starts to discuss a point, and you immediately start
debating the point in your mind, you are paying attention to yourself
and what you think they said or are going to say instead of the
message that is actually being communicated. An internal
interruption such as this gives rise to misunderstandings and may
cause you to miss valuable information that you need to understand
to address the issue at hand.
External interruptions may involve attempts to get a word in
edgewise and may change the course of the conversation. Let the
other person speak while you listen, and if you need to take notes
to focus your thoughts, take clear notes of what is said, also noting
points to revisit later. External interruptions can also take the form
of a telephone ringing, a “text message has arrived” chime, or a co-
worker dropping by in the middle of a conversation.

Image 6.8
As an effective communicator, you know all too well the importance

of considering the context and climate of a communication
interaction when approaching a delicate subject such as an
evaluation or criticism. Choose a time and place free from
interruption. The place should be outside the common space where
there may be many observers. Turn off your cellphone. Choose
face-to-face communication instead of an impersonal email. By
providing a space free of interruption, you are displaying respect for
the individual and the information.

Determine the Speaker’s Intent
People want to know what is coming and generally dislike surprises,

particularly when the context is something like an evaluation. If you
are on the receiving end, you may need to ask a clarifying question if
it doesn’t count as an interruption. You may also need to take notes
and write down questions that come to mind so you can address
them when it is your turn to speak. If you are the person giving
the evaluation, be clear and positive in your opening and lead with
praise. You you should be able to find one positive point, even if it
is only that the employee consistently shows up to work on time, to
highlight before transitioning to a performance issue.
Indicate that You Are Listening
In mainstream North American culture, eye contact is a signal that

you are listening and paying attention to the person speaking. Take
notes, nod your head, or lean forward to display interest and
listening. Regardless of whether you are the employee receiving
the criticism or the supervisor delivering it, displaying listening
behaviour engenders a positive climate that helps mitigate the
challenge of negative news or constructive criticism.
Paraphrase
Restate the main points to paraphrase what has been discussed.

This verbal display allows for clarification and acknowledges receipt
of the message. Summarize the main points and consider the steps
you will take to correct the situation, if necessary. If none come
to mind or if you are nervous and are having a hard time thinking
clearly, state out loud the main point and ask if you can provide
solution steps and strategies at a later date. You can request a

follow-up meeting if appropriate or indicate that you will respond in
writing via email to provide the additional information.
If you are the employer, restate the main points to ensure that the
message was received because not everyone hears everything that
is said or discussed the first time it is presented. Stress can impair
listening, and paraphrasing the main points can help address this
common response.
Learn from Experience
Every communication interaction provides an opportunity for

learning if you choose to see it. Sometimes the lessons are
situational and may not apply in future contexts. Other times, the
lessons learned may serve you well across your professional career.
Taking notes for yourself to clarify your thoughts, much like
journalling, serve to document and help you see the situation more
clearly.
Recognize that some aspects of communication are intentional
and may communicate meaning, even if it is hard to understand.
Also, know that some aspects of communication are unintentional
and may not imply meaning or design. People make mistakes. They
say things they should not have said. Emotions are revealed that are
not always rational and are not always associated with the current
context. A challenging morning at home can spill over into the
workday, and someone’s bad mood may have nothing to do with you.
Try to distinguish between what you can control and what you
cannot, and always choose professionalism.
Understanding Cultural Influences
As already mentioned, the strongest cultural factor that influences

your conflict approach is whether you belong to an individualistic

or collectivistic culture (Ting-Toomey, 2012). People raised in
collectivistic cultures often view direct communication regarding
conflict as a personal attack and consequently are more likely to
manage conflict through avoidance or accommodation. From a
collectivistic perspective, the underlying goal in a conflict is not the
preservation and manifestation of individual rights and attributes,
but rather the preservation of relationships. In this approach,
individual rights are superseded by group interest.
The predominant perspective of individualism is to have one’s
own ideas and act according to the courage of one’s convictions.
Any perceived constraint on individual freedom is likely to pose
immediate problems and require a response. Typically, the most
appropriate response in a conflict situation involves a direct or
honest expression of one’s ideas. People from individualistic
cultures feel comfortable agreeing to disagree and don’t generally
see such clashes as personal affronts (Ting-Toomey, 2012). They are
more likely to assert their own position in a conflict, rather than
seeking compromise or accommodation.
Gudykunst and Kim (2003) suggest that if you are an individualist
in a dispute with a collectivist, you should consider the following:
• Recognize that collectivists may prefer to have a third party

mediate the conflict so that those in conflict can manage their
disagreement without direct confrontation to preserve
relational harmony.
• Use more indirect verbal messages.
• Let go of the situation if the other person does not recognize
that the conflict exists or does not want to deal with it.
If you are a collectivist in conflict with someone from an

individualistic culture, the following guidelines may help:
• Recognize that individualists often separate conflicts from

people. It’s not personal.
• Use an assertive style filled with “I” messages, and be direct by

candidly stating your opinions and feelings.
• Manage conflicts even if you would rather avoid them.
Effective conflict resolution serves all parties and preserves

harmony. In cross-cultural situations, many scholars advocate the
use of face negotiation techniques, as outlined below.
Face Negotiation Theory
Face negotiation theory, already discussed in this chapter, states

that people in all cultures share the need to maintain and negotiate
face. Some cultures—and individuals—tend to be more concerned
with self-face, which is often associated with individualism.
Individualistic cultures prefer a direct way of addressing conflicts,
a dominating style, or, optimally, a collaborating approach.
Addressing a conflict directly is something that particular cultures
or people may prefer to avoid. Conflict resolution, in this case, may
become confrontational, potentially leading to a loss of face for the
other party. Collectivists—cultures or individuals—tend to be more
concerned with other-face and may prefer an indirect approach,
using subtle or unspoken means of dealing with conflict (avoiding,
withdrawing, compromising) so as not to challenge the face of the
other.
Conflict face negotiation theory recommends a four-skills
approach to managing conflict across cultures:
1. Mindful listening: Pay special attention to the cultural and

personal assumptions being expressed in the conflict
interaction. Paraphrase verbal and nonverbal content and the
emotional meaning of the other party’s message to check for
accurate interpretation.
2. Mindful reframing: This is another face-honouring skill that
requires the creation of alternative contexts to shape our
understanding of the conflict behaviour.

3. Collaborative dialogue: This is an exchange of dialogue that is
oriented fully in the present moment and builds on mindful
listening and mindful reframing to practise communicating
with different linguistic or contextual resources.
4. Culture-based conflict resolution steps: This seven-step
conflict resolution model guides conflicting groups to identify
the background of a problem, analyze the cultural assumptions
and underlying values of a person in a conflict situation, and
promotes ways to achieve harmony and share a common
goal.The process entails asking yourself the following
questions:
◦ What is my cultural and personal assessment of the

problem?
◦ Why did I form this assessment and what is the source of
this assessment?
◦ What are the underlying assumptions or values that drive
my assessment?
◦ How do I know my assumptions are relative or valid in this
conflict context?
◦ What reasons might I have for maintaining or changing my
underlying conflict premise?
◦ How should I change my cultural or personal premises into
a direction that promotes deeper intercultural
understanding?
◦ How should I adapt on both verbal and nonverbal conflict
style levels in order to display facework-sensitive
behaviours and to facilitate a productive common-interest
outcome?
(Ting-Toomey, 2012; Fisher-Yoshida, 2005; Mezirow, 2000)

Assertive Communication
When we communicate assertively, we are stating our interpersonal

needs clearly and directly while respecting the other person’s needs
in the relationship (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
As such, this an effective conflict management strategy that we
can use. However, there is a clear distinction between aggressive
communication and assertive communication. While both types are
focused on the self and one’s own needs, only assertive
communication is also focused on the others’ needs (Maricopa
Community College District, 2016). Assertive communication is not
easy, and balancing needs in relationships is not easy. Assertive
communication is a key component when talking about conflict
within relationships because it allows us to better meet the
relational needs of both partners and strengthen our relationships.
Strategies to help you build assertive communication skills are
outlined below (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Image 6.9

Ways to Assert Yourself
“I” Statements – Owning your Voice
We have already discussed the use of “I” statements; however, they

are also an integral part of handling and decreasing, conflict
(Maricopa Community College District, 2016). “I” statements directly
express your thoughts, needs, feelings, and experiences to the
people around you and allow your to take responsibility for your
experiences.
Table 6.2. “I” Statements vs. “You” Statements

“I” Statements “You” Statements
I think I am unappreciated. You don’t care about me.
I need some help. You are a freeloader and never help.
I felt angry … You made me feel …
It makes me sad to be left out. You never invite me out with your friends.
Watch out for those fake “I” statements that so regularly sneak
into our conversations—“I feel you …” and “I think you …” are
actually hidden “You” statements. They place blame on the other
person in the relationship and avoid responsibility for thoughts,
feelings, and actions (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Asking Great Questions
The key to asking really great questions is being a really great

listener (Maricopa Community College District, 2016). If you are
actively listening, you will recognize what information you are
missing or what you need clarification for. Some basic types of
questions you should understand and master are discussed below
There is a general distinction made between open-ended
questions, questions that likely require some thought and more
than a yes or no answer, and close-ended questions, questions that
only require a specific answer or a yes or no answer (Maricopa
Community College District, 2016). This is an important distinction
to understand and remember. In the context of managing conflict,
open-ended questions are used to gather information, and close-
ended questions are used to clarify the concepts or ideas you have
heard (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Watch out for leading questions, which provide a direction or
answer for someone to agree or disagree with (Maricopa
Community College District, 2016). An example would be, “So, you
are going to vote for _____ for president, aren’t you?” or “What
they did is unbelievable, don’t you agree?” These questions can
easily be turned into information gathering questions: “Who are
you going to vote for this year?” or “What do you think about their
behaviour?”

Framing and Reframing
In communication, framing is essentially the act of intentionally

setting the stage for the conversation you want to have (Maricopa
Community College District, 2016). To frame a conversation, you
express why you want to engage in the topic, what your intent
is, and what you hope the outcome might be for resolving the
conflict, as well as the impact or importance of your relationship.
When you frame a conversation, you remove the need for the other
person to assume what your intentions and motives are or why you
are bringing the topic up right now (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016).
Image 6.10
There are many ways to frame a conversation; here are a few ideas
for how to frame a conversation effectively:

• Ask about timing:
◦ “I have been wanting to connect with you to discuss

_____. Would now be a good time?” (If the answer is no,
take a minute to schedule a better time to talk.)
• Share why’s, concerns, and intentions:
◦ “I’m bringing this up because I want us and this project to

be successful, and I’m concerned that we are missing
something.”
◦ “My intention is to share my thoughts with you, but I don’t
have any expectations that you do anything about them.”
• Frame a boundary:
◦ “I can see this isn’t a good time to talk, so I’d like to set up
a time that works better.”
◦ “I appreciate you thinking of me for this project. I’m
currently working on _____, which means,
unfortunately, I can’t do both and have to say no to your
request.”

Framing sets the stage for the rest of the conversation to unfold.
A little bit of framing goes a long way in helping conversations be
more productive and helping to manage some of the conflicts that
can happen when people have to make assumptions about “why”
and conversation or conflict is happening (Maricopa Community
Framing happens at the beginning of a conversation, whereas
reframing happens when things get off track and you need to bring
a conversation back on topic (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016). In a conversation, reframing helps us see more of
what is going on, helps us focus on the larger picture or our end
goals, and helps to defuse tense situations (Maricopa Community
Reframing can be used in the following ways to manage conflict:

• To defuse inflammatory language
• To recast negative statements into neutral or positive ones
• To refocus attention
• To acknowledge strong emotions in a productive manner
• To translate communication so that it is more likely to be
heard and acknowledged by other parties
• To re-contextualize the dispute and provide a broader
perspective
Table 6.3. Examples of Reframing Statements

Original Statement Reframed Statement
“We must be misunderstanding each other. Can you help me understand what
“You misinterpret everything.”
you meant?”
“I am fed up with your negative response to
“I agree. Let’s focus on finding a solution and move away from negativity.”
everything that is proposed.”
“If you are okay with it, can we make sure we have the big picture figured out
“Can we just keep talking about this one detail?”
before focusing on details? Maybe the details will become clearer then.”
“That seems really petty! Can you believe that “That sounds irritating. What do you need to move past this moment and look
keeps happening?” for a solution?”
Developing Assertive Messages
Boundaries
When we speak about being assertive, we often talk about drawing

or holding our boundaries (Maricopa Community College District,
2016). In a physical space, boundaries are easy to identify, such as
a fence, stop signs, or a door. Boundaries in our social experiences
are not as easy to identify but are just as real and important as
physical boundaries. Fences and doors tell us where it is safe to
go and how to behave. The same is true when we assert our social
boundaries. You can think of them as the invisible fences or doors
we create in our lives. Asserting our social boundaries tells those
around us what is and is not acceptable in our interaction—they are
the guidelines and rules we give people around us for how we want
our relationship with them to look (Maricopa Community College
District, 2016).
A basic act of being assertive is simply saying no. Saying no
without using little white lies or justifying why you are saying it
takes some practice (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
Have you ever been invited out with friends but didn’t want to go?
Did you make something up, saying, “I’m busy,” when really you just
don’t want to go out? Being assertive in that situation looks like “I
really appreciate the offer, and I hope you invite me in the future,
but now I just need some ‘me’ time.”
Decreasing Defensiveness
One of the ways we can decrease the possibility of the receiver

becoming defensive and instead demonstrating support is to focus
on describing our feelings rather than evaluating the people causing
the problem we have (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
When we describe our feelings, we begin by giving our relational
partner insight into the specific emotion we are experiencing. Then
we tell them which specific behaviour is causing us to feel the way
we do. Next, we provide two possible reasons or interpretations of
why they might be exhibiting the behaviour we do not like. Finally,
we conclude by explaining the consequences that their behaviour
will have on our relationship if it continues. Throughout your
communication of “I” messages, you must be sure you are helping
your partner, friend, or family member maintain their positive and
negative face. We do not want to threaten either one during our
interaction (Maricopa Community College District, 2016).
The following four-part “I” statement formula can help you
decrease defensiveness and help the other person maintain face:
1. Feeling: Clearly explain your feelings using the construction “I

feel _____.” This must be a feeling. Stating “I feel you are
lazy” will not have the intended effect. Refer back to the
Feelings Wheel in Chapter 5 for examples.
2. Observed behaviour: Describe the other person’s behaviour
using the construction “ … when you _____.” This is not a
blaming statement. “I feel angry when you are a jerk” is not
helpful. The purpose of this part of the formula is to state an
observation. State what you actually observed with no
judgement.
3. Interpretations: Give TWO possible interpretations of why the
other person may have behaved the way they did. Maybe they
don’t realize what they are doing? Maybe they are just tired?
Maybe they are too focused on their own problems?
Remember that we like our positive and negative faces to
remain unthreatened. Stating two interpretations is key so you
don’t appear as though you know what motivates another
person. You aren’t a mind reader, so don’t pretend to be. Try

using the construction: “I’m not sure if you _____ or
______.”
4. Consequences: When another person’s behaviour starts to
negatively affect you, you might notice that the behaviour of
others does, in fact, have consequences for you and your
relationship. In this last part of your “I” statements, explain
how the other person’s behaviour is impacting you and how it
might change your relationship. Are you going to have to
change the way you interact with them, or will you have to use
protective strategies to maintain your sanity? Use these
constructions to communicate the consequences: “If this
keeps happening, I might need to _____” OR “I might have
to start _____ to feel better about our relationship” OR “I
think I should _____ from now on.”
Consider this—maybe you’ve asked your romantic partner to pick

their socks up from the floor, but they still leave their socks all
over the house. You don’t want to be aggressive and shout at them,
but you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. You can use
“I” statements during these times.
Here is a possible four-part series of “I” statements to use with
your relational partner who can’t seem to get their socks into the
hamper (or laundry basket):
I feel frustrated (feeling) when I see your socks all over
our room (observed behaviour). I’m not sure whether you
are tired or just think I have time to pick them up
(interpretations). If this keeps happening, I would like to you
do your own laundry (consequences).

The Six-Step Assertion Process
Imagine that you know it’s time to draw a boundary with someone
close to you—you’ve thought long and hard about what is important
to you, and you know what you want to say. So, what do you do now?
The six-step assertion process is a good way to handle it.
Robert Bolton (1979) gives us the following process for delivering
our assertion:
1. Preparation: In the preparation stage, you spend time before

you enter into a conversation with the other person reflecting
on what is important for you to convey. Consider the
contextual elements of the communication situation, develop
your message, and prepare yourself for the process and for
active listening.
2. Deliver the message: Share your assertive message.
3. Silence: Allow the other person time to process what you have
just said. Sometimes after we assert ourselves, we want to
justify ourselves or jump in when there is silence because it
can be awkward and uncomfortable. Take a deep breath while
they consider what you have just said; they may have not
considered the topic before this very moment.
4. Active listening: Once the person responds to your assertion,
your job is to reflect back on what their response is. This
response could be defensive, it could be off track from your
original topic, or they could shut down. Actively listening to
the other person will likely be the last thing you want to do, so
make sure to prepare for this part of the process as much as
you can in the preparation step.
5. Recycle steps 2 to 4 as necessary: You will likely have to
reassert yourself, provide more silence, and actively listen a
few times before you can move into the final step in the
process. This part of the process allows you and the other
person to really understand each other and to be on the same

page.
6. Focus on a solution: In conflict, we often jump to this step
without taking the time to go through steps 1 to 5. Only focus
on a solution after you have understood the other person, they
have understood you, and you are both ready and capable of
focusing on a solution.
1. Which of the conflict management strategies do

you already use? Which ones do you see yourself
using in the future? Why?
2. Which conflict management strategy do you feel
you are less likely to use? Why?
3. Think of a past situation where an assertive
message would have helped the outcome? Practise
making an assertive message for that situation.
Attribution

resource:

References
Bolton, R. (1979). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to
others, and resolve conflicts. Touchstone.
Donohue, W. A., & Kolt, R. (1992). Managing interpersonal conflict.
Sage.
https://doi.org/10.4135/9781483325873
Fisher-Yoshida, B. (2005). Reframing conflict: Intercultural
conflict as potential transformation. Journal of Intercultural
Communication, 8(1), 1–16.
Gudykunst, W. B., & Kim, Y. Y. (2003). Communicating with
strangers: An approach to intercultural communication (4th ed.).
McGraw-Hill.
4.0
Mezirow, J. (2000). Learning to think like an adult: Core concepts
of transformation theory. In J. Mezirow (Ed.), Learning as
transformation: Critical perspectives on a theory in progress (pp.
3–33). Jossey-Bass.
TEDx Talks. (2017, December 11). Finding confidence in conflict

| Kwame Christian | TEDxDayton [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6Zg65eK9XU
Ting-Toomey, S. (2012). Understanding intercultural conflict
competence: multiple theoretical insights. In J. Jackson (Ed.), The
Routledge handbook of language and intercultural communication
(pp. 279–295). Routledge.

Shimer College Susan Henking listening 2013 cropped by Shimer
College, CC BY 2.0
International Women’s Day in Egypt – Flickr – Al Jazeera English
(53) by Al Jazeera English, CC BY-SA 2.0
A mock-up Picture frame by Amanda Elizabeth, Public domain

6.6 Review
Review

material in this chapter. These activities, along with the questions
found throughout the chapter, should provide a thorough
assessment of your understanding of conflict in our relationships.
Matching Review

Review Quiz

514 | 6.6 Review

Attribution

resource:

6.6 Review | 515

516 | 6.6 Review
CHAPTER VII
COMMUNICATION IN
ACTION
Communication in Action | 517

518 | Communication in Action
7.1 Introduction to
Communication in Action
Learning Objectives
1. Use the critical listening, critical thinking, and

critical ignoring three-step strategy
2. Describe how to relay information in a clear,
organized ,and concise manner
3. Discuss methods of enhancing your public speaking
skills
4. Discuss strategies for improving digital
communication and citizenship
5. Describe group problem-solving strategies
6. Discuss strategies for obtaining information during
a conversation
7.1 Introduction to Communication in Action | 519

Chapter Overview
This book has so far covered specific areas of communication and

introduced communication strategies that use those specific skills.
This chapter will introduce you to communication strategies that
combine several areas of communication skills. The strategies in
this chapter are not all-inclusive—there are many more to learn.
These strategies have been selected because they combine the
communication skills covered in the book, can be learned using this
book, and are appropriate for professional settings. Many advanced
communication strategies require extra training beyond the scope
of this book, which specialized post-secondary programs and
professional settings can provide. Each strategy in this chapter
includes a suggested circumstance for its use in a professional
setting. However, you are encouraged to think beyond the examples
provided and consider employing any of the strategies to enhance
communication competence and interpersonal relationships in any
setting, professional and personal alike.
Attribution

resource:
Thomas, L., Haupt, J., & Spackman, A. (2017).

Management communication. The Marriott School at
Brigham Young University. https://open.umn.edu/
opentextbooks/textbooks/management-
communication, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0, except
where otherwise noted.
520 | 7.1 Introduction to Communication in Action

7.1 Introduction to Communication in Action | 521
7.2 Critical Thinking
This page discusses critical thinking—

when to use it, what strategies to use, why it’s
important for communication, and how to employ the
strategies.
When
Imagine someone asked you to share the best way to approach a

colleague about a behaviour that is bothering them. What would
you say? How did you come to your response? If you asked and
someone told you their answer, what would you think or feel about
their response? How did you come to the reaction you had to their
response? Recalling the role of perception from an earlier chapter,
we know that our communication is always shaped by a perspective
we hold based on our experiences. What happens when you don’t
know the answer or you don’t like the option someone else
provided? How do you re-approach the question to come up with
a response? When searching for information on how to answer a
question, how do we select the best information? Communication
competence is achieved by the ability to pay critical attention to
how information is being perceived, selected, and communicated by
ourselves and others. This is especially challenging in increasingly
diverse, complex, and information-filled environments.
522 | 7.2 Critical Thinking

What
So, what are our strategies? In reality, there are many different
strategies to critically attend to the messages we send and receive.
In this section, we will explore a three-strategy approach: critical
listening, critical thinking, and critical ignoring.
Why
In the scenario above in which a co-worker asks you to share the

best way to approach a colleague about a behaviour that is
bothering them, what would your immediate response be? Your
immediate response might be an effective solution, but that’s not
what we’re trying to figure out. Whatever your immediate response
was, we want to learn to employ strategies to actively seek other
possible solutions and explore them in depth. Your immediate
response to the question may also indicate your own bias, which
is what we want to avoid when choosing and communicating a
response. Bias is “an outlook … based on a personal and sometimes
unreasoned judgement and/or an instance of such prejudice”
(Merriam-Webster, 2023a). Perhaps you consciously recall personal
experiences of how you’ve approached co-workers in the past, and
your immediate response has been shaped by those experiences.
Your response is biased because it is based on personal experience.
Sometimes we are consciously aware of our bias when we
communicate; however, implicit bias can also exist. Implicit bias
is “a bias or prejudice that is present but not consciously held or
recognized” (Merriam-Webster, 2023b). Shaping our response
according to our experiences is natural and helps us make decisions
quickly. At the same time, relying only on our own experiences
limits us to the options we already know.
If competent communication is our goal, competent
7.2 Critical Thinking | 523

communicators can understand, choose from, and perform a wide
range of behaviours (Adler et al., 2021, pp. 16–19). Knowing about
conscious and implicit bias, we can start to listen to ourselves and
others communicate and possibly become consciously aware.
Listening to all communication can help us become more reasoned
communicators and allow us to connect better with others as we
acknowledge diverse perspectives alongside our own. Bias can turn
into reason when more information is gathered, other possible
solutions are identified, and all the information is analyzed to
determine a reasoned response or action.
Ultimately, using strategies to critically attend to information
helps us to do the following:
• Challenge our assumptions

• Avoid information overload
• Avoid the communication of biased or irrelevant information
• Develop an understanding of and empathy for different
perspectives
• Explore options to make an informed decision
• Connect with diverse audiences.
How
Strategy 1: Critical Listening
Many different ways of listening are described in literature. Three

listening types are commonly discussed:
1. Informational listening
2. Comprehensive and evaluative listening
3. Empathic listening

Each type of listening serves a different purpose, can be used in
isolation or simultaneously, and can help us perceive, select and/
or evaluate information to use orally or in writing. Each of the
listening styles can be used when attending to external information
being given to us and can also serve as an introspective approach to
listening to ourselves.
Informational listening involves gathering new information and
facts, then identifying key points. This is followed by recording
the information so that we can access it later by committing it to
memory and/or taking physical notes.
Comprehensive and evaluative listening is a combination of
listening styles that does not attempt to decide if information is
right or wrong. Instead, this listening style determines the main
message the information is trying to send and how similar or
different the information is to our existing knowledge and beliefs. It
is through this listening style that we decide what we have learned.
This process is an active approach that uses the following steps;
• Seeks to understand and organize the information gathered;

uses paraphrasing and questioning communication skills
• Seeks to align the new information with what we already know
or believe
Empathic listening is an active listening style that seeks to identify

and understand the feelings and emotions behind the information
being presented. You may ask questions, gently requesting that the
speaker discuss their feelings and emotions. You will also use
paraphrasing, and seek clarification to help understand whether
you have truly heard the other person’s perspective. This listening
style helps to create connection and trust between the listener and
speaker.
Consider the following scenario: Your workplace team is trying to
decide whether cellphones should be banned whenever interactions
with clients take place. The discussion has been raised several times

and there are many different opinions and perspectives on the
question.
When you ask yourself the question, listen to your own reaction
and internal communication. When you imagine this discussion
taking place with your workplace team, imagine the range of
opinions and perspectives. When you imagine yourself doing any
kind of research to gather information about the topic, imagine the
information you might find.
How would you use each of the listening styles above?
Imagine the possible information you might gather from each
listening style. Imagine the possible emotions and feelings that
may need to be managed. What might be the benefits and
challenges from using each listening style?
Gathering information is usually the first step in any situation
that requires critically attending to information, but it doesn’t
end there, and you may revisit the critical listening strategy
at any point in your approach. Nonetheless, after gathering
information, you’ll need to do something with it, and there may
be a lot of information to sort through. This is where the next
two strategies come into play.
Strategy 2: Critical Thinking
The concept of critical thinking does not have a single definition;

instead, definitions range from simple to complex but capture a
common theme of analyzing information to gain a better
understanding.
Here are a few definitions to consider:
• Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of

actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing,
synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or
generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or
communication, as a guide to belief and action (Foundation for

Critical Thinking, 2019).
• For some, critical thinking has a lot to do with understanding
one’s own perspective and those of others.
• Critical thinking is the mental process involved in processing
information for the purpose of problem solving, decision
making, and thinking critically (Drew, 2023).
• Critical thinking is the means of assessing the accuracy,
authenticity, plausibility, or sufficiency of all information
(Beyer 1995).
• Critical thinking is developing the ability to think in alignment
with the original idea or different from the original idea.
Not surprisingly, several critical-thinking models or frameworks

are commonly used. Each approaches the process of analyzing and
understanding information in a different way and for a different
purpose. Some examples of critical-thinking models are listed in the
table below.
Table 7.1. Examples of Critical-Thinking Models or Frameworks

Critical Thinking Model Purpose of the Model
Bloom’s Taxonomy
Doing sequential activities to master the skills of critical thinking
(Vanderpool & Robinson, 2017)
Three-Stage Method: Description – Analysis –
Critical Evaluation (Page 4) Systematically finding the best solution to a problem.
(Plymouth University, 2010)
Something’s Up! Model

Exploring how I and/or others are looking at a problem; especially useful for
(Apedaile & NorQuest College Centre for
diverse groups
Intercultural Education, 2015)
PROACT Technique
Determining the urgency and impact of solving the problem
(Hammond et al., 1999)
Mental Models Engaging in a particular aspect or lens of critical thinking to generate ideas
(Crockett, 2021) and perspectives
Consider the previous scenario where your workplace team is trying
to decide whether cellphones should be banned whenever
interactions with clients take place. The discussion has been raised
several times, and there are many different opinions and
perspectives on the question. Choose one or two of the critical-
thinking models in the table above to explore and click on the
links. Use the steps in each model to answer the question “Should
cellphones be banned whenever interactions with clients take
place?”
In their own unique way, each model will ask you to gather more
information from sources of information such as books, articles, or
other people. You will then compare and analyze the information
and perspectives you gather, considering possible courses of action
and their possible outcomes and impacts. This gathering, sorting,
and analyzing of information is essential to making a final decision
based on reason instead of personal bias. However, as you may have
already felt, the process can be overwhelming if there are a lot
of facts, perspectives, and resulting options and consequences. We
can understand why personal bias becomes the more attractive and
easily accessible option.
Strategy 3: Critical Ignoring
The third and find strategy in moving towards communication

competence, critical ignoring, helps us navigate the sea of
information and decide what to keep and what to discard. As you
consider your own response and that of others to the question
“Should cellphones be banned whenever interactions with clients
take place?” you may think of some strong opinionated responses
that might be communicated or find some compelling evidence
for or against the issue when you research the topic. The degree
to which you feel overwhelmed by the information indicates your

natural capacity for taking in information, and you may have already
started to ignore some of the information you have come across.
This means you are already engaging in critical ignoring, which
is choosing what to ignore, learning how to resist misleading
information, and deciding where to invest your attention (Kozyreva
et al., 2023). You may now be asking how critical ignoring is not
biased. Critical ignoring is not biased because the choice of what
information is ignored is based on assessing the quality of the
information and is not based on personal opinions and perspectives.
Note that although critical ignoring is designed for online sources
of information, it is possible to apply the same approach to human
sources of information.
The following three steps are involved in critical ignoring:
1. Self-nudging: This is ignoring temptations by removing

them. For example, you know that a particular website or
social media platform tends to post a lot of information
that grabs your attention but isn’t usually helpful because
of its lack of objective facts and supporting evidence. You
turn off notifications from these sources or remove them.
Then you turn your attention to the high-quality sources
of information that usually do provide information that
stands up to reason. Self-nudging provides a sense of
control, enabling you to access the best sources of
information in diverse and complex environments.
2. Lateral reading: This is determining how trustworthy a
source and its information is by investigating the
background of the website and author, and by comparing
the information across a wide variety of sources. For
example, you click on an article with an attention-
grabbing title that is connected to a problem you’ve
recently been discussing with colleagues. The information
sounds excellent and helpful, but how to be sure?
Investigating the author of the article reveals that they
have credentials and experience related to the topic. A

close look at the organization that runs the website reveals
that they are selling one of the products mentioned in the
article, which casts doubt on the quality of the
information. Last but not least, you search for other
articles on the same topic, and almost all the articles from
different sources agree with the information presented in
the original article. You assess the article’s information to
be of reasonable quality and forward it to your colleagues
to consider. Lateral reading is initially time consuming, but
with practice, it can develop into a quick and easy method
of investing in the highest-quality information.
3. Do not feed the trolls—ignoring malicious actors: This
involves learning how to ignore the people who spread
misinformation or harass others using multiple platforms,
or those who create debate or argument where there is
none to be had. Because online statements can be
emotionally charged, deliberately personal, or polarizing,
we as humans tend to have just as emotional a response,
and it is difficult not to react or try to defend the cause or
individual being attacked. “Feeding the trolls” by directly
engaging with them is tempting but ultimately has the
same effect as feeding ourselves a good breakfast—it
provides the necessary fuel for growth and regeneration.
Instead of feeding the trolls, do not respond directly, block
and report them to the platform where they are making
statements, and then seek support from your close social
group or professionals.
(Kozyreva et al., 2023)

Consider the previous scenario where your workplace team is
trying to decide whether cellphones should be banned whenever
interactions with clients take place. If you followed the first two
steps, critical listening and critical thinking, you now have a lot of
information to sort through. There may be many different opinions
and perspectives on the question, and perhaps you found a few

published articles. Next comes the third and final step, critical
ignoring, to narrow down the information that really helps to
answer the question.
As you reflect on the information you gather when exploring
any topic or question, this three-strategy approach will help you
manage the information and come to a reasonable course of action.
1. Consider the following questions (Stevenson, 2023)

and choose one that you would like to use to work
through the three-step critical-thinking strategy
you’ve read about on this page:
◦ Does humanity have the right to colonize

other planets?
◦ Should we aim to rehabilitate prisoners or
should we just punish them for their crimes?
◦ Would public health care be better than
private?
◦ Should more be done to protect children on
social media?
2. Use the critical listening, critical thinking, and

critical ignoring three-step strategy.
◦ What response to the original question did

you come up with?
◦ List and describe at least three key points
that helped determine your final response as a

result of using the three-step strategy.
Attribution

Department of Communication Studies. (n.d.).

Communicating to connect: Interpersonal
communication for today. Austin Community College.
https://sites.google.com/austincc.edu/
interpersonaloer/title-page, licensed under CC BY-NC-
SA 4.0, except where otherwise noted.
References
Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor, R., II. (2021). LOOK: Looking out,
looking in (4th ed.). Cengage Canada. (Original work published 2017)
Apedaile, S., & NorQuest College Centre for Intercultural
Education. (2015). The Something’s up! cycle.
https://www.norquest.ca/NorquestCollege/media/pdf/about/
resources/intercultural-resources-for-educators/the-
somethings-up-cycle.pdf
Beyer, B. K. (1995). Critical thinking. Phi Kappa Delta Educational
Foundation.
Crockett, L. (2021, September 29). The most useful critical thinking
mental models to know about. Future Focused Learning.
https://blog.futurefocusedlearning.net/useful-critical-thinking-
mental-models

Drew, C. (2023, May 10). The 4 types of critical thinking skills
– explained! HelpfulProfessor.com. https://helpfulprofessor.com/
thinking-skills/
The Foundation for Critical Thinking. (2019). Defining critical
thinking. https://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/defining-
critical-thinking/766
Hammond, J., Keeney, R., & Raiffa, H. (1999). Smart choices:
PROACT technique. Harvard Business School Press.
https://www.canada.ca/en/services/jobs/training/initiatives/
skills-success/tools/problem-solved-employees-
learners.html#h2.04
Kozyreva, A., Wineburg, S., Lewandowsky, S., & Hertwig, R. (2023).
Critical ignoring as a core competence for digital citizens. Current
Directions in Psychological Science, 32(1), 81–88. https://doi.org/
10.1177/09637214221121570
Merriam-Webster. (2023a). Bias. In Merriam-Webster.com
dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bias
Merriam-Webster. (2023b). Implicit bias. In Merriam-Webster.com
implicit%20bias
Plymouth University. (2010). Critical thinking. Learning
Development with Plymouth University.
https://www.plymouth.ac.uk/uploads/production/document/
path/1/1710/Critical_Thinking.pdf
Stevenson, T. (2023, April 13). 80 ethical questions to ask yourself
and others. Questions About Everything.
https://questionsabouteverything.com/ethical-
questions/#Looking_For_More_Questions
Vanderpool, A., & Robinson, T. A. (2017, November 29). Critical
thinking: Multiple models for teaching and learning (abridged).
Teaching With Writing: The WIC Newsletter (Spring 2023).
https://blogs.oregonstate.edu/wicnews/2017/11/29/critical-
thinking-multiple-models-teaching-
learning/#:~:text=Beyer’s%20evaluative%20thinking%20model&te

xt=Thus%2C%20critical%20(or%2C%20to,(Beyer%201995%2C%201
0

7.3 Relaying Information
This page discusses relaying information—

when to use it, what strategies to use, why it is
strategies.
When
Sharing information is a basic function of all professional roles.

Professionals share information with individuals and/or groups of
clients or colleagues, with other organizations, and with the
community. Sharing information requires verbal and nonverbal
communication skills, as well as critical-thinking skills. Information
can be shared formally, such as a formal announcement to a team, or
informally such as when your supervisor asks you for an opinion on
a new technology. Information can also be shared through various
channels, including face-to-face verbal communication, in writing,
through visuals in a presentation, or online in a videoconference
or social media post. No matter the audience, the formality, or the
channel, the content of the message must be organized, concise,
and clear if people are to receive our intended message.
536 | 7.3 Relaying Information

What
On this page, we will explore two strategies for making our message
in any situation organized, concise, and clear:
1. Creating an outline
2. Using the SMART structure
Why
Workplaces are complex—efficiency relies on effective

communication and time needs to be used effectively. Each
professional role has a job, and professionals can’t spend infinite
amounts of time relaying or receiving information. We often don’t
have a lot of time to receive the information that is necessary to
make our decisions, and we don’t always know what information our
audience needs to make theirs. Improving our communication skills
to be organized, clear, and concise allows a team and organization
to run effectively. We must train ourselves to continuously organize
and structure the information we receive and deliver. Practising
using the following strategies takes time and patience. However,
after this practice, organized, concise, and clear communication will
become something we easily do out of habit.
How
Strategy 1: Creating an Outline
Chances are that we have all developed some bad habits when it comes
7.3 Relaying Information | 537

to relaying information. Swiping, thumb typing, or otherwise spewing
words onto a screen or verbally to a colleague is just too easy. How often
do you edit or refine your message before you hit Send? How often do
you stop to organize and consider your thoughts before speaking to
someone?
In the workplace, this method of delivering information is risky. Simply
typing or saying whatever comes to mind produces rambling messages
that frustrate or confuse the recipient. Time will often be wasted
clarifying or revisiting ideas. Investing time in an outline will improve the
clarity, flow, and brevity of your message. Outlining forces you to use
critical thinking first, which helps you identify your core message and
remove any unnecessary information.
On this page are three common approaches to outlining: 1) the top-
down approach, 2) mind mapping, and 3) the bottom-up approach.
None is better than the others; use whichever technique works best for
you, but use one of them. In addition to the information you’ll include,
you must also consider the time you have to deliver the message.
Without an outline, your message is like a trip without an itinerary: fun
for you, maybe, but maddeningly hard for your audience to follow.
1) Top-Down Approach
Top-down outlining works well

when you already know the
Image 7.1
main subtopics you want to
address. The top-down outline
allows you to organize the ideas you know you need to include in
your message. Ideas are arranged in a logical order, often
numerically. There is always an introductory idea and a concluding
idea. After arranging them in a logical order, you then develop each
idea with supporting information.
An example of a top-down outline:
You are the Occupational Health and Safety

representative in your department. Your supervisor has
asked you to develop a 15-minute presentation for the
next staff meeting to explain a new procedure to the
team and will be asking you to present the same
information in a one-on-one orientation with all future
new employees. They would like you to explain the
procedure, who they can contact for support, and when
and why it’s needed. You use your critical-thinking skills
to determine the following top-down outline (Table 7.2)
for your 15-minute timeframe.
Table 7.2. Example of a Top-Down Outline

Time Allotted to
Main Idea Supporting Information
Relay the Information
• New safety policies will come into effect at the end of this month. 0.5 minutes
Introduction Part of the new safety policies is a new procedure we have to follow
when a person gets hurt at work.
• The new safety policies have changed because new laws have been
0.5 minutes
passed.
Why we have a new procedure
• The company is responding to increased safety risks in the
post-pandemic era.
• Identify the injury

What the new procedure is • Report the injury verbally and in writing 5 minutes
• Document the plan and outcome
• When to use it
When to use the new procedure • When not to use it 5 minutes
• Risks of not using it
• Policy and procedure manual updated sections (physical and digital

Sources for more information and versions)
1 minute
support • The Occupational Health and Safety representative
• Human Resources department
Time for questions 3 minutes

2) Mind Mapping
Mind mapping is great when

you want to visually associate
and/or explore multiple aspects
of a topic or concept. If your ideas
are not fully developed, or if you’re
more of a visual thinker, you may
prefer a mind map to a formal
outline. After creating the mind
map, you can then make decisions Image 7.2
about the logical flow of ideas
when presenting the information to your audience.
Steps to creating a mind map style outline:
1. Write your main idea in the centre of a blank page. This

strategy gives you room to branch out in all directions.
2. Identify subcategories of the main idea and assign each one a
keyword. Single words are more powerful and memorable.
Choosing a single word forces you to think clearly and
concisely.
3. Draw branches from your central image with labels for the
subcategories. Draw sub-branches for the conceptual
components of each category. Use colour.
4. Expand your subcategories with more branches and keywords.
This will allow you to further refine your ideas.
5. Draw curved branches. Straight lines feel mechanical, whereas
curved lines feel organic. You want your mind map to feel like a
living, breathing organism.
6. Add images to the branches and sub-branches if you’re more

visual. Pictures capture ideas more succinctly and creatively
than words do.
Example of a mind map–style outline, based on the same scenario

as above:
Image 7.3
3) Bottom-Up Approach
Bottom-up outlining is
essential when you have lots of
information but need to impose
structure and direction. A
wonderful antidote for writer’s
block, bottom-up outlining can
be used when writing alone or Image 7.4
in a group.

Follow these three steps:
1. Brainstorm: Think about your idea and write down whatever

comes to mind. Don’t hold back. Capture all the facts,
keywords, concepts, stories, analogies, diagrams, and related
ideas you can think of.
2. Cluster: Next, look for patterns in your brainstormed list.
Group related items together. Make clusters of meaning and
stay open to new ideas. Notice any unusual associations
between facts.
3. Sequence: Finally, look at your clusters and sequence them in
the way that will best achieve your purpose. Your sequence
must be logical, and different organizing logics demand
different sequences.
Table 7.3. Example of Bottom-Up Approach

Cluster
Brainstorm Sequence
(words in parentheses indicate clusters)
We have had new safety policies come New safety policies will come into effect at
into effect at the end of this month. Part the end of this month. Part of the new safety
of the new safety policies is a new policies is a new procedure we need to follow
procedure we have to follow when a when a person gets hurt at work.
person gets hurt at work. (Introduction)
Steps to the procedure (Identification, The new safety policies have changed
Reporting, Documentation). because new laws have been passed. (Why)
The company is responding to Steps to the procedure (Identification,
increased safety risks in the post- Reporting, Documentation) (What)
pandemic era. The company is responding to increased
The new safety policies have changed safety risks in the post-pandemic era. (Why)
because new laws have been passed. When and when not to use the procedure.
When and when not to use the (When)
procedure Risks of not using it. (When)
Risks of not using it. Staff can review the Policy and Procedure
Staff can review the Policy and manual or talk to the Occupational Health
Procedure manual or talk to the and Safety representative (me) and the
Occupational Health and Safety Human Resources department. (Sources for
representative (me) and the Human staff support)
Resources department. 15 minutes to deliver the information 1) Introduction
15 minutes to deliver the information above.
above. (Considerations) New safety policies come into effect at
Suitable for delivering to individuals Suitable for delivering to individuals or the end of this month. Part of the new
or groups. groups. (Considerations) safety policies is a new procedure we
Include time for questions and Include time for questions and discussion. need to follow when a person gets hurt
discussion. (Considerations) at work.
(0.5 minutes)
2) Why we have a new procedure
• The company is responding to

increased safety risks in the
post-pandemic era.
• The new safety policies have
changed because new laws have
been passed.
• When to use it
• When not to use it
• Risks of not using it
(5 minutes)
5) Sources for more information and
support
• Policy and Procedure manual

updated sections (physical and
digital versions)
• Occupational Health and Safety
After you clarify and arrange your content using one of the above
outlining strategies, refine your message by using the next strategy,
the SMART structure.
Strategy 2: Applying the SMART Structure
In previous classes, you may have learned a three-part approach

to writing an essay to deliver your ideas: introduction, body, and
conclusion. In the workplace, after creating the outline for your
information, use the SMART structure to determine how you will
deliver the information to your audience. The SMART structure
modifies the essay-writing approach to create a more workplace-
oriented outline designed to engage the audience to attend to the
information being shared. The SMART structure expands the
“introduction” part by specifying three subparts: an attention getter,
a key point, and an agenda. Then the body and conclusion are
renamed to create an easily remembered acronym for the strategy:
the SMART structure.
SMART is an acronym for …
• Story: Why should your audience spend precious time and

attention on your message? This is the first question you must
answer. Hook your audience by starting with a story, a
shocking statistic, or a surprising observation, but keep it brief
and make it relevant—no gimmicks, please. If you tell the story
at the start and never mention it again, it’s gratuitous. Some
communicators “bookend” their message by returning to their
opening story at the end of the message. This creates
symmetry and closure. Better still is to incorporate multiple
touchpoints to your story throughout the message.
• Main idea: Be bold and deliberate by stating your key point up
front. Don’t “bury the lead,” a phrase journalists use when the
central idea of the article appears anywhere other than the
first paragraph. In professional settings, the audience wants

the core message immediately, especially when it’s a
recommendation.
• Agenda: An old public-speaking tip states that you should “tell
’em what you’re gonna tell ’em” at the beginning of a speech.
This concept is crucial to professional communication. Your
agenda previews the body of your message—usually in one
sentence—and prepares the reader for the main points you’re
going to make.
• Reasons: Your reasons are the meat of your message—your
main points supported by solid evidence and logic. Keep in
mind the Rule of Three (see Table 7.4 below for an example) to
ensure that your message is simple and memorable.
• Task: Professional communication always ends with a task.
What should the audience do based on your message? Your
closing should not only summarize the information, but also
identify next steps, if appropriate.
The table below uses the same example as above to create an outline
using the SMART structure.
Table 7.4. Scenario Example with SMART Structure

Story In the last three years, there has been a 150% increase in
absenteeism, and we have had no way to properly document
it. This leads to staff and supervisors not being able to account
for lost wages and a decrease in services. This can impact our
jobs and client services. There are now new laws in place, and
therefore, new safety policies will come into effect at the end
of this month. Part of the new safety policies is a new
procedure that we need to follow when a person gets hurt at
work.
(1 minute)
Main Starting at the end of the month, there will be a new
idea three-step process for documenting workplace injuries.
(0.5 minutes)
Agenda I’m going to explain the procedure and staff responsibilities

for implementing the procedure.
(0.5 minutes)
Reasons
1. When to use the procedure, and when not to use the
procedure
2. The steps in the new procedure are 1) identify the injury,
2) report the injury verbally and in writing, and 3)
document the plan and outcome
3. Risks of not using the procedure
(9 minutes)
Task To increase our efficiency and ensure staff well-being, all staff
need to do the following:
1. Ask any questions you may have during the remainder of

this meeting.
2. Review the whole procedure in the updated sections of
the Policy and Procedure manual (physical and digital
versions), and sign off where appropriate.
3. Seek support whenever needed from the Occupational
Health and Safety representative (me) and/or the Human
Resources department.
(4 minutes)
In summary, don’t leave your message at risk of not being received

and your audience wondering hopelessly about the meaning of your
message. Create an outline to organize and sequence your ideas.

Use the SMART structure to build your outline and guide the
composition of your message:
1. Hook your audience with a STORY.

2. Clearly and powerfully state your MAIN IDEA.
3. List your AGENDA.
4. Develop your REASONS.
5. Close with your audience’s TASK.
Imagine your future workplace and professional role.
1. Choose a common topic you might need to share

information about with co-workers, clients, or other
important partners in your line of work
2. List your audience.
3. Choose the environment (setting) in which to share
your information
4. Create your outline using one of the three styles.
5. Using the SMART structure, plan how you will
deliver the necessary information and message.
6. Practise your presentation with a colleague, friend,
or family member, and/or record yourself on your
phone and watch it back. Gather the following
feedback;
◦ Was the information organized?

◦ Was the message concise?

◦ Was the delivery engaging?
7. Have the person “tell” the information back to you

based on what they heard. Did they retell all the
important points? Do they know what task(s) to
complete?
Attribution

resource:


Top-Down Approach by L. Thomas, J. Haupt, & A. Spackman, the
Marriott School at Brigham Young University, CC BY-SA 4.0
Bottom-Up Approach by L. Thomas, J. Haupt, & A. Spackman, the
Mind map outline by S. James, NorQuest College, CC BY-NC-SA
Mind Mapping by L. Thomas, J. Haupt, & A. Spackman, the

7.4 Public Speaking
This page discusses public speaking—

strategies.
When
Public speaking is important in all professions and can be formal

or informal. For example, you may deliver a formal presentation
on a project at a conference to a group of professionals outside
your organization. Or you may run a formal education session to
teach a small group of colleagues about a work procedure you have
been trained for with but is new to them. You might meet with
clients every day and need to teach them about your services or a
procedure or product they may need to use. Informally, you might
want to bring up an issue in your workplace to the team and your
supervisor has asked you to take 10 minutes at the next staff
meeting to do so, or you may ask your colleagues to casually meet
for 10 minutes at the start of the next work shift. These scenarios
can also occur in a variety of environments, from in person at the
office to online using a videoconference application such as Zoom
to a larger auditorium-style room.
7.4 Public Speaking | 553

What
The SMART structure strategy from the previous section can be

used to assemble the message you wish to deliver to an audience.
In this section, we will explore three strategies for delivering your
SMART structured content in a public speaking environment. We
will discuss three strategies for effective public speaking:
1. Reduce public speaking anxiety

2. Prepare
3. Use full body communication
Why
When speaking in public, two issues commonly arise. The first issue
is that we deliver our message in the way we perceive to be best
without taking our audience into consideration. Doing so results
in the audience becoming distracted and the communication being
ineffective because the intended message is not received. When
speaking in public both formally or informally, you are taking your
content and delivering it to an audience through different
communication channels, within different environments, and with
different noise. Inevitably, you’re going to need to consider your
message and your own communication style and combine it with
the diversity of communication styles in your audience and the
environment.
Considering your audience is essential for effectively delivering
your message, and the video below explains the following five
reasons why:
1. People learn best in 20-minute chunks. That doesn’t mean

your presentation can only last 20 minutes; it means you must
take breaks or use different 20-minute activities during the
554 | 7.4 Public Speaking

time you have with your audience.
2. Multiple sensory channels compete. The best sense to appeal
to when public speaking is visual, followed by auditory.
Appealing to both senses can work if they are used in a
complementary way, but they can also compete against each
other, resulting in your intended message getting lost.
3. What you say is only part of the message. People react to your
voice, stance, facial expressions, and hand movements.
4. If you want people to act, you must call them to action. Always
conclude your message by being very specific about what you
want your audience to do.
5. People imitate your emotions and feel your feelings. Your
energy and passion are transferred to the audience. Your
audience will match the level of engagement you show when
delivering your message.

(Weinschenk, 2012)
The second issue that commonly arises is the fear of public
speaking. If you feel fear, anxiety, or discomfort when confronted
with the task of speaking in front of an audience, you are not alone.
Research and polls consistently show that public speaking is among
North Americans’ top fears (Bodie, 2010). Yet, since we all have to
engage in some form of public speaking, this is a fear that many
people must face regularly. Effectively managing speaking anxiety
has many positive effects on your speech. One major area that can

improve with less anxiety is delivery. Although speaking anxiety
is natural and normal, it can interfere with verbal and nonverbal
delivery, which makes a speech less effective.
How
First, let’s explore strategies that will allow you to effectively reduce
public speaking anxiety and connect to your audience so that your
intended message is effectively delivered.
Strategy 1: Reduce Public Speaking Anxiety
Many factors contribute to speaking anxiety, and there are many

ways to address it. The list below offers 10 ways to reduce public
speaking anxiety. Although not all the listed strategies are about
communicating differently, each strategy can improve how
effectively you communicate during a public speaking engagement.
1. Remember that you are not alone. Public speaking anxiety is

common, so don’t ignore it—confront it.
2. Remember that you can’t literally “die of embarrassment.”
Audiences are forgiving and understanding.
3. Remember that it always feels worse than it looks.
4. Take deep breaths. Deep breathing releases endorphins, which
naturally fight the adrenaline that causes anxiety.
5. Look the part. Dress professionally to enhance your
confidence.
6. Channel your nervousness into positive energy and motivation.
7. Start your outline and research early. Better information
equals higher confidence.
8. Practise and get feedback from a trusted source—don’t just
practise in front of your cat.

9. Visualize success through positive thinking.
10. Prepare, prepare, prepare! Practice is a speaker’s best friend.
Now, let’s explore the last two strategies to set yourself up for public
speaking success: 2) Prepare and 3) Use Full Body Communication.
Strategy 2: Prepare
The following five steps are part of preparing for a successful public
speaking experience:
1) Choose right setup in the right room
• People are sensitive to how full a room is. If you can, choose a
venue that accommodates the expected number of guests
without much room left over. Empty space can makes your
turnout look lame and drains energy from your presentation.
• If you can’t change the space, remove extra chairs and pull the
remaining ones into a semi-circle. In a space with lots of extra
chairs, people will naturally sit near the back or far apart from
each other, so don’t give them the option. Squeezing people
into fewer chairs gets them talking to each other and increases
the anticipation level in the room.
• Regardless of the size of the room, try to arrive early so you
can shake hands and meet a few people. Thank them for being
there. Ask them what they want to get out of the presentation.
Don’t let your nerves or your desire to pre-test the audio
system prevent you from making a few friends before you
start.
• If your audience is joining you virtually, you can set up your
online environment just as easily, using the LAMBS strategy in
Table 7.5 below.
Table 7.5. LAMBS Strategy

People use their senses when processing information, and
the most used sense is visual. Let people see your face.
L = Lighting
Use natural lighting, from the front. Reduce shadows and
glare because they will distract from your face.
Your voice is the only vehicle for your message. Consider

your microphone. Besides your voice, what is it picking
A = Audio
up? Noises other than your voice will distract from your
message.
Think about how you show up on video. Consider the
following two tips: 1) Mind your angle—think about how
you would position yourself in person and do the same.
Arrange it so that you are making eye contact and are at
M = Me eye level and face-to-face with your audience. Avoid side
angles because they are distracting. 2) Assume that the
audience can see you whether or not you are the
presenter or an audience member. Show that your
attention is fully on the message being delivered.
Consider what is behind you. You do want something that
is nice to look at but not distracting. Make your
background pleasant or make it neutral. Avoid a
background that will spark conversation unless you are
able to make it part of your presentation, and it will
enhance the message you are trying to deliver. If you
B=
notice that people are distracted by your background,
Background
address it by talking about your background in a friendly
conversation. This will foster a connection to your
audience and naturally redirect your audience back to
your intended message. You will connect best with the
audience if your background is real, but you can also use a
virtual background.
Consider your internet connection. Your video and sound,
and therefore your message, will suffer tremendously if
you have a poor internet connection. You can easily check
your speed from any device by searching online for a free
testing website called “Speed Test.” Typically, a download
speed of over 25 mbps is recommended for online
presentations. Minimizing other devices or applications
that are using your internet connection at the same time
S = Speed can help to improve your connection. Try to turn off as
many devices and applications as possible for the duration
of your online presentation. Although it is best practice to
keep your video on so you can be face-to-face with your
audience, if your internet connection is suffering, you
could consider turning off your video while showing a
different visual such as slides.
(Neff, 2023)

2) Check your tech
Technology is both a blessing and a curse in presentations. To
help reduce the stress and increase your success, use the following
technology checklist:
• If you are relying on slides or a microphone, arrive early

enough to practise a bit and meet a few audience members
before your speech.
• Bring extra cords and connectors, and/or test your Bluetooth.
• Bring a printed copy of your notes and slides just in case.
• Check the volume on the microphone and know how to change
it.
• Test the house-provided remote control or bring your own.
• Have a backup plan in case your tech fails you completely; for
example, prepare additional stories, participative exercises, or
an artifact you need for a simple object lesson.
3) Push the podium aside

A podium is a good place to keep your water bottle, but don’t
hide behind it. People trust you more when they can see your
whole body, and you’ll be able to use the floor space to keep your
audience’s attention and make your points clear. Similarly, don’t just
stand beside the screen. Your slides and visual aids are there to
support you, not the other way around.
4) Practise, practise, practise!
Three times—that’s the magic number for confidence and
success. Don’t write your presentation word for word and try to
memorize it—that approach uses a different part of your brain that’s
not as nimble. If you try to deliver a memorized speech and lose
concentration or forget a word, your confidence will disappear in
the middle of your delivery, and you’ll have to go back to your notes
and regroup.
If you have good notes and practise your whole talk three times in
front of a co-worker (or even your smartphone’s camera), your brain
will have a solid but flexible framework. Practice also gives you an

innate sense of timing, helping you know where to stretch or cut
your content if needed.
5) Pay attention to your clothing and grooming
Arrive fresh, clean, and dressed one step above the audience
average. Depending on the importance of the event and your own
fashion awareness, asking for dress advice can be useful. Wrinkles,
baggy knees, uneven hems, and stains are all distracting and reduce
audience confidence.
For virtual presentations, you should still dress
professionally—even if the audience cannot see your basketball
shorts. Dressing professionally makes you feel professional, which
will boost your confidence.
Strategy 3: Use Full Body Communication
When public speaking, how you use your body impacts how your
message is heard and understood. To best connect to your audience
in person or online, think about delivering your message in the
same way you have a conversation and transfer those behaviours to
the public speaking environment. Having a conversation with your
audience feels much more connected and engaging than delivering
information.
Consider these five tips for improving communication delivery
and engaging your audience with your message.
1) Modulate your speaking rate, pitch, and volume
Your voice is a signature part of you, like your fingerprint,
according to Dr. Wendy LeBorgne, a researcher and elite vocal
coach. Strengthen your vocal signature by ensuring that your voice
has good volume, pace, and clarity. Don’t shy away from injecting
feeling and expressiveness into your voice. Get feedback from peers
on these features because what you hear inside your head isn’t what
your listeners hear.
Another option is to record a video of yourself to check your
voice. Just as you need to keep your face and body mobile, keep your

voice mobile, too. Vary the speed, volume, and intensity to match
your message.

(TEDx Talks, 2018)

2) Avoid eye tricks
Your eyes are a crucial way to connect with your audience—to see
and be seen by them. The problem is that when we’re nervous, we
tend to focus inward and become self-conscious. We look down at
the floor or at the wall.
Remind yourself that the people in the audience generally want
you to succeed. In the spirit of making your presentation a
conversation, try to hold short mini-conversations with individual
audience members. Look an audience member in the eyes, speak to
them for three seconds, then repeat the same thing with someone in
another part of the room, thus spreading your attention throughout
the audience.
Eye contact during virtual presentations is a different matter. If
you try to look at different individuals on your screen, no one will
feel like you’re looking at them. You need to keep your eyes on the
camera. Attach a picture of smiling people right at camera level to
remind you where to focus your gaze.
Unless you’re delivering bad news or talking about a sombre topic,
make sure your smile reaches your eyes. A twinkle in the eye will
make your audience inclined to smile back and feel more positive
about both your presentation and you.
3) Display congruent facial gestures

An authentic smile is one of a speaker’s best resources. It doesn’t
have to be a big, toothy grin, but unless you’re announcing a tragedy,
try to look happy. A wry smile is fine if you’re a dry-humour person.
Animate your face. A stiff, immobile expression is off-
putting—even disturbing—to watch. The larger your audience, the
more you need to exaggerate your expressions and move your eyes,
eyebrows, and mouth with more emphasis than you might in a
personal conversation.
Eyebrows may seem like an odd communication tool, but they’re
the first thing from the top of your head down that you can move
to show expression. Raise them to show surprise or delight, draw
them up together to emphasize a question, or furrow them to show
concern or concentration. Whatever you do, remember that your
eyebrows are frames for your eyes to draw people’s attention.
4) Use purposeful hand gestures
Your hands are remarkably useful storytellers. They can
nonverbally emphasize a trend by moving from the audience’s lower
left to upper right (“The quality of services has increased”). Spread
them wide to demonstrate a concept (“We’ll be spreading the task
load more evenly among the teams”). Your hands can count out
three points, put an end to an ineffective policy, or raise people
to their feet for a stretch. The key is to use them purposefully to
accompany the words coming out of your mouth.
When you’re in a large space, go big or go home. Keep arm
motions above your waist and away from your body. Don’t flap your
forearms near your body like you have tiny T-rex arms. Use large
arm gestures, too.
5) Develop lower-body stillness
Great posture conveys confidence, so roll your shoulders back
and allow your limbs to hang from that strong framework.
Straighten your spine to pull your head up, too, which will make
managing your arms and legs easier. Posture changes the hormones
in your body, replacing stress with confidence.
When you’ve got some floor space, move deliberately within it to
emphasize your points. For example, if you’re talking about change

over time, move from the audience’s left to the right as you
introduce the benefits of the change.
Avoid moving just to be moving. Walking back and forth on a
single line with no reference to your content makes you look fidgety
and unsure of yourself.
Practise a calm, neutral stance for those times in your
presentation when you’re not gesturing or moving
purposefully—while you listen to a question or show a visual, for
instance. When nervous, people exhibit repeated behaviours like
pacing, flipping their hair back, or pulling a ring on and off. These
subconscious tics are distracting to the audience.
A comfortable neutral stance consists of feet at shoulder width
or a little narrower, with your hands hanging comfortably at your
sides. Such a position will feel awkward at first, but keep practising.
If your hands hang loosely at your sides, they will not distract the
audience.
In the video below, Julian Treasure, author of the book How to
Be Heard, offers guidance about how to use verbal and nonverbal
communication to speak so that people want to listen.

(TED, 2014)
Table 7.6. Julian Treasure’s Key Points

The seven deadly sins How to speak powerfully and Using your voice to speak Six exercises to warm up
of speaking (0:00 min) make change (starts at 2:53 min) effectively (starts at 4:14 min) your voice (starts at 7:52 min)
1. Deep sigh
2. Ba ba ba
1. Gossip Register—the depth of your voice
Speak with … 3. Bbbbbbbb (lips)
2. Judging
4. La la la la la
3. Negativity Timbre—how your voice feels
Honesty—be clear and straight 5. Rrrrrrrrrr (tongue)
4. Complaining Prosody—how you use tone
Authenticity—be yourself 6. Weeeeawwww (high to
5. Excuses Pace—rate, pause, and/or silence
Integrity—be your word low)(Curious? Watch the
6. Lying Pitch—Low or high
Love—wish them well video!)
7. Dogmatism Volume—Soft, quiet, loud
(TED, 2014)
These public speaking strategies are just three, but there are
many more. These ones were chosen because they apply to the wide
variety of public speaking situations you may face professionally.
You may wish to do further research to see if there are strategies
for specific environments and interactions that are unique to your
profession.
Consider the strategies you have learned in this section,

and watch Make Body Language Your Superpower to
respond to the questions that follow.
One or more interactive elements has been

excluded from this version of the text. You can
view them online here:
(Stanford Graduate School of Business, 2014)
1. How are the tips in the video similar or different

from those in the Prepare and Use Full Body
Communication strategies discussed in this section?

2. What types of body language can cause distraction?
3. When you see the examples of mistakes presenters
make, how do you think the presenter felt? How
would it make you feel? What strategies to reduce
public speaking anxiety were employed to help the
presenter keep going, and which would you employ in
that situation?
4. How can the three strategies on this page apply to
communicating information to a client, co-worker, or
small group in situations other than formal
presentations (for example, at a hotel reception desk
or in the office)?
5. How have you developed empathy for yourself
when presenting, for other people presenting to you,
and for your audience?
Attribution

resource:


References
Bodie, G. D. (2009). A racing heart, rattling knees, and ruminative
thoughts: Defining, explaining, and treating public speaking anxiety.
Communication Education, 59(1), 70–105. https://doi.org/10.1080/
03634520903443849
Neff, D. (2023). Step up to your virtual setup. Duarte.
https://www.duarte.com/resources/webinars-videos/step-up-
your-virtual-setup/
Stanford Graduate School of Business. (2014, May 14). Make body
language your superpower [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/
cFLjudWTuGQ
TED. (2014, June 27). How to speak so that people want to listen |
Julian Treasure [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/eIho2S0ZahI
TEDx Talks. (2018, May 22). Vocal branding: How your voice shapes
your communication image | Wendy LeBorgne | TEDxUCincinnati
[Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/p_ylzGfHKOs
Weinschenk, S. (2012, June 18). 5 things every presenter needs to
know about people [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=WJUblvGfW6w&t=3s&ab_channel=SusanWeinschenk

7.5 Electronic
Communication
This page discusses electronic communication—

strategies.
When
Digital communication happens every day, multiple times a day, in

the workplace and in your personal life. Your workplace will have
digital communication policies, and unwritten socially constructed
norms define appropriate use of digital communication. Your
workplace and personal digital communication will most certainly
cross paths. Digital citizenship is an important concept and can
be defined as the appropriate use of the internet, computers, and
any other digital devices. Knowing and using digital communication
ethics and etiquette is part of professionalism in the workplace.
What
This section will explore three strategies for effective digital
568 | 7.5 Electronic Communication

communication and citizenship. The first is netiquette, the second
is email etiquette, and the third is digital footprint management.
Why
What you say, whether in person, on the phone, or online, can

define what people think about you. When you have a job, what
you say represents you and your employer. Relationships can either
build or tear down you and the company you work for. One bad
situation or comment can instantly change what someone thinks
about you. If they do not have a good relationship with you, that may
make them wonder what it will be like working with your employer
or your co-workers (Department of Communication, ISU, 2016a).
How you say things also matters. Some studies suggest that
today’s college graduates are less literate than they were a decade
ago thanks to the rise of textspeak (communicating in brief text
messages, at irregular intervals, using abbreviations such as lol and
ttyl, and emojis) and the formatting limitations of many social media
sites (Appignani et al., n.d.; Graff, 2017; Mallows & Lister, 2016). For
people born before the 1990s, standard education included rigorous
schooling on grammar and spelling. Once spellcheck became
popular, the emphasis on language rules lessened. By the mid-1990s,
as students everywhere began carrying computers with them to
class, research shows a decrease in spelling and grammar skills.
Many, but not all, people consider spelling and grammar trivial
factors in their ability to communicate (Perry et al., 2018).
Unfortunately, this view is not shared by everyone.
Moreover, Thurlow (2017) points out that although younger
employees might not realize it, co-workers consider proper spelling
to be a primary factor in message clarity, even when they can
understand the intended meaning. More importantly, older workers
are equally inclined to consider literacy skills to be a critical
reflection of overall job competence, meaning that use of textspeak
7.5 Electronic Communication | 569

in a formal work environment could possibly lead to job termination
(Thurlow, 2017). Most alarmingly, research also shows that in the
healthcare field, people have died as a result of workers
misunderstanding one another because of their use of textspeak on
the job (Head et al., 2011).
Humans seek interaction personally and professionally, and this
has led to new ways to interact; however, caution is warranted when
engaging in social media online. Many employers use social media
as another way to review your qualifications, determine your level
of professionalism, and evaluate how well you will represent their
company and brand (Department of Communication, ISU, 2016a).
According to Jobvite (2021), 71% of employers agree that reviewing
social media profiles is an effective way to screen applicants, 55% of
hiring managers have found social media content that caused them
not to hire an applicant, 78% of recruiters recommend using social
media cautiously even after being hired, and 21% of hiring managers
say they are unlikely to consider an applicant who has no social
media presence.
According to the Department of Communication at Indiana State
University (2016a), it is imperative that you remain cautious about
what you post or share on your social media accounts. Even if you
have protected your privacy settings and are managing your online
identity, it is easy to forget that people may connect through you
to your friends or family who have public pages or follow posts you
are tagged in. You need to be in control of your self-promotion and
personal branding online. It is important to monitor what you post,
what you repost, and how you respond to posts.
Never talk badly about your place of employment online. If you
have a bad day or have a disagreement with your boss or co-
workers, do not lash out online; anyone can see your post, and
this could easily cost you your job or a future one. Employers do
not want to hire an employee who will talk negatively about their
company online versus addressing a grievance through proper
channels such as the human resources department.
When using social media, remember a few simple cautions:

1. Not everything is as it appears. Individuals may not be who
they represent themselves to be.
2. The words you write and the images you send, regardless of
how much you trust the recipient, may become public and can
remain online forever.
3. Always consider what you access and what you post, as well as
how it represents you and your employer, even if you think
others cannot know where you work or who you are.
4. Be aware that internet service providers (ISPs) are required by
law to archive information concerning the use and traffic of
information, and this information can become available under
subpoena.
(Department of Communication, ISU, 2016a)
How
Three strategies for effective digital communication and citizenship

include netiquette, email etiquette, and digital footprint
management.
Strategy 1: Netiquette
Netiquette refers to etiquette—the protocols and norms for

communication—on the internet. The following facts and tips will
help you with the concept of netiquette:
• When digital communication tools are used in the workplace,

they need to convey professionalism and respect.
• Whatever digital device you use, written communication in the
form of brief messages—texting—is common and useful for
short exchanges and is a convenient way to stay connected

with others when talking on the phone would be cumbersome.
• Texting is not useful for long or complicated messages, and
careful consideration should be given to the audience.
• If you are unsure whether texting is appropriate, enquire in an
email or phone call and use the method of contact provided or
preferred.
• Electronic mail, usually called email, has largely replaced print.
Email can be very useful for messages that have slightly more
content than a text message, but it is still best used for fairly
brief messages.
• Emails may be informal in personal contexts, but business
communication requires attention to detail, an awareness that
your email reflects you and your company, and a professional
tone so that it may be forwarded to a third party, if needed.
• Know your recipient; although “? % dsct” may be an
understandable way to ask a close associate what the proper
discount is to offer a certain customer, if you are sending a
text to your boss, it might be wiser to write, “What % discount
does the customer get on a $1K order?”
• Let others set the tone. If you are unsure of the level of
professionalism, adapt according to the tone they set.
• Anticipate unintentional misinterpretation. Texting often uses
symbols and codes to represent thoughts, ideas, and emotions.
Given the complexity of communication and the useful but
limited tool of texting, be aware of its limitations and do your
best to prevent misinterpretation with brief messages.
• Contacting someone too frequently can border on harassment.
Texting is a tool. Use it when appropriate, but don’t abuse it.
• Unplug yourself once in a while. Do you feel constantly
connected? Do you feel lost or “out of it” if you don’t have your
cellphone and can’t connect to people, even for 15 minutes?
Sometimes being unavailable for a time can be healthy—do
everything in moderation, including texting.
• Don’t text and drive. Research shows that the likelihood of an
accident increases dramatically if the driver is texting behind

the wheel. Being in an accident while conducting company
business would reflect poorly on your judgement as well as on
your employer.
Strategy 2: Email Etiquette
The following tips will help you with email-specific etiquette in a

professional setting:
• Proper salutations should demonstrate respect and help avoid

mix-ups in case a message is accidentally sent to the wrong
recipient. For example, use a salutation like “Dear Ms. X” when
communicating with someone outside the company (external)
or “Hi Barry” with a co-worker you know well (internal).
• Subject lines should be clear, brief, and specific. This helps the
recipient understand the essence of the message. For example,
“Proposal attached” or “Your question of July 10, 2023.”
• Close with a signature. Identify yourself by creating a signature
block that contains your name and business contact
information.
• Avoid using all caps. Capital letters are used on the internet to
communicate emphatic emotion or shouting and are
considered rude.
• Avoid abbreviations. An email is not a text message, and your
audience may not find your wit cause to ROTFLOL (roll on the
floor laughing out loud).
• Make proper use of acronyms. You may understand that COO
stands for Chief Operating Officer, but it may mean other
things to different people.
• Be brief. Omit unnecessary words.
• Use a clear format. Include line breaks between sentences or
divide your message into brief paragraphs for ease of reading.
A good email should get to the point and conclude in three or
fewer small paragraphs .

• Reread, revise, and review. Catch and correct spelling and
grammar mistakes before you press Send. It will take more
time and effort to undo the problems caused by a hasty, poorly
written email than to get it right the first time.
• Know the difference between CC and BCC. CC stands for
“carbon copy”; it will send an original copy of the email to all
parties addressed and CC’d. Use this when you want someone
to know that a conversation has occurred without them
needing to add input. BCC stands for “blind carbon copy” and
will send a copy of the email but conceal the names of the
people being messaged. You might use this when you are
working with a group and need to send an email to the group
members as well as your instructor or boss without the group
members knowing. This allows your professor or boss to be
aware of the conversation between you and the rest of the
group without the group members knowing that your
professor or boss is being messaged about the conversation. At
work, this can be used when communicating with a customer
directly while informing your superior without the customer
being aware.
• Email the recipient ahead of time if you are going to attach
large files (audio and visual files are often quite large) to ensure
that you don’t exceed the recipient’s mailbox limit or trigger
the spam filter. It also lets the other person know that the files
are coming in case they get lost in transit.
• Test links. If you include a link, test it to make sure it works.
• Give feedback or follow up on your emails. If you don’t get a
response in 24 hours, email or call the recipient. Spam filters
may have intercepted your message, so your recipient may
never have received it.
• Reply promptly. Beware of making an emotional
response—never reply in anger—but make a habit of replying
to all emails within 24 hours, even if only to say that you will
provide the requested information at a later date.
• Use “Reply All” sparingly. Do not send your reply to everyone

who received the initial email unless your message absolutely
needs to be read by the entire group.
Let’s look at two examples of a workplace email. The first example

is an email template. The second example is a letter written for a
specific situation and audience.
Email Template
Subject: Welcome to [your agency’s name]
Email content:
Dear [person’s name],
Thank you for opening an account with _____ [your

agency’s name].
You can manage your account in the “My Account”

section of the site when you sign in or by calling us.
Thank you for your interest in _____ [your agency’s

name]. We look forward to doing business with you.
Name of sender, job title, credentials

ABC Agency
www.ABCAgency.com
Phone: (345) 666-7777
Letter Example
Subject: Welcome to ABC Agency

Email content:
Dear Ms. Yvgeny,
Thank you for making an appointment at ABC Agency

for Monday, June 19, 2023, at 11:30 a.m.
Please arrive at your appointment 15 minutes early

and bring one piece of government-issued identification
such as a driver’s licence or passport.
If you have any questions, or to manage your

appointment, please login to the “My Account” section
of our website, or call us directly.
Thank you for your interest in ABC Agency. We look

forward to your visit.
Molly Stravados, Coordinator

ABC Agency
www.ABCAgency.com
Tel: (345) 666-7777
Strategy 3: Managing Your Digital Footprint
In this day and age, it is difficult not to have created your own digital
footprint. We have social media accounts, are linked to websites we
visit, or appear in an organization’s posted data. As we are about to
learn, future employers are likely interested in what they find out
about us through our digital footprint. It is important to supervise
your digital footprint to manage the impression it makes, and this
strategy reviews key ways to do so.
Ultimately, when creating and maintaining your professional
identity, you must be clear and consistent in your communication

to establish and demonstrate a strong work ethic and make sure
that you present yourself in a positive way. Being consistent
demonstrates accountability and dependability, letting people know
what they can expect from you and that they can count on you
(Department of Communication, ISU, 2016a).
The quality of potential employees’ online presence has become
a key factor for many hiring managers. Make sure your digital
footprint is an asset and not a liability by following the steps in Table
7.7 to analyze and improve it.
Table 7.7. Steps to Managing Your Digital Footprint

Steps Explanation
Just searching your name from your own laptop on your favourite browser isn’t enough. Your laptop knows you
too well and will return only targeted results. Use a private or incognito window to make sure your search
Google yourself
results are similar to what an employer will see when searching your name. Get a friend or mentor to look over
the search results and let you know what makes a good impression and what raises a red flag.
Undertake a social media “clean-up.” Go through all your social media accounts and delete anything that is
Clean it up inappropriate or does not shed the best light on who you are. If you have posts from middle school, delete them.
Delete any posts that portray topics and views that are no longer relevant or in line with who you are today and
what you stand for. This helps keep your social media accounts cohesive, well-rounded, and true to the person
you have evolved into, not the person you might have been along the way.
If you’ve got dodgy content floating around out there, your best strategy for pushing it down the page in
Crowd out the searches is to crowd it out with good content over time. Having a single obsession can also leave a bad
bad with the impression. If the only thing you ever post about is sports or anime, use the following year to round out your
good online presence by making regular, interesting, and useful posts on a variety of subjects on the most-used social
media platforms.
Search online for your desired future workplace. Review their digital footprint. What impression do they make
Link to your on you? Do they list their organizational values, mission, and vision? How does what they portray online align
industry with what you portray online? This may indicate some changes you may want to consider to your digital
footprint. Also create a LinkedIn profile to connect to individuals and companies in your industry.
(Dixon et al., 2022)
Facts to consider when managing your digital footprint:
1. According to the recruiters surveyed in the 2021 Recruiter

Nation Report (Jobvite, 2021), the biggest social media turnoffs
are the following:
◦ Spelling and grammar errors – 45%

◦ Marijuana references – 40%
◦ Alcohol consumption references – 39%
◦ Political posts – 30%
◦ Showing skin – 24%
2. Listed here from highest to lowest are the platforms and the
percentage of recruiters who use the platform for recruiting
(Jobvite, 2021):
◦ Facebook – 68%
◦ LinkedIn – 65%
◦ Twitter – 48%
◦ Instagram – 46%
◦ YouTube – 35%
◦ TikTok – 16%
3. The functional equivalent of your internet resumé, a LinkedIn

profile will be one of the first stops for a hiring manager
looking to see how you present yourself. A carefully crafted
LinkedIn profile gives you a strong professional presence
online. Make your profile work for you by using the following
steps:
◦ Create an all-star profile (Lainez, 2020)

◦ Avoid the ten worst LinkedIn profile mistakes (Petherick,
2022)
◦ Publish regularly on LinkedIn (here’s a student example.)
(Kemsley, 2016)

◦ Network it up (How to Network on LinkedIn)! (LinkedIn,
2013)
◦ Make connecting easy (How To Create a LinkedIn Badge)
(Tillman, 2018)
1. Spend some time creating an outline of the

professional image you want.
2. Google yourself and look at your profile in all the
social media platforms you use. Describe your online
image. Have a trusted person also look and describe
what online image they see.
3. Make a list of steps you need to take to create an
online image that aligns with your desired
professional image. Plan to achieve your desired
online image and include a timeframe.
4. Open the last email and text message conversation
you had with a professional contact.
◦ Did the email or text message conversation

follow the netiquette guidelines?
◦ Did the email follow email etiquette
guidelines?

Attribution

resource:
Department of Communication, Indiana State

University (ISU). (2016). Introduction to public
communication. Indiana State University Press.
http://kell.indstate.edu/public-comm-intro/, licensed
References
Appignani, T., DeBord, S., Gomez, R., Hassell, M., Michura, C.,
Niedermyer, A., Pett, R. C., Usera, D., Varner, T. L., & Zhong, L.
(n.d.). Unit 13 Module 2: Masspersonal communication in practice. In
Communicating to connect: Interpersonal communication for today.
Department of Communication Studies at ACC.
https://sites.google.com/austincc.edu/interpersonaloer/
unit-13-new-media-and-interpersonal-communication/
module-2-masspersonal-communication-in-practice, licensed
under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
(2016a). 7.3: Competencies. In Introduction to public communication.
Indiana State University Press. http://kell.indstate.edu/public-
comm-intro/chapter/7-3-competencies/
(2016b). Appendix 3: Tips for effective business texting and emails.
In Introduction to public communication. Indiana State University
Press. http://kell.indstate.edu/public-comm-intro/back-matter/
appendix-3-tips-for-effective-business-texting-and-emails/

Dixon, L., Sandholtz, K., & Smith, S. (2022). Brand. In Management
communication. Marriott School of Business, Brigham Young
University. https://mcom320.net/mcom-BRAND.html, licensed
under CC BY-SA 4.0
Graff, H. J. (2017). Literacy myths, legacies, and lessons: New studies
on literacy. Routledge.
Head, J. R., Helton, W. S., Neumann, E., Russell, P. N., & Shears, C.
(2011). Text-speak processing. Proceedings of the Human Factors and
Ergonomics Society Annual Meeting, 55(1), 470-474. https://doi.org/
10.1177/1071181311551097
Jobvite. (2021). 2021 recruiter nation report.
https://web.jobvite.com/rs/328-BQS-080/images/
2022-12-2021RecruiterNationReport.pdf
Kemsley, B. (2016, September 12). Why eLearning works. LinkedIn.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-elearning-works-bill-
kemsley/
Lainez, A. (2020, June 15). How to achieve all-star status on
LinkedIn. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-
achieve-all-star-status-linkedin-anda-lainez/
LinkedIn. (2013). How to network on LinkedIn.
https://content.linkedin.com/content/dam/me/linkedinforgood/
en-us/resources/youth/HANDOUT—How-to-Network-for-
Students.pdf
Mallows, D., & Litster, J. (2016). Literacy as supply and demand.
Zeitschrift für Weiterbildungsforschung-Report, 39(2), 171–182.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s40955-016-0061-1
Petherick, D. (2022, February 20). Ten worst LinkedIn profile
mistakes — 2022 interactive update. LinkedIn.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ten-worst-linkedin-profile-
mistakes-2022-interactive-petherick-/?trk=pulse-article_more-
articles_related-content-card
Perry, K. H., Shaw, D. M., Ivanyuk, L., & Tham, Y. S. S. (2018). The
“Ofcourseness” of functional literacy: Ideologies in adult literacy.
Journal of Literacy Research, 50(1), 74–96. https://doi.org/10.1177/
1086296X17753262

Tillman, B. (2018, November 2). How to create a LinkedIn badge
for your website. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-
create-linkedin-badge-your-website-brynne-tillman/
Thurlow, C. (2017). Digital discourse: Locating language in new/
social media. In J. Burgess, A. Marwick, & T. Poell (Eds.), The SAGE
handbook of social media. Sage. https://doi.org/10.4135/
9781473984066

7.6 Problem Solving in
Groups
This page discusses problem solving in groups—

strategies.
When
All groups of individuals, be it in the home, school, or workplace,

sometimes need to come together to make decisions. The problem-
solving process involves thoughts, discussions, actions, and
decisions that occur from the first consideration of a problematic
situation to the goal. The problems that workplace groups face
are varied, but some common problems include budgeting, raising
funds, planning events, addressing customer or citizen complaints,
creating or adapting products or services to fit needs, supporting
members, and raising awareness about issues or causes.
The decision-making process may seem like it should be simple
and straightforward but, in reality, it rarely is. People can actively
disagree or agree to avoid conflict, ultimately leaving unsatisfied
regardless of the outcome achieved. “Groupthink” can also happen,
where in the process of trying to achieve consensus, people set
aside their own personal beliefs and adopt what they believe to be
the opinion of the rest of the group (Cherry, 2022), often sacrificing
584 | 7.6 Problem Solving in Groups

the best solution as well as their own satisfaction. When trying to
problem solve, a mindful approach by the group can streamline the
process, allowing the best solution not only for the initial problem,
but also for the team and its members.
What
We will explore two strategies to group problem solving. The first

strategy is to examine key considerations, and the second is to
engage in a structured group problem-solving process.
Why
Problems of all sorts have three common components:
1. An undesirable situation: Even though it may only be a vague

idea, there is a drive to better the undesirable situation. The
vague idea may develop into a more precise goal that can be
achieved, even though solutions have not yet been generated.
2. A desired situation: When conditions are desirable, there isn’t
a problem.
3. Obstacles between undesirable and desired situations: These
are things that stand in the way between the current situation
and the group’s goal of addressing it. This component of a
problem requires the most work, and it is where decision
making occurs. Some examples of obstacles include limited
funding, resources, personnel, time, or information. Obstacles
can also take the form of people who are working against the
group, including individuals who are resistant to change or
anyone who disagrees or agrees too readily.
7.6 Problem Solving in Groups | 585

(Adams & Galanes, 2009)
Discussion of these three elements of a problem helps the group

tailor its problem-solving process because each problem will vary.
Although these three general elements are present in each problem,
the group should also address the specific characteristics of the
problem.
In any workplace, the team makes decisions in an effort to carry
out their services. A high-performance team is one that achieves
desired outcomes by consistently working together with purpose
and shared vision, optimizing the abilities of each member.
According to Fonseca (2023), high-performance teams have the
following characteristics:
1. Leading with trust and respect for one another: Committing

to act and communicate with trust and respect puts value on
different perspectives. It allows each team member to bring
their ideas forward and facilitates difficult discussions and
transparent communication.
2. Clear and aligned goals: Committing to the goal and each
person’s task in accomplishing that goal allows the team to
remain focused and connected.
3. Well-defined roles and responsibilities: Roles and
responsibilities are created with diversity and purpose in mind.
Everyone knows and commits to what they need to do and
when they need to do it.
4. Collaboration: This is characterized by a high level of
participation and engagement by all members. Questions,
ideas, and feedback are regularly shared and encouraged.
Responsibility for outcomes is shared by the team.
5. Flexibility: When the team focuses on the goal and regularly
asks “Why am I/are we doing this?” the team can adapt and
shift as needed. Team members can make decisions based on
an assessment of priorities instead of tasks. Teams encourage
each other in the face of change, which can be uncomfortable

even for high-functioning teams.
6. Learning is engrained in the team’s culture: The team desires
to achieve goals, and thereby equally desires the development
of the skills, knowledge, and attitudes necessary to achieve
those goals. Professional development is seen as proactive, and
mistakes are seen as a normal part of the process. Feedback is
a priority for team members. Meaningful reflection on
mistakes is seen as an opportunity to maximize growth.
Structured group problem-solving strategies, such as the ones we

are about to explore, are a method to becoming a high-performance
team and maintaining a high level of achievement. Structured
strategies allow the problem to be defined and aligned with team
goals and the team members’ voices to meaningfully contribute to
the outcome.
How
Strategy 1: Examine Key Considerations
When a problem arises, it should be given careful consideration.

Five common and important characteristics to consider are task
difficulty, number of possible solutions, group member interest in
problem, group member familiarity with problem, and the need for
solution acceptance (Adams & Galanes, 2009).
1. Task difficulty: Difficult tasks are also typically more complex.

As a group, spend time researching and discussing a difficult
and complex task to develop a shared foundational knowledge
of what it will take to resolve the problem. At times, group
members may need to do research and bring points to a
meeting. Knowing all the key factors to solving a problem sets

the stage for success in the next steps.
2. Number of possible solutions: There are usually multiple ways
to solve a problem or achieve a goal, but some situations have
more potential solutions than others. In some situations, you
may be more bound by rules and regulations in your agency or
laws in your area, so solutions are ultimately limited. However,
you may also have a problem or goal that must be achieved but
that no one has ever faced before or where the resources have
never been as limited. Group decisions in these situations are
often made more complex by the number of solutions.
3. Group member interest in the problem: When group
members are interested in a problem, they will be more
engaged and invested with the problem-solving process and in
finding a quality solution. Groups with high interest in and
knowledge about a problem may want more freedom to
develop and implement solutions, whereas groups with low
interest may prefer a leader who provides structure and
direction.
4. Group familiarity with the problem: Some groups encounter a
problem regularly, whereas other problems are more unique or
unexpected. When group members aren’t familiar with a
problem, they will need to do background research on what
similar groups have done and may also need to bring in outside
experts.
5. Need for solution acceptance: In this step, groups must
consider how many people their decision will affect and, in
turn, who needs to “buy in” to the solution for it to be
successfully implemented. Some groups have many external
partners to whom the success of a solution depends. Other
groups are answerable only to themselves. Groups will want to
brainstorm and then poll those who will be affected by the
solution. Groups may want to do a pilot implementation to see
how people react. Imposing an excellent solution that doesn’t
have buy-in from all involved can still lead to failure.

Strategy 2: Group Problem-Solving Process
As you read through the steps in the problem-solving process, think

about how you can apply what we have learned regarding the
general and specific elements of problems. Although you may think
that some of the following steps are logical things to do when
faced with a problem, remember that a deliberate and systematic
approach to problem solving has been shown to benefit group
functioning and performance.
Although a deliberate approach is the conscious habit of a high-
performance team, it is especially beneficial for groups that do not
have an established history of working together and will only be
able to meet occasionally. When thinking about how to implement
the steps, the group should complete each step of the process,
but it is not necessary for the steps to happen in exact order, and
enough time should be set aside for each step. Individualizing the
experience for your group and being flexible will allow for team
engagement and ultimately result in the best decision being made.
Step 1. Define the Problem
Define the problem by considering the previously mentioned
three elements shared by every problem: 1) the current undesirable
situation, 2) the desired situation, and 3) obstacles in the way
(Adams & Galanes, 2009). At this stage, group members share what
they know about the current situation without proposing solutions
or evaluating the information. Here are some good questions to ask
during this stage:
• What is the current difficulty?

• How did we come to know that the difficulty exists?
• Who or what is involved?
• Why is it meaningful, urgent, or important?
• What have the effects been so far?
• What, if any, elements of the difficulty require clarification?
At the end of this stage, the group should be able to compose

a single sentence that summarizes the problem, called a problem
statement. Note that in the examples below, it is not all about
addressing negative issues. Positive issues require problem solving,
too. Problem solving is really about bridging a gap that exists
between the undesirable and the desired situations. When writing
a problem statement, avoid wording in the problem statement or
question that hints at potential solutions.
Examples of problem statements:
• Our agency is chronically understaffed in front-line roles.

• We need to make changes to manage the increase in demand
for our services.
• The fundraising events have gone well, and other organizations
want us to teach them how to do it.
• We are required to use a new software to conduct our
business, and the software doesn’t do some of the key tasks
that our current software does.
• Our customers frequently come to their appointments
unprepared.
Step 2. Analyze the Problem

During this step, the group should analyze the problem and the
group’s relationship to the problem. Whereas the first step involved
exploring the “What” related to the problem, this step focuses on
the “Why.” At this stage, group members can discuss the potential
causes of the difficulty. They may also want to begin setting out an
agenda or timeline for the problem-solving process, looking forward
to the other steps. To fully analyze the problem, the group can
discuss the five common problem variables discussed earlier.
Once the problem has been analyzed, the group can pose a
problem question that will guide the group as it generates possible
solutions. Let’s use the following problem statement to illustrate
this step. The initial problem statement was “Our customers
frequently come to their appointments unprepared.” After analyzing
the problem, the problem question that will guide the discussion of

possible solutions is “How can we provide the right information, at
the right time, to the right person so our appointments are efficient
for everyone?”
As you can see, the problem question is more complex than the
problem statement because the group has moved on to more in-
depth discussion of the problem in this step.
Step 3. Generate Possible Solutions
During this step, group members generate possible solutions to
the problem. Again, solutions should not be evaluated at this point,
only proposed and clarified. The question should be “What could we
do to address this problem?” not “What should we do to address it?”
It is perfectly fine for a group member to question another person’s
idea by asking something like “What do you mean?” or “Could you
explain your reasoning more?”
Discussions at this stage may reveal a need to return to the
previous steps to better define or more fully analyze the problem.
Because many problems are multifaceted, it is necessary for group
members to generate solutions for each part of the problem
separately, making sure to have multiple solutions for each part.
Stopping the solution-generating process prematurely can lead to
groupthink.
For the problem question previously posed, the group would need
to break down the problem question and generate solutions for
each part of the problem. Generating possible solutions can be
done just among group members, but seeking input from others
can also be valuable. Let’s build on the problem question generated
in Step 2: “How can we provide the right information, at the right
time, to the right person so our appointments are efficient for
everyone?” Possible solutions for the first part of the problem (the
‘”right” information) may include time, location, pre-preparation,
things to bring, and so on. Possible solutions for the second part
of the problem (the “right” time) may include after initial contact,
weekly, and so on. Possible solutions for the third part of the
problem (the “right” person) may include a designated staff member,
client, caregiver, and so on. Last but not least, possible solutions

to the final part of the problem (appointments are efficient for
everyone) may require further analysis and consultation with all
group members and indivuals outside the group to ask them for
ideas on possible solutions.
Step 4. Evaluate Solutions
During this step, solutions can be critically evaluated based on
their credibility, completeness, and worth. Once the number of
potential solutions has been narrowed down based on obvious
differences in relevance and/or merit, the group should analyze
each solution based on its potential effects, both harmful and
helpful.
Groups that are required to report the rationale for their
decisions or whose decisions may be subject to public scrutiny
would be wise to make a set list of criteria for evaluating each
solution. Additionally, solutions can be evaluated based on how well
they fit with the group’s charge and the abilities of the group. To
do this, group members may ask, “Does this solution live up to the
original purpose or mission of the group?” and “Can the solution
actually be implemented with our current resources and
connections?” and “How will this solution be supported, funded,
enforced, and assessed?” Group members will need to employ
effective critical-thinking and listening skills.
Decision making is part of the larger process of problem solving
and plays a prominent role in this step. Although there are several
fairly similar models for problem solving, groups can use a variety
of decision-making techniques. For example, to narrow the list of
proposed solutions, group members may make a decision by
majority vote, by weighing the pros and cons, or by discussing them
until a consensus is reached. There are also more complex decision-
making models like the critical-thinking models discussed earlier in
this chapter. Once a final decision is reached, the group leader or
facilitator should confirm that the group is in agreement. It may be
beneficial to let the group break for a while or even to delay the final
decision until a later meeting to allow people time to evaluate the
decision outside the group context.

Step 5. Implement and Assess the Solution
Implementing the solution requires some advanced planning and
should not be rushed unless the group is operating under strict
time restraints or if delay may lead to some kind of harm. Although
some solutions can be implemented immediately, others may take
days, months, or years. As was noted earlier, it may be beneficial
for the group to poll those who will be affected by the solution
as to their opinion about it or even to do a pilot test to observe
the effectiveness of the solution and how people react to it. Before
implementation, the group should also determine how and when
they will assess the effectiveness of the solution by asking, “How
will we know if the solution is working or not?” Since solution
assessment will vary based on whether or not the group is
disbanded after implementation, the group should also consider the
following questions:
• If the group is disbanded after implementation, who will be

responsible for assessing the solution?
• If the solution fails, will the same group reconvene or will a
new group be formed?
Once a solution has been reached and the group has the “green
light” to implement it, implementation should proceed deliberately
and cautiously, ensuring that all possible consequences are
considered and addressed as needed.
Certain elements of the solution may need to be delegated to
various people both inside and outside the group. Group members
may also be assigned to implement a particular part of the solution
based on their role in the decision making or because it connects
to their area of expertise. Likewise, group members may be tasked
with publicizing the solution or “selling” it to those outside the
group. Lastly, the group should consider its future. In some cases,
the group will get to decide whether it will stay together and
continue working on other tasks or whether it will disband. In other
cases, outside forces may determine the group’s fate.

In some cases, you may need to dive deeper into a problem or
look at the problem using a much different lenses to understand or
solve it. Consider some of the strategies for critical listening, critical
thinking, and critical ignoring discussed in another section of this
chapter.
Although the problem-solving strategies given above need time
and practice to learn, become proficient in, and become habit, the
efforts are worthwhile because it will result in decisions that are
made based on sound information and team input.
Attribution

resource:

References
Adams, K., & Galanes, G. G. (2009). Communicating in groups:
Applications and skills (7th ed.). McGraw-Hill.
Cherry, K. (2022, November 12). How groupthink impacts our
behavior. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-
groupthink-2795213
Fonseca, N. (2023, May 14). What does a high performing team look

like? Great Place to Work. https://www.greatplacetowork.ca/en/
articles/what-does-a-high-performing-team-look-like

Key Terms
Chapter 1
• Encoding is the process of turning thoughts into

communication by the sender of the information.
• Decoding is the process of turning communication into
thoughts by those that receive the information from others.
• Channel is a sensory route on which a message travels.
• Content dimension refers to the content within a message.
• Relational dimension includes the existing interpersonal
history and type of relationship we have with a person.
• Physical needs include needs that keep our bodies and minds
functioning.
• Instrumental needs include needs that help us get things done
in our day-to-day lives and achieve short- and long-term
goals.
• Relational needs include needs that help us maintain social
bonds and interpersonal relationships.
• Identity needs include our need to present ourselves to others
and be thought of in particular and desired ways.
• Sender is someone who encodes and sends a message to a
receiver through a particular channel.
• Receiver is the recipient of a message and must decode
(interpret) messages in ways that are meaningful for them.
• Message is the particular meaning or content the sender
wishes the receiver to understand.
• Noise is anything that interferes with the sending or receiving
of a message.
• External noise is environmental, such as a jackhammer outside
Key Terms | 597

your apartment window or loud music in a nightclub.
• Internal noise includes psychological factors such as stress or
nervousness or physical factors such as pain.
• The linear model (originally called the mathematical model of
communication) serves as a basic model of communication
and suggests that communication moves only in one direction
from one source to another.
• The transactional model demonstrates that communication
participants act as senders and receivers simultaneously,
creating reality through their interactions.
• Physical context includes the environmental factors in a
communication encounter.
• Psychological context includes the mental and emotional
factors in a communication encounter.
• Social context refers to the stated rules or unstated norms
that guide communication.
• Norms are social conventions that we pick up on through
observation, practice, and trial and error.
• Relational context includes the previous interpersonal history
and type of relationship we have with a person.
• Cultural context includes various aspects of identities such as
race, gender, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, class,
and ability.
• Intrapersonal communication is communication with oneself
using internal vocalization or reflective thinking.
• Interpersonal communication is communication between
people whose lives mutually influence one another.
• Group communication is communication among three or
more people interacting to achieve a shared goal.
• Public communication is a sender-focused form of
communication in which one person is typically responsible
for conveying information to an audience.
• Mass communication is transmitted to many people through
print or electronic media.
• Competent communication refers to the knowledge of
598 | Key Terms

effective and appropriate communication and the ability to
use and adapt that knowledge in various contexts.
• Stages of Communication Competence:
◦ Stage 1: Unconscious incompetence: Before you have built

up a rich cognitive knowledge base of communication
concepts and practiced and reflected on skills in a
particular area, you may exhibit unconscious
incompetence, which means you are not even aware that
you are communicating in an incompetent manner.
◦ Stage 2: Conscious incompetence: Once you learn more
about communication and have a vocabulary for
identifying concepts, you may find yourself exhibiting
conscious incompetence. This is when you know what you
should be doing, and you realize that you’re not doing it as
well as you could.
◦ Stage 3: Conscious competence: As your skills increase,
you may advance to conscious competence, meaning that
you know you are communicating well in the moment,
which will add to your bank of experiences to draw from in
future interactions.
◦ Stage 4: Unconscious competence: When you reach the
stage of unconscious competence, you communicate
successfully without straining to be competent.
Chapter 2
• Perception is the process of selecting, organizing, and

interpreting information.
• Selecting is the first part of the perception process; we focus
our attention on certain incoming sensory information.
• Organizing is the second part of the perception process and
Key Terms | 599

involves sorting and categorizing the information we perceive
based on innate and learned cognitive patterns.
• Interpretation is the third part of the perception process and
is the point at which we assign meaning to our experiences
using mental structures known as schemata.
• Schemata are like databases of stored, related information that
we use to interpret new experiences; the singular form is
schema.
• Salience is the degree to which something attracts our
attention in a particular context.
• Vocal variety is altering the rate, volume, and pitch of your
voice.
• Nonverbal adaptors, the nervous movements we make to
relieve anxiety, are acts such as pacing or twirling our hair and
can be distracting.
• Self-concept refers to the overall idea of who a person thinks
they are.
• The looking-glass self, also known as reflected appraisal, is
how we see ourselves reflected in other people’s reactions to
us, then form our self-concept based on how we believe other
people see us.
• Social comparison theory states that we describe and evaluate
ourselves in terms of how we compare to other people.
• Reference groups are the groups we use for social comparison,
and they typically change based on what we are evaluating.
• Social comparison is how we evaluate ourselves based on our
similarities to and differences from others.
• Self-esteem refers to the judgements and evaluations we make
about our self-concept.
• Self-efficacy refers to the judgements people make about their
ability to perform a task in a specific context.
• Self-discrepancy theory states that people have beliefs about
and expectations for their actual and potential selves that do
not always match up with what they experience.
• The actual self consists of the attributes that you or someone
600 | Key Terms

else believes you actually possess.
• The ideal self is made up of the attributes that you or someone
else would like you to possess.
• The ought self consists of the attributes you or someone else
believes you should possess.
• Perceived self is our subjective appraisal of personal qualities
that we ascribe to ourselves.
• Motivation is the underlying force that drives us to do things.
• Being intrinsically motivated means that we want to do
something for the love of doing it or for the resulting internal
satisfaction.
• Being extrinsically motivated means that we do something to
receive a reward or to avoid punishment.
• Attributions are links we make to identify the cause of a
behaviour.
• Self-enhancement bias is often a cultural phenomenon and
means that we tend to emphasize an individual’s desirable
qualities in comparison to other people,
• Self-presentation, also referred to as the presenting self, is
the process of strategically concealing or revealing personal
information to influence others’ perceptions.
• Prosocial self-presentation entails behaviours that present a
person as a role model and make the person more likeable and
attractive.
• Impression management is a communication strategy that we
use to influence how others view us.
• Attribution is our mind coming up with an explanation for
what is happening.
• Internal attributions connect the cause of behaviours to
personal aspects such as personality traits.
• External attributions connect the cause of behaviours to
situational factors.
• Perceptual error occurs when we do not judge others, things,
or situations fairly and accurately.
• Fundamental attribution error is our tendency to explain
Key Terms | 601

others’ behaviours using internal rather than external
attributions.
• Confirmation bias results from finding evidence and support
for already-held beliefs, even if that evidence doesn’t actually
exist.
• Self-serving bias occurs when our behaviour results in some
form of failure or a negative outcome, and we attribute the
cause to external factors and not internal ones.
• The primacy effect leads us to place more value on the first
information we receive about a person.
• The recency effect leads us to put more weight on the most
recent impression we have of a person’s communication over
earlier impressions.
• The halo effect occurs when initial positive perceptions lead
us to view later interactions as positive.
• The horn effect occurs when initial negative perceptions lead
us to view later interactions as negative.
• Personality refers to a person’s general way of thinking,
feeling, and behaving based on underlying motivations and
impulses.
• Self-fulfilling prophecies are thoughts and action patterns in
which a person’s false belief triggers a behaviour that makes
the initial false belief actually or seemingly come true.
• Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings,
experiences, or emotions.
• Sympathy is the feeling that you are sorry and care about the
trouble and misfortune of another person, but it places the
person struggling in a place of judgement rather than in a place
of understanding.
• Stereotypes are sets of beliefs that we develop about groups,
which we then apply to individuals from that group.
• Prejudice is negative feelings or attitudes towards people
based on their identity or identities.
• Cognitive complexity involves being able to construct
different frameworks and perspectives for seeing an issue.
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• Perception checking is a strategy to help us monitor our
reactions to and perceptions about people and
communication.
• The pillow method is beneficial when a situation is too
complex for perception checking and works to increase
cognitive complexity. This tool is used to help build empathy
and understanding of others and their point of view. It involves
viewing a situation from five positions (four sides and a
middle), similar to a pillow, and enables you to gain
understanding of an issue from various perspectives.
Chapter 3
• Symbols are something that stands in for or represents

something else. They can be communicated verbally (e.g.,
speaking the word hello), in writing (e.g., putting the letters H-
E-L-L-O together), or nonverbally (e.g., waving your hand back
and forth as a greeting).
• Codes are culturally agreed on and ever-changing systems of
symbols that help us organize, understand, and generate
meaning.
• Displacement refers to being able to talk about events that are
removed in space or time from a speaker and a situation.
• The triangle of meaning is a model of communication that
indicates the relationship among a thought, a symbol, and a
referent, and highlights the indirect relationship between the
symbol and the referent.
◦ The thought is a concept or idea that a person references.

◦ The symbol is the word that represents the thought.
◦ The referent is the object or idea to which the symbol
refers.
Key Terms | 603

• Definitions help us narrow the meaning of particular symbols,
which also narrows a symbol’s possible referents. They also
provide more words (symbols) for which we must determine a
referent.
• Denotative meaning refers to definitions that are accepted by
the language group as a whole; that is, the dictionary definition
of a word.
• Polysemic words are words with more than one meaning.
• Equivocal language is similar to polysemic words in that it
includes words, expressions, and phrases that can have more
than one accepted definition.
• Monosemic words have only one use in a language.
• Connotation refers to definitions that are rooted in emotion-
or experience-based associations people have with a word.
• Grammar refers to the rules that govern how words are used
to create phrases and sentences.
• Phonetic rules determine the way words or phrases are said;
for example, how to pronounce words and where to place the
emphasis.
• Syntactic rules dictate the way symbols can be arranged as
opposed to the meanings of those symbols; for example, how
words are organized in a sentence.
• Semantic rules govern the meaning of language as opposed to
its structure; for example, what a given word means within a
society rather than where it is placed in a sentence.
• Pragmatic rules help communicators understand how
messages can be used and interpreted in a given context; for
example, what a promise is and when to use it.
• Neologisms are newly coined or newly used words.
• Slang refers to new or adapted words that are specific to a
group, context, and/or time period.
• “We” language includes the words we, our, and us, and can be
used to promote a feeling of inclusion.
• “I” language can be useful when expressing thoughts, needs,
and feelings because it leads us to “own” our expressions and
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avoid the tendency to mistakenly attribute the cause of our
thoughts, needs, and feelings to others.
• “You” language can lead people to become defensive and feel
attacked, which can be divisive and result in feelings of
interpersonal separation.
• “But” statements negate everything that was said before, even
if it was positive or intentional, and should be avoided.
• The Ladder of Abstraction refers to the continuum of language
from concrete to abstract.
• Jargon refers to specialized words used by a certain group or
profession.
• Partial messages are missing a relevant type of expression and
can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
• Whole messages help keep lines of communication open,
which can help build solid relationships.
• Affective language refers to language used to express a
person’s feelings and to create similar feelings in another
person.
• Similes are a direct comparison of two things using the
words like or as.
• Metaphors are an implicit comparison of two things that are
not alike or are not typically associated; that is, the speaker
says something is something else.
• Personification means attributing human qualities or the
characteristics of other living things to non-human objects or
abstract concepts.
• Powerless language is marked by hesitancy and distracts from
the certainty of a statement.
• Hedges are words and phrases that try to minimize something;
for example, “kinda,” “I think,” and “I’m kinda angry.”
• Hesitations are words and phrases that create a short pause;
for example, “uh,” “ah,” “um,” and “Uh, can I talk to you about
this?”
• Tag questions convert a statement into a question; for
example, “It sure is hot today, isn’t it?” and “You’re coming with
Key Terms | 605

me, aren’t you?”
• Polite forms are words and phrases such as “please,” “sir,”
“ma’am,” and “Excuse me, sir.”
• Intensifiers give force or emphasis to a statement; for
example, “so,” “very,” and “I’m not really tired.”
• Disclaimers deny something; for example, “I know this sounds
ridiculous, but …”
• Polarizing language presents people, ideas, or situations as
polar opposites.
• Inferences are conclusions based on thoughts or speculation
but not on direct observation.
• Facts are conclusions based on direct observation or group
consensus.
• Judgements are expressions of approval or disapproval that
are subjective and not verifiable.
• The receiving stage, sometimes referred to as attending, is the
first stage of the listening process and is the physical process
of taking in information through both auditory and visual
channels.
• The interpreting stage, sometime referred to
as understanding, is the second stage of the listening process
and is where we combine the visual and auditory information
we receive and try to make meaning out of that information
using schemata.
• The recalling stage is the third stage of the listening process
and is the act of recalling or remembering information.
• The evaluating stage is the fourth stage of the listening
process and involves making judgements about the
information’s credibility, completeness, and worth.
• The responding stage is the fifth stage of the listening process
and involves sending verbal and nonverbal messages that
indicate attentiveness and understanding or a lack thereof.
• Environmental noise interferes with the physiological aspects
of hearing and can include other people talking, the traffic
sounds, or music.
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• Psychological noise interferes primarily with the cognitive
processes of listening and can include stress and anger.
• Short-term memory is a mental storage capability that can
retain stimuli for 20 seconds to one minute.
• Long-term memory is a mental storage capability to which
stimuli in short-term memory can be transferred if the stimuli
are connected to existing schemata and in which information
can be stored indefinitely.
• Working memory is a temporarily accessed memory storage
space that is activated during times of high cognitive demand.
• Back-channel cues are the verbal and nonverbal signals we
send while someone is talking and can consist of verbal cues
such as “uh-huh,” “oh,” and “right,” or nonverbal cues like direct
eye contact, head nods, and leaning forward.
• Discriminative listening is a focused type of listening that is
primarily physiological and occurs mostly at the receiving
stage of the listening process.
• Informational listening entails listening with the goal of
comprehending and retaining information.
• Critical listening is listening with the goal of analyzing or
evaluating a message based on information presented verbally
and information that can be inferred from context.
• Empathetic listening is the most challenging form of listening
and occurs when we try to understand or experience what a
speaker is thinking or feeling.
• People-oriented listeners are concerned about the needs and
feelings of others and may get distracted from a specific task
or the content of a message in order to address feelings.
• Action-oriented listeners prefer well-organized, precise, and
accurate information.
• Content-oriented listeners are analytic and enjoy processing
complex messages.
• Time-oriented listeners are concerned with completing tasks
and achieving goals.
• Silent listening occurs when a person says nothing.
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• Close-ended questions are very specific and do not allow
elaboration. They are direct and often result in a “yes” or “no”
response or a list of possible responses that are provided.
• Open-ended questions allow for more elaboration by the
person responding, and specific response options are not
provided. These forms of questions generally result in more
discussion.
• Sincere questions are posed to find a genuine answer.
• Counterfeit questions are disguised attempts to send a
message, not to receive one.
• Paraphrasing is restating in your own words the message you
think the speaker just sent.
• Pseudo-listening is pretending to listen and appear attentive
but not listening to understand or interpret the information.
• Selective listening involves the listener selecting only the
information they identify as relevant to their own needs or
interests.
• Insulated listening involves ignoring or avoiding information
and certain topics of conversation.
• Defensive listening occurs when the listener interprets the
speaker’s innocent comments as personal attacks.
• Insensitive listening involves focusing on information for its
literal meaning and disregarding the other person’s feelings
and emotions.
• Stage hogging involves listening to express one’s own ideas or
interests and being the centre of attention.
• Ambushing is careful and attentive listening to collect
information that can be used against the other person as an
attack.
• Multitasking involves listening without full attention while
attempting to complete more than one task at a time.
• Active listening refers to the process of pairing outwardly
visible positive listening behaviours with positive cognitive
listening practices.
• Mental bracketing refers to the process of intentionally
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separating out intrusive or irrelevant thoughts that may
distract you from listening.
• Mirroring refers to a listener’s replication of the nonverbal
signals of a speaker.
• Low-context communication style is one in which much of
the meaning generated within an interaction comes from the
verbal communication used rather than nonverbal or
contextual cues.
• High-context communication style is one in which much of
the meaning comes from nonverbal and contextual cues.
• Monochronic cultures favour a structured and commodified
orientation towards time.
• Polychronic cultures favour a more flexible orientation
towards time.
• The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that language shapes our
view of reality and our cultural patterns.
• Communication accommodation theory explores why and
how people modify their communication to fit situational,
social, cultural, and relational contexts.
• Convergence means that a person makes their communication
more like another person’s.
• Divergence means that a person uses communication to
emphasize the differences between themself and their
conversational partner.
Chapter 4
• Paralanguage is an aspect of nonverbal communication that is

the vocalized but not verbal part of a spoken message, such as
speaking rate, volume, and pitch.
• Mixed messages are messages in which verbal and nonverbal
signals contradict each other.
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• Deception is the intentional act of altering information to
influence another person; it extends beyond lying to include
concealing, omitting, or exaggerating information.
• Tie signs are nonverbal cues that communicate intimacy and
signal a connection between two people.
• Touch behaviours are the most frequently used tie signs and
can communicate much about a relationship based on the area
being touched and the length of time and intensity of the
touch.
• Artifacts are the objects and possessions that surround us and
that also communicate our identities.
• Kinesics is the study of hand, arm, body, and face movements.
• Adaptors are touching behaviours and movements that
indicate internal states typically related to arousal or anxiety.
• Emblems are gestures that have a specific, agreed-on meaning.
• Illustrators are gestures used to illustrate the verbal message
they accompany.
• Postures include body positions such as standing, sitting,
squatting, and lying down.
• Oculesics is a term for eye behaviours, including eye contact.
• Haptics refers to the study of communication by touch.
• Vocalics is the study of paralanguage, which includes the vocal
qualities that go along with verbal messages, such as pitch,
volume, rate, vocal quality, and verbal fillers.
• Speaking rate refers to how fast or slowly a person speaks,
which can lead others to form impressions about our
emotional state, credibility, and intelligence.
• Verbal fillers are sounds that fill gaps in our speech as we
think about what to say next.
• Proxemics is the study of how space and distance influence
communication.
• Territoriality is an innate drive to take up and defend spaces.
• Chronemics is the study of how time affects communication.
• Biological time refers to the rhythms of living things.
• Personal time refers to the ways in which individuals
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experience time.
• Physical time refers to the fixed cycles of days, years, and
seasons.
• A nonverbal cluster is the combinations of multiple types of
nonverbal communication; for example, posture may be
combined with a touch or eye behaviour.
• Nonverbal congruence refers to consistency among different
nonverbal expressions within a cluster.
• Mirroring refers to the often-subconscious practice of using
nonverbal cues in a way that matches those of others around
us.
• Emotional contagion is the spread of emotion from one
person to another.
• Truth bias leads us to believe that a person is telling the truth,
especially if we know and like that person.
• Lie bias means we assume that people are lying more often
than not.
• Nonverbal leakage refers to nonverbal behaviours that occur
as we try to control the cognitive and physical changes that
happen during states of cognitive and physical arousal.
• Contact cultures are cultural groups in which people stand
closer together, engage in more eye contact, touch more
frequently, and speak more loudly.
Chapter 5
• Personal relationships meet emotional, relational, and

instrumental needs; they are intimate, close, and
interdependent relationships such as those we have with best
friends, partners, or immediate family.
• Social relationships are relationships that occasionally meet
our needs but lack the closeness and interdependence of
Key Terms | 611

personal relationships.
• Knapp’s relational model has 10 established stages of
interaction that can help us understand how relationships
come together and come apart:
◦ Initiating stage: Individuals size each other up and try to

present themselves favourably.
◦ Experimenting stage: Individuals exchange basic
information.
◦ Intensifying stage: Individuals indicate that they would
like or are open to more intimacy, and then wait for a
signal of acceptance before proceeding further.
◦ Integrating stage: Two people’s identities and
personalities merge and a sense of interdependence
develops.
◦ Bonding stage: A public ritual takes place that announces
a formal commitment.
◦ Differentiating stage: Individual differences present a
challenge, and communicating these differences becomes
the primary focus of the relationship.
◦ Circumscribing stage: Communication decreases, and
certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals
verbally close themselves off from each other.
◦ Stagnating stage: The relationship may come to a
standstill as individuals wait for the relationship to end.
◦ Avoiding stage: Individuals intentionally avoid contact as a
way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation,
signalling that they want to close down the lines of
communication.
◦ Terminating stage: The end of a relationship; it can occur
shortly after the initiating stage or after a 10- or 20-year
relational history has been established.
• Social exchange theory entails weighing the costs and rewards
in a given relationship
• An equitable relationship involves costs and rewards being
balanced, which usually leads to a positive evaluation of the
612 | Key Terms

relationship and satisfaction.
• Interdependence refers to the relationship between a person’s
well-being and their involvement in a particular relationship.
• Intercultural communication competence (ICC) is the ability
to communicate effectively and appropriately in various
cultural contexts.
• Self-disclosure is the purposeful disclosure of personal
information to another person.
• Social penetration theory states that as we get to know
someone, we engage in a reciprocal process of self-disclosure
that changes in breadth and depth and affects how a
relationship develops.
• Depth refers to how personal or sensitive the information we
share is.
• Breadth refers to the range of topics discussed between
individuals.
• Social comparison theory states that we evaluate ourselves
based on how we compare with others.
• The Johari window is a theory of self disclosure the can be
applied to a variety of interpersonal interactions in order to
help us understand what parts of ourselves are open, hidden,
blind, and unknown.
• Self-focused reasons for disclosure include having a sense of
relief or catharsis, clarifying or correcting information, or
seeking support.
• Other-focused reasons for disclosure include a sense of
responsibility to inform or educate.
• Primary emotions are innate emotions that are experienced
for short periods of time and appear rapidly, usually as a
reaction to an outside stimulus; they are experienced similarly
across cultures.
• Secondary emotions are not as innate as primary emotions
and do not have a corresponding facial expression that makes
them universally recognizable; these vary between cultures.
• Mixed emotions are two or more emotions experienced at the
Key Terms | 613

same time; for example, you can be both joyful and sad at the
same time.
• Emotions are our physical reactions to stimuli in the outside
environment. They can be objectively measured by blood flow,
brain activity, and nonverbal reactions to things because they
are activated through neurotransmitters and hormones
released by the brain.
• Feelings are the conscious experience of emotional reactions.
• Emotional vocabulary involves knowing different and varied
words for one’s emotions and being able to express them. The
more specific we can be when we are verbally communicating
our emotions, the less ambiguous they will be for the person
decoding our message.
• Debilitative emotions are harmful and difficult emotions that
detract from effective functioning.
• Facilitative emotions are emotions that contribute to our
effective functioning.
• The fallacy of perfection is thinking we should be able to
handle every situation perfectly with no room for error.
• The fallacy of helplessness is when people are convinced that
powers beyond their control can determine their satisfaction
or happiness.
• The fallacy of catastrophic expectations is when people work
on the assumption that if something bad can possibly happen,
it will.
• The fallacy of overgeneralization occurs when we base a belief
on a limited amount of evidence and when we exaggerate
shortcomings.
• Display rules are sociocultural norms that influence emotional
expression.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to a form of social
intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and
others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them,
and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
• Self-awareness refers to a person’s ability to understand their
614 | Key Terms

feelings from moment to moment.
• Self-management refers to our ability to manage our emotions
and is dependent on our self-awareness.
• Social awareness is our ability to understand social cues that
may affect others around us.
• Relationship management refers to our ability to
communicate clearly, maintain good relationships with others,
work well in teams, and manage conflict.
Chapter 6
• Communication climate is the overall feeling or emotional

mood that is found between different people.
• Content is the substance of what is being communicated (the
“what” of the message).
• Relational dimensions are not the actual thing being discussed
and instead can reveal something about the relational dynamic
existing between two people (the “who” of the message).
• Face refers to our self-image when communicating with
others.
• Confirming messages result in positive climates that
demonstrate our value and worth to those with whom we have
a relationship.
• Disconfirming messages result in negative climates, which
suggest someone is devalued and unimportant.
• Recognition messages can confirm or deny another person’s
existence.
• Acknowledgment messages go beyond recognizing another
person’s existence by confirming what they say or how they
feel.
• Endorsement messages go one step further by recognizing a
person’s feelings as valid.
Key Terms | 615

• An impervious response fails to acknowledge another person’s
communication attempt through either verbal or nonverbal
channels; for example, failure to return phone calls, emails, and
letters.
• An interrupting response involves one person starting to
speak before the other person is finished.
• An irrelevant response is a comment that is completely
unrelated to what the other person was just talking about,
indicating that the listener wasn’t really listening at all and
therefore doesn’t value what the speaker had to say.
• A tangential response acknowledges the speaker, but with a
comment that steers the conversation in a different direction.
• An impersonal response is when the speaker offers a
monologue of impersonal, intellectualized, and generalized
statements that trivializes the other person’s comments.
• An ambiguous response is a message with multiple meanings,
and these meanings are highly abstract or may be a private
joke to the speaker alone.
• An incongruous response communicates two messages that
seem to conflict along the verbal and nonverbal channels.
• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor
developed by couples therapist Dr. John Gottman that
describes the counterproductive communication and
behaviours that can predict relationship failure if left
unchanged. It involves the following four “horsemen”:
◦ Criticism is an attack on another person that focuses on

their defects rather than the actual issue or complaint.
◦ Defensiveness is an automatic batting away of someone
else’s issue or complaint and is often a response to
criticism. It demonstrates an unwillingness to take
responsibility and accountability for one’s own actions and
includes the inability to listen and validate someone else’s
perspective.
◦ Contempt is communicating to someone else an attitude
of superiority and that you look down at them, implying
616 | Key Terms

someone else is inferior, less than, or worthless. It is used
to create a position of moral superiority.
◦ Stonewalling is when a person shuts down interaction and
stops responding to someone else. It is a form of
defensiveness.
• Metacognition is thinking about our thinking.
• Metacommunication requires mindfully elevating awareness
beyond the content level of communication, but also requires
us to actually discuss aloud things such as needs and relational
messages.
• Mindfulness refers to paying attention on purpose and being
present.
• Climate-centred message planning (CCMP) refers to the
conscious encoding (planning and forethought) involved in
meeting communication goals.
• Relational transgressions occur when people violate implicit
or explicit relational rules. These rule violations can be events,
actions, or behaviours that violate relationship norms or rules.
• Explicit rules tend to be relationship-specific rules, such as
those prompted by the bad habits of a partner or those that
emerge from attempts to manage conflict.
• Implicit rules tend to be those rules that are accepted as
cultural standards for proper relationship conduct.
• The competing style of conflict management indicates a high
level of concern for self and a low level of concern for others.
When we compete, we are striving to “win” the conflict,
potentially at the expense or “loss” of the other person.
• The avoiding style of conflict management often indicates a
low level of concern for self and a low level of concern for
others, and no direct communication about the conflict takes
place.
◦ Indirect strategies of hinting and joking also fall under the

avoiding style.
• The accommodating style of conflict management indicates a
low level of concern for self and a high level of concern for
Key Terms | 617

others, and is often viewed as passive or submissive in that
someone complies with or obliges another person without
providing personal input.
• The compromising style of conflict management shows a
moderate level of concern for self and others, and may indicate
that there is low investment in the conflict and/or the
relationship. Even though we often hear that the best way to
handle a conflict is to compromise, the compromising style
isn’t a win-win solution—it is a partial win-lose.
• The collaborating style of conflict management involves a high
level of concern for self and others, and usually indicates
investment in the conflict situation and the relationship.
Although the collaborating style takes the most work in terms
of communication competence, it ultimately leads to a win-win
situation in which neither party has to make concessions
because a mutually beneficial solution is discovered or created.
• Passive-aggressive behaviour is a way of dealing with conflict
in which one person indirectly communicates their negative
thoughts or feelings through nonverbal behaviours, such as not
completing a task.
• Crazymaking is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour and
often includes indirect attacks that are done unconsciously.
Examples include the following:
◦ The Contract Tyrannizer is a person who refuses to let a

relationship change from the way it was. The roles,
expectations, and beliefs about the relationship are set in
stone and cannot ever be allowed to change.
◦ The Withholder involves someone not being open and
honest about something that is upsetting them. They
instead punish their partner by withholding something
else, such as affection, humour, or some form of courtesy.
◦ The Goat-Getter is someone who does not share
underlying resentments, but instead does little things to
irritate others. This can take the form of not putting things
away, playing music loudly, or when asked about their
618 | Key Terms

behaviour, they deny it.
◦ The Joker is a person who does not talk about conflict, but
instead makes jokes and avoids the topic when someone
wants to discuss it. As a result, it is not possible to have a
serious conversation with the person, and when pushed,
their behaviour becomes worse, and they act in a similar
way to the Goat-Getter.
◦ The Benedict Arnold uses sabotage to get back at
someone else. This can even take the form of encouraging
ridicule from others outside the situation or failing to
defend someone from attack.
◦ Beltlining refers to a boxing move that involves hitting
“below the belt.” In terms of conflict, this metaphor refers
to using intimate information against another person to
cause hurt and anger.
◦ Gunnysacking is an imaginary bag we all carry into which
we place unresolved conflicts or grievances over time.
Holding onto the way things used to be can be like
carrying a stone in your gunnysack and influence how you
interpret your current context. Gunnysacking may be
expressed by bringing up previous behaviours the other
person has engaged in or previous arguments you felt
were unresolved.
◦ Silencers are behaviours that stifle and silence conflict,
such as crying, shouting, and heavy breathing.
◦ Kitchen sinking refers to bringing up past conflicts, even
those that have been resolved, to gain leverage in a
conflict.
◦ Counterpunch is a defensive response to conflict in which
rather than responding to the initial topic of conflict, the
other person reacts by sharing their own, often unrelated
criticism.
◦ Manipulation is an unproductive conflict strategy that
includes one party being extremely charming and even
generous to help sway the conflict outcome in their
Key Terms | 619

direction.
• Blame involves trying to place responsibility for the conflict on
another person.
• Labelling occurs when you assign negative terms to another
person’s behaviour.
• Self-construal refers to the concept that individuals will vary
in the degree to which they view themselves as part of the
group or as a separate individual within a larger culture.
• Criticism is making comments that evaluate another person’s
personality, behaviour, appearance, or life choices, and may
lead to conflict.
• Cumulative annoyance is a building of frustration or anger
that occurs over time, eventually resulting in a conflict
interaction.
• Serial arguing is a repeated pattern of disagreement over an
issue.
• One-upping is a quick reaction to communication from
another person that escalates the conflict.
• Mindreading is communication in which one person attributes
something to another person using generalizations.
• Negotiation in interpersonal conflict refers to the process of
attempting to change or influence conditions within a
relationship.
• Forgiving is not the act of excusing or condoning, but rather, it
is the process whereby negative emotions are transformed into
positive emotions for the purpose of bringing emotional
normalcy to a relationship.
• The intrapsychic dimension relates to the cognitive processes
and interpretations associated with a transgression (i.e., one’s
internal state).
• Interpersonal forgiveness is the interaction between
relational partners concerning forgiveness.
• Facework refers to the communicative strategies we employ to
project, maintain, or repair our face or to maintain, repair, or
challenge another person’s face.
620 | Key Terms

• Face-detracting strategies involve messages or statements
that take away from the respect, integrity, or credibility of a
person.
• Face-saving strategies shift the emphasis from the individual
to the issue, avoiding power struggles and personalities, and
providing the parties involved space to save face.
• Face negotiation theory argues that people in all cultures
negotiate face through communication encounters and that
cultural factors influence how we engage in facework,
especially in conflict situations.
• Framing is the act of intentionally setting the stage for the
conversation you want to have. In framing a conversation, you
express why you want to engage in a particular topic, what
your intent is, and what you hope the outcome will be for
resolving the conflict, as well as the impact on and importance
of your relationship.
Chapter 7
• Informational listening involves focusing listening on

gathering new information and facts, and then identifying key
points. This is then followed by recording the information so
that we can access it later by committing it to memory or
taking physical notes.
• Comprehensive and evaluative listening seeks to understand
and organize the information we have gathered. Paraphrasing
and questioning communication skills are used when seeking
to align the new information with what we already know or
believe.
• Empathic listening is active and seeks to identify and
understand the feelings and emotions behind the information
being presented.
Key Terms | 621

• Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of
actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing,
synthesizing, and evaluating information gathered from or
generated by observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or
communication as a guide to belief and action.
• Critical ignoring helps us evaluate information and decide
what to keep and what to discard.
• Self-nudging involves ignoring temptations by removing them.
• Lateral reading is used to determine how trustworthy a source
and the information provided is by investigating the
background of a website and its author, and by comparing the
information across a wide variety of sources.
• The top-down outline is a way to organize the ideas you know
you need to include in the message you want to convey. The
ideas are arranged in a logical order, often numerically, and
there is always an introductory idea and a concluding idea.
• Mind mapping is used to visually associate and/or explore
multiple aspects of a topic or concept. If ideas are not fully
developed or if a person is a visual thinker, they may prefer a
mind map to a formal outline. After you create a mind map,
you can then make decisions about the logical flow of ideas
when presenting the information to your audience.
• Bottom-up outlining is essential when you have lots of
information but need to impose structure and direction. This
form of outlining is a great way to get over writer’s block and
can be done when writing alone or in a group.
• SMART structure is a way to determine how to deliver
information to an audience. It stands for Story, Main idea,
Agenda, Reasons, and Task.
• Digital citizenship is the appropriate use of the internet,
computers, and any other type of digital device.
• Netiquette refers to etiquette, or the protocols and norms, for
communication on the internet.
622 | Key Terms

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real world: An introduction to communications studies.
Key Terms | 623

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Introduction to Communications

SUSANNE ERICKSON AND SARAH JAMES

Chapter I. Interpersonal Communication

1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication 5

Chapter II. The Role of Perception

2.1 Introduction to the Role of Perception 81

Chapter III. Verbal Communication and

3.1 Introduction to Verbal Communication and 161

Chapter IV. Nonverbal Communication

4.1 Introduction to Nonverbal Communication 263

Chapter V. Communication and Emotions within

5.1 Introduction to Communication and Emotions 343

Chapter VI. Conflict within Relationships

6.1 Introduction to Conflict within Relationships 417

Chapter VII. Communication in Action

7.1 Introduction to Communication in Action 519

Key Terms 597

Welcome to Introduction to Communications

Introduction to Communications has been adapted from various

Cover image: Cubism 2023 Expressions by David S. Soriano, CC

This resource was produced by NorQuest College in partnership

By the end of this chapter, you should be able to

1. Articulate communication principles and how they

1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication | 5

Communication is an integral and ongoing part of everyday life. As

Unless otherwise indicated, material on this page has

University of Minnesota. (2016). Communication in the

6 | 1.1 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

Communication is an ever-present phenomenon. It is such a

Communication is a process that involves an exchange of both

1.2 Communication Basics | 7

The cognitive process that allows people to send, receive, and

8 | 1.2 Communication Basics

The amount of conscious thought that goes into communication

1.2 Communication Basics | 9

10 | 1.2 Communication Basics

Communication is a complex process, and it is often difficult to

1.2 Communication Basics | 11

Communication Meets Needs

Communication is far more than the transmission of information.

12 | 1.2 Communication Basics

Instrumental needs include needs that help us get things done

1.2 Communication Basics | 13

Relational needs include needs that help us maintain social bonds

14 | 1.2 Communication Basics

Identity needs include our need to present ourselves to others and

Relating Theory to Real Life

1. Consider your own definition of communication.

2. Identify some physical, instrumental, relational, and

1.2 Communication Basics | 15

Unless otherwise indicated, material on this page has

University of Minnesota. (2016). Communication in the

Image Credits (images are listed in order of appearance)

16 | 1.2 Communication Basics

1.2 Communication Basics | 17

• A sender is someone who encodes and sends a message to a

18 | 1.3 Models and Forms of Communication

1.3 Models and Forms of Communication | 19