DESCRIPTIVE

WRITING
How Can You Make out Writing More Effective?
English Year 10
LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
By the end of the lesson, students should be able to:
 distinguish between “showing” and “telling” by recognising concrete details
versus general statement in descriptive writing. (All)
 revise writing to transform “telling” sentences into showing ones to enhance
the reader’s engagement in descriptive writing. (Most)
 create original descriptive passages that demonstrate a mastery of “showing
not telling,” incorporating advanced language and stylistic elements to evoke a
vivid and immersive experience for the reader. (Some)
YOUR EXAM PAPER
BE ORIGINAL !
The examiner will be marking up to 350 papers

– that means 350 versions of the same

description! Being original in your description

will help you stand out and gain you more

marks.
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
1. Simile. Comparing one thing to another using ‘as’ or ‘like’.

Example:
The airport terminal loomed above me like a mountain range.
What kind of effect
is created here?

The building is compared to mountains, making it seem frightening, massive or

intimidating
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
2. Metaphor
The same idea as simile, but without using ‘like’ or ‘as’.
Example:
As I stepped onto the plane, a balloon of happiness and pride swelled up inside
me. I was finally doing it – I was leaving to travel the world.
There is clearly not a balloon inside this person – therefore it is a metaphor.
Remember to use appropriate metaphors that link it the idea – e.g. balloons
floating/flying in air reminiscent of perhaps a plane in the air.
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
3. Personification
By employing personification, the writer brings life to the elements of nature,
making them more relatable and engaging for the reader. It adds a layer of
vividness and emotion to the description.
Example:
The wind whispered through the trees, its gentle fingers caressing the leaves. The
sun smiled down from the sky, casting its warm embrace upon the earth. The
river danced over the rocks, its laughter echoing through the valley.
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
4. Onomatopoeia

The writer not only describes the scenes but also brings the auditory elements to life,
allowing the reader to "hear" the sounds and immerse themselves more fully in the
atmosphere

Example:

The raindrops pattered on the window, creating a soothing lullaby. Thunder rumbled in the
distance, a low, ominous growl. The fire crackled in the hearth, filling the room with
warmth.
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
5. The senses – sight, sound, smell, touch, taste.
Don’t rely only on describing what you see. Include other details from the whole
range of senses. These can be metaphorical as well as literal.
Example: Walking into the airport I could hear my footsteps echo around the
vast, empty space. I kept a tight grip of my passport and ticket – the smooth
texture and sharp edges of the paper were a reassuring reminder that I was
actually going on this journey. The terminal smelled clean and clinical, but
behind that familiar, everyday smell was the faint whiff of adventure – the scent
of far off lands just waiting to be explored. I could almost taste the exotic new
experiences that lay ahead.
DESCRIPTIVE TECHNIQUES
VOCABULARY
 You need to show a wide range of sophisticated and advanced vocabulary when your write to
describe.

 Think about the words you are using – do not simply use the first word that comes into your
head.

 Make sure your vocabulary is appropriate for the type of writing – don’t be overly formal and
scientific, for example, in a piece of writing for a travel magazine.

 No matter what the task and audience, remember you are being assessed in a writing exam.
Never use overly informal or simplistic vocabulary.
VOCABULARY
1. Big

2. Pretty

3. Dark

Write down 3 more interesting synonyms 4. Scary

for the following words:
5. Old

6. Happy

7. Sad

8. Small
VOCABULARY – SOME
ANSWERS
1. Big – colossal, enormous, gigantic, tremendous, vast, hefty.

2. Pretty – attractive, pleasant, gorgeous, charming, good-looking, lovely.

3. Dark – pitch-black, murky, shadowy, somber, overcast, gloomy.

4. Scary – eerie, chilly, horrifying, spooky, shocking, alarming, creepy.

5. Old – obsolete, archaic, historic, ancient, aged, decrepit, tired.

6. Happy – cheerful, exultant, elated, ecstatic, jubilant, upbeat, merry, gay.

7. Sad – sorrowful, melancholy, heartbroken, crestbroken, mournful, forlon.

8. Small – minute, microscopic, minuscule, paltry, meager, cramped.

VOCABULARY
3. You need detail in What makes a good piece of descriptive writing?
description and you For example, you could write:
need thoughtful
vocabulary to make A man on the shingle beach was reading a book with the sun on his back.
the meaning of the
OR
description more
precise. A bronzed man reclined under the glow of the sun, basking in its honeyed
rays. Pebbles were adorned along the coastline, each distinct in shape and size,
as unique as a human fingerprint. They created a palette of heavenly blues and
The second description is polished grey-browns, and were positioned in an arc, upward into the light, as if
more detailed, however it is they were born to seek sunny rays. The man continued to carefully sip from a
easy to overdo it – do we tinkling glass of fresh water as he devoured the novel cradled in his palms.
need the word ‘devoured’?
VOCABULARY
Start every sentence with a new word!
Nouns should be the topic sentence.
This adds detail to your
Don’t only start with ‘I’ - description and allows you to
Don’t START WITH VERBS! show a range of vocabulary.
Using alliteration also
Use the following Word chains. demonstrates your control
over the language you are
Adjective (adjective) – noun – verb – adverb. using.
Example:
The deep gully of water flowed smoothly down the mountainside.
A frightened child looked left and right, sobbing hysterically.
A tall, towering temple stood proudly at the very top of the hill.
VOCABULARY
Remember!!

Show.
Don’t
Tell.
HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE THIS?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
THIS?
 If you’re tired…

 red puffy eyes, grey shadows under

their eyes, hair is a mess and probably

put up in a ponytail or bun which is
falling apart.

 Slouched in seat, drinking coffee, one

eye is falling asleep, yawning all the

time...and that's really what comes to
mind…
VOCABULARY
Pay attention to adverbs and adjectives

The point of descriptive writing, as we’ve already said, is to create a vivid mental
image to your readers as clear a sense as possible of place, an event or a person.

Adverbs are words that describe verbs and tell us how an action is performed. For
example, you could say that someone ‘walked’ across a room, but if you add the
adverb, ‘casually’, you will give a more precise image of someone walking in an
unhurried way. The adverb ‘briskly’ would change this image completely and show a
sense of urgency.
SHOW DON’T TELL

What are they telling you in the paragraph

above?
SHOW DON’T TELL
OVER TO YOU – SHOW DON’T
TELL
Telling Sentence Showing Sentence
It had been raining heavily. Deep puddles covered the slate-grey concrete on the road. Cars sloshed passed
and people hurried along the pavement, sodden wet and hiding under
umbrellas. Some were hunched over in their raincoats as they trudged through
mud in their wellies…
It was a very dark night.

There is a strong wind.

She was nervous.

He was shy.

She is very happy.

POSSIBLE ANSWERS
It is a very dark night.

The night descended like a velvet curtain, wrapping the world in an impenetrable
darkness. The ebony sky stretched above, devoid of even the faintest glimmer, as if it
had swallowed the stars themselves. The air hung heavy with a mysterious stillness,
the silence broken only by the occasional hushed rustle of leaves, lending an eerie
quality to the obsidian night. The absence of light rendered the surroundings
invisible, leaving only the faint scent of damp earth and the distant murmur of
nocturnal creatures, creating an atmosphere both ominous and captivating.
POSSIBLE ANSWERS
There is a strong wind.

A mighty wind swept across the landscape, its powerful gusts orchestrating a
symphony of rustling leaves and bending branches. It roared like a distant lion,
each breath carrying the force of nature's unseen hand. The air crackled with
energy, as if the wind itself was alive and charged with a tempestuous spirit. Trees
swayed in a rhythmic dance, bowing to the elemental force that commanded the
atmosphere, while the scent of earth and the taste of the brisk, turbulent air hinted
at the untamed vigor of the prevailing gale."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS
She was nervous.

"Her nerves fluttered like delicate butterflies within, their fragile wings stirring a
tempest of unease. An invisible weight settled upon her shoulders, as if the atmosphere
itself bore the gravity of her apprehension. The room seemed to close in, each breath
shallow and tinged with the subtle taste of anxiety. Her pulse, like the erratic beat of a
trapped bird, resonated in her ears, amplifying the palpable tension that clung to her
like a second skin. In the hushed symphony of her emotions, the subtle tremor in her
hands betrayed the quiet storm of nervous anticipation swirling beneath the surface."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS
He was shy.

"His demeanor whispered of a quiet retreat, like a solitary woodland creature seeking refuge
in the shadows. A subtle hesitance adorned his movements, akin to the delicate dance of
leaves avoiding a gentle breeze. The air surrounding him held a soft reserve, as if the very
atmosphere respected the cocoon of timidity that enveloped him. His gaze, a fleeting visitor in
social landscapes, conveyed a vulnerability, like a rare bloom reluctant to unfurl its petals. In
the subtle language of his presence, one could discern the nuanced symphony of his shy
disposition, a tapestry woven with threads of modesty and introverted grace."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS
She is very happy.

"Her joy radiated like the warm rays of the sun, casting a luminous glow upon her
countenance. Laughter bubbled forth from her like a melody, each note carrying the
infectious rhythm of unabashed happiness. The air around her seemed to shimmer
with delight, as if particles of joy danced in celebration. Her eyes, sparkling with
mirth, mirrored the effervescent spirit that danced within. In this moment of
unbridled bliss, she became a portrait of radiant contentment, painting the world
with the vibrant hues of her happiness."
STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL
WRITING
STEP 1: CHOOSE A QUESTION

2 (a) Describe a busy port or harbour.

STEP 2: BRAINSTORM IDEAS
STEP 3: ORGANISE
YOUR IDEAS
Group your ideas together and

order them into relevant

paragraphs.
STEP 4: WRITE UP YOUR ANSWER
 STEP 4: WRITE UP YOUR ANSWER
2 (a) Describe a busy port or harbour
The sun beams happily in the sky as the rays bounce of the glistening waves. The golden rays look like
arrows being shot from heaven. The fierce light from the sun bathes the throng of visitors in a romantic
glow and happy faces reflect the positive rays back towards the sky. White bubble clouds hover
tentatively in the sky and look as fragile as a glass about to break. The clouds slowly climb closer to the
dominant sun, threatening to hide its rays and bring cool breezes to those under its temporary
protection.
Screeches and squawks can be heard all around. The creators of this cacophony laugh together as they
soar above the heads of those down below. The seagulls aggressively whirl and dip as they hunt for
their next meal. Their eyes scavenging the scene for anything that can pilfered: a juicy burger held
loosely in the hand of a child; a dripping ice-cream cone about to plummet to the ground or even a pack
of crisps that has only just been opened by an excited child. These scavengers of the sky don’t hear the
melody of cries as children mourn their lost treats, nor do they care about the angry words screamed in
their direction.
As a seagull swoops down from the sky like a comet hurtling towards earth, a pair of siblings whirl
around their parents trying to poke each other in the ribs. Their happy war consumes their attention and
causes others to stare in mock irritation. Their melodious laughter rings throughout the harbour and
bounces off the ships standing nearby. A lone couple stroll by holding hands and pause to look up at the
army of birds encircling the area above them. They cover their eyes with their hands but the sun pierces
through the latticework of their finger creating a patchwork of light on their upturned faces.
STEP 4: WRITE UP YOUR ANSWER
2 (a) Describe a busy port or harbour
PLENARY
Appreciate your
Involvement.