How are you? How's the family? I miss you. Do you miss me? I feel like I'm living through an Adele song. Which just makes me think of you more since Adele is your favorite musician.
I don't know why I am thinking about us. We broke up months ago, but yet I can't get you off my mind. All of the wonderful memories we had together are flooding my head, bringing back that warm and fuzzy feeling that I had while I was with you.
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Maybe it's because I didn't want to let go. I still have all the pictures and videos you took on my phone, the roses you bought me are still in the shadow box on my wall. I still wish we never ended, and that you were here with me watching movies and laughing, tickling me until I could barely breathe. I blinked and all of that was gone, leaving me broken and scared.
I wanted to repair myself, so I downloaded Tinder a few months later to sway my thoughts of you. Well apparently we still think a like because you downloaded Tinder too, and to my surprise you super liked me. That super like brought me ten steps back on my road to moving on. It provided me with hope. I hoped you would tell me you still loved me, and that leaving me was the worse mistake of your life. Instead, I got an awkward 2-minute conversation and an un-match a month later.
That un-match hurt me more than I expected. It killed my hope, making our end real. I thought I had healed, but here I am feeling my heart strings unravel, and apparently those heart strings are attached to my tear ducts because I find myself crying over the thought of never seeing you again.
I wanted us to be Meredith Grey and Derek Shepard, a couple that many aspired to be. Together through anything, and becoming each other's person.
I understand why you ended us. You weren't in a place for a relationship at the time - you wanted so badly to be, but you couldn't. Maybe knowing that is what made me feel okay about the whole thing. Instead of wanting to be broken, I wanted you to be happy. Which, ironically, is also what you wanted for me. For me to be happy and not have you as a burden. Well, that was not the case. You were a big blessing while we were together and you made me so happy. I never laughed so hard in my life, you were one of a kind and a great best friend.
However, I now have to open my eyes to the fact that you were just an experience. I learned a lot from you. You were the best relationship I've had so far, but I know I'll find another like you eventually; you are not a Beyonce song - I can replace you, and I will heal. My heart strings will be sewn back together and my eyes will dry, but I will always have the memories, and you will always have a place in my heart.
