one thing transphobes and "concerned" allies like to do is harp on about body positivity when you mention anything related to transition, and it's one of the easiest things to get stuck questioning when your egg is cracking.
it's typically along the lines of "you've internalized toxic beauty standards" or "you need to learn to love the body you have" formulated in various ways, and it's not an unreasonable thing to mention, but it's most often used as a cudgel.
essentially, it's another way to say "you're too confused and naive to understand what you *really* want, like I do." even when coming from an entirely well-meaning place, it usually has that effect, and it'll have you questioning your whole perception of reality if people get really insistent about it.
due to medical gatekeeping and incompetence, I was underdosed on HRT and prevented from otherwise pursuing medical transition to any meaningful degree for a long time, despite feeling more than ready for it. this gave me a lot of time to come to terms with the body i had and learn to love it as it is, to wear away a lot of dysphoria and learn how to better cope with it, and to feel more comfortable in my own skin.
get the fucking hormones. save for the surgery you're not quite sure you want yet. put yourself on that waitlist now. DO IT.
that's my wisdom after well over a decade being stuck on hold, bouncing around the system waiting for things to move, agonizing over those questions about my perception of my body. i've learned to like what i have now, there isn't the self-loathing and intense dysphoria i felt in my teens and twenties, but i still want to change it.
if you've reached the point where you're already looking into hormones, thinking about medical transition paths and specific surgeries, i think you've made up your mind, and you know what you want already. it takes a lot of mental groundwork to reach that point, and the vast, overwhelming majority of cis people simply don't pursue these kinds of thoughts about transition this far.
don't expend energy hating what you have, but don't let people hold you back from what you want either. even if you could (and should try to) learn to like your body as it is, you know another body would feel more right, and you should pursue that.
tl;dr: ask yourself which future body you'd be more excited to grow into, which one would make you happier, and ignore anyone whose advice boils down to "nooooo, don't, you're so sexy haha" expressed in more flowery words.
