having depression makes your friends seem like the coolest most put together people on earth like wow... you got out of bed, had breakfast, went to work, AND spent some time on a hobby when you got home....? that's so impressive you're like superman or something. can i borrow your power.
watching someone make 3 meals a day and brush their teeth with the awe of watching an olympic athlete
***Unhealthy Relationship w/ Food Warning
I have figured out my life and anxiety to the point where I have better coping methods than I used to. Unfortunately one of my main coping methods is going out on a walk which is not possible when it I have my anxiety spike at night (I mean it is /possible/ but would not make my anxiety less)
All that to say I had my first anxiety driven food binge in a long time tonight and I feel Bad on just about every level. My healthy coping just wasn't coping tonight and animal instinct brain took over. Pushing myself and trying new things is so hard when it ends me up here
see the THING IS I don't feel like I ever worked hard enough to have "earned" the burnout, which is. probably how we got here.
Please learn how to resume traffic flow after an ambulance passes I'm begging
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The intersection of my anxiety and my sinus problems have formed a fun new symptom called phantosmia where I become convinced I smell gas at any random moment
I know there's not a real gas leak because A) I smell it no matter where I am and I know there's not gas leaks everywhere and B) I bought a gas leak detector to carry around with me to prove it to myself
Yet I still freak out every time it happens when I'm at home because what if it's real this time
Realizing extremely belatedly that part of the reason I'm so awkward trying to end a phone call is that my brain has already moved on to the next thing and half forgotten that I am still in fact talking to a person and need to wrap up that task. Small finishing details remain a bitch in all things.
Sometimes I feel like the only person on this earth who doesn't give a fuck about celebrity drama
Aldi is starting to go the Trader Joe's route of making me fall in love with a product and then never stocking it again
I wish I was the type of person who enjoyed doing Tasks
Getting a new (to me) car is wild bc I got so used to the quirks of the old one that clung to life for the past several years. Like what do you mean I can lower all the windows? What do you mean the air conditioning isn't a roll of the dice? What do you mean the trunk doesn't randomly pop open?
How I am supposed to executive function when my country is both figuratively and literally burning
Once again I would like to say fuck insurance companies
last time my mom visited I was talking to her about parenting and how I appreciated a lot of the choices she and my father had made about raising me and my brother and she agreed that just listening to the child and taking them seriously was the One Weird Trick to cutting out like 60% of conflicts between parents and children. and she said one time I was about three or four years old and we were all going to the grocery store, and at the threshold of the store I just had a meltdown. i was overwhelmed, I was crying, I was just at the end of my rope like kids get sometimes. and instead of dragging me through the store my mom and dad stopped what we were doing and just asked me what the problem was. and I was able to say I didn't want to be there, I couldn't do it, I wanted to go home. and she says she and my father just looked at each other and back at me and said "okay" and we all went home that day instead of forcing the grocery store trip. and I had so few public meltdowns as a kid despite being pretty autistic because, I think, I knew that if I ever really needed to leave, my parents would understand and back me up. and that was the case throughout my childhood. which paradoxically (one might think) resulted in me having fewer incidents of being overwhelmed in the first place, which then made me better able to handle increasing amounts of stress and so on. it also taught me that expressing feelings and communicating them to my caretakers wasn't going to be punished or ignored or called weird, so unlike many other autistic kids who get judged or rebuked for expressing sensitivity or opposition, I didn't need to constantly blockade everyone and internalize everything all the time.
it's a pretty simple concept whether your kids are autistic or not, but most parents don't seem to get it. their parents taught them to just force everything and let the child deal with it alone so they just repeat the cycle even though they know how it feels.
Autistic TV Doctor Rep
I have purposefully avoided memorizing my credit card number to make it slightly harder to make impulse purchases online
...which is really annoying when I want to make an impulse purchase online
Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."
It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.
This has already been said in the notes, but if PMS causes extreme depression and even suicidal ideation, that is in fact something that most people do not experience and it can be treated
Like for the majority it really is "oh i'm hungrier and moodier than usual"
^this should be a part of sex education so the point still stands
I went to my doctor after I was walking to work one morning and saw a bus coming and actually took a step to throw myself in front of it before I pulled myself together. Later that day I started bleeding and was literally like someone flipped a switch and I didn't feel suicidal anymore. Which made me feel like I was loosing my mind because who goes from 'I want to throw myself in front of a bus' to 'I'm perfectly fine' just like that? I did some research, I went to the doctor and described my feelings, he looked me in the eye and gently asked what I thought it was, I said I'd read about PMDD and I thought it might be that, he said 'I think so too' and wrote a prescription.
If, before you get your period, you feel furiously angry, suicidal, irritated by every tiny thing to the point you want to murder someone, stuck in a black hole you'll never escape from. If you are experiencing extreme emotions for what seems like no good reason, especially if you get your period and those extreme emotions just go away. You're probably not just PMSing , you may have PMS's feral big sister PMDD and it's treatable.
Also this is something that can develop as you get older. So if you used to get normal PMS but what I wrote above sounds more like your norm now then don't just write it off as regular PMS.
