Former child star Mara Wilson says she struggled with severe anxiety and OCD after filming Matilda, revealing she had panic attacks about her 'pet hamster escaping' and would wash her hands until they were raw
- Wilson, 35, reflected on her early mental health issues and the loss of her mother on the latest episode of Mayim Bialik's Breakdown podcast
- The actress was filming the movie adaptation of Roald Dahl's novel Matilda when her mother, Suzie Wilson, was diagnosed with breast cancer
- Wilson's mother died three months before the release of the 1996 film
- The former child star recalled being 'very worried from a very young age,' saying she 'started having panic attacks' when she was in the third grade
- She explained that her mother was sick and she had just finished filming Matilda
- Wilson was also battling undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and would wash her hands to the point that they became red and raw
Mara Wilson has opened up about how she suffered from anxiety and severe obsessive-compulsive disorder as a child, saying she started having panic attacks and obsessively washing her hands after she filmed Matilda.
The 35-year-old actress was starring in the movie adaptation of the iconic Roald Dahl novel when her mother, Suzie Wilson, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She died three months before the release of the 1996 film, which was dedicated to her.
Wilson, who was launched to fame after appearing in Mrs. Doubtfire and the remake of Miracle on 34th Street, reflected on her early mental health issues and the loss of her mother on the latest episode of Mayim Bialik's Breakdown podcast.
'I was always very worried from a very young age. I worried about death, I worried about sickness, I was that kind of worrier. And it was strange because I was either, like I said, a very sort of upbeat extroverted kid, or I was having an anxiety attack,' the former child star told Bialik.
Actress Mara Wilson, 35, reflected on her early mental health issues and the loss of her mother on the latest episode of Mayim Bialik's Breakdown podcast
The former child star had just finished filming the movie adaptation of Matilda (pictured) when she started suffering from anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder
'When I was in third grade, that was really when all the s**t hit the fan. Third grade was when my mother was sick, I had just finished filming Matilda. I started having panic attacks about things like my pet hamster escaping.'
Wilson was also battling undiagnosed OCD, a mental health disorder characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears that lead to repetitive behaviors.
'I started washing my hands all the time, so much so that my hands were always red and chapped and raw and my mother would have to put salves and ointments and all of her home remedies on them to make sure that they wouldn't hurt so much anymore,' she recalled.
'It was a really hard time for me, and I knew that it was weird. That was the thing. I knew that I was strange. I knew that this was something that other people didn't have, and I started having panic attacks at school. I had a feeling that this was not something that other kids had.'
'I was always very worried from a very young age. I worried about death, I worried about sickness, I was that kind of worrier,' she told Bialik
Wilson remembered 'hearing the word anxiety' as a child, but she didn't understand the full scope of what that meant.
'I think that my mother was probably afraid because she knew that mental illness ran in her family,' she explained. 'There was a lot of trauma in the family and there was a lot of mental illness in the family, and I think that she was afraid of that happening to me.
'And she was also just sort of like a just suck it up type mom anyway,' she added. 'So she was just kind of like, "OK get over it, you'll be fine, deal with it." And she had cancer, she was dealing with her own stuff at the time.'
Bialik pointed out that mental health issues, especially in children, weren't widely talked about at the time, which was reflective of Wilson's experience.
Wilson explained that her mother, Suzie Wilson, was battling breast cancer when she started having panic attacks. She is pictured with her parents at the Mrs. Doubtfire premiere in 1993
Wilson, who was launched to fame after starring in the 1994 remake of Miracle on 34th Street, was also battling undiagnosed OCD
'I would go to the guidance counselor like every day, but they didn't really seem to know what to do with a child with anxiety, a child with obsessions and compulsions,' she said.
'I think about it and the way that I talked about my symptoms and the way I described them, if I heard a child describe them today I would immediately be like, even if I didn't have the extensive experience, I think if anybody heard the way that I was talking, they would immediately say that sounds like OCD.
'I think we know a little bit more about OCD now because it's 25 years later, but at the time, I guess people didn’t really have the knowledge that it could even happen to children.'
Wilson came to understand that she had OCD before she was ever formally diagnosed because of the research she had done.
The actress (pictured in 1995) would wash her hands to the point that they became red and raw
Wilson (pictured in 2000) wasn't officially diagnosed with OCD and put on medication until she started therapy at about 12 years old
'I looked up OCD with the rudimentary internet that we had at the time and what I knew in the library and encyclopedia and such and I was like, "Oh, I have this." And I went to my guidance counselors, I said, "I think I know what's wrong with me,'" she recalled.
She didn't confide in many people at the time, but she had a studio teacher who made her feel less alone in her mental health struggles.
'I confessed to her that I was weird, and I didn't tell a lot of people about it, but I told her,' she said. 'I was like, "I'm really weird." She's like, "I'm a little weird too." And I was like, "No, I get really anxious. I get really scared."
'She was like, "I have anxiety too. It's OK." And it made me think, "Oh, OK there are adults who have this. Not everybody is in control all the time and they deal with it, they find ways to deal with it."'
Wilson (pictured in 2019) credits her diagnosis with saving her, saying she 'couldn't have functioned' without the medication she was put on to manage her symptoms
'That diagnosis saved me,' Wilson told Bialik
Wilson also remembered it being difficult for her widowed father, Michael Wilson, to come to terms with the fact that she needed help.
'It took my dad a long time to accept that there was something wrong with me because I think parents want to blame themselves for it. And they don't want to damn their kids with a diagnosis,' she explained.
The actress started therapy when she was about 12 years old and was put on medication to help treat her OCD, which made a world of a difference.
"I think I was on Zoloft at the time. I'm on Lexapro now, and it helps because I could not function without it. And I was diagnosed with severe OCD, and I couldn't have functioned without it,' she told Bialik.
'That diagnosis saved me.'