Assholes Matter: The Effects of Criticism on Mental Health and the Organization, #1

Assholes Matter

The Effects of Criticism on Mental Health and the Organization

By

Richard K. Zwicky

~~ Contents ~~

Introduction

Building Healthy Organizations

Factors Influencing Organizational Culture

The Role of Criticism in an Organization

Leading through Constructive Criticism

The Adoption of Positive Feedback

The Damaging Effects of Criticism on Self-Esteem at Work

Self-Defeat Through Non-Constructive Criticism

Transforming the Organizational Culture

From Theory into Practice

Managing your Manager

Reciprocal Constructive Criticism

The Culture of Fear and Team Morale

Bad Can Also Be Good (!?!)

The Intersection of Adverse Childhood Experiences and Workplace Behavior

Assholes Emerging

When Frustration Crosses the Chasm

Assholes Matter

Empathy and Managing Toxicity

Beware the Toxic Savior

The Ripple Effect of Poorly Delivered Criticism

Exiting Toxic Business Relationships

Leave People Better than You Found Them

Delivering Criticism Constructively and Effectively

Life is a voyage through knowledge.

In our journeys, we learn both positive and negative lessons.

What we take from each helps shape the person we become and the lessons we will teach others.

Thank you for taking the time to read this book, I hope you will discover insights to help you reduce toxicity in the workplace.

Introduction

Building Strong Organizations

Being demanding is different from being a jerk, and being constructive and respectful is easy, so why is it challenging for people to maintain these values when building and managing teams?

The answer is simple: Humans are wonderfully complex creatures with marvelous talents and flaws. Within each of us resides an unfinished masterpiece— we are works of art still being created. The wisest among us never ceases to learn or evolve.

To reach our potential, we must gain skills and correct our flaws, and to do so, we need mentors who gently make us aware of our weaknesses, soften our rough edges, and guide us along. Among the many skills we improve, interpersonal relationships stand at the forefront.

Unfortunately, due to unresolved issues that often date back to their childhood, some people find it difficult or stressful to manage relationships respectfully or may struggle to manage situations when others misbehave. Without awareness of our issues or the appropriate guidance to alert us to our strengths and weaknesses, people will often allow themselves to make easy or expedient choices. Because we know that these easy choices are not our best decisions, we create stress for ourselves, and stress undercuts our growth and the growth of everyone around us.

Stress is not simple. It’s complex, and its effects are felt by everyone we interact with. By some estimates, over 80% of doctor visits originate from stress-related causes. Studies also demonstrate that stress costs U.S. businesses over $300 billion annually in absenteeism, turnover, diminished productivity, and medical expenses. When people refer to a stress epidemic, its effects are not felt by any one individual alone.

It is normal for people to struggle when faced with new and unpleasant situations. How we manage our emotional responses to our struggles dictates how we interact with others. The importance of modeling appropriate interpersonal behavior is magnified significantly when we are in management.

We all want to perform better, to enjoy stronger and more meaningful relationships, and to be happy. But life is full of challenges, and one of our most significant challenges is to become the person we have the potential to be.

A significant portion of the person we could be lies in our interpersonal skills and relationship management. We are constantly growing and developing new skills to help us manage better. Though the path is uncertain, we will all face our doubts about who we are and our capacity to progress during our journey to meet our potential. However, if we can afford compassion for our limitations, we will find the strength to take the next step.

Critiques and feedback can be a gift that helps us along our journey. Mindfully delivered to support growth, constructive criticism reveals our blind spots regarding our present level of capability while also fanning the embers of our potential. When we learn how to accept constructive criticism with an open mind, we also learn how to deliver it with a compassionate heart. When we do, we also discover there is a great coach within us.

As George Matthew Adams said,

There is no such thing as a 'self-made man.' We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us or spoken one word of encouragement to us has entered into the makeup of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.

Adams was right. Just as the greatest athletes in sports require teammates to help them increase their point totals, we all need constructive interactions to drive personal growth.

Not all interactions will be positive, and often, it is from the negative ones that we can learn the most. From these, we can learn how not to behave when dealing with others, but only if our minds are open and self-aware.

But we do not just learn individually. We also learn by observing the world around us. When we enter the workforce, the organization becomes our primary learning facility, and we quickly discover that conflicts are inevitable in any organization.

Some conflicts are collaborative, such as when two teams debate why their ideas for a marketing campaign are more appealing. If they operate in a system where they understand that conflicting ideas are an opportunity to learn, there will be no negativity about alternative proposals. The resulting constructive conflict stimulates innovative thoughts and supports improved communication skills to advance each team's beliefs.

As a leader, you want to stimulate and use these conversations to support growth among your peers and team members. The worst idea you heard today may be visionary and lead everyone to new and unexpected successes tomorrow!

Constructive criticism sits at the core of this continuous improvement journey. Feedback skillfully delivered enlightens; when mismanaged, it deflates. This exploration spotlights exemplary leadership strategies for transforming workplace conflicts into catalysts for growth.

Conversely, and unfortunately, much of the conflict we are exposed to is destructive. While we are trained to think of business engagements in terms of wins and losses, a win-at-all-costs strategy reflects two-dimensional thinking that results in a loss-loss. You may win a battle with a competing firm, but the internal damage done to your own organization due to toxic attitudes means the win was pyrrhic.

We all need to remember: Attitudes matter.

The raw passion a leader can harness to drive peers, colleagues, and staff to succeed can do incredible damage if not appropriately managed. Leaders must do more than just uphold standards. They must focus on constructive speech and actions to prevent toxicity from entering the organization. Their behavior must exemplify the standards others want to achieve to ascend into management.

If leaders fail, toxicity is inevitable. Once toxicity is unleashed, any efforts that were put into building organizational culture will be damaged or destroyed. Worse, the leader’s credibility will be weakened, staff’s productivity will be negatively impacted, and the company will be littered with team members suffering from bruised egos, hurt feelings, and dissatisfaction.

Abundant research on motivation confirms that people's potential is unlocked when led by conviction rather than coercion. Therein lies the artistry of workplace leadership. Masterful leaders are coaches who view challenges as opportunities to deepen group cohesion. They understand that sustainable greatness relies first on understanding people.

When they get it right, leaders spark passion within others, and passion fuels innovation. But just as passion drives the innovative ideas that help us grow, passion’s evil twin, frustration, is marked by personal attacks and humiliation that corrodes morale.

Therefore, the blueprint for successful organizations lies in elevating people's potential. Leaders elicit exponentially more from their teams by fostering cultures where respect and high standards align with organizational goals. By soliciting input and contributions from their teams, leaders demonstrate that people are valued and their opinions matter. By thoughtfully responding and acting on their teams’ input, as well as integrating praise in response to the thoughtfulness of others, leaders confirm everyone’s efforts and build the foundation for a stronger organization.

The most impactful feedback anyone can deliver will provide realistic next steps for an individual’s development. Leaders who invest the time to understand context and employee perspectives can customize guidance to complex personalities. By providing the appropriate advice, they can light the fires needed for people to elevate their skills.

The framework for proper feedback and guidance begins by separating behaviors from character. Guidance focused on specific actions is more likely to motivate change, and solution-focused conversations that contain specific guidance will only serve to preserve dignity when difficult issues are being addressed. Conversely, vague commentary and feedback in response to problematic behavior will produce uncertainty and not help anyone improve. Worse still, negative critiques will create self-doubt instead of progress and breed contempt between peers.

Effective communication and constructive feedback are also essential for maintaining positive mental health in the workplace. When employees feel consistently disrespected and criticized without support or cannot voice concerns safely, their stress compounds over time. As stress builds, it leads to burnout, anxiety, depression, and other health issues.

However, when organizations focus on fostering cultures that value employee’s use of open communication to support well-being, the benefits of reducing stress are profound. As a reward for their efforts, as stress is dissipated, the organization realizes substantial returns via innovation, loyalty, and performance.

In addition to focusing on open communication, implementing appropriate policies and procedures will support initiatives that minimize or prevent stress and mental health issues that inevitably arise from unnecessary conflict. However, these policies must be coupled with transparent, equitable accountability processes that demonstrate the organization’s commitment to everyone that abusive behaviors will carry consequences. Finally, additional services, such as confidential counseling, offered under medical benefits plans will also afford employees a safe space to discuss workplace stressors without judgment.

While no single solution will resolve all complex situations, a combination of caring and accountability conveys trust. When trust is established, progress against all challenges follows.

Ultimately, communication that respects human dignity is the key to unlocking individual and organizational potential. Leaders who nurture inclusion, celebrate collective achievements, and compassionately address conflicts inspire loyalty. By contrast, cultures permitting toxicity are corroding solidarity and performance from the inside out.

Across all industries, from sports to technology, examples exist of leaders successfully channeling friction into innovation. They balance high standards with attending to emotional needs, building bonds that enable groups to leverage conflicts for growth.

But criticism is complicated, and delivering it properly requires skill and training. Research shows that well-intended criticism that is poorly delivered will trigger fight or flight reactions rather than receptivity.

Science confirms that reasoned appeals will persuade people to improve, while efforts utilizing force will breed resistance. We all know that praise uplifts people to new levels of excellence, but what we often ignore is that criticism, when delivered constructively and handled humanely, also builds the resilience individuals require to develop their inner potential.

Conversely, poorly delivered criticism is inevitably perceived by the receiver as an attack. When this occurs, the pain and damage are immediate, and any further feedback offered by the same individual is viewed suspiciously and encounters resistance. Most people do not welcome pain, and our response to the fear of pain is to protect ourselves.

Whether intentional or not, poorly delivered criticism is a form of abuse, and in response to this abuse, staff create barriers to protect themselves. The fearful cultures that develop as a result court neither creativity nor cohesion, as employees’ intent is to go unnoticed.

Of course, no one likes to be referred to as abusive, and most people would recoil if told they were. Hopefully, those who err in how they deliver feedback will learn to become constructive in their approach. Not only do most people want to avoid inflicting pain, but they also want to succeed. Undercutting staff’s desire to perform can be directly tied to reduced productivity and profits, and instead of pushing people to grow, we