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305 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 8, 2020
I’m supposed to crave her, to want her tongue in my mouth, my hands on her body, to push myself inside her. But it’s not what I want right now. All I feel right now is overwhelming impatience.
I’m not soaking up any of the words because I can’t stop thinking about Willow. Layla did agree to give me a few more days in the house, but we’ll still eventually have to leave. Willow will be alone.
Neither of us speaks for a moment after she says that. It’s tough, because we both know this is wrong, but I think we’re both hoping the other one doesn’t put a stop to it. We obviously enjoy each other’s company or we wouldn’t be doing this night after night.
Sometimes, when I look at Layla, I wish she were Willow. At breakfast, I catch myself wishing I were chatting with a cheerful Willow over coffee, rather than Layla complaining about her headache.
During the day when I’m chatting with Willow on the computer, I spend that time wishing she could take over Layla and I could talk to her face to face.
And now . . . as Layla slides her tongue up the length of me, I kind of wish it were Willow doing this to me.
It’s easy to pretend Layla is Willow because Layla’s face is the only one I can attribute to Willow when I think about her. I wrap my hand in Layla’s hair and watch her for a moment . . . wondering what this would feel like if it were Willow inside of Layla right now. Would Willow use her tongue like that? Would she make the same noises Layla makes?
I imagine how Willow’s kiss would feel. Would it feel the same as Layla’s kiss?
Would sex with Willow feel different than sex with Layla?
Would she arch her back the same way Layla does when I push into her?
Everything about this moment is wrong. Layla thinks she’s pleasuring her soon-to-be fiancé while I’m pretending she’s the ghost I’ve been slowly falling for.
Now all I feel is remorse, because it wasn’t until ten seconds ago that I realized I’ve already moved on to another cycle.
I’ve moved on to Willow.
It’s Willow I want to talk to when I wake up. Willow I want to see before I close my eyes. Willow I want to spend all my time with during the day.
I prefer Willow over Layla now, in almost every way, and it’s a heavy, appalling, shameful realization.
“Do you think what we’re doing is wrong? Using Layla like we’re doing?”
“Of course it’s wrong. Just because we’re able to do this doesn’t mean we should be doing.”
I’ll still pretend Layla is Willow every time I kiss her.
I never thought I’d feel more for someone than I felt that night. But right now . . . I’m feeling everything I can feel in this world, coupled with everything I could feel in Willow’s world.
If she leaves, I won’t get to see Willow again.
“She’s prettier when you’re inside of her,” I say.
“I don’t want to marry her, Willow.”
“Then you shouldn’t have proposed,” she says quickly.
“What was I supposed to do? Let her leave?”
Willow rolls over and sits up. “Yes.” She makes it sound so simple.
But is it right to let her think she’s losing her sanity?
“The only thing Layla did wrong is fall in love with me.”
Vague Spoiler
I had an assumption as to what was going on. For a time, I thought I had it right because the characters thought so too. But then the plot twist . . . BAM! And I was . . . relieved. When I thought about it, the twist was pretty self exlpanatory. I couldn’t catch on to it because I was too busy fretting and seething that Leeds was practically cheating on Layla with Willow.“Sometimes, when I look at Layla, I wish she were Willow.”
So yeah, Leeds actions didn’t sit well with me for the majority of the book. I was genuinely concerned for Layla. I found Leeds and Willow’s constant togetherness distasteful despite the fact that I also thought they were sweet. At this point, I was questioning why the book was called Layla instead of Willow. LOL, if only I’d paid more attention. I’d make a terrible detective.
“Every single second with her felt like an awakening. Like I’d never really opened my eyes until she came along. I was blind but now I see.”
“Perhaps what we desire can sometimes be so strong it overpowers our fate.”
She’s the victim now, even though she’s unaware of it. The only thing Layla did wrong is fall in love with me.