Penis Quotes

“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“The Beautiful Poem"

I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking
about you.

Pissing a few moments ago
I looked down at my penis
affectionately.

Knowing it has been inside
you twice today makes me
feel beautiful.”
― Richard Brautigan, The Pill vs. the Springhill Mine Disaster

“It’s the invention of clothes, not nature, that made “private parts” private.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“John [the father] kept saying, "You have a penis. That means you’re a boy." One day, Shannon noticed that her son had been in the bathroom an awfully long time and pushed the door open. "He had a pair of my best, sharpest sewing scissors poised, ready to cut. Penis in the scissors. I said, 'What are you doing?' He said, 'This doesn’t belong here. So I’m going to cut it off.' I said, 'You can’t do that.' He said, 'Why not?' I said, 'Because if you ever want to have girl parts, they need that to make them.' I pulled that one right out of my ass. He handed me the scissors and said, 'Okay.”
― Andrew Solomon, Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

“Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“Not everyone knows what it is to have your father’s rival’s penis inches from your nose.”
― Ian McEwan, Nutshell

“Now he had chanced on one of he standard hard-on sessions of the shower, as on both sides of him and across the room three queens sported horizontal members which they turned around from time to time to conceal or display, barely exchanging looks as they resolved. The old men took no interest in this activity, knowing perhaps from long experience that it rarely meant anything or led anywhere, was a brief and helpless surrender to the forcing-house of the shower. In a few seconds the hard-on might pass from one end of the room to the other with the foolish perfection of a Busby Berkeley routine.”
― Alan Hollinghurst, The Swimming-Pool Library

“Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.'
'What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way?”
― R.J. Silver

“Unsolicited dick pics would be better if they were wearing tiny hats.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Cody was both ashamed and astonished to learn that it was actually possible to break a penis.”
― Evan Gilbert, Blue Diesel v.s. The God of Sex

“Não se fazem mais cimitarras como antigamente
Eu sou uma hecatombe
Não foi nem Deus nem o Diabo
Que me fez um vingador
Fui eu mesmo
Eu sou o Homem Pênis
Eu sou o Cobrador”
― Rubem Fonseca, O Cobrador

“And the scrotum! To think that something so vital to the survival of the species, fully responsible for 50 percent of the ingredients - though none of the work - should hang freely from the body in a tiny, defenceless bag of skin. One whack, one bite, one paw scratch - and its just at the right level, too, for your average animal, a dog, a lion, a sabre-tooth tiger, and that's it, end of story. Don't you think it should get better protection? Behind some bone for example? The penis is just such a lousy design.”
― Yann Martel, Self

“In men the nature of the genital organs is disobedient and self-willed, like a creature that is deaf to reason, and it attempts to dominate all because of its frenzied lusts.”
― Plato

“Saying something with your mouth is more important than any other body part. Except your penis, that known communication device.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Psychological trigger codes used to be hidden words embedded in images. But what if the words are now invisible and inaudible and pulsed at you at a frequency that's easily absorbed by your penis?”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I was not going to relinquish the prized penis to him or anyone else, so the airborne felon and I became engaged in an old-fashioned tug-of-war, with the pickled, stoutly inelastic organ pulled taut in our opposing grasp.”
― Bruce Campbell, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way

“It's the first novel [Satyricon by Petronius] in which the size of a male character's genitals is noted, a detail you hardly ever get in George Eliot's novels.”
― Steven Moore, The Novel: An Alternative History: Beginnings to 1600

“Every organ in my body knows this is a bad idea, except my penis. The problem is: the penis is like the foreman. He bosses everyone around and the only way you get out of doing what he says is to quit the job. It’s a love-hate relationship. The foreman gets the job done, but you’re powerless.”
― Douglas Vigliotti, Tom Collins: A 'Slightly Crooked' Novel

“Oprah had come a long way from the days when she, too, loved to shock her audiences. But she no longer wanted to be seen as a vulgarian, hosting shows for nudists and shouting 'penis, penis, penis.”
― Kitty Kelley, Oprah

“War is just an excuse for having a small dick.”
― Anthony T. Hincks

“Viagra: A sickened man’s best friend.”
― Steven Magee, Hypoxia, Mental Illness & Chronic Fatigue

“No, Jasper, no. Put your penis away for the love of the Creator. I can't unsee this! Did it just touch me?"

"You know you want it. My chocolate shake brings all the boys to Faerie!”
― Rory Miles, Tainted Power - The Complete Series

“Fastidiously, she investigated, learning his shape, awed by the variations of velvet over steel. She pampered and played, altering the pressure, the speed, the length of her caress. Amazingly, with the slightest modification, he reacted accordingly.”
― Cheryl Holt, Total Surrender

“The first few days of supplementing with a high dose of zinc brought on morning erections!”
― Steven Magee, Pandemic Supplements

“Are you still mad?”

“Not as much,” I admit, glaring back toward the school. “She looked at your penis.”

“So did the kids. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have shifted in front of them.”

“She blushed.” I grind my teeth and fist my hands.

“And?”

“And?” I face him, my rage rising again. “That’s my penis!”

He beams at me. “Say it again.”

Narrowing my eyes, I poke his chest. “My. Penis.”
― Rory Miles, Shadow Slayer

“Get comfortable with each other’s bodies? I’m not sure how much more comfortable I can be with his. “But you’ve seen me naked, Mathiras.” At my words, he looks shocked. “What? No, I haven’t.” Now I’m confused. “But we showered together on the station. Every time. We showered a lot. You held my hand when I got scared about being in there alone.” “Ah.” Realization dawns on him. “Yes, well, you might have been naked, but I didn’t look.” Now I’m really confused. “Why wouldn’t you look? I looked at you.” Mathiras’s mouth quirks in an almost-smile, like he’s fighting it. “Did you? What did you think?” I don’t want to hurt his feelings and point out that his male parts were floppier than I imagined. “Perhaps we shouldn’t discuss this after all.” He tilts his head, his horns catching one of the flickering lights from a server’s necklace and gleaming. Mathiras squeezes my fingers. “Wait, no. We’re talking about everything, remember? This is part of the process. What did you think of my naked body? Did you find it offensive?” “It wasn’t offensive,” I reassure him. “And I’m sure your penis will work just fine, no matter the size.” His face contorts, and I can’t tell if he’s about to laugh or if he’s choking. “My penis? You had a problem with my penis?” “Yours wobbles a bit more than the ones in the vids. And it’s not nearly as big or hard.” Mathiras’s shoulders hunch and jerk, and I worry he’s going to start crying.”
― Ruby Dixon, Corsairs: Mathiras

“You promised
when we got back to the ship you’d show me how your penis grows.”
Mathiras’s smile turns into a grimace. “There’s a slight problem with
that.”
Oh no. “What’s the problem?”
“I’m afraid I’m already hard.”
My eyes widen. He is? He said it happened when he got aroused. Does
that mean our kisses were all it took? Or was it something else? “Can I
see?”
The look he gives me is so scorching my toes curl. “You really want to
look.”
Of course I do. Why does he even have to ask? I’m so eager to learn
more about him, to learn how sex really is if the vids are all wrong. I know
he’s fixated on going slow, but he doesn’t have to with me. He can show me
everything and how to sex the right way, and I’ll be thrilled. “I’ve seen it
before,” I remind him. “When it was all floppy and small.”
The sound he makes is pained. “Helen, please don’t go around saying
that to anyone else. You’re going to give Adiron far too much ammo if you
do.”
“Why would I give him ammo when I’m talking about your penis?” I
feel like the two don’t have anything to do with one another.
He sucks in a breath. “I’m just gonna say this once, so we get it out
there. We’ve like, measured ours before. When drunk. All brothers do.” He
throws his head back as if he’s talking to the ceiling. “Kef me, I can’t
believe I’m saying this. But my penis isn’t small, Helen. I’m bigger than
Kas and Adiron. A cock just looks different when it’s hard than when it’s
soft.”
“Which is why I want to see it,” I tell him eagerly. “And I don’t care
how big Kas or Adi are. I’m not interested in seeing theirs.” I want to reach
out and touch it, but I don’t have permission so I just give him hopeful
looks.”
― Ruby Dixon, Corsairs: Mathiras

“I don't have anything against autobiographies, so long as the writer has a penis that's twelve inches long when erect.”
― Roberto Bolaño, The Secret of Evil

“penis”
― Goku Son

“A cock is organic, living, and pulsing. A cock, more often than one would hope, disappointed, but there was life behind it. A cock could feel you back.”
― Valentine Glass, Jarring Sex