Sarcasm Humor Quotes

“You see, writers traveling to Southeast Asia visit indigenous communities. No writing quest will be complete without some cross-cultural comparisons. This exercise is a decisive moment in every author’s life. Equate it to a photographer meeting his first old man with a wrinkled face or the old lady with heavy earrings dangling from her earlobes.”
― Merlin Franco, Saint Richard Parker

“The nineteen-seater Twin Otters offer three significant advantages: one, they can take off and land on the short runways common in mountainous terrains; two, they are economical to operate in low-traffic routes; three, they help people overcome claustrophobia. You have only two options—to cure yourself or jump into the woods below. And only one of those options guarantees survival.”
― Merlin Franco, Saint Richard Parker

“How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, and Grumblings for Every Day of the Year

“I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS.” He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word.

“That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual.” She kept her voice low so the others would not hear.
“Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant”
― B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess

“And just how did you arrive at that remarkable conclusion, Mr. Mayor?"

"In a rather simple way. It merely required the use of that much-neglected commodity -- common sense. You see, there is a branch of human knowledge known as symbolic logic, which can be used to prune away all sorts of clogging deadwood that clutters up human language."

"What about it?" said Fulham.

"I applied it. Among other things, I applied it to this document here. I didn't really need to for myself because I knew what it was all about, but I think I can explain it more easily to five physical scientists by symbols rather than by words."

Hardin removed a few sheets of paper from the pad under his arm and spread them out. "I didn't do this myself, by the way," he said. "Muller Holk of the Division of Logic has his name signed to the analyses, as you can see."

Pirenne leaned over the table to get a better view and Hardin continued: "The message from Anacreon was a simple problem, naturally, for the men who wrote it were men of action rather than men of words. It boils down easily and straightforwardly to the unqualified statement, when in symbols is what you see, and which in words, roughly translated is, 'You give us what we want in a week, or we take it by force.'"

There was silence as the five members of the Board ran down the line of symbols, and then Pirenne sat down and coughed uneasily.

Hardin said, "No loophole, is there, Dr. Pirenne?"

"Doesn't seem to be.”
― Isaac Asimov, Foundation

“No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly.”
― Victoria Scott, The Collector

“That didn't last long, of course. "Oh Bartimaeus, could you just irrigate the Fertile Cresent?""Could you just divert the Euphrates HERE and HERE?""Look, while you're at it, do you mind just planting a few million wheat seeds up and down the flood plain? Thanks." Didn't even give me a dibble. By the time I got to Ur I wasn't surging with any of that terrible joy, oh no. My back was KILLING me.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Do you really think that God in his heaven with all the angels, there from the beginning of time and looking towards the day of judgement day, really looks down on all the world and see's you and little harry and says 'whatever you choose to do is my will?'
"Yes i do." she says uncertainly.”
― Philippa Gregory, The Red Queen

“He had three
incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and
two where they’d done the actual work, and the abuse he’d taken
today went straight to her heart. “Oh, Pace.”
“I’m guessing that wasn’t an ‘Oh, Pace, you’re so sexy, take me.’ ”
― Jill Shalvis, Double Play

“You have been a poor observer of life if you have not also seen the hand
that, ever so gently – kills.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“Dev tsked at him. "Next time you wanna play ping-pong, I suggest you use a ball and not your head. Slim, you look awful."
"Thanks, Dev. That was just the look I was going for. Got up this morning, glanced in the mirror, and said, 'Nick, you're just too dang handsome. You need to find us someone to kick the crap out of you and bruise you all over. That'll make you feel all better.'"
Aimee laughed, then popped Dev in the stomach with her hand. "Holy cow, I think we may have found the one person in existence who can give you a run for your sarcasm. Go, Nick.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infamous

“Anyone who writes an autobiography is either a twat or broke. I’m a bit of both.”
― Viv Albertine, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys

“Can you be a trifle more obscure? I think I almost understood what you said that last time.”
― Martha Wells, The Death of the Necromancer

“The most brilliant student in class is a god and the rest are morons.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Before You Doubt Yourself: Pep Talks and other Crucial Discussions

“People still watch TV?”
“Yeah. And they stream. Which extends the time people can get worked up and want to express their very important opinions on a variety of social media platforms, which then catch the attention of media outlets, who report on it, extending the life of the scandal.”
― Jamie Wesley, Fake It Till You Bake It

“My romantic decisions and life have been so fascinating that I feel like a character straight out of one of Taylor Swift’s hit songs.”
― Anna Rajmon, ELIS: Irish call girl

“Anyone who writes an autobiography is either a twat or broke.”
― Viv Albertine, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys

“I have already learned that everyone likes an amicable breakup. It's easier when you are not required to empathize with someone else's grief.”
― Mandy Len Catron, How to Fall in Love with Anyone: A Memoir in Essays

“Dictatorship of any kind, be it in politics or in matters of religion, is an anathema and plain simply is but tyranny. Your ism is yours to cherish. Dare you try to impose it upon another, then, one has all the right to make it perish. Or laugh at you, and your nanny.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I'm sorry that you came back to earth.”
― Mitta Xinindlu

“The expression on Blackraven's face showed unfathomable confusion, and he had opened his mouth when Jayden called over, "You didn't know, Raven? These three were the assassins I told you about. That's kind of funny. Did we really never get around to telling you who they were?"
"Are you serious? These were the three guys I told you about! You know, the players I had employed when that mob griefed my shop?"
"No kidding? You know Blackraven?" asked Jayden.
"No," said Stan, irony dripping from his voice. "We ran over to greet him because he's a complete and total stranger."
Jayden scowled.”
― Sean Fay Wolfe, Quest for Justice: An Unofficial Minecraft-Fan Adventure

“All sarcasm is better when you put a little English on it.”
― C.A.A. Savastano

“Could an ancient and powerful enchantment perceive sarcasm?”
― Daniel Thorman, Calamity at Conclave

“Mrs. Cricks had a long family and was therefore licensed in the eyes of her world to have a short temper.”
― Saki, The Complete Short Stories

“Good. There's no point going out if you're not ruining someone's life.”
― J. Bree

“«Voglio del tè, portamelo in sala riunioni» ordinò. «Certo, sono qui per questo… come lo preferisce, signor Lancaster?» risposi sarcastica. «Come preferisco te: bollente e bagnata.» Osservai le sue spalle allontanarsi sempre di più. «Anch’io ti preferisco come il mio tè: dentro una bustina, e sott’acqua.»”
― Naike Ror, Lacrime e stelle

“It's a history and anthropology book! What did you expect? Gratuitous sex and violence?”
― Daniel Weber

“You're from the news, should I be careful what I say to you?”
― Okurut Wyclef, TAPERING

“If necessity is the mother of invention, distress is the father of discovery.”
― Rohit Dharupta, Disorder of the World

“I have the simplest tastes
I am always satisfied with the best "”
― Oscar Wilde