Survivors Of Abuse Quotes

“No amount of me trying to explain myself was doing any good. I didn't even know what was going on inside of me, so how could I have explained it to them?”
― Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.

“Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.”
― Pete Walker

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator’s first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on. The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“Survivors of abuse show us the strength of their personal spirit every time they smile.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

“All emotions, even those that are suppressed and unexpressed, have physical effects. Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking time bombs—they are illnesses in incubation.”
― Marilyn Van M. Derbur, Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned From Ultimate Betrayals And Unconditional Love

“Today I wore a pair of faded old jeans and a plain grey baggy shirt. I hadn't even taken a shower, and I did not put on an ounce of makeup. I grabbed a worn out black oversized jacket to cover myself with even though it is warm outside. I have made conscious decisions lately to look like less of what I felt a male would want to see. I want to disappear.”
― Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.

“If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.”
― Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself

“If your body is screaming in pain, whether the pain is muscular contractions, anxiety, depression, asthma or arthritis, a first step in releasing the pain may be making the connection between your body pain and the cause. “Beliefs are physical. A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology.”
― Marilyn Van M. Derbur, Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned From Ultimate Betrayals And Unconditional Love

“Survivors who don’t stand up for themselves often develop physical and emotional illnesses. Many become depressed because they feel so hopeless and helpless about being able to change their lives. They turn their anger inward and become prone to headaches, muscle tension, nervous conditions and insomnia.”
― Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself

“You can recognize survivors by their creativity. In soulful, insightful, gentle, and nurturing creations, they often express the inner beauty they brought out of childhood storms.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Childhood Abuse: Tips to Change Child Abuse Effects

“The human need to be visible is countered by the need to be invisible to avoid further abuse, and the need for intimacy and the dread of abuse, all pose insoluble dichotomies which promote further withdrawal from human contact, which reinforces the sense of dehumanisation.”
― Christiane Sanderson, Introduction to Counselling Survivors of Interpersonal Trauma

“I have met many, many severely distressed people whose daily lives are filled with the agony of both remembered and unremembered trauma, who try so hard to heal and yet who are constantly being pushed down both by their symptoms and the oppressive circumstances of post traumatic life around them.”
― Carolyn Spring

“Intimidated, old traumas triggered, and fearing for my safety, I did what I felt I needed to do.”
― Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.

“Many survivors struggle to believe the abuse happened. They don’t want to believe it. It’s too painful to think about. They don’t want to accuse family members or face the terrible loss involved in realizing “a loved one” hurt them; they don’t want to rock the boat.”
― Laura Davis, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child

“As I discussed in the previous chapter, attachment researchers have shown that our earliest caregivers don't only feed us, dress us, and comfort us when we are upset; they shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality. Our interactions with our caregivers convey what is safe and what is dangerous: whom we can count on and who will let us down; what we need to do to get our needs met. This information is embodied in the warp and woof of our brain circuitry and forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the world around us. These inner maps are remarkably stable across time.

This doesn‘t mean, however, that our maps can‘t be modified by experience. A deep love relationship, particularly during adolescence, when the brain once again goes through a period of exponential change, truly can transform us. So can the birth of a child, as our babies often teach us how to love. Adults who were abused or neglected as children can still learn the beauty of intimacy and mutual trust or have a deep spiritual experience that opens them to a larger universe. In contrast, previously uncontaminated childhood maps can become so distorted by an adult rape or assault that all roads are rerouted into terror or despair. These responses are not reasonable and therefore cannot be changed simply by reframing irrational beliefs.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

“Abuse is a parasite that feeds off hate and shame, growing in size and strength with silence.”
― Nikki Sex, Accuse

“Treating Abuse Today 3(4) pp. 26-33
TAT: No. I don't know anymore than you know they're not. But, I'm talking about boundaries and privacy here. As a therapist working with survivors, I have been harassed by people who claim to be affiliated with the false memory movement. Parents and other family members have called or written me insisting on talking with me about my patients' cases, despite my clearly indicating I can't because of professional confidentiality. I have had other parents and family members investigate me -- look into my professional background -- hoping to find something to discredit me to the patients I was seeing at the time because they disputed their memories. This isn't the kind of sober, scientific discourse you all claim you want.”
― David L. Calof

“He told me that if I hung up, he'd do it. He would commit suicide. He told me that if I called the cops he would kill every single one of them and I knew that he had the potential and the means to do it”
― Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.

“Because during trauma it is usually not safe or possible for individuals to consciously access their emotional reactions or experiences, awareness often emerges after trauma ceases."
KNOWING AND NOT KNOWING ABOUT TRAUMA: IMPLICATIONS FOR THERAPY”
― Jennifer J. Freyd

“A house is never apolitical. It is conceived, constructed, occupied, and policed by people with power, needs, and fears. Windex is political. So is the incense you burn to hide the smell of sex, or a fight.”
― Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House

“It was as if there was something jagged within her, a bruise that she had passed down to all of her kids, and maybe even her grandkids.”
― Zoraida Córdova, The Inheritance of Orquídea Divina

“I don't know how to fight. All I know how to do is stay alive.”
― Alice Walker, The Color Purple

“En los casos de violación me choca muchísimo que la gente diga: "Bueno, ¿y por qué no te enfrentaste a él?". Si te despertaras y te encontraras con un ladrón en casa robándote, nadie te preguntaría: "Bueno, ¿y por qué no te enfrentaste a él?". Esa persona ya ha infringido una regla no escrita, ¿por qué iba de repente a atenerse a razones? ¿Qué podría llevarte a pensar que si le dijeras que parase iba a hacerlo? Y en este caso, si yo estaba inconsciente, ¿por qué seguía habiendo tantas preguntas?”
― Chanel Miller, Know My Name

“You are allowed to have purposes other than being 'useful.' You're allowed to want things for yourself, as well.”
― Wendy Xu

“Ces enfants mûrissent trop tôt parce que, ayant été rendus sensibles aux malheurs, c'est ce qu'ils savent 2le mieux voir. Ils sont attirés par les blessés et désirent les aider. Ils comprennent ce more de relation qui les revalorise. Le comportement oblatif qui consiste à donner à ses propres dépens leur permet de gagner un peu d'affection, au risque de rencontrer quelqu'un qui en profitera, car ils sont faciles à exploiter. Ce don de soi n'a pas la grandeur du sacrifice puisqu'ils le font discrètement, parfois même en cachette. L'oblativité prend plutôt l'effet d'un rachat par ceux qui ont commis le crime de survivre quand leurs proches sont morts.
Ces enfants, adultes trop tôt, aiment devenir parents de leurs parents. Ils se sentent un peu mieux en vivant de cette manière qui les prive d'une étape de leur développement mais les revalorise et les socialise. Ne les félicitez pas pour ce comportement, car ils détestent tout ce qu'ils font. Vous risqueriez de saboter ce lien fragile. Vous les trouverez mignon et touchant parce que ce sont des enfants. Mais leur fraîcheur apparente masque leur malaise. Quand on est malheureux, le plaisir nous fait peur. Non seulement, on n'a pas le désir du plaisir, mais on n'a honte à l'idée d'avoir du plaisir. Alors l'enfant trop adulte découvre un compromis: il s'occupera des autres.
Ces enfants qui veulent fuir leur enfance haïssent le passé qui s'impose dans leur mémoire encore fraîche. Ils la combattent grâce à une préparation comportementale au déni, une jovialité excessive, une recherche exaspérée de ce qui peut faire rire, une quête d'engagements superficiels, une hyperactivité incessante qui les pousse vers le présent en fuyant le passé.”
― Boris Cyrulnik, Les vilains petits canards

“Name-calling or hurling insults can only affect you if you allow them too. Boss up and refuse to stay in an environment where you are not loved, valued, or appreciated.”
― Germany Kent

“When they throw my bones into the soil. It's not the acting or writing glories I want them to speak about but my indomitable will to survive.”
― Vanessa de Largie, Don't Hit Me!

“The Dark Cloud
Is the vengeful and demonic persona that villains love to cultivate
Is the quick realization that there are many enemies at the gate
Is the sadness of Titanic and how Jack had to die while suffering awaited Rose (Leo and Kate)
Is the heaviness of being a survivor of injustice that has too much spiritual weight”
― Aida Mandic, The Dark Cloud

“Because look what happened!' My chest heaved and my eyes pricked with shame. "I knew my life with him wasn't conventional. I loved him, I thought I loved him. Yet I also thought his cruelty was kindness. He kept me safe.”
― Chloe C. Peñaranda, The Stars Are Dying