It never fails to amaze me just how little I know about classics before I read them. Take this for example. All I knew about Metamorphosis was that a It never fails to amaze me just how little I know about classics before I read them. Take this for example. All I knew about Metamorphosis was that a man turned into bug and Kafka was adamantly against using an image of a bug on any covers for this book (rip Kafka, you would’ve hated 99% of the covers for this book), I expected it to be good, but I didn’t expect it to emotionally devastate me. I find it quite impressive that whilst reading this novella featuring a man-turned-bug I constantly felt sick, but that feeling of disgust was never directed at the unfortunate Gregor; it was directed at the gut-wrenching reaction to him once he stopped being a “useful” member of society.
tldr: This book ruined my life.
“Why was only Gregor condemned to work for a company where the smallest lapse was greeted with the gravest suspicion?”
A big part of this book centers around what becomes of a person when, for whatever reason, they are no longer fit to work. Gregor Samsa handles waking up only to realize he has transformed in the night exactly as any overworked person whose entire family is completely reliant on their income: he said screw it, ‘What if I went back to sleep for a while, and forgot about all this nonsense?’ Which is, unfortunately, so real. You’re overworked, overstressed, overtired, waking up before the sunrise and realise that you are now in a state that would be deemed unfit to work and may potentially lose your job, of course you’re going to sleep and hoping that things work themselves out before you wake up again, because what are you going to do if it doesn’t? The interaction with his boss at the beginning was absolutely insane, but so representative of how so many bosses view their employees—even the ones that do their jobs perfectly for years aren’t safe from the wrath that one slipup incurs. Seriously, Gregor had never called in sick for 5 years, yet they went ballistic and assumed absolute worst of him when he was a couple hours late to work (because he was a bug and didn’t know how to use his new, little legs, so how was he going to get on a train?) and immediately threatened to fire him? While EVERY SINGLE thought he has when he first realizes he is now a bug is about how he is going to get to work and do his job. That man was seriously considering taking the bus as a BUG (he just had to figure out how to stand up, your honor!) and they had the gall to start yelling at him? That story definitely belongs on r/antiwork. Throughout the entire book I find it quite fascinating that Gregor never views this metamorphosis as how it affects him internally, but fixates on how this affects his ability to keep his job and provide for his family. The focus on this highlights just how conditioned we are to be productive members of society at all costs and how dangerous it can for one’s well-being when they are viewed as just another cog in the machine, whose value is only tied to their usefulness and when they live in a society that requires overworking yourself to put food on the table. Metamorphosis has a strong foundation, set up by Samsa’s need to provide for his family and his ability to do just that taken away. Once he is deemed useless, his thoughts of how he has failed his family begin. Never once does he blame his family for how abhorrently they treat him, because he genuinely believes that he is disgusting and terrible, not because he is a bug, but because he can no longer provide money for them. And because of that, he genuinely believes that he deserves this treatment and accepts it with an unconditional love and desire only to help his family in any way he can, whatever that may mean for himself.
“But what if all peace, prosperity, all contentment, were to come to a sudden and terrible end?”
Gregor’s fear of losing “peace, prosperity, all contentment” is not for himself, but for his family. He works like a dog in order for them to maintain that and, once he is unable to do so, his main fear is that he will be the cause of their demise. It seems clear that his father, who took on a strict and violent method with him as soon as he transformed, has instilled in him the belief that he has to be the provider for the family and that everyone will rely on him, following in his father and many men’s footsteps in a patriarchal society. What we see of his father’s feelings towards him are extremely straightforward. His son has fallen. His son will surely never be good enough now that he is in this predicament, so he turns towards rage. There is no sympathy in the way his father views him now, and it leads me to wonder if there ever was or if he was doomed from the start. His mother is the stereotypical “if you don’t see the world/live in the world my way then there is something inherently wrong with you” type, which opens some interesting avenues for discussion on the treatment of disabled people. There is a scene where she is fighting with the sister and says, ‘Isn’t it the case as well, that by taking away his furniture, we would be showing him we were abandoning all hope of an improvement of his condition, and leaving him utterly to his own devices?’ It is almost laughable how often I have heard a variation of that sentiment in the modern day. Her adamance to keep things the same, despite the very obvious changes in her son’s physical needs, speaks to an unwillingness to give accessibility because in doing so, she would have to accept that he has changed, which is something she is not willing to do, even if it will make Gregor’s quality of life significantly better. Grete, his sister, is the most interesting and heartbreaking of the group because of how strong Gregor and Grete’s love runs. They were always by each other’s side, looking out for each other. He would have given her the world; he was trying to before he transformed. In a way, the whole family has a metamorphosis, but hers is the most clear (besides Gregor’s, of course). As time moves, the burden of this “beast” she can barely see as her brother begins to far outweigh her desire to help him and make him comfortable. My jaw was on the floor for the last few pages, and, while the entire family was heinous, she was the main reason why.
“... he thought how simple everything would be if he had some help.”
From the start of the book, there is a language (species?) barrier when it comes to communication, at least for his family. While Gregor can perfectly understand his family, they cannot understand him and therefore assume that he cannot understand them. This, along with the fact that his family thinks he is so disgusting that they can’t look at him and can barely stand to be in the same room as him, alienates Gregor, leaving him completely alone by the time the story is over. But, in the beginning, there were glimpses of what could have been. Multiple times, Gregor notes just how much easier his life would be if he just had some help, or thinks about how his father wouldn’t have to harm him if he just noticed that the reason Gregor wasn’t moving fast enough was because there was something blocking him. The importance of community and togetherness is highlighted well through the injuries that Gregor sustains and how his family feels about him. When he is first seriously injured, he is completely healed quite quickly because, even though his parents have already given up on him and his sister is quite distressed about the situation, his sister makes an effort to accommodate him and his new needs. He isn’t lucky with his second injury, as he is now completely alone and rejected by everyone. This time, he suffers the injury for months and the weapon stays embedded in him, with no one who cares enough, or wants enough to get it out. Even when he thinks about helping his family, he moves significantly faster than when he is feeling especially rejected. I cannot stop thinking about how different this story would have been if his family worked towards helping and accommodating him, and it breaks my heart all over again. Kafka made it clear just how valuable it was whenever his sister, though rare, showed him kindness, as it quite literally healed him. There is power in community, there is power in family, there is power in love. Humans are social beings and we are not meant to crawl through this world on our own.
“Meanwhile, Gregor of course didn’t have the least intention of frightening anyone, and certainly not his sister.”
The part of this that really makes me sick is just how good of a person Gregor is. Being inside his head and seeing just how everything he does is with his family in mind, even as they reject him and isolate him, is nauseating and fills me with a deep pain. The only times he gets in trouble are when he leaves his room and the only times he leaves his room are when he is trying to help his family. How does one just throw someone away, especially someone who loves and cares for them so deeply and did so much for them. How do you not even check to see if your brother, your son who you have known for years can understand you even if he cannot communicate with you? How devastating it must be to be Gregor Samsa, who has only ever put his family first, but has finally worn out his use. How devastating it must be to be thrown away in disgust. How devastating it must be to justify this mistreatment by rationalizing that he somehow deserves it, because how can he, who has loved his family so deeply and unconditionally rationalize the fact that they weren’t willing to go near him let alone try and help him through this weird and unsettling change. How different this book would have been if they were willing to look past his grotesque exterior and understand that their boy was still there. Well, now I feel sick again, and I just want to give that little vermin a hug. This book made me cry way too many times for its seventy-seven pages. It shredded my soul to pieces and left me hollowed out. I want to go on and on about how brilliant and painful and relatable it is, I want to never shut up about it. This is one of those books that makes me question how I gave so many other books five stars before it because now it doesn’t feel as special to give this one five stars. This book is seared into my soul, and I fear it’ll stay there forever.
Did I put off finishing the two chapters of this book for two days because I didn't feel like being devastated? Yes. Am I devastated? Yes. // rtc (I'mDid I put off finishing the two chapters of this book for two days because I didn't feel like being devastated? Yes. Am I devastated? Yes. // rtc (I'm so behind I'm sorry)...more
“It was a wonderful night, the kind of night, dear reader, which is only possible when we are young.”
“White Nights: A Sentimental Love Story (From “It was a wonderful night, the kind of night, dear reader, which is only possible when we are young.”
“White Nights: A Sentimental Love Story (From the Memoirs of a Dreamer” is a beautiful little story about temporary companionship as a young dreamer opens up and finds comfort in a young woman over the course of four nights. It’s small, but packs a mighty punch. Over the course of four nights, both parties find necessary solace in the other and the dreamer, who is not used to forming any type of connection with anyone, is found feeling a little bit more.
“ ‘I’m a dreamer; I have so little real life that I regard such moments as this one, now, to be so rare that I can’t help repeating these moments in my dreams.’ ”
Dostoevsky has a real knack for making the most relatable character that you would really rather not relate to. The dreamer is a lonely man who spends the time in the company of his own thoughts and imagination rather than with other people. A part of the joy of this story is the dreamer finally having another soul to talk to. No matter the end, the fleeting moments of being able to talk and be understood (and not even understood most of the time) are something that are so valuable that it left me hoping that, at the end, he would try to reach out again. Given how incredibly depressing and pessimistic he is, that probably is the last time he talked to anyone besides the help forever, but one can dream.
“. . . And you regret that the momentary beauty faded so quickly, so irretrievably, that it flashed before you so deceptively and in vain—you regret this because there was not time for you even to fall in love with her. . .”
“ ‘. . . although from a distance it will look like a love story.’ ”
While we get glimpses into Nastenka’s story and temperament throughout the nights, we see the most of her when she tells the dreamer her story. There is a sort of youthful fickleness to her that gets highlighted well during this and seems to foreshadow how this story was always going to end.
“How could I have been so blind, when everything had already been taken by another, when everything was not mine, when, in the end, even this very tenderness of her attentions, her love. . . yes, her love for me—was nothing more than joy at the impending meeting with someone else, the desire to thrust her happiness on me?”
The love story aspect was damned since the start, with our narrator just being a stand-in for another man, but it doesn’t stop it from being exceptionally heartbreaking when the book ends the way it does. It’s a story that tugs on the heartstrings as one cannot help but feel the hopes and dreams that the dreamer tries his best to prevent himself from feeling as two people help each other feel a bit less lonely for a brief moment in time.
“My God! A whole minute of bliss! Is that really so little for the whole of a man’s life?”
A very fun buddy read with the one and only renly <3
“Because always pain had been close at hand in that other happiness, ready to torture with doubts, to torture even with the very excess of her love; “Because always pain had been close at hand in that other happiness, ready to torture with doubts, to torture even with the very excess of her love; while this was the simple happiness of complete harmony with her surroundings, the happiness that asks for nothing, that just accepts, just breathes, just is.”
The perfect book to read during the month of April, The Enchanted April is an enchanting little book that focuses on the transformation of four strangers who decide, on a whim, to rent San Salvatore, a castle in full bloom on the Italian Riveria. This is the perfect spring story brimming with pure happiness and transformation as we watch these women find themselves and bloom again (or for the first time) after spending so many years preoccupied with other matters. In direct contrast to dreary England, Italy, with it’s beautiful wisteria and new flowers blooming every week, is a place for a subtle transformation that takes place when one is at peace with oneself and one’s surroundings. My edition had an excellent introduction by Salley Vickers and I find that this quote from her introduction; “Joy, mirth, sympathy and kindness are magical in their effects, and it does no harm in our cynical and materialistic age to be reminded that we have it in us to enjoy these states of mind and exercise these powers.” sums up the sentiment of this book perfectly. It is so lovely to see a book that is just happy and I had a lot of fun and peace whilst reading it.
“May scorched and withered; March was restless, and could be hard and cold in its brightness; but April came along softly like a blessing, and if it were a fine April it was so beautiful that it was impossible not to feel different, not to feel stirred and touched.”
This is primarily a story of the transformation of our four strangers as they stay in San Salvatore. We follow the timid Mrs Wilkins, the overworked Mrs Arbuthnot, the judgmental Mrs Fisher, and the stuck-up Lady Caroline as the atmosphere of San Salvatore transforms them at different rates and in different ways. There is such joy and beauty in reading this book that really does just exemplify how important rest and relaxation is. I don’t want to say much about any of the women because their transformation really is the meat of this story, but there is a common theme of just letting go. The act of freeing oneself from the constraints places upon them is an act that creates immeasurable joy and peace. The women perfectly balanced each other and their transformations were staggered in a way that kept me interested in the story. I found myself smiling often at this book, a lot of the time when watching the women become the happiest versions of themselves.
“Strange how easily even the greatest men were moved by exteriors.”
While I did find some comic relief in the addition of the men, they were ultimately disappointing (but maybe that was the point?). I’m just going to say it: Mrs Arbuthnot deserved better. As did Lady Caroline. Before the men were introduced, I found there to be some poignant explorations of Mrs Arbuthnot coming to terms with not having to dedicate her whole life to servitude and finally opening the doors to love her husband and I was so excited to see that reunion take place. Additionally, I found Lady Catherine being able to be in a place where she wasn’t constantly harassed by men because they felt that they were entitled to her beauty. I was pretty happy with where both of these were going and how being able to fully be themselves without expectation—internal or external—that had been put on them for so long. While the men were used to show how the ways in which the women had changed and how they now responded to things differently, the insertion of them broke this ideal of paradise for me as none of them really changed into better/happier people. While the women were forgiving, happy, and loving the men still only loved the women when they could give them something or do something for them. Their love felt so transactional and shallow compared to this friendship that we were only just beginning to explore. I felt myself losing interest in the book as the men invaded and the serene spell of San Salvator quickly crumbled before me. Maybe that’s the point, but it still made me a bit sad to say goodbye so soon.
“They had lived for a while in the very heart of poetry.”
While this book didn’t stick the landing for me, I was enamored with the vast majority of it. Von Armin created the most exquisite atmosphere that exuded beauty and serenity. Reading this felt as though I was wading through a dream land and I was always disappointed when I had to put it down. My new goal in life is to find a beautiful Italian villa (or castle, fingers crossed) by the sea and rent it out with a bunch of people I don’t know that well (any takers?) because I am now convinced that that will completely transform my life (no husbands randomly showing up near the end of the vacation allowed, I don’t want a repeat of the end of this book, serious inquiries only). Thank you, emma for joining me on this magical journey. I hope this made you want to go to Italy and relive a version of this book as much as it made me....more
In Notes From Underground we are reading the notes of our unnamed narrator, the Underground Man, as he lives "I am a sick man... I am a wicked man."
In Notes From Underground we are reading the notes of our unnamed narrator, the Underground Man, as he lives his life in solitude. We first see how this affects him through The Underground, where he writes and writes a bunch of contradictory theories that feel almost impossible to read at times. We see his inner thoughts and they are exhausting. We see how convoluted his thoughts get due to his hyperawareness as we seem him go in circles of thought that don't all make sense or work together. In the second part, we see how his hyperawareness literally prevents him from making any meaningful action or forward movement in his life. We watch him blame everyone but himself as this hyperawareness makes him seem stupid and chokes him out, showing that thought without action can be detrimental.
The Underground In the Underground, we see how the Underground Man spends his time theorizing and obsessing over everything. It's fairly obvious that he hasn't talked to anyone (at least about his theories) in a while, as you can tell that, while a lot of them sound nice on paper, they are not how the real world works.
"It will be ashamed of its fantasies, but all the same it will recall everything, go over everything, heap all sorts of figments on itself, under the pretext that they, too, could have happened, and forgive nothing." "But man is so partial to systems and abstract conclusions that he is ready intentionally to distort the truth, to turn a blind eye, and a deaf ear, only so as to justify his logic." "Two times two will be four even without my will. As if there were any will of one's own!"
Apropos of the Wet Snow In Apropos of the Wet Snow, the Underground Man recounts his life in his early 20's. We see up close and personal how his inaction and "spiritlessness" leads to his constant misery. He is constantly waiting or hoping for something to change yet cannot connect the dots that he is the only one with the power to make himself change.
"I was then already bearing the underground in my soul. I was terribly afraid of somehow being seen, met, recognized." "... in my soul I have never been a coward, though I constantly turned coward in reality..." "Either hero or mud, there is no in between. And that is what ruined me." "The chief martyr, of course, was myself, because I was fully conscious of all the loathsome baseness of my spiteful stupidity, and at the same time I simply could not restrain myself."
I don't know if I have ever cringed so much (at a book I've loved) as I have during this one. He wallows and wallows, then decides he is finally going to do something, then he chickens out and goes back to obsessing over what he would've done in his head. He mentions how people would see his genius if they could see inside his head, but life is built on actions not thoughts and he cannot seem to grasp that. Every time he does eventually act it is crazed and erratic as he has reached his breaking point and feels compelled to act immediately. That is the only way he seems to be able to do anything and it is incredibly painful to watch how he sabotages himself.
" 'It's as if you... as if it's from a book.' " His words and even actions are just that. Something an alienated person would think was normal based on reading books, but that takes away the nuance of life and often over dramatizes his life.
"We've all grown unaccustomed to life... I have merely carried to an extreme in my life what you have not dared to carry even halfway." At the end, the Underground Man turns to us, his imaginary readers, and tells us an ugly truth. We are all at least a little bit like the Underground Man. This is both a warning and a motivation. A wake up call to some. The Underground Man is who you become if you live inside your head, refusing to take action and carve a meaning out for ourselves.
This was beautifully done and left me with so much to think about. Easily jumped up to one of my favorites of all time....more
“It occurred to me that anyway one more Sunday was over, that Maman was buried now, that I was going to work, and that, really, nothing had changed.” “It occurred to me that anyway one more Sunday was over, that Maman was buried now, that I was going to work, and that, really, nothing had changed.”
The Stranger is a story that primarily exists to show the reader that there is no meaning in this chaos called life and that we must accept that. My main issue with this book was simply that, while I can agree with the absurdist philosophy in theory, my brain cannot accept it. Nonetheless, this is an incredibly well done story and deserves its place as a modern classic.
_______ pre-review: My first foray into absurdism and… I was anxious the entire time.
3.75 stars This is a semi-autographical book about a girl who had psychosis and her journey in a mental hospital for 3 years as she struggled with her 3.75 stars This is a semi-autographical book about a girl who had psychosis and her journey in a mental hospital for 3 years as she struggled with her fictional world and the real world. I thought this book really highlighted the negative way mental patients were treated and limited resources they had (both in and out of the hospital) and was a great example of what it is like to live in the brain of someone who hallucinates and has a completely different reality from most people. I did find the book a bit slow and repetitive at times and I do wish we got a little bit more depth to our main character and the world her brain created. ...more
Anna Karenina is a bit of a deceiving name for this book as there are two main characters of this book. Anna, who is going through quite a lot all of Anna Karenina is a bit of a deceiving name for this book as there are two main characters of this book. Anna, who is going through quite a lot all of the time, who we follow for about 40% of the book, and Levin, who is trying to find meaning in life and really really loves farming, who we follow for about 60% of the book. While Anna's side of the story is fast paced and interesting, Levin's is a lot of... farming. (This book took me 9 months because it was torture to get through Levin's chapters the majority of the time). My favorite thing about this book is how it is a window into aristocratic life in 1800s Russia. It is very well written and the setting was brought to life.
The main point of this book is to show different marriages, two unhappy and one happy. In the first, we follow Dolly and Oblonsky. At the beginning of the book, Oblonsky has cheated on Dolly and brings his sister, Anna Karenina, in to try to convince Dolly not to divorce her, thus setting off the entire book. I thought this storyline was really well done. I was very nervous as to where it would end up, as there were a lot of differences in the way society treated Oblonsky vs. Anna after their affairs, but I was ultimately very happy. It was a frustrating ride, but I have no notes. This is a clear cut case of a very unhappy marriage.
In our second union, we follow Anna, her husband (Karenin), and her lover (Count Vronsky). Anna and Karenin have been in a very tepid relationship since Anna was 18. It's very clear that they have no romantic love for each other, but they are well off, have a son that Anna loves, and are "content". When Anna goes to see her brother, Oblonsky, she meets and is tempted by Vronsky with the promise of something more fiery than lukewarm love. A lot of events happen that mainly show that, once Anna has given in to temptation, she is given multiple chances to turn away and repent, yet makes the 'evil' decision to keep the affair going. We watch as Anna rapidly deteriorates mentally due to the price of her sin. I think Anna and her entire story is fascinating, especially in part 7 when everything aggressively hits the fan, but I don't necessarily agree with the message that it feels like Tolstoy is trying to tell us with this one. I know its a societal, religious, and time thing, but the fact that Anna is never truly seen as a victim to the constraints she has in life as a woman in her time is a little frustrating.
As our story comes to a close in Part 8, we see a quick overview on how everything has worked out as it should, then focus our attentions more closely on Levin and Kitty, who are just living a content life while everything else is in shambles. My absolute favorite thing about Levin in the entire book is how he has canonically come to beekeeping age and y'all know what that means (he's a hot dilf). I really enjoyed the ending of the book, like I literally laughed out loud at where some people ended up; however, I found the last few chapters to be a bit too preachy for my tastes.
"All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I am called back to this iconic first line as we close out our story. It is obvious that Levin & Kitty are meant to be the only truly happy family we have followed, yet there are so many points in the book where it feels obvious that Levin does not view Kitty as an equal, or even a human sometimes. I cannot help but wonder, since Levin is so obviously a self-insert for Tolstoy, if Levin & Kitty are based off Tolstoy and his wife, a famous marriage where the wife was supremely unhappy. I feel as though the topic of this book would've been significantly more interesting and nuanced if it was written by a woman. Details such as Kitty's perspective and what drives Anna to cheat and how her & Karenin's own marriage felt like a cage for her would've been incredibly interesting to explore. Instead it is clear that Tolstoy doesn't seem to consider that Kitty is a three-dimensional person that doesn't exist just for Levin and doesn't even think to go into the reasons why Anna would've cheated in a loveless marriage, making it clear her downfall is all her own, instead of partially a product of the society she was born into.
This book was good, but I would've really liked for Levin's parts to be shorter. I truly disliked Levin as a human being (he was my nemesis while reading this, he's grown on me a little though), and I think that this is a situation where I just have to accept that I really just don't see eye to eye with Tolstoy on pretty much anything so I probably won't like a character that is a self insert.
This book has been a constant in my life for almost 9 months and, despite my qualms, I feel an emptiness as I prepare to leave these characters for good.
will probably do a part by part review soon bc i put 9 months into this book
basically i’ve been wanting to read this for 2 years after i read dorian gray and my lit prof recommended this and finally got a used copy and it perfbasically i’ve been wanting to read this for 2 years after i read dorian gray and my lit prof recommended this and finally got a used copy and it perfectly showed Wilde’s wit and dry humor and i loved it so much and just want to read so much by him...more
A fun fact about me is that I love this book so much that I named my first born cat after one of the characters (Abra). But I read it in stressful colA fun fact about me is that I love this book so much that I named my first born cat after one of the characters (Abra). But I read it in stressful college times pre-adhd meds so I remember very little now. Probably going to reread within the next year or two?
I've been thinking about this book a lot, and think I needed to digest it a little before I could fully review it, and - as the book is mainly character driven, this review will primarily focus on the characters and their development. This book was very very interesting to me specifically on how the characters developed, and it genuinely felt as though Steinback was saying that you had to have a little bit of evil in you in order to be good - otherwise you would just be ignorant. In the cases of Adam and Aaron, I continually wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at how they treated the women in my life. I do genuinely understand that Cathy was severely flawed (like monstrous), but I felt as though she had major points when it came to Adam. This man literally was so deluded that he imagined her as the most perfect human in the world - and as a dainty woman - and couldn't see how strong, manipulative, and calculating she was. In a sense, it was almost as if Cathy had to be who she was because no one would take her seriously because of her beauty. In Aaron's case, he basically did the exact same thing with Abra. Abra is an extraordinary girl and has many talents and he doesn't consult her on anything, while she follows him around lovingly. In reality, while Charles and Cal were both flawed character - like humans, not like monsters - they were genuinely good and fought with human urges to be as good as they could be. Cal was definitely a favorite character, and broke my heart. I could not believe Adam's treatment towards him, as literally no one deserves that, and cannot imagine how it would feel to be so blatantly obviously the least favorite child that your dad is disappointed in you when you work so long to give him money, while the son he loves most is ashamed of his father and where he comes from. I love how this book the centers around the plot of Adam and Eve and then of Cain and Abel (twice) and generally just the fall of man and brings it into a more human light, showing the humanity and love of Cain and the cruelty and absolute selfish ignorance of the father and Abel. Like seriously, Aaron was such a selfish child that he ran off and joined the war once he found out who his mother was - like bro, just because something doesn't go your way doesn't mean you have to do something like that. This book explored the relationship between good and evil in a way that showed that you could not have one without the other - and you cannot be good, truly good, without the depth that overcoming evil, human, urges gives you, even if you do make mistakes sometimes....more
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