If you've ever wanted to know what it would be like to bite into your own intestines, this book is for you. "She didn't know the taste of her entrailsIf you've ever wanted to know what it would be like to bite into your own intestines, this book is for you. "She didn't know the taste of her entrails would be so vile as she bites into it. She can taste salty mucus as she puts it into her mouth. The skin of the intestine makes a popping noise as it breaks open, like the skin of an Italian sausage. A glob of sour feces squeezes onto her tongue like toothpaste... The taste of shit is bad enough, but the intestine has a lining of rotten build-up that tastes of aged foot cheese mixed with road kill."...more
By all accounts, losing your soul to a succubus is not a very pleasant experience. Oh sure, there’s sexual activity involved. But there’s nothing fun By all accounts, losing your soul to a succubus is not a very pleasant experience. Oh sure, there’s sexual activity involved. But there’s nothing fun about eternal damnation.
But what if a succubus falls in love with her victim? And what if the succubus is the cutest little pixie in Hell? Suddenly you’ve got a Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy on your hands. Or a zany Carlton Mellick III novel.
As we all know, all rom-coms have a crazy cast of supporting characters. This one is no exception. Without a doubt, the best of the bunch is Shoji, the Hamm’s-drinking super sumo. He may have lousy taste in alcoholic beverages, but he’s a loyal friend and (in the end) a true hero. He deserves his own novel/movie too. ...more
There are a lot of super “heroes” on the Island of the Super People. And the permutations are endless: rock fists, swamp faces, claw hands, spiked bodThere are a lot of super “heroes” on the Island of the Super People. And the permutations are endless: rock fists, swamp faces, claw hands, spiked bodies, capes, masks, big tits, tight asses, glowing balls of super energy, giants, bug-swarms, invisibles, and plasma orbs. It’s almost like being inside a video game says a grad student doing research for his master’s degree in cultural anthropology.
There’s one “capeback,” however, who stands out among all the rest. And he’s a bad guy. In fact, he’s so bad, all the other “villains” have expunged him from their tribe. It’s no surprise to discover that he’s the most interesting character on the island. While the heroes spend their time juggling boulders, jumping through rings of fire, and clawing their way to the center of the earth (ho-hum). Death Killer is in his cave painting, sculpting, and drinking tea. He may look like the scariest badass in the world, but he’s actually just a softie with a big (broken) heart.
Ohime is a cute little starfish kamikaze girl who lives in a dome under the sea. But she’s not a happy echinoderm. A toxic plague of yellow algae is sOhime is a cute little starfish kamikaze girl who lives in a dome under the sea. But she’s not a happy echinoderm. A toxic plague of yellow algae is slowly turning everyone into deformed fish monsters. And a mad scientist named Dr. Ichii wants to control all the mutants for his own selfish agenda.
This isn’t the most bizarre book you’ll ever read. Yes, there’s some cruelty and weird fish sex scattered about. But mostly Starfish Girl is what you’d get if Hayao Miyazaki, Walt Disney, and Theodor Geisel drank too much kelpie ale and woke up in Whoville. In other words, it’s like a lost weekend in Bikini Bottom with “Submission” by the Sex Pistols on auto-repeat. ...more
I'm not a superhero or a movie star like Arnold Schwarzenagger, but I feel their pain. "It hurts when you can't leave your mansion without putting on I'm not a superhero or a movie star like Arnold Schwarzenagger, but I feel their pain. "It hurts when you can't leave your mansion without putting on a metaphysical mask to hide your true self."
A parody of Night of the Living Dead. Right on. But what's next? May I suggest a Richard Matheson parody too? I Am Asshole. Or even better: The Omega A parody of Night of the Living Dead. Right on. But what's next? May I suggest a Richard Matheson parody too? I Am Asshole. Or even better: The Omega Asshole!...more
Battle Royale is a high concept novel. No doubt authors will be mining it for inspiration (and gold) for years to come. Carlton Mellick takes Koushun Battle Royale is a high concept novel. No doubt authors will be mining it for inspiration (and gold) for years to come. Carlton Mellick takes Koushun Takami's book and adds zombies and Mr. T to the mix. And you have to admit, everything is better with Mr. T. ...more
When I was a kid I thought "The Candy Man" was a song filled with clever drug references. Later I realized it was simply a song about candy. SimilarlyWhen I was a kid I thought "The Candy Man" was a song filled with clever drug references. Later I realized it was simply a song about candy. Similarly, when I pick up a book titled The Cannibals of Candyland I expect a little bit of subtext. Candy monsters eating little kids? You have to admit the potential for symbolic social satire is ripe. But alas, the author couldn't even give me one good Sammy Davis, Jr. joke.
Post apocalyptic fiction with a Happy Meal twist: Werewolves vs. the citizens of McDonaldland. The concept is kooky, but the storytelling is (mostly) Post apocalyptic fiction with a Happy Meal twist: Werewolves vs. the citizens of McDonaldland. The concept is kooky, but the storytelling is (mostly) solid. ...more
An interesting premise (I guess): William Shatner attends a convention and bumps into Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, and all the rest of his characters. I'vAn interesting premise (I guess): William Shatner attends a convention and bumps into Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, and all the rest of his characters. I've never seen an episode of Boston Legal or Emergency 911 but I get the joke. Ridiculous and dumb. But kind of fun. The ending was especially funny. The author has written two other books called Shatnerquest and Shatnerpocalypse. The man is clearly obsessed. ...more
Loading...
