Reviewed for THC Reviews White Fragility was an oft recommended book throughout the Romance Writers of America implosion that uncovered the dark underbReviewed for THC Reviews White Fragility was an oft recommended book throughout the Romance Writers of America implosion that uncovered the dark underbelly of racism within the organization. I can’t recall exactly when the book first came to my attention. It might have been during the earlier “Ritas So White” debacle, or I might have heard of it even earlier through another source, but in any case, I’ve been wanting to check it out for some time. With the current state of racial upheaval and Black Lives Matter protests within the United States and around the world, my church announced that they were going to offer a multi-week, in-depth study of the book, so I eagerly jumped in with both feet. We’re currently three weeks into the study with several more weeks to go, but so far, both it and the book have been enlightening. Both have definitely been encouraging me to take a closer look at how I may have unconsciously benefited from racism and in what ways I may harbor racist sentiments due to the culture into which I’ve been socialized.
Author Robin DiAngelo looks at how all white people are born into a racist system that favors whites as a group and how this culture begins to affect us as early as when we’re small children. We may not even consciously realize it, because our own privilege blinds us to it. Then there are the many stumbling blocks that make it difficult to acknowledge this dynamic even when directly confronted with it. One of the biggest reasons for this is the good/bad binary. Ever since the civil rights movement, racism has been looked at as an evil thing and people such as KKK members who outwardly express racist sentiments as bad. Therefore people who naturally view themselves as good feel like they can’t possibly be racist because they don’t belong to white supremacist organizations. But the issue is much more nuanced than that, because racism has literally become woven into the fabric of our society in such a way that it’s difficult for white people to detect. Meanwhile, black people (and other people of color) must live with it every day of their lives. Therefore, it’s incumbent upon us to root out these racist sentiments and to recognize the ways in which we are contributing to its continuation whether consciously or unconsciously.
There are many potential triggers for white fragility, so we must learn what they are and how to recognize and counteract them when they occur. There are also many ways in which white fragility may manifest, such as feelings of being attacked, shamed, or guilted, or reacting in a physical way such as crying, emotionally withdrawing, or denying. Whatever form it takes, these are all manifestations that help protect the underlying function of white fragility, which boils down to maintaining the status quo. Instead we must unlearn these behaviors and take a step back when offered feedback, stop making excuses, and engage in more self-reflection. I like that in the final chapter, the author offers guidelines for ways in which we can change our behaviors and reactions toward a path of humility, which if employed regularly can help to interrupt racism.
Overall, White Fragility was an excellent book that demonstrates through sound psychological and sociological theory the ways in which white fragility manifest and present and how we as white people can overcome them to be better allies to our brothers and sisters of color. Throughout reading it, I’ve learned a great deal. I’ve been educated on things I didn’t already know, while also being challenged to look deeper within myself for the ways in which I might be complicit in these behaviors and how I can do better in the future. Some of these things are so subtle that it will take work to root them out and I recognize that the work will never be fully done. There’s always going to be more to learn and improve, but I’m convinced that if enough people put what this book teaches into action, we can make the world a more equitable place for everyone. White Fragility is a book that will definitely go on my keeper shelf to refer back to as I continue this journey. I read it fairly quickly for our book study, but I’ll probably read it again at some point and take more time to do a deeper dive. It’s a somewhat dense book that takes a little more effort to understand and really figure out how certain things apply on a personal level, but one that is very much worth it. I’d highly recommend it to all my fellow white people who have a genuine desire to learn how to overcome their own fragility to become a better anti-racist....more
Reviewed for THC Reviews If not for it being our latest book club read, I’m not sure I would have picked up Being Wrong on my own, not because it didn’Reviewed for THC Reviews If not for it being our latest book club read, I’m not sure I would have picked up Being Wrong on my own, not because it didn’t sound interesting (it did and was one of my top picks among the choices we voted for this month), but because I may not have found it without someone else bringing it to my attention. It’s simply not the type of book that probably would have come up in my day-to-day browsing of reading recommendations. But I can’t deny that it ended up being a very interesting read. As a psychology geek, who’s fascinated with the inner workings of the human mind, I was intrigued by all the many different ways in which we can be wrong, and more importantly, how we can delude ourselves into thinking that we’re right even when we aren’t. This was an extremely well-researched and well-written book that engaged my intellect, while also bringing me to the realization that perhaps I need to more closely examine my beliefs and sense of rightness in various areas.
One of the main things this book does is delving into the various reasons why we can be so wrong about certain things. Some of it is rooted in a seeming quirk of human nature that drives us to have a need for beliefs. We being theorizing about the world around us as infants and by childhood we’re beginning to develop our beliefs. We all must believe in things, whether it’s as benign as what color of paint looks best in a certain room to something as momentous as the existence of God. And throughout life our beliefs may change, but usually we have trouble letting go of one belief until we have another one to replace it. Otherwise, we might find ourselves in an existential crisis. Whether we realize it or not, we also have a need for certainty in our lives. That’s why when someone seems so certain about something, it can be very appealing and lead us toward a belief in that thing whether it’s true or not. As humans, we additionally tend to have a tribal mentality, the sense that if the majority of the people in our social circle are going along with something, then it must be the right path when sometimes it isn’t. I was also intrigued by the ways in which our memories can be so fickle and faulty. I know that the next time someone insists that something happened a certain way, I’ll be taking it with a grain of salt, even if that someone is me.:-)
One of the major strengths of the book for me was all the true stories of people who’ve been wrong in various ways. I think I’m the type of person who learns and understands better when I have concrete examples, so these stories really helped the message of the book come alive for me in a way it might not have without them. The author includes so many stories of ways in which people have been wrong, even phenomenally wrong, throughout the ages, even though they thought they were right. One that stood out was the Millerites in the 18th century, who claimed to have calculated down to the day when Christ was going to return. Many of them didn’t plant crops that year and/or sold off all their worldly possessions, believing they were going to be swept up to heaven on that day. But of course it didn’t happen. Some then left the faith altogether, while others readjusted their beliefs and what they thought they knew into something else, and still others doubled down on their beliefs. This movement later grew into the denomination known as Seventh Day Adventists. Another stand-out story was that of two contrasting rape cases. In both cases, the men convicted of the rapes were misidentified and later exonerated through DNA evidence. In one case, the woman who was raped was very accepting of the results and tried to reconcile with the man she misidentified. In the other case, the prosecutor, apparently unable to come to terms with the fact that he’d tried the wrong man, tied himself up in knots trying to explain away the scientific evidence while insisting the man was still guilty. There were so many of these great stories throughout the book that helped make it a fascinating read.
I had a really hard time rating Being Wrong. It truly is very well done. The author is clearly an extremely intelligent, erudite, and articulate writer, who did her research well and organized this book in a way that made sense. I was constantly amazed at how she was able to tie everything together cohesively, and sometimes temporarily drop a thread, only to deftly weave it back in later. The absorbing, tantalizing, and sometime humorous anecdotes made the book more accessible, and there was much that I learned from its pages with regards to the human mind and how we can be wrong, but at the same time, I felt like there were things that I was missing. I freely admit that this may have been a failing of my own brain to grasp what was being said, but I can’t help feeling that if I had trouble with parts of it, others might as well. My book club is a pretty smart group and yet most of them agreed that this was definitely not an easy read. I think this is my main reason for dropping the star, but feel free to take that with a grain of salt. Just know that it will require a sharp mind and good concentration to grasp the contents.
I will also leave with this last thought. Despite the author saying that she didn’t set out to write a self-help book, I felt that it did in many ways help me to better understand wrongness. I might have wished for a step-by-step guide for combating the reasons for wrongness, but I was still able to glean some strategies for this from within its pages. At the end of the day, that’s a win for me. If it makes me (and others who read it) look more carefully at my (their) assertions, then IMHO, the book will have done its job. So for that I definitely recommend it. In our current age, when so many people are entrenched in political or other divisive belief systems, I think delving into our wrongness is a great place to start the difficult work of change....more
Reviewed for THC Reviews I’ve been studying personality typing for more than twenty years, primarily the Myers-Briggs-Jung typology via the Kiersey TemReviewed for THC Reviews I’ve been studying personality typing for more than twenty years, primarily the Myers-Briggs-Jung typology via the Kiersey Temperament Sorter. When I first discovered it all those years ago, I couldn’t believe how uncannily accurate it was in describing me and my behavior patterns. Since then I haven’t found any other personality typing system that was nearly as accurate. Until now. Our pastor, who is also the leader of our church book club, suggested The Road Back to You for our December book club read. When I heard that the subject of the book was personalities, I was interested in trying it out, but since I’d never heard of the Enneagram before and had never had much luck with personality typing systems other than Myers-Briggs-Jung, I perhaps approached it with a slight bit of skepticism as well. I have to say that the book almost immediately blew away any misgivings I might have had and sucked me into this new way of looking at personalities.
This is a little different sort of book than what we’ve discussed in our book club before, and so the question was raised as to how our members felt about self-help books. In general, I’ve found that self-help books tend to focus in on a particular topic, which may or may not be of interest to or actually help someone unless they or someone they love is experiencing that issue. Also the way in which the author approaches the topic may or may not resonate with the reader, because everyone has a different way of dealing with things. However, it’s my fervent belief that personality typing can help everyone. After all, every person on the planet has a personality and learning more about how individuals think and behave can be immensely helpful, not only for understanding ourselves but also for understanding our fellow humans, especially those who are different from us. It can also help us in all our relationships, whether it’s a marriage/romantic relationship, a parent/child relationship, friendships, boss/employee relationships, or basically any capacity in which we interact closely with another human being. It’s for this reason that I highly recommend every person study some kind of personality typing at some point in their lives, whether it’s Myers-Briggs-Jung, the Enneagram, or some other system that makes sense to you.
As for The Road Back to You, it’s basically a primer on the Enneagram. It delves into the basics of what the Enneagram is, where it came from (although admittedly the origins of it are ancient and uncertain), the triads, and each of the nine numbers or personality types. Each chapter takes a closer look at a single number’s general traits, what they’re like in childhood, at work, and in relationships, the deadly sin of each number (more on that in a moment), their wing numbers, their stress and security numbers, how that number can make a spiritual transformation, and ten suggested steps toward that transformation. Even if you think you know which number you are and are eager to find out more about your number by skipping ahead, I’d encourage you not to. Reading about each number and seeing if it’s a good fit is part of the self-discovery of the Enneagram. In simply reading the basic description of each type in the introductory chapters, I honestly didn’t know for sure which one I was. I was able to narrow it down to a few, but I didn’t know for sure until I read my type. Then I had a major lightbulb moment. Not to mention, reading them all is a good way to get a feel for the personalities of those around you. As I read each type that I knew wasn’t my own, I found myself saying, Oh, that’s my husband, or daughter, or mother-in-law, or friend, etc. In so doing, you’ll get a feel for how they think and why that behave in the ways that they do.
Given its sketchy origins, it’s hard to say exactly who discovered or invented the Enneagram. However, in looking at the known history of it, I’d say there’s definitely a spiritual element given that several faith traditions are said to contain some aspects of it and that several faith leaders have added to and tweaked it over the years. The authors of The Road Back to You are respectively an Episcopal priest and the wife of a Methodist minister, who regularly teaches the Enneagram and runs spiritual retreats where attendees can learn more about it. This being the case, the book has a definite spiritual foundation. As I mentioned each number is related to one of the seven deadly sins with the additions of fear and deceit. This is considered the number’s primary weakness. As I also mentioned each number has a section on spiritual transformation, which is how you can strive to become an emotionally healthier version of yourself. But throughout the book, there are various references to how each number relates to a characteristic of God and how we can use our gifts in service to Him. I didn’t find anything to be over the top or at all preachy, but anyone who has a serious aversion to religious references of any kind may not care for the book. But I think anyone who at least believes in a higher power and/or believes that at our hearts, we are spiritual beings will be OK with it.
The Road Back to You is a very well-written book that’s done in an engaging style that’s quite easy to read and understand. It appears that Mr. Cron was the primary writer of the book, as many of the anecdotes from real-life people come from those in his own family and sphere of acquaintances, with Ms. Stabile probably acting as an expert resource on information relating to the Enneagram. I can say without hesitation that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and would certainly be interested in checking out anything else that the authors have written. But most of all it’s given me a new way of looking at myself and my loved ones, and I’m very eager to delve even further into the Enneagram and learn even more about it....more
Reviewed for THC Reviews I can't recall where I first heard about Quiet. It might have been on GoodReads or it might have been on NPR, but however I foReviewed for THC Reviews I can't recall where I first heard about Quiet. It might have been on GoodReads or it might have been on NPR, but however I found out about it, I knew the moment I did that it was a book I absolutely had to read. Now that I have, I understand why it became a runaway bestseller and the winner of the GoodReads Choice Award for non-fiction in 2012. This meticulously researched book takes a deep and powerful look at the cultural reasons why introverts are not as valued in Western society as extroverts. It will empower introverts in a way that perhaps no other work could by showing that there is nothing at all wrong with being that way. In fact, there are advantages to introversion that they might never have thought of. It also shows how they differ from extroverts, and how they can make their voices heard in a world that is constantly full of chatter. I would venture to say that every extrovert probably knows at least one introvert, whether it's their spouse, a family member, a co-worker, a student, or someone else in their lives, but they may not understand why that person is so quiet or that it's OK to be that way. In this way, extroverts can benefit very much from reading this book as well, because they will learn how to better communicate with introverts and all the wonderful contributions they make to our society if we take the time to listen and see them. It is for these reasons that I highly recommend Quiet to everyone, both introverts and extroverts.
Susan Cain begins her book by explaining how our society has grown up around the cultural idea of the “Extrovert Ideal” which she defines as “the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight.” Pretty much every part of our everyday lives from our workplaces to our schools is centered around this ideal, and anyone who has trouble conforming to it is deemed to be odd or eccentric. The author makes a strong case for why we should move away from group projects and open work spaces and focus more on the power of the individual.
Ms. Cain also explores the biology of introversion: How much is nature and how much is nurture? How introverts are highly sensitive people. How their brains work differently, and how they process dopamine differently then extroverts. The scientific findings in these areas are astounding and back up everything I've learned about introversion/extroversion throughout the fifteen plus years I've been studying personality types as a layperson.
The author also takes a look at how not all cultures adhere to the “Extrovert Ideal.” Then to wrap things up, she discusses the differences between introverts and extroverts: How some introverts can project a more extroverted public persona. How to bridge the communication gap between types, and how parents of an introverted child should handle that child's quietness.
Overall, Quiet was a fabulous book. I can't think of a single thing Ms. Cain didn't cover that I would have wanted her to, although there were a few gray areas in the research which I strongly suspect might be accounted for through differing personality types that go beyond introversion/extroversion. However, given that this was the focus of the author's exploration, I certainly didn't feel it was lacking in any way. For a scholarly book, it was a very engaging read and extremely well-written. As an introvert, it inspired me in ways I can't begin to express and has given me much food for thought. I'm sure I'm not doing it justice with my review, but despite my difficulty with finding the right words to tell how wonderful Quiet is, I can't recommend it highly enough. Everyone should read this book, whether it's to understand themselves better or to understand their introverted loved ones....more
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