saffiyah✧ఌ's Reviews > Unhinged

I LOVE DOOR. DO YOU LOVE DOOR? i need a marriage officiator not a therapist


this is what i mean by forced proximity!! the tension! the angst! the sloww burn!! oh shit wait i'm talking about the wrong book..


yea this was sex scene upon sex scene upon bad sex scene. 6 stars for sure!!


I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!


golden retriever mmc? check! shifter romance? check! random zeus appearance? check!


this book is a delight. it has everything you could ever want in a book.

everything like door knob insertion, voyeur (MC to FMC), voyeur (bad guy against FMC), allusion to man-on-woman violence (off page), woman killed after luring (off page prior to story starting, non-explicit), covert breaking and entering (via master key against FMC by bad guy), secret underwear theft (against FMC by bad guy), deliberate food drugging, alcohol use, harassment via text (bad guy against FMC), allusions to an orgy with unprotected sex (non-main character, off page), gun violence (on page), shooting “death” (on page), wood putty use, sex toy use, condom use, working with police, talking with police, erotic humiliation (very light), fetishistic enjoyment of commands, lubricant use, female domination (with aftercare), male submission (aftercare is supplied).

what's not to love?

but anyway, i'm here to talk to you about the love of my life door.

door is LIFE.

door is LOVE.

door is BEAUTY.

door is STRENGTH.

door is the CALM in my CHAOS.

door is HAPPINESS.

door is ALIVE.

door is OAK.

how could you not love him when he says things like this:

“I am made of solid oak, not pressboard, and none of your other doors are like I am. I am your protector-”

or like this

“Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”

plus, we get the whole book in his pov! we're truly so blessed!

“Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.”

“Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back my deadbolt, which slid free with excitement at the touch of her soft cheek.”

“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”

“In a manner of speaking. The man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. In the way you are with your shivering blue stick.”
“And just what the hell do you know about my shivering blue stick, buddy? That’s none of your goddamn business!”
“I scrubbed the back of my neck with a palm, uncomfortable with Tana’s sudden shift in mood. Why was she so unhappy? She always seemed to be in a very good mood when she used her shivering blue stick.”
“If you wish to be alone with your blue stick, why do you leave your door open?”

w h a t ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎t h e ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ f u c k

“If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.”

“Something about being called a good door made my human lungs feel weak and shaky.”

okay, before you judge me, this was not my idea. i blame this entirely on lili. i would also like to mention that i don't love door. door is not life, door is trauma.

i recommend reading this with a friend. reading all the sex scenes out loud with different voices will trauma bond you together for life.

plus we're reading the pillow book next. after we've sought professional help though, so maybe july-ish.


(did i purposely hold this review back by a month so that the moment the unhinged craze died down, you would all be reminded of this wretched, nightmare-fuel book again because my beautiful review graced your screens?

maybe.)

_


☾.°✧౨ৎ tbr-review:

buddy read with stupid. WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAYY TO HELL and therapy woohoo!🎊🥳 this is going to be so a-door-able i can just tell!🥰🥰 don't knock it till you try it?

(ofc an erotic door romance had to be my 100th review on gr😭😭)

part 1 of many questionable reads to come...