Its Ace! This is the book to make sense of where you are right this minute.

A great tool to start you on your way to partnership! Chris C. Kent, UK, Forensic Scientist

From Lonely to Loved Up

How To Attract Your Ideal Partner In 5 Simple Steps

Your Guide to Becoming More Condent, Free From Fear and Irresistible To the Opposite Sex!
By Farah Siddiqui

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No part of this report may be altered in any way. DISCLAIMER AND/OR LEGAL NOTICES The information presented herein represents the views of the author as of the date of publication. Because of the rate with which conditions change, the author reserves the right to alter and update their opinions based on the new conditions. Given the fact relationships, personality traits and past history differ from person to person, we cannot guarantee your success in finding your ideal partner. Nor are we responsible for any of your actions. This report is for information and educational purposes only and the author does not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities resulting from the use of this information. While every attempt has been made to verify the information provided here, the author and her resellers and affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or omissions. Any slights of people or organizations are unintentional.

Copyright 2012 by Farah Siddiqui All rights reserved.

web: www.goodnessgorgeousme.com
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________________________________________________________

From Lonely To Loved Up How To Attract Your Ideal Partner in 5 Simple Steps
Your Guide to Becoming More Condent, Free From Fear and Irresistible To the Opposite Sex!

By Farah Siddiqui

________________________________________________________________________________

Introduction
Relationships can cause the greatest joy and the greatest pain in life. Its no coincidence this is one of the most sought after areas for advice; dating sites, networking groups, relationship books, workshops, its big business and products consistently fly off the shelves as people search for solutions to their relationship dilemmas. No matter how much information or knowledge you have, relationships are one of those things which keep evolving, we have to keep digging deep, striving towards balance, harmony and happiness for love. Worldwide and since the beginning of time, men and women have had to work at living together. Love is the ultimate goal and we are all naturally programed to want it and give it. Little wonder it consumes us, knowingly or unknowingly. If youre single, you may want to be close to someone but dont know where to start, or you may be afraid of being close due to a past hurt. Or you may be in a relationship but its lost its sparkle or is causing you pain. This book will help. Thank you for choosing to read From Lonely To Loved Up - How Attract Your Ideal Partner in 5 Simple Steps. I was compelled to write this after my own experiences and being around many successful men and women who seemed to have nailed most things in their life, except that special person to share it all with. Its a real crisis, as we are pulled towards income and career goals and attracting your ideal partner seems so elusive. Why do we do what we do and what are some simple practical solutions to attracting our ideal partner? Here I have put together the 5 steps, which led me to marrying my husband and have helped many once confused, frustrated and unhappy individuals gain clarity. I hope this ebook will help you too. An easy to remember, unique system B.T.R.U.E. this ebook is punchy, insightful and practical, guiding you to be true, confident and free from fear. Included are two bonus chapters on avoiding stress in relationships and overcoming cultural differences. Love really is the secret to success in life and I reveal all here. Farah Siddiqui is an experienced relationship coach and teacher with a range of skills including NLP, hypnosis and personality profiling and is happily married. Enjoy From Lonely To Loved Up - How Attract Your Ideal Partner in 5 Simple Steps and feel free to get in touch; leave a comment or review and contact me for further products and personal coaching. www.goodnessgorgeousme.com

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Copyright 2012 Farah Siddiqui. All Rights Reserved

Contents: Introducing the B. T. R. U. E. System

1. Get off to a flying start & drop the Baggage. Remove negative emotions ......................................................................1 2. Feel the fear, Trust and go for it anyway! Have the courage and faith to take action ...........................................................................................4 3. Get in Rapport- learn ways to make people like you and keep your attention ...............................................................................................7 4. Know yourself first, your valUes, what makes U tick ..........................10

5. Live in your core Essence. Understanding masculine and feminine Energy ...............................................................................................13

Bonus Chapters:
Bonus 1: Loving living stress-free in your relationship ..............................17 Bonus 2: Blissful cross-cultural relationships............................................20

1. Get off to a flying start & drop the Baggage, Remove negative emotions
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself Andy Warhol
The past does not equal the future. What had happened in the past is in the past. Letting it have an impact on your present and future is, at best, a futile exercise. Going into a new relationship with baggage from the past can only result in problems. Stuff happens. It happens to us all. Feeling the victim, indulging in self pity and wallowing in sorrow may be satisfying and serve a purpose for a short while and will usually grant you some attention, but hanging on to it well past its sell by date, means it is rotten and unhealthy and will make you sick. The event happened. Fact. Our emotions kick in as a response, whether it is joy, sadness, anger, bitterness, hatred, fear or at the other end of the scale, delight! Our emotions serve a purpose, tears are the bodys way of releasing some of the pressure built up, as is any violent outburst or highly charged physical demonstration; you are literally getting it out of your system. We rarely experience a single emotion in response to an event. Generally, we experience a range of emotions over a period of time, usually lessening in intensity. Take a break up, for example. Being dumped is one big ego bruising. Feelings of shock, despair, anger, hatred, sadness could be experienced and subsequent reactions could be becoming withdrawn, bitter, vengeful, hardened, suspicious, mistrusting. Time may pass, but unless the negative emotion attached to that memory subsides, that event is being kept alive in your head, affecting the way you think and feel about new situations which have nothing to do with the event from the past. Time has moved on, the event is over, but as long as the emotion is alive, the body will react and you will send off signals, warding off potential suitors and attracting those disposed to victimizing others. Interestingly, they will continue to come into your life until the lesson is learned. 1
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I keep attracting the wrong sort,' well then do something different! Releasing the negative emotion, letting it go, leaving the past where it is, will bring new invigorated energy into your life. No-one wants to be saddled with someone with issues and baggage and be tarred with the same brush as a past relationship. They didnt ask for It and have done nothing wrong and dont deserve to be judged according to someone elses actions. You deserve better too. What happened, happened. It doesnt mean it has to define the rest of your life. Over time, as you think less and less about the painful event, the feelings naturally subside. With very intense emotional events, ones which create a significant impact, holding on to the emotion usually serves a purpose, or has secondary gain. This means, however awful, holding on to the memory and the feelings it created back then, now, is, at a subconscious level, generating some sort of reward for you now. It could be attention, sympathy, support, love. Why would you let this feeling go, if it rewards you with love? This is called secondary gain, it may not be healthy, but at its highest level, there is something positive there, which is why you hang on. In removing the negative emotion then, there also needs to be a healthier replacement for the secondary gain. Many people self sabotage or are unable to stick to resolutions if the secondary gain is not replaced to the same intensity. Subconsciously, there needs to be a pay off! Negative emotions can be eliminated in several ways, a skilled hypnotist or NLP practitioner will use specific language in an intervention to guide the client, who is in a relaxed, perfectly safe, wakened state, to release the negative emotion. It is a simple process, yet extraordinarily effective, having a massive, often life changing affect knowing the negative emotion related to that event has now gone for ever! The client is always in control and the beauty is, once the negative emotion has been released, the baggage is gone! The release creates a wonderful sense of optimism, hope and restores that all important balance. A far more encouraging state from which to attract better relationships! A new relationship is the start of something new and doesnt need to be tainted with one or both partys unresolved issues. Frustration comes from a feeling of a lack of completion or lack of control, so take control, close the book on the old relationship and get closure by eliminating the harboring negative emotion. It doesnt matter how long ago the event was, if it is affecting your life now and has been for however long, ask yourself how this has served you, what the benefit of the emotion had been and what lessons can be learned from it. Thank your subconscious mind for taking care of you over all this time, and that you no longer need the emotion attached to the memory. Moving forward, the memory of the past event will still be there, stored away with all your other countless memories, but the emotion will no longer be attached to it, allowing you to love again, free of the past. You will attract what you put out, so your wish list starts from within. 2

Exercise and Tips:

Try this simple 3 step exercise. 1. First of all, accept emotions, both negative and positive, have a purpose and express how we feel. There is a valid reason normally, and emotions need to be expressed not buried. We can all doubt ourselves, worry, feel scared, feel down. Acknowledge the emotion you feel. Know it is there for a purpose and is to some extent justified. Dont fight it, suppress it or deny it. 2. Secondly, the emotion comes from some belief we hold. If we change the belief, we change the emotion. How many times have friends tried to change your mind about something or show you a different perspective? Changing the way you think about something changes the way you feel about it. Change your focus. Look for the silver lining, as hard as it may seem; it is there. 3. Finally, emotion is made up of motion. Move. Change your physical state. Breathe. Stand up. Sit down. Being hunched up, looking down, you are naturally going to feel a certain way. If you feel the anger boiling up, breathe, count to 10 in your head before reacting. Change your environment. Get out and go for a walk. Put a funny dvd on and have a good old belly laugh. Relax in a hot bath. Go for a run. You cant be grumpy and jog at the same time! Use a meditation technique and visualise an army of baggage handlers inside you, lightening the carriers load and throwing out case after case of stuff you dont need anymore. Do an actual physical clearout. Put your attention elsewhere, stop talking about you and unconditionally go help someone else. There are several things you can do (keep it healthy) and there may be certain feelings which you feel you have been carrying for way too long, which can be eliminated with various techniques. Of course, some conditions may require specialist help so seek a suitable practitioner. Why not try these simple tips for starters.

Next Step:
Now you know how to drop the Baggage, in the next chapter we will look at the 2nd Attraction Secret: building inner Trust and faith and taking action. Lets go for it!

Contact Farah for coaching removing negative emotions. [email protected]

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Copyright 2012 Farah Siddiqui. All Rights Reserved

2. Feel the fear, Trust and go for it anyway! Have the courage and faith to take action
Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in Confucius
Fortune favors the brave. If you dont play, you cant win! If you do nothing, you get nothing. People worry about all sorts of things when it comes to relationships; being left on the shelf,' worried no-one will find you interesting enough, or that he or she will leave you anyway, or worried about whether soul mates exist, how long it will last, whether you made a mistake, worried you havent found anyone good enough...the list is endless. Worry is, in fact, a bit of a wasted emotion. The thing you are worried about hasnt actually happened! Its in the future and fearing the worst about something yet to be, seems so illogical, yet we human beings do it all the time. When that worry grips you, however, to a level where you just cant be bothered, have given up, and feel stuck, thats when you really have something to worry about. When your energy is focused on what can go wrong, usually it does. You then tell yourself, I told you so,' sink deeper into lack of motivation and inspiration, feel worse about yourself and your situation, worry no-one will like you, you will be on your own, you will lose it all etc and so the cycle continues. The way to break the cycle is to acknowledge the emotion (worry) and feel it, and do the thing anyway. When you let it get the better of you and do nothing, you lose. You may not know where to go to meet good, decent people, you may have dated a lot but never found the right sort and are now disillusioned with it all, you may not have the time due to work commitments, you may have been hurt in the past or seen to many relationships fail and are skeptical or too wary and have built a wall around you, you may have never been ready before and now feel you are, but dont know where to start.. All natural things to worry about and feel fear for the unknown. Worrying, not knowing 4

what to do, how to start or how to break the cycle of low self worth, not knowing where these gorgeous, successful people hang out etc can be extremely exhausting and can be completely wearying in itself. This stuck state has been reached because you no longer can see past where you are now. At one time, you would have had sufficient energy to go out, meet people, chat, flirt a little, feel good about yourself, enjoy the buzz of the interest others are showing you. Somewhere down the line, though, now you find yourself stuck. Now your whole energy and focus is on being stuck and worrying about it. You cant see beyond now. You dont believe it will happen for you. Your energy has been sapped by the worry and you dont even have the physical energy to change. The motivation and drive seems to have gone. The perfect relationship will not just fall out of the sky and land in your lap! No matter what is destined for you, you have to take action, even when it seems so hard, dedication and perseverance are the keys to success in anything. You want to be good at playing the piano, you have to be coached and practice. Want to lose weight? Eat less and exercise more! Do it consistently. Crash diets arent called crash for nothing! We live in an instant society these days, fast food instant messaging, on demand TV, most things done at the click of a button.' We want it all, and we want it now! Even speed dating... Be honest, what did you expect to have happen by going on a speed dating night? At least you were out, doing something about it, I guess, but to sit around waiting for things to happen or for others to do all the work for you; it just aint gonna happen! No matter what the emotion is that is keeping you from going for it, stopping, not bothering, giving up is not going to help in any way. You have to reevaluate what is important to you. List all the qualities you admire about yourself that others will see in you, what being in a relationship means to you, how you see that relationship being, the kinds of things you want to share, the life experiences you want. Get juiced about it, about who you are and all the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead. Go to the parties/weddings/social functions you are invited to; join groups you are interested in; let friends and family help you, take care of your physical appearance and have fun with it. Do something you have always fancied, such as climbing/diving/ singing/tennis. Be consistent with it. Ordinary things done consistently, produce extraordinary results. It is so true. Acknowledge the emotions you feel, dont suppress them. Get them out in a safe, healthy way, feel the fear. Take a deep breath, visualize what you want, really get in the zone, hold yourself in the way you feel successful and certain, then go ahead and do it! Have your vision of what you want so clear, it not only feels true, it becomes true, it becomes a part of you and a way of life. However long your time as a single person is, embrace it, enjoy it, be grateful for it. When you are living in this energy, liberated from any agenda or game plan, you will, 5
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in fact, naturally feel attractive, confident & positive. People pick up on feel good vibes just as easily as creepy or draining vibes so feel good about yourself and others will want to be around you and will want to get to know you better. You may not be single for long! If you do like someone and just at the point of doing something about it, you imagine that old fear or worry coming back, where once you would have stayed quiet or not made an effort, notice how different that is now. Your life is too important to be neglected or to be second to work, family, others. By bringing the best of you to the table, you will do a better service to your work, family and others. Life throws up constant change, in the mix are challenges, pleasures and surprises. Whatever you are facing, face it. Do what needs to be done and make it feel good. Get help from whichever source you like, if you need it. Look beyond it. Look inside yourself. You will find truth and wisdom here. You have the strength, courage, determination, faith, creativity and vision to give any meaning to any situation. To get out of worry, fear, despair or any other stuck state, you need to move or may need help to lift you. Get moving.

Exercise and Tips:

The amazing Susan Jeffers sadly passed away in 2012. Her legacy will be her classic self-help book Fear the Fear and Do it Anyway, which encouraged millions to face their fears. In it, she explains the root of all our fears is basic, we fear we wont be able to handle the situation if the worst happens. She has the simple reply to this: Youll handle it! I was fortunate enough to meet her a few years ago when she gave a talk in London. Her gentle wisdom and can-do attitude was hypnotic, powerful and exciting and her book remains one of my firm favourites. Forget perfect, just have the confidence to have a go! I highly recommend you grab yourself a copy of this book and encourage you to explore her work http://www.susanjeffers.com

Next Step:
Now you know how to have faith and Trust in yourself, heres the 3rd Attraction Secret: how to build influence, become irresistible and get into Rapport with anyone you meet. Take a look!

Contact Farah for coaching to get out of stuck states and move towards action. [email protected]

3. Get in Rapport. Learn ways to make people like you and keep your attention!
Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life Brian Tracy
Of all the variables which go into make up the nature of any relationship, trust is an essential component. The development of trust may begin when a person gets the sense that he is being understood and that he and the other person are speaking the same language. Anyone we consider to be influential are deemed as such because we believe they understand us, and trust needs to be present in order to build a successful relationship. What is it about particularly influential individuals, that leads to this trust? What are the secrets they use and how can we use them to gain influence and create positive change in our own professional and personal relationships? One of the most important components in being influential is having the ability to demonstrate to the other person that you understand them. You want to join them in their model of reality. This can be done through language what you say, how you say it and in how you use your body. As the great Baloo in Disneys Jungle Book famously sang when wanting to be like the man child Mowgli (apologies for misquoting): I wanna walk like you, talk like you...you know its true oo oo oo ooh, a bear like me ee ee can learn to be human too-oo-oo.. ! How do we do it then? What do we do to get others to feel we are like them, thus building trust, thus creating a connection; the start to any relationship. In NLP, it is called getting into Rapport. We do it all the time, perfectly naturally already. The most basic definition of rapport would simply be commonality or cordance. When two systems are in cordance with one another, they are in rapport. By systems I mean people, objects, colors, sounds, flavors anything really. Havent you winced at the sight of two colors which clash, or not enjoyed a piece of music or got the creeps around certain people? What is going on is that the vibrations of the colors, sounds, objects, people are either in harmony; in rapport with each other or they are not. 7

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When you are in a rush and dashing about and people around you are just ambling along, well, there is a difference, neither is right or wrong, but there is a lack of rapport in your movements and this will impact on how you both feel. Other times you may meet someone or be around people you just click with. You feel you have something in common. It may be a value system, interests, personality traits, whatever. Anytime you find you have something in common with someone else you will find you have a greater level of rapport. Rapport is not about liking someone else. It is possible to be in rapport with someone you dont like or who doesnt like you. Rapport is not about trusting someone either. Its possible to have rapport with someone you dont trust and they dont trust you! Having rapport will make trust easier to accomplish. So, it is possible to have rapport without trust, but you cant have trust without rapport. A classic study in the 1970s showed 38% of our communication is in our tonality, 55% in our physiology and only 7% of our communication is in our words. So, with 93% of communication being nonverbal, its not so much what you say, but the tone you use to say it and how you use your body! Matching and mirroring someones tonality, that is, by using the same level of volume, pitch and projecting the voice from the same place internally, for example, (oh and not by imitating the accent, by the way) will create rapport at a very covert level. To create rapport using physiology, match and mirror a persons breathing patterns, the position of their spine, are they leaning in or away, are their arms open or closed.This comes with a little practice, but in the meantime, its fun to watch people in a bar or restaurant; if they are in rapport, usually if one scratches his nose, the other will subconsciously copy, if one crosses his legs, so will the other! Notice what you notice! We live in a fast changing world where everything has to be instant, even the way we date. The popularity of speed dating, online flirting and trying to find love in cyberspace is very much part of the norm these days. Whilst it is true our typing and texting skills have developed, many a Romeo or Juliet has been disappointed when they eventually pluck up the courage to actually meet up face to face. That moment will happen eventually, whether it be a blind date, introduction or normal date, learning about their background, values can be improved if you learn to master rapport. As for speed-dating, research shows that a person will make a judgment whether or not they like you in as little as 7 seconds. Maximize these 7 seconds by mastering specific processes that allow you to gain rapport with the person's unconscious mind. The result? A feeling like they have known you forever! Haven't you ever met someone and surprisingly felt as though you had known them all your life? That doesn't happen by accident! You can replicate that process with anyone you choose! 8

Exercise and Tips:

Try out these simple tips. 1. When meeting someone new, or in a networking situation, gauge the atmosphere and spirit of the conversation, observe without staring, and match the other person's posture. Stand, walk, or sit like them, but make the move subtle and natural, when it is your turn to talk, not when they are talking. Pay attention to how they move or remain still. Then, gradually adapt your positions so you match or mirror theirs; if you get really good at this, soon they will be mirroring or matching you and you have control and you can direct where you want it to go! 2. Listen carefully to how the person speaks, if their voice is soft, loud, fast or slow and adapt your natural tonality and volume to match theirs. How often have you been in a situation where you come away thinking I dont have a clue what he/she just said because they spoke faster than you, or you wanted them to hurry up as it was a slower pace than you. Great rapport is when they think you are like them, so it is your job to practice this skill and demonstrate flexibility if you want them on side. 3. Matching and mirroring the words they use or the type of words they use too is a really powerful skill and the third rapport building technique.

Next Step:
So now you have a sense of a few basic Rapport skills, hopefully you can get a handle on it, notice clearly how it can look for you and listen out for opportunities to practice. Master these skills in any area of your life and youll very soon be an even more confident communicator. Next we look at the 4th Attraction Secret: ValUes, U (You) and how well you know yourself. Often overlooked and assumed, its essential to know your natural way of being, your personality type and what to look for in others so you can figure out or get a feel for how well suited they are to you.

Contact Farah for coaching on rapport skills. [email protected]

9
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4. Know yourself first, your ValUes, what makes U tick

To thine own self be true William Shakespeare

How much time would you say you have spent getting to know the true you? Do you know what is important to you, really? Are you living as the authentic you, or behind a mask of who you think you should be? Many of us would say we do know ourselves and know what we want, what we dont want, what we like, what we dont like, etc. Its all very well having a list of qualities you want from a prospective partner, but what are you bringing to the table? If tall, dark and handsome is your ideal, who do you expect he wants? Do you fit the bill? By knowing yourself, how you operate, what you deem important and being really comfortable with your own qualities, good and bad, and facing them, you are doing yourself the biggest favor you can when it comes to attracting your ideal mate. Sure, on meeting someone new, we all like to impress, first impressions do, after all, count and we instantly produce a judgment based on that initial meeting. Glossing over the truth, or worse, apologizing for who you are will never be a good start in any situation. No-one likes an arrogant know-it-all, or a misery guts. You cant second guess what someone else will think about you, so best not to prejudge their reaction or opinion of you. When you actually sit down, indulge in some time purely directed at getting in touch with and organizing what is important to you, particularly in a relationship, and go though a values elicitation exercise, you may be surprised at what you learn about yourself and what comes up. This is best done with a friend or partner, or ideally with someone trained in NLP. The question to ask, is simply this: What is important to you about a relationship? to which you would respond with many or a few values you instinctively think of. Next, you would be asked: ...and what else.... This gives you an opportunity to think of a few more traits important to you. These are your values. Easy as that! It is interesting, once you have a list of say 10 values, to look at the list, and again, and consider reordering, prioritizing, giving the first on the list the highest priority. 10

Reorder, comparing each value to the one below it until you get to the last on the list, moving things up or down accordingly. Take your time, it is worth it. Be honest. You will get what you dont actually want, otherwise, or worse, wind up settling. Be careful not to succumb to some clich or society standard. Be careful not to create your parents or your friends wish list. This is about what is important to you, no-one else. The more honest and true to yourself you are, the better. Think of all areas of life, if you are spiritual or religious, could you be with someone who held a different belief? Sure, you might really like them and have a big attraction to them, but do their values align with yours? It so important to be clear on your top values; these are the ones you are not prepared to compromise on, and are usually lifestyle based, rather than traits. Think long term too. Never believe you can change people. You are the only one in control of changing you; likewise, they are in control of changing themselves. What might be tolerable now, may be irritating and frustrating and ultimately divisive later on down the line. We all have traits, which serve us in certain ways, positively or negatively, however, the things we deem important, our values, are what we unconsciously focus on the most. If you want to know something, ask! Dont assume. If you need clarity, ask in a different way. You are not testing, so make your questions relevant, appealing and natural, otherwise you will be cast into the weirdo pile. Some people respond well to a direct question, most would think it a bit abrupt, so use some sensitivity. By knowing what is important to you in a relationship, you will be seeking those values in others. You will eliminate those who do not exhibit your most important values, and this could take some time to uncover, so it is worth getting to know a person beyond one meeting, before making that judgment! When you are attracted to someone, or feel as if you are on the same wavelength, it is because you are, in fact tuned in and your values are in alignment. Now things get interesting! For guys, especially, this is so true. Know your purpose, what you are about, what you stand for. When you declare your purpose, it is extremely empowering, and extremely attractive from a female point of view! Girls love it when a man knows what he wants and sets about getting it. This really is what women want from their man, one who has certainty and determination and lives his purpose. Values are so important and so often overlooked or misunderstood. Everything we do, ultimately, serves a purpose and to some degree makes us happy - even if it may not be good for us. Be true to yourself first, live according to who you are and present yourself as such. 11
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Exercise and Tips:

1. Do the personal values exercise mentioned above. Prioritise your top 6 values. These should feel comfortable and right to you. If not, redo until it does. 2. List 8 areas of your life which are important to you. Draw a circle and split it into quarters then half each section so you get eighths. Write each area of life in each section. Mark off how satisfied you are currently with each area of your life; the nearer you are to the centre, the more unsatisfied, the nearer you are to the outside edge, the happier you are with that life value. Consider the circle as a wheel, how balanced is your wheel? What do you need to work on? Pay attention to what you are doing or need to do in order to boost that area of life. This is a great visual representation of your life values and gives you a focus to work on. You are likely to meet people with similar values when youre in tune with whats important to you.

Next Step:
You will always attract what you project out. Live the best version of you, exhibit your finest qualities, know what you stand for and you will find you will attract the best in others also. You have to live with yourself, you are the one who can change yourself. Get to know you, be whole and complete in yourself and indulge in personal development to expand your mind, release baggage and negative thinking and seek wonder and beauty in life. Resonating at a higher frequency, you will attract others who are like minded, that you can get along with and enjoy one anothers company and have something to build on. Know Your valUes. Finally, lets explore the 5th Attraction Secret: Energy; what it means to live in your core Essence.

Contact Farah for coaching on discovering your values and identifying this in others [email protected]

12

5. Live in your core Essence. Understanding masculine and feminine Energy

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other Jane Austen
Women and Men are different. Fact. Pretty obvious, right? Is there a man alive who understands women? Is there a woman alive who was able to change her man? The mystery of relationships becomes unraveled when you do a very simple thing, be aware of the differences, accept them, and live with them! By recognizing and exploring the differences, you can discover ways to have, build and improve relationships. Women, by their very nature are complex, unique and will never be straightforward and consistent. Instead of trying to change any of this, for a happy relationship love her anyway. With all the distractions and transience in life, a good woman is the best comfort a man can ever have. We all essentially have the same qualities and traits, albeit in varying amounts, which makes up part of our uniqueness. The balance of the energy though is what we deem to be masculine or feminine. We all have masculine and feminine energy; a man can be caring, nurturing, trusting as well as purposeful, focused and driven. Likewise, a woman can be fearless, strong, dominant as well as accommodating, pleasing and flowing. Given all the complexities associated with work, career and home life in todays society; male or female, we tap into the energy required to survive. A woman who has worked hard, studied, and competed for her corporate career, can stand on her own two feet, pay her way and have the lifestyle she chooses. This in itself is not a problem unless it is a problem. When a great deal of time and energy is spent in one area of life, for example, work and career, inevitably, other areas of life may well suffer, such as health and relationships. 13
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All too often, at some point, the successful, driven, competitive woman will become wary of those in harmonious relationships, those getting married and those becoming mothers and might feel she is missing out on something. It can be exhausting doing what feels like everything, by herself, and me-time often becomes nonexistent. A man, doing what he has to do, does what needs to be done to survive. Battling it out at work, solving, fixing, hitting targets, getting the job done, then sweating it out in the gym; working hard and playing hard. Uncertain times can be tough for all of us, but for a man without a purpose, it is very unnerving. A man displaying lack of direction, one who is noncommittal, indecisive, cowardly, self pitying, is no catch and will experience exactly that, in no uncertain terms, by any woman! What is being attempted to be pointed out here, is that if you live in your true energy, the one most suited to your gender, you will find it more natural to your core being. Trying to be a man is what makes so many women so tired and extremes of behavior is actually very unattractive to a guy! Being wimpy, dependent, unsure of yourself as a guy will keep you on your own or will suffocate any woman, who will tap into her own masculine energy instead and step up to be the dominant one in the relationship. Ask yourself if you live in your true essence. As a woman, are you spending more of your time in masculine energy or feminine energy? Do you feel you have to adopt male energy to get ahead or to fit into the environment you work in, and do you take this with you in the dating arena? A guy who works hard at work doesnt need the same when he comes home! You can still be successful at work and enjoy what you do and look and feel feminine. Men need balance in their lives and love the softness and beauty of a woman, and this is at her core. Dont bury it. It is the most attractive asset she has, so turn it on! Guys, women love a man who knows what he is about. Being sensitive, caring and attentive are hugely attractive to women, but remember to live your purpose, be decisive and give a woman certainty. Most men hate to be walked over, and those who have given up, want a quiet life, want to keep the peace will find they are living more in their feminine energy and have given over their masculine control to the woman, who actually, subconsciously or not, resents having it, and resents you more for abdicating responsibility! You may have seen such reverse roles played out with people you know, or may have experienced similar yourself. To attract your ideal partner, live most of your time in your natural energy. It might seem a bit obvious, but take yourself out of you for a moment and evaluate your behaviors from an energy point of view. Are you living in your true essence or are you out of balance? If you need to do something to change it, change it! You are in control of changing your behavior. Harmonious, lasting relationships require polarity. Ask yourself, what would my ideal partner want? What is the core energy I need to be 14

living in? Am I living it? Do I need to slow down/ give anything up/ start something/ turn it up in order to live in my true essence? Who do I admire and see as a good role model and why? Is there anything I could read or learn from to help me change? How can I maintain a healthy life balance and tap into my natural essence? Being masculine doesnt mean being an insensitive oaf or being overly macho. Being feminine doesnt mean being weak and soppy. There is both strength and beauty in femininity and in masculinity. Living in your true essence most of the time will be most natural to you. Enjoy being at ease with it, because then you will be at your most naturally attractive and a magnet to the opposite sex. If something isnt working, something needs changing. Change can come easily, coaching can help.

Contact Farah for coaching on discovering and living in your true essence. [email protected]

So there you have it. From Lonely To Loved Up - How Attract Your Ideal Partner in 5 Simple Steps. Follow the B.T.R.U.E. system, go through the exercises, tips and recommendations and very soon you will see some shifts occur. You will become more confident in your daily life, less fearful more irresistible to the opposite sex! Ultimately, more freedom more happiness and more abundance is yours to claim. Be True.

B.T.R.U.E. is about Being True to Yourself. This is the Ultimate Attraction Secret.

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Copyright 2012 Farah Siddiqui. All Rights Reserved

2 BONUSES!
Congratulations, youve almost reached the end of this guide. As a little thank you, I have put together two bonus chapters for you. Bonus 1: Loving living stress-free in your relationship................................17 Bonus 2: Blissful cross-cultural relationships.............................................20 Enjoy!

16

Bonus 1: Loving Living Stress-Free in your Relationship

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe
Men and women see the world totally differently and cope differently under stress. This is a huge area when it comes to making a relationship work and sadly not understanding the core distinctions results in many, many broken hearts, failed or unhappy marriages and more disillusioned singles than you can shake a stick at. It is a huge topic, as I said, but I will condense it for this chapter and share with you some of the key points to be aware of once in a relationship. Stress is such a commonly used word in todays society; many people wake up stressed, spend the day stressed and go to bed stressed. Behaving in a way that is snappy, withdrawn, irrational, impulsive, angry, reckless, anxious, self-absorbed, obnoxious are associated to being stressed.' Our behavior is related to our thoughts, which send chemical signals through our body, impacting on our health. Many long term illnesses are attributed to stress as this way of thinking and behaving has been scientifically proven to create hormonal imbalance, dis-ease and poor health. The body is the ultimate barometer for our wellness of mind. Pain manifests visually, so it all starts in the mind. Hormonally men and women are very different and deal with stress in very different ways. If there is a depletion of these hormones or an imbalance, our bodies suffer both mental and physical illness. However, knowing how to restore balance, nurture and produce more feel-good hormones for ourselves and for our partner is a must for loving living stress-free in your relationship. Biologically, men and women produce different hormones to relieve stress. Recent scientific research has revealed that in a safe, cooperative, supportive and nurturing environment, a hormone Oxytocin, is released in women to cope with stress. In men, testosterone is released for the same purpose. Testosterone is released in situations which require some sort of urgency, emergency, problem solving situation or noble cause of action. When a man is putting out a fire,' testosterone is released and his stress levels are

17
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lowered. When a woman is in a caring, nurturing and supportive environment, oxytocin is released and her stress levels are lowered. To love living stress-free, men need activities which stimulate testosterone production and women need to experience oxytocin producing activities. Understanding this fundamental difference is essential to helping each other make sense of the opposite sex, and so lead to a more harmonious relationship. Lets look at the hormonal differences one gender at a time. When a mans testosterone level goes up, i.e. when he is fixing or solving something, actively and physically engaged, doing something he believes is worthwhile, (beating his chest like Tarzan, that sort of thing) his testosterone level goes up and his stress level is reduced. As he acts, he feels competent and powerful. But soon after, he needs to kick back and recover; resting gives him a chance to restore and rebuild his testosterone level. Sorry girls, I hate to say it as it seems like such a cop out, but slumping on the sofa watching Top Gear after a days work, after the gym or after doing the odd job around the house or even after discussing politics/sport and putting the world to rights with his mates, is your mans way to rebuild his testosterone levels, reduce stress and prepare for another days battle. Grrr! Interrupt him during his man-time and he will probably turn grouchy on you (unless you are using your feminine charms, of course ! a simple creature, man is sooo easily pleased!) Women also release testosterone in the same way and can feel good, get a sense of power and capability and feel sexy, but unlike men, increased testosterone in women does not reduce her stress levels! In fact, too much testosterone can cause aggression, impulsivity and raise her stress levels! (Anyone you know?). A man not engaged in testosterone producing activities or not getting the rest to rebuild will be stressed and not functioning at his best. Not very attractive... In fact his health will suffer as stress creates an imbalance hormonally in his body, lowering his immune system, and creating all sorts of problems if left unchecked. (Again, anyone you know?). For women, in order to reduce stress, she needs raised oxytocin levels, not testosterone. Men also produce oxytocin and this too feels good to him, increasing his tendencies towards trust, empathy and generosity but it does not reduce his stress levels. In fact, much the same as increased testosterone in a woman can be unattractive and increase her stress, too much oxytocin in a man can be a big turn off for women; it can make him sleepy and knock his testosterone level down significantly. Women biologically produce and release oxytocin when in a nurturing, supportive environment, both giving and receiving. That hug, cooing over cute babies, those chats over coffee, that chick-flick and telling you about our day, (without you attempting to offer unwanted advise) rebuilds and releases oxytocin and reduces stress levels in women. Its not sexist, or stereotypical. Its biological fact & necessary. So, if you are a successful career-driven woman, it is biologically essential you find time to engage in oxytocin producing activities to balance out internally and look and feel vibrant and healthy. Confident, feminine and free-from-fear are sexy, attractive traits men cant help falling for in a woman. 18

Biologically, a woman is healthier if she is free from stress and can find outlets to rebuild her oxytocin levels. Take time on your appearance, enjoy makeup, color, fabrics and feeling and looking feminine. You will be more naturally in your flow. Often single-parent women, playing the role of mum and dad, especially need metime and time with other female friends as being the protector and provider requires testosterone, a huge strain on a woman unless she is getting her oxytocin to balance. Likewise for single dads, male bonding time with other male adults is biologically essential to rebuild testosterone. If you are a guy who is not fulfilled at work, perhaps, or who has lost interest in things, to lower your stress levels and for the sake of your health, find something meaningful to do. Something to get your teeth into; a cause or involvement of some sort, find some outlet to rebuild and release testosterone and reduce stress, thereby increasing health. A man with a purpose, a man who can is incredibly sexy to women, and showing this admiration alone boosts a guys testosterone levels, so sisters, get praising your man! Guys, take a moment to just listen to your girl, only offer advice if she asks you, and give her loads of hugs, be tactile, give her compliments and in the words of Lily Allen (or Beats International, depending on your generation) just be good to me.' Count to 10 before reacting to an outburst! It may not have anything to do with you directly and provoking a reaction may be a release mechanism and could escalate things. On the other hand, stress may sometimes not be so outwardly visible initially, but can accumulate over time. Poor skin, tired eyes, weight gain or loss, lack of concentration, tiredness, lack of energy or interest, snappy or bitchy comments or excessive behavioral addictions like smoking, alcohol, eating sugary or fatty fast foods, nail biting, may indicate a current or ongoing issue, something which hasnt been faced and dealt with, festering away in the minds recesses. The signs can be easy to spot, especially if you have a benchmark for your partners behavior when they are feeling great. We live in a very fast paced world, attention spans are decreasing, we seek variety and are constantly on the go. One secret to attraction is to slow right down, reconnect with yourself, rather than focussing externally. Encourage this with your partner, make it easy for them to slow down and be in the now. Once you are truly present, in the moment, anxiety and stress cannot exist. Breathing exercises, meditation and activities which safely lower the heart rate, are great stress busters. Stop the wheel, get off and recognize if you or your partner is feeling stressed, and employ some of the tips in this chapter to help restore balance. Too often we dont know what to do and react instead, taking the behavior personally and so wind up aggravating the situation, not easing it. Fact: Cuddling up on the sofa in front of the telly is good for you! A long, meaningful hug can restore hormonal imbalance and do wonders. Giving and receiving a hug is simultaneous, perfect stress reducers for both genders.

Contact Farah for coaching to reduce stress

[email protected] 19
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Bonus 2: Blissful Cross-Cultural Relationships

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Maya Angelou
We all know men and women are different, so does having a difference culturally really make that much of a difference? Whilst it is true like attracts like, opposites do attract. Having an affinity with someone pulls you towards them on many levels and often, ironically, it is the difference which is the attraction! Subconsciously we know if we like someone; if they are very different in nature or looks, if there is an innate attraction there, those differences are overlooked and rather make the prospect all the more curiously appealing! Curiosity draws us towards things. Finding out more about a person given they are so different to you outwardly becomes easy to do, and through simple questions you get to find out more about what makes that person tick, as you would do meeting anyone new. They may have grown up in a different country, speak a different mother tongue, have different religious beliefs, culturally have different rules and ways of doing things. When getting to know someone, if there is a romantic attraction, or a feeling of familiarity and easiness around the person, it becomes rather natural to find out about those differences. If you like someone, you like them! Simple! A friend can be easy to make, even dating them, having fun and spending time together can become easy because if you both want to, no matter the obstacles, you will find a way. Today communication has never been easier. No need to sneak out to a call box or have someone scrutinize strange phone numbers on a bill. Mobile phones, Facebook, social groups, networking, university, work, traveling, family functions, weddings, the internet there are numerous ways people can make new friends and start new relationships and many of the taboos in society and amongst ethnic groups are changing. Greater awareness in the media of awful stories where incompatibility and intolerance does rear its ugly head, sends out the message legal and human rights groups are working extremely hard to protect the vulnerable, and highlight how sensitive this issue can be. As time passes, the whole dynamics of family, marriage, personal relationships has evolved immensely, although bonds between community and maintaining and strengthening cultural and religious values in times of fear and intolerance appear to have increased significantly. Ultimately, how long a cross-cultural relationship lasts and whether it is successful is down to the values each person in the relationship holds. This is true of course, for any relationship. Personality preferences such whether you are more outgoing or more introverted, whether you pay attention to detail or want the big picture, if you think with your heart or your head, if you like structure and rules or go more with the flow; 20

are human characteristics, possibly shaped by culture and upbringing but not necessarily so. Finding out and understanding these key preferences creates a picture, or profile of the person and is useful to learn about, in any new relationship. No matter how much you fancy the other person, no matter how you feel towards them, if there are fundamental differences in your values, which are not compromised upon or changed, then those differences will, eventually, drive a wedge through the relationship. It may not seem like a big enough deal to start with and if it is a cultural trait you can live with, then thats fine, its a trait like any other. However, if it goes deeper than that, if it is a defining belief upon which there is no compromise or flexibility, then eventually, unless it isnt that important to you, it will never go away and may cause an eventual split. Religion, of course is a perfect example. If you are a certain religion by name only, as in thats the religion you were born into or fits closest to your family background even though you dont know the first thing about it, let alone practice, then it could be fair to say religion isnt that important to you. Alternatively, you may have been overexposed to it in someway, had questions for which you never received a satisfactory response, experienced inconsistencies etc, so now you reject it or resent it or couldnt care much for it. You may go out of your way to seek something as far from it as possible for fear it will remind you of something which caused you much discomfort and confusion in the past. It could be a lack of understanding, fear of judgment, any manner of internal emotions causing the rejection and attracting in the opposite school of thought or neutrality. This may not be true for your partner, though. If your partner holds certain beliefs, practices certain rituals or does or doesnt do certain things according to his or her religious beliefs, then in order to have a blissful cross-cultural relationship; either their values, beliefs and behaviors can be overlooked, tolerated or embraced. This level of tolerance and acceptance has to be true for both parties. A one-sided acceptance is as good as not. What might be tolerable now, may not be so, further down the line. Family/peer pressure may be a source of objection, well-intentioned or otherwise and can create unbearable tension for the couple. There will always be those waiting to say it will all end in tears, or I told you so... It really comes down to how tolerant those in the relationship are, of the whole situation. If the differences run too deep and your top values are not aligned, no matter what it is, then there will almost certainly be problems, which, unless you have the skills to deal with, can cause a lot of pain and misunderstanding. Cross-cultural relationships, like any other; require patience, compromise, appreciation and love. By focusing on the differences and not appreciating them, that is all you will see. By focusing on the wonderful traits, where there is commonality and nurturing that, a whole different relationship is born. If others you are close to, family for example, are also loving and appreciative then that support helps to build bonds. If they are not, and those people are important to you, then it takes courage to listen to your soul and really listen and feel what is your truth in the matter. Cross-cultural relationships can be wonderfully rewarding. Not only are you finding out about the food, country, celebrations and language of a culture different to your own, you find yourself dipping more into your own background, finding self pride, commonality with others with the same roots and can take best bits to share with one 21
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another. You expand your own horizons and world view and start to see things from a different perspective. Everyone has a different view, no matter how or where they were brought up and being able to respect someone elses model of the world, (one of the presuppositions of NLP) gives you greater flexibility and greater choice. There will always be challenges in life. No-one behaves perfectly all the time. We are all on a journey, doing the best we can. There will always be people with a view on your choice of partner, disliking him or her because they are different and actually, it could be their personal discomfort they are experiencing, and fear or possibly concern for you. Well, this could happen in any relationship! Fearing the worst usually attracts the worst. Being supportive is often harder than it sounds and takes courage, love, genuine concern, faith and giving; really being there. At the end of the day, if two people are in love, complement each other and want to be together, they have thought it through and in spite of the obvious differences do want to make a go of it. In any relationship, they have to work together and both will need support, and appreciation from the other. If your values are aligned and your love is strong, no-one can get in. If there is a chink, unless attention is paid to it, cracks will appear, but again, this is true of any relationship. If resentment grows, the differences will become an issue and the damage may be irrevocable. If it is more important to you to not hurt your parents for example, than to go against their wishes, you will do what is more important to you regardless, and will have to accept the consequences. You may chose to regret the decision, or view it as an experience you are grateful for and can learn from. Hurt or joy is never one sided in a healthy relationship, people are people. If it does end in tears, there may be bitterness, as in any relationship, but just as time heals, you do have to work on healing your own self too and in time will view it as a chapter in your experience of life. Blissful cross-cultural relationships are infectious and anyone seeing a couple happy together, enjoying each others company cant help but feel happy themselves. They may or may not have had extra hurdles to jump over to get there; bottom line, love on a spiritual level is so deep, there are no words for it, love just is.

Contact Farah for coaching on discovering your values and personality profile and identifying this in others. [email protected]

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Thank You and a Free Gift...

I really hope you enjoyed reading this ebook and have picked up some attraction secrets you will put into place right away. It was written after genuine research into my own relationship issues and was the catalyst to free me from fear, move away from a fairytale sense of perfection in a relationship, commit to marriage at 39 and help me see the great qualities in my partner. After coaching many single people, the B.T.R.U.E. system is now available to you via webinar, audio programs and through live workshops and one-to-one coaching. Why not contact me for coaching, blasting through all the obstacles! You can also learn more about the NLP techniques mentioned for transformative success and finally get rid of stuff thats been holding you back or been buried so deep and move on to live the life you deserve. Simply go to www.goodnessgorgeousme.com for more information on the B.T.R.U.E. system, discovering NLP, booking coaching or anything else related. As a thank you for buying this ebook From Lonely To Loved Up - How Attract Your Ideal Partner in 5 Simple Steps Im offering a FREE 7 part ecourse: The Confidence To Change; 7 Keys to the Language of Love to all my readers! All you need to do, is go to www.goodnessgorgeousme.com and fill in the boxes so I know where to send your free ecourse. This will open your eyes and ears to how we communicate and the messages we send out ad how change in any area of life can be easier when you know how. This ecourse is free on the website only, so register for yours today and get it instantly! You will also get regular updates, special announcements and a monthly newsletter. You can also follow my blog.

I love good news so let me know how you get on! To your goodness and your gorgeousness, !ara"

Acknowledgments:
B Baggage image T Trust Image R Rapport Image U valUes Image E Essence, Energy Image Stress Free Image Cross Cultural Image Front Cover Image
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