Self-esteem refers to how individuals estimate their own worth. It has two main components - self-confidence or efficacy, which is one's sense of being able to effectively navigate the world, and self-respect or worthiness, which is one's sense of deserving to be happy based on behaving in a life-affirming manner. True self-esteem comes from within rather than being dependent on approval from others. It involves feeling competent and worthy of living successfully.
Self-esteem refers to how individuals estimate their own worth. It has two main components - self-confidence or efficacy, which is one's sense of being able to effectively navigate the world, and self-respect or worthiness, which is one's sense of deserving to be happy based on behaving in a life-affirming manner. True self-esteem comes from within rather than being dependent on approval from others. It involves feeling competent and worthy of living successfully.
Self-esteem refers to how individuals estimate their own worth. It has two main components - self-confidence or efficacy, which is one's sense of being able to effectively navigate the world, and self-respect or worthiness, which is one's sense of deserving to be happy based on behaving in a life-affirming manner. True self-esteem comes from within rather than being dependent on approval from others. It involves feeling competent and worthy of living successfully.
Self-esteem refers to how individuals estimate their own worth. It has two main components - self-confidence or efficacy, which is one's sense of being able to effectively navigate the world, and self-respect or worthiness, which is one's sense of deserving to be happy based on behaving in a life-affirming manner. True self-esteem comes from within rather than being dependent on approval from others. It involves feeling competent and worthy of living successfully.
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Self-esteem
we all use the expression 'self-esteem', but
what do we mean by it? Some people think that self-esteem means confdence - and of course confdence comes into it - but it's rather more than that. The fact is that there are any number of apparently confdent people who can do marvellous thins but who have poor self- esteem. !any people in the public eye fall into this cateory. "ctors and comedians and siners in particular can seem to low with assurance 'on stae', and yet o#-stae many of them feel desperately insecure. $ndeed, individuals can be stunninly attractive and world-famous, and seem poised and perfect - yet still, deep down, fnd it hard to value themselves. Think of the late %rincess of &ales and !arilyn !onroe and you'll accept, $ think, that public adulation is no uarantee of self-belief. So, if self-esteem isn't 'uite the same thin as confdence, what is it? &ell, the word 'esteem' comes from a (atin word which means 'to estimate'. So, self- esteem is how you estimate yourself. %eople with self-esteem) *old themselves as worthy to be loved and to love others, worthy to be cared for and to care for others, worthy to be nurtured and to nurture others, worthy to be touched and supported and to touch and support others, worthy to be listened to and to listen to others, worthy to be reconi+ed and to reconi+e others, worthy to be encouraed and to encourae others, worthy to be reinforced as ,ood, people and to reconi+e others as ,ood, people. *ave a productive personality- they have achieved success to the best of their ability in school, work, and society. "re capable of bein creative, imainative problem solvers- of bein risk takers, optimistic in their approach to life and in the attainment of their personal oals. "re leaders and are skillful in dealin with people. They are neither too independent nor too dependent on others. They have the ability to si+e up a relationship and ad.ust to the demands of the interaction. *ave a healthy self-concept. Their perception of themselves is in synchrony with the picture of themselves they pro.ect to others. "re able to state clearly who they are, what their future potential is, and to what they are committed in life. They are able to declare what they deserve to receive in their lifetime. "re able to accept the responsibility for and conse'uences of their actions. They do not resort to shiftin the blame or usin others as scapeoats for actions that have resulted in a neative outcome. "re altruistic. They have a leitimate concern for the welfare of others. They are not self-centered or eotistical in their outlook on life. They do not take on the responsibility for others in an over- responsible way. They help others accept the responsibility for their own actions. They are, however, always ready to help anyone who leitimately needs assistance or uidance. *ave healthy copin skills. They are able to handle the stresses in their lives in a productive way. They are able to put the problems, concerns, issues, and con/icts that come their way into perspective. They are able to keep their lives in perspective without becomin too idealistic or too morose. They are survivors in the healthiest sense of the word. They have a ood sense of humor and are able to keep a balance of work and fun in their lives. (ook to the future with excitement, a sense of adventure and optimism. They reconi+e their potential for success and visuali+e their success in the future. They have dreams, aspirations, and hopes for the future. They are oal-oriented with a sense of balance in workin toward their oals. They know from where they have come, where they are now, and where they are oin. %ersons with low self-esteem) 0onsider themselves lost, unworthy of bein cared for. "re poor risk takers. 1perate out of a fear of re.ection. "re typically unassertive in their behavior with others. "re fearful of con/ict with others. "re hunry for the approval of others. "re poor problem solvers. "re frauht with irrational beliefs and have a tendency to think irrationally. "re susceptible to all kinds of fears. *ave a tendency to become emotionally stuck and immobili+ed. *ave a poor ,track record, in school or on the .ob- conversely, they sometimes over compensate and become over-achievers. "re unable to a2rm or to reinforce themselves positively. "re unable to make an honest assessment of their strenths, 'ualities, and ood points- they fnd it di2cult to accept compliments or reconition from others. *ave poorly defned self-identities with a tendency to be chameleons in order to ft in with others. "re insecure, anxious, and nervous when they are with others. 1ften become overcome with aner about their status in life and are likely to have chronic hostility or chronic depression. "re easily overcome with despair and depression when they experience a setback or loss in their lives. *ave a tendency to overreact and become de- eneri+ed by resentment, aner, and the desire for revene aainst those whom they believe have not fully accepted them. 3ulfll roles in their families of oriin that are counter-productive and maladaptive. These roles carry over into their adult lives. "re vulnerable to mental health problems and have a propensity to use addictive behavior to medicate their hurt and pain. Such addictive behavior can include alcohol, drus, food, amblin, sex, shoppin, smokin, workaholism, or the search for excitement, truth, wisdom, and a uru with an easy uide to the achievement of happiness. $!%14T"506S 13 S6(3-6ST66!. $ broke up with my irlfriend last week. She kept sayin that she loved me. $ thouht there must be somethin wron with her. *ow could anyone love somebody like me?, ,6verybody thinks that $'m happy-o-lucky. $ put on a false front. $ pretend that $ haven't ot a care in the world. 7ut inside, $ feel empty., ,$ can't stand success. $ et a .ob. Thins are oin well. $'m makin money. $ can et some of the thins $ want. 7ut then $ start feelin anxious. So $ o et a bottle and start drinkin. %retty soon, $ lose the .ob. 7ut $ don't feel scared anymore., Throuh our experience with the world, we human beins, children and adults, form concepts of causal relationships. &e become aware of the potentialities and capabilities of thins in the world. 3or example, we learn that we can, with a fner, penetrate the surface of water, but not the surface of a wooden table, that wet snow sticks to itself and makes ood snowballs, but dry snow does not, etc. &e learn that the neihbor's do will play fetch the stick for as lon as we will throw it. &e develop expectations about the behavior of other persons. &e learn, for example, that our randmother cooks our favorite foods when we visit, that our mother ets anry if we track mud into the house, that our best friend is competitive in ames, that our teacher is a ,neatness freak,, etc. 8ust as we form concepts reardin the behavior of inanimate ob.ects, animals, and other human beins, we all form a concept of ourselves, of what we are like, of how we will react in various situations. "s we make choices and decisions throuhout our life, as we think or fail to think in situations where thouht is re'uired, as we act accordin to our .udement, or fail to, in moments of decision, we ac'uire a certain sense of self, which is the cumulative product of the kind of choices and decisions we have made. These behaviors add up to our self-concept and to our self- evaluation. The concept we form of ourselves, stated positively, is our self-esteem. Self- esteem is the ,reputation, a person ets with himself or herself. "s defned by psycholoist 5athaniel 7randen, who is sometimes referred to as ,the father of the self-esteem movement,, the concept of self-esteem includes two important components) a sense of self-confdence or e2cacy and a sense of self- respect or worthiness. 62cacy "s our minds process the data comin in from the outside and uide us throuh our physical and social environment, we can experience an inner state of bein in control, of e2cacy, of an ability to assimilate and handle the incomin data and to appropriately direct ourselves throuh the environment- or, we can experience a sense of helplessness, of ine2cacy, of powerlessness, a sense of bein overwhelmed. "s children, we encounter these two states very early. $t is in our nature as livin oranisms that we value feelins of e2cacy and disvalue feelins of helplessness. $n part, this is because feelins of helplessness are often associated with physical or psycholoical pain, while feelins of e2cacy and control are associated with pleasure or at least lack of pain. &orthiness "s we learn about the world and ourselves, we come to expect that certain types of actions will have certain types of conse'uences. $f we habitually behave in ways that we know to be consistent with reality, life-enhancin, and true to our moral principles, we expect that the conse'uences of our actions will be positive. &e feel worthy. &e ,deserve, to be happy. 1n the other hand, if we behave in ways that are contrary to our knowlede of reality, self- destructive, and9or in violation of our moral principles, we experience neative conse'uences. &e feel inappropriate to life. &e feel that we don't deserve to be happy. Self-esteem is the experience of feelin and knowin that we are competent to live and worthy of livin and bein happy. &hat Self-6steem $s 5ot :enuine self-esteem is not primarily dependent upon the approval of other persons in one's social environment. &hile it is indeed desirable to have the realistic ood opinions of others, no one can ive us self-esteem except ourselves. The person who ties his self-esteem to the approval of others is already handicapped in self-esteem and is constantly in .eopardy of further loss of self-esteem. 0ontrary to what one sometimes hears or reads, self-esteem is not .ust a synonym for any positive feelin about oneself. Thus, self- esteem is not eotism, arroance, conceitedness, narcissism, or a desire to feel superior to others. $ndeed, these attitudes betray a lack of enuine self-esteem. Self- esteem is not the euphoria that miht be temporarily induced by a .ob promotion or a new love a#air. $n fact, if one feels incompetent to handle the .ob or unworthy of love, these experiences can be a challene to an already impaired sense of self-esteem. 1ne can feel like an ,imposter,, who miht be ,found out, at any moment. The $mportance of Self-6steem Self-esteem is one of our most basic psycholoical needs. The deree of our self- esteem ;or lack of it< impacts every ma.or aspect of our lives. $t has profound e#ects on our thinkin processes, emotions, desires, values, choices, and oals. =efcits in self- esteem contribute to virtually all psycholoical problems. "nd psycholoical problems lead to lowered self-esteem. $t is a reciprocal relationship. Healthy Self-Esteem Childhood experiences that lead to healthy self-esteem include- being praised being listened to being spoken to respectfully getting attention and hugs experiencing success in sports or school having trustworthy friends Low Self-Esteem Childhood experiences that lead to low self-esteem include- being harshly criticized being yelled at, or beaten being ignored, ridiculed or teased being expected to be "perfect" all the time experiencing failures in sports or school People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc. were failures of their whole self. Three Steps to Better Self-Esteem 7efore you can bein to improve your self- esteem you must frst believe that you can chane it. 0hane doesn't necessarily happen 'uickly or easily, but it can happen. >ou are not powerless? 1nce you have accepted, or are at least willin to entertain the possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to bein to chane your self- esteem) Step @) 4ebut the $nner 0ritic Step A) %ractice Self-5urturin Step B) :et *elp from 1thers Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic The frst important step in improvin self- esteem is to bein to challene the neative messaes of the critical inner voice. *ere are some typical examples of the inner critic's voice and how you can ,rebut, that voice. The Inner Critic's Voice: Your Rebuttals: $s Cnfairly *arsh) ,%eople said they liked my presentation, but it was nowhere near as ood as it should have been. $ can't believe no-one noticed all the 7e 4eassurin) ,&ow, they really liked it? !aybe it wasn't perfect, but $ worked hard on that presentation and did a ood .ob. $'m proud of places $ messed up. $'m such an impostor., myself. This was a reat success., :enerali+es Cnrealistically) ,$ ot an 3 on the test. $ don't understand anythin in this class. $'m such an idiot. &ho am $ foolin? $ shouldn't be takin this class. $'m stupid and $ don't belon in collee., 7e Specifc) ,$ did poorly on this one test, but $'ve done 1.D. on all the homework. There are some thins here that $ don't understand as well as $ thouht $ did, but $ can do the material-$'ve done fne in other classes that were .ust as touh. !akes (eaps of $lloic) ,*e is frownin. *e didn't say anythin, but $ know it means that he doesn't like me?, 0hallene $lloic) ,1.D., he's frownin, but $ don't know why. $t could have nothin to do with me. !aybe $ should ask., 0atastrophi+es) ,She turned me down for a date? $'m so embarrassed and humiliated. 5o one likes or cares about me. $'ll never fnd a irlfriend. $'ll always be alone., 7e 1b.ective) ,1uch? That hurt. &ell, she doesn't want to o out with me. That doesn't mean no one does. $ know $'m an attractive and nice person. $'ll fnd someone., Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing 4ebuttin your critical inner voice is an important frst step, but it is not enouh. Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the second step to more healthy self-esteem is to bein to treat yourself as a worthwhile person. Start to challene past neative experiences or messaes by nurturin and carin for yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deservin and lovable. There are several components to self-nurturin) %ractice 7asic Self-0are :et enouh sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, et reular exercise, practice ood hyiene, and so forth. %lan 3un E 4elaxin Thins 3or >ourself >ou could o to a movie, take a nap, et a massae, plant a arden, buy a pet, learn to meditate-whatever you en.oy. 4eward >ourself 3or >our "ccomplishments >ou could take the niht o# to celebrate ood rades, spend time with a friend, or compliment yourself for makin that hard phone call. 4emind >ourself of >our Strenths E "chievements 1ne way is to make a list of thins you like about yourself. 1r keep a 'success' fle of awards, certifcates and positive letters or citations. Deep momentos of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them. 3orive >ourself &hen >ou =on't =o "ll >ou'd *oped Self-nurturin can be surprisinly hard if you are not used to doin it. =on't be critical of yourself-remember that inner voice?-when you don't do it .ust riht. Self-5urture 6ven &hen >ou =on't 3eel >ou =eserve $t ,3ake it, until you can ,make it., &hen you treat yourself like you deserve to feel ood and be nurtured, slowly you'll come to believe it. Step 3: Get Help fro !thers :ettin help from others is often the most important step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most di2cult. %eople with low self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it. 7ut since low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may need the help of other people in the present to challene the critical messaes that come from neative past experiences. *ere are some ways to et help from others)