AssessmentofStudentWritingSamplesusingthe6+1Traits(CriticalTaskA)

MekaylaCook

LAE4311

WritingSample1:SampleB1stgrade

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Ideas

Trait

Rating

Comments/ Evidence

Feedback for Student

Voice

Trait

Rating
3.5

Comments/ Evidence
The student is confident and gleeful in their declaration by stating that the game theyre
playing (presumably Minecaft) is the Best game evr [ever], complimented by an
illustration of a smiling child that expresses the students emotion.
-

The student is expanding (Level 3) in their address of the topic. There are
fleeting glimpses of how the writer considers what theyre doing, evidenced by
the illustrations smile and description of the game as the best. The writer
expresses their high opinion of the game, but the text is a short glimpse.
The writer tries a new word, MIKaFT (Minecraft), and places interesting objects
in the students hands, most likely related to the game. The students unusual
detail of specifying the game and including game-related imagery represents
their extension of originality in the piece (Level 4).
The present progressive tense of the text, I am playeig [playing], and
description to appropriately accommodate the illustration ensures the readers
understanding of the piece and presents a moment of awareness of the
audience from the writer (Level 3). The piece does not consistently consider the
audience, but the voice is clear toward the end of the text.
The student places emphasis on how they feel about the topic (Level 3).The
writer emphasizes the pieces emotion by drawing attention to the descriptive text
when capitalizing Best to describe the game. The student capitalizes nearly
every letter of the game title, MIKaFT to impress the importance of the game.
Also, the picture emphasizes the writers passion for the topic by providing a
large smile on the face of the clothed student. The illustration and emphasized
adjective captures the writers general happy mood as they are beginning to
extend (Level 4) their ability to introduce their emotions in writing.
The students personal style is highly expressive is an almost exaggerated way,
they describe the game they are playing as the Best game evr [ever]. The
illustrated student is smiling, wearing clothes and has short hair. The writers
individuality is expressed in a simple way, but they take ownership of the piece, I
am. The student is expanding (Level 3) their inclusion of individuality in the
piece.

With consideration for various components of the students writing relative to their Voice
in the piece, I would give the writer a 3.5 for Voice. Components of the piece reside at a
Level 3, but the author is making gains toward asserting their own way of looking at the
idea at a Level 4.

Feedback for Student

There is no question that you are the author
of this piece. Describing Minecraft as the
best game ever definitely sounds like you!
You write with enthusiasm that shows you
really care about the game. That smile in
your illustration is just as great as the one on
your face now! I love that you included
interesting parts in your illustration by placing
objects in your hands. Are they related to the
game? Could you tell me what you would
use those for? Im sure you have lots of tips
for playing that allow you to enjoy the game
so much. Consider including those in your
writing! That would really make your writing
memorable.

yFluencceSenten

ChoiceWord

Trait

Rating

Comments/ Evidence

Feedback for Student

Conventions

Trait

Rating
3

Comments/ Evidence
Conventions allow for this 1st graders writing to be understandable, but not all
conventions are included.
-

Spelling in the writers piece is correct (I, am, the, best, game,) or close
(playieg, evr,) on high-frequency words in the text (Level 4). The student
handles unfamiliar words that are not studied frequently, like Minecraft, well and
provides similar spellings.
The sentence beginning I is capitalized (Level 3). Upper and lower case letters
are used correctly, though they do not always following traditional convention
rules (Best, MINKaFT,), but are intentionally utilized to place emphasis (Level
3). The student capitalized a proper noun (the game title MIKaFT) in the writing,
which demonstrates progress toward a Level 4 understanding of conventions.
There is no punctuation evident in the piece, which places the student at a Level
1 for punctuation. An inclusion of punctuation would guide the reader through the
piece.
The writing correctly follows simple conventions (Level 3) concerning the
inclusion of real letters, upper- and lowercase letters, the conventional spelling of
simple words and capitalization. The piece is easy to read.

When you started your sentence, you used

a capital! You must remember that sentences
always begin with capital letters, thats great!
I bet you remember that I is always
capitalized as well. You capitalized Best,
too. Did you do this so I could clearly tell you
really think Minecraft is the best? Best
seems like an important word in your writing.
You could capitalize the whole word, like you
did for the very-super-important
MINECRAFT! Read me your piece as if there
was a period at the end of your sentences,
like you are telling the reader to stop. What
do you think it would sound like if there was
an exclamation point? Read it like how you
feel about Minecraft. What a difference!
Since youre so excited, why not put an
exclamation point at the end? I think that
would really help you show the reader how
you feel and the exclamation point is the end
punctuation youre missing. Punctuation
marks show us where to stop or pause.
Where else could we put punctuation in your
writing? You did great on spelling your
commonly used words! Lets add Minecraft
to your personal spelling list, well look at the
game and see how its meant to be spelt!
[Points at playieg] This sounds really close
to what youre trying to say. Playing, right?
Lets stretch the word together and see if you
hear a different sound toward the end.

Presentation

In my opinion, the student is Expanding (Level 3) their understanding of conventions in

writing. The writer will definitely benefit from the inclusion of punctuation like exclamation
points, commas and periods to shape the meaning of the piece.

Feedback for Student

Next steps
for teaching

The student has found his excited, exaggerative voice. Next, I would lead the learner to

My sister gave me the best gift! She sent

Trait Rating
(from the
textbooks):

Comments/ Evidence
explore the relationship between voice and purpose in writing to discover its importance.
Knowing the purpose for writing will help the student identify an appropriate voice
(Culham, 2005). We will discuss different kinds of letters or notes people write, who the
notes are usually for (audience) and the appropriate voice. Then, the students will
practice writing in a different voice by writing a letter to send to someone in the
community or any important person.

Feedback for Student

me my favorite Disney movie The Jungle
Book! I wanted to thank her for the present,
so I wrote her a letter. [Teacher adds a
thank-you letter to a column titled Type of
Letter or Note and a relative to a column
titled Audience.] Do you think I sounded
sad or mad in my letter? How would I want to
sound? Right, I was grateful and sweet!
[Teacher adds sweet, grateful to a column
titled Voice] What other kinds of letters or
notes do we write? [Invitations, complaints,
compliments, fan letters, a note in class (Add
to column)] Who are we usually writing these
letters and notes to? [a friend, a toy
company, a restaurant, a celebrity, a friend
(Add to column)] Now, Im going to tell you a
voice, expressed by that voices meaning! I
need you to tell me when it would be okay to
use that voice and which letter or note you
could write with that voice for. [Example:
Teacher says frustrated in an angry or
annoyed voice to match, adds to Voice
column for complaints.] Now, its your turn!
Write a letter to someone important to you or
your life and try a new voice! Try adding
pictures to make your voices stand out!

I will begin furthering the students understanding of correct conventions by ensuring that
I have a conventions-ready classroom. Large, easy-to-read posters will be within the
students view that promote and highlight appropriate, capitalization, spaces and
punctuation. The students will make these charts to be displayed as a reminder for when
they are writing. Student-made charts are more effective because of their creative
thinking students must apply when making them (Culham, 2005).

Grab your crayons and markers! Lets make

some charts that will explain different ways to
use conventions to create meaning in your
writing. Each table will make a chart. Your
table will be creating a chart on punctuation.
When should we include a period in our
writing? How about a comma? What if Im
asking you a question? YOU ARE THE
BEST STUDENTS EVER! How would I use
punctuation to show how I just said that?

I will also host mini-lessons that will address components of editing that indicate when to
insert a period or comma (a circled .) and when a different punctuation mark should be
used in the writing (/). Students will further their writing skills most effectively by

When providing the feedback during a writing

conference with the author, I will encourage
the student to edit their paper according to

Trait

Rating

Comments/ Evidence
considering one convention at a time while editing their own papers (Culham, 2005).

Feedback for Student

the editing strategies mentioned as a next
step for instruction. The student will
reference my editing symbols guide to create
their own and we will work together to make
appropriate changes to the writing.

To enhance the students understanding of punctuation as a tool to create writing that

works (Culham, 2005), I will collect examples of writing that students encounter in their
daily lives. We will read and explore an article about Minecraft, or an instruction guide,
the book Punctuation Takes a Vacation (Pulver, 2003) and comic strips to identify how
writers use punctuation. We will make a list of what students notice and discuss how
punctuation is used.

Today, Im going to tell you a story from a

frustrated teacher, Mr. Wright. Lucky for me,
my students are always improving, but Mr.
Wright has students who dont use
punctuation correctly! [Read the book,
Punctuation Takes a Vacation (Pulver,
2003).] What did the marks in the story do?
What happened when they went on
vacation? Lets look at this Minecraft guide.
Where do you see punctuation? What does
the punctuation do to help the meaning of
the writing? Im going to give everyone a
comic strip. Youre going to share with us
your funny comic and how the author
included punctuation in their writing.

Whichlevelofrubricdidyouuse?Why?
Toconsiderthe1stgradestudentswritingsample,IreferencedthePrimaryScoringGuidefrom6+1TraitsofWriting:The
CompleteGuideforthePrimaryGrades(Culham,2005).Inconsiderationforthelearnersageandability,thePrimaryScoringGuide
appropriatelyassessesthestudentsfoundationforwriting,basedonimportanttraitsthatgiveastudentanunderstandablewaytothink
andtalkaboutwriting.Thestudentexhibitsconfidenceinhiswriting,whichthePrimaryScoringGuideisdesignedtobuilduponand
assiststudentsinreachingtheirliteracygoals.Byprovidingthestudentwithcomprehensiblefeedbackthatencouragesgrowthand
acknowledgessuccess,thelearnerwillbeexposedtoopportunitiestobecomeanestablished,experiencedwriter(Culham,2005).
WritingSample2SampleH1stgrade

Ideas

Trait

Rating
4

Comments/ Evidence
A young author presents ideas by thinking aloud on paper and developing these ideas into the
content of the piece (Culham, 2005). The message of this young learners writing is clear. The
student went to Chuck E. Cheese and had a fun experience.
-

Voice

ionOrganizat

I believe the writer explains a simple idea or story through the text (Level 4). The
student moved from a general idea in the piece, im at chuckiecheese, and i have so
much fun there, to the more specific activities being done, i play games. Though the
idea is straightforward, it is explained through a few sentences and includes elaboration.
The statements convey three different pieces of information about the topic that are
understandable without the illustration.
The writing is made up of several sentences on one topic (Level 4). All of the sentences
relate to the students fun experience at Chuck E. Cheeses and expand upon the idea
of having a good time. The picture is detailed with smiling faces, which capture the topic
of the event, that the experience was fun. The illustration also includes the Chuck E.
Cheese mouse and the kind of game that is played. These detailed pictures capture the
topic (Level 3).
Key details begin to surface in the text, i play games, (Level 4) but the illustration
works to enhance the main idea. The illustration elaborates and adds detail to the ideas,
by presenting the arcade-style game being played and the pizza, which is a key to
having fun for most young children (Level 3).
The students writing makes sense, but some information is missing (Level 4). The writer
has stuck with the topic and presents a clear idea, but the reader would benefit from
more details about what made the students time at Chuck E. Cheeses so fun.
The detailed illustration presents the setting, characters and events that occurred in the
students recollection of having fun. The writing can be understood on its own, but the
pictures and text work harmoniously to create a rich treatment of the topic (Level 4).

Feedback for Student

Your illustration really helps me
make a picture in my mind of the
fun time you had. The details in
your picture really elaborate on
your idea. You even included
Chuck E. Cheese himself! I see
there is pizza, lots of smiling faces
and a really cool looking arcade
game. Youve got my interest. Tell
me more about how fun your trip to
Chuck E. Cheeses was!

Rating

Comments/ Evidence

Feedback for Student

FluencySentence

ChoiceWord

Trait

Sentence fluency involves well-written sentences that work together to convey ideas smoothly
and clearly (Culham, 2005).
-

nPresentatio

onsConventi

The student is currently expanding their sentence construction abilities (Level 3). Basic
subject-verb agreement occurs in simple sentences throughout the piece, im at, i
have, i play. The sentences all have the same subject, the author i, and a simple
verb. The sentences are all of similar, simple structure and sound repetitive when read
aloud.
Sentence beginnings in the piece are identical (Level 3) im at, i have, i play. The
sentences sound alike and are predictable.
The sentences are presented as 4 to 6 words each. The sentences could be expanded
upon to create more rhythm (Level 3). Some sentences read smoothly (Level 4) and
offer variety in structure or length, i have so much fun there. Other sentences, i play
games there, would benefit from effort to create a better sense of fluency.
There is no attempt to utilize connectives in the piece or conjunctions to create
compound sentences.
The piece is easy to read aloud, although it contains repetitive sentence patterns that
lack variety (Level 3). However, aside from awkward beginnings, the piece can be read
aloud easily (Level 4).The sentences need punctuation and capitalization, but it is not
challenging to add what is missing while the writing is read aloud.

Every sentence has a subject and

a verb. Way to go! You are on your
way to creating compound
sentence that include conjunctions
like and. How could you add more
to your writing or combine what
you have to make a compound
sentence? As you read, I can see
the sentences with my eyes closed
because you pause and have a
solid sentence foundation. I love
the way this sentence sounds, I
have so much fun there. This
sentence had a different length
than your other ones and it really
made your idea shine.

Next steps
for teaching

The student has found the right topic that they are interested in and knowledgeable about, the

[This feedback is given in response

Trait Rating
(from the
textbooks):

Comments/ Evidence
learner is speaking from experience. The students details are interesting and relevant,
presented by the cohesive writing and complementary illustration. The next step I would begin
with the young author is to practice making the content clear. While the students are reading, I
will record the questions they ask. These questions are derived from the young learners natural
curiosities and will engage them in discovering answers. In this way, I can relate to them the
importance of providing elaboration on their ideas to enhance the content of their own writing
(Culham, 2005).

Feedback for Student

to a students question about a
text. The proposed scenario is a
learners question after reading an
article on Florida panthers.]
So, you are wondering if there are
different kinds of habitats that
Florida panthers live in? That is a
great question. [Research the
students question in gradeappropriate encyclopedias,
nonfiction trade books or online
(see the Defenders of Wildlifes
Fact Sheet for the Florida
Panther).] Oh, wow! Panthers are
habitat generalists; they will live in
a variety of habitats like prairies,
swamps and forests. If the writer of
the article we read had included
this information, it would have
really enhanced, or added to and
developed, their idea of the
amazing attributes of a Florida
panther! Do you see how you can
enhance your own writing by
researching and providing fresh
ideas?

To begin improving this learners sentence fluency, it is best to start with beginning sentences in
different ways. Its better for students to write one sentence with a strong, original beginning
than a whole page of sentences with weak, tired ones, (Culham, 2005). The Box It Up activity
addresses two components of sentence fluency that this student struggles with: creating
interesting beginnings and using end punctuation (Culham, 2005).

[Write the sentence Chas is a

funny little girl, reading while you
write in front of the student.] What
is the first word of this sentence?
[Draw a box around the first word.]
[Read aloud while you write, She
makes silly faces while I do
homework, twisting her mouth into
odd shapes and crossing her
eyes.] Can you draw a box around
the first word of this sentence?
[Draw an arrow from the box to the
punctuation at the end of the
previous sentence.] [Read aloud

Trait

Rating

Comments/ Evidence

Feedback for Student

while you write, Most of all she
loves making me smile.] Will you
draw the box around the first word
of this sentence and connect it to
the end of the sentence before?
Lets look at your paper and draw
boxes with connecting arrows on
your sentences! This way we can
add missing punctuation. See how
all your sentences start with I?
Can you think of some fun new
ways to start your sentences? Or,
how to create sentences with
different punctuations that will flow
with your piece? Lets try it!

Whichlevelofrubricdidyouuse?Why?
Toconsiderthe1stgradestudentswritingsample,IreferencedthePrimaryScoringGuidefrom6+1TraitsofWriting:TheComplete
GuideforthePrimaryGrades(Culham,2005).Inconsiderationforthelearnersageandability,thePrimaryScoringGuideappropriately
assessesthestudentsfoundationforwriting,basedonimportanttraitsthatgiveastudentanunderstandablewaytothinkandtalkabout
writing.Thestudentcontributesfreshideasandprovidesastrongfoundationforsentencebuilding.Therubricprovidesanexcellent
referencewhenconferencingaboutwritingwithyounglearners.Byprovidingthestudentwithcomprehensiblefeedbackthatencourages
growthandacknowledgessuccess,thelearnerwillbeexposedtoopportunitiestobecomeanestablished,experiencedwriter(Culham,
2005).

WritingSample34thgradesample(1)

TraitRating

Comments/Evidence

FeedbackforStudents

Organization

Organization is not only the internal structure of a piece, but is also the thread of
central meaning and the pattern of logic (Culham, 2003).
-

The unique introduction of this piece captures the readers attention, I bit
a hole out of my flowerless capsule and wiggled my way out. After
reading the first line, I was already experiencing a strong sense of
anticipation to know what was doing the wiggling. The conclusion of the
piece, I went to a different plant for me to live my last stage to rest in
peace, provides closure and a sense of resolution. The final stage of the
life cycle is addressed and the reader does not wonder what will happen
next. An inviting introduction engages the reader and the author provides
a satisfactory conclusion that fosters resolution (Level 5).
Transitions in this piece usually work well, Hours later, Until, and Days
later, build anticipation and offer the reader guidance to witness the
passage of time. However, connections between ideas are often unclear.
(Level 3) The author frequently transitions the piece by a simple I [verb],
statement. Transitions are present, just not entirely effective. The piece
would benefit from thoughtful transitions that link key points and ideas.
Sequencing in this students writing is written logically, following
chronological order for the butterflys life cycle. The butterfly emerges,
searches for food, lays eggs and finds a peaceful location to finish its life.
There is a climax, the creatures frightful experience with the lizard, which
is resolved prior to the end of the piece. The details of the piece support
the transformation through the creatures life cycle. (Level 5) The writer
showcases their ability to provide relevant and effective details in the first
paragraph of the piece. I was always wondering what would happen next
to the butterfly, but I could recognize the life stages being followed. The
sequencing is not predictable, nor does it seem rehearsed, and the
structure of the piece supports the writings lively tone. However, the level
of mastery in placement of details demonstrated in the first paragraph is
not consistently held to support the ideas in the piece (Level 3). The
illustration appears to be out of chronological order with the piece. Ideas
would be better supported with more control of sequencing.
The pacing of the writing is fairly well controlled (Level 3). The piece
would benefit from a more balanced structure. The beginning of the
butterflys life cycle, as it emerges from the chrysalis, is examined in much
more detail. The climax of the paper, presumably the butterflys encounter
with the lizard, would benefit from a more focused explanation. The writer
tends to lunge ahead during the final stages, the writer quickly dismisses
the butterfly after laying its eggs. The climax of the piece should be
focused on and the fast pace through the end of the story should be
reexamined for improvement opportunities.

Organizing your paper in chronological order to

present the life cycle stages is brilliant. I liked
your strong, well-supported and engaging
introduction. The way you wrote the initial stage
of the butterflys life cycle made me want to keep
reading. You grouped your ideas about the
beginning of the butterflys life in an effective way.
My attention was captured with the opening
sentence of your paper! I had to know what was
wiggling out of the capsule! The ending to your
piece wraps the life cycle stages up effectively.
The butterflys adventurous life held my attention
as I kept reading. With transitions, you could
create a more clear beginning, middle and end to
better guide your reader. With more support in
the middle of your paper, you could create more
balance.

Organization, continued.
- The chronological organization of the piece sometimes supports the lifecycle-based story line, but the reader would benefit from more coherent
transitions to guide them through the text (Level 3).

Presentation

Conventions

FluencySentence

Word Choice

Voice

The organizational structure is strong enough to move the reader through the text
without too much confusion (Level 3). However, the writing could be enhanced to
showcase the life cycle stages and climax by improving the pieces structure,
pacing and presentation of information in a more effective or compelling way.

Next steps
for teaching
(from the

The student provides a lead that hooks the reader, supported by an effective
introduction that provides clues about the paper. In order to improve the students

The ideas in your paper are brilliant, but lets see

how we can weave the organization and ideas of

textbooks):

organization in writing, I would focus the students attention on developing the

middle of their paper to provide a core that is logically organized and contains
clearly linked details (Culham, 2003). The pacing of this students work would
benefit from a more purposeful balance of focus, coupled with effective
transitional words. The Ten Minutes Only activity will give the student practice
using transitional words and moving their piece along in segments, while
developing the action with a focus on pacing (Culham, 2003).

Whichlevelofrubricdidyouuse?Why?

your writing to create a stronger overall piece. I

need you to tell me an awesome event or actionpacked story that occurs in only 10 minutes. You
will need to provide an effective structure that will
guide my reading to understand the beginning,
middle, climax and ending of the story. You will be
sharing your wild, adventurous stories with the
class- so keep us engaged and wondering what
will happen next. You will only have 10 minutes to
write these stories. After every two minutes of
writing, you will move on to a new event in the
tale. So, listen to my two-minute call and
remember to include your exciting and effective
transition words. Im excited to see the fun stories
you are able to share! Ready, pencils and paper
out; Get set, know your ideas; WRITE!