Bad

Boy Daddy

Chance Carter

Copyright 2015 Chance Carter

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This work is presented by the author.

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ISBN 9781927947517
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Quote
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Back Matter
 *

EVERY ATOM OF YOUR FLESH IS AS DEAR TO ME AS MY OWN: IN PAIN AND

SICKNESS IT WOULD STILL BE DEAR.

Charlotte Bront, Jane Eyre

*

EACH TIME YOU HAPPEN TO ME ALL OVER AGAIN.

Edith Wharton, The Age of Innocence

*

I WANT TO DO WITH YOU WHAT SPRING DOES WITH THE CHERRY TREES.

Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair

*

TO LOVE OR HAVE LOVED, THAT IS ENOUGH. ASK NOTHING FURTHER. THERE IS NO

OTHER PEARL IN THE DARK FOLDS OF LIFE.

Victor Hugo, Les Misrables

*

ONE IS LOVED BECAUSE ONE IS LOVED. NO REASON IS NEEDED FOR LOVING.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

*

I LOVE YOU LIKE A MAN LOVES A WOMAN HE NEVER TOUCHES, ONLY WRITES TO,
KEEPS LITTLE PHOTOGRAPHS OF.

Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell

*

IT DOESNT MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, SO LONG AS
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU.

Roald Dahl, The Witches

*
 Chapter 1

Faith

THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM, I hated his guts.

He was the sexiest creature on Gods green earth, and he was all the things I would never have.
He was cocky, arrogant, and confident, but in none of the ways I was used to with Wolf.
He walked into the Los Lobos hangout like he owned the place. He was late for his appointment
and, for a brief moment, I wondered what he must have told the guards for them to let him past. I was
the only one still in the bar, enjoying a rare moment to myself.
Im looking for Wolf, he said.
I shrugged. Youre late.
I was different in those days. I wasnt happy with the hand life dealt me, and I took it out on
whoever I could. Im not proud of the way I was, but things were getting desperate for me and I was
too afraid to admit Id made a mistake. Wolf Staten was my mistakea cruel, brutish mistakea
mistake I could never unmake.
Well, whatever you do, dont trouble yourself, he said, an arrogant smile on his lips.
Was this jerk taunting me?
The truth was, I was sick of Los Lobos and their smooth-talking, tattooed, musclemen. The fact
that this one had arms like Mark Wahlberg and a smile to match didnt change that. He was a criminal,
just like the others, and if he wanted to speak to Wolf, he could damn well show up on time like
everyone else.
Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize I was supposed to jump to attention every time a guy like you
walked in.
You always this friendly to your potential partners?
Youre not my potential anything, I said.
You dont know that.
I looked into his eyes. Something about his confidence bugged the crap out of me. I couldnt say
what. Usually when people came to Los Lobos, they were scared to death. This guy looked like he was
on a morning stroll through the park.
Yes, I do, I said, pointedly.
He held me in his gaze, then shrugged cheekily. You might be surprised.
Might I? I doubt it.
Stranger things have happened.
He was infuriating.
Forget it, I said. Whatever youre thinking, forget it. Then forget what you forgot. You look
like the kind of guy who could manage that.
He let out a laugh.
My eyes glanced over his chiseled chest and torso. God, he was sexy.
God, youre touchy, he said.
I sighed. I have my reasons.
I bet you do, he said, looking around the bar.
I didnt know if he was agreeing with me or challenging me. I didnt know how to read him. He
was frank and direct, didnt play games, and in the world I lived in, games were the only thing that
mattered.
We could do this all day, I said, but Im not in the mood for banter.
 Have it your way. You know where I can find him?
Who? I said, knowing full well who he meant. I was prolonging our interaction without even
realizing it. Was I that lonely for real contact?
Wolf.
Im sorry, is there something about me that gives you the impression Im his secretary?
Jesus. What is it with you? Just tell me where he is.
Fine. Hes gone. They all are. You missed them.
Shit, he said.
I nodded. So, you know, dont let me keep you.
Id become a bitch and I knew it. He knew it too, but he took it as a challenge. He was one of
those guys who wanted what he couldnt have.
He looked at me and a smile crossed his face that drove me mad. He was so sexy I had to bite my
lip. I wont say what I really wanted to bite. It wasnt every day I was alone with a guy like this. Wolf
was too jealous to allow it. The way this guy looked at me made my heart speed up.
Girl, youre lucky I dont come over there and teach you some manners.
A mental image of him bending me over the bar and spanking my naked butt flashed before my
eyes. It made my cheeks flush.
I knew I was being a bitch. I didnt mean to be. He was charming as hell. He was just my type too,
sexy, the bad boy look, muscles, tattoos, a raw attitude that exuded confidence. I wanted him to leave
so that I wouldnt be reminded of all the things I couldnt have. I already knew he was nothing like
Wolf. This guy would be good to his girl. Hed treat her right. He wouldnt hit her. I had experience in
that department, and I could tell. The truth was, this guy was everything Id given up forever by
getting involved with Wolf, and it was torture to see it.
I wanted him to turn around and walk out the door so I didnt have to look at him, but another
part of me was desperate for him to stay.
Manners? I said.
His grin stretched from ear to ear. The manners your daddy should have taught you.
I couldnt resist. You wouldnt have the nerve, I said and, despite my intentions, gave him a sly
smile.
That got his attention. He looked at me again as if seeing me for the first time. His eyes drank me
in from head to toe, staring at my ass and tits longer than was necessary.
Try me, he said.
Trust me, you dont want to get mixed up with a girl like me.
Are you that dangerous?
Lets just say, if you messed with me, youd be taking your life in your hands.
I dont know what got me talking to him like that. It wasnt like me to flirt with the lowlifes that
did business with Los Lobos. I despised all of them. But everything about this guy was different. He
had balls. In all the months Id been with Wolf, this was the first time Id met anyone who seemed to
have the nerve to rival him.
Dont you know? he said, Some things are worth risking your life for.
Some things?
Sure. Some things, he said and looked down at my ass again as if assessing me, checking if I
was one of those things worth taking a risk for. Cocky prick. The way he looked at me made me feel
the need to prove myself. I realized I was sitting up straight in my seat, shoulders back, breasts pushed
forward, the way my mother had always wanted me to sit when I was a kid. For the first time in
months, I actually cared what someone thought of me.
He melted my resistance. I struggled not to show it. I couldnt let this go anywhere. As tempted as
I was to flirt, I would be literally taking my life in my hands if I did.
Lets you and me go for a walk, he said.
I laughed. A walk?
He winked. God he was arrogant. I loved it.
What makes you think I want to go for a walk with you?
His eyebrows rose. Shapely legs, tight ass, I bet you can walk the fuck out of those pumps.
I burst out laughing. Walk the fuck out of my pumps? I repeated out loud. I couldnt believe
hed said it like that.
Girl, I can tell an assassin when I see one.
If Wolf ever overheard anything like this, thered be hell to pay. Hed string me up and have his
thugs beat the shit out of me. But hed left for Vegas.
An assassin?
An assassin of the heart.
That did it. I burst out laughing even louder than before. I laughed harder than I had in months.
He was playing, being intentionally ridiculous, but it worked. If it hadnt been for the threat of Wolfs
jealousy, Id have gotten on the back of his bike and ridden with him wherever the hell he wanted. Id
always been a sucker for a cocky bad boy with the guts to let me know what he wanted from me.
Ive never heard anyone use that line, I laughed.
He was smirking now. He knew hed won me over. Its not a line.
Isnt it?
His eyes crawled over me, lingering on all the hotspots. He had some nerve. I had to give him
that much. He knew how to walk into a room, spot what he wanted, and go for it.
Well, before you get carried away, you ought to know Im Wolfs girl.
Is that a warning?
Id just hate to see anything bad happen to you.
He took a seat at the bar next to me. It was a bold gesture given that every other seat in the place
was empty.
Why would anything bad happen? he said.
Well, you seem to be getting ideas.
What sort of ideas?
I looked away. He was trying to goad me. You know what I mean.
He looked right at me with those intense eyes. His jaw looked like it was cut from marble. I
wanted to rub my hand against the shadow of his stubble, just to feel its roughness.
What if I told you I dont care whose girl you are?
Whats that supposed to mean?
What if you got on my bike right now, and rode back with me to Rio Secco?
Wolf would kill you, I said.
Wolf can go fuck himself.
No one spoke that way about Wolf. Was this a test? Had Wolf sent this guy to see how Id
respond? I wouldnt put it past him.
Who are you? I said.
Listen, Im not kidding. I can see you dont like this shit hole. I dont blame you. Your
boyfriends scum. Youre too good for him. Los Lobos are heartless bastards. Theres something
better, and its just a ride away.
As easy as that? I said.
Sure.
Wed go back to your place?
 Yes we would.
What then?
Then wed fuck like rabbits.
Charming, I said, but I wasnt as unaffected as I put on.
My lip quivered with emotion that seemed to rise up from nowhere. It was raw, a mixture of
anger and sorrow. I wasnt angry at him. I was angry at the situation I was in, and the fact that I
couldnt take him up on his offer, no matter how right he was about my life. I wanted to cry but I held
it in.
Dont think, just do it, he said. Well be in California before Wolf even knows youre
missing.
Just do it?
Ill show you what its like to be with a real man.
For a second I lost it. I slapped him across the face. That surprised him. It had seemingly come
from nowhere. Where did he get off? Did he honestly think Id throw myself at him for saying
something like that? Even if I could? He was insane. I put force into that slap, really hit him hard. I
knew it hurt.
What was that for?
Dont ever speak to me like that. Im not perfect, but the least I deserve is respect. You dont
even know me.
Dont I? he said, trying to lighten the mood again, but I wasnt having it.
Fuck you, I said.
I was being unfair. I was blaming him for all that was wrong in my life. Through his shirt I could
see the tattoos inked into his skin. They were intricate and so sexy on his perfect chest. I prayed he
couldnt tell how attracted to him I was.
Look, I know Wolf. I know Los Lobos. I know how they treat their women.
You dont know shit about me.
Everything doesnt have to be the way Wolf says it is. Not everyones afraid of him and his
cocksucker friends.
Theyre killers.
Theyre not the only killers.
Oh, thats supposed to make me feel better? Leave one criminal to get in bed with another?
Now youre talking, he said.
He made me so angry. This was my life, and he was treating me like some random pickup in a
bar. I suppose to him I was a random pickup in a bar.
And what then? I said. After youre done with me? After youve had your way with me and
Ive given you everything you want? What the fuck then?
Then we get married. Make babies. White picket fence.
I slapped him again, harder than the first time. It was so hard my hand stung. I took pleasure from
the fact his cheek reddened.
He shook his head. Id angered him.
I was wearing a cheap necklace, a heart pendant on a silver chain, and he grabbed it in his fist and
yanked it. The chain snapped and he put it in his pocket. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
That hed stolen my heart? He hadnt stolen shit.
Youre cruel, I said.
Maybe I am, but I meant every word I said to you.
Give me my chain back.
I will, some day far in the future, when you dont even remember I have it.
 I was going to cry, and I didnt want him to see. I didnt even know why. This guy was a primo
asshole. He was toying with my emotions, pushing my buttons. He should have known better. He
should have known I was trapped. You dont walk up to a slave and ask them to go for a walk. Its not
fair.
I stormed out of the bar. As soon as the door slammed, I burst into tears. Fuck him. How dare he
play with me like that. It wasnt right. You dont take the one thing a person wants most in the world
and dangle it in front of them for fun. Talk is cheap. Where I come from, you either give a girl what
she needs, or you shut the fuck up.
You dont get to talk the talk and not do anything about it.
He could keep the shitty chain. Twenty bucks would get me a new one.
In the coming weeks, I forced myself to push him from my mind. And yet, nothing was the same
after that.
Days turned to weeks and then months, and Wolf treated me worse and worse.
I didnt even know the name of the jackass from the bar, but I couldnt forget him. I couldnt
forget that there was someone out there with the balls to say, Fuck Wolf Staten.
And if he could say it, why the hell couldnt I?
 Chapter 2

Jackson

THE DAY OF MY FATHERS FUNERAL.

I always knew it would be a violent death. What I hadnt counted on was it having such an impact
on me. It shook me up, brought me face to face with my own mortality. I was an only son, the last of
the line, everything would end with me. That didnt sit right.
I was out on the highway, headed to the Los Lobos hangout. I hated meeting those guys. They
were nasty, and they had no clue how to liveno clue how to be men. Id seen the way they locked up
their women, terrified them, turned them into slaves. There was no honor in that.
Los Lobos was a syndicate of twelve grade-A assholes. They were killers, drug-runners, human-
traffickers. All twelve deserved to be put in the ground. The fact that I was doing business with them
made me sick to my stomach.
I was buying information from them for the Brotherhood. Thats my group. Four grade-A
assholes, but not like Los Lobos. Were different. We steal money, but we dont hurt people. Thats a
subtle distinction to most people, but to us its real. People think all criminals are the same. Theyre
not. Maybe Im biased, I love the other three members of the Brotherhood as if they were my real
brothers. Theyre real men. Men you can trustrely onmen wholl do what needs to be done when
the chips are down.
At sundown it started to rain. I was on a lonely stretch between Reno and Carson City and the
glow of a vacancy light called out to me like a beacon.
I walked into the motel bar with one thing on my mindgetting fucked up. Its not every day they
bury your daddy.
There are certain nights in your life different from the others. The force of destiny weighs down
on you. Everything that happened before seems to have led to that fateful moment. Everything after is
a consequence.
This was one of those nights. I could feel it in my bones. I cant say I was particularly close to
my father, but his dying, it took the ground out from under me. It made me realize I hadnt yet
achieved the most important thing in life. I was risking everything on a daily basis, but I hadnt
planted the seed of the next generation.
I was soaked from the rain but didnt care. I took a place at the bar and slapped my gloves and
helmet on the seat next to me.
What can I get you, cowboy? the bartender said.
I looked around the room. It was a dingy place. Not too many customers.
You got sugar back there? I said.
He nodded.
Ill have a bourbon with sugar. The way the old man used to drink it.
I can make you an old fashioned, he said.
No. Just the bourbon and sugar.
He put a shot glass in front of me. I downed it in a single motion and asked for another. As I
downed the next, the door slammed behind me. I turned.
In walked trouble.
 Chapter 3

Jackson

IT WAS A GIRL, little more than a kid, soaked to the skin, makeup running down her face in long,
black streaks. She cut a tragic figurea drowned kittendesperation written all over her.
There was something familiar about her, and then I remembered. A few months earlier, the Los
Lobos bar, she was Wolf Statens girl. Instantly, I could see what was going on. She was on the run.
Shed actually done it. Shed taken her life into her own hands. She was fleeing the most savage
group of men youre ever likely to hear of.
And how did I react? Ill tell you.
My cock stiffened.
Im not ashamed to admit it. I wanted this girl badly ever since that first time I set eyes on her. It
wasnt any normal lust, it was a hunger. I had to have her. Shed invaded my fantasies and I couldnt
get her back out. It was months since our first meeting in that bar in Reno, and every night since, I
longed for her. I craved her.
I stared at her.
Twenty-four hours.
Thats how long I gave it until Wolf caught up. Shed be dead by sundown the next day if I didnt
help. There was no way in hell Los Lobos would let a woman like her escape them. Theyd make it a
matter of pride, and let me tell you something about the criminal underworld I inhabitthe bigger the
asshole, the greater the pride.
She needed help, and whoever got involved would pay a hefty price. Twelve members of Los
Lobos, all killers, all mean as fuck.
I looked at her more closely and fuck, if she didnt take my breath away. Light brown hair, big
blue eyes, a mouth made for pleasure.
She walked straight to the bar, and when she spoke, it was like the rest of the world went silent.
Bartender, she said, a beer.
The bartender s eyes widened when he saw her. Miss, are you all right?
Why wouldnt I be?
You look
What? she said, her eye steady.
He shrugged, and got her a beer.
She picked up the bottle, brought it to her lips, and when she slammed it back on the bar it was
empty. I was impressed. She drank like she meant it.
Her soaking dress was completely see-through. My dick pulsed with desire. I wasnt going to let
her slip through my fingers this time. Even as she stood at the bar, shivering from the cold, I
promised myself Id fuck her. Id dominate her. Id become her master.
She looked up and caught my eye. I nodded to her and told the bartender to give her another
drink.
Thanks, she said.
You seem like you could use it.
She looked back at me, a challenge in her eye, but she took a swig from the bottle all the same.
She was acting tough, I admired that, but it was clear she was in trouble. She was running out of time,
and she knew it. Wolf and his cocksucker friends would be tracking her down, coming closer with
every minute that passed. It would take them a while, but theyd find her. And when they did? Bye-bye
birdie.
I know you, she said.
Yes, you do.
Youre the asshole that tried to pick me up in Wolfs bar.
I laughed. She hadnt lost any of her spunk.
I didnt try to pick you up, I said. If I remember correctly, you were so uptight only a fool
would have tried that.
Exactly, she said, smirking.
Oh, so Im a fool?
Well, you tried something.
I nodded. Id give her that. Maybe I did, I said. Maybe I did.
A coy smile crossed her lips. And now youre back for more.
I laughed. Right. I came here looking for you, I said, sarcastically.
Well, youre here.
I was here first.
No you werent. I watched you come in.
You watched me?
From the parking lot.
Well, arent you full of surprises? I said.
She looked into my eyes and licked her tantalizing lips. Well, fuck me, but she was making a
move. She was trying to play me. I had to admire that. She knew what it would take to escape Wolf,
and she was willing to pay the price. Theres not a lot of people willing to accept reality when it
comes to situations like the one she was in.
Well, if she was going to play me, it wouldnt come easy. Getting a man mixed up with Wolf
Staten was no small feat.
Last time we met, I promised you wed fuck like rabbits, I said. Now, here you are.
She looked hurt. She didnt like it when I spoke like that. She put her drink down and walked
straight back to the door shed entered through. Her hand was on the knob. If I didnt say something
fast, shed walk right out.
Wait, I said. Dont go. I shouldnt have said that.
Thats twice youve said that to me, like Im nothing more than a fifty-dollar slut looking to get
fucked.
Youre right. I was out of line. You had every right to slap me last time we met.
She looked relieved. I was cutting her some slack, which was what she needed. She came back to
her seat.
Last time we met, you were a massive dick, she said.
I know, I said. I cant help it. I was born with it.
She shook her head. God, I could have died looking into those eyes. She was like an angel from
heaven.
You just cant stop yourself, can you?
I shook my head.
She sighed. Then she said, mostly to herself, size isnt everything.
I laughed. I couldnt believe it. Was that a joke? Was that a joke from the girl who smacked the
shit out of me last time we met?
She blushed. God, she looked pretty when she blushed..
You were asking for it.
Yes, I was, I said. And you didnt have any trouble dishing it out.
 She shrugged. I can give you some more if you want.
Please dont. This face is all Ive got going for me.
She looked me over, taking in my leathers, my wet hair.
Im sure its not the only thing.
I laughed again. She was working it. Dont think for a second I didnt know I was being played. I
knew exactly what was going on. The thing is, I wanted to get played by her.
Whats your name? I said.
You first, she said.
I shook my head. The poor thing. She had no idea what she was getting into. She was like a lamb
to the slaughter. Shed just escaped Wolf. Little did she realize, she was tangling herself up with a
monster ten times worse. Believe me when I tell you, whatever she was running from, whatever Wolf
tried to force her to do, I would make it look like childs play. The things I wanted to do to her, shed
cry out for mercy, shed scream my name, and the more she begged, the harder Id come.
If it was Wolfs bedroom antics that she was fleeing, she was in for a rude awakening. Im a
piston-fired, turbo-charged, orgasm machine. I can out-fuck a herd of stallions. I can out-pump a
locomotive. If she came to me hoping for mercy, she wouldnt find any.
She thought she was playing me? Please.
It was like taking candy from a baby. She had something I wanted, and I was going to have it. I
had to have it.
I put my drink down.
My names Jackson, I said. Jackson Jones.
Jackson Jones?
Jackson-motherfucking-Jones, I repeated, grinning.
She smiled, and I swear there was a hint of seduction in those lips.
Ive got a question for you, Jackson-motherfucking-Jones.
She could ask anything she liked. All I could think about was bending her over the counter and
sliding my bare cock into her naked womb till it throbbed hot semen into her. I wanted to fill her so
full of my come it would be dripping down her legs for weeks. I wanted skin to skin, full contact, wet
orgasm. I wanted to put a baby inside her. And in exchange for my help, she was going to let me.
What is it? I said.
She hesitated. She was scared. I could tell shed been crying. I felt a pang of pity for her, but the
desire flooding through my veins was stronger.
Last time you met me, you said you didnt give a fuck about Wolf Staten.
I remember.
Well, my question is, did you mean that?
I let out a little laugh. My words were coming back to haunt me. Id played it cocky and now she
was calling me on it.
That depends, I said.
On what?
On whats in it for me.
She looked deeply into my eyes as if trying to read my soul. She was on the verge of tears. She
needed my help or she was dead. We both knew it. It had taken a lot for her to ask my help, she was a
proud woman and I respected her for that.
But I wouldnt help her for free. Thats not the way it worked. I needed something from her, and I
needed her to offer it.
Well then, she said, I guess I have one more question for you.
Ask what you want. Believe me, Ive got nothing to hide.
 She looked into my eyes. Are you a good man, Jackson Jones?
It wasnt a game. It was a serious question and she meant it. Her life depended on it. I looked
around the bar. The bartender was cleaning glasses. The other patrons had scarcely noticed her.
No ones ever accused me of being a good man, I said.
But you know the answer, she insisted. Deep down, you know. If you were to die today, what
would people say of you? Would they say you were good?
I looked into those deep, sapphire eyes. They were hypnotizing. She had a strange power over
me, a force of attraction that was otherworldly. Maybe it was because death was on my mind,
mortality. I dont know, but something about her felt surreal, like shed been sent to me from another
world.
As my eyes drank her in, a burning rage coursed through my veins like molten metal. I wanted to
own her, I wanted to dominate her completely, make her mine. My property. I wanted to plunge my
cock so deep inside her shed never even think of another man again. I wanted her to remember my
name to her dying day. I wanted to ruin her for all others. It shocked me how violent my passion for
her was. Id never felt that for anyone else.
The simplicity of her question made me answer honestly.
All I can tell you, I said, is that for all the bad Ive done, I never meant any harm.
It wasnt like me to say that. Shed disarmed me. I never gave anyone a glimpse of my true self. It
was yet another surprise.
She nodded, as if it was the answer shed been seeking. She smiled, and it broke my heart to see
that smile. She had the face of an angel, and I was going to ruin her.
I wanted to know what had happened to her. The details. What had Wolf and Los Lobos done to
her that shed finally made a run for it? Id kill them, all twelve of them, or die trying. She didnt
know it yet, but Id already made up my mind.
And then she said it, those four words that Id been waiting my entire life to hear. I didnt even
know it till I heard them.
Will you help me?
Ill tell you right now, there are moments in my life I always knew would come. Even as a boy, I
knew my destiny would lead to this, a fork in the road, where the decision I made would decide the
man I was to be. Everything else in my life would fade in comparison to the importance of this
question.
I knew if I said yes, it would mean the end of me. Instinctively, I checked the gun at my hip. Los
Lobos, The Wolves. Every one of them would hunt me down until I was dead.
It would only end in one way.
And I didnt care. Id give her what she needed. I had to. But shed give me what I needed too. A
life for a life.
Ill warn you right now, I said, any help from me wont come for free. Bad things will happen
if I get involved. Youll regret it. I swear to you.
Will you hurt me? she said.
I wanted to tell her something different. I wanted to tell her I was the man she deserved, someone
who would save her and ask nothing in return. I wanted to say Id take her away to a life of happiness
and safety. I wanted to tell her shed have everything she deserved. But I couldnt. Im a lot of things,
but Im no liar.
Ill destroy you, I said. Ill take the one thing youve got to give, and Ill drink it up like a
desert drinks the rain. Ill ravage you till you beg me to stop. And then, just when you think you cant
take anymore, Ill ravage you again.
Id given her fair warning. If she still wanted my help, it was on her now. Id told her Id take
everything she had. But I hadnt told her the one thing I wanted most. I hadnt told her shed give me a
son.
She looked at me. She looked around the bar. She turned and looked back at the door, weighing
the alternative. Then she answered.
I dont have a choice, she said. You can take what you want. You can use me to the last drop.
Just help me.
All right, I said. But when the dust settles, remember it was you who came to me.
Ill remember.
And I warned you.
I wont forget it.
You asked if Im a good man. The truth is, Im not a good man. Im bad. Bad to the bone.
 Chapter 4

Faith

WHAT IM ABOUT TO TELL YOU, it isnt pretty.

Can I adequately explain it? No.
Can I put it in a way that will make me come across as anything other than a complete whore? I
doubt it.
But the truth is more important than perceptions, and the truth is what happened to me, the
decisions in my life that led to that fateful night, and the consequences Ill have to live with till the day
I die.
So, the truth.
The truth is, Id been standing in that motel parking lot for over an hour when Jackson pulled in.
I had no idea where I was. All I knew was that I was still in Nevada, and that wasnt far enough.
It was raining and I was soaked to the skin. I was shivering. I had nowhere to go, no one to turn
to. I took shelter under a big sequoia and watched the men who came and went from the bar.
Id know him when I saw himthats what I told myself. I just had to wait. God would help me.
He had to.
And all I had to do was throw away everything Id ever hoped for, sacrifice myself on the altar
of fate, and pray I didnt get into something even worse than the life I was trying to escape.
It sounds crazy, and maybe it was, but until youre in that situation, you cant understand the fear
that led me to that parking lot.
Wolf Staten was a powerful man. A ruthless man. He made the rules, and my job was to obey.
Earlier that night, hed told me he was going to lock me up in a secret apartment of his villa. No one
but him would ever be able to look at me again. He said it was because he loved me so much, because
I was so precious to him.
And a part of me wanted to believe him. As a girl Id always dreamed of being someones
princess, of being so desired by a man that he couldnt bear the thought of other men looking at me.
But my life with Wolf wasnt that. The way he treated me was not the way a prince treated a princess.
The longer I stayed, the worse it got. The jealousy and possessiveness eclipsed all else. The violence
finally knocked reality into me. There was no room for love in that place. Even locked inside a
prison, hed find reasons to punish me, to brutalize me. And if I ever had his child, that babys life
would be a living hell.
Thats what gave me the courage to take my life into my own hands. Scarcely two hours earlier, I
slipped out of the party he threw in my honor. It was supposed to be my farewell to the world, the last
time anyone but him would ever see me.
Fuck. That.
Fuck all of them.
Everyone at that party, all twelve members of Los Lobos, all our so-called friends, knew I was
going to be locked up forever. And none of them even batted an eye. None of them raised a finger. In
fact, they approved of it. Such was life with Los Lobos. Id heard rumors before of the men locking
away their families, treating their women like prisoners and slaves. Id refused to believe it. Now I
knew it was true. Wolf wanted me to live the rest of my life in a windowless bunker.
Like I already said. Fuck. That.
When I fled the mountaintop villa, I had no idea where I was going. I ran through the forest like a
deer hunted by dogs. I fell on the rocks. I slid down the gullies. And when I reached the highway, I
didnt care who picked me up. I didnt care what direction they were headed. I didnt ask. I just
climbed in and sat silently. I would go anywhere, with anyone. Nothing could be as bad as the life
planned for me by Wolf.
Los Lobos is not a nice gang to be mixed up with. They earn their livelihood off the pain and
suffering of others. Theyre the worst kind of criminals. And the fact I was dating their leader was no
ones fault but my own. It was my own deeds, my own mistakes, that got me into that place. And it
would be my own decisions that would get me out. Thats why I decided to do anything that needed to
be done to escape. Anything.
Slipping into the clutches of Los Lobos had been so simple. And once I was in, there was no way
back out. Id seen the warning signs. Id realized my mistake long before. Wolf cheated on me, he beat
me, he routinely degraded and humiliated me in front of his gang members. He robbed me of all
power, silenced my voice, and when he found out I wanted to leave, he built a concrete compound to
keep me prisoner.
Until that night. The night I broke free. I couldnt change the past, but I could change the future.
Within hours of making my decision, I was outside the motel. I didnt have a penny to my name,
no clothes, no belongings, no plan. It was only a matter of time before Wolfs henchmen found me
and brought me back to the hell of their world. I knew that. I could feel my chance at freedom slipping
away with every second that passed.
In desperation, I decided to do the only thing I could do. I threw myself at the mercy of fate. I
opened myself up to it, made myself vulnerable, and let God decide the outcome.
I asked for the help of a stranger.
All I needed was one good man. One man who was willing to stand up for me. He didnt have to
fight Wolf. He just had to help me escape, give me a ride to the city, or better yet, the border. Id give
him everything he asked in return. There had to be a man willing to do that. And if there wasnt, so be
it. Let me die. At least Id die fighting.
In the hour I stood beneath that sequoia, a number of men walked in and out of the bar. Some
were truckers, pulling in from the highway after a long haul. Some were workers, looking for a beer
after a long shift. Others looked like drifters, gamblers, criminals, or nothing at all.
They were all men, and I didnt know what to make of them. Which of them would help me?
How would I choose?
I thought Id know him when I saw him, but I was beginning to have doubts. What if there was no
one?
I had only one thing to offer. Theres only one thing men want from a woman in my position.
But what if they didnt want it from me? What if they rejected me?
Maybe that would be for the best. Giving up my body went against everything I believed,
everything I held sacred. The only thing that made me even consider it, was the thought of a life of
slavery at the hands of Wolf Staten. If the price of freedom was my body, I would pay.
And then he arrived. He rolled into the lot on a motorcycle as if chased by the devil himself. I
only got a brief glimpse, but I saw enough to know he was the man I was looking for. Muscular build,
tattoos on his arms and chest, a shadow of stubble. He was fiercely handsome, but that wasnt even
one of my criteria. I couldnt afford to be picky. That was a luxury I didnt have. What I was looking
for was a real man. A man who would do what needed to be done, whatever that was.
The way this guy walked, the confidence in his stride, the determination on his face, told me Id
found my man.
And there was something else. Id seen him before. I remembered it the moment I saw him. Hed
taunted me, hed challenged me, and hed told me he didnt give a shit about Wolf Staten.
Now, all I had to do was go through with it.
I had to ruin myself, offer up my body, throw away my beliefs, risk my life.
No problem, right?
 Chapter 5

Jackson

WHAT CHANCE DID I HAVE?

My cock raged for her pussy. She was like an image from my own secret fantasies. I wanted to
pinch myself just to check I wasnt dreaming. I couldnt have designed a better creature for my
seduction. She was everything I wanted, just the way I wanted it. Her blue eyes seemed to drink me in.
I ached for her. This beautiful, delicate creature was going to be mine. She was straight up offering
herself.
A gift.
I was going to possess her, body and soul, and fill the emptiness of my life with something
beautifulsomething terrible, and tragic, and heavenly.
She needed helpreal help. The kind of help that could get a man killed. She needed me.
But there was something else.
I needed her too. I needed her like my life depended on it.
Little did she know it, but I was going to take more from her than she ever dreamed. She said
shed give me everything. If only she knew what I had in mind. Whatever price she thought she was
paying, she was wrong. She wouldnt just be mine for the night, she would be mine forever, in ways
she couldnt imagine.
So youve run out on Wolf? I said.
She nodded.
Its not going to be easy to get away from him.
I know.
The rest of Los Lobos will join the hunt.
What choice do I have? she said, her emotion rising to the surface.
Relax. You did the right thing. You cant live your life under the thumb of a man like that.
I just couldnt take it anymore, she said, tears filling her eyes.
Its all right, I said. Do you have a plan?
I was going to run for the border. Ill figure something out once Im across.
You dont know where youll go?
I dont have anywhere.
Do you have any money?
She shook her head.
Thats a terrible plan, I said. You wont get far at all. Hell find you.
Thats not your problem. Youll just drive me to the border and forget all about me. Youll have
had everything you want form me by then.
Will I?
You want what everyone wants, right?
She pulled her skirt up on her thigh, giving me the tiniest glimpse of the black satin of her panty.
She was a torment. Fuck, my cock wanted that cunt. It throbbed and crushed against my jeans. I
had to adjust my position.
I could tell this didnt come naturally to her. She hated what she was doing, bartering her pussy
for help. But she was doing what needed to be done, and I respected that. The world was full of people
who accepted their fate without a fight. She wasnt one of them.
Maybe I want more than that, I said.
 Whatever you want, youll be done with me by the time we reach the border.
I dont think so.
You will. Youll tire of me very quickly in this situation. Ill have nothing left to offer.
Thats not true.
What are you talking about?
You have no idea what youre getting into, I said. If you knew what I wanted from you, youd
run from me too.
It cant be as bad as what Wolf wants.
You should be careful what you give up, I said. Youre telling me I can have whatever I want,
but thats only because youre desperate. When it comes time to pay the price, you might regret what
youve bartered.
And youll make me pay every penny?
When the dancings done, the fiddler always gets his pay.
She started to cry. Look, Im not here to bargain. I need your help. If Wolf finds me, hell
destroy me. You can either help me or you can leave me here for him. Ill give you whatever I have. I
dont care what you want. Take it and help me, or stop wasting my time. I wont go back to Los
Lobos. Ill die first.
I was silent for a moment. I looked at her, took in the details. What was I doing? Ive taken a lot
of things from people in my life, but never something like this. I usually take from those who can
afford to give, and I take money, not something personal. Not something vital.
But Im a thief at heart, a bandit, and I wanted this womans body, all of it, more than Id ever
wanted anything else in the world.
Stop crying, I said. Im going to get Wolf off your back.
How?
Leave that to me.
And what about his gang? Los Lobos is a brutal pack of killers.
All men are brutal killers, I said, or have the potential to be.
She looked at me for a long moment. It was the first time she truly saw me for who I was. A look
of fear crossed her eyes. I meant my words. Brutal killer. She could see it in my eyes.
What if you die? she said.
I spread my hands in a gesture of helplessness. If I die, I die, I said.
Whats that supposed to mean?
It means youll have already fulfilled your part of the bargain. In return for that, Im willing to
give you my life.
She nodded. And this arrangement, what exactly is it? What am I offering in return for your
help? You keep saying Ill regret it, but you dont say what it is.
I didnt like forcing her into this position, this horrible choice. She deserved better, but I was the
only one there, the only one who could protect her. We needed each other.
She couldnt change what she needed of me.
I wouldnt change what I wanted from her.
Its everything, I said. Thats all I can tell you.
She looked at me again, assessing me, trying to decide what sort of devil she was making this
pact with. When she spoke shed made her decision.
All right, she said at last. Lets do it.
You sure you want to go through with this?
She nodded.
And as easy as that, wed both given up everything to fate. Id taken on a fight I couldnt win. It
would certainly cost me my life. And in return, without even fully realizing it, shed offered me the
son I wanted to leave behind after my death. I knew, just by looking at her, that if she gave me a child,
shed be a good mother to it. Some things you can tell at a single glance.
Does Wolf have any idea where you are? I said.
I dont even know where I am.
All right, I said. Im going to take you to one of the rooms.
Okay, she said. One look in her eyes told me she meant it.
I beckoned the bartender.
You rent the rooms?
He nodded.
Were going to need one.
Sure, he said. Theyre fifty for the hour. A hundred for the night.
I left a hundred-twenty on the bar, grabbed her hand, and led the way. We went out to the rain. We
were both soaked to the skin anyway. Our room was across the lot. We ran.
 Chapter 6

Jackson

I OPENED THE DOOR AND she hurried inside. She was nervous. She wasnt used to this sort of thing.
I could tell. It only made me hotter for herher tight little ass in that wet dressher sweet, plump
breasts, bursting against her low-cut necklinethe delicious pussy I knew was waiting for me.
I looked at her.
There was a window by the door and she pulled aside the curtain to peer out.
You looking for him?
She shook her head.
He doesnt know where to find me. I could have gone anywhere.
I looked at her but said nothing. We were on borrowed time. Maybe it would be a matter of
hours, maybe days, or weeks, or months, but sooner or later, Los Lobos would catch up with us, and
when they did, it wouldnt be pretty. When that time came, I would make sure I was there alone. I
would make sure she was safe. She knew it and I knew it. Thats why we were in that motel room
together.
And even then, I knew there was more to this than just our bargain. Thered been a connection,
an electric sexual tension, between us since the moment we met. The situation she was in, the months
that had passed since our first encounter, did nothing to dampen that.
Her eyes were so big I could have melted in them. Her mouth was a tool for seduction. The
image of her lips wrapped around my throbbing cock flashed before my eyes. I thought of my semen
pouring into her mouth and it made me shiver. I was so hungry for her it hurt. Even the mess of her
makeup turned me on. It made the situation more urgent, more dangerous. It excited me in a way I
cant describe. I wanted to walk over to her and ram my tongue down her throat.
Promise me Im going to be all right, she said.
She knew that was more than I could guarantee, but I nodded.
Ill protect you, but you have to give yourself to me in return, completely and utterly, I said.
Thats my price.
She sat down on the bed and pulled off her panties.
Im yours now, she said.
If we go through with this, there will be no turning back, I said.
I meant it. If I offered her protection, she would be mine. Mine tonight. Mine forever. She would
give me everything.
She didnt say a word. She lay back in her wet clothes, a drenched mess. My cock was so hard it
was ready to explode just looking at her. Id never seen such an erotic sight in my life. This was it.
This was the woman I was going to possess utterly. The certainty of it overwhelmed me.
You got a name? I said.
She didnt even look at me. She rolled onto her belly, turning her back to me.
My heart skipped a beat.
I could see the beginning of her ass, the wet dress hiked up over it.
Open your legs, I said. Slowly.
She spread them wide open, exposing her pussy like a piece of ripe fruit waiting to be picked.
I took off my bike leathers. My wet skin clung to them and I couldnt get them off fast enough.
She spoke without facing me, her voice fragile.
Are you going to use a condom?
 I had a condom in my wallet, I thought about it and agreed to put it on. There would be plenty of
time later for what I wanted to do to her. Id give her time to get used to me first.
She pulled her dress up higher, exposing her entire ass and pussy. Her body tilted, exposing
herself so seductively that a drop of pre-cum fell from the tip of my cock. Theres not a man alive
whod have been able to resist her.
Its okay, she said. Take what you want.
Youre mine now.
Her voice was almost a whisper. I know, she said.
It was a bad idea. God help me, I knew it was a bad idea. Nothing about the situation was right. It
was moments like these that got men killed. Whatever happened after this, I wasnt going to escape
unscathed. I knew that. I knew it with an ice-cold certainty.
But then, what is life for? Whats the point of it all? This was destiny, giving me a last chance to
be the man I was supposed to be. My father had just died. By protecting this woman, I would take his
place.
I opened my belt buckle and let my pants fall to the ground. I ripped off my wet shirt. I was
completely naked. My cock pointed toward her like a violent weapon. She was my victim.
I climbed onto the bed and leaned down, my face close to her pussy. I wanted to smell her. I
wanted to taste her, to savor her. She was mine now and I wanted to know what Id just purchased. I
opened my mouth, put my lips on her clit, and sucked.
She reacted passionately, her body squirming. The sound of her moan turned my blood to fire.
Desire surged through my cock like an inferno. A hunger came over me Id never before
experienced. It was an insanity. All I could think about was fucking that poor girl senseless.
If the men chasing her burst through the door at that moment and pointed a gun at my back, it
wouldnt have stopped me. I was going to finish what Id started even if it meant death. I slid my
tongue inside her crevice until it found the opening of her vagina. The taste was indescribable, unlike
anything I ever imagined.
She moaned my name. Jackson.
The words were like a secret code that spoke to my cock alone. It throbbed as if it had been
hooked up to an electric device. If I didnt get inside her soon, Id explode.
Take me, Jackson, she moaned.
I put my hands on her waist and pulled her toward my cock. Her pussy arched toward me.
I wanted to drive my shaft so far inside her, shed never be able to even think of another man
again. And then it struck me. I didnt know her name.
I touched the soaking wet lips of her pussy with the purple head of my raging cock.
She squirmed.
I put the first inch of my shaft inside her and pulled back.
Put it in me, she moaned. Put it all the way in. Fill me.
Jesus. Do you have any idea what it does to a man to hear those words? Its like the voice of God
to a monk. Its the sound Id been waiting to hear my entire life, without even knowing it existed. Only
when I heard it did I realize what it meant to be a man.
Not until you tell me your name, I said.
My name doesnt matter.
I pushed the bulbous head of my cock into her hungry cunt, teasing her, and pulled it back.
Tell me your name, I said again.
She let out a quiet wail. Was she crying? I didnt know. I couldnt think of anything but the force
of the semen building inside me.
Tell me your name or Ill spill myself on your ass, I said.
 No, she cried. I want you inside me.
Then give me your name.
She hesitated. I ran my shaft through the plump, ripe crack of her ass.
All right, she gasped. Faith. Its Faith Shepherd.
My cock plunged into Faith Shepherds pussy and it went so deep it scared both of us. Id never
dreamed I could push that far inside a woman. She reached back and grabbed my wrists, pulling at
them, and I slid to the very core of her.
The sensation was excruciating. It was like dipping my cock into a pool of liquid pleasure. Her
body sucked me in, deeper and deeper, until I could hardly bear it.
I felt a throb. It started in my groin and pulsed to the tip of my cock like a sonic wave.
Jesus, I cried.
It happened again, only stronger.
Im going to come, I cried, biting my lip. My hands formed fists that clenched her hips
mercilessly.
She moaned. Do it, Jackson.
The first pulse of orgasm was like the pain of death. My vision blurred. My muscles contracted.
The pleasure that had been building inside me like snow on a mountain peak, crashed over the edge
like an avalanche. I cried out. I screamed her name. Faith.
I came so hard it was like being kicked from behind by a wild horse. My seed shot into her with a
force I didnt believe possible. The first spurt was followed by another, and another, flinging itself
into the condom mercilessly, as if trying to escape it and soak her womb with its potency. It was the
most intense, passionate thing Id ever experienced. It was the orgasm I compare all others to.
It was a startling feeling.
Youre mine now, I said, and I dont know if it was me or some force of nature speaking
through me. I claim you. You belong to me, and me alone.
 Chapter 7

Faith

IT DIDNT END WITH JACKSONS ORGASM. That was just the beginning. The beginning of the story of
my life.
I dont know what possessed me, but as soon as I approached him, it was like a force of nature
took over. Everything else just happened. He made me feel vulnerable. He made me want to be his. I
wanted him to dominate me in ways Wolf Staten never dreamed of.
I knew there was an arrangement between us that was based on need. I was offering myself to
him so that he would protect me. I was basically his whore. But even then, I felt there was more to it
than that. Id have let him fuck me even if I didnt need his protection. And maybe I was just fooling
myself, but I sensed he would have offered me his protection, even if I hadnt offered him my body.
From the beginning, there was more to it than just escaping Wolf. Jackson was a man who could
protect me from anyone, but even if I didnt need protection, Id have wanted him. He had a power
over me. It sounds strange to say it, but I wanted to belong to him so completely that no other man
would be able to dream of taking me from him. It was an animal attraction that defied logic.
And I was so glad I had my back to him when he took me. And fuck, did he take me. He took me
like a herd of stampeding, wild horses. I didnt want him to see my face. I didnt want him to know
who I was. I wanted to hide. I was afraid hed see the truth. The truth that I wanted him just as
passionately as he wanted me. The truth that the more he took, the more he claimed, the deeper I
belonged to him. Id wanted Jackson since the second he first walked into the Los Lobos bar. Now that
I was finally his, it felt like God had answered all my prayers. Whether or not we got away from Los
Lobos didnt matter. The only thing that mattered was that I was his.
He thrust himself so forcefully into me I thought hed tear me apart, and I liked it. All I wanted
was for him to fuck me harder.
The moment of his orgasm was cosmic. You ever watch those documentaries where they show
how the universe was created, the big bang, the explosion that created everything? Thats what
Jacksons orgasm was for me.
I swear, I felt his cock explode in a spasm of ecstasy. I felt it fill the condom with a terrifying
force. It made me want to cry to feel it. I wanted the condom to burst. I wanted his semen in my womb.
And then, after he came, he flipped me over so I was facing him. He was still hungry for me. I
could feel the throbbing girth of his shaft against my thigh.
Whatever you want, I said. Do whatever you want to me. Im yours now, Jackson.
He leaned over and looked deeply into my eyes. God, he was handsome. He had the chiseled face
of a classical statue. Love had never been part of my plan, but suddenly, I wanted him to kiss me. He
pulled off my dress and bra. I was naked before his eyes, my body literally vibrating with anticipation.
I tilted my head back and opened my mouth. I dont know why. I was acting on raw instinct.
He met my lips and slid his delicious tongue into my mouth. I moaned in pleasure. I meant it
when I said I was his. To this day, Ive never kissed another man the way he kissed me that night. He
brought chills to my skin.
I still wake up sweating, dreaming of that kiss.
From my mouth, his lips moved over my neck, caressing my clavicle, sliding over my ripe
nipples.
Your body is like something I dreamt, he whispered, then he closed his lips on my nipple and
sucked.
 I arched my back.
His mouth kept going down, over my navel, over the bones of my hips, and finally to the tender,
pink folds of my clit.
When he sucked, something within me responded to him. He was my master. He had complete
possession of me. One flick of his tongue, one glance of his piercing eyes, and the pleasure deep
inside me fought for release.
I cried out, Jackson.
Wed scarcely spent an hour with each other, but already I felt like hed known me my entire life.
Suck me, I moaned, and even as I said it, I felt terrified hed taste himself on my pussy.
His mouth sucked my clit and the sensation was overwhelming. Tendrils of pleasure shot into my
body. There was nothing I could do to escape. I was going to climax, right there, his face so deep in
my pussy there was nowhere to hide.
I threw my legs around his head and clenched. He sucked, his tongue flicking my clit ceaselessly,
his hands gripping my ass, holding me in place. I couldnt bear it.
I convulsed, the shock of orgasm hitting me like a freight train. I screamed. The pleasure rushed
through me like a Nevada flash-flood.
Jackson, I screamed, and even as the orgasm washed over me, waves of pleasure that felt like
theyd never end, I knew Id signed a pact with the devil.
I was his now. There would be no backing out, no escape. My body knew it. My heart knew it. My
soul knew it. I belonged to Jackson Jones. The only thing that remained to be answered, was what he
was going to do with me.
 Chapter 8

Jackson

I SLEPT LIKE A DEAD MAN. The universe disappeared. The only things that existed were that room,
that bed, and Faiths tender, naked body lying next to me.
I remained still as she climbed out of the bed. It was just before dawn. She moved around the
room, gathering her things quietly. I didnt know where she was planning to go without me. Shed
come to me for help. Why run?
Put that down, I said when she picked up my wallet.
I was just going to take a few dollars, she said. Enough to get to the city.
And what would you do when you got there?
She looked at me helplessly. Even now, my cock throbbed at the sight of her. Her pussy tortured
me. It was my drug. The thought of what Id done to her the night before put a thrill down my spine.
Come here, I said. Take off that wet dress and come back to bed.
No, she said.
You came to me for help.
I changed my mind.
I told you, right from the beginning, there would be no turning back.
I can still go back, she said. I dont want you to get killed. Wolf and the others will stop at
nothing. If they killed you, Id never forgive myself.
I looked into her eyes. She was terrified. Wolf had really done a number on her. It would take a
special kind of torture to scare a woman like Faith that way. Id make him pay. Id make them all pay.
I climbed out of bed and for the first time Faith got a look at my naked body in daylight. I knew it
would be a shock to her. She gasped. My tattoos werent just accessories, they were designed to mask
the most horrible scars you can imagine. My entire body was covered in hundreds of thin scars, the
result of a torture session Id suffered at the hands of a monster.
Take off that dress and get back in my bed, I said. You dont get to change your mind with me.
We made a pact. For better or worse, our fates are sealed now.
She stood motionless for a minute, staring at my tortured skin, her hand in front of her mouth in
shock. Then she looked into my eyes and did as I said, slipped out of her dress, and climbed back into
the bed. I got in next to her, grabbed her, and pulled her close. I couldnt help it. I couldnt resist her.
She was mine now, my property, and I couldnt let her escape back to wherever it was shed come
from. What wed done couldnt be undone. Wed fused ourselves together.
I put my lips to her ear and nibbled the lobe. Touch me, I whispered.
She looked at me questioningly but I knew she understood.
She took my cock in her hand and held it. It was far bigger than her tiny fist. It throbbed and she
felt it.
You want me again? she said, incredulously.
I nodded. Again and again and again. Youre mine, forever.
She climbed down under the covers. She was young, but knew what to do without being told. She
knew how to use her body for me, to read my needs, my wants, my desires. She had a natural instinct
for pleasuring a penis.
She took me in her mouth. My cock throbbed dangerously, but she didnt hesitate for a second.
She brought her lips to the base of my balls, my long shaft right at the back of her throat. I pulled out,
the length of my cock sliding along her delectable tongue. Her mouth felt like velvet. It was delicious.
I wanted to spill myself and feel her swallow ever drop.
I put my hands down on her head and gently forced my cock to the back of her throat. I held her
there. I didnt know if she could breathe. My cock pulsed, right on the verge of ecstasy.
This poor, innocent child. What was I doing to her? Id fucked her. Now I wanted to put my
sperm in her throat. I was holding her mouth on my erect penis like a slave.
The truth was, I was the slave.
I desired her with a burning passion. It wasnt just her body I wanted, it wasnt just the pleasure
she could give me. I wanted her heart.
I felt possessive of her in a way thats impossible to describe.
If I had to die to protect her, I didnt care. I would do it. I would do what needed to be done.
My cock pulsed again, and the first drips of pre-cum fell from my tip. She swallowed.
I was on the verge. I pulled out of her mouth and brought her back up to me.
Kiss me, I said.
She hesitated for just a second, nervous that Id taste myself on her mouth. Didnt she know? I
wanted to taste myself on her. I wanted my scent all over her. I wanted even the animals in the wild to
know by scent she was mine.
I put my tongue in her mouth and licked hers. Her tongue danced. Mine chased it. Her lips were
so soft they were like heaven.
The tip of my cock found the mouth of her vagina. It was soaking wet. I slid inside her and the
throbbing girth of my cock throbbed deep inside.
She gasped. Jackson.
Faith, I said.
What are we doing?
I looked into her eyes. I didnt know what to say to her, but I did know the answer. I wanted to
come inside her. I wanted my semen in her womb.
She slid away from me, her pussy escaping the dangerous reach of my naked cock.
I grabbed her head and pushed her back down beneath the sheets.
Her lips grabbed it and instantly, my cock clenched and pulsed in climax. The force of my
orgasm burst inside her, an explosion of passion that poured into her tender mouth. I was going to
keep her forever. Thats the thought that drove through my mind as my orgasm pulsed and throbbed
inside her mouth.
I almost felt guilty. She didnt deserve this. Did she even know what I was going to do to her?
I put my arms around her and pulled her face against my pulsing cock. She was small and soft
against the hard muscles of my body. She was like a child. So innocent. I couldnt wait till she cried
out my name and called me master. I pictured the future as the last of my sperm poured into her
mouth.
Mine. All mine.
 Chapter 9

Faith

JACKSONS BODY STARTLED ME. He was perfectly formed. The muscles on his torso and arms were
like something out of an anatomy book. His tattoos were beautiful and intricate, and told the story of a
man whod been to hell and back. His cock hung between his legs like a proud trophy.
But the scarsthe scars were shocking. I dont know what could have done that to his back.
Either hed been in some terrible accident, or else someone had whipped him till the flesh was in
tatters. The scars layered on top of each other, possibly formed over years, and all I wanted to do was
kiss them.
What happened to you? I said. Ive never seen scars like that.
He was holding me in his arms. I still had the taste of him in my mouth, and I liked it.
Its a long story, he said.
Weve got time.
He looked at me and smiled.
I dont know if youd want to hear this. It aint pretty.
I want to know everything about you.
He held me tight.
There was a noise out in the parking lot. When I realized it was motorcycles my blood froze.
Jacksons body tensed.
Is that your boyfriend? he said.
How would he have found me?
Jackson got up and went to the window. There are two riders out there. Black leather. The Los
Lobos logo on their backs.
I put my hand in front of my mouth.
Stay inside he said, his voice sharp as a razor.
I nodded.
Still naked, Jackson picked up his gun from the side table and burst out the door.
I ran to the window. I recognized the riders, Slack and Jared, two Los Lobos henchmen. They
werent full Lobos, just heavies hired as guards. They were still at their bikes, taking off their helmets
and gloves, tired from the long ride out from Nevada. Jackson was striding right toward them,
completely naked, and they didnt notice him till he was right on top of them.
Jackson didnt say a word. With his gun in his fist, he struck Slack across the face, knocking him
backward over his bike. In the same motion, he leapt over the bike and landed on Jared, driving him
to the ground. A single head butt and Jared was out cold, his face a mess of blood.
Slack scrambled to his feet. He pointed his gun at Jacksons back. Bang.
The world stopped. The sound of the gunshot rang through my ears like the toll of a funeral bell.
The moment seemed to last forever.
This was the end. Jackson was dead. Id be brought back to Wolf and punished for what Id done.
When they found out Id given myself to Jackson, theyd string me up and kill me. But I didnt even
care about any of it.
Already, I was committed to Jackson.
If Jackson was dead, then it didnt matter what they did to me. I was Jacksons now. I couldnt
imagine being without him.
And then, Slack fell to his knees. The bullet hadnt come from Slacks gun. It had come from
Jacksons.
Jackson walked over to Slacks body and kicked away the gun. He bent down and opened Slacks
leather suit. There was blood everywhere. Jackson tore Slacks bloody shirt from his body and made
a compress out of it.
Hold that on the wound, he said to Slack. If youre lucky, youll be alive when the ambulance
gets here.
Slack spoke weakly. You should kill me now, whoever you are. Los Lobos will have no mercy
on you.
Jackson didnt respond. He checked on Jared who was still out cold. Jackson took both mens
guns and strode back to the room, finding me at the window.
Get your things, he said. Weve got to get out of here.
I threw on my dress. Jackson put on his clothes and gave me his leathers and helmet. They were
big but better than nothing.
Do you ride? he said.
I shook my head.
He peered cautiously out the door before we left. Slack and Jared were still on the ground.
Jackson pointed his gun at them and fired two shots. A bullet hit the fuel tank of each of their bikes.
Come on, he said.
I ran to keep up, climbed onto the back of his bike, and put my arms around him so tightly
nothing would ever pry me loose.
 Chapter 10

Faith

WE RODE SOUTH FOR THREE HOURS, stopping only for fuel. Jackson washed Slacks blood from
his hands in a gas station restroom.
Jackson was protective of me and that kept me calm. If he hadnt been so in control, so in
possession of me and the situation, Im certain I would have panicked. Hed shot Slack. Hed knocked
out Jared. Wolf, and the other Lobos would be after us in force. Nothing would stop them now. Wed
never be safe.
But it was hard to feel hopeless with Jackson there. My arms were around his waist like a vise. It
was as if he made me his responsibility, made me his family, the moment he set eyes on me. I felt as if
everything that followed would be the result of that.
We reached a small desert town and pulled into the Walmart. Jackson filled a cart with clothes for
me, toiletries, a fresh shirt and underwear for himself, some bottled water, a few snacks.
Do you know where we are? I said.
He nodded. Were in the Mojave Desert.
It was hot. Very hot.
Theres a diner up ahead. Theyve got air conditioning. We can go there and talk.
All right, I said. All I wanted was the air conditioning.
We parked outside the diner and went inside. He led me to a booth and despite the desperation of
our situation, it felt good to be with him. I felt he knew exactly what to do, where to go, what to say. I
didnt have to think. That sort of certainty was what I needed. If hed shown any weakness, I wouldnt
have been able to handle it.
How did they find us? I said, when we were seated.
They didnt know you were there. How many henchmen does Los Lobos have?
I dont know. Maybe a hundred.
They would have spanned out. They knew you wouldnt be able to get far without help.
Now they know I have help.
Yes, you do, he said, and I could have cried when he said that. If it wasnt for him, Id already
be back at Wolfs mansion, suffering God knows what torture.
A waitress came to us with menus. Jackson ordered two ice waters and two cups of coffee.
Jackson, I said. If you want to back out, I wont hold you to any of this. You did what I asked.
You got me away from Nevada. They wont find me here so easily.
He shook his head. I already told you, were together now, Faith. Theres no backing out on
that.
If they find you, theyll kill you.
He nodded. Yes, they will.
So why dont you get out now, while you still can? Theres no sense in both of us being in
danger.
Stop it, he said. You know its too late for that. I told you Id give you a life for a life. I meant
it.
What does that even mean?
My father died a few days ago, he said, looking down at the table.
Im sorry.
Its all right. He lived by the sword and he died by it.
 It must be difficult for you.
Whats difficult is that Im his only son. His only child.
I see.
If I die, his line dies. I dont want that to happen.
Well, putting yourself in danger to protect me isnt going to help the situation.
But youre going to give me what I need to protect the future, Faith.
You mean? My breath caught in my throat.
Yes. Youre going to give me a child, Faith. Thats what I meant when I said Id take everything
you had to give.
A child?
Yes.
How can we? In this situation?
You leave the situation to me. Ill take care of Los Lobos. Thats what I can offer.
And Ill give you a baby?
Thats the deal.
I didnt know what to say. I was dumbfounded. He was so certain of what he wanted. Id never
heard anything like it.
A life for a life, I said. Thats what you meant?
Yes, it is.
How do you know Im the woman you want to have a child with.
He smiled. Call it a hunch.
Tears rose to my eyes and I struggled to keep them back. It must have been the shock. I didnt
know if I was delighted or terrified by what he was saying.
You could have had any number of women give you a baby. Im sure theyre lining up for you
wherever you live. You didnt need to pick one that was being hunted down by the most dangerous
gang in all of Nevada.
I wanted you.
It doesnt make any sense. If you wanted a child, you should have chosen someone safer.
I choose you. Ive never been more certain of anything in my life.
I looked at him, looked into his eyes, trying to read their meaning. What was he saying to me?
Was he just telling me what he thought I needed to hear? Was I just hearing what I wanted to hear to
shield myself from this terrible situation? I didnt want to be a fool. I didnt want to be naive.
The waitress returned with our drinks.
Are you ready to order? she said.
Jackson looked at me. You must be starving.
I am, I said. I turned to the waitress. Could I get the chili with a side of toast, a side of bacon,
and a caesar salad.
She looked over my thin frame, surprised I wanted to eat so much. You want anchovies on the
salad?
I shook my head.
Jackson smiled. Good girl, he said, impressed I was willing to eat my fill in front of him. Ill
have the steak and eggs, the steak medium, the eggs over easy.
Toast with that?
Toast and steak sauce.
Coming right up, the waitress said and left.
When she was gone, I looked right at Jackson. I was still reeling from what hed said.
You want me to have your baby? I said again, incredulously.
 He laughed. Thats just the beginning.
How can that be just the beginning? What more could there possibly be?
Youll see, he said, giving me a sly wink. You promised me everything, Faith. I intend to
collect.
Ill bet, I said, my heart pounding.
The truth was, whatever he wanted from me, I was willing to give it. I wanted him to want me. I
wanted to belong to him.
And in return, Ill give you the safety I promised.
He looked at me meaningfully and in that terrible moment I realized what was going to happen. It
wasnt going to be a happy ending. He would go back to Los Lobos, bring the fight to them, and die
in the process. He would give me a baby, but he wouldnt be around to raise it with me.
He smiled solemnly at me.
My eyes filled with tears.
You dont have to go back there, I said.
He shook his head.
Its the only way.
No, its not. We have options. We could run together.
He let out a mirthless laughed.
I didnt feel like laughing.
We cant run, Faith. Im not built that way.
I shook my head. It was like a cruel trick of fate. Here I was, sitting with a man whod just told
me he wanted me to give him a child, and in the same breath, he was telling me he wouldnt be around
to see it.
Im sorry, I said. Im so sorry for all of this.
That was all I could say. Id dragged him into this situation, and now he was going to have to
deal with it. He was going to throw his life at it, and it was all my fault. Id been so desperate for help I
hadnt factored this into my thinking. I hadnt realized the cost. I hadnt thought of what the man who
helped me would have to give up to buy my safety.
Los Lobos. Theyd stop at nothing. Jackson knew it. I realized he must have known it the moment
he set eyes on me back at the motel. Hed made up his mind back then. Hed said as much. A life for a
life. Had he wanted me that badly all along? Had he wanted to fuck me so badly hed get himself
killed for it? Had he known back then that he wanted me to be the mother of his child?
It made my head spin.
Dont apologize, he said. Im glad all this happened.
There was a look of resignation in his eyes, as if hed always known the world would deal him a
hand like this. There was also a steely strength in that look. I wanted desperately to believe that
strength was enough to get him through this alive.
I always wanted a girl like you, Faith. I didnt even know it until that day we met in Reno. Ever
since then, life hasnt been the same for me. Now that I have you, I realize youre what Ive been
searching for all these years.
Well, youve got me now, Jackson.
I do, but its a cruel victory. I have to leave you behind so soon.
My eyes widened. I couldnt bear it. He had to change his plan. He couldnt leave me. I wouldnt
allow it.
You dont have to leave.
Yes. I do. Wolf Staten. Los Lobos. Theyll only get stronger. Theyll hunt us down like animals.
The sooner I bring the fight to them, the better.
 No, I stammered. Dont do it.
He shook his head. I have to keep up my end of the bargain. I have to make you safe. Thats not
going to happen unless I make it happen.
Im begging you not to go back.
Wolfs the leader of Los Lobos. I stole his woman. That doesnt come without consequences.
I was crying. I shook my head. Los Lobos had over a hundred members. They had chapters all
around Reno.
If you leave, Ill never see you again.
Then, whatever else happens, we better make tonight count.
I was desperate. I felt as if the world was ending.
Jackson, youve already kept up your end of the bargain. You rescued me. You brought me
here.
Tears poured from my eyes. I felt as if I would die without him. I couldnt let him leave. He had
to stay.
We made a promise to each other, he said. And I aim to keep my word.
We both kept our word already, I said.
He shook his head.
No we didnt. Not yet. But we will.
You got me away from that motel. I gave myself to you.
Thats not the promise we made, Faith, and you know it.
I looked into his eyes and I knew he was right. The promise wed made went deeper than that.
Much deeper.
Youll keep your promise to me, even if you wish youd never made it.
Im glad I made it, Jackson.
The waitress came with our food. I wiped the tears from my eyes. Jackson ordered apple pie for
both of us for dessert. He said wed need our strength for what was coming.
Im sorry, Jackson, I said, when the waitress left.
He reached across the table and took my hands in his.
I really wanted you, Faith Shepherd. I didnt know it until right this moment.
Jackson, it doesnt have to be the way you think.
Ive got to face Wolf, he said.
Why? Hell kill you. You cant beat a man like that. We can run. We can go north. Hide out in
Washington, or Canada. Alaska even. Or we can go south to Mexico. I dont care where we go as long
as were together.
I was pleading with him still.
I dont run, he said. Dont ask me again.
Dont you have anyone we can turn to for help?
He thought for a moment. I have my brotherhood, he said, but I cant drag them into this. This
is our fight.
Jackson, Im so sorry. I didnt realize it would be this way.
He looked into my eyes for a long time. When he spoke, I felt as if he was speaking to me from a
great distance.
I know, he said.
I couldnt eat. I felt ill. If Jackson rode out to face Los Lobos alone, theyd kill him.
Tell me, he said as he ate, whats Wolf Staten like?
I didnt know what to say. I wanted to cry. I looked into Jacksons face and all I could feel was
guilt. Id signed his death sentence.
 You know him.
Ive done business with him. But whats he like as a man?
Hes very intense, I said. Like you.
Was he good to you?
I thought he was at the beginning. That was two years ago. Then the beatings started. The
cheating. He put me in compromising situations with his cronies. The final straw was when he decided
to lock me away in a secret apartment in his compound.
Jackson nodded. Im glad you got out, he said. Youre too good for a life like that, Faith.
Youre too good for all of this.
I looked into his eyes. I knew Jackson was a dangerous man in his own right. I knew hed tasted
blood. Hed said he was bad to the bone. He was violent, strong, he could do what needed to be done.
That didnt make him bad in my book. That made him a man, a real man.
Dont leave me, I said quietly.
Im going to kill Wolf, he said. It needs to be done. A man like that, hell hunt you as long as
you live.
No, I said, crying.
Jackson nodded. Im going to keep my promise to you Faith. Im going to make you safe.
I never intended to get you hurt.
It doesnt matter, he said. The truth is, Ive been living on borrowed time my whole life.
Dont say that.
I can make my peace with it, Faith. But you have to do what you promised.
I will, Jackson. I swear.
You have to keep your promise to me.
I swear by God I will.
Youll keep it tonight.
 Chapter 11

Jackson

THE BROTHERHOOD HAD A SAFE HOUSE in the hills above the desert. We used it from time to time
when we needed to hide out. It was completely off the grid, had its own well, its own solar power,
its own everything.
I brought Faith there so she could keep her promise to me. Now that my death was near, that
promise was the only thing that mattered.
What is this place, Jackson?
Just somewhere we can be safe.
Why dont we stay here forever?
I laughed. I already told you, Faith. I dont run. Not from anyone.
I showed her around the house, a quaint adobe villa overlooking miles of desert valley. A spring
fed a natural stream and trees shaded the veranda and garden. I knew shed want to stay there with me.
Hell, I wanted to stay too, but I couldnt. If I was going to hold her to her part of the promise, I
had to keep mine too. And my promise was to make her safe. That meant taking out Wolf Staten, the
head of Los Lobos.
I showed her to the bathroom. Freshen up, I said. Have a rest. Ill be back in an hour.
Where are you going?
We need firewood. It gets cold up here at night. Well also need something for dinner.
Ill come with you.
She was scared I was going to leave her.
Listen, I said. Im not going to leave you, Faith. Not without holding you to your word.
Oh, she said, embarrassed.
You said youd be mine. I meant that absolutely. Before I leave, youre going to give me
everything you have to offer. I want all of you.
How do you know it will work? she said, uncertainly.
I smiled. It will work. Youll see. Im going to put my come in your naked womb, and it will
work.
She covered her mouth with her hand.
Thats what this is all about, Faith. Thats what its always been about. The moment I set eyes on
you in that bar last night, I knew I was going to do it.
She was stunned. Id told her all of this in the diner already but it was still sinking in. She still
didnt fully believe what was happening. I didnt blame her. It was a lot to comprehend. She sat down
on the bed. I wanted to sit next to her, to tell her it was all going to work out, that wed live a happy
life together, but I couldnt. The truth was more important. And the truth was that I was riding out to
my death in the morning.
And before I did, I was going to exact my price from her. She would carry my child.
Id told her shed regret ever laying eyes on me. Id told her Id bring her nothing but pain and
regret. I wasnt kidding. I meant every word.
She was shaking her head.
You said you had brothers.
Were a brotherhood. I call them my brothers, but were not related.
Jackson, she said, we need to talk.
I shook my head. The time for talkings done, Faith. The time for talking was last night, before I
put a bullet in that Los Lobos thug.
I dont want you to die, Jackson. I dont want you to risk your life, even if its for my safety. I
couldnt bear it if you didnt come back.
I leaned down to her and took her face in my hands. Listen to me very carefully, Faith. The truth
is, Im happy to do this. If I can give my life to help someone as beautiful as you, it will be worth the
sacrifice. And if I can go to my grave knowing that theres even a chance that youre carrying my
child, thats a death I can face with courage and honor.
She looked at me, and I could tell she was hearing what I said. I know Im crazy. I know theres
not a woman in the world who would want to hear the words I was saying. But there was a strange,
masculine logic to it, and she could see that.
A life for a life. Thats how it is for a man. Its simple. It adds up.
How do you know? she said.
How do I know what?
How do you know Im the one. How do you know Im the one you want to give your life for?
How do you know Im the woman you want to raise your child?
I put my mouth on hers and I kissed her. Our tongues met and entwined.
I just know, I said, and left the room.
 Chapter 12

Jackson

THERE WAS A HIGH-POWERED RIFLE with a scope in the den and I got it and a box of cartridges. I
rode down into the sweltering heat of the valley. About four miles down I took a dirt trail leading to
some hills. I found a position on an overlook and waited.
It was thirty minutes before a group of deer entered my field of view. They were almost a
thousand yards out but I wanted to test the rifle. It was the gun Id use to kill Wolf Staten.
I loaded a cartridge and held up my hand to judge the wind. There was a slight easterly breeze. I
adjusted my sights, making sure there werent any gusts or lifts on the valley floor. I breathed slowly
but steadily, holding the largest deer in my crosshairs. I put my finger on the trigger.
With the naked eye, the deer was scarcely a dot among the chaparral in the distance. Through the
sight, I was so close I felt I could touch him. I could see him breathe. I could make out the faint white
marking beneath his left eye. I trained my sights on the artery in his neck, just above the shoulder
blade. It would be an instant death.
I exhaled and depressed the trigger.
He didnt even hear the shot when the bullet struck. The other deer pranced and ran, darting
across the valley like fish in a reef. My target hit the ground, a small cloud of dust rising around him.
My father died without a grandson. Faith was my destiny. I hadnt asked for her. Shed come into
that bar and offered herself. I was going to give my life for her. That made her mine.
When I got back to the safe house, all I could think about was putting my semen in her womb.
Faith, I called.
In here, she said from the bedroom.
I entered, and my eyes grew when I saw how beautiful she looked. I swear to God Ive never seen
anything more enticing. Shed washed her hair and it was wet on her shoulders. Her skin was moist
from her bath. She was clean and perfumed.
She took my breath away.
Do you remember what I said to you when we met? I said.
She nodded, shyly. She was trembling. She was afraid of whatever I was about to do. My cock
pressed against my jeans like a caged tiger wanting to escape.
I said, Id destroy you. I said, Id drink you like the desert drinks the rain. That Id ravage you
until you begged me to stop.
I remember.
Well, thats what Im here to do, Faith.
A white sheet covered her body and she removed it, revealing everything she had to offer me.
My heart pounded with a raw, animal desire.
She smiled, faintly.
Im going to put my seed in your womb, and when Im done, if its Gods will, youll be
carrying my son.
She opened her legs seductively. I couldnt believe it. She wanted me. Id thought I was
destroying her, defiling her with my need to leave an heir, but she was welcoming me with open arms.
Im yours, Jackson, she whispered.
I stripped, and when she saw me she gasped. My cock was so rigid it was red with desire. My
blood raged through it. It knew what was coming. It was about to perform the act it had been created
for.
 I walked to the bed and climbed above her. She looked at me with a mixture of love and terror. I
touched her pussy with my hand. It was wet. I smiled.
My finger slid inside her and and her muscles clenched around it like a fist.
Thats my girl, I said.
I kissed her mouth, forcing my tongue into hers. She sucked it.
As we kissed, I slid my girth into her waiting vagina, filling her with my massive organ. She was
tight. She gasped. I was bigger than her ex. That much was clear. I pushed myself all the way in.
She let out a whimper, more a cry than a moan.
Youre going to be mine, Faith. Youre going to be completely mine after this.
I know, she whispered.
And Im going to be yours too, I said.
She pulled me closer to her and my cock throbbed with pleasure. The knowledge that I was about
to pour my wet semen into her naked womb thrilled me.
There would be no undoing this. It was the language of God, or else God never spoke.
I pushed my cock all the way inside her and pulled back out. Her fingers gripped the muscles in
my shoulders. I pushed inside her again. She moaned. I built up speed, pushing myself into her and
pulling back out. In and out, like an engine piston. Something took over, an insane passion.
I knew that when I came, my semen would hit her cervix. No rubber bag would catch my seed
this time. I would pour freely into her womb and, together, we would create a new life. I wanted it. I
wanted to feel it happen.
I pushed in, my cock throbbing with pleasure. I was forcing myself so deep she cried with each
thrust.
An innocent childthats what I thought as my cock plowed her mercilessly.
Her legs clenched my waist so tightly she was going to bruise us both. I wanted it. I wanted to be
bruised. I wanted to leave my mark on her.
She was mine. She was going to be mine forever.
Any man that threatened that risked his life. I would erase all memory of Wolf Staten from the
world. Hed defiled Faith, hed threatened her, and she was mine.
I grabbed her breasts. They were so small and soft in my massive hands. I looked into her eyes.
Im coming, Faith.
I know, she cried.
I could feel it. I felt the force of my semen blast into her with such intensity it threatened to
shatter her. She cried out. Her muscles clenched me so tightly it hurt. Her cunt gripped my cock like a
noose. I shot my load into her like my very life depended on it. Her womb took my semen. I flowed
into her. Again and again I climaxed. Each surge of pleasure brought a new spurt of sperm.
Her eyes were locked on mine. I was doing it. I was putting my seed in her belly. I was putting my
child in her.
Id taken her. Id claimed her. She was mine now, and shed be mine forever. God Himself could
not undo what Id just done to her.
Im yours, she whispered as my orgasm subsided.
Yes, I said. Youre mine, and as I said it, my voice cracked.
Tears welled up in my eyes and fell onto her face. For the first time in my adult life, I cried.
 Chapter 13

Faith

IT MAKES NO SENSE, but that night with Jackson, I felt safer than Id ever felt before in my life.
Everything was different. The entire world was new. I was his now, his property, his woman. I was
carrying his child, or at least, I hoped I was. Id know in a few weeks. And thats all that mattered.
At no time during the past two years, during all the time Id spent with Wolf Staten, had I felt that
safe or that possessed. Despite all Wolfs power, all the henchmen he had at his beck and call, hed
never felt as powerful or as possessive as Jackson felt.
I wanted to be owned by Jackson. I wanted to be his property. I wanted his semen inside me.
Carrying his child would be the greatest honor of my life.
The only problem was that in the morning he was going to ride out to the Los Lobos compound
and find his death.
I clung to him so tightly that night, as if I could somehow stop the storm that was brewing. I knew
I couldnt. I might as well have been trying to stop the weather.
Through the window I could see the white orb of the moon. It was a peaceful place. I loved that
house. I would happily have stayed there with Jackson. Id have been able to forget Wolf. He wouldnt
find us there. It would be like Id never known him. But Jackson couldnt live like that. I knew that, and
I respected it.
Faith, he whispered.
Yes?
Do you feel different?
I touched my belly. It was soft and smooth and warm. I did feel different, but not in the way he
meant. I felt safe. I felt like I belonged to someone, a man, a real man, who knew how to possess me. I
didnt know if I felt pregnant or not. I wanted to, but there was no way of knowing.
I feel safe, I said.
Good. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel safe for the rest of your life.
Thats why he had to go after Wolf.
You know what they say where I come from? he said.
No, I dont even know where you come from.
The Socorro Valley, he said, vineyards, the ocean, thats where I call home.
It sounds nice, I said.
It is nice. Youll see.
I smiled. I liked that idea. I wanted to go back to wherever it was he came from. I wanted to have
a life with him. If I was to have a child, I wanted its father to be with me.
So, I said, what do they say there?
Jackson grinned. They say, a man that doesnt know how to make a lady come, is no man at all.
I blushed. Hed given me more orgasms in the past twenty-four hours than Wolf had been able to
give me in two years.
Is that so? I said.
He nodded, and climbed down beneath the sheets.
Jackson, what are you doing?
He didnt need to answer. His tongue answered for him, licking my clit softly, his stubbled chin
tickling my thighs. It gave me goosebumps.
I gasped.
 His tongue flicked back and forth, causing me to squirm in pleasure. I grabbed my pillow and
hugged it tightly, trying to stifle my bodys response to what he was doing.
His tongue ran from the top of my clit, down over my vagina, and all the way beneath me till he
reached my anus. I was shocked. No one had ever licked me there before. I wanted him to stop. I was
terrified. That wasnt something Id ever expected to happen.
I covered my face with the pillow as he forced his head between my legs, holding them open with
his powerful arms.
I was his now. There was no way I could stop him from doing what he wanted to me. I was at his
mercy, just as hed told me Id be.
And I liked it.
His tongue pressed against my anus, sending a shiver of excitement up into my flesh. He held my
cheeks open with his large hands and licked everything he wanted to lick.
I was glad to have that pillow. It gave me some cover, somewhere to hide, even if it was just in
my mind.
His finger reached up and toyed with my clit. His other hand grabbed one of my breasts and
softly pinched the nipple. The finger on my clit slid into my wet pussy and I shuddered with pleasure.
All the while, his tongue toyed with my anus like it was a predator and I was its prey.
I wrapped my legs around his head and clenched as tightly as I could. I had no control over it. My
body was responding out of its own sense of self-preservation.
As his finger slid into the wet mouth of my pussy, his tongue pushed into my anus and I cried
out, pulling the pillow over my face.
The orgasm shook my like an earthquake. I clutched the pillow like it was an enemy I was trying
to rip apart. Pleasure built up until breaking point and then everything inside me collapsed at once.
The orgasm came in waves, shuddering pleasure destroying everything inside me but my ability to
scream, writhe, and feel ecstatic, sexual pleasure.
Jackson, I cried out.
He came up from beneath the sheets and put his wet mouth on my face. I couldnt believe it. I
couldnt believe what he was doing to me. When he said Id beg him, when he said hed be my
complete master, he meant it. He meant every word.
 Chapter 14

Jackson

I WOKE UP EARLY, before dawn, and Faith was still asleep. Id exhausted her.
I rode into town and picked up some fresh coffee, jam, eggs, bread, milk, and butter. I wasnt
sure what she liked but I knew shed be hungry. By the time she woke, breakfast was ready.
Where did all this come from?
The market.
You made this?
Its just a few eggs.
She was grateful and thanked me. We ate in bed and drank the coffee. Being with her was like a
dream. Everything about the past couple of days was like a dream. From the moment she stepped into
the bar, fate had taken over my life.
Id intended to leave after breakfast, to get the job over with, but something about the way Faith
looked at me stopped me. I just couldnt pull myself away from her. She was going to be the mother
of my child. I knew it with a certainty that defied logic.
But I wanted her to know it too. I wanted her to know she was mine so completely, so utterly, that
even if Staten and his men killed me and she never saw me again, it would hardly matter. I wanted to
burn myself on her soul, brand her with my body, so that she wouldnt ever be able to free herself of
me.
It wasnt that I wanted to take her freedom from her, or her future. I didnt want to take anything
away from her. I wanted to give her something. And this was what I knew how to give.
Faith, I said.
Yes, Jackson.
Climb onto my lap.
Now?
I didnt say anything. I didnt want her to answer me back. I wanted her to do as I said. She eyed
me suspiciously as she straddled me. She didnt believe I could go again. She thought I was spent. If
only she knew, when it came to her body, Id never be spent.
Im big in every way. My chest is big. My arms are broad. My cock is like an extra limb. My
naked, scarred body is terrifying. Faith looked at me like she was the one who was going to do the
devouring. She wasnt scared. She didnt mind my scars. I loved her for that.
She did as she was told, climbed on top of me, and put her arms around my shoulders. I pressed
her against my chest. My throbbing cock was in front of her, pressed against her tender stomach. I
knew my baby was in that stomach. Faith didnt realize it yet, but she would soon enough.
She was so small against me. I put my hands beneath her buttocks and lifted her up, testing her
weight. She weighed nothing at all.
She looked up into my eyes like a child. She was going to let me do whatever I wanted to her. I
could tell.
Im going to protect you, I said softly.
She nodded.
Everything will be taken care of.
Thank you, she whispered.
The only thing you have to do, is surrender yourself to me completely.
She leaned in to me and started kissing my neck, her mouth sucking gently on the sensitive skin. I
shut my eyes as my cock grew in my lap. It rose up between her legs like a tree growing.
She looked down at it.
Spit on it, I said.
She glanced up at me.
Do it, I said insistently.
She let a stream of saliva fall from her lips over the head of my weapon. My tip glistened,
perfectly coated in her saliva.
Do you trust me? I said.
She nodded.
What I want to do, it might hurt at first, I said.
She nodded again.
Just remember, everything comes at a cost.
She clung to me. I lifted her a few inches from my lap and held her, suspended over my cock.
Wrap your legs around my chest, I said.
She did as she was told. Very slowly, I lowered her back down onto my erect penis. Her pussy
was right there, already dripping for me, but it wasnt her pussy that I wanted. I lowered her so that the
tip of my cock pressed against the tight muscle of her virgin asshole.
She gasped.
I locked eyes with her.
This is what I want from you, Faith. This is what I demand.
She whimpered as I lowered her another inch, the head of my cock pressing hard against her
anus. She tried to kiss me but I backed away.
Not yet, I said. Not till I say.
She shivered. I didnt know if she was cold or scared. I lifted her higher and lowered her again,
my cock pressing harder against the tight ring of her ass. I wanted to enter her there. I wanted to pour
my seed in there. I wanted to make sure she was mine, completely mine, for now and forever.
I knew what I had to do in Nevada, it would be dangerous, and there was every chance Id never
see her again. If my plan had worked, if she was already carrying my child, I had to make sure she
remembered me. I had to make sure shed remember she was utterly mine, even if I was dead. I didnt
want another man coming along after my death and winning her heart. I had to burn myself on her
heart like a cattle brand. I had to get so far inside her that nothing, not even death, would ever be able
to rip me back out.
I needed that. I needed it for my child. I needed her to speak of me to the child. I needed it for
myself too. If I was going to ride to my death, I had to know my life had meant something. But most
of all, Faith needed it. I could sense it, like some animals can sense water in the desert. She needed to
belong to someone. She needed to know her place in the world. And I was going to show her.
She cried out. My cock was pushing its way through the barrier, entering her passage, and it
terrified her.
When I found her, she was utterly lost. Now she was carrying my child, but that wasnt enough
for me. I had to have more. I had to take everything from her.
And I was going to give her my ultimate sacrifice too.
I had to penetrate her deeply. I had to burn myself onto her very soul. It wasnt just for pleasure.
It wasnt just an idle desire. I wanted to break her, the way a horse-whisperer breaks a mustang. I
needed her to know she belonged to me. I didnt just want her just to love me, I wanted her to fear me
too. To respect me. I wanted her to worship me like an animal worships its master.
She cried out, but she was powerless to stop me. I lowered her onto my erect spike and it slid up
into her like a sword killing a warrior.
 Please, she mouthed but I didnt listen. I couldnt stop now. If I stopped now, shed never
forgive me. Shed despise me. I couldnt stop until she was utterly mine. I had to defeat her will, her
resistance.
Jackson, she whispered.
I refused to feel compassion. I kept lowering her until she was resting again on my lap, my shaft
all the way inside her ass, my balls touching the cheeks of her butt.
Some things have to come with pain, I said.
Why are you doing this?
Youll understand after Im gone.
No, she cried.
If Los Lobos kill me, Ill live on within you, Faith. Ill live on within your womb.
You dont even know if Im pregnant.
It was then that I kissed her. My cock was in her ass, all the way to the very center of her body,
and I shoved my tongue into her mouth so that she couldnt say another word. She tried to cry out, she
tried to moan, to beg for mercy, but I stifled all of it. I couldnt bear to hear it.
I was simultaneously creating and destroying the only thing in the world that mattered to me. I
was forcing her to be mine for the rest of her life. I knew shed never look at another man after this.
But I was also forcing her to hate me, to look at me as a monster. Shed never forgive me for leaving
her. Not for as long as she lived.
If I left her now, if Wolf killed me, if I never returned, shed hate me for it.
My cock pulsed inside her. She struggled but I held her firmly in place. There was no escape. She
bit my lip and I released her from my kiss.
Her claws dug into the flesh of my back.
Dont resist me, I cried. Im doing this for us.
She was crying. My cock burst, the flood of my semen pouring into her anus in waves of
pleasure.
I know, she cried.
Surge after surge of my orgasm pulsed inside her.
Harder, she cried.
I thrust my groin upward, forcing it against the soft flesh of her ass. My cock was lodged so
firmly inside her she wouldnt have been able to break free even if I let her.
Harder, Jackson, she cried again. If youre going to break my heart, you better break it all the
way.
I shut my eyes. Her nails were so deep in my back that blood was flowing down over my scars.
Her mouth pressed against my neck, her teeth biting me painfully. Her legs were so firmly wrapped
around my waist I could hardly breathe.
As the last throbs of my sperm flowed into her ass, I knew it was true. She was mine. She was
utterly mine, and she always would be.
Id broken her. I was her master.
 Chapter 15

Faith

WHEN JACKSON TOLD ME HE was leaving to ride north, something inside me broke. He was going
to ride to his death, and he wasnt even considering where that would leave me. I didnt care that he
said it was for me. It wasnt for me. I didnt need revenge on Wolf. All I needed was Jackson to stay
with me, to protect me by being with me, to never leave me. All I needed was for him to stay.
I cant stay, he said. You know that.
Then go, I cried. If youre going to leave me, go now. It would have been better if Id never
met you. It would have been better if Id never left Wolf.
Faith, he said, but it was too late.
I shook my head. I wanted no more of his words. He was breaking my heart and he knew it. How
could he do this to me? In the space of two passionate nights hed made me fall completely in love
with him. I knew I was already carrying his baby. There was no doubt in my mind I was pregnant. I
dont know how I knew, but I knew.
Now he was breaking me heart. He was breaking my body and my heart at the same time. He
didnt realize Id forgive him for anything, if only he would stay. He didnt realize I didnt care about
Wolf Staten. All I cared about was Jackson being at my side.
I wanted to tell him that I released him from his promise, that he didnt have to go, but he wasnt
listening. He thought Id hate him for being a coward. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The only thing Id hate him for was leaving me. He didnt have to do it like this. He didnt have
to leave a trail of destruction. We could have stayed at that house together. Or he could have taken me
somewhere else. Id have gone anywhere with him. I wanted him. I didnt want justice. I wanted
Jackson to help me raise this baby hed been so determined to put inside me.
Tell me where to find Wolf, he said.
I flashed daggers at him with my eyes. I was so angry Id have shot him through the heart if Id
had a gun.
Youre leaving me now? I said.
Faith, I have to go.
You dont have to do anything. Its your pride thats making you leave.
Wolf Staten deserves to die.
I dont care about him. All I want is to run away with you.
Ill never run away. You know that.
Youre running away from me. Youre a coward, Jackson Jones. If you leave me now, youll be
a coward till your dying day. I swear to God.
I warned you, he said. I told you youd regret getting involved with me. I warned you it would
lead to nothing but pain.
I took my wallet from my purse and threw a piece of paper at him. If he wanted to kill himself,
who was I to tell him otherwise?
The address is there. He goes to that house every night. Its remote. Therell be guards there,
and theyll shoot you dead before you get within a hundred yards of him. If thats what you want, if
you want to kill yourself rather than raise our baby together, go ahead.
He shook his head.
I warned you Faith. You knew from the beginning youd regret ever meeting me.
He was so wrong. I didnt regret meeting him at all. Not for one second. The only thing I
regretted was losing him.
Tears fell down my cheeks.
He grabbed his things and left. I collapsed to the floor. His sperm was still inside me, dripping
out of me in a pool on the floor. I heard the motorcycle fire up and recede into the distance. I held my
breath and listened. Hed stop. Hed change his mind. Hed come back to me. He had to.
But he didnt. He never came back.
 Chapter 16

Jackson

I RODE NORTH AS IF being chased by a wildfire. The clouds in the sky rose above me, curling in a
vortex. A storm was brewing.
I had only one thing on my mindto keep my word. I was going to do for Faith what Id
promised.
And she was going to do for me what shed promised.
A life for a life.
If I had to die, I was ready for it. Id done my best to be a man. Id tried to love a woman, briefly
though it was. Id burned myself into her soul in the short time we had together. Id put my baby in her
left behind a son to carry on my name.
Now I was going to kill the man who threatened everything I loved. He threatened every chance
at happiness and peace Faith would ever know. Hed never let her escape his clutches. I knew that with
a certainty that burned in my soul. Men like Wolf Staten didnt care how much suffering they caused.
His honor wouldnt allow her to escape. It would threaten his manhood and his position as the head of
Los Lobos.
Im bad. I know that. Im bad to the bone.
But like I said before, I never meant any harm.
I was doing the only thing I knew how to do. I was being the only man I knew how to be. I didnt
see that I had any other option. Faith called me a coward for leaving her, but could she have lived with
a man who didnt stand up for her like this? Could she raise the child of a man she didnt respect?
She deserved better than that.
I crossed the state line into Nevada before stopping for gas. There was a payphone and I called
the Brotherhood from it.
Jackson, where the hell have you been? You left without a word. We thought you were in
trouble.
It was Grant Lucas, my friend, one of the brotherhood, a man Id gladly give my life for. A man
whod step up to protect me no matter what.
I had to clear my head, Grant.
Well, come home. Its not safe out there.
Thats what Im calling about.
What?
Did you hear about the shooting at the motel near Salinas?
Shit, that was you?
Its a long story, brother.
Well, shit, Jackson. Where the hell are you?
Listen, I said. Im mixed up with something.
And it involves Los Lobos?
Yes it does.
Come in and talk it out. The Brotherhood will sort it out.
This is something I have to face alone.
Were brothers. All of us. You face nothing alone.
This is about a woman.
Shit, Grant said. Shit, shit, shit.
 I know.
Youre a goddamn fool, Jackson.
I know it.
Well, I hope shes worth it.
She is.
Right.
A woman was the one thing most likely to get a member of the Brotherhood killed. We all knew
it. We were the most careful, levelheaded criminals youll ever come across. We did nothing without
calculating the risks first. We had a code, and we never deviated from it. Except when it came to
women. Thats when the rules went out the window. Thats when brothers got killed.
Shes different from the others, Grant.
Thats what they all say.
No, this time its really different.
Fuck, Jackson. Dont tell me youre in trouble because of a woman and its different from the
others.
It is. Shes carrying my child.
There was a moments silence.
Fuck. I didnt know. That is different.
Yes it is. Youve got to help me out.
Of course. Anything, Jackson.
Shes at the desert safe house.
Ill send someone out for her.
No. You go. Please. I want it to be you.
All right. Ill go.
And before you go, get rid of any chicks that are at home looking for me. Im done with all of
them.
Fine, but where the hell are you?
Im taking care of her ex.
How come Ive got a bad feeling about this, Jackson?
Because her ex is Wolf Staten.
I hung up before he could say anything else. I didnt want him to argue with me. I didnt want to
rationalize what I was doing with him. I knew it wasnt rational. It was crazy. But it was also the only
thing that made sense.
Plus, Ive never been good at goodbyes.
 Chapter 17

Faith

THE KNOCK ON THE DOOR scared the shit out of me. I was lying in the bed, naked, without a clue
what I was going to do. Jackson had abandoned me. I had no money, no vehicle.
Evening was setting in, the villa was beginning to get a little spooky in the darkness, and then,
bang, bang, bang on the door.
I turned off the light in the bedroom.
Hey, I heard. It was a mans voice. It wasnt Jackson, but I didnt recognize it as any of Wolfs
men either.
Who is it? I called, and as soon as I spoke I regretted it.
My names Grant Lucas. Im part of the Brotherhood with Jackson. Im coming in.
Dont come into the bedroom, I called, directing my voice at the window.
Dont worry, he said.
I climbed out of the bed and got dressed quickly. I guess Jackson hadnt completely abandoned
me. Hed sent someone, which I was grateful for, even if I was still angry at him.
When I entered the den, a big, muscular man with a broad chest and intricate tattoos was lighting
the fire with the wood Jackson had gathered.
Well, well, well, he said when he looked up at me.
Im Faith Shepherd, I said.
He stood up. Grant Lucas. Im a friend of Jacksons.
Me too, I said.
So I hear.
He spoke to you?
He called from the road.
Do you know where he was headed?
Sounded like he was on a mission to face up to your ex.
I nodded. I looked at Grant. He wasnt judging me, but I felt guilty for the danger Id put his
friend in.
I didnt want him to go, I said.
I can imagine.
I asked him for help, but I meant help escaping. I didnt expect him to square up to Los Lobos
on his own.
Grant shook his head, as if to say there was nothing either of us could do about it.
Jacksons got to do what hes got to do. We have a strict code. We back each other up in any
situation. But when it comes to women, we have to act alone.
What do you mean? I said.
Grant bent down to the fire and lit a piece of paper with his lighter. He blew on the fire till the
wood caught light.
Im sure he told you about the Brotherhood.
He mentioned it.
Well, we do jobs of a certain kind. We get away with a lot of money, and its dangerous work.
But we calculate every risk. We never move unless were certain we can get in and out without losing
a brother.
But you dont apply the same caution when it comes to women?
 Grant laughed. When it comes to women, the rules go out the window. We forget all our logic,
all our better judgement.
Sounds chaotic.
You get a group of four, woman-crazy criminals like us, emotions can get pretty passionate.
I suppose so, I said.
The wood caught fire and Grant piled bigger logs onto the flames.
Jackson told me to come up here and get you, he said. Im going to bring you to our home
tomorrow.
No one spoke to me about that.
If you dont want to come, I wont force you, he said.
I thought I might head for Los Angeles.
If you dont come back to the valley with me, Jackson will string me up from a post, but I wont
take you anywhere you dont want to go. Thats all between you and your man.
How do you know Jacksons my man?
Well, Grant said, hesitating, forgive me for being forward, but he said you were carrying his
child.
I sat down on a sofa close to the fire. The warmth of the flames was comforting.
He doesnt know that, I said. We only spent two nights together.
Its not like Jackson to say something unless he means it, Grant said.
Well, Im sure he means it, but you tell me how a man can know if hes made a woman pregnant
or not? Even a doctor couldnt tell me yet.
I guess what he meant, Grant said, was that he hoped you were pregnant.
I guess so, I said.
Grant looked me over, head to toe. He wasnt leering at me, but he made no effort to hide that he
was looking. He always had good taste, he said.
Excuse me?
Grant laughed. You heard me.
Is that supposed to be a complement?
Its just a fact, Faith. Dont worry, Id never make a move on a brother s woman. Youre safe as
long as youre with me or anyone else from the Brotherhood.
Good to know, I said.
Grant stood up. The fire had grown strong.
I saw a deer hanging in the pantry, he said.
Jackson shot it yesterday.
I dont suppose hed mind if we cut into it.
I dont suppose he would.
Grant left. I looked into the flames while I waited. I thought about my next move. Id go with
Grant to the valley, wherever that was. If I was ever going to see Jackson again, thats where hed
find me.
He returned with two large cuts of meat, skewered and seasoned, and he put them to roast above
the flames. The smell was delicious. It reminded me how hungry I was.
So, are you coming back to the valley with me in the morning?
I looked at him seriously. If you were in my position, would you?
He didnt answer.
 Chapter 18

Faith

THE NEXT MORNING, THERE WAS still no word from Jackson. I was terrified something might have
happened to him, but I shoved my fears from my mind. There was nothing I could do. I found myself
on the back of Grants bike, headed to the Socorro Valley, where the Brotherhood was based. I was
surprised at how beautiful the landscape was as we approached their home. Vineyards and orange
groves covered the mountainside, which sloped down to the Pacific coast. Waves crashed against the
jagged cliffs, sending spray up over the highway.
We left the highway at Rio Secco, and rode slowly through the picturesque town, which
reminded me of the pictures Id seen of places like Malibu and Santa Monica. It certainly didnt feel
like the base for a criminal group called the Brotherhood.
The road wound its way up into the mountains, through a beautiful vineyard valley, and we
stopped outside a colonial mansion shaded by high trees, a stream of crystal clear water flowing from
the mountains down through the grounds. A colonnade of white pillars surrounded a central arcade
where we parked the bike.
This is where you live? I said to Grant as he pulled up next to a number of other motorcycles.
Dont act so surprised, he said. Jackson wouldnt send you anywhere you wouldnt like.
I admired the vineyard as we walked up the steps onto the veranda. Crickets chirped around us,
creating an ocean of sound.
Its beautiful, I said.
Thank you, a womans voice answered. Its a lot of work, but these guys are more useful than
they look.
I looked up at the woman. She was a few years older than me and very beautiful. She had long,
blonde hair that framed her pretty face. Her bright eyes sparkled as she took me in.
You must be Faith, she said.
My reputation precedes me.
Let me tell you, she said, its very unlike Jackson to call and have us pick up a woman. To be
honest, hes usually trying to escape them.
I guess Im different.
The woman looked into my eyes. Yes, you are, she said, nodding.
Is this your house? I said to her.
Its the Brotherhoods house. It used to be my father s, he founded the Brotherhood, but he
passed on. My names Lacey Eden.
I see.
Youre welcome here as long as you want, she said.
I couldnt intrude.
Nonsense. Jacksons a brother in this place. Hes given his life for all of us. If he wants you
here, youre welcome. Theres nothing more to it.
Youre very kind.
As long as you dont cross me, she said, and winked.
A sly smile crossed her lips, but I got the distinct impression she wasnt kidding.
Go on, Lacey said to Grant. Take her inside and introduce her to Forrester.
Wheres Grady? Grant said.
Grady rode out to Nevada to see if he could intercept Jackson. If he rides against Los Lobos
alone, theyll kill him.
I shuddered. Lacey saw my reaction and put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I smiled at
her.
I followed Grant into the house and my jaw dropped when I saw the inside. The hallway was of a
beautiful, white marble, with a big staircase spiraling up to the second floor. We walked through to an
enormous room with a fireplace at one end and a wall of glass overlooking the valley at the other.
From the window I could see the river sparkling in the sunlight, the vineyards on the slopes of the
valley, and in the distance, far below, the blue water of the Pacific.
There was a man sitting on the sofa by the window. He wore ripped jeans and a white tank top. He
had the same muscular build as Jackson and Grant, the same intricate tattoo work, and the same
rugged look. I was beginning to wonder if sex appeal was a criteria for joining the Brotherhood.
Forrester, Grant called, meet Faith Shepherd.
He stood up and came over to greet me.
Weve been wondering about you, Forrester said. Ever since Jackson called.
What did he say? I said.
He said you were his girl, Forrester said. Or that was the gist of it at least. I didnt speak to
him.
Who did?
Grant.
Did he say what he was planning? I said to Grant.
I was terrified that something bad was about to happen to Jackson, and I knew it was my fault. If
he hadnt met me, hed be here in this mansion, enjoying the view with his brothers.
Grant shook his head. Just what you already know. It didnt sound good. It sounded like he was
going to try to kill Wolf.
You guys know how much security Wolf has, right? I said.
Yes, we do. So does Jackson.
Isnt there anything we can do?
Grady rode out to try and stop him, Forrester said.
And what if Grady doesnt find him in time?
We operate under a strict code here, Forrester said. We look after our own. Well protect you
to the last man, Faith, but we dont control each other. If Jackson wants to take out Wolf Staten, hes
got a right to try. We wont follow him into that place, but well be here for him when he comes back
out.
If he comes back out, I said.
Forrester and Grant looked at each other.
If he comes back out, Forrester agreed.
 Chapter 19

Faith

I WAITED THAT WHOLE NIGHT, sitting by the huge window overlooking the valley, the roaring fire
offering me the only comfort I could get. When the sun rose I got up and made coffee.
Lacey was the first to wake and I pounced on her with questions.
Is there any word?
She shook her head. I have no way of contacting Grady. Well have to wait for him to get back.
My hand was trembling as I stirred milk into my coffee.
Faith, you should rest.
I cant rest. I need to know hes coming back.
I could feel the tears rising to my eyes. I tried to hold them back but it was no good.
Lacey put her hand on my shoulder.
It all happened so fast, I said.
Tell me about it, she said, doing her best to take my mind from Jacksons present situation.
Well, I said, it was just two days ago. Id finally had all I could take from Wolf.
I can imagine.
He was going to lock me in a compound.
Lacey nodded. Shed heard the same stories about Los Lobos I had.
So you ran.
I ran.
Id have done the same thing, Lacey said. If I had the courage.
I didnt know where I was going. I hitched a ride and ended up at a motel along the highway.
And thats where you met Jackson?
Yes, well, actually, wed met before at the Los Lobos bar in Reno.
Oh, of course. I heard about that.
Really?
Jackson said he met a real bitch there.
I smiled. Yes, that would have been me.
He also said you were the most intoxicating thing hed ever set eyes on.
Really?
Absolutely.
He said that about me?
We dont keep many secrets from each other in this house, Faith. Jackson was always a player
so we didnt think much of it at first. But days and weeks passed and he was still talking about you. It
was unheard of for him.
Really? I had no idea.
Its pretty miraculous that you ran into him in your hour of need. Hes one of the few men alive
whod face up to Wolf Staten and Los Lobos.
A strange coincidence, I said.
You could call it a coincidence, or you could call it fate.
I nodded. The more I think about it, the stranger it is, I said.
Very strange, Lacey said. It was the night his father died.
The only thing on his mind was having a son to carry on his father s name.
And then he ran into you, asking for his help. He didnt stand a chance.
 I looked into her eyes. It was too much. It was all true. Tears fell from my eyes.
The moment he saw me, he was done for, I said.
Oh, Faith, Lacey said, putting her arms around me. Thats not the way it is. Whatever Jackson
got into with you, he went into with his eyes open. Ive never met a smarter man. If he offered you his
help, you can be certain he knew what he was going to get in return, and it was worth it to him. If he
asked you to have his baby, that was the most important thing in the world to him at that moment, and
he was more than willing to risk his life for it.
I just dont understand it, I said. There are so many other women who could have had his
baby. He didnt need to throw his life away to have it with me.
Lacey shook her head. The heart wants what the heart wants, she said.
I just hope he comes back to me.
I know, Faith. I know.
I went quiet. I stared out the window at the glowing sky. It truly was a beautiful sight, the ocean in
the distance reflecting the light like a mirror.
Youll make a nice life here, Faith.
I started to cry. I wanted it so badly I could hardly bear it. I wanted to create a life in that place, in
that beautiful valley, with Jackson.
Come on, Lacey said. Come to my room. Ill wake you as soon as theres news.
Reluctantly I followed her to her bedroom and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell into a
deep sleep.
I dreamed I was on a pier, looking out at sea, and Jackson was on a boat sailing away from me. I
wanted to dive into the water and swim after him, even if it meant drowning, but something stopped
me. I knew what it was. It was the baby in my womb.
I woke with a start. Lacey was there.
Is he back?
One look into her eyes and I knew the answer. She shook her head. Faith, Im so sorry.
No, I cried.
Grady did everything he could but he got there too late. Jackson had already attacked Statens
mountaintop villa.
Alone?
Alone.
No, I said again, refusing to believe my ears.
Grady heard gunfire, and he waited for Jackson to come back out of the compound.
But he didnt come out, did he?
Lacey shook her head.
I pulled the blanket over my head. I couldnt bear for her to see my face. Tears were streaming
over my cheeks and I felt lostutterly lost.
Id only known Jackson for a few short days, but in that time hed burned himself into my soul.
Id never get over him. Id never be able to look at another man. My life was as good as over. If
Jackson wasnt coming back, I might as well be dead.
There was only one thing that gave me a reason to live. I was pregnant.
 Chapter 20

Faith

TIME PASSED SLOWLY WITHOUT JACKSON. It was like everything was underwater. Color faded.
Sound was muted. Light was dimmed. The minutes spread into hours but I hardly noticed.
The sound of a bike engine brought me out of Laceys room, but I couldnt see through my tears.
I couldnt hear the words anyone said to me.
Grady spoke of trying to get to Jackson before he went into Wolfs compound. He said he got
there too late, Jackson had already gone in, he couldnt stop him. All I could do was nod my head.
In the coming days, Lacey and the brothers were kind to me. Lacey was the only female in the
house and she set me up in a guest room, brought me my meals, and told me everything was going to
be all right. I dont know if Id have survived those days without her. She was my anchor.
Even my own mother never showed me that much kindness.
On my third day in the house, I went out to the living room and sat by the window. It was the first
time Id left my room since Lacey had brought me to it.
She came in with Grant and they were obviously worried about me.
Weve got some news, Grant said.
My heart skipped a beat.
Jackson? I said.
Its not Jackson. Theres no word of Jackson. Its about Los Lobos.
I thought I would throw up. The very mention of the name made my blood boil.
What is it? I said.
Two Lobos are dead, Grant said. They announced the funerals this morning. Its in all the
Nevada newspapers.
Is Wolf dead?
Yes, Lacey said. Wolf and one of the others.
Does that mean? I didnt dare finish the sentence.
It means Jackson killed them, Grant said.
Could Jackson be alive?
Grant shook his head.
Lacey came over to me. If Jackson escaped, wed have heard from him by now.
Maybe Los Lobos have him?
If they caught him, theyd have killed him, Faith.
I nodded. I knew that was true. Lacey sat down with me and Grant got us coffee.
How will I go on? I said, more to myself than to them.
Lacey answered. Youll figure out a way, Faith. At least you have us.
How long can I impose on your hospitality?
Dont speak like that, Grant said, pouring the coffee and sitting to join us. Jackson said to
bring you here. You have a place with us for as long as you need it.
I cant just hide away in your guest room and let depression overtake me, I said.
No, Lacey said. But you can let us help you start a new life. Youve been through so much.
Your ordeal with Wolf. Falling for Jackson and then losing him so soon after. It will take time, but life
will go on.
I wont be safe here. No one will be safe here now. This will start a war. If they caught Jackson,
theyll know the Brotherhood was involved.
 They dont know about the Brotherhood, Grant said. No one does.
So they wont come here?
They have no reason to. As far as they know, Jackson was a lone gun who bought information
from them.
Even with Wolf dead, the other Lobos will always want me dead, I said.
Theyd kill you if they came across you, out of loyalty to Wolf, Grant said. But they wont
hunt you the way Wolf would have.
Thats true.
And besides, well protect you, Grant said. Well always protect you, and your baby. All of us
will.
I cant ask you to do that.
You dont have to, Lacey said. Weve already discussed it. Los Lobos have lost two of the
twelve. They dont know about us. None of the remaining Lobos will be overly concerned with your
whereabouts. With Wolf dead, Jackson made it safe enough for you to start a new life. With the
Brotherhood at your side, youll be able to make a go of it here, in the Socorro Valley, with us.
How can I stay here without Jackson? I said. Its my fault you lost him.
Youre not going anywhere, Faith, Lacey said. Youre part of the Brotherhood now. Youre
Jacksons girl. He chose you for a reason, and even in death, we look after our own.
I knew what she was saying made sense. Jackson had made sure to burn himself into my very
soul. It wasnt just some fling, wed had. It wasnt just an affair. It was something deep. It went right to
the core of my body. My heart belonged to Jackson and it always would. My soul belonged to him.
Hed dominated me in every way a man could dominate a woman. Hed put his seed in the deepest
parts of my body. If I was ever going to escape his grasp, I couldnt see how. I couldnt see myself
ever being with another man. I was tied to the Brotherhood now, and I always would be.
I vowed then to do my best. Life would go on, and I would make the best of it. Jackson had given
his life to protect me, and now that I had the Brotherhood at my side. I could at least try to make a new
life for myself. I couldnt allow the sacrifice Jackson had made to go to waste. I owed it to him to
make something of my life.
And I would start immediately.
Lacey, I said.
Yes?
Will you do something for me?
Of course, Faith. Ill do anything.
Will you take me to a drug store?
Yes, I will, she said, smiling at me kindly.
I was quiet in the car. It was my first time leaving the house since Id arrived, and I felt like an
inmate whod just been released from prison.
Everything around us was beautiful in the morning sunlight. The town was so pretty. They called
it the Hills because it was perched high above the valley. It was the ideal place to start a new life. It was
the kind of place Id always pictured myself living. It was the kind of place where I could raise my
child.
We got to the drug store and there was only one thing I neededa pregnancy test.
Do you think its too early for me to take it? I said to Lacey when we were back in the car.
Probably, she said. What does the package say?
I couldnt read the fine print on the side of the package. I was crying again.
 Chapter 21

Faith

ID NEVER HAVE THOUGHT ID be the one to say this, but no matter what happens to you, one thing
is always certain.
Life goes on.
Especially when youre singlehandedly raising a little boy.
With the help of Lacey and the Brothers, I got set up in a nice house up in the Hills, overlooking
the valley. It was the kind of place Id dreamed of as a little girl. It was a beautiful stone house on one
of the older streets in Rio Seccos expensive downtown. It had originally been built by a Spanish ship
captain for his wife, and the colonial influence gave it such charm.
I felt it was an appropriate house for me because of what had happened to the Spanish sailor.
After building the house, hed brought his wife to California from the colonial capital in Mexico.
From what I could find out at the records office, theyd had a happy life there together. At least for a
time. They planted the trees that now shaded the mosaic swimming pool. They brought the red, clay
tiles up from the coast that were now scattered in the driveway. And theyd had a son. A year after
their sons birth, the sailor was lost at sea and the wife raised the baby alone in the house.
Despite the tragedy, I took it as a good omen for what I was doing.
The years passed faster than Id ever imagined possible. Before I knew it, I was in the hospital,
giving birth. The pregnancy went smoothly. Lacey stayed with me during the labor. Grant, Forrester
and Grady crowded into the delivery room as soon as the baby was born.
They were his uncles. All three were named godfathers. Lacey was my emergency contact. We
lied and said she was my sister so she could stay with me throughout the procedure. At the
christening, Grady told me to call the baby Sam, after Jacksons father, and I did.
At first, when Id finally come to terms with Jacksons death, when Id at last realized he was
never coming back, I was grief-stricken. However, two months after Wolfs death, a third Lobo was
found dead in his bed. His throat was slit in the night and none of the guards heard a thing. That gave
me my first glimpse of hope.
Maybe Jackson wasnt dead.
Maybe he was finishing the job hed started, and would come back to me when he was done.
On the day of Sams birth, I received a letter. It was only a few words.

IM KEEPING MY PROMISE TO YOU. When Im done, Ill come back to you.

*

I KEPT IT TO MYSELF, but a few months later another Lobo turned up dead and I knew Jackson was
keeping his promise. It was going to take him longer than hed thought, but he was alive, and thats all
that mattered.
But the passing time was so difficult.
I was always painfully aware of his absence. My babys father was missing. He missed the first
birthday, and the second, and the third. Every year I counted on my fingers the number of Lobos left
alive, but it was always too many.
 Every day that passed was only half the life it was supposed to be. Half the happiness.
I had Sam, but the other half, Jackson, wasnt there.
And as the years stretched on, I eventually stopped counting the days till Jackson came back. I
settled into my life, cherished the beautiful gift Jackson had given me, and put all my efforts into
raising my son, giving him the best childhood possible, and making myself the best person I could.
I went back to school and learned all about wine. I learned how the grapes were grown, how the
wine was made, and how the worlds best restaurants selected the wines to accompany the food they
served. I started my own business as a wine buyer, discovering the best local vintages from the farms
in the valley and bringing them to the finest restaurants in San Francisco and along the coast, where
they could be discovered and enjoyed by the whole world.
On the night of the tenth anniversary of my meeting Jackson, I decided Id waited long enough. I
had no idea how may Lobos were still alive. So much time had passed that I no longer feared them
coming to look for me. They must have known someone was hunting them down and killing them
one by one, but they didnt know who it was or why he was doing what he was doing.
Theyd forgotten Wolf, and the night Jackson had started his blood feud, and so would I.
On that tenth anniversary, I got Lacey to babysit Sam, and I went back to the Motel on the
highway near Reno. I borrowed Grants bike for the ride, and I rode out in the white dress Id been
wearing the night Jackson found me. I still had it.
On the way to the motel, it started raining and I couldnt believe it. It never rained in those parts.
The rain soaked me to the skin, and by the time I got to the motel my makeup was running down my
face, just the way it had that night ten years before.
I walked into the bar and my eyes went immediately to the spot where Jackson had been sitting
the first time I entered. The spot was vacant now, and it pained my heart to see it. Even though I hadnt
expected Jackson to be there, even though all logic told me there was no way on earth hed be there, I
somehow had held out a hope that he might be sitting there, waiting for me, like he had last time.
But of course he wasnt.
One thing was the same though, the bartender.
Bartender, I said, a beer.
The bartender s eyes widened when he saw me. Miss, are you all right?
Why wouldnt I be?
You look
What? I said, my eye steady.
He shrugged, and got me a beer. When he came back with it he said, Miss, this is going to sound
very strange, but something about you makes me feel like Im looking at a ghost.
I smiled at him. I get that feeling all the time, I said. Every time I look in the mirror.
Youve been here before, havent you?
I looked him in the eye. In another lifetime.
He left me to serve another customer, shaking his head as he left. I finished my beer and when I
was done, I asked him if he rented the rooms. He said he did and I asked if room three was available.
It was and I took it.
I held my breath as I entered the room. It was as if I was walking back into a night from my own
past, ten years earlier. Everything that had happened between me and Jackson was as fresh in my mind
as if it had just happened the day before. Wed had such a short time together that I could account for
literally for every second of it.
Our first meeting in the bar in Reno, when Id been a bitch.
Our second meeting at the bar at the motel. The sex wed had in the very motel room I was now
in, probably the very bed I was lying on.
 The bike ride in the desert.
The painful conversation in the diner.
And then the sex in the desert safe house. Oh my God, that sex. I could remember every single
sensation, every emotion, every taste, every spasm of ecstasy.
I lay back on the bed and put my hand inside my dress and touched myself.
The night in the safe house had burned me to the very core of my being. Even ten years later, the
thought of it made my pussy wet. I let my finger slide over my clit as I thought about the orgasm
Jackson had had inside me. Hed insisted on going skin to skin. No condom. He wanted his semen
inside me. He knew it would lead to a son. And he was right.
My finger slid back and forth over my clit.
I thought about Jacksons cock in my mouth. Hed slid it right to the very back of my throat.
When he came, the throbbing terrified me. I thought he was going to explode. Hed poured so much
semen into my throat I was afraid Id choke, but I didnt. I loved it. Ill admit it. The sticky, metallic,
hot mess he poured into my mouth was a gift. I swallowed every drop of it, and what I wouldnt give
to have the chance to do it again.
My finger slid inside my pussy and I began slipping it back and forth.
Then, to really make sure he owned me completely, to make sure that even if he disappeared
from the face of the earth, which he did, Id never forget him, he took me in the most shocking way of
all. His plan had worked. It worked too well. Id never be able to get past him. I still couldnt imagine
another man touching me.
I let my thumb touch my anus.
Hed put himself in there. It had shocked me, terrified me, and it had overcome me so utterly that
Id never be able to be anyones woman but his.
I pictured his face in my mind. I pictured the firm muscles of his chest, his powerful arms, his
rock hard torso, his monstrous penis.
As my finger slid back and forth, in and out of my pussy, my thumb pressed against the tight
muscle of my anus.
I cried out his name as I came.
Jackson.
Jackson.
Jackson.
 Chapter 22

Jackson

TWELVE YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO BE A GHOST.

And it made its mark on me. I am not the man I was twelve years ago. Im not the man who left
Faith.
A million times I wanted to go back, but I couldnt. Not until it was safe. One wrong move, one
fuck up, and I would be putting her life in dangerand the boys. That was a risk I couldnt take.
That meant taking out all twelve Lobos, one at a time.
Twelve years.
Id never intended it to take so long, but once I started, there was no way to back out. If they got
even a hint of what was going on, if they suspected for a second that the killings had anything to do
with Faith, theyd track her down and kill her.
I knew how it had to be. I couldnt come back, I couldnt contact her, I couldnt even contact the
Brotherhood, until Id fulfilled my part of the bargain.
And so, I spent twelve years killing twelve men.
I didnt leave a single thing to chance. I didnt go within a million miles of home until every last
one of them was dead. Some of them were easy to get, some of them were difficult. But I got them all.
It cost me.
It cost me dearly.
It cost me the better part of my sons childhood.
But it was finally time to return.
I was on a greyhound bus from Galveston to Los Angeles. I couldnt believe I was actually on
my way back after all this time. How would she react? Would she even want to see me?
I was numb, a shadow of the man Id been. Killing takes its toll, it gets under your skin. There
comes a point when youre not even sure theres anything left of the man you were. Id been shot,
stabbed, scarred, tortured. I was hardly recognizable. But I was finally done. All twelve Lobos were
dead.
It was time for me to return to my woman and my son.
Galveston to LA is a long ride covering the length of the Mexican border. I was following the
trail of the old pony express, which might be interesting to a historian, but to me, nothing was
interesting except getting home to Faith.
Im not the man you remember. Im not the man who rode out from the safe house. That man was
killed a thousand times over. Every time I killed another Lobo, another part of me died.
I wondered if Faith would recognize me. I was twenty-six when she knew me. Now at thirty-eight
I was a hardened veteran, battered and bruised. Faith would be thirty-two. Shed been twenty when I
knew her. Everything that happened between us was a lifetime ago. Maybe I was fooling myself,
thinking I could go back after so long.
The Jackal, a Mexican drug runner with a scar across his face four inches long, was my last
target. He was the last Lobo I had to kill, the final member of Wolfs inner circle whod ever known
anything about Faith. Now he was dead, and there was no one left to threaten the people I loved.
Id spent twelve years trying to forget the feeling I got from Faith, trying to get the pain of her
memory out of my mind, but I could never do it.
Being without Faith, knowing she was out there and that I couldnt go back to her, it was a
constant torture. I tried to dampen that pain in any way I could. Violence, alcohol, adrenaline, I tried
everything.
The only thing I didnt try was sex.
I was tempted. Sure I was. Many times. I even made a habit of going to strip clubs and watching
the girls dance. But I never fucked them. I didnt fuck a single woman. Not in all that time. I didnt
even let them touch me. From the moment I laid a finger on Faith, I hadnt been with another woman.
What kept me going was the memory of Faith. I thought about her constantly. I fantasized about
her. Sometimes Id flirt with other women, but only because they reminded me of Faith. I used them to
trigger my own memories, to bring to life the images I held in my mind of Faith. But I never crossed
the line. Not once. I remained loyal. And that was the only thing that gave me the courage to go back
and find her now.
Maybe shed hate me, maybe shed spit in my face when she saw me, but at least I knew Id been
true to her. Id done what needed to be done, Id kept my promise, and now I was back to take what
was mine.
Some men live for glory. Others live for gold.
Me? I lived for the memory of Faith Shepherd. The images Id formed in my mind of her during
those few days we spent together were my obsession. They were my drug, my passion, and god
knows, they would be the death of me.
I found a seat near the back of the bus. I had it to myself, but across the aisle was a woman in a
provocative black dress. If I had to guess, Id say she was a hooker. She was alone, sitting quietly, her
nose buried in a book. My habit was to find something that reminded me of Faith, some hint of the
woman Id lost, in every woman I came across.
This woman had Faiths lips.
She noticed me. She looked when I threw my pack on the luggage rack, checked me out. Even
after all Id been through, the injuries and scars, the years of neglect, women were still drawn to me.
If anything, they flocked to me even more now than when I was younger. They could tell I was a real
man, a man who meant it. They knew Id fuck like I meant it too. And they could sense my loneliness.
Is this bus going all the way to California? she said.
I nodded. I wasnt interested in talking but she kept going anyway.
Is that where youre headed?
I looked up and smiled.
You aint ever seen a man as homesick as me, I said.
She smiled back and then looked away as if she was busy. She wasnt busy. She had the same long
bus ride ahead of her I had. She was bored, and I knew already she was going to look to me for some
entertainment. The bus pulled out of the station and hit the highway.
I looked across at her, at the lips that were like Faiths. It was a strange habit, seeing Faith in the
features of other women, but when youve been separated from your love as long as I had, you resort
to anything. Id have preferred if she was a little older, closer to Faiths age. Age brings confidence,
and confidence is everything.
I knew I should look away but my eye kept wandering back to her lips.
My heart yearned for company. It was so long since Id known intimacy that I sought it
everywhere, in all the small interactions of life.
I didnt say a word to this woman. It would only bring trouble.
She looked at me and caught me staring at her lips. It wasnt her I was thinking about, it was
Faith, but she took it as a signal.
This is a good book, she said.
I nodded.
I wish I read more, but I only seem to have time on buses.
 Ashamed as I am to admit it, I was horny. I cant deny it. My dick was rigid as a piece of wood.
But I belonged to Faith, Id promised her that, and there was no way Id break that promise.
Listen, I said, Im returning from a very long trip.
I get it. Youre tired.
Im bone tired.
I was just wondering, she said, if you have anything to drink. Something to help the time
pass.
I shook my head and, disappointed, she looked back to her book.
I thought shed leave me alone then, but she spoke up again.
What were you doing on your trip?
I looked at her. I had nothing against her, but I knew she wasnt going to leave me alone. She was
one of those girls who thought she knew exactly what men wanted. She thought she could flirt with me
a little and Id show her what a guy like me was like. She might be right some of the time, but she was
wrong about me.
I decided to get rid of her.
I was doing very bad things, I said. Things Ill never be able to take back.
What sort of bad things?
I didnt want to play games with her. She was hot, but I wanted her to leave me alone. Id be
seeing Faith soon. This girl could find her own man.
Hurting people, I said.
I pictured Faith. It had been so long. I wondered how many tears Id caused her to shed, how
much pain Id forced her to feel. I wondered if shed found another man yet. I prayed she hadnt. Id
been in touch with the Brotherhood but very infrequently. I didnt want them to get involved in what I
was doing. Grant had kept me appraised of the barest details of Faiths life but I knew very little.
Twelve years was such a long time.
The woman spoke again. Is that where you got all those scars? she said.
Look, you really dont want to be talking to a guy like me.
A guy like you?
Im bad news.
You dont look like bad news to me, she said.
God, she was pissing me off. She wanted to flirt. I wanted her to fuck off.
I looked into her eyes. Im as bad as they come, I said.
In what way?
I thought about it. I thought about all the things I could tell her, the men Id killed, the ways Id
killed them, the look on their faces when they knew they were going to die, but she wasnt interested
in any of that. All she was interested in was getting a thrill, flirting, having a story to tell her friends
when she got home.
I could tell she wasnt going to leave me alone so I decided to fuck with her.
You really want to know? I said.
She nodded.
Because you seem like a nice girl, I said. And were on a public bus. I dont want to say
anything that might shock you.
I could tell she was getting excited.
Mister, Im sure Im not as innocent as youre imagining.
Is that so?
Yes, it is.
I looked at her for a minute, weighing her up. I should have just gotten up and left, but I guess my
dick was doing the thinking for me because I said, All right, Ill tell you why Im bad news.
The suspense is killing me.
Its because Im real good at orgasms, I said.
She threw her hand in front of her mouth to stifle a laugh. Youre kidding me.
I shrugged. Im being straight up, sweetheart.
Youre good at orgasms?
No. Im real good at orgasms.
She looked away from me, out the window. She was blushing. I felt my cock pulse. It was time
for me to leave. I couldnt let it go too far. Id been playing with women for years. I was like a
magnet. Dancers, strippers, random chicks in bars, all of them were drawn to me. Theyd sidle up to
me in bars and practically beg me to take them home. I never once succumbed to the temptation.
Twelve years and Id kept my record clean. Id been true to Faith. And I would be seeing her so soon I
could almost taste her.
I wasnt going to fuck up now with this slut. One final thing and Id be on my way.
You mind if I take a seat? I said, indicating the spot next to her.
She looked around. There were only two other passengers on the bus and both of them were
toward the front. She took a deep breath. Sure.
I sat next to her but gave her lots of space. I didnt want to crowd her. I flexed the muscles in my
chest and arms to give her a hint at what was under my shirt, but I gave her room.
Youre good at giving orgasms or having them? she said.
She was bold. Id give her that. What do you think?
She looked at me, sizing me up. Could be either.
Ill tell you what, I said. You tell me which youd rather see, and Ill show you something
youll never forget.
Her cheeks turned pink. She was embarrassed. Her eyes were wet. I was fully aware of the power
I had over her. She was fooling around, flirting. She wasnt doing anything that bad, but she still
pissed me off. I might not look it, but I was taken. She should have left me alone when Id told her to.
Id make sure she remembered this encounter for the rest of her life.
I dont know, she said.
Come on, dont be such a chicken.
You want to do something right here, on this bus? she said.
She was playing coy. I knew she was a slut. Shed have done anything I suggested.
If you want me to leave you alone, I can go back to my seat, I said. I knew what shed say, but
giving her an out was part of the game.
You can stay.
Ill tell you why Im sitting next to you, I said, my voice low. Im going to be honest, because
you seem like an innocent girl.
She was anything but innocent.
Im not that innocent, she said.
You ever had sex in a public place?
She hesitated before shaking her head.
I sighed. I really should let you go. This isnt fair.
My cock was hard. She was looking at me with her innocent brown eyes like shed let me do
anything I wanted.
Stay, she said again.
I shouldnt. Im just horny because I havent blown my load in a long time.
She looked a little scared but her words were firm. I dont want you to leave. I want you to show
me what you were going to show me.
After its done, well never see each other again.
She thought about that for a minute. Then she said, I dont care.
You might tomorrow.
She shook her head. I wont. Teach me something. Where I come from, the men are so timid.
Show me something different, something real.
You sure?
Im sure, she said, nodding.
I looked at her body. She was all woman. I looked down at my crotch. Her eyes followed mine to
the raging bulge inside my jeans. She gasped.
I nodded. Imagine what lies beneath.
Okay.
You want to touch it?
She didnt answer, but her eyes told me she wanted it. She wanted to open my belt and the button
on my jeans. She wanted to put her hand inside and grab the girth of my shaft.
I know you want to, I said.
Is it big?
I shrugged. Ive been told it is, but how would I know?
I think its really big, she said. I can tell from the bulge in your pants.
Youre not exactly an expert, I said with a smirk.
She looked at me. She wanted to kiss but I didnt lean in. I didnt want her to kiss me. I didnt want
her lips anywhere near me. I was toying with her, playing a game. There was no way in hell this chick
was going to ever see my cock.
Her eyes were locked on the throbbing bulge in my pants. I knew she wanted to look inside. She
was dying to see it. She was dying to pull it out and wrap her pink lips around it.
I promise you, youve never seen anything this big before, I said.
Ill bet.
You want to stroke it for me?
I want to make it come.
You sure?
Can I?
I smiled.
Spit on your hand, I said.
She wet her hand with saliva. She was ready for me. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to rub
that spit over the purple, throbbing head of my cock. She was trembling with anticipation, practically
vibrating with lust for me. I leaned back in my seat and sighed. I looked down at my own lap, my
penis still safe inside my pants.
Ive got to go, I said.
What? she said. No.
Ive got to get off this bus.
Why? Please stay. Ill do whatever you want.
Thats the problem, sweetie, I said. I know you will.
Ill go all the way.
Youd make me come, wouldnt you?
I swear I would.
My heart wouldnt allow it. All my heart could think of was Faith. She was my soulmate. She was
the only woman to know the taste of my cock.
 I grabbed my pack from the luggage rack, walked up to the driver and told him to stop the bus.
We cant stop here. Were on the highway.
This is an emergency, I said, showing him the handle of the gun under my shirt.
He jammed on the brakes.
The woman called to me from her seat. What did I do? she said. Please, dont get off now.
The bus came to a halt and I jumped to the ground. That was too close. I was getting desperate. It
had been so long since Id tasted Faiths pussy. So long since Id laid my claim on her. If I didnt get
back to her soon, Id die.
Once off the bus, it pulled away in a cloud of dust. I climbed the guardrail and walked into a
stand of trees a few hundred yards from the highway. No one could see me from the road.
I opened the buckle on my pants and pulled out my rigid shaft. It was so hard it was throbbing in
agony. I sat on my backpack and began rubbing my hand up and down on it, as if it was a piece of
wood I was polishing. I felt the first pre-orgasmic throb and Faiths face flashed before my eyes.
I continued, my hand sliding up and down, over and over. I felt the surge building in my groin,
like a river rising against a dam. The rains had started. It wouldnt be long before the flood.
I thought back to my first time with Faith. The memory of that glorious, mysterious night was
always enough to take me over the edge. She hadnt been shy. Shed known exactly what she wanted
from me. Thats the thing about women. I knew so many men who treated them like they were some
sort of delicate flower. The truth is, women know what they want, and if they find a man who will cut
through the bullshit and give it to them, theyll take it. Theyll take it all. And theyll ask for more.
Thats how it was with Faith. Somehow, shed known what she wanted the moment she set eyes
on me.
My cock was close to exploding. I stroked fast. I looked down at it, bulging in my hand.
And then it started. Fuck me.
Oh, God, I gasped.
I clenched my muscles.
The first spurt flew from me like a stream from a hose. It landed on the grass a yard in front of
me and slid over the green blades like something from nature. I kept pumping.
Another spurt flew from my cock and landed closer than the first. I kept pumping. The next
landed on the ground with less force. Soon, it was just pouring over my hand like lava flowing down
the side of a volcano.
Faith, I gasped.
The love of my life. Nothing I ever did would recreate the feeling Id had with her. Id made her
mine. Then Id lost her.
Id told her I was bad to the bone. That wasnt the half of it. The moment she saw me, she should
have run. Meeting me was a curse.
I prayed she was still waiting for me.
 Chapter 23

Jackson

I WAS EXHAUSTED WHEN I finally got off the bus. After twelve years of wandering, it was strange
to be back in the Socorro Valley. It felt good to be home, and at the same time, everything felt foreign.
I took in a deep breath of the air. I swear to God, I could smell the salt of the Pacific. Its different
from the Texan coastfresher, deeper water, bigger ocean. It was the smell of home.
But I wasnt the man whod left. I hadnt set foot in the valley since the day of my father s death.
That was the day everything changed.
That was the day destiny took over my life.
It was the day I met Faith.
I had my pack on my back as I walked out of the bus station. It was eight in the evening and
darkness was setting in. I could have phoned the Brotherhood to come get me, but I didnt want to
return like that. I hadnt told them I was coming. I figured I should make my own way back to the
house.
They knew I was alive, they all did, even Faith. Id sent her one short letter eleven years ago. It
was just a few words, but enough to give her hope. Id spoken to the Brotherhood a few times during
the years too. They would have told her I was still out there. And then there were the periodic killings
of Los Lobos members. It wouldnt take much to follow my trail if you knew where to look.
The one thing I was grateful for was that no one at Los Lobos ever put together the dots. They
hadnt figured out about the Brotherhood. They hadnt connected Faiths disappearance to the killings.
Everyone I cared about had remained safe.
But a phone call wasnt the way to return. Not after so long. It just didnt feel right.
I thought about hitchhiking as I walked along the side of the highway. It was a steep road that
sloped down the mountainside and it wasnt safe for walking. There were a lot of hairpin bends.
But I wanted to walk. I enjoyed it. After being on that bus for two days, it felt good to stretch my
legs. And after being away from home for so long, it felt good to be surrounded by the familiar
mountains of my childhood.
And then it happened.
I was on one of the blind bends on the road when a black Mercedes Benz came coasting around
the corner at high speed, its headlights blinding me. It was headed straight for me. I didnt think. I just
jumped. Somehow, the driver had the reflexes to jam on the brakes. The car skidded to a screeching
halt. I was down in the ravine next to the road, my leg bloody from the gravel, but the car hadnt hit
me.
It was close, but Im a lucky son of a gun.
I know a lot of drivers who wouldnt have stopped. The lady driving this car at least had the
decency to get out and check on me.
Oh my God, she cried as she ran over, her fancy heels clinking on the road. Are you all
right?
Ive said it before. There have been moments in my life like forks in a road. Moments that
change everything. Fate seems to come down from the heavens and reach directly into my life. This
was one of those moments. I could feel it in my bones, even if I didnt know what was happening.
I pushed myself up from the ground and got to my feet.
Goddamn it, I said, I hate for a lady to see me flat on my face.
Flat on your face? I was afraid Id killed you.
 No such luck, I said. But you gave it a good shot.
Her car was pointed at us, the bright lights glaring, and all I could see was her silhouette. She had
a good figure, a sexy skirt and blouse, she looked professional. I wouldnt have minded taking her
back into her Benz and punishing her for almost killing me. I tried to see her face but the lights were
too bright and I had to shield my eyes.
Let me help you out of that ravine, she said.
And then it struck me. That voice. The voice Id been longing to hear for twelve years. It was her.
It was Faith.
I couldnt believe it.
My heart pounded in my chest. It was like seeing water after crossing a desert. It was like seeing
sunlight after being trapped underground. God, it was like tasting life itself.
Even shrouded in darkness, I knew it was her. Id know that heavenly voice anywhere. It was
Faith. Standing right in front of me like an apparition from heaven. After all this time, there she was.
My hands started to shake. My mind went completely blank. I felt dizzy. It was too much. It was
her. Suddenly, I lost my balance and was falling back into the ravine.
As I fell, thoughts flew across my mind. I wasnt prepared for this. I didnt want her to recognize
me. After all that had happened, all Id put her through, I couldnt just appear like this. It would be too
much of a shock. I didnt even know if she wanted to see me.
I hit the gravel with a thud.
Oh, gosh, she cried. Youre hurt. Youve got to let me take you to the hospital.
Thankfully it was dark. Im not sure shed have even recognized me even if it was light. I looked
much different than she remembered. I was older. I was beaten and battered, scarred and bruised. I had
the scraggy beard of a lumber jack, long, unwashed hair, a Lakers ball cap. I deepened my voice and
prayed she wouldnt recognize me.
Lady, youve done enough, I growled.
Im just trying to help.
If you want to help, try slowing down.
I was being rude, but I had no choice. I had to get rid of her. I couldnt let her know it was me. I
needed time to work my way back into her heart. I had to approach it properly. I couldnt just show up
like this.
I climbed back up the rocks but remained in the shadows so she wouldnt get a good look at me.
Well, she said, breathlessly. Are you hurt? Let me at least take you to the hospital. Its not far.
Only if I can drive? I said, still trying to get rid of her.
I could see her now, dimly, but it was enough to get the general impression. She was so fucking
hot, every bit as beautiful as the moment wed said goodbye. She still had the face of an angel. Shed
matured gracefully. Her eyes reflected the car headlights like glass. Her features were delicate and
kind.
She took my breath away. It was the face Id been dreaming about for twelve years, and there she
was, right in front of me. I stayed out of the light. I couldnt let her see that it was me.
Tears came to my eyes. I hadnt shed a tear in years.
There is nothing wrong with my driving, she said. What were you thinking, walking out here
at night? How do you expect people to see you?
God, it was all I could do not to run to her and put my arms around her. I wanted her so badly,
but another side of me was terrified. What if she recognized me and rejected me? I was dirty. I was
disheveled. What woman in their right mind would want me walking back into her life?
Just leave me, I said. Ill be all right.
She looked at me, trying to see me in the darkness.
 There was a long silence.
I was terrified shed recognized me, but then she said, You know what? If I wasnt feeling guilty
for almost killing you, Id get in my car right now and leave you here.
Her hair glowed in the headlights like gold. I wanted to grab it in my fist. Her body was just
crying out to be fucked. Just looking at her was making my dick throb like a beating heart.
I can tell when a woman needs to be fucked. I can pick up on that sexual tension the way a dog
can smell fear. Its an instinct. If theres a woman nearby and she hasnt been laid properly, I can smell
it.
Faith had sexual frustration written all over her.
Realizing it moved me to the verge of tears. My voice broke. I prayed she couldnt see.
I was thrilled. After twelve years, anything could have happened. She could have found the love
of her life. She could have married him. She could have been with anybody. But I could sense it. There
was no doubt in my mind she was still alone.
She still had my mark on her. I could feel it with my soul. She hadnt given herself to another
man. Shed waited for me.
Shed waited for me.
I couldnt believe it. After all these years, shed waited for me.
She turned and began walking back to her car angrily, her heels clinking. I watched her walk.
Even in the dark I could tell her ass was swaying in a sexy, side-to-side motion.
Hold on, I said.
She slowed down but didnt turn back.
Ill take a ride, I said.
She paused as if thinking about it.
Get in the car, she said.
Shed waited. Twelve years, and shed waited. I was sure of it.
 Chapter 24

Faith

IF IT WASNT FOR THE fact that Id almost killed him, Id never in a million years have let a man
like that into my car. He was like everything I stood against in life, the exact opposite of what I was
looking for. I mean, I could hardly see him, but he seemed like a criminal. Id learned my lesson long
ago.
Stay away from men like that.
In the darkness I could make out his shape. He was built like a fighter, his muscles bulging
through his shirt. Those muscles were probably his only way of picking up women. I could just
imagine him checking himself out in a mirror at the gym. Judging from the musky odor, he hadnt
showered in a few days either.
In short, he was the last guy in the world I wanted sitting next to me in my car. I hate guys like
him. He thought he could act cocky, be rude, flex his big muscles, swing his big dick, and women like
me should just swoon and throw ourselves at him. Get real.
He was wrong. He was so wrong. Id made that mistake once, I wouldnt make it again. I had
more on my mind than muscles and a big cock.
I glanced down at his crotch. I was sure there was a bulge in there, inside his jeans. I pictured it.
What was I doing?
The truth was, this guy, the exact opposite of the kind of guy I was looking for, was making me
hot under the collar. I dont want to say my panties were wet, but just the sight of him made my womb
throb with desire. Just the presence of his big, strong body, so close to me in the car, made me want to
pull over. I wanted to straddle him and let him fuck my brains out. I wanted him to come inside me
without a condom.
What was wrong with me?
I couldnt even see his face. It was dark, he had a beard, a deep voice, a ball cap. He could have
been anyone. But there was an animal magnetism to him. For some reason, I was drawn to him.
Im not a sex maniac. Honestly. Im a normal, healthy woman. At least I like to think I am.
I just needed it. God knows I needed it. I lived by the rules, I put my responsibilities first, I gave
my kid a good childhood, and sometimes, just sometimes, I got so tired of it I thought I would
scream.
I rarely allowed myself to feel that way. I felt guilty just thinking it. But Id waited my entire life
for a man Id spent less than three short days with. Id raised his son. Id given up so much for the
memory of a man that might never return. Fuck, sometimes I just wanted to scream in frustration.
Why did I wait for Jackson when there were so many other men around to tempt me?
Like this one.
I dont want anyone to think I wasnt grateful for my son. Its just, sometimes, I wanted to let my
hair down, set aside all my hangups, and surrender myself to the reckless pleasure a guy like this
could give me.
Trust me, I know the pleasure thats possible with a bad boy. Id been burned before.
This guy was strange. One moment, he was a cocky jerk. The next he was sitting in silence,
practically hiding under his hat.
There was something strangely familiar about him too. His voice was, I dont know, it was
strange.
Maybe I was just letting him get under my skin. He thought he could get in my car and Id wrap
my legs around his torso.
If only.
I have some self-respect. Just because we almost had an accident, just because Id let him in my
car, that didnt mean he was getting any. I hadnt had sex with a man since the birth of my son. And my
son is eleven. Thats more than a decade.
Where do you want to go? I said. The hospital?
Do you think I need to see a doctor?
A shrink? Sure.
He laughed. I listened intently to his gruff voice. What was it? There was something about it.
If youd take me to my house, Id appreciate it.
Where is it?
Down in the valley.
Oh, youre a farmer.
Me? No. My father was. Im more of a wanderer, I guess youd say.
I looked in his direction but I could see nothing in the darkness. I had the impression he was
bearded.
A wanderer? Are there good career prospects in that these days?
I bit my tongue. I dont know why I said that. It was judgmental. His career prospects were his
own business. Its just, he bugged me.
He sighed. Look, if you dont want to give me a ride, Ill walk. I was doing just fine before you
almost killed me.
I did not almost kill you.
He looked toward me but I looked away before meeting his eye. I felt heat rise to my cheeks
under his gaze. I didnt want him to look at me. I didnt want him to see through my defenses and
realize who I really was. I didnt want him to see the truth.
Anyone ever tell you youre high strung? he said.
Look. If I want your opinion on my personality, Ill ask for it.
All Im saying is, I can tell Im putting you on edge.
Yes, you are.
Why is that? You dont even know me.
I dont know. You remind me of someone.
Who? he said, and there was a sudden searching in his voice.
I didnt answer.
He seemed to be thinking about what Id said. I knew his type. The only thing he was interested in
was my vagina.
I dont know if I can explain why there was so much tension between us. I know its not normal.
The truth is, this guy was pushing all my buttons. And it wasnt even anything hed said. It wasnt his
fault. It was all me. I was terrified.
I was terrified of who Id allowed myself to become. Of who I was becoming. I was terrified of
becoming hard and stern and rigid. I was terrified of letting life pass me by, of growing old alone, of
not taking the opportunities for love that came my way.
And most of all, I was terrified that this guy, this wanderer, would see right through me. That
hed see me for who I really wasa girl pretending to be a womana child pretending to be a
motheran abandoned girl waiting her entire life for a lover who was never coming back.
I was lost and heartbroken, even after twelve years.
Id never been able to get over what had happened all those years ago.
I wanted to have what Id lost. I wanted the danger Jackson promised. I wanted the fun and
vibrancy of my time with him. I wanted love and sex and Jacksons big cock fucking me all night
long.
Jackson.
That was it. How had I not realized? This guy, for some completely unknown reason, was
reminding me of Jackson. It was ridiculous. This guy was nothing like Jackson. His voice was
different. But that was why he pushed all my buttons. He was getting under my skin. He was having the
same visceral effect on me Jackson had.
I pulled over and it was everything I could do to hold in my tears. It was embarrassing. Id
brought myself to the verge of crying just by thinking of Jackson. I almost felt unfaithful. I belonged
to Jackson. Id told myself I didnt, on the tenth anniversary of our meeting Id released myself from
my pledge to him, but somehow my heart hadnt received the message. Id promised myself to
Jackson Jones. He was the one I wanted.
This guy had no right getting into a car with me and reminding me of the feeling Jackson had
given me.
I still hadnt even seen his face and I never wanted to. I just wanted him to get out, to leave me
alone. God, would I never get over Jackson? I was cursed. Hed been right all along. Hed told me, the
very moment I first set eyes on him, that Id regret ever meeting him. How was it possible that
Jackson could be the very best thing, and the very worst thing, to ever happen to me?
Whats wrong? the man said. Look. I didnt mean to upset you.
Get out, I said.
This is my fault, he said.
Just get out of my car.
Look at my face, he said.
But for some reason I couldnt. It was dark, Id been driving, I still hadnt gotten a good look at
him. But something inside me refused to look.
Get out, I said again, keeping my eyes glued to the steering wheel.
This man was a betrayal of everything Id stood for. The feelings he brought to the surface were
a betrayal of Jacksons memory. Only one man had the right to push my buttons, and it wasnt this
guy.
He was still sitting there, next to me.
Get out, I said again, still resolutely refusing to look at him.
All right, he said. I understand.
He took something from his pocket, and for a second I was afraid it was going to be a weapon. It
wasnt. It was a trinket. A stupid trinket. A chain of some sort.
He hung it from the rearview mirror, a pendant of some sort dangling from it.
What was that supposed to be? A memento?
I understand, Faith, he said, and then, just like a ghost that appeared in the dead of night, he was
gone.
I watched him walk off into the darkness, my headlights illuminating his back.
How had he known my name? I hadnt told it to him.
He was getting farther away.
I grabbed the pendant from the rearview, hanging on a cheap, silver chain.
It didnt look like much, a heart shaped pendant, and then, in a flash, it struck me. How had I been
so blind? How had I refused to see what was right in front of me?
It was my pendant, my chain.
The one Jackson had snatched from my neck the very first time we met.
I sat there, quivering, and then I pulled into the road and fled.
 Chapter 25

Jackson

WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME?

What the ever-loving-hell was wrong with me?
What was I afraid of?
Why didnt I say something? Why didnt I tell her who I was?
Shed know now. Shed see the chain and pendant and remember everything. It would all click.
The filthy traveler shed just kicked out of her car was Jackson Jones, the man shed given a son to.
But what would she think? What would she feel?
One thing was certain. I was still in love with her. That hadnt changed.
There was an electricity between us that was off the chart. My body yearned for her. It hadnt
forgotten what my heart and soul had decided long ago. That I was in love with Faith Shepherd.
She didnt recognize me, or at least I didnt think she did. Twelve years. I was a different man. I
wasnt the man whod left her. I wasnt the man shed loved.
She hadnt seen my face, but Id seen hers, and it was every bit as beautiful as I remembered.
She woke up something inside me, a part of me I was afraid had died. Id been through so many
horrible things. Id done such terrible deeds. That changed me. Id been afraid that when I saw her, I
might not feel what Id thought Id feel. I was afraid my heart wouldnt remember how to respond,
that Id have lost my capacity to love. But that hadnt happened.
My heart pounded in my chest like a galloping horse. It was burning with a passion that
threatened to consume me. There was nothing wrong with my heart. It hadnt lost a single ounce of its
strength. If anything, my love for her had grown. Shed been loyal to me all those years.
But I hadnt revealed myself. I couldnt. Something stopped me. For the past twelve years, the
only thing that kept me going was the thought of coming back to Faith. Now that I was back, she
terrified me.
What if shed changed. She was still sexy. She was really fucking sexy. But she wasnt the girl
whod turned up desperate at a roadside motel, willing to do anything for help. She was a real woman
now, grown, respectable. She drove a Mercedes Benz. What if she didnt want me? I was sure she
didnt have a man. Nothing would convince me otherwise. Id felt it. Id felt it like birds feel a storm
brewing.
But that didnt mean shed be ready to shack up with me. She was a mother now. Even if the kid
was my son, it would still take some convincing for her to allow a trained killer into the house. What
if she wanted a different kind of life than the one I could offer? What if she wanted all the things that I
wasnt? Why wouldnt she want a respectable, responsible man? Someone whod pay the bills on
time, drive a station wagon, wear a shirt and tie?
Wasnt that the kind of life women wanted these days? Didnt they want men who knew the
difference between a tax bracket and a write off? Who drove hybrid cars? Who recycled their
garbage?
Theres nothing wrong with all those things. But theyre not me. Im the polar opposite of all that
shit.
I was a criminal, a grade-A asshole. I had more blood on my hands than a serial killer. I couldnt
lie about it, not to Faith. Even if I tried, shed see right through me. She knew the man I was. The man
I would always be.
Shed been shocked the first time she saw my scars. Id never explained to her how I got them,
but theyd frightened her. I could tell. What would she think now? I had gun shot scars, knife scars,
shrapnel scars from a motorcycle accident. I even had scars from the attack dogs Wolf Staten kept
around his villa.
I was tattered and torn. What if Faith wanted a man that was new and clean? Didnt she deserve
that?
I was crooked, and a tree that grows crooked can never grow straight. Thats what my father
always told me.
What good do I do? What happiness do I bring her and my child?
Id killed Los Lobos. That was it. Maybe she didnt even care about that.
If I was to disappear from the face of the earth right at that instant, what difference would it make
to her? Would she miss me? If that last Lobo had gotten the draw on me. If hed killed me before I
killed him, would Faith have been better off? Would she and my kid be better off without me?
I watched the taillights of her car recede into the darkness. Was that the last time Id see her?
Would she refuse to see me again? Shed made a life here, and she didnt need me coming back to
upset the balance shed created. She was trying to achieve something with her life.
Fuck it. The truth was, I couldnt change who I was. For all the talk about being the man you want
to be, the fact is, youre born who you are. You cant change that. You cant change the past. Faith and
I had our chance. It was over. Whatever Id done, whatever Id been to her in the past, that was gone
now, and I couldnt take back twelve years of absence.
Why try to be something I couldnt be? I knew what I was good at. I was good at killing
criminals. Thats who I was. Thats what I knew.
It was almost ten by the time I reached the old mansion and I forced myself to stop agonizing
over Faith. Whatever was going to happen would wait till morning. A light was on over the porch. I
stopped for a moment to look at the place. The vine-covered slopes of the valley rolled gently down
to the house. The white barn was still where Id left it. Vehicles were clustered in the arcade. A giant
redwood shaded everything.
They say you can never truly go home, because even when you do, youre not the man you were
when you left. Its not true. The truth is, you are who you are. Youre always the same man.
And it felt good to be back. I didnt know how long Id stay, I didnt know what Grant and the rest
of the Brotherhood would say when they saw me. They hadnt heard from me in so long.
At that moment, all I knew was that the full moon was looking down on me, the crickets were
chirping, and the fireflies fluttered up from the lawn like minuscule fireworks. I let the feeling of the
place wash over me.
After twelve years of longing, Id finally seen Faith. And she was better off without me.
 Chapter 26

Jackson

ID BEEN BACK AT THE BROTHERHOOD for a week, and needless to say, they welcomed me with
open arms. Id never really doubted they would, membership was for life, but I was still apprehensive
when I walked up to the porch and knocked on the door.
Lacey was the one to answer. She was holding a glass of wine, and when she saw me standing
there, she dropped the glass and it smashed all over the porch. Then she threw her arms around me
and hugged me so tight I thought shed hurt herself.
The other three were all there, Grant, Forrester and Grady. Theyd aged a little but were the same
old sons of guns Id known and loved. They knew I was alive, theyd watched with interest as, one by
one, the Lobos were assassinated. They respected me for finishing the job. They all agreed something
had to be done about Los Lobos, but they couldnt believe Id given up so much time to do it.
Twelve years, while I had a baby and a woman waiting for me. Lacey was the hardest on me. She
couldnt understand how I could leave Faith alone that long.
She had to raise that kid without you, Lacey said. How can you ever hope to repay her for
that? Twelve years, Jackson. Youre mad. All four of you are mad.
The guys were more understanding.
It was for Faiths safety, Grant said.
And the babys, Forrester added. Id have done exactly the same thing.
They knew there was no way I could return until every last Lobo was gone.
Rule number one, Grady said, tie up loose ends. You know that, Lacey.
Lacey just shook her head. She was the one whod remained closest to Faith. They all saw Faith
and Sam on holidays and special occasions. The brothers all showed up for little Sams birthdays,
things like that. But Lacey saw Faith all the time. The two had become best friends.
No matter how difficult it gets, Grady went on, no matter how long it takes, you do not sow
the seeds of your own destruction. Whatever you do, you do it right. If you start a job, you finish it.
Theyd always known Id return when the job was done. They knew Id return for Faith. I wasnt
the kind of guy to walk away from something, especially a woman Id purposely made the mother of
my son. Id never have sent her to the Brotherhood if I didnt intend to come back for her.
When I told Lacey that I thought Faith would be better off without me, she called bullshit. She
said Faith was still waiting for me, even if they didnt talk about it like they used to. She knew it. Faith
couldnt even think of dating other men. Shed tried and failed, every time.
Me and Lacey would sit out on the porch, discussing my thoughts long into the night.
Youve got to promise me you wont tell her Im back, I said to Lacey for the thousandth time.
Jackson, youre crazy. That womans been waiting for you for twelve years, and now that
youre here, you dont have the guts to call her?
I told you, I already saw her.
That doesnt count. She didnt even know it was you.
I dont know, Lacey. Im a changed man. Im not the guy she fell in love with.
Youll always be the guy she fell in love with, Jackson. I know that girl. Shes as loyal as they
come.
I felt my heart throb for Faith when Lacey said that.
Just let me approach her in my own way, I said. Ive got to figure out what I have to offer her,
now that the Lobos are dead. Now that shes safe, Ive got to figure out what I have to give that she
needs.
She needs a man, Jackson. She needs a father for Sam.
I know, I know, I said. Its just, everything was so clear before. I was killing the men that
posed a threat to her. I could understand that. Now, Ive got to change gears. Just give me a few more
days.
Lacey didnt agree with me. She said I was stalling. She said I was full of shit. But she swore not
to tell Faith I was back until I was ready.
Arent you desperate to meet your son? she said.
Of course I am.
Then what are you waiting for?
I didnt have an answer so I said nothing. Id been spending my days working on my daddys old
place. It was a beautiful vineyard with an old homestead on it, the place Id grown up. I thought if I
could fix it up, Id at least have something real to go to Faith with. I had to go back to her with
something. I couldnt just walk up and say I was back, not after so much time had passed. I couldnt
expect her to drop everything for me. She deserved more than that and I knew it.
Im fixing up the old farm, I said.
And how longs that going to take?
I dont know, I said. Id accomplished a lot in the week since my return, but there was so much
left to do.
Too long, thats what.
My father had lived on the old vineyard till the day he died. That was the last time Id set foot on
the place. It had been empty twelve years and even though it was beautiful, it needed work.
It was a ramshackle old hacienda, the porch rotting, the paint peeling, the roof in need of more
than a few tiles. If it ever rained, it got washed out. Of course, if it ever rained, the vineyard would be
doing a lot better too.
Grant rode down with me the next morning and we got to work, stripping out old, rotten wood.
Why dont you just live up at the mansion with the rest of us? he said.
I need this place for Faith. Ive got to have something to offer her.
He nodded. Wed gotten a lot of work done and it was time to call it quits for the evening.
Can I borrow your bike? I said.
You headed to town?
I nodded.
Getting drunk?
Depends.
You want company?
I shook my head.
Suit yourself, brother.
He made to throw the keys but didnt let them go. Id made to catch them and he smirked.
Forget it, I said. Ill take the truck.
Jackson, I was kidding. Here, take the bike.
Keep it, I said.
I was touchy. Id give my life for that man, but I had my guard way up. Its like I was afraid to
show any hint of weakness. I guess thats the way it goes. Id spent so long looking over my back, it
would take time for me to settle back to normal life.
I dont know if its like that in other placesmen who pretend theyre made of rock because
theyre scared shitless someone will put them to the test, find out theyre flesh and bone after all.
Maybe I was being unreasonable.
 I stopped walking and turned around.
Grant.
He turned to face me. I made a little motion with my head, like when you want your dog to come
with you but you dont have to say it.
Dont invite me to be nice, he said. I got things to do too.
Come on. I could use the company. Lets get a beer.
You buying?
I laughed.
Where are we headed? I said. I wasnt sure what bar was the favorite of the hour.
Rusty, Grant said.
Youre sure we wont run into anyone I know?
Grant shook his head. You think Faith would be caught dead in a place like the Rusty Nail? She
stays up in the Hills, where its civilized.
Im glad to hear it, I said. Thats where she belongs.
Shes a good girl, Jackson.
I nodded.
I mean it. I noticed. Theres not a lot of women whod wait twelve years for their man. I dont
care who he is. But Faith waited for you. She didnt even look at another guy, not for one second.
You watched her?
I didnt watch her, but Id have noticed if she stopped waiting for you. I wouldnt have blamed
her. You were gone so long shed have had a right to start over.
Yes, she would have.
But she didnt, Jackson. She didnt.

I DROVE US UP THE dusty road to the Rusty Nail, our old drinking haunt. It was at a nice spot on the
road overlooking the vineyards in the valley.
Other than the view, the place was a real shit hole. There was a stray-looking, yellow dog in the
lot.
I see nothings changed.
Grant nodded. Hey, at least you got to see some of the world.
I laughed. Twelve years planning the murders of highly protected criminals wasnt exactly a
leisure cruise.
We entered the bar and it really was just as I rememberedstale beer, the neon glow of a Bud
Light sign, a young waitress in a skirt that barely covered her ass.
What can I get you boys? she said, looking at me like maybe Id recognize her.
Hell, maybe I should have recognized her. But I didnt.
Two beers, Grant said.
We sat on stools and slumped over the bar just like old times. The waitress put our beers in front
of us and lingered like she was waiting for something.
Grant winked at her. Arent you a sight for sore eyes? he said.
She was chewing gum. She had nice tits, two little melons that wanted to be squeezed. She leaned
forward and pressed them together with her arms, creating more cleavage for our benefit. I stared
right at them. Hell, why be subtle if she wasnt?
I see you brought your friend, she said to Grant.
Friend? This heres my brother. Just got back from traveling the world.
 The waitress held her hand out to me like she was the Queen of England. I took it.
Names Jackson, I said.
I know who you are.
This heres Sue, Grant said.
She looked at me with her doe eyes. She was probably wet just looking at me. Not to sound
arrogant, but I make a hell of a first impression.
Dont tell me shes going to drop me for you, Grant said when she left.
I shrugged. I cant help it. The ladys got to make up her own mind.
Shes no lady.
I bet she aint, I said, nodding. Besides, I aint looking.
How is that? Grant said, looking at me.
What do you mean?
Twelve years, Faith waiting for you with your baby, what did you do for release?
You want to know what I did? I said.
I mean, dont tell me if you dont want to. Im just curious.
I kept it in my pants, Grant.
The fuck you did, he said, looking at me.
I nodded, holding his eye.
Jesus Christ, youre serious.
Of course Im serious. When I saw Faith, I knew she was the one. That baby was no accident,
Grant. I meant to make her pregnant.
And you stayed true to her?
Its the least I could do. She was raising my son.
Grant clinked his bottle against mine.
Well, fuck, he said. I dont know if Id have been able to do the same in your position.
I looked back at him. Yes, you would. When you meet the right one, youll know it.
Well see, he said, if it ever happens. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a bunch of
change. Go on, he said. For old times sake.
I looked at him, then I slid the change off the bar into my hand and got down from my seat. Any
requests? I said.
You choose.
I went to the jukebox and flicked through the discs till I got to Sound Garden. I was feeling
reminiscent. The night before my father died wed been down here, listening to Sound Garden on the
juke box. I knew hed remember.
 Chapter 27

Faith

MY HAND WAS SHAKING. I picked up the phone and dialed Laceys number. I swear, if it wasnt for
Lacey Id have lost my mind long ago.
Faith?
Howd you guess?
Ive got a team of detectives working on it.
What?
Caller ID, silly.
Oh, I laughed, but the strain in my voice was obvious.
What is it, honey?
Did you hear?
Hear what? she said.
Its on the news. He was murdered on an oil rig in Texas. As far as I can tell, thats the last of
Los Lobos.
The last one? Lacey said.
Yes. I think so. I think theyre all dead, Lacey.
Thats great. That means you and Sam are finally safe.
I was silent. Lacey was silent on the other end too. We both knew what I was thinking but I
couldnt bring it up so she did.
So that means hell come back for you now, Faith.
Another long pause.
Is it silly to hope for that?
Of course it isnt.
But, you know, twelve years? What guy would hold out for a girl for that long? I dont even
know if its possible.
Its possible. Think of all the great love stories youve ever heard. Mens hearts are deeper than
we give them credit for. Theyll wait a lifetime for the woman they love, Faith.
But is that what I am?
The woman Jackson Jones loves?
Yes.
Of course you are. You know it. What did he say to you?
It was so long ago, Lacey.
Tell me what he said.
She knew every detail of the three days Id spent with Jackson. Id told it all to her a thousand
times.
He said I was his and he was mine.
Yes, and would he have said that if he didnt mean it?
I dont know.
Faith, Lacey said, using her stern voice. Come on. You know better than that.
Im doubting myself.
Dont doubt yourself. Dont give in to fear. If Jackson said he was coming back to you after the
job was done, hell come back.
I guess this means hes still alive.
 Lacey was silent. I didnt know what she was thinking but there was something on my chest that
Id been dying to get off it and I took the opportunity.
Lacey, I said.
Yes?
Theres something else. Something I didnt tell you.
What?
It happened about a week ago.
Oh my God, Faith. Tell me what it is.
I picked up a man.
You what?
I laughed nervously. Not like that. I didnt pick up. But there was a man on the road, I nearly hit
him with my car. He was all right, but I gave him a ride down into the valley.
Faith said nothing.
I think
You think what, Faith?
Well, remember I told you about the first time I met Jackson, in the Los Lobos bar, and he
snatched a chain from around my neck?
Of course I do.
Well, this man last week. There was something strange about him.
He reminded you of Jackson?
Yes. He did. I didnt realize it until he was gone, but he reminded me of Jackson. And he left
something hanging from my mirror.
What was it?
I was going to answer but my voice caught in my throat.
He left the chain in your car? Lacey gasped.
Yes, I said at last.
It was Jackson?
I dont know. Thats the thing. It only came to me after he was gone.
What do you mean?
My hands started shaking. I felt as if Id seen a ghost.
And you thought it was him?
Im not sure.
Holy hell, Faith. Why didnt you tell me this sooner?
Im telling you now.
Lacey paused, then she said, If you had a feeling like that, thats your heart telling you
something.
Have you heard anything?
There was another pause.
Lacey? Have you heard anything? I said again.
Faith, we need to talk.
Lacey. Youd tell me if you knew something, wouldnt you?
Your happiness means the world to me, sweetie, she said. Youre my best friend in the world.
Lacey, what am I going to do? How come he hasnt come for me? That was a week ago. The
news said the Los Lobos killing was over a week ago too. If hes back and he hasnt contacted me,
what does that mean?
Dont jump to any conclusions. You dont even know if hes back yet.
But what if he doesnt want me? What if he doesnt want his son? What if Ive been waiting all
these years for nothing, like a complete idiot?
Youre not an idiot, Faith.
I sighed. I hated to lean on her like this for emotional support, but sometimes you just need help.
You need a friend. Being a single mom isnt easy. Losing the love of your life for twelve years isnt
easy. I had Sam, and I loved him to bits, but its not the same as having an adult to talk to.
Weve got to meet up tonight, Lacey said.
No, its all right, I lied. Youve got a date with Matt, dont you?
Lacey had been seeing a guy named Matt for two years, and somehow hadnt told any of the
brothers about it. She was afraid theyd scare him off so shed kept her relationship with him a
complete secret.
Hes in San Francisco for that conference.
Hes not coming home?
He just called. The company got him a hotel so hes staying there for the week.
Oh, so you dont have plans?
As usual, Lacey said.
Okay, let me make sure Sam goes to bed. Then Ill open a bottle of wine.
What have you got?
Another local Zinfandel.
From the valley?
There are so many hidden gems in that soil, and were going to find them all.
Lacey was my business partner. Wed opened the wine business together. Her father had
established the vineyard the mansion was on and we were both committed to bringing Socorro Valley
wine to the world.
All right, Lacey said. Ill be there in half an hour.
I put away the things from dinner and then went into the den to check on Sam. He was watching
the latest Transformer movie, a pack of Doritos on the sofa next to him. I couldnt help feel a twinge
of sadness for him. He was such a beautiful boy, the best thing Id ever done in my life, but his life
wasnt complete without a father.
You doing all right, buddy?
He lifted his hand in answer.
Five more minutes, okay. Youve got school in the morning.
This is the best part, mom. Optimus Prime.
Autobots, engage, I said, in my pathetic robot voice.
Thats Star Trek. Optimus says, Autobots, roll out.
I sat down next to him. He graciously deigned to move his legs. Want some chips?
No thanks, sweetie.
Diet?
I laughed. Sort of.
Your the thinnest mom out of all my friends.
I looked at him sideways. Now youre just trying to butter me up.
His left eyebrow arced. It was a gesture hed inherited from Jackson and it melted my heart every
time I saw it. I wanted my sons father to come home to me so badly it hurt. If he was done with Los
Lobos, if it was safe for him to return, then where the hell was he?
All right, I said, putting on my best down-to-business voice. This parts boring. Lets turn it
off and you can pick it back up tomorrow night.
Another exciting night in the adventurous life of Sam Jones, he said. Id insisted on giving him
Jacksons name, even if mine was still Shepherd.
 Maybe well go out for something tomorrow.
Grab a bite to eat?
Some burgers, a movie. If youre good.
He got up from the couch and kissed me on the cheek. I love you, mom.
I love you, Sam. Ill be right there to tuck you in.
I know, he said and left for his bedroom.
I turned off the television and went in to Sams room. You all set, sweetie?
Yes, mom.
I kissed him goodnight. Youre a good kid, I whispered.
Youre a good mom, he said.
I went back to the den and picked up the Doritos bag. Before I could stop myself, Id eaten a
handful of chips.
There was a knock on the door. Lacey, is that you? Come on in.
Lacey came in and with her was my neighbor s teenage daughter, Katie.
Whats going on? I said.
Katies babysitting, Lacey said.
What?
I already paid her. Were going out for a drink.
Lacey!
Go on. Get changed. Youve got plans, woman.

YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT, I said in Laceys car.

Its not just for you, its for me, too.
What do you mean?
I need to get good and drunk, Faith. Youre not the only one with man problems.
Matt?
Lacey nodded. I knew what she was alluding to. We hadnt ever talked about it directly, but I knew
Matt was having an affair. All the signs were therelate nights at the office, hotels in the city, and the
biggest tell of all, a weight on Laceys heart like a grindstone.
Lacey drove calmly but I could tell she was torn up inside. There was an edge to her. I had the
impression things could go very wrong for her when they finally blew up with Matt. Shed been head-
over-heels in love with him when theyd met. Shed invested everything in the relationship, all the
time keeping it a complete secret from the brothers. That was no easy feat. Im sure they suspected she
was seeing someone, but if she didnt want to introduce him to them, they werent going to pry. They
completely respected her privacy, even while living in the same mansion.
But now he was breaking her heart, and I was the only one she could talk to about it. We passed
the main street of our adorable, expensive-as-hell town and kept going down toward the valley.
Madam, where are you taking me? I said, trying to sound lighthearted. I wanted to cheer her
up. Shed done the same for me many times.
She looked at me. I really need a drink, she said.
Its going to be one of those nights?
Hell, yes.
Well be calling the brothers for a ride home?
If we even make it home, she said and laughed.
Youre not planning on doing anything youll regret, are you?
 I dont know what Im planning, she said. All I know is Ive got to take control of my life,
Faith. Matts cheating on me. Im a beautiful woman in the prime of my life and Im letting that
asshole walk all over me. Plus, I always feel like a liar because Im keeping it secret from the
brothers.
They dont care what you do in your love life, I said.
I know, she said. Fuck. What am I doing, Faith? All Ill say is, I could do a lot worse than get
in a little trouble down in the valley.
Id noticed a change in Lacey over the past few months but Id tried not to focus on it. She hadnt
asked for advice regarding Matt, so I tried not to butt in. Id be there for her when she was ready to
break up with him, but in the meantime there wasnt much I could do for her. The thing was, it seemed
to be affecting her more and more. She was getting a little wild, a little irrational. I didnt hold it
against her. Suspecting your partner of cheating is its own kind of hell, and no one can judge what
its like, but I was worried for her. Id even considered telling the brothers what was going on, but I
knew theyd step in, beat the shit out of Matt, and completely destroy any chance Lacey had of
resolving the issue in her own way, however that might be. It killed me to see my best friend in so
much pain, but apart from offering her my support, there was nothing I could do.
It wasnt far to the Rusty Nail, the valleys premier spot for late-night, early-morning,
questionable decisions. The guys down there were a different breed. Every wife in the hills knew it,
although few actually had the guts to come down and see for themselves. I always liked going there
because we were likely to run into the brothers. They were good guys, extremely protective of me
and Sam, and they were the closest link I still had to Jackson. I hoped wed run into them.
Lacey pulled up next to a battered, beat-up, pickup truck. I recognized it as the one Forrester
often drove. I noticed a wooden crate of wine bottles in the back. I still hadnt tasted their latest
creation.
This looks like the place, she said. Lets show these local boys something theyll never
forget.
I think Forrester is here, I said.
She looked at me and shook her head. Its not Forrester, she said.
Who is it?
Youll see, she said. Just remember, whatever happens, you mean more to me than anyone
else in the world, Faith. All I care about is your happiness. Thats why I didnt tell you sooner.
Tell me what?
Youll see, she said again.
I was confused, I didnt know what she was talking about, but suddenly I felt very apprehensive
about entering the bar.
 Chapter 28

Jackson

HOLY HELL. SOMETIMES, YOUVE GOT an idea in your head of whats going to happen. Youve seen
it all play out a million times. Its like a book you already read, a movie youve already seen, and
then, something completely unexpected happens.
Thats how it was when Faith walked in.
I was sitting next to Grant, the waitress batting her eyes at me like boys are an endangered
species and Im the last one left alive. Grant had been around the block more than once with Sue. He
was keeping his eye out for something new.
I wasnt keeping my eye out for anything. I had my night planned. Id have a few beers, go home,
get an early night. Next morning Id get back to work on the farmhouse.
But then Lacey walked in, and behind her was Faith. My Faith.
Immediately, I ducked behind the beer taps and pulled Grant down with me. Luckily the place was
busy and she hadnt noticed us.
Jesus Christ, I said.
Grant had no clue why we were ducking. What is it? he said.
I indicated toward the door. Lacey and Faith looked around and found a high table by the wall at
the opposite end of the bar.
Did you tell Lacey we were going to be here? I said.
I might have, Grant said. I didnt know shed bring Faith.
Fuck.
Relax. She hasnt seen you.
Fuck, I said again.
What are you so afraid of, Jackson? Shes your woman. She always has been. All shes doing is
waiting for you. Tonights as good as any for you to break the ice.
Jesus, I said again and bit my tongue. Sorry for swearing.
Grant laughed. You can swear all you like in front of me, brother. I aint sensitive.
Fuck me, I said again, and laughed. This is ridiculous. I know it is. Its just, you ever felt like
you really let someone down, and then you dont know how to make it up to them?
You didnt let her down, Jackson.
I put a baby in her, told her she was mine for the rest of her life, and then disappeared.
You were protecting her. She was the one who got involved with Los Lobos. You were undoing
that. Weve been over this a million times. Youve got to let all that go, Jackson. Its her choice
whether or not shell forgive you for disappearing, but youve got to at least give her the chance to
decide.
I looked over at Faith. It was the first time since my return that I had a good view of her. So much
had changed. She looked more in control of her life, more mature. She had money, nice clothes. I was
proud of her. Shed made something of herself.
And I knew then, it was something that happens very rarely in life. It was a second chance.
Lacey did this on purpose, I said. She knew Id be here.
Grant nodded. She might have.
Faith, was every bit as beautiful as the night I first set eyes on her, all those years ago. My mind
cast back to the image of her entering the motel bar, soaking wet, desperate for help, and she stole my
heart in a split second. She was doing the same thing now. Just like the first time I saw her, I couldnt
take my eyes off her. She was striking in every way. In this light she was even more beautiful than I
remembered. She was making my heart pound.
You ever race a train to a crossing? We used to do that when we were kids. Damn fool thing to
do. Get up to a hundred miles an hour, middle of the night, turn off the headlights, cross in front of a
thousand ton machine moving almost as fast as we were.
Thats the rush I got when I set eyes on Faith. She had class. She was like a triple-A steak that had
just walked into a hamburger joint. She blew every other woman in the world out of the water. I was
sure every guy in the place noticed her.
Ive never been to places like Paris or Rome, but seeing her again put me in mind of places like
that. She was elegant, and thats not a word I use lightly. She was stylish, confidentshe walked on
those expensive high-heels like a runway supermodel. I just put down my beer and stared at her. Grant
had to slap me on the arm.
Theres your woman, he said.
There she is, I said under my breath.
Now when are you going to put everyone out of their misery and go up to her?
Fuck, I said again.
Calm down, brother.
Did she have any relationships with other men while I was gone? I said. I was sure I knew the
answer, but my heart was pounding so fast in my chest I had to stall.
Weve been over this, Jackson.
Dont fuck with me. Has she been with other men?
Grant looked over at the women. They were sitting at their table, waiting for service.
I dont think a single guy got past the first date with her. And there wasnt many of those either.
She just couldnt get over you, Jackson. She waited for you. And now youre back and you wont go
talk to her? How unfair is that?
Shit, I said. Grant, what am I supposed to do? I never even felt this nervous when I had to kill
people.
Jackson. Youre really worked up.
Of course I am. Look at her. You ever seen a lady like that before in your life? Shes the love of
my life, Grant. She gave me a son. I walked out on her twelve years ago and she doesnt even know
Im back in town. Youd be shitting yourself too if you were in my position.
Grant looked at her and raised an eyebrow. You want me to go over? Break it to her gently that
youre back.
I shook my head. Id been waiting so long for this moment. Id played it over in my mind a
million times. The moment I revealed myself to Faith had to be special. It had to be perfect. After
waiting so long, she deserved at least that much.
From behind my beer I glanced over at herher light brown hair, her big, dark eyes like pools
of water, her knockout body. She still had all the right curves in all the right places.
I got up from my seat.
Youre going over already? Grant said.
I dont have time to play games any more, I said. And I wasnt kidding. Just looking at her
made my dick hard. I had to get her back. But first, I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. I looked
down at my jeans to see if there was a bulge. There was. I was so hot for Faith I could hardly contain
myself.
I downed my beer.
I couldnt believe I hadnt said anything to her when we were in her car that night. Id been
feeling strange. Id been off my game. Id given her the necklace. She must have put it together after
that. I was glad. If she at least knew I was still alive, if she suspected I might be back in town, then it
would be less of a shock to her now when I showed up out of nowhere.
The adrenaline started pumping through my veins. I focused on the task at hand. Id always been
good at focusing my will, building the confidence I needed to go through with a deed.
After all this time, I was going to reclaim what was mine. I was going to reclaim my woman and
my child. Shed drop her panties for me again, bend over, take what I gave her, and beg for more. I
knew I could win her back. This was my natural habitat, my hunting ground. She was in my territory
now, and she wouldnt escape. Id show her that Id been faithful to her. Id show her Id been true. Id
show her that I loved her.
I put ten bucks on the bar. Have yourself a beer on me, buddy. Ill be occupied for a while.
Grant shook his head.
You seem real cocky all of a sudden, he said.
Youve got to be the man you choose to be, I said.
What if Faith slapped me in the face? What if she burst out crying and ran out of the bar? I could
take it. I could take whatever came. Like Grant had said, she deserved this much. If she was angry at
me, that was fair enough. She had every right. But the very least I could do was pay her the courtesy
of allowing her to be angry. Of allowing her to lash out.
Sue, I said, speaking to the waitress, whats the nicest wine youve got in this place?
Lacey told me about the business shed started with Faith and I knew shed appreciate a good
vintage.
Sue shook her head, as if to say dont order the wine.
Listen, I said to her. Ive got some of ours in the back of the truck. Would you mind if I
brought in a bottle?
She shrugged. She didnt care what I did. She was annoyed that another woman had caught my
attention. I didnt care if she was disappointed. I didnt care about anything except Faith.
I slipped out to the truck through the back door of the bar and grabbed a bottle of the pinot noir
Grant had been perfecting. It came from my father s vineyard. Grant had worked it during my years
of absence and hed done a good job. He said hed wanted to slash the vines at one point, because the
grapes were bitter, but hed decided to give them a second chance and was glad he did. It was a fine
wine. Grant had a gift for developing subtle, complex flavors. In the glovebox was a pocket knife with
a corkscrew on it. I grabbed that too.
When I got back into the bar, Faith was still sitting there with Lacey. Sue hadnt gone near them,
which I was thankful for. I approached decisively. This was one of the moments in my life I had to act
with confidence or not at all.
Have you ladies tried the second chance Pinot Noir from Socorro Valley? I said.
Faith looked up at me and the blood drained from her face. The entire world froze. The music in
the bar disappeared, all the sounds died. My vision narrowed and faded so that the only thing I could
see was her face. My heart pounded in my chest.
She looked at me like she was seeing someone shed thought had died a long time ago. Tears
filled her eyes.
Faith, I said.
Goddamn it. She was even more stunning than I remembered. Her eyes were like sapphires, deep
blue sparkling inside them like jewels. Her make up was smokey. She was wearing a low-cut, black
dress that made her look like she knew what she was doing. I could see just enough cleavage. Fuck
me, I couldnt have been more stunned if shed pointed a gun at me and pulled the trigger.
Jackson? she said.
The tears spilled from her eyes and fell over her cheeks. She couldnt believe what was
happening. She was in shock. She put her hand over her mouth and stared into my eyes, drinking me
in. Drinking in the twelve years of age and scars that had appeared on my face.
Faith, I said again. It was the only word that would come to my lips.
Whats going on? she said, unable to believe what she was seeing.
I know its been too long, I said.
Faith looked at Lacey. Did you know about this? she said.
Lacey nodded.
Faith just stared at me as if Id risen from the dead.
Is it too late for us to have a second chance? I said.
There was complete silence.
Faith took a long look at me, taking in all the details. I was a mess. Unshaved. Fresh scars since
shed last seen me. My white shirt had dust stains on it. My jeans were worn out.
Finally, Faith spoke. I waited, she said, and then her words trailed off.
I know you did, I said helplessly.
She couldnt take it. It was too much of a shock. After all the time Id been away, I couldnt just
walk up to her like this, as if nothing had happened.
I waited through everything, she said.
I know, Faith.
I thought you were dead, I waited. I thought you werent coming back, I waited. I thought youd
forgotten about me, I waited.
She was shaking her head. I didnt know if she was happy to see me or mad. I didnt have a clue
what she was thinking. All I knew was that I loved her. I loved that woman like an animal loves its life
mate. There are animals in nature that mate for life. If their mate dies, theyll wail over the body till
they die themselves. Thats the way I loved Faith.
You were in my car, she said. Last week. That was you.
Yes, that was me.
I felt as if Id seen a ghost after you left, she said. You used my name. You left the necklace.
Yes, I did.
Why did you return it?
You asked me to.
No I didnt.
The very first time I met you, in the Los Lobos bar in Reno, you asked for it back.
She cast her mind back. Her eyes lit up when she remembered the moment. Thats right, she
said.
I said Id give it back to you when you forgot I had it.
You did.
I kept my promise.
You didnt want it anymore?
Didnt want it? No. Of course I wanted it. I treasured it every single day.
Then why return it?
Faith, I waited twelve years to come back to you. Ive thought about you every single day.
Faith looked at Lacey then back at me. I needed her to know that much. If she hated me that was
fine, but I needed her to know the truthId kept my word.
Id been hers the entire timehers and no one elses.
It was you assassinating Los Lobos members these past years, wasnt it?
I nodded.
So youre a killer.
 There was nothing I could say.
Do you even know you have a son? she said.
Of course I know. Thats why Im here, Faith. For you, and the boy. Thats why I came back.
You were gone so long.
I should never have left you, Faith.
She was crying. Tears were falling down my face too.
No, you shouldnt have.
I had no idea it would take so long to make things safe.
Dont talk to me about it.
I wanted to come back to you every single day. All I thought about was you.
Then why didnt you come back?
I looked from her to Lacey.
Faith got up.
Dont leave, I said, desperately.
She walked straight for the door of the bar.
I watched her go.
What the hell are you waiting for? Lacey said.
I ran after her, catching up in the parking lot.
Please dont leave, I said. Weve got so much to say to each other.
Her eyes were filled with tears. She was still looking at me incredulously, as if asking how all of
this was possible.
And how can we say it? she said. How can we say twelve years of pain? Of loneliness? Of
heartbreak? How can we put that into words?
Perhaps well never be able, I said.
Are you even the man who left me? she stammered.
I took a step toward her, I wanted to hold her, but she drew back from me as if I was a dangerous
animal.
Faith, I was doing what I thought I had to do. I was taking out the men who were a threat to both
of us, to our son.
Our son? she gasped.
Yes, hes ours, and Im going to prove it to you, Faith. I swear to God I am.
Youve never even seen him.
Faith, I said, desperately.
I dont think I can take this, she said. Go inside and tell Lacey to come out. I need to go
home.
Ill take you home, I said, taking another step toward her.
Again she backed away. No, you stay the hell away from me.
 Chapter 29

Faith

WHAT WAS I DOING?

Jackson was back.
Id been waiting so long for him and he was back. It was overwhelming. It was unbelievable.
Hed returned after all his years of absence. Hed finally come home to me.
And I was acting cold as ice.
I didnt mean to. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it was pure agony. I wanted him to touch
me, to wrap his arms around me, to put his tongue inside my mouth, and more. I wanted all of him,
and I wanted him so much the longing was going to kill me. Fuck, I wanted every bit of him. I wanted
his cock inside me. I wanted him to come in my womb again, just like he had when hed made Sam. I
wanted to feel the pulse of his orgasm inside me like an explosion. Id been dreaming about it for so
long it was like a memory from a past life.
But I was pushing him away. The more I wanted him, the harder I pushed.
What was I doing?
He was still standing there, looking at me. Id told him to leave me alone, but my eyes were
begging him to stay.
Dont leave, my heart was crying. Dont leave.
My lips were telling him to go, but my eyes were begging him to stay.
Its difficult for me to put in words the way I felt. I had a million emotions rushing through me at
once.
I was relieved. So relieved. Id been afraid ever since hed left the pendant in my car that he didnt
want me anymore. Id refused to think about it, Id refused to even admit to myself that it had been
him, but it had scared me. Now that I knew he hadnt been throwing it back in my face, he still wanted
me. I was so relieved.
He still wanted me.
He still wanted me.
That had been my single, biggest fear for twelve years, and it had gotten worse as more time
passed. Now he was back, and he still wanted me. It filled my heart with such joy it was almost
unbearable.
But I was terrified. What if I wasnt as good as he remembered? The last time hed fucked me I
was twenty years old. Now I was in my thirties. What if he didnt like me the same way?
What if he didnt love Sam? How would I live?
How could it work? What about the details? Where would we live? Would Sam accept Jackson as
a father?
Good God, it was so scary it made me tremble. There were a million things that could go wrong.
For so long, all Id thought about was Jackson coming back. Now he was back, and it opened up so
many dangers I could hardly breathe.
There was so much fear. So many questions.
And yet, there he was, standing in front of me.
I was hurt, too. I was angry. It was because of him that I had to go through all this uncertainty. All
this fear. Id been alone for years. Id raised his son alone. Sam had grown up without knowing the
security and comfort of a father. Id received just three days of love from Jackson, and then years of
silence.
 He was about to leave, to go back into the bar and send Lacey out to me. I had to stop him.
Im afraid, I said.
Faith, he said again.
It melted my heart a little bit more every time he said my name.
What are you afraid of? he said.
So many things. What if you dont love me anymore?
He shook his head. He took a step toward me and I let him. I wanted to run toward him but I
stopped myself.
Ive loved you every second, he said. I loved you in my sleep. I loved you when I lay awake in
the middle of the night. I loved you when I killed those men who posed a threat to you and Sam.
Sam. It was the first time Id heard him say his sons name. I was crying, ruining my makeup, but
I didnt care.
What if you dont love Sam? I said.
I love you both, he said. He was crying now too. I love you both, Faith. I always have. Id give
my life for you.
How do you know?
You werent the only one who was waiting, Faith. I was waiting too. Those twelve years were so
painful I thought theyd kill me. I didnt let other women touch me in the entire time I was gone. I
waited for you. I was true to you, Faith. I swear it.
I looked at him and I knew it was true. It was as true as the stars in the sky above us. I believed
him. I took a step toward him. He came to me and wrapped me up in his powerful arms. When he
lifted me into the air I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was in the clouds.
Jackson, I cried.
Faith, he cried. I missed you so much, Faith.
He was so strong he lifted me like a doll. He held me in his arms and brought his lips to mine,
pressing them against me in an embrace that melted away all my fears. His face was scarred, his body
was hardened from years of violence and hard living, but his lips were soft.
Have these lips kissed another woman? I said.
Not one, he said.
He didnt ask about mine. He must have known I was faithful.
He was back. Jackson was back. And he was still mine.
I was still his.
His tongue slid into my mouth and I sucked it softly before meeting it with my own tongue. He
lowered me till my feet reached the ground. Then he pulled me against him in an embrace that
encompassed our entire bodies. I could feel the bulge in his crotch as it pressed against me.
He wanted me.
He wanted me so badly he was practically bursting out of his jeans. I felt a throb of desire inside
me. I remembered just how badly I wanted to feel the length of his cock slide into me. I wanted
orgasms, and I wanted to give him orgasms. I wanted him to fuck my brains out mercilessly.
I need you, Faith, he said, and I knew he wasnt kidding. I need to fuck you. I need to be inside
you again. My cock needs to pump my seed deep inside you.
I laughed. Slow down, cowboy.
He squeezed me so tight I felt I could burst. Im never letting you go again, he said. From
now on, Im keeping you so close no one will be able to threaten you ever again. Youre mine. Youre
protected now. All youll have to do is spread your legs and let me orgasm inside you. For ever, and
ever, and ever.
I was laughing. He was being funny but he wasnt kidding. I could tell.
 Thank you, I found myself saying. Thank you for protecting me. For protecting both of us.
Me and Sam.
He kissed me again and my heart melted. I burned with passion and desire. I couldnt believe I
had Jackson back. I felt like I was dreaming. Despite everything that had happened, all the time that
had passed, he was still the same Jackson Id known all along.
He lifted me up off my feet again and held me like a husband holding his new bride.
Where are you taking me? I said.
I want to show Lacey and Grant that I have you back.
Put me down, I said, laughing and crying at the same time, but he didnt.
He held me in his arms as he carried me across the threshold of the Rusty Nail.
When we entered, the entire bar, even those who didnt know us, cheered.
 Chapter 30

Faith

LACEY LOOKED AT ME AND smiled knowingly as Jackson carried me over to the table.
I see you two have become reacquainted, she said, teasingly.
You knew about this? I said. You knew he was back and you didnt tell me?
He made me promise not to say a word, Lacey said.
But you brought her here, Jackson said.
Lacey laughed. And Im glad I did. Youve been reconnected now. You have your girl back. If I
hadnt brought her here youd have let another week pass you by. You two have waited long enough.
Thank you, Jackson said, and he meant it.
I found my seat and Jackson opened the wine as he sat down next to me.
And Damn.
What can I say?
It felt so good to be sitting in that bar next to my man. My makeup was smudged, my heart was
still fluttering from nerves, I was still terrified for the future, but I was happy. Jackson was back.
The way he looked at me, as if he was staring right through me, into my soul. I felt naked in
front of him. He made me tingle with something I hadnt allowed myself to feel in a very long time. I
felt sexy. I felt desirable.
He was so sure of himself. Id never seen a guy walk with so much swagger. To call him cocky
was the understatement of the century. He was like a young Clint Eastwood crossed with Jax from
Sons of Anarchy.
Id forgotten how he made me feel. I felt like a little girl again, the girl whod walked up to
Jackson all those years ago and asked for his help.
It was like going back in time. It was like being reborn. It was like getting a second chance at life.
And this time we were going to do it right. Wed make up for all the time wed lost. I knew we would.
There was no Wolf Staten, no Los Lobos, just me, Jackson, and the son our passion had created.
I looked at Lacey and I was so grateful to her. Shed forced this meeting. Shed brought me here.
And at the same time I felt so sorry for her. Her guy was cheating on her, screwing with her mind
like a complete jackass, and all the while, I was having the happiest time of my life. Id never be able
to thank her for allowing me to have this moment of happiness. She didnt make it about herself and
her struggle with Matt. She gave me the night, allowed it to be a happy time, despite the fact she was
going through her own personal torture.
Jackson nodded to Lacey and poured four glasses of the pinot noir. Then he stood up and
motioned for Grant to come join us. Hed been watching the scene from the bar with a big smile on
his face.
He came over, said hi to me and Lacey, slapped Jackson hard on the back, and took a glass.
Jackson raised a toast. To second chances, he said.
To second chances, the rest of us said together.
I tasted the wine and, to my surprise, it was pretty good. No, it was better than good, it was
excellent. This is good wine, I said and picked up the bottle.
Its from my father s vineyard, Jackson said.
I remember Grant saying he was working on your father s vines.
Did he ever take you down there? Jackson said, his eyes widening.
No, never.
 Good, Jackson said, relieved. Thats going to be a surprise.
Jackson knows all about our wine business, Lacey said.
I smiled. How come we never tasted this before, Grant?
It wasnt ready, he said. Believe it or not, the first vintage wasnt ready until the very night
Jackson returned from his wanderings.
Is that so? I said.
Jackson and Grant nodded.
What a coincidence, I said.
Jackson looked into my eyes. Nothing in life is a coincidence, he said.
I blushed under his gaze. The way he looked at me made my cheeks flush. He leaned back in his
seat and made no attempt to hide where he was looking. His gaze started at my feet, climbed my legs,
passed over my dress and paused at my breasts, before coming up to meet my eyes.
I missed you, he said.
My heart fluttered. He stared at my breasts and ass without even trying to conceal the fact. It was
the first time in twelve years Id been examined so closely by a man with sexual intentions. It was
thrilling.
I looked at Lacey. She was loving every second of it. Shed waited so long for me to find
happiness with Jackson. Even when I was ready to give up, she never let me.
I thought again of the pain she must have been going through with Matt and something inside me
wanted to scream. How dare that asshole hurt my best friend. Id take a bullet for Lacey. Id have to do
something about Matt soon. If Lacey didnt, I would. After all, shed intervened to help me and
Jackson.
I glanced again at Jackson. Id been trying not to look at him. I was still getting used to the fact
that he was there, and I didnt want to embarrass myself. Despite my best attempts however, I felt
myself trembling with excitement. The way Jackson was looking at me, I felt like a deer on the
African plains. Jackson was the lion. I was his prey and he was about to kill me. It would happen very
soon. I could feel it.
Hed waited twelve years. He wouldnt wait another night.
Lacey, Jackson said, would you do me a favor?
Sure thing, she said, looking at him with a naughty twinkle in her eye.
Would you tell Faith that I find her completely enchanting.
Of course, she said, playing along. Then she turned to me. This gentleman finds you
enchanting, Faith.
I blushed. Will you tell him that I know for a fact hes no gentleman, I said.
Jackson reached under the table and put his hand on my thigh. I felt as if electricity was rushing
from his skin into mine. Desire poured through me.
Lacey giggled. She looked at me.
Faith, she said, you look like youre going to fall off your seat.
I cant describe how I felt. My heart was pounding. I felt nervous and excited and full of lust.
After twelve years of absolutely zero male attention, Jackson coming on to me in front of Grant
and Lacey was too much to bear. He was shamelessly flattering me. It had been so long since Id
allowed any man to show me attention.
I liked it. I realized Id been yearning for it.
Id done a lot of things during the past twelve years that I was proud of. Id built a life for Sam
and myself. That meant building up the wine business from scratch with Lacey, becoming financially
self-sufficient, being a good mother with a stable, sheltered, secure life for Sam.
But Id done nothing with a man. Nothing at all. I was practically a virgin all over again.
 So when Jackson said what he was about to say next, I didnt know how to react.
Faith, he said, come outside with me.
Where?
He shrugged. I dont care where. I just have to be alone with you.
Youve got to be kidding me, I said, laughing but also meaning every word I said. You think
you can just show up after God knows how many years, flatter me, and Ill fall right back into your
lap like nothing happened?
Jackson looked right at me, into my eyes, and I found myself desperate to believe whatever he
was about to say.
I know what happened, Faith. I know I cant erase that. But if you dont get back into my lap
soon, I swear Im going to burst.
 Chapter 31

Jackson

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING? I mean, this wasnt the way I operated. I know how to deal with
women. At least, I used to know. It had been so long since Id gotten my dick wet it was like Id lost
my touch.
Id been back in the Socorro Valley a week.
A week!
And I was still pussyfooting around Faith like a boy too scared to ask her to the prom.
Faith didnt need a guy to show her manners. Shed been waiting for me for twelve years. She
needed me to fuck her so hard she had to beg me to stop. She needed an orgasm in her pussy. An
orgasm in her mouth. An orgasm in her ass. She needed my jizz flowing out of every hole.
I dont mean to be crass. I loved this woman and Id have taken a bullet to see her happy. But shit.
I had to get my act together.
Women are the most complicated creatures on Gods green earth, but theyre simple too. You
charm them. You challenge them. You flatter them. And then you fuck them. And then you fuck them
again. And a third time. And they love you for it. They thank you for it. They beg you for more and
then they beg you to stop. They know exactly what they want and if you cant give it to them, youre
not really a man. At least in my book.
Thats the way its always been, since the beginning of time.
So why did this feel different?
Why was Faith making my dick pound with desire, while at the same time terrifying me?
Ill tell you why. Love. Love was the complicating factor.
I looked into Faiths eyes. God, she was pretty.
I took her by the hand and led her across the bar.
Jackson, she gasped. Where are you taking me?
Have fun, you two, Grant said, as we left.
Lacey was laughing.
Im taking you where I should have taken you a long time ago, Faith.
What are you talking about?
If I hadnt gotten mixed up with Los Lobos, this is the place Id have taken you twelve years
ago.
If it wasnt for Los Lobos, wed never have met at all, she said.
I looked at her and smiled. She was being kind. She was letting me know that she wasnt holding
what had happened against me. Was she really forgiving me?
Outside, the air was refreshing. It was a relief to get out of the bar. In the moonlight, Faith looked
even more attractive. All I wanted was a chance to talk to her alone.
I led her to the pickup truck and opened the passenger door for her.
Where are you taking me? she said.
Youll see.
She climbed up into her seat and I hurried around and got in next to her. I took the truck out onto
the road and down into the valley, past the spot where shed almost killed me a week earlier.
I cant believe you said nothing when you were in my car, she said.
I looked across at her. Fuck, she was beautiful. She was an angel. My angel.
The time wasnt right, I said.
 She smiled and nodded. Youre right, she said. This feels better.
We were driving away from the town, down toward the bottom of the valley, where the peaks of
the mountains rose sharply up from the river. We passed the Brotherhood mansion and Faith looked
down the driveway toward it.
Grant took me there after you left, she said.
I know. Did you like it there?
Yes, I did. And Ive liked knowing the Brotherhood was there for me if I needed them. Lacey
and the brothers helped me get established. Laceys still my best friend.
I nodded.
I thought you were taking me there now, she said. Where are we going?
Youll see.
We drove on a couple more miles and then I pulled down the driveway of my father s vineyard.
Where is this place? she said.
My father s old place.
Oh.
I pulled up outside the house and killed the engine. I looked at Faith. There were tears in her eyes
when she looked back at me.
Ive never been here, she said.
Well, youre here with me, now.
Im glad to be.
This is where I grew up.
And what are you going to do with me here? she said, a sparkle in her eye.
Come on, I said.
I got out of the truck and helped her out of her side.
Are we going into the house?
Not yet. Im still working on the house. I dont want you to see it until its ready.
Ready for what?
I didnt answer.
What did you think of that wine? I said.
I liked it. I really did. And I know wine. I think I could find some restaurants in the city that
would be interested.
I opened the tailgate and hopped up onto the back of the truck.
You want to see what else weve got? I said. Theres a case here with Merlot, Cabernet Franc,
Syrah, Grenache.
You had me at Merlot, she said, laughing.
I reached down to her and she seemed to hesitate for just a second before giving me her hand and
letting me pull her up into the back of the truck.
Would it be out of line if I were to pay you a complement? I said.
She laughed but she was listening. That depends.
I could tell she was blushing. She was probably glad it was dark.
On what?
On whether or not you mean it.
I couldnt lie to her. I could never lie to her. She was a part of my soul.
You are an angel, Faith. You are an absolute angel.
She looked away.
We sat at the back of the truck, our backs against the cab. Id brought our wineglasses from the
bar and set them in front of us.
 What do you want to try first? I said.
You choose?
I looked at her for a second. It was a surreal moment. The moon was shining above us. We were
outside the house Id grown up in. We had a child together, and yet it was as if we were two strangers.
We were soulmates whod been forced apart for over a decade. It reminded me of those stories of
twins separated at birth. Somehow, they maintain a deep connection, despite the fact theyve been kept
apart their whole lives. There was heat in the air but it wasnt oppressive. Crickets were chirping for
twenty miles in every direction and they created a comforting din, like the sound of the ocean.
Its a beautiful night, she said.
Youre beautiful, Faith.
Her lips were like the blush on a ripe cherry. Her eyes looked into mine and the connection
between us was like that between two people whod known each other their entire lives. We werent
strangers. We were lovers. We always had been, and we always would be. At that moment, the only
thing that existed in the entire universe was her.
Nothing mattered, except that we were both there, under the stars, drinking wine and looking into
each other s eyes.
I opened a bottle of Merlot and poured two glasses.
She rose the glass to her lips and took a sip.
What do you think? I said.
What do I think? she repeated thoughtfully. Jackson, what are we doing out here? What are
you going to do to me?
 Chapter 32

Faith

I DRANK THE WINE. I needed it. Nothing like this had happened to me in a very long time.
Id once been the wild girl, the girl that hooked up with the bad boys, but for the last twelve years
Id been a wallflower. No guy so much as looked at me. They could tell I wasnt interested. It was like
Jackson had marked me somehow, and other men could sense it. Id gone from being the wildest
thing at the party to being a complete wallflower. I was the designated driver, the one who went home
early. Something told me tonight was going to be different. Id finally be the Faith Id been a long
time ago. Id be the girl that got the guy.
For the second time in my life, I was getting picked up by Jackson Jones, and it was a thrill.
As I sat there with him in the back of the truck, his muscular body right next to me, the thoughts
of what he was going to do to me became increasingly vivid.
I was scared, but there was no way in hell I wasnt going through with this. Wed committed to
each other a long time ago. This was just an inevitable part of the journey. A very long time ago,
Jackson had told me there would be no going back. Id believed that. And I would hold him to his
word.
I decided to let go of my inhibitions. Whatever was going to happen, and I could feel that
something was definitely going to happen, I would embrace.
Id already put in the time. Id waited long enough. I remembered Jackson as a wild passionate
lover, and I was ready to submit to his powerful body. Whatever he wanted from me, I would give
him.
He opened another bottle of wine, I didnt even notice which one.
You want me to try and find buyers for this wine in the city? I said.
Jackson shrugged. I dont know, thats been Grants department up until now. I dont want to
make plans without speaking to him.
Well speak to him. Lacey and I could create quite a stir with this.
I took another sip.
We sat there, drinking the wine, looking up at the stars, and then it came. Exactly what I knew was
coming. What Id been praying would come. You dont get into the back of a truck with a man like
Jackson Jones and not expect something to happen.
His hand was on my thigh.
His strong, masculine hand, was on my smooth, succulent thigh.
My mind flashed back twelve years, to the first time he touched me at the motel. I shuddered with
desire.
I was wearing a short, black dress. Id always been proud of my legs. They were my best feature.
I was glad he started on them. I was terrified of letting him down. A lot had changed with my body in
twelve years. Id given birth to a child. I wasnt the twenty-year-old he remembered.
I looked at him.
It was strange. There was something intense and real about the look in his eyes. If I didnt know
better, Id have thought maybe it was love.
Love.
Where did we stand on that question? I didnt know.
I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and I had ever since hed given me his son, but did he
love me? He said hed been loyal to me for all the years we were apart. Did that mean we were in
love? I hoped it did.
Stop thinking, I told myself. Just enjoy this for what it is and stop trying to read anything into it. I
couldnt control what the future held, and I wouldnt try. If Jackson loved me, if he loved Sam, he
would show us. We wouldnt have to guess.
For now, all I had to focus on was Jacksons finger, toying with the lace of my panty. His hand
was inside my dress, pulling at the elastic of my thong. He was touching my sensitive skin, sending
shivers of anticipation through me.
Jackson, I said.
Faith, he said.
What are we doing?
Whatever we want, he said and leaned in close and pressed his lips against mine.
It was incredible. More intense than the one outside the bar. Have you ever waited twelve years
for a kiss? His tongue was all over mine, dancing with it, entangling itself in the most delicious way
imaginable.
Divine, he said when our lips broke contact.
Mm-hmm, I moaned. I wanted more. I wanted more of that kiss and I didnt care what I had to
give to get it.
He leaned in and kissed me again, this time on my neck, allowing his tongue to slide down
toward my breasts. It made my blood shiver. I leaned back in the truck and opened my legs a little.
What was I doing? Trying to signal to him to come in and take me? God, he was going to think I was
desperate?
He lay me down flat and leaned over me.
Good lord, youre a beautiful woman, he said. Has anyone ever told you that?
Not lately.
He smiled.
In fact, I said, the last man to tell me that, was you.
Well, I was right, he said.
He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it away. Those muscles. Those tattoos. That perfectly
chiseled chest. It wasnt exactly the same as I rememberedit was hotter. And I wouldnt have even
believed that was possible. He had more scars, more wounds, more tattoos, and I knew every one of
those marks on his body had a story behind it. Each held a meaning.
The memories of his body came flooding back to me. They were the treasures Id stored away
twelve years ago. Id kept them in a safe place where only I knew about them. They were mine. And
now theyd come to life again.
He was like something from a movie poster, built like a model. His muscles were perfect. He had
ripples and bumps and grooves everywhere they were supposed to be. He had a perfect six pack,
large, hard pectorals, arms like tree trunks. He was like a marble statue.
I smiled at him while he reached under my dress and clenched my thighs. Holy hell. His hands
slid under me and grabbed my bare buttocks. It sent a shiver of passion through me like an electric
pulse. I wanted him to take me, to possess me in the deepest way imaginable, to own me, to destroy
me. I was his.
Id always been his.
When he lifted my dress and peered underneath, I gasped. I was thrilled and terrified at the same
time. I wanted him, but I was scared he wouldnt want me back. What if he didnt like what he saw?
What have we got under here? he said, teasingly.
I giggled like a girl. Im not exaggerating. On an ordinary day, I could count myself as a normal,
mature, adult woman. But with Jackson I felt like a teenager all over again. I felt like I was about to
lose my virginity all over again. I wanted to shut my legs as tight as I could, stop him from exploring
me, but I couldnt. Something deeper within me allowed him to do what he wanted.
I held my breath and waited.
He put his head under my dress. A moment later I felt his hot breath against the skin of my inner
thighs.
What are you going to do to me, Jackson Jones? I whispered.
I didnt even know if he heard me. He pulled my underwear down to my ankles and then off
completely. My shoes fell off in the process. Then he leaned down and let his tongue touch the soft
skin of my clitoris.
Can I tell you one thing? There is nothing in life as thrilling as a guy like Jackson climbing up
under your dress in the dark. He gently sucked my clitoris while I just lay there and looked up at the
stars.
It was crazy. I couldnt believe what was happening. Jackson sucked my clitoris like it was a
popsicle. He put his mouth over it and sucked till I thought I would faint. I could feel his drool all
over me. His saliva combined with my own juices. I was so wet anything could have slid up inside me.
Especially his cock.
I want you, I moaned.
He didnt stop sucking. His tongue went from my clitoris, down over the mouth of my vagina,
and probed inside me. From there it went down even farther and before I knew it, he was holding me
up, his strong hands on my buttocks. I gasped when he licked my anus.
Please, I begged. Fuck me. I want you now.
He lowered me down. I felt his finger touch my pussy. I thrust forward, forcing my clit back
against his mouth, and when his finger slid into my gaping pussy, I cried out in pleasure. I was
desperate for him. I moaned. I didnt want his finger, good as it felt, I wanted his cock.
He kept sucking my clit while his finger probed the depths of my vagina. Then I felt another
finger, and this time it was touching my anus.
I dont know if I can bear this, I cried.
Ill tell you the truth. If someone had come across us right then and there, I dont think Id have
been able to stop. I was in such a frenzy of lust that I couldnt have stopped if an earthquake struck. Id
have just lain there and let him eat me.
He angled me back a little, his mouth firmly sucking my clit, and his thumb pressed the tight ring
of muscle inside my anus.
Oh, God, I cried. Im coming. Jackson, Im coming. I cant hold it.
He sucked harder. I shuddered in ecstatic agony. His fingers thrust up deep inside me. My thighs
clenched his head so tightly I was sure Id strangle him. I didnt care. I didnt fucking care about
anything. The orgasm that was surging through me had taken hold of my body, my mind, and my
very soul. I was powerless to resist it.
All in an instant, my muscles contracted. Every nerve in my body began to fire on overload. My
synapses exploded. A wave of orgasmic pleasure rushed through me and it washed away everything
in its wake. I was powerless against it. I was impaled on Jacksons fingers, his mouth sucking me like
a vacuum cleaner, and my body acted of its own accord. There was nothing to do but surrender. The
orgasm washed through me like a tsunami and it was immediately followed by another, and another.
Jackson, I cried out. Jackson. Jackson. How many times had I moaned that name to myself
over the years in the privacy of my bed? It was the word that would be on my lips on my dying day.
Jackson. Fucking. Jones.
You took me and you ruined me for other men. You owned me for so long I couldnt even
remember what other men felt like. I was yours wholly and completely. All yours.
 He was finally taking what was his.
Thats what I felt. If hed suggested we go get his name tattooed to my lower back, Id have
agreed. I was his. I always had been and I always would be. From the moment of his naked orgasm in
my womb all those years earlier, there was no going back.
You know what its like to belong to a man? You know what its like to surrender yourself to
him? Then you know exactly what Im talking about. It defies logic. Its a law of nature, not of society.
Its something animal.
I was Jacksons, Id been waiting for his return, and now he was back.
 Chapter 33

Jackson

FUCK ME.
My beautiful Faith had returned to me. She was every bit as delicious as I remembered, and shed
come back to me.
Shed returned to her master, her owner, and Id never let her slip out of my grasp again.
She was like the first rain in spring, or an ice cold beer after working on a hot day. She knew
what she wanted. She knew what I needed. She responded to my every movement like a goddess.
As I sucked her clit, toyed with her pussy, I knew this was the body Id been built to please. My
mind knew it, my heart knew it, even my cock fucking knew it. My cock was driving me forward,
pushing me to take what was mine, forcing me to devour this woman. She was completely helpless,
and I would ravish her mercilessly.
When I felt her orgasm it was almost as if it was something that was happening to my own body.
I felt her contract, I heard her stifled scream, and something inside me reacted to it. I got up from
under her skirt and tore my pants open. My cock pushed out like a caged beast, ready to kill. I pointed
it at her like a violent weapon.
She took one look at it, shut her eyes, and threw her head back. She knew exactly what was
coming.
I hooked my arms under her knees and hitched her up against the back of the cab. There was no
escape. She was mine. All fucking mine. I had her where I wanted her and ten men wouldnt have been
able to tear me off her.
She looked at me and our eyes locked, just for an instant, and I like to imagine it was the same as
if the eye of a lion locked on a lioness right before he made her his. Thats what it felt like. I felt as if
we were two animals, and I was about to reclaim my mate, or my prey.
You ready for this?
She nodded.
Therell be no going back, Faith. I do this to you, I make you mine.
She nodded again. Im already yours, Jackson. Ive been yours ever since you put your son in
me.
Tell me then, I said. Tell me to do it.
She moaned. Shed just orgasmed. She was already mine, I could see it on her face, but I wanted
to make her say it.
Say it.
Say what? she said.
I smiled. Tell me youre mine.
Im yours, she said.
Say my name.
Im yours, Jackson Jones. Ive always been yours. My entire body is your property.
Beg me for it, I said.
What?
You heard me.
She looked up into my eyes. Then she begged.
Fuck me, Jackson. Fill my cunt. Fuck me like you own me. Fuck me like Im yours and only
yours.
 And will you always be mine? I said.
Always.
No matter what I do to you?
Do anything to me, she begged. Use me. Please. Im yours.
Good enough, I thought. I pressed her knees up against her chest, her wet pussy exposed to my
monstrous cock like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered. I dont know what the hell had come over me.
Id never spoken like that to a woman before. Being reunited with her after all those years of yearning
was too much to bear. My heart was exploding for her.
When I slid inside her, I was so glad Id made her say all those things. Id meant every word and I
needed to know she meant it too. She had to be mine. Id kill myself if she wasnt. She was like a part
of me that I needed to survive. She was my life support, my oxygen, without her there was only an
eternal void of darkness and violence. She was the only good thing in my life and I knew it. Her and
the son shed given me.
My hungry cock slid deep into her pussy and immediately I felt a spasm of pleasure. I was like a
heroine addict feeling the first prick of the needle, the alcoholic tasting that last gulp of bourbon
before falling into a stupor.
It was like her pussy had been built for me. It fit like a mother fucking glove. I slid so far inside
her that her eyes widened in fear. She didnt know how deep I was going. She didnt know if shed be
able to contain me. Well, Ill tell you what. She contained every bit of me, and she did it better than Id
ever imagined possible. Her pussy clenched my cock like it was holding on to me for dear life. When
I slid back out of her, she was so tight it was like trying to escape someones grip. She was locked
onto me in an exquisite, muscular embrace.
Fuck, I gasped. Faith. Youre killing me. Im dying.
Im yours, she panted.
I felt the surge. My cock throbbed, throbbed again, the pulse of my heart flowing right through
it, and then I burst. It was an explosion. I literally saw her eyes widen as it happened. That first
bursting ejaculation flew up inside her cervix like a power hose. I imagined myself spraying the
inside of her womb again, just as I had the first time, coating all of her with my white, sticky
substance. Everything my semen touched was mine, forever.
Jackson, she cried.
Yes, say my name. Say my name.
Jackson, Jackson.
Youre mine, Faith. Youre all mine. I claim you.
My cock burst again, drenching her insides with another layer of my semen. The poor girl. How
would she ever recover from this? I couldnt imagine any other man had ever fucked a lady this
intensely. It was like my cock was trying to kill her, and from the look on her face, it was working.
Her cheeks flushed. Her eyes sparkled with the glint of tears. Her mouth formed the shape of someone
abandoning all hope, lost at sea, awash in an ocean of ecstatic orgasm.
I could feel her come. That was another heavenly experience, on top of the pleasure I was
already feeling. Her orgasm surged through her cunt, her muscles clenching onto my cock like that
would somehow save her from what was happening. It felt good. Her cunt was gripping my cock like
a vise. It felt so good that it made me burst into a second orgasm of my own. You think women are the
only ones who can have multiple orgasms? Ill tell you, its not true. My cock was like a self-loading,
double-barrel, shotgun. Another orgasm lined itself up and burst out into her like a machine fucking
itself senseless.
Shit. She was literally killing me with pleasure.
I collapsed onto her, my full weight resting on her lithe body. I fell so suddenly I could have hurt
her, but from the way she was holding my heaving, panting mass, she wasnt complaining about a
damn thing.
Jackson, she whispered.
Shh, I said, my cock still lodged inside her. Youre safe now. Its over. Twelve years of
waiting is over.
 Chapter 34

Faith

WELL? LACEY SAID.

It was the next morning. The morning after, I think they call it. My womb was still tingling with
pleasure at what had happened the night before. Id slept like a baby. Id even missed my alarm clock.
That was a first. Poor Sam was late for school.
I was on the phone with Lacey. I sat there, my mind rushing through a million things before I
answered her. Make me yours. Thats what Jackson had made me say. Tell me youre mine. I claim you.
My spine tingled as I thought back on it.
Faith, Lacey said again, tell me about it.
Tell what? I said
Dont be coy with me, girl. Give me the details.
Lacey!
I mean it. I want to know everything.
We did it.
Made love?
Made love? I repeated, laughing. Not exactly.
What do you mean?
I believe the correct term is fucking.
Oh, excuse me. You fucked.
We fucked like jackrabbits, Lacey. My pussys still quivering. Im afraid to touch myself. In the
shower this morning his sperm dripped down my leg.
You mean you didnt use protection?
I paused before answering.
Whats the point? I said, after thinking about it. Ive already had his child. Ive been waiting
for him for twelve years. I think were pretty committed to each other.
Faith, honey, Lacey said. Girl, youve got to look after yourself. I know he drives you wild. I
know youve been waiting for him to come back to you. But you still dont want to throw everything
to the wind and get pregnant again. What about the business were building? What about finding out
for real if Jacksons sticking around this time.
I know, I said, embarrassed at how stupid Id been.
I mean, Lacey continued, I love Jackson and I completely believe hes here to stay, but dont
you think you owe it to yourself to make him prove that to you before you let him put another child in
your womb?
Youre right, I said. Of course youre right. I got carried away.
I know, Lacey said. And Id have done the same in your position. But I wouldnt be doing my
job as a best friend if I didnt tell you to look out for yourself. But youre a big girl. Im sure you
know what youre doing.
I shook my head. I usually knew what I was doing. Jackson Jones was a distinct exception. I didnt
know what had come over me. Every time I was with him my body seemed to beg for his semen. It
was crazy.
When are you going to see him again? Lacey said.
I felt butterflies in my stomach when she said that. I wanted to see him again so badly. Of course I
did. My body did. My vagina especially wanted to see Jackson Jones again. My vagina wanted to
move in with Jackson Jones. It wanted to give itself to him, be his slave. My vagina wanted to tattoo
Jackson Joness name on itself so that the whole world knew who owned it. But I was more than a
vagina. I was a full person, a mother, with responsibilities. I had to be reasonable.
I dont know, I said.
What did he say?
We didnt make a plan, but I know he intended to see me again soon.
Did he take your number?
No. I wanted to give it to him but it didnt come up. I dont know if he has a cell phone. Hes so
old school.
Well, I dare say hell figure out how to get a hold of you when he needs to.
Lacey, I said. I was embarrassed. I let him go down on me. He sucked my clit, licked my
asshole, fucked me without a condom.
He did all that?
God, yes.
Where?
In the back of his truck.
Lacey laughed. I get it. So when it was all over, you were feeling a little sheepish.
I just had to get out of there and collect my thoughts. He dropped me off.
At least he knows where you live.
Yes, I said. Then, turning the subject from myself to Lacey, What about you? How was your
night.
I had a few drinks with Grant and then he dropped me off at home, she said.
That means we have to go back and get your car, I said, half excited at the proposition. What if
I saw Jackson again? I just wanted any excuse to go down to the valley.
I already picked it up this morning, Lacey said. Dont forget. Im in a committed relationship
with Matt. I cant leave my car outside the the Rusty Nail. You know what that does to a ladys
reputation?
I laughed.
Then I heard a crack in Laceys voice. She was crying.
Lacey, I said, startled, are you all right? Are you crying?
Im all right, she sobbed.
Whats going on? Why are you crying? What happened?
Its nothing, Faith. Really. I dont want to talk about it.
Lacey, thats not how we work and you know it. If somethings happened, you have to tell me.
I already knew it was about Matt. That prick was really fucking with her mind. I wanted to tell her
Id get Jackson to take him out. Seriously.
Its not the right time. Youve been waiting twelve years for Jackson to come back to you. I
dont want to overshadow that with my own petty problems.
Matt cheating on you is not a petty problem, Lacey. You dont have to protect him all the time.
You should talk about it.
You know if I tell the brothers about it theyll fuck him up. I cant let that happen.
Why not? Thats what he deserves.
Just promise me you wont tell Jackson or the others what Im about to say, she said.
You have my word, Lacey.
Oh, God, Lacey said. She was starting to cry again. I dont think I can tell you all this on the
phone, she said.
Get in your car, I said. Right now. Meet me at the diner on Main. Ill buy you coffee and a
massive dessert.
A half hour later I was sitting in a booth at the diner across from Lacey. Shed stopped crying but
her eyes were red. I ordered our coffee and a huge overindulgence of dessertspecan pie, apple pie,
lemon meringue, an ice cream sundae, a chocolate brownie. The waitress raised her eyebrows when I
placed the order.
I gave Lacey lots of room, didnt pressure her, just let her speak when she was ready.
I cant believe what Im about to say, she said at last, after at least two mouthfuls of each
dessert.
I nodded. Matts cheating was a fact we both knew but that didnt make it any easier for Lacey to
swallow.
The thing is, she continued, I thought he was cheating on me. But he wasnt.
What do you mean?
He isnt cheating on me, hes cheating with me.
Lacey, I dont understand.
Im the affair, Faith. Im not the relationship. Im the fucking affair.
What?
Matts got a wife.
What? Youve been dating him for years. How could he have a wife.
Hes got a fucking wife, Faith. They have a fancy house together in Palo Alto.
But, I dont understand. Havent you been to his apartment?
Its a company apartment, for when hes in the valley on business. I thought he went to the city
for business. But no. He lives in the city. He came here on business.
Lacey wasnt crying. She was refusing to allow herself to cry. She was holding herself together
through nerves of pure steel.
Oh, Lacey, I gasped.
She shook her head.
How did you find out?
A voicemail.
A voicemail?
A fucking voicemail, Faith.
I looked around the diner. It was pretty empty. No one could hear us. Laceys eyes had watered up
now but she was still holding it together. I felt like I should get her home. I didnt want her to drive.
What did it say?
It said his wife found out about me and he had to call the whole thing off. Thats pretty much all
it said. After two years, thats how he ended it.
Oh, Lacey. Im so sorry.
She started crying then.
He said wed never see each other again.
Lacey, I said, helplessly.
I loved him, Faith.
I know, I said, soothingly.
I loved that asshole, and all I got was a voicemail. I tried calling him and Im blocked. I couldnt
get through, even to tell him what an asshole he is.
Fuck him, I said.
The entire time I thought he loved me, Faith. He had a wife at home waiting for him the entire
time. It was all a lie. The night we met, oh God. I thought Id found my soul mate. He had a wife.
Oh sweetie.
 One great big, fat, fucking lie.
Let me tell Jackson, I said. Hell take care of Matt for you.
No, Faith. You promised.
All right. I wont say a word.
I just feel like such a fucking idiot, Lacey said. Hes one of those compulsive, pathological
liars who likes to have two separate lives with two different women at the same time. And I was one of
those ridiculous women who allows it to happen. If I saw myself on a reality show Id roll my eyes.
When he told me he didnt have a landline, or social profiles, I just ate it all up. The business trips.
Fuck. He spent more time in the city than here.
Its not your fault, Lacey. You didnt know.
Hes crushed my heart, Faith. Hes shattered it. How will I ever get over this?
I know its hard to believe, but youll get over this with time, Lacey. Hes the asshole here.
Youll forget all about him.
Then why do I feel so dirty?
I could see she was going to take this really hard. Only a woman whose been cheated on could
understand the sort of pain she was going through. It was the ultimate betrayal.
I put my hand on hers. I prayed her ego would be able to bounce back from this eventually. I felt
helpless to do anything.
I just feel so worthless, Faith. Like no man will ever value me or love me.
Well get you through this, Lacey, I said.
 Chapter 35

Faith

I DROPPED LACEY BACK AT THE MANSION. I wouldnt have left her alone but Forrester and Grant
were there. They wanted to know why she was crying, they were as protective of Lacey as they were
of me, but we told them it was a female issue and they dropped it.
I felt bad about leaving her but I already felt guilty for dropping Sam off late and the last thing I
wanted was to be late picking him up. I was definitely over the speed limit as I rushed into the school
parking lot. I pulled up and could already see him standing by the steps of the school. He was crying.
I got out of the car and ran to him.
Sammy. What is it baby? What happened.
Nothing, he said.
There are certain things about being a mother that can straight up, break your heart. Theres no
pain you can experience that even comes close to what its like having to watch your kid suffer.
Was it the same boys? I said.
Lets just get out of here, he said, opening the passenger door. He threw his backpack in before
him.
I got in on my side. I could feel the tears right there, just beneath the surface, but he held them in.
I held mine in too. I had to. It was my job to be strong for Sam. If he wanted to cry, so be it, but I
couldnt afford the luxury. At least not in front of him. For now, I was still all he had. Jackson wasnt
on the scene, just me. If I couldnt hold it together and be strong, who would?
But it was so hard.
This has to stop, sweetie. I have to talk to the school again.
No, he insisted.
But theyll help, honey.
Theyll make it worse.
Theyll look out for you.
He started crying, and it broke my heart to hear the pain in his voice. He was so strong, so brave.
He was trying to hold back the tears but he couldnt quite manage it. If only I could take that pain from
him and suffer it myself. Id have given my life to take that pain away from him.
Its my problem, he said. They think Im weak, but Im not. I can take this. And I dont need
you to speak to my teachers.
Theyre bullies, Sam. We owe it to the rest of the students to stand up to them.
Please, mom, Sam begged. I know you want to help, but I need to figure this out for myself.
I shook my head. What was he talking about? Was that really the way kids saw the world? I
couldnt understand it. Maybe it was a guy thing. For months Id been begging him to let me speak to
his school, and for months hed been resisting. The one time I went behind his back and spoke to
them, it only made matters worse. They said there wasnt much they could do without Sams
cooperation, but Sam wouldnt speak to them. I lost it. I lashed out at the principal, but none of it
helped Sam.
Looking at him, I realized he was so similar to his father. I hadnt ever thought about it before,
Id shied away from thinking of Sam and Jackson together because I didnt know if Jackson was
coming back. Now that hed returned, I realized that the same stubbornness that led Jackson on a
twelve year protective killing spree, was flowing through Sams veins too. It made perfect sense.
I shook my head. Id tried everything, but Sam didnt want any of it. When I took him out of
school and kept him home, hed fought me so hard Id been in tears when I brought him back. He was
convinced this was something he had to deal with by himself. He didnt want me protecting him from
it. He didnt want me interfering. He made me bring him back to school, and I promised him Id step
aside and let him deal with it his way.
Wasnt that what Jackson would do?
That had been six months ago. He tried his best to hide the bullying from me, but when I saw it, it
was heartbreaking. How could kids be so cruel? How could their parents allow them to be that way?
I put my hand on his lap as I drove. He took hold of my hand.
Were going to a movie tonight, I said.
Really?
Yes. And then were going for sundaes.
Mom. You dont have to spoil me.
Im not spoiling you. Its for me as much as it for you. We both deserve a treat, once in a while.
Want to eat popcorn for dinner? he said.
I looked at him. I knew he was being strong for my benefit as much as his own. Eleven years old
and he was already more of a man than some guys ever got.
Oh, well eat popcorn, but not for dinner. For dinner, were going to Harrys. Harrys was
Sams favorite diner.
Mom, stop looking after me.
Stop looking after you? Do you know its my job to look after you?
Im almost twelve years old mom.
So?
So that means Im almost a man.
I pulled into the Harrys parking lot, stopped the car, and hugged my little son so hard I thought I
might crush him. Youre absolutely right, you know. You are a man. Youre a fine young man. But
youre also my baby, and you always will be, even when youre six feet tall. And Ill always look after
you.
He hugged me back so tight I felt his little arms quiver. Why did God give us something we
loved this much? It was almost unbearable. I felt as if my heart would break if those little assholes at
his school hurt him one more time.
All right, he said. Lets get some burgers. We can put this day behind us.
 Chapter 36

Jackson

I DONT WANT TO KNOW where you disappeared to last night, Grant said.
I looked at him but I didnt answer.
I know that look, Jackson.
You dont know shit, Grant.
Grady, Forrester, tell me this boy aint going soft on us.
The four of us had just plowed one of the lower fields in my father s vineyard. It was on the
valley bed, which meant it was full of rock and gravel. It was work better suited to oxen and draft
horses than men. It was real hard work. My hands were blistered, my back was burned, and my shirt
was drenched in sweat. I was grateful to them for taking the day to help me out. I was taking over the
vineyard from Grant, he was ready to move on to a new project, but between the farm and the house
there was more work than I could handle alone. They knew I was trying to fix the place up for Faith
so they were happy to pitch in.
I took my shirt off and threw it over the back of the truck. Grady opened the icebox and pulled
out four beers.
It was right in the back of this truck here that it happened, I said.
The others nodded. When we were younger, we used to recount our sexual exploits with each
other. Now that we were men we did it less often. Only when it was something out of the ordinary. Id
been playing coy all day and they wanted to know what was up.
I cant imagine waiting twelve years for one girl and then finally being reunited with her,
Grady said.
Grant, Grady and Forrester were all single, all confirmed bachelors, all still skeptical of the idea
of true love.
I knew better.
Aint it ever happened to one of you? I said. Aint you ever just found a girl and known she
was the one? Known it like a bullet in the chest?
Never let it, Forrester said.
Lifes too short, Grady said.
I shook my head. There was a time when I would have agreed with them. Id have one-hundred-
percent agreed with them, right down to the very core of my being. When I was younger, Id rather
have lost my cock than give it up to any one woman. But that all ended with Faith. That girl had me
good, and she had me since the moment she first set eyes on me. I couldnt ever get her out of my
heart, and if I could have, I wouldnt have wanted to. She was my purpose now. My very soul. Without
Faith, there could be no Jackson. Not after all wed been through for eachother.
Not after shed given me a son, a son I still had to meet.
Grant, I said. Come on. You must have fallen hard for a woman at some point in your life.
Grant shook his head. He wasnt trying to give me a hard time. He wasnt trying to pretend that
being a lone wolf was better than finding true love. All he was saying was that it hadnt ever happened
to him.
I never met a girl that amazed me so much I thought I should give up all the other women in the
world for her, he said.
Shit, I said. Maybe I am getting soft.
Look, Grady said. Dont let us knuckleheads get to you. Youve found what were all still
searching for. Were all talk. If any one of us found a love like what you have with Faith, wed give up
everything for her, just like you have.
I nodded.
Shit, youve still got Sam to meet, Forrester said. Youre going to love that little kid. Hes as
stubborn as you, Jackson.
I let out a long sigh. I was dying to see Sam. Id been dying to see him his entire life, and I was
nervous of what hed think of me. I mean, I didnt even know if Faith had ever told him about me.
Whod he think his father was? What was he hoping for?
I thought it was nice when Faith named him after your father, Grady said.
I did too, I said. I did too.
The other three looked at me, then looked at each other, then burst out laughing.
Youre getting really sentimental in your old age, Jackson, Forrester said.
Shut up.
Is that a tear in your eye? Grady said.
Fuck you guys, I said, joining them in laughter.
All you need is to go back down to the Rusty Nail tonight, and youll be right as rain,
Forrester said. Hell, lets all go. Therell be some tail there tonight. Its Friday. Ill bet dollars to
donuts all four of us will get our socks blown.
They were teasing me. They knew there was no way in hell Id get with another woman, but I
played along.
Sure, lets get finished up here and go for a few drinks. Weve got a lot of catching up to do.
Its like youve been in prison, Grady said. You know the guys who go in for a long stint,
come out changed men. Found Jesus. You need to get out and get good and drunk with your brothers,
Jackson. Well set you straight.
I nodded. I loved those guys. Id have given my life for them. Theyd have done the same for me.
The years away had done nothing to lessen the bond between us.
Then I thought of Faith. That moment when my cock slid into her soaking wet pussy. That was
something. That was something real.
Grant, I said.
What is it, little man?
How was Lacey last night?
She was pretty quiet. Knocked back a few shots like she had something on her mind. Why do
you ask?
I dont know, Ive just been worried about her.
Shes going through something with that guy shes dating.
The secret guy?
He nodded. Yeah. Id like to know whats going on, but if she wants to keep her love life private,
thats up to her.
All right, I said. Just, keep an eye on her.
Grant nodded. Dont worry, shell be fine. She always is. Shes been let down by jerk offs
before. We never get involved. She and Faith can handle it.
 Chapter 37

Faith

WHAT DID YOU THINK? I said to Sam. We were sitting in a booth at the ice cream place by the
theater.
I loved it, mom.
What did you like best?
He looked up at me and thought about his answer.
I liked the way the boy looked after himself. He knew he could beat the bad guys. All he had to
do was train.
I liked that part too, I said. I didnt say that the kid in the movie had a father to help him. That it
was his father s mentorship that made all the difference in the world.
Did you like the part where the dad showed him how to defend himself? Sam said.
I did like that part, I said.
The waitress came over and asked what we were having. Sam looked at me.
Go ahead, I said. Order whatever you like. No limits.
No limits?
I nodded. He scanned down the menu, which was cute because I knew exactly what he was going
to order. Wed been coming to this place his entire life and he always had the same thing.
Hot caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry, he said.
The waitress took down his order. And for you? she said to me.
Just a coffee, I said.
She left and Sam looked up at me, his big, bright eyes like two stars in the heavens. I was
spoiling him. Hed had hamburgers, popcorn, now ice cream. It wasnt good for him, but being
bullied at school wasnt good for him either.
Have you been thinking about what sport youd like to sign up for? I said.
Boys liked sports. It helped them make friends. Sam had enjoyed baseball when he was younger.
Soccer too. He was an active kid. It was just recently that hed become more withdrawn. He seemed to
have lost his confidence. And I didnt know how to help him find it again.
He shook his head. All the mean kids are in sports, he said. I think Id rather steer clear of
them, at least for now.
I nodded. I didnt want to pressure him. Tonight was about being kind, helping him find his feet
after a difficult day. Wed deal with his real issues another time.
The waitress arrived with the sundae and my coffee.
Holy cow, Sam said.
He always said that. No matter how many times he got that sundae, it never ceased to amaze him.
I poured a little cream into my coffee and gave it a stir. I looked up at my son.
I love you, you know.
He smiled, more interested in the ice cream than his mother s sentimentality. I love you too,
mom.
My phone beeped. It was a text message from Lacey. It said, I fucking love you so much.
I wasnt sure what to make of it. Lacey was probably drinking wine. I knew I should call her.
Honey, I said, Im just going to call Lacey.
Okay, mom.
I dialed Laceys number but she didnt answer. I thought that was a little strange since shed just
texted but it wasnt a huge deal. I sent her a text back. I love you too, best friend. Is everything all
right?
 Chapter 38

Jackson

I WASNT IN THE MOOD for the Rusty Nail. It was nice of the boys to take me out and all, but I had
Faith and Sam on my mind. I needed to reconnect with them. They were my family. I couldnt let any
more time pass us by. They were mine and I had to return to them. I had a terrible feeling that if I
didnt, Id miss out on the opportunity to be a part of their life. Forever, this time.
Fellas, Ive got to go do something, I said.
Come on, Grady said, we just got here.
I know. Well do this another night.
What have you got to do? You just got back. You dont have any plans we dont know about.
I smiled but didnt answer. They knew what business I had. Im taking the truck, I said. You
fellas will have to find your own way home.
Wed all rode down in the pickup. Grant and Grady in the cab. Me and Forrester in the back.
Forrester shrugged. You owe us a night out, Jackson. This was in your honor.
Yeah, yeah, I said, walking out of the bar. I knew that if it hadnt been for me, theyd have been
more than capable of coming up with another reason to head out for a few drinks.
I got into the truck and turned the ignition. I pulled out of the lot with no idea where I was headed.
Instinctively, I drove up out of the valley. I was headed for the hills. Thats where Faith was. Even if I
wasnt going to meet her, I still wanted to be near where she was. I thought about going to her house,
but I didnt want to surprise her there.
As I drove up the mountain side, I passed the municipal boundary separating the Valley from the
Hills. There was a clear difference between the two areas. Most of the roads in the valley werent
paved. They were packed dirt, compressed by all the agricultural vehicles picking up fruit and grapes.
The valley was the hidden gem of Californias wine country. It had some of the best soil in the world.
The climate was perfect for bringing out natural flavors. The heat built up during the day and gave the
grapes a dryness you didnt get in other places. In the evenings, cool, moist air rose off the Pacific
and settled over the valley like a blanket.
It was a beautiful place to call home. It was a beautiful place to make a home with Faith, if she
wanted to.
My relationship with Faith had taken an unconventional path. Twelve years apart was not
something most people could survive. But I knew in my heart, Faith and I would survive anything. My
love was like the vineyards in the valley. It would weather any drought. The grapes were
temperamental, the weather had to be just right, but the vines themselves were hardy. Theyd never
give up. Theyd live for centuries. My love was like the ancient vines, the solid stone of the valley
bed, the Rio Secco winding its way down to the ocean.
As I got into the hills, everything became more manicured and perfect. The roads were new and
clean, with irrigated rows of palm trees along the sides. The houses were large and modern, with
views over the valley to the south, or the ocean to the west. Hollywood actors, Bay Area tech
billionaires, you name it. They all had weekend homes in the Hills.
It was a good place for Faith to be. A good place for her to raise my son. Shed chosen well and I
loved her for it.
The town was idyllic, the way all American towns used to be. There was a real Main Street, with
old fashioned stores that stayed open till late in the evening. You could still walk down the street and
get a soda in the pharmacy, grab a burger in Harrys diner, or catch a movie in the nickelodeon.
 I pulled up outside the movie theater and remembered all the nights Id gone there as a child to
catch the feature. I used to go there with my daddy. I missed him. I hadnt had much chance to dwell on
it since his death, but I sure missed him. I loved him like the soil loves the rain.
I wondered what sort of father Id make. What was in my blood? Did I have it in me to be a good
daddy to Sam? Would I be able to show him the things he needed to be shown to become a man?
Would he want to learn them from me?
I walked by the Dairy Parlor, another place that brought back memories, this time of my mother.
Id sit in there with her and eat ice cream while she watched me. Those were old memories, going
right back to my youngest years. My mother had died a long, long time ago. I looked in through the
glass, peering in as if I might still see my mother in there, sitting with me as a little boy.
But she wasnt there. What I saw was another woman, another mother.
I saw Faith. She was sitting at a booth in the Dairy Parlor with a boy. My boy. It was the first time
in my life Id set eyes on Sam, and instantly I was filled with such overwhelming love for him that the
rest of the world disappeared. My thoughts disappeared, my fears, my hopes, everything. My boy. My
own boy. I couldnt believe it. It was like waking up in winter to find spring had arrived. He was life,
warmth, everything.
I didnt waste a second. I couldnt afford to lose another single one.
I walked right in. Like I said, if youre going to do something in this life, youre best to just do it
right away. Dont give yourself a chance to second-guess yourself.
Faith, is that you?
 Chapter 39

Faith

THERE ARE MOMENTS IN MY life Ill never forget. This was definitely one of them. The entire time
I felt I might cry tears of pure joy. Thankfully, I was able to hold them in.
Sam, for the first time, was setting eyes on his father. Jackson was setting eyes on his son. Words
cant describe the flood of emotions that flowed through my heart at that moment. It was terrifying,
overwhelming, and at the same time, the most natural thing in the world. Anyone watching would
have sworn theyd known each other their whole lives. It was surreal.
Id introduced Sam to men before, random dates, and it was always really awkward. Theyd try
to be friendly to each other but it would come across as stilted, unnatural. This was anything but
awkward. It was easy. I didnt even have to do anything. Sam didnt know Jackson was his father, but it
was almost as if he didnt need to know.
Jackson, I stammered, fancy meeting you here.
Fancy meeting you here? What was I saying? I sounded like my mother.
I come here all the time, he said. Im an ice cream addict.
I looked at him and felt my cheeks flush. Oh god. I wasnt equipped for surprises like this. I
glanced at Sam and prayed he couldnt notice how hot my cheeks were.
I see your friend is a fellow addict, Jackson said, motioning to Sam. What is that? Hot
caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry?
Sams jaw dropped. It literally dropped. Im not exaggerating. It was like hed lived his entire life
on a foreign planet, and had only just for the first time met someone his own species.
How did you know that? Sam said.
Jackson shrugged. Damn, kid. Ive been having those since before you were born. I bet if I
ordered one now Id have it finished before you.
Jackson ordered a sundae from the waitress.
Sams eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. Jackson swore in front of him. It
was the last thing he should have done, but somehow, I felt that it wouldnt do Sam any harm. He was
going through such a hard time at school, seeing how a tough guy like Jackson acted might do him
good. It might give him some confidence. Sam was excited. He watched the waitress making
Jacksons sundae. It was like hed never had anyone else to eat ice cream with in his life.
Why dont you join us? I said to Jackson, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.
Oh, I dont want to intrude. You two look like youre having a nice evening. This isnt a date, is
it?
Sam scrunched up his face.
This is my son, Sam, I said, looking into Jacksons eyes. There was a tear in his eyes and it
made me want to cry too. I looked at Sam before my emotions got the better of me. It was hard to
speak without my voice breaking. Sam, this is my friend, Jackson.
Jackson squeezed into the booth next to Sam and shook his hand. Ive never seen Sam shake
hands with anyone in his life.
Jackson Jones, at your service.
Sam Jones, Sam said.
I could see the thought going through Sams mind. He and Jackson had the same last name.
Sam was my father s name, Jackson said.
My grandfather s, Sam said.
 For a terrible moment I was afraid Jackson was going to cry, he looked overcome with emotion,
but he held it together. He caught my eye and there was a look in it Id never seen before.
Was it gratitude?
So, is this a regular thing for you two? Jackson said. An evening ice cream?
Sort of, I said.
We just saw a movie, Sam said.
In the theater?
Yes, sir.
Kid, I could tell you things about that nickelodeon that would blow your mind. Some of things
Ive gotten up to in the back row.
Sams eleven, I said.
Jackson looked up at me while the message sunk in.
Oh, he said. I see. Youre probably too young for that sort of stuff, Sammy. But another
couple of years, and youll be real interested.
Sam nodded. I was surprised that Sam wasnt more shy. He was taking to Jackson like hed
known him his entire life. They seemed like old buddies. If anything, I was the outsider.
The waitress brought Jacksons sundae and he took a big bite.
Good, isnt it? he said to Sam.
The best.
You in school?
Yes, sir.
I almost laughed. Sam never called anyone sir. What had made him start with Jackson?
Call me Jackson, Jackson said.
Yes, sir.
Jackson laughed.
You like sports?
Not too much.
Jackson nodded.
But you like movies?
Yes, Sam said, stopping himself at the last second from adding sir.
Me too, Jackson said. Me too.
Jackson was silent for a few moments. I didnt know what he was thinking but I tried to imagine
what it must have been like for him, after twelve long years, to finally be sitting down next to his son,
having a conversation, eating ice cream. I looked into his eyes and he looked back at me. There was a
glow in his eyes like fire. It was as if they were made of molten lava. They were burning with passion
for me. They were burning with love. I could physically feel it.
I shivered under his gaze. I remembered what hed done to me in the back of the truck. I
remembered the things hed said to me when I first met him. Hed wanted a child. Hed made no
attempt to hide that. He told me hed put a baby in my womb, and he had. Hed told me hed get rid of
anyone who was a threat to me and the baby, and hed done that too. A shiver ran down my spine as I
flashed back to the orgasm hed had inside me, less than twenty-four hours earlier.
Jackson was talking to Sam in a way no man had ever talked to him, other than possibly Grant,
Forrester and Grady. Jackson was genuinely interested in everything Sam said. He wasnt just making
conversation to impress me. He wasnt trying to pick up Sams mom. He was just talking to the kid
like he was a real person, someone worth talking to.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Sam said one of those things I completely didnt expect.
I have no dad, he said.
 My eyes widened. I didnt know what possessed him to bring that up. I looked to Jackson but he
didnt miss a beat.
I hear that, kid, he said. I dont have a daddy either. Not anymore.
Your dad died? Sam said.
Yes, sir. Not to speak ill of the dead, but he probably deserved it. You know the ravine bridge
when youre coming up from the city? The one that seems like the perfect place to do some bungee
jumping.
Sams eyes lit up with recognition. I know that bridge.
My daddy crashed right over the edge of that thing. The explosion could be seen from the
valley dam.
No way.
Yup. So if you want some advice from me, be very careful when youre driving a car. Its the
single most dangerous thing youll ever do in your life. Even if you smoke. Even if you join the
army. Itll be your car that kills you if youre not careful.
Good advice, I said.
Especially dont drink and drive. Next time youre drinking, call your mom, or call me. Dont
get behind the wheel.
Sam laughed. I looked at Jackson but he was kidding. He laughed too. Im messing with you,
kid. Im messing with him, he said, looking at me. I know hes too young to drink.
And too young to drive, I said.
Not for long though, right buddy? Jackson said.
Sam nodded. Hed been too busy listening to Jackson to eat his ice cream. Jacksons was all
gone.
Voila! Jackson said. Told you Id finish first.
Oh man, Sam said, slapping his forehead.
See, man. I distracted you. Asking you all those questions. Youve got to be on the lookout for
that shit. You cant be letting people pull the wool over your eyes.
I know, Sam said, shaking his head. Damn.
Sam Jones, I said. We dont use words like that.
He did, Sam said, indicating Jackson.
Jackson shrugged. Old habits die hard, he said.
Sam laughed, as if that somehow justified him.
To me, the whole thing was amazing. Sam was actually listening to every word Jackson said. If
hed had a pen and paper, hed have taken notes. I could tell my little boy had been starved for this
kind of attention his entire life. Jackson wasnt just a man, he was a mans man. Theres a difference.
And that difference seemed to mean the entire world to my little boy.
I was enjoying sitting there but it was past nine and Sam had to get to bed. I wasnt sure what
Jackson had in mind. Had he really just been stopping by for an ice cream, or had he been stalking
me? To be honest, I hoped hed been stalking me.
 Chapter 40

Jackson

HOW CAN I DESCRIBE THE feeling of meeting my son for the first time? Its impossible. Its like
asking someone to describe the first time they saw the sunrise, or the first time they felt love so
deeply it hurt.
I looked across the table at Faith. Jesus, my heart was burning for her. She was out of this world.
To say I craved her would be a tragic understatement. I longed to feel her body against mine, the
warmth of her breasts, the sweet wetness of her pussy.
I almost felt guilty. I was sitting next to my son for the first time in my life, and my mind was
obsessed with filling his mommy with my semen.
Faith, I said.
Yes.
I had a really nice time last night.
She looked at me and then away. She was still shy after all wed been through. It was the most
adorable thing in the world. I wanted to see her again. I was dying for her.
Me too, she said.
I put twenty bucks on the table for the ice creams and Faiths coffee.
You dont have to pay, she said.
Of course I do.
Well, she said, straightening her dress. Its been really nice bumping into you. Im sure Sam
had a nice time chatting.
Sam nodded. What a great kid. He was a gift, a gift Faith had given me. Id never be able to thank
her for it. But I could try.
Right there and then, I decided that there were a million things I could do to repay both of them. I
owed them. Id been gone for so long. Id missed so much. But it wasnt too late to make it up. I could
dedicate my life to repaying Faith for the gift shed given methe most beautiful son in the world. Id
live my life for her. Id spent years securing her safety, now I would secure her happiness, her joy,
her ecstasy.
I had a nice time too, I said.
Id better get him home. Its passed his bedtime.
I looked at my watch. Shit. Its past mine too.
Sam laughed.
I watched her take Sams hand and walk to the door. I didnt want her to leave.
What could I do to get more time with her?
Faith, I said when she reached the door.
She stopped and turned back. God damn, she was hot. She had on a cashmere sweater, a light
cotton dress, her hair was tied back. If I could have got up and grabbed her, I would have. Id have
lifted her onto the ice cream counter and taken her right then and there.
Ive got more wines to show you. We should get together some time so that you can try them.
Id like that, she said.
I mean, strictly for professional purposes, I said with a wink.
She smiled knowingly. Strictly for professional purposes, she agreed.
I looked her over from head to toe. Every bit of her was perfect. It was like shed been sculpted
by Gods own hand, just to torture me. I couldnt help it. My body hungered for her like a raging
need. I needed her. I had to have her.
She came back over to me.
Why dont you come over in an hour, she said. And bring some wine.
I nodded. Id take that offer. It was an offer to the most delicious pleasure in the worldFaiths
body.
She went back to the door.
Bye, Sam, I said.
Bye, Jackson, he said.
I watched them leave. When they were gone I looked down at my hand. It was trembling.
My son. Id met my son.
 Chapter 41

Jackson

WHEN I PULLED UP OUTSIDE Faiths house an hour later, I had a strange feeling. It was like dj
vu. Something about the situation felt familiar, as if it was something Id done before, in a prior life. It
was almost as if it was destiny. It just felt right, like it was meant to happen.
Her house was beautiful. However shed done it, Faith was doing well for herself. I had such
respect for the life shed created in my absence. It was a modern house with beautiful stonework and
large windows overlooking the mountainside. You could see down into the vineyard of the valley, and
toward the west you could even see the ocean. The mist in the morning must have been stunning.
I grabbed the case of wine bottles from the back of the truck and went to the door.
Come on in, Faith called.
I opened the door and stepped inside. The house was nicehigh ceilings, panoramic vistas, high
quality fixtures. There was a gas fire on, despite the fact that it was eighty degrees outside. I took it as
a good sign.
Faith was nowhere to be seen.
I walked across a beautiful white rug to the window and looked down into the valley. I could have
seen my own vineyard if the sun was up.
From behind me I heard Faiths sultry voice. I just put Sam down.
Well keep the noise down, I said, turning.
When I turnedboy. Thats all I can say. She looked like something out a dream, or a fantasy.
How the hell had I gotten myself into that house with her? It felt too good to be true. Shed let her hair
down and it flowed over her shoulders like a river over a waterfall. Shed touched up her make up.
Her eyes were definitely smokier than theyd been earlier. The dress she was wearing was like a thin
piece of lace, draped over her body perfectly.
She had such style, such fashion. She blew me away. I felt underdressed as I stood there looking
at her.
You just going to stand there? she said.
Sorry. I was falling over my words. I just, Faith, you look lovely.
Thank you, she said, not quite as shy as shed been before.
Really lovely, I repeated.
She smiled. You said that already.
Youve got me lost for words.
She pointed at the couch. Have a seat, she said. I see you brought the wine.
Theres some white, I said, taking a seat. We should put that in the fridge.
She went into the kitchen with the crate of wine and came back with a bottle and two glasses. My
cock was vibrating in my pants. It was so hungry for her I didnt know if Id be able to restrain
myself. All I wanted was to jump on her.
She sat down on the other end of the couch, about four feet of empty space between us.
All I could do was look at her.
Im sorry, I said, but I really dont think I can drink any wine right now.
How come?
How come? Are you kidding me? I said, indicating her. Look at you. Youre like a vision
from a dream.
She giggled. She had such a girlish laugh. It was strange. When I looked at her, I didnt see a
mother, I saw a little girl, and I was desperate to fuck her. I was bigger than her. I was physically
stronger. To me she was a child, waiting to be taken.
I moved across the couch closer to her.
Jackson Jones, she said teasingly. Are you trying to take advantage of me in my own home?
I smiled. I do believe I am.
Luring me into this with your delicious wine, she said.
I can think of something much more delicious.
Whats that?
I looked at her lips. They were like fruit. Id picked my fair share of grapes. Her lips were like
the color your fingers get when theyre covered in crushed grape juice. She was natures gift, the fruit
of the world. She wasnt just a woman, she was my fate, my destiny, and it was time for me to devour
her.
I leaned in and took hold of her. My lips met hers in a startling moment of intimacy. I swear,
there was a ringing in my ears. You ever seen that painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in
Rome, where Gods reaching out and touching the finger of an angel? That was what it felt like at the
moment my lips touched hers. It was more than just a kiss. It was something spiritual.
I slid my tongue into her mouth and tried to suck her up. It was as if I was trying to suck the life
from her body. My tongue touched hers, my lips covered her mouth completely, and I devoured her. I
drank her up. I savored the taste of her mouth for the exquisite delicacy it was.
She gasped when I broke the embrace.
Good god, she sighed.
Girl, you aint felt nothing yet. When Im done with you, youre not going to know what
happened.
Dont make me wait, she said mischievously, laying back on the couch.
Youre going to be in a daze, I said. Youre going to know youre mine for the rest of your
life. You wont even be able to look at another man.
Is that so?
Yes it is.
Those are big words.
Im a big man, I said, and opened my belt and jeans, letting the full length of my manly cock
fall out of my pants.
She took one look at it and shut her eyes.
Dont be afraid, I whispered.
Oh, Im not afraid, she said, and spread her legs open.
I saw that she wasnt wearing any underwear beneath that dress.
Naughty girl, I said as I bent down and put my lips over her exquisite cunt.
She thrust forward, clenched my head in her thighs, and locked me into a tight embrace. She was
desperate for me. I could taste it on her. Her pussy was dripping juice the moment my tongue entered
it. She couldnt hide her desire from me even if her life depended on it.
I sucked on the lips of her cunt gently, licking the folds of her clit, thrusting my tongue into the
void of her pussy.
Jackson, she moaned.
I broke free of the lock her legs had on me and came up for air. My cock throbbed and for a
brief moment, I was afraid it was going to orgasm without me. Without my permission. Thats
something that never happened to me before. I can assure you, theres nothing premature about my
cock and its workings. But there was something about the look on Faiths face, the mixture of love
and desire and understanding, that almost sent me falling into the abyss of my own lust.
 She had a hold of my soul in a way no woman ever had or ever would. A passion came over me,
a rage, an utter loss of control. I wanted her, but not just for pleasure. I wanted her for domination. I
wanted to claim her so completely that the whole universe would know she was mine, not just for the
length of our lives, but for all of eternity. I wanted to brand her. I wanted to mark her in some way, as
my own.
I dont know if I can describe the feeling. Other men would understand, I think.
Possession, domination, ownership, mastery.
Youre going to surrender to me, I said. I didnt even know where the words were coming
from. It was like my soul was speaking directly to her.
Yes, she panted.
Im reclaiming you, Faith Shepherd. Im reclaiming whats mine. Now and forever.
Yes, she moaned.
I stripped her naked. I had to have her naked. It wasnt just about having an orgasm any more. It
was about one man and one woman becoming something new. I pulled her dress over her head. She
didnt have a bra on. She looked up at me, completely naked, and shivered.
Was that fear? I dont know. Ill never know.
All I know is that what I did to her cannot be explained only by our desires. I wanted to fuck her,
yes. But like I said, this was something beyond that. She was mine. She was the mother of my child. I
felt as if we didnt belong as two separate people, but as a single embrace of love that would last
forever. I pulled off my shirt and climbed onto her so that I was sitting on her breasts, both of us
naked. My fat cock was in front of her face.
Lick me, I said.
She blinked, hesitated for just a moment, and then opened her mouth.
Fuck me. Holy hell, fuck me. That tongue. That mouth. I could have died. She took the enormous
head of my cock into her mouth and sucked it. I got up to angle myself. I pointed myself at her and
then slid into her throat. I went so far I thought shed choke. She didnt. She took the full length of me,
deeper and deeper into her mouth. I imagined coming in her mouth and the though almost set me off.
But I stopped myself.
For my first orgasm, I knew I wouldnt come inside her. I would save that for later. First I had to
come on her. I had to mark her with my liquid. I had to put my scent on her. I had to make the world
know she was mine, that she belonged to me. It was something animal and I no longer had control
over it. I was back to reclaim her.
I felt my cock throb in her throat and I pulled it out. She was naked, innocent, vulnerable. I could
do anything I wanted to her. I had her under my full weight. There was no way shed be able to escape.
I lifted myself up, holding my weight on my legs.
Im going to come on you, I said. The words even sounded strange as they left my mouth, but
to my surprise it seemed to turn her on.
She wanted me to.
Yes, she gasped, and she took her breasts in her hands and held them together, as if telling me
to come there.
I slid the girth of my shaft in the crevice between her succulent breasts. God, those breasts felt
like pure gold. I slid in and out of her cleavage and an energy built up inside my cock that I knew I
wouldnt be able to contain for much longer.
It was a rage, a rage at the world, a rage at everything that had happened to me. It was a rage at
the twelve years wed lost, the men Id been forced to kill, the things theyd done to Faith, and the
things theyd forced me to do to them.
I was cursed, but I was a man. And as long as a man has a woman and a child he can love, no
curse matters.
Thats what Faiths body told me. She was my forgiveness.
My deeds were a crime against the laws of man and God, but Faiths body forgave me for all of
it.
Thats what her eyes told me. If she was willing to let me take her, if she was willing to let me lay
claim to her like this, then there must be some salvation after all.
The exquisite contraction. The muscular grind. The pleasure of orgasm.
A hot, white stream of sperm flew from the tip of my cock and landed along the valley of Faiths
cleavage. There it was, for God to see. My semen on this womans breasts. She was mine. And I was
hers.
Whatever else Id done in the world, Id come to reclaim my woman. My family.
That had to mean something.
My cock poured more semen, it flowed like a torrent, covering her chest in the sticky white mess
of my manhood. There was no doubt. She was mine and there was nothing that could ever undo that.
This was permanent. My orgasm rushed through me like a fire in an oil well. Ive seen those fires up
close. All the water of the ocean isnt cold enough to put out those flames.
Thats what my orgasm was. She was covered in me. She was wet and sticky, and she was mine.
I collapsed onto her, my semen wet between our two chests. I didnt care. I didnt care about
anything but her.
Holy hell, Jackson, she gasped. Look what youve done to me.
 Chapter 42

Faith

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I was on the couch, the fire burning, Sam asleep in the next room, and Jacksons wet semen all
over my chest in a sticky mess.
All my dreams were coming true!
I clung to him, pulling him close against me, forcing the sperm to become a glue that would
stick us together for the rest of our lives.
Faith, he said.
I looked into his eyes.
Yes?
This is it. This is for real now. For keeps.
My heart fluttered. I wanted him to mean it, I wanted so badly for him to mean those words, but I
was afraid. What if something happened to separate us again? I didnt think Id survive losing him a
second time.
What if you have to go away again?
I wont.
You dont know the future.
I know what I want. I want you again. Right now.
I was shocked. What? So soon?
You heard me.
I couldnt believe it. He was a machine. This time, he lay back on the couch and pulled me down
on top of him.
I want you to ride me, he said. I want to lie here and look up at you, and I want you to ride my
throbbing cock like a wild animal.
I looked down at him, lying there naked. He was built like a brick wall. He was solid. There was
something so comforting about the size of him. He had such a broad chest, such thick, muscular arms.
He was a man of steel. My man of steel, and I was his.
There were many new scars on his body, deep wounds that could have killed a lesser man.
Youve been through so much, havent you baby?
He shook his head. The only hard part was being separated from you.
Do you mean that?
His cock was sticking straight up. It was like the Apollo rocket before launch. Something was
going to happen, it was going to be dangerous, but the excitement was definitely worth it.
Sit on it, he said.
I lifted myself up over him.
Thats it, he said and put his hands on my waist and pulled me down onto him.
His cock pierced me like a weapon. I was impaled on it. If that had been the weapon to kill me,
Id have died happy. It felt so good, so right, like Id been built for the purpose of sheathing that
massive tool.
You look absolutely beautiful, he said.
I shut my eyes. I couldnt look at him. It was too bright in the room. I felt self-conscious. He
could see every bit of me. There was no cover.
No I dont, I said.
 Yes, you do. Youre perfect. This is the most perfect body Ive ever seen in my life.
Youre just saying that.
I wouldnt.
I even have stretch marks.
He leaned forward and kissed my stretch marks.
I love you, Faith. I love your body. These marks are from the beautiful son you gave me.
I felt as if I was about to cry. Id been so afraid he wouldnt be pleased with me. Id been terrified
hed have wanted the twenty-year-old Faith, not the thirty-two-year-old Faith.
Do you really think Im still beautiful?
Youre more beautiful than ever, Faith. Feel my cock inside your cunt. Thats not lying.
I laughed. That was true. That was something he couldnt fake.
This is what I want, Faith. Youre what I want. I mean it. Youre the one. Youre the best one.
Youre better than every other woman in the world.
He touched my belly with his fingers and stroked my stretch marks.
Dont, I gasped.
Why not. Theyre beautiful, Faith.
No they arent.
Theyre part of you, and youre the most beautiful creature on Gods earth. I mean it.
Do you? I said, biting my lip. I was being a fool. I was falling for this whole charade. I was so
desperate for love I was willing to believe anything.
I swear to God, I mean every word I ever said to you.
With that, he lifted me by the waist with his powerful arms and then pulled me back down onto
that rocket ship of a cock.
Fuck, I gasped.
Did that hurt?
Do it again, I panted. Shut the fuck up and do it again. Harder.
He didnt have to be told twice. He lifted me and rammed me back down onto his shaft. Then he
did it again, and again. I didnt know what was happening to me. How had I gotten so lucky? It was an
ecstatic dream. I was like a doll in his powerful hands. He was practically using me as a toy,
masturbating himself with my entire body. He lifted me up and down, up and down, and that monster
cock was like a creature out of the depths of the ocean, greedily devouring me. And I wanted it. I
wanted it all.
As I felt the pleasure inside me building up to the boiling point of orgasm, I saw the look on his
face change. It became desperate, fierce, like a dying man fighting for his life. I loved it. It was the
look of his orgasm, his ecstasy. It was the effect of the pleasure that my body was giving him. I
couldnt believe how good it felt.
I wanted nothing more than to please him. I wanted to be his favorite, his best, better than any
other girl hed ever set eyes on. It sounds ludicrous to say it now, but I wanted him to come so hard
inside me that hed never be able to look at his cock again without thinking of my cunt.
Faith, he gasped, Im going to fill you with my cum.
Do it, Jackson.
Fuck, that feels so good.
Im coming too, I cried.
And then I felt it. A throb in his member and then a pulse of liquid against my cervix. It struck so
forcefully my vision blurred. He kept lifting me up and pulling me back down, using me as a pump
for his pleasure. His semen gushed into me, pouring out of him like a volcano erupting. I wanted to
faint. The pleasure of it was excruciating. My orgasms came in waves, washing over me. I was
defenseless against them. They sucked every ounce of energy from my body and left me with nothing.
They laid me to waste, ruined me, destroyed me.
When Jackson was finally finished he let me fall back down onto him, our chests still sticky
from the first douse of sperm hed unleashed on me.
Fucking hell, Faith Shepherd. I do believe you are going to be the death of me.
Youre going to be the death of me, Jackson.
Ive never fucked so hard in my life, he said.
Really?
Its true, Faith. I dont lie. This is ecstasy. Youve caught me, woman. Youve captured me. Im
yours, utterly yours, for the rest of my life if youll have me.
Ive captured you?
Youve seduced me, body and soul. Youve given me a child. Youve given me a future. Youve
given me more pleasure than I ever dreamed possible. I love you, Faith.
I dont believe it.
Im yours now. Im yours forever, and youre going to be mine forever.
My head spun. What was he saying?
I love you, Faith, he said again. I fucking love you. Ive never said that to anyone in my life. I
love you and I love the son youve given me. Ill spend the rest of my life thanking you.
You dont have to thank me, Jackson.
Yes, I do. You dont have to believe me now, but Ill prove it to you, Faith. I love you, and Ill
thank you for your love with every breath of my life. I swear to God.
I clung to him. He was my life raft and the world was a freezing ocean.
I love you too, Jackson Jones.
 Chapter 43

Jackson

I LAY ON THAT COUCH in a daze. Faiths lithe body was in my arms and I swore to myself Id never
let her go.
Theres no way what wed done together could ever be undone. Id come on her, Id come inside
her, Id claimed her.
A strange, animal instinct came over me every time I was with Faith. Its hard to explain it. It was
like something from the National Geographic channel. Like when you see a lion claiming all the
females in the pride. I dont know how to explain it, but there was a possessive instinct in me. I felt that
Id kill for Faith, Id die for her, Id do anything for her. Id felt it ever since Id first set eyes on her,
and it was stronger now than ever.
We didnt need words when we could use our bodies to communicate. What words could say
what my own semen had just said when it pumped up into her womb.
Youre mine now, Faith Shepherd, I whispered.
I am, she said.
My cock throbbed when she said it. Jesus, my cock was insatiable. Id come so fucking hard my
head was spinning, and still, a single word from her and it was throbbing again like a hungry snake
on the hunt for prey. Faiths pussy was going to be the death of me. Sooner or later it would tempt me
too hard, give me a heart attack.
You mean that? I said to her.
She was playing with my chest, her finger running a little circle around my nipple.
It depends, Jackson, she said quietly.
Depends on what?
It depends on what you mean. Im yours as much as you want me to be. I dont want to be a fool.
If you want me, Im yours. You dont have to decide now what thats going to mean for you.
I squeezed her tight. She thrilled me. I wanted her to be mine all the way, but maybe she didnt
know that.
I mean it absolutely, I said.
Absolutely?
Like, all the way, Faith.
Like you want to own me?
Exactly. I dont know how to explain it. You ever see those old documentaries of World War
Two?
Yes, she said, a little skeptically. She wasnt sure where I was going with the analogy.
Well, I want to own you the way those marching armies wanted to own their conquered
territory. I want to dominate you, Faith.
She was quiet for a minute. My heart beat in my chest as I waited for her to speak. I didnt see any
point in being soft with words. If I had a feeling toward her, I wanted her to know it. And that was the
most honest thing in the world I could say to her right then. I wanted her to be mine. Body and soul
and heart. All mine.
You want to dominate me? she said.
I want to dominate you completely.
Im not sure what you mean, Jackson.
She was afraid. Shed been hurt before, when I disappeared. She was afraid Id disappear again,
but I wouldnt. I was back. I was back for her, and for Sam, and I was back for good. I wanted to be the
father Sam needed. I wanted to be the man Faith needed. That meant being her husband. I knew it with
a fierce certainty. I had to be her husband.
I leaned up and faced her. I looked into her eyes. Her eyes were so deep I could drown in them. I
wanted to dive into them. Wed been fucking all night. We were both exhausted, ready for sleep.
Outside, I could already see the strange change in darkness that occurs in the hour before dawn. It
would be getting bright soon.
Im going to make you understand me, I said to her. I love you, and I know what I have to do,
Faith.
What?
Youll see.
She smiled. She was struggling to believe me. She was afraid I was tricking her, or leading her
on. I couldnt blame her for that, but I wasnt playing. I was deadly serious.
I leaned in to her and kissed her gently on the lips. Then I kissed her chin, her neck, the soft
mounds of her breasts, still sticky from my semen. I kept going lower, trailing my tongue over her
belly and navel. Then I kissed her stretch marks. I knew she was self-conscious of them because she
flinched when I reached them.
Im ruined, she said.
I kissed her stretch marks, then I licked them. I didnt care one bit about those tiny marks on her
skin. They were a sign that shed lived, that she was a woman, a mother. She was the mother of my
baby. Those stretch marks made me love her more. I didnt want to be with someone who didnt know
the full breadth and depth of the human heart, I wanted to be with a complete woman who knew the
possibilities of life. I wanted to be with the mother of my son.
I love these stretch marks, I said. And then I said something that I hadnt even meant to say. It
was something that scared me. I love you, Faith. I love you. And Im going to show you exactly how
much. Im going to prove my love to you.
 Chapter 44

Faith

IT WAS THE CRAZIEST NIGHT of my life. At least, it was the craziest night since the night Jackson
had left me in the desert twelve years earlier. Id let him come on me, come inside me, we hadnt even
used protection. I didnt want protection, not from Jackson. I wanted danger. I wanted contact. If he
was going to harm me, I wanted to experience it.
Wed only just been reunited, but it felt like Id been with him my entire life. In a way, I had been.
Id been his, even when he was gone. Hed woken up something in me long ago, and it had been
asleep inside me during the years of his absence. Now it was awake again. Hed woken up the lust, the
passion, the desire. Hed set free the fierce beast inside me.
For so long Id given myself to my role as a mother.
Now I was remembering that there was more to my life, more to my purpose, than motherhood.
Wife and mother.
The two go together. A woman gives herself to her child, but she should also give herself to a
mana man who deserves her. And thats the thing that Jackson had reawakened in me.
Id been waiting for him so long, my body had been waiting for him, and now I knew he was
back. I just prayed he was back for good.
There was always a risk with Jackson, always a danger, but I didnt care. We were never meant to
live our lives in complete safety. If we were, God wouldnt have made the world so full of threats, so
full of possibility.
You love me? I said.
I wasnt even afraid of him anymore. I wasnt afraid of what his body could do to mine. I could
tell he meant what he was saying. There are certain things in life that cannot be faked. Those orgasms,
those screams of pleasure, that complete surrender wed made to each other in the heat of our
passion, that was real. I knew that.
And I wasnt afraid of what might happen in the future. That was the risk I had to take, and it was
the risk I was willing to take.
Show me what you mean, I said.
Show you?
I looked into his eyes. You said you wanted to conquer my like a marching army. You said you
wanted to dominate me so completely that my body would know it was yours forever.
Yes, I did. And I meant it.
Then prove it, I said. Prove it to me so I know youre a man of your word. Prove it to me so
that Ill never be able to doubt you.
Something came alive in him then. Id woken a beast inside him. He leaned down over my face,
but instead of kissing me, he licked me. His tongue ran over my mouth and cheek. If he could have
eaten me, Im sure he would have tried.
Flip over, he said.
Flip over?
You heard me.
My heart skipped a beat. What are you going to do? I said.
Stop talking, he said. Its my turn to talk.
There was so much I wanted to say but I obeyed him. I held my tongue.
Im going to do something to you that Ive wanted to do again for twelve years, Faith
Shepherd, he said.
Im scared, I said.
Too bad. You challenged me, and now youre going to lie there and take the consequences.
Jackson, I said, nervously.
Id never been so compliant in my life, but at the same time, Id never felt so empowered. I knew
that whatever he was going to do, it would mean something. It would change the world for both of us.
It wasnt just about pleasure, it wasnt just sex, it wasnt just fucking. This was bonding, in the full
meaning of the world. This was a male, taking his female and fusing his body and soul to hers so that
the seal between the two of them could never be broken by anyone.
I was nervous, but also thrilled. I wanted him. I wanted him hard.
Get on your hands and knees, he said.
His voice was firm, commanding. I did what he said.
Then I felt his breath on my butt. I stopped breathing. Despite all my bravado, I was terrified of
what was about to happen. I felt his tongue touch the ring of my anus and I gasped. Id almost
forgotten what it was like to be with Jackson. Hed done this once before, and he was going to do it
again. His tongue ran in tiny, rapid circles around my asshole, creating a stir of pleasure inside my
body that vibrated excruciatingly.
Jackson, I whispered, but he was beyond answering me now. We had gone beyond words. The
only things that existed were our bodies, the secret language between them, and nothing more.
Claim me, I said, as juice began to flow from my rampant pussy and drip down my legs.
His tongue probed me, forcing its way inside my anus and licking my asshole. I was terrified. I
was so scared of what was about to happen, but it felt so good. I knew he was doing what he had to do.
This was the way he worked. This was how he would make me his.
Im yours, I cried.
His tongue licked down from my asshole, over my dripping pussy, and I was so wet, so covered
in my own juice and his saliva, that every hole was slippery as lotion.
He stopped licking me and I heard him spit on his hand. I shivered in anticipation.
I shut my eyes. I couldnt bare the suspense.
And then I felt it, Jacksons massive cock, and it was pressed against the tightness of my asshole.
Oh fuck, I whispered.
His cock was so wet, my ass was so covered in saliva and juice, that he didnt need lube. He
began to slide inside me and it was smooth and easy, as if my body wanted him in there. There was no
trace of pain, only pleasure. But it wasnt a normal kind of pleasure. It was the pleasure that melts into
ecstasy and orgasm and becomes so intoxicating that you cant imagine how youve lived your life
without it.
Yes, I cried as his cock pushed forward into that slippery ring of muscle, entering a hidden
chamber in my body that could give me a secret pleasure so intense, so private, so intimate.
He slid in, his strong hands gripping my ass, pulling me toward him, allowing me no escape.
Yes, I cried.
Faith, he moaned.
He slid all the way in. He was buried inside me. It was as if we were a single person, melting
together in a hot, wet, sticky mess of pleasure.
Conquer me, I moaned. Claim me.
He thrust forward and then slid back, thrust forward again and slid back again. He filled my ass,
a slap of skin on skin as his torso struck my butt cheeks with each orgasmic thrust. I gripped the
fabric of the sofa and wanted to tear it. I wanted to destroy it. I wanted the world to end, to be hit by a
comet. I wanted fireworks, or an earthquake. I wanted the world to wake up and take note of what was
happening, of the momentousness of the experience I was having.
Jacksons orgasm was unnatural. I dont know how to describe it. His cock shot semen into my
asshole and it struck places deep inside me that had never been discovered before, not even by him
twelve years ago. He was in virgin territory. No one but Jackson and I would ever know what pleasure
my body was capable of. He poured himself into me, he gave himself to me, and I knew that having
his sperm inside me, in that intimate place, would mean more than the pleasure it was giving him.
It would mean he owned me.
But it would also mean I owned him.
Just as he was claiming me, just as he was making me his, he was also making himself mine.
I screamed. I was orgasming and I dont even know what part of my body the orgasm came
from. It was so intense, so pleasurable and deep and sharp, that it made me scream. I forgot the world,
I forgot that I had a son asleep in the next room, I even forgot that Jackson was there with me, fucking
me in the ass so deep that I was literally in tears. I forgot it all. And then I collapsed in utter
exhaustion.
We fell into a slumber, his rigid shaft still rammed so far inside me he wouldnt be able to pull
out without effort. We fell into such a deep sleep that if it hadnt been for my phone ringing, Sam
would have found us there on the couch the next morning.
 Chapter 45

Jackson

YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW what that felt like. Believe me, it wouldnt be fair for me to tell you.
Its like, some things in life just shouldnt be shared. You know what I mean?
I was deeper inside her than Id ever been inside anything in my entire life. Balls deep would be
an understatement. When I slipped inside her ass, all I could think about was how good it felt, how
deep I felt. You want to possess someone? You want to own them? Thats how you do it.
When it was over, I collapsed, unconscious. We both did. We fell into a deep, complete slumber,
and if it wasnt for Faiths phone ringing at about six in the morning, Sam would have probably found
us there on the sofa, my cock crushed against his mother s ass, my semen all over her chest, all over
her cunt, still oozing out of her asshole.
What can I say? She told me to make her mine, and thats what I did.
But it would have been a terrible way to introduce him to the idea that I was his father.
I woke with a start when the phone rang.
What is it? Faith said into the phone. Lacey, calm down, I cant understand you.
Something was wrong. Id been worried about Lacey. Shed seemed unstable. I knew I should
have listened to my gut.
Lacey, Ill be right there. Of course I will. No, Jacksons here to watch him. You just calm down,
tell the cops Im coming.
Faith hung up the phone. She was pale.
Cops? I said.
Its Lacey. She was arrested at Matts apartment.
Matt?
The guy shes seeing. Hes been cheating on her, or with her. She was wrecking his apartment.
Tearing up his clothes, throwing them off the balcony into the parking lot. I think it got out of hand.
Fuck, I said.
Faith nodded. She must have really lost it for the police to get involved.
Hell hath no fury, I said.
She eyed me sternly. Dont you ever forget it.
I pulled her toward me. I didnt want her to worry about me for another second of her life. Id
never hurt her.
Ive got to go to the police station, she said. Shes got no one else to call. The brothers dont
know about Matt. And youre not going to tell them. Lacey wants her love life to remain private.
I understand, I said.
Sam, Faith said, not knowing what exactly she wanted to say.
Dont worry about it, I said. Ill get him to school.
Really?
Dont you worry about a thing.
Hell be surprised to see you.
I know, I said. Believe me, I know all about surprises. Well handle it. Ill get him to school.
Youll be there to pick him up.
Are you sure? she said. I really hate to inconvenience you like this.
Faith, its not an inconvenience. I want to do it. Hes my son. Its about time I spent some time
with him.
 Faith hugged me. I grabbed her and pulled her close. I took her chin in my hand and tilted her
toward me. Before she knew it, my tongue was inside her mouth.
I have to shower, she said, as soon as I stopped kissing her.
Go, I said. I hope Lacey is all right.
She was a whirlwind. She went to her room, showered, dressed, and was gone in the space of ten
minutes. I sat on the couch and wondered what Sam would think when he woke up and found me there.
Im not the kind of guy people usually ask to babysit. In fact, most sane people would rather leave
their kid home alone than have a guy like me hanging out with it.
It was still before seven. Faith told me Sam would wake at about seven, so I took the opportunity
to have a quick shower. I also tidied the living room. There were signs everywhere of the ravaging
Id given Faith during the night. I didnt want Sam seeing any of that. Not ever.
By the time the clock struck seven, I was sitting at the kitchen counter, dressed and washed, a cup
of fresh coffee in my hand. It was a strange feeling. Id never been in that position in my life, waiting
for a kid to wake up, and yet, it felt good. Like it suited me. I loved it. Whod have ever thought?
I prayed Sam wouldnt be frightened when he found me there instead of his mother.
I knew I should have gone into his bedroom to wake him for school, but I didnt want to intrude
in his space. He might be eleven, but he was still a man, and a man needs his space.
I neednt have worried. When he came out to the kitchen in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes, he
didnt even seem surprised to see me.
What the? he said, almost jokingly.
Coffee? I said, preempting anything he might say about my being there instead of his mother.
The best way to deal with the situation was to change the subject.
I dont drink coffee, he said. Im too young.
Right, I said. Sorry, Im not used to hanging out with kids. I should have known that. What do
you drink?
Orange juice, he said, staring at me like I had two heads.
I poured some juice and handed him the glass.
Whats going on? he said.
Im taking you to school, I said. Your mother s friend, Lacey, had an emergency during the
night. She asked me to come over because she didnt have anyone else to call. Believe me, I was as
surprised as you were.
Whens she coming back?
Your mother?
Yeah.
She shouldnt be there too long. A couple hours, Id guess. Hopefully shell be the one who
picks you up after school.
And what if she cant? Sam said.
If she cant, Ill pick you up.
He looked at me for a minute, weighing me up. Id found some pop tarts and put two in the
toaster. One each. They popped and I handed him one, took a bite out of the other.
Thanks, he said.
My pleasure, buddy.
What happened with Lacey? he said.
Hell if I know.
I bet it has something to do with Matt.
You know about Matt?
Sam smiled at me. I hear everything, he said. They think Im not listening, but I always am.
 Ill try to remember that, I said.
God, he was a smart kid. I knew my kid would be smart. I wanted to lean over the table, knock
over his juice, and hug the hell out of him. I wanted to squeeze him so tight. I wanted to tickle him,
hear him laugh. But it was too soon. Those things took time.
So whats the deal with Matt? I said.
Hes Laceys boyfriend. Mom says hes a cheating piece of shit.
Is that so?
Yes, sir.
Your mother wouldnt like it if she heard you using language like that.
That was a direct quote, he said.
I couldnt fault him for that. Fair enough, I said.
We got through his morning routine without any hiccups. He liked my truck a lot. I told him Id
teach him to drive it if he wanted. He liked that idea a lot. When we got to his school he was a little
hesitant to get out.
What is it, buddy?
Thanks for the ride, he said.
Anytime.
Youre a good guy, Jackson, he said.
I was stunned. Id never have imagined that a kid saying something that simple could have hit me
with such an emotional impact. I almost felt like Id cry.
I had a son.
Thanks to Faith, I had a son.
 Chapter 46

Faith

BY THE TIME I GOT to the police station, I was worried sick about Lacey. She was sitting on a
bench, waiting to be discharged, and she looked completely dejected.
What the hell, Lacey? I said when I saw her.
She was looking at the ground and when she looked up at me, I saw she was crying. My heart
filled with sympathy and I softened my tone.
Im sorry, she said.
I put my arms around her and held her. Shed always been there for me. Now it was my turn to be
there for her. She nestled her face into my neck and sobbed. I almost burst into tears myself.
Its all right, Lacey. Everythings going to be all right.
I dont know, she said, between sobs. I dont know if it will ever be all right.
Lacey, what happened?
I was drunk, she said.
And you went over to his place?
She nodded. First, I tried calling him. I called his cell, like a million times. There was no
answer. Every time I called, no answer. I got more and more worked up. I couldnt let him end a two
year relationship with a single voice mail. I needed closure. Id given him everything.
I know, Lacey. Thats all right. That makes sense.
I wasnt crazy?
Id have wanted the same thing.
Well, eventually, he answered the phone. Only it wasnt him.
Who was it?
His wife.
I put my hand over my mouth. Oh, Lacey.
I felt like such a slime ball, Faith. I mean, was I the one being cheated on, or was she? What was
I supposed to feel? Didnt I have a right to be upset too? I was a victim of his lies as much as she was.
What did she say?
Lacey shook her head. What do you think she said? What would you have said?
Im so sorry, Lacey.
She called me a whore, a home wrecker, a slut. She said Id ruined her life. She said she hoped I
burned in hell for what Id done to her.
You didnt do it to her, Lacey. You didnt know Matt was married.
But should I have known? Was I intentionally being naive?
No. You had no clue. Did you?
No. I didnt.
Then how can you be held responsible for his decisions? Matt did this, Lacey. He hurt you and
he hurt his wife.
I felt sick to my stomach, Faith. I dont know what I was thinking. I just felt such rage.
Werent the brothers around?
No, they were out. You were out with Jackson. I didnt want to disturb you.
My mind cast back to the text message shed sent me. It had been out of character and I should
have realized something was up. Id been so taken by Jackson meeting Sam for the first time that Id
completely forgotten.
 You should have called me, Lacey. You know you can always call me. Id have talked you
down.
Lacey smiled. It was an embarrassed look but at the same time mischievous.
I didnt want to be talked down, Faith. I wanted to hurt him. I went over to his apartment, the one
his company rents for him, and I tore up his suits and shirts, ripped his furniture, smashed his
television.
I was shaking my head but when I caught her eye, we were both seeing the funny side of it.
That will teach him, I said.
I hope so. He probably wont care. Hell replace it all.
Hell be in trouble with his wife.
Shell probably forgive him. Hold it against me instead.
Do you think hell press charges?
No. He wants this brushed under the carpet as quickly and quietly as possible.
What a fucking asshole, I said.
I know.
Lets tell the brothers. Theyll teach him a lesson.
Lacey grabbed my shoulders. Dont even think about it, she said. Faith, Im mortified. The
less people who know about this, the better. Its too humiliating.
All right, Lacey. All right. Calm down.
Lacey let out a sigh.
Are you ready to leave? I asked.
I need to wait to sign some statement. Theyre typing it up.
Ill wait with you.
You dont have to.
Nonsense. You helped me through all the difficult times in my life. Im not going anywhere.
She smiled. Thank you, Faith.
I hugged her again. Im so sorry I didnt call you when I got that message, I said. I should
have. My mind was elsewhere.
Of course it was. You were with Jackson.
Yes.
And?
I paused.
Faith, tell me, Lacey insisted.
I was glad to see she was cheering up.
Well, he met his son for the first time.
And did they hit it off?
My eyes teared up. I dont know where it came from, but I was crying like an idiot. I nodded.
They did?
Yes.
Oh, Faith.
Yes, I said again, practically balling. They hit it right off. They were like old friends.
Oh, Faith. Im so happy for you.
I didnt know what was wrong with me, but I couldnt stop crying. I couldnt pull myself together.
I was a basket case. We were both basket cases.
Did he fuck you? she said.
My mind flashed back to all the things Jackson had done to my body. I got goosebumps.
We fucked all night, I said. He was all over me, Lacey.
 Lacey laughed. Well, at least things are going right for one of us.
I was in tears as I held her. I felt so guilty that I hadnt been there for her when shed needed me.
She was always the one I called when things got difficult.
I promise you, well get through this together, Lacey. Whatever you need, whatever you have to
do, Ill be right here to do it with you.
Thank you, Faith.
The door opened and we both turned to see who it was. It was Jackson.
Jackson, I said.
I had to come check on Lacey.
He gave Lacey a big hug, and she wiped away her tears.
Sams at school, he said to me.
Thank you so much. Howd it go?
It went great, he said.
I turned to Lacey. Jackson took Sam to school for me.
Is that so? she said, here eyebrows raised. You two are thick as thieves.
I was embarrassed but Jackson didnt seem to mind it.
What the hell happened to you? he said.
Lacey laughed. You dont want to know.
I can guess, Jackson said.
Whats that supposed to mean?
Jackson winked at her.
Lets just say youre not as good at keeping a secret as you think you are.
What?
You heard me, Jackson said, and he turned to leave.
Jackson, wait right there, Lacey called. What are you talking about?
Dont worry, Jackson said. Me and the boys have your back.
Jackson, I called. I knew how private Lacey was about those things.
He turned at the door. Oh, and Ill pick up Sam. You two take some time together.
And he was gone.
 Chapter 47

Jackson

SAM, I CALLED FROM THE window of my pickup.

Jackson?
Its me again, buddy. Your moms at the hospital, otherwise shed have been here.
As Sam got closer to the truck I could see that there was some blood on his lip. It was bruised
and swollen. His eyes were red too, like hed been crying.
I didnt say anything as he climbed into the cab next to me. It was obvious hed been in a fight but
I didnt know enough about it to know how to broach the subject.
As we pulled out of the school parking lot I saw a group of four boys, bigger and older than
Sam, pointing at him and laughing. Sam looked down at the ground.
Is that them? I said.
Sam looked up at me. What?
Are those the cocksuckers that gave you the fat lip?
He looked shocked at my language, but I needed him to know that I wasnt the type of adult he
was used to. He could talk straight with me. I wasnt gong to judge him for anything. I was his friend.
If he needed to get something off his chest, he was welcome to. Hell, I knew all too well what it was
like not to have anyone to talk to.
He shrugged.
I didnt push it.
I drove toward Main Street and put some distance between us and the school.
You hungry? I said.
He shrugged. He was upset. It broke my heart to see him like that. Hed been so full of joy when I
dropped him off in the morning.
Im starving, I said, even though I wasnt. Im just going to go through this drive-thru up here
and grab something, if thats all right with you.
He nodded. The drive-thru would give me some time to talk to him. I knew there was some
advice I could give him to get this issue taken care of. Id been in my share of fights. I knew what it
was like to be an outsider. Whatever he was going through, it could be fixed.
We pulled up to the order window and looked over the menu.
Ill take a root beer, large fries, burger.
Anything else?
Lots of ketchup. Throw a few extra packets in there. I cant eat fries without it.
I looked at Sam. Youre up, buddy.
He sighed, but leaned over me to see the menu.
Chicken snackers, he said.
Hell have the chicken snackers, I repeated, a large box, with fries. I turned to Sam. You
want a root beer or something to wash that down?
He shrugged.
A root beer too, I said.
When we got our food I didnt take Sam straight home. I needed to get to the bottom of what had
happened at school and I knew if I took him home hed disappear into his room or something.
There was a lookout point above the town where I used to take girls when I was in high school. I
drove up there and parked at a spot overlooking the entire valley. You can see for fifty miles from up
there, clear to the ocean.
You see down there, where the river splits? I said.
He was opening his food but looked up to see. Yes.
Thats my daddys vineyard.
All of it?
All those slopes leading down to the river. The cliffs there. All of it.
I thought your dad died, he said.
He did. I guess its mine now.
Sam nodded.
The sun was beginning to set and it was bathing the valley in pink-tinged light. The river looked
like a ribbon of light. It was beautiful.
Something came over me, an overwhelming sense of love, and I said probably more than I
should have said. I should have spoken to Faith first, but Sam was my son, I was his father, and I had
to take the reins at some point.
And after me, it will be yours.
Sam looked up at me, his bright eyes like jewels made by angels, and he smiled. He knew.
Somehow, without anyone ever telling him, he knew everything. It all made sense to him. It was a
miracle. Howd he know? I was sure Faith hadnt told him anything about me being his daddy.
I know, he said.
I put my hand on his arm softly.
Do you understand what Im saying?
I understand, he said, and he spoke so certainly I knew he understood everything. Im your
son.
I couldnt help it. A single tear rolled over my cheek.
Im your daddy, I said.
And then we gripped each other like two people trying to survive a shipwreck in the sea. I dont
know if I was hugging him or he was hugging me. It seemed to last forever.
It was Sam who broke the silence.
Can we go there? he said.
The vineyard?
Yeah.
Do you think your mother would let us?
He nodded. I know she would. Shes nuts about you.
I laughed. Is that so?
Yes, he said. She thinks I dont notice things. But I notice.
Thats a good skill, I said.
Sam nodded.
Well go down into the valley, I said, but Ill warn you now, if my brothers are around,
theyre tough guys. They might shock you. Theyre not civilized like you and me. I winked.
Sam laughed. You mean, Grant, Forrester and Grady. I know them
So you do, I said. I forgot about that.
Theyre my godfathers.
Are they?
Yes, and I wish I was tough like they are.
Youre plenty tough, I said.
He shook his head. Not tough enough.
No ones tough enough to stand up to a group of guys, I said. I saw those guys making faces
back in the parking lot. There must have been at least four of them.
Sam nodded.
They give you a hard time?
Yeah.
How come?
He shrugged.
Well, let me tell you a few things, I said. First off, it doesnt matter why theyre picking on
you. Jerks like that will always find a reason. Hell, guys like that, they dont even need a reason. You
wear red sneakers, theyll pick on you for that. You wear a Lakers hat, theyll use that. You switch
your sneakers to white, take off your hat, theyll pick on you for that too.
So theres no solution?
Oh, theres a solution, its just not what you think it might be.
I have to beat them up, he said, dont I?
I laughed. Hold on cowboy. If I remember correctly, there were four of them?
Yes.
And they looked a little older than you.
Yeah, he said.
So how in the hell would you be able to beat them up? This isnt Karate Kid. Trying to use force
will just get you in trouble.
But it would solve the issue.
It might, for a while, I said. But trust me, you dont want to go down that road.
Did you go down that road?
Yes I did, I admitted. Ive gotten into fights that took me years to settle. Sometimes you cant
help it.
And what happened?
Well, sometimes I won. Sometimes, the other guy won. Thats how fighting is.
So what should I do?
You finished with those fries? I said.
He nodded. I grabbed them in my fist and ate them. Then I took all his trash and got out of the car
and walked over to the trash can. He got out of the truck and followed me.
We were alone in the parking lot. No one else was up there. It was a really beautiful evening.
Okay, Sam, I said, facing him. Im going to show you how to look after yourself.
All right, he said, raising his dukes as if we were about to start a boxing lesson.
I smiled. Theres a secret language that exists, and if you can speak that language, no man will
ever give you trouble.
No one?
Well, way less people. If you know how to speak this language, youll be able to avoid ninety-
nine percent of issues you might get into with other men.
Am I a man? he said.
I nodded. Youre a man, Sam. And you want to set yourself up so that other men know who you
are, know what you stand for, and respect you. If you can do that, you wont have any trouble from
them.
I wont have trouble with anyone?
I laughed. Oh, youll have trouble, but it will mostly come from women. And let me tell you,
that sort of trouble is far more dangerous than what any man can do to you. But you dont have to
worry about that for a few years, yet. Right now, your trouble is with these punks in your school, am I
right?
 Yes.
So the first thing you have to do, is hold yourself tall.
I stood up straight to show him. See me. Shoulders back, head straight up, chest forward.
He stood up straight. Like this?
Perfect, I said. Now take in a deep breath.
He took in a deep breath.
You see how that makes you feel? Like youre taller, stronger, ready for action?
He nodded.
The way you feel is crucial. If you feel strong, people will notice. If you feel weak, people will
pick up on that too.
So feel strong?
Exactly. Believe in yourself. Believe that no one can hurt you. Because, the truth is, Sam, no one
can hurt you. The only person who can hurt you is yourself. Other kids might hit you, but youre the
one who decides if thats a problem or not.
Its a problem, he said.
I laughed. Only if you think it is, buddy.
He looked confused.
Look, I said. All your life, people are going to do shit to you that you dont like. Your boss is
going to ride your ass. The government is going to charge you taxes. The cops are going to pull you
over. Your old lady is going to break your balls.
He nodded.
You cant stop all of them from doing what theyre going to do. Thats beyond your control.
The only thing you control is your reaction to it. Strength, courage, a steady hand, all of those things
come from within yourself. They come from your mind, not your environment.
He nodded.
So once youre centered, once you know who you are, where you stand, and how you feel about
all the shit thats going on in the world, youre already there. Youre already safe.
Really?
Basically. The only thing left is to make sure that all the other guys around you know it.
Know what?
Know that youre steady. Know that youre centered, strong, sure of yourself.
How do I make them know that?
One word, Sammy boy.
What is it?
Attitude. Its all in the attitude. You get the attitude right, and youll never have to get in another
fight in your life.
He nodded. He was taking it all in. I knew he was. It was basic stuff, stuff hed learn on his own
given time, but it was also stuff I wished someone had told me when I was his age. Id spent my entire
life getting into fights, and theyd cost me dearly. Theyd cost me twelve years. It was only with years
of experience that I realized if I played the attitude card right, I wouldnt have to get into all the fights.
And what if it doesnt work? he said.
I nodded. Youre right, Sam. Sometimes it wont work.
So what then?
I shrugged. Thats when youve got to kick someones ass.
He laughed.
Come on, buddy. Lets get you down to that vineyard. Ill show you around.
We got back in the truck and made our way out of the expensive neighborhood he lived in, down
into the valley. As we pulled down the driveway of my daddys farm, I felt as if my life had come full
circle. I was back where Id started, only this time, I had my boy with me.
I showed him around. Showed him the vines, how they grew. Told them their history, how our
forefather s had taken them over on boats from the old country. I showed him the house. He said hed
help me fix it up and I made him promise not to tell his mother about it. I wanted to surprise her with
it.
The brothers werent around so it was just the two of us.
Afterwards, I brought him home.
I pulled into a gas station on the way. Go wash your face, I said. We dont want your mom
seeing that blood. Shell never let me pick you up again.
He touched his face. There was a little dried blood from where the bullies had hit him.
Youll remember what I told you?
Its all about attitude, he said. The tougher I act, the less Ill have to fight.
Thats my boy, I said.
 Chapter 48

Faith

I DONT KNOW HOW TO thank you for this, I said to Jackson when I finally got home.
He and Sam were on the sofa watching UFC. It wasnt something Id usually allow Sam to watch,
but he obviously needed a male influence in his life, and men liked UFC.
Dont mention it, Jackson said, eyeing me up like I was his prey.
It made my heart flutter. Just the thought of the things Id allowed him to do to me made my
stomach do backflips.
Lacey really needed me today.
Any man that would cheat on a girl like Laceys an idiot. Shes better off without him.
How do you know about it? she said.
We all know.
Well, I said, I hope shes able to bounce back soon.
Jackson nodded.
So how was Sam? she said.
We had a blast.
Did he eat?
Chicken and fries, Jackson said.
Jackson took a step toward me. Listen, he said, Sam and I talked about a few things today.
What things?
Everything.
I wasnt sure what Jackson meant.
And what I said last night, I meant it. I love you, Faith.
My heart pounded in my chest. It was overwhelming to hear those words. I thought back to last
night. Id had so many orgasms my body was begging for mercy, but the thought of Jackson inside
me again made me dizzy with desire.
Sam was in the living room and Jackson went in to say goodbye. I was touched that he didnt just
forget about Sam as soon as I was there.
Hey, buddy. Ive got to go see my brother, but Ill be seeing you again real soon. Remember
everything we talked about.
I will, Sam said, and straightened himself up. Hed been slouching but now he looked tall and
confident.
Thats it, Jackson said.
Then he kissed me on the cheek, right in front of Sam, and was gone. I stood by the front door,
even though it was shut, and listened to the big engine of his truck as it fired up.
A moment later my phone vibrated. I picked it up. It was a text message from Jackson. Youre
mine now, and I want you all the time.
I couldnt have been happier. It was strange. Jackson was exactly what I needed. Id spent years
looking for a stable, respectable, dependable guy whod be a good influence on Sam. Then Jackson
came along, the kind of guy women fight to keep away from their children, and Sam was so
comfortable with him. It was a miracle.
I went into the living room to check on Sam.
How was school today? I said.
Good.
 I looked more closely at him and it was only then that I saw the bruising, the swollen eye. Id
been too distracted to notice.
Sam, I cried. What happened to your face?
Those jerkoffs at school beat me up, he said.
Jerkoffs? Who taught you to speak like that?
He shrugged.
Weve got to go speak to your principal, I said.
No, he said. I can handle this.
Sam, theyve hurt you. They cant just do that.
Mom, I know what Im doing. Ive got a plan now?
What are you talking about?
Im going to show those boys they cant mess with me anymore.
How in Gods name are you going to do that.
Attitude, mom.
What?
Its all about attitude.
Sam. Youre just a kid.
No, mom. Im not. Im getting older by the day, and if I dont learn how to handle this, Ill be
dealing with guys like these for the rest of my life.
I hugged him and held him tight. Are you sure youre all right, baby. Can I put some ice on your
face, at least?
He nodded.
I went and got an icepack and pressed it against his eye. Hed been punched in the face. I couldnt
believe it. And I couldnt believe how helpless I felt. On the one hand, I agreed with him that he should
learn how to handle this himself, but on the other, I knew it was my job as a mother, and his schools
job too, to protect him from this sort of thing.
Sam, I said.
Yes, mom.
What was it like having Jackson pick you up from school today?
Good.
You didnt mind?
He told me this morning he might be there.
And that didnt upset you?
He shrugged. Why would that upset me? Hes my dad.
I froze. My face went pale. I thought I might faint. But Sam was just looking at me as if hed said
the most natural, normal thing in the world.
Did Jackson tell you that?
We talked about it, but I already knew.
You knew?
Sam nodded. I took a deep breath. I didnt know what to do. What was the textbook approach for
this situation? How was I supposed to react? I presumed I was supposed to stay calm. If Sam was
comfortable with it, then I should be too.
So I did what mother s have always done in difficult situations. I changed the subject.
What did you do together, after school?
Grabbed a bite to eat.
What did you talk about?
Sam shrugged.
 You can tell me, honey.
We talked about the bullies at school.
Really? I said. I was surprised. Sam was so secretive about it. Even I had a hard time getting
information out of him.
It was no big deal.
What did Jackson have to say about it?
Well, he told me hes been through similar stuff. Hes gotten into fights that were very difficult
to get out of.
I know, I said, thinking of Los Lobos.
Yup. And he knows how to make guys steer clear of you.
How?
Attitude, Sam said.
Attitude? I said.
Sam nodded. If other guys know Im steady, if they know I mean business, theyll stay out of my
way.
Is that so? I said.
Yes, and then the only problems Ill have left will be lady problems.
Lady problems?
Sam nodded.
I laughed.
And how do you feel about the fact hes your father? I said, carefully testing the subject.
I love it, he said. I always wanted him to come back. Hes exactly what I hoped.
I smiled. I refused to allow myself to cry. If Sam was happy, that was a pretty good indication that
things were going all right, and that everything was going to be okay.
 Chapter 49

Jackson

THE COMING WEEKS WERE THE happiest in my life. Id never dared dream my life could be so full
and joyful. During the day, I worked nonstop on the house. I wanted to get it ready for Faith before
she found out about it. It had to be the perfect surprise. I told her I was working on the vineyard but
she suspected something was up when I told her she wasnt allowed down to the farm. Grant,
Forrester and Grady helped me a lot. They put everything they had into the project. In the space of a
month we turned a ramshackle old farmhouse into a classical hacienda every bit as fabulous as the
Brotherhood mansion. I had no shortage of money. A lifetime of heists against rich corporations had
turned into a nice nest egg.
Lacey helped me with the interior decor decisions and in return, me and the boys did a little
something for her.
She finally gave us permission.
One evening after work, we drove into the city on our motorcycles. The four of us rose quite a
ruckus when we pulled up outside Matts fancy suburban house on our bikes. It was his wife who
answered the door.
Excuse me, maam, I said to her, but were looking for your husband.
She looked us over and knew trouble was brewing. When we get out on our bikes, me and the
brothers look bad. We look real bad.
What is this? she said. What is it about?
Youve got nothing to worry about, but youre husbands a cheating, lying scumbag who
doesnt deserve to be within five miles of a good wife like you.
Excuse me? she said.
You heard me. You shouldnt let him touch you. He doesnt deserve it.
I looked her in the eye. She seemed like a nice woman. She was actually pretty similar in
appearance to Lacey. Matt clearly had a type. She looked back at the four of us, then looked down at
the wedding ring on her finger. We watched as she slid it off and handed it to us.
Give him this while youre at it, she said. I should have left the son of a bitch long ago.
She drove off as we entered the house. Apart from Matt, it was empty. We didnt exactly beat him
up. There were four of us. It wouldnt have been a fair fight. Besides, what we wanted to do was
humiliate him. So we stripped him naked, and then recorded a video of the four of us spanking his ass
until it burned bright pink. Matt was in tears by the time we were done, begging us to stop.
It was awful. Hed remember it for the rest of his life.
And just to make sure, we uploaded the video to a husband humiliation website, where wives
could get revenge on the men who cheated on them.
I had his wifes wedding ring.
Hey, dirtbag, I said to him as he lay on his bed, his pants around his ankle like a baby. Stick
this up your ass.
What? he said.
I handed him the ring and a bottle of lotion Id taken from his bathroom. The video was still
recording.
You heard me. Lube up and shove this wedding ring up your ass. Youre the one who fucked up
the marriage. Now lets see the ring fuck you.
He shook his head but he knew he had no choice. He poured lotion on his hand, rubbed it on the
wedding ring, and then shoved it up inside his asshole. The room was silent. None of us laughed. We
just looked at him like the pitiful dirtbag he was.
When we got home we showed the video to Lacey and Faith and they almost died. They couldnt
believe what wed done. They were too shocked to laugh. But after theyd watched it a few times and
had downed a few bottles of wine, Faith and Lacey were making the lewdest jokes youve ever heard
about cheating men, and they were laughing their faces off.
We emailed a link of the video to Matts employer, and to his wife. Lacey had found out her name
during a period of online stalking that had bordered on an obsession.
I know you wanted to keep your private life private, I said to Lacey.
Fuck that, she said, downing her sixth glass of wine for the evening. I dont know how to
thank you boys. Youve fixed everything. For the first time in weeks, I feel like Ive got the closure I
needed. I finally feel like I can move on with my life.
Then our jobs done, Grant said. Both of you girls always remember, youve got the four of
us to cover you for anything. Dont keep secrets from us. Were here for you. Weve got your backs.
Were family.
The following day, I was eating cheerios with Sam for breakfast. I slept at Faiths house every
night, and I got to see Sam all the time. We ate breakfast together, I dropped him off at school, I
picked him up. In the afternoons hed hang out with me and the brothers and help fix up the farmhouse
for Faith.
He loved hanging out with us and I loved having all that time to spend with him. I could see his
confidence grow by the day as he learned more and more about being a man from me and the
brothers.
Id say the proudest day of my life was the day I drove up to his school to pick him up, and he
asked me if he could go play baseball with his new friends.
Who are your new friends? I asked.
You wouldnt believe me if I told you dad.
Try me.
Those guys, he said, pointing at a group of four older boys across the lot.
I looked, and sure enough it was the four boys that used to bully him.
Youre friends with those idiots now? I said, grinning.
Theyre not that bad when you get to know them, dad.
What about the house? You were going to help Forrester with the baseboards in your
bedroom.
Well, I thought about that, and my new friends have offered to come over this weekend and help
me catch up on the work I miss today.
Is that so? I said.
Yeah, dad. So what do you say? Can I go play ball?
I grabbed him and kissed his forehead. Go hit a homer for me, buddy, I said.
I slowed down as I passed them all on my way out of the lot and rolled down my window.
All the boys, including Sam, looked up at me.
You fellas look after each other, I said, treat each other like brothers. One day youll need
backup and youll have each other.
Sam was doing great. Faith even told me his grades were up since my return. I was glad to hear
it.
I also took Sam to meet his grandaddy. The old man was buried in the orchard behind the house,
a stone grave under the biggest apple tree on the property. It was a beautiful, secluded spot.
This is where my father s buried, I told Sam.
 He took my hand.
Youre mother named you after him.
Sam nodded.
It was awfully nice of her to name you after my father. I mean, I wasnt around in those days. I
wanted to be, but I couldnt.
I know, Sam said.
So your mother did the greatest thing a woman could ever do for a man. She raised you for me
while I was away.
Sam nodded.
But Im back now, Sam. And Ill never go away ever again.
He didnt say anything but he squeezed my hand so tight it surprised me. I hadnt realized he
could be so strong.
I love you, son, I said, looking at my father s grave.
I love you too, dad.
Hearing him say that made my life complete.
And being with Faith was like being with an angel. Every night before I fell asleep next to her, I
silently thanked God for giving her to me. She was more than I deservedfar more. She always had
been. Ever since the time she came into that motel, all those years before, and asked me for her help,
shed possessed my heart. Whod have ever thought wed make it so far?
I had her to thank for all the happiness in my life.
It looked like shed been the desperate one back in that motel bar twelve years ago, but the truth
was, I was the one who was desperate. I was the one who needed her. Shed saved my life in every
single way.
Killing her enemies and making my way back to her was the hardest thing Id ever done. And
creating a child with her, and now, creating a loving home, were the best things that possibly could
have happened.
I loved fucking her, long into the night, even when she begged me to stop. And I could spend the
rest of my life doing it to her.
 Chapter 50

Jackson

COME ON, I SAID, leading Faith by the hand. Its not much farther.
She was blindfolded, following me from the truck toward the porch of the new house wed built
for her. It had been a group effort, with Grant, Forrester, Grady, Lacey and of course, Sam, all
pitching in. It looked great, the fresh paint glistening, the new porch shading us from the sun, the clay
tiles of the roof reflecting the sunlight beautifully.
It was a beautiful home, fitting for a beautiful woman.
I cant see a thing, Faith said.
Keep it on, I said, putting my hand on the blindfold. Its just a few more steps.
I led her up the steps of the porch. Sam was sitting very still, very silently, on an easy chair on the
verandah. I put my finger over my lips and he nodded.
You ready, Faith? I said.
Yes, she said. Jackson, where are we?
I took off the blindfold. She blinked a few times before opening her eyes fully. Then she threw
her hand in front of her mouth.
Oh my God, she cried.
Her eyes filled with tears. Id never seen her so happy.
Jackson, this is beautiful.
I didnt do it all by myself, I said. Sam helped a lot.
Really? When?
All those sports practices. We werent exactly playing sports.
I cant believe it, she said.
Its all yours, if you want it, Faith.
She looked at me like she was about to burst. Jackson, what are you saying?
This house, it would be the perfect place for you, me, and Sam to live as a family, wouldnt it?
She was crying so much she couldnt answer.
Id rehearsed it all a thousand times with Sam. I gave him the signal. He ran inside and turned on
the music, Faiths favorite song. I led her around to the back of the house where wed strung dozens
of lanterns from the trees. The sun was low in the evening sky and the firebugs were already out,
shooting around the lanterns like meteors.
Faith gasped at the sight. Everything was perfect.
I got down on my knee.
Faith was shaking her head. She looked down at me, her eyes filled with so many tears she
couldnt even see clearly, and she just shook her head.
You got the ring, buddy? I said to Sam.
Sam nodded and stepped forward with the tiny, turquoise box. I took it from him and snapped it
open. Inside was a Tiffanys engagement ring, a diamond on white gold. When Faith saw it her jaw
dropped.
Faith, I said, but she was already crying so much she couldnt hear me.
I laughed. Sam laughed too. That relaxed her and she stopped crying.
Faith Shepherd, I said. I love you more than life itself. Ive loved you for so long I cant even
remember what it was like not to be in love with you. I adore you Faith. Youve been mine since the
moment I first set eyes on you, and I want the world to know it. Will you marry me?
 The shaking of her head changed to nodding.
Yes, she gasped, as if shed been holding her breath. Yes, of course I will.
I love you, I cried, my own eyes filling with tears.
I love you too, Jackson.
I got up and grabbed her in my arms, lifted her off her feet, and put my mouth over hers. We
didnt even care that Sam was watching. I put my tongue against her lips and it slipped into her mouth,
dancing with her tongue, just as it had the very first time we kissed.
The warmth of her lips, the softness of her hair, the brightness of her eyes, those were the things
that mattered to me, and as my wife, shed be giving them to me for ever and ever. Those were the
true things I wanted. I wanted her heart. I wanted her love.
I didnt want to possess her, so much as I wanted both of us to be possessed by a common love.
The love of our marriage.
God, I love you so much, I gasped when our kiss ended.
Then put a ring on it, silly.
I slipped the engagement ring onto her finger. The diamond paled in comparison to the beauty of
her eyes, but it still looked perfect.
 Chapter 51

Faith

I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS a clich when girls said their wedding day was the happiest day of their
life. I guess thats because I was never married before. Girls, whatever youve heard about your
wedding day, it doesnt even come close to describing the happiness youll feel when youre tying the
knot with the man of your dreams. Only someone whos experienced it can possibly know.
Marrying Jackson was the culmination of so many years of longing and striving that it felt like
the pinnacle of my life. It was like finally having all my dreams come through. When I burst into that
motel bar all those years ago, desperately searching for a man to step up and help me, Id never in a
million years dreamed that this would be the outcome. Jackson had gone so far above and beyond
what Id expected, he transformed my entire life.
He didnt just get me to safety, he went beyond that, and spent years making sure that the men
who I was messed up with would never be able to hurt me again. Theyd never be able to hurt my son.
My life wouldnt have been possible if it wasnt for the sacrifice Jackson had made. It had taken
twelve years, but it had to be done. And not once did Jackson consider giving up on me.
Of course, Jackson didnt do it for free. Hed been honest with me right from the start. A life for
a life, he said. I didnt know what it meant at the time, but Jackson did. Jackson knew exactly what it
meant. He didnt just want to have sex with me, he wanted me to have his baby. He wanted everything I
had to offer, right to the core of my being, and he intended to collect.
He possessed me in a way I didnt even know a man could possess a woman. I was like putty in
his hands. He saw me, he knew what he wanted, and I gave it to him without an ounce of resistance.
Thats real power.
Right from the beginning, he knew what he wanted, and he went after it with a singleminded
devotion that Id never even known was possible. So many times, he could have given up. He could
have gone for another woman. But that wasnt in his nature. He chose me, and he moved heaven and
earth to have me.
I loved him for that.
And now that he was back, he treated me like a queen. Id never have guessed a guy like him
could be so kind, and compassionate, and caring. It was like he read my mind. He knew what I wanted
or needed before I did. I guess I shouldnt have expected anything less from him. Hed always
exceeded my expectations in every single way. Now he was living with me, buying me gifts, cooking
me fancy meals, helping me with my business, and with parenting Sam.
Hed even built us a house. Or renovated it beyond recognition. It was a hacienda, a palace. It was
more than I ever dreamed I deserved.
And tonight was the night Id be sleeping in it for the first time. Wed come such a long way.
From a motel room on a dusty highway outside of Reno, to our own beautiful villa surrounded by
Jacksons father s vineyard.
I trembled when I thought of the sexual things Jackson would do to me in our new bedroom. It
was our wedding night after all. Jackson was insatiable, and he was growing more passionate with
every night was spent together.
And if he treated me like a queen, he treated Sam like a treasure.
Back at that motel twelve years ago, Id asked Jackson if he was a good man.
He told me he wasnt. He said he was bad to the bone. He said Id regret ever meeting him.
At the time, I believed him. For years I believed him. He looked bad. He was scarred, tattooed, he
rode a motorcycle and carried a gun. He fucked me, made me pregnant, and then disappeared. I
thought hed abandoned me. I thought hed died. I thought Id never set eyes on him again.
But I was wrong. The fact of the matter was that Jackson was the very best man I possibly could
have run into in that moment of desperation, and he was the only man who could do the things that
needed to be done. He showed me what it meant to be a man, and also what it meant to be a woman
who was loved and cherished.
He was my protector, my lover, and the daddy to my child.
And he had my heart.
Hed always had my heart. Even that first night, when I was offering him sex in exchange for
protection. Even when hed run into me at the Los Lobos bar in Reno and Id been a bitch to him. Yes,
even then, hed grabbed my heart like it was a lifesaver and he was lost at sea. Hed held my heart so
tight it never escaped. It never wanted to.
My heart belonged to him.
Our wedding was in the orchard behind the house hed prepared for me and Sam, and yes, it was
the happiest day of my life.
I was so proud of Sam for helping with the house. Sam had been starving for a father, and now
that Jackson was back in his life, everything finally seemed to be making sense. He had friends. He
was doing well at school. He was happy and confident.
All our friends were at the wedding, of course. Lacey, Grant, Forrester and Grady were our
wedding party. Sam was the ring bearer.
The priest was an old Spanish man whod known Jacksons father. Hed been the priest at
Jacksons parents wedding.
When he asked Jackson if he took me to be his wife, I thought my heart would burst.
I do, Jackson said, tears falling down his cheeks. I knew he had so much love for me that our
marriage would last forever. Hed killed for me. Not a lot of people can say that. Jackson looked at
me the way I looked at Sam. Bullets wouldnt stop that love.
Then the priest turned to me, and asked if I would take Jackson to be my husband, to have and to
hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. I knew the answer better than I knew my own
name.
I do, I said.
The priest smiled. You may kiss the bride.
Jackson grabbed me, and there was exactly the same passion in his arms as there had been the
very first time he grabbed me at the motel. He kissed me like his life depended on it. I knew hed kiss
me that way till our dying day. Hed love me and Sam forever. And wed love him forever.
 Im Chance Carter and I want to thank you personally for reading my book, Bad Boy Daddy. I
truly hope you liked it. Im committed to bringing you new bad boys to fall in love with, so sign up
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Chance Carter

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