Affective Interdependence in Close Relationships PDF
Affective Interdependence in Close Relationships PDF
Affective Interdependence in Close Relationships PDF
Harry T. Reis
What makes the behavior of two partners in a close relationship different from the
behavior of two independent individuals? The answer to this question, which is fundamental to
relationship science, usually involves some sort of mutual influence and interdependence. For
example, Kelley (1983) refers to a causal connection between two interacting parties, in the
sense that one person's behavior is causally implicated in subsequent changes in the other person.
Following this definition, interdependence theorists describe in precise detail how each partner's
behavior is affected by the implications of the other's behavior for both of their outcomes (see
Rusbult & Van Lange, 1996, for a review). Commonly, studies in this area examine the
behaviors.
extent to which emotions and emotional self-regulation are influenced by partners. Yet by almost
in summing up a series of alternative theoretical positions, Ekman and Davidson succinctly noted
that "emotions are brought into play most often by the actions of others, and, once aroused,
emotions influence the course of interpersonal transactions" (1994, p. 139). Reis, Collins, and
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Berscheid (2000) qualified this conclusion by noting that the others who create these actions and
responds angrily when his wife, having had a stressful day at work, barks at him because the
house is a mess when she returns home after work. Two parents feel great pride when their child
sets a school record in a swimming event. A young woman asks a friend to listen to her describe
her feelings about having been dumped by her boyfriend. Two lovers flirt, each taking pleasure
in its impact on the other. An elderly married couple reminisces about life experiences they have
shared. A young couple discusses plans for the future, each of them discouraged by the other's
What these illustrations have in common is the idea that each person's affective
experience is centrally and substantially influenced by the other's behavior. Although a variety of
different theoretical models have been proposed to explain these seemingly distinct phenomena,
in this chapter, I propose that a common conceptual core links them. I call this core process
perceived partner responsiveness. The first section of this chapter defines perceived partner
responsiveness, explaining how and why it may serve as a core organizing principle for
illustrate the operation of perceived partner responsiveness with examples from three research
programs conducted in our lab on (1) the role of perceived partner responsiveness in self-
regulation; (2) how partners help each other capitalize on personal positive events; and (3) the
role of partners in promoting movement toward personal goals. Throughout this review, for
reasons of theoretical clarity, I will focus on perceived partner responsiveness and its association
with personal and relationship well-being. Nevertheless, because this model considers perceived
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consider actual (or in other words, enacted) partner responsiveness. The chapter concludes with
general comments about the value of integrative theoretical models for advancing relationship
science.
As noted above, there are many theoretical models in close relationship research that help
explain how a partner's behavior influences one's affect. Consider a few selective examples:
attachment theory (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007); social support (reviewed by Cohen,
Underwood, & Gottlieb, 2000); the intimacy process model (Reis & Shaver, 1988); the need to
belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995); communal need satisfaction (Clark & Mills, 1993); the risk
regulation model (Murray, Holmes, & Collins, 2006); trust (Simpson, 2007); partner affirmation,
also known as the Michelangelo Phenomenon (Rusbult, Finkel, & Kumashiro, 2009); autonomy
support (Deci & Ryan, 1987); the TIES (temporal interpersonal emotion systems) model (Butler,
Embedded within each of these specific theories is the general idea that when partners are
felt to be responding supportively to important needs, goals, values, or preferences in the self-
On the other hand, when partners are seen to be responding critically or when their response is
interpersonal forces. The process begins intrapersonally, with the person's own needs, goals, and
wishes, such as when one partner expresses a need, preference, or aspiration, relates an event for
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which support or celebration is desired, or otherwise reveals important aspects of the self. (Of
course these intrapersonal factors are often shaped by past relationship experiences; Chen,
Boucher, & Tapias, 2006; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007.) The interpersonal step follows, when the
partner enacts a supportive response, which may lead to the perception of responsiveness by the
originator. Responses are likely to be perceived as responsive to the extent that they possess
three qualities: (a) Understanding, or whether the partner is believed to have accurately and
appropriately "got the facts right" about oneself. Understanding matters because it fosters a sense
of authenticity (Kernis & Goldman, 2006) and also because the next two factors are predicated
on it. (b) Validation, or the belief that partners value and appreciate one's abilities, traits, and
world view. Validation matters because it conveys the partner's liking for and acceptance of the
self (Finkenauer & Righetti, in press), which supports belongingness and felt security (Leary &
Guagadno, 2008; Murray et al., 2006). (c) Caring, or the confidence that partners will provide
help when it is needed, which demonstrates their concern for one's well-being (Clark & Mills,
2012).
Of course, the process may not unfold as straight-forwardly as Figure 1 implies. One
partner might reveal needs but the other partner might not respond supportively. More pointedly,
even if the responding partner behaves supportively, as an independent observer might verify,
the disclosing partner might misperceive this responsiveness, reflecting the impact of motivated
biases on social perception. As I will argue later in this chapter, there is good reason to believe
that both actual responsiveness and motivated interpretation influence perceived partner
responsiveness (Reis & Clark, in press). However, from a theoretical standpoint, emotional
responses to the sorts of sequences depicted in Figure 1 are based on what is perceived, rather
than what is enacted. In other words, the emotions that result from the unfolding of the
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disclosure-and-response process depend on whether the perceiver believes that the response has
In a relationship, this sequence necessarily influences both partners' affects, but I have
omitted those links for simplicity. It nevertheless should be acknowledged that successfully
providing responsiveness is likely to foster positive emotions in its own right, and will encourage
partners to initiate these sequences on their own. Similarly, there is ample evidence that
recipients of responsiveness are likely to be responsive when reversing roles with their
supporters. The converse is also true: failed or inadequate attempts to elicit or provide
subsequent interactions.
feelings, and behavior in order to achieve desired outcomes or to make progress toward valued
goals. Of the many factors that affect self-regulation, some of the most influential concern
feedback and support from significant others. Theoretically, the self-regulatory value of support
can be traced to the intrinsically social nature of our species. The human brain evolved to
facilitate bonding as a central means for addressing adaptive problems associated with survival
and reproduction. Thus, evolutionary forces created various specific mechanisms designed to
help people live and work together, coordinating their activities to accomplish mutually desired
goals. Among these are several familiar mechanisms from the social-psychological literature. For
example, the perceived availability of social support facilitates effective coping with stress
(Stroebe & Stroebe, 1996). Feeling valued and accepted by others is associated with emotional
well-being and persistence on various tasks (Leary & Guadagno, 2008). Particularly well-
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documented is evidence that the actual or symbolic availability of attachment figures engenders
better emotional health, greater compassion and caring for others, and more effective exploration
partner has one's back – in other words, that he or she will be available if needed and is willing to
provide nurturance or assistance, even if it were to be costly – gives people the emotional
wherewithal to deal with challenges and the security to interact with others confidently and non-
defensively. Describing this general sense in terms of perceived partner responsiveness focuses
attention on the three components depicted in Figure 1. Thus understanding indicates that the
partner has an accurate view of oneself, of one's needs and fears, of what one intends to make
happen, and of what one is capable of doing. Validation signifies the partner's esteem, implying
that he or she would sacrifice self-interest for the good of the relationship (Murray & Holmes,
2011). Caring directly implicates the partner's active concern for one's well-being. All of these
together make the symbolic or actual support of a responsive other credible and trustworthy.
Research conducted in our lab over the past decade or so broadly supports this
conclusion. For example, perceived partner responsiveness is associated with better sleep quality
in married couples (Carmichael & Reis, 2005) and healthier, more positive attitudes toward sex,
especially among women (Birnbaum & Reis, 2006). Both of these can be considered examples of
acceptance and support would undermine that activity. In the achievement domain, perceived
partner responsiveness also predicts better engagement and performance. In a series of studies,
Elliot and Reis (2003) showed that college students who felt that attachment figures were
responsive and supportive viewed their college courses as challenging more than threatening,
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and showed higher achievement motivation, lower fear of failure, and more approach-oriented
(as opposed to avoidance-oriented) motives about school work. In an unpublished study, Peter
Caprariello and I found the same pattern with regard to college athletes’ participation in
competitive athletics.
applies in less personal relationships. Reis, Clark, Pereira-Gray, Tsai, Brown, Stewart, and
Underwood (2008) surveyed 819 individuals in three countries (the United States, Canada, and
the United Kingdom) about the extent to which they felt that their primary care physician was
responsive to their needs and concerns, and was genuinely interested in their thoughts and
feelings. Despite marked differences in the patient-physician relationship in these very different
country (even after controlling for gender, age, marital status, years as patient, and general
satisfaction with that physician). This finding meshes well with research on patient-centered
communication (that is, a communication process between physician and patient that emphasizes
responsiveness, openness, and active participation by the patient in all decisions), which
consistently produces higher patient satisfaction (Epstein & Street, 2007) and lower costs
experimental. Caprariello and Reis (2009) examined the possibility that simply thinking about
responsive partners can provide an adaptive resource under threatening circumstances. One of
failure. Participants in this research were led to believe that they would be videotaped in a
stressful subtraction race – counting backwards as quickly as possible from 1,978 by a random
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two-digit number. Beforehand, they were asked to write a brief essay about someone whom they
felt was a responsive partner (defined as above), or, in three different control conditions, a friend
who was not particularly responsive but with whom they had fun, an acquaintance, or an object
that helped organize their daily activities. Participants were then given a checklist of 14 external
circumstances (e.g., “insufficient rest”) that might hamper their performance in the subtraction
race, a standard measure of self-handicapping. The more reasons checked off, the more defensive
the response – that is, the greater the desire to rationalize in advance the possibility of poor
performance. As expected, in the three control conditions, the more threatened participants felt,
the more they self-handicapped. But in the responsiveness-priming condition, higher perceptions
of threat were associated with lesser self-handicapping, presumably because these participants
This experiment, along with others of a similar vein (Kumashiro & Sedikides, 2005;
Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007; Selcuk, Zayas, Günaydýn, Hazan, & Kross, 2012), indicates that
Responsiveness is usually studied in the context of negative events – for example, how
partners react when one seeks help coping with a stressful event, how they react to conflict or
requests for change, or when an individual’s sense of felt security has been threatened.
Undoubtedly, such circumstances are critical for establishing and maintaining responsiveness in
relationships. Nevertheless, the field’s emphasis on problems, conflicts, and threat may have
obscured the impact of more positive situations. Relationships, after all, are not just about fixing
problems and dealing with stress – they are also about sharing joy, jointly pursuing valued goals,
For the past decade or so, we have been exploring a phenomenon we call capitalization
(see Gable & Reis, 2011, for a review). First described by Langston (1994), capitalization in
interpersonal contexts refers to the process of conveying personal good news to other persons.
Such conversations initiate a process that has both personal and relational implications. Although
on the surface capitalization attempts focus on the transmission of information to other persons,
the interpersonal substance of these interactions depends on the emotions and sense of
interdependence experienced during the exchange (Rimé, 2007). Capitalization attempts do not
guarantee responsiveness, of course; they merely create the possibility of an encouraging partner
response. After all, partners may or may not display awareness of, and a willingness to support,
the other's aspirations and accomplishments. Partners may experience ambivalence, envy, or
indifference; the event may amplify conflicts of interest; or it may threaten stable patterns of
interaction (e.g., altering their relative status or availability). In other words, responsiveness to
capitalization attempts may be diagnostic of a partner's regard for the self, just as it in conflictual
interactions.
Capitalization attempts can be considered as stimuli that afford partners the opportunity
listeners' interest in the capitalizer's growth and well-being. Such responsiveness begets
appreciation and caring, and thereby increases the likelihood of reciprocated pro-partner
behavior. Pro-partner behaviors are associated with a variety of affective outcomes, such as
satisfaction and commitment, and behavioral outcomes, such as trust, accommodation, and the
emotional disengagement or criticism – implies disinterest in one's well-being and growth and is
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In several studies and experiments, we have shown that responsiveness has clear personal
benefit for capitalizers: it enhances the memorability, perceived significance, and emotional
appreciation of positive events. In this chapter I want to focus on the interpersonal benefits of
Our earliest studies examined perceptions of how partners generally respond to being told
about one's good news, using the Perceived Responses to Capitalization Attempts (PRCA) scale
(Gable, Reis, Impett, & Asher, 2004). In several college student and middle-aged community
samples, the perception of enthusiastic, engaged responses was associated with higher
relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and, in a daily diary study, more frequent positive
interactions. In contrast, the perception of passive or destructive responses was associated with
lower satisfaction and intimacy and fewer positive interactions (Gable et al., 2004; Reis et al.,
2010). These findings are unlikely to be entirely due to motivated perception or response bias. In
several laboratory-observation studies, Gable and her colleagues have shown that coding by
well-being and stability at later times (Gable, Gonzaga, & Strachman, 2006; Gable, Gosnell,
Maisel, & Strachman, 2012). Also, in another set of studies from our lab, Shannon Smith has
Affective interdependence implies something more than good feelings, however. Our
model of capitalization and responsiveness suggests that supportive responses should lead to the
inference that partners have one's best interest at heart, an attribution that is central to trust. Reis
et al. (2010) tested this idea experimentally. In a capitalization condition, participants described
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to an interviewer one of the best events to have happened to them in the past few years. The
interviewer was trained to respond with interest and enthusiasm (e.g., "wow, that's really great"
and "what a great opportunity"). In one control condition, the interviewer simply took notes,
offering minimal commentary. In another control condition, participants described a series of Dr.
Seuss pictures that the interviewer had to draw (without seeing the picture directly), a highly
enjoyable, engaging activity (Fraley & Aron, 2004). Both mood and liking for the interviewer
were significantly higher in the capitalization and fun conditions than in the notes condition.
More importantly, trust, responsiveness, and the willingness to disclose sensitive personal
information were significantly higher in the capitalization condition than in either of the other
two conditions. In short, responsive listening builds trust and intimacy, not just liking.
research nominated a target person – someone to whom they were close and likely to interact
with every day of the 14-day diary period. Each day, in addition to describing the best thing to
have happened on that day, participants also reported whether they had informed their target
person about those events and, if they had, how the target had responded. Elsewhere in the diary,
they described their relationship with the target on that day along several dimensions that
accommodating, and willing to sacrifice they had been toward the target – key markers of
constructive interdependence (e.g., Rusbult, Verette, Whitney, Slovik, & Lipkus, 1991). As
expected, perceiving the partner's response to one's good news as enthusiastic led to significantly
more favorable pro-relationship orientations. Because these analyses control for the prior-day's
orientation, they show how relationships change from one day to the next, rather than describing
One final point in this section. Sharing affect about personal positive events is one way
that partners can promote positive interdependence in their relationship – in other words, by
"including the other in the self," each may share to some extent in the other's positive
experiences. Such sharing may be particularly valuable in helping to repair the damage done by
annoyances, conflicts, and other threats to relationship security. We reasoned that self-esteem
might moderate people's ability to take advantage of this tactic. Prior research has shown that
people with low self-esteem react to relationship threats by distancing themselves from their
partners, whereas people with high esteem attempt to move closer. Consistent with this logic,
after priming with relationship threat (in a field experiment) or on days following relationship
conflict (in a daily diary study), low self-esteem persons perceived less partner enthusiasm about
a personal positive event, but high self-esteem persons perceived more partner enthusiasm. (Self-
esteem had no impact after a neutral prime or no-conflict days.) In other words, the effectiveness
Up to this point, I have focused on perceived partner responsiveness. The model depicted
in Figure 1 is actually somewhat more interpersonal than this, proposing that the sequence begins
when one party expresses a need or desire in which the other might be helpful and continues only
when the other party enacts a supportive response. Partners do not always react supportively, of
course, and supportive responses are sometimes misperceived. However, for this model to be
truly interpersonal and interactional, it must consider how real partner behaviors contribute to
extent an attribution, as Kelley (1979) first suggested: When one partner demonstrates a
willingness to set aside his or her own preferences and instead prioritize the other's needs and
interests, an observer is led to the logical inference of caring and concern, the fundamental
property of a communal relationship (Clark & Mills, 1993). These inferences must have some
basis in fact. If motivated perception were fundamentally out of touch with social reality, it
would not well serve people's basic goals and motivational purposes. This is what Bowlby
(1973) meant when he observed that "the varied expectations of the accessibility and
responsiveness of attachment figures that different individuals develop during the years of
immaturity are tolerably accurate reflections of the experiences those individuals have actually
had" (p, 202). Consistent with his proposal, many studies show that perceptions of
responsiveness and support tend to be grounded in partners' actual behavior (see Reis & Clark, in
appreciate its role in mutual cyclical growth – a process by which, in a close relationship, each
partner's support of the other's goals and aspirations builds trust and personal development for
both (Wieselquist, Rusbult, Foster & Agnew, 1999). This is a central concern in any
interdependent relationship. Trust develops when each partner feels confident that the other will
take their best interests into account (Holmes & Rempel, 1989) – in other words, that the
partner's motives and behavior toward oneself are benevolent and caring. In turn, perceiving this
benevolence motivates reciprocal benevolence and caring, setting off the chain-like sequence of
mutual cyclical growth. Perceiving a lack of benevolence of course has the opposite effect. Only
by highlighting the interactional components of this process is it possible to see how the process
unfolds cyclically, from one partner to the other, and over time.
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learn to trust their partners when they observe those partners behaving well in diagnostic
situations – that is, when partners are perceived to be behaving responsively at some personal
cost to themselves (Holmes & Rempel, 1989; Simpson, 2007). Trust fosters commitment,
because people are more willing to depend on partners who have exhibited concern for their
well-being. Commitment, in turn, promotes enactment of responsive behavior for three reasons:
because of reciprocity norms, because of the affectionate bond that perceived responsiveness
fosters, and because committed partners have a long-term interest in ensuring that their partners'
needs are met. Thus, Figure 2 proposes that one partner's enacted responsiveness encourages the
other's trust and commitment, which leads the other to be open about needs and wishes, and to be
From an interactional perspective, the key step in this process is the link between enacted
and perceived responsiveness. Madoka Kumashiro, Caryl Rusbult and I investigated this link in
three studies: an 18-month longitudinal study in which relevant variables were assessed every 6
months; a 10-day daily diary study; and a laboratory observational study of couple's discussions
of their goals for the next 5-10 years. In all three studies, we conducted Actor-Partner
Interdependence Modeling, which controlled for dyadic dependency in the data, and, more
importantly, allowed us to compare the impact of own behavior and partner behavior on
perceived responsiveness. In all three studies, one partner's enacted responsiveness significantly
the other's predicted perceived responsiveness. This result was obtained not only for participants'
reports of their enacted behaviors but also for coding by independent observers in the laboratory
study.
It bears mention that these analyses considered several important alternatives and
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moderators that have been suggested by other researchers. For example, Lemay, Clark, and
Feeney (2007) proposed that perceived responsiveness is influenced by projection – that people
infer their partner's responsiveness from their own levels of responsiveness to that partner,
presumably reflecting assumed reciprocity. Indeed, we found evidence of projection in all three
studies. Nevertheless, even after controlling for projection, the impact of partner's enacted
responsiveness on perceived responsiveness was still significant. We also looked for potential
moderators, such as sex, marital satisfaction, and social desirability. None of these influenced the
basic findings.
A noteworthy feature of these studies is that whereas most studies examine perceived
responsiveness in prevention contexts – how partners help each other deal with stress or how
they resolve conflict – these studies adopted a promotion context by considering how enacted
partner responsiveness helps people make progress toward their valued goals and aspirations. As
argued earlier in this chapter, in the ideal case, responsiveness indicates the partner's concern for
one's growth and well-being. But does this concern actually help partners accomplish their
goals? Two of these studies included measures that tracked goal progress from one assessment to
the next. Prospective longitudinal analyses showed that responsiveness at one assessment
predicted positive movement toward goals at the next assessment. Mediational analyses indicated
that responsiveness helped participants expend greater effort in pursuing their goals, presumably
because a responsive partner provides the safety net needed to confidently strive, rather than
impelling participants to protect the self against the implications of failure or to devote extra time
and effort toward relationship maintenance. It may be, then, that partner responsiveness is an
effective strategy for outsourcing the preservation and enhancement of self-regulatory resources.
Conclusion
15
maintenance. For example, responsiveness, in the sense of thoughtful appraisal and support of
the child's needs and goals, is widely considered a central component of good parenting from
infancy on (e.g., Dix, 1992). Communication studies identify understanding, acceptance, and
Communal relationships, which are in many ways the prototype of closeness, are defined by
responsiveness to needs (Clark & Mills, in press). In attachment theory, responsiveness is what
makes an attachment figure successful in fulfilling the functions of the attachment behavioral
It may seem curious to onlookers that these traditions of research have evolved more or
less distinctly from one another. Rarely do researchers consider how these various elements
might be integrated into a systematic, coherent account. Elsewhere I have argued that for
relationship science to take the next step toward becoming a mature, cumulative science, we will
need to do a better job of linking our various strands of research to one another – that is, of
identifying "core ideas, the principles that make them cohere, and [thereby providing] an
organizational framework for understanding how the many empirical pieces interconnect" (Reis,
2007, p. 9). Appreciating how the parts relate to the whole can help establish a nomological
network of systematically related constructs, processes, and theories, something that mature
sciences have. Relationship research is often described (and taught) as a large, horizontal
assemblage of theories and findings, each part conveying something useful about relationships
yet remaining separate from other parts. To be sure, specialization and diversity are essential in
science, but for our knowledge base to evolve in a more vertical direction, we will need to attend
I believe that responsiveness has the potential to be an umbrella construct of this sort. The
belief that relationship partners are attentive to and behaviorally supportive of core features of
the self, and the foundation of that belief in actual interactions, represents a basic theme in many
processes and theoretical models (as I have tried to illustrate by describing three different
relationships in everyday life – our emotional lives are intrinsically and often profoundly
influenced by the behavior of close others. When we strive to regulate those emotions, our
strategies and tactics often revolve around others, notably how we anticipate and perceive their
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Figure 1
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Figure 2