Chapter for C.

Proctor (ed) Positive Psychology Interventions in Practice: Springer 2017

Learning Healthy Relationships, by Sue Roffey

Learning Healthy Relationships

Abstract

Relationships and Wellbeing

The quality of our relationships is now recognised as being critical for wellbeing at home, at
work and within our communities. Healthy relationships enhance a sense of connectedness, boost
resilience and give us reliable alliance. Sharing the good times with others often enhances
positive experiences, and having emotional and practical support makes the worst of times more
bearable. Children and young people therefore need to learn the social and emotional values and
skills that will enable them to live well with others: communicate effectively, be a team-player,
be compassionate and ethical, manage conflict, support, value and include others, and be
confident in resisting peer pressure.

Relationships are there in all aspects of our lives and are on a continuum from our most intimate
and long-term relationships to passing friendships, role specific relationships, those in our
communities and indeed those we have never met. How we perceive and position others who
share our world, such as refugees, those from different cultures or another social milieu, make a
difference to our expectations of the individuals we may come across, what we believe about
them and how we treat them.

Relationships and Education

Although academic success opens doors and gives young people access to more choices,
sustainable wellbeing does not lie in getting high test scores. You can be a successful A-plus
student and live a miserable or shallow life if other things are not in place (Feinstein, 2015). You
can also have a meaningful and enjoyable existence without being a high flyer at school.

Learning the values and practices of healthy relationships needs to be a core component of the
educative process. Social and emotional knowledge and skills, however, cannot simply be taught

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in a didactic lesson format. Children learn how to relate by watching others and listening to how
they speak to and about each other, the values they espouse and how they demonstrate these.
Their understanding comes from their own family members, teachers at school, the media and
public figures on the television. Some of what they learn may be negative and unhelpful,
especially in a culture that promotes individual success at the expense of collaboration and
empathy.

This chapter covers both content and pedagogy in teaching relationships and how this needs to be
embedded within a whole school process. The pedagogy is summed up in the Circle Solutions
approach that helps to ensure that social and emotional learning (SEL) is a safe and positive
experience for everyone, not ‘therapeutic education’ (Ecclestone & Hayes, 2008). It is critical
that SEL is an intervention for whole classes as research indicates that teaching social skills in
small groups to students who lack these does not lead to sustainable outcomes. Once those
individuals return to their usual classes, other children reinforce earlier behaviours, as their
perceptions have not changed (Frederickson, 1991). Having a universal approach also addresses
the understanding and behaviours of those who look as if they are socially skilled but interact in
ways that are self-serving or manipulative. This is demonstrated in some bullying behaviours.

The Twelve Dimensions that are briefly addressed in the latter part of this chapter build on the
CASEL framework of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills and
decision-making. They separate out some aspects for greater clarity such as dealing with conflict
and repairing relationships but also broaden the concept to include the promotion of social
justice, human rights, spirituality and finding meaning. This framework also explores what
contributes to a congruent educational setting for each of these dimensions.

An Appropriate Pedagogy for Relationship Education

According to the Delors Report (1996) there are four pillars of education, ‘learning to know’,
‘learning to do’, ‘learning to be’ and ‘learning to live together’. Although you can teach the
knowledge and skills that make up the core of the curriculum with an informative, instructional
pedagogy, social and emotional learning requires a different and more subtle approach. Simply

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telling students how they ‘should’ be in the world and how to relate to others will have limited
impact. They need a pedagogy that is experiential (doing things), interactive (doing things
together), discursive (talking about what you are learning), reflective (thinking about what this
means) and safe (not intrusive).

When children and young people have multiple opportunities to consider their own needs, how
they want to be treated, and what makes them feel good about themselves and others, they begin
to understand how they need to relate to others. When they work alongside peers who are not
necessarily within their own social circle they make connections on what is shared rather than
differences. When they try out alternative ways of being, and are asked to reflect both on what
they feel and what they have learnt, they realise that they have choices and what might be
involved in making a ‘good’ choice. When they see their teachers model emotionally literate
behaviour, they learn by watching and hearing as well as by doing. When they are given
opportunities to practice the skills they have learnt these eventually become a way of being that
goes beyond the theoretical.

The Importance of Process in Group Interactions

Circle Solutions is a value- based philosophy and a pedagogy for practice in learning
relationships. It builds on other similar interventions, such as the yarning circles in Aboriginal
culture, learning circles, magic circles, quality circles, tribes and circle time. It has been
developed not simply as a stand-alone intervention but as a tool for wellbeing and healthy
relationships. In a school context students spend regular structured sessions with each other in a
Circle format but their learning relates to how they interact the rest of the time. The same
framework can be used whenever there is a group process: in staff meetings, working with
families, community consultations, policy and practice discussions or student representative
councils. It gives everyone a voice and addresses the often unspoken process issues that
determine whether or not a gathering or meeting is constructive.

The facilitator as a full and equal participant in proceedings and engages in all discussions and
activities. He or she is responsible for ensuring that the Circle is run according to the
foundational ASPIRE principles. Every Circle begins with a statement of the guidelines:

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 What you have to say is important, so when you speak everyone else will listen to you
-this means you also need to listen to others.

 You do not have to say anything if you don't want to - it is OK to just pass

 There are no put-downs.

Participants are regularly mixed up so they talk and work with everyone. Although each person
has a say, the focus is not simply on individual contributions but on exploring commonalities,
devising ways forward and group responsibility for outcomes. The emphasis is on strengths,
solutions and constructive dialogue.

The ASPIRE Principles

The ASPIRE principles for healthy relationships are Agency, Safety, Positivity, Inclusion,
Respect and Equality. These summarise the common threads in the 17 chapters of Positive
Relationships: Evidence based practice across the world (Roffey, 2012). Here we give a brief
overview of the definition and rationale for each of these and examples of how educators might
engage students in putting these into practice.

Agency

Self-determination is a facet of authentic wellbeing. Having some control over what happens
stops you feeling a victim of the actions of others (Deci & Ryan, 2008). Agency is also about
responsibility for taking action. It happens when a teacher uses their authority to empower
students to make decisions rather than tell them what to do. When students are given
opportunities to build an emotionally positive class environment with others they are more likely
to adhere to agreements. Rather than having rules imposed they decide how they want to ‘live
together’ and agree a set of guidelines. This can be done in stages or in one exercise, and can be
applied in developmentally appropriate format for all ages.

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Staged approach: All students are mixed up, usually in a game. A simple one is ‘silent
statements’ where participants: “stand up and change places if … - you had breakfast this
morning, - you watched the match last night - you have a younger sister”. Students then work in
pairs with someone they were not originally sitting with. They discuss questions such as “what
makes you feel good about coming to school”, and are asked to come up with two statements
they agree apply to both of them. Each person says one thing back to the whole Circle and ideas
are collated. A small group puts these ideas into class guidelines that summarise what people will
do rather than not do. The following week the guidelines are put on the wall and students are
asked to stand up and change places if they agree with each one as it is read out. Those who
disagree are asked to work together to come up with something better. The agreed guidelines stay
on the wall.

Single game approach: Students work in groups of four to devise a recipe for a safe and happy
class. They think about the ingredients, how to put them in place and how they will know when
the recipe is properly ‘cooked’! What does a safe and happy class look like, feel like and sound
like?

During the year, should issues arise that challenge the class being supportive of each other,
students again look to the positive to find solutions that work for everyone.

Safety

There are many issues in children’s lives that they need to reflect on, but to talk about highly
personal matters in a universal setting may not only make people feel uncomfortable, it can
breach confidentiality. Such concerns may need the support of an individual intervention, such as
a counselling session. Participants in Circles therefore only ever discuss issues, not incidents.
Discussing events that happen in the class or school-yard inevitably leads to naming, blaming and
shaming and is not helpful. The following strategies are impersonal but address issues that
matter.

Using the third person in sentence completions rather than the first person - e.g. “Someone might
be angry if …”.

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 Pair shares - discussion about what partners have in common and giving feedback
together: “We agree that we both feel we belong when …”.

 Using stories to stimulate discussion, such as William and the Worry Wart.

 Games that encourage conversation on meanings – e.g. groups making a statue (moving
or still) that represents a certain emotion and then asking others to guess what this is.

 Symbols cards: these are laid out in the Circle, and students are asked to choose one that
represents for them a particular quality, such as trust, gratitude or optimism. They then
discuss their choice with a partner or small group reminding them to only say what they
feel comfortable with.

 Photos or other pictures are also excellent prompts for reflection on social and emotional
values. There are many commercially produced cards (see Resources at the end of this
chapter) that enable young people to talk about a wide variety of emotions, what might
have happened for someone to feel that way, how different emotions are embodied and
how we might express or change these. This can lead to rich, productive conversations
that maintain distance and safety.

Here is another example that can be used with young children.

Sad Ted: The Circle facilitator introduces a Teddy and says he is very sad today.
Children are asked to think about why he might be sad and then complete the sentence:
“Teddy might be sad because …”. When the sentence has gone around the Circle the
facilitator points out that the children have shown that there are many reasons for being
sad: “We all feel sad sometimes. It is OK to feel like this”. This activity ‘normalises’
difficult emotions and is a way of promoting resilience. In future Circles, children can be
asked in small groups to think about how you might be able to tell someone is sad, what
might cheer them up and what we could do in this class to help someone who is sad.

Trust is a strong relational value that is easily broken. Children often have to cope with adults not
being reliable, promising what they do not deliver. It is important that children are given

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opportunities to reflect on this but in impersonal, safe ways. Circle activities could include pairs
discussing these statement stems and finding what they agree on:

 “Being let down would make someone feel …”

 “You know you can trust someone when …”

Safety is also supported by the application of choice - you do not have to speak if you don’t want
to. Experience indicates that people will speak when they feel safe, confident and that they have
something to contribute.

Positivity

Being both strengths and solution-focused, Circle Solutions is based on the burgeoning
knowledge found in many branches of positive psychology. There are many ways Circles can
help students identify, develop and find ways to use their own strengths and recognise these
qualities in others. Dweck (2006) has highlighted the importance of helping children avoid a
fixed mindset where they believe they either have a particular ability or not. When identifying
strengths, therefore, it is more useful for participants to explore who they are ‘becoming’ and
making choices about this. This promotes a ‘growth mindset’ and the possibility of change and
optimism for the future.

It is easy for anyone to develop negative perspectives on others so students actively identifying
the strengths in their classmates is a valuable exercise.

Perspective Glasses: The class teacher keeps a selection of cheap and cheerful spectacle
frames in a box on the desk, the lenses having been removed. Each pair represents a
strength, for example Good Listening, Good Sport, Leadership and so on. When a teacher
notices that a student is demonstrating a particular strength they are allowed to wear those
particular frames for the rest of the morning or afternoon. As they look through the
glasses they identify other students who are showing the same strengths.

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Acknowledgements: This is for a whole staff group. Participants attach a piece of paper
with masking tape to each person’s back. Using a medium sized felt pen they write
anonymous statements about what they value about their colleagues. Each person ends up
with 10 statements and the activity is not complete until everyone has ten. Participants are
then given time to read what has been written about them, reflect on how this makes them
feel about themselves and their colleagues. They then make connections with what their
students need. This is a powerful example of experiential learning.

Positive emotions promote an effective climate for learning: they not only enable students to
focus but they also facilitate creativity and problem solving (Fredrickson, 2009). Positive
emotions include a sense of belonging, feeling valued, safe, comfortable, cared for, accepted,
respected and loved. Positive emotions are also experienced in moments of exuberance,
excitement and shared humour. Laughter releases oxytocin into our bodies - the neurotransmitter
that makes us feel good. This promotes connectedness and resilience. Shared humour in Circle
sessions is one reason why students love them. They also respond positively to the playfulness
that is embedded in many of the activities (Hromek & Roffey, 2009).

All emotions are highly infectious - we have mirroring neurons in our brains that make us ‘catch’
what other people are feeling. A very simple activity is passing a smile around. Although this
begins as a fixed smile by the time it has travelled around most people are smiling naturally.

Inclusion

Feeling that you belong is one of the most important factors in resilience and psychological
wellbeing (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). SEL cannot just be for the ‘good’ kids but is for
everyone. Circles provide an opportunity for students to think about themselves differently but
also change perspectives of each other.

The expectation is that everyone will work with everyone else. Participants are mixed up several
times in a session so they are sitting next to a different person each time. This breaks up cliques,
helps people get to know those they would not otherwise communicate with, and facilitates new
understanding and perspectives. This happens most actively when pairs are looking for things
they have in common, even if this is not anything of any depth.

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Social Bingo: Each person is given a piece of paper containing up to 9 squares. They have to
find someone different for each square with whom they have a particular experience, interest
or preference in common: Suggestions are:

 Someone who likes the same food as you

 Someone who has the same pet as you

 Some who has the same position as you in your family

 Someone who has been to the same place as you - local or further afield

It is the most vulnerable children in our communities who are most likely to be marginalised,
suspended and excluded from school. It is up to everyone, including other students to make sure
that they feel they belong.

Walking in the shoes of others: The Circle facilitator asks for a volunteer to role model a
character. They are given one of following scenarios (or the teacher might make up another
one) and asked to sit in the centre of the Circle and read them out. They are asked to stay in
character. The rest of the Circle work in groups of three on the following questions:

 How would this person feel?

 How might you feel if this was you?

 What would you want to be happening?

 What 3 things could this group do to help this student feel included?

 What else might help?

The person acting the character remains in the Circle to answer any questions the groups
might ask and then responds to the ideas that the groups come up with.

My name is Banti – I do not always understand what I am asked to do because I only started
to learn English a couple of years ago. When I make a mistake other students laugh and I feel

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stupid. I have decided not to speak in class and sometimes will not answer questions in case I
get it wrong. This gets me into trouble with some teachers.

My name is Charlie – I have only been in this class a few weeks. My mum and I used to live
in another town but we had to leave to get away from my dad who broke my mum’s arm. I am
very angry with everything and also scared for my mum. Most people in this class have
known each other a long time. When I try and join in they are not very friendly towards me.
This makes me even angrier. Things are going from bad to worse.

My name is Savannah – I have a problem with my foot which means I walk lopsided and run
slowly. I really like playing games but no-one wants me in their team. I often spend playtimes
on my own.

Some students may not have good role models for healthy relationships and others may be
tolerated rather than loved. Young people who do not behave in acceptable ways may be given
the message that things are better when they are not there. In Circles the aim is to meet the basic
protective factors of connection, belief in the best of someone and high expectations. This means
that participation is always a choice but pupils need to abide by the guidelines. If they decide to
leave they can always return so long as they demonstrate listening and respect. The first thing any
adult needs to say is: “you are important, we want you here, it is not the same without you”.
These are words that some young people rarely hear.

Respect

Respect is a value often cited in the mission statements of schools and other organisations but not
necessarily borne out in practice. Part of this is a problem with definition. It was not so long ago
that ‘respect’ was accorded to role and position in society with the counter picture of ‘respectful’
meaning knowing one’s place (Roffey, 2005). This is no longer a commonly held definition.
Egan (2002) explores what is meant by respectful practices and includes the following: the
exhortation to do no harm, not rush to judgment and not overpower a person’s agenda with your
own. Respect in this context is accorded as a human right, not awarded in response to power,
attainment or quality of character.

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Respect is built into the Circle process by listening to each other - not interrupting, talking over
or having private conversations - and not putting people down, either verbally or non-verbally.
Respect is not just about listening but also in what in said to others and what is said about others.
The social capital that builds trust and mutual support in any relationship, including within a
whole organisation, is found in the micro-moments of high quality interactions (Dutton, 2014)
This includes greetings, acknowledgements, making requests rather than demands, showing
interest, talking up strengths and sharing gentle humour. It also includes constructive
conversations about others that do not make quick judgements.

The following activity has been developed to help young people realise how easy it is to decide
what someone is like on limited, often surface information.

Envelope Game: This is suitable for students from middle primary through senior school.
Small groups are given an envelope with a picture of an object on the front. The gender
and age of the owner is the only information written on the envelope, e.g. ‘This bike
belongs to a boy aged 12’; ‘This lunch-box belongs to a boy aged 6’; ‘This friendship
bracelet belongs to a girl aged 10’. Groups are asked to think about the owner and what
they might be like. They are then asked to take out 5 statements from the envelope one at
ta time and see whether each confirms or challenges their original thinking. Examples of
statements are: ‘He has a hearing impairment’, ‘He speaks three languages’, ‘The friend
who gave her the bracelet is now friends with someone else and ignoring her’. Groups are
asked to think about the challenges there might be in this person’s life and what they have
learnt from this activity.

Respect includes acknowledging others - not just by name but noticing what they have achieved
and contributed. A very simple activity that is applicable to many ages is this sentence stem going
around the Circle: ‘I would like to thank you for …’. Participants will need to have a moment or
two to think about what they will say to the person sitting next to them.

Respect for cultural diversity is found in both verbal and non-verbal messages. When young
people learn or work in institutions that do not represent people from their own community, do
not find them represented in the media and hear informal conversations that belittle their life-

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style or practices, it is unsurprising they find it hard to show respect for the dominant culture.
What is written on walls, in policy documents and newsletters matters for whether communities
feel acknowledged and respected, both in what is said and what is omitted.

Equality

When everyone has the opportunity to participate in activities and there is no individual
competition there is no hierarchy of winners and losers. The ability of a facilitator to participate
fully and be on the same level as everyone else is a critical skill. It is the difference between
being in charge of proceedings and being in control of people. Teachers have commented how
much they have learnt about their students by joining in and how being on the same level has
often changed relationships within the whole class or group. Circles give all students an
authentic voice, not just the natural leaders. Everyone has an opportunity to have their say,
however briefly. Young people who have been silenced or have little control in their lives might
shout to be heard, sometimes not just with words but also with challenging behaviours. When
students are seen as disruptive we may shut these voices down. When pupils are not used to
being taken seriously they can behave in silly ways at first. This soon stops when they know their
turn will come to have their say.

We know that the more equality in a society the greater the wellbeing for all (Wilkinson &
PIckett, 2010) Therefore, alongside the important value of freedom is the equally important value
of responsibility. Rights and responsibilities are two sides of the same coin. Working out what is
fair can be complex but children need to learn how to balance their rights with the rights of
others.

What is fair? Give small groups of students one of the following scenarios and ask them
to discuss and suggest a solution. Share the outcomes with the Circle.

Scenario for Young Children

Your friend has come over to play. He wants to stay inside and watch a cartoon.

You want to go outside and play in the garden.

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How can you work this out so everyone is happy?

Scenario for Middle Primary Children

You would love to have a dog.

Your parents think that having a dog would be too much work and cost.

What conversation might you have with your family?

Scenario for Senior Students

Medical Associations want health warnings of foods with high sugar content as they
damage health.

The Food industry wants to sell as many products as they can and thinks that this would
reduce sales.

What are the issues here? What decision would you make and why?

Content and Context for Learning Relationships

Most people refer to the CASEL framework when discussing social and emotional learning.
(Durlak et al, 2015). These are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship
skills and decision-making. The 12 dimensions given here (Table 1 and following) are simply a
development from this separating out some aspects for clarity and extending others to address
issues of meaning and social justice. It also addresses a whole school context for congruence.
This has come about through perceiving schools as ecologies (Roffey, 2008, 2010). What
happens in one part of the organisation impacts on others in a bi-directional, circular and
accumulative process. In order to address SEL effectively the whole school needs to be engaged
in healthy relationships

Twelve Dimensions of SEL.

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Self-awareness is similar to the CASEL model with a focus on the identification of values and
beliefs as well as strengths. People tend to act more on the basis of how they believe the world
works and themselves in it than they do on evidence.

A school or any other organisation that values healthy relationships will ensure that ‘learning to
be’ and ‘learning to live together’ have equal priority with ‘learning to know’ and ‘learning to
do’. (Delors, 1996)

Emotional awareness: This is a pre-requisite to self-management. It addresses the biological .

neurological aspects of emotion that are more hard-wired but also cultural triggers. We are not all
proud or embarrassed by the same things - they are culturally determined.

There is now a strong body of evidence (Reyes et al, 2012) on the value of a positive emotional
climate for optimal student engagement - promoting factors that enhance this makes sense for
both learning and relational outcomes.

Emotional skills. This is divided into developing a language for emotion so that individuals can
be articulate and more specific in describing how they feel, how to change what they feel in safe
ways and promote factors that enhance resilience and emotional health

Staff wellbeing is aligned with student wellbeing (Roffey, 2012a). When adults are feeling
stressed and under-valued they are less likely to provide emotionally literate models to students.

Shared humanity: High level social skills can be manipulative and self-serving. This dimension
actively values our unique individuality but also seeks what people have in common. As human
beings who share this world more unites us than divides us.

In schools this dimension is mirrored in how diversity is valued. The APA report on Zero
Tolerance policies (Skiba et al 2006) shows that this can lead to authoritarian teacher-student
relationships and concludes that schools need to promote a sense of belonging and connectedness
across all the communities a school serves.

Interpersonal skills: We do not have to be best friends with everyone, that is unrealistic, but
knowing how to be friendly opens doorways to deeper relationships and friendliness is a useful

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skill to have in many walks of life. Positive personal communication is a skill that some may be
losing with the advent of social media and the busyness of everyday life. Students need
opportunities to practice conversational skills, including active listening. Activities that require
feedback from partners about what the other has said help hone these listening skills.

Thousands of communications happen every day within a school and it is these that either
promote high social capital or a toxic environment. How and what is communicated? Are
positive comments routine or rare? Is the school a ‘no put down zone’ in the classrooms,
staffroom, offices and corridors and does this apply to everyone?

Situational skills: This is where empathy lies. It is being able to have an understanding of
someone else’s situation, put yourself in their shoes and imagine what that might mean.
Situational skills are also related to the importance of timing in relationships - an issue that is
rarely addressed and can be critical for a positive outcome.

What happens in a school to take account of the fact that some students (and staff) will be
experiencing adversity? Are there support systems in place and are adults aware that validating
the emotions of students can support more positive behaviours? (Roffey, 2011)

Leadership: This dimension is where goal-setting, decision-making and self-confidence lie. It is

more about being a leader in your own life rather than being in charge of others.

Within a whole school are those in authority aimed at controlling others or empowering them?
What opportunities are there to given everyone a say in what happens. This is linked to the
ASPIRE principle of agency.

Promoting the Positive: This dimension for SEL can be integrated across many others but is
particularly focused on the relational factors that are known to promote resilience. This includes
acknowledging positive qualities and bringing out the best in people - but also being able to have
fun and laugh together.

Students value teachers who make learning actively enjoyable. They like cooperative and project
based activities and the use of a wide range of technological approaches. What are the range of

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pedagogical frameworks available to enhance student engagement? And what happens to
enhance collegial relationships?

Conflict and confrontation. It is comparatively easy to establish a positive relationship but

harder to manage when there are conflicts. This dimension explores skills of negotiation and
compromise. Rather than being overwhelmed by relational differences students need to know
there are options available when a confrontation arises. Individuals can either be submissive to
the demands of another, be oppositional and aggressive or state their position calmly and ask for
what they want - being prepared to take account of someone else’s position. Rather than
positioning intransigence and inflexibility as ‘being strong’ it is ‘appropriate assertiveness’ that is
defined here as a skill and a strength. Students learning about healthy relationships need
opportunities to debate alternatives. They also need to consider whether self-respect lies in
dominating others.

Policies and practices across a school can limit conflict by establishing clear expectations for
positive social behaviours. There are also skills involved in de-escalating confrontation that staff
can learn and model to young people.

Repair and restoration: None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Acknowledging this is
critical, not only for relationships but also for mental health. Aiming for perfection can leave
individuals feeling constantly anxious about how they measure up.

In schools mistakes need to be accepted as part of learning with an expectation that individuals
will admit when things have gone wrong and be able to apologise for any hurt caused.
Restorative approaches have much to offer so long as they are embedded within a strong
relational framework within a school.

Ethics and integrity This dimension aligns with the higher level strengths about who you choose
to be in the world. It is based on the Golden Rule - do as you would have others do to you and
includes behaving within a set of principles that honour this - being honest, reliable, consistent
and making decisions that take into account the rights of others. Children from an early age
understand the concept of fairness but as young people grow and develop this dimension

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demands deep reflection on the complexities of ethical behaviour and what this means for
personal integrity.

Many schools are now incorporating ethics education or philosophy for children into the
curriculum. This dimension also challenges schools to explore the extent to which their policies
address human rights.

Spirituality and meaning: One of the pillars of authentic wellbeing (Seligman, 2011) is having
meaning and purpose in life. This dimension encourages young people to both appreciate the
magic and mystery that is life itself but also to see themselves as part of the bigger picture. Life is
not just about acquisition and subjective wellbeing but about contributing and finding a
meaningful purpose in existence. For some this will be linked to religion, to others protection of
the environment - each individual needs to find what matters most to them.

The purpose of a school is to educate the whole child, not just to achieve high academic success.
This is particularly relevant for this dimension in ensuring that meaning is multi-faceted.

Summary.

Hattie’s (2009) meta-analysis of effective education highlights the centrality of the quality of the
teacher-student relationship. Relationships within a school environment however, are multiple
and ecological - the way teachers relate to each other impacts on relationships in the classroom
(Roffey, 2008). In an ecological framework learning and changes are bi-directional and teacher-
student relationships may be changed by how peers are learning what is involved in a healthy
relationships. There is increasing evidence that social and emotional learning has a positive
impact on inter-related outcomes (Durlak et al, 2011). This includes the development of pro-
social behaviour leading to a happier classroom and increased student engagement. How this
learning is facilitated and whether or not the context in which it is embedded is congruent also
makes a difference to sustainable change (McCarthy & Roffey 2013).

What is now needed is a mixed method school evaluation of how the ASPIRE principles and the
Twelve Dimensions make a difference over time to the levels of social capital across a school, the

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emotional climate in the classroom, social and emotional learning outcomes and the behaviour
and engagement of individual students.

Resources:

St Luke’s Innovative Resources: www.innovativeresources.org

References

Baumeister, R.F., Leary, M.R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal
attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-
529.

Deci, E.L., Ryan, R.M. (2008). Self-determination theory: A macro-theory of human motivation,
development, and health. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne, 49(3), 182-185.

Delors, J. (1996). Learning: The Treasure Within. Paris: International Commission on Education
for the Twenty First Century, UNESCO.

Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York: Random House.

Durlak, J.A., Dymnicki, A.B., Taylor, R.D., Schellinger, K.B., Weissberg, R.P. (2011). The
impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school based
universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405-432.

Dutton, J.E. (2014). Build High Quality Connections. In J.E. Dutton & G.M. Spreitzer (Eds.),
How to be a Positive Leader: Small Actions Big Impact. San Fransisco, Berrett-Khoeler.

Ecclestone, K., & Hayes, D. (2008). The Dangerous Rise of Therapeutic Education. London:
Routledge.

Egan, G. (2002) The skilled helper: A problem management and opportunity development
approach to helping – 7th ed. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole.

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Learning Healthy Relationships, by Sue Roffey

Feinstein. L. (2015). Social and Emotional Learning: Skills for Life and Work. London: Early
Intervention Foundation, UK Cabinet Office.

Frederickson, N. (1991). Children can be so cruel: Helping the rejected child. In G. Lindsay & A.
Miller (Eds.), Psychological Services for Primary schools. Harlow: Longman.

Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity: Ground-breaking research to release your inner optimist and
thrive. Oxford: OneWorld Publications.

Hattie, J. (2009). Visible Learning, a synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to

achievement. London: Routledge.

Hromek. R., Roffey. S. (2009). Games as a pedagogy for social and emotional learning. “Its fun
and we learn things”. Simulation and Gaming, 40(5), 626–644.

McCarthy, F., Roffey, S. (2013). Circle Solutions: a philosophy and pedagogy for learning
positive relationships. What promotes and inhibits sustainable outcomes? The International
Journal of Emotional Education, 5(1), 36-55.

Reyes, M.R., Brackett, M.A., Rivers, S.E. White, M. and Salovey, P. (2012) Classroom
emotional climate, student engagement and academic achievement. Journal of Educational
Psychology 104 (3) 700-712

Roffey, S. (2005). Respect in Practice: The challenge of emotional literacy in education.

Conference paper for the Australian Association for Research in Education
http://www.aare.edu.au/data/publications/2005/rof05356.pdf.

Roffey, S. (2008) Emotional literacy and the ecology of school wellbeing Educational and Child
Psychology 25 (2) 29-39

Roffey, S. (2010) ‘Content and Context for Learning Relationships: A cohesive framework for
individual and whole school development’ in Educational and Child Psychology 27 (1) 156-167

Roffey, S. (2011) Changing Behaviour in School: Promoting positive relationships and

wellbeing. Sage Education

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Roffey. S. (Ed.) (2012). Positive Relationships: Evidence Based Practice Across the World.
Dordrecht: Springer.

Roffey, S. (2012a) Pupil wellbeing: Teacher wellbeing. Two sides of the same coin?
Educational and Child Psychology 29 (4) 8 - 17.

Roffey. S. (2014). Circle Solutions for Student Wellbeing. London: Sage Publications.

Skiba, R., Reynolds, C. R., Graham, S., Sheras, P., Close Conely, J, & Garcia-Vasquez, E.
(2006). Are Zero Tolerance Policies Effective in the Schools? An Evidentiary Review and
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London: Penguin Books.

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Addendum

Twelve Dimensions for Content and Context for Learning Relationships

SEL Dimension Content Context

Self-awareness Identification of values, Clarity of school values,
 Being and becoming beliefs, strengths and goals. vision, priorities and direction
A focus on the wellbeing of
the whole child
Emotional awareness and Understanding the range of Emotional ‘tone’ of the
knowledge emotions and how they are school, how this is
 Aetiology experienced within the body. demonstrated and the
 Triggers Awareness of personal, social influences on development.
 Embodiment and cultural influences on
 Social construction feelings.
Emotional skills Dealing with and regulating Awareness of adult models of
 Regulation negative emotion. emotional literacy
 Expression Acceptable expression of Communication of
 Resilience feelings within context. expectations
Knowing what sustains Staff wellbeing and resilience
emotional wellbeing and
promotes resilience
Shared humanity Appreciating uniqueness for Celebration of diversity
 How do we position self and others Actively addressing racism,
others in our world? Valuing diversity sexism and homophobia
Seeking what is shared Inclusive policies for students
with special needs
A sense of belonging and
connectedness for all
Interpersonal skills Exploring the meaning and Facilitative teacher-student
 Skills needed to establishpractice of relational values relationships
and maintain positive e.g. kindness, care, Student and staff voice
relationships helpfulness, warmth, respect, Staff collegiality
trust, support Collaborative pedagogies
Communication skills, Positive communication
especially listening practices
Collaboration and Support systems
cooperation
Situational skills Empathy Taking account of emotions
 Tuning into the emotional Reading, interpreting and in situations of challenge,
context tuning into emotions in change, failure and loss
situations Flexibility and appropriate
Not pre-judging responsiveness in highly
Awareness of timing charged situations

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SEL Dimension Content Context

Leadership Goal setting Communication of vision.
Initiative Acknowledging and trusting
Responsibility others; genuine consultation
Confidence Staff ownership of initiatives
Dealing with peer pressure ‘Walking the talk’
Opportunities to contribute Avoiding a blame discourse
Promoting the positive Optimism Identifying and building
 Strengths and solutions Gratitude strengths and solutions
approach Humour Positive behaviour policies
Pedagogies for fun, meaning
and engagement
Conflict and confrontation Negotiation Pre-empting potential conflict
 Dealing well with Compromise Appropriate use of authority
relational difficulties Appropriate assertiveness De-escalating confrontation
Problem-solving Addressing conflict actively.
Anti-bullying policies
Repair and restoration Acknowledging hurt Restorative approaches to
 Mending damage in Acknowledging a range of behaviour
relationships and responses in any given Mistakes as part of learning
restoring community situation Policies of re-integration for
Willingness to compromise excluded students
Responding to repair
overtures
Action to repair harm
Ethics and integrity Honesty Core values in social justice
 Moral / human rights Trustworthiness Congruence between values,
dimensions of SEL Consistency policies and practices
Ethical decision making Authenticity
Focus on human rights
A philosophy for life
Spirituality Identity Philosophy of education
 Seeking meaning in life Mindfulness about the whole child in all
Perspective dimensions and their
Congruence contribution to humanity - not
Environmental responsibility just their own success

This table is part of a longer article: Roffey, S. (2010). Content and Context for Learning
Relationships: A cohesive framework for individual and whole school development. Educational
and Child Psychology 27 (1) 156-167

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