Memento Mori: May 2020

MEMENTO MORI
AN ICCFA MAGAZINE M AY 2 0 2 0
When a
Child Dies
A Celebrant’s
Personal Journey
INSIDE:
Greener Funerals
FDR’s Pre-Planned Flop
Personalized Services
The Role of the Celebrant
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CONTENTS
VOLUME 80 | NUMBER 4 M AY 2 0 2 0
22 36
FDR’s Pre-
When a Child Planned Funeral
Dies: A Celebrant’s Flop: Don’t Put
Personal Journey Your Funeral
and Its Sobering Plans in a Safe-
Lessons Deposit Box
by Glenda Stansbury by Todd W. Van
Beck, CFuE
28
40
Leaving a
Lighter Footprint:
The Greening The ‘Ghosting’ of
of Funerals America: Cybersecurity
in America and Data Breach
by Susan Cushing Prevention
by Bradford P. Meisel, Esq.
and Diane D. Reynolds, Esq.
44
Can You Hear Me Now? ‘Voice’ Search
and Its Role in Deathcare Marketing
by Welton Hong
34
These Are Difficult Days
by Glenda Stansbury
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MEMENTO MORI
VOL. 80 | N0. 4 MAY 2020 DEPARTMENTS
ICCFA Officers EDITOR’S MUSE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
PRESIDENT A Member Benefit You Can Be Proud of—and Be a Part of
Jay D. Dodds, CFSP by Tatia L. Gordon-Troy, Esq.
PRESIDENT-ELECT
EXECUTIVE UPDATE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Gary M. Freytag, CCFE
These are Unprecedented Times:
VICE PRESIDENT Canceling Our Convention for the Good of Our Members
Shawna de la Cruz by Nadira Baddeliyanage
VICE PRESIDENT
Lee Longino WASHINGTON REPORT. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
VICE PRESIDENT
FTC’s Decennial Review of the Funeral Rule and How ICCFA Works for You
Mitch Rose, CCFE, CCrE by Poul Lemasters, Esq.
TREASURER
PERSONALIZED SERVICES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Chris Keller From ‘We’ll Meet Again’ to ‘Sweet Caroline’:
SECRETARY Personalization, Innovation, and How We Now Say Goodbye
Robbie L. Pape by Stephanie Longmuir
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
Nadira Baddeliyanage PERSONALIZED SERVICES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Obituaries: Written with More Love than Money
GENERAL COUNSEL
by Angela Woosley and Marc Markell
Poul Lemasters, Esq.
[email protected]
PERSONALIZED SERVICES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Be an Educator, Not an Order Taker
Magazine Staff by Jamie Sarche
EDITORIAL DIRECTOR
Tatia L. Gordon-Troy, Esq. AFTER THE FUNERAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
[email protected] | 571.323.2983, ext. 1222 ‘Ladies and Gentlemen! In This Corner, ...’
SUPPLIER RELATIONS MANAGER
by Alice Adams and Jim Kurtz
Rick Platter
[email protected] | 800.645.7700, ext. 1213 DID YOU KNOW …. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Celebrities Who Died on May 5 (Cinco de Mayo)
COMMUNICATIONS MANAGER
Katherine Devins CELEBRATING JEWISH HERITAGE MONTH . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
[email protected] | 800.645.7700, ext. 1218
Famous People and Where They Are Buried
COMMUNICATIONS ASSISTANT
Jason Brown CELEBRANT SERVICES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
[email protected] | 800.645.7700, ext. 1224 Preaching the Value of the Celebrant: Modifying Services to Meet Today’s Needs
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR AND PUBLISHER by Phil Zehms
Nadira Baddeliyanage
[email protected] | 1.800.645.7700, ext. 1225 GOING GREEN. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
Thinking Outside the Casket: Educating the Green Burial Family
SUBSCRIPTION COORDINATOR (HABLA ESPAÑOL)
by Samuel Perry
Daniel Osorio
[email protected] | 800.645.7700, ext. 1215
CEMETERY IMPOSSIBLE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
DESIGN & PRODUCTION When Do We Tell the Staff We Are Selling? Time for Some Succession Planning
BonoTom Studio, Inc. by Daniel M. Isard, MSFS
[email protected] | bonotom.com | 703-276-0612
Memento Mori (ISSN 1936-2099) is published by TRIBUTES & MEMORIALIZATION. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Educating Families About the Critical Importance of Permanent Placement:
Association®, 107 Carpenter Drive, Suite 100, Sterling, It’s All About the ‘Whys’
VA 20164-4468; 703.391.8400; FAX 703.391.8416; www. by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
iccfa.com. Published 10 times per year, with combined
issues in March-April and August-September. Periodicals
postage paid at Sterling, VA, and other offices. Copyright
INDUSTRY UPDATE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
2020 by the International Cemetery, Cremation and
Funeral Association. Subscription rates: In the United MEMBER NEWS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
States, $39.95; in Canada, $45.95; overseas: $75.95. One
subscription is included in annual membership dues. ICCFA NEWS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Memento Mori,
See What's New at ICCFAU!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
107 Carpenter Drive, Suite 100, Sterling, VA 20164-4468.
Membership Benefit Spotlight: Free U.S. Pharmacy Card . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
ICCFA's Golden Paw Award Winner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
Welcome New ICCFA Members. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
Individual written contributions, commentary and
advertisements appearing in Memento Mori do not necessarily AD INDEX . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
reflect either the opinion or the endorsement of the
International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association.
EVENTS CALENDAR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76

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EDITOR’S MUSE
A Member Benefit You Can Be Proud of

—and Be a Part of
by Tatia L. Gordon-Troy, Esq.
C
HANGE IS GOOD —that is, when done for the right reasons. Yet, for some, • “Cover to Cover”: book reviews and/or
change is difficult and scary. Associations aren’t always quick to change because short interviews of the authors
they feel their membership won’t accept it or won’t see the need for it. • “Who’s Who Among the Board”: inter-
views of ICCFA board members
But what associations also need to con- we’ve performed more than just a few • “Above Ground”: how technology is being
sider is what “not changing” might be doing tweaks to the association’s flagship publica- used in the deathcare industry
to their overall engagement, their ability tion. In fact, we’ve given the magazine a full • “Death by Culture”: an in-depth look at
to attract new blood, and their relevance overhaul in terms of its layout and design, how different cultures treat death
within the society they call home. the presentation of its content, and the We are also looking to cover specific
Change doesn’t always need to be organization of the content. topics by way of interview or submission:
life-altering, even a few tweaks here and We aim to provide you with a magazine
there could make the difference between you’ll want to read from cover to cover as Best Practices
remaining stagnant or catching the eye of a soon as it hits your desk. We’d like to think • Contagious diseases and the role of the
new segment of potential members. that it’s being passed around the office, funeral professional
This is where Memento Mori comes in. displayed in your lobby or reception area • Selling property with family burial sites
New name. New look. New style. for visitors to read, and inspiring you to
We chose a name that holds mean- become a contributor. Legal
ing within this esteemed community of • American deaths occurring in other
deathcare professionals. We chose a new 2020 Editorial Calendar countries (process, procedure, law)
look that is aligned with periodicals that Speaking of contributions, below are the • Medical schools and body donations—
have staying power and are associated with rest of this year’s themes and deadlines for the good, the bad, the ugly
entities that have a long history. We chose upcoming issues. Please reach out to me if • What happens when cemeteries, funer-
a style that is modern and in tune with the you’re interested in writing on any of these al homes, crematories go bankrupt?
21st century goals of the association. topics or if you have some ideas of your • Any attorneys practicing in funeral
It might be obvious to most of you that own. We’d be happy to work with you to home defense litigation
bring forth your best work.
• July: Highlights from the canceled 2020
ICCFA Convention & Expo (plus: Mor-
tuary Education— trends, technology,
history, outlook) Due May 11
• August/September: Legal, Legislative &
Regulatory Issues Due June 10
• October: Cremation (plus: Tributes and
Memorialization) Due Aug. 6
• November: Pre-need Sales and Strategic/
Creative Marketing (plus: Veterans Out-
reach) Due Sept. 9
• December: Pet Loss Services and
Products Due Oct. 7
Any Volunteers?
We are in search of folks who would like to
start a new column or contribute occasion-
ally to one of the following:

Design
• Unique ways of maintaining the ceme-
tery landscape
• Unique design concepts in funeral
homes, crematories, and cemeteries
• Custom-made or unusual caskets,
urns, and tombstones
Funeral Homes
• Funeral homes and anatomical gift
programs/body donation programs
• Funeral homes that offer unique
experiences/themes (e.g., Jimmy Buffet
parties)
• Funeral homes, etc., that have dealt with
court orders, evidence gathering, etc.
Animals
• Funeral homes, cemeteries, and cre-
matories that provide grief animals or
those that have resident animals
Interviews
• Any medical examiners, crime scene
investigators, or chaplains willing to
share personal stories
• Anyone who has been involved in
documentaries/series/comedies/plays
about death
• Anyone who wants to share hilarious,
shocking, or unique experiences.
Tatia L. Gordon-Troy, Esq.,

[email protected], serves as ICCFA’s
editorial director and heads her
own publishing & author services
company, Ramses House
Publishing LLC. She possesses
extensive knowledge of the
publishing industry with more than 20 years of
experience producing books, periodicals, native
and web-based apps, and databases. Tatia is a
skilled writer, editor, and publisher with wide-
ranging association executive experience.
She is a licensed attorney and a member of the
Maryland Bar.
MAY 2020 MEMENTO MORI 7

EXECUTIVE UPDATE
These are Unprecedented Times

Canceling Our Convention for the Good of Our Members
by Nadira Baddeliyanage
O
N MARCH 11, 2020 , the World Health Organization (WHO) declared the hardworking staff. We will get through this
Coronavirus, or COVID-19, a pandemic. And just hours before the WHO and continue to serve our members with
publicized its declaration, the International Cemetery, Cremation, and Funeral the level of service they deserve and have
Association (ICCFA) had made the difficult but necessary decision to cancel its 2020 become accustomed to.
Annual Convention & Expo that was to be held in San Antonio, March 30–April 1. WHO’s That being said, these are extenuating
announcement confirmed to us that we had made the right decision. circumstances beyond anyone’s control. In
situations like these, the safety and well-be-
In its 133-year history, the act of cancel- the pros and cons, looking at options, and ing of all concerned must take priority. I
ing the single most important event of the listening to our members—both exhibitors have no doubt that the Hyatt Hotels and the
year is unprecedented. And never in my 24 and attendees. With such a fast-spreading Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center will
years with ICCFA did I ever contemplate virus, we knew that social distancing would do what is right. With a national state of
that we would see such a day come. But be a very important step in trying to contain emergency in effect and the WHO declar-
here we are. it. Ultimately, everyone’s health and safety ing COVID-19 a pandemic, hotels and con-
COVID-19 has forever changed our took precedence. vention centers are implored to work with
perception of the world, our interactions their clients to maintain the good relation-
with one another, and how we go about our Mitigating Factors ships built and carry them into the future.
daily lives. The Annual Convention & Expo is our Everyone is doing what they can to
largest event of the year. We always look handle situations as they arise. We have
The Onset of a Pandemic forward to it, as it is the largest platform we sent letters of cancellation to the hotel and
In the weeks leading to our annual conven- have to meet face-to-face with our members convention center, which both entities have
tion, we were being inundated with updates and get to know new attendees. Canceling acknowledged; but people are justifiably
about COVID-19. COVID-19 poses many this event will be a huge loss to ICCFA, but overwhelmed, so we need to practice pa-
questions; and with the unknown comes we have a very progressive and dedicated tience and understand that some things will
fear of what is to come. It is justifiable that leadership and an equally dedicated and take time.
people would have questions.
A number of ICCFA exhibitors and regis-
tered attendees had contacted ICCFA head-
quarters inquiring about our cancellation
policies, and a number of those calls ended
with cancelled booths and registrations.
Many cited company travel restrictions,
doctor orders, worry about plane travel and/
or participating in a large gathering, and—in
the case of our exhibitors—the worry of
reduced attendance. These were all valid
concerns.
It was not an easy decision, nor one
we made in a rush, but as the severity of
COVID-19 became more evident, the deci-
sion was made to cancel the event. Ultimate-
ly, what it all comes down to is the health
and well-being of our attendees, exhibitors,
speakers, staff, and our communities.
ICCFA leadership and I were in constant
communication during this time. We came
to the decision gradually, after assessing all

®
SIMPLE TO UNDERSTAND
Dealing with the Aftermath
The reaction from our exhibitors and conven-
tion attendees to our decision to cancel has
been and continues to be very positive. They, Wilbert’s simpliFi burial vault presentation
as well as our staff, understand that cancelling provides families all they need to know in
an event of this magnitude entails even more
work than putting it together. But it was the a short, simple, 3-step process.
right thing to do.
We have been working with all our attend- Straightforward. Engaging. Quick.
ees, exhibitors, and sponsors on an individual
basis on transferring funds to future events It’s as simple as that.
and/or issuing refunds. We are most apprecia-
tive for their understanding and patience, as
moving through this process has taken some
Call your Wilbert provider to see a demo.
time.
We value our members, and we have no
doubt that they will continue to support their
association going forward in the years ahead.
Looking Toward the Future

As an association, we are now tasked with the
responsibility of exploring new ways of reach-
ing our members and searching for comple-
mentary additions to our education repertoire.
We are exploring the addition of webinars and
virtual events to our member offerings. In-
corporating today’s technology and providing
a variety of ways to engage our members has
always been a part of ICCFA’s strategic vision,
and we are viewing this as an opportunity to
fully step into the online learning arena.
We are also looking forward to ICCFA’s
2021 Annual Convention & Expo to be held
March 24–27, at the Mandalay Bay Resort &
Casino in Las Vegas. We all hope that by next
year, we will have moved beyond this crisis
and that the economy will have begun its road
to recovery. I look forward to a well-attended
event and catching up with members whom we
missed seeing this year.
ICCFA sends its well wishes to all of its
members, their families, and their employees.
Nadira Baddeliyanage has served as

the executive director of ICCFA since
July 2018 and has more than 24 years
of experience in association work. She
brings her background in finance to
ICCFA’s day-to-day operations and
has previously served in numerous
positions within the association.

WASHINGTON REPORT
FTC’s Decennial Review of the Funeral Rule

and How ICCFA Works for You
by Poul Lemasters, Esq.
D
O YOU REMEMBER SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK from Saturday morning prices online. The choice of posting prices
cartoons (I’m dating myself )? How about one of the all-time memorable episodes, should be a business decision, and each
“I’m Just a Bill?” It was the story of how a bill becomes a law. It’s actually what got business should be free to make that choice.
me through law school! ICCFA, on behalf of its members, will also
comment that the states should be the ones
Even though this article is about a regu- numerous visits over the past couple of to regulate and enforce the requirements of
lation and not a bill, I still use that episode years to make sure that we knew what was the Funeral Rule, as every funeral provider
as the backdrop to the message herein: How happening; to educate those involved; and is already licensed and regulated at the state
the ICCFA Government and Legal Com- to make your voices heard. level, with each state having different require-
mittee works for you. ments. ICCFA and G&L will undergo a final
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) Three: Response approval process before filing.
recently announced its decennial review of The third step, in the case of the Funeral
the Funeral Rule and issued a Request for Rule, involves expressing the comments of Five: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Public Comments. At the time of this pub- all of our members. Through meetings over The final step involves sitting and waiting
lication, ICCFA had received an extension the past years, G&L has been discussing with nothing left to do. I hope the sarcasm
to allow additional time for comments on what concerns it has and how ICCFA can in that last step is obvious. We can never sit
behalf of its members; all comments are best express those concerns in the com- and wait. There is always something left to
due by June 15. As important as it is for ments to the Funeral Rule. Keep in mind do. Step 5 is to return to Step 1. The process
everyone to understand what the comments that the request for comments included: never ends. Step 5 also requires an addi-
are, it is equally important to understand • Issues of general regulatory review; tional part: your contribution.
the steps it takes to get there. • Exploring a requirement that prices be How can you contribute? Time, money,
posted online; and information. ICCFA can only represent
One: Understanding • Questions about standardizing the you with the help from your contributions.
The first step is the ICCFA’s understanding General Price List; As far as time, consider becoming a com-
of the Funeral Rule, as well as all other reg- • Trends in cremation and new forms of mittee member on G&L; or perhaps join
ulations that affect deathcare. The Govern- final disposition; G&L when it goes to Capitol Hill; or attend
ment & Legal Committee (G&L) meets reg- • The efficiency of the Funeral Rule any of the luncheons at various conferences
ularly to not only discuss changes that occur Offenders Program; and when we discuss federal and state issues.
or may occur, but also monitors regulations • Expanding the Rule to apply to When it comes to money, we have two
to stay abreast of any issues. It is through cemeteries. great ways to support ICCFA. You can con-
this process that G&L knew of the decennial We compiled comments to the Funeral tribute to the Political Action Committee
review and was ready to comment. Rule, and then asked all of our members (there are limits to the amount and this has
their thoughts and opinions to the major to be a personal contribution) where we use
Two: Involvement issues. We also asked for data from our the funds to donate to various elected offi-
The second step involves proactive in- members—data is one of the most import- cials allowing us the opportunity to support
volvement. Sitting back and monitoring ant things we can provide; and as a member, legislation that affects our members.
only lets you know when you need to it is one of the most important things you You can also contribute to the G&L
act. Waiting for the time to react limits can offer. Fund (there are no limits to these dona-
your potential voice. G&L makes regular tions and they can be from your business)
visits to Capitol Hill to meet with those Four: Filing from which the money is used to make the
in charge to hear the issues; listen to their Step 4 involves finalizing all comments to trips to Capitol Hill; hire resources such as
concerns; and educate them on the death- make sure that your voice is represented, lobbyists; and also provide member benefits
care profession. united, and heard. ICCFA has taken the such as free tax, legal, and compliance
In the case of the FTC Funeral Rule, stance of its members that the Rule should consultations.
G&L took a proactive approach; there were not require all funeral providers to post The last item you can contribute is

information. As an association, we need ICCFA will continue to monitor the FTC
data that we can compile so that when we Funeral Rule as well as other issues that im-
talk to others, we can support our requests. pact our members. Keep in mind that this
It is with data that ICCFA is able to educate, is just one of the current issues affecting
inform, and make changes that benefit our ICCFA members. We are always working.
members. In the words of School House Rock: “I’m
As a member of ICCFA, you don’t have sitting here on Capitol Hill. It’s a long, long
to make all these contributions—make one; journey to the Capitol City.” But with your
make two; make all three if you choose. But contributions, ICCFA will always make
understand the steps it takes and what is that journey and strive to be your voice on
done on your behalf. Capitol Hill.
Poul Lemasters, Esq., serves as ICCFA general counsel and cremation programs
coordinator. He also serves on the Government and Legal Affairs Committee. Poul is an
attorney and a funeral director/embalmer with degrees from the Cincinnati College of
Mortuary Science and the Northern Kentucky University Chase College of Law. He is a
licensed funeral director/embalmer in Ohio and West Virginia and is admitted to
practice law in Ohio, Kentucky, and Virginia.
As principal of Lemasters Consulting, a deathcare consulting company, Poul
Lemasters offers ICCFA members in good standing a free one-hour consultation relating to cremation;
in addition, members are entitled to a free GPL review to check for Funeral Rule compliance.

PERSONALIZED SERVICES
From ‘We’ll Meet Again’ to ‘Sweet Caroline’

Personalization, Innovation, and How We Now Say Goodbye
by Stephanie Longmuir
J
UST OVER 10 YEARS AGO , I led my first funeral service. It was a simple affair. A stories of coffin clubs, “Death over Dinner,”
song to begin, a welcome, the eulogy, reflection time with the war-time favourite, “We’ll green funerals, human composting, “Death
Meet Again,” words of farewell, the committal, and Lord’s Prayer. Cafes,” conferences specializing in end of
life, and whole weeks in San Francisco and
This is in striking contrast to a service so just keep it simple.” I now hear, “Mum New York dedicated to Reimagining End of
that I led last week that began with a Spotify wanted her funeral by the ocean, lots of Life.
playlist of favourite songs. The link to the flowers, her grandchildren to light a candle With more information and conver-
playlist was provided on the service booklet and ‘Sweet Caroline’ to close the service.” sation around death, families now feel
so mourners could download it as an on- The requests are very specific, well thought- empowered and want to be involved in
going memory. The eulogy delivered in two out, often documented, and always personal. organizing a funeral.
parts: early life followed by an accompany-
ing slide show with music from those years, It’s Technology! It’s Celebrating a Life!
and the later years followed by another slide Ten years ago, there were very few chapels As funerals become less traditional and
show with accompanying music; then there that even had screens to play video tributes. cremation rates continue to grow, families
were tributes offered by friends and one Today, the bigger the screen the better, look to memorial services as a celebration
from a daughter with a PowerPoint presen- with photos and music; video tributes now of life. Without a coffin present, a memorial
tation showing funny family photos. include video footage and pre-recorded service can be organized in any favourite
venue. In the past six months, I have led
services in tennis clubs, town halls, movie
cinemas, restaurants, pubs, historic homes,
Everyone has a story, a valuable story. As funeral gardens, and on beaches.
professionals, it is up to us to make sure that story So how can we better serve the changing
needs of our families?
is told with authenticity and that the needs of our
families are heard and respected. Become a Ceremony Specialist.
One of my favourite funeral directors
describes his job as a “Wedding Planner
on steroids.” You will need to be able to
To close, there were words from a messages often professionally produced in provide good information to your fami-
Bengali poet and philosopher about gar- documentary style. lies on a whole range of venues (ones that
dens carefully chosen by a son, and then a Most chapels and venues offer webcast- accept a coffin and ones that don’t), catering
rousing rendition of “Que Sera Sera” sung ing facilities and recording services, provid- options, florists, and musicians; and, of
by all as the coffin was led from the chapel. ing even more opportunity for families and course, all the technical stuff like AV/PA
This was followed by a champagne toast friends to participate in funeral services. and webcasting.
and cake. And, of course, there are more digital Listen to your families and give them
Why so much change in 10 years? legacy sites, more digital funeral planning permission to be creative even if it is logisti-
sites, more opportunity to raise funds for a cally tricky and that you usually have under
It’s Generational! funeral service through crowd funding sites, a week to make it all happen.
Unlike their parents, baby boomers will tell and more possibility to notify friends and
you what they want; and having rewrit- extended family of a funeral service through Rule Number 1, There Are No Rules.
ten the rules on marriage, childbirth, and social media. With a non-traditional end-of-life ceremo-
family, they are now extending that into ny, there are no rules so let your families be
retirement and end-of-life wishes and It’s the Death Awareness creative. Pets should be welcomed (depend-
instructions. Movement! ing on the venue), live music encouraged,
No longer do I hear, “Mum wouldn’t have Most weeks, I find some article in the media and special memorabilia incorporated to
wanted a fuss, she was a very private person on end-of-life care and death care. There are personalize a sacred space, including flowers

from the family garden. The best services the closing moments of a young Greek that the needs of our families are heard and
are always the ones where family and friends woman’s service, whose family wanted respected. Let us continue to provide gentle
play a part, so encourage participation. to placate the elderly members while still guidance, endless empathy, grace, and grat-
respecting her wishes for a non-traditional itude as we lead our families through life’s
Music is Personal. funeral service. It doesn’t have to be either/ most difficult crossroad.
If the family likes it and it is relevant to or, it can be both.
them and the person they are honouring, Since that first service in 2009, I have Stephanie Longmuir is an
end-of-life celebrant, podcaster,
then it is appropriate—even if it is “High- led more than 1,400 funeral services, all of
and consultant. She has been
way to Hell” by AC/DC or the theme song them as different and unique as the families
serving the families of Melbourne
to the daytime soap opera, The Bold and the I have served. Despite the many changes and Sydney, Australia, since 2009,
Beautiful! that I have witnessed over the past decade, creating unique and meaningful
the purpose of a non-traditional funeral or services. Determined to better
Step Away from Your Faith … Just memorial service remains unchanged. It prepare and inform families, in 2015, Stephanie
for a Moment. continues to provide a platform for stories founded www.myendnotes.com, Australia’s first
The secular and the religious can be blend- and memories, music and ritual; a gathering digital funeral planning service; in 2017, she
ed in a non-traditional funeral service. Only to share very private emotions and feelings launched a podcast series, “Dying to Tell.”
last week, I had a priest offer a blessing at in the safe community of family and friends;
Note that a license is required to play
the end of a service. I have included hymns, an opportunity for remembrance, reflec-
music at a service in most venues.
readings, and prayers from different faiths tion, and a time to say goodbye.
ICCFA provides access to music and
into many services. Everyone has a story, a valuable story. As
webcast licenses to its members. Visit
Recently, I had a very progressive Greek funeral professionals, it is up to us to make
www.iccfa.com/legal/music.
Orthodox priest chant and pray throughout sure that story is told with authenticity and
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Obituaries:
Written with More Love than Money
by Angela Woosley and Marc Markell
A
S MEMBERS OF THE DEATHCARE COMMUNITY , do you ever consider what Spelling and Punctuation
the obituaries and death notices you publish say about your business? Apart from Spelling correction is easy to offer to
the funeral home tag at the bottom of most obituaries, many funeral homes don’t families—and prevents errors like “in-
consider obituaries as a marketing tool, but they are. Additionally, obituaries published in local ternment,” “cemetary,” and “proceeded in
newspapers are advertisements for your business, whether you think of them as ads or not. death by.” Your local paper and community
most likely has standards for punctuation,
If your obits read like a grocery list, they especially with lists of family members’
are likely not very engaging for readers. But Just a few steps can names and addresses. Don’t be shy about
obits that make you laugh, smile, cry, or changing punctuation to make lists of fam-
wish you knew the person who died speak transform a hum-drum ily members clearer. How many times has a
volumes about both the person who died death notice into a family-penned obituary confused you about
and the funeral home involved with the who was related to whom?
services. beautifully crafted
When it comes to writing obituaries, Parallel Construction
there are generally two schools of thought:
keepsake families will To increase parallel construction, remem-
1. Obituaries are meant to inform com- treasure for years ber that lists love threes and should use a
munities of a death. consistent adjective/noun format. Which
2. Obituaries are meant to commemorate to come. flows better?
and memorialize the people who died. • “She loved to solve puzzles, regular
We argue that great obits should inform Jeopardy watcher and enjoyed going to
and inspire. home after complications from a radio- escape rooms.” OR
active spider bite.” • “She was an avid puzzler, a regular
Be a Distillery • Instead of saying the deceased was Jeopardy watcher, and an escape room
Perhaps some directors would like to write “a lovable grouch,” you could say, “If enthusiast.”
more about the deceased—unlike the you wanted to know the cause of his
version that appears on the funeral home death, he’d tell you it was none of your Order of Elements
website. But they worry about straining the business.” Most newspapers and communities have
family’s pocketbook. It only takes one or To transform obituaries, we urge you common elements. Some list officiating
two sentences to transform obituaries into to try listening, absorbing, distilling, and pastors, schools attended, or the time of
something worth reading. writing to get one or two transformative the luncheon, while others never include
If a novel is like water, and a short story sentences into the deceased’s death notice. those pieces of information. Make sure the
is like beer, a great obituary is like a fine conventional elements are included, and
whiskey. It doesn’t take much to feel its ef- Be an Editor put them in the expected order for your
fects. When writing obituaries with families What about families who email a pre- community.
for publication, it’s not about brevity, it’s written obituary to you, or bring one in Which goes first in your community:
about density. Using powerful words is one already written? Funeral homes may not “preceded by” or “survived by?” It’s okay
way to make obituaries better. feel comfortable “transforming” a griev- to reorder your family’s sentences to help
Another way to make obituaries better ing family’s words. In these situations, we inform your community.
is to use them to tell a story. By listening to suggest offering your services as an editor.
families, absorbing their stories, and distill- Under the guise of conforming to your local Consistency
ing them down to their essence, obituaries paper’s format, funeral directors can offer to Another quick way to polish a family-writ-
can be moving and powerful. For example: tweak family-penned obituaries by focusing ten obituary is by increasing its consisten-
• Rather than saying the deceased “was on four key areas: spelling and punctuation; cy. Is one date written out fully (February
funny” or “had a great sense of humor,” parallel construction; order of elements; 12, 2020) and another date abbreviated
you could say he “died peacefully at and consistency. (2/12/20)? Check for street abbreviations,

nicknames, and anything else that might be space, and thunderstorms you could feel Angela Woosley, M.A. is a
inconsistent. within your bones.” Minnesota-licensed mortician and
All of these editorial tools make the Rather than writing that a family-orient- founder of Inspired Journeys LLC,
obituary easier for readers to quickly scan ed woman, who liked to volunteer, suffered the Midwest’s first woman-owned
for information, and it shows the reader with dementia, one student wrote: and family-centered natural
that your funeral home is polished and deathcare provider, offering
“Although Ruth’s memories faded with end-of-life doula services, home
professional.
the development of dementia, her memo- funeral education and facilitation, and natural
ry will live on through the volunteer work disposition coordination. She taught for over 10
Obituaries in the Classroom
she completed and in the hearts of her years in the Program of Mortuary Science at the
In our work as educators, we taught a University of Minnesota. Angela has earned
loving family and friends.”
lab-based course in funeral arrangements. numerous certifications, including celebrant,
This course required students to complete cremation arranger, preplanning consultant, and
Put It into Practice
full mock arrangements with community crematory operator.
Even though most funeral directors write
volunteers. As each student completed their
obituaries for their local papers, few think Marc Markell teaches at Worsham
arrangement, other students were watching
of them as a marketing tool that reflects College of Mortuary Science; he
the arrangements unfold and taking notes
the level of personalization and care they also teaches at St. Cloud State
to write an obituary for each “family.” After
provide. We wanted to demonstrate that University in the Department of
submission, students were given the chance
with one or two carefully crafted sentences, Special Education. Marc earned
to revise their obituaries; then they com- his PhD from University of
an editor’s eye, and a listening ear, funeral
piled them into a portfolio of their work, Minnesota in Educational
directors can distill the essence of the dece-
prefaced with a self-reflection essay. Psychology. He is a certified thanatologist
dents they memorialize in the obituaries
through the Association of Death Educators and
they write.
Self-Reflection Excerpts counseling and certified in Death and Grief
Just a few steps can transform a hum-
Students conveyed a variety of objectives Studies from Colorado State University through
drum death notice into a beautifully crafted the Center for Loss and Life Transition. Marc is
for their work. One student wrote:
keepsake families will treasure for years to certified as an end-of-life doula, crematory
“I want obituary readers who were not come. operator, funeral arranger, and celebrant.
familiar with the individual to feel, for
just a moment, a sense of dismay for a
person they will never be able to meet.”
Another student reflected: GREVER

GREVER &
& WARD
WARD
“Being able to listen to families talk
about their loved one has given me an CEMETERY PLANNING
inside look in the decedent’s life, and
showed me the importance of remember-
ing and memorializing that. I think we
often forget about how symbolic obituar-
ies are for families, and how cathartic it
can be to look back upon them long after
an individual has died.”
Student Obituary Excerpts

With just a sentence or two, some students
were able to convey a great deal about the
person being memorialized. For a particu-
larly reclusive bachelor who lived on a farm,
one student wrote:
“Rural Wisconsin gave Jim something he
didn’t find anywhere else. It gave him the
serenity of silence, wide open camping

Be an Educator,
Not an Order Taker
by Jamie Sarche
R
ECENTLY, I ATTENDED A TRAINING on pre-need given by an insurance company for third-party
marketers. The trainer asked a roomful of people who have been working in this business for many years if
they had made and paid for their own funeral or memorial service plan. I was really shocked that only about
a handful of the people in the room had done so.
So, I’m going to ask you. Have you pre-arranged and It also absolutely commodifies the deeply personal
funded your plan? If you truly believe in the work you work that we do.
do, what’s holding you back? How can you overcome When prospects tell me they don’t need a funeral, I
your prospects’ reticence to planning if you feel the ask them questions, and I listen to their answers—not
same way? just the words, but the emotion beneath the words. I
Many years ago, a friend told me that if you want to ask about their community and their family situation.
sell a hat, you have to wear a hat. That struck me really I ask about their children, and they often say, “Oh, my
deeply. I immediately got and paid for my own burial kids tell me to do whatever I want,” or, “We’ve decided
plan, then my husband’s plan, then our parents’ plans. not to talk about it.”
Thinking through what is important to me in mak- I share with them third-party stories to show the
ing sure my husband and kids get their grief needs met value of ritual at the time of death. I acknowledge that it
really underlined why I do this work. is possible that no one will visit a grave after the burial;
In doing those arrangements, I felt comfortable with however, if it’s there and no one goes, no problem. But
the choices being made by the people I know so well. I if someone really does need a place to go and that place
didn’t worry that they were price shopping or that they doesn’t exist for them, that is a problem.
would use someone else, which then allowed me to be I never judge my clients’ choices. Their decisions are
authentic in my approach. theirs to make. However, it is important to me that they
In doing this work for my own family, I learned how think it through and make educated decisions.
important it is to not just follow my clients’ instincts
or to simply do “what feels right” to them. I learned to Have a Conversation
make sure my clients know what their choices might We live in a world that says, “Don’t think about death,
mean, to ask questions that help them articulate what don’t talk about death.” That means when people do talk
goals they are really trying to meet, and to help them about death, they often don’t know what they’re talking
give their families the gift of a healthy and healing about.
bereavement. It can be really scary to ask clients questions. As we
I learned not to be an order taker, but an educator. all know, this is often a difficult topic. It takes a lot to
The pre-need business leans heavily on the idea that get prospects in the chair to have the discussion in the
each of us should be planning ahead so that we get what first place. If we give them too much to think about,
we want. they might postpone signing the paperwork and writing
the check.
Educate First I keep a full enough pipeline that I don’t have to wor-
How many of your clients choose direct cremation ry if someone is not ready to sign on the dotted line. In
because they don’t “need” a funeral? fact, being so willing to give them the space they need
So many people get focused on the idea that there to make final decisions often lets them feel comfortable
will be a dead body and they have to get rid of the dead moving forward.
body. If the only issue for them is who will pick up the I went to visit a couple in their home to put together
body and burn it, why not go with the cheapest option? a pre-arranged funeral plan. The husband, Bob, told
That simply leads people to call the “Man with the me they both wanted to be cremated. He said they just
Van”; and it totally ignores the grief needs of their fami- didn’t see any need to be buried. “No one ever goes to
ly or their community! the cemetery anyway.”

There are so many people who will want what you are offering,
especially if you show them that you’re not just an order taker, but an educator.
Of course, he proceeded to tell me that Listen for What’s Not Said she was really concerned about her mom’s
they always visit his parents’ graves when I believe the reason I am successful and why comfort while she was in the cargo hold of
they go back east. I get so many referrals is that I truly get on the plane.
I asked them some questions and the same side of the table with my clients. I I asked, “Are you worried your mom will
learned a little about their backgrounds. interact with them in a completely transpar- be cold?” She acknowledged that was the
The wife, Fran, was an 80-year-old Jew- ent way, and they trust that I am committed issue but felt really stupid because she knew
ish woman from Berlin. Hmm, German, to getting them what they want and need. logically that her mom would be dead.
Jewish, 80 years old? I asked her if she was a To do that, I have to listen to more than I asked if she’d like to include her mom’s
holocaust survivor. just the words they say. I have to probe to favorite comforter in the casket. Valuing her
We talked a bit about her experiences. understand more about who they are and concerns gave her so much relief. She felt
She shared that she had been hidden and what their family and community connec- understood and validated.
wasn’t in a concentration camp. tions are. Before that phone call, the woman had
I said, when you think about cremation, A woman who was price shopping by no connection to our funeral home. She
what do you think? She replied, “When I phone was asking me a lot of questions had been given our number by the hospice
think about the crematory, I think about about getting her mom to the cemetery in a caring for her mom. I am certain that my
those crematories.” different state. In listening closely, I realized commitment to hearing beneath the words
Of course! How could she not! Then, she
shared that she figured out how to live with
cremation because her ashes would feed the
flowers.
I said, “If I told you that cremated
remains are actually toxic to plants, how
would you feel about that?” I shared that if
she truly wanted her body to feed the earth,
the flowers, trees, and bushes, the best way
to do so is to choose green burial.
She changed her mind and decided to
be buried. And though her husband still felt
fine about being cremated, he decided to
have his cremains interred with her.
With the plot, opening and closing, and
Fran’s casket, the arrangement ended up be-
ing about twice what the cremations would
have been. Yes, that’s better for me and my
funeral home’s bottom line, but even better
that my client got what she actually wanted.
Quite honestly, I probably undersell. I
am really committed to people buying only
what they need. My funeral home really
supports that.

is the reason we got the case. And it gave Remember that so little aren’t always told the true cost of buri-
us so much credibility in the eyes of the al. They pay for the plot upfront, but the
referral source! of true communication cemetery often does not mention the cost
Another time, I visited with a couple is verbal. of opening and closing, perpetual care, a
named Mark and Sandy who said they lowering device, if a vault is required, and
wanted to be cremated and have their urns so on and so on. I assume they are afraid of
put in a niche at the national cemetery. I pine box (which is really common in the the client having sticker shock.
asked a lot of questions about what they community I serve). When I shared that the However, it really isn’t fair to the client!
know about cremation. I asked not because casket is empty—no lining or pillow—I saw I always make sure the client has a full
I have any judgment about their choice of the daughter kind of jump back. Perhaps picture of the costs at the cemetery and
disposition, but because I want them to that wasn’t the best choice. help them decide if it’s best to add that
make an educated decision. The son said, “Let’s pick this casket,” cost to the plan or to pay it directly to the
When I shared that the cremains are not which was about $2,000 more. I said, “Well, cemetery.
ashes but ground bone, I noticed that Sandy if you are just looking for a padding and a
got goosebumps. I asked her about it and pillow, you can meet those needs with one Jamie’s Takeaways
she said, “I don’t want Mark’s body to be that is only $500 more. They walked out • Practice radical authenticity!
pulverized.” feeling really good about the process. • Be transparent about your process and
They decided burial would be a better It’s so important to be sensitive to body your offerings.
choice and signed paperwork right then. A language—like the goose bumps Sandy got • If you are not the right fit for a pros-
couple days later, Mark called to thank me. or when the daughter jumped back when pect, say so!
He shared that I was the fourth pre-need she heard the casket was empty. Listen for • Don’t try to talk people into things you
person they’d visited with. He said that the unasked questions. Remember that so don’t believe they need or will value.
he and Sandy felt so comfortable with me little of true communication is verbal. The business will still come.
because they knew I was there only to make • Ask why they want a certain kind of
sure they got their needs met—and I really Provide Full Disclosure disposition. If they want cremation,
dug deep to find out what those needs were! My funeral home doesn’t own cemetery ask what goes into that decision. If
property. We can bury anywhere in the they want burial, make sure to discuss
Read the Body Language metro area. My clients typically go directly everything that goes into that.
A while ago, I was working with siblings to
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PRE-NEED TRUSTS / PERPETUAL CARE TRUSTS / MERCHANDISE TRUSTS

PRE-CONSTRUCTION TRUSTS / INVESTMENT MANAGEMENT
When a
Child Dies A Celebrant’s
Personal Journey and
Its Sobering Lessons
by Glenda Stansbury

T
HE FIRST TIME a funeral director calls you
and says, “We have a baby service for you,”
you take a deep breath and say, “OK,” with
much more confidence than you feel inside. I had
never been called to conduct a service for a baby
until a couple of years ago; then 2019 became the
year of the infant when I was called to conduct 20
services for our youngest ones with an age range
of 17 weeks gestational to 6 months old.
For way too long, baby deaths—especially
miscarriages and stillbirths—have been marked off
as minor grief. “You didn’t get to know the child.”
“You can have another one.” “The baby wouldn’t
have survived.”
The most important and valuable thing we
can do for these families is to establish the
significance of that life and to embrace and honor
the grief of their loss. There is nothing small
about this, and it has lifelong implications if not
acknowledged.
Slow to Take Hold

Some funeral professionals have seen the incredible power and healing
opportunities that can happen for their families when a service is com-
pletely customized and personalized to tell the story, to create space
for grief, to honor a life, and to mourn a death. This is what a Celebrant
does.
When I first began offering services, there was one funeral home
in the city that was willing to take a chance. The referrals were slow. I
mean really slow. Maybe one a month. Maybe one every other month.
The funeral directors were unsure about how to offer and to whom.
They were always waiting for that perfect Atheist family to walk in
the door. Or they were looking for that “difficult” case. I did a lot of
suicides, homicides, overdoses—those tender and treacherous family
dynamics that were difficult for the traditional rent-a-pastor to handle.
Gradually, other firms became interested and involved. After Ser-
vice Corporation International embraced the concept of Celebrants,
several of the Dignity locations in my city began calling. And then other
firms became more comfortable with articulating the option during
arrangements.
SHUTTERSTOCK / MOTORTION FILMS

WHEN A CHILD DIES
Now, I regularly work with several firms and con- do you talk about? They didn’t have a life.” My response
duct at least one service a week. Some weeks, I have is, “Oh, but they did!”
three. Other weeks, it’s four. One weekend, I conducted As I explain to the family when we sit down in the
three services in 24 hours for the same firm! family meeting, this baby’s story began long before the
I have not kept a very accurate count of all my first positive pregnancy test. It began with two people,
services, but I would be comfortable estimating that I’ve their backgrounds, their history, how they met, and
been privileged to serve well over a thousand families. how this little life came to be. Part of the baby’s history
I learn something from each encounter, from each situ- includes the time in the womb—and what an important
ation, from each story that I’m given the responsibility part of the story that is.
and honor to hear and share.
Baby boy died of SIDS at 5 months old
Why the Increase in It all began at a Thunder game. Shelby, a lovely, quiet,
Celebrant Baby Services? young woman who was beginning to figure out what this
There are several reasons why there was a sudden up- world of adulting might look like. Nima was a guy who
tick in Celebrant services for babies: had enjoyed sports growing up, had walked a few paths
• Caring funeral directors who are helping families in his journey already, and was hoping for a love that
understand that even the smallest life needs a would settle deep down in his heart. They met through
time of remembrance and who had offered their friends and their first date was a Thunder game.
services free of charge. Shelby claims that Nima asked her out. Nima is sure
• Hospital staffs who are becoming better equipped that Shelby asked him out. No matter, they cheered for
to guide these grieving parents and encourage the Thunder and found soulmates in that same evening.
them to reach out to a funeral home. They both agreed that they had not been apart since that
• Fewer families who are interested in having first fateful encounter.
church-related services. I didn’t hear whether the Thunder won or lost that
• Denominational dogma or policy that prevents night, but Shelby and Nima definitely won each other.
babies from receiving religious blessings.
• All of the above. Baby girl died in utero at 27 weeks
All these little lives have taught me so much, and We might say, how do we honor a life that was only alive
they are the ones who stay with me on those days when for 27 weeks? She, whose time on earth ended before it
I look back at the incredible opportunities I’ve been began? What story could we possibly tell? But from the
given to lean in to the Celebrant mantra—“Every life moment of her conception, Drew was alive for 272,160
is worth remembering.” So, let’s look at some of those minutes. Each of those precious minutes was surrounded
lessons and short excerpts from a few services. by mommies who had created a nest of love that they
were waiting to share with their daughter.
Everyone Has a Story Each minute was full of dreams for whom she would
When I talk to Celebrants or funeral directors about become, where she would go, how she would make her
baby services, the question is always the same: “What mark in this world. Each minute was dedicated to giving
One of the most

impactful changes that
has happened… has
been the understanding
that these parents…
need time—time to be
ISTOCK / ILDAR ABULKHANOV
with their babies…

Celebrant Training: How It All Began
Celebrant Training began in North America in 1999.
• 1999 First InSight Institute Certified Celebrant • 2008—2018 The Association “acceptance”
Training, October, Mt. Ida College, MA epoch as all three national organizations—ICCFA,
• 2000–2004 Difficult and discouraging years NFDA, and CANA—and many state and provincial
trying to convince people to come to trainings. associations began to sponsor trainings.
This dark time was known as the “we’ve never • 2017–2019 The International Expansion Southward
done it that way before” era. Ho; training travels to Brazil and Colombia
• 2005—2008 The momentum of word-of-mouth • Present Fourteen trainings scheduled for 2020,
and track records of other firms encouraged including a second trip to Colombia; 4200
interest and attendance. This was the “you go Celebrants trained to date. This is the “20-year
first” time of our history. overnight success” model of creating a movement.
her the very best start in life and to protect every step has been amazing. Policies can be changed when people
as she grew. Each minute will be the memories that will work together.
sustain them when the hours seem too dark and hard. The article mentions an Illinois couple whose twin
These were the precious minutes of a life. babies, Sylas and Sybil, were born too early to survive
more than 90 minutes. The couple was helped by a
It Takes Time to Say Goodbye CuddleCot and they donated one to Centegra North-
One of the most impactful changes that has happened western Hospital in McHenry, IL, for the benefit of
at the five hospitals in our city with neo-natal intensive other grieving parents.
care units (NICU) has been the understanding that In a 2019 episode of the NBC show, New Amster-
these parents, especially those who are suffering a mis- dam, “Max Encourages Gabriela to Say Goodbye,” the
carriage or stillbirth, need time—time to be with their character, Dr. Max Goodwin, rolls a CuddleCot into the
babies; time to tell them all the stories of a lifetime; time room of a mother who just lost her baby. He proceeds
to be a family for a few sacred hours. to convince her of its healing properties by offering her
One funeral director in our town has done an amaz- the time she needs to grieve.
ing job working with the NICU hospital staffs, edu-
cating and collaborating with them to provide a much Baby girl died in utero at 8 months
more healing and safer environment. Previous policy I had the family meeting with this couple and the
was always that the baby might stay with the mom or grandparents while sitting in the hospital room with
parents for a short period of time, but then the baby the CuddleCot as they held their baby and told me their
would be taken to the morgue and the funeral home story. Little Aubrie Rose had her own way of doing
made the removal from there. Sometimes the parents things—fierce, strong, and brave until her final heart-
were just encouraged to hand the baby over and go beat. Cameron went into labor on Friday, and, at some
home—a very sterile, unemotional, and empty way for point, the doctors determined that Aubrie was no longer
parents to say goodbye. with them.
Then comes the CuddleCot. In a 2019 New York At 10:04 on Saturday, Aubrie Rose’s body came into
Times article, the CuddleCot was described as a “kind the world. Her little soul was greeted by her parents,
of refrigerated baby bed that helps preserve the body of Cameron and Miguel, and her grandmother for whom
a deceased newborn for days. The device gives parents she was named, as well as other family members.
a chance to bond with their babies—to love and hold For two days, Aubrie was cuddled and snuggled and
them, take pictures, even take them home and take loved while wrapped in a rose blanket and a pink hat.
them for walks, creating memories to last a lifetime.” She was delicate. She was tiny. Quinton came to see his
The funeral director worked with the hospitals to get little sister, and, though he couldn’t quite understand all
them comfortable with using the CuddleCot with fam- the big world problems, he grabbed the bunny and held
ilies, and they were willing to allow the funeral director it up to his baby sister so she could hear the heartbeat.
to come to the room for the removal. This way, momma Sometimes, little ones just know what to do.
could hand her baby to the person she trusted to care One of the best things that a funeral home could do
for her child. is donate a CuddleCot to a local hospital. They aren’t
It wasn’t easy at first, and he received a lot of push- inexpensive, around $3,000, but the impact would be
back from chaplains and nurses; but the transformation tremendous.

WHEN A CHILD DIES
Video Tributes are Vital I finally convinced a funeral director, who does many
Often in Celebrant training when we talk about video of these baby services, to buy bubble machines. The big
tributes, we get a few groans or eye rolls. Some complaints commercial ones! They can cost $200 to $700. But watch
are that they are too long, they are a pain to put together, people smile and children begin to dance and twirl in the
or they just show them at visitation. bubbles. Add some wonderful background music and
We push the importance of video tributes as part of the you’ve got something there.
service experience; it’s important to embrace the pictures
that accompany the life story. We don’t convince everyone, Grief is Grief is Grief
but at least we put it out there for consideration. I have often used a poem written by Gwen Flowers, which
However, I cannot stress enough how very important really resonates with families who have lost children.
the video tribute is for baby families. This is it. This is the Gwen lost four babies and wrote about her experience
only chance they will have to sit and watch the pictures of with this unique grief that only parents can understand.
this little life together.
Even if video tributes are not a regular part of your
service, when you have a baby service, go out of your way GRIEF
to create one. Ask for those pictures of the ultrasound, the by Gwen Flowers
baby shower, the pregnant belly, and the pictures that were I had my own notion of grief.
taken in the hospital. Just do it. I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
For the couple, Cameron and Miguel, the hospital staff And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
made casts of Aubrie’s hands and feet, which have left
footprints on everyone’s hearts. They took pictures and cap- But I’m learning there is no other side.
tured many of the memorable moments, packing a lifetime There is no pushing through.
of memories and love into 48 hours. But rather, there is
ABSORPTION.
They understood the importance of capturing this
ADJUSTMENT.
time, as there would be no pictures of the first bath, the ACCEPTANCE.
first tooth, the first steps, the first birthday, the first day of
school, the first baseball game, the first car, the first trip, the And grief is not something you complete
But rather, you endure.
first date.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
It’s Never Too Late
SHUTTERSTOCK / BUBO
But an element of yourself –
I met with a couple who had just lost a baby boy, but I found An alteration of your being.
out after talking with them that they had lost a baby boy A new way of seeing.
eight years ago. The mother was still grieving the loss of her A new dimension of self.
first baby because she was not allowed to be with him. The
nursing staff took him away before he died. These children have each touched my life in so many
During our family meeting to talk about her second ways. I am eternally grateful for the little ones and for
baby, she kept saying, “Do you think he knew that I loved their brave parents who understood the power and pain
him? Did I just abandon him?” They never had a service or of saying hello and goodbye at the same time. I am so very
any type of remembrance for that life. So, I suggested that thankful for funeral directors who have trusted me with
we have a service for both of them, to honor these broth- this most precious experience.
ers who never got to know each other in life. The parents The next time, someone asks if they should have a
were thrilled and relieved that finally someone would say service for a baby, regardless of the age, please say, “Yes.”
that baby’s name. Please say, “Absolutely.” Please say, “I’ll find a Celebrant for
If a parent says he or she never had a service for a you.” Please.
child, offer to do one. No matter how long it’s been. Saying
goodbye does not have an expiration date on it. Glenda Stansbury has been the marketing and development
director for InSight Books for 24 years and dean and training
coordinator for InSight Institute for 20 years. Along with Doug
It Doesn’t Have to Be Balloons Manning, Glenda has co-trained more than 4,000 Funeral
For many years, the go-to way to end a service for a baby or Celebrants across North America. She is a certified Funeral
a child was a balloon release. Even when we cringe know- Celebrant, a licensed funeral director/embalmer, a certified funeral
ing the environmental impact of what we are releasing into service professional, and a full-time instructor with the Department
the sky, we do it because that’s what we do. of Funeral Service, University of Central Oklahoma. Glenda also
The past few years have truly weighed on my mind as serves on the board of directors for Thanexus. She holds two
I officiated and said final blessings, balloon release after bachelor’s degrees, one in Special Education from Central State
balloon release, while whispering apologies to the earth as University and another in Funeral Service from the University of
they flew off to find a river or field to pollute. Oklahoma, along with a master’s in Administrative Leadership.

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Leaving a
Lighter
The Greening of
Funerals in America
by Susan Cushing
T
HERE IS NO DEFINITIVE DATE or even a particular decade that we can
conclusively point to and declare, “Ah-ha! That’s when the United States
began a conscientious pro-environment movement.”
And while most of us today probably have vague memories of “that whole green
movement” stemming from the 1960s hippie mentality, the truth is our immigrating
forefathers were “thinking green” long before it became such a dire issue. Remem-
ber Henry David Thoreau’s Walden?
In all honesty, it doesn’t really matter when, where, Within the funeral industry, the green movement
or how we became more aware of preserving our natu- has been a little more subtle, even subdued. Those
ral resources and ultimately the very planet that offers who have been clamoring for more ecologically sound
us sustenance. What matters is we are more aware and elements have been doing so for decades. And while
(hopefully) more conscientious about our contribu- proponents are all very sincere and quite dedicated to
tions—good or bad. their cause, the general public doesn’t seem to have

FOOTPRINT ISTOCK / BORCHEE / T_KIMURA / SHUTTERSTOCK / LOLE
been listening or participating. That is, until fairly

recently.
According to these long-time advocates, a “green
burial” is a way of caring for our deceased with minimal
environmental impact; and its popularity and availabili-
ty is growing at an accelerated speed.
Lucinda Herring, noted author and respected leader
of the green funeral movement, observes, “It’s almost like
a wave. A collective realization. I think that’s happening
with green burials because so many people in the Boom-
er generation and younger are ecologically conscious.
They’re realizing the way that we’ve been doing death is
not that environmentally sound.”
Whether it can be attributed to the aging Baby Boom-
ers or the stark realization that we are literally breaking
our planet, more and more people are seeking more
sustainable alternatives to what we consider a traditional
burial. Essentially, the movement is gathering traction. Green burial at the Heartwood Preserve Conservation Cemetery, Trinity, FL.

LEAVING A LIGHTER FOOTPRINT
So, what does this mean to those of us whose liveli-

hoods depend on caskets, burial plots, crematoriums,
and mausoleums? In a word: adapt. What Gets Buried Every Year
in the United States
Changes in Cremation According to National Geographic, the materials
A long-held myth among much of the population is
used each year as part of the funeral industry:
that cremation is eco-friendly. Unfortunately, that is
not true. While cremated remains do take up less space
• 30 million board-feet of casket wood (some
of which comes from tropical hardwoods)
than a full-body burial, and can be disposed of in ways
• 90,000 tons of steel in caskets and vaults
that are more aligned with nature (such as sprinkling
• 2,700 tons of copper and bronze
in nature and burial in biodegradable urns), the actual
process of cremation is not eco-friendly.
• 1.6 million tons of reinforced concrete for
burial vaults
The modern cremation process requires large
amounts of fossil fuels, and cremation has always
• 800,000 gallons of embalming fluid
This translates to nearly 1,000 tons of casket
produced carbon emissions and dangerous fumes.
steel, 20,000 tons of concrete in burial vaults,
Crematoria are required to install emission-reducing
and enough wood used in coffins to build more
air filtrations systems, but the carbon output is still
than three dozen homes within about 10 acres of
significant.
a typical cemetery.
However, over the last few decades, scientists
and activists have joined forces to develop alternate
versions of the traditional cremation. For instance, a bodies into a liquid that is safe to flush into the sewage
method called "alkaline hydrolysis" uses a pressurized system.
metal chamber and bath of chemicals. The technique’s In Washington, Katrina Spade, founder and CEO of
origins were for disposing of lab animals at Albany Recompose, offers what she considers to be a more aes-
Medical College. This method gradually dissolves thetically appealing alternative. Essentially, it’s human
An artist’s rendering of what

a human composting facility
RECOMPOSE
might look like in the future.

This beautifully
designed green burial
coffin is one of many
offered by Passages.
composting. Known as “recomposition,” the process can be crafted from environmentally friendly materi-
involves placing bodies in a vessel and hastening their als such as bamboo, banana, rattan, or sea grass, with
decomposition into a nutrient-dense soil that can then either a natural light finish or stained dark brown.
be returned to families. This nutrient-rich soil can be “The advantage to these, of course,” says Jane, “is that
used to offer nutrients to a tree, a stretch of parkland, or you or your loved one can be laid to rest in a biodegrad-
wherever the deceased has determined. able casket or biodegradable urn for those who choose
Katrina gained a landmark foothold last year when cremation. Of course, this is just part of the equation.
Governor Jay Inslee signed legislation into law allowing Ultimately, what I would love to see are cemeteries
“above ground decomposition.” Katrina says, “For about composed of expansive, beautiful spaces with native
$5,000, we can turn bodies into compost and return plants all around.”
the soil to loved ones to be spread on a garden or help
a tree grow.” She plans to have 20 to 25 steel vessels
ready for human composting by late 2020 after the law “Today, the desire
becomes effective in May.
for green alternatives
The Eco-Friendly Containers
Another huge push is in creating eco-friendly caskets [has risen], and it will
and urns. There are several reputable companies now
designing and supplying “green” coffins and urns, most be a problem if they
of which are endorsed by the Green Burial Council.
One of the best known, and most knowledgeable of
can’t cater to this new
these purveyors, is Jane Hillhouse, founder of Final consumer.”
Footprint in El Granada, CA.
A delightful source of information and worldly —Darren Crouch
wisdom, Jane is originally from the United Kingdom
and, for the past few decades, has been encouraging Passages International, Inc. was co-founded by
Yanks to catch up with the more advanced practices Darren Crouch in 1999 and has since grown to offer
of her homeland. Despite the fact that she has seen an virtually any and everything one could need for green
increase in interest in her products over the years, edu- burials, including its newest product, the Biotree Urn.
cation and creating awareness has been slow. Using natural plant fibers and materials that aid in fer-
“Every other month, I’m ready to give up,” Jane tilizing the surrounding soil and lowering the pH levels
says with a wry laugh. “The English are so far ahead of of cremated remains, this unique urn creates an ideal
Americans. Green burials essentially mean you will be environment for a tree to grow.
placed in the ground without a trace of anything toxic “Funeral directors only need to look at their pre-
or anything that won’t decompose.” need sales to tell them that the number of people who
An active member of the Funeral Consumer Alli- request the traditional funeral is going to continue
ance, Jane began designing eco-friendly caskets. Lined to dwindle,” Darren says. “What they struggle with is
with soft, organic kapok fabric, these lovely creations catering to this new consumer,” he concludes.

LEAVING A LIGHTER FOOTPRINT
Darren points out that about a decade ago, funeral only green cemetery in Pennsylvania that is certified by
directors didn’t see the interest in green alternatives as the Green Burial Council as a Natural Burial Ground.
a problem “because that only made up perhaps 5 or 10 “[G]reen burial sales are skyrocketing at Penn Forest and
percent of the business. Today, the desire for green alter- across the country.”
natives [has risen], and it will be a problem if they can’t
cater to this new consumer.” The Return of the Home Funeral
Passages International, Inc. also sponsors A Green- One other trend, which is one that seems to be coming
er Funeral, which launched in 2010 with the goal of full circle from our pioneering forefathers, is the home
educating the general public about funeral. Here is where Lucinda
ways in which people can leave a Herring has put much of her time
lighter footprint on this earth with and attention. She’s even authored
a greener funeral. The organization a best-selling book on the subject,
debuted on the 40th anniversary of Reimagining Death Stories and
Earth Day. Practical Wisdom for Home Funer-
als and Green Burials, which is a
Baby Steps beautifully written self-help book
As with most businesses, trends are for those who choose to care for
set by consumers; however, within their loved ones at home between
the funeral industry, change has been the time of death and their final
much slower and certainly signifi- resting place.
cantly more gradual. But the tide “I’ve been a big proponent since
does seem to be turning. And, while around 1997,” says Lucinda. “I live
the proponents of green funerals on an island, and one of my women
would like to believe this trend is friends was dying of breast cancer
driven primarily by raised awareness and she asked her friends if we could
and a sense of responsibility to our care for her after death rather than
planet, the truth is (again like most using the funeral home. We kind of
business) cost is a growing factor. gulped and didn’t know if we could,
“Green burial sales are increasing Lucinda Herring’s Reimagining Death but we did all the research and
exponentially,” says Pete McQuillen Stories and Practical Wisdom for found that indeed it is legal in all 50
Home Funerals and Green Burials can
of Penn Forest Cemetery, the first and be found on Amazon. states for families to care for their own
What is a green funeral? natural setting. Any shroud or casket that

is used must be biodegradable, nontoxic,
cemetery must meet the goal of replen-
ishing the earth. There are cemeteries
A green funeral incorporates environ- and of sustainable material. Traditional in the United States that accommodate
ment-friendly options, and may include standing headstones are not permitted. both conventional burial practices and
any or all of the following: no embalming Instead, flat rocks, plants, or trees may burial without the use of a vault or outer
or embalming with formaldehyde-free serve as grave markers. Some ceme- burial container on their premises. Many
products; the use of sustainable biode- teries use GPS to mark the locations of natural or green cemeteries feature sus-
gradable clothing, a shroud or biode- gravesites. A “natural or green burial” tainable landscape design and natural
gradable casket; using recycled paper also may mean burial without embalm- memorialization.
products; serving organic food (if food ing, in a biodegradable casket without a The first green burial took place in
may be served in a funeral home in your vault, when permitted by a cemetery. England in 1993; by 2012, there were
state); locally grown organic flowers; more than 250 green burial sites in oper-
funeral guest carpooling; as well as a
natural or green burial.
What is a green cemetery? ation in the United Kingdom. In the Unit-
ed States, one of the first natural burial
A green cemetery is a burial site that
grounds was opened in 1996 in western
does not permit vaults, non-biodegrad-
What is natural able caskets, or embalming chemicals.
South Carolina. Some green cemeteries
or green burial? It uses no herbicides, pesticides, or irri-
are established as conservation areas in
accordance with specific state laws.
In a “purist” natural or green burial, the gation for maintenance of the cemetery
body is buried, without embalming, in a grounds. Any material used at a green Source: www.rememberingalife.com

Families Deserve Better
dead. It’s just that we’re so used to handing that
over to the funeral industry, that nobody really
knows that.”
Than Cardboard
Now a licensed funeral director, as well as a Improve your standard of care
home funeral/green disposition consultant and and increase profits.
guide and interfaith minister, Lucinda is one of
the leading voices for more healing and eco-
logical ways to care for our dead. Through her
company, Limina LLC—Thresholds Consulting
and Ministry, she offers advance after-death care
planning.
“As I tried to express in my book, I think it’s
our natural instinct to need more time with a
loved one who has passed,” Lucinda says. “Typ-
ically, the body is whisked away, and in the case
of a direct cremation, you never see that person
again. It’s kind of a natural wisdom to need time
to let go of someone you’ve loved all your life. For
many people, the way we currently do things is
just too abrupt.”
Switch to the new
“It’s kind of a natural
wisdom to need time to
Bamboo
let go of someone you’ve
loved all your life. For
Cremation Container
many people, the way we
currently do things is just
too abrupt.”
—Lucinda Herring
Subtle Shades
Obviously, there are numerous “shades” when
it comes to green burials, and that definition
seems to spill over into other genres of funeral
planning, such as the home funeral. As consum-
ers change their preferences and move further
away from the traditions of their parents and
grandparents, we will certainly see an increase
in the demand for eco-friendly products, the
omission of embalming, and alternate options for MOQ 10
cremation.
Delivery Included
“A lot of funeral homes feel threatened,”
observes Darren Crouch, “but in reality, the only
threat, which is ironic, is if they don’t adapt their
products and services to meet the needs of these
consumers.”
Susan Cushing is a freelance writer for Memento

Mori.

Grief does not wait and demands that we embrace it. We
all are grieving our losses right now—loss of movement and
freedom, loss of income, loss of friends and family, loss of
security, loss of health, loss of trust. A death just magnifies
those feelings and sense of isolation.
Allow the people who are trained for this work to help you
walk this path and give you words of solace and comfort, and
ways to put the stories in a place that will help you.
Death happens regardless of our time and space and
situation. If you are faced with the unthinkable loss of losing a
loved one during this unique and scary time, please know that
our funeral professionals are there for you.
Every life deserves to be celebrated. Even when we are
together from afar.
ISTOCK / WUNDERVISUALS
T
HESE ARE SOME WORDS that you
can use to help assuage the fears
and anxiety of the families you help
during this unique time of need.
These Are
Each of you are called upon to serve families in new and
challenging ways. Some of you are completely isolated from
those very families who need our presence. Others are trying
to navigate having services that are safe and sacred. Truly, this
Difficult
is unknown territory for each of us.
But we were born for this moment. Whether you are a
licensed funeral director, a Celebrant, clergy, officiant, chap-
lain, or one of those myriad other roles who serve families, we
always have been prepared to stand in the gap for people on
Days
their worst days.
Whether that means a sweet little family who has lost their
baby, a suicide, an overdose, a long life that faded into a haze,
the public tragedy of a shooting, bomb or attack, or even a
pandemic, we’ve always been those who face the storm and
walked alongside, providing guidance and safety.
Now we are faced with a world-wide experience that no
by Glenda Stansbury one could prepare for. Again, we are there, to care for the dead
and speak for the bereaved. You are the heroes every day, and,
especially, today.
We also encourage you to seek out Celebrants in your
community. Even if you have never thought about using the
services of a Funeral Celebrant, we are uniquely prepared and
trained to have family meetings and to craft a special and one-
of-a-kind service for the families you serve. They are your best
resource and partner.
The InSight Certified Celebrant family understands that
these extreme times call for new ways to offer service, words of
Glenda Stansbury is a certified Funeral Celebrant,
a licensed funeral director/embalmer, a certified comfort, and ceremonies that heal.
funeral service professional, and a full-time We’re all in this together. Every life deserves to be honored,
instructor with the University of Central Oklahoma. no matter the situation.

SERVE THE
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The Unfinished Portrait is a watercolor
of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt
by Elizabeth Shoumatoff. He died while
having this painted.

FDR’s Pre-Planned
Funeral Flop Don’t Put Your Funeral Plans
in a Safe-Deposit Box
by Todd W. Van Beck, CFuE
P
RESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT died suddenly of a massive cerebral
hemorrhage on April 12, 1945, at the Little White House in Warm Springs, GA. He
was 63 years old. FDR, as he was called, was the 32nd president of the United
States and served in office from 1933 to his death in 1945.
At the time of his death, FDR was signing letters and documents Roosevelt selected the Copper Deposit, which the president was
while an artist painted his portrait at an easel nearby. He was sur- casketed in and buried in later.
rounded by friends and family when he complained of a sharp pain According to whitehousehistory.org, The Ferdinand Magellan
in his head just before falling into a coma. He was dead in a matter train transported FDR to Washington, D.C., on April 14, at which
of minutes. time his coffin was carried on a caisson in a military procession from
Around 7:30 pm on the day of FDR’s death, a physician at the Union Station to the White House. The Joseph Gawler’s Sons Funer-
Little White House called funeral director al Directors served the Roosevelt family.
Fred. W. Patterson, who was the head of the Hundreds of mourners gathered in the East
famous Atlanta funeral company, H.M. Patter- Room where he lay in state. Thousands more
son & Son. gathered outside along the iron fences. After
Patterson and his team of funeral profes- a simple funeral service, the caisson returned
sionals arrived at Warm Springs, embalmed to Union Station and the coffin was placed
the president, and made arrangements for aboard a train to be taken for burial at Hyde
a casket to be brought to the Little White Park, NY, where Worden Funeral Directors
House. Mrs. Roosevelt preferred something buried the president on the grounds of the
simple and dignified. She suggested using a family’s Springwood estate in Hyde Park.
solid mahogany casket and stipulated that
she wanted a copper inner liner, which was What FDR Really Wanted
similar to the one used for the president’s FDR had written instructions for his funeral
mother in 1944. and burial in December 1937. This four-page
Patterson explained to Mrs. Roosevelt that document and his last will and testament were
copper linings had disappeared early in World The first page of FDR’s four-page hand-
kept in Roosevelt’s personal safe-deposit box
War II. Patterson then said that he had a written funeral instructions read after his in his bedroom at the White House. The exis-
National Seamless Copper Deposit No. 21200. funeral and burial were completed. tence of these documents was discovered only
Mrs. Roosevelt instructed Patterson to have after he was interred on April 15, 1945.
both caskets—the mahogany and the Copper Deposit—brought to Below is a transcript of FDR’s final funeral instructions bor-
the Little White House in Warm Springs. rowed from a 2014 article written by Rebecca Onion for slate.com.
Patterson and his assistants drove back to Atlanta, retrieved They were very detailed; however, his final wishes were far from
both caskets, and returned with them to Warm Springs. Mrs. what actually occurred.

FDR’S PRE-PLANNED FUNERAL FLOP
In the event of my death in office as President of the United The whole to be set on a marble base extending 2 feet out beyond the
States, I make the following requests: monument all around, but said base not to be more than six inches
1. That a service of the utmost simplicity be held in the East Room of above the ground.
the White House, to be attended only by the household, by those 12. It is my hope that my dear wife will after her death be buried
in the Executive Office who have been close to me, by the Cabinet there also, and that the monument contain no device or inscrip-
and their families and by such other members of the Administra- tion except the following on the South side:
tive Branch as have been close to me. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
2. That there be no lying in state anywhere. 1882–19-
3. That the Army have charge of taking the casket to the Rotun- Anna Eleanor Roosevelt
da of the Capitol and that immediately, at 12 noon, a simple 1884–19-
service be held there, the Congress, Judiciary, and Diplomatic 13. That only the Rector of St. James Church officiate at the interment.
Corps attending. I request that the service last not more than 14. That no moving pictures be taken at the place, and only 3 still
20 minutes and that there be only prayers, by Rev. Endicott picture camera men be allowed at St. James or at the house or
Peabody, and two hymns – no speaking. Army in charge all day, garden. 3 newspaper men only, [?] press associations.
to the train. 15. That a detail of Marines and state troopers guard the garden, house
4. That the funeral train leave for Hyde Park at 1 pm arriving there and grounds for a reasonable time and that the public be not ad-
at 8 pm and that it be accompanied only by those who are to at- mitted to the place until adequate arrangements can be made.
tend the interment. That the Navy have charge with the train and 16. That any period of national mourning be limited to one month.
everything thereafter. 17. That subsequent care of the garden, house and grounds be ar-
5. That on arrival at Hyde Park the casket be taken to St. James ranged substantially in accord with memorandum covering this
Church and a simple short service be held, the old neighbors of and enclosed with this.
mine only being asked. Casket to be borne by Marines. Franklin D. Roosevelt
6. That then the casket be taken from the church to the house, and The White House
placed in front of the East fireplace in the big room for the night. Dec. 26, 1937
7. That the following morning the interment take place where the
sundial stands in the garden, and that the casket be carried from What FDR Actually Got
the house to the garden by men from the place including the Brick Throughout my career, I have encountered supremely confident
[?] place and the back farms and Val-Kill Cottage. people who claim with great bravado, “Oh, funeral arrangements
8. That the interment be attended only by the family, the Cabinet, – no problem, we have already taken care of that!” only to discover
the President, the [?], and…2 Senators and 2 Representatives. that their idea of an arranged funeral is nothing more than an in-
9. That a gun-carriage and not a hearse be used throughout. comprehensible and disjointed personal account, and the survivors
10. Th at the casket be of absolute simplicity, dark wood, that the aren’t aware of these isolated decisions but must live with them even
body be not embalmed or hermetically sealed, and that the [?] be though they may not approve of them in the least.
not lined with brick, cement or stones. Add to this the person who tries to control life from the grave
11. Th at a plain white marble monument, no carving or decoration, by leaving such detailed instructions that it baffles the mind; then
be placed over the grave, east and west as follows: add lawyers into this mix, which can easily happen, and the water
Length 8 feet. gets even murkier. Thinking you have adequately and thoughtfully
Width 4 feet. pre-arranged a funeral can be fraught with surprises, difficulties,
Height 3 feet. and legal actions.
COMPARING FDR’S WISHES TO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT’S INSTRUCTIONS WHAT WAS ACTUALLY DONE
No embalming. H.M. Patterson & Son embalmed the body.
William Gawler of Joseph Gawler’s Sons Funeral Directors closed and

Casket not hermetically sealed.
bolted the casket down; the top was fire sealed.
The grave not be lined with brick, cement, or stones. The casket was placed in a cement vault.
Military caisson be used; no hearse. Hearses were used throughout.
A service be held at the rotunda of the Capitol building. The service was held in the East Room of the White House.
Funeral held at St. James Church. The funeral was held at graveside.
No newspapers or moving pictures. Films and thousands of photos were taken.
Position casket in front of fireplace in the Roosevelt home at Hyde Park. The casket never entered the home.

The gravesite of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt at
Springwood estate—designed and executed precisely
as written in his funeral instructions.
Learn from the President’s Mistakes
In retrospect, what are the lessons we can learn from FDR’s
pre-planned funeral flop?
1. Dysfunctional families The Roosevelt family could easily

SHUTTERSTOCK / NANCY KENNEDY
qualify as dysfunctional, as it is clear that FDR did not com-

municate well with his wife or his children. Dysfunctional
families, presidential or not, require extra care and attention
to details in pre-planning any and all funeral and cemetery
services. The incidences of dysfunctional families in our
profession are epidemic. So the more information we have
in our training and education on how to communicate with
One of the most fascinating stories in our profession—which
dysfunctional families, the better.
shines a spotlight on what not to do when pre-planning your
funeral—is about FDR’s failure to share his wishes with his family
2. Group decision When funeral instructions are made, they
and his placement of such an important document in his personal
really require a group decision process, not decisions made
safe-deposit box.
in isolation and then hidden.
The rector of the St. James Episcopal Church officiated at the
Hyde Park burial service; however, FDR had explicitly requested
3. Pre-need counseling It is difficult for controlling person-
that Rev. Endicott Peabody (the headmaster at Groton, during
alities (outside of our profession) to accept the very simple
FDR’s student days, and his longtime spiritual advisor) be the offi-
idea that funeral rituals and ceremonies are implemented
ciant of the formal funeral service. Unfortunately, Rev. Peabody had
for the living. Everyone in our profession knows this truth,
died earlier in 1945.
but not everyone understands this. Funerals are for the
In spite of the lack of instructions, some of what FDR had
living; and in pre-planning a funeral, it is a mature thing for
requested did actually happen: the private ceremony in the East
the person who will eventually become the dead person
Room of the White House and the military caisson to transport
to include in these once-in-a-lifetime decisions the living
the casket.
people who are going to have to live with the consequences
Regarding FDR’s unknown funeral instructions, the presi-
of these decisions.
dent’s son, James, wrote: “So far as we can learn Father never had
discussed this with anyone. Knowing Father, we can only speculate
4. Document storage Do Not Put Your Funeral Instructions
that he regarded the embalming procedure as a distasteful invasion
in Your Safe-Deposit Box!
of privacy, and perhaps he had an inner yearning to follow the tra-
If FDR can mess up funeral instructions, anybody can.
ditional funeral literacy, ‘Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
This story emphasizes and magnifies the great importance
in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection …’”
of (1) pre-planning your funeral; (2) being sensitive to the
But, of course, this was only speculation. To be fair, most funer-
people who will have to live with the permanent conse-
al and cemetery professionals know all too well that in the instance
quences of these decisions; and (3) making sure that the
of an unexpected death, funeral instructions are many times not
pre-planning documents are shared with many people, such
searched out.
as your friends, your religious leaders, your golfing buddies,
Of course, if these decisions were made privately and in total
your spouse (now, there’s an idea), your children, and any-
isolation, there is no chance that the wishes of the deceased can be
one whom you feel needs to know this information.
honored. This is precisely what happened with the Roosevelt family.
FDR left this earth with a grand funeral ceremony—no
In the end, the one instruction that FDR left, which was fulfilled
question. But it was not the funeral ceremony he had envi-
to the letter, was the white marble monument that marked his grave.
sioned and had even left instructions concerning.
This instruction was easily accomplished because the safe-deposit
The result of hidden funeral instructions is most often
box was finally opened days after the funeral was over.
needless confusion and anxiety, remorse, and regret with
Todd W. Van Beck, CFuE, is one of the most sought-after speakers and statements like, “If we only had known …”
educators in funeral service. He serves as director of continuing education How many of you in the funeral and cemetery profes-
for John A. Gupton College in Nashville, and as dean of ICCFA University’s sion have actually made or pre-planned your earthly exit
College of Funeral Home Management. In 2014, Todd received the first- ceremonies or disposition as the sensible and mature thing
ever Lasting Impact Award from the ICCFA Educational Foundation. Todd to do—and even paid for it ahead of time?
has written numerous books, among them, Exploring the Heart of Funeral
Just a thought.
Service; Reverence for the Dead: The Unavoidable Link; and The Genius of
Frank E. Campbell, all of which are on Amazon.

The
of
America Cybersecurity and Data
Breach Prevention
by Bradford P. Meisel, Esq. and
Diane D. Reynolds, Esq. XEL
ISTOCK / WILDPI

O
N OCTOBER 20, 2017, hackers successfully
infiltrated the internet servers of Louisiana’s
Griffin Funeral Home in the middle of the
night (as reported on Myarklamiss.com, Oct. 20, 2017).
Employees found themselves unable to access the
funeral home’s email servers. The hackers also sent out
emails purportedly from the funeral home’s co-founder
claiming she was stranded overseas and begging
recipients to wire her money.
This cyberattack was just one of countless data breaches suffered by businesses
across countless industries in recent years. According to a 2019 report by cybersecu-
rity firm 4iQ, data breach incidents increased by 424 percent between 2017 and 2018
and small businesses have become leading targets for hackers seeking personal data for
large-scale identity theft schemes.
In recent years, hackers have begun to target the personal information of recently
deceased individuals in a process popularly known as “Ghosting.” According to the
American Association of Retired Persons, identity thieves used the identities of more
than 700,000 deceased Americans to “open credit card accounts” or obtain services.
And since it can take up to six months for the Social Security Administration, finan-
cial institutions, and credit reporting agencies to process death records, while grieving
family members are unlikely to check their recently deceased loved ones’ credit, such
Ghosting activity often goes undetected for weeks or months.
In 2018, The Independent reported that cybersecurity researchers observed hack-
ers selling large collections of recently deceased patients’ medical records containing
names, Social Security numbers, phone numbers, addresses, dates of birth, and insur-
ance information on the dark web.
Since funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematoriums possess such information about
decedents that can be used to steal their identities but are not subject to the stringent
data security laws and regulations governing health care, these businesses are appealing
targets for hackers seeking to assemble collections of personal information for use in
large-scale Ghosting schemes.
Shortcomings of the Funeral Rule

Funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematoriums are not subject to comprehensive federal
privacy laws, and the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule governing the funeral
industry does not address data security or confidentiality. As a result, funeral homes,
cemeteries, and crematoriums can potentially face serious legal consequences as a result
of data breaches.

THE ‘GHOSTING’ OF AMERICA
Only four states impose privacy obligations on entitles data subjects to bring private actions for viola-
funeral service providers enforceable by state licensing tions of the duty to implement and maintain reasonable
or oversight boards: security procedures for the greater of “actual damages”
• Georgia requires funeral directors to safeguard or $100–$750 per customer per incident.
decedents’ confidentiality, privacy, and dignity.
• Ohio prohibits funeral directors and crematory op- The GDPR
erators from disclosing the “confidences, privacies, The European Union General Data Protection Regula-
confidential facts, confidential opinions, or secrets tion (GDPR) took effect on May 25, 2018, and imposes
of life of any person.” stringent requirements on entities that process the
• Washington prohibits funeral directors from dis- personal data of European Union (EU) residents in con-
closing “information as to illness, cause of death, nection with offering goods or services to EU residents.
financial affairs, or transactions, and any other Therefore, funeral homes, cemeteries, and cremato-
information customarily considered confidential.” riums in the EU, and those outside the EU that provide
• Virginia prohibits funeral service providers from services to decedents who die in the EU or provide ser-
disclosing information vices paid for by family members
regarding infectious diseases [F]uneral homes, residing in the EU, could be subject
harbored by decedents. to GDPR.
While it is currently unclear cemeteries, and GDPR requires covered entities
whether the disclosure of confi- crematoriums in to document compliance, includ-
dential information as a result of ing creating a “record of process-
a data breach would violate these the EU, and those ing activities” demonstrating they
laws, funeral service providers outside the EU that have secured an adequate legal
could potentially face discipline basis for processing activities and
in Georgia, Ohio, Washing- provide services to made required disclosures to EU
ton, and Virginia under such data subjects.
circumstances.
decedents who die Funeral homes also handle
in the EU … could be “special categories of data,” such
Broader Legislative Action as health-related information or
Numerous states have enacted subject to GDPR. information about individuals’
data security and privacy statutes religion, ethnicity, or preferences,
that could apply to funeral homes, cemeteries, and cre- which are subject to more GDPR stringent regula-
matoriums. States including New York, Florida, Mas- tions. Moreover, covered entities must implement
sachusetts, and Texas, have enacted statutes requiring appropriate technical and organizational measures to
entities that own or license personal information to im- protect the security of the personal data they possess
plement and maintain reasonable security procedures and process.
appropriate to the nature of the information and the Data controllers subject to GDPR must inform the
size and operations of the entity, which are enforceable relevant EU supervisory authorities within 72 hours of
by state Attorneys General or administrative agencies. data breaches affecting personal data and are likely to
adversely impact affected data subjects. Covered busi-
The CCPA nesses outside the EU must appoint an agent-for-the-
The California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA), which service-of-process type in an EU country to maintain
took effect on January 1, 2020, requires any business compliance documents. Violations of GDPR are subject
that fits the following criteria to “implement and to a private right of action and administrative fines total-
maintain reasonable security procedures and practicing up to 4 percent of an entity’s annual global revenue.
es appropriate to the nature of the information: (A)
“does business in California”; and (B) has annual gross Other State Action
revenues over $25 million; (C) alone or in combination Moreover, all 50 states and the District of Columbia
buys, receives, sells, or shares the personal information have enacted statutes requiring any entity that owns or
of 50,000 or more consumers, households, or devices; licenses their residents’ personally identifiable informa-
or (D) derives 50 percent or more of its annual revenues tion to inform all affected individuals of a data breach,
from selling consumers’ personal information. often within specified timeframes ranging from 72
Larger funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematori- hours under California’s statute to 90 days under Con-
ums, including those outside California that service necticut’s statute.
California decedents or handle funerals paid for by Twenty-two such statutes, including those in
California residents, could be subject to CCPA, which California, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey, North

Carolina, and Texas, provide a private right of action for event of a data breach, as well as business interruption
violations while the other 29 statutes are enforceable by and remediation costs incurred as a result of such an
state Attorneys General or administrative agencies. incident.
Therefore, in the event of a data breach, funeral An interdisciplinary team headed by a law firm is the
homes, cemeteries, and crematoriums could be subject ideal partner for small businesses seeking to assess and
to numerous data breach notification laws. upgrade their cybersecurity, since it:
• Allows for a reduction in overall costs by sharing
A Higher Likelihood of Litigation the expertise of an established team of experts;
Given that the death and funeral of a loved one is often • Cloaks the process in attorney-client privilege
the most traumatic and emotionally charged event in that can limit discovery in the event of a lawsuit,
a person’s life, the funeral, cemetery, and crematorium administrative proceeding, or investigation; and
industry may have greater exposure to claims than most • Allows for one-stop shopping in which businesses
other industries under data security and data breach can have the benefit of a single team capable of
notification laws. providing technical services and advice as well as
Since a data breach related to the death and funeral legal advice regarding compliance, the legal impli-
of a loved one is likely to elicit a strong emotional re- cations of employee monitoring, and navigating
sponse, especially one in which a hacker uses a recently the legal and public relations impact of cybersecu-
deceased loved one’s identity to create financial ac- rity incidents.
counts and make purchases, those affected by a funeral
home data breach may be far more likely to file lawsuits Diane D. Reynolds, Esq., [email protected], is a
partner at McElroy, Deutsch, Mulvaney & Carpenter, heading
or reports with administrative or law enforcement
the Cybersecurity, Data Protection, and Privacy practice
agencies than those impacted by data breaches related
and has an extensive background in the representation of
to less traumatic and emotionally charged life events— private and publicly held entities in mergers and acquisitions,
such as retail purchases or vacations. corporate finance, compliance, corporate governance, and
Moreover, individuals who suffer emotional distress strategic growth initiatives. She possesses a unique depth
as a result of a data breach of a recently deceased loved of experience in privacy/data security combined with strong
one may be able to recover substantial emotional harm technology experience.
damages from a funeral home, cemetery, or crematori-
um found to have violated data security or data breach Bradford P. Meisel, Esq. [email protected], is
an associate at McElroy, Deutsch, Mulvaney & Carpenter
notification laws.
specializing in corporate transactions, cybersecurity, and
data privacy, and previously served as a Senate Judiciary
The Long-Term Partnership Solution Committee Law Fellow to U.S. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse
Funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematoriums might (D-RI) and Cybersecurity and Technology law clerk to U.S.
consider partnering with an interdisciplinary team that Senator Gary Peters (D-MI).
retains and supervises appropriate technology profes-
sionals in order to evaluate their cybersecurity risk, de-
velop, and institute measures to prevent data breaches, Emotional Harm Damages:
and ensure compliance with data security and breach
notification laws. The Impact and Likelihood
Such an interdisciplinary team can develop and im- As mentioned in a California appellate case, Lieberman v. KCOP Tele-
plement practical incident prevention and compliance vision, Inc., other statutes entitling plaintiffs to “actual damages” enti-
strategies that fit the specific needs, budgets, and risks tle them to emotional harm damages, even though California courts
faced by each business. Such strategies may include: have yet to determine the availability of emotional harm damages for
• Determining how to best allocate financial re- CCPA violations.
sources for cybersecurity upgrades to software and According to case law, of the 22 states that permit private ac-
hardware; tions for violation of data breach notification statutes, four, namely
• Diligently vetting and selecting secure devices and Illinois, Massachusetts, North Carolina, and Texas, allow plaintiffs
software; to recover emotional harm damages; three other states, however,
• Developing employee monitoring protocols; and namely Maryland, New Jersey, Oregon, and the District of Columbia
• Documenting and demonstrating compliance prohibit plaintiffs from recovering emotional harm damages.
with data security requirements imposed by state, Given that courts in the other 14 states have yet to address the
federal, and international law. availability of emotional harm damages in such actions, it is possible
After the assessment is completed and the risks that emotional harm damages could be available for violations of
identified, deathcare professionals might consider pur- data breach notification requirements in up to 18 states.
chasing cybersecurity insurance to cover liability in the

Can You Hear Me
NOW? ‘Voice’ Search
and Its Role in
Deathcare Marketing
by Welton Hong
SH
UT
TE
RS
TO
CK/
SE
NS
VE
CT
OR

“Let your fingers do the walking.”
O
NCE UPON A TIME, that line was a part of a brilliant marketing
campaign for the printed Yellow Pages. It implored consumers to save
time and energy by looking up business listings in this free phone
directory instead of walking (or, presumably, driving) around town.
Of course, that old-school way of looking up businesses has long

been replaced by internet research. Your fingers are still occupied,
of course, but they’re far more likely to be typing (or swiping) on a
keyboard than flipping through a book.
However, you might not realize that in 2020, even that process
of business research is steadily losing steam. Instead, many people
are learning about local businesses—including cemeteries, crema-
tion providers, and other deathcare service providers—by simply
using their voices.
No typing. No swiping. All they do is say, “Hey Siri,” or “OK,
Google,” to wake up a smart device and then ask a question. They
might ask what today’s weather will be or what’s in the news today.
They might ask a historical fact or check their shopping list.
Or, having learned of an unexpected death in the family,
they might very well ask Siri or Google (or another service)
for information on local cremation providers, for example.
And they’ll get it. This is happening more every day.
The Future is Now: Voice Commands

Over the last several years, mobile technologies have
become convenient and affordable, earning widespread
adoption across every demographic. We can get infor-
mation and even act on many things just by using our
smartphones and tablets.
The idea of using one’s voice isn’t exactly new. In
old science-fiction movies and television shows that
took place in the “far-off future,” characters often made
things happen just by talking to computers.
Buck Rogers and Captain James T. Kirk were accus-
tomed to gaining information and making things occur
simply with their voices. That surely seemed exciting to view-
ers, who could hardly get their own kids to do their chores even
after asking them 100 times.
Voice commands don’t always work great with kids. They might
work okay on a well-trained dog. And they certainly don’t work at all
with cats—cats will never do anything you tell them to do, and they
definitely won’t stop doing anything you want them to stop doing.
But some things have changed. Specifically, for several years
now, we’ve been able to get computer-powered devices to execute
commands. And over the past year or so, these devices have sky-
rocketed in popularity.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
That’s why it’s critical for deathcare pros in 2020 desktop for search. Google now prioritizes the us-
to understand that consumers now interact with their er’s mobile experience over the desktop one, so we’ve
world in very different ways. worked with our clients to focus on mobile optimization.
And now there’s voice. It can’t be ignored. To take
Virtual Devices and Assistants full advantage of the possibilities with voice search, your
You’ve probably used voice search on everyday items in website needs to start adding voice optimization to the
your home such as the remote control for your television process.
cable service or satellite provider. Just ask for “movies That doesn’t mean it’s time to forget all about desktop
starring Anne Hathaway” or “free action movies” or or mobile optimization. Desktop remains important.
“Hawaii Five-O,” and the computer in your cable/satellite Mobile is even more important. But voice absolutely
box pulls them right up. must be considered, because there’s a rapidly growing
It’s just like that, except devices such as Google Home trend of users searching by voice.
and Amazon’s Echo let you do much more. Voice search The 2019 holiday season had tons of smart speaker
has become massively popular over the past couple of devices on sale to the public. Commercials saturated the
years, as virtual personal assistants, such as Google As- airwaves showing people controlling all sorts of things
sistant, Apple’s Siri, Microsoft’s Cortana, and Amazon’s by just speaking to a device.
Alexa, have seen widespread adoption among The American consumer will always
everyday consumers. choose the most convenient way of doing
If someone needs immediate information something, as long as it’s affordable. As
on deathcare services, he or she can simply ask smart speaker systems have dropped in price
a device (often called a “smart speaker”) for and gained in utility, more Americans have
that info. opted in.
In just a couple of seconds, the device re- So should you optimize for the desktop,
turns results matching the person’s search re- mobile, or voice experience? You really need
SHUTTERSTOCK / AND4ME
quest. Some newer devices even have screens to do all three.

to display the information. And many now let
you do Wi-Fi calling. It’s About Convenience
Amazon Echo devices let people immediately
Picture this: order products just by speaking to them, us-
Tonya is at home, making breakfast, when she ing the Alexa intelligent voice search feature.
gets a call that her mother has If you have Amazon
passed away. Her mother didn’t
The American consumer Prime Now delivery service
have a plan in place, and it’s where you live, the item
Tonya’s responsibility to make will always choose the you need will arrive at your
arrangements ASAP. front door within a cou-
While still making breakfast,
most convenient way of ple of hours. Talk about
Tonya can ask her device for doing something, as long convenient!
“cremation services near me” Apple, of course, is doing
or “burial services near me” or as it’s affordable. the same thing with its Siri
whatever. The device relays in- voice search. Siri users can
formation for several options. If it has a screen, Tonya can search just by talking to their Apple watches now.
even see the results. Of course, deathcare is a completely different indus-
Tonya tells the device to call one of the businesses. try than retail. But that doesn’t mean it’s immune from
Tonya speaks to someone at the home and begins a con- technological advances such as voice search. This is the
versation to make arrangements for her mother. new way business gets done.
All in just a minute or two. All while still making Many consumers have a “cross-device journey,”
breakfast. beginning their research on one device and eventually
Yes, that is how some people are getting things done completing it on another.
right now. And that’s just going to keep growing into the That’s another reason you need to optimize for desk-
future. Voice control is becoming incredibly powerful in top, mobile, and voice. But as far as priorities, mobile
how people interact with their world. remains number one for now. Keep in mind that:
• Mobile advertising represents almost 75 percent of
Your Website and Voice Search all U.S. digital ad spending
Over the past several years, mobile has overtaken • 80 percent of internet users own a smartphone

• 57 percent of users say Many consumers have a With a smart speaker, you
they wouldn’t recommend don’t need to be able to see.
a business with a poorly “cross-device journey,” You don’t need to use your
designed mobile site hands. You don’t even need
beginning their research the device to be especially
Perfect for the Deathcare on one device and close to you. All you need is
Demographic your voice and your ears.
Some deathcare professionals eventually completing it And while it’s true that
remain skeptical of whether hearing also diminishes as we
people in their 60s, 70s, and
on another. get older, smart speakers are
80s use technology enough to designed with volume levels
justify a substantial investment in online marketing, that can be set very loud as need be.
much less tools for mobile devices and seemingly “cut- Smart speakers are perfect tools for people with
ting-edge” techniques, such as voice search. ability limitations, whether they’re disabled per se or
There’s a danger here of pre-judging others in the simply dealing with diminished sight or mobility due to
AARP crowd based on one’s own experiences. While age. That’s exactly the demographic deathcare service
some seniors aren’t especially inclined to adopt tech- providers target for not only immediate needs but also
nological innovations, others absolutely love it. Regular pre-needs, cemetery plots, etc.
smartphone use among older people has skyrocketed Voice search is both the future of search and the
over the past several years. present. The time to start optimizing for voice search is
But voice search is growing with this demographic right now.
even faster, and there’s good reason for that. As we get
older, many of us have trouble seeing, our hands and fin- Welton Hong is the founder of Ring Ring Marketing®
(funeralhomeprofits.com). He is also the author of Making
gers also may suffer from arthritis and/or carpal tunnel
Your Phone Ring with Internet Marketing for Funeral Homes,
syndrome, making it painful to type or even use a tablet.
2019 Edition.
Mom wanted a casket,

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AFTER THE FUNERAL
‘Ladies and Gentlemen

In This Corner, ...’
ALTHOUGH FIST-FIGHTING PROBABLY DATES BACK AS FAR AS
the caveman, the organized sport of boxing first appeared as a for-
mal Olympic event in the 23rd Olympiad (688 BCE). Egyptian art
shows men fighting bare-fisted with a simple band supporting the
wrists, but the earliest evidence of gloves or hand-coverings used in
the sport of fist-fighting appeared in about 1500 BCE. This depiction is
carved on a Minoan vase (from Crete) showing helmeted fighters wear-
ing a stiff plate strapped to each fist.
Fast-forward to today, where the rings—the actual battlegrounds—
are built of special materials and designed with the athletes’ safety in
mind. Their equipment also has been updated to the best materials,
training is more scientific, and training tables are supervised by dietary
specialists—much different from the 23rd Olympiad, where athletes
simply pounded on each other, flat-footed and standing toe-to-toe.
This article has been developed to pay homage to the athletes—the
Irish-born immigrants, the descendants from former slaves, and the
Caucasian prize fighters—relying on their athleticism to make a name
for themselves and hoping to be tough enough and last long enough to
take home the title belt.
by Alice Adams and Jim Kurtz

Muhammad Ali
(born Cassius Marcellus Clay); born Jan. 17, 1942, Louisville, KY;
died June 3, 2016, Scottsdale, AZ.
• Best Known For: Being a professional boxer and civil rights activist. Was widely
regarded as one of the most significant and celebrated sports figures of the 20th
century.
• Also Known For: Changing his name to Muhammad Ali when he converted to
Islam, and jeopardizing his boxing career when he refused to be drafted into the
military during Vietnam due to religious objections.
• Boxing Record: Ali won a Gold Medal at the 1960 Olympics in Rome. In 1964,
he won the WBA and WBC heavyweight
titles from Sonny Liston in an upset
victory. Ali was a three-time undisputed
heavyweight champion who reigned as
“King of the World.”
• Disposition: Buried at Cave Hill Cemetery
in Louisville, KY.
• Arrangements: The funeral home was
A.D. Porter and Sons in Louisville.
• Casket: Concord Mahogany made by
Mastercraft Casket Co.
James J. ‘Jim’ Corbett Smokin’ Joe Frazier

born Sept. 1, 1866, in San Francisco, born Jan. 12, 1944, in Beaufort, SC.; died Nov.
CA; died Feb. 18, 1933, in Bayside, 7, 2011, in Philadelphia, PA.
Queens, New York. • Best Known For: Competing from 1965 to 1981 and was the
• Best Known For: Nicknamed “Gentleman heavyweight champion from 1970 to 1973.
Jim,” and known as the “man who beat the • Boxing Record: Frazier won a Gold Medal in the 1964 Sum-
man,” referring to the only boxer to beat the mer Olympics. He was known for his strength, durability,
legendary John L. Sullivan during that era. formidable punching power, and relentless pressure fighting
• He became one of the “Big Money Fighters” style. Some of his opponents included Jerry Quarry, Buster
Mathis, and Muhammed Ali, whom he beat in the highly
whose showmanship in and out of the ring
dubbed him the first sports “sex symbol” of anticipated “Fight of the Century” in 1971. Frazier was beat-
the modern era during the turn of the century en by George Foreman in 1973 then lost in the “Thrilla in
(early 1900s). Rumored to have a college education, Corbett dabbled in Manila” in 1975 to Ali. After retiring, he appeared in several
film-making after his career. Hollywood movies.
• Of Interest: In 1924, Corbett had a friendly sparring match with the future • Disposition: Entombed in a private mausoleum at Ivy Hill
champion, Gene Tunney, an admirer of Corbett’s scientific style. Tunney Cemetery in Philadelphia, PA.
was amazed at the ability of Corbett to spar, even at the age of about 60, • Arrangements: The funeral director was Chandler Funeral
even claiming Corbett had a better defense than Benny Leonard. Home in Philadelphia.
• Also Known For: Corbett authored his autobiography under the title, The • Casket: a custom white 48-ounce solid bronze full top,
Roar of the Crowd; serialized by The Saturday Evening Post in six weekly round-end urn made by Matthews Casket Co.
installments during October/November 1894. G.P. Putnam’s Sons pub-
lished it in book form, marketing it as the “True Tale of the Rise and Fall of
a Champion in 1895.” In 1942, the story was made into a Hollywood film,
Gentleman Jim, starring Errol Flynn as Corbett.
• Disposition: Entombed at Cypress Hills Cemetery in Brooklyn, NY.
• Arrangements: Service held at St. Malachy’s Roman Catholic Church in
New York City. High mass was celebrated by Rev. John Hays of Sacred
Heart Church in Bayside. During the mass, thousands standing outside the
church were pelted by a relentless rain.
• Casket: Described in newspapers as “the 700-pound bronze casket.”
AFTER THE FUNERAL
Sonny Liston
born May 8, 1932, in Sand Slough, AR; died Dec. 30, 1970, in
Las Vegas, NV.
• Best Known As: The boxer who competed from 1953 to 1970, a dominant
contender during his era.
• Boxing Record: Liston became the world heavyweight champion in 1962,
beating Floyd Patterson in the first round. In 1964, he lost his title to Muham-
mad Ali.
• Disposition: He died under mys-
terious circumstances; buried at
Paradise Memorial Gardens in Las
Vegas, NV.
• Arrangements: The funeral director
was Palm Mortuary in Las Vegas.
• Casket: Stratford Permaseal solid
copper round-end urn design made
by Elgin Casket Co.
Joe Louis (born Joe Louis Barrow)

born May 13, 1914, in LaFayette, AL; died April, 12,
1981, in Paradise, NV.
• Best Known For: Nicknamed “The Brown Bomber,” and compet-
ed from 1934 to 1951.
• Boxing Record: Louis reigned as heavyweight champion from
1937 to 1949.
He partici-
pated in 26
champion-
ship fights,
lost his 27th
fight to Ez-
zard Charles
in 1950. In
2005, he
was ranked
Rocky Marciano (born Rocco Francis
as the best Marchegiano)
heavyweight born Sept. 1, 1923, died in a plane crash, Aug. 31,
fighter of all 1969, near Newton, IA.
time.
• Best Known For: Undefeated heavyweight champion who
• Disposition: held the title from 1952 until his retirement in 1956. He was
Buried at nicknamed “The Brockton Blockbuster” and “The Rock from
Arlington Broxton.”
National
Cemetery in
• Boxing Record: Marciano ranked by BoxRec as the fifth greatest
heavyweight boxer in history. His knockout-to-win percentage of
Arlington, 87.76% remains one of the highest in heavyweight boxing history.
VA.
• Disposition: Entombed at Forest Lawn Memorial Cemetery mau-
• Arrange- soleum, Fort Lauderdale, FL.
ments: The funeral director was Palm Mortuary in Las Vegas.
• Arrangements: The funeral directors were Hickey Funeral Home
• Casket: Omega 48-ounce solid bronze urn with a Doric frieze in Brockton, MA, and Fannin Funeral Home in Ft. Lauderdale.
finish, made by Batesville Casket Co.
• Casket: Hanover solid bronze Permaseal, round corner urn,
Britannia amber finish, made by Elgin Casket Co.

Sugar Ray Robinson (born Walker Smith, Jr.)
born May 3, 1921, in Alley, GA., died April 12, 1989, in Los
Angeles, CA.
• Best Known For: Competing from 1940 to 1965 in the lightweight, welterweight,
middleweight and light heavyweight divisions.
• Boxing Record: Robinson won 175 out of 202 fights. Often, his flamboyant lifestyle
outside the ring was credited with being the originator of the modern sports “en-
tourage.” When his boxing career ended, he attempted a career in entertainment
but was not successful.
• Disposition: He is buried at Inglewood Memorial Park in Inglewood, CA.
• Arrangements: The funeral director was the Angelus Funeral Home in Los
Angeles.
• Casket: Sutter Bronze finish Y-33 solid copper made by Batesville Casket Co.
John L. Sullivan
(a.k.a. “Boston Strong Boy”)
born Oct. 15, 1858, died Feb. 2, 1918, in Boston, MA.
Freddy Welsh • Best Known For: First lineal heavyweight champion of gloved
boxing, from 1882 to 1892, and the last heavyweight champion
(born Frederick Hall Thomas) of bare-knuckle boxing under the London Prize Ring Rules,
March 5, 1886, in Pontypridd, Wales; died July 29, being, arguably, the first
boxing superstar and one
1927, in New York City, NY.
• Best Known For: of the world’s highest-paid
athletes of his era. Newspaper
A Welsh World
coverage of his career gave
Lightweight
birth to sports journalism in
boxing champion
the United States.
nicknamed “The
Welsh Wizard.”
• Disposition: Sullivan died in
Boston with $10 in his pocket.
Blessed with par-
According to the county
ents who provided
where Sullivan died, he had
a privileged life,
an estate worth $3,675. He
Welsh left Wales
was buried in a snow storm
in 1903 for North
at New Calvary Cemetery in
America, seeking
Mattapan, MA.
his fortune. He
began his boxing
• Arrangements: Timothy J. Mahoney was the undertaker. Thou-
sands called at his home on Brook Avenue. His funeral, held on
career in Philadel-
February 4, at St. Paul’s Church, Woodward Park St. in Roxbury,
phia in 1905.
• Boxing Record:
was a massive event and newspapers across the country ran rem-
iniscences of his illustrious career.
Welsh held the
championship from 1917 to 1922. He lost five of 160 bouts in his
career. After boxing, he made bad business decisions and died
impoverished.
• Disposition: Cremated at Fresh Pond Crematory in Middle Vil-
lage, Queens, NY.
• Arrangements: The undertaker was Edward Devlin in New York
City.
John L. Louis funeral

procession, 1918
DID YOU KNOW …
Celebrities Who Died on May 5 (Cinco de Mayo)
1821 1983 2001 2002 2008

Napoleon Bonaparte, John Williams, British Cliff Hillegass, Richard “Dick” Irv Robbins,
French military leader actor (Family Affair, American publisher Yarmy, American Canadian-American
and Emperor of the Dial M for Murder), (creator of Cliffsnotes, actor (Get Smart, entrepreneur (co-
French, dies in exile dies at 80 a widely popular Arnie, Bone), dies of founded the Baskin-
on the island of Saint series of study lung cancer at 58 Robbins ice cream
Helena, officially from guides), dies at 83 parlor chain),
stomach cancer, but dies at 90
rumors of arsenic
poisoning persist

ONLY YOUR ACCOUNTANT CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
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of desire afterwards. Such as the hand- the perfect balance between ultimate
crafted, richly detailed solid mahogany quality and greatest affordability. That
Carved Top Princeston by Sich. Quietly is, at the end of the day, something both
elegant, it speaks volumes about the you and your families should aspire to.
For your nearest Sich distributor, call (888) 317-1929 or visit www.sichcasket.com
CELEBRATING JEWISH HERITAGE MONTH
Famous People
and Where
They Are Buried
Peter Sellers
(1925–1980)
cremation remains buried at
Golders Green Crematorium,
London; born Southsea,
Hampshire, England
As a British comedian and actor, Sell-
ers rose to prominence on the Goon
Show. He starred in the dark comedy,
“Dr. Strangelove,” rated one of the
greatest films of all time. He is best re-
membered for his role as inept French
police Inspector Jacques Clouseau
in the “Pink Panther” series of films
(1964–1982). Born Richard Henry
Sellers, Sellers was a descendant of leg-
endary Portuguese-Jewish prizefighter
Daniel Mendoza.
Rosalind Franklin
(1920–1958)
Lauren Bacall (1924–2014) buried at Willesden United
buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park, Synagogue Cemetery,
Glendale, CA; born in Bronx, NY Willesden, England; born
One of the leading female American actors of the London, England
1940s and 1950s. Born Betty Joan Perske, Bacall’s Franklin was a British chemist who
parents were Jewish immigrants from Poland and made significant contributions to
Romania. In 1997, Bacall received the Kennedy Cen- understanding the structure of DNA
ter Honors, and in 1999, she was voted one of the 25 and RNA, which led to the discovery
most significant female movie stars in history by the of the DNA double helix. Franklin
American Film Institute. also worked on the chemistry of coal
and viruses.

Golda Meir (1898–1978)
buried at Mt. Herzl National Cemetery, Jerusalem;
born Kiev, Ukraine
Meir became
foreign minister
of Israel and held
the post from 1956
until 1965. As one
of the few women
to hold so high an
office, Meir became
a famous interna-
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) tional figure. In
1969, Meir became
buried at Eden Memorial Park, Mission Hills, CA; the fourth Prime
born Manhattan, NY Minister of Israel.
Marx was an American comedian and actor who excelled in every Meir was con-
medium from the silent movie to film and radio. Marx’s family was sidered a strong,
of German-Jewish descent. Born Julius Henry Marx, he was the uncompromising
fourth son of Sam and Minnie Marx. He achieved fame with his leader of the new
brothers, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, and Gummo. nation of Israel.
Sigmund Freud
Irving Berlin (1888–1989) (1885–1939)
buried at Woodlawn Cemetery, cremated remains buried at
Golders Green Crematorium, Harry Houdini (1874–1926)
Bronx, NY; born Vitsebskaya,
London; born Moravia, Austrian buried at Machpelah Cemetery,
Belarus
Born Israel Isidore Beilin, Berlin was the Empire Queens, NY; born Budapest,
son of Leah Lipkin and Moishe Beilin, a Born to Hasidic Jewish parents, Freud Hungary
kosher butcher and cantor. He was a Rus- became an Austrian/Czech physician and Houdini, born Ehrich Weiss, was consid-
sian-American composer and lyricist, one a leading figure in the new science of psy- ered one of the most legendary magicians
of the most famous and prodigious song- choanalysis. Freud made an extensive study and escape artists in American history. The
writers in history. His “God Bless America,” of dreams and the subconscious to better son of a Rabbi of the Zion Reform Jewish
premiered in 1938, has been called the understand human emotions. Freud hoped Congregation, Houdini moved to Appleton,
unofficial national anthem of the United that by bringing the unconscious thoughts WI, from Budapest when he was 4. He took
States, for which he was presented with a and feelings to the surface, patients would the stage name, Harry Houdini, in honor
Congressional Gold Medal. He succumbed be able to let go of repetitive negative emo- of Robert Houdin, a famous magician who
to natural causes at the age of 101. tions and feelings. died in 1871.

CELEBRANT SERVICES
Preaching the Value of the Celebrant

Modifying Services to Meet Today’s Needs
by Phil Zehms
W
HEN A FAMILY WANTS a “different” kind of service or if the family is unchurched, funeral directors
tend to follow the path of least resistance and call “Pastor Friendly.” He is the pastor who will give you the
23rd Psalm, the Lord’s Prayer, and a poem (which may or may not relate to the deceased) all in a solid 18
minutes. Perfect! Some of these ministers are so good you can almost hear the robotic “insert name here.”
In these situations, there is a different way, a more organize my thoughts and stories into a meaningful ser-
personalized option—hire a celebrant. One of the greatest vice, often incorporating music or symbolic ceremonies.
services a funeral home or cemetery can offer is a cele- I remind others that a funeral is not a day in a lifetime;
brant. The need for these services has evolved it is a lifetime in a day. Telling the life story is
over the years. not always a “roast” with humorous anecdotes
It is our professional duty to give fami- about the deceased, although it can be. I am
lies options that help them create services I remind careful to reflect the life we are honoring and
tailored to meet their service needs and that speak the truth in a supportive way.
allow them to start a healthy grief journey. others that
Celebrants can be incorporated into services Working with a Pastor
that include a minister; and a minister can be a funeral is Services with Pastor Friendly can be comfort-
included in a celebrant service. ing to the “believer” but may not align with
not a day in the family’s needs. There are many families
The Role of the Celebrant who find the highly liturgical service, wrapped
It is important to understand that the cele- a lifetime; it in ritual, comforting. For others it can be
brant’s responsibility is to the family, not a awkward; they might be at a church where they
church or religion. The service is not about the is a lifetime have not actively practiced in years and unsure
officiant, or his or her personal convictions. when to stand, sit, or kneel.
The service is about helping the family and in a day. Many times, these families would be better
friends heal and to honor the life and legacy of served with what I call a “modified” service. A
the one that has died. modified service can be religious or secular and
A celebrant gives voice to the story that organized in any number of ways. A celebrant
needs to be told. One of the more challenging obliga- can present the eulogy at the service on behalf of the fam-
tions of a celebrant is to face the “elephant in the room.” ily. While some churches do not allow eulogies, or anyone
Difficult, abusive, or broken relationships, homicides, other than the pastor to speak during the service, the
suicides, extended illnesses, or sudden deaths are just a celebrant may have to tell the life story before or after the
few examples of those elephants. A celebrant is trained church service, or at the funeral home the night before.
to approach each situation without judgment, instead When a family is religiously mixed, an option is to
sharing the truth with compassion. have the pastor preside over the graveside committal por-
When I am asked to be a celebrant for a family, I try to tion of the services and the celebrant the chapel service.
introduce myself during the arrangement conference and This allows the celebrant to tell the life story in the chapel
set a time to meet them to hear their stories. While the and the minister to offer traditional prayers, blessings,
meetings can be at the funeral home or a neutral location and even holy water at graveside.
like a coffee shop, I prefer to meet at the family’s home. A “bookend” service is a way to modify a service.
They are more relaxed, and I can look around the house In this service type, the minister does the opening and
for clues into the life of the deceased. closing prayer and may share scripture, while leaving the
On a rare occasion, we must meet by phone. A family celebrant to weave facets of the person’s life together.
meeting can last an hour or two, and during that time These simple options can help the majority of the family
I jot down words, phrases, ideas, stories, etc. Later, I feel that we are listening to their needs.

Phil Zehms, Director of career in funeral service began in 1998, making
Working with Cemeteries Operations for the Parklawn video biographies. He learned best-in-class
Standalone cemeteries also can incorporate Corporation, oversees the service through experiences in pre-need and
and benefit from a celebrant. Having some- operations in the Kansas City at-need funeral, cemetery and pet services. He is
one who is trained to help can be forever market. His uniquely balanced a certified cremationist and a certified celebrant,
meaningful to the family and help build career gives him a perspective, a 2018 graduate of the ICCFA University, and he
heritage. appreciation, and understanding serves as secretary of the Associated Cemeteries
Often, cemeteries are asked to place of small, medium, and large businesses. Phil’s of Missouri.
cremated remains without funeral home in-
volvement. The family may or may not have
had a formal service. They may have had a
“celebration of life” or party at their home,
bar, or other location. The family comes to
the cemetery for permanent placement and
no one is prepared to guide them.
A celebrant can take that sacred moment
and help the healing begin. This is equally
effective when the family had a church
or chapel service and did not think it was
important, or simply forgot, to include their
minister in the committal. Recommending
a celebrant shows your commitment to
caring and high level of service.
Fees Vary
It is up to each celebrant and their sponsor-
ing funeral home or cemetery to determine
the celebrant fee. The fee can be split or
go entirely to the business or celebrant,
depending on your structure. A celebrant
charge should be more than a typical
honorarium paid to a minister, because a
celebrant will spend five to 10 hours prepar-
ing for a service, including a family meeting
that can easily last one to two hours.
When you hire a celebrant who is spe-
cifically trained to bridge the gap between
the formal and informal, the secular and
religious, and who is not afraid of family
dynamics, you will prove you are a leader
in the community because you will give the
family the support they want and need.
In short, facilitating a meaningful
service that includes a celebrant can lead
to increased client satisfaction, resulting in
increased market share and profits.

GOING GREEN
Thinking Outside the Casket:

Educating the Green Burial Family
by Samuel Perry
C
OMING FROM A RURAL COMMUNITY , “keeping it simple” has dominated conversations about burials.
My dad used to tell me not to fret over him. He’d say just “toss me in the back yard.” He didn’t know it, but
this left an impression on me; and I found he wasn’t the only one who felt this way.
Don’t worry—I’m not going to “toss” my dad in the effective and safe for the environment. Green burial is
back yard when he dies. But I hope to honor his wishes one of those options.
one day by laying him to rest in a simple manner—in Now is the time to start developing your green buri-
the earth, not unlike our ancestors did, no embalming, al elevator speech. An elevator speech is a marketing
no metal casket, and no concrete vault. strategy designed to pitch an idea to a buyer in the time
it might take you to ride in an elevator.
The time you have to establish your position is brief,
so maximize that time by focusing on the needs of your
The Green Burial Council (GBC) sets standards community and establishing three major talking points
that recognize and support those needs.
based on science and best practices to help the The three points that have always meant the most
in my elevator speech are (1) body care, (2) the burial
industry strive for a higher ethical standard. container, and (3) the cemetery.
With that in mind, imagine walking into an elevator
and someone says, “What do you do?” and you tell them
Selling the “Green” Option to Families you are a green burial mortician. Then he or she asks,
According to a 2019 National Funeral Directors As- “What is green burial?”
sociation consumer survey, over half of respondents
*Ding* (elevator doors close)
noted that they were “interested in exploring ‘green’
funeral options because of potential environmental and Green burial is burial with the environment in mind.
cost-saving benefits.” It’s just simple, the same way our ancestors buried their
Funeral consumers are interested in having environ- dead. There’s no embalming, in a simple pine box or
mentally conscious conversations about death, and it is shroud, and buried directly in the ground, without a
time to rethink how we offer new options that are cost burial vault.
Green burial is also a family-centered process that
invites participation at any step. This involvement
allows the family to create their own personal and
meaningful experience at the time of death.
It’s completely legal, too, as embalming is rarely
required by law, and the body can be preserved using
R E L A M PI N G alternative methods like ice or ambient temperatures.
The family could make their own simple burial
container, use a meaningful blanket, or buy a container
LED light bulbs
fo r C r y p t s & N i ch e s
made of natural materials.
There are more and more cemeteries that allow
D O I T YO U R S E L F burial without a vault, too. There are also cemeteries
that are specifically designed to conserve the native
s e p te ch n o l o g i e s .co m flora and fauna in a natural area via the use of burial.
1 8 7 7 5 1 5 - 4 67 2 These spaces are protected by burial and conservation
law to protect them from any future development and

allow all types of life to flourish there. For me, green burial is about Purchase the book designed for the course, Changing Land-
connecting life and death. scapes; Exploring the Growth of Ethical, Compassionate, and
Environmentally Sustainable Green Funeral Service, compiled
*Ding* (elevator doors open)
by Lee Webster (all proceeds go to the GBC to fund green burial
Don’t forget to say your name; a little self-advocating never hurt. education).
Hopefully, by now, you have someone in front of you with eyes
wide open about to ask a flood of questions (or run away—regard- Samuel Perry, [email protected], is a
licensed mortician who has volunteered with the Green
less, you got some practice).
Burial Council since 2010 as a funeral home compliance
specialist and advisor. He is currently working on his Master
The “E” Word: Ethics of Science in Education and teaches GBC310.
Green burial is becoming more prevalent, and now is the time to
help your community find options. Thus, preparing a sound bite
embedded with your ethics, services, and products for green burial
IN THE DEATHCARE INDUSTRY
is part of the cultural and environmental imperative for offering
sustainable funeral services.
There’s that word: “ethics.” What does it mean to be ethical as a
green burial provider? Since this is a fairly new concept in our mod-
ern world, options can be limited but you don’t want that to hinder
your ability to provide quality services. The Green Burial Council IN THE DEATHCARE INDUSTRY
(GBC) sets standards based on science and best practices to help
the industry strive for a higher ethical standard.
You might hear providers say, there are “shades of green,” which
may just be alluding to the levels and options available, but don’t
let it blur the line between what is environmentally safe and what is Dedicated and focused, Bill’s
not. This could be the first step toward “greenwashing,” or market- knowledge and experience of the
ing goods and services deceptively by hiding dubious aspects of a death care industry provides you
provider’s environmental profile. with value added services, enabling
Honesty and transparency are key when you are offering these you to focus on what truly matters
services. It is also important to strive to be better, any time we can, in such challenging times.
for consumers and the environment. Learn more about the GBC
cemetery, product, and funeral service standards by visiting www.
greenburialcouncil.org/our_standards. The GBC is composed of
both certification 501(c)6 and education 501(c)3 entities. Bill Newman, CPA
The certification entity works to maintain standards for ceme- Partner
teries, products, and funeral directors providing “green” services.
The education entity works to develop opportunities and materials
to educate the public and providers about natural burial. Togeth-
er, the two entities work to uphold the GBC’s mission: “to inspire
and advocate for environmentally sustainable, natural death care
through education and certification.”
withum.com
If you are interested in taking an online course on sustain-
able funeral services, you can join the conversation by taking
GBC310: “Changing Landscapes in Green Funeral Service”
through Mid-America College of Funeral Service found at https://
mid-america.edu/academics/programs-degrees.

CEMETERY IMPOSSIBLE
When Do We Tell the Staff

We Are Selling? Time for Some
Succession Planning
by Daniel M. Isard, MSFS
Dear Dan,
I am 67 years old and I have enough money to retire, and “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht.”
I’m ready to retire. I am the fourth generation owner of
a 103-year-old combination business. My question is not It means, “Man Plans
who to sell to but when do I tell the staff I am selling?
Signed
and God Laughs.”
Ready Freddy
Dear Ready Freddy, awkward; and it’s an event that leaves us vulnerable. But the
This is one of the most common unspoken issues in any more we talk about it openly, the more we all understand it
business succession plan. Thanks for having the awareness to as a normal part of life (you can determine if that last com-
want to discuss this. ment applies to sex or succession planning!).
You are 67 years old. Do you think your staff is not aware
of your age? Do people not routinely retire? The question is Steps to a Solid Succession Plan
not, “Will you sell the business?” The question is, “Will you Ready Freddy, your question is, “When do I tell?” Well, have
sell it while you are alive?” you followed these steps?
1. G et a valuation.
Exit Strategies 2. H ire a qualified broker.
Everyone going to a movie knows to immediately identify 3. V et possible suitors.
the closest exit when they sit in their seat. An exit strategy is 4. I nvite suitors to look at the business data (subject to a
critical for business owners and their families as well. You are Non-Disclosure Agreement)
either going to sell the business, pass the business through 5. G et offers of interest.
your will, or your estate and survivors are going to sell the 6. A llow for the best offers to come onsite to meet with you
business. What is your game plan? More importantly to your and see the property.
question, why are you keeping your game plan unspoken? 7. R efine the offers of interest into a Letter of Intent.
There is an old-world expression that says, “Mann Tracht, 8. G o through the final Due Diligence period (legal, lender,
Un Gott Lacht.” It means, “Man Plans and God Laughs.” tax, title, survey, environmental).
Every business will be sold. Your plan is to retire successful- 9. E nsure regulatory compliance (not required in all states
ly from the business you are acquiring as a 35-year old but to the same degree).
there is a 25 percent chance you will either die or become 10. S eal the deal: Closing and funding.
disabled long term. That is going to put the succession plan- In probably 90 percent of more than 500 transactions
ning up to someone else to accomplish. I have been involved in during my professional life, the
Your staff understands the math. Good businesses are announcement to sell comes either at Step 10 or within a few
sold or transferred. If you don’t have a key person who is days of it. If there is a public regulatory compliance approval
anointed as your successor, or a child or children who are needed, it could be at Step 9, as now it is going to be on the
anointed, then there will be a sale to a third party. As you public blotter for your state board’s approval.
get older, the odds your business will be sold to a third party Most sellers don’t want to let the cat out of the bag too
increase. You might not be talking about it; but trust me, soon, as a sale could fall through. Occasionally, a sale does
the staff is. They may be talking amongst each other, to their fall through, but it is less than 10 percent of the time. With
family, or to themselves. a good broker, it is even less than that. I have only had three
Why don’t we talk about succession more openly? The deals fall through in 40 years and each of them was caused by
same reason we don’t talk about sex more openly! It is the client or their ill-prepared lawyers.

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the Suppliers?
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CEMETERY IMPOSSIBLE
I would contend that if you go to your staff and say, also sure Sasquatch exists, but I haven’t seen it.
“During the year 2020, I expect to complete a sale of The issue is often more difficult in the funeral home
this business,” you will sell your business quicker and realm. Funeral directors often have some personal
for more money. Your staff will have questions at that goodwill. The buyer doesn’t want to lose that goodwill.
time and over the next few weeks. They may make a closing contingent upon the key staff
They may ask, “How is the sale coming”? And signing employment agreements.
you won’t need to have potential buyers disguised by In the cemetery realm, there is not much in the way
wearing overalls and welder masks as they tour your of personal goodwill. The sales team might be key, but
property. Your key people will make themselves avail- few people choose to be interred based on who owns or
able to meet with possible suitors. Suitors will see less works at a cemetery. Combination businesses have the
risk and therefore can be nudged by your broker to pay personal goodwill element of a funeral home.
a bit more. What could make a deal fall apart is when the buyer
Your fear is that the key people might object. Why wants assurances the key person will not become a
would they, unless they want to buy the business. Well, competitor. That is a real risk. The bigger risk is that the
let me tell you about a transaction we just handled. The key person takes or uses the confidential information
key people, upon being told, “I am selling the business from the business to make him- or herself valuable to
this year,” hired a qualified broker and secured the another business. This is a part of the due diligence that
financing to pay the seller 100 percent of the price she a buyer will look at if the key person does not seem to
wanted. Now, the business is owned by the two individ- want to remain.
uals who would have been responsible for running it if
owned by a large conglomerate. Get the Word Out
Freddy, tell the staff early. Get them involved. Get them
Covenant Not to Compete to talk about the physical property projects that will
The other thing that is critical is that the seller not only help show the business well. Have them be prepared
got 100 percent of the sale price, she got more! How can to talk to the suitors at some point (maybe at Step 6).
you get more? If this business was sold to a conglom- Discuss with the buyers whether they plan to keep staff,
erate, the conglomerate would have wanted about 10 their benefits, and other perks they may have employed
percent of the sale price to go to the key people as a in other acquisitions. Discuss with suitors what initia-
Covenant Not to Compete. That would have come tives they want to begin, which may impact the staff.
from the total sale price. The seller would have kept 90
percent. Now, the seller walks away with 100 percent Dan Isard, MSFS, is president of The Foresight
Companies LLC, a Phoenix-based business and
because she didn’t lose some of the sale price to the
management consulting firm specializing in
covenant because the key people are the buyers!
mergers and acquisitions, valuations,
Honesty and candor with the staff during this phase accounting, financing HR services and family
of business ownership is important. Might the staff surveys. He is the author of several books and
want to buy? Maybe. Most importantly, the staff is hundreds of published articles in industry
worried about job security. I have never seen a national magazines, including “The Director’s Finance 101” column. He
conglomerate come in and fire key staff without the can be reached at 800.426.0165 or danisard@
seller’s advance knowledge. I am sure it happens. I am theforesightcompanies.com.
for
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TRIBUTES & MEMORIALIZATION
Educating Families About the Critical

Importance of Permanent Placement
It’s All About the ‘Whys’
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
T
ODAY’S FAMILIES LACK AN UNDERSTANDING of the importance of By design, the tools are practical and
permanent placement and memorialization. This unfortunate trend goes hand- easy to understand. The poster educates
in-hand with the rise in cremation, which, in and of itself, is a perfectly acceptable families about the “whys” of choosing a final
choice. The problem I am addressing in this article lies in what happens next. resting place, and the brochure goes into
more depth about each of these “whys.”
More and more families are taking Educational Tools to Assist You When families choose cremation, you
cremated remains home with them, often “The secret in education lies in respecting have the opportunity—and, I would argue,
without a plan of what to do with them. the student.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson the responsibility—to educate them then
In the long run, home storage of remains For decades, I have advocated for the and there about the “whys” of choosing a
creates some unique challenges: importance of elements-rich funeral cere- final resting place and guide them in final-
• What do people do with the cremated monies. Full-service funerals are so critical izing all the decisions this choice entails.
remains they are accumulating in their because they help mourners, in multiple In the poster graphic and on the cover
homes? ways, embark on a healthy path to healing. of the brochure, you’ll see a vague tomb-
• When they move out of their homes, Unless deathcare providers like you teach stone shape with five colorful bursts in
perhaps into a retirement community them the value of the various elements of front of it. Each of the bursts contains a
or assisted living, do they take all the ceremony, today’s families often eliminate phrase that represents a critical “why” for
remains with them? visitations and the use of symbols (specifi- families to consider as they decide wheth-
• And when they, too, are gone, what will cally, the body), as well as essential actions, er to choose a final resting place for their
happen to all the remains? loved one.
• Will their children or nieces and neph- Being trained to effectively teach these
ews become caretakers? Mourning is expressing “whys” will allow you and your staff to gain
Other families are choosing to scatter knowledge, learn skills, close performance
cremated remains, which also can create
those thoughts and gaps, and preserve the value of permanent
long-term problems. In a 2019 National feelings outside memorialization. The beauty of compas-
Funeral Directors Association consumer sionately providing this information to the
study, 48 percent of cremation customers ourselves. And families you serve is anchored in the reality
indicated they prefer the idea of scattering mourning is how we that the highest level of a “customer-serve”
remains in a sentimental place. But without experience is teaching families something
a final resting place to know about and visit, begin to heal. they do not know.
many grieving people end up feeling adrift
and lost, not knowing where to direct their Teaching the Whys
grief. such as the procession, the committal or Realizing that many families have never
As a cemetarian or funeral director, inurnment, and the reception. been taught the “whys” of permanent me-
you are a professional with a time-tested, It is now also time for you to educate morialization, you’ll be prepared to educate
honored solution to this widespread and families about why they should consider them as follows:
growing problem. You are the key. You are allowing you to help them choose and me-
the person in the position to help families morialize a final resting place. Respect—
understand the value of permanent place- To assist you in your role as perma- Even in death, the body of a precious loved
ment and memorialization. nent-placement educator, I have created one deserves respect. When we place the
If you educate the families you serve, you two “Final Resting Place” tools: a poster to remains in a permanent, secure, sacred, and
have the power to help them make transfor- hang in your arrangement room as well as public location, we are forever honoring the
mative choices. Through education, you can your lobby, where any visitor can see and life of the person who died as well as the
help families make decisions that are good learn from it, and a brochure to provide to body that animated that life.
for them. and review with families.

Connection—
A final resting place is a special place for
you and others to visit, as well as a spot for
friends and family to gather and remember.
Again, without a final resting place to know
about and visit, many grieving people end
up feeling adrift and lost, not knowing where
to direct their grief. This often happens with
inaccessible, undefined, or unmarked scat-
tering locations and can be particularly pro-
nounced in cases when a person’s remains
are located in multiple spots.
Legacy—
Honoring family heritage is another es-
sential reason to select a final resting place
after cremation. The location you choose
will become a place for both friends and
family to pay their respects for generations
to come.
Expression—
Grief is what we think and feel inside us
after someone we love dies. Mourning is
expressing those thoughts and feelings
outside ourselves. And mourning is how we
begin to heal. Visiting a final resting place
often helps us mourn. It’s a healthy way to
give expression to our grief.
Of course, your job is always to educate, created several years ago, these new “Final
Peace of Mind— and never to strongarm. You are simply edu- Resting Place” tools will help you educate
As cremation becomes more and more pop- cating families about the important choices your families and communities about the
ular, many families are accumulating cremat- they have, because most of them are coming importance of funeral ceremonies.
ed remains in their homes. What will happen to you with little to no understanding of Thank you for everything you do each
to all those urns and other containers in the these choices. Then, you are allowing them day to support and educate grieving fam-
future? Choosing a secure, appropriate, final to make their choices, and you are honoring ilies. They need you, and the world needs
resting place for each loved one is a gift to those choices, no matter what they are. you.
the next generation. Instead of transferring By respecting each family’s unique con-
the burden to them, you take responsibility cerns, questions, objections, and choices Dr. Alan Wolfelt, drwolfelt@
centerforloss.com, is a respected
for creating long-term peace of mind. as you educate, you are building trust and
author, educator, and grief
strengthening your organization’s relation-
counselor. Recipient of the
See Yourself as an Essential ship with each. Association of Death Education
Educator In addition to educating each family, and Counseling’s Death Educator
As you and your team begin to educate your organization has the opportunity to Award, he presents workshops to
families about these “whys,” with the help educate your community about the “whys” bereaved families, funeral home staffs, and other
of the tools I’ve created, you’ll find that you of permanent placement and memorializa- caregivers, and teaches courses for bereavement
will become more comfortable having con- tion. For example, I suggest offering talks caregivers at the Center for Loss and Life
versations with families about the roles and on this topic at local service organization Transition in Fort Collins, CO, for which he serves
benefits of permanent placement and me- meetings and places of worship. as director. To explore the resources mentioned in
morialization. You will get better at answer- When used together with the “Why of this article, visit www.centerforloss.com.
ing questions and addressing objections. the Funeral” funeral-service materials I

INDUSTRY UPDATE
NEW PRODUCTS
The New England Casket Company has introduced its new line of paper
urns for scattering. With the continuous progress of people’s awareness
of environmental protection, consumers are more willing to choose such
environmentally friendly and economical products. Contact us through
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FUNDRAISING
When Don Roth, CEO of AmpliVox Sound Systems, set out to
raise funds for ocular cancer in memory of his wife, little did he
know how things would snowball. Recently, he explained his pas-
sion for his campaign in an interview with Commercial Integrator,
a publication for technology professionals who install technology
products across many industries. AmpliVox’s portable sound
systems and AV technology, lecterns, multimedia furniture are
employed by many commercial integrators. Nancy Roth lost her
six-year battle with ocular melanoma on September 4, 2018. Since
then, “Roth has led efforts to raise about $35,000 for the Eye
Tumor Research Foundation and the Ocular Melanoma Foundation
through a GoFundMe fundraising page as well as partnerships
with local restaurants and neighborhood businesses near Am-
pliVox’s headquarters in the Chicago area.” Pictured here (L–R):
Dr. Carol Shields, AmpliVox CEO Don Roth, and other members of
Dr. Shields’ Eye Tumor Research Foundation in Philadelphia.
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MEMBER NEWS
Pierce Mortuary Colleges Launches

Initiatives for Veterans
Recognizing military service members and Pierce Colleges is enthusiastically embarking
veterans, and their need to achieve rewarding upon,” said Jill Karn, chief operating officer of
post-military careers, Pierce Mortuary Colleges Pierce Mortuary Colleges. “The GI Bill offers a
(PMC) has launched an initiative focused on number of military educational benefits, plus
assisting with veterans’ benefits, tuition assis- each service has its own tuition assistance and
tance, and guidance through PMC programs. other means to help service members. Our
college admission advisors can help navigate
these and help active-duty or veterans em-
bark on a successful career track.”
For more information on Pierce Mortuary
To help launch this outreach, former Marine Colleges programs and how to maximize vet-
Corps Infantry Officer and true American hero erans’ benefits within the colleges’ curricula,
Eric McElvenny has joined forces with PMC visit www.pierce.edu.
to help promote the initiative. Eric’s service
and story is remarkable and inspiring. Eric de-
ployed three times as a Marine; but on his final
tour, in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, he
was wounded after stepping on an improvised
explosive device, or IED.
He suffered the amputation of his right
leg below the knee, a life-changing event that
began his next journey: to finish an Ironman
Triathlon. Now an inspirational speaker, Eric
knows first-hand the importance of veterans
adjusting back into civilian life and embarking
on a successful career track.
Eric McElvenny competes in the Ironman “This outreach to eligible military service
Triathlon. members is an initiative that each of our three Eric McElvenny on patrol in Afghanistan.
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IN MEMORIAM vice president, Trust Administration. Michael Casket Wise–Los Angeles; Central Ohio
John Marx Busch, of has over 25 years of experience in the finance Casket and Vault–Columbus, OH; Continental
Busch Funeral Homes, industry, where he held key roles with several Casket Company–Watseka, IL; and Grand
passed away February nationally recognized companies. Beth joined Meadow Casket Company–Grand Meadow,
23, 2020. John was the ClearPoint in 2013, coming from the personal MN.
third generation to lead trust division at JPMorgan in Chicago.
Busch Funeral Homes,
believing it was his National
ministry and calling, and followed in the Guardian Life
footsteps of his grandfather, Gustav and Insurance
father, Milton. He was very proud when his Company (NGL) Johnson Consulting Group (JCG) has an-
sons joined him and became the fourth has promoted individuals and reorganized the nounced its partnership with Domanicare.
generation of this legacy. John was very structure of its Pre-need sales team. John Through this partnership, JCG will have
honored to be the second generation to serve Baker was promoted to vice president of streamlined aftercare support by utilizing
as secretary-treasurer of Selected Indepen- Strategic Partner Development. Cameron Domanicare’s texting capabilities. JCG’s Per-
dent Funeral Homes (NSM). Black was promoted to vice president of Sales formance Tracker clients will aim to increase
and Business Development. Jennifer Ka- the relationships between families, funeral
ON THE MOVE set has joined NGL as regional vice president. homes and cemetery businesses. Domanicare
Funeral Jennifer is focused on developing and specializes in using text messaging to deliver
Directors Life nurturing Pre-need partnerships. Judy aftercare support to families who are grieving
has an- Olson was promoted to regional vice their loved ones. Through Domanicare, fami-
nounced the president. Judy has more than 10 years of lies have access to Domani for Grief, an online
addition of experience in the insurance industry. support platform with courses and resources
Rosanova Scott Christina Carl Wackerle is now regional vice presi- that are readily available for those in need.
Rosanova as active sales manager for dent and has been at NGL for nearly 20 years. Not only will this partnership create notable
Minnesota, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Missouri, In his role, Carl will assist Marketing Partners customer experiences, clients can also expect
and Keindra Scott as active sales manager for with Pre-need, as well as AssetGuard sales. to see higher open rates, more online reviews
Texas and Oklahoma. Christina is an Casey Wolfe is now regional vice president and better metrics for improving staff perfor-
award-winning sales representative and has and joined NGL in 2011. Casey’s nearly 40- mance. When purchased together, customers
led teams to multimillion-dollar revenue gains. year career has been in the funeral industry, will receive 20% off Performance Tracker and
Christina has experience in account manage- including at-need and Preneed sales. Dave Domanicare services.
ment, department development, and sales as a Anderson brings more than 30 years of
pre-need insurance agent. Keindra has a financial services and technology expertise to
successful background in pre-need sales, team NGL in the role of executive vice president &
building, and sales management in the funeral chief operating officer. Dave will also provide
profession. overall leadership and direction to the Pre-
need business.
ClearPoint Homesteaders Life Company, a national
Federal Bank PARTNERSHIPS leader in pre-need funeral funding, is collab-
& Trust, a SICH Casket has orating with Drake University to offer the
federally announced the Sixth Annual Certificate in Strategic Business
chartered onboarding of six Management course for funeral profession-
savings bank new distributors als. The class will take place at The Citadel
that has been during calendar in Charleston, SC, June 15–17, 2020. The
providing trust year 2019. These three-day course is designed and taught with
and record- new distributors Drake University to help funeral home owners,
keeping services to the funeral and cemetery join the other 20 managers, and candidates for succession
industry since 1998, is proud to announce two SICH distributors adopt business management best practices
significant strategic team advancements: the in the network that ensure long-term success. Topics include
addition of Michael Johnson to the senior and enable SICH to enhance its brand business planning and strategies, marketing
leadership team as senior vice president, presence throughout North America. The six for the future, financial and legal strategies,
Investment Management; and the appoint- new distributors and their locations: Bour- business valuation, and succession planning.
ment of Beth Kmiec to the ClearPoint Board geois Casket Company–Lawtell, LA; Carolina Attendees will gain experience from case
of Directors and her promotion to executive Southern Funeral Service–Bamberg, SC; studies and interactive, application-orient-

MEMBER NEWS
ed learning exercises. The curriculum also families through any of their many convenient shipinman.com and aims to extend the reach
includes instruction on defining business locations in Cincinnati. Spring Grove will honor of its services with new features and expand-
success metrics. and guarantee all pre-planned and pre-funded ed content. The new website was designed
funeral arrangements. with customers in mind. It is accessible from
NorthStar, one of the any device, and includes features that make
nation’s most NEW PROJECTS obtaining a shipping quote, submitting a first
esteemed funeral call, or entering a Travel Plan sale even easier
home, cemetery, than before!
crematory and
permanent memorial- NEW PRODUCTS
ization providers, has
named Inman Shipping Worldwide as its
preferred provider of shipping services. “A one Passare, Inc. has announced its public API
call solution for our shipping needs domestic (Application Programming Interface) that can
and internationally will save time and allow now allow any website provider to integrate
our associates to spend more time serving with Passare. An API is like a key that unlocks
their families,” states John Renfro, chief the information within Passare and allows it
operating officer. “It is an honor to be named to be sent to another website. With Pas-
the Preferred Shipping provider for NorthStar sare’s API, funeral directors can enter funeral
Memorial Group,” Inman CEO David McComb. information from service details to obituaries
Inman brings over 40 years of experience (and more) and then transfer the information
bringing loved ones home for ceremony and to their website with the click of a button. The Messenger, a leading provider in stationery,
looks forward to working with NorthStar public API provides a secure connection to funeral service, and personalization solutions,
funeral professionals and the families they Passare for website providers who have been has launched a new top-tier stationery series
serve. granted Passare’s API key. Data can be trans- entitled Monarch. The Monarch series is part
ferred on a case-by-case basis, which means of Messenger’s new M Collection brand of
the funeral home can decide which cases are top-tier stationery designs. “We designed the
transferred over. Monarch series to be the next generation of
top-tier funeral stationery,” says Alicia Nor-
man, director of Product Services at Messen-
The International Order of the Golden Rule ger. The oversized register book cover is made
(OGR), has welcomed Everdays as its newest Inspired Journeys LLC has announced its in the United States from natural alder wood
partner. Everdays bridges the great divide launch as the Midwest’s first woman-owned, and bonded leather. The book pages feature
between the modern consumer and traditional family-centered natural deathcare provider. a modern marble texture and foil accents
pre-need marketing. The first-ever mobile app The company offers innovative end-of-life throughout. The extra Gallery Pages between
that builds an audience of invited family and doula services, home funeral education, and sign-in pages provide an enhanced guest
friends around every at-need case, Everdays funeral celebrant services in the Twin Cities sign-in experience. Interiors can be infused
brings the home’s advanced funeral services area. “Inspired Journeys is dedicated to em- with Gallery Pages featuring six popular art
to new and engaged consumers. powering families toward natural death care themes exclusively available from Messenger.
through individualized consultation and part-
ACQUISITIONS nership, with guidance from caring experts,” New Memorials
said Angela Woosley, founder of Inspired Direct has
Journeys. Angela has been a state-licensed released an
mortician for 15 years, and for more than a de- innovative men’s
SPRING GROVE
Cemeteries Funeral Homes Cremation cade taught in the mortuary science program bracelet option.
www.springgrove.org
at the University of Minnesota. She became a Crafted of braided
The Spring Grove Funeral Homes, a wholly certified celebrant in 2017 through the InSight black leather and
owned subsidiary of Spring Grove Cemetery Institute, and in 2019, she trained as an end- stainless steel, this
and Arboretum, has announced that it is ac- of-life doula with the International End-of-Life new bracelet is
quiring Gump-Holt Funeral Home. Gump-Holt Doula Association (INELDA). available in three convenient lengths: 8", 8.5",
Funeral Home was founded by John and Olga or 9". The bracelet features a magnetic slide
Gump in the 1930s and later operated by their clasp closure that is both stylish and secure.
daughter, Marilyn, and her husband, Larry R. The front of this clasp can be engraved with
Holt, for nearly 60 years. Although the funeral the family’s choice of actual fingerprint,
home building on Glenmore Avenue will soon The newly redesigned website for Inman handwriting, text engraving, or a combination
close, Spring Grove is committed to serving all Shipping Worldwide has gone live at www. of these options. To inquire about this or any

of New Memorials Direct’s products, please
call 1-877-995-8767 or visit www.NewMemori-
alsDirect.com. The eco-friendly
alternative to cremation
Bogati Urns has and burial
released the The International Order of the Golden Rule
addition of a new (OGR) has announced its nominees for the
package featuring a Exemplary Service Awards. These member
line of birthstone firms are being recognized for the outstanding
cremation pen- customer service they provided to families
dants. The new during their time of loss. Each one has been
Bogati birthstone selected based on comments families gave
jewelry package includes 12 stainless steel through OGR’s Family Contact Program. Of
pendants with a simulated birthstone for each the 23 nominees, only three winners will be
month, a chain and microfiber jewelry pouch chosen and recognized at OGR’s Celebra-
for each pendant, and a white, linen, glass- tory Luncheon at the Annual Conference &
front presentation case. To view all Bogati Urn Solutions Center in Asheville, NC on Monday, Pet Systems
Company’s jewelry packages, visit https:// April 20.
bogatiurns.com/product-category/
memorial-jewelry-packages/. Sixty-one Wilbert
licensees have
HONORS & RECOGNITION earned the 2019
Ultimate Service
Provider designa-
tion from Wilbert
Funeral Services,
Inc. (WFSI). The
Ultimate Service Provider is the highest
service honor for Wilbert licensees, achieved
Senior account executive Brandon Full (East by passing rigorous onsite inspections in
Region) has been named the Homesteaders manufacturing and service. “Wilbert is proud
Account Executive of the Year. The award to have the most stringent inspection
Human Systems
recognizes the account executive who best procedures in the industry but we are even
exhibits the qualities required to provide more proud of our Licensees who achieve “Since offering Aquamation
superior support to funeral home custom- Ultimate Service Provider,” said Terry our market share has
ers. Brandon joined Homesteaders’ team in Whitlock, senior vice president, Licensee increased dramatically.
2007. He was also recognized as the East Products & Services. “A Licensee must receive Families have driven out of
Region Account Executive of the Year and at least eight points out of ten in each and their way to come to us,
was inducted into the prestigious Pioneer every category that is scored in order to be passing 4 or 5 of our
Club. Several other Homesteaders account designated Ultimate Service Provider.” competitors to ensure
executives were honored during the event, Aquamation is used for
including: Jamie Dravecky, Central Re- National their loved one.”
gion Account Executive of the Year; Nicole Guardian Life
Henderson, Rising Star Award; Jill Lambert, Insurance
West Region Account Executive of the Year, Company (NGL)
West Region Territory Development Award, has received an A- (Excellent) rating from AM
PartnerPointsÒ Service Award, Territory Man- Best. This rating reflects the excellent ability
agement Award; Bob Mollenkopf, East Region of NGL to meet its ongoing insurance policy
Territory Development Award, Highest Annual and contract obligations and further attests to
Volume Award; Joan Schoborg, Pioneer Club its financial strength. “Our AM Best rating is www.aquamationinfo.com
Inductee; Renae Shay, Home Office Account pivotal to our future success and is a true
Executive of the Year, Home Office Territory measure of NGL’s financial strength and (317) 386-3500
Development Award, Positive Attitude Award, business model effectiveness relative to the
Pioneer Club Inductee; Gary Weisenbach, industry and our peers,” said Knut Olson,
Central Region Territory Development Award, president and chief executive officer at NGL.
Commitment Award.

NEWS
See What’s New at ICCFAU!

JULY 17–22, 2020 | EMORY CONFERENCE CENTER | ATLANTA, GA
Jeff Kidwiler, CCE, CSE, ICCFA University Chancellor
I have had the pleasure over the past 28 cremation operations, and increase your catering management. Topics range from
years of seeing the ICCFA University from all company’s cremation-related revenues. basic event planning to interpreting finan-
sides—first as an attendee and graduate, then You’ll also earn three types of certifications: cial budgets, leadership, and catering team
as a professor in several colleges and dean of operator, administrator, and arranger. management.
the College of Land Management & Grounds Classes include: Crematory Operator Classes include: Intro to CX and Hospitali-
Operations for five years, and, today, as ICCFA Curriculum; Administrator Curriculum: The ty; Hospitality Isn’t Just About Being Nice!
University Chancellor. And I am honored to 4 Pillars for Success – What Every Leader The Legal Liabilities and Risk Management
serve once again. Needs to Do to Maintain a Successful Cre- in Hospitality Service
Why is ICCFAU so life-changing and one of mation Business
the most revered educational programs in our • INTERNATIONAL STUDIES—Dean Jim
profession? The program is more than Hammond
just a training seminar or conference—it Globalization is making the
is an experience. world a much smaller place to
The experience starts from the live in. Are you sure that you
moment you arrive and actually con- know how to serve families of
tinues for the rest of your career. The all nationalities and religious
professors and fellow students you backgrounds in your commu-
share the week with will become lasting nity? Learn about the funeral
friends. The memorable conversations customs of major religions and
with fellow students during meals are population groups from around
enlightening. The opportunity to sit on the world.
a couch and have a late-night fireside Classes include: Hispanic
chat with Gary O’Sullivan is priceless. Culture of Death and Dying in
Everything you learn will alter the Mexico
lens through which you view the profes-
sion from that point forward. This is a
• J. ASHER NEEL COLLEGE OF
SALES & MARKETING—Dean
situation where the whole is much more
Gary O’Sullivan, CCFE
than the sum of its parts.
ICCFAU boasts eight colleges in tune with • FUNERAL HOME MANAGEMENT—Dean The principles of sales and
Todd W. Van Beck, CFuE marketing don’t change; only technique
our profession today:
Too many managers consider “creativity” and application do. Learn how to take the
• 21ST CENTURY SERVICES—Dean Glenda someone else’s department. In funeral tried-and-true principles of cemetery and
Stansbury, CFSP service, creative management is the key to funeral sales and apply them within today’s
How do you respond to a family who says, differentiation. You’ll learn Dr. W. Edwards highly mobile, multi-cultural, high-tech,
“We don’t want a traditional funeral”? You’ll Deming’s creative service management information-driven marketplace.
learn how to go beyond tradition with inno- system and its specific applications to our Classes include: Generating Leads Without
vative offerings and become certified as a profession. a Phone?; Learn Why You Should Never
funeral celebrant trained to provide mean- Start a Presentation Focusing on Price and
Classes include: People: The Double-Edge
ingful alternatives to clergy-led services. Product
Sword; The Legal Aspects of Funeral and
Classes include: Celebrant Training Cemetery Service • LAND MANAGEMENT & GROUNDS
• CREMATION SERVICES—Dean Jim Starks, • HOSPITALITY & CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE— OPERATIONS—Dean Gino Merendino
CFuE, CCrE Dean John Bolton, CCE, CCrE, CSE, CXE Exceptional cemetery service starts with
Cremation doesn’t have to mean “no Going into its third year, this college is the grounds and operations department.
service” or “no memorialization.” You’ll dis- designed to give students a foundation Without effective land management and
cover how to better serve families, improve in funeral home/cemetery hospitality and a commitment to an attractive, well-main-

tained property, there will be no sales or This year, the experience will be fresh for
service. You’ll learn how your grounds students and faculty alike, as ICCFAU finds a
management team can succeed and con- new home at the Emory Conference Center
tinuously improve interments, landscaping,
Hotel at Emory University in Atlanta. With
buildings, grounds maintenance, and excep-
state-of-the-art meeting rooms, excellent
tional client experience and satisfaction.
audio/visual technology, and fantastic dining
Classes include: OSHA and Graveside Safe-
spaces, the Emory Conference Center will be a
ty; Modern Cemetery Development
perfect backdrop for this year’s University.
• LEADERSHIP, MANAGEMENT & ICCFAU is the ultimate educational oppor-
ADMINISTRATION—Dean Gary Freytag, CCFE tunity in our profession. Everyone involved in
The cemetery, cremation, and funeral ser-
the University is proud to continue this one-
vice profession is changing and so are the
of-a-kind experience by which thousands have
skills needed to manage and lead effective-
ly. You’ll receive solid, relevant, results-fo- already enriched themselves, their firms, and
cused training targeted toward today’s ultimately their customers through superior,
required core competencies. relevant, and contemporary service.
Classes include: Become a Leader Worth I encourage you to enroll in the 2020
Jeff Kidwiler, CCE, CSE Following!; Corporate Culture: How Strong session of the “U” to begin, or continue, your
Is Your Foundation? journey of professional development.
I CC FA M E M B E R S H I P B E N E F I T S P OT L I G H T
Save Up to 80% on Your Prescriptions
with the Free U.S. Pharmacy Card
ICCFA members can save up to 80 percent on prescriptions at thousands of pharmacies
across the country, including CVS, Walmart, Walgreens, and more. With the free U.S.
Pharmacy Card, one card covers the entire household, has no fees, and will never expire.
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To see more ICCFA membership benefits and services, visit http://users.iccfa.com, log
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NEWS
And the Award Goes to the Purrrfect

Choice—Cleya, the Cat!
ICCFA’s 2019 Golden Paw Award Winner
As the first feline to ever win the Derek Flynn
Golden Paw Award, Cleya has made history in
her own adorable and purrrfect way. Below is
Cleya’s story as told by her owner, Cherie Fry.
One of the things in life that truly amazes
me is the love and joy an animal can bring into
our lives. I guess that is why I love them so
much. Each pet I have ever had has brought
their own charm into my life with their person-
ality, souls, life lessons, and so much more.
As you all know, our four-legged compan-
ions do so much important work in so many
ways. Some pets are domesticated house
pets, some are medical alert, some are ther-
apy, some protect our streets, neighbors and
the U.S. Borders, and then there are some that
companion the grieving hearts in counseling
offices, homeless shelters and funeral homes.
Cleya, pictured here,

showing off for the camera.
I am truly honored to say that our very field, after their human mom took a fall and
own Cleya has won the 2019 Golden Paw was no longer able to care for them. I adopted
Award with her work in grief companioning them both. Each took on a role here at the
for pet parents who are dealing with loss and center and they took their jobs very seriously.
death of one of their own furry friends. Sadly, Cleya’s paw brother died in May
Cleya’s work has amazed me for the last 2019. Cleya, in many ways, has even picked up
eight years. It was eight years ago that I some of Garfield’s jobs, such as door greeter.
watched her climb into the lap of a grieving Cleya has always been steadfast in her work,
pet parent as the tears rolled down his face even with the loss of her brother. Seems
from his loss. The gentleman held her in his almost every family that meets her wants to
arms, stroked her fur as he told me stories take her home because of her calming gentle
of his beloved pet child. The calmness Cleya nature.
brought to his soul was just amazing. I am so honored to be receiving the Derek
And Cleya has never looked back. Every Flynn Golden Paw Award on behalf of Cleya;
parent and child who walks through the Paws but most importantly I am proud to call her
To Angels Pet Loss Center doors is looked my pet child.
after by Cleya, whether to crawl into a lap, Thank you, Cleya, for being who you are,
wipe away tears with a sweet little swipe of and for companioning each and every Paws To
her head on a cheek, or give a gentle nudge Angels Family on their grief journey.
on the arm or forehead, she is there to lend a
Submitted by Cherie Fry, CPLP, Paws To
Cherie and Cleya celebrating helping paw.
Angels Pet Loss Center, Omaha, NE, www.
the holiday season together. Cleya’s journey in life brought her to Paws
ptapetlosscenter.com
To Angels in June 2012 with her brother, Gar-

Welcome New ICCFA Members!
• Park Avenue Columbaria • Lewis E. Wint & Son Funeral Home,
Sinking Spring, PA Inc.
Clarkston, MI
• Hauck Enterprises Ltd
Port Neches, TX • Baltimore-Washington Crematory
LLC
• SecuriGene Technologies Inc. Laurel, MD
Vancouver, BC, Canada
• Woven Remembrance • Clarke’s Funeral Home • Carewell Cremations
Gladstone, MB, Canada Fairfax, VA
Aledo, TX
• Capstone • Cremation Center of Southern Utah • South-View Cemetery Association
St. George, UT Atlanta, GA
Medina, OH
• Robbie Iyer Bespoke • Hixson Brothers LLC • Green Acres Cemetery
Alexandria, LA Columbus, GA
Valencia, CA
• Stifel Nicolaus & Company • Bergen Funeral Service • Fairmount Cemetery City of San
Hasbrouck Heights, NJ Angelo
San Luis Obispo, CA
San Angelo, TX
• Sunburst Memorials • Eldringhoff Funeral Home Inc.
Saint Cloud, MN Anthony, KS • Memory Gardens
Albany, NY
• Honor You Memorial Products • Morris Funeral Cottage
Montclair, NJ Cheraw, SC • The Catholic Cemeteries
Mendota Heights, MN
• Indus International, Inc. • Truckee Meadows Cremation &
W. Salem, WI Burial • Walton’s Carson Gardens Cemetery
Reno, NV Reno, NV
• Kyber Columbaria & Consulting • First Memorial Park Inc.
Maidstone, ON, Canada • Sam Isaacs & Son Ltd.
Kingston, Jamaica San Antonio, TX
• Diamond Urns • City of Kearney Cemetery
Tucson, AZ • Heights Family Funeral Home
Billings, MT Kearney, NE
• Full-Circle Aftercare
Kaysville, UT • Lake Shore Funeral Home &
Crematory
• Gather Waco, TX
Meridian, ID
• Shain Family Funeral Service
• Pet Haven, LLC Durant, OK
Ooltewah, TN For more information
• Bryan-Braker Funeral Home
• Trinity Pet Loss Services Fairfield, CA about ICCFA and
Trinity, FL
• Gipson Pendergrass People’s membership, visit
• Elite Payment Group Mortuary, LLC
Sanford, FL Smithville, TX www.iccfa.com/
• Selected Independent Funeral membership
• Ada’s Mortuary, Inc.
Homes Sinajana, Guam and download an
Deerfield, IL
• Pure Casket Funeral Service & application form. Or
• IncredibleBank Supply
Wausau, WI Selangor , Malaysia , West Malaysia call 1.800.645.7700 to
• Affordable Burial & Cremation • The Stumpff Family Funeral Homes speak to a membership
Service Tulsa, OK
Austin, TX associate.

UPCOMING EVENTS
June 9, 2020 July 17–22, 2020 October 11–14, 2020

The Connecticut Cemetery ICCFA University ACCA Annual Conference 2020:
Association Spring Meeting and Emory Conference Center Hotel, Grave Expectations
Scholarship Golf Outing Emory University, Atlanta, GA Canberra, ACT Australia
The Watertown Golf Club, Litchfield Stay tuned for more details. Visit https://accaweb.com.au/events for
County, CT details.
Visit http://ctcemeteryassociation.org for
more information. July 20–23, 2020
Becoming an Effective Grief Educator February 8–11, 2021
Fort Collins, CO “Creating Meaningful Funeral
June 15–17, 2020 Hosted by the Center for Loss and Life Ceremonies” Four-Day Workshop,
6th Annual Strategic Business Transition featuring Dr. Alan Wolfelt, To Facilitated by educator Dr. Alan
Management Certificate Course reserve a seat, visit www.centerforloss. Wolfelt
The Citadel, Charleston, SC com. Scottsdale, AZ
Sponsored by Homesteaders Life For more information and to register, call
Company in collaboration with Drake 970.226.6050 or visit www.centerforloss.
University. Learn more and register for September 15–17, 2020 com.
this event at www.homesteaderslife.com/ ICCFA Executive Leadership Summit
drake. Mountain Shadows Resort in Paradise
Valley, AZ June 28–July 1, 2021
Stay tuned for more details. Becoming an Effective Grief Educator,
June 29–July 1, 2020 Hosted by the Center for Loss and
CBCE 2020: The Cremation Society Life Transition featuring Dr. Alan
Annual Conference: Honouring the Wolfelt
Past, Evaluating the Present, Shaping Fort Collins, CO
the Future To reserve a seat, visit www.centerforloss.
The Hilton Ageas Bowl, Southampton, com.
England
Visit www.cremation.org.uk/Latest-news.
ADVERTISER INDEX
American Cemetery/Mortuary Consultants Inc. (ACMC). . . . . . . 57 Jack Goodnoe. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

Answering Service for Directors (ASD) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Keeper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
Aquamation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Kryprotek . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Argent Trust. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Madelyn Co.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
The Bancorp. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 Nomis Publications Inc.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67
Batesville. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C2 Obermayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
Bio Response . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 Passages, International. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Bogati Urn Company . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 PETS, LLC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
C&J Financial, LLC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 PlotBox . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Continental Computer Corp. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Premier Columbaria. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Eagle Granite Company. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 RKS Lanka. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Ensure-A-Seal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 SEP TECHNOLOGIES INC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
Flowers for Cemeteries. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Sich Caskets. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Foundation Partners Group. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C3 Springfield Coach Group. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Funeral Call Answering Service . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Supply Link - Multiview. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
funeralOne�� C4 THE SYSTEM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
Grever & Ward Inc.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 U.S. Metalcraft. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Honor Life. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Wilbert Funeral Services Inc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Infinite Innovations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Withum, Smith & Brown, PC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
International Memorialization Supplier Association (IMSA)�� 61 Zontec Ozone Generators. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

SHERI STAHL
THE ISLAND FUNERAL HOME & CREMATORY
“WE’RE A
CREMATION-
FOCUSED
FUNERAL HOME,
AND WE WANTED
A PARTNER TO
DRIVE OUR
CORE BUSINESS
FORWARD. ”
My father was ready to retire from working cremation specialists for a long time and we
in our funeral home business, and I wanted knew Foundation Partners was the perfect
to know all the options available to us. After fit. We quickly learned they would move the
doing a great deal of research, we knew business forward in the ways we’d dreamed
Foundation Partners was the best home for and envisioned over the years. We’re very
us. We share the same strategic mindset, but happy with our partnership decision, and we’re
more than that, our goals aligned. Even though confident our families are going to receive the
we’re a traditional funeral home, the majority best care they need and the services they want
of our families choose cremation. We’ve been without compromise.
Foundation Partners Group Get in Touch

4901 Vineland Road, Suite 300 1-888-788-7526
Orlando, FL 32811 FoundationPartners.com

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MEMENTO MORI

Make it personal with Batesville’s Shown: Montgomery

Make it personal at Batesville.com/FamilyChoices

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Line-up of Available V-Class Models:

For More Information, Call 1-417-866-6565 or visit www.SCGLimo.com

A Member Benefit You Can Be Proud of

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Tatia L. Gordon-Troy, Esq.,

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These are Unprecedented Times

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Looking Toward the Future

Nadira Baddeliyanage has served as

MAY 2020 MEMENTO MORI 9

FTC’s Decennial Review of the Funeral Rule

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From ‘We’ll Meet Again’ to ‘Sweet Caroline’

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We don'tt auto ship. Check your

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Another student reflected: GREVER

Student Obituary Excerpts

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Recent Additions other agreed-upon day if they are not

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Choosing Argent is choosing the same peace of

With 30 years of experience and an in-house

FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT:

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Slow to Take Hold

SHUTTERSTOCK / MOTORTION FILMS

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One of the most

with their babies…

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been listening or participating. That is, until fairly

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So, what does this mean to those of us whose liveli-

An artist’s rendering of what

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What is a green funeral? natural setting. Any shroud or casket that

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Susan Cushing is a freelance writer for Memento

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