So how do you feel about victims and how would you feel about heroes and how would

you feel about prosecutors

and which role would you like to fill today.
All right.
Because if we are not aware of the roles we are filling or are most likely going to
be unconsciously
fulfilling one or two or perhaps even three.
Whether we're aware of it or whether we're not what I'm going to suggest or I'm
going to take a really
interesting quote here by a guy called Leo Tolstoy.
All right.
The start of old growth is the introduction of higher states of conscious
awareness.
All right.
And if you think about what growing up actually means for you.
What does growing up mean does growing up just simply mean getting bigger getting
your big boy pants
on you big girls pants on something like this does it.
Does it mean and getting a sensible job.
Does it mean buying a house.
Does it mean paying all your bills on time.
Does it mean all of us or does it mean something else.
Well we're all meaning making machines I guess we all get to decide doesn't it.
But I'm going to share with you an interesting idea right know that you might like
you might not like
but whether you like or whether you don't like it isn't gonna be because what I'm
saying is bad.
It's just been it's going to be a response to the meaning that you're signing into
what I'm about to
say I'm going to say the old growth is spiritual.
Right crazy idea.
All growth is spiritual.
All right.
No let me unpack this little idea.
In your hometown in your home nation how many guys do you know that spend days of
the week down the
gym pumping iron working out pumping up the biceps puffing up the packs and
building up the quads.
How many guys join or walk around like glass.
All right.
BOWDEN up there both of their muscles on their physical strength.
All right.
And there's a new near to where we live.
There's a local gym.
No I've got a membership there.
I'm going to be honest with you but I must be one of the laziest gym members going.
You know why.
Because you know I'm gonna say this anywhere else.
This is a secret just between you and I.
All right.
See when I go to the gym I don't actually go to the gym I just go and sit in the
steam room and the
sauna and chill out.
All right.
Then all the rest of the guys come in once they finish their workouts on the set.
Oh you had a good workout today.
Paul and I just say Oh yeah.
You know I'm just really super hard workout today.
The secret is I've just been sitting in the spa for 45 minutes all right.
I just go there at a cello and relax.
All right.
My days are better on my biceps are long gone.
I give that nonsense up in my late twenties these days I like to build up my
character and build up
my spirits instead.
All right now I'm using this word spirit not because I'm a super spiritual guy not
because I believe
in angels angels or whether it's I'm not saying that they don't.
I'm just not saying no saying that I've never seen one.
Right.
So I can't vouch for them.
I'm saying all growth is spiritual because the process of maturation in life is
about us growing up.
And I would say off the limiting beliefs that we develop about ourselves back when
we are young.
If you think about it right we're all brought into the world as little bambino as
kind of like as clean
slate.
Are we right.
We don't know how to do anything.
We don't even know how to feed ourselves.
We don't know how to change our nappies.
We don't know how to speak.
We don't know how to do anything.
So you know we're pretty much the second we're born we enter into this life time of
learning and we'll
have to learn.
No there are different ways that we can approach learning.
We can approach learning for the purpose of filling our heads full of academic
information and theory
and knowledge and all that kind of stuff and then we can be Mr. and Mrs. smarty
pants for the rest of
our lives or we can simply look and get into education for the purpose of
understanding that which we
are learning so that we can grow as human beings.
Guess what.
Growing in knowledge isn't the same as growing incompetence or growing in maturity.
Maturity starts with the day we take responsibility for our lifes.
So want to build upon this idea of the victim.
Guess what a victim hasn't yet done a victim hasn't yet to take responsibility for
themselves and some
victims will see.
Yes yes yes but this person done this thing to me this said that thing to me I was
involved in this
traumatic relief event but I genuinely arm a victim.
And how I would like to respond to that is yes granted fact.
We have absolutely no control over those things that happen to us.
Some people might say and do some terrible things to us throughout the extent of
our lifetimes.
But guess who has the choice as to how it is that we respond.
That's right.
My friends we do.
Which means that we do enough to be victims.
We can be victors all of the time if we so choose.
But that's going to be determined by how mature we are.
Maturity has got nothing to do with age it's got nothing to do with how big our
biceps are.
It's got everything to do with our willingness to take responsibility for
ourselves.
So these are the seven levels of conscious awareness that I would like to present
you with and unconsciousness
complete unawareness are where people are operating this place a victim the world's
effort to get me
the world's a scary place and as bad man over there there's bad women over there.
You know pure me and the victim that he dropped me on my head mummy never gave me
enough clothes my
boss is a bad man my teacher is nasty to me the world is out to get me boo hoo will
someone come along
and be my hero I'm like all that kind of thing.
Well if you think about it and the attitude that people have when they're operating
from this place
it's generally one of apathy isn't it.
Do you know what I mean.
What does it mean to be a pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic little pathetic is
quite pathetic isn't
it.
And we're operating in this place of indifference in life where we're completely
consumed with how we're
being treated what we're getting what we're not getting on the center of our life
is just simply ourselves
it's kind of like if there's a God out there in the universe than we are it we are
he we are she we
are whatever it is.
All right the way that we see things is a way that things actually are people who
are completely blind
to this idea that we respond more to our perception of reality than what we do
towards reality itself.
All right.
So growing and awareness is about us growing to identify that how we see things
isn't always how things
are.
Granted we might see ourselves as a victim and it might be the case that someone
has victimized us but
whether we choose to behave like a victim or that's our call.
All right.
The victim mindset is one of how I've lost I'm defeated I'm broken.
I need fixed.
I need someone to come along and heal me.
And this is why as I mentioned in that last video much of the self-improvement
industry is made up of
mystics and healers and witch doctors and gurus and voodoo people and stuff like
this and.
Yeah.
Granted right.
You can be the most mystical magical healer in the whole world.
But guess what.
Much mystical healing don't do mystical magical healing don't help people to take
responsibility for
themselves.
All right.
It just promotes this level of irresponsibility and dependency.
You with me.
I'm coming out with some quite controversial stuff today and saying my goodness I
hope that I'm not
offending you too much.
But if you are offended guess who's responsible for that.
Is it me or is it.
No it's you.
And how you were interpreting what I meant what I'm saying.
So here let's loop this move up a level here.
Let's move away from being a victim.
We don't want to be a victim anymore and because it's completely disempowering
isn't it.
Being a victim doesn't serve us doesn't serve anyone else.
You know if I am a victim today I've lost an you're certainly not gonna win for me
being a victim saw
us growing a maturity is about us just simply identifying that the way that we're
currently living our
life isn't serving us.
Me being a victim I can go around and trying to get as much sympathy from people as
what I want to but
so what.
When will enough sympathy be enough When will enough people knowing my story be
enough people know my
story.
All right.
When we get sick and tired of ourselves when our desire to change becomes greater
than our desire to
remain the same we grow.
And then we grow into a place of conflict and conflicts a great word.
All right.
And think about it think about children.
All right.
When children are young.
All right have you ever known a young child to enter into that place of defiance.
All right.
It doesn't matter if you see black.
They are going to see white.
It doesn't matter if they see stand up.
They are gonna sit down even if they want to stand up.
If you tell them anything they are just going to enter into this place of conflict
with you.
Why.
Because I'm guessing the one commonality that we all share is that we want to be
standing alone responsible
for our own lives.
I mean when we are fully responsible for ourselves and owning ourselves once the
day we're actually
free human beings we have known many people over the years to claim that they want
freedom.
They want financial freedom.
They want to be pursuing their passions and their purpose and all this kind of
stuff.
But yet they complain as victims sitting in a dead end job that they absolutely
hate when I say so why
are you remaining committed to this job.
And they say because I have to I have to pay the bills I have to pay the really
extortionate mortgage
that I have and I need my really big car in the driveway and I need my three
holidays a year which means
I've got to stay in the job that I have I'm a victim because I can't pursue the
things that I really
want to pursue in life and things will remain the same for people until they decide
to change and this
is where conflict comes into play.
All right.
Personally I'll never really change much in my life.
If I could give an example of my relationships here I will know that something
needs to change about
one of my relationships or about something that I'm doing.
When I started getting angry with us our frustrated anger is a fantastic emotion.
All right.
Why.
Because it has energy attached to it.
Some people beat themselves up for angry if I for being angry but angry kind of
points us in the direction
of what we perceived to be an injustice.
And when we see or identify an injustice.
Well guess what.
This can give us a sense of purpose if we will but choose to get off our back ends
and do something
about it.
All right.
This is where the defiance kicks in.
All right.
No I'm not going to play your game your way anymore.
I'm going to play my game my way because I want more than being a victim I want
more than being tied
down to you I want to be free I want to get my big boy pants on and get out in the
world and start being
a bit more of myself all.
But this is the journey of growth.
Everyone is at some some stage of this journey.
Once we move beyond conflict we can stay in current conflict for a while.
But what I'm gonna suggest is a Romanian conflict forever isn't a particularly
effective way of winning
friends and positively influencing people.
When we were in his place of conflict we're in the place we're working things out
then but we might
not have the full carburettor to give voice to that which we are seeing and
understanding within ourselves.
So sometimes what we'll do when we go through this place of conflict is we will
reject people will take
our anger out and people were looking to deny and just change the old way of doing
things until we then
step into a heightened state of responsibility when we step into this place of
responsibility.
It's not like the people who we were you know submitting to previously were bad.
It's just we didn't know any better back then so sometimes in order for us to
really start moving forward
in our own lives we need to forgive the people for the grievances that they have
and influenced us experience
at some point in the past.
And we enter into more of a place of cooperation working alongside people working
with people partnering
with people rather than simply working for people and submitting submitting to
other people's so-called
authority.
All right then for me entering this place of responsibility.
Guess what.
I start winning then.
No it's not so much about you winning but at least for the first time in my life
I'm winning because
up until then I was losing or you were or you were losing.
Does that make sense.
All right.
You may have wrestle with this idea because you're gonna be somewhere on this on
this on this journey
as well beyond us taking responsibility for ourselves.
We will grow into naturally a place of concern.
No efforts to share with yet my own journey here.
And after leaving the military as I've fallen to this place this pit of despair.
I've fallen into that hole.
I perceived myself as being the victim for many years.
All right.
The military didn't give me the support that I needed.
I terminated my service society wasn't there to support me or woe is me I'm the
victim of the disempowered
weak little man.
All right.
That's how I saw myself.
It wasn't until I got to this place of conflict I got angry with myself got angry
with the world got
angry with right society is not going to sort me out no one's going to take
responsibility for me here
I've got to take responsibility for myself dammit.
All right.
And this is the issue that at some point bro going to have to embrace from there
and then simply hard
to forgive the people that I previously had grievances with because it wasn't their
fault.
Why why my life had gone the way that it had gone it was my fault.
I was to blame I'd simply take responsibility for myself.
No.
All right.
But from here I entered into a place of natural concern the right concern because I
know all myself.
I wasn't so much focused on what I can get and how people can fix me and heal me
and give me anymore.
I was actually just in a place of freedom able to identify the world outside of me
and it became a bit
more compassionate.
What I was able to see was my goodness I'm actually not the only guy who's
struggled through this transition
from military to civilian life.
And that was largely when I first got into cogent when I identified and developed
this concern.
My goodness you know I've overcome some stuff I've I've actually learned how to
take a greater degree
of responsibility for myself and I can see all my fellow ex military brothers and
sisters out there
they're really struggling with this stuff.
I'm just a few steps ahead but I'm guessing this is what qualifies me to guide them
through the process.
Me myself have already just just been through.
If I make sense servitude my focus then became all about them.
You win.
No.
My wife Karen will second this for the first couple of years of our marriage and I
stayed at this place
of concern.
All right I wanted to save the world.
I wanted to change the world I wanted to include absolutely everyone in my life and
I wanted to coach
everyone I wanted everyone to know and understand what I'd come to know and
understand about life.
Making sense of our life meaning life purpose direction how to overcome issues and
get out of the hole
when I thought that my life purpose was all about helping people get out of the
hole.
So I wanted to help the whole world get out of their hole in fact they even assumed
that everyone was
in a hole.
So far from here.
I just included everyone entered it with so many people in my life and the demands
that were being made
off me just got a little bit unmanageable.
There's an old saying and this is it.
This is like life is kind of like a water fountain.
If we have more people drinking from our fountain than what we have water going
back into the fountain
the fountain is going to eventually run dry and in the same way if we have more
people taken from our
life than what we have investing into our life then our life is going to run dry.
Well guess whose life kept on running dry.
That's right minded and to keep them going from burnout to burnout to burnout to
Barney night because
I was coach and I was helping I was mentoring I was giving off my time giving off
my resources.
Yes I'd learned the Kris lesson on a head level but a hunt so much learned the
Chris lesson on a heart
level.
So guess how many more Chris's I brought into my life.
That's right.
Lourdes.
Why.
Because they look different.
And incidentally the crisis of the worlds might not necessarily just be the guys
who you see standing
on the street corners drink and drugs and down and out.
Sometimes people will find themselves in this hole whilst operating as a CEO for an
international company
or whilst playing for a premier league sports team or quietest topping the charts
with no music albums
and things like that.
All right.
The whole looks different for everyone.
Plus we've talked about the whole no you should be more than aware of what the hole
looks like for you.
Either way when a person is in this place of being in the hole all right they will
most likely have
a level or degree of the victim mindset.
But from this place of concern we really are committed to the process of serving
others because we understand
when we've kind of lost it all once we've lost everything and sometimes it takes
people to reach this
stage of life.
We come to appreciate that there's not really much more that we can do with a life
apart from apart
from give when life becomes about more than just us and about us not just getting
anymore.
Our perspective changes.
We start asking the question How can I be more valuable.
How can I start giving back.
How can I make a difference in the world.
What sort of legacy do I actually want to leave behind me here.
So we start asking ourselves a lot more mature or you know a lot more mature and
really helpful questions.
Reconciliation.
Reconciliation is about us no stepping up once again.
All right.
And a more mature way of thinking and looking at life.
We're now looking for something in our peace.
No.
I'm going to be completely honest with you.
I don't know if you can relate.
When I first started coaching and mentoring many years ago I was never really
coaching and mentoring
from a place of inner peace.
Why.
Because I needed to serve people on some level I actually needed to get results for
people I needed
to be people's hero.
All right.
When I was working with people who were operating as victims.
All right.
It ticked my boxes to be the hero.
Why.
Because for many years I really struggled with little confidence and low self-
esteem in my life.
So for me it really tick tick my box is when people were seen while Cain.
You are being so helpful and so valuable and so useful in my life.
It's kind of like you're my hero.
Although we don't really see that birth said we see words along those lines and I
would love it.
Why does it take all my low self esteem boxes.
All right I'm just being honest with you.
But that was a level of maturity that I was at at the time.
Reconciliation was OK today.
I don't want to do anything I don't want to work on any projects I want to work
with any people either
want to say yes to anything unless I am coming from an operator I would toss this
place off NRP if I
sense that I'm needing something from someone if I'm needing something from a
project I'm not going
to do it I'm gonna look to identify what it is that I actually think or assume that
I need because that's
going to be a perceived deficit in my life.
Which means that I'm not going to be operating from a place of wholeness and
fullness if that makes
sense.
This only really happens when we reach this place of acceptance on one level
unconditionally accepting
other people for their imperfections for their flaws far their slow selfish habits
for their bad attitudes
as we also make peace and accept them ourselves our own imperfections our own flaws
our own failings
and failures.
Why.
Because many people go through life needing to get it right needing to be perfect
and all that kind
of stuff.
But when we can just simply make peace with ourselves and accept the fact that we
are flawed and imperfect
people rather than trying to get it right or trying to be perfect or be our best or
anything else it
leaves us free just as simply enjoy the process and do our best.
If that makes sense and when we reach this place we're entering our relationships
be this intimate relationships
social relationships professional relationships work and relationships not from a
place of need but
from this place of unconditional acceptance and tolerance which means that everyone
can win.
I can win but you can also win and this is a great place to be operating as a
coach.
From from his place of reconciliation.
When you're working in replace of inner piece you're not going to be stringing your
clients along just
for the purpose of getting more money or anything like this.
You're gonna be here just simply getting them into this same level of an peace that
you yourself are
art regardless of what their circumstances or life situations are.
You know that it is possible to find peace whether we have much or whether we have
little or no.
You might be thinking these are some big ideas right now.
You might be thinking oh my goodness how do I get to this place my friend.
I should gauge their throat.
The next few sections of the course.
All right.
Remember all we're really doing here is rebuilding a house.
We've got the foundations down no no we're building up layer upon layer upon layer.
Right there's a journey all right.
It's a journey that we're on and synthesis.
All right so we know a growing and conscious awareness were growing and maturity
and this is where we
are actually star living our life from this place and our joy.
No I'm not being weird and wacky and wonderful here but what I'm saying is am
generally around about
70 to 80 percent of the time.
I absolutely love life.
Don't get me wrong I don't always love challenges I don't always love crisis.
I certainly don't love being on the receiving end of other people's nonsense and
judgments and assumptions
and all the stuff that people bring into our lives.
But most of the time I'm generally operating from a place of joy and peace a love
life.
I want to make the most of it though.
I had this experience last year when I was initially given the all clear from
having breast cancer.
All right so as you can possibly imagine and I went through a season of life where
I didn't know whether
I was going to live to see another year in office or right.
And this brought a level of concern into my life.
And when this concern came into my life I had an option as to how I was going to
respond and when I
live the rest of my life worrying about whether I'm going to die or not or I'm
going to live the rest
of my life actually enjoying the process.
This was pretty much what elevated meto a whole new level of life and a joy and it
gives us wisdom.
It does.
It gives us perspective for are we actually here to achieve what is our purpose.
What are we are actually looking to accomplish here.
Why are we doing what we're doing.
Why are we saying yes to the things that we're saying yes to.
Why are we saying no to the things that we're saying not too far.
What purpose.
What do we actually want to achieve here.
It helps us live life with absolute clarity and when we're operating in these
places well it becomes
so so easy to discern where other people are aren't.
Makes it easy to say yes to people north of people.
What we're not going to want when we're operating on this level is to be surrounded
by people who are
just going to take take take take take from us what we're looking for here is a
level of oneness to
foster a culture of relationships in our life and people that are going to
compliment our life and whose
lives we can compliment.
All right.
It's not about hierarchy.
It's not about I'm up here down there.
We're very very far removed away from victims and heroes and perpetrators right.
That was kind of like yesterday.
Year that was so yesterday wasn't it.
Right.
We get to this place.
There's only one more level that were then able to reach and I'm still in the
process of getting there
I'm not gonna say I'm fully there yet because I'm not.
But as I'm sure that passion is about 11 from a place of absolute passion all of
the time.
Now you may get snippets of this but I'm teaching courses like this.
If you've ever watched me do a Facebook life I don't always communicate perfectly.
Granted sometimes I will put my foot in my mouth and say things like that.
If you've ever watched the Facebook Live you'll know what I'm talking about.
But what I am doing I'm always operating from a place of absolute passion doing my
very very best to
communicate that which I seek for the purpose of making a difference for the
purpose of leaving some
sort of meaningful legacy behind.
All right.
Can you say that you're doing the same.
If not.
Well I'm guessing this is going to give you a vision and a direction for the years
to follow.
Am I right.
When we get to this place all this left for us to do is create.
We don't want to be dealing with people problems we don't want to be managing money
and dealing with
issues all the time we just want to spend the rest of our life creating with
intentionality.
Why.
Because it's only that which we go on to create that we ultimately get remembered
for.
Are you with me.
We're gonna be remembered and to different levels will be remembered by those who
know us intimately
for being who we actually are if we're actually willing to share them and we'll
also be remembered for
that which we leave behind.
We're talking about loving for the purpose of a legacy on this level.
Most of these levels down here if you compare that to the bottom here which is
letting for self live
in for a quick fix will live a few happy well even if you were nice about ourselves
which is all quite
meaning less but if we just revisit that idea that a share of the star of the
section of the course
and put this what is the meaning of life.
Well I'm guessing when we're living from a place of absolute passion we're creating
things that we love
creating all day every day for the purpose of making a difference and live in
something meaningful behind
with intentionality well how much more of a meaningful way could there be to live
life and what I'm
hoping of just shown here through this video is the process of growth that all
people seriously want
to be going through and in life if we are not growing we are consequently dying.
So many of our clients who come to us for coaching they are going to be somewhere
on this journey and
remember as a life coach.
All you ever need to be is one or two steps ahead and these seven steps these seven
levels are the kind
of steps that I'm that I'm referring to make it catch in what I'm cookin.
Listen I could give you some workbooks but what's the point.
All right all I'm really going to invite you to do is you might have to go back and
re watch this video.
All right.
It's taken me years to really understand this stuff on the level that I now
understand.
All right.
So you might be nodding your head and saying yes.
All makes sense.
But just because it makes sense doesn't mean that you're necessarily going to
understand that at this
stage I'm going to implore you and encourage you to go back and watch this video
again.
Maybe not right away but at least in the next week or so night to really get your
head around these
seven levels of human consciousness and self awareness.
This is the direction that you ultimately want to be great in your life coaching
clients moving forward.
So we find this video insightful useful interesting and I look forward to seeing
you again in the next.