つきひアンドゥ

愚
物
語

CHAPTER THREE
TSUKIHI UNDO
Colophon
First published as part of 愚物語 (Orokamonogatari) by N O N (pp. – )
Based on the rst edition (Tokyo: Kodansha, October )
Translation and typese ing by »sawa«
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Contents

Glossary
Additional notes

Note
Places where the additional notes can help are marked with
a ※. Clicking on it will lead you to the relevant place. The
glossary helps with vocabulary.
All names are given family name- rst, with kana spelling.
Observational Report on Araragi Tsukihi, the Shide no Tori
№ Submi ed by: Ononoki Yotsugi
In other words, me. It’s meee~. Yay, peace peace.
The eternal aberration the shide no tori has (as of
writing) taken the form of Araragi Tsukihi. Almost half a
year has passed since the beginning of my observations.
Subject has not transformed or acted in any signi cant
manner.
Subject’s appearance has been consistently Araragi
Tsukihi; a er all, the subject is only Araragi Tsukihi. The
most one can say is on her frequently-changing hairstyle,
but to extract meaning from this phenomenon would be in
vain.
Plus, frankly, her behaviour also seems to suggest
meaninglessness. She acts on impulse, her reckless actions a
product of her own whimsy, always avoiding work she
dislikes. This instinctual nature makes her creature-like, if
not an exemplary one.
An oddity.
An aberration, a monster, an immortal.
Yet the subject acts like a creature is a creature.
Such is her; such is her nature. Comprehensible as it may
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be, it remains unbelievable. One might even be led to think
that this kid is an ordinary human being.
Despite this, her level of camou age is such that even an
expert’s assistant such as myself can be fooled. The shide no
tori is not to be underestimated.
I now know why Gaen-san let me stay in the Araragi
household, even a er the business in Kitashirohebi Shrine.
Although her orders were to observe Araragi Koyomi and
look out for his sister at times, in reality one’s priority
should be less about the certi ed harmless Araragi Koyomi,
but on minding his younger sister’s potential dangers; such
is the truth. An inability to perceive this would be my failing
as a shikigami.
In retrospect, it can also be concluded that Araragi
Tsukihi is the root cause of this town’s numerous crises.
henever something happens in this town, one can say
with certainty that it is related to Araragi Tsukihi a girl at
the centre of the vortex.
Amidst the ames waltzes the shide no tori.
The shide no tori itself harbours no ill will. However, for
an immortal oddity to exist near the core, some irregu-
larities are inevitable and with it, negative effects.
ithin his family, the development of Araragi Koyomi’s
personality leaving aside his complex towards it is
most obviously affected by his youngest li le sister.
This is not a question of good or bad.
This is beyond good and evil.
A far cry from being right or wrong.
 |
For such an existence, a ridiculously ridiculous, non-
existent existence, for her to wave the ag of justice is, from
my perspective, quite ludicrous. At times, one has even
almost forgo en one’s duty, and thought of calling her out
with a loud ‘Oi, oi!’
If I dare venture in this Compliance Centre report, I
would even say I myself am not suited for this job. However,
Gaen-san regards this decision and arrangement as one
done at the right place, with the right talent. I do not dispute
that reasoning of hers.
An undying bird such as the shide no tori should be
supervised by an immortal aberration. An oddity camou-
aged as a human should be supervised by a man-made,
formerly human oddity.
Most importantly, when the subject aps its ery wings
and threatens to set everything ablaze, one must not cower
or show mercy, nor can one xate or be bedazzled; one
must eliminate that shining bird. It takes a fearsome, uncon-
scientious monster such as that to succeed in monitoring an
undying bird.

Oni no onii-chan (abbr. oni-i-chan) takes good care of me,

for he is a lolicon. As I carried out my mission this morning,
he sneaked in a cup of ice cream for me like usual. Mm, I’m
not complaining. Perhaps the reason behind his kindness is
not because I am an oddity who looks like a young girl, but
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because I am an oddity made from a corpse. But anyway, for
me, be er a lolicon than a necrophiliac.
Having ice cream as a corpse? If someone were to ask me
that, I would answer: yes and no, both. Not that I eat cold
foods for preservation, or out of a corpse’s instinct. This
summer looks to be a scorcher, which worries oni no onii-
chan, hence the ice cream, though there are some
misconceptions on his part.
If you ask me whether I have an appetite, the answer is
probably ‘no’.
But it is very important for me, a humanoid oddity, to
‘eat and sleep’, to ‘imitate humans’.
The moment I stop imitating, the moment I lose that
human form.
Additionally, sweet foods work wonders for stress relief.
Be it stress or relieving stress, it is still ‘imitating humans’,
though with no end in sight for this surveillance job, it
might be more necessary to relax a bit. And so I sat on the
bed of my subject’s, Araragi Tsukihi’s room, enjoying my ice
cream.
It is also worth mentioning that I moved into the
Araragis since this February, when Araragi Tsukihi shared
the room with Araragi Karen, one year her elder. However,
the two separated when Araragi Karen entered high school
on April.
Araragi Tsukihi aside, Araragi Karen’s bestial instincts
has nearly blown my cover several times (she also seems
vaguely onto her sister’s true identity). For an undercover
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agent like me, her independence is something I am very
grateful for (although not part of my observational targets, I
went to her room out of curiosity. A punching bag dangles
in the middle, making her room look like a boxer’s even
though she does karate).
ell, Araragi Karen’s character does share some aspects
with my original owner, onee-chan Kagenui Yozuru; it is no
wonder why I would be scared of her. hich is why, since
separating on April (also marking the de facto dissolution of
the Tsuganoki Second Middle School’s Fire Sisters), my job
has been made much easier.
If it was like then, even if the kind-hearted lolicon gave
me ice cream, I would not have had the chance to savour it,
or lick the cap.
One day, I’ll hop over stateside and enjoy those Häagen-
Dazs Cones that have since been retired from Japanese
shelves… right as I, a corpse, dreamed such schemes, Ara-
ragi Tsukihi returned to her room.
‘Ah, aah! I didn’t feel like going to school for some reason
so I did a U-turn and went back home and my plush is eating
ice cream!?’
Even in shock, Araragi Tsukihi articulated the situation
in a clear, simple fashion, though I must add here, she is
excessively carefree.
hat kind of school life is this, where you skip school
just because you don’t feel like it? Alas, the fault lies squarely
on me as a professional. All my observations up till now
have clearly indicated Araragi Tsukihi as exactly that kind of
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person.
Don’t panic. My experiences are not for naught.
I quickly pretended to be a corpse no, a plush, threw
away the ice cream cup, and fell at on the bed.
You didn’t see anything.
If people heard that your plush moved on its own (while
eating ice cream), people would probably think you are just
a dreamy teenage girl. ith hair ties down your partings
and shoulder-length hair now, surely you’d know different
hairstyles give different impressions?
‘No, no, there’s no use pretending to be a doll now, you
were totally moving! And licking the cup, too? Having some
fun, are we? You’ve got ice cream on your cheek, that cup’s
right next to you, even the spoon’s still in your hand. And
can you not just throw that ice cream on the bed? My futon’s
full of ice cream now, geez…’
As she continued pursuing the ma er and strode her way
towards me, I atly ignored Araragi Tsukihi. I am a plush. I
do not hear, I do not speak.
Even as she grabbed and shook my shoulders, ipped my
foot over, I gave no reaction no sign of life whatso-ever.
‘D-did brother pour so much love into this doll that it
grew a soul…? Like Pinocchio?’
Araragi Tsukihi said as she pa ed and slapped my cheeks.
For one moment I wanted to pour out my murder-ous rage,
but I kept it down. You could pour some love for once.
ell, my ultimate technique, ,
does share some similarity with Pinocchio’s growing nose.
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‘O i, wakey wakey, you’re not fooling anybody. How
long are you going to keep your act up!? Hiding yourself and
living here rent free, you’re the worst!’
Says you.
as the retort that ashed in my head. Much as I
wanted to say it impulsively like oni no onii-chan does, it
was a beautiful opportunity I sadly had to take a pass on.
On the other hand, it would be easy to free myself from
this situation. All I have to do is use the -
, whack Araragi Tsukihi’s brains out and make my
escape this was something I could do.
I ended up here in the rst place precisely because this
was something I could do.
This is something the expert Oshino Meme, the
swindler Kaiki Deishuu, the violent onmyōji Kagenui
Yozuru, and even their superior Gaen Izuko could not do
only a monster such as myself is capable of it.
Even with their differences in skill, they had their hands
tied behind their back by the child-like, sympathetic
sincerity of Araragi Koyomi, and could no longer do
anything about his sister. This is not a problem for a corpse
doll like me, who has severed all emotion and sympathy
long ago.
Unlike her half-vampire brother, Araragi Tsukihi has not
been certi ed harmless. Anything suspicious from her will
be met with swi , immediate action such is the
assignment given to me.
Ononoki Yotsugi is the tool for this exact task.
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Maybe oni no onii-chan is not a lolicon and has noticed
this as well, hence the ice cream as some bribe. But for me,
those meant nothing.
I am only perplexed by these double meanings.
I do not bring any feelings into my work, and I am not
going to be indecisive.
I could kill such beings anytime I want.
…Except now is not ‘anytime’.
Things have gone quite badly.
Araragi Tsukihi has ‘seen through’ my true identity here,
meaning I as a pro have not done my job well.
To kill the shide no tori, not out of the job’s require-
ments, but to cover up my own failures, is completely
forbidden, especially for pros like myself.
The expert would laugh at me.
The swindler would mock me.
The onmyōji would kill me (even though I am already
dead).
And Gaen-san would… (shudders).
Therefore, in this situation, I can only completely
pretend to be a plush. It is akin to an animated corpse
playing dead; I feel I have lost a bit of my identity either way.
Although for such a low-level affair, the would
probably not bother appearing…
‘Mmm…?’
No ma er what was done to me (even examining my
pupils, though ineffective for me who has the eyes of a dead
sh), I remained motionless. Araragi Tsukihi’s suspicion
 |
eventually turned to confusion, as she placed me back on
the bed.
‘Mmm? Mmm, mmm, mmm…’
Araragi Tsukihi shook her head as she sullenly le the
room. It seems she has not accepted this, but has made up
her mind about something…?
Judgements should not be made so hastily, but for now, I
let out a sigh of relief really, this third-year middle
schooler is too difficult to read.
Just go to school like a normal kid.
ere I to call her out like that, ‘isn’t it fun to take U-turns
though?’ would likely be her reply. It frustrates this corpse to
no end.
That phoenix, ever since the Fire Sisters disbanded, has
been going about her life solo, with increasing freedom over
her own activities, making her ever impossible to predict.
Intelligence must be updated.
Raise her risk assessment.
Though I dodged a bullet this time, I should study be er
ways of hiding my identity… I started thinking of ideas with
my grey brain cells (which might really be grey), though one
may comment that this is premature.
By ‘premature’ I do not mean there are no risks to
prepare for yet, but that it is premature to assume this crisis
has already concluded.
Araragi Tsukihi soon returned to her room. For some
reason, she held in her hand a metal mixing bowl the sort
one would use for mixing our or whisking eggs in.
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As I pondered over why she would come back with a
bowl, Araragi Tsukihi splashed its contents toward me.
Since I was pretending to be a plush, it was a splash I could
not dodge from.
Though I should have.
From the scent alone.
From the sticky feeling on my skin.
Unbelievably, this bastard threw me an entire bowl of
salad oil.
‘Chaka-chaka-light-a- re~’
An odd tune came from the middle schooler as she took
out a matchstick from her uniform. hy she would have
matches in her skirt is unthinkable from the kitchen,
maybe, but she took them out like they were always there.
So… this is very bad.
This kid is being serious.
As a corpse, I lack any ‘senses’. No ma er how she beats,
kicks, or does things to my pupils, I can exhibit zero
reaction.
For a dead being such as myself, once I play dead,
nobody can tell the difference. This means I can fool even
the experts. A corpse’s tsukumogami. But I cannot be burnt.
A er all, as a corpse, to be burnt means I would
disappear and actually go on to the next life. How could
someone not in the eld know the only way to deal with me
so easily?
To con rm if their plush is alive by se ing re to her
room… who on earth does that?
 |
Not even aberrations do that.
‘Ten, nine, eight, seven…’
The countdown has begun.
On her face, an exaggerated expression.
Maybe it’s an excitement towards seeing ames, though
would that not be the mind of an arsonist?
In reality, if I were to be lit on re drenched in salad oil, I
would burn so brightly that the entire Araragi house would
be reduced to ashes in a worst-case scenario, maybe even
the house next door.
A great re.
hat are you, Hienma Oshichi?
rong oddity for the shide no tori, no?
But in my half a year of observation, Araragi Tsukihi
cannot be this stupid. The match, the countdown, it is all
meant to be psychological. A ploy, a threat, forcing me to
‘move’, literally.
As easily riled children can be these days, burning one’s
house down must surely be out of the equation… thus, to
remain still and continue pretending to be a plush must be
the correct choice.
It’s alright, if this were an ordinary human, it would be
impossible to remain calm under such harrowing negotia-
tion tactics, but a human I am not, and even within oddities,
none exist with feelings and emotions
‘Six, ve…’
Except this inner calm has forced me to realise: at this
moment, Araragi Tsukihi is not bluffing; her terror is
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genuine.
The real deal. Seriously?
Surely the kid’s not treating this as a religious ceremony,
right? This is technically one correct way to deal with a
cursed doll… no, it’ll be ne.
Even from their end, they must think they saw things
wrong, or hoped they saw the wrong thing.
Threats such as these are like some esper in class worried
about a wild guess such as ‘I knew you were reading my
mind!’ from a middle schooler. It’s the same threat she
will snuff out the match once only a second remains.
‘Four… guhu, guhuhu’
ait, what?
But how is the bastard going to snuff it out? Preparing a
bowl of salad oil without the water to extinguish it… I bet
she’s the kind who never reads the safety instructions on
reworks.
Also, what is she laughing at?
hat is that laugh?
‘Three… ukekeke’
No female main character guffaws like that.
No, there is no way she has considered pu ing the re
out. Blissfully unaware of the consequences, diving head-
rst into this game of chicken.
Hang on, wait a second.
She took a match out from her pocket, but that does not
mean it is the only thing in there. A bit of water could extin-
guish that tiny ame, so maybe she has a small tube, a water
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reservoir hidden in her uniform?
Yes, that has to be it.
I almost fell for it.
Such is the eternal shide no tori, the brains of the former
Fire Sisters, a being of dastardly cunning.
But you picked the wrong opponent, shide no tori.
I, too, have been used for many decades as a corpse’s
tsukumogami.
Such human tomfoolery does not work on m
‘Two… wah, hothothot!’
As I saw through her deception, Araragi Tsukihi threw
away the match that, by that point, had started burning her
ngers.
The countdown never nished.
As a match is lit, it shortens with time common sense
that seems to have eluded this generation of middle school
girls. ith that, whether she hid a method to put out the re
in her uniform will remain forever a mystery.
There was no chance to see it in action the match was
thrown in another direction, but oil evaporates and exhibits
capillary action. A burning match landing on the carpet
would still spell doom.
A small re would become a big one.
I quickly picked up the spilt ice cream cup on the futon
(which still had some ice cream on), and leapt from my
position with the bed’s springs.
Like ne ing a dragon y, I caught the match with the ice
cream cup. Just as planned, the half-melted ice cream put a
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stop to that ame.
Thank goodness it wasn’t a cone.
For otherwise it would have been a waste. Once I put out
the re, I nished what was le of the ice cream, together
with the matchstick, before landing.
As my skirt apped gently, I thought I had landed quite
gracefully although because of the oily socks, I slipped
and tumbled over right on the spot.
‘I… I knew it! The plush moved on its own! I saw it with
my own two eyes! hat the, it’s super scary! Aaaaah!!’
itnessing my state of disgrace, Araragi Tsukihi let out a
blood-curdling scream. All together with me now, ready,
set,
No, you’re scarier.

‘Eeh!? So Ononoki-chan’s a magical girl of justice who came

from another dimension to ght against magical beings, but
the dimensional barrier only allowed souls to pass through,
and you still needed a body for combat, and only then did
you possess my plush!?’
As I thought, Araragi Tsukihi took every word of my
explanation in.
An explanation wrung from pure desperation.
Gaen-san once said to me that I cannot let Araragi
Tsukihi or her family (except oni no onii-chan) know of my
true identity, that is to say, my identity as a specialist’s assis-
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tant. hich means, as long as she is mistaken, then I’m still
technically safe, right? Such is my reasoning.
The same kind of contrived reasoning that goes ‘you’re
technically not out if you get struck in the head in dodge-
ball’.
Though if I did claim to be some other monster that I’m
not, I might actually face the Darkness’s wrath, which was
why I went with a magical girl.
The original idea was to take inspiration from oni no
onii-chan’s favourite anime, the Pre y Cure Series, which I
am otherwise unfamiliar with, so I made up some generic
backstory that involves interdimensional travel and
possession, which seems to have already captured Araragi
Tsukihi’s imagination the girl who, just moments ago,
saw me as a monster (I should be the one who sees you as a
monster but then again, there’s nothing wrong with
either of us seeing each other as monsters), now looked at
me with twinkly-eyed anticipation.
‘Magical girl’ is already neat, but topping it off with ‘of
justice’ has sealed the deal even in a post-Fire Sisters era,
her sense of justice still burns strong.
Even though she’s the one causing all the trouble. And
some trouble that is.
‘A-and then? hat are the magical creatures you defeat
like?’
‘Er, um… well, it can’t be summed up in one word.’
My imagination has not gone this far yet.
Sorry to disappoint, but my creativity is insufficient for
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responding to your expectant queries.
‘That’s alright, if you can’t sum it up in one, I’ll give you a
hundred! Tsukihi-chan will listen to someone seriously for
the rst time in her life!’
So you have never taken anyone seriously… how did you
manage to make it through these een years? This kid’s
family might be more to blame here…
‘…It’s a creature who a racts evil without themselves
noticing. That creature pulls in disasters like a magnet. I
must stop them before disaster envelops this town.’
‘Aah that’s really evil ’
I have actually modelled it a er this third-year middle
schooler in front of me, but I will keep that to myself. She
seems impressed.
So, it appears the crisis has nally passed. It is time to
wrap this up. If I get myself stuck in exposition, it would be
tricky. Foreshadowing and pay-off is oni no onii-chan’s
specialty.
‘ ell, I’ll have to head towards ba le now. orry not,
once I am done my soul will automatically return to my
home dimension. This body no, this doll will revert to its
original state and be back in your room.’
I cannot abandon my assignment, so I rounded things off
like this for now. Phew, though this was unexpected, at least
I have avoided the worst possible outcome.
I say that, but now is not the time to relax. I need to
maintain my aura of seriousness and leap out from the
window. I wanted to let Araragi Tsukihi witness me y out
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as a mahou shoujo (when I say ‘ y’, I mean a simple jump).
Consider it a li le something for the fans.
‘So pray for my victory. For this world, and for your loved
ones.’
I think this is what one says when bidding farewell? I
continued acting the warrior mahou shoujo, as I bent my
knees.
‘ ’
‘Now hol’n a sec!’
Just as I was about to summon my technique, she inter-
rupted with a strange tone and went for my kneecaps.
Is this kid for real?
Even without knowing what the
is, to a ack someone in the kneecaps just as they are about
to y… any bit of thought would reveal how dangerous this
was, surely?
Fortunately, she did so right before my body was about
to expand, so everything was ne. One small misstep,
however, and the entire upper oor of the Araragi house
could have been wiped out.
‘ -what is it, Tsukihi-kun?’
So generic was the warrior magical girl se ing, I com-
pletely changed my tone of voice. Not that my character was
speci c in the rst place, though it did acquire some quirks
over time, and now, paired with a middle school girl in her
room, I think it contrasts nicely.
‘Hu-hu-hu, did you think I would do nothing a er
hearing all that?’
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Yes, do nothing, please.
The anger seems to have eluded her, perhaps due to my
lack of intonation as a corpse, as a doll. If anything, Araragi
Tsukihi lightly rapped her chest, and gave me a smug look.
‘How could I sit still in face of such a terrifying creature!
e’ll defeat it! I’ll help!’
‘Eh…?’
‘Let’s do this together!’
‘Eh? Ehh…?’
hat’s going on?
Are we seriously continuing this?
I thought this was a short story?
There is no need for this, just talk about some book we
like and nish it off like usual.
‘…Nay, a humble servant such as myself dare not incon-
venience the common folk residing in this world.’
This unexpected development caused some mild panic,
which in turn made me sound less like an otherworldly
magical girl, and more like a dri ing samurai. Not that
Araragi Tsukihi minded at all.
It seems she still has not taken any person seriously ever
which is fair play; I am no human, I am an aberration.
ait, no, I am a magical girl of justice.
‘It’s something I have to face on my own, so ’
‘None of this “on your own” business! This is my world,
and I’m protecting it! To even say it’ll be inconvenient,
that’s impossible!’
Maybe I am reading too much into it, but from a certain
 |
viewpoint, it sounded like she was declaring ownership
over the entire world.
‘Consider it fate that it was my doll you possessed; so, no
worries, Ononoki-chan! It’s too late for you to stop me
anyway, I’m rearing to go! Even if you say no, I will cling
onto you like a persistent salesperson!’
I’ll have you know, this world has its warriors of justice
too!
Araragi Tsukihi said, as if waiting to say this line the
whole time.
‘For I am justice herself! Heh-heh-heh!’
You’re not justice.
You’re a disaster.
To this world, and to me was what I wanted to say, but
I held it in, and gave it some thought. As a professional, as a
new member of the Araragi family, and as a rookie magical
girl.
Right then, you look ready, Araragi Tsukihi. Let us see
what you are made of I guess even your brother would
not know the answer to that.

hether oni no onii-chan could be considered Araragi

Tsukihi’s real brother is something not even the experts can
agree on, but if this situation were to continue, I would
probably be sentenced (which is what I originally meant),
so I shall have to lie even further just to make it out of here
|
alive.*
I may have said that I am not careless, but I probably
really am me covered in salad oil does not help; I have
really let go. I thought with a title like Orokamonogatari
(‘Fool’s Tale’) that it would be a light comedy along the lines
of ‘slightly silly girls frolicking about!’, but we ended up with
some properly problematic girls from start to nish.
It might be too late for saying this, but oni no onii-chan
did a really great job under such environments. However,
every cloud has a silver lining; I’ve got an idea. Speaking of
problematic girls, there remains one around Araragi Tsukihi
who has yet to make an appearance.
I shall ask for her assistance.
‘So if you don’t want to be killed, then help me out,
Sengoku Nadeko.’
‘H-hyehhh!?’
It took me one minute to go from Araragi Tsukihi’s room
in the Araragi household to Sengoku Nadeko’s room in the
Sengoku household (they live close to each other).
The magical girl of justice made her entrance via the
window, carelessly le open. Sengoku Nadeko, scribbling at
her desk, tumbled over backwards with her chair, her feet
now facing the ceiling.
Everything from her feels like an act…
However, unlike before, Sengoku Nadeko now wore
short hair and had jeans for pyjamas, making that fall less
lovable than it was something she would probably be

* ‘Real brother’ (実兄) and ‘sentence’ (実刑) are both pronounced jikkei.
 |
happy to know.
Upon closer inspection, she was not writing, but draw-
ing. A sheaf of manga genkō yōshi lay on her desk.
Oh yeah.
She wanted to be a manga artist.
I cannot tell if it is any good from a single page, but how
should I put it, it’s all girly-girly, very shoujo… honestly, not
my cup of tea.
A er that, Araragi Tsukihi set off for school once again
but not before much nagging from me. A er all, the
ba le would not happen until nightfall, and isn’t it more in-
character for a warrior of justice to a end school was the
logic behind my persuasion, which she surprisingly accept-
ed on the spot. She replied, ‘okay, then I’ll see you a er
school!’ and made her way, a spring in her step.
hilst not a solution to anything, at least she is no
longer with me, which is a great relief communication
with this girl is legitimately draining.
But now that I am thinking of possible endings, the most
ideal one would be me insisting ‘oh, the creature showed up
without warning while you were in school, and I defeated it’,
return to being a doll, and turn everything back to normal.
But she will not accept that.
I know she wouldn’t.
She cares not about justice at this point. All she wants is
to see ‘a doll ba ling a creature’, an anime-esque, unreal
scene like that. Fantasy does seem to have made a comeback
in recent years, although I was not expecting such praise for
|
my story out of thin air.
If she realised she was the unreal existence, how would
she even react? keeping that a secret is also part of my
duties.
Therefore, for things to end ‘without her knowing’
would probably be unacceptable for Araragi Tsukihi
that’d be no good.
An accidental foreshadowing should be paid off if
without her participation, at least with her witnessing it,
otherwise she would not let go. Therefore, I have to defeat
the creature as a magical girl of justice.
… hy are ‘magical’ girls the ones who defeat ‘magical’
creatures anyway? Isn’t this fratricide? I mulled over the
contradictions in my backstory, though it is something I can
no longer back-track on. Someone must play the ‘magical
creature’ now.
The rst thing I had in mind for the role was the former
Kissshot the Aberration Slayer, Kissshot Acerolaorion
Heartunderblade. Currently known as Oshino Shinobu.
The girl with the golden hair.
ho might not look a monster herself, but she could
probably materialise one with her powers, as a temporary
prop.
The problem is, she and I have a lot of history, although
that vampire’s personality is not all that vile. If I put on a
friendly face, she might still grant her rival’s request, but all
this is simply my own conjecture.
hich is a path I abandoned soon a er. The vampire
 |
aside, if word got to her cohabitant, oni no onii-chan, then
that would spell great misery.
If that lolicon-plus-siscon did some digging and found
out I was there to monitor his sister, that would be bad. He
would defend his sister as a siscon, and abuse me as a loli-
con.
And along the same lines, I have to rule out not only the
former Kissshot, but everyone around oni no onii-chan’s
network. I thought about le ing her shadow my work as a
specialist, then lie and claim that I am ge ing rid of those
magical creatures; but with a new goddess installed in this
town, it has become extraordinarily peaceful, without any
extraordinary aberrations showing up. No longer extraor-
dinary, but ordinary.
This amount of quiet means that Araragi Tsukihi is
almost certainly the only concern in this town.
hich also means no magical creatures.
I have also thought of pu ing on a solo act say there is
a monster that cannot be seen by idiots, and put on a show
for her. But then I thought of the perfect candidate
Sengoku Nadeko.
Araragi Tsukihi’s childhood playmate, who was once
bi en by a snake and got coiled up in other words, had
experience with aberrations, to put it brie y.
She is also one of the very few girls whom Araragi
Koyomi has cut off. That makes her the best possible guest
star in this production.
Having decided upon this, I visited the Sengoku
|
household, this time with a proper .
It should be noted that Sengoku Nadeko is the same age
as Araragi Tsukihi; in other words, she is also a third-year
middle schooler, except she never goes to school now (a fact
I noticed as part of observing Araragi Tsukihi), so it is no
surprise that she’s inside her room all the time.
It does seem, however, that a magical girl of justice ying
in through her window is something beyond her
expectations. As she tumbled over with her chair in front of
an intruder, she seems a messy state.
But ultimately, she is immune to such aberrations, or
should I say, resistant to them.
‘N-no, you’re de nitely not some magical girl, right?
You’re some oddity, aren’t you?’
Even gripped with fear, she made a verbal comeback.
‘A-an oil monster?’
Nm.
It is already dry at this point, so I went without changing
my clothes, but it seems the scent of salad oil remained… it
may be more accurate to say it has soaked through than to
say it has dried.
‘Y-you did say you were “of justice”… so someone to do
with Tsukihi-chan?’
She is surprisingly perceptive.
Though from her perspective, to happen upon a sudden
disaster of unknown origin leaves li le candidates for ex-
planation, save for her unscrupulous childhood playmate.
I say candidates, it feels more like an arrest for her
 |
(‘candidate’ (候 補) and ‘arrest’ (逮 捕) have similar-looking
kanji, I mentioned it as mere wordplay).
Though their relationship went on pause for a while, at
least Araragi Tsukihi was no blank slate for her since
primary school which saves a lot of explanation for me,
thank god.
hen push comes to shove, I could still coerce her to
help me out, but it seems we share some common ground
on Araragi Tsukihi, and under the principle of ‘the enemy of
my enemy is my friend’, we could co-operate at least tempo-
rarily.
I wish it were that simple.
‘Ahh, that sounds like Tsukihi-chan.’
Sengoku Nadeko nodded, unfazed at my explanation.
Oh? How unreactive.
A difference in temperature.
A disagreement over how big the problem is.
Perhaps I have numbed her senses through that
magni cent entrance.
Of course, I did not tell her everything straight away
what she does not know about the shide no tori, I kept it
from her. It is the mark of a pro.
Con dentiality.
I maintained that I sneaked into the Araragi house to
monitor Araragi Koyomi and Oshino Shinobu, though I
needed her help because Araragi Tsukihi might be about to
see through my ‘act’.
She became pensive at the mention of the two vampires,
|
but the damage seemed less severe than I thought (which
meant my plan to weaken her and gain the psychological
high ground had failed).
Seems like she has let go of it more than I thought?
If so, it could be thanks to Araragi Tsukihi. A er Sengoku
Nadeko returned from the mountains, Araragi Tsukihi
visited her place o en.
So frequent were her visits, I even spo ed a cushion just
for her how unabashed.
‘Alright, understood. I’ll help.’
Originally expecting this incongruity in awareness to be
a big hurdle in our exchange, Sengoku Nadeko responded
with an unexpectedly crisp agreement.
To that end, speaking of why I ended up in the Araragi
household, Sengoku Nadeko eviscerating oni no onii-chan
over and over at the mountaintop was another distant cause.
Originally wanting to pursue this as part of negotiating with
her, I felt a bit let down by this wasted opportunity.
But maybe some of it came through (though as a corpse,
it would not have been via my face), because Sengoku
Nadeko followed with:
‘In the end, it’s for Tsukihi-chan too.’
Aw, how cute.
This unwi ing cuteness was also where her complex rst
arose, and subsequently, everything that happened last year,
but seeing her like this, I cannot blame her. A er all, one’s
eyes gradually gravitate towards her appearance, drowning
out what she is saying.
 |
No amount of words could rival ‘cute’.
As a monster, I could separate ‘cute’ from all other sorts
of impressions, though humans would probably lump them
all together ultimately, no one was able to see this girl for
who she is.
Even now, when she says it’s for Tsukihi-chan, who
knows what she is actually thinking she isn’t seeing this
as material for her manga, right?
ell, I do hope she does not lose her tenacity as a
human. At least compared to when she was stripped of
everything but ‘cute’, she is on good track.
A good track, from where I’m looking.
Though similarly ‘a human turned oddity’, the process
was irreversible for me, so I cannot help but express support
for survivors like Araragi Koyomi or Sengoku Nadeko.
But I will still kill if the situation calls for it.
The same goes for Sengoku Nadeko; though she is not a
subject of surveillance, she is someone to be alert around,
so it would be advisable if I checked in on her ‘from time to
time’ alongside my current duties.
‘But I, what can I do? I’m, no longer, a serpent god…
Tsukihi-chan, what can I do to help her?’
hat can I do to help her.
If Oshino no onii-san heard such sel essness, I wonder
what he would say… seems like she’s let go of those fangs.
Not her own, but the serpent’s.
That said, however brief, her experience being a goddess
helped her accept my request with such frictionless ease.
|
Seems in this world, ‘happiness’ means different things to
different people.
‘Oh, and I I haven’t been outside much. If I’m in the
sun for too long, I’ll probably faint…’
The spirit is willing, but the esh is a bit too weak…
It appears she has essentially become a hikikomori.
Although my primary observational target is Araragi
Tsukihi, leaving me li le room to see how world-weary
Sengoku Nadeko is, in a way, it’s quite worrying; is she
doing alright?
‘… Anyway, isn’t it about time you headed to school?
Don’t worry, nobody is going to mind you.’
Against my typical nature, I suggested this for her (a
human’s) sake, but it seems I went too far. I should not say
things beyond my comfort zone.
‘Mm. The class too, they seem to be ge ing along now.
I’ve heard it from Tsukihi-chan.’
Sengoku Nadeko replied with a semi-answer though I
did not know that a girl like Araragi Tsukihi would conduct
an investigation like that. Finding out how other schools are
doing internally seems a challenging task…
‘But, well… I’ve, now, got something that needs doing.
For me, it’s even necessary, I think.’
Sengoku Nadeko spoke as she nally got up. She righted
that fallen chair, and put her hand on her desk the desk
with the manga genkō yōshi.
By ‘something that needs doing’, did she mean drawing
manga?
 |
Hmm.
Is it so important that she has to take leave from school? I
can’t help but think that if this continues, this girl would
probably never make it to high school but then again, if I
told her to stop, she would take it on as just ‘someone else’s
advice’, born from logic and rationality.
Speaking of, maybe it’s because I was still on the ground,
but when Sengoku Nadeko stood up, I can’t help but think
‘Eh?’
Has she grown taller?
To put it in manga terms, the background just clashes
with the perspective… when she was a god in that shrine,
she felt a bit, erm, smaller, tinier… ah, that’s it.
Puberty, isn’t it?
Her being alive means she grows.
I see.
But it does feel quite abrupt. Maybe it is a result of
discarding those shackles known as her ‘cuteness’, nally
enabling her body to grow I analysed coldly.
Araragi Karen aside, she might end up taller than oni no
onii-chan someday.
If being a hikikomori means Sengoku Nadeko’s healthy
growth, it would be plenty ironic… then I guess there’s no
reason to force herself to school.
I never went, but from what I have heard, there are not
many other places with that high a stress level.
Yet despite this, everything looks very orderly and neatly
divided; oh yeah, it’s a lot like those.
|
Like the ba ery cages you get for chickens.
No wonder they produce freaks there is no need to
force oneself to go there and leave bad memories.
‘Obviously, to help Tsukihi-chan is something I want to
do too. So, what should I do?’
‘Ahh, mm… yes, I do remember, you no longer have the
serpent god inside you.’
I spoke my mind.
This kid is considerably limited in her intellectual facul-
ties, so I have to make it as clear and simple as I can for her.
‘But don’t you still have other oddities living in you?’
‘? …Really?’
Sengoku Nadeko tilted her head in bewilderment.
Did she forget? No, did she not realise?
In that case, Kaiki no onii-chan has done a superb job
as expected of a swindler.
‘The slug.’
‘Eh?’
‘Slug Tofu the aberration Kaiki Deishuu put on you to
remove the serpent god. I’m going to go ahead and do a li le
recycling.’
Technically, the main portion (as it were) of the Slug Tofu
had le Sengoku Nadeko a long time ago it is not a
particularly strong or persistent aberration.
In order to give a her a smooth, uninterrupted life, the
swindler had given the middle schooler some palliative
care, inserting a fake aberration into her, the oddity itself a
very vague one.
hen Sengoku Nadeko returned from the mountains,
the oddity would have been almost completely detoxed by
the time she le hospital but, there will still be scraps le .
Scraps.
To put it more literally an a erimage.
The same as when the swindler planted the Cinder-
swarm Bee onto Araragi Karen; it still resides within her
memory and spirit, a natural a ereffect.
Having said that, it was also possible to seek help from
Araragi Karen, but given that she is stuck between an
immortal brother and an immortal sister, trying to live as a
normal human being… she already has enough on her
plate, so I decided to leave her be.
In the hopes of having her continue this miracle of
miracles.
Besides, even if Araragi Tsukihi narrowly missed my true
identity, I am not risking it again with Araragi Karen who
knows what would happen to this undercover investi-
gation.
|
It will be Sengoku Nadeko who helps me return things to
normal.
‘To experience being an oddity… no, to rehabilitate from
being a goddess, made its use necessary, but you have no
need for it now, don’t you? You can give me that a erimage.
I’ll pretend it’s a monster and deal with it in front of Araragi
Tsukihi. It ts the role perfectly.’
The Slug Tofu is no immortal aberration, and therefore
falls outside of my expertise. But given that it is scraps, I
could handle it either way. Not to sound all greedy, but
clean-ups such as this would cost you if done by a specialist,
though I am cleaning up a er Kaiki no onii-chan, so I guess
it is some coincidence.
To wit, the bee’s stinger planted on Araragi Karen might
have to be cleaned up by me some day. I’ve only thought
about this just now, but given her situation, that stinger
might have helped her from experiencing oddity-related
anaphylactic shock. If you look at it that way, then it might
be be er if I didn’t do anything…
‘O-okay… I I see. Kaiki-san has…’
Sengoku Nadeko’s expression became complex.
Scraps may be scraps, but for someone to have bits of
oddities still inside them, I expected a more uncomfortable
reaction, but that does not seem to be the case.
‘Kaiki-san, has he been doing well?’
She asked that out of line question.
I say out of line, she might have asked it to get it out of
mind.
 |
So she really has let go of her fangs.
How much does she know that it was the swindler’s
deception? Then again, she might have fell for it willingly,
despite knowing everything; such an a itude cannot be
discounted.
‘He’s doing ne’, I lied.
I have never seen that sickly, ill-fated man doing ne
the most I can say is he’s doing richly.
‘So how do we… take it out? For something like this… I
remember we had to do some ceremony? All I need to do is
change into a school swimsuit?’
I have no idea where that misunderstanding came from,
but from Sengoku Nadeko’s response, I can tell she has had
at least a bit of experience. Come to think of it, to endure
two exorcisms within half a year, this kid has had a rough
life.
‘ e can skip that… there’s not much time le .’
‘S-skip it?’
‘One thing that separates me from Oshino no onii-chan is
our a ention to detail. I’m less strict about things. More of
an ends-justify-means type of person…’
Such a forceful approach came from another specialist,
the violent onmyōji Kagenui Yozuru, but there is no time
for details. If I did leak out the part where onee-chan and I
are experts in dealing with immortal aberrations, that’d be
another rabbit hole.
It is incredible that Sengoku Nadeko sees Araragi Tsukihi
as a valued friend. If she knows that I in fact sneaked into the
|
Araragis in order to kill Araragi Tsukihi if necessary, it
would be a source of great friction.
So I kept my mouth shut, stood next to Sengoku Nadeko,
and took out a single sheet of plain genkō yōshi from the
shelf onto her desk.
‘I say that, but we should do the bare minimum… could
you draw on this?’
‘Mm? Draw…’
‘You’re good at drawing, right? Then please draw a slug
here. It’s all slippery and slimy, so it’s really simple, no?’
‘N-no, isn’t that difficult? Because it’s slippery and slimy?’
My request has been met with reluctance from Sengoku
Nadeko seems primitive organisms prove to be the hard-
est to draw.
‘And, besides, why am I drawing a manga with a slug as
the main character? It’s too novel a concept…’
‘There’s no need to draw a manga. You can think of it as
character design.’
‘Character design…’
‘If you can’t draw it, then I can do it, but it would be more
effective if it was the person afflicted who drew it. A er a
certain process, what’s le of the Slug Tofu would transfer
from your body to this genkō yōshi sheet.’
‘…Like how the snake god aberration was sealed inside a
talisman?’
‘Something… like that.’
It is in fact completely different, but for an outsider’s
understanding, I’ll give her a pass. That god’s source and
 |
origin are partially taboos, so explaining it would get com-
plicated quickly.
‘Understood. Then, Ononoki-chan, wait here. I’ll draw it.’
Once she said that, she sat on her chair, and picked up
her pencil is she sketching this from scratch? Quality is
not that big of a concern, to be honest; a couple lines, that’ll
do…
Then again, for a creator, ‘that’ll do’ is probably some-
thing prohibitively inconceivable. ith that thought, I
stood next to her as she nished her drawing.
It’s not a bad thing to be invested… I say that, but
watching someone else’s creative process and waiting gets
boring really fast.
The silence is embarrassing too.
This kid has matured a lot since then (not on the outside,
but inside), she wouldn’t be secretly mocking me for
making a mistake in my work, right? these paranoid
thoughts started entering my mind. If she gets the
impression that I would cover up my mistakes by enlisting a
layperson, then that’s simply too bad.
I am a professional, conducting a foolproof plan for
keeping a secret well, there’s no point in reading too
much into this girl, that I do know very well.
In order to stop overthinking, I decided to ask some
questions I am not personally interested in.
‘You use a spoon nib pen and pretend to look the part,
but have you submi ed your work to a publisher or a
competition? I’ve heard for those who debuted early, they
|
would have their own editor by their teens.’
‘Hm? Ahh, well, this, you can make it even with a sign
pen. Even among the pros, you’d hear quite a number of
them go “how long are we still going to be stuck with some-
thing as ancient as ink” or something like that.’
She replied with a non-answer.
So concentrated was she, that she may not be listening in
the rst place turns out Araragi Tsukihi is not the only
middle schooler who does not listen to people.
‘If it’s digital, then, it’s not that big a deal… but, the search
for be er gear would add to that initial investment… um,
what were you asking?’
‘ hether you’ve submi ed your work. Though recently,
there’s been more people who self-publish… same for you?’
‘Oh, no. I’m absolutely not in that… territory.’
You don’t say?
‘I tried submi ing to a publisher, but these days, it seems
to have li le effect. I also released it anonymously on the
internet, but it wasn’t ideal either…’
‘Mm hmm…’
It was originally asked on a whim; but to submit on the
internet, let alone publishers, shows massive improvement
for someone whose social skills were previously abysmal.
‘You have a PC though. I thought you said it would be
expensive.’
‘Ah, it’s not that, you can go on the internet with even
consoles these days. In terms of specs, compared to a regular
PC, you could probably go further with a console… it’s just
 |
the thought of digitising, I can’t see myself doing it…’
‘……?’
I couldn’t keep up.
Luckily, the slug is about nished. I ended the topic by
saying ‘well, you can’t always get what you want’; seeing as I
started this conversation, to end it is only my responsibility
too.
‘Mm, indeed.’
Sengoku Nadeko put down her nib pen, and made her
way to the screentones. Screentones, for fuck’s sake.
If I le her to her devices, she might even take her sweet
time to ll in the background, as she cut up that screen-
tone with a cu er.
‘I ’
She said.
‘ Can’t always get what I want, and that makes me
happy.’
Said the one who’s always had life her way, the sweet girl
who’s sweeter than candied fruit.

The duel between the magical girl of justice and the slug
monster is to take place at Park for no reason
in particular; it just happens to be the only ing place I can
think of.
There is one other empty, open space: Kitashirohebi
Shrine. However, the god residing there has an almost
※
|
telepathic relationship with oni no onii-chan, who might
report my deeds to him.
Really, new guys (new gods?) are so in exible and
difficult to please.* She would be wise to deal with such
ma ers more gently, for the sake of this town’s community
is the advice I have for her.
ell, a sparsely-equipped playground at night makes for
an impeccable stage. hile unnecessary, a barrier ought to
be set up, just in case.
If I set up the stage in front of Araragi Tsukihi, then it
would satisfy her curiosity to a certain extent.
Speaking of Araragi Tsukihi, she seems to have the
wrong idea about acting as support for the magical girl of
justice she showed up with a black hakama, straight from
kyūdō.
She does wear a kimono all the time (the weirdo joined
the chadō club just because she likes them), but a hakama…
does she think of herself as a warring bishoujo?
Her walking around like that at night makes her less a
bishoujo and more a suspicious person.
But upon further inquiry, it turns out she borrowed it
not from kyūdō, but from the naginata club.
Private schools, covering even the rare activities, huh.
The problem is, she not only borrowed the wear, but the
gear as well and it is not the bamboo analogues they use
in clubs, but a real, bladed naginata.
‘Ononoki-chan, I’m ready as your support! I’ll protect

* A pun: ‘rookie(s)’ (新人) and ‘new god(s)’ (新神) are both pronounced shinjin.
 |
myself, so Ononoki-chan, no need to worry about me, you
can ba le as you please!’
Salad oil was already menacing enough in Araragi
Tsukihi’s hands, but for her to wield a naginata, one of the
strongest bladed weapons known to man even I, some-
one well-experienced in combat, am le u erly speechless.
I’m worried all right.
You say you’ll protect yourself, but it’s making me want
to protect myself from you.
Although this situation was born from my carelessness, if
one thinks about it, this could be an excellent opportunity
to communicate directly with Araragi Tsukihi, or, in other
words, an exciting chance to probe at her mind, but
honestly, I am not interested in studying this kid in-depth.
Seriously, while I do have big aws in my personality
(which I am acutely aware of), it is no wonder Gaen-san
inserted me as a spy. If one cannot separate their job from
their patience, monitoring Araragi Tsukihi would be
impossible.
‘… Have you brought the things I’ve asked you to?’
I say all that, but I haven’t completely given up on caring,
even though I could let’s just get this over with. ith that
thought, I said nothing more about her equipment, and
sped towards Park, se ing things up as fast as I
can.
‘I’ve got it~ from the kitchen~ there’s enough at home, so
I’ve brought enough for myself and Ononoki-chan~. But
what’s this salt for, exactly?’
※
|
As she asked incredulously, Araragi Tsukihi took out two
salt bo les from her pocket. It appears she has taken my
bluff as a foreign fantasy, so despite wearing Japanese
clothes, she has no idea that the salt is for exorcising.
‘My investigations suggest that the monster is hiding
somewhere in this park. But the monster will react with salt,
so if you could kindly sprinkle some salt around areas you
nd suspicious, that’d be great.’
Even if that’s not the actual case, it is a slug.
It will react against salt.
Much as a woman in naginata clothes sprinkling salt in a
park in the middle of the night is beyond suspicious, for her
to at least have some ‘sense of participation’ is an important
procedure.
Cumbersome as it may be, unlike extracting Sengoku
Nadeko’s Slug Tofu, it is a step that cannot be skipped I
heard that recent entertainment shows have emphasised
this ‘sense of participation’; perhaps in the future, we spe‐
cialists have to do the same, placing performance above all.
Not a trend I can get behind.
‘Then I’ll start from the swings over there, and you’d
be er… you could start from the sandpit.’
‘Roger that~ ahaha, sca ering salt on a sandpit, I feel like
a sumo wrestler~’
Araragi Tsukihi responded animatedly, as she earnestly
made her way to the sandpit and the slide.
But she could have said ‘no, I want to do the swings!’ for
no reason at all. In any case, I cannot predict any of her
※
 |
reactions, so it’s nice that she ended up doing as I said.
Speaking of sending Araragi Tsukihi to the sandpit, the
reason I did so is because during the day, I already hid
Sengoku Nadeko’s slug illustration in the pit.
It accelerates the action a bit, and the sooner she nds
the ‘otherworldly monster’, the be er.
No ma er if she’s holding a naginata or some salad oil, I
will not let any layperson take care of any monsters, but
having her witness me se ing up a barrier and discovering
the monster by sprinkling the salt herself, she should
already have a great ‘sense of participation’. All that needs to
be done (before Araragi Tsukihi needlessly bu s in) is to
nish off the Slug Tofu.
A er that, the magical girl of justice will return to her
home dimension, and Araragi Tsukihi will be le with her
original mute plush.
As far as improvisation goes, it’s a decent story.
Though I said I would start with the swings, to do so
would be a waste of salt (and probably seen as a prank in
poor taste), so I quietly tailed Araragi Tsukihi.
She may have said she would do it, but I don’t trust that
she would actually sca er the salt on the sand. She (to take
an extreme example) could just open the cap and drink the
salt for no reason.
In reality, under my watch, Araragi Tsukihi did a weird
thing not opening the cap, but rst sprinkling the salt on
her palms. I was dumbfounded by her actions, but she was
probably only wanting to ‘feel like a sumo wrestler’, as she
|
threw salt into the sand.
Really, I thought for a moment something would hap-
pen, but it seems that things will end smoothly my xes
for a careless mistake have overcome their biggest hurdle.
Sengoku Nadeko’s drawing in the sand which, a er
she nished the background, she started drawing scenes, so
I semi-forcefully took it away reacts chemically, no,
reacts monstrously with the salt, and once that happens, I
will defeat it immediately, and end with a round of applause.
…Not that I’m saying this out of relief, but right then, I
suddenly understood Sengoku Nadeko’s words.
I can’t always get what I want, and that makes me happy.
hen I rst heard it, I thought she was just bluffing
that maybe her meek looks hide a super masochistic
pervert, which would be a bit off-pu ing.
But, while I am not completely ruling out such tastes, I
only realised just now that she said it from a completely
different place than I thought.
Yes, that.
‘Human values’ is what it’s probably called.
Some say one cannot give it their all if they are not happy,
but just as an airplane requires some headwind to take off,
an overly saccharine life lled only with ups will lead one to
question if they are really alive, or if all this was just a dream.
As prosperous one’s life may be be it being born with
a silver spoon, or being born with unrivalled talent, intel-
lect, or physique, people still live on with their dissatisfac-
tions, their anxieties, not out of greed, but maybe because
 |
only with these complaints, these insecurities, can one feel
truly alive.
And therefore pursue human values.
Looking to inject a li le difficulty into their livelihoods.
‘……’
Eh.
I might be spoiling the view by saying this, but I died a
long time ago, so none of it ma ers to me.
ords like values or lifestyles, to me, just feel like they
come from a difficult book. If you ra led them out onto a
list, I could never take it to heart. Haven’t got one.
… hat about Araragi Tsukihi?
That girl may lack self-awareness, but this is an immortal
aberration, an eternal undying bird, changing from one
person to another, continuing from one person to another,
probably until humanity’s end; the only aberration to
possess such eternity the phoenix.
I lived once.
I no longer have memories of that time, but I know I
lived once meaning I know the difference between what
it is to be dead, and what it is to be alive.
The la er like a dream, the former nothing much really.
Oni no onii-chan knows that.
The former Kissshot knows that.
But what about the undying bird?
For a being who only lives, who has nothing but life, do
they know if they are alive or dead?
I do not wish for immortality, and even with mortality, I
|
prefer living my life as a human call it heroic self-indul‐
gence (and oni no onii-chan probably would), but what
would it feel to hear that line as a true immortal like that kid?
How cruel.
How insulting it must be to hear.
‘Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!’
As my mind was bogged down in such frivolous minu‐
tiae, I heard Araragi Tsukihi’s shriek why does this kid
only sound like a cute girl when she shrieks, I thought as I
looked up.
I may have said we have overcome the biggest hurdle, but
there was one remaining uncertainty I do not know how
people not in the eld would react upon seeing this monster
slug.
It’s an oddity people in the eld would like, so Oshino no
onii-chan or Kaiki no onii-chan would probably enjoy it,
but a slug is a slug, and although not too frightening, a girl’s
rst reaction would be ‘how disgusting’, and might be let
down by its appearance which is something I worried
about slightly, but it appears there was no need for that.
Normally, you need at least some technique in order to
see oddities. If Araragi Tsukihi cannot see the monster a er
sprinkling salt and having it show up, then all this effort
would have been meaningless, which is why I took special
a ention to not only put it on paper, but to have Sengoku
Nadeko put it on paper.
The illustration materialising from the sand all of a
sudden was to be my masterstroke in this story’s climax…
 |
but, how do I put this…
It materialised all right, but it also expanded.
Sengoku’s otherwise very moe slug shot out of the
sandpit, its length in dozens of metres.
A simple, slimy design like a slug can look cute from a
certain perspective, but if it’s that big, it will incite humanly
fears. Any person would scream at the sight of this, let alone
Araragi Tsukihi.
They’ll shirk, and lost the ability to think
Humans would.
But this is me.
My surprise, my fears have been severed from my
actions, my emotions do not affect them at all; if that was
not the case, I would probably be swallowed up by its mass.
‘ ’
I made no changes to my plan, and ew towards its body.
Araragi Tsukihi froze upon the shocking sight unfolding
in front of her. One could say this was a happy miscalcu-
lation her not ge ing in the way was a big help.
However, the original plan called for a wagon-sized
monster; how did we end up with a Slug Tofu that rivals
apartment blocks?
It’s simple: Sengoku Nadeko.
I asked her laxly to draw something that looks like a slug,
but no ma er what she drew, she did spend some time as a
deity, meaning I should not have asked her to. Sadly, this
was also my mistake.
Meticulously drawing the background like a manga,
|
instead of making it realistic, causes an error in perspective
when the paper gets converted into three dimensions, mak-
ing the slug larger. This also speaks to Sengoku Nadeko’s
illustration skills while it is too early to tell, she might
accidentally make it as a manga artist.
Or a specialist.
‘ ’
Should’ve went for Araragi Karen’s bee, I thought, but I
do not regret this turn of events. If anything, I feel glad that
all Kaiki no onii-chan did was give her a slug.
A slug can be gigantic, but even so, it is only gigantic.
I can handle this with only a nger, even.
‘ .’
Like a skewer sticking through a marshmallow, I skew-
ered through the Slug Tofu with my nger the greatly
enlarged slug, smashed through by my greatly fa ened
nger.
It disintegrated with li le resistance.
The remains of the slug sca ered all over the park a
rather grotesque sight, and the product of a few accidents,
but everything did go according to plan.
As slug bits rained down all over, I spoke to the still-stiff
Araragi Tsukihi.
‘Thank you. The hidden monster is defeated all thanks to
you.’
I said.
A word of gratitude as insincere as this is probably never
heard of. Then again, I am a corpse; don’t expect me to have
 |
stellar acting chops.
Moving on, I wanted to nish this as soon as I can but
I really shouldn’t as a pro; more haste, less speed.
I have constantly failed, no, misjudged from the start,
and the biggest mistake to date is being too hasty to end it
all, without tidying up I should maintain my ba le mode
as long as a slug piece is still in the air.
Strange. This has never happened before.
hat’s happened to me?
‘Ononoki-chan! Behind you!’
Araragi Tsukihi, who has frozen still up until this point,
nally spoke a line. This made me re exively (which is
unusual, considering I’m dead) turn around. But I missed it
by fractions of a second.
Behind me was a giant Slug Tofu.
Returned to its original size and state.
A real existence existing in reality.
No, wait a second, slugs are not that kind of organism,
right? They are not planarians; they may look similar, but
that’s it, they don’t regenerate, right?
But in the end, to think that oddities can be ‘that kind of
organism’ is a thought dumber than even an outsider’s a
slug is a slug, but the thing on that paper is a Slug Tofu.
I realised.
Its slimy surface seemingly focussed its aim and shot out
ames. One cannot conceive of it as a biological creature, let
alone a slug, but only as a beast, a being with monstrous
a acks that was what I realised.
|
No, I could dodge it if I wanted to.
But with Araragi Tsukihi behind me, I couldn’t
Araragi Tsukihi may be the shide no tori, and would live
even bathed in the slug’s ames, but if she nds out what she
is from that, then it would spell bad news for me.
Instead of that, I shall be her rewall. I think that sounds
cool. Cool as it may sound, though, as I said earlier, I am a
corpse who is weak against re, and as I also said earlier, I
am drenched in salad oil.
Speaking of being burnt, it was like a small camp re in
an instant, the ames engulfed my entire body.
‘O-Ononoki-chan!’
Araragi Tsukihi screamed as I jumped backwards to avoid
hurting her. orry not, despite my constant miscalcula‐
tions, regret is another thing split apart from my actions.
Even with an unavoidable mistake, one can always then
correct it, such is my strong suit unhampered by failure.
Anyway, I rolled on the ground, trying to put the re out.
Not just any roll, but an ultra-high-speed roll assisted by
occasional uses of my . hilst not
exactly digni ed, in a moment like that, dignity was one of
my least concerns.
This is not the time to act cool, I might genuinely go to
the a erlife just because of this stupid thing what is it
with this feeling that nothing is going to plan?
This was, of course, also my mistake.
The Slug Tofu is something beyond my expertise, yet I
fought it on equal terms that was my misstep. The last
 |
thing I expected it to do was to shoot ames.
Simply put, in order to make it pop out visually, Sengoku
Nadeko added ame pa erns as screentones to that slug
(why would she waste her skills on something like this…?),
but even without that, I have no idea about the lore behind
the Slug Tofu.
Slugs and ames; so that’s it…
Aside from throwing salt at it, another method from
olden times to defeat it was to burn incense, back when salt
was expensive; maybe that was where it came from? Or
could the key be tofu, like yaki-tofu, or yudofu…
If that’s the case, then this aberration is more ferocious
than I thought, and completely incompatible for me
immune to physical a acks, and itself a acks using ames; if
anything, this aberration was born to deal with a monster
like myself.
Considering that this arti cial aberration was a product
of Kaiki no onii-chan, that might really be the case…
nothing out of the ordinary for that swindler to have a trick
against me up his sleeve.
Yes, nothing out of the ordinary.
To have everything not go to plan, to be in this state of
defeat, without anything weird happening to you to
change nothing despite throwing everything at it, this is
exactly like oni no onii-chan or Sengoku Nadeko’s troubles,
isn’t it?
Does this happen to everyone who ever crosses paths
with Araragi Tsukihi?
|
Anyway, even with me saying that, I cannot give up be
it incompatibility or a nemesis, I am obliged to clean up my
own messes.
Even as I am le with burns all over, the ames were
nally extinguished, and I immediately went for the slug’s
massive body was what I originally had in mind, but
when I turned my head around, the interdimensional
monster had already vanished.
Eh?
Oi, oi.
hat happened in the small amount of time I spent
rolling to have made that mega-size slug disappear? It should
be large enough to appear in my sight no ma er what.
There was only one answer.
I knew it straight away above me.
I looked up, and over the park, that tender slug was high
up in the sky, so high that it looked pre y tiny. I have no idea
how it jumped up there, but it seems it is going for the most
primitive body a ack crushing me with its weight.
Body a acks are ne, but if it shoots ames to boot,
there’s nothing else I can do. If I am burnt whilst pinned
down, I am really done for.
To be done for without even doing anything is the last
possible outcome I want so I dodged.
As many times as I have embarrassed myself, a clumsy, ill-
thought-out body a ack from top to bo om is some-thing
even a disgrace like Ononoki Yotsugi could dodge from.
It’d be a fabulous dodge, followed by a countera ack.
 |
Luckily, I have a plan. I held in my hand the salt bo le
Araragi Tsukihi gave me. Although I was not planning on
using it, given that my opponent is a slug, no ma er the size,
salt will still work.
Onee-chan would probably hate underhanded solutions
like this (if I have to say it, this is more Oshino no onii-
chan’s approach), but to not cling stubbornly to my identity,
to adapt and improvise tactics when things go awry, those
are precisely my streng
‘Watch out, Ononoki-chan!’
I got hit.
As I was concentrating on what was above me, planning
a counter, and waiting for that timing, I was hit from the side
by Araragi Tsukihi with my centre of gravity concen-
trated on a single foot, even a girl’s weak push could set me
off-balance. I rolled on the ground several times once again.
No, what happened to me was not important.
Either way, I am outside of the slug’s landing zone, so I’m
ne which means the one who bumped me off, Araragi
Tsukihi, is completely in that landing zone.
Right at the last possible moment.
You idiot. Having been scared stiff by that monster so far,
why only move at the moment you’re least supposed to?
I did not even have the chance to say that to her.
Araragi Tsukihi’s tiny body was crushed by that giant
slug.
Probably not into a sheet like in comics I cannot
imagine what inhuman horror would come from being
|
crushed under such a giant being.
To be crushed by a slug, to be crushed by a tofu, what
would a human look like? Do you actually die like when you
hit your head on the corner of a tofu block?*
Of course, Araragi Tsukihi’s act of self-sacri ce came
without her own plan of self-defence. As always, it was a
rash decision.
ithout knowing I was a corpse.
ithout knowing she was immortal herself.
She gave her life as if it was the natural thing to do.
‘… Just like Araragi Koyomi.’
But this makes things tricky.
More than tricky; the worst has happened.
The reason I say that is because when I was knocked off,
the salt I had in my hand had also gone. The ace up my
sleeve was now buried under the slug, somewhere in the
great depths, alongside Araragi Tsukihi.
You have got to be kidding me.
Araragi Tsukihi’s every move was done because she
thought it was the right thing to do. And every move of hers
back red against her.
How could a person doing what they think is the right
thing back re this consistently?
No, not as a human as an undying bird.
ithout the danger that comes with mortality, there is
no sense of danger. ithout a sense of danger, normally
avoidable disasters and incidents will come, one a er the

* Idiomatic expression. Similar to ‘go take a long walk off a short cliff ’.

 |
other. Instead of saying she’s a bringer of plagues, it might be
more apt to describe Araragi Tsukihi as an air pocket no,
now’s not the time for surveying.
To start analysing in such dire circumstances is no
different from escaping reality I must devise a way to
nish off the Slug Tofu. I adjusted my mindset.
But, even with an adjusted mindset, it is also separate
from my actions or should I say, with my calm analysis, I
have ‘nowhere to go’.
Not from reality, nor from what’s in front of me.
Not because I cannot leave a pulverised Araragi Tsukihi
here. Nothing humanitarian like that. To sever this mindset,
to stop traipsing, to let the truth out at all costs, and to seek
help from oni no onii-chan, that’s what should be done by
the bloodless corpse, as inferred from the manual but all
that is beyond me, for the re has done some serious dam‐
age.
Serious and deep burns all over me.
This body, already dead, was also partially ro en now
there is no way I can use the rapidly-fa ening
.
I cannot even move quickly, let alone a ack quickly
that shove from Araragi Tsukihi was the nail in the coffin.
In face of this burning, giant slug, I have nowhere I can
go, and nothing I can do. Nothing hands-on nothing
ngers-on.
…Eh, whatever.
Nothing I can do, but whatever.
|
The writing is on the wall.
Never in my worst nightmares have I dreamt of meeting
my maker in such an erratic fashion, but I have already
severed even this self-torment from me.
I have done the last thing a pro should do break
con dentiality though to be honest, this is not the worst
possible ending. Even with things like this, even as she has
been ground into dust, Araragi Tsukihi is not dead, and will
not die. Even if the dust causes a dust explosion and burns
every bit of her away, she will not die. She is immortal, and
therefore she will not shuffle from any mortal coil she
will just leisurely stroll back into life amidst the ames.
My mistakes will not result in the disappearance of our
subject of study; this is the lowest bar of a professional’s risk
management. Gaen-san, who can sense my burns, will soon
rid the world of this rampaging Slug Tofu.
As a corpse, I have nothing to lose.
As a spy, I have done the least I could do.
ith that judgement, I fully gave up a calm, rational
judgement, de nitely not one from the heart.
It’s not from my heart.
ell, well, well, how should I put this, it’s a new
discovery.
ith my cold judgement, observing my cold heart, I
found something intriguing, something interesting; some-
thing deserving of laughter bi er laughter, that is.
 |
For a corpse who is long dead, to still resist death, to still
nd it petrifying

Then.
Right then patan!
It folded.
Not the slug, but space itself.
It is the only explanation I could muster. The Slug Tofu
that had been transformed slammed shut with a ‘patan’,
from both ends down the middle.
The three-dimensional styling is, in the end, a two-
dimensional pictogram, an illusion one would trick a child
with, and like its unceremonious unravelling, the slug
disappeared into thin air no ma er how much salt I
could hose at it, the slug only loses moisture and shrinks,
and wouldn’t disappear so cleanly what’s going on?
But in actuality, the Slug Tofu is truly gone.
No signs, no foreshadowing.
The only thing le is the thing crushed by the monster’s
weight, the being that has mixed with the ground, the
remains of Araragi Tsukihi an annoying sight.
An unfathomable turn of events, an unjudgeable phe-
nomenon; as I was busy being confused, I heard a voice
from the sandpit.
‘This isn’t like you, Ononoki-chan.’
I turned over to its source there it is.
I saw a god.
|
This town’s goddess the new god.
ith twin ponytails and a rucksack, looking like a right
shoujo her name is Hachikuji Mayoi.
Mayoi nee-san.
‘No ma er what you do to it in three dimensions, it’s not
its main body you should strike it in two dimen-sions.’
The young girl said; she held in her hand a neatly folded
sheet of manga genkō yōshi, presumably dug out from the
sand.
The lovely illustration of a slug from the destined-to-be-
famous manga artist is gone, once it got folded covered.
Sealed.
‘……’
I see.
Even as it materialised, it was still a sheet of paper. It
turns out Araragi Tsukihi was not the one blinded by the
magical girl of justice se ing, but myself.
How have I not thought of… something so simple?
I remained agape, as Mayoi nee-san perked up her chest.
‘Hu, hu, hu. It appears you were a empting to do this in
secret, but unfortunately for you, I am the goddess who
looks over this town, and I get around anytime, any-
where.’
‘Anywhere’ is probably an embellishment.
Oh yeah, I only thought of it just now, but when you
think about it, se ling on this park as the stage was also the
wrong choice for this park is also closely connected to
the snake-worshipping Kitashirohebi Shrine.
 |
A barrier was a waste of time.
If I wanted to do this behind Mayoi nee-san’s back, not
only would I have to avoid her residence in Kitashirohebi
Shrine, but by extension, this park too however, it was
also this failure that saved me.
‘I didn’t want to interfere with the pros, but with the town
in danger and my friend in a pinch, I couldn’t just stand by
and watch. So, I did what li le I can to help which
means,’
The snail and the snake, Hachikuji Mayoi, folded the
sealed slug ever smaller, as she gave a majestic smile,
cheekily saying something resembling her catchphrase.
‘Sorry, a slip of the hand.’

Satis ed at maybe her line, or maybe at her excellent work,

Mayoi nee-san promised not to tell oni no onii-chan about
this, and returned to the mountains pu ing that folded
sheet into her rucksack.
ouldn’t it have been be er to tear up that sheet, I
thought, but for the snail goddess, the slug can perhaps be
considered her kin with her having so many friends as
oddities, she probably thinks it wiser to treat not only the
humans well, but the aberrations, too.
Besides, it would be a pity if Sengoku Nadeko’s
painstakingly-illustrated slug was torn to shreds, and it was
Mayoi nee-san who did all the work; all I have done so far is
※
|
fail over and over, the last thing I should do is grumble.
My bad for saying you were in exible.
Turns out you can be plenty exible. As expected of a
mollusc.
It goes without saying that the pulverised Araragi Tsu-
kihi recovered whilst I was discussing with Mayoi nee-san
on how to clean things up her naginata hakama was torn
and muddied, but the skin and esh underneath it was free
from any blemishes.
Sleeping soundily, too.
ere I an ordinary expert, I would probably be touched
by her self-sacri ce, and be more lenient in my surveillance,
but for me, gratitude or owing people one are things that do
not affect any of my future work.
Or should I say, I’m still fuming.
Because when you think about it, the reason why I burnt
more brightly was because that bastard threw salad oil at
me, and upon further analysis, one would conclude that
things escalated to where they were not purely down to my
mistakes.
A empts to salvage the situation only made it worse
when one thinks about it, one realises the moment Araragi
Tsukihi got a ened and lost consciousness was a deus ex
machina moment anyone could see what caused all this.
Anyone could see who caused all this. The amount of
evidence is such that some experts would classify the shide
no tori as a dangerous entity from this incident alone, and
send in a task force for its neutralisation.
 |
The biggest prey since Kissshot Acerolaorion Heart-
underblade at her full strength, a phoenix-level prey.*
But these things I did not report to Gaen-san, for good
reason obviously, I did not want to add insult to my
embarrassments as a professional, but more importantly, I
have con rmed a new discovery about the shide no tori,
which for me, is the real reason.
In any case, I took Araragi Tsukihi back to the Araragi
household whilst she was sleeping, and spent the rest of the
night xing these burns on my embalmed corpse, with a
glimmer of hope that she would treat all that happened as a
dream, me returning to the subject’s room disguised as a
plush. The next day, Araragi Tsukihi not only treated what
happened as a dream she forgot every part of it.
As before, I was a to-scale plush to her, and from her
a itude, I seemed to be the one who thought of yesterday as
a dream, which is quite inconceivable.
Previously, when I obliterated Araragi Tsukihi’s top half,
the reason she did not remember was because her mind had
no time to process my a ack, and the reason she lost her
memories of that moment was because it never entered her
short-term memory; such was the accepted explanation.
But this time, Araragi Tsukihi had lost not only her short-
term memory, but the memory for almost the entire day
an almost ideally cut montage where the animated plush,
the magical girl of justice, the giant slug and the pulver‐
isation were deleted from her recollections. This cannot be
* ‘Great prey’ (大 捕 物) and ‘phoenix-entity’ (鳳 物) are both pronounced
ōtorimono.
|
explained simply with ‘forge ing due to shock from death’.
It is a mysteriously selective amnesia.
However, were one to ignore the chaos, and analyse from
a pro’s perspective, this memory loss has a simple
explanation. Instead of ‘forge ing due to shock from death’,
it is ‘forge ing the shock of death’.
The two are not the same thing.
Bodily injury and inner injury that would be an
appropriate metaphor, like how one can see a broken body,
but not a broken heart.
A broken heart that is, psychological trauma.
But this is more than a metaphor; different doctors exist
to treat these different wounds. Bodily injury and mental
damage are not that different a er all.
Memories of past abuse reappearing in occasional
ashbacks and affecting one’s life in future is a symptom
common throughout every age in history the past be-
coming an a ereffect, planting itself deeply into one’s core,
making life a more difficult path to walk.
This feeling of ‘suffering’ can even drive people to
suicide, and that is no exaggeration a broken heart can
prove fatal.
That’s why.
That’s why these wounds they must be healed.
Yes, the shide no tori.
The eternal aberration, the phoenix, can heal even its
non-bodily injuries any memory that threatens to inter-
fere with it living is removed, without a single trace.
 |
The animated plush, the magical girl of justice, the giant
slug, the pulverisation for such out of the blue, fanciful,
and ridiculous memories to stay would prove problematic
to its existence in future.
Therefore, beyond a certain limit of acceptance, the
brain cells that marked these anomalous memories would
reset, and return to a blank slate. An ability to magically
remove bad memories or, to put it be er, a self-defensive
ability to automatically seal off psychological trauma.
In reality, in this town, there is also another erratic genius
who can force off memories they dislike onto some-body
else there is also an erratic oddball who could stick their
nger into their brains, modifying their memory as they
wish.
This abnormal act of self-cleansing, when utilised to its
fullest, has allowed Araragi Tsukihi to remain the lively
gure she is. It is this liveliness that also ensures Araragi
Tsukihi never learns and never grows.
These failures, these dangers are doomed to repeat
themselves, all around them, gradually accumulating.
Piling up, welling up kindling for a new ame.
The brightly burning, undying bird.
In the centre of the ames, those mistakes and failures
turn into dust, its ashes taking off without leaving a trace,
continuing its life from the very beginning.
…It’s horrifying. Horrifying, yet fascinating. Fascin-
ating, with deep implications.
At least during this time of suspended sentencing, one
|
should observe her using this never-before-considered
point of view. She has at the very least an academic value.
ith it, I also consider myself lucky that she has neatly
forgo en all my failings, so I decided against reporting this
to my superiors.
A decision such as this could be a sign of Araragi
Tsukihi’s in uence the reason why I did that might be
due to the shide no tori’s self-defensive abilities.
But anyway, I’ll let her live to see another day.
The observation continues.
This unknown life form has, however li le, unveiled its
mysterious self, so I’ll continue observing and protecting
this natural wonder.
And so, to avoid making the same missteps, I decided to
empty the lolicon’s ice cream stock as soon as possible
once con rming the subject has well and truly set off for
school, I sneakily retrieved the cups of ice cream from the
freezer, placed them on the bed, and enjoyed all ve avours
in order.
‘Ah, aah! I didn’t feel like going to school for some reason
so I did a U-turn and went back home and my plush is eating
ice cream!?’
Returning to her room, Araragi Tsukihi screamed, just
like yesterday.
…Magical girl of justice, part .
She never learns and never grows but that’s okay. I
swear on my life I’m not failing next time.
|
|

Glossary
Magical girl Mahou shoujo; for more information, watch
Pre y Cure
Genkō yōshi Manuscript paper
Screentone See additional note, p. ; see also ‘hal one’
Hakama Traditional Japanese dress worn over a
kimono; tied at the waist, falls approx-
imately to the ankles
Kyūdō A Japanese martial art, based on archery
Naginata A Japanese pole weapon, similar to a glaive,
now commonly associated with women
Chadō Tea ceremony and related practices
Shoujo Teenage woman
Bishoujo Young female beauty; a Japanese manga/
anime trope
Yaki-tofu Broiled/grilled tofu
Yudofu Hot tofu; essentially, tofu in broth
 |

Additional notes
These are for when an immediate explanation is not necessary
(e.g. reasonably-translated puns or obscure references), trivia/
detailed explanations, addendums, notes I cannot nd a suitable
place for, and/or personal ranting.
G
/ /
Ononoki still uses 僕 (boku) ( rst-person masculine
singular) when narrating in the rst person.
- ( . -- )
Also variously translated as ‘kind monster sir’,
‘monstieur’, ‘demon brother’… much as transliteration is
frowned upon in translation, this is one of the few
frequently-recurring puns that, in my mind, has (a) never
been translated satisfactorily into English, (b) ows be er
in its original form, and/or (c) is understandable by its main
audience even in its untranslated form. The same reasoning
also goes for some of the words in the glossary above.
Oni (鬼, demon/monster) comes from the ki (鬼) in
kyuketsuki (吸 血 鬼, vampire), meaning oni doesn’t exactly
refer to monsters in general, but is Ononoki’s shorthand for
vampires. Onii-chan can refer to elder males in general, not
only brothers; Ononoki uses it for Oshino and Kaiki too,
which I have also preserved in this translation (and
otherwise would’ve been ‘Mister Oshino/Kaiki’).
Given the above, let it be known that I would have
anglicised it as ‘Mister Vampy’, or ‘Vampsire’ for short. But
|
there’s no point in in icting upon this small world another
inevitably botched translation a empt.
‘ ’?
A generic term for cooking oils that are liquid in room
temperature, and can therefore be used as salad dressing.
This can include rapeseed, sun ower, co onseed, corn, rice
bran, peanut, soybean, sesame etc. Excludes olive oil or
mixed oils. The difference from ‘vegetable oil’ is subtle, but
still there, so I decided against changing to that more
familiar term.

(p. )
A reference to two things: the Hienma from Ehon Hyaku
Monogatari (‘A Hundred Tales Illustrated’) ( ), a siren-
like gure whose seductive beauty sucks away the blood and
vitality of lecherous men who approach her; also known as
the hi no enma (‘yama of re’) due to being born in the year
of the Fire Horse (丙 午) (hinoe uma) (related to the
Chinese zodiac, but repeats every sixty years instead of
twelve) itself born from a superstition that women born
those years would bring bad luck to their future spouse,
accelerated by the popular tale (see e.g. Ihara Saikaku’s Five
Women Who Loved Love ( )) of Yaoya Oshichi: a young
woman who took refuge in a temple during a re, fell in love
with one of the temple boys, later commi ing arson in an
a empt to reunite with him, before being executed by
burning at the stake in .
 |
Also a potential reference to Hienma Oshichi in the
fantasy manga Ashiaraiyashiki no Juunin-tachi ( – ),
based also on the Hienma gure, whose abilities match
more with Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade than
the rest of the Monogatari cast, although it is worth noting
the ‘o’ in ‘Oshichi’ is given in kanji, whereas this book gives
‘o’ in hiragana (same as Yaoya Oshichi), making the la er
theory less likely.

/ /
Sengoku uses 私 (watashi) ( rst-person neuter singular,
formal), no longer referring to herself in the third person.
Her pauses are intentional.

(p. )
I have largely followed the Japanese quirk of having very
li le curse words, but this is one semi-exception. The ori‐
ginal sentence can be more accurately translated as ‘are you
seriously nding the time to paste screentones?’; however,
Ononoki uses the rude て め え (temee) to refer to Sengoku,
which is too good to throw away, so this is one of the very
few cases where I prioritised tone over literal accuracy.
The snark does not end there. Ononoki uses あ い つ
(aitsu) and こ い つ (koitsu) (informal to rude versions of
‘this person’) about a quarter of the time for Tsukihi, not to
mention the verbal slip later on; see note on the next page. A
lot of this is inevitably lost in translation for the sake of ow.
|
(p. )
Screentones are adhesive sheets with printed pa erns,
used to create colour and texture (e.g. hair, backgrounds,
shades) in comics and manga. If you have ever printed grey
colours, it’s the same thing: the grey is achieved not by
having actual grey ink/toner, but by microscopic black dots,
spaced such that it gives an overall grey colour. This is also
how colour mixing in colour printers work.
The number refers to two things: the rst digit being dot
density in × lines per inch (lpi/L); the second digit being
overall colour relative to CMYK. In this case, ‘ ’ means a
density of L, at K. See also this visual guide.

(pp. , )
The book does not give its pronunciation. It could even
be ‘shirohebi’, though whether Ononoki is privy to that
knowledge is another ma er.
’ (p. )
Here, Ononoki switches from the informal お 前 (omae)
to the more polite き み (kimi) when talking to Tsukihi.
Both mean ‘you’. Compare with German „du“/„Sie“.
(p. )
The original reads 「 失 礼 。一枚 、 噛 み ま し た 」
(Shitsurei. Ichimai, kamimashita). hereas kamimashita
alone means ‘stu ered’, ichimai kamimashita means ‘took
part’. It helps that all official novel translations have used ‘a
slip of the tongue’.
正義の魔法少女‼
SEIGI NO MAHOU SHOUJO‼

「いえーい、  ぴーすぴーす」