Life Story UMBERGER1

Life Story

Kiersten Umberger

OGL

October 25th 2020

INTRODUCTION

As I sat and thought about every year of my life trying to recollect as much as I could

remember the things that stuck out most to me are these experiences I have had with the people

around me. The changes and evolution of myself and my groups has had such an impact on who

I am today. Although I spent some days upset and sad I know that it has made me into someone

that values quality and meaning in relationships. I want to help others every opportunity I get and

I want to impact other people's lives. I love building relationships and it is one of my favorite

things about the life we get to live. We often learn how we want to be from other people and

experiences we have with them.. We learn from the good times and the bad times. There is a

saying that says I learned how to be a friend when I had none. I think I have learned my most

prominent value through my experiences with others in my youth, both the good and bad.

EARLY YEARS

I consider myself someone that had a blessed childhood as I was always cared for, always had

more than what I needed, and was surrounded by a loving family at all times. I remember taking

many trips to the beach or to Disneyland or even to baseball games. My father was a police

officer and my mother was a 911 dispatcher, so although they worked long hours and sometimes

on holidays I never felt like they were not around when I needed them. I was always tucked in at

night when I was small and I always felt very safe and protected. When my parents were at work

the only people who I would be watched by were my grandparents who ended up living with us

for a few years while I was young.

Having parents that spent the majority of their day hearing and seeing the worst of what

goes on and just how cruel people can be to one another meant I definitely experienced a more

sheltered upbringing as a result. My older brother and I went to a school right down the street

and we never once rode the bus or were left with a babysitter that wasn't a family member.

I am not naive to the fact that what I consider blessed is the definition of spoiled to

others. My parents did not grow up with the same amenities or safety net that they provided us.

They worked extremely hard to get to where they were, a place where finances were not an issue

and a place where their children would be kept safe and loved unconditionally. Although we

were spoiled we were also taught many lessons and my parents were not shy about saying no to

us. We were reminded what our parents had and what they went without while growing up. We

were taught the value of hard work and compassion for others. We did not grow up seeing

anything like they had to see in their own childhoods. I am fortunate that they were passionate

about providing more for us than they had.

My parents made sure we knew how important the family unit was in everything we did.

My older brother and I would always bicker when we were little and every single time without

fail my parents would say “one day your sibling might be the only person who you can count on

the only person who has your back in this world so be good to one another” My brother and I

never displayed hatred toward each other and when it came down to it if one of us needed

anything the other would be there. It was almost as if it was ingrained in our brain that we must

be there for one another, which is a great thing in my head. So many families, even that of my

cousins, are broken apart by grudges and hatred. A family unit is the strongest bond you have if

lucky enough to have one. My parents would also say that it doesn't matter how mad they make
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you, at the end of the day you forgive them. We were raised never seeing what a grudge was in

our own home, so as the extended families started to fall apart due to these grudges they held

with one another it was difficult for my two brothers and I to understand. We were raised with

forgiving hearts and that is something I carried with me in all of my experiences.

In elementary school for the most part my class stayed the same and it consisted of kids

with very similar families and upbringings to that of my own. I did not have any idea that some

kids did not have the same lifestyle I had until I was older and getting to know more people in

school. To me I think not knowing that how I had it was any different than anyone else was a

good thing, as I never felt better than anyone else since in my head we were all the same. I also

never had to feel envious of not having what others had. I was also raised with the idea that some

things you just don't ask other people because it's none of your business. So I did not get curious

ever toward other peoples’ living situations because I respected privacy.

Financial security absolutely helps combat stress, anxiety and many other problems in

children going into adulthood and I fully understand that some people just have caught a bad

break and that is unfortunate. I do however know how hard my parents had to work to get there.

My mother always tells a story about how she had to live off of crackers for a small while

because she was paying to live on her own, and recovering from a surgery that put her out of

work for many months. She always works so diligently at everything she's ever done, she would

learn and absorb as much as she could and she would always climb any ladder she could find in

the work world. She put in many long hours, awful shifts, and a lot of sleepless nights to get to

this point. My father did the exact same thing and made many sacrifices to find better positions,

he also made many connections and bonds with people he met along the way because he says it's

not about what you know it's about who you know. I think by hearing about new promotions or
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testing for new jobs showed me that that is just what you do, you do not stay stagnant as my

parents never were. I liked hearing the success of my parents and I aspired to one day be just like

them. My parents never spent frivolously and they always budgeted even if it meant making

sacrifices. This is important to me as I have seen their growth over the last decade and it amazes

me. People come to them, rely on them, they are natural leaders and I see people swarm to them

when in need. I know they always made decisions that were best for the overall good rather than

any selfish agendas. I've seen them give and give and give to others without any ill will or desire

for anything in return. They are truly selfless people. They have taken in people in need, family

members and friends, and have helped them get back on their feet again. Seeing this all my life

has really made selflessness seem normal to me that when I witness selfish acts I genuinely

couldn't understand how people could act that way. I think it's hard to notice traits like this about

people when you are young but they absolutely impact how you grow up. I was always willing to

do a favor or help someone in need but I also hated to be the person needing help. I don't think I

really witnessed my parents ever needing help from others, typically it was the other way around

so I think aspiring to be like them I developed this stigma against seeking out help and rather

always trying to be the helper.

As if my parents' selflessness was not enough to really influence me, I also made a best

friend in first grade who was likely the most selfless person I would ever be lucky enough to

meet in my lifetime. This person, Brittany York, would impact me severely for years to come.

On the first day of first grade I remember seeing a girl wearing a hat in my classroom, which was

against the school's policy. I was a rule follower by nature so I was extremely curious, but too

shy to say anything at all. She was nice and kind and did not seem like the type that would

blatantly break the rules like this, but I did also notice that her hair was short, almost non existent
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because I could not see any hanging down on either side of the hat. Later in the day at recess is

when I really actually met her and found out why she wore the hat. Some kids from another class

were harassing her to take it off and show what was underneath. They were really going at it and

yelling and clearly upsetting her and she took the hat off to reveal a nearly bald head with only

small patches of hair. I remember feeling shocked because I did not know why she didn't have

any hair, but also feeling angry because now the kids were making fun of her. I went over to

assist in yelling at these kids because I wanted to help, but she was not soft because she was

already yelling at them in some brave and PG manner, as we were only about six years old. This

is when we met and she told me about how she had cancer which is why she didn't have hair. I

did not really understand but had an extremely vague idea of what it was. I knew it was bad but

that was the extent of my grasp on cancer. From this moment on Brittany and I were inseparable.

She always stood up for me and I always stood up for her, although she seemed to have that

department covered for the both of us. Kids can be extremely cruel and although I had friends in

my class there was always the occasional bully, but Brittany always had the last word with them.

We began to hangout outside of school, her family would always take me everywhere they went.

I had sleepovers at her house, movie dates, shopping dates, Chuck E. Cheese visits, parks,

arcades, and we even did fancy things like going out to Afternoon Tea and getting all dressed up.

They always went out and ate fancy seafood which I had never had up until this point as my

parents never lost their ‘poor kid taste in food’ as they put it... Meaning they ate very basic

meals, and did not care about fancier foods. Everything I got to go do with Brittany was so much

fun and extravagant. She always gave to me whenever I would see her, She drew me pictures,

would make me crafts, and would even just give me random gifts for no reason other than to

thank me for being her best friend. Everything she gave me would say ‘if friends were flowers I
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would pick you’ and I think this meant more to me that I realized in the moment. I knew she was

kind and good to me and that I was lucky but I also did not really fully understand that most

people just were not like this and that she truly was special. One year for my birthday I had a

party at this small local theme park but the day of came and I felt funny, right as the party kicked

off I started throwing up all over the place. Parents were already dropping their kids off so it was

a little late to cancel but I was miserable. I threw up almost every ten minutes, could not ride any

rides, and did not even eat my cake. I cried a lot on this birthday and it was practically ruined

because I had to be taken home early. A week later when I was better Brittany asked her parents

to give me a re-do birthday and they picked me up and took me to the same theme park and gave

me that re-do birthday. I remember feeling so surprised, excited and just cared for. This was one

of the most thoughtful things and I think this is where I learn what thoughtful even was. Another

year our girl scout troop took a trip to Universal Studios and this was exciting and a huge trip we

had fundraised for. My mom bought me my very first wallet and gave me ten dollars to put

inside it while at the park and when you're in third grade ten dollars is a lot. I was so excited and

I clipped it to my pants immediately. Later in the day I went to go take some money out and

when I looked down my wallet was no longer clipped to my pants, it was missing. I must have

lost it on a ride but I cried so hard because it was special to me. An hour later Brittany and her

mom hand me a new wallet, with ten dollars in it as well. Brittany wanted ro replace the wallet I

had lost. I just couldn't believe how kind her heart was and how connected her mind was to this

kindness. She always knew what to do to be kind in any situation, it came naturally to her. I

never considered myself unkind but wow she really knew how to do kind better than anyone

else. She treated me this way every single day and I was always surprised every time.
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Brittany was in and out of the hospital a lot and would often miss school for long periods

of time, but I never had to miss her because my family would take me to visit her at the hospital

for hours daily. I knew the hospital was scary but her room was always decorated and we always

played games and had just as much fun as we did outside of the hospital. I knew these long

hospital stays were for her treatment but that was the extent of what I knew and I did not ask

many questions. Our class had a mailbox and we would all write her letters during the times she

wasn't in school and I would always go deliver them. To me, nothing was out of the ordinary, it

was just different. Our whole school was on board with the Brittany train and we even got to do a

lot of fundraisers for her family, we made shirts with her picture on them and we had big

carnivals at the school to raise money. It was always so fun and I loved how much the school did

for my best friend because she always did for me and others.

One day in fifth grade I woke up and started getting ready for school like always, except

today I decided I would wear the shirts we had made the year before that had Brittanys picture on

it. I did not usually wear it as a daily wear shirt because I thought if she happened to come back

to school it might be weird if I had her face on my shirt on some random day. Today though I

woke up feeling compelled to wear it. I finished getting dressed and walked outside my door to

see my parents sitting at the top of the stairs. They sat me down and told me that Brittany went to

Heaven earlier that morning. I was shocked and confused because although I knew she had

cancer and that she was sick very often, I think no one had taught me that cancer was a deadly

disease. No one told me it was a matter of time for Brittany. I had no idea because why would

anyone tell a ten year old that her sick friend could die young. This was my first brush with the

death of a loved one. My first experience of loss and it was my best friend, my 11 year old child

best friend. I was scared that I wanted to wear the shirt with her picture that day and immediately
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took it off. I was scared that maybe she was talking to me from wherever she was. I cried and

cried for an amount of time that I cannot recall but I can recall the gut wrenching feeling in my

stomach. This moment would really carve a deep mark inside my heart that unbeknownst to me

would cause me some repercussions mentally moving forward. However this also played a huge

role in who I became after this moment and who I strived to be.

I think I went back to seeming normal alarmingly quickly and the school counselor

would come in and pull me out of class daily, he would try to talk with me but I was stoic and

unemotional. This incognito therapy turned into a daily break from class to go play games or

basketball with my counselor. I think he was monitoring me and maybe just being there as a

friend for me if I needed it. The next year I developed a small tic that I would thankfully shake

that same year. The tic was disruptive but I had control over myself so the tic soon translated into

rituals in my head that I could not shake. The mental rituals began in sixth grade and never went

away. The rituals were all centered around my family and close friends and that if I did not do

my rituals something bad would happen to them. I was crippled by the uncertain, the unknown,

and fear of the loss of a loved one. Throughout my years in school I had no idea what this was or

why I did this but as I entered my twenties, in college, I learned much more about obsessive

compulsive disorder, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety. Through a lot of self reflection I began to

wonder if these rituals that consumed hours of any day for years were related to my lack of

coping with the loss of my friend Brittany. I have received a lot of guidance with these rituals

and have improved them to the point where they don't rule my life entirely but unfortunately I

still have an unsettling and almost irrational fear that by me doing one behavior I can control the

outcome of loss and anything unknown.

I think other than my influence from my family the years I spent around Brittany was

truly a major event that shaped and molded how I went on to treat others in my life. I always try

and look for a need and fill it just like she did. I always try and replace and improve things for

my friends. I am always paying attention to what my friends and family say just to maybe pick

up on some way I can help make their day or their life better, even if it's something little. I think

going through elementary school with a person that treated me the way Brittany did showed me

how I wanted to treat others whether I knew it in the moment or not I absorbed many things from

her. This by far was probably the most impactful event that shaped what I came to value as I got

older, quality relationships and helping others.

MIDDLE SCHOOL AGE

After Brittany passed I was eleven years old and I searched for friendships with people

who were kind, selfless, givers. This was normal to me now and this was how I aimed to be in

every relationship I had toward others. Despite this I was shy and awkward and struggled to

make friends to even be that kind and selfless giver. My family moved to a different side of town

while I was in sixth grade so I kept my old friends and struggled to make new ones. I ate lunch in

a bathroom stall for months until I finally had enough of that and decided to just force myself to

meet people. I no longer had my safety net friendship with Brittany where I felt protected and

known and cared for. I spent so much time with her I think I failed to put effort into making new

friends with other people during my elementary school years and honestly was not sure how to

even do this. My other close friend, Tara, who was my next door neighbor growing up would be

the person I clinged to throughout middle school. We lived on opposite sides of town but our

parents were really great about getting us back and forth. Tara was just like me at this time in our

life, kind of awkward and goofy, but still very kind. I would hangout with her every weekend
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and we both really got into music and we would always beg to go to concerts. Having Tara was

nice because we had grown up neighbors so our families were close, she was always ready to

spend time with me, and she didn't really have a lot of other friends either that she would choose

over me. This made the rough school weeks easier to get through because even though I didn't

have friends on the inside I knew I had one on the outside. It was helpful that she was always

willing to hangout also because after losing Brittany I really needed a solid friend.

I did not know that I would soon suffer loss yet again but in a completely different way.

Tara got her first boyfriend when we were in seventh grade and he was one of those boys that

had greasy hair, always on a skateboard and sneaking a cigarette, which was mind blowing to see

coming from such a sheltered lifestyle. He was on a journey of his own that was not headed in a

good direction. He would ditch school and hangout with a lot of burnouts, but Tara was

infatuated with him. It wasn't long before she started lying to me about little things here and

there. She did not tell me because I think she knew I would try and stop her or maybe she feared

that I would come across as judgemental. She started smoking cigarettes I think to impress her

boyfriend but cigarettes turned into marijuana, and marijuana turned into ecstasy, and ecstasy

turned into heroin. By the time we were about to start high school she was a full on heroin

addict. She started distancing herself from me before it got to this extreme so I did not fully

know that she was a drug addict at first. At first I did not know why she did not want to spend as

much time with me and I honestly had no idea for a long time that she was using drugs. She

would only call me in a panic because she needed to borrow twenty dollars here and there for

something like tampons. I knew this was odd because her family always provided for her and

helped her and I had no idea for a long time she was asking me for drug money. I always wanted

to help but when I found out that she was taking advantage of my kindness for her abusive habits
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I think my heart was hardened a little bit. Prior to the heroin addiction we had lost closeness

quickly and this was mainly her choosing. She always wanted her boyfriend to be around and I

never wanted to surround myself with people like him. I had pretty conservatice and strict

parents when it came to things like alcohol and drugs so I steered very clear of those kinds of

people and things. Looking back I wished I could have had more of an influence on Tara or said

more things to try and stop her but because she shut me out so much I honestly had no idea what

was happening until it was too late. I would try and catch up with her every now and then but I

couldn't even recognize her anymore. Not just her looks but her personality was entirely

different. She was not the same person I knew or even a person seemingly at all. She was jittery

and twitchy and seemed to just have a one track mind for drugs. She would lie and steal and this

was never like her when we were younger. She shut out her family and any old friends that cared

about her for people that she could get drugs from. She dated other people since the first boy that

had kind of steered her in this direction and her selection would become worse and worse every

time. After the truth had come out that she was addicted to heroin I remember feeling so

heartbroken for her and her family. I think I had already lost her in my head and heart back when

she first started shutting me out but it still hurt to know that she would likely never be the same

sweet person I used to know. After this I felt like I had no friends, which as it appears was

always very important to me yet I felt like I kept ending up in this position. I spent a lot of time

at home and with my family. This is when I really relied on the closeness I had with my siblings

and I always thought back to when our parents would remind us that when things get bad we

might only have our siblings to rely on at times.

Reflecting on these years of my life makes me a little sad because I just wish I hadn't

been afraid to reach out and make more friends. There were so many kids in high school feeling
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this exact same way but when you're young you are too scared to say anything and you are so

afraid of looking like a fool or being rejected that you just don't try at all. All I wanted was

quality, genuine relationships and it was up to me to find these. Now as I am older I know how

easy it is to just talk to people and make friends and feel confident that what you have to offer is

special and unique, I only wish this for my younger self. However, that being said I do know that

these years helped shape me into the person I am today. I will never let someone feel left out or

alone. I love talking to new people and welcoming people into my group of friends. Feeling

alone as a teenager is awful but I cannot imagine feeling this way as an adult as well. We all

need quality relationships that have meaning because I do not think life is meant to be lived in

isolation. These younger years have made me a better person because knowing what this feels

like to be lonely has made me kinder, better, more open and inclusive to anyone around me.

HIGH SCHOOL

High school was not the experience I had hoped for, as I had seen it played out in many movies

and television shows. I did not have that typical group of friends, or a best friend throughout. I

stuck close to familiar faces from over the years, or friendly people who also seemed to not have

a lot of friends. I felt that if they did not have a lot of friends they would be more inclined to be

my friend. I did not participate in many school events which looking back would have helped me

make friends but I was not thinking logically during this time. I was still feeling semi sheltered to

the world and in high school many kids are starting to go to parties and drink but that just was

not for me, so I stayed in my bubble. I stayed closest to my friend Emily who I had classes with

almost every year. However we did not have a super deep level friendship for all those years and

hardly did anything together outside of school. She became friends with a girl named Carly who
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was a year older than us and had a lot of friends. This ended up being in my favor because by

default Carly became my friend too.

Carly was in this church youth group called YoungLife which she would invite us to. This was

the first type of group I was a part of in high school. Younglife did a lot of fun activities and after

a fun activity would always be a bible study. I had always gone to church with my family but we

only went on holidays or once in a blue moon. I was extremely shy but welcomed into this

church group and I was finally having fun, even though it was already halfway through Junior

year. I started really getting involved with this group and enjoying even the religious aspect of it.

I think I resonated with the religion because it had similar values to my own; building

relationships, helping others, and compassion etc. We did a lot of helpful community activities

and I always enjoyed this so I really felt like this was the group for me. I even went to a week

long summer camp with the group when the time came. Although I was welcomed in and having

fun I don’t think I was doing my part to develop deep relationships with the people in the group.

I was still very awkward and waiting for them to come to me and get to know me which they

only did ever so lightly. During this time I also started working as a volunteer in my church's

coffee shop with Carly. This gave me my first work experience and I had so much fun.

After my junior year, Carly graduated high school and her family was moving out of

state. She did not want to go so my kind and thoughtful parents gave her a bedroom at our house.

Her and I were friends but still semi surface level so having her as a roommate really brought us

closer together. We still volunteered at the church together but now that Carly was out of high

school she started to go to parties and would invite me along. At this point she was my closest

friend and I trusted her so I would go to the parties too. I really had fun and saw why other kids

were doing it all along, but also I was lying to my parents which I didn't like and it just felt
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wrong going to party on a saturday and then showing up to volunteer at church on Sunday, but I

wanted to fit in, I wanted friends, and I was getting older so at this point I went along with

anything. I loved hanging out with Carly but she would always ditch me for other people or

seemingly forget about me, so deep down I knew this wasn't the truly amazing friendship that I

was so blessed to have known so well when I was younger.

As a 17 year old senior in high school I absolutely had not found myself or even come

close to coming into being who I was. I knew what was important to me but I did not know how

to act around strangers or express myself confidently. I didn't know myself well enough yet and I

don't think other people knew me either. I was more of a sponge just trying to fit in and feeling

confused as to why I did not have any serious, real, or close bonds at this point in my life. I no

longer saw my childhood friends and had not for years, my best friend from my really young

days had passed away and my best friend for the years after that went down a dangerous path just

before high school that left her battling a drug addiction. Now I had fun friends that were not

necessarily giving me the feeling of quality I was craving. I felt like many of these friendships

were one sided where I would express a giving heart and just be left taken advantage of. I was

not ever bitter when these things would happen or when people would use me but I knew that

one day I had to start valuing myself enough to stop letting people walk all over me.

I tried to make friends in high school but I had not truly found someone that I felt

extremely connected to or bonded with, I did not have a true love or true best friend and it

absolutely made me feel like something was missing. I had those few friends who I spent my

time with and who showed me fun and got me out of my shell but I always was afraid that they

did not actually like me, were using me, or that I was just there. At any minute they could ditch

me and I was consistently anticipating that as it had happened many times with them. I just
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always felt like the third wheel of a friend group but I held on to it because I was desperately

seeking SOMETHING to be a part of. I think I knew this in the moment just as much as I know

it now but unfortunately I lacked the confidence to seek out something better and I wanted to

have fun nonetheless.

TROPICAL SMOOTHIE

In May of 2012 just before high school graduation I was hired at Tropical Smoothie

which was right up the road from my house. I recall wanting a job so bad but being reluctant to

apply at this place as I was intimidated by the girls that worked there. I'm glad I did apply though

because this was a great first job and really started to change me for the better. My best friend at

the time, Carly, filled out an application with me but she never turned hers in as she just did not

like the people who worked there. I'm glad she did not apply because I really needed to branch

out from her at this point. I was so nervous for my interview but the owner and manager were

very fun and friendly and put me at ease. I found out I was hired on a Friday and started that

following Monday. My third day of work is really when something started to change for me.

There were two other new girls who were also in their first week on the job, Lexi and Brianna..

Lexi was very outgoing and asked many questions to me and the other new girl, Brianna. Some

of her questions were even a little too much or too personal but I went with it. These girls were

both just about my age toward the end of the shift Lexi suggested that we all hangout after work

and we agreed. I was the only one with a car so after work I drove us all to my parents house.

Carly still lived with me so I introduced my new friends and we went upstairs and honestly I was

just so excited to have made my own friends apart from Carly.

I did not end up really connecting with Lexi but I did however have an instant bond with

Brianna. She seemed genuinely interested in me and my life and I don't think I was used to

someone wanting to get to know me so well. Nothing felt surface level about our interactions

which is something I had been seeking. I also wanted to get to know her and I remembered

things she would tell me. We had a lot in common and I remember that she actually made me

genuinely laugh. I think It had been awhile since I genuinely laughed and I think this just made

me like her even more. We would begin to spend a lot of time together, almost too much time. I

remember being excited every time we would hang out and I remember she would cling to me

and I would cling to her and it felt like I had made a real friend. When you are young like this

you can only have one best friend (silly) and for me it was Carly and I but shortly after I met

Brisanna in my head I felt like she was who my best friend was. I started referring to Carly as my

sister so that I could get away with calling Brianna my best friend without making Carly mad.

This is silly but as a 17 year old this was a big deal! Brianna considered me her best friend too

and that made me really happy. As a young girl who felt like I did not have any friends that

genuinely understood me or even wanted to understand me it was a relief and wave of

excitement to finally feel like I had that. Briannas energy reminded me of the Brittanys energy

from when I was younger and I think this was the kind of friend I had been seeking out.

Brianna and Carly were often jealous of each other and did not end up getting along very

well and I was the middle man so to speak, Carly eventually moved back to California to live

with her family and I remember being very sad as I had an attachment to her from the last year of

her being one of my only friends. I remember Brianna telling me that she would spend all the

time with me, the time that I was worried would be spent missing Carly. I was actually flattered

by the thought of this statement. As time went on I became less sad about Carly, more aware of
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how one sided our friendship was, and more attached to the bond I had been forming with

Brianna. Brianna showed me more of myself in a way I was missing. I didn't have to be a sponge

to fit in with her because we already had similar mindsets and ideas, being her friend was

actually easy. I was not insecure or afraid that she was using me so that she would ditch me for

other friends. She always chose me first and I don't think I had experienced that since I was

much younger. I wanted to do nice things for Brianna because she gave me a sense of my

identity that involved quality friendships. She ended up being in positions where she needed help

and I loved to be that person for her. She did not have a car or many options for rides to work or

school so I gladly offered that ip as often as I could. It was the least I could do for the person that

showed me what a true friend was. I think this reinvigorated my love for giving and helping

others. I think when someone genuinely appreciates you and does not have those expectations

from you it makes it all the more worth it. I did not want anything in return like favors because

she gave me the gift of friendship constantly.

STARBUCKS

In 2013 I was 19 years old and I was sitting in a Starbucks drive through near my house

as my phone rang, only to be speaking to the manager of a different Starbucks. She called me for

an interview as I had applied months prior to this. I was so excited because when I was sixteen I

remember wanting to work at a coffee shop so badly, specifically Starbucks. I had one interview

with the manager, Brady, and was hired shortly after. This would be where I really learned that I

value hard work. This is also the first job I would promote and learn to actually see myself as a

leader rather than just a follower. I've always been one to shy away from any kind of spotlight

and that even included taking on extra work responsibilities. I did not see the potential I had for
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leadership and supervisor roles until people started to express to me that they felt I was cut out

for it.

Oftentimes we need other people to tell us what we are good at and what we are called to

do. I realized that the best leaders in my opinion were the ones that showed a genuine interest in

my well being before getting down to business. There were some leaders who got people to work

hard for the day and there were some that just inspired people to work hard whenever they were

there. I aspired to be the latter of those two. As I was promoted I quickly learned that my peers

respected me and when asked by my manager why the answers were always along the lines of

caring. They felt appreciated, important and that they could tell I really cared about them. This

was simply because I did. I hads goals given to me by my boss that were not achievable without

the backing of my entire team. I needed them for success and they were all hardworking,

compassionate individuals each with t\strengths of their own. I enjoyed finding people's strengths

and making these strengths known to them . Sometimes we do not know what we are excelling in

until someone tells us. I loved to meet goals and see success in the day today and it just made me

want to do even more and get even better. I think the real reason I enjoyed being a supervisor or

leader in my store was because it gave me the opportunity to help people. I was able to help

develop and grow the skills of my team and I was able to be the problem solver for my team and

customers.I enjoyed getting to resolve problems and escalate situations and I made it my

personal mission to ensure everyone walked out of that building satisfied and happy no matter

what.

I spent a lot of my days at the Starbucks store that I worked at and developed close

friendships with the people that worked there. You see each other every day and you each have

the same goal and the same hang ups and stressors. YOu get through each work day together
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20

which eventually starts to bond you to one another. MOst of my team was right around my same

age and we all stayed working here for years together, the team did not go through many major

changes for the next few years to come. We became sort of like a family, spending our days at

work together and then leaving work and going out to eat or to each other's houses. Our work

lives turned into our personal lives and we began to know everything about each other down to

the face we made when we were frustrated and our tells when we were lying. We became

inseparable in a way. I really enjoyed the closeness I had with my team at work and I really felt

like we were all in something together. I went to this group of people with everything, any major

events, good news and bad news almost everything and they could always tell what kind of

mood I was in just by looking at me. I began to value the universal plan that brought me to this

point in life because it honestly felt like this is the kind of friendships and fun I should have had

in high school., the thing I was missing most from high school were those bonds with people and

i finally got that here,. These were my people, it seemed like they were made for me and I for

them and they even loved Brianna who would eventually start working with us as well. I truly

treasured this for the next seven years that I would work here and even after as well. These were

the people I would grow up with and continue into adulthood with.

Age 19-26 in my opinion is a crucial time, more so than high school because this is when

life really started. This is when I really became who I am, my authentic self. No more sponging

off of other people to fit in because I did not have to, these people understood me and valued me

and I was able to figure out how I am when I don't have to try. Almost every person my manager

would hire would just mesh perfectly with all of us like she almost had a type of person she was

looking for. Granted we were all very different when it came out background and details but

something about who we were on a much deeper level just connected. She would allow us to
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bring in our outside close friends and family members for interviews so we had many siblings

and cousins and best friends working together and everyone seemed happy. I had never had those

moments where I felt like this is exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly who I am

supposed to be with until my years at Starbucks.

Through the years I would see all of us grow up and find love and get our own homes,

other side jobs, family changes, heartbreak, tragedy, degrees, new careers but through it all we

always stuck together. I think I had just been missing this type of bond and relationship with a

group. I had this with individuals at a time but I had always been envious of people throughout

school that had a group of people. Relationships have always been extremely important to me

and after losing my close friendships from childhood and continuing on to struggle making

friends in high school I was really struggling with my identity. I felt like I needed friends to give

me an identity.

NOW

In my coming of age years I even had a difficult time with dating because I was trying to

always build a friendship first and a lot of young guys do not have that mindset. I valued

building a relationship in a time where that was rare for a lot of boys my age. Luckily as I got

older I found men who also valued this aspect of dating. Toward the end of my time at Starbucks

I met a guy named Caleb who turned out to be one of the best male friends I have. When I met

him he immediately showed how compassionate he was for other people and passionate about

helping others. After many years of dating around this to me was like striking gold, to find a guy

who also valued the same things as me. He was always so kind to me and always cared about

how I was feeling any given day before anything else. He allowed me to build a quality

friendship with him while we were dating and that was all I could ask for. After finding it
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difficult to stay in a relationship I was so thankful to have met Caleb when I did. I think my

confidence was built up in my twenties when I met Brianna and became a leader at Starbucks. It

was easier for me to find a guy that understood my values and shared similar ones as well.

I have never felt more like myself than I do now. I feel like I finally have what I have been

wanting, quality relationships that I have something to offer others in. I value my relationship

with my family, with my best friend Brianna, with my friends from Starbucks, and with my

boyfriend Caleb. I value hard work ethic, being available to those in need and not allowing

others to feel isolated in life. I feel like these are my people and they understand me, and help

me grow into who I want to be for them and for myself.

CONCLUSION

Life is short and we should make a conscious effort to enjoy it with others. There is a lot

of sadness in the world so why not make it better? Why would we ever walk around shy or

staying in our own little bubble, why don't we say hi to strangers walking by on the streets? Why

are so many people afraid of reaching out? I think knowing what this lack of good relationships

felt like and then seeing the difference in the quality of life after meeting people that put in the

time and effort to get to know me has made me a better person. I am so grateful for all the ups

and downs. I think knowing what this lack of good relationships felt like and then seeing the

difference in the quality of life after meeting people that put in the time and effort to get to know

me has made me a better person. I am so grateful for all the ups and downs. I am grateful for loss

simply because of how much personal growth can come out of it.
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While working at Starbucks one of the most important pieces for the company was the

customer connection. They wanted the baristas to not just be friendly to customers but to be

genuine and to build a relationship with the customer. This was difficult at first but with a little

practice it can make not only their day but yours as well. One of my trainers one time told me

something I'll never forget. She mentioned how a lot of people come into Starbucks by

themselves. She said every interaction we have with customers needs to be heartfelt and needs to

be a good one. She said you could potentially be the only human interaction that person has all

day long. The only one. Maybe they are lonely and this is the only time someone talks to them

all day or says ther name all day. We have the power to make this meaningful for them, to make

them feel less alone. We have the power to make their day. This really stuck with me and I know

this goes for outside of the Starbucks realm as well. Just someone walking down the street or

pumping their gas, maybe they haven't had anyone notice them all day. We all have the power to

brighten a person's day, to help them in some way, to build a meaningful quality relationship

with them, and all it starts with is a hello.