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Krystal Demarco

Professor Wright

ENG.1201.B51

2 December 2021

A Broken Home: Effects of Parental Divorce on Children

Most people know at least one person who has divorced parents. In fact, it is estimated

that 72% of marriages fail within the first 14 years (Anderson 379). Many married couples have

children within this timeframe, and many of the children will be young when their parents decide

to divorce. Sadly, 20% of children will experience the divorce of their parents by the age of nine

(“Children of Divorced Parents”). I happened to be a part of the 20%. My parents called it quits

when I was only nine years old. I did not fully understand what was happening, nor did I have

any idea just how much my life would be altered. The only thing I knew was that my “mommy”

was suddenly not around anymore, and I was only to see her every two weeks. Confusion swept

over me as everything I knew fell apart. Divorce is a lot to take on for a family, but it especially

affects the children involved. Parental divorce can negatively affect a child’s behavior, mental

health, and ability to maintain relationships due to the major life changes that take place

throughout and following the event.

Millions of Americans are affected by mental health issues. Of course, these numbers do

not all come from those who have dealt with divorce. However, it has been proven that children

of divorce are more likely than average to suffer from psychiatric disorders. Professor of

Psychology Kim Halford brings awareness to this hapless fact. He explains that children of

divorce have twice the rate of mental health problems and are more likely to attempt suicide than

children of intact families. Dr. Jane Anderson, who specializes in pediatrics, claims that the rate
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of these issues in divorced children is 8% compared to 4% in children from two-parent

households (383). Divorce heightens emotions for all parties involved, so it is not surprising that

the rate of psychiatric disorders is higher among these children. Feelings of loneliness, betrayal,

confusion, and hopelessness all contribute to the child developing a life-long disorder. Along

with the children, a parent’s mental state may change. The emotions that they display can affect

the child further (Anderson 383). Being around a parent who openly exhibits signs of a disorder

can create distance between the parent and child. The child is then left feeling more alone and

helpless. When there are children involved, steps need to be taken to ensure that the child feels

cared for and loved to reduce the potential for developing a disorder. However, the experience of

divorce itself is not the only thing that contributes to mental health issues. The disorders can also

be traced back to the circumstances surrounding the divorce.

Children who witness their parents in constant conflict with each other can have

devastating effects on the child in the long run. Conflict in front of the child can cause the child

to be put in the middle of things. Based on the witnessed events, the child may start placing

blame on one parent. Even worse, they may find themselves holding resentment for both parents,

therefore causing conflict between the parents and child. William Mosier, a marriage and family

therapist, states that the way parents behave around a child affects how the child reacts to the

divorce and how they feel about themselves, with the possibility of these feelings lasting all the

way into adulthood. Mosier then explains that a child’s emotional adjustment to divorce is

strongly influenced by observed parental behavior. If the child only sees bitterness, hate,

fighting, and blaming, then they will have more trouble adjusting to an already difficult time in

their life. They will hear and see things that they will never be able to forget. Furthermore, when

the conflict that occurs in front of the child is severe and frequent, the child has an even higher
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chance of experiencing long-term effects (Halford). Several other factors that result from severe

parental conflict make adjustment even harder for the child, such as verbal or physical abuse and

neglect. While some children may not experience this trauma of conflict, the separation may still

negatively impact them long-term depending on how well the parent-child communication is and

what coping mechanisms are used.

The level of parent-child communication can make the situation better or worse. The way

parents express their feelings affects how the child will feel about the divorce (Mosier). Parents

should be honest with their child, but not provide too much unnecessary information. The child

should not have to hear about the terrible things that each parent did leading up to divorce as it

will only lead to a larger divide. Instead, the conversation should be kept as calm and respectful

as possible. Parents should emphasize to the child that they are not to blame and that they will

remain loved despite the changes taking place. This open communication allows for better

understanding on the child’s behalf. It also allows the child to speak about their thoughts and

emotions without feeling like they are making things worse. When there is a lack of

communication, the child will have limited comprehension as to what is happening. They will be

left to see things only from their perspective. With such little knowledge of how their lives will

change, the child will not cope well when the time comes.

Coping with divorce does not come easy to a child. They need the assistance of two

loving parents to help get them through. Communication is key. Tamara Afifi and colleagues

studied the differences between children who communicated well with their parents and those

who did not. They found that children who had good communication with their parents had a

higher level of resiliency following divorce than children who were not comfortable

communicating with their parents (21). The reason a child may not feel comfortable talking to
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their parents does not necessarily stem solely from the divorce. Rather, the parent-child

relationship prior to the divorce plays a significant role in how a child will feel about

communication during and after. However, it is still imperative that the parents and child find the

coping mechanism that is right for them. If the child is uncomfortable talking to their parents,

then therapy may be necessary. Whether it is one-on-one sessions or family sessions, therapy can

go a long way in assisting the child with adjustment. An estranged relationship is more likely to

occur if the appropriate steps are not taken.

Another issue that children of divorce face is creating and maintaining relationships. The

first relationships that are likely to take a turn is between the father and child and the mother and

child. This does not mean that the relationships are bad, per se, but divorce does mean that the

child will spend more time with one parent and less with the other. Dr. Sun-A Lee highlights the

resulting relational issues in her article “Romantic Relationships in Young Adulthood: Parental

Divorce, Parent-child Relationships During Adolescence, and Gender.” Lee asserts that there is a

decrease of closeness between the parents and children following divorce, and the

communication between them may also suffer (411-412). Depending on the custodial agreement,

the child may only see the non-custodial parent every other weekend. Overall, when there is less

time spent with one parent, there is often less communication, involvement, and bonding with

the child.

It is more uncommon for fathers to receive custody of a child following divorce. This

alone affects the father-child relationship, but there is more to consider. In his article assessing

father-child relationships following divorce, Professor Glenn Stone addresses several factors that

contribute to a father being less-than-present in his child’s life. Self-efficiency and role clarity of

the father plays a drastic role in their parenting abilities after a divorce. Lack of custody and
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limited time with the child can make a father feel as though they do not possess the abilities to

parent alone, and therefore are less likely to engage with the child (Stone 16). They might not

understand how they are supposed to act as a father independently. Depending on the

relationship between both parents after the divorce, mothers can worsen the father’s perceived

lack of ability. Mothers may prevent the child from seeing their father out of spite or for personal

reasons that have nothing to do with the child. In turn, an even more distant relationship between

the father and child results. In one study, children who were in their mother’s custody were asked

how often they see their fathers. Fewer than half of the children had seen their fathers in the past

year and only about 16% saw their fathers once a week (Anderson 381). Over time, the

frequency may decline even more, especially if the father feels that he is inadequate as a parent.

Mother-child relationships may also take a toll following divorce. Though it is more

uncommon, it is still a possibility for the mother to be the non-custodial parent and thus

experience distant relationships with their children. Sandra Kielty conducted a study on non-

residential mothers and how they felt their relationship with their child was affected by the

divorce. Some mothers argued that by not having custody of their child, the child was unable to

receive the amount of emotional security and nurturing that only a mother could give (Kielty 8).

Kielty’s study further revealed that mothers felt they were rejected by their child due to fatherly

influence (9). Therefore, mother-child relationships are influenced in a similar manner as father-

child relationships.

Anger, bitterness, and resentment can alter a parent-child relationship, especially when

the child is still trying to cope with the life changes that have already taken place. Civil co-

parenting is required when it comes to the child’s best interest, which should always be priority.
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It is not fair to keep a child apart from one of their parents without a valid reason. When parent-

child relationships are impaired, the child’s other relationships tend to follow suit.

Romantic relationships are affected by parental divorce and quality of parent-child

relationships. Children of divorce have been found to have more commitment issues, conflict,

and infidelity in their romantic relationships when compared to those with intact families (Lee

411). Witnessing the falling out of a significant relationship can alter the child’s mindset about

relationships in general. When the parent-child relationship suffers as well, it only solidifies the

mindset that the child already has. They may feel that love is a sham, and that if their parents

could not love each other, then they will not be able to love someone either. Children then

develop an unwillingness or inability to commit to a romantic relationship out of fear that it will

end in abandonment (“Children of Divorced Parents”). If the child does enter a relationship, they

are less likely to consider the relationship as a serious, life-long commitment. Instead, children of

divorce are three times more likely to cohabit with their partners at a young age rather than run

the risk of committing to marriage (Anderson 382). Because of these resulting relational issues,

children of divorce who choose to get married have a higher possibility of going through a

divorce themselves when compared to children from intact families.

Fig. 1. Children of divorce are 75% more likely to divorce if a close family member is also

divorced (Morin).

Parents are the first significant others that a child has in life, so they have an incredibly

strong influence on how a child views the world. Following parental divorce, and taking into

consideration the circumstances of the dissolution, the child may be left with a sour taste in their

mouth when it comes to relationships. If a child only has negative experiences with love, they are

likely to exhibit negative behaviors towards it. But, if parents have the power to create one

mindset, then they also have the power to reverse it. There are ways to help a child overcome

these thought processes and enjoy happy, healthy relationships of their own. Lee argues that if

parents are supportive and involved during adolescence, the child will have higher emotional

security and more positive interactions with future romantic partners (412). If the child does not
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feel loved by their parents, then they will feel as though they cannot be loved at all. It is

important for parents to maintain a loving relationship with their child or else the child may not

be able to prosper in their own romantic relationships later in life.

Social relationships become an issue when the child is forced to relocate due to the

divorce. If the custodial parent chooses to move to a different city, the child must accompany

them. They suddenly have to move away from everything they have come to know and love.

Moving may mean losing friends and support systems, as well as switching schools (Anderson

381). Adjustment to a new school is already difficult. On top of being the new kid, it can be

extremely nerve-wrecking to meet new friends when moving to a new location. This could result

in feelings of loneliness and insecurity, which further increases the likelihood of the child

developing a psychiatric disorder.

The effects of parental divorce vary based on the age the child was at the time of the

event. K. Alison Clarke-Stewart and colleagues examine how divorce affects younger children

differently than older children. They claim that children of toddler and pre-school age have more

emotional and behavioral problems, distress, sociability troubles, and overall poorer adjustment

when compared to children who were ages 7-11 (305). The age gap between five and seven may

not seem like much, but before the child is in school, they are heavily reliant on their parents for

support. There is no school system for the child to turn to when they are in need. The only people

they have are the people at home. When the household routine is disrupted, the young child may

begin to act out as a way to seek attention. They are truly too young to fully comprehend why

their family dynamic has changed. The issues these children develop can continue into middle-

childhood and adolescence.

Children in middle-childhood and adolescence, on the other hand, are old enough to

understand more about the divorce and what it means for their family. At this age, children are

just beginning to create their own independent lives. They are at a point in life when fitting in is

a priority. Peer pressure is prevalent as the child is simultaneously exposed to drinking, smoking,

drugs, and sex. Any crucial life changes that take place during this already rebellious stage does

not help the situation. The child may find it more difficult to say “no” because they may see

these things as an escape from stress that they endure in their home life. Furthermore, whether

the child has seen a parent partake in these activities increases their risk of indulging in them,

too. Children of divorce are twice as likely to develop substance abuse issues (Halford). They

also tend to have an earlier sexual debut (Anderson 382). Children in this age group are akin to

the younger children in that they find ways to seek their parents’ attention. One way to fulfill

ensure attention is gained is by engaging in these activities. With less parental supervision at

home comes a greater opportunity for a child to choose this path.

Studies have found that children respond differently to divorce based on their sex. The

reasons their reactions vary are due to the genetic differences that contribute to certain male and

female behaviors. Clarke-Stewart and colleagues claim that boys are affected more intellectually

than girls, whereas girls are affected more emotionally (323). Several theories also provide

explanations as to why children of opposite sexes respond certain ways. The attachment theory

states that everyone has their own behavioral system in which they react to distress, and that they

are based on interactions with attachment figures in early life (Lee 412). A child may develop an

attachment to one parent over the other. If that parent happens to be the non-custodial parent, the

child will react accordingly. Contrast to the attachment theory, the social learning theory

addresses the qualities that a child observes and learns from their parents rather than the child’s
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direct relationship with the parent (Lee 412). Since boys and girls exhibit behavioral differences

throughout life, boys may learn more from their father and girls more from their mother. When

the figure that a child looks up to is removed from the home, the child no longer has their role

model to look up to. In turn, the child struggles to learn their gender roles.

Various studies have been conducted regarding the outcome of children from divorced

families. Some researchers suggest that there is little to no correlation between parental divorce

and future issues in children. Though divorce is not ideal, it is said that most children recover

and adapt well to their new reality rather quickly (“Children of Divorced Parents”). This may be

due to the underlying factor that the child has no choice but to accept what has happened. There

is nothing they can do or say that will reverse their parents’ decision. But just because they

accept it does not mean that it will not continue to affect them in one way or another. In fact, a

twenty-five-year study on the effects of divorce on children showed that children may never have

a full recovery since they are constantly reminded of their loss (Anderson 384). This is especially

true during special events and holidays. Even in the light of celebrating holidays and birthdays

twice, the child is still reminiscent on a time when they could spend these precious moments

with both parents by their side. Something as simple as spending time with an intact family can

cause feelings of loss to come to the surface. No matter if it is days, months, or years after the

divorce, a “full” recovery is nearly unfeasible.

Divorce is anything but happy-go-lucky. However, there are ways to make the divorce

easier on the child, as well as limit the negative impacts that could result. Dr. Kim Halford states

that a child has a better chance to do well following a divorce if the parents engage in mutual

respect with a focus on the child’s best interest. Divorce should occur only after the parents have

burned through every opportunity to keep their marriage thriving. If divorce is inevitable, parents
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should strive to ensure that their child is kept in the loop in a way that does not place blame on

the child or one parent. Open sit-down discussions should be prevalent between the parents and

child to ensure that there is proper communication. Importantly, the child needs to be reassured

that they will remain just as loved as they were before. Additionally, conflict in front of the child

should be avoided to reduce the potential of poor long-term outcomes.

Children face many hardships during and after parental divorce. When I was nine, my life

turned upside down when my parents decided to end their marriage. Not only was my living

situation altered, but my relationship between both parents plummeted. I lived primarily with my

dad, who did not have a good word to say about my mom. He constantly treated me poorly

because I resembled her. Since my mom no longer resided with us, I could only confide in her

for six days a month. Our relationship became distant, too. I felt alone and unloved. I bounced

around from school to school my whole academic career, never staying one place long enough to

develop close bonds with people. My anxiety worsened with each of the five new places I went,

and depression soon followed. This is not to say that each child of divorce goes down the same

path. This is only one story of many. However, parental divorce does have the potential to

produce negative behavioral, mental, and relational outcomes in a child because of the resulting

life changes that occur during and after the event.

Works Cited

Affifi, Tamara D., et al. “Parents’ and Adolescents’ Communication with Each Other About

Divorce-related Stressors and Its Impact on Their Ability to Cope Positively with the

Divorce.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 45, no. ½, Aug. 2006, pp 1-30.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J087v45n01_01. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Anderson, Jane. “The Impact of Family Structure on the Health of Children: Effects of

Divorce.” The Linacre Quarterly, vol. 81, no. 4, Nov. 2014, pp 378-387. NCBI NLM

NIH, doi:10.1179/0024363914Z.00000000087. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

“Children of Divorced Parents.” Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2019. Gale

In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale document no. GALE|PC3010999344. Accessed

21 Nov. 2021.

Clarke-Stewart, K. Alison, et al. “Effects of Parental Separation and Divorce on Very Young

Children.” Journal of Family Psychology, vol. 14, no. 2, Jun. 2000, pp. 304-326.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/0893-3200.14.2.304. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Halford, Kim. “How Will My Divorce Affect My Kids?” The Conversation, 10 Sep. 2018.

Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Kielty, Sandra. “Mothers are Non-resident Parents Too: A Consideration of Mother’s

Perspectives on Non-residential Parenthood.” Journal of Social Welfare & Family Law,

vol. 27, no. 1, Mar. 2005, pp. 1-16. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/09649060500085487.

Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Lee, Sun-A. “Romantic Relationships in Young Adulthood: Parental Divorce, Parent-Child

Relationships During Adolescence, and Gender.” Journal of Child and Family Studies,
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vol. 28, no. 2, 5 Feb. 2019, pp. 411-423. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1284-0.

Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Morin, Rich. “Is Divorce Contagious?” Pew Research Center, 21 Oct. 2013,

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/10/21/is-divorce-contagious/. Accessed 02

Dec. 2021.

Mosier, William. “When Parents Divorce They Must Emotionally Support Their Children.”

Divorce and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. Gale In

Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale document no. GALE|EJ3010953207. Accessed 21

Nov. 2021.

Stone, Glenn. “An Exploration of Factors Influencing the Quality of Children’s Relationships

with Their Father Following Divorce.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 46, no. ½,

Dec. 2006, pp. 13-28. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J087v46n01_02. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.