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    Four Horsemen Antidotes

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    Four Horsemen Antidotes

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    Four Horsemen Antidotes

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    D C

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    The Four Horsemen & Their Antidotes

    The four horsemen are behaviors that escalate Antidotes are skills that replace each of the four
    conflict and damage a relationship. Over time, horsemen. These skills help resolve conflict and
    these harmful behaviors may become a normal encourage positive feelings between partners.
    part of communication between partners.

    Four Horsemen Antidotes

    Criticism Gentle Startup


    Dealing with problems through harsh, blaming, or Dealing with problems in a calm and gentle way.
    hurtful expressions of judgment or disapproval. The focus is on the problem—not the person.

    • Focus is on perceived personal flaws rather • Save the discussion for an appropriate time.
    than changeable behaviors. • Use warm body language and tone of voice.
    • Often met with defensiveness. • Use “I” statements.

    “This kitchen is a mess. You’re such a slob.” “I feel frustrated when dirty dishes are left in the
    sink. Could you please do the dishes tonight?”

    Defensiveness Take Responsibility


    Deflecting responsibility for your own mistakes Own up to your behavior without blaming others.
    and behaviors, or refusing to accept feedback.
    • Avoid taking feedback personally.
    • Making excuses for behavior. • Use feedback as an opportunity to improve.
    • Shifting blame to your partner. • Show remorse and apologize.

    “It isn't my fault I yelled. You were late, not me!” “I shouldn't have raised my voice. I’m sorry.”

    Contempt Share Fondness & Admiration


    Showing anger, disgust, or hostility toward your Foster a healthy relationship by regularly
    partner. showing each other respect and appreciation.

    • Using putdowns or insults. • Show affection.


    • Acting superior to your partner. • Recognize your partner’s strengths.
    • Using a mocking or sarcastic tone. • Give compliments.

    Stonewalling Use Self-Soothing


    Emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or Use relaxation techniques to calm down and
    going silent during important discussions. stay present with your partner.
    • Often a response to feeling overwhelmed. • Agree to pause the conversation briefly.
    • Used to avoid difficult discussions or • Use deep breathing.
    problems. • Use progressive muscle relaxation (PMR).
    • Underlying problems go unresolved.

    © 2021 Therapist Aid LLC Provided by TherapistAid.com

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