Mediation, Conflict Resolution and Difficult Conversations

Workshop 1

WHAT IS MEDIATION?
- Mediation is the involvement of an impartial third party to support and help those
involved in a conflict to find a resolution
- The key difference between negotiation and mediation is that in negotiation, the parties
involved work out their own agreement. In mediation, they have the support of the
third party, the mediator, to help them come to an agreement.
- Mediation, whether formal or informal, can often help solve conflicts that have gone
beyond the negotiation stage.

CHARACTERISTICS OF MEDIATION
- A key aspect of mediation is that the mediation does not “sort things out” or make any
decisions for the parties involved
- Instead, he or she helps the parties involved work together to develop their own
agreement

MEDIATION INVOLVES:
- Voluntary participation
- Face-to-face discussions between the parties in conflict
- An unbiased mediator without any decision-making power who helps those involved to
understand each other’s point of view and come to an agreement
- Equal opportunities for all participants to speak and explain their perspective
- All relevant information being shared
- A shared agreement between the parties

Anyone can act as a mediator

- Although there are many trained mediators working to resolve conflicts, anyone can act
as a mediator, whether in a disagreement between colleagues or to bring two
quarrelling friends or neighbours together again

The mediation process

- Although every conflict and every mediation process will be slightly different, there are
a number of steps which you will need to consider in every case, and points to take into
account

1. Preparation
- You will need to lay out the “ground rules” for the mediation process
- Usually some basic rules of communication
 - Exercise: Suppose you are a mediator Ukraine-Russia, you want to prepare the
mediation, what are some of the ground rules to set and why are they important
o Listening to one another
o Take turns
o Respect what the others say
o Control of the emotions as well as body language
o Having an open mind
o Structured talks/negotiations
o Start agreeing on something small
o Establish yourself as an impartial and objective mediator
o Establish trust between the parties and you
o They are important to have a peaceful, organized and respectful mediation

Workshop 2

Managing difficult conversations

- From time to time all managers will face conversations which they anticipate will be
difficult and which they may feel ill-equipped to handle
- Scenarios of this kind include:
o Addressing under- or poor performance
o Tackling instances of unacceptable behaviour
o Investigating reports of bullying
o Giving developmental feedback
o Turning down employee requests
o Dealing with sensitive personal issues
o Handling a grievance or disciplinary process
o Or telling an employee that their job is at risk of redundancy

Instigating a difficult conversation

- Instigating a difficult conversation can feel daunting and there is a natural tendency for
managers to delay taking action in the hopes that the issue will be resolved without
their intervention
- But this is rarely the case
- Procrastination won’t make problems disappear and in fact, if issues are ignored they
are likely to escalate and become even more difficult to resolve, causing negative
consequences both for all those involved and for the wider organisation
- It is far better to tackle problems at an early stage as this can help to nip problems in the
bud, prevent the situation from deteriorating and maintain good working relationships
with colleagues
Avoidance: worst strategy
- We all tend to put off difficult conversations because of the intensity and complexity of
the emotions they arouse – both for the manager initiating the conversation and for the
person they are speaking with
- Fear of how people will react and whether you will be able to handle their reactions,
feelings of vulnerability or concern about a loss of control can make us all reluctant to
raise an issue face to face
- You may even be concerned that you will not be supported by senior managers, your HR
department and/or other colleagues if you take steps to address sensitive issues
- However, by adopting the right approach, preparing yourself carefully and developing
the right skills, mindset and behaviour, you will be able to maximise your ability to
handle the conversation effectively and steer it to a successful conclusion acceptable to
all involved

Definitions
- A conversation is defined as a face-to-face exchange of information and views between
two people
- A difficult conversation is one whose primary subject matter is potentially contentious
and/or sensitive and may elicit strong, complex emotions that can be hard to predict or
control

1. Determine the purpose of the conversation

- To help you to approach a difficult conversation in the most effective manner, you firstly
need to consider two key issues:
o Purpose/reason – why you need to have the conversation
o Outcome/resolution – what you hope to achieve
- Whatever the situation, your purpose and the outcome you seek form the basic
foundations of the conversation and must be kept in mind before, during and after the
exchange
o In some cases, the outcome can be non-negotiable – in the context of a
disciplinary or grievance procedure for example;
o In other cases, a positive approach will enable you to reach a satisfactory
outcome through negotiation and compromise

2. Adopt the right approach

- Handling contentious issues requires a somewhat different approach from that used in
regular everyday conversations
- Make it your aim to reach a mutual understanding through a mature, collaborative
exchange of views and ideas
- You may well find that such encounters require you to move out of your comfort zone
by speaking in a more assertive or challenging manner than you usually do
- Be prepared to question your own views, assumptions, and feelings as this will help you
to reach a satisfactory solution
- It isn’t about winning
Recognise and manage your emotional state
- By their very nature

In difficult situations,

Exercise:

Observer:
- Raise salary

Workshop 3

Harvard’s interest-based framework for collaborative problem solving

Traditional problem solving

- Binary: assumes that there is a clear “right” and “wrong”
- Confrontational: intention is to determine who is correct
- Incentive to go all out to win and to “lose badly”
- Outcome: the winner takes it all, the loser is penalised
- Consequence: value is often destroyed and relationships terminated
- The people often become the problem

Collaborative problem-solving
- Creates a new narrative that facilitates restoration of trust and relationship
- Value creation

7 elements

Interests (v. positions_

- Underlying factors (values, concerns, etc) motivating the individual’s demands
- Articulate all key interests
o Success is the satisfaction of all the interests
- Prioritise the interests

Examples of interest-seeking questions

- Why is this important to you?
- What does this solution mean for you?
- What would you do
Examples of positions and interests

Positions
- Compensation
- Higher salary
- Rectification
- Maintenance
- Apology

Interests
- Security
- Economic well-being
- Health
- Sense of belonging
- Recognition

Options
- Solutions which address the parties’ interests and which require the parties’
contribution
o Eg. payment,

Legitimacy
- Objective standards measuring the fairness or impartiality of a possible option
o What is it that makes the party think it’s fair? Eg. law, market practice,
precedent, etc
- How will the criteria impact the parties and foreseeable third parties
- Commitment and success will depend on all parties buying into the criteria used

Alternatives
- What parties can do if they do not reach an agreement
- Define and refine what is each party’s:
o BATNA?
o MLATNA
o WATNA
- Is going through litigation/arbitration a worse alternative than walking away?

Communication
- The way that information is being transmitted and interpreted
- The verbal and non-verbal message
o Mode of transmission of information
o Body language of parties
 o Context and environment where the mediation is held
- What are the underlying assumptions in the way the parties communicate?
- Where are the communication gaps and/or impasses?
- What are the core messages being communicated?

Relationship
- The nature and quality of the past and present relationship between the parties
- How did they first know each other?
- What triggered the breakdown of trust?
- What is their expectation

Commitment
- Settlement terms must be realistic, clear, and concise and address all interests
- Confirm parties’ authority to settle and perform those obligations
- Is there enough trust, incentives and safeguards?

Workshop 4

Workshop 5 – what is conflict resolution and why is it important?

Conflict resolution & management

- Pruitt and Kim (2004, p.7-8) describe conflict = “perceived divergence of interest, a
belief that the parties’ current aspirations are incompatible”
- Conflict resolution= an agreement reached when all or most of the issues of contention
are cleared up (Pruitt & Kim, 2004)
o Doesn’t mean that the conflict will go away
- Further, conflict management = a product of successful problem-solving in which the
parties have worked out ways to de-escalate conflict and avoid future escalations

Conflict and emotions

- Conflict can be disruptive and, at worst, destructive. Once it erupts, it’s hard to control
(Bolton, 1986). Emotions run high during conflict, blocking the path to rational solutions.
- Conflict resolution is important because “when people experience conflicts, much of
their energy goes into emotions related to those conflicts” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p.2)
- Some emotions commonly associated with conflict include fear, anger, disturst,
rejection, defensiveness, hopelessness, resentment, and stress (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011;
Bolton, 1986).

Psychological impacts of conflict

- Another reason conflict resolution is important is because people involved in heavily
contentious conflict are likely to experience “ a wide range of psychological and physical
 health problems including weakened immune system, depression, alcoholism, and
eating disorders” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp.11-12)
- Clearly, languishing in this state of emotional upheaval and chaos is harmful
emotionally, physically, and psychologically

Conflict resolution; a theoretical framework

- Realistic conflict theory = “conflict can always be explained by some tangible (like
territory, money, prizes) or intangible (like power, prestige, honor) resource that is
desired by both groups and is in short supply” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp.28-29)
- This theory attempts to explain why conflict occurs as humans perpetually strive to
acquire perceived needs.

Psychological benefits of conflict resolution

- When emotions run high, stress ensues an rational problem-solving is at risk
- Cortisol released because of ongoing stress soaks the brain’s nerve cells, causing
memories to shrink (Leaf, 2008)
- Benefits
o Stress reduction
o Improved self-esteem
o Improved self-efficacy - > one of most important
o Better relationships
o Increased energy -> one of the most important

Impact on ability to think creatively

- This affects the ability to think creatively, a helpful component for resolution
- In addition, the stress response increases blood sugar levels, speeding up our heart rate
to pump blood to our arms, legs, and brain in preparation to escape (Leaf, 2008)
- This physiological fight-or-flight reaction saps precious energy.

Conflict can be scheduled

- Dealing emotions first will help reduce emotional arousal and stress. Once the body
returns to normal, rational problem-solving skills can resume. Typically, people get into
trouble when they address conflict at the peak of emotional arousal
- For this reason….

Improved self-efficacy
- = a person’s belief in their capability to complete a specific task successfully
(Lunenburg, 2011)
- Learning and practicing skills such as effective communication and conflict resolution are
essential building blocks for self-efficacy.
- Successful conflict resolution skills in the workplace increase confidence, promoting the
likelihood of future successes (Lunenburg, 2011)
- Increased self-efficacy “Influences the tasks employees choose to learn and the goals
they set for themselves” (Lunenburg, 2011, p.1)
 - It also influences employees’ efforts and perseverance when taking on and learning new
tasks (Lunenburg, 2011)

Increased energy
- Sometimes you have to expend energy to gain energy. Conflict robs individuals and
organizations of precious energy.
- Mastering conflict resolution skills take energy initially but can save energy in the long
run through reduced stress and improved relationships and productivity.

7 examples of conflict resolution skills

- To reap the benefits of resolving conflict, certain helpful skills must be applied, and
there are many conflict resolution skills that are effective for the workplace
- Below are skills believed to be crucial for resolving conflict
o 1. Self-awareness
 Important because you know when you’re angry/think something is
important
 Described by Goleman (1995, p.43) as “recognizing a feeling as it
happens”
 Goleman states that people with high self-awareness have moment-to-
moment awareness and navigate life adeptly.
o 2. Self-control
 = ability to manage unruly impulses and emotions effectively
 Because emotions play a central role in conflict, the ability to stay
composed despite heightened emotions is essential to constructive
resolution
o 3. Assertive communication
 Tell your story without making others feel bad
 Bolton (1986) describes assertive communication as a dynamic
communication style in which the speaker maintains self-respect,
expresses personal needs, and defends their own rights without abusing
or dominating others
 While an aggressive communication style may shut down a conversation,
assertiveness encourages dialogue
 This skill takes practice and courage. Bolton (1986) asserts that less than
5% of the population communicates assertiveness
o 4. Collaboration
 According to Folger, Poole, and Stutman (2009), the goal of collaboration
is to consider all the important needs of the primary parties and develop
a solution that meets these needs.
o 5. Problem-solving
 Problem solving in relation to conflict resolution is a strategy that pursues
alternative solutions that satisfy the needs and goals of the parties
involved (Pruitt & Kim, 2004)
 o 6. Empathy
 According to Sorensen (2017), empathy is the ability to share and
understand the emotions and feelings of others
 Our understanding of another person’s perspective can increase the
likelihood of emotional connection and collaboration
o 7. Listening
 Active listening is one of the most underrated and underutilized conflict
resolution skills
 Listening during conflict achieves key goals, primarily putting an end to
cyclical arguing and opening the door to empathy and understanding

Workshop 6

How to do conflict resolution: 2 approaches

- Bolton (1986) provides simple frameworks for conflict resolution (finish)
- The conflict resolution method and collaborative problem-solving are generalized
approaches to conflict resolution when two or more parties are willing to work together
on an issue

1. The conflict resolution method

- This simple, three-step formula for conflict resolution works well for conflicts involving
values and intense emotions
- Step 1: engage with the other respectfully
o Respect is an attitude shown through specific behaviours, such as how you look
at the other person, how you listen, your tone of voice, and word choices
- Step 2: listen fully until your experience their side
o The goal of listening in this manner is to understand the content of the other
person’s ideas or contributions, what it means for them, and their feelings about
it
- Step 3: verbalize your feelings, views, and needs
o Assertive communication works well in this stage. Some caveats accompany this
stage of conflict resolution:
 This step is not always necessary
 Make your statement brief
 Avoid loaded words
 Be truthful and concise.
 Disclose your feelings

2. Collaborative problem-solving
- Bolton (1986) provides a six-step outline for collaboration when the issue is more about
needs than emotions
o Define the primary needs surrounding the conflict
o Brainstorm possible solutions
 o Choose solutions that meet the needs of both parties
o Create an agenda delineating who will assume each task
o Implement the plan
o Evaluate the solutions and re-evaluate if needed
6 methods and approaches to apply in the office
- Lipsky, Seeber, and Fincher (2003) provide approaches to work through issues that
erupt in work settings

1. The open door policy

- This generalized philosophy is intended to show that management supports open
dialogue and encourages staff to discuss differences that arise in the workplace
- It is considered an initial step toward conflict resolution

2. Ombudspersons
- These are neutral or impartial managers who provide informal and confidential
assistance to staff and management in order to resolve work-related disputes
- Ombudspersons may wear a variety of hats, including mediator, fact-finder, consultant

3. Internal peer mediation

- Some organizations call on designated employees as mediators to help resolve conflict.
This method often addresses issues of non-statutory nature, such as unfairness
- The success of this method rests on the careful selection of peer mediators based on
their exemplary communication skills and abilities

4. Professional mediators
- Professional mediators are not connected with the organization in any way and function
as independent, impartial, third parties who assist the primary parties through a formal
mediation process
- Mediation is a viable option for creating structure to conflict resolution in an unbiased
manner

5. Peer review and employee appeals

- This process is sometimes used by manufacturing organizations in an effort to avoid a
union process
- The underlying belief is that if at all possible, employee disputes should be resolved
internally

6. Executive panels
- This method provides an opportunity for employees to present their claims to a panel of
the organization’s senior executives, assuming they will be objective and sympathetic
- Using tools such as questionnaires, activities, and assessments can help employees work
through conflict by adding insight and skills to the equation