The Psychology of Modern Flirting (v2)

The Psychology of MODERN Flirting
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THE IDEAL
PROFESSIONAL
SPEAKER FOR YOUR
NEXT EVENT!
Any organization that wants to develop their
audience needs to hire Jared for a keynote

address and/or workshop training.
To contact or book Jared to speak:

(305) 929-3159
[email protected]
www.ModernFlirting.com
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWORD 9
DEDICATION 11
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT 13
CH1: Why Are You Reading This? 15
Ch2: My Story 23
Ch3: What Causes Attraction? 33
Ch4: Starting 41
Ch5: Conversation 47
Ch6: Positioning 55
Ch7: Peer Approval 61
Ch8: Positive Emotional Stimulus 67
Ch9: Flirting 73
Ch10: Freeing 79
Ch11: Connecting 85
Ch12: Plan The Date 93
Ch13: Sexual Tension 101
Ch14: The Kiss 109
Ch15: Adventure 115
Ch16: Afterparty 123
Ch17: Arousal 131
Ch18: Releasing Pressure 137
Ch19: Learning 143
Ch20: Mantras 153
Ch21: My Thanks 161
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Schedule Your Free Coaching Session 165

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 167
FOREWORD
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Confidence, whether in sales or life, is one major key to

attaining anything you want. In this book, Jared lays out the
principle of success, and the steps you must take to achieve
it. No matter what stage you are at in your life or goal(s) you
are trying to achieve, this book will help you reach a level of
success you never thought possible. As you read through
these chapters, you will begin to see that your life does not
have to continue the way it is now. You will find in these pages,
secrets that have been hidden away which have the power to
change your life if you only apply them.
Take a look at your life right now. Are you joyful? Are you living
your life to the fullest? Do you know the path you must take to
build the lifestyle you have dreamed of? If you answered no to
any of these questions, I have one piece of advice for you: Do
not put this book down until you have completed every task,
every suggestion, and you have studied each page. Imagine
being able to approach any aspect of your life confidently,
whether it is a potential love interest or a business deal. Can
you see yourself, finally taking the actions you need to live the
life you have dreamed of?
Once you begin to read this book, you will start to understand
the steps you must take. But until you start to apply the
suggestions, you will only be left with an understanding. Once
you start to apply the steps, once you begin to accept Jared's
mentorship, you will begin to see significant changes in your
life. Since you have started to read this book, this tells me you
are an action-oriented person. You are someone that wants
better for themselves and those around you. Now that you
have taken the first step, you now have the choice of whether
to keep the momentum going. So congratulations on
completing the first step, but it’s time to take the second one.
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I, just like Jared, believe in you, because you are an

openminded, willing, and action-oriented person. The power
to change your life is within these pages; all it will take to make
this happen is YOU.
Stephen Dela Cruz

"America's Lazy Millionaire" – Inc. Magazine
Speaker | Best Selling Author | Serial Entrepreneur
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DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the two most important women in
my life; my wife and my mom.
For my wife, Kristie…

Amazingly, you have been nothing but supportive of a book
explaining how I dated all the women before you.
For my mother, Barbara…

Please skip over chapter two and all the stories in every other
chapter.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
This book would have never been written without an incredible
crew helping me behind the scenes. I am grateful to my
mentors, Adam and Stephen. Adam, for helping to guide a
clueless college kid and teaching him how rewarding social
influence and dating can be. Stephen, for giving me the push
and guidance to write this book in the first place.
Warm thanks to Randy and Emily for handling all the small
things that continuously add up each day and making my life
as stress-free as possible. Also, thanks to Oscar for helping
me take my grand visions to life.
Thank you as well to Melissa, Ashley, and Beth, who help me

guide every student by doing practice calls and conversation
drills with them.
My biggest and most heartfelt thanks goes to every student

I've ever had the pleasure to work with. You made sure I never
had to work a day in my life. It's been my life's greatest
pleasure having some impact on your life, no matter how big
or how small.
Finally, I'd like to thank all the women I've met. Every rejection,
time I was stood up, turned down, or dismissed lead to
another word in this book. I couldn't have done it without all of
you.
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CHAPTER One
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Why are you reading this?
Brian is a pretty simple man. He wakes up on Monday

morning and goes through his normal routine. He brushes his
teeth, combs his hair, and spends some time figuring out what
to wear today. He rushes to grab some coffee since there's no
time for breakfast. After driving twenty minutes to work, he
spends the majority of his day getting his tasks accomplished,
making casual office small talk, and fantasizing about the
weekend. When he gets home, tired and exhausted, it's a few
hours of relaxation watching Netflix or surfing the web before
bed. This routine continues through the rest of the week.
Now that the weekend has come, Brian is finally free. Friday
night, he turns to the same old thing, but this time he finds a
movie he wanted to watch. Saturday he starts to get bored, so
he hits up the two friends he has, and one of them is down to
meet up tonight. They go to their favorite bar and find a corner
to stand in. The night is filled with the same stories they've
brought up a million times. Out of nowhere, a group of cute
girls walk by and grab their attention. For a moment, they look
to see what the other does, then laugh when nothing
happens. They spend the rest of their time talking about what
they could have done or arguing which girl is cutest. On
Sunday, Brian takes the entire day to relax and do nothing; he
needs it after the long week after all. Unfortunately, Monday is
once again right around the corner.
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I've always found that an excellent book can hook the reader
in right away. Capturing their attention in a way that makes
them crave to turn to the next page. I'd imagine right now
though you may be yawning or bored out of your mind. To
that, I simply say...good!
What I described above is the countless lives of people around

the world. Guess what? Real life when we look at it is pretty
damn boring. That's why we read books or watch movies in
the first place, to find excitement somewhere else. This is
because most days are spent on trivial matters and brief
moments of real fun and excitement. You may feel like it's even
worse for you. At least Brian here had a friend or two to meet
up with at the end of the week. Many people have too much
anxiety to even make it out to a bar or social setting in the first
place.
For them, life is a never-ending source of loneliness, a sense

not belonging, and an emptiness that comes from resigning
themself to the fact that some people have "it" when they do
not.
What's "it"? "It" is when talking to others comes naturally, the

ability to go up to a woman you like and spark a conversation
that can lead to building attraction and a connection. When
you look at your life and realize you have a vibrant social circle
filled with amazing men and women, you can always call. "It" is
the mysterious, charismatic, animal magnetism, positive
energy, and envious lifestyle that is evident when meeting
someone even for the first time.
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We see "it" all the time when going through life. That asshole
at the office who always has everyone laughing at his jokes.
The obviously broke douchebag walking down the street with
a gorgeous girl on his arm. The annoying neighbor that always
have a party at his place each weekend and a new girl leaving
in the morning. You see "it" when you are out eating and
across from you is a guy, who's just as good looking and rich
as you, in a relationship with a girl who looks down to earth
and put together. The burning question hits at that moment,
"Why not me?" Of course, though, it comes back down to the
fact that you just don't have "it."
Fuck those guys with "it." Fuck all these women and people
who respond to "it." You're a great guy, damn it: decent,
caring, and would make any woman you date feel amazing
every day. But that's not how the world works. Some people
have "it" and some people, like you, simply don't. It's unfair,
that's life.
Or is it?
I mentioned before that real life is boring, and that's why we

watch movies, to escape the mundane life we live. What if you
can change your life to be something out of a movie? A life
filled with crazy adventures and making new stories. Spending
your time in a fulfilling relationship or just having an abundance
of women to choose from. A calendar filled with dates and
social outings. Even more important, a life where you were
truly happy and excited every day because you knew, at your
core, that finally, you're that guy with "it."
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I want to challenge your first and arguably most important

limiting belief right now. Because without this shift in thinking,
nothing can ever truly change, the idea that some people have
"it" and some people don't is a myth. It's a lie, a scam,
something you've assumed true your entire life and made a
habit of believing. In reality, anyone, short of having some
crazy learning disability, can change their life and learn the
skills necessary to have "it" for themselves.
Process that a moment for me. All those things you desire are
learnable and teachable. How to be confident, successful,
have an active social life, be the life of the party, be a guy most
women fall for...all of it. It's all a skill. This, means like any skill,
such as playing a game or being good at your job, is
something you can absolutely without any doubt develop.
This first step is precisely what this book will be about at its
core. An in-depth guide on how to become massively
successful with women you've never met before, as well as all
the mentalities necessary to turn you into the guy with "it." If I
had to sum up what learning the material here is in one
phrase, "It's nothing short of life changing." I know people
throw that phrase around a lot, but I truly from the bottom of
my heart mean it in the most literal sense possible.
Becoming better with women is kind of like the gateway drug.

The most significant social pain we can know is not being
desired or wanted, especially by women. To feel unworthy of
affection, love, and physical intimacy. That pain gives us the
motivation to learn how to change our social behaviors and
belief systems in our quest to get results with women. It
doesn't stop there, though. It's impossible to become better
with women without also learning people skills. It's also
impossible to get those skills without practice, testing, and
having a mentor, but more on this later.
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The best part is that this goes beyond being better with
women. For instance, it's common that student's in my
program are seen as more likable and competent at work.
Hell, some for the first time are just seen! This leads many to
get raises and form stronger bonds with their colleagues. My
students also notice their social anxiety is reduced, which
allows them to take part in more social and rewarding
activities. All of a sudden, they're no longer pushovers and
recognize sales techniques they can defend themselves
against daily.
Casual playfulness with the waitress gets them a
complimentary dessert. The random conversation with a
stranger lead to an invite for a party or new business
opportunity. Their new skills for conversation, humor, and
building rapport has everyone they meet loving their company,
and they build a new social circle.
I can go on for days about how the information in this book

goes far beyond merely attracting women. Hopefully, as you
begin your journey, you never forget this: Our society is
fundamentally based on interacting with others and those who
have mastery over social situations reign supreme in every
aspect of their lives. Like I said, life-changing.
It's not for everyone. Sadly, many people will read this book
and won't see any change. They'll quickly make their way
through each chapter without really taking in the information.
They won't do any of the assignments or maybe a few
haphazardly. These people would rather live in their world view
that change is too hard, and it's not worth genuinely trying. A
concept that things are truly outside of one's control is the
most significant source of comfort because we are forced to
accept it eventually. Much like the death of a loved one after
enough time has passed.
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I've taught this for a very long time. I've mentored thousands
at this point and have seen practically everything. Which
means I've heard it all. Ask yourself, does this sound like you:
"I've already tried to change before, and it didn't work. This is

evidence that it can't be done. What could be different this
time?"
"All of this is just too intimidating and scary for me. I know
myself, and even if I tried, I'd just end up failing at it as I do
with most things."
"It's just so hard. I don't have the time or energy for it. I'm too
busy/old/unhealthy to learn this."
"It all seems either manipulative or disingenuous to me. I'd

rather just be myself and authentic. Eventually, things will
change on their own."
Honestly, if I tried, I could probably write up pages of the

excuses I've heard. One even involved a guy worried that, by
learning, he'd lose his identity and, therefore, soul. If any of
these sound like you, then you have two options. You can put
this book down now and try to return it, because what comes
next simply won't help you in any way. Another approach is
recognizing these excuses and doing everything you can to
keep an open mind and eliminate them. They serve you
absolutely no purpose.
Every one of these things I hear from potential students, and

each one has its own reframes and counter-arguments that
are specific to it. The simplest thing, though, is just answering
the following question that I pose to all my students:
Do you want to be right...or do you want to be good?
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If you want to be right and feel justified by your excuse then so

be it. Let's not waste time arguing it. You win. Enjoy that
feeling and continue living the life you've always lived knowing
you're right. If this is your choice, put this book down now,
because your journey ends here.
This is because nothing can truly be accomplished without the

following three things:
PRACTICE: You need to go out again and again. Take nonstop

action that aids in your growth. Without actually getting the
experience and facing the failures, success is impossible.
EXPERIMENT: Practicing is great, but doing the same thing
over and over is the definition of insanity. Switch things up
constantly. Analyze what works and what doesn't so you have
a clear understanding of how to improve.
MENTOR: Unfortunately, we can go out and experiment

nonstop, but without clear guidance and instruction, it's
constant guesswork. This can take years to figure out or be
impossible altogether. Find someone who can show you
precisely the mistakes you're making, since you can't step
outside your body and see it for yourself.
Now, if you want to be good then abandon all excuses and

anything else that isn't tactically beneficial to you. Even if they
feel like they are true and are legit excuses, forget them and
keep learning and practicing anyway to the best of your ability.
From now on, no matter what, you are taking every action
possible to become good with women. If this is your choice,
begin the assignments on the next page without reading on.
Do this anytime assignments show up.
CHAPTER 1 EXERCISES:
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Ask yourself the question, "Do I want to be good, or do I want

to be right?" If you choose to be good, write out what that
means in terms of giving up for you, personally. Take this time
to think about your goals regarding women and your social life.
Write them all down in as much detail as possible. You should
have a clear understanding of what you'll be using the skills in
this book to accomplish. As said in Alice in Wonderland, "If
you don't know where you're going, any road will take you
there." Take five minutes and visualize how your life would be
different if you hit these goals. Paint a world in your mind about
how you'd be living once you reach these goals.
Now take five minutes and picture your future if it continues to

go down its current path. This isn't necessarily bad or good. It
just is. Think what direction you're currently heading down
while being as honest as possible, do you want to go there?
Think about your "why." Why is learning how to be better with

women and people so important to you? Or, perhaps, why
isn't it? Now that you've seen both potential futures,
understand why it matters or why it doesn't.
Finally, any time you're in a rut or feel things are tough, ask
yourself the following question: "If I stop learning and bettering
myself now, what's the alternative?" If you did the following
exercises, you could answer that pretty honestly. Looking
back, whenever I asked myself that question, I always had one
answer: There is no alternative.
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CHAPTER Two ______________________________

My Story
You’re still here? Good, that means you've passed the first and
one of the hardest parts of taking this journey—the first step.
Now I want you to realize that you're not alone. My program

grows every single week with guys just like you. We share
each other's struggles as well as our successes. The other
thing to remember, now that we understand being better with
women is all a skillset, is that every master started as a
beginner. There was a time where Michael Jordan couldn't
shoot a ball. A time where Bruce Lee couldn't win a fight
against the average guy. For years and years, Jeff Bezos
barely had any money to his name.
Each one of these masters started from the beginning and,

through learning the skills they needed, achieved more than
their wildest dreams. The same can be true for you, as it was
for me.
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My entire childhood and adolescence, I only had about two

friends. It was common to be laughed at and picked on either
due to being short, overweight, or simply for just being
awkward and not knowing how to fit in. I was the nerd in the
choir, the geek who always had his nose buried in a comic,
and the loser that the girls in my class didn't want to associate
with. Not exactly the best of times. I'm happy to share my
journey now because it's essential for you to realize I didn't
always live the life I live now. That back in the day, I was the
farthest thing in the world from having "it." At the time though
these were some of the most embarrassing and
heart-wrenching moments of my life. Stories I vowed I'd lock
away and bury forever. Writing this now though I'm smiling
because it reminds me of just how far I've come. Hopefully, by
reading about my journey and what I went through, it'll inspire
you to commit to yours.
In high school, everyone around me seemed to be losing their

virginity and having girlfriends. How to go about accomplishing
such a magical feat was beyond me, though. Luckily, a new
girl joined the school from South Africa and was assigned as
my partner in class. She didn't know my reputation as the
school loser and was sweet to me.
I decided to focus all my energy on her and eventually got my

first girlfriend. It was as incredible as I hoped, I became madly
in love. She insisted we wait before marriage to lose our
virginity. For almost two years, I respected these wishes. Who
cares when it's true love, right? Over time, the relationship
withered and ended, leaving us both virgins in our senior year.
Two months later, she met a new guy eight years older than
her. After one month into that new relationship, she lost her
virginity to him. I wept when I heard the news wondering why I
wasn't enough.
Later that year, prom was coming up. Everyone seemed to

have a date except me. Finally, by searching online, I found a
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girl on Myspace who'd never been to a prom and said she'd

be happy to go with me. We talked and even flirted a bit. "This
is it," I told myself, "everyone loses their virginity on prom
night." I mean, how could so many movies possibly be wrong?
I drove two hours to pick her up and take her to my prom,
enjoying the fuss of cute pictures together and putting on her
bouquet. Once we got to the dance, she recognized a girl she
knew and spent the entire time with her. I don't think I danced
once that night. At the after-party, everyone was having fun
and hooking up. This was to be where I made my big move,
yet she seemed more interested in sitting outside, smoking a
cigarette, talking to this other boy in my class. Respectfully I
left them alone. That is until I saw him taking her number.
Fuck. That.
I told my one friend at the party to let her know I was leaving
and to meet me out front. After all, I was her ride. Minutes
went by with me waiting by my car, wondering what was
possibly taking so long. Finally, he came out, placed his hand
on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and told me the ugly
truth. "Dude, you need to leave. She went into the bathroom
with that guy and then locked the door. It's over, buddy." Once
again, I wept, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.
The next day in class, all eyes were on me, and I heard
muttering wherever I went, it was something straight out of a
teen movie. I found out it was because the guy had been
bragging to everyone how he lost his virginity to my date. At
least high school would be over soon.
Once I got to college, I knew it'd be different, big campus, full

of potential, new life. I've seen enough movies to know that if I
wanted the social life I craved—filled with women, parties, and
a sense of belonging—I needed to join a fraternity. Quickly
signing up, I began the pledge process. I was humiliated,
hazed, disrespected, and made to do countless embarrassing
acts. It was all worth it though, because once it was over, I'd
have the life I wanted. Maybe, just maybe, I could finally be a
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guy with "it." There were five of us pledging the fraternity. Once
the process was over, I was the only one who was told that
none of the brothers liked me and felt I didn't fit in. It was
unfortunate, they said, but it was for the best that I didn't join.
My last hope of college being different fell through, and I
resigned myself to a life of misery. It became so bad that I
changed my password to "lifesucks" and found a hypnotist to
try and change me or forget all the pain. I was simply doomed
until I wasn't.
Wandering through a bookstore, I discovered the self-help

section. All these concepts and ideas of becoming something
more and creating the life I wanted instead of accepting how
things are. One particular book chronicled a man who
sounded just like me. Nerdy, friendless, and down on his luck,
he went on a journey that had him become a master with
women. Someone who could use tricks and lines to get any
girl into bed, this self-proclaimed "pick up artist" explained that
anyone could do this too if they applied themselves. That was
enough for me. I became instantly hooked and took on a new
obsession for learning the arts of seduction and what women
are attracted to.
Every day, hell, every second, I was consumed to learn more.

There was nothing that would keep me from going out at night
practicing and fine-tuning my approach to getting better with
women. When I couldn't be meeting them in person, I became
my harshest critic and analyzed my every move. Did I walk
confidently? Was there a better technique or routine to get a
laugh on command? Was my eye contact sexual and
masculine, or was it weird and creepy? There wasn't a single
interaction I had that didn't have me analyzing every detail
about myself. It was countless experiments for the
never-ending understanding of what worked and what didn't.
One way or another, I would get "it," or I would die trying. Just
from writing on different self-help forums, it wasn't long before
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I began to get noticed. Guys would ask to come out with me

to have a wingman. Many guys just wanted someone to
bounce ideas off. When this added up, I realized for the first
time; I had a group of friends. Sure, we were a hatch patch of
weirdos, loners, and losers, but we all had the same mission.
Now I had found my true fraternity. What was even better
though, was that I was becoming good, really good. Women
were falling for my trickery. The fake stories I would tell and
play with their validation, hopes, and desires had them fawning
over me. My new friends loved it and asked me to teach them
how I did it. It didn't take much convincing; I loved the
attention and validation, honestly. I gave up on trying to be a
psychologist and focused all my energy on being the world's
greatest seducer.
The problem now, though, was I had hit a barrier that I

couldn't break. Yes I was going out nonstop, and yes I was
experimenting with everything I did, but for the life of me, I
couldn't hit my actual goals. My vision in my head of what my
true potential was eluding me. That is until I attended a talk
and met a man who turned the tables on everything I know.
Instantly, I realized he had a different approach to things and
could get me to the next level.
After giving value to him any way I could, he took me under his
wing and then everything changed. I realized that the third step
I had always been missing was having a mentor. The results
were night and day.
I traveled the world and began meeting countless women. It

was one sexcapade after another pushing the boundaries of
what could be done. There was Morgan, the flight attendant
who initiated me into the mile high club. Kim and Rebecca
pulled me into their hotel room in Vegas for my first threesome.
Tanya, the exotic dancer from Russia, who snuck us into
someone's pool in New York after work to make love under
the stars. At home, it was more of the same. I began dating
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three different women simultaneously, who all knew about the

others. A group of my friends got a place we dubbed "monkey
jungle" which had an endless parade of new women coming in
and out through a revolving door for each one of us. At one
point, I even had women flying in from other states to be with
me. My life had officially turned into some crazy "Motley Crue"
documentary. Here's the crazy thing though, it was never
enough. It was like taking a drug. Sure there was the
momentary thrill and high of the validation, but it quickly never
became enough. I had to get more girls each month than I did
the previous. Every girl I brought home had to be hotter than
the last. For years, I didn't have a real relationship because this
"game," this never-ending game, kept consuming me.
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, or what triggered it,

but at some point, I realized the simple truth: There has to be
something more. What I was doing wasn't OK. Not only
wasn't it OK for me but it wasn't OK to all these women who
were falling for me due to trickery.
I stopped what I was doing and started a new path. Yes, I'd
still go and meet women. Yes, I could enjoy an active sex life. I
wasn't about to abandon the secret knowledge my mentor
had shown me. The key difference, though, is that it would
involve brand new social techniques that work while still
allowing me to be my true dorky self. No more fake stories, no
more lines, no more pretending to be something I'm not. I
began developing a way to be effective without leading women
on or compromising my very identity. Slowly, over time, I
developed a new form of psychology, the psychology of
modern flirting.
As I began teaching my student's my new ideas and

concepts, I realized something as well; they were happier and
more fulfilled. My guys began getting into loving relationships,
and I was starting to get invited to their weddings. I couldn't
be more proud. The kind of guys I began helping slowly
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changed as well. It was less and less about guys adding

notches to their belt, and more about men having fulfilling lives.
I started teaching millionaires, finance guys, silicon valley
professionals, and even one guy whose training was paid for
by the government for him to learn seduction and persuasion
skills. It was straight out of a James Bond movie. Seeing this,
it became a no brainer for me. More and more, I turned away
from the concepts of the "pick up artist" and began shaping
the identity of a Dating Mentor. This went beyond picking up
women anyways. I was building a social circle for myself filled
with successful guys, beautiful women, and truly loyal friends.
These skills had me rubbing elbows with some of the biggest
influencers in my city—people I had no reason or real right to
be around. I stopped going out with random weird guys
because now I could walk into a club with 15 girls. It wasn't
long before the club hosts recognized me and even started
giving me free tables and bottles for my group.
This was the start of what is called "social game" though it

grew into so much more. Something taught to me by my
mentor. The concept is simple enough; I would act as an
independent host. It was easy to tell the clubs I would bring
tons of women for free tables and bottles. It was even easier
telling the women I could hook them up with free tables and
bottles. While every other guy kept trying to hit on random
girls, I built a network where women were trying to get to know
me. Such a simple concept, but for me, it was discovering
social magic.
Every door I could ever imagine was opening due to this social
magic, and I began living the life I always wanted. Years later, I
even met the love of my life and became married myself. It's
important to know that while, yes, it's fun and exciting building
beneficial relationships that aid an insane lifestyle, the real
value was in the other things—having a tight core group of real
friends who are on the same path as you. Knowing I can get a
fun group together to play games with at my place. Walking
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into my apartment to see a group of girls, all just friends of

mine, building IKEA furniture they bought to make the place
look nicer.
I treasured what we called "family dinners," which was just

everyone coming by and cooking a new meal together. We did
this weekly and always had some funny theme. Within a few
months, we had 50 people crammed into our apartment to
celebrate "Christmas in July," while I, of course, dressed up as
Santa. That concept of being around real friends in any
environment, laughing until I can't breathe, and knowing that
there are people now in my life who not only care about me
but truly love me was better than all the rest combined. I
couldn't be happier and knew this was my calling.
After developing my teachings, I continued to spend my years

helping countless students. Realizing from my female friends
that women needed help too, I went to work figuring out the
best techniques and strategies for them. It was funny, but
because I knew all the tricks guys used, I knew how to identify
them for women and could show them how to lock things
down with the guy they liked. It wasn't long before I began
teaching women as well with a whole new system. Night after
night, I did my calls, worked on my business, and grew my
passion for helping others. I already achieved everything I
wanted for myself; the joy became seeing others reach their
goals for the first time. Now I'm sitting here writing this for you,
excited about what comes next.
So there you have it, my entire story of what lead me to where

I'm at now. It's a lot, I know, but if nothing else understand
that no matter where you are in life right now, your story is still
being written as well. It's your choice on how you'd like it to
go. You've heard this a million times but, if I can do it, you can
do it. It's all just a matter of choice.
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Write out your story. Where did you come from, and how has
that lead you to where you are today? Take ownership of your
previous pains and successes. Like it or not, all of it made you
who you are today.
If you were to start a new journey, a new path, then what

would that look like? Write your future story down now. Include
what that path looks like to you and what would happen once
you reached those goals.
How much practice have you put into reaching your social
goals? How much could you be putting in if you made it a
priority?
Have you been experimenting and testing what works and

what doesn't? If so, write down what experiments you've
currently done.
Do you have a mentor? If you do, how can you make better
use of him/her as a resource? If you don't, ask yourself what's
stopping you and what price you put on reaching your
potential in this area of life.
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CHAPTER Three
____________________________
What Causes Attraction?
It might sound unbelievable, but even top dating coaches and

guys who've been studying how to be better with women for
years have a hard time answering this question. They either flat
out disagree or give you a blank stare. If I were to ask you this
question, how would you answer it? Go ahead and think
about your answer before reading on.
Now that you have it, I would imagine it sounds something like
this: "Attraction is built on confidence, it's being funny, it's the
right chemicals going off in the brain, or maybe it's just an
energy and vibe you give off that the girl responds to." If you
said any of these things, you're not wrong, they all apply.
The problem is these answers still don't get to the root cause
of it all, the underlying concept which triggers attraction in
others. That concept is, in a word, investment. Investment is
the principle that turns mild interest in someone into a deep
desire. The reason is simple. Everyone wants a return on their
investment. Once we work for something, spend time on
something, think about something at length, we value it more.
So, what causes attraction? Investment does.
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We can invest in a myriad of ways. Investing time means how

long the girl is around you in person. If you were to be around
her every day due to logistics, such as being in her class or her
neighbor, that alone would help build attraction using a
principle called propinquity.
Financial investment is having the girl spend money on you. I

know what you're thinking, it's the guy's role to pay for dates,
and you're not wrong. However, if you've bought her dinner
and she offers to pay for ice cream after, this would be a fine
opportunity to build financial investment.
Physical investment means how far things escalate between

you. It may seem crazy, but just the act of kissing will cause
the girl to become more attracted to you. Next time this
happens, notice her body language and demeanor right before
you kiss the girl, then take notice on how she acts after. There
should be a noticeable difference because that act alone
increases investment.
I still remember when this stuck in my head. I was sitting alone

with a girl who was giving me very neutral body language and
lazy responses. Sure, she continued talking to me and was
friendly, but it just didn't seem to be going anywhere. "Fuck it,"
I thought, "I'm just going to make a move and hope for the
best." When I got her to laugh next, I took the plunge and
went for the kiss. She was into it and right when she was
enjoying it the most I pulled back. Immediately afterward, her
entire vibe change. She was smiling, facing me, and giving me
that smirk with big eyes thing girls do that to this day still drive
me wild.
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As great as that is, it's not even the best form of investment.
One of the more powerful ones is a mental and emotional
investment. This is when the girl continues to think about you
even when you're not around. Obviously, we have no way of
measuring this, but that act of having you in her head builds
you up more and more. This is usually done once she has
opened up emotionally about personal topics and shared
intimate information about herself—more on this in later
chapters.
One of my former students took this concept to another level.

While I'm not sure I agree with ethics here, it's kind of in the
grey zone; I can't argue with the results. After his first date with
a girl, he went up to her place to "use the bathroom." While
there, he made sure to spray his cologne on as many lamp
lightbulbs as he could find. The result? Whenever the light was
on, the heat would permeate his scent within the room. Our
olfactory sense is the strongest when it comes to memory. He
got a call from her the next day.
Effort investment means putting energy into seeing you or

doing tasks for you. For those familiar with the book "The 5
love languages," you'll notice this as "acts of service." Not only
is it a way to show affection, but by having someone else do it
as well, it'll help their love/like for you grow. Just make sure it's
because they want to do it and not from you bossing them
around.
Social investment simply means how willing she is to introduce

you to her friends or include you in her group. The list may go
on, and I encourage everyone to find new forms of investment
as well. The thing to remember, though, is that this doesn't
merely refer to women, but it's how men operate as well. Don't
think for a second as a guy you're immune; we will absolutely
fall for a girl who does all the things I listed above.
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At one of the conventions I spoke at, I met a female coach

named Jenny. We hit it off, but it was only a fun, flirtatious vibe.
Because of logistics, we decided to have a "Skype date" and
be goofy and get to know each other on camera. Somehow
this lasted for six hours, believe me, that wasn't planned, but
we talked about anything, and everything including our past
and both opened up emotionally to the other. It's Skype, so
not like we could progress things physically anyways. I knew
because of the investment Jenny was now crazy about me.
What shocked me, was that now I was crazy about her, which
is very rare for me. Investment is a powerful thing. To get
others to invest in us, though, we need to prove that we're
someone of value first.
When I talk about value, I am referring to the things most

people think of when it comes to attraction. Core traits a
person can have that others deem to be desirable. The good
news is all these traits can be learned and mastered; it just
takes time and dedication. Modeling yourself after others with
the key traits you desire is one of the quickest ways to make
them a part of you. After all, it's no secret that you become like
the five people you hang out the most with.
So what are these valuable and attractive traits?
Confidence
Humor
Identity
Social Skills
Social Proof
Sexual
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Confidence, by far, is one of the most common traits

associated with being attractive. We hear it so much it's a
cliché at this point. What does it really mean, though? To
define confidence, I embody it with two other things. Being
comfortable and being dominant. When a man shows he is
comfortable in any environment, he oozes confidence. This is
seen from his relaxed body language, lack of worry or doubt,
his very presence signaling that there's nothing he can't
handle. Likewise, dominance is the projection of this
confidence. A confident man does not hesitate or attempt
things in a mild fashion. With dominance, every action and
word spoken is done so with purpose. Dominance doesn't
mean being aggressive or forceful. It means acting with full
conviction and from a place of leadership or authority.
Humor is easily one of these things where we feel some

people are funny, and some people are not. The truth is, all
humor falls into a pattern. Exaggeration, sarcasm, role-playing,
misinterpretations, teasing...the list goes on. Best way to learn
humor is to find a mentor who can break down these patterns
and show you clear examples of where it should be used and
more importantly, the "why" behind it, why that is funny and
works. Short of that, you can also attempt to immerse yourself
around funny people and pick up their behavioral patterns as
well.
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Identity is critical because like it or not, people judge. We're all

selfish, and we want to be with a "prize." This means your
identity is being seen as a prize to the girl you like. I'm
guessing you read this and are pouting right now because
maybe you see your identity as a sales clerk or something you
deem unattractive. Never fear! Identity doesn't always equal
job/occupation. It can be your passion or your hobby or how
you define yourself in the best way possible. I define myself as
someone who's always growing, taking action, and learning
from a mentor, which is ingrained as my identity, for instance.
If this is still difficult for you, then forget identity and instead
think of ambition. Maybe you're stuck working as a chipotle
cook right now, but if you can portray your aspirations of
owning your restaurant and being head chef, that's downright
sexy.
Social skills are one of those tricky topics we have a hard time
putting our finger on. A simple way of looking at it is just being
good with people. My personal definition, though, is being
aware and able to spot social cues from people and knowing
the correct response on what to do based on those cues. A
mouthful, I know, but that's it in a nutshell. We always think of
intelligence as knowing facts or being good at math, however,
we can demonstrate that we have social skills by having social
intelligence that's irresistible.
Social proof is a phenomenon that occurs in all areas of life.
The term was first coined by Robert Cialdini in his book
"Influence" but has been studied and researched since the late
1930s. It means that we tend to follow others that other
people follow. If everyone thinks some guy is amazing,
chances are he is amazing, and we'll want to get to know him
too. For attraction, we break it down into preselection. If a man
has multiple women showing interest in him, chances are
there's something attractive about that man. Women use this
as a quick social cue to assume that guy must be a prize.
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Sexual goes without saying, yet this is a constant struggle for

most men. On one end of the spectrum, we have guys who
are too sexual. They'll catcall girls or make overly aggressive
attempts that get immediate rejection...or worse.
Unfortunately, too little of a sexual side puts guys in the friend
zone and is an immediate turn off for women as well. The key
is to be sexual in a way that is for the woman's arousal, not
your own. Being sexual and respecting a woman's comfort
levels go hand in hand.
Every single one of my students will have a problem in at least

one of these areas. Yet, to build attraction correctly, we need a
step-by-step guide, a roadmap of how to move things
forward. This book is going to give you exactly that.
Something I call the attraction ladder. Use it whenever you're
stuck and not sure what to do next. Just always use it
responsibly.
Write out all the types of investment you can think of. Now
write out five practical examples of each that you can use with
women.
Go ahead and take every book you own (within reason) or if

not books then movies. Stack them all together in any way you
like and then once stacked, knock down and mix up the pile.
Do the same exercise again, but this time make sure to

alphabetize everything first before you destroy and mix up the
pile. It may sound silly, but if you do this, you'll get a taste of
just how powerful the investment principle is.
Write down a list of things you feel insecure or not confident

about. Then visualize what it would look like if you did one of
these things confidently and surely. Finally, choose one item
from the list and do it right now.
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Every time you hear something funny that can be used in

normal conversation, write it down. From now on, you should
be keeping a database of anything that gets laughs amongst
friends for you to use later—can be from any source.
Write out and define what your identity or ambition is. Then
write it out in a phrase you can easily tell a girl.
Think back to your last interaction with a girl, or just among

friends. Write out what you did right and wrong in the
interaction. Use this drill continuously to become aware and
shape your social skills.
Make it a mission to get pictures with groups of people

whenever you go out. If nothing else, this can add social proof
to your social media. Ideally, try and befriend people wherever
you go as well, so you can always have people around you.
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CHAPTER Four ____________________________

Starting
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I left my house wearing my most flashy shirt, coolest rocker

wrist band, and an ungodly amount of cologne. It was
probably to cover up the scent of my sweat from how nervous
I was. The time had come to go out with other "pick up" guys
and try our lines and tricks on unsuspecting women. "Hey, can
I get your opinion? Is it cheating if the girl kisses another girl?"
was repeated over and over in my mind. This was to be my
starting line to get a girl to like me. I had read it on some forum
and was trusting it would get me through the first and scariest
step, starting the conversation.
The other guys I met online all had a similar look to me as well.
It was the style the self-proclaimed guru's said was best after
all. Ten nervous, insecure men all having either a boa, eyeliner,
or seven rings on. Zack, the leader of our group, looked us
over and nodded with approval. When he turned to me, he
smiled and said, "You're new here, so you get to go first."
My heart sank; I wasn't ready for this. "Yeah...uh, no problem,"

I lied. He instantly saw through it. "You gotta start and get
yourself in there. Don't puss out; remember you're a man, so
go in strong." OK, I can do this, I'm just going to remember my
starter, and it'll be fine. What's the worst that can happen
anyways? I walked over to a girl talking to her friend and
tapped her shoulder. When she turned to look at me and
smiled, the conversation went something along these lines:
Me: "Hey, uh, can I get, you see I was wondering if...um...
here's the thing, cheating is not OK. OK if…well in your
opinion, if a girl cheats...like not really cheating... it's, um,
yea...you know?"
Her eyes squinted, and confusion ran over her face. Then she
shook her head as if clearing it and smiled warmly back to me
saying, "I'm sorry I missed that, what did you ask?"
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Me: "Oh! No I...here's the thing, girls kissing girls right... I'm
wondering your opinion on, because like I said before...well
first can I get your opinion if she cheated...but maybe not...so
that's what I'm wondering...because, uh, yea."
To this day, I still remember her look of "what the actual hell
was that?" before rolling her eyes and turning away back to
her friend. Obviously, I had a lot to learn about starting
conversations with women.
Like anything in life, becoming great at a skill always involves

starting. It's so simple to say just go out and do it, yet any man
who's tried can tell you nothing's harder. You may find this
hard to believe, but I've coached marines, 6'2 jacked white
guys and millionaires who all ran away from me when I tried to
get them to start a conversation with a girl. When I say ran
away, I mean I literally had to chase after them.
I won't get into all the reasons we are ingrained with this
powerful and visceral fear of approaching women. For that,
and examples of different ways of starting conversations, you
can check out my book on Amazon, "How to meet your
dream girl tonight." Instead, I want to discuss the importance
of starting
and give you some tips you can utilize right now that will begin
your journey.
The idea of "starters" is that they should only be seen as that.

Statements and questions that start an interaction. Media,
movies, television, all examples we see paint a picture that to
get a girl attracted you need to have the ideal "pick up line."
Something smooth and masculine. A line so powerful it'll make
her toes curl and have her whispering in your ear, "Let's get
out of here."
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Understand this right now because it's essential. That's

complete bullshit. A starter is only meant to do what the name
implies, start things off. "Initiating the conversation is half the
battle." Fun quote from Adam Sandler in "Big Daddy." It's kind
of true since we literally can't do anything without a starter, but
as a whole, we put way too much emphasis on it. The truth is
anything can start an interaction; it's more about what you say
than what you convey, more on this later.
I've always viewed it as the thing to get my foot in the door.

The only kind of bad starters are ones that set a negative or
creepy tone, or that instantly turns the girl off. Realize right
now that beautiful women get hit on all the time, like all the
time. I'm talking a ridiculous, ungodly, annoying, dear god
make it stop, amount. So one of the worst things we can do is
start things off with her under that guise.
Instead of doing anything that can be seen as a "pick up line,"

starters should come from a place of, "Hey, I'm just being
sociable and friendly and talking with everyone." As you get
more advanced, you can put in a playful or even flirty vibe as
well, yet for the new guys, I suggest focusing on going up to
her as if you were trying to get put in the friend zone.
You may have just arched an eyebrow reading that last bit, or
thought, "What the hell is he talking about? I'm always getting
stuck in the friend zone; I got this book to get out of the friend
zone!" Don't worry, I get it, and if you continue to follow the
advice here, you won't be stuck there. It's just that starters are
more welcomed and received when it comes from a friendly
place. Later you'll be learning how to progress things forward
and make it flirty. For now, though, trust me when I say
nothing ruins picking up a girl more than a pickup line.
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What to do depends on the girl, the situation, her current

mood, how much she's been hit on already, I can go on and
on. The fact remains, I've been a groomsman for around 40
weddings, most students I've helped, and each one used
some different starter. One of the guys, an awkward Indian
man who always smiles, used, "On a scale of one to ten, how
bad do your feet hurt in those heels?" Another former student,
who was part of a former rock band and to this day keeps his
hair long to his shoulders, met his wife by starting with, "You
are so incredibly sexy. Who are you?" The idea is to realize
what type of starters work best for you and to adjust your
approach based on the situation.
We all know the real problem of starting, though. It's not

having the perfect thing to say. It's not that the angle of
approach would come off weird. It's not even that you only get
to make one first impression. The real problem is the starter
anxiety. Every single man who's ever noticed a cute girl near
him knows that feeling. So, virtually every man. I've coached
countless students in my 13+ years, and every single one of
them had to begin by overcoming his starter anxiety.
Your pupils dilate, hands get sweaty, your heart begins beating
a mile a minute, and everything in the world fades away
except...her. This perfect and gorgeous being, enjoying her
conversation and laughing with friends, and somehow you, a
complete stranger, need to walk over and make a connection.
The absolute absurdity of it all! Why does it have to be so
damn hard? Besides, what can you even talk about with a
stranger?
45
If the above section feels familiar to you, then don't worry,

you're far from alone. We've all been there, and it sucks. The
good news is that with practice and changing certain
mindsets, you can overcome that horrible starter anxiety. I
won't lie to you, it may never go away completely, but it will for
sure go down to a manageable level. It all just requires taking
the time to commit and take action now, fully. All the excuses
and complaining end today because today is the day you
start.
PRACTICE: This is key when it comes to starting. At the end of

the day, there's no magic answer; you just need to do it. Try
warming up first by asking people for directions or a
recommendation on something. Stop seeing it as a huge
ordeal and just set your goals to get this one step down.
Over time, with practice, you’ll realize it becomes more and

more familiar and you’ll slowly become desensitized to the
fear. Don’t let yourself run away after approaching either, stick
in there. I wish I could give you a magic answer that takes
away the fear, but it always comes down to pushing yourself
to get out of the house and practice as much as possible. No
matter what, remember, you'll be OK, and it can be something
you laugh about later.
EXPERIMENT: This part is huge. I've seen tons of guys be

starter machines, going from one group to the next without
ever missing a beat. Thing is though; they never get better.
Especially when practicing starting, you should experiment
with every angle you can think of. Certain styles just fit certain
people better. It's as simple as that.
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Some styles you can try are playful, direct, situational,

compliments, asking opinions, or simply just saying hi. It
doesn't matter really. What matters is that you are testing until
you find a way that works best for you. Keep in mind the best
style for you might also be the scariest. Don't let that starter
anxiety get in the way of reaching your full potential.
MENTOR: No matter what, you'll never be able to see your

own approach. Even if you did, good luck figuring out
everything that needs work. Was it the angle you came in, the
tonality you used, was your body language off, or did you not
use the right starter? These are questions that only someone
with experience can answer. Unless of course, you want to
spend years with trial and error. With that said, nothing should
prevent you from at least starting and getting experience now.
There's nothing worse than getting rejected and bad
experiences without understanding why, believe me when I
say I understand your pain all too well. It will get easier,
though, that I promise. Finally, having a mentor demonstrate
starting in person is unlimited value. Reading about it in a book
is one thing; seeing it done correctly is another animal
altogether.
Write down a list of potential starters. You can make them up,
look for them online, ask a friend, or use any resource
available. Use the few examples from this chapter to start and
whenever you think of a new one, I want you to add it to this
list.
47
Go out two times this week with the goal to start

conversations with at least ten women. Don't be picky, don't
wait for the perfect moment; just take action. End of the day
it's all about just getting the practice in. For each starter you
think of, write up what typical responses you may get from the
girl. With this, think about what you would say back now, so
you're not frozen later. Not only will you be prepared for how to
start, but now you're preparing for how to keep the
momentum moving after she responds to you as well. Breathe.
The fact of the matter is, yes, this is stressful but breathe.
Remind yourself that real courage is feeling the fear and doing
it anyway. If you've done your starters then congratulations.
You are now a man of courage.
CHAPTER Five _____________________________

Conversation
"I can't do it," my student said with tears filling up in his eyes,
"I just freeze up. My mind goes blank." Looking at him sadly, I
shake my head no. "It's not that your mind goes blank, it's that
you're thinking of too many things and trying to filter it all." All I
got back from him was a blank stare spread across his face.
Scratching my beard, I decided to try another angle. "What are
you passionate about? What's something that you love to
do?" Meekly and with some embarrassment, he replied, "I just
like watching YouTube videos." He may have been
embarrassed, but I was smiling, hearing his answer.
"Don't you like to working for Google and YouTube

specifically?" I asked him, already formulating a strategy in my
head. “Well, yeah. I help prevent any content on there that
violates YouTube's rules and regulations." At this point, he
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became frustrated and swung his arms down looking away,

muttering, "I don't see how that helps, though." I couldn't
really blame his frustration. He had been starting conversations
all night and getting rejected almost immediately. For the life of
him, he just simply couldn't think of anything to say once the
girls responded to him.
"How about this…" I begin. "Let's say you use your starter and
they respond. Once they respond, I want you to tie in
something they said or something they're wearing to a
YouTube video you know. Once you do, just begin talking
about different YouTube videos." My advice was met with
uncertainty. "Ok," he said. "But what if they don't like YouTube
or I run out again?" Rolling my eyes, I smiled back and told
him, "Listen, just get into it and let the conversation start
flowing as it will, using the techniques I taught you before. For
now, though, just create a flowing conversation about
YouTube."
After one deep breath, he went in for yet another starting

attempt with a group of girls. This time, however, he wasn't
walking back to me looking dejected. I waited, and I waited,
but there he was talking to them, and they were responding.
Next thing I knew, he began smiling and making hand
gestures while the girls were listening, enamored with interest.
I figured it would help him, but if I'm being honest, I didn't
expect this much of a change. I had to get in close and hear
more.
"...so with that style of algorithm you can really get a lot more
views." He finished explaining excitedly. The girl closest to him
then spoke up. "That's so awesome, I've been wanting to
grow my channel for a while now, but it's just so slow going."
Nodding as if he was a wise sage, he replied, "Yeah, I can see
why you were having trouble, but at least now you know how
it works. What's your channel about?" Then just like that, they
were off to a lovely conversation.
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When we look at making conversation with a girl, it can easily

seem like a daunting task. This is because we feel that we
must know everything we're going to talk about before the
interaction happens possibly. I'm sorry, but this is flat out
impossible. Can't be done, don't bother trying. One of the
biggest joys I get from not just approaching women but
meeting people, in general, is the unpredictable nature of how
any conversation will go.
It has to be an improv type of dance where you and the girl are
playing off what each other say. Using scripted lines, stories,
or planned conversation pieces can only go so far. Worse than
that, it's just not practical. We're human beings, after all, not
robots. If we act and speak in ways that don't reflect our
personality, life experiences, and the way we think, then the
girl is going to smell bullshit a mile away. Seeing guys
attempting these planned out conversations is not only
awkward to watch, but it's also downright cringe-worthy.
Thankfully, we can break down and understand conversational

techniques that will allow us to never run out of things to say.
The first technique is to always look for "leads." Leads are
topics that come up either from something you said or
something she said. They're not about the actual topic at hand
but were mentioned in conversation. Let's try an example.
"The other day, my friend, Sally, quit her job. I couldn't believe
she did that! I know it sucked working there, but she's in so
much debt. It really wasn't smart of her."
Did you spot any leads?
Here's the leads in order: Friend, Sally, job, debt.
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Each one of these leads can allow us to shift the conversation

to something else. I could have quickly responded with any of
the following:
"Yeah, I agree. It's hard though when you want to be a
supportive friend, but clearly, they're making a bad decision. If
it makes you feel any better, I have some friends who could
use more common sense also."
"Wow, this Sally girl needs to get her act together. I get she
didn't like her work, but she could at least have had a plan
before quitting."
"Damn, that sucks. It has to be tough though working a job

you absolutely hate every single day. I'm not saying I'd do
what she did, but it couldn't have been easy."
"See, this is exactly why people should learn how money

works so they can avoid debt. I'm guessing it's from college,
but you should let her know there are tons of great options for
her to get out of it."
All these responses go completely different routes yet make

perfect sense based on what the girl said. Reread the
reactions one more time and let me know if you notice any
other pattern that they have in common. Granted, it's tough to
spot if you don't know what you're looking for so don't beat
yourself up if you can't see it. However, it's the next important
thing for making pleasant conversation.
Opinions are the answer. Each response I gave was my own

opinion about what the girl said regarding her friend. The
problem with small talk in a bar is it's just flat out dull. This is
because we've been trained, very poorly I must add, to meet
strangers by asking facts about them. What is your name?
What do you do? Where are you from? Have you been here
before? Who are you here with? Girls hear this over and over
again. It's annoying, it's unoriginal, and it shows zero
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personality from you. From now on, use your real opinions on
things to keep the conversation flowing.
A great tip is not to get too caught up into any single topic.
Usually, when we find something that "hits" or the girl likes, we
have the impulse to milk that topic for everything it's worth.
What happens when you've discussed every aspect of it, and
there's nothing left to say though? At that point, most guys will
just ask a random question out of the blue, or worse, stand
there panicking for what to say next.
To avoid this, use shifts. A shift is what shifts the conversation

from one topic to another. The formula is simple enough. We
state an observation or ask a question, and the girl answers.
From there, we notice a lead and give our opinion. Once she
responds, we can then use either our lead or hers to shift to a
new topic. Easier said than done, I know, but at least now you
have some basic structure for the conversation.
Another tip is to end the question train. A question train is

when you just bombard the girl with one question after
another. You're supposed to be having fun, building a
connection, and seeing if there's chemistry between the two of
you. If that's the goal, then why on earth would you make her
feel as if she's in an interview? Avoid the question train at all
costs. It's almost always better to just make statements
instead. That alone will instantly make you sound more
interesting.
PRACTICE: The great thing about conversations is you don't

need to be trying to meet a girl to have them. Conversations
are happening all around you, and you can start one almost
anytime, anywhere. Get used to being a chatterbox. Talk to the
people in the elevator. Make time to greet the doorman or
waiter and chat with them more than is required. Instead of
just going through life speaking the minimum amount, make a
habit of talking to anyone and everyone.
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You can also practice right at home. Try picking a topic, can
be anything such as shoes for example. Then start
monologuing about shoes for as long as you can. Did it seem
difficult? If so, it's probably because you weren't using
conversation shifters. I never said you had to talk about shoes
the entire time, just had to start with it.
EXPERIMENT: Everyone talks in their own unique ways. We

use certain tones, verbiage, and patterns that are very unique
to us. To experiment with conversations, try mirroring the style
of whoever you are speaking with. The idea of mirroring in
conversation comes from Neuro-Linguistic Programming,
more commonly referred to as NLP. See if you can spot what
kind of words the person uses and play around with copying
their style. If done correctly, this will instantly give you more
rapport with them.
Another experiment is what kind of conversational topics to

bring up. Things like death, vomit, politics, religion, and the like
are some of the worst things to get into. On the other hand,
talking about pop culture, aliens and the unknown, fun
activities, and psychology will create interest by itself. Everyone
is different, but after enough practice and experimentation,
you'll learn which topics work best for certain types of girls.
MENTOR: While we can always play around with different

topics, having a mentor can help break down the exact
patterns you're doing wrong. For example, my students always
record themselves when going out. This is because we can
then listen back to their conversations again and break down
exactly where things go wrong. What's even more important is
I can then explain why it went wrong.
Having a mentor or at least a friend who has the gift of gab

can provide tons of great experience as well. It can be
nerve-wracking and limiting starting conversations with
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random people. With a mentor, you can practice different

conversational patterns. Better yet, you can slow things down
and give yourself time to think of the best response.
Write down a mock conversation about how you would

imagine it would go between you and a girl. This will be harder
than you think, but at least now you can take time and think of
a proper response. Even better, you can begin empathizing
with the girl when trying to imagine her response in this mock
write up.
Make a habit of always talking more than necessary. It may

seem intrusive, unnecessary, or even rude, but it's essential
you get comfortable taking the spotlight. If you're worried
about coming off as awkward or weird, you need to let that
go. Better to make mistakes now and learn than forever
remain clueless.
Go out and start five conversations where all you do is focus

on spotting the leads. Then opportunities for shifting. Then
opportunities for giving your opinion on things. The idea here is
to laser focus on one skill at a time until it becomes ingrained
in your head.
Begin looking for patterns. Watch dramas or television shows

that depict present-day normal conversations. While it's
probably heightened due to the nature of the show, at least
you can see some examples and break down what's being
done. YouTube interviews or just people talking to each other
is another excellent resource for this.
Animate. Don't mutter or be monotonous. Instead, project

your voice loud and clear and put emotion into everything you
say. Even if you're worried you'll say something stupid, it's
better to project emotion and confidence than to look stupid
too.
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CHAPTER Six ________________________________

Positioning
Two weeks ago, from the time I'm writing this, I had two
students who flew in to get personal training from me for a
weekend. I was being paid $6,000 by them to help shave off
years of their learning experience when it came to building
social confidence and attracting women, by no means was
this new to me, though. They stood there, fear in their eyes,
worried that maybe they had just burned more money than
they could afford. I laugh as I write this because, after the
event, they told me I should have charged more since it took
years off their learning.
"I already know how to start and have a conversation," the first
student Gary said. "It's just that for some reason, I always end
up getting ignored, girls just keep putting their backs to me."
Kyle, my second student, nodded in agreement. "This
happens all the time to me too," he chimed in. "I can't find it
fun when it feels awkward hovering around them. Plus I can
get the vibe they're less interested in me than I am into them,
despite what I say." Nodding I knew precisely what the
problem was; I had seen them in action the previous night. "So
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what can I say differently to prevent this?" Gary asked with a

mixture of hope and frustration painted across his face.
"It's all about positioning," I began. "You need to understand

that it has nothing to do with what you're saying and
everything to do with how you're positioned." After breaking it
down for them and drilling my techniques to always ensure
you're in a better position, they finally got it. Here is a picture of
them from the first night.
Do you see the problem in this picture? If not, the issue is that
clearly, he is the one hitting on her. This makes him come off
as desperate or trying too hard and, subconsciously, the girl
feels it too. Plus, how simple would it be for her to turn her
back to him? That's precisely what happened. However, by
understanding how to execute my three-point technique, he
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was able to have drastically different results the very next

night.
The three-point technique is simple enough. It's used any time

you notice the girl is in a position where everyone is around
her, and you're standing in an awkward spot. The goal is to
switch positions, so the group is around you. Done correctly,
it'll look as if you're part of the group or even that the girl is
hitting on you! Here's how it works:
1. Use a justification to get her to move from her

spot while talking to you.
2. Occupy her logical mind and leave the spot open
for a bit.
3. Casually walk into the spot yourself since no one
is there.
It's that easy once you gain practice and knowledge on

different ways to justify things, keep her mind engaged, and
not draw attention to taking the spot. Once you're positioned
correctly, we can see a very different picture. Everything you
do suddenly works ten times better. Have a look for yourself.
This is the same student on the very next night.
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It's crazy, I know, but that positioning makes all the difference
in the world. We often place so much importance on what we
say, we rarely think about the way our body and positioning
comes into play. For instance, the idea of investment,
explained earlier, can be seen even from these two pics. In the
first, Gary is facing the girl in red, directly investing entirely into
talking to her while she casually looks over her shoulder. It’s
painfully evident that he’s investing more than she is.
In this second picture, we see a different story. While the girl in

black, who he likes, is talking in his ear, his body language fully
mirrors her as he faces her friend instead. Here, at worst,
they're equally invested in each other. Now he's in a position
that doesn't come off as needy, trying too hard, or desperate.
Anyone looking over would just think that he's friends with
these girls or maybe even with one of them. The vibe and
feeling have shifted dramatically. All thanks to positioning.
PRACTICE: Instead of always worrying about what you're

saying, trust your gut, and let yourself flow. Even if it's garbage
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and gets you rejected, you have to allow this to happen so you
can practice on your positioning. For instance, if you're in an
angle where you can easily be ignored, move your feet and
walk into a different position. If you see that you're facing the
girl fully and she's sideways, talking to you over her shoulder,
then change up what you're doing. This won't happen by
itself.
EXPERIMENT: Unfortunately, it's hard to know exactly what

the right amount of investment is or the best ways to change
positions with someone. This becomes a matter of timing and
waiting for the right opportunity. You can attempt positioning
on a high point or maybe when you see her invest in some
way.
By waiting too long for the right positioning, you risk the
chance of being seen more and more as trying too hard and
slowly killing the attraction, despite what you do or say. At
best, it's a constant uphill battle. However, if you do it too
early, then you can startle the girl or piss her off—finding you
rude and pushy. Only by experimenting will you be able to get
the "feel" for when the right time is.
MENTOR: This one is huge for things like body language,

positioning, tonality, and anything else that can't be directly
measured by your own eyes and ears. When seeing this done
correctly, it can be a significant "aha" moment and save
massive time from all the experimenting you'd need to do
alone. It's incredibly hard to conceptualize, but seeing it in
action and being told exactly how your body language is
coming across if doing it wrong is a total game changer.
One of my students is 50 years old and still struggles with

women. Let that sink in, because if you're in your 20's or 30's
reading this and feeling frustrated, he'd kill to be in your shoes.
While coaching him, I noticed his voice came off wispy, and
the word elongated in what sounded like a very creepy effect.
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By drilling exercises with him, we changed his tone to short

and snappy. He usually didn't last more than a minute talking
to a girl. That week, he was able to set up three different dates
from that one change alone.
Go out one night and observe the body language of people.

Who's more into who? How can you tell if a guy is part of a
group of girls or not? Take notes of what you observe and how
you can apply it to yourself.
Go out for one week straight with nothing in mind other than
always keeping the best positioning. It should eventually feel
uncomfortable if you're not in it.
Play around with your body movements when talking to a girl.

What happens when you create more space between her?
What if you get closer but shift your body away? Always find
ways to experiment with your investment levels and write
down what you've learned.
Now that you've gained some experience starting, conversing,

and positioning, it's time to start a journal. You've achieved the
first three rungs of the attraction ladder which should hopefully
allow for interactions that don't immediately fail. Record your
journey to keep track of the experiences you have.
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CHAPTER Seven
____________________________
Peer Approval
I was in complete bliss, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my

face even if I tried. Earlier in the night, I had just met not only
one of the most gorgeous girls yet but someone I actually felt
real sparks with. We had been bantering, and it was all I could
do to keep up with her sharp wit. Like me, she was a dork,
and we geeked out about the Harry Potter movies. The best
thing though was when she laughed. Every time I made her
laugh, it was the sweetest sound in the world.
My starter had been something simple, a compliment about

her ring, and noticing her three friends distracted trying to get
the bartender's attention I was able to sneak away. "Where are
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you going?" one of her friends asked. "Oh just for a quick
dance we'll be right back," I replied quickly while taking my
girl's hand and leading her away. The friend arched an
eyebrow and seemed to want to object, but by then it was too
late, we were gone.
After spending time getting to know each other, we actually

did make it to the dance floor where I learned her name was
Melissa. Her body moved within rhythm to mine, and the
sexual tension started to build. God, I wanted this girl, even
her perfume had my blood boiling. She turned facing me,
pressing her chest against mine without ever missing a beat to
the song.
"You're kinda cute," she said with a smirk.
"Oh yeah?" was my only reply, my wit was failing me from

enjoying this too much.
"Could lose the beard though," she teased pulling on it

playfully.
"Really? I was kinda digging the little one you have going on." I
tickled her chin, indicating imaginary peach fuzz. Thankfully my
wit had returned again.
Her mouth dropped open, "Shut up; I do not!" At that

moment, I pulled her in and began making out with her. It was
perfect, and everything had lead up to that amazing kiss. As I
said, I was in complete bliss and I couldn't wipe the smile off
my face even if I tried.
Out of nowhere, her friend appeared and grabbed her arm.

"We're going, NOW!" Then just like that, she was gone, and I
never saw her again.
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At the time, it was horrible. The gross injustice and unfairness

of it all really pissed me off. I was angry with the friend for
cockblocking me for no reason. I was angry with Melissa for
not standing up to her friend, surely she felt the connection
too... didn't she? More than anything, I was angry with myself.
Angry that even after getting all that attraction, I still wasn't
able to see where things could have ended up between us.
One of the critical mindsets behind the psychology of modern

flirting is that very early on, you must have a good relationship
with failure. Failure was my guide and my fuel. It drove me,
challenged me, humbled me, but, more than anything else, it
taught me. Yes, I lost a girl that night. But I gained something
infinitely more valuable. I learned the lesson of never making
the mistake of not getting the girl's peers' approval first.
You have to understand women's psychology. They share

everything, go to the bathroom together, arrive and leave
together to places, and are continually valuing and trusting
their friends for decision making and guidance. To a girl, the
approval of her peers is everything. Think about it, if you were
to meet a girl and hit it off, what would you rather her friends
say at the end of the night in the car ride home:
"Who was that random weird guy who wouldn't leave you
alone all night? You can tell by just looking at him he's such a
douche. Please tell me you didn't give him your number."
"Tell us more about that cute guy you were talking to all night?
He seemed really fun and genuine. Please tell me he asked
you out on a date."
Guys, this is a no brainer. Before worrying about building

attraction with a girl, before thinking about getting her number,
before anything really, you should focus on peer approval. If
you've done the earlier steps correctly then by now you're in a
good position and can spread your attention around evenly to
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the group. This has the bonus effect of not looking as if you’re
trying too hard to the girl you like as well.
Ideally, you should find commonalities and make statements

that bond you with her friends. For example, I may say
something simple to one of the friends like, "You are too
awesome, I'm making you my new BFF, you win!" This alone
creates the friend vibe clearly but also is boosting her up in a
positive mood. Note though, I'd never say that to the girl I like,
it makes no sense to friend zone her.
The friends will usually just be happy with being given

attention, praise, and positive energy. They're out to have fun
after all. It's important to do all these things in a way that's
inclusive to everyone. Don't talk to one girl at a time with quick
private conversations. Let your voice boom out and draw all
their attention on you. Change the way you talk from "Hey do
you think…" to "Hey do you guys think…" It's always inclusive
for everyone in the group.
Now, for new guys, I get this can be overwhelming and

downright scary. Talking to one girl is hard enough, but now
you need to speak to GROUPS of them?! I'm sorry, but the
answer is yes, you do. You'll rarely see a girl out by herself,
that only happens in James Bond movies. The good news is
that it's actually easier talking to girls in groups, way easier.
Sure it may FEEL scary, but when you can get over that and
be comfortable with a spotlight on you then you'll realize you
can do so much more in a group setting.
The reason for this is simple enough. More people means

more of a chance someone says something back to you, more
for you to observe and comment on, and you can take part in
whatever conversation or observations any of the girls make.
There's just way more to work with. By keeping this in mind,
hopefully, the idea of more attention on you won't feel as bad
or as scary.
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There's another hidden benefit to mastering the skill of

befriending her friends and gaining their approval. It's the
same skill for making friends with anyone and growing a social
circle eventually. Every friendship is primarily based on two key
ingredients. There's a commonality between the people, and
they give value to each other in some way. That's all there is to
it. Knowing how to provide value in terms of good emotions is
probably one of the most useful things you could ever learn in
this life. It merely transcends getting a date.
Just remember, if you win over the girl's friends then you have
a good shot at winning over the girl. By simply seeing her
friends react to you in a positive and welcoming way, a girl feel
attracted to you. It's honestly that important. From now on,
you are not some random guy hitting on a girl you see. You are
a social and charismatic guy that people respond to. Come in
with the mindset of assuming everyone is friendly and that
you're going to add to the fun of everyone's night, not just the
girl you like. After all, there is no such thing as strangers, only
future friends.
PRACTICE: Talk...to....everyone. I can't stress enough that the

only way to learn social skills is to push yourself to be social no
matter what. Keep thinking in your head how you can add
value of any sort to this persons day; even a compliment can
go a long way. When out meeting, women focus on their
friends and not the girl you like. Often times, just being ignored
can cause the girl you like to start chasing and investing in you
more. Nothing gets done though if all you think about is
yourself and wanting a girl. It's needy and selfish and doesn't
work. So practice trying to bring a smile to the faces of
everyone that you encounter.
EXPERIMENT: While it's great to assume everyone's friendly,

we have to acknowledge that sometimes you just meet
someone in a bad mood. If it's one of the girl's friends, you're
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going to still have to win her over and change it around. You're
only as strong as your weakest link after all. Experiment
through empathy and by trying to figure out the "why" behind
the bad mood. Is the friend mad because she never gets hit
on as much? Is it because of something that happened
earlier? Did she recently get dumped and hates men? The list
goes on but there's always a reason. By finding out or
guessing at the reason, you can experiment with different
tactics to bring her mood up and befriend her. This isn't a girl
to ignore. If you do, you'll regret it later the way I did in my
story earlier.
MENTOR: The greatest thing about a really great mentor is
their vibe. Yes, I learned countless things from the mentors I've
had in my past, and yes, it was incredible knowing I always
had someone to go to for help. Nothing beats being immersed
in their vibe and very presence, though. Seeing their
mannerisms and how they think just begins rubbing off on you.
It's easy talking about being social all the time, but when
you're around someone who actually lives and breathes that
advice, it sparks something in you. All of a sudden, that very
same vibe starts coming off you, and the practice of being
more social and charismatic becomes easier and more fun. So
yes, a mentor can apply vast knowledge, but the best thing is
with true immersion that mentor can change your very energy
without you even realizing it.
Make a list of all your strengths, connections, knowledge, and
anything that can be of value to someone.
In your next 10 interactions, try and give value to all those you
come across, look for ways to help them out and be as
friendly as possible. Play around with different body language
and vibes for best effect.
When ready, approach girls that you like but focus entirely on
the friends first, trying to win them over. You should see them
compliment you, laughing, inviting you along, including you in
their own conversation, or any other indicators you're
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welcomed by the group. Get feedback. If for any reason your

interaction dies out and the girls aren't interested actually ask
why. You won't always get an honest answer but by explaining
you're trying to work on yourself and won't be offended, you
may be able to get useful feedback on how to improve.
CHAPTER Eight _________________________

Positive Emotional Stimulus
I wanted to die from boredom. Thirty minutes had already

gone by, and still, I was listening in on my student as he talked
about one trivial thing after another with the girl he liked and
her friends. Nothing he said was particularly wrong; it just
wasn't good either. These girls were polite enough and were
enjoying his company, and it was the first group he really got
responding to him. Still, though, it was as interesting to watch
as C-SPAN.
"I kind of like Ramen," my student droned on. "There's a pretty

good place I go to for my lunch break at work."
"Oh yeah, what's it called?" one of the girls asked.
"Ramen House, you should try it," he replied as the girl smiled
meekly and nodded. "Do you get lunch breaks at work too?"
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"Kind of, we just eat whenever there's not much to do. I

always bring my own," another girl said after a moment of
silence.
The student nodded. "That's cool. It's important to make the

best of your time. It sounds like you got something effective
there."
I kid you not it went on like this for the entire time. After a full
hour, I finally had enough and intervened, pulling him away
from the group. As we walked away, I noticed a sigh of relief
from one of the girls. I looked at my student scoldingly, "Dude,
what are you thinking? I told you already that what matters is
how you make someone feel. All you're doing is listing a bunch
of facts and meaningless stuff."
He shrugged helplessly, "I don't know, I just didn't want to get

turned down. Figured if I stayed talking to them long enough
then one of them would like me."
"That's not how it works, and you know it. You can have a
polite and pleasant conversation for hours, but without P.E.S.
there's no point. None," I replied. I knew we still had some
work to do if he was ever going to make a change.
What is P.E.S. (Positive Emotional Stimulus) exactly? It's when

you pump up the state or mood of the person you're talking
too. P.E.S. is used to put the person in an excited and fun
state. Attraction is a feeling first and foremost. The spark of
that attraction begins with P.E.S. Remember when I explained
everything we do is for investment? P.E.S. is no exception. By
invoking powerful emotions in people, they will, for a moment,
be in a receptive state. It's when they are in that state that you
can then ask for an investment.
For example, let's look at two different types of conversation

where the guy asks what the girl does for a living.
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Guy: I really liked the last Avengers movie. It was so good.

Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: Did you see it?
Girl: No
Guy: Oh, OK. So what do you do?
Do you see how the question of what she does (asking for
small investment) comes off as rapport seeking? It's obvious
this guy is trying to force conversation. The only reason he
could have for trying to force conversation is that he's into her
without even knowing anything about her. Women are
incredibly tuned to this as they're bombarded with desperate
interest daily. It's not that we can't ask this kind of question
though or for other investment. We need P.E.S. first.
Let's look at another example.
Guy: I can't tell if you're really cool or just really weird.

Girl: Who's to say I'm not both?
Guy: I'm the official judge of all things cool. I'm sorry, but I
don't make the rules.
Girl: Haha, well aren't you the humble one.
Guy: Nah, I used to be humble, but after working on it now I'm
perfect.
Girl: Hahaha, you're too much.
Guy: You're not too bad yourself. By the way, I never got what
you do for work.
Here in this second example, we can see the guy taking on a

pretty cocky demeanor and using playfulness to get the girl's
emotions riled up. She's being challenged, she's laughing, and
her mood is up. While she's in this receptive state is the
perfect time to ask for any kind of investment such as what
she does for work. Also, notice how he doesn't ask it as a
question. Questions remind her of the fact that you're
strangers and a random guy. Friends and familiar people use
statements instead.
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Humor is by far the easiest way to achieve P.E.S. Clear signs

are making the girl laugh, her mouth drop open in shock,
having her playfully punch your shoulder, clap her hands in
excitement, ecstatically grab your arm, or anything else that
indicates a rush of energy. It's never really a bad thing to have
because at the end of the day, it's just providing fun. Fun is the
ultimate way to not only build attraction but to learn how to as
well. It's pivotal to find the joy in everything you do. Why would
a girl want to spend time with you if all you offer is anxiety,
uncertainty, and meaningless conversation? Focus on having
fun yourself, and you'll instantly make it easier to show her a
fun time as well.
There are many types of humor patterns that can be used for
P.E.S. Great ones include sarcasm, teasing, role playing,
exaggerations, and all the like. Every girl is different and will
respond better or worse to some, so switch things up to see
what's the best for you and her. Humor such as disgusting
potty humor, vulgar language, self-deprecation, obvious
planned jokes, and dark, twisted jokes should be avoided.
While some girls may enjoy one of those styles, they're in the
vast minority. Only if you see her making jokes of those nature
should you respond in kind.
When trying to create P.E.S., never come across as reaction

seeking. Remember, women have men hitting on them
regularly and always trying to please and impress them. The
playful and fun nature should come across as if this is just who
you are and how you act with everyone. Similar to the
befriending techniques from the last chapter, what makes this
different is we can also use breaking rapport with P.E.S. That
means you can do fun things like teasing the girl or show
playful disinterest. That's only to be done with the girl you like
though, not with her friends.
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That's because building rapport and playful compliments help

make friends. In the beginning, though Rapport Cycling or
what my upcoming coach likes to call "the loop-de-loop" is the
essential ingredient for creating attraction. Not only are we
doing things to build rapport, but now we're actively finding
ways to break rapport as well. The result is that the girl is
taking on an emotional roller coaster and being sent mixed
signals.
This allows for the interaction to be fun and doesn't have you
hitting on her or showing your interest. Instead, it gives it time
for the girl to start feeling interest and intrigued by you since
she senses a challenge, sees her peers approval, and
genuinely feels good when talking to you. By not hitting on her
immediately, you also give yourself the chance to display
attributes about yourself that she'll find attractive. Once you're
here now the real fun can begin with actual flirting.
PRACTICE: This is by far the hardest part and most sought

after skill by men learning this, with perhaps the exception of
actually starting. There are a million ways to create P.E.S., and
when you're in your head, not a single one will come up. If I
were to do it all over again, I would practice by trying to get
myself in that fun mood first. Not worry about the girl but let
myself be uncaring and loose. Only from that mindset can you
come up with stuff on the fly. That's not to say you can't use
things you've heard before, though. If something was funny
once, it can be funny again, practice the delivery of everything
you say and how animated you can be. It all comes down to
putting in the effort to make attempts when talking to a girl
rather than being safe with pointless conversation. Play to win;
don't play not to lose.
EXPERIMENT: As I said before, every girl is different and

responds to different things. It will take continually trying out
new behaviors and a way of talking to see how you can create
P.E.S. in people. Never limit yourself, even if it seems stupid or
ridiculous in your mind. I've played around by hopping on one
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leg while talking to a girl, so nothing is off limits. The idea is

that, surely, nine out 10 times things will be stupid and won't
work. But that one out of 10 times might just be the gold you
need to succeed.
MENTOR: Here, the most useful thing about a mentor is his

knowledge and experience. From giving you countless
examples and lines to play around with to demonstrate it in
person. If you have the right mentor, they can provide you
simple ways of creating P.E.S. in no time at all. The right
mentor can also break things down to a complicated science
showing you how it all works and flows together. There are just
too many things to discover and learn on your own when it
comes to P.E.S. Even to this day, I learn new ways now and
then. Make sure to soak up your mentor's knowledge for
everything it's worth.
Create a list of anything funny you hear. You should always
have a collection of jokes or one-liner statements that can be
used when talking with people; if it was funny before, it can be
funny again.
Take some time and study humor. Learn why certain things
get a laugh and others don't. Don't only write down things that
get a smile or P.E.S. but begin writing down WHY it worked as
well.
Practice your delivery and animation with a video camera or at

least in the mirror. Keep fine tuning everything you do until it's
optimal and to your liking.
Hang out as much as possible with funny people. Nothing

works better than fully immersing yourself around the type of
people you want to become.
Be OK with making an idiot of yourself. Each week, record the

number of times you stepped up to be playful either with girls
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you like or even just around your friends. Make this number
grow every single week. It comes down to just doing it.
CHAPTER Nine _____________________________

Flirting
I was eating sushi and sitting next to some of the greatest

seducers, dating coaches, love experts, and sex therapists in
the world. We had just finished speaking at a convention and
decided to all get together to enjoy each other's company
since it was so rare we'd all be in the same room at the same
time. Due to our common interests, of course, relationships,
dating, and attraction were being discussed. It was a
collection of eccentric characters, and I couldn't be more
entertained.
While finishing a particularly delicious spider roll, I casually

asked the group, "How do you guys define flirting by the
way?" They all either looked at me blankly or shrugged and
kept eating.
"Eh, it's just that kind of talk you do when you like someone.
You know," said one.
"Yeah, flirting is an energy you put out to a person," explained

a second.
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"Nah, it's just like teasing and fucking around with the girl.
That's flirting," the third one and most well-known amongst us
said loud and confident.
The topic then changed as everyone went back to their meal,
and that's when it hit me: No one here actually knows. Hell, I
wasn't even sure if I knew! We all know what it looks like or
feels like but how can it be explained. I had to persist and get
to the bottom of this.
"Wait a minute. Isn't teasing and being silly just playfulness?

I'm more curious about what flirting is," I tried one last time in
vain.
The head guy rolled his eyes. "Playful...flirting... it's the same
thing. You just need to get a girl riled up. Hell, sometimes I
don't even use flirting. I just broadcast my masculine nature,
and it's all good from there."
I was stunned. Everything being said was just meaningless

vague explanations. While other topics discussed were broken
down into such detail, one of the most crucial elements of
building attraction was ignored and forgotten. I realized I had
to get to the bottom of this if no one else would.
So what is flirting? Can it just be a feeling or this indescribable

sensation? Well, if you know anything about me, you know
that I can't let that slide. Instead, I took every example of lines
or instances that I found to be clearly flirty and looked for the
pattern. At first, it was a bit troublesome. It seemed that the
main guy was right. Everything that was flirty fell into the same
patterns that make up playfulness to create P.E.S. Flirtation
had to be different somehow though, no?
That's when I finally discovered the answer. Flirty was

playfulness but with two critical exceptions. Everything that's
flirty had either a dating or sexual undertone. Yes, there was
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humor with it and playfulness and even cases where it came

off as casual conversation. However, without exception,
all things flirty stood out because of that hint of a dating or
sexual nature.
For instance, if I were to say to a girl, "You are too fun. That's
it. I'm going to run away to Vegas with you and get married.
You want to go tonight or tomorrow?" That implies a dating
tone; I'm literally talking about marriage. It's playful by its
role-playing and exaggeration, but the flirtation is from the
dating vibe. Even if I were to tease her, saying, "This will never
work out between us, you're just too big a dork." The
implication that there's something between us has instantly
turned things flirty.
Sexual undertones are another way to change the vibe from

playful to flirty as well.
Guy: You're a troublemaker I can tell

Girl: Oh, yea? How can you tell?
Guy: Mainly because of the way you're undressing me with
your eyes. Not very polite.
Girl: Haha, you wish I was!
Guy: It's OK, I know how you San Diego girls are. I'm not a
piece of meat, though, OK?
Girl: Yeah, you caught me. I'll try and constrain myself, haha.
Here the flirtation is evident because of the sexual innuendos.

Now, it's not exactly sexual tension since it's done with humor
and playfully, but it's enough where we can see these two
hitting it off. That's the other sure sign the vibe has begun to
become flirty. For the first time, the guy and girl are subtly
showing interest in each other. At this rung of the attraction
ladder, it's OK to start focusing on the girl you like solely. Even
though the friends are still around, it'll be OK. If you did the
above steps correctly, they should approve of you and even
enjoy seeing their friend flirting with you.
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For many guys, once again, this rung of the ladder can be
scary. It's one thing joking around and having fun with the
group. It's an entirely different sensation when things start to
heat up. At this point, the fear of loss begins to kick in, and we
don't want to mess things up by saying something weird or
unwelcomed. All I can say is what I've already indicated
before. You have to have a good relationship with failure and
learn from your mistakes. When you first start trying to
implement flirtation, it will most likely come off as weird.
However, in time this will improve.
Flirting is not some mystical energy that some guys have, and
some guys don't. It's just reading a girls interest levels in you
correctly and testing out sexual or dating innuendos. Knowing
this, we can now play around with different ways of flirting and
once again begin experimenting on the best way that works
for us. I will offer you a word of caution, however. Many guys
mistake flirty with playful, this is true, but there's another
mistake as well. That mistake is thinking flirtation is the same
thing as sexual or that all flirtation is the same.
Crude or highly sexually suggestive remarks to a girl are

almost always unwanted; especially when still around her
friends. Flirting is not commenting on how good her ass looks.
We have to gradually test and move slowly through each step
of the ladder to know where a girl's comfort levels are. When
you first start flirting, make it very subtle, it should be harmless.
In time, if she seems receptive to it, you can increase the level
of flirtation and remarks. The more rapport and attraction you
have, the more you can get away with. It just takes patience,
so the slower you go, the quicker you'll get there.
Don't be frustrated either if this doesn't come naturally to you

at first. It definitely didn't for me. Just like creating P.E.S., you
want to be in the right headspace when trying to be flirty as
well. Often, I think this is what other experts mean when they
talk about flirtatious energy. Your thinking and vibe become
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different. It's no longer just self-amusement and being fun. For

the first time, you're interacting with her in a way that shows
you're starting to see her as more than just a friend. This
change is subtle from the playful vibe, but it's most definitely
there. While there are a ton of ways to create flirtation, my
personal favorite is finding ways to indicate the girl is hitting on
me in some way.
The reason for this is because it allows me to keep the

perception of a guy who's not needy or desperate for her, and
it's also something only someone confident would do. The
challenges and battle of wits begin here, but the entire time the
undertone remains the same, flirty. I don't want to show my
interest yet overtly, and there's still some possibility I may lose
interest. That nature of not knowing for sure but feeling sparks
begin, is what flirting is all about.
PRACTICE: I'm not sure who said this quote, but I love it
because it rings so true for me. "I'm just a natural flirt, but I
don't see it sexually. I'm just an overexcited puppy." That's the
essence of how you should practice your flirting. Not in some
creepy sexual way, but more of a natural joy and excitement
for creating that flirtatious vibe. Don't do it with everyone,
though. Only practice flirting with the girl that you like. There's
another quote that rings true as well. "No female will take you
seriously if you flirt with every girl." Now, in your case, we're
going to ignore that. You can't become experienced without
practice, right? What this means though is don't actively do it
too much around others. Flirting should be a semi-private
thing, not broadcasted out for everyone to hear but if they do
catch it, it's not the end of the world. We like to always be
discreet whenever possible.
EXPERIMENT: Start with subtlety. I cannot stress this enough.

As you practice and explore different styles and flirtatious lines,
you will mess up and turn a girl off. It's to be expected. The
best practice though is to start small and gradually find ways
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to make the interaction more flirty. No need to come out with

the big guns right away. Once you have some experience
under your belt, then you can push the boundaries of what's
allowed. The only way to know where the invisible line of
what's OK and what's standoffish is to cross it. By starting
slow and doing it right, you'll be able to get a feel and a sort of
spidey sense to let you know if you're getting too carried away.
MENTOR: We've already talked about the knowledge and vibe

a mentor can bring. With flirtation, it comes down to getting
the sense of when you can do it and how much you can do. I
have my students practice with one of my female assistants.
We role play mock situations, and I have them push the
interaction to one that's flirty. Having a mentor catch your
mistakes, then explain exactly why the flirtation was too much
or offer a better thing to say, makes light bulbs go off left and
right in your head. If you're lucky enough to be out with your
mentor, hopefully, you can see him in action as well and get
clear cut examples of flirtation. I show off my examples, for
instance, to my students with text exchanges. The good and
yes, even the bad. It's all important.
Once again, create a new list, but this time, for all flirtatious
lines that you hear. Just like P.E.S.; if it worked before it can
work again.
Take some time and write out 10 flirty statements that you
make up. Remember, they should either have a dating or
sexual undertone.
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CHAPTER Ten _______________________________

Freeing
It was hopeless. I was in Vegas partying. I was sitting at a table

at one of the best nightclubs in the city, and all I could do was
wrack my brain for a solution. A group of girls was at the table
I got myself into, done by befriending the guy, and while one of
the girls was flirting with me like crazy, there was just no
excuse I could think of to free her from her friends.
At this point, I had been coaching for years and was still in
what I call now my "dark manwhore days." I knew what I was
doing but try as I might, I was just stuck. There were plenty of
free drinks at the table, everyone was already dancing in place,
and even though the friends liked me, why would they want
me taking her anywhere other than this prime spot? My girl
was dancing with me and flirting, but I knew nothing more
could happen, not around her friends, at least.
"You're really sexy," she said as she bit on my earlobe—not

helping was all I could think of. I decided to go for it.
"Hey, why don't we get out of here?" I attempted with hope.
She looked at her friends worryingly, "I want to...but I can't." I

understood, I really did. Even if a girl is attracted to you and
wants to be alone, they feel an obligation to stay with their
friends. Whether it's for safety, to show support, not to be
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seen as a slut or just good old fashioned "chick-code," it didn't

matter, the result was the same. She just kept looking at me
apologetically. I realized she wanted me to free her from this
situation somehow. That's when it finally hit me.
I went over to her friends and said, "Hey, I heard there's a

cotton candy machine downstairs. I think your friend's cool,
and we want to get some because it sounds fun. Is that cool?
I'll try and bring you back some."
The friend glanced between her friend smiling hopefully, "I

mean...if it's OK with her and me then I guess. You better
bring her right back here though," she warned.
"Scouts honor," I lied.
There was no cotton candy machine, but it didn't matter. All

that mattered was an excuse. If they asked about it later, then
I'd say I got lied to. The important thing though was my girl
was finally free. Free to spend alone time with me and see how
things developed.
Freeing a girl is such a simple concept. It just means releasing

her of her obligations to be around her friends and get to
spend desired alone time with you. As guys, we take it for
granted that we can go anywhere alone. Park in the dark and
creepy parking garage, why not? Walk alone home after a
night out partying? Sounds good to me. Meet a cool dude and
walk away from our friends to meet his friends? Don't see a
problem with that.
What we need to realize though is that's not a girl's reality in

the slightest. There are actual dangers and potential harm in
going off alone in these circumstances. Now, maybe the girl
you like trusts you and knows you're safe, maybe her friends
even like you and think you're a cool guy, but that doesn't
mean the instinctual need to stay in a herd isn't there. You
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might hate it, but hopefully, you can at least empathize and
understand why it is.
The best way to free a girl from her friends is by using P.E.S.
Good old P.E.S. makes everything better. Remember the
primary reason for it was to get different forms of investment
anyways. You also need a justification. The right justification,
as seen in the story above, can make all the difference. When
it comes to persuasion, it's one of the most effective
techniques there are. Why is it so powerful? Because.
Research conducted in 1978 by Ellen Langer, a professor of

psychology at Harvard, looked at the power of the word
"because."
Langer had people request to break in on a line of people

waiting to use a busy copy machine on a college campus. This
was the '70s, so copying machines were in high demand. The
researchers had the people use three different, carefully
worded requests to break in line:
"Excuse me; I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?"
"Excuse me; I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine,
because I have to make copies?"
because I'm in a rush?"
The idea was to see what kind of influence the word

"because" would have and just how powerful a justification is.
Here are the results:
"Excuse me; I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?"
[60% compliance]
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because I have to make copies?" [93% compliance]
because I'm in a rush?" [94% compliance]
Using the word "because" and giving a reason created a

drastic change in results. What's more shocking about this
that it's true even when the reason is ridiculous. "Because I
have to make copies," no shit Sherlock, everyone online needs
to make copies! Langer made an important realization that
people go on "automatic" behavior or "mindlessness" as a
form of short-cut in life. Hearing the word "because" followed
by a reason (no matter how lame the reason is), causes us to
go along with it.
In my years studying psychology as an undergrad and in

graduate school for my doctorate, I came across multiple
interesting pieces of research just like this about all types of
human behavior. If you noticed in my story above, though, not
only did I have P.E.S. and a justification, but I also used social
pressure too. I didn't try and be needy or beg my girl to
change her mind; I simply handled the real objection, which
was her worrying what her friend would say.
By going up to her friend, I could use social pressure to make

freeing my girl, OK. Notice, I said, "We want to go get some."
What's a friend supposed to say to that? "No, I will not allow
my friend to do what she wants." That's absurd. Once you
had all three things locked in, you should be good to go.
If for any reason you try this but the girl you like is still hesitant,
there's one line I like to use to this day that was taught to me
by my mentor. It doesn't work all the time, but the sheer magic
of seeing a "no" become a "yes" instantly still amazes me to
this day. That line is, "Come on, really? You're not going to
make me go there by myself like some loser are you?" At the
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end of the day, if you're trying to get alone time with a girl and
she's refusing, then it's not "freeing" her anymore. Now you're
just needy and pushy—two obviously very unattractive traits.
PRACTICE: This one's simple, you need to practice the

structure of P.E.S. then justification and then social pressure
again and again. Like any other significant "moves," it comes
down to being willing to pull the trigger. The only thing to look
out for is trying this too soon. When someone can accomplish
all the other rungs of the ladder, it's common to get "trigger
happy" or impatient to work on a problem area. This means
they'll rush the interaction so that they can practice freeing.
Don't make that mistake. You either do it right, or you do it
wrong, so don't get lazy or impatient.
EXPERIMENT: There's only so many justifications you can use

but try out as many as you can. You can also experiment with
the right timing for when you feel the girl desires to be free and
alone with you. The main thing I've found though is playing
around with and experimenting on the vibe you give off when
trying to free the girl. You should be dominant and take her
hand, leading her but not aggressive or forceful at all. You
should be friendly and warm, asking the friend's permission
but not uncertain or timid. It really is a bunch of different
factors coming together. Once you experience it for yourself
and can see it works by conscious effort, it'll usually click into
place. No need to reinvent the wheel, so unlike some of
the other things you'll be experimenting with from this book, all
you need is two or three ways really to free a girl.
MENTOR: As I said before, I would have never known how to

handle the objection to freeing a girl if it wasn't for my mentor.
It's one thing to watch a YouTube video or even reading this
book, but it's another thing altogether when you can have
someone break things down in real time. For example, only by
watching my mentor free a girl did I realize something
interesting. First, he would talk to her one on one within the
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group. Then he would free her to a location where the friends

could still see them often. This was to prove she was fine and
safe. After that, when the friends lost interest, he'd take her
someplace in privacy. When I asked him about it, he just
chuckled and said, "Yeah, I guess I do that." Sometimes the
best thing about a mentor is not what they're saying to you but
what you observe and figure out about them for yourself.
Make a list of all the justifications you can think of to free a girl.
Then think of where you usually go to meet them. What
interesting spots does it also have for you to use as a
justification? For example, some bars have photo booths or
even mechanical bulls.
Go out and focus on creating lots of P.E.S. in a group and

moving the entire group from one point to another. Shockingly
enough, it's easier to move the group than just the girl you like.
This comes back to the safety mentality again.
If you can fully accomplish all the other rungs of the ladder and
the previous point then solely focus on freeing the girl from her
friends. It's OK if it takes a few attempts, just don't do it back
to back.
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CHAPTER Eleven
__________________________
Connecting
Once again I was in Vegas, but this time I had been out with a
coach in training, my friend and roommate at the time, Jeremy.
I had been showing him the ropes for a few months now, and
he was a quick learner. The problem was Jeremy was all about
P.E.S. and fun times. Even I was impressed by how quickly he
could get a girl laughing and attracted and winning her friend's
approval. The problem was it always remained there. Surface
level fun and flirting but nothing of depth. I was trying to show
him the importance of a genuine connection, and to his credit,
he listened without complaint, but he never truly seemed to
desire or see the full significance.
This night was different, though. Tonight, we had found two

girls out, and they loved our vibe. We'd flirt, joke, and even
built up sexual tension with our girls (more on this later). While
Jeremy freed his girl from us to have fun on the dance floor, I
decided to sit down with mine and connect with her. The
change in mood was pleasant. Yes, there was still some of
that flirtation under the surface, but now it became more real.
No longer was this just some "game" we were playing. Which,
let's be honest, it always is at first. Now I was finally getting to
know her dreams, ambitions, fears, and struggles growing up.
Likewise, I shared my own stories and gave her insight into my
life. We sat there holding hands enjoying that beautiful moment
of opening ourselves up to each other.
"What's up bitches?!" Jeremy had come back and jumped in

my lap playfully. "Santa," he continued rubbing my belly, "can I
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get a pony?" We'd often tease each other, and for those who
don't know, I usually have a beer gut. I'm told though by
women; they find it "comfy."
We all laughed and ended up taking the girls back to our

apartment. There, we poured more drinks and held our own
little after party. Once things began to heat up, our girls pulled
back. "You don't even know me. We just met," mine said,
suddenly feeling ashamed of how far things had gotten in one
night.
"What are you talking about?" I replied. "I know you have three
brothers. That you often felt like a loner at school growing up,
even around your friends. I know that you’re a good person
and leave food outside every night for the stray dogs around. I
know you want to go and visit Germany because your heritage
and past are important to you. I also know you live your life
with no regrets because like you said before, everything that’s
happened to you happened for a reason and made you the
amazing person you are today.”
For a moment, she just stood there shocked, forgetting how

much she had shared with me and at the fact that I
remembered it all. Then she bit her lip smiling and fell back into
my arms.
"What about you?" her friend asked Jeremy.

"I know you're fun and really cool." She narrowed her eyes,
and Jeremy looked over to me for help. All I could do was
shake my head. He was on his own. "You also smell nice," he
decided to add.
They left our apartment right then with my girl being pulled
away by her friend. I wasn't even mad, though. I was happy
with this rejection; it was great. That's because he finally saw
with his own eyes why connecting is important.
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For men, sex is often seen as just something fun and desirable
to do. Yes, it can be intimate, but often we look at it in terms of
an accomplishment and the highest form of validation for
being a man. This isn't true for women. Women often see sex
as something unique that they are offering. It's unfair and
disgustingly reinforced by society, but a woman's vagina is
often seen as her most valuable asset and the best thing she
can offer. Working with my female clients, I often have to
remind them that they're more than what's just between their
legs. That if they want to find love, they have to let their best
attributes shine and not only make a guy chase after them for
sex.
My male clients, on the other hand, need to learn that

attraction is an investment and nothing is a more powerful
investment than a girl opening up and sharing her real and
flawed self with you. She may be used to bar banter, but it's
not every guy she opens up to in this way. If we were making a
campfire, then starter conversation would be the logs, P.E.S.
and Flirtation would be the spark, and Connecting would be
the gasoline. It's that important.
Just like flirting, you want to start small when trying to make a
connection with a girl. Don't go right into the deep and
powerful questions. Instead, feel her out by asking what's
something spontaneous she's done or why she got into her
chosen profession. From there, we can go back and forth and
gradually explore more profound and more personal questions.
If the mood feels too tense or too serious, don't be scared to
throw in something playful now and then. It's OK to break the
tension and keep things in a good mood.
When getting the girl to share intimate stories and details

about her life, it's crucial for you to open up as well. This not
only helps you feel a connection with her too, but due to the
principle of reciprocation, it makes her more likely to continue
sharing her life with you. This is no longer the time to be
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cocky, flirty, or display how cool and fun you are. This is the
time to think about what's your most vulnerable story.
Something that you don't often share with people whether it's
due to shame or fear of being judged. Note though, that if it’s
something relating to women, it may not be the best idea.
Telling her your vulnerability of being a virgin may connect you
more and have her sympathetic, but rarely does a girl want
that kind of pressure or responsibility and the sexual attraction
could instantly die.
I could go into crazy flow charts that break down point by

point how to move a connection along and trust me, I have at
some of my workshops for the more analytical guys out there,
but the concept is simple enough. It's all about asking her
questions to open her up and then rewarding her with interest
when she does. This is the way to show her that we see her
real personality and traits that matter, and we like her for her.
Not just for her body.
You may be tempted to try and bullshit your way through this
and just reward anything you hear with praise. I'm telling you
now the majority of women will see through it and then you've
ruined any chance of having a real connection. Even if you
were able to bullshit your interest well, it's wronging not only
her but you as well. Every girl you come across will have
something about her that's of value; it's all about empathy and
understanding her world view and perception. As the man, it's
our job to lead, and I won't move to the next rung of the ladder
until I find enough traits about her that genuinely interest me.
There it is in a nutshell. Genuine interest from a man as

opposed to the desperate attention she receives daily. This key
thing is one of the most valuable things you can offer a girl.
Not the mind games, the jokes, or your "man to woman"
energy, which, let's be real, is just horniness. Instead, offer her
a connection that will leave her thinking about you for days.
Find what you genuinely like about her, so you enjoy her more
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as well, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a girl for more

than her beauty. Even if sex is the only thing on your mind
tonight, realize that sex is 10 times better when there's a
connection as well. If you think that's "woo woo" or "gay,"
then I feel sorry that you've never gotten to experience it and
see the truth for yourself.
PRACTICE: There are two things to practice here. The first is

the technical aspects of getting a girl to open up. After all, she
won't do it with just anyone. Make sure you're asking the right
questions and knowing when to turn the vibe from flirty to
connecting. Practice your demeanor and how you respond to
her as well. It's important to find different ways of genuinely
showing interest in her based on her answers. In my program,
I teach five different ways just for showing interest alone. It's
up to you to not sound like a robot or insincere. More than
anything, practice listening to her. None of this counts if you
forget what was shared.
The second thing to practice is opening up yourself. I've drilled

sharing vulnerability stories with students in the past, and I've
had some not only cry themselves but had the entire class
shedding tears. This stuff is no joke and should be treated with
respect. Practice loving yourself enough to accept your
vulnerability, whatever it is, and share it with the girl you're
talking to. It may be something you find, but it may also be the
hardest part of this entire journey depending on where you are
in life.
EXPERIMENT: Nothing is more vital than experimenting here. I

won't lie to you; the concept of making a connection is simple,
but the technical aspects are ridiculously complicated as they
should be, since not everyone was meant to connect with
everyone else. You'll need to play with the type of questions,
responses, when to break the tension, when you've connected
enough, what to do if she doesn't want to answer, how to
handle things if you can't get off the topic, I mean the list is
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never-ending. The best thing you can do is keep it simple and

keep practicing one aspect at a time.
MENTOR: Like P.E.S., this is one of the hardest things to learn

by yourself and may even be impossible without a mentor. It's
something that needs to be broken down again and again. As
men, we're often not the best at expressing our emotions or
having in-depth talks. It's a very foreign skill that needs to be
learned and cultivated. With the right mentor, you can learn
how to open hearts, fall in love, and make surprising
connections for both you and the girl. I warn you now, though,
with the wrong mentor, life can become an empty pit. I've had
top coaches crying in my arms. Literally, I was holding them,
as they admitted they were suicidal because all they had done
up to that point was prove how many girls they could take to
bed and their life had no meaning without that validation. The
next day, they would then teach a workshop to men on how to
be amazing with women and have powerful belief systems.
Find your vulnerability story. Be real and raw with yourself.

While it can be something painful or embarrassing, it's
important to remember again not to let it be about your pain
towards women. We want her feeling connected with you, not
feeling sexual pity.
Practice your story since this won't be easy to discuss right

there on the spot. For me, it's the story about how I was
adopted and abandoned as a baby. Why my own mother
didn't want me and decided to give me away. I had to just say
the words out loud to myself before I could get them out to
another person.
For every girl you meet, try to look for the qualities and traits
you truly desire about her. See how many you can find.
Try and empathize and see the world through the eyes of girls.
The best trick for this is to actually have at least five female
friends you can talk to and hang out with whenever you want.
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Short of that, visualize life as a girl and imagine what it must be

like to the best of your ability.
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CHAPTER Twelve _________________________

Plan The Date
It was early on in my journey to discovering how to be social

and better with women. I was still a young college kid, and the
whole concept of walking up to a girl I didn't know was
amazing by itself. Dressed in a ridiculous rocker style outfit,
black eyeliner, and black nail polish on, I felt ready to take over
the world. It had been almost an entire year of learning these
skills, and I was eager for yet another night of practicing.
Sadly, at this point, I didn't have a mentor to tell me how
foolish I looked or how wrong my approach to this truly was.
I walked into the college bar I knew and loved and began
getting to work. Over and over, I'd use the same starters, lines,
stories, and intentional conversation scripts I had practiced
again and again over a hundred times. For hours, I could fake
an entire conversation using these techniques. I barely paid
attention as I spoke it was such a well-rehearsed play. Sure
enough, I got a laugh on command and a mouth to drop with
my timed tease. After a while, I ended this perfected social
play by confidently asking for the girl's number, which I got 19
times in that one night alone. I was on fire, and nothing could
stop me.
Proudly, I walked home with all the numbers written on torn

napkins in my pocket; yes, I'm that old, and that's how we did
it back then. After waiting two days, which of course is the
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golden rule of when to text or call a girl, I began reaching out

to my prospects. The first one didn't respond but no biggie, I
still had 18 more to go through, her loss. Then the next five
didn't respond, nor the five after that.
"What's happening?" I thought, panic starting to creep in. "I

thought I did everything right. They all gave me their number,
so why can't I get a single date?" Keep in mind, I didn’t know
then what I know now. If I could go back and mentor myself,
I’d have told him to forget about the numbers. I’d also explain
that all he was doing was entertaining girls, not building any
real attraction. Those numbers were given out as a reward for
a good show. Women know that men feel validated by getting
a number. There was never any intention of following up with
me, though.
Sadly, I sat there thinking what I could have possibly done

better. Maybe a cooler story or funnier joke. The thing was I
didn't understand the real structure of how things work and
valued a piece of paper more than the real reason for getting a
girls number. To plan the date.
Lots of men have been in similar situations like the one I just
described. They'd get a girls number, feel good about it, and
then, sure enough, have it lead nowhere. It's because girls
give out their number for more reasons than just a reward.
They give it out of pity; they give it to make the guy leave; they
give their number out of sheer politeness; they give their
number because they're drunk but forget the guy the next
day—I think we get the point here. A number doesn't mean
anything. Stop looking at it like it's a trophy and start focusing
on the stuff that matters.
When I had problems getting girls to meet up with me for a

date, my mentor gave me some great advice. He had seen my
approach and what I was doing wrong. So when I asked him
what to text a girl, he told me it's not about that. Instead, I was
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not allowed to get a girls number before kissing her. "That's

ridiculous!" I cried out in my mind. Getting a number is easy,
but kissing a girl is so much more limiting. I'd barely get any
numbers with that rule. Of course, I listened to him still and did
as I was instructed.
I began focusing more on the interaction itself and building

things up to the point where I could kiss the girl. Surprisingly,
without caring about numbers, I began doing this much more
frequently than before. Sure enough, almost every girl I kissed
replied to me and was open to a date. Now I realize the real
lesson there. It wasn't the kiss that was important. It was the
fact that I made sure to build up real attraction and build an
authentic connection first before going for a number.
Obviously, after that, the girls I met would be more willing to
meet up again.
Now that we understand numbers are meaningless, we can

replace it instead with planning a date. To plan a date we
should start with what the date actually will be. If you're
thinking dinner and a movie then thank god you found this
book. Never do the cliche boring stuff, stand out, and be
better than ordinary. My favorite date spot involves a
barricade. That's just a bar but with tons of arcade games
around to play with. The reason is this keeps the interaction
fun and playful plus you don't have to have the entire night
focused on the conversation. This is especially useful for
newer guys just starting out. The truth is that any activity type
date is fine.
We want to make sure it's something the girl wants to do too,

though. Primers solve this problem well. A primer is just a
hidden suggestion or something that hints at a sure thing. For
instance, I could talk about how fun it was at Dave and
Buster's with my nephew, and I forgot it could be fun as an
adult as well. If she seems excited about it and agrees, then I
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successfully primed Dave and Busters as a date spot to be

brought up again later in the conversation.
Now that it's primed, it's time to ask the girl out on a date. Her
saying yes seems like a pretty significant investment so of
course, once again, we rely on P.E.S. for the yes. As I write
that I realize it just sounds catchy; "P.E.S. for the yes." Write
that down or say it out loud a few times to make sure the
message sinks in. Don't just outright ask her when the time
comes. We want to go through what's called a yes ladder to
get a commitment. Both are solid techniques to ensure a date
happens.
Guy: You said earlier you haven't been to Dave and Buster's
for years, right?
Girl: Yes
Guy: That's a shame. I'd go back for sure. You know what, we
should go some time.
Girl: Yeah, OK, I'd like that.
Guy: Awesome, it'll be so much fun. Hope you're decent at air
hockey. I like a challenge.
Girl: Haha, yes, I'll kick your ass.
Guy: Alright then, when are you free in the week?
Girl: Oh, I suppose Friday works.
Guy: Perfect. How about I pick you up around 7?
Girl: Yeah, that's fine.
Let's break down what just happened here. First of all,

hopefully, you can see the yes ladder at work. By having her
say yes to multiple things in a row, I'm leading her to say yes
to bigger things. Things that require more investment. The
date plan starts off vague with "We should go some time."
Who wouldn't go SOME time? It's a very easy thing to commit
to. Once I get another yes in, I can ask the key question:
"When in the week are you free?"
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This is so key because it avoids all the awkwardness of trying

to guess her day. Are you free Friday? No. Saturday? No.
Sunday? No. Instead of just guessing, ask her to tell you when
is good. Saves you looking foolish and gets her investing
more. Finally, it ends with very specific plans. I know what
we're doing, what day we're doing it, and also what time we're
meeting. Notice I didn't even ask for her number. That part
can come as an afterthought. "Oh, let me get your number so
we can stay in touch." The real goal of planning a date is
made.
Some guys feel this is too needy or puts pressure on the

situation. Think about it, though. When is she most likely to
agree to go on a date with you. When you're there right in front
of her, and she's, hopefully, feeling attracted the most, or
when she's had time to forget about you, and you're just
another guy texting her, she can ignore. Trust me when I say,
strike when the oven is hot.
PRACTICE: It's almost ingrained in guys to ask for girls

numbers. Instead, practice what I talked about and run mock
conversations in your head on how to ask the girl on a date
properly. You can do this alone a few times until it feels natural.
When you're out, use the method again and again. Keep in
mind it may take different primers as she may genuinely not
find interest in the date idea. That's OK though, just prime a
different idea until you see her excited. Make this your
standard way of always asking for a date and getting a
number. No excuses.
EXPERIMENT: Don't. Shocking, I know, but you already have

the correct tools. If you want to play around with other styles
to see what works best for you then sure, try something else.
Almost 15 years of experience has proven though that nothing
ensures a date better than the way I described.
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MENTOR: Of course, we know there's a big gap in planning a

date and going on a date. The right mentor can help you with
your texting or any other problems that might come up. It's
sad, but so much of our interactions now are based on when
we're not around each other. To ensure the date truly goes
through, use your mentor to help you with the texting and
potential phone calls. To this day, if I'm around certain friends,
I'll bounce ideas on what I could potentially text back to a girl.
Plan a date. I mean that literally. Go ahead and write out how
the perfect date would go and figure out all the logistics ahead
of time.
Create a list of different date ideas that you can use as primers
throughout the conversation for one week while going out,
don't ask for numbers. Only plan the date. If you do it really
well, you'll see her offer the number without even asking. Keep
in mind this isn't needed. Usually, you can still ask, but it
reinforces the idea that the date, not the number, is important.
When you do get the number, always text her right there and
then with your name, call back humor, and instructions to save
it. This prevents her later on texting, "Who's this?" It'll look
something like this:
"Hey, it's Jared. You're cute, so I'll let it slide that you can't
drink whiskey. Make sure to save this number."
Try and take in as many examples of the flirty vibe as you can.
This can be unimaginable for certain guys who've never been
in that situation before. You can do this by watching scenes in
movies and shows with flirting or by going to a club and
watching a guy and girl flirt in person. Yes, I know that sounds
creepy as hell, and to be fair it is, but unless you have a
mentor showing you, then you may never fully realize what it
looks like.
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CHAPTER Thirteen _____________________

Sexual Tension
My student was crushing it. He was a 27-year-old Indian virgin

and came to me seven months ago for help. I'd have never
seen a more dedicated student who invested in himself so
thoroughly. Not only was he paying to have me do weekly calls
for him, but he even paid to have personal training with me for
one weekend every month. Slowly, I had been teaching him
everything I know from scratch, and every month, we had
seen improvement. This night in particular, was especially
promising. He had already freed the girl away from her friends,
and she was definitely attracted.
As I watched him move through the attraction ladder, it was

obvious that at this point there was clear attraction. Yet,
something seemed wrong. There was tons of laughing, she
was clearly into him, yet it wasn't going anywhere other than
randomly checking out different areas of the nightclub. Quickly
I realized that while yes he had been progressing things
physically, such as hugs, high fives, hand holding, and putting
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his arm around her, there wasn't any sexual tension. I knew
why too. Being playful and connecting with a girl is one thing.
Building sexual tension and escalating in more than a playful
way, that can be petrifying to a virgin or someone who feels
inexperienced.
I texted him that he needed to progress physically. After seeing

my message, his eyes widened, but then he put his phone
away and continued with the fun banter. This motherfucker
was going to ignore me just because the fear was that bad.
Well, as my students know, that kind of behavior doesn't fly. I
walked by and kicked him gently in the shin muttering,
"Progress."
"Who was that guy?" his girl asked, clearly confused.
"No idea," he said. "There's a bunch of weird people out. Who

knows." I'll admit that was a decent save on his part.
Finally, he started physically progressing, which the girl liked at

first, and then he fell into the same trap every guy falls into. He
pushed for more, and more, and then, even more, running his
hand up her leg. Eventually, the girl shyly pulled back. My
student resorted to all he knew at the time by cracking more
jokes and investing less. After a minute passed, the same
thing happened once again. He pushed for physical
progression, and once again, she pulled back. The key
ingredient he was missing was sexual tension.
Don't get me wrong; I was proud that he finally got over his
fears and made a move. It didn't work out for him sure, but as
we all know if we don't experiment, then we can't learn. The
problem of building sexual tension properly though is one that
so many guys experience it's almost comical. It's the one area
of dating where usually the girl has to lead it and make it
happen. This is because most men just become a kid in a
puppy store when they see a girl being receptive to them.
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Even guys usually give other guys the advice that they need to
man up and make things more physical. In some circles, this
has been called cavemanning, beast mode, owning intent, or
just merely escalation. What makes things confusing is this
isn't wrong advice, it's just not clearly understood. My mentor
explained it to me best when I posed him this dilemma. He
said, "You know when the best time be direct with a girl and
show her sexual interest is? It's when she wants you to." It's
literally that simple.
Here's the catch though. When a girl wants you to physically

progress then obviously you should, the problem is the act of
continuously progressing will begin to push her comfort zone
and eventually make her uncomfortable. At this point, she no
longer wants you to and will break away. While there are other
reasons a girl may break away, such as she likes to tease and
not seem easy, her being uncomfortable is by far the most
common.
Unfortunately, this system of the guy being the green light with
physical progression constantly and the girl eventually being
the red light has become almost the norm. What if the guy
was both the green AND the red light though. Now we're
starting to use sexual tension. I'm getting ahead of myself
though. First, we should look at simple ways of creating sexual
tension, to begin with, that will turn things into that "green
light."
For starters, by closing the distance between you and the girl
sexual tension will build. We're all aware of each other's
personal space, which is usually an arm’s length apart. While
this is comfortable and respectful, it doesn't do anything for
tension. If you were to close that gap and get close to her face
too soon, the tension becomes awkward and uncomfortable.
Once the attraction is established, everything changes and
that once awkward tension becomes palpable sexual tension.
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Another way is changing up how you're touching her. Earlier if

done right touches may have been a casual and quick touch
of her arm, a playful side huge, or putting your hand on the
nape of her back when flirting. To build sexual tension, we
change this up. Now our touch is "lingering." When I say linger,
I mean moved slowly, whether down her back, up her arm, it
doesn't matter, but it's touching her longer than necessary.
Keep in mind this doesn't mean static touch. Static touch is
simply placing your hand on her and leaving it there. That's
just plain creepy or, at best, weird.
Lowering your voice and talking in a slow, measured way,

hinting at the bedroom type of tonality, also amps up the
sexual tension. We see it all the time in dramas where the guy
and girl whisper seductively into each other's ears. What
matters here is the change in vibe yet again. Between the
voice, space, and touching, you're shifting the vibe between
you and the girl to one that's more sexually charged now. If
you've been cleverly following along, you'll notice there have
been five vibes throughout the attraction ladder.
Comfort: Done with friendly starters and conversation

Playful: Explained during our chapter on P.E.S
Flirty: Explained in our section on, well, flirty
Connection: Explained in the connection chapter
Sexual: Being discussed right now
These are the five vibes you'll always be changing and shifting
towards. If one vibe becomes too much and the girl isn't into
it, you can also always go back to an earlier vibe. It's a
constant back and forth while adjusting to what the girl needs.
Don't get carried away or pushy by always trying to get more.
Remember you're a value giver and here to add to her night,
not take away from her and see what's in it for you.
Since we're talking about giving value and sexual tension, let's
bring it back to what we were talking about earlier when
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discussing the whole "green light red light" concept. One of

the most significant ways to create real sexual tension with a
girl is to tease her sexually and not be like every other guy.
While most guys try and get away with as much as they can
sexually, you, on the other hand, will be the one who pulls
back before her. This alone does many things. Obviously, it
shows a lack of neediness, but it also sexually teases her in a
way. Going in for the kiss only to turn your cheek the last
second, pulling her in by her belt loops but talking casually, or
moving your hand down her body continuously without
stopping to grope her are all examples of things that sexually
tease her and build that sexual tension.
More than anything, sexual tension is defined as the feeling

that something sexual is about to happen. It's not happening
yet, but all the signs are pointing to a build-up of sexual energy
that will eventually need to be released. Once it is released,
whether it's with a kiss or maybe getting a little handsy, it's up
to you again to rebuild the sexual tension that was there
before. Just like with our "loop-de-loop" when it came to
rapport cycling, now it's with sexual tension and sexual
release.
PRACTICE: This is the one rung of the ladder that's tricky to
practice. If you do it too early, you're creepy, and if you do it
too late, then you're a wimp. Obviously, it must be done but
when practicing pay close attention to the girl's comfort level.
Most guys are too sexual with a girl too soon. While if the signs
are clear that she's receptive, then it's OK to build up sexual
tension early on. The problem for new guys is often they won't
see those windows, so better to play it safe for now. Also,
make sure to push your comfort level and allow yourself to feel
that tension.
EXPERIMENT: This can be done with the technicals, of

course. How close you get, how long you touch, when you
break away or make a move, and the type of eye contact or
voice tonality you use. By playing around with all the different
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behaviors, you can start to get a sense for what causes sexual
tension and what is just flat out weird or creepy.
Usually, it's not the technicals that create a problem. It's OK to

allow yourself to be in a sexual headspace for the tension to
build up. To do this correctly, play around with the feeling you
experience when it happens. If you're not used to it, the
tension can feel awkward or downright scary. The real
experiment comes down to playing around with mindsets that
not only make the feeling OK, but downright enjoyable.
MENTOR: I'm sorry, but this isn't something you get to

practice with your mentor, at least not with me. With that said,
often I'll have girls come into my workshops and let the guys
practice "turning on" the sexual tension with them. Practicing
this way can quickly point out where the fear or
uncomfortableness comes in and how to manage it on the
spot. Often, talking to a mentor about these fears can do
wonders. I've had a conversation with my students about their
problems getting erect, the deep shame they feel, how they
don't feel worthy, or in some cases disgust they have for sex.
Nothing is off limits. End of the day, a good mentor is more
than just a teacher; he's a confidant as well.
Go to a strip club and don't pay for any dances or sexual

services. Instead, the focus is on making strong eye contact
with them and having a flirty conversation while keeping your
faces close. This is an easy way to begin getting used to
owning your sexuality. No more feeling ashamed.
Visualize yourself in a sexually tense situation and summon the

feeling that's likely to occur. When picturing it, try and imagine
yourself being calm and collected the entire time. Often, our
minds can't tell the difference between a real memory and
visualization, so this is a great place to start.
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Write out all the different ways you can think of that would
either build sexual tension or be sexually teasing.
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CHAPTER Fourteen ____________________

The Kiss
We had been flirting back and forth for hours on tinder. She
was witty and sexy and seemed down to meet up tonight. We
had already built up tons of sexual tension from texting alone
and thought it'd be hot to make out before we said a single
word to each other. I can't lie; it was a cool idea and different
than something you can do from just approaching a random
girl. It was silly, but I had some butterflies thinking about it.
As I waited in the bar for her to show, I just smiled to myself

thinking of the fun adventure we'd have tonight. I already knew
the area pretty well and had some great ideas planned out.
Being spontaneous wasn't out of the question either. Shaking
my head suddenly, as if a fly appeared, I caught myself before
mentally investing more. I hadn't even met this girl in person
yet, and already I was daydreaming about her. "Rookie
mistake." I scolded myself and instead watched the basketball
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game displayed on one of the large screens throughout the

bar.
That's when I saw her at the front of the line waiting to walk in.
"OK," I told myself. "Just play it cool and expect nothing."
Glancing over again, I looked at her and our eyes locked for
the first time. Playfully, I put a finger up against my mouth
indicating the quiet sign. We did, after all, agree to kiss before
any words were spoken. She smiled brightly and turned to the
bouncer showing him her I.D.
As I sat there, she took her time walking towards me, an exotic
Persian beauty with hair just past her shoulders. Her outfit was
a little much, choosing a tight glittery dress and high heels for
a sports bar seemed out of place, but hey, what did I care.
She finally reached where I was seated, and sure enough, she
grabbed onto my shirt and pulled herself in for one major
make-out session.
Immediately I regretted everything. She was slobbering all over

me and trying to stick her tongue down my throat. Her mouth
wrapped around mine as if she was trying to swallow my face.
What's worse is she was standing, and I was seated so I
couldn't even pull back with her full weight on me. She must
have had garlic or onions earlier too because the taste of her
was also repugnant. Finally having enough I just shut my
mouth entirely. She responded simply by slowly licking up my
lips. "How are you going to get out of this when it just
started?" I sadly asked myself.
A good kisser is essential for establishing attraction. I was

practically giddy about meeting her in person, and to be fair;
she had a great personality, the hot body didn't hurt either.
Once I experienced that kiss, though, the entire feeling
vanished instantly and I wanted to run for the hills. Make no
mistake, this is just as important, if not more so, for girls too.
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To a girl, that first kiss can fully determine if she likes a guy or
not.
I don't want you to freak out or get in your head about it

though. The trick is to just slowly enjoy it and mirror the girl's
rhythm—sort of like dancing. Anything involving lots of tongue
or weird movements is just middle school shit. Although I
won't lie, biting the lower lip can be fun if used sparingly. It just
always comes down to feeling what the girl is responding to
and then responding in kind. If done right, she should be
leaning in for more, and you'll feel her "swooning" or going
limp as she presses up against you.
Funny enough, this is the perfect time to break the kiss. You
should already know why if you read the last chapter. Breaking
the kiss yourself at the high point is a sure way to leave her
wanting more. Women aren't used to guys putting up
boundaries and stopping them. If there's one thing I've learned
about women too, it's this: Women like sexual acts but they
love a challenge. That playful, challenging element is a crucial
ingredient for modern flirting.
How do we get the kiss though? Is there some secret line or

exact time to swoop in? Hopefully, by now you've realized it's
not about that, it's about adjusting to the girl. Yes, there are
techniques I've taught to my students to help set up the kiss in
a smooth way. Really though, if the sexual tension is there, you
don't need much. Just pull the trigger. If she gives you her
cheek or pulls back, don't freak out either. It doesn't mean
she's not into you and you've been rejected. It simply means
she's not ready YET.
Either that or your breath stinks. Try and remember to always

carry some gum or mints on you. You can be the sexiest guy
alive, but if your breath stinks, she'll want nothing to do with
you. Hopefully, you have that area handled and can instead
focus on the right timing.
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When's the right timing? Who can say? It's ultimately

whenever you guess that she wants to be kissed. As the man,
you have to "man up" and take the risk in a dominant manner.
Never ask her if it's OK to kiss her, that's a wimp move.
Likewise, don't grab her by the head and force the kiss either,
that's sexual assault. You want to go in for it without fear or
hesitation. Once again, since this is an act of physical
investment, always make sure it's done after some form of
P.E.S.
PRACTICE: For becoming a good kisser, this is easily the most

essential thing. If you're not that experienced, don't worry.
Practice makes perfect, after all. I had one guy who didn't
want to practice because he was worried every girl was more
experienced than he was. I pointed out the obvious that the
only way to become more experienced than the girl was to
get...experience. When kissing, you can try out different ways,
but as I said before, less is more.
EXPERIMENT: Knowing the right time to kiss a girl is always a

challenge. The best experiments you can do it seeing how
much of a high point and how much sexual tension you need
to feel before she's most likely down for it. If every time you go
for the kiss, the girl is down for it, you're probably waiting too
late. On the other hand, if every time you try and kiss a girl,
she usually pulls back, you're obviously rushing things.
Eventually, you'll get a feel for the right time. Usually, it's when
you can keep your face close to hers, and she doesn't seem
uncomfortable. End of the day though, if you're thinking about
it, go for it.
MENTOR: No, this too, I won't do for my students. Sorry

fellas. Instead, a mentor can help figure out the right timing for
a kiss and give you that extra push to make a move. Usually, a
guy new to learning this won't even be thinking about kissing.
Instead, he'll enjoy the feeling of having a girl really into him. If
your mentor is genuinely looking out for you, then he'll give you
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that push you need to snap out of it and make a move. I often
do this by either texting the guy or making a hand gesture
when the time is right. Ultimately, it comes down to you just
going for it though, and not taking a failed attempt as a
rejection.
Funny enough there's plenty of free resources on how to kiss

well on YouTube alone. Use what you have to learn how to kiss
the right way and not act like you're eating someone's face.
Make it a habit that when you're scared and wondering, "Do I
kiss her or not?” that you go for it. Yes, you’ll be wrong at first
most likely, but that’s fine. The idea is to train your brain for
when the right moment is.
Next time you’re out and kissing a girl, keep going as long as
you can until she stops it and notice her demeanor after. Next
time you kiss a new girl, break away right when it's getting
good to see the difference.
Don't use trickery like "close your eyes for a second" and then
try to go in for a kiss. Instead, write down different scenarios
you can imagine for when it'd be the right time to kiss her.
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CHAPTER Fifteen _______________________

Adventure
I was in a nightclub called Niki Marina down by Miami. It was

my first night out with a legendary man known in the seduction
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community. We joked around, and somehow, I even ended up

on stilts that we found somewhere. The entire time was
nothing but shenanigans. He was a legendary asshole both to
his fans and to girls at the time. With a pierced lip and tattoos
covering his arm, it was a style that somehow suited him. I'm
not sure why, but for whatever reason, he took a liking to me
and for six months we became wingmen together.
On this very first night out, both of us met two girls, and it
wasn't long before I freed mine away. We flirted, we
connected, and we even made plans for a date. I didn't want
the night to end, however, and a number from a girl means
more if you don't leave as soon as you get it, so I decided to
have some fun. We drank and danced and all the normal stuff,
but I figured let's do something extra.
Taking her by the hand, I lead her away from the club and onto
the docks. It was peaceful and quite out there plus I just
wanted to explore. Suddenly, the feeling became one of us
being on an adventure. Noticing a door open to a building
across from us, I shrugged and led us inside. We went down a
hallway and opened the door into a busy and bustling kitchen
for some restaurant. One of the chef's looked at us
incredulously, shouting, "What are you two doing here?!"
Laughing, we ran back the way we came searching for

something next. Back on the docks, I saw our next adventure.
A miniature golf course, just one hole, was floating in the water
tied to the dock. Again I lead her onto the square golf course,
first testing to see if it could take my weight, and then untied
the rope enough to get some slack. Just like that, we went
floating away. I don't remember how long we lied there,
floating with nothing around us and just looking up at the
stars, eventually though, we heard our friends yelling to get our
attention. I pulled us back in and rejoined the group.
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The night ended with both of us waking up at the girl's

apartment—they were roommates—and having breakfast
laughing about the night before. It was our first night out
together, but right then we knew that we knew two things. We
both were competent with women and social skills; it wasn't
just all talk. We also knew that while the adventure from last
night was fun, there were many more about to take place now
that we were friends.
When I teach the concept of taking the girl on an adventure to

my student's, they often don't understand or fully appreciate
the concept. It's some confusing, vague thing that doesn't
have a specific set of rules or structure. Obviously, this can be
tough for someone trying to learn. The problem is the very
nature of what an adventure is. It's not meant to be some
planned thing; it's meant to be an adventure. That means
doing things unknown, exploring your surroundings, taking
risks, breaking some rules, or at least being spontaneous.
Taking a girl on a date is an adventure itself. Yes, we know

where we're going but who knows where we'll end up as the
night goes on. It's attractive and fun to be different, flexible,
and yes adventurous; whether it's on a date or you're still in
person with her. Mainly, we want to avoid just repeating the
same things over and over again. I'll always remember that
night I shared with you because of the fun little adventure we
had. There are tons of memories though of just conversing
and dancing with a girl that I'll never remember because
nothing stood out about it. That's the key ingredient you
should add to all your interactions. What adventure can you
take the girl on so that she remembers it for life?
OK, maybe it doesn't have to be that epic. Sometimes I get

carried away. Hopefully, you get the concept now though. The
main thing is always to be leading. Use your environment and
go exploring. It often helps to know your city well and what's
close by and in walking distance. For instance, I may meet a
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girl at my favorite bar in the city, but I know a fun adventure

can be taking her around the block to another bar filled with
giant Jenga and hookahs. It can be as simple as just changing
the environment up. Don't overthink it.
The mood and tone should be fun, and as if the two of you are
already together. You've been flirting and connecting all night,
haven't you? Now you can fully enjoy each other's company
without games and be as wild and carefree as you choose.
You may run into the issue of her friends messaging her
though. If that happens, don't fight her to ignore it. Instead,
once again be a man and lead. Tell her to just text them saying
she's safe, and everything's OK, you understand why her
friends are worried after all. If not, go back and reread the part
about empathy.
The adventure part in the attraction ladder is also perfect if for

any reason the conversation becomes stale or you feel you
don't know what to do. Ran out of things to say? Offer to
move her someplace else. The vibe is getting boring where
you are? Once again, move her to somewhere else. It's the
perfect panic button for when you feel stuck and unsure. An
added benefit is all the moving and leading around and doing
random fun things together continuously has her investing
more and more. This time the investment is actual physical
effort.
When leading a girl on an adventure, I've realized there are two

kinds of leaders. The first kind is powerful and dominant,
which can be attractive in a man of course, but the flaw is he
leads people where he wants to go. The other kind of leader is
empathetic and caring; this type of leader will lead his people
where THEY want to go. Don't get lost in your own fun that
you stop reading her cues and signals. If she's not having fun,
then you're quickly ruining everything that came before. Check
in with her to make sure the adventure you're on is fun and
comfortable for her as well.
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She also may decide to take the lead at this point. Maybe she
knows a great spot or is excited for something specific to do.
Don't fight it; just go along with her for the ride. It doesn't
matter if the ideas come from you or her. What matters is that
the two of you are sharing the experience together and making
memories. These memories will hopefully keep her thinking
about you later on. That's the key to mental investment,
making memories. There's no wrong thing to do as long as
she's into it, and it's legal of course. The more ridiculous or
random, the better. Time to get out of your comfort zone.
There may come a point where she feels a need to go back to

her friends or cut the adventure short. If it happens, it
happens, you still have your date planned, right? Don't try and
push for more or persuade her to stay. This will leave her with
a bad taste in her mouth about how you pressured her. Always
make sure to leave and say your goodbyes on a high note.
Trust that mental investment will kick in while you're away and
that the date will happen.
The adventure rung of the attraction ladder is when I always

feel the most myself: no games or strategy, just pure genuine
enjoyment. I can let myself fully be me and enjoy being with a
girl. Of course, now that we've gone through this journey
together, it feels that we are together. The entire time we've
been enjoying this adventure, something more has happened
though. Now it's time where we openly desire each other, and
the sexual tension starts to build. We've done everything
needed to allow actual sexual chemistry to develop. From here
on out there's no going back. We're into each other, and we
can act on it. To get a girl going, however, learn how to build
sexual tension correctly.
PRACTICE: Don't get comfortable standing around. The best

way to practice the adventure rung of the ladder is to
continuously be moving and going on to the next thing,
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whatever that may be. You won't ever truly know what it is so
practice making spontaneous decisions. Let your gut lead you
and push your comfort zone on what you can or cannot do.
Often we mess up the adventure run of the ladder by playing
things too safe. Over time, get more and more comfortable
doing things that seem ridiculous as long as it's safe and legal
of course.
EXPERIMENT: This whole phase is experimenting really. If

you're doing it right, it's always somehow different than before.
Usually drastically different. The idea isn't to perfect the
"perfect" type of adventure. It's about improving your attitude,
decisions, and behavior to have when on the adventure.
Experiment with your mindset more than anything. What you
think you can get away with or what your limitations may be. I
can often tell how advanced a guy is by how he can lead the
night to an amazing place.
MENTOR: The obvious thing a mentor can do is show you

what a proper adventure looks like while out. You can let him
take the lead and see where the boundaries are to things.
Some of the most fun and memorable moments of my life
involve just hanging out with my mentors, who turned
everything into an adventure. The not so obvious effect they
can have is opening up social connections. The more social
connections you have, the more opportunities you have. A
friend may have an after party, or maybe you know a guy with
a table in the club. In my story, at the beginning of this
chapter, the guy who I became wingman with was introduced
to me through my mentor. In this society, social connections
are everything.
For one week, do something that breaks the standard routine.

It can be a small thing like trying a restaurant you've never
experienced before or a big thing like going skydiving for the
first time.
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Look online for all the fun and interesting things to do around
your city. This can be used for dates "spontaneous" trips with
a girl you just met. Make sure to see every option that's
walking distance from your favorite bar.
Every time you're out and make it to the adventure run of the
ladder make a habit of moving the girl around. Don't get too
comfortable in one place; it's amazing the effect a different
environment can have. This can either be in the venue itself or
a bar across the street.
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CHAPTER Sixteen ________________________

Afterparty
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It was back in the "monkey jungle" days where I wanted to go

out with my roommates, my favorite people in the world. In
case you forgot, "monkey jungle" was the made-up name of
my Florida apartment where I lived with an Abercrombie
model, another dating coach, and a sorority girl. Needless to
say, it was nuts in that apartment, and still, the fondest
memories I have are from back then. Tonight, Billy the model
was asleep; working out, eating, and sleeping was always his
main things. Anny, the sorority girl, was in a mood and refused
to go out, she had lost a bet that her newest friend wouldn't
sleep with either of us because "she's not like that." Obviously,
Anny lost. That just left Andre. "You know I'm down buddy,"
he said already grabbing a beer from underneath our bar.
Monkey jungle had all the weird toys. There were lights set up
to project a galaxy on the ceiling. State of the art sound
system for blasting music. A hotshot arcade basketball
machine against the wall. An entire fountain system with
running water. And our most sacred and prized possession,
"El Bar." It was a monstrous wooden construct big enough for
one man to fit walk inside the only entrance and had storage
for liquor, beer, and wine. We loved that thing because it was
so ridiculous and out of place.
As we went out for the night, Andre and I began approaching

girls we liked using our starters. He's not a lousy wingman but
let's just say Andre isn't exactly someone who'll take one for
the team. I knew if tonight was going to be good, we had to
find a pair of friends who were both cute and fun. Sure
enough, we met the perfect two and ran everything through
the attraction ladder.
They loved us, and you could cut the sexual tension with a
knife. It was time for our move. "Who's down for an after
party?" I asked the group in an excited tone.
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"Where, though? Everything's closing," the first girl asked

curiously“
"Oh, don't worry about that," I replied casually. "Andre and I

own a bar. We can go drink and have an after party there."
"Wait, you own a bar?! What's it called?" the second girl

inquired, clearly amazed at the news.
Andre didn’t miss a beat. “It’s called El Bar. Which literally

translate to…the bar."
The two girls shrugged and decided to come to check it out

with us. Now, keep in mind, this was back in my early days
where I didn't mind a little trickery. In my defense, though, we
DID own a bar, so it wasn't technically lying. Once they got
back and realized it was our place, we could sense them
tensing up. However, after some hot shot basketball and
clowning around, both girls enjoyed the rest of the night with
us.
The idea of the after party is to find a justifiable reason to go

back to your place or hers. Whether it's the same night you
met or it's been after five dates, it's all the same thing. Does it
need to be called an afterparty? Of course not. You want to
have some actual excuse to go back if you hope for anything
intimate to happen. You could say, "Hey, let's go back to my
place and hook up," but even if the girl actually desires that,
you've made her feel like an object from how tactless you
asked—way to go killing that connection that was created
earlier.
Understanding this is crucial for knowing why the afterparty is

a real skill set. It's not about actual trickery. Many times when
we used the "we own a bar" line, girls would come back and
immediately change their minds and leave. That's because we
were rushing things and not following the attraction ladder
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correctly. Just because you can pull something off doesn't

mean it'll work out for you in the long run. The afterparty
excuse is always meant to be more for her benefit. This
ensures she doesn't feel like a slut, doesn't feel like an object,
and also builds respect for you by being smooth with your
approach.
We call it "the afterparty," but really anything can be used as a

justification. Maybe you're a photographer and want to show
her your art. Perhaps you're a musician and it'd be cool if she
came back to hear you play. Hell, it can even be something as
simple as cookies. I kid you not one of the best ways I had to
get a girl back to my place was suggesting we bake cookies.
Every guy always asks if the girl wants to come watch, but
that's become so cliche we developed the term, "Netflix and
chill."
Baking cookies, on the other hand, how harmless is that?! Of

course, while we wait for the cookies to bake, there's nothing
wrong with opening up a bottle of wine and turning on a movie
as well. I swear if I ever hear the phrase "Cookies and chill"
become popular after this, I'd die laughing. That's the thing
about MODERN flirting; it's always adapting.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. I don't have anything

interesting in my place. It's just a pile of dirty clothes lying
around and some empty beer cans. Well, first off, clean your
damn home. No girl wants to go back to your house and see a
pig sty. Once you've done that, go get something and be
creative. You should always have something interesting in your
place. It can be something big like a projector, a jacuzzi, or
arcade machine. It can also be something small and
straightforward though like a popcorn maker machine or how
she needs to see this cool trick your cat does. Remember, it's
not the excuse that will convince her to come by for the after
party. When you're giving it, she should already be desiring it
herself.
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Once back at your place, there are two approaches you can
choose from. The first approach assumes that massive
amount of sexual tension and physical progression has already
been going on. It happens where you're on a date with a girl,
and it goes well, like really well. Most people are
uncomfortable with PDA (physical displays of affection) so only
so much can happen in a public environment. Once I get the
feeling of this vibe then I'll fully own my sexual desire, now's
the time to be a man and go for it. Quite often, I'll just push the
girl up against the wall after walking into my place, and pick
her up in my arms to carry her to the bedroom. We've all seen
those passion scenes in movies where the guy and girl are all
over each other. While that may be slightly more dramatic than
real life, the concept is true enough.
The second approach is more for uncertain girls. Sure she

feels connected, and there's palpable sexual tension, but it
can still be unsettling going to a guy's place for the first time.
She's no longer in her element, and as a girl, the potential for
danger is always there. Eighty-six percent (86%) of all rapes
comes from date rapes or someone the girl knows. At this
point, it's essential to do everything we can to make her at
ease. Best way to do this is the exact opposite of the first
approach and turn things into a party again.
I'll often blast some music, see if she wants ice cream, put on
a funny movie, or even be goofy and dance around with her.
I've also started a good old fashioned pillow fight to help break
the anxious mood. As long as you act carefree and fun and
show her that you didn't bring her back to just hook up,
usually the girl will come around and relax in your place.
Having fun stuff to do, a nice plush rug she can run her feet
through, and of course, drinks and music, allow the same vibe
as before.
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If you notice she has more of a chill vibe, then adjust

accordingly. Here it's fine to do the standard opening of a
bottle of wine, have both red and white for options, and just
cuddle up together on the couch to watch a movie. Once
she's at ease, it's time for the next rung. Getting her aroused.
PRACTICE: This was one of the hardest things for me to

personally learn. Everyone will have their particular rung that's
tough and convincing girls to come back for an after party
took me almost six months to learn by itself. The key is just
persistence, kind of like kissing. If she's not down, she's not
down, that's OK. You can always try again later or after
another date. Don't be shy in attempting or come across
unsure, if a girl senses that she'll most definitely not want to
follow your lead. Instead, treat it like it's no big deal and state it
as an idea in a dominant manner.
EXPERIMENT: Some justifications to come back will sound

weird or come off as obvious bullshit. It's important to play
around with different strategies and ideas for why an after
party makes sense. More important than that, though, is
getting the “spidey sense” for when the girl wants an after
party and to go someplace less public. Just like kissing, you
should trust your gut, even if it’s wrong because the
experience will help you adjust later. If your gut never feels it’s
the right time then understand that’s just anxiety again and
make a rule that you have to attempt an after party any time
you pass the adventure rung.
MENTOR: I won’t lie to you; this is very hard to teach just

because it’s always done in such a private way. A mentor can
help you figure out your best justifications, can go over
reasons why the girl wasn’t ready for an after party, and other
tactical advice. The timing and way you bring it up though
needs to come from experience. By immersing myself around
my mentors, I got to experience the feel for an afterparty.
When I first created an after party for my students, guys
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who've never been to any party period, they took out their
laptops and started surfing the net.
Meanwhile, the girls and other guys I brought were drinking
and goofing around. Obviously, I put a stop to this, but it
comes down to not knowing how to behave in unfamiliar
environments. A mentor can show you what's appropriate.
Go online and find fun gadgets or toys to have at your place.

The hotshot basketball machine was only $200, for example.
Don't be stingy.
Try and get used to house parties in general. If you know

enough people, try and host one of your own or keep a
lookout for house parties. This also begins the learning of
social circle skills as well. Just as you did with the date
planning, write out as many justifications as you can for why a
girl would come back to your place for an "after party." Better
to think of them now vs. making it up on the spot when it's
needed. Listen to your mother and clean your room. See your
place through the eyes of a girl who's never been here before.
Is it gross and repelling or warm and inviting?
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CHAPTER Seventeen
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____________________
Arousal
I was texting a girl I had met last week and enjoying our playful
back and forth. She was clearly into me. Fast replies, lengthy
texts, flirtatious comments, all the signs were there. I don't
know why but I figured I'd have fun getting her aroused just
from texting alone. When you're in a mood, you're in a mood,
and sending arousing text messages does a lot more than the
standard dick pic most guys try. Also, if you're one of those
guys... stop. Unless it's specifically asked for, I can't
understand why men think that does anything for them. I
began my text with a challenge.
"I'm thinking of doing some fun stuff to you, but I don't want to
say. You may not be able to handle it."
"Oh, is that right? I'm pretty sure I can handle whatever you
got. Lay it on me," she challenged right back, clearly
intrigued.
"Alright," I warned. "You asked for it." I then sent over the
following message.
"We had been drinking, laughing, and dancing all night. As we

walk towards an empty room, I pull you in for another kiss
which you allow for a second before laughing and pulling
away. I roll my eyes and smoosh your face back. As we enter
the room, your heart rate quickens since it's finally us alone for
the first time. I close the door behind me, allowing the
darkness and quite to shift the mood. I walk up to you, letting
two fingers trail down from your cheek, then to your neck, and
then over your chest, keeping one steady motion. Wrapping
one arm around your waist, you feel yourself pulled into my
arms still smelling the vodka on my breath mixed with my
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cologne. This kiss is different, it's slow and gentle, and you let
yourself go limp, being lifted effortlessly up in my arms. I guide
you to the bed and lay you down. After soaking in just how
gorgeous you are, every curve and edge of your face and
body, I lie on top of you, placing your hands above your head.
Even through my jeans, you can feel my excitement for you.
The only sound being our breathing and the noise made as I
begin kissing your neck. You gasp with pleasure at what I do
next."
"Wow...are you a writer or something? You're killing me right

now, what comes next?" was the immediate response.
"Come over and find out," I snapped back. An hour later,

fantasy became a reality.
Most men think women are aroused the same way guys are,
which is visual. This probably explains why the dick pic
problem still hasn't gone away. If you want to understand how
arousal works for a woman, go no further than your book
store. "Fifty Shades of Grey," and all those other sexy or
romantic type novels explore women's fantasies in depth.
While a man wants to reach the finish line and give into primal
pleasure, a woman is more turned on by her mind than
anything else.
If you notice in my text, I only lightly talked about sexual acts

such as kissing or laying on top of her. What was stronger was
how I engaged all of her senses so she could feel as if it were
happening for real. Taste, touch, sight, sound, even smell were
all a part of my description to offer the full effect. I didn't focus
on the raunchy aspects of sex like some guys do, writing
about how "I'll give it to you so hard." The key to arousal for
women is understanding that foreplay more than anything is
essential. That's why the story didn't go any further; nothing
can be sexier than the girl's own imagination. Describe the
journey in vivid detail sure, but let her fill in the blanks.
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Lots of time if a girl is resistant or halts physical progression in

the bedroom, you can use proper dirty talk to get
uncontrollably aroused. Maybe I won't be doing the sexual
acts, but I can still whisper in her ear what we would do with
the same detailed language above. More than anything, this
type of arousal has gotten me the question, "Do you have a
condom?" Side note, always use a condom. Don't be a
complete idiot.
There are other ways to create arousal though, of course. One

quick google search and you can find all the erogenous zones
of a woman's body. The main complaint I hear from women is
that the process is too rushed. Take your time and enjoy the
foreplay and fun before sex actually occurs. This isn't to say
you can't make sudden moves that spike the arousal.
Grabbing a girls hair and squeezing it back, for instance, is
usually a huge turn on. Keep in mind I said squeeze and pull.
Pulling a girls hair sharply is painful and will show how
inexperienced you are.
Finally, play to what you see is working. We already know

every girl is different, and every girl gets aroused in different
ways. Some love the chase, others like to be teased, and for
many, it's just about building more sexual tension again. The
more you have fun exploring different ways, the more you'll
realize what kind of things she's into. It's also not off the table
to flat out ask her; she knows her body better than anyone. I
never do this in a way saying I need help because I don't know
what I'm doing. It's more about me saying, "I always aim to
please."
PRACTICE: If you're new, the best way to practice is just

asking what the girl likes or taking guesses at different
approaches. The only real way to get experience for
inexperienced guys is to be put in more situations where they
can get that experience. If you come off awkward like the guy
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dancing in American Pie then so be it. The main thing is to not

over-invest yourself and put a lot of pressure in doing it
perfectly. Understand even though you've come this far, that
you have to be OK with messing up. Once you adopt that
mentality, you'll be able to practice doing it the right way.
EXPERIMENT: There's a multitude of ways to create arousal,

and you should try all of them. Putting yourself in a dominant
or submissive role, for instance, using different speaking
patterns or tonality, spending time being physical with different
areas of her body. While you experiment, the main thing is
always to be reading the girl's reaction. If for any reason she
tenses up or doesn't show clear and visible signs of
enjoyment, then you're most likely doing it wrong. A great
resource is to look up erotic literature online or the local book
store. See and learn the descriptive word choices they use to
get her going.
MENTOR: Examples, examples, examples. Obviously, a

mentor can't be in the room with you when you're getting the
girl aroused, but he can share with you his own experiences.
Describing the situations you were into your mentor can also
shed light as to what you may have been doing wrong. After
hearing the stories from some of my mentors, I was in disbelief
by what girls wanted and were OK with. With a mentor sharing
with you his own experiences and detailing what he did, it can
help break a lot of limiting beliefs when it comes to women
and sexual adventures.
Write out your own ways of describing sexual moments and

see how descriptive you can be. When writing these out, focus
more on the anticipation of sex vs. the act itself. Also, engage
as many senses as you can when writing.
Go online and learn about what turns women on. There’s a

massive amount of resources for any guy who wants to please
a girl instead of only caring about themselves.
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If you have any female friends, don’t be shy to talk to them

about it and get their stories of what guys did that drove them
wild.
Stop the porn watching, for now at least, and instead, imagine
yourself getting a girl aroused. See the different stuff you might
do in your mind. Once again, if you can’t even imagine what it
looks like how in the world can you do it for real?
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CHAPTER Eighteen ___________________

Releasing Pressure
There's no story to this one, or that is to say, there are multiple

stories that have gone in too many ways to count. That's
because once a girl is aroused, and in your bed, we know
what comes next. Sometimes a girl may lock up at the last
moment unsure if she wants to have sex. Other times there
may be regret involved because things happened too fast or
perhaps she's not over her ex. It may not even be about the
sex at all and more about what comes next. Is this a one-time
thing? Are you just friends with benefits? Do you expect her to
be a booty call? What if this is something more serious and is
leading to a genuine relationship?
All of the questions and actions from a girl all come from the
same source. She feels the pressure. There's nothing wrong
with consensual sex at any stage, whether it's after two
months of dating or the first night you meet. There's also
nothing wrong having any relationship that works for both you
and the girl. My most successful relationship has been an
open non-monogamous one. It comes down to, for each their
own and just having an open mind to try something different.
That's just as important for you as it is for the girl. Lots of guys
are terrified about commitment and actually, "catching
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feelings." It's true that I feel every guy should develop his skill
set with women and people in general before settling down.
I also, think it's true that every guy should allow themselves to
open up and realize there's so much more to enjoying women
than just having another "sexual conquest."
Whatever happens between you and the girl you like, if you've
gotten to this stage then congrats, you've made it to the top of
the ladder. The critical thing here is to make it clear to the girl
that there's no expectations and obviously no pressure. Be
reassuring and don't try to push any particular agenda. Yes, a
guy can show persistence and make attempts later, many girls
need this to feel fully desired, and that is why they sometimes
offer playful or flirty resistance. When it comes right down to it
though, no means no, and there has to be explicit consent.
If there isn't consent, then it's OK to give her some space.

Lots of time by cooling it down it provides the girl with
breathing room to honestly decide it's something she wants
and she may even begin reinitiating getting physical with you.
Other times just going back to having fun will take the pressure
off and start heating things up again. It's OK just to tickle her
or blow raspberries on her stomach, for example. Anything
that will help reduce the pressure.
After sex, don't leave right away or make excuses why she
needs to leave; “because you have to work early tomorrow."
Be respectful and empathetic. She just gave a lot of herself to
you and to go through the emotional journey of this attraction
ladder only to be treated as an object after can be emotionally
devastating to her. Be OK just hanging out or grabbing
breakfast in the morning. One girl was awesome and even
whipped out her PlayStation so that we could play Mario Kart
together. It's just about respecting her as a human being.
The other pressure of "what kind of relationship is this,"

doesn't always need to be addressed now either. If it does
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come up, be honest about where you're at but in a thoughtful

way. I usually like to say, "I'm expecting nothing but open
to anything." Which shouldn't be a lie but a way of thinking.
Who knows, maybe she is the one after all? All you need to do
is not lie; it's as simple as that. Never lead her on to think it's
more than it is. Keep in mind; actions speak volumes as well. If
you begin acting and treating her like she's your girlfriend and
making romantic gestures, it's the same thing as verbally
leading her on.
You'd be surprised at how open-minded women are now

these days. You can be frank and tell them what you want,
and a lot of the time they're down. It's outside of some men's
reality, but if something casual is all you're looking for, you can
have that with a girl and be straight up about it. Many times it's
actually what she truly desires too but is too scared to bring up
or feels awkward doing so. Instead, read between the lines
and know how to broach the topic correctly. Here's a
breakdown of exactly how a conversation regarding this went.
Images on next page …
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PRACTICE: This is mainly a practice of two things, self-control

and expressing extreme non-neediness. Catch yourself
making emotional or needy decisions by first becoming aware
of them. If you can't be mindful that you're doing it, then you
can't ever correct it. Throughout the interaction, you can prime
things with a "no pressure" attitude, but you must express this
at the end. Try over and over to demonstrate that you're OK
with whatever way things go. Also, practice reading in
between the lines of what the girl says; you don't have to
settle. Offer solutions the way I did in the example above that
take the pressure off.
EXPERIMENT: Use different techniques to show her that there

isn't any pressure. Offering a solution is one but so can just
asking a question. What are her expectations if any, and what
would she like? If you look over the example again, I asked if
she was or wasn't attracted to me still. This is a horrible
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question to ask early on, but once it's been established can be
a great way to get the girl to verbalize it and invest more.
Another possible approach is making statements or telling
stories showing that you're discreet, open-minded, and don't
have any agenda.
MENTOR: The biggest thing a mentor can do here is to give

you examples and be a role model. So many dating mentors
out there preach doing whatever is necessary to "close" or
have sex with the girl. While there's nothing wrong with sex, I
believe it shouldn't be the metric for your dating life. Instead,
the real question is how happy are you with your interactions
from start to finish? Are you meeting and attracting quality girls
that you desire? Are you seeing yourself accomplish more and
master situations that before were challenging or damn near
impossible? These are the metrics I choose to live a happier
and less shallow life.
Write out a few examples of things to say that demonstrate

you have no expectations and will remove pressure from the
girl. Ask yourself what mentors you have in your life on this
topic. Whether in person, online, or videos you've seen. Do
they have a preconceived idea of what success in this area
looks like, or do they support your vision?
List three things you can do to take the pressure off the
situation if a girl feels resistant or tense in the bedroom.
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CHAPTER Nineteen _____________________

Learning
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I asked Randy, my business partner, operations manager,

coach in training, roommate, and friend, what he thought was
the most essential part of Modern Flirting. The one thing that's
essential and should be put in this book. His response, "Why
it's so important to learn this correctly." I then told him he
could have one chapter of his own about this topic. The
following are his words:
Learning is important. This is one fact of life that only seems to

get truer as I get older. As much as I would love to sit back,
enjoy a few drinks at the beach, and swear off ever having to
do any hard work at all ever again regarding my important skill
sets, it's never going to be the case. The thing is, even to
maintain whatever current level of skill (or lack of in some
cases) that you have, you'll have to keep it up and keep
training and keep making that effort to make yourself better. At
one point in time, it was my greatest desire to get so good and
train so hard that I'd never have to do anything difficult again
and I'd be able to relax and laze around for the rest of my days
in the warm sun. But, such is life that that remains an
impossibility—and just as well, for, I think I'd get tired of a life
like that.
One way that I use to keep myself in check is through
coaching. But, as I've discovered myself time and time again,
you have to be careful with who it is that you choose to allow
to coach you in your chosen skill set. One thing I didn't
understand about coaching until many years after I started
learning various skill sets of mine is that having the wrong kind
of coach can mess you up. It can add YEARS to your time
having to train up a skill! Can you believe that?
Can you imagine how detrimental it would be to your further

development to learn in the wrong way and find out
(sometimes many years later) that you'd been doing things the
wrong way? The worst part about that is that you start to
develop BAD habits. That is to say, you don't just not learn but
you actively make it MUCH harder to learn the correct way.
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What you have to ask yourself is; where am I today and where
would I like to be? Is time important to you? If so, then what
would the benefit be to get coaching with someone who
would take years off of your learning curve? What if you could
learn in months what it took someone else YEARS to pick up
(and they still weren't as good as they could be at it)?
Once upon a time, I was a newbie. It's true; I hate to say it

now. But years ago, I was awful at the game. Bad body
language, wrong vocal tonality, lousy way of looking at the
world—the world was my enemy, and you could be damn
sure that I was going to conquer my enemy. That was a very
harmful mindset that I had way back in the day, that colored
my developing relationships and (in retrospect) the way that
new romantic partners viewed me right off the bat. The worst
part was that I didn't even realize it. I had to sit with this evil
little gnome on my shoulder that consistently put bad thoughts
into my head and reinforced them—women were bad. They
only like bad boys. They only like jerks. They were there to
make my life more difficult, and why couldn't they like me for
me without me having to do anything? But there was a fatal
poison pill in my thinking that I didn't discover until years later
in my pick up pilgrimage to be the best there ever was.
What was it? Well, no one wants somebody who hasn't

worked on themselves. Especially not myself at that time. How
very hypocritical it is to judge someone else for not being what
you, yourself are not? That worldview affected my progression
through the game for much longer than I would care to admit,
and it's something that I wish I would have had a mentor
correcting my thought process about way sooner, a good one
I mean. I had plenty of guys around me who I thought were
good and who swore up and down that I should do things
their way and that they knew what was best, and it was a bad
thing to happen to me honestly. It would've saved me a lot of
time, hassle, headache, and heartbreak if I would've just tried
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to find a coach who was recognized as being someone

excellent in the field.
Your story may not be the same as mine. We may be two

different souls living in two different times, places, or states of
mind. But your results will undoubtedly be similar to my original
ones if you don't quickly seek out quality coaching for this area
of your life. Or, any part of your life, for that matter. The thing
about hindsight is, as the old saying goes, it is in fact 20/20.
But that being said, hindsight-wise, it's a no-brainer. Once I
finally started learning with a mentor, the results were night and
day. There is a level of speed and quality to your learning that
you can't get without being around someone who has been
where you want to go and can tell you exactly how he got
there and how you too can get there yourself.
A big theme of Jared's teachings is the investment principle
and how it relates to the overall theory of modern dating.
Investment is always a choice at the end of the day. Now, I
have a critical question for you, a question that may alter the
course of your destiny as you know it now: What is THE most
incredibly important investment decision that you'll ever make
in your lifetime? Go ahead, ponder the question for a
minute—as I said, it's an important one. Got it all figured out?
Ok. Here's my answer; training. An investment in yourself and
what you might accomplish in the future given what you can
get trained on. This will be the most important thing that you
consider in the future—whether or not to get training on
learning any particular skill that you're interested in. How many
years have been wasted languishing in the doldrums of
mid-range ability? Or worse? Have you been someone who
hasn't seen any significant progress in many years? How do
you choose how you should approach a problem?
How much of your time every single week is spent in the

trenches, figuring out how best to get better at your chosen
skillset? How much time in a month? How much time in a year
are you spending on learning something very important to
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you? I would ask you if it's so important, then why haven't you
taken the time to seek out a mentor? Maybe you do have one
already, and in which case, congratulations on making an
incredibly wise decision in finding one. Finding someone who
understands what you're going through daily and what it's like
to have to go through the steps you're going through to get
better is no small feat. It usually takes time and dedication to
find someone good at what you want to better yourself at, but
also really good at being able to teach it to someone.
Just think about major league athletes for a second. They

practice all day every day. They have trainers and coaches and
people who have a stake in helping them understand what
exactly they're doing wrong, how exactly to practice, and the
exact steps that are required to get them from the point where
they are to point where they dream of being. They even get
trained mentally on what they need to learn in order to get
better and better and eventually be the very best at their
chosen sport. Would you do that for your dating life? You need
someone who will force you into situations that you 100% will
not be comfortable with at first. Someone who has your best
interests in mind and the knowledge of what experiences are
going to mold you into the person that you want and need to
be in 1, 5, 10, 20 years. Even the best athletes in the world still
have coaches.
Tom Brady has a coach. Tiger Woods has a coach. Lebron

James has a coach (and so does Steph Curry) and you better
believe that they practice day in and day out with those
coaches and they would definitely not be where they are today
without the help of someone who was there to guide them
through every step of the way to get exactly where they are
and winning their respective championships. I don't mean to
belabor the point, but the most effective way, BAR NONE, to
get better fast and in a way that you'd never believe would be
possible, is with the help of an experienced coach who can
teach you what it's like to be where they are. Someone who
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can take you through the trenches and tell you precisely what
you're doing wrong. Why you're doing it wrong, and what it
takes to get to the very next level from where you are today
and what it's going to feel like when you finally crest your way
over that plateau and enjoy the sweet taste of the fruits of your
labor.
Why waste all that time just doing things on your own when it
can be fun, fast and extremely rewarding to learn it with
someone who has already gone the distance and can draw
your path up for you based on exactly where you are and
EXACTLY where you need to be? Would you rather walk
through the Grand Canyon on foot, or would you like to have
someone drive you through it in a Lamborghini at 200 miles
per hour?
Ok, ok...so that's not a TOTALLY accurate analogy—learning

social skills is probably 100x more fun than riding in a Lambo.
But I digress. The journey itself will be hard...grueling.
Sometimes you'll want to get down and give up and curse the
uncaring world for having to put you through this kind of
experience in order to get the skill that you want. But at the
end of the day, that's what separates the champions from the
people who wish that they were champions.
I get it, I know. Really I do. It's a tough decision to make -

sometimes you feel like this is just something you have to do
on your own, and it's something that you may not be able to
confide in someone else about. After all, getting coaching on
something as important in your life as skills development is a
highly personal thing—you have to reveal sides of yourself to
another person that you may not have wished to do so. It's ok.
I've been there too. As I said, it took me many years to finally
admit to myself that I needed help and that my regular
channels aren't cutting it as far as getting practical advice was
going.
It still pains me when I think of all the time I wasted trying to do
things on my own or trying to rely on friends who I thought
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were pretty good to teach me what I thought I needed to

know. It turns out a lot of my friends weren't as good as I
thought they were. A lot of my friends who seemed like they
were super cool and knew what they were doing socially, were
the exact opposite. And unfortunately, they taught me a lot of
what they thought were the important things about being
skilled socially, and those things were DEAD wrong. I know
that's a cliche phrase at this point, "dead wrong," but I also
think that this is the most accurate way to put it. The advice I
got from some of the people that I knew when I was first
starting off learning social skills, actually deadened my skills in
the game for a long time.
The worst part isn't just learning things more slowly; the worst
part is FAR more insidious than this. The worst part is in
learning how to do things the wrong way. Taking the time to
do things that are difficult and hard and grueling and then
finding out that not only have you not learned what you
needed to, and not gotten to where you needed to be, but
you've actually progressed in the WRONG direction! You've
REGRESSED in your skills! It's like learning how to lift weights
and then having someone train all the wrong parts of your
muscles and then you've learned how to do everything the
exact opposite way they should be. How terrible is it doing
that?
At the end of the day, it's a very personal decision to get

someone to help you out with your life goals, especially in an
area as personal as dating and social skills. But when you
think about it, what is being good in this area in a fast and
efficient way worth to you? For me personally, it was worth the
world. I would have done anything and everything to get better
in this area of my life, and I think that's an important piece of
the puzzle. You have to get to the point in your life where you
are willing to do ANYTHING that it takes to get better in this
area. I'll take it even one step further and say, if you really want
to become a master in this area of your life, you have to hit a
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very serious leverage point where you would rather die than
not get this area of your life handled.
I know that probably sounds overly dramatic, maybe it even

seems a little crazy to you (it probably would have to me at
some point in time long in the past), but I say that with all
honesty and with a certainty of it's the truth that I would never
take it back. You must get to that stage in your life where you
would rather not be alive than not be able to get this area of
your life handled. That's how difficult this journey can be.
That's how taxing it can be. But the best part is, you don't
have to go through all of the mountains of pain, effort, hard
times and hard work that you'd have to go through just from
doing it on your own. As someone who did the vast majority of
this on their own, let me tell you that it was definitely a lot of
hard work. If you get a coach, you're setting yourself up for a
seriously cut down amount of work.
The kind of quality you start to see coming through into this
area of your life bleeds into every other area of your life. How
much more money would you make in your career if you were
a better communicator? How much better of a partner would
you be to your lover if you could handle any situation that
came up in your life with skill and ease? How much time would
it save you to completely sidestep entire YEARS of pain, toil,
and hard work in achieving this? What if you could take a
rocket ride into the future of your life and your wealth and
happiness and get to where it would have taken you several
years, today? They're important questions to mull over your
mind and don't you dare take them lightly. This is your future.
This is your destiny. You need to make sure that, whatever you
do, you take it damn seriously.
This is your life. Live it to the fullest.
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CHAPTER Twenty ______________________

Mantras
Every student in my program is given my 15 mantras to

successfully achieving their goals. I believe that every problem
that comes up when learning to better yourself with women or
in anything is solved with one, if not more, of these mantras.
When going through them, don't just say them to yourselves.
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As words are spoken out loud, they are meaningless and will
do nothing. As an idea, though, a belief, a pure well thought
out way of perceiving life, it can be life changing. It's not
enough to say them, instead ask yourself the following
questions:
What would my life look like with this belief?
What actions would I take more of with this belief system?
What are other hidden meanings of this belief that are not
obvious at face value?
Why do I want this belief?
How does a lack of this belief affect me now?
Have I taken action using one of these mantras today, or was

there an opportunity to do so?
What makes this true or worth believing?
And finally, the most important question: Do I know this

mantra to be true or does it feel ridiculous to think it's fake? It's
one thing to know something logically; it's an entirely different
thing to feel it in your core.
Here are the 15 mantras you should take to heart and develop
every day:
I am comfortable being uncomfortable.
It's true that over time, what once made us uncomfortable

now can feel comfortable. This is called pushing your comfort
zone and is something that should always be done. Otherwise,
it's a clear sign that you're not growing anymore in what you
care about or life. To get there though we need to be OK
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pushing the comfort zone and treat being uncomfortableness

as a familiar feeling that has no power over us. Instead, accept
the feeling and be "OK" or comfortable being uncomfortable.
Only through this can we be OK to continuously push our
comfort zones and do things that before we may have
avoided.
It's all a game.
Everything with people is game theory or politics or strategy.

Yes, you can be authentic, but then that's your strategy. At the
end of the day, what works, works. What doesn't work,
doesn't work. It's as simple as that. What's great though is
you can always reset and start over, and you'll be OK. Apply
the same mindset you have to winning a game to any skill you
want to develop, and you'll quickly be on the right track.
I'm here to develop my skills, not for the result.
At first, this can seem confusing. Isn't it the same thing? This
is the drastic difference between people who are process
oriented and result oriented. For a result oriented person,
nothing matters but the result and they'll keep whining and
feeling frustrated about the process until they get it. This can
lead them to quit, burn out, or be miserable learning. For
process oriented people, the result is just a by-product of what
happens from mastering the skill. They have faith it'll happen
but are more concerned with their performance despite the
results.
Action is always better than inaction.
While yes, there are exceptions to this, the mindset itself is

reliable and usually right. We don't want paralysis of analysis or
to make excuses in our head to do something we know we
should do. Instead, take action NOW even if you're uncertain.
You'll remember from previous chapters I talked about, "If
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you're wondering if you should kiss the girl or not, just kiss
her." This applies that mantra to real life. You'll always either
get success or learn a valuable lesson taking action.
I allow myself to be garbage now so that I can become a

legend later.
We often protect ourselves with our ego when, instead, we

should be raw and accept ourselves. Yes you may be new, yes
you may suck at a skill (like meeting women), and yes you may
not be as good as your friends, but that's not future you.
Future you is a master and gets what he wants. He can handle
any situation and gets amazing results. Future you is only
possible because of you right now, though. Only by removing
the ego and letting yourself fail and fail again without losing any
enthusiasm can you achieve what you desire.
It's not about tonight; it's about every night after.
This goes again with the results mindset. There is an important

difference here. Whenever you're doing something, are you
trying to get immediate gratification or learn key things that will
aid you in the future and help the big picture? I've seen guys
throw away golden opportunities to challenge themselves and
obtain new skills to chase having sex instead. This is a key
reason why they plateaued, and I kept getting better. I didn't
care about tonight; I cared about my entire life. The ability to
deny instant gratification for long term goals is the single most
important factor in being successful at anything.
Perception is reality.
One of my favorite quotes is one from Norman Peale, "Change

your thoughts, and you can change your world." I can write an
entire book about this topic alone because the implications are
endless. How we see ourselves and reality around us is limited
to our worldview. None of us have a complete and accurate
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picture. Mandatory reading for all my students is

"Psychocybernetics." This book, more than any other, has
helped people change their perceptions about themselves.
You can also change other people's perceptions about things
too. This is where the science of influence, persuasion, and
yes, even manipulation, come in to play. It's powerful stuff, and
I believe a skill all people should learn, if for no other reason
than to protect themselves from others.
My growth is more important than anyone's comfort.
I get you're a good guy and don't want to interrupt someone

or say something off-putting, so I'll make this easy for you.
Tough shit, do it. This is your one life to live, that's it, so you
better make it count and prioritize things correctly. You
growing into the person you want to be has to be more
important than rubbing people the wrong way. Notice I also
said anyone's comfort. This means yours as well. You don't
feel like practicing? Tough shit, your growth is more
important than your comfort.
It's not what you say; it's what you convey.
We place way too much importance on what words we use. In

1971, Professor Mehrabian combined the statistical results of
the two studies and came up with something groundbreaking.
Ninety-three percent (93%) of all communication is nonverbal.
This means that only 7% is the word choice you use; the rest
is body language and tonality. Stop stressing so much about
the perfect response and instead place a priority on what kind
of vibe do you give off. Dominant or passive, confident or
afraid, fun or boring, carefree or in your head. This is what will
be remembered and seen more than anything.
It's no big deal.
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Nothing good comes from putting pressure on yourself. Even if

something IS a big deal, it's better to treat it as if it weren't.
Notice professional athletes who handle stress well even when
in the last game of the finals. They are relaxed and just doing
what they do because, in their mind, it's just another game, no
big deal. When you meet a girl you like, I mean who blows
your world away, don't start changing things up. Just do what
you do and don't make it a big deal.
I don't want an easier world. I want to be stronger in it.
If the world were easy, everyone would be amazing, which

would then make the world hard again. It's all relative, and the
world isn't easy or hard; it just is, there are only weak or strong
people in it. I'm sorry if that comes off harsh, but it's important
to realize and wake up to that fact now. Grow yourself and
make yourself strong, enjoy the challenge of it knowing most
people surrender while you push through. This more than
anything will give you the only feeling in the world better than
happiness, accomplishment.
If I rush, I fumble.
Too often I see student's rush and fumble over themselves.

They feel in the moment everything is sped up and they can
barely keep things from falling apart. The noise, the energy, the
overwhelming need to succeed, it's just too much to bear! If
that's you then just breathe and realize you can take your time.
Go at your pace and allow yourself to relax. If everything isn't
perfect, that's OK; it will probably still be good enough. You
must allow yourself the time it takes to get good also. You
might want instant results, but by not worrying about time, you
can learn quicker than by feeling the pressure of needing to be
good by arbitrary deadlines. Also, when talking to a girl, many
guys think they need to move things along as quickly as
possible. This is farthest from the truth. Instead, enjoy the
interaction and don't be needy or pushy.
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I don't see problems, only solutions.
We all want to complain and say how unfair the world is. It's
much easier to make excuses and say things are out of our
control than take responsibility and find a solution. By being a
problem solver, you make sure things happen and get what
you want rather than settling. It also gives you a sense of
power that you can do anything. Yes, there are situations
outside of our control, but every interaction or failure I have
brings me to the question, what could I have done better? I
don't care how hopeless a situation looks; there's always a
solution. You need to be clever enough to find it.
Get shit accomplished fast.
I have a mentor, Stephen De La Cruz, to thank for this one.

While I always wanted to write this book, it was only after
adopting this mentality that I began typing. This doesn't mean
we rush things; you also have all the time in the world; it’s just
being lazy or complacent; instead, it's better to do anything
than nothing which goes with what I said about taking action.
For perfectionists, this can be a problem, a huge one. I urge
those people to reread my words that what matters is being
good enough to get the job done. After you've proven this,
then you can always go back and continuously make things
better.
If I'm not having fun, then I'm doing it wrong.
This one is up for debate but is my philosophy, and I urge you

to adopt it. Many preach discipline, hard work, and grinding
away in misery is the only way to achieve your desires. My
view is what's the point if the entire time I'm miserable?
Everyone I know who got good with women at least all the
same thing. Learning this skill was an obsessive hobby and
one they loved doing. It was frustrating at times, sure, but man
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was it fun. When you can enjoy the challenges and make it fun
then you don't need discipline or motivation, you'll be
WANTING to go out and do it. At the very least, it will be
neutral and something you don't mind. Stop waiting for the
right time or circumstances to be happy and enjoy your life;
you have my permission to do it right now. Do you have
yours?
CHAPTER Twenty one

_________________
My Thanks
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It's been nearly 15 years since I've taken the first steps on my
journey to a better life. Learning the critical skills needed for
women, friends, and a more confident and happy self. I am
thankful I got to explore such fascinating and in-depth topics,
learning everything about the human mind and why we do
what we do. While it may be my "job" and at times cause for
long hours and hard nights, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Going through my studies to be a psychologist and ultimately

deciding to drop out during my last year to pursue this was
one of the toughest decisions of my life. To give up a solid
degree and profession for some passion and dream job.
Seeing in person the real changes I can make in people's life
has given me a brand new joy. At first, it was just a cool
sounding job. A way to make cash while enjoying my hobby of
bettering my social skills. Quickly, it became so much more
and consumed my very identity. I even remember the exact
moment I knew it was my life's calling.
We had just finished touring Germany and finally was ready to

have a workshop in Berlin. This was my last speech, and it
was all about building a social circle from scratch. I was in a
new grad school, so I understood how tough it was to make
new friends. After my talk, a 19-year-old kid came up to me
and awkwardly asked if we can talk in private. I
knew something immediately was wrong, so I agreed and
pulled him aside.
After exhaling a deep breath, he opened his thoughts to me,

beginning in a thick German accent, "I'm going, to be honest
with you. I had planned on killing myself this Wednesday. It's
my birthday, and I'm still a virgin and have no friends. After
hearing you talk, I started thinking maybe there is hope for me.
All I want is to be noticed and have a social circle like you were
talking about. There are still some things I don't understand,
though, if you have time to answer a few questions."
155
I was there to talk to everyone and make more sales before

the workshop the following day. My team was counting on me
because, so far, we had only raised enough to cover our
expenses. This was the time for actual profit, finally. Without a
moment’s thought, though, I took him aside and spent the
next two hours detailing a specific plan for him to begin
making friends at his college campus. His appreciation and
knowing that at least that one life was saved because of me
was all I ever needed to know.
At times I wondered if what I do is douchey, wrong, superficial,

or just plain weird. When these thoughts come, I always go
back and remember that 19 year old from Germany and
imagine his life now. A life that should have never been. If I
achieve nothing else in all my years, I can take comfort
knowing that. Sadly since then, others have expressed similar
thoughts, but by having hope through the training and getting
the mental health help they needed, more lives have been
saved over the years. Unless you've lived it yourself, it's almost
impossible to understand the frustrations and sorrow of a man
who feels he's not desirable to women or people in general. I
know their pain all too well, even after all these years, and it's
one of the key reasons I do what I do.
The men and women I've coached over the years have given
my life real meaning and purpose, and to everyone I've helped,
coached, talked to, or affected in any way I want to say thank
you. Thank you for giving my life that meaning and placing
your trust, respect, and even hard earned money towards me.
Please realize that you have shaped my life just as much as I
have shaped yours, and because of your support, I continue
to this day in helping other people just like you.
If you've never met me, talked to me, or even heard of me

before, that's OK. Now I hope that this book can reach out to
those that I can't myself. That just by reading this, your world
156
ModernFlirting.com
may have gotten just a little bit better and brighter. Thank you
for taking the time to read my words because it has been an
honor and a joy writing them for you. It's not enough to read
through; you must take action wherever you can if you plan to
achieve any success with women. Don't be one of those guys
who absorbs information but doesn't do anything with it.
Instead, go into action now and begin a meaningful change.
I know that can be tough for a lot, but you must also know I'm
always here to help. Find me and reach out when things get
tough when you feel like giving up, or think that something is
inherently wrong with you. Remember I was you once and
there's always a solution, as the mantra states, so find it. An
easy place to start is just admitting you need help and asking
for it. To do that, you can always send me an email
at [email protected]. Now, put this book down or
turn the monitor off and take action. It's time to have some
fun.
157
SCHEDULE YOUR FREE COACHING

SESSION
Jared "Psych" Laurence is an international motivational
speaker, trained therapist, as well as a globally recognized
Lifestyle Consultant and Dating Specialist.
Email me at [email protected] and put in the subject

line “Modern Flirting” that way, I know you’re emailing me
based on the suggestion of this book for your free session!
FREE Session booked on:
_______ / _______ / __________ Time: ___________ AM / PM
158
ModernFlirting.com
159
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jared "Psych" Laurence is an
international motivational speaker,
CEO of Modern Flirting, Author of
“How To Meet Your Dream Girl
Tonight” and “How To Meet Your
Dream Guy Tonight”, trained
therapist, as well as a globally
recognized Lifestyle Consultant and
Dating Specialist.
For nearly 15 years, Jared has been voted the best new dating
mentor, received numerous awards from others in his industry,
taught over 10,000 students around the world, and is credited
with over 40 marriages. Including his own marriage of 4 years.
160
ModernFlirting.com
Using classically trained counseling and cutting-edge

techniques, he has helped all types of clients. This includes
multi-millionaire entrepreneurs, programmers, finance guys,
and even struggling college students.
No stranger to helping those in distress, after volunteering at a

suicide and crisis hotline center, he found his calling in
coaching and mentorship.
161
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The Psychology of MODERN Flirting

audience needs to hire Jared for a keynote

To contact or book Jared to speak:

Schedule Your Free Coaching Session 165

Confidence, whether in sales or life, is one major key to

I, just like Jared, believe in you, because you are an

Stephen Dela Cruz

For my wife, Kristie…

For my mother, Barbara…

Thank you as well to Melissa, Ashley, and Beth, who help me

My biggest and most heartfelt thanks goes to every student

Brian is a pretty simple man. He wakes up on Monday

What I described above is the countless lives of people around

For them, life is a never-ending source of loneliness, a sense

What's "it"? "It" is when talking to others comes naturally, the

I mentioned before that real life is boring, and that's why we

I want to challenge your first and arguably most important

Becoming better with women is kind of like the gateway drug.

I can go on for days about how the information in this book

"I've already tried to change before, and it didn't work. This is

"It all seems either manipulative or disingenuous to me. I'd

Honestly, if I tried, I could probably write up pages of the

Every one of these things I hear from potential students, and

Do you want to be right...or do you want to be good?

If you want to be right and feel justified by your excuse then so

This is because nothing can truly be accomplished without the

PRACTICE: You need to go out again and again. Take nonstop

MENTOR: Unfortunately, we can go out and experiment

Now, if you want to be good then abandon all excuses and

Ask yourself the question, "Do I want to be good, or do I want

Now take five minutes and picture your future if it continues to

Think about your "why." Why is learning how to be better with

CHAPTER Two ______________________________

Now I want you to realize that you're not alone. My program

Each one of these masters started from the beginning and,

My entire childhood and adolescence, I only had about two

In high school, everyone around me seemed to be losing their

I decided to focus all my energy on her and eventually got my

Later that year, prom was coming up. Everyone seemed to

girl on Myspace who'd never been to a prom and said she'd

Once I got to college, I knew it'd be different, big campus, full

Wandering through a bookstore, I discovered the self-help

Every day, hell, every second, I was consumed to learn more.

I began to get noticed. Guys would ask to come out with me

The problem now, though, was I had hit a barrier that I

I traveled the world and began meeting countless women. It

three different women simultaneously, who all knew about the

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, or what triggered it,

As I began teaching my student's my new ideas and

changed as well. It was less and less about guys adding

This was the start of what is called "social game" though it

into my apartment to see a group of girls, all just friends of

I treasured what we called "family dinners," which was just

After developing my teachings, I continued to spend my years

So there you have it, my entire story of what lead me to where

If you were to start a new journey, a new path, then what

Have you been experimenting and testing what works and

It might sound unbelievable, but even top dating coaches and

We can invest in a myriad of ways. Investing time means how

Financial investment is having the girl spend money on you. I