Sidney Bell

“If polar bears live at the North Pole, why doesn’t Santa use them to pull the sleigh?” Brogan asked, licking mustard off his thumb with the air of someone who thought they’d won the argument, which was dumb, because he never won. Embry was the uncontested champion of arguing in their house.
“Are you high?” Embry asked. “Have you seen a fucking polar bear? There’s no way they’re as aerodynamic as reindeer.”
“Polar bears make about as much sense as reindeer, seeing as neither of them can actually fly,” Brogan pointed out. “Polar bears are stronger, too. You’d only need half as many to get the job done.”
“Polar bears aren’t pack animals. You’d never get all of them attached to the sleigh at once.”
“Think how cool it would be, though. A whole troop of polar bears pulling a sleigh. There should be fire somewhere. A secondary propulsion system in case the bears get tired. Like a jet engine.” His eyes went wide with awe, presumably at his own genius. “There should be a jet engine, Embry.”
― Sidney bell, Bad Judgment

“It was amazing how deeply he’d fallen, and how fast. He couldn’t even be frightened of it. But then, it had always seemed stupid to him to feel fear after you stepped off the roof with only a cape around your neck. It was too late to do any good and it only ruined the trip down.”
― Sidney Bell, Bad Judgment